How successful do you feel ‘modern parenting’ has been?

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SketchupandFries@reddit

I'm at teacher.. I juzt had my yearly review and I was on the fence about returning for another year of it because the worst part of the job is babysitting students, trying to motivate them, dealing with misbehaviour, lack of interest, bad behaviour.. I was thought teachers deserved more, but having become one. I am speechless sometimes. This generation is.. cooked. A total disappointment.. a failed present and future. What with all the worlds problems, all we need on top is an entirely apathetic generation about to inherit it that are narcissistic, lazy, uninspired, uninterested, lacking social skills, accountability, motivation and overall 'giving a shit' about anything whatsoever. 'Main character syndrome" just shines through in all they do.. It starts with parenting. Parents that have left their kids to be brought up by YouTube shorts and TikTok have a lot to answer for. So, in my experience (43, single, childless) I have to lay the blame at parents before they hand over their offspring to teachers to raise.. which I am sure, many of them do - thinking that their responsibility has ended there. For a wider perspective and cross section - check the 'Teachers' subreddit. It is depressing to say the least!

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Major-Bookkeeper8974@reddit

I can only comment from a personal perspective as a 'modern parent'. I think the technique works well, but people actually aren't very good at being consistent with the technique, and what is seen as "gentle" or "therapeutic" parenting, actually isn't. For context we adopted a little boy. He was 5. He had a lot of childhood trauma from his birth family that I won't go into depth with, but if I said they strapped him down and didn't feed him solid food as a baseline for 4 years you get where he was in his journey, and how behind in his milestones he was. Our little boy is 8 now. We've done a consistent therapeutic parenting technique whilst he's been with us. In the 3 years we've had him we've never once shouted at him. We talk to him, we explain things. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't always been easy. I remember holding him in a hug whilst he screamed the house down, constantly offering him reassurance and love rather than punishment. However, 3 years later and it's finally paying off. He communicates his feelings with us properly now. He's well behaved, well adjusted. We had a meeting with school the other day and he's being moved out of his 1:1 support sessions into main stream classes because he's now adjusted. His teacher said the other month that if you didn't know his background you now wouldn't be able to tell, which I thought was a huge sign of our little dudes accomplishments and how far he's come. He's actually thriving and catching up (and now overtaking) peers in his class (all despite having never been at nursery or school prior). He's an amazing little boy, very polite and extremely loving and affectionate now. Therapeutic parenting 100% worked for him, and continues to do so.

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catjellycat@reddit

It’s all blown out of proportion. When I was a teen in the late 90s, at a fairly posh grammar, we had kids expelled for drug use, a girl in my year beat up another girl with a chair leg, one teacher had a breakdown in the classroom after the boys really targeted her with poor behaviour etc etc That wasn’t most kids or even half but it was a sizeable chunk. Most kids (like me) were bumbling along, trying to survive puberty etc etc It is the same with kids nowadays, but now we’re old and have forgotten any of this and think our own school days were full of forelock tugging and hard graft and little scrappy kids just pleased to be getting an education sir.

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PoolRamen@reddit

It's bred some performatively empathetic, overconfident monsters for sure

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MossTrinkets@reddit

Positives I've observed in my own life (non parent but lots of - younger - kids in my life). Children are more confident, less self conscious, less judgemental, happy to express themselves. They aren't frightened of their patents. Negatives: Attention span, in screen-parented children, is shot. They are much less physically capable (unable to touch toes, do a crab, handstands). They need adults to direct their time and entertain them - there's much less of them moving in a pack and playing together (potentially due to much smaller families).

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L-0-T-H-0-S@reddit

Kids don't grow up because of the way their parents raise them, they grow up *despite* them and often time much, much better all by themselves.

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acky1@reddit

Any parenting changes post-2010 haven't produced adults yet so it's a bit soon to be making any conclusion one way or the other. Also not everyone is parenting in the "modern" way, I'd say most people parent the way they were brought up. And of the people who do parent in a more modern style, many aren't actually doing it correctly, so it's impossible to say if is effective imo. Still, I like the idea of it and expect if done well would produce more well-rounded individuals able to express their opinion and communicate better. It's very hard to do well though I would say, and requires a lot more patience, understanding and communication. Bit of a catch-22 in a way.

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Appropriate_Log1654@reddit

Gentle parenting does ≠ permissive parenting. I was parented the old fashioned way. I was smacked when very naughty, put into my room for time outs and shouted at. On the other hand I was nurtured, given lots of opportunities, supported and had a good support base. I came out with good exam results, I have a decent job, no criminal record etc etc. I do have anxiety, but so do my cousin's who also had a far more lenient upbringing - I think some of it maybe genetic and the modern world. I have 2 children. I try not to shout, but I'm not perfect and have been known to raise my voice on occasion. We give our children lots of opportunities, support, talk to them - but in our house no means no. Our kids are well behaved and happy - we can go out for meals as a family with no drama. I see people with kids similar ages (nearly 5 and 18 months) who rely on threats and tablets - this is not parenting. Say what you mean and mean what you say - it's a parent's job to be consistent. At work I see the results of unlimited screen time and no boundaries with older kids. Trust me, it's easier to enforce the rules when they are younger - don't wait until they are out of control.

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Available-War932@reddit

Children today are generally more emotionally aware and more encouraged to express themselves, but that hasn’t automatically translated into resilience, stability, or better mental health outcomes.

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namur17056@reddit

Gentle parenting works when you actually bother parenting your kids

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pintsized_baepsae@reddit

One of my colleague and his wife have absolutely nailed gentle parenting, but yeah, as you say - they're parenting. It's funny because from the outside it probably looks like giving in, but really, it's a lot of compromising in situations that allow for it. For example, his son didn't want to wear a jacket when it was really cold - instead of going 'okay' or 'no, you don't have to', the compromise was 'alright, how about you put it on, and if it's too hot outside you can take it off and daddy will carry it?'. Kid never took off his jacket because it was freezing, but the fact that he was given the option is what made the difference.

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sundance464@reddit

That was actually a learning thing for me around parenting - just explained it might be unpleasant and I'd bring a coat along if needed Turns out my son just didn't need a jacket because he runs around so much So rather than having a load of shouting / meltdown I listened to him and he was right. I like to think maybe that sort of thing contributed to his current (generally) even temper and willingness to compromise

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mike9874@reddit

This is a big thing. You can't call all parents the same and say something isn't working based on what you observe. Life is full of bell curves. Just because you think the person on one end of it is a problem doesn't mean the people in the middle have had poor parenting

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Diligent-Till-8832@reddit

Having seen how feral some of these kids are.... They're being dragged up!

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greenglossygalaxy@reddit

There’s pros and cons to every style of parenting and just too many variables to consider. Right now, my concerns for kids are things like affects of growing up during covid, social media, very little non-screen time & growing up where AI tells you want you want to hear or makes the impossible or improbable seem right. Clearly, I’m not an expert - but just trying to keep in mind what feels right when it comes to raising my own.

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worldworn@reddit

>YET, I just don’t see the younger generations being more emotionally intelligent, more resilient, less mental health issues. I’m not trying to bait anything, I don’t think the kids now are much much worse than we were. Without trying to be disrespectful, you only have a view of your life and are trying to apply it to the limited view of what you believe the whole younger generation to be. You are comoaring a data set of one, to an issue you can only see through a keyhole. That view doesn't even try to take into account that the world is hugely different from the times we grew up in. Modern parenting is better than getting hit, shouted at and worse things that used to be ok. The fact that it hasn't fixed all these problems is largely irrelevant. You parent the best you can, within the means you have. It is better than it was. Yes. Does it work every time? No. Is it a catch all for every kid? Also no.

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PolarLocalCallingSvc@reddit

It's often misinterpreted. Modern parenting doesn't just mean letting your kids do what they like and being nice all the time. It does in my view mean that rather than just shouting at them; asking them why they did something or explaining why something is wrong before just defaulting the naughty step or a belt on the behind is a better way forwards. I don't have children of my own but I do volunteer with teenagers and I can count on one hand the number of times I've had to shout. There are some ages which are more trying than others but I do genuinely find that if you speak to children as if they're adults and try and reason with them, they respond well. My brother in law is the opposite. He has a short temper and shouts a lot. He will make empty threats. The other day he told his 4 year old son that he would make him walk home on his own (it's like a 3 hour walk along country lanes). His son is getting to the same point his daughter is where he knows these threats are empty and he doesn't respect them. Usually all he needs is a 2 minute breather and a quiet conversation about why what he did was wrong, and he'll understand and not do it again. That would be the gentle parenting approach.

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littlehamster_@reddit

To be fair in terms of resilience and mental health issues, they were always there but people who were children in the 80s and 90s were forced to mask their issues and repress that part of themselves because there was no acceptance of anything out of the norm. I remember telling my mum that I felt like there was something wrong with me because I felt so anxious and depressed, I was told to stop being so stupid and to leave her alone. These days there's more understanding of mental health and a lot more acceptance, it's now the norm to work with these issues and find a solution that means the child can thrive as who they are, not pretend to be someone they aren't.

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sampoo92@reddit

I’m a teacher and private tutor. The style of parenting I agree with but so many families are doing it wrong, instead of authoritative (gentle) parenting they are actually doing permissive parenting. It’s actually a well discussed phenomenon, so many so called IG specialists and influencers just giving bad advice and heavens forbid parents pick up an actual book by real professionals.

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Tarrybelle@reddit

I think parenting philosophy is a work in progress. Society finds what doesnt work but have yet to find something to fill its place. I completely agreen with the end to corporal punishment innparenting and schools. It does massive damage but we do need to keep working on finding strategies that are effective and that more parents impliment effectively.

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ResplendentBear@reddit

I have no idea who thinks like this in the real world. You do the best you can as a parent. I wasn't aware there was a specific method, or that it was changed in 2010. I think the world the child grows up in also has rather a lot to do with how they turn out by the way.

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Classic_Mammoth_9379@reddit

Hard to tell what the impact is because this didn’t happen in isolation. I suspect less face to face contact with different people is the other change that has not done us any favours.

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spanakopita555@reddit

I think it's almost impossible to compare parenting methods across generations. I grew up in the late 80s/early 90s. We did not get a computer until 98, and even then it was in the living room and I was allowed on it for 30 mins max. Besides that, we had a childhood spent at the local park, occasionally in town at a museum or theatre, camping holidays in various rainy UK destinations and Pizza Hut as our only 'eating out' treat. A Vienetta was the height of luxury and we had one very old tv set with only 4 channels. I did a lot of recording myself on cassette tape, reading, playing dress up and doing gymnastics in the garden. We watched Blue Peter and then the Simpsons most nights and everyone else was watching them too. My formerly working class boomer parents rarely disciplined me. Maybe gave me a smack for the most serious crimes. But my sibling and I were pretty well-behaved with a strong work ethic. We ate a lot of potato waffles and chicken nuggets. We drank ribena. My parents thought me going to uni was a guaranteed path to a secure, wealthy life (er....). The way of life for children now is very, very different. Technology is ubiquitous; everyone is overqualified; salaries suck; exams are seen as a huge, irreversible milestone event; parents are supposed to make wholesome unprocessed dinners from scratch; kids don't go out much; they see everyone else having it all, 24/7, on screens they (and we) can't put down. There's not much shared culture unless you enjoy watching Twitch streamers or buying overpriced Mr Beast merch. Parenting can only do so much. Btw I have worked with plenty of young people from diaspora groups whose parents beat them and they are no better behaved than anyone else.

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ChanceHovercraft1754@reddit

Parenting isn't really simple enough that you can boil it down to the level you are trying to. The only thing actually consistent in modern parenting is people beating their kids less than 50 years ago. Everything other than that is still basically entirely up in the air. You could review individual practices etc, but to try and lump it into modern vs 10 years ago isn't really a useful metric.

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Atrixia@reddit

I have a 12 year old girl using this method. Positive results, way better than being shouted at through their younger years. She's a positive mindset and is incredibly confident, way more so than I was with "old fashioned" bringing up. Could just be luck though?

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coastalkid92@reddit

This is a case of user failure in a lot of instances but also, the kids that are growing up in this gentle parenting practice are still quite young so how they turn out is still a bit up in the air. And in some fairness to parents, they're all parenting in a new version of the world with each generation and address new issues. So while there's lots of great advice out there, some of it is outdated quite quickly.

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player_zero_@reddit

Social and financial pressures on parents mean that less time and energy is available to consistently follow the approach. Societal and technological changes are occurring rapidly, and adapting to these are difficult in a timely manner.

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pintsized_baepsae@reddit

>Why is such a good idea not showing positive results? What’s going on? Covid messed up a lot of people. You think it was bad for adults, but it was REALLY bad for kids. Obviously that's not the only factor, but I'm sure it's played a major role.

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SovietPanda__@reddit

I feel modern parents failed to grasp how much of a hold social media has on their kids. The Americanisation of the kids running around in balaclavas and tech fleece jackets says it all. Also i feel they allowed their kids onto these apps too quickly and leads to them being exposed to a lot of things a lot earlier than they should have

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How successful do you feel ‘modern parenting’ has been?

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30 Comments

SketchupandFries@reddit

Major-Bookkeeper8974@reddit

catjellycat@reddit

PoolRamen@reddit

MossTrinkets@reddit

L-0-T-H-0-S@reddit

acky1@reddit

Appropriate_Log1654@reddit

Available-War932@reddit

namur17056@reddit

pintsized_baepsae@reddit

sundance464@reddit

mike9874@reddit

Diligent-Till-8832@reddit

greenglossygalaxy@reddit

worldworn@reddit

PolarLocalCallingSvc@reddit

littlehamster_@reddit

sampoo92@reddit

Tarrybelle@reddit

ResplendentBear@reddit

Classic_Mammoth_9379@reddit

spanakopita555@reddit

ChanceHovercraft1754@reddit

Atrixia@reddit

coastalkid92@reddit

player_zero_@reddit

pintsized_baepsae@reddit

SovietPanda__@reddit

AutoModerator@reddit