Hang in there | TheaterFire

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Seven19td@reddit

Both of my parents and all of my grandparents have passed and I’m only 44

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same, though i'm 42. my dad, the last one alive, died when i was 36. my sister is dead too so it's just me. i've learned since then though that family doesn't have to be blood, and my boyfriend has a huge tight-knit family so i'm doing all right these days.

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Then_Increase7445@reddit

Wild how different families can be. I just lost one of my grandfathers this year, but my dad's parents are both still living and my parents are both under 70.

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trent_reznor_is_hot@reddit

All mine were also gone by age 34. It is not easy to say the least

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Embarrassed_Rule_269@reddit

Me too. I was an orphan at 41. My grandparents have been gone for years. All I have left is my sister and some uncles that I don't want anything to do with.

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Reasonable-Owl-232@reddit

Isn't an orphan, by definition, a child?

How were you an orphan at 41?

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Seven19td@reddit

I’m sorry to hear that. I have my wife, no kids and I’ve had a falling out with my sister. Both of her parents and all of her grandparents have passed. It’s really like it’s just her and I left

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sweet_pickles12@reddit

Spouse and I had no parents left at age 30. No siblings to speak of. No kids and one of the (many) reasons we didn’t is no real support system.

99% of the time it’s fine and I’m glad the ailing parent train is behind us but it would have been cool to have like, a dad to show us how to fix our house or something.

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RoundTheBend6@reddit

That last paragraph so true for me.

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shamspade@reddit

I'm glad I have my kids BUT we are also a couple with no parents left.

And you're right.

Raising children with no support system or fallback plan is no joke.

It is extremely heavy to realize how exposed we are. Like even my friends who are single moms usually have a mother/sister/aunt to help out but we are basically just on a wing and a prayer that we both make it until our kids are fully functioning adults

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DreamsAndSchemes@reddit

On the other hand I’ve got a father that’s barely involved except when it suits him. Thankfully my FIL has that flavor of Autism where he can fix anything by looking at it, but he’s in his 70s so I’m gleaning as much as I can

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sweet_pickles12@reddit

Oh, my father couldn’t fix or do anything for himself when he was alive…. I needed to go to his house to have pictures for him and clean his house. But it still would have been cool to have a dad like that.

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kinetic_cheese@reddit

I'm glad you guys have each other

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Seven19td@reddit

My dad died when I was young, I definitely understand

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Embarrassed_Rule_269@reddit

Thanks. I wasn't especially close to my folks growing up, but we got much closer after I finished college, so it was kind of like losing friends too. It's been a few years now, so I'm all good.

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bug1402@reddit

Same. Lost my mom at 24, grandparents on my Dad's side in my 30s, Brother at 37, Dad at 41. Then I lost both of my mom's parents in the last two years (last one was in February). I still have my sister and a bunch of aunts, uncles, and cousins but man do my 40s look nothing like what I pictured when I was a teenager.

We were always big on family and outside of a great grandparents when I was five, I was lucky not to lose anyone until I was 19 and that was my great-great grandma (weird to go to a funeral with your grandma for her grandma). Ever since then it's been a loss of someone every year or two and it SUCKS. I really hope I am done with funerals for a good long while.

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reasonable_bill@reddit

Hopefully this doesnt offend you

https://youtu.be/zIwekxWpC4w?si=CGN-kX-6bbpEehXv

0:49

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Comfortable_Mess5030@reddit

Omg I haven't watched this in forever and forgot how comical Larry is. "Still, you didn't call me back." !!!!!!!!! 😂😂😂 thank you internet stranger for the much needed laugh. Signed a 39 year old orphan 🫠

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KevinStoley@reddit

Lol I was gonna post the same thing. I'm in the same orphan club as op, that's one of my favorite Curb scenes and I laugh my ass off every time I see it.

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Fine-Platypus-423@reddit

I knew that’s what it was gonna be lol

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Embarrassed_Rule_269@reddit

🤣

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KevinStoley@reddit

Similar situation. Dad died when I was 15, grandparents and all aunts and uncles have all long passed decades ago. I lost my mom at 37, I'm about to turn 44.

It's pretty much just my brother and I at this point. Several cousins left but I only really talk to one anymore and even that is seldom these days.

It really sucks. I feel like my parents and aunts and uncles were the glue that held our entire family together. We all used to be SO close when I was a kid. Those days are long gone and those of us left have all grown so far apart.

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mynx79@reddit

I was going to add - you're lucky if they get old. Not everyone has that experience. 💔

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emptyhead416@reddit

My father died when i was 31. My mom died when I was 41. All my grandparents were dead before I was born. I'm 46.

I don't know who this is supposed to make feel better.

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Scherzkeks@reddit

Samesies! 🤗

And there’s so many things I want to ask my mom for help with…

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Unusualshrub003@reddit

46 and same

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No-Zebra4925@reddit

Same.

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SvenoftheWoods@reddit

Same same. 44 this year and I just became an orphan last week (lost my mum...fuck cancer to the nth degree). I only ever knew one grandparent growing up and she passed in my 20s.

My in-laws are still around and they're pretty rad so...I've got that going for me.

This part of getting older is something I really hadn't considered until recently.

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lemseattle@reddit

I’m sorry, friend. 46 here, and I became an orphan during Covid. Just my brother now. Hang in there!

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snootchiebootchie94@reddit

Sorry for your loss. My mom is on her 2nd round of cancer and running out of chemo. It is horrible to see her suffer and be able to do nothing about it. She is bitter a lot and not her cheerful self all the time. Cancer sucks.

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SvenoftheWoods@reddit

Yeah man, the watching from the sidelines is the worst as there's only so much you can do.

My mum got pretty down on herself (and life in general) after the cancer came back a second time, so I feel you there. She wasn't sure if she wanted to do a second round of chemo, so I told her "Whatever you decide, I just want YOU to be happy".
I think the thing that saved her there was that I really tried to make her focus on her grandkids. We moved her into a suite in our house so she'd always be in close proximity to family. Having her focus on them, rather than constantly being preoccupied with her health, seemed to boost her mental well-being and she kept rockin' on for another three years (while the docs had said about six months).

Maybe if your mum has something to refocus her energy on it might be of benefit? That's just this Redditors unsolicited advice. Sending you internet-hugs my dude.

Also...your username makes me smile. Snoogans.

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snootchiebootchie94@reddit

We try to. My kids are early teens and not as interested in their grandmother. Appreciate the advice. Going to try and get her refocused. She is running out of chemo to try as well. It suck’s being pulled in so many directions and trying to keep everyone happy.

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crackedtooth163@reddit

Fuck cancer.

I am so sorry.

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BrandyBunch805@reddit

Orphan here at 48

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gaarkat@reddit

Same, basically. A few year's difference.

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pickledpetunia@reddit

Ugh. I’m sorry. I love my mom when I was 37. I’m 42 and still pissed about it.

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JennExhales@reddit

Me too. Orphaned by the time I was 40 and I’m 44 now. When I see folks older than me who have parents and grandparents that are still alive and well in their 70’s, 80’s and 90’s I think to myself, people live that long? My mom, dad and aunt all died at 63 years old. It’s hard not to feel like my own time here is super limited

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Glittering-Stuff-599@reddit

Same for me when I was 39, but I was the youngest of 7.

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NoAngel815@reddit

Same, Mom was the last, she passed a few months before I turned 45.

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Gamecockgirl79@reddit

Same. I was an orphan by 32.

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GlassAndStorm@reddit

🫂

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HomemadeJambalaya@reddit

38 for me. The hardest part for me is that my son only has 1 living grandparent. He's in preschool. He never knew my mom, and my dad died when he was less than a year old. All those memories I have of my grandparents' mentorship and the smell of their house and my grandpa's delicious cooking and the way my sweet old Christian grandma could cuss up a blue streak if provoked...my child will never have that.

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Sareee14@reddit

I feel you. My mom has been gone since 2009, my dad since 2019. I am 45 now. I am lucky enough to still have all my siblings and nieces, nephews, great nieces and great nephews. I was the baby by 15 years so that is how I already have greats.

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RuinsAndRoses@reddit

Mine too. I’ve been an orphan since I was 31. The rest of my family are awful, luckily my MIL is kind.

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CorgiRocket@reddit

Same with me, 42. After my parents passed away over a decade ago, my half-siblings all scattered to the four corners of the world. So now it's just... me

My world is so different now. Looking back on those times, it feels like I have someone else's memories.

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BishlovesSquish@reddit

Only one left is my mom, and she is now in a wheelchair. She got sepsis and is lucky to be alive. No one adequately prepared me for this stage of life.

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HistoryGirl23@reddit

Hugs!

Two of my high school friends became orphans in the last year and a half. It sucks since I know it'll be my turn to loose a parent someday

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etthegeek1982@reddit

Samesies.

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Comfortable-Crow-238@reddit

I have both parents my half-siblings have one and I’ve lost both grandparents and they have one left.😭😞

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taleofbenji@reddit

I recommend not watching the entire Final Destination series in one sitting.

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Jdonn82@reddit

Same

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Piranha_Vortex@reddit

Same. But I turned 45 today. My parents died in 2019. 21 days apart. Heart failure and sepsis.

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Comfortable_Mess5030@reddit

Me too @ 36. Am turning 40.

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seamore555@reddit

I’m 43 and right there with ya

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lankyleper@reddit

Same here, but I'm 47.

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megamanx4321@reddit

Same here at 42. Oddly enough, my grand-uncle is still around.

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Happy_Confection90@reddit

That sucks 😕 My grandparents have all been dead between 25 and 50 years, and I lost both parents by 42 myself.

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CrayCrayChickenLady@reddit

Ding ding ding!

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username__0000@reddit

I haven’t had grand parents since I was early 20s. I didn’t even meet one who died months after I was born, and the others died when I was 8 and 13.

I find it odd people our age have grandparents still. lol

Dad’s been dead for a while now too and I’m no contact with mom (evil never does, that woman will outlive me and probably everyone I know just out of spite)

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MarginaliaVoices@reddit

I'm truly sorry.

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Seven19td@reddit

Thank you

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renee872@reddit

Im 42 and im in the same boat.

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gnyaa@reddit

Same. I have one uncle left and he’s on another continent.

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gametapchunky@reddit

I'm nearly there. Mom died 6 years ago and my dad is having kidney issues. I'm 43.

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Zeke688@reddit

I was there at 21. It was & is hard, but I am glad I don’t have the burden of watching them age like others do.

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JJHall_ID@reddit

Same. My dad passed \~20 years ago at 53, and my mom passed a few years ago at 67. All of my grandparents also passed over the last 25 years. I just turned 45 a couple of months ago. My little brother (3 years younger) and I are the elders in the family now.

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Minute_Upstairs1458@reddit

Same, by the time I was 38

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idlno1@reddit

Same when I was 34.

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Fine-Platypus-423@reddit

Mine were all dead by the time I was 39.

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Kr4zyK4rl@reddit

Welcome to the adult orphan club! At least we don't have to worry about putting our parents into homes!

Lost my dad in 1990, and my mom in 2013. No grandparents left either. Makes the holidays easier

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chibisparkle@reddit

Same

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hatfarm@reddit

My mom is the only one left out of that group for me, and I’m also 44 ( or will be in a couple weeks).

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FunksGroove@reddit

Same. And many of my Uncles/Aunts.

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LaGorda54@reddit

Club orphan checking in here: my parents both died young. Im 43 currently but was an orphan by the time I was 21, and my grandparents were silent gen aged so they’re all gone as well.

As sad as it is and has been, and as much as I’ve been through and lost , as I’m watching people struggle with their folks ailing and trying to keep their aging parents from being scammed and all the modern catfishing and having to learn their parents terrible opinions on current state of things…. It’s feeling less terrible sometimes.

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dlgirl81@reddit

Me too. Lost my dad unexpectedly to a traumatic brain injury caused by a fall at home. I was 36 at the time. And lost my mom shortly before my 41st birthday to complications from stage 3 colon cancer. Dad passed 2 days after his 78th birthday mom was 73 when she passed. Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of her passing. October will be 9 years since my dad passed. 💔 All of my grandparents had passed before I was even in high school. My poor dad was the last of his siblings to pass. I don't think I could handle being the last of my siblings to pass. That had to be so heartbreaking for him.

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Academic_Run8947@reddit

Same. Orphaned at 42. I always shocked when someone my age has parents and even grandparents alive. Meanwhile, I wonder why save for an old age I will probably never reach.

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Comfortable_Tale9722@reddit

Hugs. I only had my moms parents left when I was born. Lost my dad at 39 and only have one aunt and uncle left. The last 6 years have been exhausting with the amount of family members I have lost. I’m 45.

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Super_Moose_Rocket@reddit

Same. Except 48 this year.

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vitaoptima@reddit

I grew up with my parents and one grandparent, the rest were dead before I was born. All are gone now, I'm 47.

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RougeOne23456@reddit

My husband and I are down to one living parent/grandparent (my mother) and she lives in another state, 6 hour drive from us. I'm 48 and he is 46.

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Seven19td@reddit

I’m so sorry. I can relate. It’s just my wife and I and very very occasional birthday messages from a few aunts and uncles

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PackageNorth8984@reddit

Better get that regular blood work.

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Seven19td@reddit

I most definitely do.

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iliumada@reddit

Me too. What a terrible club to be in 🥂

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creddittor216@reddit

Likewise

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blamberr@reddit

Same and almost same

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walter_grimsley@reddit

Not great.

Dad has been incontinent, noncommunicative, and unable to care for himself for years. We finally put him in a care home in mid-February.

A week later Mom fell, split her head open, trip to ER, hasn’t been home since. Sitting in a nursing home with cancer. Steadily losing mobility.

Its godawful and I am struggling to find a healthy way to process all this. So much for drinking less!

I now know along with everyone else that the medical system isn’t actually here to help you, just to pass the buck and hasten your exit

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ScottishCrazyCatLady@reddit

Both my parents had passed by the time i was 31. But i was born when they were older, and i'd been "prepped" for this to happen for a long time. They had been sick since i was 7 (dad) and 13 (mother). When I was 16 my siblings and i paid in advance for their funerals and every little thing was thought out and written down. It's scary to have no one "above you" in the scheme of things. The buck stops with me and will forever.

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gotkube@reddit

Mom died when I was 19, and haven’t talked to my Dad in almost 9yrs, so…

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owlmissyou@reddit

My mom's memory is starting to slip a little and I cry when I think about her aging and dying. She won't move back to our home state and I cannot breathe at her elevation; that and the physical distance between us will make it very hard to help her.

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RachelDesha@reddit

I’m scared. I don’t want to lose them. It haunts me at times. I don’t have a great relationship with them right now. I love them and know they are good people, but they drive me insane. I feel guilty because I know I will regret this one day, and ironically, I already do.

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Moist_Rule9623@reddit

Yeah, I’m on the easy part of that whole equation now… but I remember the long downhill. The part where I’d say, how about we play some cribbage, mom, and my mom (WHO TAUGHT ME TO PLAY CRIBBAGE IN LIKE 1980) would be like, “…you know how to play Cribbage?” to me 😣

(Mind you, the very last time in her life we played, she still beat me in three straight games, and Skunked me in one of those!!)

Identify the fun moments in these days, is the closest I’m gonna come to giving you “advice”. (There is no particular “advice” for these years, you basically survive them and then years later you wonder how the fuck you survived them)

But drink in the funny moments, as they arise; be present and experience them to the best of your ability. Some of these will be your favorite memories when The Inevitable happens.

Wish you luck. Honestly I wish there WAS a “good” outcome I could wish for you to have. But there’s really only one outcome here, long term, and it’s gonna suck regardless of exactly how it goes.

I wish for you the STRENGTH to get through this. You absolutely have it within you, we all do, but at times like some days or moments it feels like we’re tapped out or just gobsmacked by it all. Do it anyway, best you can. Reach out for help if you have any kind of support/family/friends around you, even just 20 minutes away from the situation can allow your frustrations to simmer down a bit.

Best wishes for you, bud. You will get thru this, even if it’s not pretty every day.

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Sad_Training_1595@reddit

My parents were abusive and I went no contact some years ago. I look forward to the thought of them not being in a position of power anymore and their way of living bearing fruit.

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LegitimatePapaya9807@reddit

I grieved the loss of my narcissistic boomer mother 12 years ago. There won’t be any tears when she fucks off and kicks the bucket.

She didn’t die, she just never mothered!

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Milly_Hagen@reddit

Same. My abusive father died recently and left everything to my brothers whilst writing horrid shit about me I'm his will and going to great lengths to make sure I couldn't contest it. A lovely thing to deal with whilst fighting for my life with aggressive stage 3 breast cancer.

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RaptureInRed@reddit

That really, really sucks, and I wish you strength for your fight.

There is one upside in all this: he's fucking dead.

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Milly_Hagen@reddit

Thank you Lol, yes! Died a nasty and prolonged death from glioma too, which is pretty much what he deserved.

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idonthavernoughcats@reddit

honestly same lol. i don’t necessarily want revenge, i practice radical acceptance and just… don’t want to think about them. they were abusive pieces of shit who i won’t allow to further occupy my mind. “you’re carrying open wounds as evidence of your pain in hopes of a trial that never comes”

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454_water@reddit

I got sucked back into this bullshit because I am my mom's kid.

Hate it with a passion.

The fucking woman beat me every day of my childhood, and now I supposed to care for her.

I need to start looking into institutions for her.

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uniqueunicorn31@reddit

I’m so glad to hear I’m not alone in this. I have a very difficult, conflicted relationship with my mom, who drank herself into dementia. I feel guilty saying it, but I look forward to the day I get “the call.” My grandma and great-grandma on her side of the family lived to be 89 and 93 though, so we’ll see; she’s 75 now.

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RaptureInRed@reddit

For a moment, I thought this might be my sister posting. I am in the *exact* same position.

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uniqueunicorn31@reddit

Ugh I’m so sorry. It’s a weird feeling when someone responds to me like this. On one hand, I’m glad I’m not the only one. On the other hand, I’m sad someone else has to deal with this kind of shit too. Hugs to you.

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bbbbears@reddit

My husband had that mom. Constant trouble, refusal to get help, sneaking alcohol into the hospital. It broke my heart to hear him on the phone with her just begging her to let him help. She was absolutely delusional for a few years, telling me she was on the cover of a Cars album, that she was a champion figure skater, friends with Steven Seagall, just whatever her addled brain decided to come up with at the moment.

When she died it was the best thing she ever did for my husband. He was able to sell her condo for enough that we could put a down payment on a house for our little family.

She never bothered to meet our kid, btw, who was like a year and a half old when the old bag died, living in the same town and everything. Barf.

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Just_a_guy81@reddit (OP)

That’s how I feel about my father. I wrote him off years ago

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Sad_Training_1595@reddit

I think this is common with xennials, was your dad a boomer?

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bbbbears@reddit

(raises hand)

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allthecoffeesDP@reddit

Being their caretaker sucks.

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RaptureInRed@reddit

My parents weren't abusive, but were incompetent and neglectful. I was parentified, and I am caring for them in the most grudging and resentful fashion.

Caring for my grandmother in her last few years was an honor and a privilege. I wish my parents had managed to inspire such an intense desire to repay them for their love and goodness the way Grandma did.

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JellyfishHead2831@reddit

Same here. Haven't spoken to my boomer parents since 2015.

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Praise-Bingus@reddit

Same. Im just sitting here thinking

gif

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Findinganewnormal@reddit

Solidarity. Unfortunately the only relative of that generation that I’ve lost is my one pretty cool uncle. My parents are still traveling and seem like they’re going to be around to try to worm their ways back in for the long haul.

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_TalkingIsHard_@reddit

I've been NC with my remaining parent for 15+ years and it's the best decision I could have made.

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just-_-just@reddit

Same here. I told my family the day I find out he's dead we are going out to the most expensive dinner I can find.

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Responsible-Maybe289@reddit

Fucking awful, but I really do appreciate your asking.

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Just_a_guy81@reddit (OP)

Anytime

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Just_a_guy81@reddit (OP)

Thank you. All of you. It’s going to take me a while to read each and every one of these. But I will. Probably more than once.

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Durakus@reddit

My father died of cancer. I did not and am not mentally healed.

My mother has been diagnosed with early onset dementia, and i cant tell if she is genuinely forgetting or using it as an excuse to pretend she can’t remember the decade+ of abuse my step father unleashed on me. And she has been in the emergency for the entire day yesterday vomiting. And I am torn between forgetting I have a family, putting the issues around love I never had in a mental box and continuing to live my life absolutely alone or being sad that these next few years may genuinely be the last I have with her.

So err. Mental health is about as good as it’s always been I guess. (Thumbs up)

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Sdog1981@reddit

It sucks. dementia is a slope they just keep sliding down and time will not heal it.

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LyingInPonds@reddit

Lost my mom to it two days ago, on Mother's Day. Fuck dementia, and especially fuck early onset Alzheimer's.

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Scherzkeks@reddit

💔

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FlatSixFun@reddit

💯💯💯💯

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dianarawrz@reddit

Had to deal with it with my dad. Lost him 5 years ago. Vascular dementia is no joke. High Cholesterol has a big influence in bad influence in vascular dementia. Eat your fiber and oats people and exercise atleast 3x a week. You dont want that… I saw my dad forget me, my mum, his family, Forget how to walk, forget how to talk, talk nonsense, all night screaming, eventually forgetting how to swallow food and passing away from starvation. Covid didn’t let us see him when he died. He died in the hospital. Without us… fuck dementia, fuck covid, fuck pandemics, fuck neurological disorders. Fuck our weak DnA…

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desertforestcreature@reddit

Yep. The pandemic made my parents' brain rot accelerate dramatically.

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Ok_Breakfast5425@reddit

Yup, my dad is well on his way down that hill. He's mistaken me for his brother that died 20 years ago a few times, he's slurring worse and worse, he hasn't told anyone about it but it's looks like he's lost a lot of dexterity in his hands, and he's getting worse and worse sundowning

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Secret_Assistant_232@reddit

I feel for you. I just finished 2 years with my mother in my home until she just passed in December. This woman was amazing, she used to fill the house with laughter. My last two years with her and dementia was nothing but grumbling, rude comments, and alcoholism. It was shocking. Not her fault, but it was extremely hard and I haven’t gotten to the part of grief yet where I miss her.

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Sdog1981@reddit

The guilt of relief is very hard to deal with. I wish you all the best on your healing journey.

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Korzag@reddit

My sister in laws mom passed last year and it was so disconnecting seeing her not grieve her mom's death. Similar story of dementia paired with mental disability from strokes. Death was a release from suffering for her and her children.

Meanwhile I lost my dad to a respiratory disease. He had been totally healthy and suddenly got real sick, hospitalized, induced into a coma, and then hooked to intense life support. We let him go when the xrays showed serious ARDS with less than 10% healthy lungs left.

Death can be such an odd mix of emotion based on circumstances.

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Micronto65bymay@reddit

This is so hard to manage. I'm just floored every time I visit with my mother. Such a terrible disease.

God went north.

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IdaDuck@reddit

My dad is near the bottom of the slope, he’ll be 90 this summer if he hangs on that long. We have to bring in caregivers daily now. It’s not a life he ever would have wanted so I just hope he slips away in his sleep soon. Mom is a few years younger but on a similar path.

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Udjebfk@reddit

Sorry to hear that. I went through that with my grandpa. Luckily my dad is still sharp, but having dealt with the reality of my grandpa not recognizing his sons....wow, 20 years later, its still tough when I think about it. Best wishes

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Hntrbdnshog@reddit

It’s been the worst. My dad has always been the strongest and most in charge person in my family. He did everything for everyone, knew how to fix anything and was always there to help. It started with just forgetfulness and now sometimes it’s like the lights are on but no one’s there. I hate not being able to do anything and knowing it don’t get any better. My mom tries her best but she’s old too. It sucks a lot.

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BeMoreKnope@reddit

I’m currently sitting in the airport because I can’t afford to stay with my family and be out of work while my mom dies of the blood cancer they just discovered, leaving her with two months at most.

So, I’m a fucking mess, to answer your question.

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YEMolly@reddit

Sending you love. 💕

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BeMoreKnope@reddit

Thank you so much. The support of both loved ones and strangers is all that’s been keeping me almost sane.

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YEMolly@reddit

I can’t even imagine. How far away do you live from your mom?

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BeMoreKnope@reddit

I’m in Denver, and the rest of the family is in Phoenix. So, that’s at least not too bad.

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codebygloom@reddit

I'm a 45 year old orphan looking for some cool hippie parents to adopt me.

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pavilionaire2022@reddit

My parents, like, aren't getting old. My dad is complaining about the other seniors not being able to keep up in pickleball and my mom is going to Europe.

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Silly_Sherbet5543@reddit

Dad died five years ago, I’m living with my mom so she isn’t alone. Watching her mind slip is rough.

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pugsnblunts@reddit

My dad died in my arms. All we can do is value the now

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reqstech@reddit

My mom died October 2022. My dad just died April 17th. 💔

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ProfessorJNFrink@reddit

My mom has been slipping away to Demntia. It’s the cruelest way to go.

She had an episode last night where she thought I was a small child and she went looking for me at our local playground and she couldn’t find me, so she called my aunt panicking.

She didn’t know where she was, so my Aunt told her to call 911. So she did, but said I was missing. So they thought it was an abduction/Amber Alert situation and came fast, but luckily enough they found her unharmed, still at the playground and pool her to ER.

She’s been admitted, even though she’s not sick, they want her safe until they can find her a bed in a home. Hopefully something opens up.

And maybe you’re thinking why hasn’t she been placed yet? I live in CA and she’s in NY. My sisters been handling everything and has been in denial for years.

I’m the youngest so no one listens to me and acts like I’m chicken little with how bad moms been. She’s needed to be in a care facility for more than a year. I have no control or say.

I’m flying home next week to hopefully get her moved into a room in a care facility. She didn’t know my sister when she showed up when they were taking her to the ER.

She hasn’t known my kids or husband for more than a year and for a while remembered me in HS.

Now she thinks I’m a little girl. She might have bouts of not remembering me when I’m home, but soon she won’t remember me for most of her time.

My dad died over 25 years ago and he was a long distance trucker. She asks where he is all the time and we get to say he’s on a trip and she gets in. My sister and I are now thinking about ways we can tell mom I’m okay. Maybe preschool or at her mom’s house.

I spent Mothers Day in bed. I don’t call her anymore because it guts me. I have three kids and a spouse who made me breakfast in bed and loved on me, but I didn’t even know then what would happen Monday and I was already struggling.

But! The silver lining is that my sister is now working hard to get her placed in a home and we’re lucky she went around the corner and the first responders came quickly. It could have been much worse.

All ways to lose parents is fucking awful. Dementia is one of the worse. You grieve them when they’re still here and then again when they finally let go.

So-aging parents? I’m not doing well right now.

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Significant_Owl6205@reddit

My mom also has dementia. I called her on Mother's Day and then cried for half an hour afterwards. I just feel so sad that she has to live out the rest of her life this way. She's generally happy, but the hallucinations she has are often terrible. I see you, and send support. It's tough.

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BrandyBunch805@reddit

Mine died and left me to care for my grandparents alone.

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aliie_627@reddit

Im not. I'm a full millennial but my dad was almost 40 when I was born and he's getting to be in really poor health. I'm taking care of him about as much as he's taking care of himself at this point. He's on dialysis and has stage 4 prostate cancer & Multiple myeloma. The some other health and age related issues but they are more chronic and manageable.

It sucks, I think my mom was easier to watch since I was a teenager when she started getting sick and she wasn't as strong. My dad was never ill until the last few years. It's hard. I got really close to him after my mom died too.

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Fine_Caterpillar_280@reddit

It’s hard. One of my parents has dementia, diagnosed around 6 years ago now, so as you can imagine it is progressing. It’s heartbreaking and all the things.

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msdeschain@reddit

1/10, would not recommend

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sunrise_parabellum@reddit

My mother died when I was 15, my dad died when I was 36. I find it hard to have empathy for people complaining about having to manage with elderly parents tbh

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alvysaurus@reddit

They disowned me for being trans so I'm not as effected as those around me (not being able to see it is a big factor) but they are still my parents and I still dread their deaths.

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RaptureInRed@reddit

You're a better person than me

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454_water@reddit

Yeah.

You have to love them because their your parents, but you kind of hate them because they're your parents.

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Just_a_guy81@reddit (OP)

Make sure you wear a pretty dress at the funeral

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HopelessMagic@reddit

Unless they're FtM. Everyone seems to forget it goes both ways.

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atrich@reddit

Currently keeping watch at my Dad's death bed. Probably less than a day left. He's at peace and surrounded by family. We should all hope to be so lucky. This has been a long time coming but it still fucking hurts.

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princesscorncob@reddit

My Biological Dad died a couple of years ago and that was rough, for a lot of reasons it's not easy to get into.

My bio mom claims she's on deaths door, she's been doing that for the past 20 years. We reconciled not long after bio dad died. I wanted to make peace because I want to attempt to not have a repeat of the regrets I have about my bio dad.

Step parents don't talk with me, that's ok.

In-laws don't want me or my spouse's help. In one way, I think they're trying to remain independent and they're trying to be kind. They infantilize my spouse, and me by extension. They're both really strong and independent people and aging is hard.

MIL has breathing issues and doesn't want to seek medical care. FIL's vision is deteriorating and he keeps driving and terrifying my MIL.

They are both terrified that the other has dementia or alzheimers and they tell me, at least, in confidence.

It's heart breaking.

My spouse is not dealing with it, just tells me what they say.

I'm just stuck and watching people I love age and worry with my hands tied. It's hard because I'm used to taking care of people but this is not my lane.

Its hard.

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Strange_Airships@reddit

My dog is old. My mom is old. My dad died in 1991. I have a stepdad and he’s ok I guess, but even he’s slowing down. OH. ALSO. My own mortality is staring me in the face and I hate that too. There are so many ever-present horrors in the background of life and I’m dealing with them by myself while trying to raise a kid and pay a mortgage also by myself.

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chopstix007@reddit

It sucks. I’m at my parents now. I come every other month and stay for 3-4 weeks so I can help out and spend time with them. They’ve become the children and I’m now the adult.

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orkz_r_neat@reddit

I wouldn't know. Thanks to how hateful the demographics have tilted in America we no longer speak. I believe humans deserves rights and humane treatment, and that makes me evil 🤷🏼 I imagine their health hasn't improved much since the couch doesn't escort them out for walks

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little_arsonist@reddit

I'd never really thought about it until the last few years, mostly because my dad is in really good shape, but then my younger brother died last year, and my mum broke her wrist in February.... I think about it very often now.

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Wak3upHicks@reddit

Ma has alzheimer's. She's told me to kill myself twice now and punched my once. I avoid her unless I necessary

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lady_forsythe@reddit

I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope that you have the support that you need.

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Wak3upHicks@reddit

That's another bad part of being the weird anti-social kid no one mentions. You grow up to be the weird anti-social adult with no network and no help when your parents decline

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Constant-Industry262@reddit

Look into support groups online and, if you can afford it, see a therapist. Both of those helped when my mom was going through her struggle with Alzheimer's. Even having friends didn't really help since none of them had any experience with relatives with dementia or aging parents.

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Just_a_guy81@reddit (OP)

That’s rough. But that’s not her. It really is a cruel disease

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Oxolomew@reddit

Be sure to get any information about her or your family you even think you might want to know someday. The gaps only grow.

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Academic_Run8947@reddit

I'm sorry. Alzheimers can turn a normally kind person into someone unkind. Unless she was always like that, then I'm extra sorry.

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Wak3upHicks@reddit

Nah, fortunately she used to be awesome

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mhopkins1420@reddit

This isn’t your mother. She would probably be very upset with her behavior if she knew she was doing it. She probably doesn’t even remember the events that upset you so much. It’s part of the disease process unfortunately

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Nervous-Avocado1346@reddit

I only have my mom left and she’s been having health troubles and my brain cannot stop, my head can’t rest, I’m so scared and sad and overwhelmed

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NoMoreNoise305@reddit

I’m 49. Dad is 84 & mom just passed in February. First Mother’s Day without her was really rough 🥲

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Neither-Ad-727@reddit

I'm almost 38 and buried both of mine a couple years ago. They were a handful before that but it's a whole different ride, now. No family left at this point but I still can't speak, with confidence, on good/bad. I was tired before and I'm tired now, so 🤷

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JadieRose@reddit

Well my parents fell for a iTunes gift card scam so…

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Nfgzebrahed@reddit

Went NC with my NM like 5 years ago

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Rampasta@reddit

My dad died of covid complications and my Mom has some weird debilitating sking swelling contidion that her doctors can't figure out. She doesn't want my help and it is frustrating.

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andiinAms@reddit

Not great. They’re both 81 this year. Definitely acting like it too. I’m an only child with no kids… it’s hard. I’ll be completely alone once they’re gone.

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Constant-Industry262@reddit

I'm an only child too, and lost both my parents at the beginning of the decade, after watching them decline over the latter half of the 2010s. It isn't easy.

While I know my cousins and my parents friends all miss my parents, it isn't the same grief as what I've experienced. It feels lonely and there are times when I've wished I had a sibling to talk to about it, or at least help out with settling their estate and logistics.

At the same time, I know a lot of people who have had siblings who were useless or actively hindering in taking care of things. That sucks too.

Hang in there and here's a hug from an internet stranger who has gone through some similar stuff.

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professorpumpkins@reddit

Being an only with aging parents was brutal. You're a good kid.

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andiinAms@reddit

I appreciate you saying so 💛

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Space_bubbles013@reddit

I feel that, though, it’s a little different. I have a sister, we aren’t close and I don’t really feel like that will change once our mom is gone (dad passed away about 5 years ago). We see each other and visit like once a month, but it’s mostly one sided. I only do it so my daughter (only child) knows her cousins, but once she’s 18, I’m not gonna make the effort to be the one maintaining contact.

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shamspade@reddit

Lost both parents in 2 years.

It's an absolute shit show but there are some silver linings.

Like there's this weird part of me that is relieved to have it all behind me. I remember how much I dreaded it and how hard it was to watch them decline and I actually feel bad that so many of my friends will be facing that down for years.

The worst is over for me (for now).

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RealityOk9823@reddit

Lost my dad 2 years ago to lung cancer. Still hurts. Mom is doing pretty well, but walks with a cane. Long as she can keep living by herself then it's all good.

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LlewellynSinclair@reddit

Sisters and I had to put my mom and dad (78 and 83 respectively) in a home a couple of years ago. Mom has dementia and is showing signs of it progressing pretty aggressively. Dad is fine but slowing down physically (uses a walker most of the time) and mentally (nothing outside the realm of normal really). At this point they’ve outlived their fathers. Both of their mothers made it to 90+, but I have serious doubts either will make it to 90.

It’s hard seeing my dad in particular who was always pretty active and sharp a shell of his former self. Want to do what I can now to prevent my kids from dealing with the same stuff with me as I get older.

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PetuniaPicklePepper@reddit

I don't have any advice, but you are not alone. My cousin is dealing with her mother's dementia, as her father died. It sounds beyond exhausting and overwhelming.

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C1sko@reddit

Everybody was long gone by 1991.

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Gunslinger1925@reddit

I became an orphan at 38. I'm 49 now.

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-32768@reddit

Dad started a second family back back in 91 and his second wife is 15 years younger than him so his care is totally off my plate. Mom is 78 this year and still doing well but for how long?? I moved 1500 miles away because I had to make money and the jobs in my hometown were long gone decades ago. Honestly I hope she just drops dead one day without warning, because I have no idea how I'm supposed to manage care from a two day drive away. At least both of my parents are financially covered within reason so as long as there's no surprises, I won't become the bank.

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NixyVixy@reddit

Lost my Mom, two grandparents, and my father-in-law within 18 months. Shit is rough.

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lissagrae426@reddit

I’m 44 and in year 6 of one parental health crisis after another. My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2019 and my dad with Parkinson’s in 2021. They aren’t even that old! Neither disease runs in our family. Managing their care and finances has aged me like a decade. I’m always waiting for some unknown other shoe to drop. Being on the phone with insurance, doctors, pharmacists, financial planners is a part-time job. I was the only one caring for them the first few years, driving 4 hours round trip to stay half the week. Now I have 24/7 private caregivers for them, so I manage 6 of them in addition to the 12 people I manage in my day job. I’ve passed up going for promotions because I know I can’t handle the additional stress. I had a surprise pregnancy at 40 followed by a miscarriage and decided not to have kid for the same reason.

It’s a lonely place. I don’t have many people my age (45) in my life who have gone through something similar. With Alzheimer’s, your grieving another human in real time before they’re gone, and no one know what to say to that.

All to say: I see you, and it sucks. We’ll get through it, and hopefully be able to be a resource for our friends who haven’t gone through it yet.

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ladyname1@reddit

My mom and mother in law are gone. Dad is almost 80 and my 95 yr fil lives with me. I’m a lifelong caregiver plus full time career.

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middleageyoda@reddit

It’s hard. I worry about how much time I have left with them, especially because I live across the country from them. My dad is having a lot of issues, not life threatening, but pain and stuff, and I have guilt about not being around to help. I’ve considered moving back to where they are but that would be difficult for me so I’m holding off until it seems necessary.

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slyiscoming@reddit

Still have Mom and 1 grandmother left. Dad died almost 2 years ago right after my 40th. Feeling kind of shitty but worked on my retirement plan today and realized the cold hard truth. I'm fucked.

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Gamecockgirl79@reddit

Unfortunately, mine are both gone now. I took care of my mom the last 2 years of her life and it was hard but I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

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blueelliewho@reddit

Sending you lots of positive energy, OP! I’m fortunate that my surviving parent and stepdad are both relatively healthy and able to care for each other. My dad passed when I was 30, so I’m still missing him and always will.

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Silkysilkysilkysilky@reddit

My parents are in their mid 60’s but my Dad recently started having seizures and it has really really hit me hard. In February is when it started and i got the worst phone call of my life. “Something has happened to your Dad.” We just got my mom thru cancer treatment 2 years ago. I am struggling, this year has been really hard. I am an only child now that my brother died 8 years ago. I dont like it at all and I have been crying a lot tjis year.

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ominous_squirrel@reddit

My Boomers are not doing well. None of them planned for growing older. Planning for long term care or for their estates? Lol

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Objective-Dust4795@reddit

And they refuse to let genX and us xennials help. Like they refuse to let go of any control, and as such will end up in a shitty nursing home with nothing to their name because they would rather the government pry it from their hands than let the very capable and intelligent kids they raised guide them through this financially complicated time.

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ominous_squirrel@reddit

Bingo.

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FlatSixFun@reddit

Exactly. Most of the learning was Lord of the Flies style, figure out what you can.

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albamuth@reddit

In the same boat. Dad got a stupid 30-yr reverse/balloon mortgage in 2006 for their mcmansion, pension and social security barely get them by. They have the option of selling it and moving to Thailand and living large with great health care... but they won't do it, because of sheer stubbornness. I live many States away, my sister can't help them financially -- the solution is so damn simple, but they refuse to do the sensible thing.

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silver-moon-7@reddit

One thing that I've noticed is they're not necessarily being stubborn, I think a big part of it is around fear and trying to hold onto as much familiarity and control as possible. It's a challenging and vulnerable time for people who've experienced massive amounts of societal and technological change during their lifetime

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Effective-Okra@reddit

100% !!!! I totally agree. It’s that fear of the unknown and that idea of having to make decisions about after they pass. Coming to terms that someone else has to take control. And that is scary for my parents.

I finally after almost two years of arguing with him, got my father to take a call with a lawyer via zoom meeting to get all of his paperwork in order- estate, advance directives, etc. turns out for him- the process was much easier than he thought. It wasn’t as much work as he expected. (The lawyer did everything for him). He’d never used zoom before and now, he’s attending work reunion meetings on zoom.

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Objective-Dust4795@reddit

The fact that it costs a bit of money is one of the driving factors my folks won’t do anything. So to save a few thousand now, they’re going to cost themselves or the kids 10s of thousands or more down the road.

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Effective-Okra@reddit

Man oh man…… that is the truth. Even after I had a conversation with my folks about the cost of guardianship - they just dragged their feet. And what was interesting in my case was just the idea that they are totally cool with the idea that it be someone else’s problem.

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Disarming_Sapphire@reddit

My mom did squat getting her files and estate together, as in, nothing at all. Now we're in dementia land and I've spent the last few months trying to figure out estate shit, dementia shit, house cleanout/selling, assisted living, rehab, and bill shit- for a woman I was essentially estranged from aside from major holidays. It's infuriating and soul-sucking.

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No-Gas5342@reddit

This, so much this. I’m about to have a mental breakdown over it.

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ChairBearCat@reddit

my mom died at 86, my dad is 91…he is still going strong, lives by himself…sometimes it feels like he will outlive me

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mr_Papini@reddit

Dad died last Monday at home, the day before his and Mom's 52nd wedding anniversary. He was 72. We buried him yesterday. We (mom, brother, the two dogs and I) were with him when he went. I stayed with Mom through yesterday, but had to get back to work today. It's been rough. We thought we had more time, but he deteriorated so fast. Creuztfeldt-Jacob disease most likely. I wish to hell they hadn't moved to another state when they retired. I would like to be there more for my mom. They were highschool sweethearts and still happily married.

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drhbravos@reddit

gif

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bomklatt@reddit

My step dad who is the full caretaker of my disabled mother just had a tooth infection and is now in the hospital and may have lost sight in right eye. They are also severe hoarders and now my brother and step sisters have to figure out how to make them comfortable and deal with a house that is a danger for both of them. Them losing their independence is not talked about due to stubbornness and pride. Talk to you family about elder care and plan before it's too late. Good luck out there folks

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braywarshawsky@reddit

OP,

I hear ya. My mom is getting older, and while she's still very active and mentally sharp her body is starting to "give out." Little things at first, then turning into issues.

She gets scared of doing things she used to have no issue doing before. Like driving outside of her comfort areas, or after sundown.

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Important_Chef_4717@reddit

Yes, yes! My Mil is a little worse for wear than my mom. She’s been extremely happy to have the grandkids drive her around. She will NOT drive after dark now because she hit a deer last fall.

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OohBeesIhateEm@reddit

Yeah this is rough. My mom always projected a “tough lady in charge” kind of vibe and now she’s scared to drive very far or at night. And she just got out of the ER for fainting due to dehydration and cutting up her hand on a glass. It’s weird seeing her like this.

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braywarshawsky@reddit

Are you my long-lost sibling? My mom... same issues. Especially with the dehydration. She's had heart palpitations due to it. I've told her to drink more. She ignores me, because I'm her kid... so she goes to her doctor. They tell her to drink more water. She tells me this... and I'm like, "duh."

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FrequentMembership76@reddit

This. My mom fell and broke her hip 2 years ago at 68. She was always so tough it’s shocking to see her aging. I’m 4 hours away but trying to make more visits moving forward.

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GlassAndStorm@reddit

My dad had appendicitis and spent a week in the hospital and was touch and go for a while. So much stress.

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Not_HavingAGoodTime@reddit

Watched my dad die of cancer less than a month ago...I'm not doing great. I did have my first colonoscopy because of it though. It was fine but I have to do it every 5 years due to family history.

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Inevitable_Pride1925@reddit

My mother died when I was a child. My father was a terrible person and I went no contact more than 15 years ago. He’s dead but it took me months to find out.

My ex partners parents are extremely healthy but getting older. If we weren’t divorced I wouldn’t be doing great knowing they were declining. I liked them and while we barely talk now I don’t feel great about thier age. But they are so healthy I think they have at least another 20 years

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ImightHaveMissed@reddit

Mine are dead

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Chi_Nap_King@reddit

I'd rather not talk about it.

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MardelMare@reddit

Joke’s on you, my mom‘s never known how to use the printer!

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Upstairs-Kale-3794@reddit

It would be easier if my father didn't have Alzheimer's and stepmother wasn't a psycho Trumper that drove away all of her friends over the last two decades, but insists on caring for him without help, which turns into a steady stream of emergencies and Facebook-ad brain supplements that she buys but then doesn't even give him because she doesn't trust them.

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Tyenkrovy@reddit

It just registered recently that my mom is going on 70. I dunno how I feel about that.

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Tiny_dinosaur82@reddit

I am the only one left alive. I just turned 44.

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Toadstoolcrusher@reddit

I still have two grandparents who are living on their own at the ripe old age of 96. My grandpa did search and rescue until he was 88. I’m not worried about my parents yet.

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Buckeye_Randy@reddit

Mom is 80 and keeps getting scammed. She won't work with me on planning contingency living scenarios even though she is likely to get dementia like her Mom. And she doesn't live in the same town.

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pacifistpotatoes@reddit

Struggling. Dad's health is bad. They are finally moving out of my child hood home that is way too much for them. Mom is stressed and I can tell her faculties are not what they were. I hate it.

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Pais08@reddit

Ok. My parents are still young-ish. Both are still under 70 and relatively healthy. I’m a bit concerned about my dad, he lost an older sister yesterday and I know he isn’t taking it well. My stepmom works in mental health so that helps me not worry quite so much.

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AI_Negative_Nancy@reddit

Mom is gone and dad got cut off when she passed. He started a bunch of problems and arguments and she was his ex wife. What a nightmare. I haven’t spoken to him in five years and I’m not going to until maybe they tell me he’s dying or something because I don’t wanna argue and especially about my mom. Just so exhausting makes me wanna cry every time I think about it.

Here is 43 year-old man supposed to have in control and I just can’t seem to ever get anything right I wish I could have a relationship with my dad, but I don’t wanna argue anymore 💔

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Penquinsrule83@reddit

Both parents alive and kicking. Mom is managing Alzheimer's at 80. Dad is 83 and not in the best of health. Life is hard running interference between the two of them. My family and I are in my childhood home helping take care of them. It can get really rough and irritating, but an glad to be of help to them.

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star_b_nettor@reddit

Mine were abusive. One has passed and I hope for the phone call that the other one has passed every day.

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Slownavyguy@reddit

Hate to break it to you - but that’s us on the left!

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Dogemom2@reddit

Not well. I’ve lived with the anxiety of their eventual deaths since I was about 6 years old. I feel some relief every time a see a celebrity died in their late 80s or even better in their 90s. And then I calculate how many more years I’d have with my parents if they can live 12 to 20 more years. I’m hoping for 20, at least!

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Secure-Force-9387@reddit

Friday marks the first anniversary of my mom's death. Dad died in 2008. I only had one set of grandparents growing up. PawPaw died in 1989. Grandma died in 2016.

I had decided to go no contact with my mom just a few months before she died. Found out she'd lied to us for over a decade because she had cancer and never told us. Last conversation I had with her while she was still able to talk, she bold-faced lied to me. Dad was a POS, too. I honestly don't know if I'm mourning the parents and childhood I never had or if I'm mourning who I thought they were, but have since learned they aren't.

I realize my situation is different, but actually being alone now when I just felt I was alone (because of neglect and abuse) is a weird thing to sort of reconcile in the brain.

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Slytherpuffy@reddit

Dad is already deceased (accident). Mom is alive and recently retired but is now scared of driving for no discernable reason. Complains to my youngest sister about how my stepdad gets drunk every night and constantly berates her. I think she doesn't leave because she doesn't want to start over at her age and can't support herself alone. Two of us kids are doing okay financially but the third child is very fiscally irresponsible (she and her felon husband just bought a jet ski even though she's been unemployed for months). I feel like our parents are going to drain our funds as they age.

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ThomasHorstle@reddit

I am praying for my emotionally abusive mother to die from liver failure (drinks twice the problem drinker threshold) but God just won't listen. I understand how that sounds to people who haven't had these experiences so I'll just say I spent decades trying to reach a better place with her. Unfortunately part of what's wrong with her is she cannot accept that there's anything wrong with her. Calmly telling her there are ways she can interact with you that will result in a more positive relationship is almost always viewed as a serious personal attack. I know how unhealthy wishing your mother dead seems to someone from a health family but since I became honest with myself about these feelings I have felt more emotionally healthy and less crazy than I have in perhaps my entire life.

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poopy_poophead@reddit

Ive got one left - my dad - and he's gotten wobbly, but he's still doing well. I worry about him constantly, but I'm glad my mom died first and I get to give him a bit of a life now after the last decade where he was basically glued to my mom all day due to her brain fucking up.

We were both miserable for years because of her, but now shit is doing relatively ok. Im depressed for other reasons now, but he's doing ok.

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TIRACS@reddit

It’s ruff.

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RustedMauss@reddit

40, said goodbye to all but one grandma (going strong at 100). Sadly a big financial strain to her two daughters. All five parents are in decent shape. One has early Parkinson’s, one is losing vision, one is a cancer survivor on watch, one a stroke survivor on watch. All 67-70 with various health issues but *ok.* Living, active, trying to be involved. I know one day that will change, I try not think about it more than I need to.

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narwhalbaconbits@reddit

Its tough, but its better than the alternative, which is not getting to see them get old.

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RuinsAndRoses@reddit

I’ve been an orphan for more than ten years at this point.

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TrueBoot4567@reddit

My dad has passed. My mum has high blood pressure and a recent heart attack. It's tough watching them get old

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BigManWAGun@reddit

Sorry to hear it. 3 of my parent-type figures dealt with a parent slowing going due to dementia, my take away was to consider seeing them as a project rather than a parent whose actions/words deeply impact you.

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Important-Reach4548@reddit

Lifting you in my heart. Have never had a great relationship with my mother, but I am the one that’s shepherded her through years of worsening health that eventually resulted in below knee amputation this past September. Instead of hearing “thank you” for all the many things I’ve done to help her from managing her meds, ordering groceries, helping with her laundry and really facilitating her life to the point where my own life - at least what little I have outside of keeping my full time job — is on indefinite hold, she is most often more likely to point out when she’s disappointed in me. It’s maddening and impossible to explain to anyone unless they’ve lived it. Oh, and I’m perimenopausal, so sprinkle in predisposition for rage and resentment and yeah, that’s how it’s going lately!

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drewcash83@reddit

Dad, 72, got scammed recently. Lost $30,000. Didn’t learn his lesson and almost got scammed again until mom caught him leaving the house to go withdraw money.

They have/had a strong retirement plan and balance, but if this happens again, or worse happens multiple times, then I’m very concerned about their long term living situation.

Myself and my siblings have all had conversations with Dad about scams, my convo with him was a year ago before this happened.

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2gecko1983@reddit

I’m trying not to think about it. Both of my best friends have lost their mothers already & I just keep counting my blessings.

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eaten_by_the_grue@reddit

Been an orphan since 42 in 2021. Was like a speedrun.

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Fixyblue@reddit

Positive vibes your way is all from someone in Chi.

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mrjowei@reddit

My mom got diagnosed with alzheimer’s this week. Trying to process it while stepping in to help with appointments and stuff.

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violentvioletz@reddit

They’re dead

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Low_Soil_6831@reddit

Phillip Larkin may have said it best https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse

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DoriansSelfie@reddit

It comes in waves (the worry, the anxiety) My step dad is 88 (grew up with him) and is dealing with congestive heart failure as well as kidney failure and anemia that has caused blood transfusions at least twice this past month. My mom is 79 and is dealing with knee issues as well as random pains and even more worrisome, cognitive decline. She’s forgetting a lot and it worries me so much as a few of her relatives around her age now have dementia and my uncle seems to be getting it too (83 yrs old). I am very lucky that I have a very dedicated sister who they now live with (I help out too) and a brother who I know will step up (he does financially when needed.) I cannot imagine how tough it must be for only children if it’s been this hard for us. It’s hard. I’m the youngest at 44 and sometimes I feel it’s unfair that my siblings have had a decade more to be with them. So now I just try to help as much as possible and be there for them and in the case of my mom who loves to push our buttons, find the patience needed. A moment of levity has been me quoting George Constanza and saying SERENITY NOW when she gets to be too much lol.

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Eastern-Engine-3291@reddit

not great

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Samwise7776372@reddit

My mother passed away 15 years ago, my father is a 70 year old alcoholic who likes to give me death threats and yell at my wife.

I go to therapy.

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AshleyRoeder33@reddit

My dad died last year at 68. Comes faster than you think.

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Gloomy_Ad499@reddit

I'm helping my grandmother who is 93 and still lives independently but it's getting a lot harder. My mother has advanced COPD and is on oxygen. I'm a single parent to a 5 year old. I'm exhausted but hope I'm helping make them more comfortable

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gfkxchy@reddit

My folks are doing alright still as they approach 80, I mean dad lost most of his eyesight to diabetic retinopathy but has been stable for a while now. Mom had skin cancer but they got it early and remission now for 10+ years. They're still sharp and somewhat active.

In-laws are in rough shape though. Father in law has had the heart attack/stroke combo, lost all muscle mass, hobbles around a little and needs about 4 hours of nap time during the day. Mother in law has had to deal with a knee replacement but also needs the same-side hip replaced so on a multi-year waitlist, also lost a kidney to cancer. And the signs of dementia are there (after decades of regular benzo use) forgetting everything, telling the same story over and over, misremembering past events.

It's rough to watch them get old, when you're young life seems forever. I thought they'd never change.

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NotATreeJaca@reddit

My parents are pretty young and currently caring for my grandparents... Who honestly need professional care...

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Illustrious_Owl_9693@reddit

I feel you on the dementia. My mom has it too, and early onset. We’re about 5 years in and it’s excruciating. My dad is in good health but if anything happens to him I’m going to lose my fucking mind. The thing that’s helping us is to look for small things that we can laugh about. It’s not always easy. And also make sure to make time to take care of yourself. Ask for help, even when you don’t want to. Because you’ve got to take care of you first. Hang in there.

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PeggingOnMolly@reddit

Nothing like having tiny humans and old adults relying on you for mental, physical, and emotional support

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i--make--lists@reddit

It's been odd. And difficult. In the 90s, my mom came out of her nightmare marriage a shell of a person. She wasn't able to be a great mom. We kids raised ourselves. She has so many health problems. It's taken her decades to rebuild herself. It's only been the past eight years or so I've truly seen my mom happy and content, and we've finally been able to forge a real relationship. She's finally enjoying her life. I hope she gets to stick around for as long as she wants.

My siblings and I all cut off our dad decades ago (abuse and addiction). After he died a few years back, even more abuse came to light, and we were surprised by having to deal with a (very, very small) estate. Instead of it being a process we could support each other through and even potentially use as a healing opportunity, they lost their absolute minds and scapegoated me (the oldest and apparently most resented). It's wild the evil shit that trauma and grief can bring out in people. I never expected I'd be living out the last 1/2 or 1/3 of my life without my siblings.

Seeing what my siblings are capable of was a wake-up call for our mom to start her own planning. Surprisingly, and with some relief, I'm her medical/end of life person and estate executor. She does not want her death to lead to another shitshow, so she's included the no-contest clause in her estate planning despite essentially living in poverty.

I was with my maternal grandma and all of her kids (my mom, aunts, and uncles) for the last week of her life a decade ago. I got to see how prepared she was and how that played out. It gave me valuable insight into the hard talks I'd have to have with my mom. Going into detail about various medical scenarios and her after-death wishes haven't been nearly as difficult or awkward as I expected. I'm thankful for that.

I always felt fortunate to be part of a large family and to actually have relationships with each of my aunts and uncles, but when they start going, I fear a domino effect. I hope my generation of cousins can find our way forward together with new family traditions.

All of this, and already witnessing friends go through their parents' illnesses and deaths, has reaffirmed the importance of chosen family and cultivating and nurturing healthy relationships. But I'm so tired.

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DiamondAggressive@reddit

Losing a parent is the fucking worst.

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TheMadDaddy@reddit

Mom had a stroke exactly two years ago today. Happy mother's day! It took three plus hours to get to hospital so she didn't make it. Dad is still kicking but my step mom is slowly slipping away.

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Festygrrl@reddit

Both of my parents are losing their hearing. My dad refuses to wear his hearing aids 80% of the time and prefers yelling. He’s definitely got some memory loss going on and refuses to speak to the doctor about it. Im beginning to notice the same thing with mum but not as bad as dad. Shes a lot more forgetful, tells us things she’s has already told us. My sister and I have spoken about it, but there’s not much we can do at this stage, other than just monitor and will bring it up with the GP when it gets to a worrying stage. My parents are 78 and 70. It sucks but theres not much we can do as my parents still have their agency.

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TossAGroin2UrWitcher@reddit

shit my father died a quarter century ago and my mother kicked it a decade ago.

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Solid-Wrangler-1554@reddit

Im 42 my mom passed last year at. 76yo and my dad will be 78 in June he's not able to get around well and never leaves home. I talk to him everyday on the phone he lives a few states away and I just saw him last month after 3 years he stopped cutting his hair and has a beard now and looks like moses. I'm trying to be mentally prepared to lose him all my aunts and Uncles are gone and my family is basically just my 2 sisters and their children I have a wife and child and there all I really have I havent been able to have friends and me and my wife are basically all we have. I've been dealing with a deep depression and health issues for a few years now and I'm disabled from having multibile back problems. Life is short when everything is going well when it's not it seems to take forever.

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YEMolly@reddit

My mom passed when I was 15. My dad is turning 80 soon. I do think about it often & worry. He still works & is pretty active, and I’m so grateful for that. I always tell him he can never officially retire. I feel like him working has kept him alive. 🙂

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bbbbears@reddit

Mom died early and unexpectedly and my piece of shit dad and stepdad are still truckin’ like the cockroaches they are

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Factsoverfictions222@reddit

Yelling mostly. She’s almost deaf, refuses to wear her expensive hearing aids and when she can hear, she does the opposite of what we ask. So ya, lots of yelling.

And my blood pressure is up. I have no idea why /s

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alvinofdiaspar@reddit

Only one left, and the decline is evident. Considering the close calls more than a decade ago one really can’t complain.

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Irish_swede@reddit

They wear red hats proudly and have shown that they’re just extremely racist as of late.

They always were, they’re just overt about it now.

Needless to say it’s always uncomfortable.

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bellaventurine@reddit

not super great. 3 of my parents are now 80+ and the last one is 73. i have a constant underlying current of fretting about them & have to work to not have panic attacks about the pair that live far away in AZ. they’re all becoming so small & delicate; i feel like a giant linebacker whenever i see them (i’m only 5’11”). we can’t let our dogs (45 lbs & 95 lbs) near them as they’d damage the humans (those awful bruises!) with their enthusiasm & lack of spacial awareness. i feel my time with them shortening & i Do Not Approve. 💙

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Exciting_Agent3901@reddit

I feel like I’ve been fighting with both my parents my whole adult life. The only person my mother actually gets along with is her husband and that’s because he’s a little bitch.

My father had a lot of problems. I think he got pretty fucked up from Vietnam and then he had a really bad motorcycle accident after he got back. He never needed to get street drugs because the VA gave him whatever he wanted. He just passed away in January.

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Mmortt@reddit

My folks are doing alright but I don’t see them often and it seems like they’re slightly more frail every time I visit. I feel torn bc I’d really like to move further away (it’s a good time for me to do so personally) but more recently I feel like staying closer and spending more time with them before it’s too late.

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RuncibleFoon@reddit

2 are dead of cancer, 1 has been battling cancer for a decade plus,.and the other is aging gracefully...

I'm solid... save that I'm probably gonna get cancer.

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Jazzlike_Cucumber688@reddit

42 and have lost both parents in the last few years, grandparents are long gone.

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RaptureInRed@reddit

Once I hit my teens, I realised my mother and father were a fucking trainwreck couple. I really hate hearing people say "I don't know how to adult", because they usually do, but find it daunting.

*These two* couldn't adult. Substance abuse and gambling and debt and nervous breakdowns. I understood in my teens that these two would not be able to care for themselves in their old age, as they couldn't care for themselves (or their kids) in their prime.

I knew they would be in dire straits in their older years. They are pretty young (early 70s) and their lives turned out about as badly as they might have.

I hate that I was right. I wish I could have had parents I could turn to when I was in personal or financial trouble. I hate that it was always *always* the other way around. I hate that my mother doesn't give a rats ass about her grand daughter.

They don't understand why I keep them at arms length.

On the other hand, watching my parents-in-law get older and frailer. That makes me tear up. I really love all they have done for me and my child.

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unoriginal1187@reddit

They died young so it’s not a problem of them getting old

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Individual_Sky_4612@reddit

Are you part of the aging parents sub? It’s a super helpful place to ask for advice or just vent. Hang in there friend. 🩷

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Fr0stbite37@reddit

Lost my dad 6 years ago. Mom still kicking at 84 but it's catching up. Took a spill at a Safeway now has a cane and she doesn't drive much other than to church or grocery store. Losing my ol man was harder than I expected.

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RedSix2447@reddit

They died last year. Guess the problem solved itself before it became a problem.🤷‍♂️

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Status-Speed-5956@reddit

Not great. I only have my mom. 76. She is in fairly good health but FML the last 25 years flew by.

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heldaway@reddit

All they do is complain about EVERYTHING

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LastMonitor4274@reddit

Similar boat. My dad just passed and I’m living with mom. She also struggling with memory issues. She’s very argumentative at times so I’m stuck keeping my mouth shut. It’s not fun and we’re both grieving at the same time…

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oldbutfeisty@reddit

Not just xennials. We are mid/late 60's. My wife's Mom is late 90's. Been amazing but decline is underway. At a time in our lives where we didn't expect to be bearing this responsibility. Our parents didn't have to and they now expect a high level (minimum once daily) attention, including almost all responsibilities. It's a mixed blessing.

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LemonPartyW0rldTour@reddit

Ok. It didn’t hit till recently that while I have support from my siblings, I’m gonna be the primary caregiver for my remaining parent.

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Gets_My_Goats@reddit

My dad is currently in hospice care.

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Starkravingbrie@reddit

Only my mother is alive but she’s dead to me so
gif

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m0h3k4n@reddit

My dad has started to lose his memory and enter the land of dimensia. It’s tough as hell seeing him go from an art loving person of culture to someone who only wants to watch episodes of High Potential on repeat.

He has always been a handy man type, he designed and installed the kitchen cabinets in our childhood home. Same with the stone walkway and swingset. Helped me change out my alternator in my high school car. Then, Sunday he got confused and started to explain how the coffee maker grinds the beans by itself before trailing off in confusion. It is just a normal percolator machine.

On one hand, at least most of the time, he doesn’t get too sad about the stuff he’s lost but seeing him happy about something he would turn his nose up at a few years ago is almost worse.

I’m glad he is still here to see my kids growing but I miss my dad.

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CanLate152@reddit

My mum just passed at end of April (75) after a rapid 6month decline but her brain was fully with it.

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nickooze@reddit

They are my children now, and I will protect them at all costs!!!

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On-scene@reddit

I think the biggest issue with my 83 year old mother is that she can't separate reality from fiction in anything online anymore.

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BeatrixFarrand@reddit

It is very hard. I'm so sorry for your mother's diagnosis and the difficulties in caring for her.

There is a sub called r/AgingParents which provides support, listening, and advice when asked for.

Me: I paused work to move home and care for Dad (90s, heart failure) and Mom (80s, mild cognitive impairment). They would be in a facility without my daily assistance. I mostly enjoy caretaking but it is also fucking exhausting, and I start to lose my mind without a break every few months. I've gotten more used to dealing with pee and poop than i ever thought possible.

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andiepandee@reddit

I was going to suggest this sub too. It’s been really helpful for me, for both practical and moral support.

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MSK84@reddit

I feel like I’m getting to that stage with my mother but I’m nowhere near ready for it. It’s actually difficult for me to even think about it. It’s such a difficult thing to deal with.

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kate4249@reddit

Trying to figure out the driving situation. My dad's reflexes are not as good as they once were.

Driving with him a few months ago showed me he is getting more anxious behind the wheel but also trying to cover that by yelling at anyone who tries to help (like my mom advising him to get into the turn lane earlier).

He's not going to give up driving willingly. So it's a matter of notifying his doctor? The state agency? How does one navigate this?

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meldiane81@reddit

My grandparents have passed and my parents are sharp as attack. My mother will be 70 this year and my father will be 74 and it’s like they haven’t really aged at all. I’m 44 (45 next week).

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Temporary-Job-9049@reddit

Mom never got a chance to get old, but Dad is doing great, thankfully. Big hugs for you dealing with everything though.

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sassafrasclementine@reddit

People get old. Hey I seriously don’t understand how people get so upset about this.

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TootieSummers@reddit

I just recently moved home to help my mom out (not money wise or anything thankfully) but she’s 80 and doesn’t get around like she used to and with my dad gone she’s never been alone. So I just make sure stuff gets paid, her car that she drives to church and the cemetery is filled up and all those little things my dad did just get done ( I definitely inherited that as my love language from my dad)

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OutdoorsyGuyGA@reddit

My Dad just recently completed hiking the Appalachian trail, but after becoming short of breath working on the farm found out he needs open heart surgery. So I’m all over the place and hopeful he’s back to 100% after it’s all said and done.

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DeterminedErmine@reddit

My parents are fitter than me tbh. They’re at the gym 2 days a week and still working (though less than they used to). At this rate they’ll be looking after me when I’m old

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Striking-Win-3239@reddit

I totally understand. I found my mother passed out in her home last week of March. Since it’s been a roller coaster. My only brother is overseas, and my father and her divorced 40 years ago. Her brother is almost 90. She’s unresponsive and I’m fighting with insurance trying to get her in a nursing home. So stressful!

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Competitive-Phase-75@reddit

Mom is in mid-to-late stage dementia, plus a couple of strokes. Her body is basically useless and her mind isn't much better. She's mostly checked out but there's an occasional glimmer of understanding. It's a little cruel that I, the youngest child, finally gave her the grandkids she'd been begging for and she barely got to experience them. She'll look at my 3-year-old son and comment that he's such a cute boy and she wonders who his parents are.

Thankfully my Gen X sister who lives with my parents is doing the caretaking heavy lifting. So at least there is some benefit to that sister never becoming self-sufficient.

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agperk@reddit

My mom passed on mother’s day. Not great. 🥺

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Livid-Tumbleweed@reddit

It’s hard watching my dad get old. He was a plumber most of his life and always very active physically, and sharp mentally (ran his own business and made it look easy). When my oldest was born 13 years ago he was super grandpa and rolling on the floor with my son as he grew up. Now he’s slowed down both mentally and physically. He does not have the energy to engage with my younger kids. He forgets a lot of things. Last year he forgot to open the garage door when he was working on his car and almost died of carbon monoxide poisoning, and this is a man who always told us the first rule of working on a car is never do it in a closed space.

My mom is a different kind of hard. I’m fairly sure she has some level of dementia and people around her are noticing the personality change, she can be very mean. For me it’s not much of a change, she was always mean in private, but now everyone else is seeing it since the filter is gone. She’s always been tough to deal with and it only gets worse.

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dragonslayer137@reddit

Mom is the only one left and she needs full time care. While having mental issues all night. So I havnt slept in years.

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Cptcodfish@reddit

Both my parents died this year. 🫠

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anythingspossible45@reddit

Hanging in there lost my mom six years ago and Dad’s getting Alzheimer’s and I’m only 41

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JayVegas80@reddit

Not well. Mom went in for open heart surgery this week. Dad’s dementia worsened and had to send him to assisted living in the same week. Right now both parents are in different hospitals ‘cause Dad developed an infection and the assisted living facility. Now the hospital wants to send my 76 year old Mom home from the hospital after a week without Rehab. I’m just about done.

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yamahowzer@reddit

My dad had surgery yesterday morning, my mom was supposed to let me know how it went, hadn't heard anything by 2 pm so I called her, she forgot to hit send on the grout chat text giving us all the all clear

So... good, not great

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ForceGhost47@reddit

Jesus, that’s nerve wracking to say the least

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Just_a_guy81@reddit (OP)

I hope everything went fine with the surgery

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yamahowzer@reddit

It was good, it was exploratory and the verdict was he doesn't need a more invasive procedure

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Relative_Progress946@reddit

One is already gone and the other has always been scatter-brained, so I guess it’s not a big deal.

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sweetassassin@reddit

It’s hard. I’ve had 2 meltdowns and one freak out on my mom this week (it’s onlyTuesday 😞).

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KTPChannel@reddit

Mums living with us. My wife’s insistence. She’s 85. It’s just easier on her.

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midazolamjesus@reddit

Not great. My dad has early onset dementia and my mom is aging faster from the stress of the financial mess my dad created along with taking care of everything from dad having dementia.

He hasn't burnt their home down thus far; so that's nice.

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Hairy_Silver_Daddy@reddit

Easy. They are dead. 😂

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Tmath@reddit

I'm handling it by being 2000 miles away.

Didn't have the healthiest relationship with them...

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dd22qq@reddit

My experience with dementia patients is not to frustrate/exhaust yourself trying to make things make sense to them. Even if you do finally succeed in having them understand something clearly, it will probably only be short-lived. All you can really do in extreme cases is to make sure that they're comfortable. Maybe things written in point-form on a whiteboard so that they are reminded of them each time they read it.

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Invidiana@reddit

I lost my dad when I was only 4, which left me with a massive amount of trauma, but at least my mom seems immortal. She’s 85 (doesn’t look anywhere near that age) and tough as steel. Her personality reminds me of Sofia from the Golden Girls—we really are like Dorothy and Sofia. Even though I’ve been helping her out since she shattered her hip last summer, and she’s healing well, I still worry endlessly about her regardless.

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Stinkerma@reddit

Mom has parkinsons, hypertension and diabetes and keeps trying to reduce the number of pills shes taking. So much fun. Dad is in the early stages of dementia and is a cantankerous asshole. He used to be the more level headed of the two. They only see how i can do things for them so there's no relationship. The less I do, the more active they stay.

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zsabb@reddit

The stubbornness just kills me. I can't tell them anything. I could tell them the sky is blue and they would just say "oh I don't know it's always been red to me" and never acknowledge that at 44 I might know anything.

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Aromatic_Serve_9002@reddit

Horrifying, all of it

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LH99@reddit

My parents just turned 84, and they're really slipping. They'll ask you the same question in a short period of time multiple times. I don't like riding when they're driving. Dad's got a bad eye and can't hold one speed. Mom has the shakes or old people tremors or whatever they are, so she can't hold a steady line.

They're still fully functional and taking care of themselves just fine, but it's tough seeing them in decline.

Anyone else experiencing the "No I didn't" phase of their age too? I told my wife: I never wanted kids, and now I have two 84 year olds.

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im_a_picasso@reddit

I have an 80yo dad we rent a place to who rolls his eyes like a teen when I try to give advice like "food in the sink goes on the disposal side please" (we had to cut the wall open last time when the plumbing got gunked up), and "Lunchables go in the fridge, it's meat and cheese." His reply was yelling "I'm soooorrrrryyyyy!!!" like a psycho child, while mindlessly scrolling through LOUD random ass Reels on his ipad.

He forgot when my birthday was last week. So the slippage is compounding. Not being able to handle Lunchables as a food is a dark turn.

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babyBear83@reddit

Dad is annoyingly healthy but mom, not so much. Finally got her a new cardiologist and she had a stent last summer. She’s been dealing with degenerative disc in her back and is often in bed. They just got fully retired just 2 years ago. The thought of mom passing is really hard to imagine but I’ve got at least another 10 years with her I’m hoping. Not sure how I will feel once they are gone. It will be lonely since all I have is my parents and my partner. Siblings are all over the place and I don’t have kids of my own. It’s going to be a very quiet old age for me…yeah, it’s depressing.

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madsci@reddit

Dad's in the middle of an angiogram right now, only a couple of months after having more stents placed. Every time I see him or talk to him on the phone I'm aware it could be the last time.

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PearSuitofHappyness@reddit

I am so lucky at 48 to have 2 healthy and active parents. Signs of aging, especially mental, stresses me out though and the inevitability of their eventual passing has becoming something I think about more.

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Purple-flying-dog@reddit

My mom passed 2 years ago. I wasn’t ready. I don’t think I ever would have been.

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Brilliant_Award2877@reddit

My father passed in April. Im not coping well in life

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Swimming-Squash-3573@reddit

It took me a long time to feel like myself again after I lost my dad. I also wish I could say something to help make this time easier. It’s really terrible. Hang in there ❤️

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Brilliant_Award2877@reddit

My mental health wasnt good before, the only reason Im still here is because others rely on me. I wouldve given up so long ago

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silver-moon-7@reddit

Sending internet hugs

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Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit

My mom is in better shape than I am. My dad is alive as of Saturday.

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Ancient-And-Alone@reddit

Same (similar) situation. Advanced stages, unbelievably soul-crushing. No one deserves to live like that.

I try my best to live as the person my Mom thinks (thought) of me as. Be kind, patient, help others. Also....you can give her flowers any day and just pretend it's Mother's Day, or her birthday, or whatever might bring her joy. She won't remember that you did it three days earlier. It's a weird hack, but I dunno.... pretty satisfying.

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AnEvEnLo@reddit

Terribly.

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sunkistandsudafed3@reddit

I'm so sorry you are going through this, dementia is such a cruel disease for both the person and the people who love them.

My Mum died a week ago today, not from dementia, it was cancer that took her. It was just over 2 years since we found out she had it and that it was terminal. I know a bit about anticipatory grief as a result, which I'm going to guess is one of the things you are living right now. Its really fucking hard, brutal some days, it feels like your soul is on fire. Sometimes all you can do is to ride it out, minute by minute. You need to take care of the basics for you even if you really dont feel like, some food, drink enough.

I'm not sure of your situation in caring for your Mom, but you absolutely need some time for you, even just little, even if you just sit in your car and cry. Carer stress is very real on top of watching her decline. You need some kind of pressure release valve whatever that might look like for you. I cried a lot, screamed along to some cathartic songs, went out in nature where I could, had a little cannabis oil before bed, listened to hours of Ram Dass. Your things may be different.

As hard as this is you are going to get through this. My Mum, throughout my life, all through her illness and even on her last day, would say to me "this too shall pass" when things were difficult. It does and it did, even though things will never be the same and it leaves a scar.

I hope you have someone in your life to offer you some support and help.

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Treadingresin@reddit

Sister and I were just bitching about our mother's absolute refusal to use mobility aids of any kind. But go to the grocery store with her and ahe grabs the cart stating clearly that "it helps her to be able to use the cart while walking around the store."

Yeah! Yeah lady, like a freaking mobility aid!!!

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IrresponsibleBread@reddit

I'm 43. Mom is 71 and in great health, although mostly deaf and super stubborn. Dad is 73 and recently diagnosed with late stage prostate cancer. Incurable, but his oncologist is super confident that it's treatable and he may have another 4+ years left. Right now it's hard to see him going through chemo and all that goes with it, but we're cautiously optimistic that it'll all be worth it. I just try to spend more time with them both and enjoy the times we have.

What's been hard is being single and not having a support system. My brother has his wife and kids, my mom has all of us plus her siblings. But I've never felt so alone. I've been processing it all on my own and not doing a very good job of it. So that's been rough.

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zenestex@reddit

No advice, but she's the only mom you'll ever have. If you have a good relationship with her, then you're blessed. I know it's hard, but treasure every moment. I'd give damn near anything to have just one more conversation with my mom.

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Ryeberry1@reddit

Dad passed in my 20's and my mom lost her mind a year ago. so meh.

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SirGothamHatt@reddit

My parents had me relatively young (20 & 19) so they're only in their early 60s. Health problems are manageable and don't really affect everyday life so far. What I'm really dreading is my grandparents. I have my father's parents and my mom's stepfather left and they've helped raise me and still do a lot for me and their only great-grandchild, but they're 84/85 and my paternal grandfather is going through a ton of health stuff right now. I realize how spoiled i was growing up with young parents, youngish grandparents, a few great-grandparents, but I've gotten used to it and the losses are going to be profound when they happen.

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MalkaviousM@reddit

My mom passed away in 2015 from cancer. She was 51. This hit me hard and in recent years has weight in me more and more. She wasn't in my life for a great deal of it. (Not her choice). We didn't reconnect until I was 27 and even then, there wasn't as much contact as I wish.

My dad is still around, though we are estranged and honestly, I dont care.

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PIG20@reddit

My father passed about 5 years ago from a long battle with a terminal illness.

Fortunately, my brother moved back home with my mother as she's suffered a heart attack, stroke, and cancer diagnosis in the last 11 months.

Needless to say, I really didn't think I would be looking at my own mortality by the age of 47.

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noonesaidityet@reddit

Fine. I realized pretty early that if I worried too much about getting old, whether it be me, my parents, friends, or whoever, that it'd probably age me faster. I had my "mid-life crisis" at 27 about turning 30, and I got over it real quick. In 5 years and 2 months I'll be 50, and it doesn't bother me. My dad is in great health, he'll be 77 this year. My mom has her health issues, but nothing serious (other than her fucking hearing), and she just turn 68. But they live 1,400 miles away, so I don't get to interact with them often. They don't have end-of-life plans, which is par for the course in my family, both sides. So, that's kinda worrisome at times, but my sister and my wife and I are a good team, so I know we'll be able to handle it when the time comes. I'm not saying we won't screw something up, but my parents will be fine when it's us dealing with things.

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CaTz_EyE@reddit

My parents are evil people. My kids and I have had no contact with them for 10 years. They turn 80 this year. I look online occasionally to see if there is an obituary for either of them. To my knowledge, they’re still alive.

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Applewave22@reddit

I'm grateful mine are still puttering around. My mom just had a vein ablation but is still pretty active and moving around. It helps that she's in her early 60s. My dad is still walking around, driving but worries me as he says he can't see well enough at night.

Hard to keep them from doing things they want to do but I'm grateful that they're still coherent, mobile and living life as best they can.

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AdElectronic5992@reddit

Terribly

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EmbarrassedFly6006@reddit

Just finished putting my dad in a home bc my mom is getting her hip replaced and can no longer take care of him. He is a double amputee after have sepsis from his pacemaker causing an infection.

It’s hard, they’re stubborn and I don’t have a lot of support outside of my husband.

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JojoYaKnowNo2@reddit

I drink, it seems to work.

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SingleinGVA@reddit

I’m watching my parents deteriorate. All while dealing with my own issues now. Never really understood what they went through when I was a kid watching my grandparents pass away… I get it now.

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lawn-gnome1717@reddit

Better now that my dad beat cancer. But still not super great

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pinkmooncat@reddit

I just lost my grandpa today due to dementia. Just a few hours ago. We were really close and I’m just so sad. My parents are really young considering my age, and I can’t imaging going through this with them.

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GossipyHiker@reddit

Both my parents were gone by the time I was 24. They never had the chance to grow old.

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NemODevO@reddit

My mom tells me she just wants to die all the time and it's starting to really get on my nerves because like I get it but I'm the only child left talking to her how's that supposed to make me feel

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BraveLittleToaster8@reddit

My parents didn't even make it to 60. They died within a year of each other when I was 35 so I dealt with the parent health problem stuff in my 30s. It's kind of freeing to be done with that stressful period of my life, now although I do miss my dad often and I feel bad that they missed out on meeting some of their grandkids.

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SerjiAzazel@reddit

All dead lol, makes it simpler. 41yo, but I see some of my friends having to deal with it.

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Gemini_writer8@reddit

My parents will both be turning 75 at the end of the year, if all goes well.

I haven't seen my dad in over 7 years because apparently planes only fly in one direction 🙄. He was always in great physical shape, going to the gym, hiking the Grand Canyon when he turned 70, but then he had some heart issues so from what I gather he's slowing down now.

I used to see my mom frequently until about two years ago when she really started having trouble walking. She's been morbidly obese for most of my adult life but refuses to change her diet, get any exercise, or get weight loss surgery or shots. She probably needs new hips and knees and refuses those too. Her parents both died at 63 and her brother at 70, all from heart disease. She does just enough each day to keep herself alive so that my sisters and I aren't sad and tasked with the burden of her financial affairs, but sort of has this attitude where she doesn't seem to care about living or enjoying life.

My parents all have at least one kid willing to step up and help out. Meanwhile I'm single and childfree and so are my four younger sisters so I don't know what's going to happen to us if we're no longer able to care for ourselves.

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JCarpe05@reddit

I’m not

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Fromacorner@reddit

Ignore and leave them like they left me.

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tinglep@reddit

Mom and her husband travel everywhere and dad is raising a teenager 🤷🏽‍♂️

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PastPotatoes@reddit

I severed ties with them 5 years ago. Who knows? Who cares?

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Mamba6266@reddit

My dad didn’t get the luxury of getting old. My mother is abusive, so I’m dealing with that by going no contact after 43 years of her manipulation and I’m finally dealing with my trauma and mental health.

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Get_Back_Here_Remi@reddit

The timing of this post... my dad is dying. On comfort care, the machine is essentially breathing for him. He has had a long bout with being medically fragile, he is just done.

So, not doing great to be honest as I will be joining the "Dead Dad Club" in less than 24 hours. Hug your parents, make that phone call, save a voicemail... you never know when its gonna be the last time you hear their voice.

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picollo7@reddit

They've BEEN old, I'M old now.

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Wabbit65@reddit

IT's tough. My MIL and my dad are gone, my FIL(93) is a fall risk with parkinson's and rapidly fading memory, and my mom(85) cannot drive, is completely technologically illiterate (trying to get her set up on payment sites and the like, not as easy as it seems with everything in dad's name) and lives 3 hours away. The wife and I (both 60+) are very stressed.

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snootchiebootchie94@reddit

It is TOUGH. My mother in law has lived with us for almost 8 years now, but it is part time. Like 40% of the year. I have moved my mom in as she has cancer and I live by a world class cancer treatment center. Previously, her treatment was handled in our hometown. The doctor didn't do a great job. We have had to sell her house, help my brother move out and work on finding a place. My mom is adjusting to her new life, but she is CONSTANTLY complaining. Part of why she moved is that she can hardly afford her home and makes poor money decisions. This is still continuing. I make suggestions, but she doesn't want to hear it. I make significantly more than my younger brother and she helps him. Indirectly I pick up the slack. I love them both, but it is frustrating. I miss it being just my wife, the kids and I. But we do what we have to do. I work from home and have little space in my own home. I constantly feel guilty for not spending enough time with anyone; kids, wife, my mom, myself....I smoke weed and exercise to deal with it all.

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littlekatie3@reddit

My dad’s dementia is getting worse. He’s regressing to childlike behavior one min, and then he thinks he’s a lawyer in his 40s the next. It’s scaring the shit out of me.

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TiaHatesSocials@reddit

I took care of grandpa. Never doing it again. NEVER. My sister can handle it if she wants

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Available_Ad_4030@reddit

I feel for you, OP. My grandmother had Alzheimer’s and it was very rough on the entire family. I’m lucky that as the oldest grandchild I actually have memories of her before she got it.

But as to how I’m dealing with my parents’ mortality: my father was diagnosed with ALS about a year ago. He is doing better than expected at this point but we aren’t expecting him to live more than a year from now. I’ve moved in with my parents to help out and it’s been a lot. It’s also been tough because my dad was always the one that took care of himself. My mom doesn’t have any health issues per se but she has had a lot of unhealthy habits my entire life. She’s been talking a lot about how she’s not going to live much longer than my dad and might even die before him which has been a bit of a mind f*ck.

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dionnekathleen@reddit

I'm 45, lost my mom at 29. My dad has cancer and has littlte more than 6 months (they say).

So no, not too great.

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TryTwiceAsHard@reddit

My mother has lived with me the past 6 years. Not so much because she's old(73) but we moved across the country and she didn't want to be alone. Now she's getting old and it's just alot. I'm not a care giver so I'm not going to be good at this. She has NO money so it's all just going to be so hard. She's also a shut in which has been made worse by Covid, which she still takes very seriously (her best friend since pre- school died of it) so she still doesn't go out in public often. It's incredibly hard to be a mom, wife employee and daughter 24/7. I hate that I kinda resent her. She took amazing care of me my entire life. But I can't help it. She's a lot and I'm overwhelmed.

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The_best_is_yet@reddit

My mom is in the ER right now with stage IV cancer and concern for something going on in her brain.

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Appropriate-Diver301@reddit

With my head in the sand. Also, trying to see them more.

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BarrelFullOfWeasels@reddit

I'm so sorry you're going through that. I lost my mom a few months ago after a period of dementia, and it's so sad seeing someone decline in that way... and then so exhausting and frustrating dealing with it day to day. I'm finding that since her passing, I'm gradually getting back to remembering and appreciating my mom the way she was before dementia.

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theliberalpedestrian@reddit

Complicated. I’m estranged from my dad and sometimes think it will be easier to stay away until he passes. I’m also worried I’ll regret never ~~confronting~~ talking through some things with him.

My mom I love dearly but she just doesn’t do much for herself. I don’t mind driving over to help her with things, but it makes me feel like I can’t move too far. If I did she’d live on frozen food, all her lightbulbs would go out, her mini blinds would hang broken forever, smoke alarm beeping, etc. Her previous handyman passed away yeeears ago and she still hasn’t gotten one. If anything stops working she just claims it’s totally broken forever and there’s just nothing to be done, even when it just needs a battery. It’s exhausting but I know I won’t regret helping her.

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GlitteringCobbler987@reddit

This is literally the last text I got from my mother. fml

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Buttercreamdeath@reddit

That seems like it should be a welfare check...

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silver-moon-7@reddit

Oof!

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DreadHedgehog@reddit

At this rate, my 92 yo nan will outlive them both. Dad's living with prostate cancer and can barely walk from the progression of his chronic diseases. Mum got lost down the conspiratorial rabbit hole years ago and can't find her way back to sane society, probably drank bleach during COVID, not sure how she's still alive tbh.

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GigglingHen@reddit

I am right there with you. My dad is in a similar position and I made a post about this a couple of days ago. I’m not doing well either. This is hard but we can only do the best we can. Sending prayers your way.

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Tenaciousgreen@reddit

My dad picked an absolute bitch of a woman to raise me when I was 2 and she was 22 (him 33). Wrote her off years ago and I’m only low contact with my dad who won’t ever leave her even though he hates her.

She’ll out live him by 20 years and spend all the inheritance my brother and I might have gotten from my grandparents. The only silver lining is that she’s the one taking care of my dad who is a miserable asshole and honestly they deserve each other.

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FormerOil4924@reddit

It’s pretty weird. The other day my parents came to my son’s piano recital and when they walked in, they were both limping and hobbling like two brittle frail old folks. It felt like only yesterday they were still getting around and moving relatively normally. It was pretty jarring to see.

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GrungeCheap56119@reddit

Doom spiral mostly

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Technical_Eye4039@reddit

My Grandma died this last Christmas. I took it pretty well though, because my girlfriend died the Christmas before and I was used to grieving 😂

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remoteworker9@reddit

Mine are 70 and 71. Dad is fine and Mom is finishing up cancer treatment. I still have a grandfather who’s 96.

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Eredic@reddit

I'm fine with it, but they seem very upset by it. All my folks seem to do these days it's talk about their own mortality. I even lightly suggested they talk to a professional about it, but they just sorta brushed it off. I think it really started when my last Grandma passed, but whatever the case, it's making their later years not much fun at all. They're retired and living in a lake house! This should be the best time of their lives! Honestly, it makes me sad, and I don't wanna be like that when I get older.

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rober89@reddit

Both parents and each grandparent gone when I was 34.

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BuddyMose@reddit

How old was that lady when she pushed the other one out her front potato? Jesus she looks 85 and the other girl looks 25. Who is having kids at 60? Fuck the old lady for having the hubris to have kids at that age. I’m glad the younger girl is showing her the home they’re putting her in

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LiminalSapien@reddit

My father gave all the family companies to my brother who failed out of college 3 times and wouldn’t even give me a job when I begged because I finished college in 2010 in the worst job market America had ever seen so we don’t talk anymore.

My mother couldn’t stop carrying my fathers water despite years of me asking her to keep him out of conversation after I stopped talking to him so I don’t speak to her either.

I guess I’m handling it fine because they’re not in my life anymore 🤷🏻‍♂️

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Electrical-Sun-2067@reddit

I just want to say I understand and I’m sending you strength.

Mine are in their 80s and in relatively good health although medical issues have been a little more frequent this past decade. I’ve been considering getting a medical advocate because of a recent interaction with one practice being an absolute dick to my mom. It angers me to see how so called care providers treat a segment of our population.

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Truth_Seeker963@reddit

You got this, guy, but it sucks, and anticipatory grief is a bitch. Hopefully you have some support.

If I could go back, I’d take a ton of videos of my mom so I could hear her voice and see her living.

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AbbreviationsNo3918@reddit

I work for this company that specializes in aging life care management. Our clients are often referred to as “the sandwich generation, caught between raising kids and caring for aging parents. The childcare industry is obviously very prevalent. But navigating aging for our parents is not. We are in New England and New York today, but will be expanding throughout the US. Sharing not as a shameless plug, but more of a resource should it be helpful. www.askalder.com.

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FruitMustache@reddit

I am not handling any of it well, at all.

My mother is living w me, which is fine but my heart is breaking watching her get old.

My father is the laziest, most unmotivated person I have ever met. They are not together anymore but are still kind of friends (lot to unpack there). He lives alone in the same shitty apartment he's been in for almost 14 years which is about 120 miles away from me, he has COPD from cigarettes and encephalopathy from being a black out drunk for many years.

He is the poster boy for taking the easy route or the short cut in every fucking decision he has ever made. The dude inherited what is now a multimillion dollar business, but he sold out when I was 6 and just lived off of the monthly payout checks, he sold his share for next to nothing because he is afraid to confront, or inconvenience anyone, he destroyed his marriage by cheating on my mother, who is possibly the most compassionate person ive ever met. He has won the lottery twice totalling over $150k, and refused to take my advice and made horrible investment choices after ignoring my only warnings.

He has maybe $6,500 to his name and lives off of social security and SNAP benefits. He grew up in an age where earning was as easy as ever in this country and he has absolutely nothing to show for it.

He will require nursing care at some point very fucking soon, but good luck even startingvthat conversation. He keeps hinting around to my mother that he needs money because she retired and has at least some savings/investments, so now he thinks he should get some of what she earned, but he just drops hints and cries poor mouth only to her because he knows she is the first to cave.

He is a great big ball of anxiety spending his days focusing on the negatives while he never once tried to make his life better in the long run, only easier at the time.

I have a superficial relationship w him, I am not handling it well, and I am getting both frustrated and choked up while just typing this.

He has asked me for advice but never once listened to a single shred of it. He just wants me to do it for him and I have so much on my plate taking care of my mother, my health issues, and my career that I just dont have the bandwidth.

Its one of the big reasons I dont sleep at night.

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wolfgang107@reddit

Both are showing their age. I ugly cried today thinking about how my mom has battled multiple myeloma for over 10 years, only to find a suspicious result of a cologuard at-home test. Results are still pending.

My dad has prostate cancer and was just diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment.

I’m surviving.

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MrsEmilyN@reddit

Horrible.

My dad passed in February. He was 81 and it wasn't expected. Fine one day, except for afib, then gone within 36 hours.

I'm now my mom's IT support. She has no tech knowledge, my dad did all that because it was his career and hobby.

I also have a disabled son that relies on help in all areas of daily living.

I'm tired of this Grandpa.

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2PM2@reddit

Hurts, we almost lost dad last year and I lost my stepdad a few years ago…. We are expecting our first child and are going to announce it to them soon. It will be their first grandchild. I carry the weight like a stone.

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KatVanWall@reddit

My dad passed when I was 20, my mum is now 71 and in really good health all things considered! Having said that, though, she aspirated a bit of food a couple of months ago and got pneumonia from that and had to spend a few days in hospital for the first time since she had me by C-section in 1979!

I'm used to her being pretty healthy, so it was scary how fast she went downhill. She has a lung condition so does have to be careful of chest infections and has a 'rescue pack' of antibiotics she normally takes as soon as she gets any signs of one, and that's always done the trick - but the cause was different this time, not just a regular cold or bug. Within a few hours she'd gone from 'I don't feel so good, gonna take my antibiotic and have a nap' to fully confused, unable to use her phone and for the first time in her life unable to actually stand and walk without falling over. It really brought it home to me just how vulnerable she can be when struck by illness.

Of course, I'm a single parent so even though I only live 5 minutes drive away, I still feel pulled in every direction :-/ doesn't help that my kid's school is 50 minutes away as well.

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PhatDaddi@reddit

My mom is still putting around well enough. Her sleep schedule is fucked because she lives with my brother and he works weird fucking hours because of his job. In by 3pm and out by midnight.

My uncle had a mini stroke earlier this week, one aunt fell from her porch and and it looks like my uncle beats her, and the eldest of them fell from some stairs.

They're all siblings, by the way.

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FaceRockerMD@reddit

My dad is rapidly worsening in his dementia. He wanders off now and refuses help and is angry and scared all the time. It's a real bummer especially since he has 3 kids who want to help but he won't accept help.

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Buttercreamdeath@reddit

My mom died almost two years ago. That's been a relief, tbh. She made life miserable. She was "too old" to support herself at 29 and basically cajoled, stole, and beat others to bend to her will. You couldn't spend too much time with her or you'd become suicidal.

She left behind my stepdad. He's a total dumbass. She ruled him with an iron fist and I get it now. He does a lot of generally stupid stuff. Never takes accountability for the dumbassery.

My real dad lived in a van by a river for a while. He was like my mom and mooched off whoever. He was an absent shit dad to me and my siblings, but I heard he was awesome with his other kid. Ya know, outside of being stable and reliable. He wasn't that, but maybe he was fun? Anyway, he died. Didn't hear about it until the half brother I met once wanted me to reimburse him for the funeral costs.

I love my parents in the way kids are supposed to, but as adult people? Nah. I would rather just not.

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ladyzowy@reddit

Don't care. I'm no contact with both of them and all my Grandparents are passed.

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beccadahhhling@reddit

I only have my mom left and while I’m trying to spend good time with her and cherish our relationship, she really makes it hard sometimes.

And the worst part is, I know the reasons behind her being difficult and I get it, she has gone through some shit. But so have the rest of us. And that doesn’t make it any harder to bear. I think she’s doing therapy but I’m not sure anymore. Seems like she reverted to her old ways recently.

Moving over 1000 miles away has definitely helped in my mind but to her, she wants to say it’s hurting her even though she knows it’s the best thing for me and my husband and baby. But that sounds too selfish to say out loud so she prefers passive aggressive comments and shit stirring.

She’s supposedly going to move up here in the next 3 years or so to spend more time with her grandson but we’ll see. I wouldn’t mind her being close again but she has to realize that she’s no longer the number 1 priority for everyone. That spot goes to my son.

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Chroniclyironic1986@reddit

My mom just went into the hospital Saturday with MRSA for the 3rd time in 6 months. Her immune system is shot, so it keeps coming back. She also has both shoulders dislocated from a fall, but they can’t do anything to fix them (full replacement is the only option) until she’s 6 months free of both infection and antibiotics. This SEVERELY limits what she can do. She needs help to use the bathroom, eat, drink, even sit up in bed. Also, she just found out she has skin cancer, but again, no surgery to remove it till she’s infection free. All this has come up in less than the span of a year. I haven’t slept at my own house since Thanksgiving because i’ve been staying at her house to take care of her and her pets. I’m also a single dad to a 9 year old son (his mom has been out of the picture since he was 2) so he’s there with me. Honestly, i’m sacrificing a lot of myself to make sure the people i care about are taken care of, because there’s nobody else to do it. It sucks, but it’s worth it.

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judasmitchell@reddit

It’s hitting hard. Mom has dementia. I’m amazed by how brave she’s being about it. She and my dad just lived in with us so dad isn’t caring for her alone. I’m steadily making more and more decisions for both my parents. It’s weird. Scary. I don’t want to let them down and having trouble accepting how much older they are.

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buttithurtss@reddit

Why does everyone get dementia anymore? Is it just medicine helps us live longer than our brains can handle? Sux.

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silver-moon-7@reddit

Basically everyone is going to get dementia, cancer or both of they live long enough

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professorpumpkins@reddit

My mother had dementia and her nurse practitioner called me one day and said, "Pumpkins, you're a good daughter." You're a good kid, too, OP. I also want to add that it's okay to want this to be over, for her to die, you're still a good kid.

I lost my mother when I was 39 and my Dad to an aneurysm when I was 27. Both goodbyes were brutal, but the long goodbye was the hardest. Dementia is a hell of a disease and so f-ing unfair for everyone.

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jumpup81@reddit

It’s hard. My parents live in a different country than me and my sister, so that geographic distance worries me. If anything happened, it’d take a day to get there. Uggh.

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TamarindSweets@reddit

gif

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Jwilcox418@reddit

My parents abandoned my adult siblings and I so we’ve already grieved the loss to an extent. I’m sure it will be hard when they go but they’ve effectively not been a part of my life or my children’s life in years.

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MsModusOperandi@reddit

Both of my parents passed by the time I was 19, my grandparents long before then. I worry daily for my husband's mom, she just beat colon cancer. She's lovely to me, but they don't get along well and I'm so worried something will happen without them really reconciling.

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Consistent_Insect255@reddit

Dad started the chemotherapy last Thursday. Mom lives in a foreign country and is on oxygen 24/7 for the rest of her life. Which won’t be too much longer.

I’m an only child, unmarried. When my dad got the prognosis, I invited him to come live with me. I’d be curious about how many of you are making a move like that and how many of you are considering something like elder care at a facility. I never wanted to be the son who would park their parents like that, and I’m trying hard not to be.

Thanks for any response.

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squeaky19@reddit

Worse still, how are those of us with parents who died young dealing with approaching the age our parents were when they died?

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Old-Presentation1215@reddit

Good question that I think about a lot. My dad died at age 56 when I was 27. I am about to be 40. My oldest will be 27 as well when I am 56, so it wraps full circle.

So I think of 2 things. At age 55, he will have been dead longer than he ever was present in my life. And then at 56, I will realize by experience how short his life was. And my kid will be the age I was when he died. I feel like it will be a very difficult time if I am still alive (I hope I am!).

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squeaky19@reddit

Yeah my dad died when I was just 22. Before my kid was even born. He was 51 and I’m 48 now. So I’ve been feeling it a lot lately

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tfaboo@reddit

My dad passed away a few years ago and I really miss him. So many times I have had the beginning of the thought, "gonna text/call Dad...oh wait..."

My mom is staying active going to her senior center several times a week and has friends. She's okay for now.

I'm sorry, OP. I know you didn't ask for advice but there may be adult activity centers that have events tailored for people with dementia in your area. I hope you can find some regular assistance because that's a lot to handle on your own. 💙

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Lady337492@reddit

I am blessed to still have my parents and they are in relatively great health and 79/80. Also my mom has fallen three times this year alone (and somehow broken zero bones??!!) and my dad is at the MD right now being evaluated for a TIA (kind of a mini stroke)

It’s just wild bc they are healthy- in some ways more so than me! They walk regularly and do so much around the house and for the community etc. Sometimes when I visit they wear me out. But then also- when we watch CBS Sunday morning and people their age die- nobody’s shocked or asking what happened. Like they are of the age where its kind of expected they could just die at any moment- a heart complication, a stroke, complications after a fall etc etc… or they could live another 10-20 years?! I know my holidays with them are limited and so really try to cherish those. It’s hard to cherish them more mundane bc well- it’s mundane. But I did move across country to be closer to them as they age so I’m doing my best!

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Cisru711@reddit

My parents are still doing pretty well, so I haven't had to confront those issues yet. Not sure how it's going to go for them when my sisters and I do. My parents have preplanned their arrangements, but just yesterday I was considering whether we could ignore them and sell off the plot as part of their estate.

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Eazy12345678@reddit

i just hope they die in their sleep before they get to the point that they need assisted living

my grandfather needed assisted living and i hope that can be avoided at all cost

everyone dies. im ready for it

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Babymakerwannabe@reddit

Mum is dealing with dementia and some personality disorder or something that was never treated. So it’s now even worse coupled with dementia. She’s only in her 60’s. It’s a lot. She’s hard to help and gets mean quite often.

Deadbeat dad = no fucks given

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silver-moon-7@reddit

So relatable. My dad's older, but it's the same kind of situation. I've stepped away completely for my own sense of safety and sanity.

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coolpartoftheproblem@reddit

alright bye r/Xennials

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Therealfern1@reddit

Its awful TBH

10 times harder than my teenagers. Because my parents can tell me “no”

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Mr_A_Rye@reddit

I tell them there's leftovers in the fridge, to not spend all day watching TV, and that I'll be by later.

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WarHot5832@reddit

My mom had me when she was 17, it is a blessing to be closer in age but I see my friends parents and it scares me.

I only have her, dad was never in my life, both grandparents are gone. Life is short and by the time you realize it you have pissed half of it away, one of life's best jokes.

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Plus-Pomegranate8045@reddit

I’m so sorry. It’s very hard. lost my dad at 21 and 3/4 grandparents were dead by the time I was even born (the 4th died when I was 8). I still have my mom and she’s doing well. I’m very protective of her. I really can’t stand the thought of losing her.

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HopelessMagic@reddit

My Dad tripped on a gopher hole while mowing the lawn. He fell and couldn't get back up. He sat in the grass for nearly an hour waiting for my Mom to realize she doesn't hear the mower and come help.

I have him a lecture about keeping his phone on him. He said if the back porch wasn't rotted out, my Mom could sit out while he mows. After I gave him THAT lecture, he hired someone to fix the back porch. It gets done this summer. 😮‍💨

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Abidarthegreat@reddit

My mother passed 13 years ago. My father just retired last year. My grandparents (mom's folks) are kicking around doing whatever they feel like. I'm kinda lucky on that my mother had me when she was 19 (Dad 20), and my grandparents had my mom when they were 18. So I should still have several years with my dad, and mom's parents for another several years. My dad's parents have both passed decades ago.

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Ok_Habit6837@reddit

My dad just died of leukemia and Parkinson’s. He died at a VA hospice and his death certificate literally says his cause of death is agent orange exposure. People razz on the boomers but forget the 2 million very young men drafted into Vietnam. So many paid the ultimate price (against their will), it just took a while for my dad and he suffered greatly for the last 15 years of his life. The trauma he suffered in Vietnam was always background noise in my childhood.

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snowhaw@reddit

(42)Half are passed the others have become someone to deal with rather than be a parent. It sucks that I have to steal myself when they call. To be fair though I have been in handling problems mode so long, I am in a deal with problem mode and probably not much better to be with. It's weird, I had a aunt tell me how happy she is to see how involved I am, I told her it's not that at all. It's a obligation, I have kids but those really hard years only last untill they are like 4. This situation has been going on for 5 years and is only getting worse. I love them but most of them are too young to act this old and helpless.

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Wayfaring_Scout@reddit

My mom drank the MAGA kool-aid. I can't stand talking to her anymore. My dad has a new liver, his kidneys are failing and once a year or so he gets some skin cancer removed. Hes a grumpy old man now.

They hate each other but are too old school to separate, but i know we're going to have at least two houses worth of junk to go through.

I dont talk to them as much as I should, but eveytime i call them it's such a short conversation Im not evem sure its worth it anymore

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HorrorAvatar@reddit

Not well! My dad passed away two months ago (my grandfather a week prior) and I still don’t feel right. Not sure when I ever will.

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TraditionalTackle1@reddit

I helped take care of my grandmother when I was in college that had dementia, I wish I had easy advice for you. It sucks. If my mom gets it I dont know if I could handle take care of another person with it.

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Udjebfk@reddit

It sucks. I'm glad my parents are still ok, but I dealt with my grandpa's dementia. It's incredibly painful, when you've been chatting with them and they ask you were are your parents from.

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TraditionalTackle1@reddit

My grandmother thought I was my dad and thought my mom was her mom. She would days and nights mixed up, either she didnt want to eat or we would feed her and she'd forget she ate and then act like we were starving her. One time she was in the hospital and thought she was in an ice cream parlor. She refused to take her meds and the nurses called my mom. We had to go to the hospital at 10pm and I had to wheel her around the floor to show her she was in the hospital and she needed to take her meds and go to bed. Im dont know why the nurses didnt think to do that.

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Udjebfk@reddit

Sorry to hear that. Demntia is brutal.

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bloodpriestt@reddit

gif

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VixxenFoxx@reddit

It freaking sucks because I just realized this lady week that it's going to be 100% me from here on out as all 3 of my siblings are unreliable.

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Shirowoh@reddit

My mother is law has pretty bad dementia, awful disease, so far my parents doing ok, still living on their own.

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Catladyweirdo@reddit

You guys still have parents?

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NicPaperScissors@reddit

My mom has had Alzheimer’s for a minute, but it’s becoming more obvious that my dad- her caretaker- now does as well. I left a message on their phone asking for them to call me back about something urgent about two months ago. I keep receiving calls from either of them, terrified wondering what’s up. I keep telling them everything’s okay and that they can delete the message, then one will call again in a few days.

The worst part is that I have a child with high support needs and it’s like the worst Groundhog’s Day ever every time my mom starts to notice he’s not like other children. “WHATS WRONG WITH THE LITTLE GUY?!” I finally learned to say he just has a small cold instead of shocking her by explaining, the 20th time, that he doesn’t speak.

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Secret_Elevator17@reddit

Not doing well either.

My sister's aren't helping and my parents were both in the hospital this year and have unresolved unknown issues.

I've had to adjust my work schedule to accommodate all the appointments. There are appointments every week from now through mid June already.

I'm trying every day to just not lose my shit at everyone and everything.

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Abpoe77@reddit

Touch and go. Most days they're in good shape

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Ok_Researcher_9796@reddit

Y.dad who I never really knew anyway, died in 2020. My mom is 68 and other than arthritis is in pretty good shape.

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Fairymask@reddit

My parents are now in their 80s. It sucks knowing I only have a small amount of time with them left. I’m really close to them too. ☹️

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msguider@reddit

It's hard seeing everyone get old and it's hard getting old and not having the energy to help those you love.

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Cthulhus-Tailor@reddit

My father died when I was 4 and mother when I was 31, so no worries about them getting old.

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B_B_Rodriguez2716057@reddit

My mom just passed away last month from dementia. I’m sorry you have to go thru this as well. It was not an easy 7 years. I spent the first 4 years living with her taking care of her all by myself. Then it got too difficult to ensure her safety and had to move her into a facility.

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BoudiccasWrath79@reddit

My mom is positively blooming. She’s a straight-up union hustler and she is good at it. She had a shitty life courtesy of my old man, and to see her thriving is awesome. My father is alone and miserable which is his own damn fault. He could be dying for all I know. If he’d gotten sober and found his accountability then maybe he’d have family around him.

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FigureFourWoo@reddit

Already gone, sadly.

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Oxolomew@reddit

Lost my dad a year ago almost to the day. He was the primary care provider for my mother who has stage 6 Alzheimer's. I essentially lost both my parents that day. Not doing great with the whole thing. I have plenty of support but no one will ever again believe in me the way did. Stay strong all.

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FulcrumYYC@reddit

Not fucking good at all, Mom was just diagnosed with Alzheimer's and watching my dad deal with it is even worse. The anxiety I have at the thought of the day my mom doesn't remember me anymore makes me sick. Love them while you can.

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TheFeshy@reddit

My parents getting old is better than some of my friend's parents who are no longer getting old.

Dementia is a whole other ball game though. Went through that as a kid with my great grandmother, and have friends in your situation. It's a heavy load to carry, OP. Best wishes.

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pondelniholka@reddit

They're already dead, so ok I guess

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Less-Goose-8299@reddit

Just left the ICU visiting mine

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Just_a_guy81@reddit (OP)

It’s cliché as hell, but you really do have my thoughts and \~\~prayers\~\~ best wishes

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Less-Goose-8299@reddit

Thanks!

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virindimaster@reddit

Weird to see my dad. I haven’t seen him in nearly 20 years. I’m getting married soon and decided to offer an olive branch. So invited him to the wedding. Decided to go see him face to face and it was a shock. He has had a couple of strokes since I last saw him and he’s looking frail. When I was a kid my dad was always in shape. That was weird and for a split second I felt sorry for him. My mother in the other hand is 70 in a week or so, and she’s always out and about playing Pokémon go, or out walking around different places. She still goes on like she’s in her 30’s.

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No_Network4228@reddit

OMG the SCAMMERS. My father is 72 now and he falls for 100% of the scams. Like the most obvious romance scammers.

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gjcij2203@reddit

42, Pop has been gone for 16 years now. Getting my mother to take care of her type 2 diabetes was a full time job for a while. Getting my step father to stop drinking himself to death was a joy for many years. Father in law is nearing blindness and mother in law is the bi polar nightmare she has always been. We are in the process of coming up with plans for everyone just hoping they hold out for a few more years till my youngest child is out of high school.

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Matshelge@reddit

Only have my mother left. She retired this year, as she had me when she was 18. Still doing OK.

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FI-Engineer@reddit

Not great, but better than my wife’s peak boomer (‘47) parents. They are actively refusing to deal with consolidating their absolutely sprawling assets. 3 houses across 3 states, all filled to the brim with crap, owned by various trusts and LLCs. An unknown number of storage units rented holding more crap. Both now in assisted living, mother with full-blown dementia/Alzheimers, and father with significant health issues placing his likely survival at maybe 2-3 years if he’s lucky.

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Life_Lavishness4773@reddit

I stopped talking to my dad when I was 16 (turning 44 this year) so I don’t care what happens to him. But my stepdad (who raised me from 5 years old) is now 86 and using a walker. My mom is turning 76 and I worry what my sisters and I are going to do if and when they’re not independent anymore.

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Scummbagg7@reddit

They were both dead by the time I was 38

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MlsterFlster@reddit

Not great, my dude.

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rezznik@reddit

Not.

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Asleep_Onion@reddit

That's tough, it's terrible watching a loved one's mind slowly slipping away. My dad died of early-onset alzheimers at 74, about 6 years ago. Which terrifies me because that's only 30 years away for me. Fortunately my mom is doing ok, she's 82 now but still seems like the same mom she always was. Her health isn't awesome but honestly it was never that great my whole life anyways so that's not new. Her mind is still sharp as ever though, thankfully. Sadly I only get to see her once or twice a year.

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Authentic-scoundrel@reddit

The trick is to not feel guilt. If you can’t take talking to your parent that day. That’s ok. You just do what you can handle and No More than that. It’s helped me to let go of the guilt. I still visit and call, but only when I have a full emotional tank to deal with the inevitable sadness.

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ThatswhatIsaidderF@reddit

I have been extremely lucky to have the parents that I do. My grandparents on my mother's side were like another set of parents to me growing up so losing them in 2018 and 2020 was hard, but I have no regrets. My parents are still annoying one another and going through daily routines at 75. I live about three hours away, but visit as much as I possibly can. Last year, I started taking trips with them so we can enjoy me finally having a career and them being retired while they can still move around. We have had the tough talks about what happens in 15 years with our family's typical lifespan and they were receptive to having wills drawn up and everything spelled out so us kids won't squabble over shit we never earned. I talk to them every single day over the phone and if I don't call, I know they are calling me around 8pm to make sure I haven't croaked. Great parents and wouldn't trade the time I have left with them.

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Master-CylinderPants@reddit

They're retired and bored so im constantly coming up with projects for them to do. My dad decided my lawn tractor needed new tires and that they had to be done by his tire guy that's like an hour away and not by the shop 200 yards from my house, so he's been working on that all week.

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ValancyNeverReadsit@reddit

Lost my mom to something going wrong during chemo when I was 33. My dad’s shuffling along with prostate cancer and having recently developed diabetes (in his case, I think his eating habits caught up with him) but he’s in great physical shape otherwise. What will probably cart him off is something to do with his hoarding. My sister & I have joked darkly about that for a while.

My in-laws have more physical and mental needs right now, and also my spouse doesn’t have any siblings who can help him (he has a sibling but they’re a special-needs adult), so I’ve signed myself up for that as much as I am able.

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carryon4threedays@reddit

Mom is in a nursing home with Sundowners at 66. Dad is still working 50-60 hours a week at 67.

They divorced in ‘93

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_ism_@reddit

estranged for Reasons. she on her own

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Cameront9@reddit

Well they’re dead and I pay $200 a month for a storage facility for all their stuff that I’ll likely never be able to afford to have in my house because I can’t afford a house that big.

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Designer_Emu_6518@reddit

Sucks

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rollerfedora@reddit

It’s interesting seeing this post, then there’s another in the same sub saying they’re annoyed when their parents ask them to call more often.

Having lost both of my parents in the last 6 years, I really wish I would’ve called more.

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walkwithdrunkcoyotes@reddit

Highly recommend r/AgingParents

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ham_solo@reddit

I'm 42. I've been lucky to have parents in their late 80s who were doing quite well. However, my mom took a downturn this year after some kind of infection caused her massive pain and mobility loss. After a lot of back and forth, arguing, and heartache, we put her in a very nice senior living community, and she's made a huge recovery. She's walking again and can even go for a while without a walker. I'm conflicted on whether to let her go back to a normal house, as she doesn't really want to be in that place. My dad who is older is still kicking it. He swims at the YMCA several times a week.

It's definitely hard, but I've risen to the occasion to help them out.

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JeffTS@reddit

Mom has dementia and I'm the sole caregiver. She lives with me and has progressed far enough that she is no longer allowed to drive. I'm also self employed. I'm tired, boss.

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pogulup@reddit

Mother died of a massive, sudden heart attack just over 10 years ago. She was just suddenly gone. My Dad is in a nursing home after a stroke just slowly withering away.

I have seen both ends of the spectrum and although it was a sudden shock at the time, I would pick the sudden and quick over the drawn out every single time. Watching him slowly die is far worse, IMO.

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H4RDW4RE_Johnny@reddit

Dealing with mom having dementia like her mother, and grandmother before her. She still knows my face but has a hard time with my name when I call. Dad just had triple bypass and is still struggling with occasional a-fib with a pacemaker installed.

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batclub3@reddit

Half orphan. Stepdad died 7 years ago. Mom died almost 2 years ago. I have my dad and stepmom. Fortunately, I have 2 great sisters to share that set of aging parents with.

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ElectronicDrama2573@reddit

I’m super grateful for my parents being in great mind and health currently. Both over 70 (Dad 76 next week) Keeping up with them is super important to me now and visiting home as often as I am able has become apart of adulting. My heart goes out to all of you that have lost them. I know I’ll be there one day too, so reading lots of y’all’s comments really made me count my blessings.

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UnicornSheets@reddit

Quit my job. Moved back home to care for my aging parents. Mom has Alzheimer’s. It’s tough. Very very tough

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throwawayfromPA1701@reddit

Dreading it as the only one of their kids on this coast who is single and childfree. I barely take care of myself. I cannot take care of them.

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anitabelle@reddit

Not well. My dad passed 4 years ago (Lewy body dementia) and I miss him so much. My mom is in her 80s, is frail and has Alzheimer’s. I am also incredibly guilty because I don’t spend enough time with her. It’s hard because she was not a good mother. She was cruel and neglected me so I it’s difficult to get past that. She even treated my daughter bad. Younger generations wouldn’t hesitate to go no contact with a mom like mine. But I feel like such an awful person for not doing more. My sister is her caretaker by choice and they hate each other. She has full control of my mom’s money so it feels like a fair trade.

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Ddebra84@reddit

Rough! Mom has dementia and is now getting some medical issues that require ER visits and hospital stays. Dad is functioning but breaking down. Need to invent a word that describes this limbo hell hole

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dorky2@reddit

I still have two living grandparents! My parents aren't even 70 yet. They are fairly healthy and totally independent still. They take care of my disabled brother, and I foresee a future where my sister and I are juggling caring for our parents and our brother. And I also have an autistic child who will likely need some level of support from me as an adult.

Send help.

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amart005@reddit

Mine are near 80 and decided to blow all their equity from their last house and a lot of their retirement savings to build a house in the middle of nowhere, an hour from any decent medical care, and on a curvy, windy, dangerous road. I’m here with them this week from 3000 miles away trying to fallproof their garage and other living space. Oh yeah, they also got a puppy. 😑

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tinyand_terrible@reddit

I guess I would be doing better if this sub didn't give me a daily reminder that my parents are going to die

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King_of_the_Goats@reddit

My dad passed a few years ago and my mom will outlive us all. She’s moving into a retirement community under her own accord, doing all the packing and selling of her home. My mom rocks.

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acommentator@reddit

The aging parents subreddit is a decent resource for perspectives and strategies:

https://www.reddit.com/r/agingParents/

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mnemonikos82@reddit

Just moved Mom to skilled nursing today, trending towards hospice, she doesn't remember my name half the time. Dad died in 2019 to cancer. My last grandparent died last year at 100yo. Losing a parent is hard, losing every generation before you is something else entirely.

gif

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Affectionate-Yak5280@reddit

My folks looked after themselves physically for the last 40 years. It really shows, they are fit and healthy at 72. They move just moved to our town for their retirement and to spend time with our kids (their only grandchildren).

Dad survived a cancer scare last year so that really solidified my appreciation for the limited time they both have left with me.

I am a lucky mofo and it's going to be tough af when the time comes.

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bumbeebutts@reddit

I have an early-onset alzheimers parent too.. This shit is terrible. Feel free to DM if tou ecer need to vent/rant.

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Magpie_Coin@reddit

My mother has started showing signs of dementia but has yet to receive an official diagnosis.

Her doctor said it’s “nothing”, which is infuriating! 😡

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Itchy_Ritch@reddit

My dad is dying, and my mom is the picture of a healthy eldery woman.

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EmployedByCats@reddit

I wish. I lost my dad when I was 16, my mom at 18. It's been a long time, I'm 49.

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jgtt45@reddit

Both gone now, they were good people.

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violetstrainj@reddit

Here’s a hilarious story: so, my narcissistic mother, who has made my entire life a living hell, is right now going through end-of-life care after going down hard with dementia. Like, this weekend she was in ICU, and as I’m typing this she’s being brought home for palliative care. This same weekend I wound up in the hospital with pneumonia. (Typing this from my hospital bed 1000 miles away from my crazy mother). Last night I was talking to my sister, and was joking that maybe she’d think that I caught pneumonia from grief and stress. My sister didn’t miss a beat… “Nope, that bitch would have been pissed that you stole her thunder…”.

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Junior_Article_3244@reddit

Starting to dread phone calls.

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Missingsocks77@reddit

Both of my parents passed in 2015. I send you all strength and hugs as you get through those last years.

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OohBeesIhateEm@reddit

Not the best.

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Badmeestert@reddit

I hope they both die as soon as possible

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I_am_JD_Vance@reddit

this post is fake and is ragebait!!

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neogrinch@reddit

Both of my parents died much too young. my dad when I was 30 and he was 60 from alcoholism. and my mom died age 65 from head trauma when she fell. 😞 Lost my last grandparent last November age 87 (my mom's mom).

The last year of grandma's life... it was so hard watching her slowly slip away.

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Clear_Tangerine5110@reddit

Orphaned at 38. Dad passed in 2014, Mom in 2017.
Barely a year after Mom passed, I found my birth parents. So bizarre, this life.

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Aronacus@reddit

This is hard! I'm right here with you. ((HUG))

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lilacsmakemesneeze@reddit

Rough. My dad has been in and out of the hospital/rehab since Christmas and my mom just discovered her dementia is brain tumors.

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18randomcharacters@reddit

Mine just visited for the weekend and I absolutely hated it.

We are so vastly different in terms of politics and moral integrity. I'd wish for them to change, but I know they won't.

I spent a lot of the visit imagining what I'll say when the time comes to give a eulogy for either of them. I think because what I want from the relationships most of all is closure.

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davwad2@reddit

It's something. My mom beat sepsis 11 years ago, but for a moment, I was full on feeling "I'm not ready for this." She's recovered and mostly fine today. My dad currently suffers from constant dizziness and is unable to do much. It often feels like he's just waiting for the inevitable while complaining about his condition.

I've accepted there will be two days coming, one where I have one of them and another where I have neither of them. I treasure any time I can see them.

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eternallysantanasass@reddit

My mom had mixed dementia and it’s a ling road. From mobility issues, having to help with ADL’s. It is a lot. Luckily, we have caregivers and support people coming in to help with everything. If not, I would be on the struggle bus right now.

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kulneke@reddit

Ignoring it as best I can

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EskimoSpy4@reddit

My mom was toxic and it's actually easier that she's gone. My dad is pretty cool but he's super aloof and lives in Ecuador (I'm in Orlando). Meh. My five or so closest friends are, and have been, my really family since I was probably 12 to 19. I'd be devastated if THEY were gone. My wife's family is awesome. It was hard for her to understand my position.

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vitaoptima@reddit

Alas, my parents were older when I was born (mom was 36, dad was 53)...both passed away in their early 80s.

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psuedospike@reddit

My Dad died in February at 76, feelsweirdman

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reddit_app_is_bad@reddit

My parents came from very poor families and decided they didn't want that for themselves. Both are driven and capable. Both retired 2 years ago and are well off. They've been traveling the globe nonstop since before retirement, but now it's on overdrive. They're on Scotland right now. I see them about once a month, maybe more of there are birthdays. I'm very lucky to have been born in a financially stable home, but other things were lacking. You take the good with the bad.

My mom is a bit more forgetful and dad gets tired a little easier, but they are still both driven and keep going. Both eat well and exercise. They both can still be a little overbearing and still treat my sister and I as kids\young adults. I'm almost 43 and my sister is 46. I've owned and sold my own business. My sister has 3 kids with one being disabled. My mom used to be a behavioral specialist for mentality disabled adults, so she has amazing connections and insight that has definitely helped tremendously. With that my sister is able to work for the state as a caretaker for her son. Very fortunate.

We both love our parents but find them difficult to hang out with for an extended period of time. We received material things in place of hugs and love, but they did the best they could with what they had. For that, I am very grateful. They bought my sister a house and I will inherit theirs when the time comes.

Reading this thread has helped put things into perspective for me. I will hug them a little tighter when they get back.

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ViolyntFemme@reddit

We will be welcome my mom if she needs a place to stay (tho I doubt she’ll be able to leave my brothers kids, and he certainly isn’t welcome here) for as long as she needs. But my step father? He can, as my grandfather used to say, take a long walk of a short pier.

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bdwf@reddit

Dad had a massive stroke when I was 22.

Mom now has dementia.

Both are still alive in long term care in separate units in the same building.

I miss them both dearly and wish I could talk to them like they're my parents and not dependents on me.

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LadyBirdDavis@reddit

My grandma is 94, dad is 74, mom is 64 and I’m 44. Not loving this at all I swear one of us is at the drs every week!

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giraffemoo@reddit

Same way they handled my rough years in my youth, avoiding them like the plague. I ignore them.

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wingman_anytime@reddit

Watching my parents and other family members I grew up with getting old is hard. Triggers some very, very uncomfortable thoughts for me around mortality. My therapist told me that there's some kind of well-documented thing that happens to men in the 45-50 age range, and that it gets better, but man has it been tough.

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SlackerDS5@reddit

Ones passed and the other is just chilling enjoying life. Already have her will and stuff planned out. I’ve already helped her through her cancer journey and she is right with God, and so am I. Not planning on her to pass anytime soon, So we are good.

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kaest@reddit

It's weird. My mom died 20 years ago but my dad is almost 80. It's a thing. One of the many things that you have to adjust to as you age.

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Upstairs-Storm1006@reddit

It sucks. Moved them out of their house of fifty years like 18 months ago into a retirement community. My mom (83),is thriving with all the social stuff but my dad (86) has dementia and it's rapidly getting worse, and she leaves him alone in the apartment for hours while she goes to her clubs. Also her short term memory is rapidly decreasing which is causing a ton of frustrations including forgetting where she left my dad.

On top of that both are having lots of physical issues. Dad is tired all the time, gets nauseous easy and recently passed out on a trip to the zoo, thankfully he sat in a bench and kind of fell backwards so he passed out sitting up.

My mom refuses to get him in a wheelchair, and she's having her own mobility issues - her thing is waddling around and grabbing onto anything for stability like walls, chairs etc. I'm always worried she's going to fall and break a hip or something.

We took my dad's keys and sold his car before they moved but my mom needs to stop driving too and refuses.

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JamesTheJesterDee@reddit

I became the oldest person in my family at 34. Not gonna lie, it's pretty rough

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AdRadiant9379@reddit

My dad is already losing memory. I’ve been in the nursing home business a long time. I accept it

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FoppyRETURNS@reddit

My mother is... okay? My father is losing is and is having heart issues.

But I am blessed to still have both!!

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small___potatoes@reddit

We’re hanging in there! Parents go to the fitness center nearly every day and do a lot of traveling. Dad’s 83, mom is 77. I know I am very lucky to have them still.

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indigocherry@reddit

My parents were awful to me when I was growing up. Now they're decent to me but awful people in general. I'm tired.

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Angis3000@reddit

Not great. Fortunate enough that hubs and I have all 4 but watching the slow decline hurts

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Azmtbkr@reddit

So so. My wife and I are finding that our parents are becoming very rigid and set in their ways. Our relationships are regressing in that our parents are less willing to respect healthy boundaries and work to resolve family issues; they increasingly seem to prefer a parent/child relationship instead of an adult relationship. Not sure if this is unique to us but I suspect not.

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paintedwoodpile@reddit

Most all of my family has passed. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, mother, father. Dad in the early 90's. Mom a year and a half ago. Mom retired early but got very sick before the pandemic. 3 months in the hospital. She was in a coma for over a month. When she came back, she wasn't herself. Much more mean. Not her funny fun self. She lost a ton of weight. Stopped leaving the house. It wasn't long after that. We were never a close family but I miss her so much.

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Nerdiestlesbian@reddit

My gran (dad’s mom) had Alzheimer’s/dementia and passed away about 5 years ago. Then I lost my dad 2 months later. My mom’s in her late 70’s, and without my dad she has gone oof the rails. Calls me daily for the most stupid things. My sister lives with her. It’s been a struggle for us both.

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Willow1883@reddit

Well…when I think of one of my cousins in particular I’m transported back to my happiest childhood memories in the 80s/90s. To this day I still feel like a little kid around my cousins. My closest cousin’s mother died last year and his father died today. My parents are in reasonably good shape, fingers crossed, but the last half a decade has just been a melancholy parade of early deaths. I’m honestly just waiting every day to find out that one of my best friends has colon cancer or something. So…I guess…I’m not doing great despite my own parents being okay.

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_AMOK_@reddit

They don’t care about my existence and I don’t care for theirs. Looking forward to the day I’m truly alone in this world

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greaterwhiterwookiee@reddit

Grandpa and his sister died within a month. The idea of Mortality is hitting us really hard. I hate it so I just try and enjoy all my time

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ResurgentClusterfuck@reddit

Both of mine have been gone for years now :(

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cointerm@reddit

My mother seems to be ok. Gets out of the house a lot, goes supermarket, does shit. She's actually really worried about her mind, keeps doing brain games and stuff. But all I see is the standard age-related memory loss. I tell her that's pretty normal.

She sure is getting grumpier, though.

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Herky_T_Hawk@reddit

The way I was trained growing up. Ignore it as much as possible and push those emotions down so that they don’t show up.

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Objective-Dust4795@reddit

Fuck I feel this. My mom was in the hospital three times since the first of the year and she almost opened up about her father being a passive aggressive asshole and then she just shoved it down and said we didn’t need to talk about it. Like boomers will avoid anything close to emotional vulnerability.

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anOvenofWitches@reddit

What I struggle with is logically an aging brain only retains information it deems relevant or necessary.

Only there’s no logic anymore to what’s held, and what passes through like a sieve.

It is hard to not take personally at times. The only brain that can change to meet this moment is my own and that’s a huge burden at times.

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Enge712@reddit

They are both surprisingly well overall.

Mom is frustrating because she fills a statin but doesn’t take it. Doesn’t want it charted she refuses it. She is 70 and has never had a mammogram. That is what killed her mother. But functionally she is still mentally and physically with it. Her dad is still independent at 98

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BaronVonNes@reddit

Mom died 20+ years ago, dad is in his 70s still working as an executive. I’m sure my dad will just pass one day as if everything is normal and the same.

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Serrajuana@reddit

Lost my dad on my 13th birthday, and taking care of mum after a 2 year battle with cancer. It's like having a 71 year old toddler. Took up smoking again because I've not been dealing well with it personally. But hey, she's in remission, so I guess I'll take the L on my own health while she regains hers.

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resourcefultamale@reddit

They are still doing surprisingly well and still working hard at 75. But they also are taking no steps to prepare for the phase of life they’re entering next or even willing to discuss it.

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International_Soup@reddit

I’m grateful that I’ve had as much good time with my folks as I have. I try to keep that in mind when dealing with the difficult reality of their dementia

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lady_forsythe@reddit

Mom had a great ten or so years where she was actively treating her mental illness and I could trust her around my kids. Now she’s just given up on it, lapsed back into her sleeping pill addiction so I almost never have a lucid conversation with her, and her MI is completely unchecked. I avoid talking to her and she’s not allowed around my kids anymore even though they’re quite a bit older now.

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Entire-Order3464@reddit

Don't talk to my mom. My dad will be 70 this year and still visits me every year to go skiing. So, so far so good.

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mizushimo@reddit

They spent all last summer in and out of medical rehab and hospitals, first mom and then dad. It got very dicey for awhile, especially with my dad, I even called my sister down from Texas to say goodbye. I spent a couple of weeks in august commuting through some of the worst traffic in the country to visit my dad in the hospital, and then go back home to take care of mom who was recovering from back surgery. I'm hoping this year things will be quieter.

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OwnLobster1701@reddit

My mom passed a few years ago. I'm not sure how my dad is still around considering how he treats his body. He lives about 3500 miles away though, which helps.

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Noisechild@reddit

No longer worry, just grieve. 😞