Positivity, please... what are the best things about living in the UK with small children? (and older children - since that's what they become!)
Posted by Teachingtime123@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 44 comments
Hi there.
I've been living abroad for 10 years, the last 4 in a country in South East Asia. I met my husband whilst abroad, although he's English too, and I gave birth to my 2 children here (1y/o and 2y/o). This summer, we are moving back to the UK! I am trying to make peace with the fact that we are going to have far less disposable income than we currently do, as the cost of living is so high in England, our salaries will be less than they are currently, and I am going part-time to spend more time with my kiddies. I'm really excited to get back after so long, and spend more time around family and old friends... not miss so many big events, and not have to do long-haul travel with babies anymore. However, I'm also feeling nervous about such a big change. Not loving the political news atm either.
Please give me your most POSITIVE things about the UK with small kids. Or older kids. Or generally. Thank you in advance!
Rare-Grocery-8589@reddit
So - I can speak to this from both a child’s and parent’s perspective. I grew up in Singapore in 1970’s/1980’s as an expat. I still have friends and family in the region, and visit regularly.
I think growing up as an expat child was really alienating for me - if you’ve ever heard about being a “Third Culture Kid” and the problems that come with it, you may know what I mean. My friend group turned over every 2-3 years as contacts changed or parents got assigned to different countries. Never really felt a sense of “place” or “home” - was I from Singapore (since that’s where I was growing up) or the UK (where most of my family were”)? Not many stable or long-term friendships, because my friends kept leaving. I often dreamt of just being from one place - Singapore or the UK, and not having friend leave all the time. That said, I know not every TCK feels the same way - a few of my friends who lived/grew-up in Singapore long-term moved back there as adults because they never felt like they fit in where their parents originally came from, and felt more at home in Asia. Other people I know (including myself) have lasting mental health issues that come from never really feeling like you belong anywhere. I think the point I’m making is one benefit of being your kids back to the UK, while they are still young, is that they may not have to struggle with that sense of belonging.
As a parent, I’ve really liked bringing up my kids in the UK. My kids are really well-adjusted and happy in the school system. Provided you’re careful about where you choose to live, the state schools can be really good and the out of school opportunities for children and young people can be great too. I’d say the education my kids are getting in state school are as good as the (private) international school I went to in Singapore, and I’ve got zero complaints.
That said, I’m concerned about the opportunities that my kids will have as adults. The UK is in much poorer shape than Singapore or other strong economies in SE Asia. The cost of living crisis is brutal, and the earning power that both me and my kids have as working adults is significantly worse than in a low tax environment like Singapore, Hong Kong, etc.
He_ofshadowsandtouch@reddit
Why only positive rather than realistic observations on life here?
Psittacula2@reddit
Downvoted for a thoughtful response… does not fit the script?
Tbh, SE Asia sounds on balance better for families than the UK… as a baseline.
Secondly so much varies depending on the UK location, socio-economic, community and family… the use of exclamation marks (encourage engagement or genuine is hard to tell online).
A lot depends on:
* Family and Community
* Space and culture
* School experience for the kids
* Weather and healthy lifestyles
* Financing of the above
All impact general happiness while kids are young and demanding.
froggle1988@reddit
Because I’m already well aware of the ‘realistic’ 😂
Pleasant-Doctor-5711@reddit
free healthcare including all childhood vaccinations, free 15/30 hours childcare from age 3, incredible libraries with free toddler groups, soft play everywhere, the park culture is unmatched. your kids will grow up with proper seasons and proper christmases. it's a good place to raise small humans.
Gent415@reddit
The free 30 hours childcare for working parents was recently extended to all children 9+ months.
TheMightyKoosh@reddit
*In England
amytee252@reddit
Yeah but comes with caveats. Know someone whose kid is doing 30 hours a week (3 days a week at nursery) and is still paying £900 a month, despite those 30 hours being free. Why? Cos those 30 hours only cover term time... which means that £900/a month is what they have to pay to cover the holidays basically.
Aphra_@reddit
£900 a month for three days with 30 funded hours is astronomical, I'm not sure that can be correct for 1 child.
I live in London and my nursery is expensive for the UK average and when my daughter went 3 days without funded hours it was £1200 but with funded hours it and tax free childcare it dropped to around £450. So I'm not sure how your friend is paying double that - or wouldn't have more affordable options.
But yes, its 30 funded hours, not free, and term time only as you say - most nurseries allow you to stretch the hours across the whole year which works out to be 22hrs a week. It's still a massive help.
Familiar9709@reddit
Very safe
Sea-Salamander-5222@reddit
My lot are grown up but I’ve loved every minute of child rearing. From great outside spaces, wonderful libraries and clubs we’ve had a wonderful time and on a budget too!
Kindly_Buy_1891@reddit
There are many resources & opportunities for young families. Parks are generally good & free. Schooling is pretty good. For example if you have a family National Trust membership you can visit lovely places with beautiful gardens for free all year. My local NT house was pretty much my daughter’s back garden when she was little. Luckily she loved visiting old houses.
Lots of museums in London are free, if you are within travelling distance. Public transport is more affordable with a family railcard. I now find the combination of petrol & parking costs is often more than public transport costs.
The Uk Is very child friendly. They are now very welcome in most pubs & restaurants (wasn’t always the case - my parents NEVER took me to the pub!). There are nappy changing facilities most places. Lots of pubs & restaurants have children’s entertainment eg outdoor facilities like swings & climbing frames. Children’s menus, kids eating free in places in the holidays.
There are so many activities available now. My daughter when she was little did ballet, tap, street dance, cross country, gymnastics, trampolining, swimming, brownies/rainbows. She was a very active child who liked being busy.
Most towns have great playgroups often run by local churches for a small fee. We spent a lot of my daughter’s early years at them. In my relatively small town there was something every day. It was great for socialising (mum & baby/child) and they could do things you didn’t necessarily have or want at home. My daughter loved access to the play kitchens & fancy dress box which we didn’t have at home.
Local libraries have lots of things to do. Free books & things like rhymetime.
GodOfThunder888@reddit
Second this! I often have family visiting from abroad with small kids and they are always amazed by how child-friendly the UK is. Not just the free or low-cost resources, but also the general attitude towards kids. We went to a few restaurants with our kids (all under 5), not particularly aimed towards families with kids but just your average Sunday dinner restaurant, and they were all so happy and accommodating to the kids. I don't think people realise how child-friendly the UK really is. Just the fact that there is a free splash park by our home that opens for the summer is baffling to me.
ProfPMJ-123@reddit
Schooling in the UK is generally really good. We're absolutely delighted with the education both of our chilren are receiving. They are happy, learning, not overly pushed as is the case in a lot of countries, and have good friendship groups. They have plenty of after school activities available to them.
People where I live are friendly, happy and supportive of one another.
The countryside is fabulous. Both of my kids love to be outdoors, and there's lots of places to walk, explore etc. We have fabulous country houses and castles that are well worth visiting. Much of the coastline is a delight.
Most of the villages and towns around us have great kids playparks, that are well maintained and extensive.
We moved back to the UK three years ago and don't regret it for a moment. It's a great place to bring up children.
Sea-Wolf-5785@reddit
Where abouts is thus?
ProfPMJ-123@reddit
North Yorkshire.
dom_eden@reddit
Can I ask if this is private education or state education in the UK that you're referring to?
ProfPMJ-123@reddit
State education.
Private education has been dying for years. The reason it's been dying is because people have realized that with the exception of the top tier private schools, like Eton, Harrow, Christs Hospital and the like, state education is better.
FlaviousTiberius@reddit
Education very much varies by area. The education I got growing up was shockingly bad. I basically ended up redoing all of my education when I was older because the quality of the schools was so awful.
ProfPMJ-123@reddit
It does, but at the same time, we actually have a surprisingly good mechanism for identifying bad schools, and working to resolve them.
Everywhere has good and bad schools, and it's a tragedy, because kids who find themselves attending a bad school due to unfortunate timing is horrendous, but not everywhere has strong mechanisms to identify and seek to rectify the problem schools.
frankchester@reddit
Education is one of the biggest reasons I don’t emigrate as a kid. My mum had an American boyfriend and we considered moving, but he had older kids who had been through school already and when he came to visit (he visited my school a couple of times) he was blown away by our education system in comparison/
ProfPMJ-123@reddit
The education system in the US is simply awful. We moved from the US back to the UK precisely because it was so bad.
And we lived in a very wealthy area which has schools essentially as good as the US has.
frankchester@reddit
That’s interesting and I guess confirms what he said. What is it that is lacking? The schools seem better funded and “nicer”.
ProfPMJ-123@reddit
Depending on where you live, the facilities will often be pretty good. Wealthy areas will issue local bonds to fund buildings, and schools benefit.
The problem is how the schools are run. Teachers are chronically underpaid. And while there are some excellent teachers in the USA, pay does generally determine ability. If you're a super skilled person, you won't be a teacher in the US.
The ongoing funding is often poor. The schools don't have the money to provide things like stationary, which isn't a problem in wealthy areas - parents are just provided with a list of stuff their children must have, but in poor areas, either they go without, or teachers, who are already underpaid, buy it themselves.
Then there's oversight. Each area has a School Board, which is elected, and has a lot of oversight power. And because they are elected, you don't get people with skills and ability in education overseeing things, you get the local gobshite with an axe to grind.
In the UK, the central management of education works surprisingly well. The National Curriculum, while controversial when it went in, does set a standard that everyone should understand they are working towards. The monitoring systems, while more often than not monitoring the teaching profession, are sensibly designed. Changes to the system are generally done in an evidence based way.
Education in the UK has been getting incrementally better for 30 odd years. We do it very well.
No_Secret2322@reddit
For young kids like your age , the free childcare hours massively helped me, not because I needed my kid to be in nursery but sending him for 3 hours in the late morning really developed his speech and social skills. Lots of places es are child friendly, you can basically take your kid everywhere with you.
theModge@reddit
Our parks are above average.
I spend a lot of time time in Italy with my inlaws and whilst they do have parks you have to travel a long way to find anything as good good as my local parks in South Birmingham (cotteridge, Bournville and rowheath are all walkable for me)
SpiritedAd5993@reddit
Puddles! Rainy afternoons! Bus trips! Trains to very different places not SO far away! And everything everyone else said. It’ll be different but seeing your world through toddler eyes is always a bit magic :)
Kian-Tremayne@reddit
Castles. And quite a few places host jousting tournaments. Kids growing up reading about knights and princesses can go and see these places and reenactments. Which both I and my daughters found really cool.
BigDumbGreenMong@reddit
I made most of my current friends due to having children - NCT, school gates, clubs, PTA, etc. so having small kids is a great way to build a social circle if you're new back in the country.
Mental_Body_5496@reddit
Relative freedom and safety.
I was at the leisure centre yesterday which is in a large victorian park - lots of people from all backgrounds and ages enjoying the outdoors gym and plsy equipment or just chilling on a bench watching people play football.
Teenagers on bikes and scooters, a group playing chess, people said outside the little park cafe chatting away.
2 little kids tried to exit the play area and I said oh no you need to stay inside so they toddled off - mum came over and said thanks and we had a little chat.
We have neighbours from South Africa and it took them a year to relax enough to let theur 13 year old leave our street alone.
anonoaw@reddit
There are so many cheap or affordable things to do with kids - small parks everywhere, bigger parks in most towns, libraries, easy access to the countryside or coast from basically anywhere in the country. National Trust is amazing for kids / most of their properties have amazing gardens with great play areas for kids (can be pricey in a PAYG basis but if you can afford the up front membership, it pays for itself very quickly)
Despite what social media and right wing butters might make you think, it’s generally very safe. The horrible stuff makes the news because it’s rare. In a day to day basis, I never fear for my kids’ safety (beyond just normal parental worry)
jaydubyah100@reddit
It depends whether you are moving to an urban or country environment.
If urban: We have loads of kids playgrounds in and in addition to lots of parks / green spaces that are great for walks, games of football, picnics etc. Public libraries are free. These have kids’ sections which not only have books for kids to borrow but also have toys and colouring sheets for kids to do while the kids are there. They also do activity groups for kids e.g. crafting or baby and toddler song groups. We have lots of excellent museums and many in London, wales and Scotland are free. We have many sports facilities and sports events. Most cities have a number of free or low cost outdoor events over the summer (e.g. food festivals, music, outdoor cinema). There are good public transport links within and outside cities.
If country: the same applies regarding libraries, playgrounds, and parks but the difference is, you live in one big park. Unlike many countries, there are public footpaths everywhere giving you access to walk through fields, alongside rivers, through farmland, up hills, up mountains and along the coast. Some areas are better than others for this but in the uk, you are never too far away from a beach. We have loads of really beautiful ones. We have a summer festival culture if that’s something that interests you. They tend to be expensive but many are great for kids.
Most of what I have mentioned above costs little to no money (except festivals and museums - though there are many museums that are free as mentioned). But for country and city location we also have plenty of facilities for kids that cost but are not too badly priced: e.g. swimming pools, soft play centres, trampoline parks, bowling, cinema, laser quest, ice skating, etc. there are also many stately home places that yes, are expensive to get in, but once in, it’s fun for kids to run around the grounds and they often have very good adventure playgrounds.
Our climate means that in dry weather, you can live a very outdoor life with kids and not have to pay much money at all. In winter though, this is when it can cost as it can be wet for long periods, so to entertain the kids, on a wet day, you pick the indoor ones mentioned above which tend to have entrance fees.
Georgios_A@reddit
The countryside is wonderful and very family friendly, the children can grow up in a nice environment as long as you stay away from the cities. That may mean a long commute for you and your spouse but it is totally worth it.
BalthazarOfTheOrions@reddit
The UK is good with lots of available activities for children and plenty of groups and the like. And that can be a really good way to get to know other parents.
While there is an implicit assumption of help with family or one parent significantly reducing their working hours as far as government financial help with childcare, every little bit is good and can go a long way.
Outdoors and nature here is good, not the best I've seen but comfortably above average.
Things like history, museums and heritage sites the UK blows a lot of other countries out of the water. Really good for kids and fun for adults.
himit@reddit
my family moved back, did great for a few years and then I lost my job so we're poor as hell in London - but I'm still glad we moved back. You can have a nice childhood even while counting pennies.
This is very London, but:
greenpowerman99@reddit
Everyone speaks English and the parks, museums and beaches are free
amytee252@reddit
A lot of museums are not free! It is mainly the big ones which are free, but a lot (if not most) are not.
Bubble-Master96@reddit
Beautiful countrysides and beaches. There’s lots of wonderful places to go walking and site seeing. Normally there’s free toddler groups on in most towns through out the week.
TectonicSaxophonic@reddit
The UK provides an incredible abundance of free museums and expansive public parks that make exploring with toddlers both affordable and enriching. Additionally, the country's extensive library network offers fantastic community driven sessions like "Rhyme Time" to help your children build early social and literacy skills in a welcoming environment.
snarkycrumpet@reddit
I didn't live in SEA but I lived abroad and the playgrounds where I lived were rubbish compared to UK playgrounds.
MintBerryFondue@reddit
The fact that the UK is much more pedestrian friendly. You generally get more steps in daily compared to a lot of countries in SE Asia (I lived in Malaysia and Thailand) where people rely heavily on cars or motorbikes. The food quality is better with healthier options and stricter regulations. Better air quality too!
ShortDevelopment905@reddit
As long as you're not in poverty, life in the UK is what you make of it.
We still have a great coastline, world beating countryside, national hiking paths and cycleways, and national parks, if nothing else.
Creative-Response554@reddit
The caveat is "as long as you're not in poverty"
About 20% of the population live in poverty.
It also depends on where you live. I had a pretty good education in my hometown, but where I live now the schools are atrocious, and the students they produce are honestly just idiots who have very basic levels of understanding of concepts they should be much more advanced at.
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