How do you rebuild your career confidence after a long health setback?
Posted by vjsfbay@reddit | ExperiencedDevs | View on Reddit | 18 comments
After 15 years in tech, I’m struggling to get through interviews
I’ve been debating whether to post this for weeks, but I think I just need some honest advice from people who may have gone through something similar.
Last year, I lost my job during restructuring. Around the same time, I was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer.
What followed was probably the hardest period of my life.
Over the past year+, I’ve gone through surgeries, radiation therapy, ongoing treatments, chronic symptoms, scans, uncertainty, and the emotional rollercoaster that comes with all of it. My team at the time was supportive and helped me transition onto short-term disability for a while, which I’ll always be grateful for.
Eventually I moved to H4 status, and I haven’t worked in around 12+ months now.
The difficult part is that mentally, I still feel responsible for everything. I’m a husband, a father, and someone who has always been the “problem solver” in my family and teams. I’ve spent 15 years in tech building systems, mentoring engineers, leading projects, helping teams during difficult launches, and being the person people depended on when things got hard.
But now I honestly feel like I’m struggling to recognize the interview market anymore.
A few months ago, I started interviewing again. I thought experience and real-world engineering depth would help carry me through, but the process feels extremely different now. The breadth of expectations is overwhelming at times, especially after being out for so long.
Some days I’ve been preparing for interviews while dealing with pain, fatigue, scans, medications, or anxiety around treatment results. A couple of weeks ago, right in the middle of interviews, I received concerning scan updates again, and mentally it hit me pretty hard.
At the same time, I still have responsibilities:
family, mortgage, finances, immigration uncertainty, and the pressure of needing to rebuild my career somehow.
What’s making this emotionally difficult is that I’ve always been someone who got things done. I know I have meaningful experience and impact behind me, but lately every rejection chips away at confidence little by little.
I’m not posting this for sympathy. I know many people are struggling right now.
I think I’m mainly looking for perspective from others:
\- How are experienced engineers preparing in this market?
\- How do you rebuild confidence after a long gap?
\- Has anyone returned successfully after major health or life setbacks?
\- How do you balance survival, health, family pressure, and interview prep without burning out completely?
Even small advice would genuinely help.
And if nothing else, thank you for reading this far.
avianbc@reddit
I went through the same bullshit in 2024, though I was only stage 3. I want to type a long response here because I know almost exactly what you went through but I don't even know what to say.
Chemo absolutely destroyed by brain. I am 100% way dumber now. I make up for it by meticulously documenting everything. Also I recently discovered that creatine supplementation helps my brain fog significantly.
I worked through my treatments and my company was awesome. Near the end, I had to take every Thursday off because it was ~2 days after my chemo when my pre-meds wore off and I basically could do nothing except sleep. Listen to your body! Get enough rest, drink tons of water, and exercise on the days you feel good. Exercise is a miracle drug.
Maybe I am built different but I refuse to let cancer hold me back or define me as a person. I ran a 10k even though I have terrible neuropathy pain from chemo. I got my powerlifting total back to over 1000 lbs even though my grip strength is horrible. This whole experience has made immensely grateful for everything. Memento mori. Never give up.
vjsfbay@reddit (OP)
Fuck 1000 lbs was my dream. Pre can we I was 800 something. With my deadlift being 380.
No brain fog tbh but recent setbacks put me one step back. Would you be ok to share kind of cancer you had and how you defeated it ? Pls dm if you want to
bashar_al_assad@reddit
I don't have any advice to give but man I'm confident that if I were to be diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and then a year and change later I was doing interviews, I would be an absolute disaster and the interviewers would think I was the dumbest person on the planet. So I know you said you weren't looking for sympathy and this doesn't exactly help put food on your table but when you say
I'm pretty sure you've gotten more shit done in the last year than most people.
Intrepid-Ostrich2226@reddit
I just want to support you. My psychotherapist says that I should keep doing small steps, ex sending CV even if they are not excellent and that’s all.
I have no serious health issues (I hope) but have seen two wars (not by my eyes but close). After that much corporative talks seem meaningless to me. It’s an elephant in my room, I was trying to ignore it but now I try learn to leave with it.
Other speakers also tell to do routines (ex prepare for interviews) if you can and give yourself a break if you are unable to work on routines today.
vjsfbay@reddit (OP)
Thanks for the advice. I am trying that only now, but yeah, maybe it was more like a venting poster or something like that, but getting to hear stories from others is really helpful.
donniedarko5555@reddit
I took a year off in 2024 after a layoff so all I can say is its definitely doable.
Cozychai_@reddit
I took an 18 month career break due to burn out. I took that time to enjoy myself and built hobbies and an identity outside of work. I had a really supportive spouse that let me take the time off I needed.
Interviewing in the market does suck, took me around 5 months to land a new role. So my outlook on life/career has changed. I no longer chase the title and see my career as a tool I use to grant me the life/lifestyle I want. As long as I got a salary I'm happy with and a great work life balance. That's all I was really chasing. I'm pretty happy with where I've landed now.
Advice for job hunting:
Recruit_433VanBuren@reddit
You have endured so much and you are pushing forward. That's beyond admirable.
As a recruiter I'd like to offer some words of encouragement.
1) Don't be discouraged when you see that over 100 people have applied to a role. Apply anyway if you meet the qualifications. Most of the people that apply are not a fit.
2)Break up your week to help avoid exhaustion and burnout. I understand it may be hard to stick to a specific schedule based on your responsibilities and how you are feeling, but if you can, it may help.
For example, Monday mornings - take some time for you- meditate, go for a walk, something that puts you first. This could be before or after kids are off to school. Monday afternoon - review open jobs and apply to those you feel are close fits.
Tuesday - practice your interview responses. One of the things I see the most from job seekers when they've been out of the market for a while is very long responses. Have prepared examples of projects where you can follow the STAR method - situation, task/your role, action/what you did/ and the result. This will help make the answers more concise. You can always ask the interviewer if they need you to expand.
Wednesdays - spend some time on professional development, learning new AI tools, as this topic will come up during interviews. You don't have to be an expert, but showing that you are continually learning is a positive.
Thursdays - network on LinkedIn, reach out to people, join groups, share a post of something that you found helpful or some industry related news. Put your name out there.
Fridays - nothing - take some time away from the process. Some recruiters do have interview blocks on Friday so you may have interviews. If not, take some time to remind yourself that you did your best that week.
I hope this helps in some small way. Please know that when I see Time Off on a resume to be a caregiver, a healer, or personal time, I don't consider that to mean someone is incapable of jumping back into the job force. It means I think they are human and they needed to put their wellness first.
Wishing you the best!
DollarPenguin@reddit
I have a question for you. I see a lot of advice to not over explain a gap, there's even people who say you should outright lie. To me those lies always feel so obvious to sniff out and just feel unethical.
I guess the conflict is how do you own a large gap due to medical issues without letting their imagination make up a bunch of nonsense VS being forthcoming that you were unable to work for health reasons and potentially having that backfire in terms of companies being a little discriminatory towards you as a result?
Recruit_433VanBuren@reddit
Hi! Health Break is the most common thing I've seen. No need to go into detail, and I would not lie. It's illegal to discriminate against someone due to health reasons.
Even if someone is in remission or fully recovered, the law protects them from being treated differently based on their medical history.
The rules regarding what an employer can ask are very strict:
It is considered illegal discrimination if an employer does any of the following based on a health concern or illness.
Hope that helps!
loooneytunesdaffy@reddit
In late 2023 I was diagnosed with cancer just when I was hitting my stride as an engineer. Obviously the whole of 2024 was brutal as I was undergoing treatment for most of that year but finally as time went on I started to feel better physically and mentally. But honestly I still don’t feel as sharp as I did prior to diagnosis, and it’s possible I never will. However what I do have is a great team of doctors who deal with this every day and want me to be at my best and mental health is as much a part of that. So my advice is talk to them. The best thing I did is make an appointment with an integrative oncologist. Advocate for yourself and be kind to yourself. Best of luck!
vjsfbay@reddit (OP)
Let's chat in DM. Would love to know more about the integrative side of Oncology.
NotAFanOfFun@reddit
I resigned from my role due to family medical reasons and then ended up with a long term illness myself, leaving me bed bound for a year. Given the gap I struggled to find a role once I was well enough to work, so I joined a startup for sweat equity. I was able to use that job as a launch pad and landed a role similar to what I previously did. I'm not sure how much the 1.5 year gap hurts my candidacy, but I recommend finding a way to do something---consulting, startup, contracting---to show you're back in the game.
vjsfbay@reddit (OP)
Yes, I have been trying to do something similar. I am helping non profits with their website needs. Presenting at cancer conferences how I built AI tooling etc. And lately doing bunch of hackathons to see what's out on market. All this while interviewing, dealing with my wife/mother's major surgeries a few weeks ago and myself being on pain killers.
Trying to fight as much as I can. But I am glad your tips are in line with my thought process. Consulting/contracting may not work for me due to immigration/visa restrictions. I had to say no anb offer from one of the most popular AI company for a consulting role a month ago due to same reason though :(
igootkks44@reddit
Focus on keeping your story simple and steady. A long gap after cancer and job loss is a lot, so I’d lean on clear examples of past work, a few deep projects, and a short answer for the time away.
For prep, I’d keep it tight and repeatable instead of trying to cover everything. Tools like claude code and trylotus ai can help if you want to turn old work, bugs, or side ideas into fresh projects fast, which can be better than cramming theory all day.
Also, don’t let every rejection rewrite your value. Fifteen years of shipping still counts.
vjsfbay@reddit (OP)
I have been a star till couple of years ago till Cancer hit me. Spoke at multiple conferences, did a keynote for my company's flagship conference. And this annual developer conferencein SF sees 50K+ people per year. Probably you might have gotten an idea about the company already. And here I am .... But thanks for the tip..
sparkly-crab@reddit
I didn’t go through something as bad as you but I did have a major burnout that shook my confidence. Part of recovery is to rebuild my identity. I used to think of myself as a software engineer who always got things done, on time, independently. These days I don’t even think of myself of an engineer much.
It will be hard, but you need to let go of the idea of being the one guy people depend on. Obviously the facts of the situation can’t change, like the mortgage, but maybe you can ask others to step up while you are healing. Or reduce the cost of your lifestyle somehow. When you let go of your old identity, new ways forward will be visible
NoTourist3197@reddit
I'm just a college student that's lurking on this sub but I had a 1 year long chronic illness which completely debilitated me for around 6 months and I struggled a lot with anxiety, feeling I was falling behind my peers with all of their side projects and internships.
I am now doing a bit better, and what helped was giving myself a lot of room to explore hobbies that would help my body alleviate stress and allow my body to heal better.
I'm on social media significantly less than I used to be and found I really like reading fiction, I've been stretching a lot and going on long walks and improved my diet. I also had to get used to asking for help a lot more and relying on people in my life.
Once you can find more ways to make life feel worth living I think it gets easier. You seem like your in a pretty difficult situation though, I hope you can be kind to yourself. Your health should always come first.