Its definitely different from what I was doing at 16, my friends and I were out a lot in the evenings and my mum would drive in her lil old car to pick up me up at midnight or whatever so I didn't walk around alone (very indulged only child here clearly). But I did respect her rules about times, if she said midnight or one at the weekend and 10 or 11 on a weekday as she was working I'd religiously stick to that I never messed her about. Either way though I wasn't expected not to be out in the evenings, that seemed normal for a 16 year old at the time.
Clubbing till the early hours was the norm for us once we left school. A 16 yr old having to be in by 8pm and no sleepovers, absolutely not. Then people complain that young people aren't independent enough.
Tbf it was post gcse, I'd already done my exams got into top six form etc. We also lived in a very nice place so I don't think there was a great deal to worry about, I was a priviliged kid.
Also really needed to come in on your comment about being indulged. She just wanted you safe. My mum was picking me and my mates up from clubs and dropping everyone home at 4am. There’s some wider context but she just wanted to know we were all safe x
You're totally right, I think I was teased a bit about it from mates hence my comment, but I was really well looked after, I consider myself very lucky :)
8pm on school nights at 16 is unreasonable even when they're still at school IMO, so long as schoolwork is getting done.
8pm after they've finished their exams is ridiculous. GCSEs are a slog. Post-exam, pre-college is supposed to be carefree, to allow them to decompress from 2 years of hard work.
I would say that is a bit over the top, but also as a parent and seeing the world how it is today I also can understand their perspective, they probably are just worried about you! Try and come to some sort of compromise if you can, whichever parent is the more chill one go to them first, just explain to them that you’re working really hard and being responsible and all you’re asking for is a bit of leniency in return, reassure them you will behave and keep in touch etc, maybe put your location on?
Definitely not, I’m 23, when I was 16 sure we were doing things we shouldn’t be, but nobody was getting stabbed. You see 13 year olds stabbing other 13 year olds now, even at school.
I’m just stating from my own personal experience I don’t know why everyone is so upset about it, when I was 16 and in school which wasn’t all that long ago so I do recall it quite well, nobody got stabbed, I never once had the threat or worry of being stabbed, it just wasn’t something that was happening, fighting and stuff sure but we weren’t worrying we would get stabbed, not sure why you’re trying to disprove my own personal experience you weren’t there 😂😂
The rule for my kids are what I had when I was younger. The street lights come on and I want you home. My daughter is doing her GCSE's too, she's not allowed to go anywhere while they're on, but she's allowed to the local beach by bus which is 30ish minutes away when they're finished.
Some parents are just unnecessarily strict unfortunately. Are you the eldest?
She can go to friends houses but not wandering out and about in the rain and wind and dark. She's happy with it, never complained to me about it. She was approached by a van in winter by a sketchy guy while with a friend so she doesn't want to be out wandering anyway.
That's the rule I had when I was under about 12. Is she particularly irresponsible or living in a dangerous area? If not,cthat seems unnecessarily strict for a 16 year old to me!
Compromise and ask what can you do then? What would they be happy with? If you show them you are safe out and about etc they might let go of those reins a little.
I mean, yes they are, but you’re still living under their roof so there’s not much you can do about. Make plans to support yourself so you can move out as soon as you want to
Typical reddit reply - don't like the curfew so plan to work a full time job in addition to your A levels so you can feed some landlord 500+ a month for a crappy room in a shared house/flat with random strangers before you are even an adult.
Or they could work hard in their a-levels in order to go to uni at 18. Ever consider that as an option? And realistically in the worst case scenario, those are OPs options if the parents ultimately decide to chuck them out for disobeying them.
“Living under their roof” is a dumb af statement, I get it for things concerning the house IE parties, but to dictate a curfew that early at 16 in this day and age?
Some people are just overprotective or crave control
I grew up in a very difficult environment which likely influences my advice. For me, it was much easier to comply because it led to fewer conflicts. I don’t think it’s right, but if the parents are non-negotiable then you’re in a shit situation and should consider the best options for maintaining peace. It’s great that you apparently had understanding parents in which this might insteadbe a fun, lively debate about curfew.
I’d argue that 16 is the most crucial age to keep firmly hold of the reins - it’s where all the years of education start to reach the crunch point, and it’s also the age where going out drinking and partying starts to creep in as a social distraction.
You can blow 16 years of good education on a poor couple of years at A level.
I’m somewhere in the middle with this. I can understand how they would feel as that’s reasonable as parents but also how I felt at your age. Tbh I think it’s context dependent. If you stay out with friends in evenings it depends where you are; a safe neighbourhood is great but whats the reason for being outdoors in the evenings? Using the train surely is fine because learning to do that alone is building your independence, but maybe not if it’s at night. I don’t get why you can’t go in the day and sleep over, unless they don’t like your friend and/or their parents for some good reason .
As for parties, it depends whose it is,
what kind of party and where. The 9pm thing is a bit of a moot point but they might just want an early night themselves.
I left home at 16 but I’m also a parent and all teenagers are different; that’s my perspective. But if it were me, I’d be asking them what is behind this decision making process.
Unsure if you're a girl, but I have a 16 year old sister and she goes out until 8pm on weekends sometimes and even that freaks me out. But also I have OCD and worry about everything so I don't know. I think if you're a girl it makes sense why they're worrying to me
Honestly it's probably not what you want to hear, but no. I'm in my 20s and my parents weren't overbearing at all, I just had to be reasonable. I moved in with them after uni and they still don't like me home too late. It's not overprotective, they just care about you.
Its frustrating but its not unreasonable. You're still young and unfortunately its not very safe being out late. I hope you resolve this though.
Hey! Let me come at this from another direction. I'm a 29 year old father. Your current years are going to have a massive impact on your life. They seem strict for sure, but they also probably have massive dreams of you achieving anything you want in life.
You're not going to get anywhere butting heads, but you may get somewhere with 'what do you need from me to make this work'. Evidence of study? Only Fridays and Saturdays? Try and work with them instead of against them.
I was routinely out too late or up all night on Minecraft. I slept through a lot of my GCSE's. I wish my parents took a firmer stance on it all.
This seems like forever now, but blink and you will miss it.
Yes, I think that your parents are being unreasonable. At 16 you can technically leave home if you wish and wrapping you in cotton wool isn't going to prepare you for adult life. Having an 8pm curfew is for 12 year olds, not 16 year olds. They want to protect you, which is understandable, but they're not giving you any opportunity to grow and take responsibility for yourself. I realise I'm rather a lot older than you, but at 16 I didn't have a curfew, I had a front door key and a promise to behave sensibly and not wake anyone when I got home. No mobiles in those days either.
For Friday and Saturday nights at least, for your own good, your parents need to loosen the apron strings. Try to talk to them about things calmly, agree to check in by text to let them know you're on your way home at a more reasonable time, that you won't drink or will only have one (depending on how realistic they are about teens and alcohol) and that you will leave if there's any trouble etc. If you can handle it, maybe even agree to location tracking at night. A lot of your friends will be having similar discussions and making similar compromises with their parents, even if they're too embarrassed to admit it.
The way the world is now I'm nervous enough when my 10yo starts going to Secondary school on his own, and watching my 4yo daughter grow up in the world being the way it is.
Maybe talk to them and try and ask for some sort of compromise? They might see you asking for compromise as a mature way of handling it (provided you've not lashed out or acted irrationally towards them/ the situation).
As a parent, I can understand their perspective.
Putting myself in your shoes, I can understand yours.
My son is doing his gcse's at the moment and is 16 too. I agree with you, they sound quite over protective. Perhaps you should ask why they want these rules; find out what motivates them and then work out a plan to assuage their concerns.
Are they feeding you and providing you with a place you can sleep and study? If yes then put up with it for now, work hard and enjoy your freedom in a couple of years.
You will look back one day and be grateful trust me don’t take it for granted a lot of parents these days don’t care your view is valid and an honest conversation should do the trick Reddit will not give you the answers you need the answers are at home with your family ❤️
You have a lot of time to enjoy. Your parents love you.amd GCSE exams are the most stressful. Did you sit the bio paper today? Get to Uni and enjoy yourself. I had the best time and met my best friends there. Graduated over 20 years ago.
Note the question. You must answer this if you want to reply to the submission as the Serious Flair is applied.
The question is not about their future, what they should do, or how things were back in your day. It is a subjective question of whether the attitude, as presented, is unreasonable. So that must be in your response.
I’m going to be honest with you as a young person.
PUSH THEIR BOUNDARIES
The problem with a lot of parents is that they see their children as small children who constantly need protection and don’t know any better. You need to show your parents that you are growing up and they can’t stop that.
Instead of coming home at 8pm come home at 9pm then 9:30pm and keep pushing constantly. If they call just ignore it.
Your parents will obviously be very upset and shout and maybe threaten you. Most of the time that’s just what it is, words.
I was the other way around, given virtually no rules and fucked about colossally. I have a lovely life and a fantastic job/career now. But in hindsight, a little discipline wouldn't have hurt.
Do the GCSEs, get the grades, bugger off, live your life.
You have plenty to deal with right now, just focus on your exams. When they are over you can start on this issue, a conversation about why they have these rules, which friends can stay late at your house, which friends houses you can stay a bit later at, acceptable activities like cinema/bowling, what can be put in place (location tracker, regular calls, letting them pick you up, building up trust) to ease the rules up over time. But keep it loving and calm, they obviously care about you (this is coming from someone who went to festivals at 14 and ibiza at 16, I would have loved my parents to actually care).
Which is probably going to backfire massively on the parents. They are trying to prevent their kid going off the rails now, which likely means they will go off the rails when they can legally buy alcohol but have no experience with it. It is such a common tale that you would think parents would be aware of it.
When you would go to bed and the room is either spinning or tipping backwards constantly.
Then you wake up 10 hours later feeling like shite but the room is still spinning.
But at least there was a half eaten cold pizza for breakfast.
I was basically independent at 16, doing as I pleased - but then again I was 16 in 2006, and my parents were at work most of the time. One thing I dislike about modern British society is that we have become so much more neurotic, eg the 'Nanny State' mentality.
Your parents sound a little overprotective to me - and I understand if they are worried for your safety or something - but fucking with your social life is a massive dick move.
It's my view talking to them to find out what their worries are to appreciate their rules.
I always explained why I had rules and not just expect my children to accept them.
Sometimes we don't always get our message across in a way our children understand "strict!" "Boring!" "That's not fair!" And while we don't have to explain ourselves, I found it helpful to us all as a family help understand why we have rules in place.
ie. At 16 you have no transport. If something went terribly wrong you would expect your parents to be there in an instant.
Imagine the panic having to wait for your parents to be in the car to come and get you 10pm 30 minutes away "because your train was delayed". It's not a fair on them or you.
As parents it's our duty to make your safety our priority and I should be so grateful they have this want for you to be safe.
Some parents couldn't care less, or be free young child - that's fun but not helpful overall. I speak with experience.
It sounds your rules come with love and care for your welfare. At 16 it may seem unfair, even more so if your friends have "more freedom".
When you're of an age where you're able to make your own rules, you'll have at least 60 years of doing so. Make the most of them instead of.
Gave a wonderful summer and wish you every success with your exams. Stay cool 😎
It’s unreasonable in my view, and most white brits’ I imagine. I guess it’s cultural though? Some tiger parenting, or protection of women’s modesty thing? Or maybe it’s anxiety?
Personally I would keep to the rules while you focus on the exams. After that… I guess it’s about seeing if it’s ‘worth it’ to enforce your boundaries about freedom- ie break the rules. It might not be… Im sure u already tried to reason with them, but maybe keep trying that too.
Are you the first child? It can be difficult for parents to let you get into situations where you can violate their trust. By the second/third child they've usually got the hang of it a bit more.
I think it's unreasonable, but I also see your parents' point of view. My 3 children are all very different. The youngest is out a lot and we've had to be pretty strict with her. She's coming back into line.
Your parents are as much trying to control/protect you as they are trying to manage their own stress about their child being out late in the big bad world. It's a journey for them as much as it is you.
My advice is to absolutely respect the 9pm curfew at the start of the holiday. Give it a few weeks. Then ask if it's possible to be out til 10. Make sure that you absolutely respect any ground they give you. Your only real option here is to establish that you are where you say you are, and you absolutely will be home when you say you will. They will trust that you can go out and not go absolutely crazy, once you demonstrate that you treat their requests seriously.
For the sleepovers, can you get the friend's parents to vouch that you're where you say you are?
I mean you are only 16 so yeah I get people party and things but you're still really young in the big scheme of things and they likely don't want to see you end up on the news! Get your exams done first as thats the main thing - then have an adult conversation with them about staying at a mates house who they know and like. Explain exactly what the plans are and they;ll likely be fine with it. Don't go throwing a tantrum.
They're probably feeling anxious about your exams now (when you have kids yourself you'll understand what it's like trying to keep the house on an even keel so nothing gets in the way of your child doing their best).
Focus on the exams for now. Once they're out of the way and everyone's calmer, you may stand a better chance of success using a mature attitude.
Thank them for their support, then try leading into an adult conversation about how you'd like their support to start building your independence so you can be successful at uni in two years' time. You may need to start this by gently seeding the idea, then put it into action step by step to get them comfortable with it. It's often easier for people to accept change if you do it like this rather than having a confrontation up front about a policy change.
I got kicked out in my earlier years for being a shitbag. Trust me. Do what you can to stay at home as long as you can. Especially with how spenny everything is atm.
Suck that teet of financially dependancy as long as you can mate
They are trying to help you but don't realise that without letting off steam occasionally it will be counter productive. I had similar, and I instantly regretted going in to sixth form rather than getting experience in the real world. I wasn't interested in education any more.
As others have said, their roof, their rules. But don't let them dictate your future that is yours and yours alone.
The curfew (8pm) is definitely quite early for summer standard. I’d say sunset is a more reasonable time.
On the other hand, I think the sleepover decision is necessary for your safety. Of course, you trust your friend, but your parents don’t know them (or their family). It’s also 30 minutes away which isn’t ideal in the case of any emergencies. I know it sucks, but this rule exists in your best interests.
Good luck with your GCSEs. The summer after it is usually the most freeing era (but also quite nerve wracking when you’re still waiting for your results).
See if you can negotiate the time limits. Ask for 10 pm to stay out with friends and 11 pm for parties. Then you can maybe negotiate to 9pm and 10 pm respectively.
As a parent (and somebody who was your age a decade or two ago) I think they are being extremely unreasonable, yeah.
But hey, what can you do? Other than, keep approaching them with reasoned arguments and show you can be trusted. What is their reasoning for not letting you even have a sleepover?
Are these the same rules you've always had?
Is this for post-GCSE or during exam period? If the former - very unreasonable. If the latter - totally fair.
I mean... What is the context/background here? Is this the first time you've wanted to "let loose" and they're just panicking? Or is there some genuine reason for their caution that you haven't admitted?
Nah I'm talking about in summer after my exams. It's always pretty much been like this, latest I've ever got back home was like 9 30 and since then they haven't let me out past 8. They said the reason is because of safety and stuff, but in summer it won't get dark until like 10 anyway. I think they're probably comparing to their childhood bc they were raised in a different country
Ah ok, I know a lot of immigrant parents get a reputation for being overly strict etc, is that the case here do you reckon? Cultural differences are a bit harder to bridge, a bit more ingrained.
It's safer now than it's ever been, what with CCTV and mobile phones etc. The bogeyman jumping out of the hedge when it gets dark is a myth/vanishingly rare and really not how the majority of assaults even occur, especially if you live in a good area. And when it gets dark is kinda irrelevant if you're staying over at someone's house.
I don't know what a 9 is but I'm assuming it's like an A or something (I'm old) - so if you are on track for top grades I'm sure you can put together for them a logical argument as to why you should be allowed out for longer, and show them things like tracking apps etc that would allow them to have more peace of mind.
Ultimately I would try and approach this from the angle of "okay folks I understand you have some concerns but most kids my age are allowed to do more and I feel I am responsible enough to handle it. How can I earn your trust so we can work up to me having more independence and freedom?" (Not those exact words, just the concept).
It could be they feel better if you have a tracking app on your phone/watch, or if they can call the parents of the other kid, or if you can do a "test run" under lower-risk conditions and work your way up from there.
Probably you've all just stayed within this pattern of you having the schedule of a much younger teen and it's never been updated so suddenly being confronted with the idea of you having free run of the town over summer is terrifying to them. But I still think they do need to work on giving you more freedom than you've got. As I say, if they give you a bit more at a time and you "prove yourself", that might be a good compromise.
If not - as another poster said - it's only 2 years and then you're free! Haha. In fact, you could use that in your argument, like "hey in two years I will be living alone and having to navigate life completely independently - don't you want me to work up to that instead of being thrown in the deep end?"
I think if you are comparing it with peers who are allowed this or have zero boundaries I don't think anyone here can convince you otherwise. Their house, their rules.
Is it unusual no, does it suck yes but you will be at uni soon you will soon forget about this and no one will ask or care how you spent your last GCSE summer
Have been there, what worked for me is just having a really adult and reasonable conversation with my parents (specifically my mum) and listen to their reasoning for it and try to come to a compromise. Don’t kick off and throw your toys out the pram, if they have valid concerns then validate them. See if you can find some middle ground.
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spidertattootim@reddit
8pm on weekdays? Perfectly reasonable.
Most_Ground_4477@reddit (OP)
Not on weekdays, 8 PM whenever I go out this summer holiday after finishing all my GCSEs
lilidragonfly@reddit
Its definitely different from what I was doing at 16, my friends and I were out a lot in the evenings and my mum would drive in her lil old car to pick up me up at midnight or whatever so I didn't walk around alone (very indulged only child here clearly). But I did respect her rules about times, if she said midnight or one at the weekend and 10 or 11 on a weekday as she was working I'd religiously stick to that I never messed her about. Either way though I wasn't expected not to be out in the evenings, that seemed normal for a 16 year old at the time.
TheTackleZone@reddit
Out at midnight at 16 is absolutely mental to me. Of course you stuck to such lax rules.
Alouema2@reddit
Clubbing till the early hours was the norm for us once we left school. A 16 yr old having to be in by 8pm and no sleepovers, absolutely not. Then people complain that young people aren't independent enough.
lilidragonfly@reddit
Tbf it was post gcse, I'd already done my exams got into top six form etc. We also lived in a very nice place so I don't think there was a great deal to worry about, I was a priviliged kid.
Dutch_Slim@reddit
Very similar to my experience.
Also really needed to come in on your comment about being indulged. She just wanted you safe. My mum was picking me and my mates up from clubs and dropping everyone home at 4am. There’s some wider context but she just wanted to know we were all safe x
OrangeChevron@reddit
It is a bit over indulged to be collected at midnight from a party by your mum, come on now
Dutch_Slim@reddit
Or in my case when your mum has watched 2 of her 3 kids die, she’s dead set on keeping the third one as safe as possible without locking them up 😉
lilidragonfly@reddit
You're totally right, I think I was teased a bit about it from mates hence my comment, but I was really well looked after, I consider myself very lucky :)
HarryPopperSC@reddit
Have you ever tried just you know being a teenager and doing it anyway?
adreddit298@reddit
8pm on school nights at 16 is unreasonable even when they're still at school IMO, so long as schoolwork is getting done.
8pm after they've finished their exams is ridiculous. GCSEs are a slog. Post-exam, pre-college is supposed to be carefree, to allow them to decompress from 2 years of hard work.
Zestyclose_Offer_402@reddit
I would say that is a bit over the top, but also as a parent and seeing the world how it is today I also can understand their perspective, they probably are just worried about you! Try and come to some sort of compromise if you can, whichever parent is the more chill one go to them first, just explain to them that you’re working really hard and being responsible and all you’re asking for is a bit of leniency in return, reassure them you will behave and keep in touch etc, maybe put your location on?
GourangaPlusPlus@reddit
Safer than it's ever been? Certainly much safer than your own childhood
Zestyclose_Offer_402@reddit
Definitely not, I’m 23, when I was 16 sure we were doing things we shouldn’t be, but nobody was getting stabbed. You see 13 year olds stabbing other 13 year olds now, even at school.
GourangaPlusPlus@reddit
They were, and at higher rates
Zestyclose_Offer_402@reddit
I’m just stating from my own personal experience I don’t know why everyone is so upset about it, when I was 16 and in school which wasn’t all that long ago so I do recall it quite well, nobody got stabbed, I never once had the threat or worry of being stabbed, it just wasn’t something that was happening, fighting and stuff sure but we weren’t worrying we would get stabbed, not sure why you’re trying to disprove my own personal experience you weren’t there 😂😂
hdhxuxufxufufiffif@reddit
You're twenty-three years old and you're yearning for the golden age of 2019 when no-one got stabbed?
Zestyclose_Offer_402@reddit
Eh? I’m saying as a PARENT I can understand worrying about your children with the way the world is right now, my age has nothing to do with it really.
The__Pope_@reddit
You're chatting absolute horse shit. Maybe lay off the doom scrolling if you think it's more dangerous now than in the past
Zestyclose_Offer_402@reddit
Yikes how are you so angry at a random comment on Reddit? Maybe you should stop doom scrolling and seek therapy!
NorthAstronaut@reddit
The 80's and 90's, (and I guess the early 00's) were much, much rougher for kids this age. And parents were way more permissive.
There was not constant social media hyping up the dangers, I guess is the reason.
StrawberryQueenx@reddit
The rule for my kids are what I had when I was younger. The street lights come on and I want you home. My daughter is doing her GCSE's too, she's not allowed to go anywhere while they're on, but she's allowed to the local beach by bus which is 30ish minutes away when they're finished.
Some parents are just unnecessarily strict unfortunately. Are you the eldest?
The__Pope_@reddit
That makes sense for you get kids but 16? They're just a year away from driving and all the independence that brings
knotatwist@reddit
So at 15-16 in winter she's got to be home by 4pm?
StrawberryQueenx@reddit
She can go to friends houses but not wandering out and about in the rain and wind and dark. She's happy with it, never complained to me about it. She was approached by a van in winter by a sketchy guy while with a friend so she doesn't want to be out wandering anyway.
unseemly_turbidity@reddit
That's the rule I had when I was under about 12. Is she particularly irresponsible or living in a dangerous area? If not,cthat seems unnecessarily strict for a 16 year old to me!
Jealous_Sympathy9402@reddit
Compromise and ask what can you do then? What would they be happy with? If you show them you are safe out and about etc they might let go of those reins a little.
MoodyStocking@reddit
I mean, yes they are, but you’re still living under their roof so there’s not much you can do about. Make plans to support yourself so you can move out as soon as you want to
TheTackleZone@reddit
Typical reddit reply - don't like the curfew so plan to work a full time job in addition to your A levels so you can feed some landlord 500+ a month for a crappy room in a shared house/flat with random strangers before you are even an adult.
MoodyStocking@reddit
Or they could work hard in their a-levels in order to go to uni at 18. Ever consider that as an option? And realistically in the worst case scenario, those are OPs options if the parents ultimately decide to chuck them out for disobeying them.
Bowtie327@reddit
“Living under their roof” is a dumb af statement, I get it for things concerning the house IE parties, but to dictate a curfew that early at 16 in this day and age?
Some people are just overprotective or crave control
MoodyStocking@reddit
I grew up in a very difficult environment which likely influences my advice. For me, it was much easier to comply because it led to fewer conflicts. I don’t think it’s right, but if the parents are non-negotiable then you’re in a shit situation and should consider the best options for maintaining peace. It’s great that you apparently had understanding parents in which this might insteadbe a fun, lively debate about curfew.
omniwrench-@reddit
I’d argue that 16 is the most crucial age to keep firmly hold of the reins - it’s where all the years of education start to reach the crunch point, and it’s also the age where going out drinking and partying starts to creep in as a social distraction.
You can blow 16 years of good education on a poor couple of years at A level.
abfgern_@reddit
That'd be a major overreaction
Gullflyinghigh@reddit
Yep, sounds like it.
MattDubh@reddit
That is unreasonable.
My parents did the same. I left at 18, and never went back. Not seen either of them for thirty years.
Advanced_Monitor6568@reddit
I’m somewhere in the middle with this. I can understand how they would feel as that’s reasonable as parents but also how I felt at your age. Tbh I think it’s context dependent. If you stay out with friends in evenings it depends where you are; a safe neighbourhood is great but whats the reason for being outdoors in the evenings? Using the train surely is fine because learning to do that alone is building your independence, but maybe not if it’s at night. I don’t get why you can’t go in the day and sleep over, unless they don’t like your friend and/or their parents for some good reason .
As for parties, it depends whose it is, what kind of party and where. The 9pm thing is a bit of a moot point but they might just want an early night themselves.
I left home at 16 but I’m also a parent and all teenagers are different; that’s my perspective. But if it were me, I’d be asking them what is behind this decision making process.
PINKSPlDER@reddit
Unsure if you're a girl, but I have a 16 year old sister and she goes out until 8pm on weekends sometimes and even that freaks me out. But also I have OCD and worry about everything so I don't know. I think if you're a girl it makes sense why they're worrying to me
jd1878@reddit
Feels overly strict by todays standards. But looking back I wish my parents were a bit stricter,especially around education and exams.
EnthusiasmMission146@reddit
Honestly it's probably not what you want to hear, but no. I'm in my 20s and my parents weren't overbearing at all, I just had to be reasonable. I moved in with them after uni and they still don't like me home too late. It's not overprotective, they just care about you.
Its frustrating but its not unreasonable. You're still young and unfortunately its not very safe being out late. I hope you resolve this though.
BringTheRawr@reddit
Hey! Let me come at this from another direction. I'm a 29 year old father. Your current years are going to have a massive impact on your life. They seem strict for sure, but they also probably have massive dreams of you achieving anything you want in life.
You're not going to get anywhere butting heads, but you may get somewhere with 'what do you need from me to make this work'. Evidence of study? Only Fridays and Saturdays? Try and work with them instead of against them.
I was routinely out too late or up all night on Minecraft. I slept through a lot of my GCSE's. I wish my parents took a firmer stance on it all.
This seems like forever now, but blink and you will miss it.
WildCulture8318@reddit
It does sound unreasonable but it sounds like they are good parents when want the best for you.
Don't push it with them until the exams are finished
Maybe have the friend stay over at yours 1st so they can meet them
Good luck with the exams
Dimac99@reddit
Yes, I think that your parents are being unreasonable. At 16 you can technically leave home if you wish and wrapping you in cotton wool isn't going to prepare you for adult life. Having an 8pm curfew is for 12 year olds, not 16 year olds. They want to protect you, which is understandable, but they're not giving you any opportunity to grow and take responsibility for yourself. I realise I'm rather a lot older than you, but at 16 I didn't have a curfew, I had a front door key and a promise to behave sensibly and not wake anyone when I got home. No mobiles in those days either.
For Friday and Saturday nights at least, for your own good, your parents need to loosen the apron strings. Try to talk to them about things calmly, agree to check in by text to let them know you're on your way home at a more reasonable time, that you won't drink or will only have one (depending on how realistic they are about teens and alcohol) and that you will leave if there's any trouble etc. If you can handle it, maybe even agree to location tracking at night. A lot of your friends will be having similar discussions and making similar compromises with their parents, even if they're too embarrassed to admit it.
Neither-Albatross866@reddit
The way the world is now I'm nervous enough when my 10yo starts going to Secondary school on his own, and watching my 4yo daughter grow up in the world being the way it is.
Maybe talk to them and try and ask for some sort of compromise? They might see you asking for compromise as a mature way of handling it (provided you've not lashed out or acted irrationally towards them/ the situation).
As a parent, I can understand their perspective.
Putting myself in your shoes, I can understand yours.
hhfugrr3@reddit
My son is doing his gcse's at the moment and is 16 too. I agree with you, they sound quite over protective. Perhaps you should ask why they want these rules; find out what motivates them and then work out a plan to assuage their concerns.
Good luck with the exams.
BumblebeeNo6356@reddit
Are they feeding you and providing you with a place you can sleep and study? If yes then put up with it for now, work hard and enjoy your freedom in a couple of years.
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gawkgoat@reddit
You will look back one day and be grateful trust me don’t take it for granted a lot of parents these days don’t care your view is valid and an honest conversation should do the trick Reddit will not give you the answers you need the answers are at home with your family ❤️
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Saucegobrrr@reddit
Just sneak out like every other teenager 😂everyone sneaks out to parties gets grounded does it all over again live your best life
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johnnycarrotheid@reddit
As the wise Chef once said, "there's a time and place for everything, and it's called College (Uni) "
👍
Hold on, it'l be worth it.
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InsurancePurple4630@reddit
Test the boundaries. See how much you can get away. Just make sure you communicate if you're going to be late. Make excuses like train delay.
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Leonichol@reddit
!tlc
mcglash@reddit
You have a lot of time to enjoy. Your parents love you.amd GCSE exams are the most stressful. Did you sit the bio paper today? Get to Uni and enjoy yourself. I had the best time and met my best friends there. Graduated over 20 years ago.
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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit
Note the question. You must answer this if you want to reply to the submission as the Serious Flair is applied.
The question is not about their future, what they should do, or how things were back in your day. It is a subjective question of whether the attitude, as presented, is unreasonable. So that must be in your response.
TCRex04@reddit
I’m going to be honest with you as a young person.
PUSH THEIR BOUNDARIES
The problem with a lot of parents is that they see their children as small children who constantly need protection and don’t know any better. You need to show your parents that you are growing up and they can’t stop that.
Instead of coming home at 8pm come home at 9pm then 9:30pm and keep pushing constantly. If they call just ignore it.
Your parents will obviously be very upset and shout and maybe threaten you. Most of the time that’s just what it is, words.
Force the issue or hide. Choice is yours
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Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit
I was the other way around, given virtually no rules and fucked about colossally. I have a lovely life and a fantastic job/career now. But in hindsight, a little discipline wouldn't have hurt.
Do the GCSEs, get the grades, bugger off, live your life.
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DiDiPLF@reddit
You have plenty to deal with right now, just focus on your exams. When they are over you can start on this issue, a conversation about why they have these rules, which friends can stay late at your house, which friends houses you can stay a bit later at, acceptable activities like cinema/bowling, what can be put in place (location tracker, regular calls, letting them pick you up, building up trust) to ease the rules up over time. But keep it loving and calm, they obviously care about you (this is coming from someone who went to festivals at 14 and ibiza at 16, I would have loved my parents to actually care).
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BlondBitch91@reddit
2 years. You can survive 2 years. Then get to uni somewhere out from under their control and go crazy if thats what you want to do.
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pajamakitten@reddit
Which is probably going to backfire massively on the parents. They are trying to prevent their kid going off the rails now, which likely means they will go off the rails when they can legally buy alcohol but have no experience with it. It is such a common tale that you would think parents would be aware of it.
cjgmmgjc85@reddit
Two years to go buddy. Get yourself into uni and live the life from then onwards. I'm 40, trust me it'll be worth it.
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UnacceptableUse@reddit
I dunno, there's things you can only really get away with as a teenager
Decent_Confidence_36@reddit
I’ve got so many horror story’s from 18-21 I look back on so fondly.. strange thing nostalgia
HarryPopperSC@reddit
Ah yes the alcohol poisoning years I remember them well.
claggypants@reddit
When you would go to bed and the room is either spinning or tipping backwards constantly.
Then you wake up 10 hours later feeling like shite but the room is still spinning.
But at least there was a half eaten cold pizza for breakfast.
HarryPopperSC@reddit
Urgh the spinning is so bad, you close your eyes and it gets faster how does that even make sense!
Aburlypad@reddit
My friends and I look back on those days and wonder how we survived.
Conscious_Analysis98@reddit
I was drinking Lambrini on a park bench at midnight during the summer after my GCSEs but believe me I wish I wasnt allowed
jenni_jen85@reddit
White lightening but same scenario
Glenn_K_throwaway2k@reddit
I was basically independent at 16, doing as I pleased - but then again I was 16 in 2006, and my parents were at work most of the time. One thing I dislike about modern British society is that we have become so much more neurotic, eg the 'Nanny State' mentality.
Your parents sound a little overprotective to me - and I understand if they are worried for your safety or something - but fucking with your social life is a massive dick move.
RahWitnessedIt@reddit
It's my view talking to them to find out what their worries are to appreciate their rules.
I always explained why I had rules and not just expect my children to accept them.
Sometimes we don't always get our message across in a way our children understand "strict!" "Boring!" "That's not fair!" And while we don't have to explain ourselves, I found it helpful to us all as a family help understand why we have rules in place.
ie. At 16 you have no transport. If something went terribly wrong you would expect your parents to be there in an instant.
Imagine the panic having to wait for your parents to be in the car to come and get you 10pm 30 minutes away "because your train was delayed". It's not a fair on them or you.
As parents it's our duty to make your safety our priority and I should be so grateful they have this want for you to be safe.
Some parents couldn't care less, or be free young child - that's fun but not helpful overall. I speak with experience.
It sounds your rules come with love and care for your welfare. At 16 it may seem unfair, even more so if your friends have "more freedom".
When you're of an age where you're able to make your own rules, you'll have at least 60 years of doing so. Make the most of them instead of.
Gave a wonderful summer and wish you every success with your exams. Stay cool 😎
These_Look_2692@reddit
It’s unreasonable in my view, and most white brits’ I imagine. I guess it’s cultural though? Some tiger parenting, or protection of women’s modesty thing? Or maybe it’s anxiety?
Personally I would keep to the rules while you focus on the exams. After that… I guess it’s about seeing if it’s ‘worth it’ to enforce your boundaries about freedom- ie break the rules. It might not be… Im sure u already tried to reason with them, but maybe keep trying that too.
WitShortage@reddit
Are you the first child? It can be difficult for parents to let you get into situations where you can violate their trust. By the second/third child they've usually got the hang of it a bit more.
I think it's unreasonable, but I also see your parents' point of view. My 3 children are all very different. The youngest is out a lot and we've had to be pretty strict with her. She's coming back into line.
Your parents are as much trying to control/protect you as they are trying to manage their own stress about their child being out late in the big bad world. It's a journey for them as much as it is you.
My advice is to absolutely respect the 9pm curfew at the start of the holiday. Give it a few weeks. Then ask if it's possible to be out til 10. Make sure that you absolutely respect any ground they give you. Your only real option here is to establish that you are where you say you are, and you absolutely will be home when you say you will. They will trust that you can go out and not go absolutely crazy, once you demonstrate that you treat their requests seriously.
For the sleepovers, can you get the friend's parents to vouch that you're where you say you are?
Educational-Angle717@reddit
I mean you are only 16 so yeah I get people party and things but you're still really young in the big scheme of things and they likely don't want to see you end up on the news! Get your exams done first as thats the main thing - then have an adult conversation with them about staying at a mates house who they know and like. Explain exactly what the plans are and they;ll likely be fine with it. Don't go throwing a tantrum.
Sea-Still5427@reddit
They're probably feeling anxious about your exams now (when you have kids yourself you'll understand what it's like trying to keep the house on an even keel so nothing gets in the way of your child doing their best).
Focus on the exams for now. Once they're out of the way and everyone's calmer, you may stand a better chance of success using a mature attitude.
Thank them for their support, then try leading into an adult conversation about how you'd like their support to start building your independence so you can be successful at uni in two years' time. You may need to start this by gently seeding the idea, then put it into action step by step to get them comfortable with it. It's often easier for people to accept change if you do it like this rather than having a confrontation up front about a policy change.
foxfunk@reddit
They're just trying to keep you safe.
-Rhymenocerous-@reddit
Their house, their rules.
I got kicked out in my earlier years for being a shitbag. Trust me. Do what you can to stay at home as long as you can. Especially with how spenny everything is atm.
Suck that teet of financially dependancy as long as you can mate
rustynoodle3891@reddit
They are trying to help you but don't realise that without letting off steam occasionally it will be counter productive. I had similar, and I instantly regretted going in to sixth form rather than getting experience in the real world. I wasn't interested in education any more.
As others have said, their roof, their rules. But don't let them dictate your future that is yours and yours alone.
KittyMilly@reddit
The curfew (8pm) is definitely quite early for summer standard. I’d say sunset is a more reasonable time.
On the other hand, I think the sleepover decision is necessary for your safety. Of course, you trust your friend, but your parents don’t know them (or their family). It’s also 30 minutes away which isn’t ideal in the case of any emergencies. I know it sucks, but this rule exists in your best interests.
Good luck with your GCSEs. The summer after it is usually the most freeing era (but also quite nerve wracking when you’re still waiting for your results).
Low-Ad3972@reddit
See if you can negotiate the time limits. Ask for 10 pm to stay out with friends and 11 pm for parties. Then you can maybe negotiate to 9pm and 10 pm respectively.
FeedingTheBadWolf@reddit
As a parent (and somebody who was your age a decade or two ago) I think they are being extremely unreasonable, yeah.
But hey, what can you do? Other than, keep approaching them with reasoned arguments and show you can be trusted. What is their reasoning for not letting you even have a sleepover?
Are these the same rules you've always had?
Is this for post-GCSE or during exam period? If the former - very unreasonable. If the latter - totally fair.
I mean... What is the context/background here? Is this the first time you've wanted to "let loose" and they're just panicking? Or is there some genuine reason for their caution that you haven't admitted?
Most_Ground_4477@reddit (OP)
Nah I'm talking about in summer after my exams. It's always pretty much been like this, latest I've ever got back home was like 9 30 and since then they haven't let me out past 8. They said the reason is because of safety and stuff, but in summer it won't get dark until like 10 anyway. I think they're probably comparing to their childhood bc they were raised in a different country
FeedingTheBadWolf@reddit
Ah ok, I know a lot of immigrant parents get a reputation for being overly strict etc, is that the case here do you reckon? Cultural differences are a bit harder to bridge, a bit more ingrained.
It's safer now than it's ever been, what with CCTV and mobile phones etc. The bogeyman jumping out of the hedge when it gets dark is a myth/vanishingly rare and really not how the majority of assaults even occur, especially if you live in a good area. And when it gets dark is kinda irrelevant if you're staying over at someone's house.
I don't know what a 9 is but I'm assuming it's like an A or something (I'm old) - so if you are on track for top grades I'm sure you can put together for them a logical argument as to why you should be allowed out for longer, and show them things like tracking apps etc that would allow them to have more peace of mind.
Ultimately I would try and approach this from the angle of "okay folks I understand you have some concerns but most kids my age are allowed to do more and I feel I am responsible enough to handle it. How can I earn your trust so we can work up to me having more independence and freedom?" (Not those exact words, just the concept).
It could be they feel better if you have a tracking app on your phone/watch, or if they can call the parents of the other kid, or if you can do a "test run" under lower-risk conditions and work your way up from there.
Probably you've all just stayed within this pattern of you having the schedule of a much younger teen and it's never been updated so suddenly being confronted with the idea of you having free run of the town over summer is terrifying to them. But I still think they do need to work on giving you more freedom than you've got. As I say, if they give you a bit more at a time and you "prove yourself", that might be a good compromise.
If not - as another poster said - it's only 2 years and then you're free! Haha. In fact, you could use that in your argument, like "hey in two years I will be living alone and having to navigate life completely independently - don't you want me to work up to that instead of being thrown in the deep end?"
JohnCasey3306@reddit
Is there a history here that you're omitting?
It does sound unreasonable on the face of it unless there's reasoning we're privy to...
Figgzyvan@reddit
Yes it’s unreasonable.
Are they scared you’ll do what they were doing at 16?
As long as mine were reachable by phone they had our trust.
jack_watson97@reddit
They're fucking nut cases. 2 more years to go and you can get out
srm79@reddit
Your parents sound a tad overprotective tbf, back in the 90's we pretty much did as we liked at that age
fancycakelover@reddit
I think if you are comparing it with peers who are allowed this or have zero boundaries I don't think anyone here can convince you otherwise. Their house, their rules.
Is it unusual no, does it suck yes but you will be at uni soon you will soon forget about this and no one will ask or care how you spent your last GCSE summer
StGuthlac2025@reddit
I went to Glastonbury at 16 on my own with a mate.
Anyway they're trying to do the best for you. Might work. Might not. When you get some freedom you might go off the rails with it.
I was lucky enough to be trusted and never broke that/never brought any trouble back to the house.
I was much more mature than the people I went to uni with for it.
Clemtastic1@reddit
They are trying to keep you safe. That said, I left home at 16 so I would say 8pm is too early for someone your age
I-Spot-Dalmatians@reddit
Have been there, what worked for me is just having a really adult and reasonable conversation with my parents (specifically my mum) and listen to their reasoning for it and try to come to a compromise. Don’t kick off and throw your toys out the pram, if they have valid concerns then validate them. See if you can find some middle ground.
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