ULPT Request: how to break golf clubs with no evidence?

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BeeFree66@reddit

I wonder what his golf buddies would think of step-dick's piss stained toilet seat? Would they hesitate to use the toilet in step-dick's house?

You need a picture of the old seat and a new seat side-by-side. Post it online where his golf buddies would see it.

Put a copy inside a pocket of his golf club carrier [not sure what they're really called].

Tape a copy on the men's room wall at the place where he golfs - with a note saying, "step-dick owns the yellow puss stained seat."

Good luck and have fun!

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MorgainofAvalon@reddit

Interesting typo- if it was puss stained it would be green not yellow. Lol

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Spastic_Potato@reddit

Glitter down the inside of the bag. Will cover his runber handles, he'll never get rid of it.

Weaken by bending the metal buckles that hold the shoulder strap. They'll break soon enough.

Unpick a few stitches around the top where the shoulder strap attaches.

Pour a small amount of milk down the inside of the bag.

Drop several lead fishing sinkers in the bag to add weight

Whatever colour the strap is find a marker and colour the inside of the strap. It'll rub off on his shirt.

Should get you going!!!

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lightcanonlybrighten@reddit

You are an artistic genius. Might I solicit your advice for another situation?

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Amonette2012@reddit

All devious and non harmful. Love it.

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TardyMoments@reddit

This the kind of shit you’d find in an anarchist .txt file back in the day, takes me back

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brelywi@reddit

My kids and I are reading/listening to Dungeon Crawler Carl and I had to explain The Anarchist’s Cookbook to them.

I have never experienced such a set of emotions before: old as dirt, nostalgic, and also proud and very worried when they said they wanted to find a copy.

I told them if they wanted to do any of the “recipes” they had to include me, both for safety and because it’s fun (plus we rent and I’d like at least SOME of our deposit back)

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QueenYardstick@reddit

Also reading Dungeon Crawler Carl!!! It's great

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arkklsy1787@reddit

My mom once came home to my little brother and I testing our 'homemade napalm' in the driveway. Thanks 90's internet!

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ThaCapten@reddit

I just want to say that I applaud you sir.

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Hey-Just-Saying@reddit

Welcome, Satan. I’m a golfer and those are truly devious ideas.

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Anuspissmuncher@reddit

It is more expensive than lead weight, but tungsten weight would be better. Smaller and heavier

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LoserCowGoMoo@reddit

I like the glitter idea

Get glitter that is black thou, he will think his bag is coming apart and considee buying a new one since he keeps getting black crap all over his hands.

He may also conclude his golf clubs need regripped, which is like $10 a club.

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tree_beard_8675301@reddit

Body glitter is finer than most craft store glitter which makes it harder to remove.

Add a few anchor weights each week.

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Neither-Entrance-208@reddit

Body glitter could also transfer into step dad and his wife might think he's lying when he says he's going golfing. He must be going somewhere to meet people who wear body glitter

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I_stole_this_phone@reddit

I love all this except for the milk. Everything else is a slow burn and will be crazy annoying. The milk will stink immediately and he'll have to throw it out.

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ShiaLeboufsPetDragon@reddit

Make piss discs with holes in the middle and slide them over each club. I mean you could just piss in his bag, but piss discs seem to always be the solution in these.

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Don_Loco@reddit

Eat asparagus before creating the discs

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Dr_mombie@reddit

Drink strong coffee with your asparagus omelet at breakfast.

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What color is your mom's hair? Ask a female friend with the opposite type of hair for a few hair strands and a hair tie or an old lip gloss tube. Throw that shit in the back seat and ask your mom to grab something from his car. You're not messing with his car because hes already mad at you.

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Conscious-Arm-7889@reddit

Yellow staining on toilet seats is mainly due to bleach or harsh cleaning agents removing the surface protection. It can be the bleach fumes that damage it if the seat/lid is closed after applying the bleach to the bowl. Once the surface of the seat has been compromised you'll never get it back to the original colour without painting it, which generally isnt suitable on plastic seats/lids.

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tj15241@reddit

Take the clubs to a golf shop and ask them to bend them 2* flat. He won’t know what the fuck happened to is golf swing and it will piss him off to no end. Best part he will never be able to tell they were even touched

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Kirbyr98@reddit

What you've got to do is cut the hamstring on the back of his leg right at the bottom. He'll never play golf again, because his weight displacement goes back, all his weight is on his right foot, and he'll push everything off to the right. He'll never come through on anything. He'll quit the game.

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UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit

Your post or comment was removed for violating rule 8: No tips about rape, murder, suicide, or in general any tip that would violate the Geneva Convention laws.

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fuckyeahcaricci@reddit

I love this for him.

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NorwegianOnMobile@reddit

"How do i fuck with his golf clubs?" "Cut'im up"

Lol

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emerson430@reddit

gif

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SoVerySick314159@reddit

He'll have that going for him, which is nice.

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Resse811@reddit

If you hold the 0 down it will let you select °

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ResolveConfident3522@reddit

The best tips are always in the comments

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sovietbarbie@reddit

yeah no shit

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ResolveConfident3522@reddit

😂😂😂

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GaGa0GuGu@reddit

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anonmarmot@reddit

oooh this is fucking devious and would work insanely well, more points if you only do it to half of the clubs

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tea-drinking-pro@reddit

This is evil genius!

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Few-Philosopher-4742@reddit

What does the golf shop do the golf clubs? How are they different?

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SundayRed@reddit

Golfer here. The shop would bend the club ever so slightly (only a couple of degrees) and unless you are a pro, you won't notice, but your shots will be going different yardages.

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Few-Philosopher-4742@reddit

Thank you for the explanation!

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nhp890@reddit

Flattening the lies will not affect yardages, but will introduce more of a right side miss

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tree_beard_8675301@reddit

What do you mean by that star? Degrees? Confused myself and want to make sure OP has the right terminology.

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gale_force@reddit

At one point, the iOS keyboard couldn't type °. Maybe it's still that way.

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nhp890@reddit

Yes degrees °

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Not_Hunter1307@reddit

spam this number 4069269177

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kanselm@reddit

Just steal the 7 iron. Won’t realize it’s gone and it might be my most used club.

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maxisnoops@reddit

Then prank call him telling him that you found his club on the course and the golf club gave his number to you. Give him an address 40 minutes’ drive away for pick up and leave it for him to wrongly yell at the golf club for giving out his number and to get thrown off somebody’s property when he goes knocking on their door some random night.

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Amonette2012@reddit

OK so just fuck with a bunch of other people who have nothing to do with it?

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DigitalDiva321@reddit

Give him the address of a church or maybe a gas station or a police department.

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I_Like_Vitamins@reddit

If the OP's stepfather is as much of an arsehole rager as they say he is, it could become an even greater revenge story if he cops a hiding from someone who doesn't want to put up with a grown man spitting the dummy.

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Amonette2012@reddit

I'd just worry he'd hurt someone or ruin their day.

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implicate@reddit

Please leave your ethics at the door when you enter this sub, thank you.

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SundayRed@reddit

A wedge is better. Used WAY more than any iron in the bag on average, and the amount of times I've almost walked off a green without my 60 degree.

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LoserCowGoMoo@reddit

To fuck with him harder, replace his wedge with a really shitty one you bought at a garage sale. He will wonder how his club got switched with someone elses ans spend time asking people he golf with what happened. Do they have his wedge? Whose wedge is this?

Its the odd, unexplained things that helps create an unremovable brain tumour.

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SundayRed@reddit

Anyone who plays golf even semi-regularly will notice this IMMEDIATELY.

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LoserCowGoMoo@reddit

Oh yes.

However, they wouldnt ever fucking think some asshole swappes D my club intentionally.

People end up with lost clubs or swapped clubs all the time.

No one throws away a golf club, he will continue using that piece of shit for a while hoping his pops back up before breaking down and replacing it.

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SundayRed@reddit

I can tell you without fail, I would notice if I had a wrong wedge in my bag before I even played a shot. It will look, feel and interact with the turf differently when you take it from, the bag and have a few swings. Swapping a club won't work for anyone who golfs more than casually.

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LoserCowGoMoo@reddit

I dont think you are in the loop with what my intentions are

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notmyrealloginid@reddit

My country cousin would tell you to not to do anything to his golf clubs and when he goes out to play golf, having a good time, go to the his house and have a good time with his wife.

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SpookyCatMischief@reddit

Aw! Take mom out to lunch. Lovely!

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CrossFitMathIsHard@reddit

Um.... his wife is OP's mom.

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Vi_Rants@reddit

That's why he said "country cousin."

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CrossFitMathIsHard@reddit

Eeew. I missed that innuendo the first time around.

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NOTRadagon@reddit

I do not believe OP to mean 'Oedipus'

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This-Substance333@reddit

🫠🫠

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leyline@reddit

It might be a shame if a fox urinated in the bag. You know, it’s funny how they urinate from bottles you can order on Amazon.

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RepresentativeWay734@reddit

What does the fox say?

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Thetormentnexus@reddit

gif

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NOTRadagon@reddit

"I'M PISSING ON THIS FUCKERS CLUBS" I think

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ehco@reddit

Weeeeeeee!

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SugarFut@reddit

Put the fox urine in a piss disc.

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Hamsternoir@reddit

Foxes can be very cunning.

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PissDisk@reddit

Piss disk in the golf bag

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dapala1@reddit

You'll need more than a hairdryer, it has to be done in one sitting or the epoxy will just harden

... a high temp heat gun (under $50 one will do) will loosen the epoxy enough. When its loose you twist back and forth on the club head to make a really weak connection to the shaft. Sooner or later he'll take a swing and the club head will fly farther than the ball he tried to hit.

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Dropitlikeitscold555@reddit

Go to the root problem, replace the toilet seat and then have AI generate a fake invoice for $793 for replacing it.

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NOTRadagon@reddit

Get some fresh uncooked shrimp.

Put into bottom of bag.

Repeat this as smell goes away over time.

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Poundaflesh@reddit

Hack saw his driver where the shaft meets the club almost all the way so that when he whacks the ball the club breaks.

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Comfortable_Guide622@reddit

Bend every single fucking one in half, then bend back. What’s he going to do, take you out of his will? F*k him

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East-Psychology7186@reddit

Doesn’t work on tubular steel

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firedmyass@reddit

small pipe-benders are cheap

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molrobocop@reddit

So, having tried this one, the metal shaft one, just collapsed. It wasn't like a coat hanger. It just collapsed flat.

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taylor914@reddit

Well. Clubs can be expensive. So be could call the cops and press charges and then OP could catch a felony.

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Grammar_Nazi1234@reddit

Every week or so put a very small drop of fish oil on one of the golf club grips or on the bag, maybe mix it up and pit some in his shoes. It may be noticeable after two or so weeks, but not super concerning. Then it'll keep getting worse.

Eventually nobody wants to golf with the weird fish man. If he stops golfing you have to also stop application so its not obvious what's happening. It has to look like the smell comes from using it.

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brainhack3r@reddit

He'll want to stop golfing too and will have to give up a sport he loves.

That's hard core.

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Dont_Judge_this-Book@reddit

This is brilliant 😅

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Justlookig1294@reddit

Armor All the grips. Unusable

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SweetHatDisc@reddit

Quit living like a bitch, break those clubs, and make it clear you did it. Seriously, what are you trying to do, give him a three minute call with customer service and a trip to the post office?

I swear to Christ Almighty that half the posts here are "I'm mad at someone, but too scared and weak to let them know about it."

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Hey-Just-Saying@reddit

Power imbalances are a real thing.

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SweetHatDisc@reddit

So is peanut butter, whatever is your point?

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Hey-Just-Saying@reddit

Your condescending attitude is uncalled for, IMO.

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SweetHatDisc@reddit

And you know what they say about opinions.

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Hey-Just-Saying@reddit

I know I don't care what you think "they" say, whoever "they" are.

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SweetHatDisc@reddit

"They" is the object of a colloquial aphorism. I know you say you don't care, but you did feel the need to scurry out from underneath your damp log or flattened rock or whatever to tell me you don't care, so I figure you were just being performative.

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Hey-Just-Saying@reddit

No, I really don't care. : ) I just find it amusing how obnoxious you seem to be.

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SweetHatDisc@reddit

And yet you continue to want to tell me how much you don't care. It's like you read that part I wrote about not being a powerless bitch and said "I'm going to show him, but in the most passive aggressive way I possibly can! With minimal commitment to what I'm saying!"

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Hey-Just-Saying@reddit

LOL!

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SweetHatDisc@reddit

Exactly! Just like that, passive-aggressive and with minimal commitment.

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InfluenceDapper6476@reddit

Buy some hydrochloric acid from Hardware Shop for $20. Use a paintbrush to paint the shafts with acid. Even better leave hydrochloric acid open in a small space with the clubs. The surface rust will make them ugly af. Remove acid from area, air dry. No smell.

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marino1310@reddit

Just put a little bit in the golf bag. I spilled a tiny amount of HC in my garage cabinet once and to this day, anything I put in that cabinet will rust like crazy.

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Efferdent_FTW@reddit

Take a small butane torch and heat up the hosel. Avoid exposing the ferrules to the heat as it will show evidence of tampering. Heat will break down the epoxy and eventually, a head will fly off.

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Amonette2012@reddit

That could be dangerous.

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Imaginary-Ad8238@reddit

For golfers at the country club, not actual people.

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Amonette2012@reddit

Fair.

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4-ton-mantis@reddit

That's true. Wear safety goggles.

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Guy_Incognito1970@reddit

MVP!

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LipFighter@reddit

Cat piss down the bag. He might not even notice the smell until it's gotten toasty out on the greens.

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hundreddollar@reddit

So what's the method here? Hold the cat up to the bag until the cat pisses? Follow the cat around and collect it's piss? Milk the cats piss?

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LipFighter@reddit

That would risk severe claw scratches, viewed later as evidence. I suggest a technique of placing said stepdad's towel (found w/clubs) in a bush. A cat will find it as previously unclaimed and piss or spray the item. Once it's tainted, another will soon come along and repeat the process.

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hundreddollar@reddit

So not cat piss down the bag then. Put a towel out and wait for a cat to (maybe) piss on it? Sounds like a long and drawn out, if at all even possible way to obtain cat piss.

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LipFighter@reddit

We have strays. Trust me, they will find anything fabric and piss there.

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Sk1rm1sh@reddit

Tape a plate to the underneath of the cat and wait until its full, then put it in the freezer.

Wait until it's frozen and put it in the golf bag.

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LipFighter@reddit

🤣

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f1ve-Star@reddit

He might kill the cat. don't do this.

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HmmNotLikely@reddit

If he’s abusive, there’s very little you can do with any decent likelihood that you won’t be implicated. He’s more likely to “bully you” further even without proof. You’re better off putting your effort and money toward saving up to move out as he says. Do you have any other legal guardians? Do they have an opinion on the toilet seat? If you have any kind of legal hourly job, you could likely buy cleaning materials or a replacement seat for less than you make in a single shift.

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Hey-Just-Saying@reddit

r/lostredditors LOL!

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the-mortyest-morty@reddit

Do you know where you are?? Are you lost?

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van_isle_dude@reddit

How is that unethical?

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LoserCowGoMoo@reddit

Lost redditor is wholesome

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UntestedMethod@reddit

That's probably all good advice but we're here for the golf club tampering not whatever rational morality you're offering up.

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UserCheckNamesOut@reddit

I'd replace the toiled seat myself. Only costs about $30 and a screwdriver. Show the fat old fuck who the real man in the house is. That will fuck with his head.

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essieecks@reddit

If you have a gas stove, hold the ends of the irons in the flame for a while. Get them very hot and then dip in salty ice water. If it's an electric oven, put them under the broiler and then ice them.

It should alter the hardness and make them hit the balls completely different.

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exceive@reddit

Fast cooling (salty ice water) of hot steel results in a harder but more fragile object. Literally loses its temper.
Temper, in metal, is a state where the metal is a little softer, but much tougher, because it was cooled at a certain slow rate.

That's an oversimplified description of the process.

But I kind of suspect that if you get them hot enough to noticably change the metal, changes to other parts will be quite noticable.

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