ULPT request; My fellow Redditors, we have a home wrecker in our midst.
Posted by Ashluvsburritos@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 640 comments
I should have seen in coming. After 17 years of marriage I noticed in February his wedding ring was off. He claimed “it got too small because he gained weight”.
Then little things started happening. He was staying out late several nights a week, spending time together became impossible for him, and his “friend” he’d been spending time with was found out to be a woman that looks like grimace.
He came home drunk a few weeks ago and shoved me (he has never been violent before) when I asked when he was gone for 6 hours. He then said he wanted a divorce and my engagement ring back. He had a girlfriend and he “likes being with her more than me”.
To top it off she knew all about me.
I am still in shock and still grieving what I thought was a partnership is now gone all over a woman he met four months ago.
And I know what a lot of people will say, “the best revenge is a life well lived”. Which I agreeee with in the long run.
But to make her life a little miserable or difficult would bring me just a small amount of joy I can't begin the explain.
I don't know her phone number. But, I know her full name. Where she works as a mid wife. And her address.
Are there any annoying, obnoxious things I could do to secretly do to this home wrecker to make her life a little more difficult?
Love you guys!!!
Diligent-Plane-7877@reddit
There used to be a website makethatbitchitch.com that sold body lice (aka crotch crabs)
Traditional-Ad2319@reddit
It sounds like you're putting all the blame on this woman and not as much on your husband. It takes two for an affair. Your husband obviously has no respect for you and does not love you because if he did he would have been screwing around with somebody else.
LowDownDynamo@reddit
Firstly , that FUCKING SUUUUCKS. I’m sorry this is happening to you.
IMO, your husbands girlfriend should not be the target of your ire. Erase her from your mind. She could have been anyone, he is the one who chose this. Harassing or coming after her in anyway is o yo going to cause you problems and be used to make you look crazy in the divorce.
My play would be to put on a facade of really wanting to make it work and be very stoic, almost even nice to him. Maybe even really convince him to stay… all the while quietly line up an attorney , get your affairs in order and take him for everything you can.
Save the funny business for after
i-am-foxymoron@reddit
She knew of you what your husband told her. Your husband made you look like the biggest bitch alive, so she felt no guilt in being with a man who was living with his soon to be ex wife. You need to go after your husband. He had a vow to be loyal to you, she did not.
n_diamond@reddit
osddelerious@reddit
Nah, she’s just as guilty. Takes two.
Wanderlustwednesday@reddit
Listen to this OP. You only know what he told you and 💯 he lied to her about you. She is not the one you want to go after. He is.
FlowerComfortable889@reddit
He deserves all the piss disks in the world
vcf450@reddit
I agree. She mad at the wrong person.
i-am-foxymoron@reddit
I'm sorry, this is totally ethical, a big THANK YOU to everyone that gave me an award! Maybe I need to touch grass, because it really means a lot to me.
May shrimp never be found in your curtain rods and the gift of piss disks, always be given, never received.
OriginalThat4576@reddit
After a quick look at the post history you left out the part about your abuse of opiates and the history behind your entire existence of what you “thought” was a good marriage between the two when you were just “in a partnership” with out any “affection or intimacy” Your anger should be directed at the future ex. If you have any ground to stand on.
lizardingloudly@reddit
She also left out that she herself was spending time on Tinder seven years ago... so during her seventeen year marriage.
Getting cheated on sucks for real. For real for real. But between the Tinder and the half dozen posts in the last few years about being on the verge of divorce... it does make me wonder if we have an unreliable narrator.
But yes. Anger at the stbx.
i-am-foxymoron@reddit
That's not fair! YOU LEFT OUT THE PART, that OP is sober & the addiction happened in her past. Also you left out the part where OP said her husband was (what she thought) her best friend. OP had abuse in her past, so when she met her husband she fell for a stable man that wasn't abusive. OP is a rockstar and is stronger than she knows.
Tahmeed09@reddit
Smoa saw that tii. A decade long opioid/heroin addiction. It’s great he was able to stick it out til she was in recovery for her addiction, but a looong time of presumably abundant stress
exhausted247365@reddit
Dude guys will say their wives are terminally ill
ScotchTapeConnosieur@reddit
It may not be a lie.
Oncologists have to have a very awkward conversation with women with cancer explaining the likelihood their husbands will abandon them once they become visibly sick.
HighLady35@reddit
My mom's best friend's husband was already engaged before she died. They were still married, he didn't see the need to divorce her or even wait to get engaged. Absolutely despicable behavior.
Brilliant_Leaves@reddit
Same thing happened to my partner's mom, her husband had a girlfriend who showed up at the hospital when she was dying. I hated him so much for that.
Big_Celery8533@reddit
You may not be aware of it, but you are spreading misinformation. That "study" was proven false and has since been retracted.
Dapper-Ad9787@reddit
It happened to my partner's niece when she got MS. She wasn't even very disabled when her husband told her he "couldn't cope" and moved straight in with the girlfriend he had waiting in the wings. Ironically, he died of a heart attack one year later while she's still alive more than 30 years later.
bamagurl06@reddit
Well here is another study. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202503/why-more-marriages-end-when-wives-become-ill-not-husbands. This has been studied by more than one source.
ScotchTapeConnosieur@reddit
Oh, so it’s not all diseases, just heart problems.
ceruleanmoon7@reddit
Are you a man? This happens all the time. You don’t need a study to prove it.
Balti_Mo@reddit
Cousin with breast cancer was just told not to be surprised if her husband has an affair just outright leaves her!
Chemical_Chicken01@reddit
In my country they actually give out a pamphlet about this. My (female) friend had cancer and they gave her info on it.
tigm2161130@reddit
When my grandfather died last year and we were cleaning out his house we found the storage bin with all of my grandmas “cancer stuff(she died of pancreatic cancer 25yrs ago”) and there were multiple pamphlets explaining what to do if your husband is unsupportive through your illness and/or leaves you. It was honestly one of the saddest things I’ve seen in a long time.
Bitter-insides@reddit
I had an old coworker whose husband killed her off during birth lol. All the while she was alive healthy and thought happily married.
HotDerivative@reddit
Um…. Say more right now lol
variousnewbie@reddit
Pretty sure they mean the husband lied and said his wife died in childbirth to his girlfriend(s).
Bitter-insides@reddit
Yes! Sorry English is my second language and sometimes my brain misfires.
My coworkers husband told everyone his wife ( my coworker) died during childbirth along with the baby. He told everyone he was raising their other two children on his own. All the while she and their baby were fine. She found out bc he forgot to log out of his Facebook page, and the memorial page he set up got an alert.
Duke-of-Hellington@reddit
No sorry needed, “say more right now” comes from stand-up comic John Mulaney. It just means that this sounds really interesting, and they want more details!
WildlyDivine@reddit
No way he made a literal memorial page 😭 its terrifying to think of what compels some men
allminorchords@reddit
My ex told his girlfriend I was dead and he was raising our son alone. What a fucking joke.
Ok_Vulva@reddit
That bought him so much alone time from here to keep his lie going, holy cow.
k8username@reddit
And refused sex since last child conceived
Effective_Fly_6884@reddit
And that was just a fluke. A one time thing. He thought she was going to change. 😭😭Blah blah fucking blah. He’s soooo lonely!😢 Et cetera x a billion
Extension_Vacation_2@reddit
And will lovebomb their new gf.
Sylfaein@reddit
You say this like there aren’t women out there who get off on stealing someone else’s husband. We don’t know that she isn’t sitting there, laughing about the whole thing. OP should absolutely be angry at her soon to be ex husband, but why should she assume the side piece is innocent?
i-am-foxymoron@reddit
Please don't tell me how I "Say it like". There's always exceptions to the rules and not once did I say that the sidepiece was innocent. What I did say is she needs to direct that anger at her husband. If the ap "gets off on stealing someone's man", she's going to have a fucking orgasm if OP gives her any attention.
steelhouse1@reddit
Went through a similar thing with my Mentally ill now ex-wife. I asked the guy, and what she told him about me made all the sense in the world. In the end, that was my boundary that held and I left. Those kind of lies can ruin a person.
So dont take your rage out on her. She already has him.
PerPuroCaso@reddit
This. I hate the term home wrecker when it’s about another woman. The husband is the cheating one yet the other woman, who has absolutely no obligation to anyone, is the asshole. He could’ve kept his marriage a secret and she’d still be called a home wrecker. Why protect the actual problem, the cheating husband?
Soft_Detective5107@reddit
Cheating husbands are more common than anyone imagine. When I was a student, I met a dude at a student party and we clicked glamorously. We started dating. He lived in dorms, he didn't have a ring, nothing.
5 months in a friend of mine told me that dude is married and has 3 kids. In other city - he knew him from that city and when he saw us together in the cinema, he was shocked because dude goes to church on Sunday with his family. And is 31 and not 23 as he has said.
How he managed this? He enrolled in masters program and that gave him a chance to live in dorms during the week. He told me he goes for the weekend to his grandparents in other city, his parents are dead, he has no siblings or any other family. We dated for 5 months, very happily.
I was absolutely convinced he was single. I went as far as travel to that city, just to check it out because I could not have imagined someone lying so well.
I saw the truth and actually decided to meet his wife, told her everything, including the fact that he presented himself as an orphan. Initially she was upset at me but few weeks later she called and asked for copies of emails and messages and she got "fault divorce". I lost trust in men after this.
Akrevics@reddit
if she didn't know, that's one thing, but once she knows and sticks around, then she's at fault too, not just him. it doesn't matter if the other partner is portrayed as, or is actually, a huge dirtbag, sort out your business then get into dating.
amidja_16@reddit
I don't care how much of a bad spouse someone says they have. This bitch willingly and knowingly stated and continued to have an affair with a married man. She is just as bad as the cheater. Homewrecker deserves all the shit that's coming to her.
Aggressive-Bidet@reddit
Exactly this. My ex cheated on me for over a year with the same girl. She knew about me. But he made it seem like I was a crazy ex.
Wrong_Cup_3860@reddit
Came here to say the same thing. I guarantee she’s doesn’t know of you as the devoted loving wife, but either as: 1) a mean wife who made his life a misery 2) a cheating wife 3) a wife that already decided to divorce him 4) a terminally ill wife
If you have to waste energy making someone’s life worse, focus on your ex husband
the-mortyest-morty@reddit
So? If she's awful enough to fuck a married man, she's not a good person. "My wife sucks." "Oh okay it's fine for me to fuck you then." Y'all serious??
7FuzzyBabies@reddit
Thank you!!! Plus have some self respect by not getting with a man that obviously has shit going on. Even if she was made out to be evil, why did the mistress think it would never touch her? If you dont want that smoke, bitch dont play with fire. She became fair game when she decided to sleep with a married man. Ignorance isn't an excuse, willful or otherwise.
zzzorba@reddit
Even if she knew everything, she is not the one who took a vow. She sucks but she never promised OP she wouldn't suck. Go after the real villain.
Only_Boysenberry2295@reddit
The way y'all are focused on someone not in a marriage is wild as hell
Wanderlustwednesday@reddit
I know right. These are the ones who will take him back too and assign all the blame onto the mistress who, in many cases, was under the impression the guy was practically divorced
Wanderlustwednesday@reddit
Most of the time he tells her they’re separated. She wasn’t in this marriage, he was. You go after him, not her.
Fantastic_Surround70@reddit
Seriously, so many people want to let mate poachers off the hook. Until it happens to them.
It's not too much to expect bare minimum ethics from people, even if they didn't personally exchange the vows in question.
ermaecrhaelld@reddit
What if he claimed they’d been long separated? Would that make a difference to you? I’m genuinely curious, not casting a judgement either way.
hendermom@reddit
I had a guy one time telling he was separated from his wife but that they still lived in the same house and I said I would consider going out with him once he got a new address. He went and got a PO Box
ermaecrhaelld@reddit
Wow. You saved yourself from dating an absolute clown 🤡
Smooth-shark-500@reddit
some of us care enough about other people to actually check that a dude is telling the truth. the women my now-ex dated during our poly period all did.
I'm friends with almost all of his exes, both prior to our relationship and during our poly period. they're wonderful people.
pawesomepossum@reddit
Poly folks move differently. Of course they checked in.
ellefemme35@reddit
Not trying to be rude here, but have you thought of individual therapy?
ermaecrhaelld@reddit
Wooof that’s a hateful and assumptive tone. I don’t think taking someone’s word at face value is indicative of not caring about people. It’s indicative of being a trusting person. Can that backfire? 100%. But it’s not a sign of being uncaring. Also if you don’t believe the man why are you giving him the time of day in the first place? Idk I have no experience with poly culture so maybe it’s different. Regardless, there was no need for the rudeness when I was asking a question in earnest. A question not even directed at you.
19-inches-of-venom@reddit
You really are the mortyest morty with this awful ass take
Objective-Amount1379@reddit
Meh divorces can take years if there are kids and significant assets. I dated someone who was legally still married. But he lived full time in his own residence, divorce papers had been served, they were both done. It still took a year for it to be official
windchaser__@reddit
Nah, it's not that she's a *good* person, but the majority of the blame still falls on the guy who made a vow and broke it.
ceruleanmoon7@reddit
Omg your flair 😂
i-am-foxymoron@reddit
Jumbo shrimp = oxymoron
South-Bass-9536@reddit
Both at fault, always.
cboomton@reddit
THIS!
RayquazaTheStoner@reddit
Thank you for being a voice of reason. I was onboard with OP until seeing this comment tbh
VStarlingBooks@reddit
I saw a video yesterday. It was a dad being asked what they would say to any kid of a divorce who became estranged. Reach out to the other parent one day because they were possibly told a story that is either one sided and based on all lies.
keyser90@reddit
The idea of the woman being the target of an ULPT and not the husband makes me grimace
emboarrocks@reddit
Why is this pinned?
flowerschick@reddit
I get the sentiment but why not both? Lol you don’t have to choose when revenge is on the docket :D
Sk8r_2_shredder@reddit
I agree but I was just sending an idea based off what was asked in the post. My ex is currently 8 months pregnant and we split up 9 months ago. I definitely don’t like the guy and will never respect either of them since they started their relationship before she ended it with me. But my personal anger is absolutely directed towards her cause I doubt she told this ex from high school the truth to be able to rope him into a relationship with a married woman.
That_Bitch_Bruja@reddit
This is it exactly. My spouse of 26 years did the exact same thing except his wedding ring wasn't too big it was suddenly "oh look at this rash I have on my finger."
Lying pieces of shit run to these other women and make up the most ridiculous lies about you. Mine is so sad and pathetic that he went and told the girl that his favorite color was actually my favorite color. How did I know this? She sent him pictures of her fresh manicure outlining that she got his favorite color and I just about died laughing.
the-mortyest-morty@reddit
Disagree. Cheating is wrong, period. Both parties are guilty. People who sleep with married people (regardless of the lies the married person tells them) are trash, just as married people who cheat are trash.
freckleandahalf@reddit
There's like general ethics she broke which is basically just as bad.
traffke@reddit
Get a lawyer ASAP, they're pros at toeing the line between unethical and illegal, just explain to them you have no interest in maintaining a friendship with your ex and you're set
KahurangiNZ@reddit
And make sure to have a quick phone consult with EVERY half-decent lawyer in the area. Sure, it might cost a bit now, but it will save lots down the line when he's stuck with a crappy lawyer because OP has already spoken to the good ones (conflict of interest).
Broad-Cress-3689@reddit
Don’t get even. Get the house.
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
Kudos for the correct spelling and usage of toeing the line.
nioooomz@reddit
this. don’t do anything now that could risk you getting a bigger payoff in your divorce
Jayparris1617@reddit
If I was the other woman I would never want a ring that belonged to his wife. Your husband has zero class. Best to be rid of him, you deserve so much better.
_Vegetable_soup_@reddit
You're going after the wrong person here.
Difficult-Cold1051@reddit
Glitter bombs. Bags of gummy penises. You can order elephant poop, gorilla poop, or a mix of all 3 completely anonymously.
But for this situation I would go with the bags of d*cks. She didn’t KNOW you. She knows OF YOU based on what your POS soon to be ex told her. But she still deserves something bc she didn’t even try the hey girly.
Catchandrelease5999@reddit
Love the glitter bomb idea
Bocadillodeldia@reddit
Sell the rings
Er0ticFriendFiction@reddit
He wants your ring back after 17 YEARS?? Honey, get a lawyer pronto. Sounds like he’s not going to make this easy. Get your revenge by claiming what is yours and moving on to better things
Unusual-Bell-9954@reddit
Keep your ring on you at ALL times!!!My ex (22years) stole mine, repeatedly accused me of losing it, then filed for insurance claim during the divorce. His home wrecker is now married to him, but no sign of my heavy , platinum, 2 carat (.9main plus surrounding) ring.
john_the_fetch@reddit
My understanding is that an engagement ring is a gift. Even if you didn't get married it's yours.
ViolentLoss@reddit
Conditional gift. Where I am, it must be returned if the engagement is broken.
Nyx_Shadowspawn@reddit
Where I am, its a symbol of a promise to wed. It is only returned if the recipient is the one who breaks off an engagement.
I'd either sell it, or repurpose the stones and metal into a new design.
Acrobatic_Advisor_72@reddit
I would swallow the ring in front of him.
crustyflute@reddit
This. Don’t waste villain energy on the side quest when the final boss is your cheating, shoving husband trying to repo a 17-year-old engagement ring like it’s a leased Honda.
travelslowly@reddit
Yeah that ring is yours. Betcha he’s spending $$$ he doesn’t have on his new gf
freckleskinny@reddit
Legally, an engagement ring is a gift with a promise of marriage attached. Once they got married, it was hers, promise fulfilled. He only gets it back if they don't marry.
paleologus@reddit
Get a credit report and freeze your credit if you need to. Empty the bank account and change the door locks. Report the violence to the police and get a restraining order. Change your Netflix password.
festivalchic@reddit
The Netflix password has me 💀🤣 All excellent advice, buckle up OP you got this 💪
LettuceTomatoOnion@reddit
Don’t forget the Netflix account!
SalisburyWitch@reddit
Put his profile on it on child lock so all the man child can get is cartoons.
Ibenthinkin2much@reddit
I did that🤣
dnalloheoj@reddit
But make sure to only change half of it.
DoctorTurkletonsMole@reddit
IAL. DO NOT EMPTY YOUR BANK ACCOUNT. IT WILL FUCK YOU IN THE DIVORCE.
Get a lawyer, listen to lawyer, and move on to a new life.
RealBigDickBrannigan@reddit
What about taking 1/2 of the account?
celery48@reddit
Depends on where OP lives.
FirebirdWriter@reddit
Only if needed for survival. You keep records of all spending too
electricsugargiggles@reddit
I did that and it was fine. I needed money for a retainer for my divorce lawyer.
petitepedestrian@reddit
Take half, print the account statement or save it. Paper trails are important.
WantonWord@reddit
Don't ever have a joint owner on a bank account.
SalisburyWitch@reddit
Don’t empty it. Just freeze it so he can’t take anything out either.
MareV51@reddit
I took 1/2 of our savings and checking. We rented, so that was easy, LL wanted him out after he crashed drunk into 1 side of the garage. Personal items were nil on his side.
Hey_Laaady@reddit
No judge is going to give a restraining g order over one shove. The covenant right at all, but there has to be a pattern.
EducationalQuote287@reddit
She can get a TRO. Making it permanent will be more difficult. Judges always grant TRO’s because they want to be more cautious than not.
variousnewbie@reddit
They don't always. I filed for a tro against a landlord that had been arrested for trespassing after trying to force an illegal eviction by tossing our belongings on the front lawn. He also released our pets from crates to run loose in the streets. It was denied, despite me having lengthy pattern of escalation documentation. My roommate and I did win in court Suing him.
I received a tro against a roommate who became physically abusive, after multiple police calls and an urgent care visit where they called the police and took photos of my bruising. The police served it and required her to leave the premises and not return until myself and the other roommate had finished moving. She was also legitimately mentally unstable, everything else pales in comparison.
Like the comment mentioning proof of an escalating pattern, that's the key to getting approval. The denied one was me a young woman with an older male, and the granted one was another woman around my age. The difference was the escalation of physical threat and police documentation. I'd never dissuade someone from trying but I'd never say judges just grant them to be better safe than sorry. We've even found in Castle Rock V Gonzales that the supreme court ruled police are not required to act in the presence of a restraining order. In that case the police failed to enforce a restraining order that led to the death of the children.
Hey_Laaady@reddit
I had a TRO. Most restraining orders are temporary. Ours was for three years.
I was dating a civil rights attorney at the time who told me that the key to getting one is to have a pattern of behavior where we were continually threatened by name, which was exactly our situation.
EducationalQuote287@reddit
That is what a TRO is. a temporary restraining order. Your attorney boyfriend is right.
gstringstrangler@reddit
Mine got one and I had never laid a hand on her ever. She was also a dispatcher though
EmHOEtionalxDamage@reddit
Your name is G string strangler... Lol... Not saying she was right but also not super reassuring with a name like that
gstringstrangler@reddit
I play guitar and was a pro MMA fighter so it's at least a double entendre, if not more 😏😂
I'm not an angry or violent person, in fact getting strangled regularly kinda mellows you out as most other situations kinda pale in comparison as far as being upset go. For most fighters anyway, of course there's outliers. You just become closer to unflappable, which is like kryptonite to those cluster b attention vampires. "Oh this nonsense again? I've been through worse, yawn".
Hey_Laaady@reddit
The person I got one against never laid a hand on me either. But he came to the door with a gun in his hand and threatened us by name.
gstringstrangler@reddit
Ok then. There was no pattern whatsoever, of any violence, threats, stalking behaviour, raising my voice, throwing things, slamming doors, stomping my feet. Nothing. Now, she did most of those things the entire relationship 🤷
CorrectPanic694@reddit
Do not discourage women from trying to get restraining orders against their abusive partners. I’m sorry you had a bad experience in getting a restraining order but your experience is not universal. I got one against an ex for punching me in the head once.
amandaanddog@reddit
Excellent username for this advice.
EmHOEtionalxDamage@reddit
I was looking for someone else that noticed lol
Mysterious_Map_964@reddit
Depends on the judge. I got a restraining order based on him having told me he would kill himself the day the divorce became final, “and maybe I’ll kill you, too.”
He told me this over the phone, and I did not have a recording. But a judge issued the order anyway.
diablodeldragoon@reddit
My ex hand wrote a 14 page false request for a vpo. She claimed that during a fight, I prevented her from leaving, put the kids in danger, etc. Judge granted it just in case. Cost me $10k to get it dismissed. She recorded the fight. Recording proved she started it. I asked her to leave my house 7 times. She got into her car twice and then came back. She called the police about the supposed danger to the kids, then refused to have them do a wellness check. I never laid a hand in her, nor did she claim that I had. Lawyers tore her apart in court.
My visitation with my child is still restricted to this day because the judge believed "there may have been some truth to her claims"
Lesterkitty13@reddit
Well, she shouldn’t have done that. But don’t discourage other women who aren’t a swamp witch like your ex. Don’t associate everything with yourself.
diablodeldragoon@reddit
This is the comment that I responded to. Maybe you can figure out the purpose of my response has nothing to do with discouraging anything.
Slartibartfastthe2nd@reddit
right, because making shit up and filing false reports will totally work out well for OP. that is stupid advice.
bootsgirl41@reddit
Change your Netflix password lol
UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit
.
Electronic-Value-662@reddit
Yep. It’s been proven in prior cases that engagement rings are not joint property and are a gift. You do not (and should not) return gifts.
Striking-Seesaw3330@reddit
I agree..Girl don’t you even dare give that clown your engagement ring back
wallyinct@reddit
Give the ring to someone you trust to hold. You will want to sell it eventually…
humanityrus@reddit
Yup time to sell that sucker and treat yourself.to a nice vacation
icky-chu@reddit
Personally I would replace the center stone with a Cz and let him have it. They will think they won, and you can laugh at her wearing it with pride.
Ok-Repeat8069@reddit
I’d bet a bundle he plans to turn around and give it to his side piece. No sense spending good money on a new one, right?
OutrageousIce307@reddit
Imagine taking a ring from the wife of your MARRIED boyfriend!!! She’s just as trashy as he is. Of course he’ll lie and say he bought it for her. They deserve each other
10S_NE1@reddit
OP should take the diamond out of the ring and replace it with a fake. Then give it up during negotiations while he thinks it’s still real.
Retrotreegal@reddit
Honestly right now the value in a lot of used rings is in the metal, not the stone.
Dapper-Ad9787@reddit
The moissanite subreddit might point her to a really cheap source for a duplicate ring.
10S_NE1@reddit
As long as someday the home wrecker finds out she has a fake ring, it’s all good. Or OP could remake the whole ring with gold-plated stainless steel and a fake stone.
sparklkitty@reddit
The real home wrecker is the husband.
OutrageousIce307@reddit
Agreed 👍
hendersonh66@reddit
And watch her finger go green!
WantonWord@reddit
Replace the metal with plutonium and handle carefully before handing it over. Or something else. Hypothetically, of course.
Deemon1211@reddit
No. The whole ring is hers. That was the original purpose of an engagement ring; if he didn’t keep his part of the deal, she got something of value.
SalisburyWitch@reddit
Since the marriage was consummated, the promise that the ring was a symbol of has been fulfilled. She keeps it. Let him give the sl*t a cigar band ring.
ColonelMustard323@reddit
That’s so funny
tatasz@reddit
Yup, I'd be taking lots of pics with the ring, giving it to hubby, and if the sidepiece shares any engagement pics with the same ring,spamming the comments with pics and the ring story "ok so her fiance took the engagement ring from his with of 17 years, and then used the same ring to propose to his affair partner, congrats on the engagement"
neverdoneneverready@reddit
After 17 yrs of marriage you better keep that ring. You earned the hard way. What a mother. They deserve each other.
last_rights@reddit
Call all the semi-decent shark lawyers in the area for a consult and leave him all the limp noodle pushover lawyers.
the_mypillow_guy@reddit
This is definitely the best way to screw him over and make his life difficult! Do this!
JackDiesel_14@reddit
Downside to doing this is a limp dick lawyer will make your life hell by filing anything and everything and not properly preparing him.
My sister in law is going through a divorce from her abusive ex husband, has plenty of evidence of the abuse and he's fighting her tooth and nail on everything. Even tried to have her put in jail for contempt of court for not getting to see his kids enough even though he won't use the court monitored app to request visitation.
IM_Gingerbread_Girl@reddit
This! Once an attorney has even a quick phone consult with someone, it would be a conflict of interest to ever represent the party opposing the person who never actually became a client.
IndgoViolet@reddit
Well worth the consultation fee. I had a boss who did this in her divorce in the 80s. Picked her lawyer, then asked him who he least wanted to go up against in court. Then she had consults with the others he named so her soon to be ex couldn't hire them.
blondechineeez@reddit
Swap out the diamond with a fake one.
BADoVLAD@reddit
Swap the whole ring....have it remade as gold plated or whatever with cut glass stones. He won't think to check it. Just make sure you take it off your finger when you give it back.
WantonWord@reddit
Replace it with coal. Close enough, right?
Homo_Homini_Lupus_@reddit
Nah it's him you need to mess with.
If you call all the divorce attorneys near you and ask for a free consultation then they can't take him as a client because conflict of interest. But don't make it obvious and don't say that's what you're doing or courts could throw it out. Start with the best lol
desertgal2002@reddit
Very sound advice. Also, trading that diamond in the engagement ring with a fake would be a nice touch.
RadiantMarsupial-@reddit
lol the ring probably cost less than an hour with lawyer. Give him the ring, change the locks and move on. Find yourself somebody who will love you. He is now lost to you and why would you want to engage with his new woman and waste time on that?
TheShapeShiftingFox@reddit
They were together for a long time, so there are shared goods. Whether she likes putting in the time or not, she has to make sure the divorce doesn’t completely fuck her over.
variousnewbie@reddit
Well, she was a heroin/opiod addict for a decade of the relationship and posted 3yrs ago (someone linked it) that SHE was leaving the marriage because they were only ever meant to be friends, it was a codependent relationship based on mutual past trauma, and he's controlling of finances and she wants to be independent.
This hasn't been a partnership for a long time. I think her focus of anger on the other woman is very telling too. My mom claims she filed for divorce because she discovered my dad was cheating (I don't believe she filed. I believe my dad's story, especially as the two had talked to me about divorce for 3 years by then.) If this happened, it was likely with the woman he moved in with after.. And later married. My mom has since had 2 more divorces. She's also codependent.
cyrusthemarginal@reddit
In a lot of states if you got the ting after the marriage it is community property and he can sell it, don't let him get ahold of it.
steffie-flies@reddit
He's too cheap to buy a new one! 😂
tatasz@reddit
I would take pictures using the ring, and return it.
Pretty sure he wants it to give it to his gf, so stalking her for engagement pics and letting her and all her friends know she got the leftovers would be fun.
Tahmeed09@reddit
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows with them. While it’s heartbreaking, she was ready to leave a few years ago
SWarchNerd@reddit
None of that is unethical. I thought this was ULPT!
AlissonHarlan@reddit
he want to ask her but is too cheap to buy a new ring '-_-
FilthyThanksgiving@reddit
Srsly, the audacity
stuckinnowhereville@reddit
Board of nursing complaint. Ethics are the core of the profession. Out her to her employer. Tell the front line secretary. She will tell everyone.
Loud-Ebb-9379@reddit
I wouldn’t waste my energy or emotions of the girlfriend. She’s not the problem. She didn’t make him cheat. Be above the trash that they are. Get a fair distribution of assets and move on. Karma will take care of them. I know this from experience.
iliketosandwood@reddit
It’s so funny when the aggrieved party blames the other woman/man and not his/her partner. What she did may be considered unethical or morally questionable, it’s your husband that betrayed you. You should be mad at him. You’re right, the best revenge is a life well lived. Don’t give him the ring, get a lawyer, and try to find the upsides to starting a new chapter in your life. I know this is going to be hard as hell, but you’ll be better off. When he comes groveling back in a couples months, tell him to pound salt.
Recent_Worldliness72@reddit
So sorry to read this. No doubt you’re angry, and under that is potentially the beginnings of deep grief. Be gentle with yourself, go talk to someone. The best revenge you can have is working on yourself and living your best life.
MyThrowawayGarbage99@reddit
Tell him you gave the ring away.
Unhappy-Strain-5375@reddit
The only home wrecker , is the one with the home with you. A outsider cannot wreck a home , unless they are a burglar, did she break in with a mask on ? Nah , your husband thought he was have himself a threesome, and he did for a bit it seems. I can't stand people who refuse to hold the perpetrator accountable. But hey , its hard to admit our own contributions that lead to silly misunderstandings like this.
Top_Independent_3548@reddit
You should probably focus on your ex, too. She also sounds horrible but, fuck, 17 years?
low_dmnd_phllps@reddit
Crazy how her title emphasized the “homewrecker” and not her cheating husband, who’s an adult and made the conscious decision to cheat on his wifeof 17 years. I’ve never understood that mentality. Forget about her and leave your husband. He’s the one you should be angry with.
drtdraws@reddit
Dont you know, it's always the woman's fault!
ampleblossom@reddit
You gotta remember, until only very recently, this was the man she was still in love with (and probably sadly still is). Even when someone hurts you so deeply, it's very difficult undoing the feelings you already have for them. Then add 17 years of marriage on top of that and you can imagine what inner turmoil she's going through. It'll take a while before she's able to look at him as the real bad guy here. She's gotta be away from him long enough to see the reality of the situation.
lafcrna@reddit
I feel the same way. I always shake my head when people blame the affair partner instead of the spouse. You know, the one who made the commitment to you and lied in your face every day. Blame that person more.
Impossible-Maize-553@reddit
I don’t think it’s something people do intentionally. In the heat of the moment/situation you feel the need to blame someone for the immense pain, and it’s so much easier to blame a nameless person than the partner you’ve loved for over a decade. It’s less painful to hate someone you don’t know than admit the person you’ve committed your life to has thoroughly screwed you over. While it makes more sense to be angry at the partner who stepped out on you, emotions aren’t rational, and we can’t help it if a traumatic experience like infidelity causes our wires to get crossed a little bit. I can definitely empathize with OP, it’s a horrible experience to go through.
LoudAppointment2545@reddit
Early on when you find out about an affair it is easier on your psyche to tell yourself that your spouse was tempted by the devil/seductress/etc and is stupid for falling for it but not actively a participant. Its easier to imagine this person you know and love made a mistake because of the affair partner, as though in a way they too are a victim.
The truth is that the person you married isn't who you thought they were, and that they were an active and willing participant in the betrayal and hurt. But accepting you've been sleeping next to a stranger, that you are so naive/stupid/passive that you didn't notice how your partner had become someone you didn't recognize, that they lied to you when they claimed to love and honor you, that youve missed signs of the betrayal for X years etc. is HARD mentally to accept. Most people get there eventually, usually 6 months or so after they find out.
Until they reach that point it is easier to blame the affair partner for "tempting" their spouse than to blame their spouse for cheating. Its a defense mechanism, but that's why it happens.
AnotherDoubtfulGuest@reddit
#EXACTLY.
Don’t focus your rage on Jolene, focus it on your man. What’s the purpose of going for the other woman’s jugular when the real offender is your husband? You don’t know what he actually told her and he’s been lying to you for months, so why do you think he told her the truth?
malhoward@reddit
If it wasn’t her it would have been someone else.
pongoose33@reddit
Exactly. She’s not the real home wrecker here, your husband is full stop.
paleologus@reddit
17 years is a pretty good run. In a year you’ll be in another relationship and wondering why you put up with his shit so long. Happened to me.
ColdSmashedPotatoes4@reddit
I'm (44f) 8 months out of a 17 year relationship. So glad I finally gave him the boot. I spent way too long being that man's pacifier.
Not_Hunter1307@reddit
spam this number 4069269177
\
Daisy4853@reddit
Start by mailing her an envelope full of glitter.
qbee2000@reddit
Hoisting that ran through credit card on her would be the biggest FU you can give to a woman who would believe a man when he tells her his wife isn't worth caring about. Don't bother expending more effort on screwing her over than just taking the high road and making sure her new man isn't so new anymore.
You take that man to court and pull every last dollar out of him. Use every single dirty trick in the book.
Relative_Presence742@reddit
I think you don’t need to wreck her life, she has your x—he will likely do that for her. Move on and get over it, don’t worry about her being the home wrecker and don’t act crazy to her, it was your finance who had an obligation to be faithful not her.
Creative_Camel_8884@reddit
Take that energy and go find a boyfriend.
Don’t look back.
You just embarrassing yourself honestly. Don’t act like a fourteen year old child trying to be petty that’s truly pathetic and more likely to f up your court for the divorce OR get you a record for stalking, harassment, vandalism, etc.
Is the side hoe worth a felony? Would that wreck your own career and social life?
I’ve seen more failed attempts at revenge end in massive shame and create huge court issues.
Get a lawyer ASAP. Go no contact. Don’t play the games with him.
Take care of yourself, make a dating profile, go out on the town etc etc.
Honestly, most men absolutely crumble and fall apart when you shut off the emotions and go cold. Highly recommend feeling nothing for him, no matter how much he ends up crying.
Nothing devastates a man more than forgetting he matters and treating him like he has 0 emotional impact on you when he thinks he should stil be your whole world.
Lizlizlizzyliz@reddit
Honestly, yes! She could probably really devastate him simply by filing for divorce first and gray-rocking the shit out of him.
mysteriouscattravel@reddit
Can confirm. I dated a dude for over a year and he dumped me for another girl he met and started hanging out with while we were together. After the breakup, I treated him as if he were a casual hookup that I didn't care about. It devastated the dude worse than anything else I could have done. Tears, "how could you feel this way?" type of questions, the works. I believe I said "Bro go cry to (new chick's name) about it. You dumped me."
scissorsgrinder@reddit
Yeah, men like that love thinking they're being fought over. Don't give him that satisfaction and chance to white knight for her.
Lizlizlizzyliz@reddit
Get a consult with as may lawyers in your area especially the well known ones to make it harder for him to find one.
ReleaseTheSheast@reddit
A long drawn out divorce including a financial audit and claiming theft of funds from marital assets, which he'll have to pay back in full, if he spent as much as one dime on her. Any cash taken out? That was stolen from the marriage. Eating out and an amount looks like more than it's one meal, that was stolen from the marriage.
That will get revenge on both of them.
RadioactiveCougar@reddit
You didn’t marry her. She did not make vows to you. Unless she is your bestie, your anger is misplaced.
MeganK80@reddit
Girl take this out on HIM. Yes she is nasty too but HE is the one with YOU. Women always get more mad at the other woman...why??? Hes trash and she took him out, dont make it worse, make it better...and I know that sounds like im maybe making light or whatever, but im not. Hes a loser and he wants to be with that other loser. Playing games and being immature is on them, dont make it on you too. Move on in a dignified way and look back in 5 years and be glad u did. ♥️ And dont respond when he texts u in a few months because he will.
Conscious_Subject_41@reddit
My aunts husband cheated on her with coworker. She died because she wouldn't take treatments he was a scuzzball I heard him at the funeral making a date he came around the corner he saw me and turned white on the face. I just looked at him and shook my head and said disgusting. My family found out cause I told them. Now my other uncles wife got cancer he gave up his resteraunt business and cared for her full time she was treated like a baby. He loved her so much when she died the family had to take turns checking on him to be sure he didn't well you know. He hasn't dated or wanted to date anyone.
ScaryMouchy@reddit
Don’t do a thing. You want to be the most innocent person you can during the divorce.
crunchybumpkins@reddit
This is a boring answer, but probably the one OP should listen to.
I always think I’m going to send a glitter letter to someone who wronged me, but I know I have to wait awhile so they don’t suspect it’s me. In that time, I’ve always realized I don’t need to do that.
love_of_his_life@reddit
This. Also, while waiting on the divorce to go through, you will have plenty of time plan your revenge of inconveniences.
regboy5101@reddit
Plus you may learn more details in the process that you can use unethically later.
ScaryMouchy@reddit
100%, so long as the planning leaves no traces!
hendersonh66@reddit
At last, some good advice
Conscious_Subject_41@reddit
Is she married let the hubby know let his family know and your family and friends also if he touched you in anger call the police video him when he comes home slinging fists around. CALL THE POLICE
SoundsGudToMe@reddit
She prob meant to sign up for publishers clearing house
jveck718@reddit
Send him a package with anything of his that you have. You know, just returning it to him. Fix a spring loaded package with a SHIT TON of glitter. It’ll take them a while to clean it up. Make sure it’s the tiny stuff.
Change the passwords to all the streaming services. Actually, change all the passwords to any joint accounts. He’ll eventually get in, but it’ll be fun to know how frustrating it’ll be.
There’s also a service where you can send a bag of d!cks to somebody. In fact, I just checked and you can send a spring loaded b0mb of glitter dicks. A D!ck-splosion!
LukewarmJortz@reddit
Babe the best revenge is getting a good lawyer and taking his ass to court.
He can have his new gf but you're getting half imhia retirement account.
bonitaababy@reddit
Start gathering financial statements and get a lawyer ASAP. Do not give back your engagement ring either. Hide it at your parents house or get a safety deposit box.
Runneymeade@reddit
You could check the laws in your state to see if you can sue her for alienation of affection.
allsunnydaze@reddit
He doesn't get the engagement OR wedding rings back. And I know it sucks, but she didn't take vows or make promises to you, HE did, so hate her, but remember who is the cause of your heartache.
blavek@reddit
I'd forget about the chick and make your husband's life miserable. But I mean the easy one is call her work, explain she is a homewrecker, and see if they fire her over it. Also, don't give him the engagement ring. It's a promise to get married, and you did so its yours now.
FalsettoBalsamico@reddit
Girl. She didn't do anything to you; he did. Don't be pathetic and if you want revenge at least do it to the right person.
bankerbydayfarmer@reddit
Sign your husband up for farmers only dot com
Wooden_Series425@reddit
The "home wrecker" is your husband.
sunshineandrainbow62@reddit
Pack his bags and write her a thank you note. She just did you the most fabulous favor. Good riddance.
MossGobbo@reddit
Piss discs, bear mace his undies drawer, bear mace her undies drawer, holes in the condoms if he's even bothering with them, nair in the shampoo bottle, clothing dye in the shampoo bottle, bang his dad, bang his mom, make him your step-child. Make the other woman your step-child...
LikeToLook805@reddit
⬆️ this!
FaithlessnessJust243@reddit
The bimbo only knows what your husband is selling her… I am sorry you are hurting. Your husband is the one who is breaking his vows… he is the one that deserves a good kick in the jewels…. But don’t do it except in self defense…. Do not give him anything… that ring is yours!
I am sorry, I know how this hurts… but time heals all. There is a man out there that deserves your love! You will find him when you least expect it. If you need to talk we are you. You are welcome to reach out in Dm also!
Ibenthinkin2much@reddit
My Dad, divorce attorney, always said "Time wounds all heels"
killermfKT@reddit
Why is always go after the "homewrecker" and never go after the "man who put you out at least 17 years of your life into and chose to throw it all away"?
Yeah she knew about you but he is the one to took vows with you.
IBelieveInYouToo@reddit
That midwife will lose him the same way she got him. Bet.
scabs_in_a_bucket@reddit
The real revenge is dumping your piece of shit husband on her lol
PineappleWhipped14@reddit
Yeah idk why you'd want someone else's cheating husband
sensitiveskin82@reddit
The best revenge against her is to let her have him. Miserable piece of shit will be her "prize," and your's will be a breath of fresh air.
hatervision@reddit
Maybe she’ll be his future “mid” wife
alittlepizza@reddit
Midwife? They deliver babies.
Objective-Amount1379@reddit
Yes I think everyone knows that. How is it relevant here?
variousnewbie@reddit
Because they replied to a comment calling the affair partner a midwife with no mention of her career.
frobscottler@reddit
She mentions in the post that she’s a midwife
hendersonh66@reddit
If they will do it with ya, they will certainly do it to ya
JoetheOK@reddit
I told my kids, "if they cheat with you they'll cheat on you"
glimmergirl1@reddit
Not necessarily. I was 46 when my 49 year old husband cheated on me. They are still together because he is too old and infirm now to cheat anymore lol. He will be 60 this year with arthritis in his back so bad he can't hardly stand. She can keep him!
And it is true that a life well lived is the best revenge! I'm remarried too and we both make a lot of money, we travel a lot, have nice cars, a gorgeous house, savings, everything we need. And we live in a very nice part of Colorado.
He is practically disabled due to his back but driving a truck OTR and his wife is a hairdresser in a shitty small town in Nebraska. They are poor. He always liked to drink but now he is a full blown alcoholic. They deserve each other
He has seen our daughter maybe a half dozen times in the 10+ years we have been divorced and he owes 40k in child support. I've been blessed to be able to see her every day of her life and she still lives with me at 20. She never calls him or talks to him. I encouraged her to do so regularly until she hit about 16 or so. Figured at that point, it was up to him or her to keep in touch. She still loves him I think but he is just not a part of her life. His loss.
lalacourtney@reddit
I realized this was kinda my life in terms of awesome stepdad making life reallly different for me
glimmergirl1@reddit
I joke that my husband married me just so he could be her step-dad. They are so amazing together even now when she is 20. They love each other and, even better, like each other.
ImaHalfwit@reddit
This!
The best revenge is to just move on and find happiness, health, and wealth. Let the trash take itself out.
Congrats to you and so happy that everything worked out. You sound very zen and at peace.
lindseys10@reddit
Your husband is the home wrecker. She sucks too but take your rage out on him. Who knows what he told her.
mymessofalife7936@reddit
The best revenge is to let them have each other. They are each others karma. Trust
chunglevision@reddit
Legally speaking, the engagement ring is given on condition of marriage so since you got married it’s a gift and yours. He can’t make you give it back.
ballskindrapes@reddit
Get your revenge on him.
It will drive him crazy, and make his new girlfirend miserable because he'll be shitty to deal with.
Specialist-Record797@reddit
take half of everything. all gifts stay with you. kick him out with a restarining order .
77Megg77@reddit
The revenge is dumping his cheating butt! My ex cheated while I was pregnant with our son. He actually didn’t want a divorce, he just wanted to be allowed to go play. I refused to let him stay. He said I was forcing him to marry her because he couldn’t be alone. Oh well!
They got married. And they were both miserable. They both cheated on each other. If a man will cheat with you, he will cheat on you eventually. They had a nasty bitter divorce. My ex is on wife #5 now. He cheated on all of them over time. He also cheated on wife #5, but instead of divorcing him like the other wives did, she beat him up! She is 20+ years younger than he is and wasn’t going to go through another divorce. So she smacked him around instead. She now keeps a very close watch on him. He tells me every time he sees me that he made a huge mistake when he cheated on me.
Believe me, this woman isn’t getting a prize husband! She is getting a proven cheater. So deep down, she knows he is a dud.
Responsible_Dentist3@reddit
Don’t go after her, go after him.
westbridge1157@reddit
The best thing you can do to get revenge is to let her have him. Let her ‘win’ and get away safely because he’s distracted/focused on her.
Safety first. Her being stuck with him, is a gift for you. Honestly, stay safe.
LeisureSuiteLarry@reddit
Your best revenge is to let her have him and move on.
Moist_Requirements_@reddit
Ughh. Grimace-shaped. O no.
I know it's hard, but you've gotta rise above it.
I COMPLETELY understand your wanting to get back at this woman, but you'll just be degrading yourself. Just get a lawyer. Keep the rings. Don't leave the house to him.
Meet with your girlfriends... talk some shit with them. Do Not lower yourself and give these losers ANY ammunition!
They're gross awful ppl who probably deserve each other! Dust your hands, and stride proudly away! You're better than their trashiness.
Mundane-Educator-983@reddit
Girl i know ur not gonna read this coz of so many comments but take revenge from your husband not some random women. He destroyed ur marriage with his life choices.
VanillaHuel@reddit
Report his violence to the police for a legal trail asap!!! and restraining order. Lawyer up fast. Freeze your credit meanwhile and keep vital documents safe.
AcceptableBee8492@reddit
I disagree, I think OP should give the ring back. Depends on the ring, but most stones are given a fraction of their value when you trade them in. Better rid of the thing and move on, knowing she's wearing your ring. She gets your second hand life, and you get a new one. Nice
Dapper-Ad9787@reddit
While her actions are reprehensible, he is the real home wrecker here. Make his life miserable instead.
ConversationBasic195@reddit
YOU NEED TO GO AFTER YOUR HUSBAND NOT HER. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WOMAN.
MagentaGiraffe13@reddit
You are angry right now. Do not do anything rash. Get a lawyer. Follow the advice of the lawyer.
Think about everything you say and do. You need to play the long game in this one.
Make smart decisions. Don’t fight over things that don’t matter. It may help your case if it gets nasty.
Also, report the abuse and above all, keep yourself safe. He has shown you how nasty he can be and don’t discount that.
I am sorry you have to go through this with someone you thought was a partner.
Anxious_Leading7158@reddit
Get a lawyer
sbryan_@reddit
Yeah she’s a bad person too but shouldn’t you be targeting the guy who cheated? He’s the one that ruined that marriage, not her.
Longjumping-Age5436@reddit
There’s an Instagram page called whattheish that has “revenge ideas from a lawyer that won’t get you arrested, probably” She has some pretty good suggestions 😈
RoundBrown90@reddit
You have a home wrecker in your midst indeed, and it’s your husband. Get rid of him.
Trixiedashtuttles@reddit
Do not give your ring to him.
Get a restraining order.
Get a lawyer asap and do what they advise.
Curious_Bookworm21@reddit
You’re going after the wrong person here. Save the wrath for your SPOUSE. He’s the one you took your vows with.
zillabirdblue@reddit
The home wrecker is your husband. He broke vows, not her. She’s not worth hating or focusing on, she’s nothing to you. If it wasn’t her, it would’ve been some other woman. Focus on him, he’s the one who destroyed the marriage.
Good_With_Tools@reddit
As someone who has been in your shoes, she is not your problem. He is. The best thing you can do for yourself is to make him her problem.
Now, if you want to make his life miserable. I have a few ideas.
UpstairsTomato3231@reddit
I 100% agree with foxy. You need to go after your stbx husband. And her, too, but focus on the real villain here. I'm going to ruminate on it for you while walking the dog.
Comments_Wyoming@reddit
I agree with the top stickied comment. He made promises to you, she didnt. He has a legal binding document with you, she doesn't.
Make his life a living hell. Get a good lawyer. Take that fool for ALL he has!
canna-crux@reddit
I'm pretty sure infidelity is a breach of the marriage contract. Get a good lawyer and rake him over the coals financially. Also, the rings are yours...dude can go eat sand.
old_witness_987@reddit
go out and swap the gem in your ring for a zircon.
TurtleDive1234@reddit
Set things in place but WAIT to execute anything if possible. Do whatever you can to be QUIET and blithe about everything. Let him wonder what, if anything, you’re up to.
After the dust has settled and you’ve moved on, activate your ULPTs, whatever they may be. A multitude of small stumbling blocks and issues for them.
IllustriousSecret471@reddit
You’re mad at the wrong person, put that energy into fucking your cheating husband up but Whatever you do, do not give him the ring, sell that shit it’s yours and don’t do what will get you arrested so it doesn’t fuck you up in the divorce. Get a good lawyer and make sure you squeeze every little cent you can from him
HahaHarleyQu1nn@reddit
I understand the majority of the anger should be at the person stepping out on a relationship… but at the same time I have no sympathy for anyone who helps someone cheat 🤷🏻♀️
That’s like knowing someone stole and using the money yourself and saying hey it’s not MY bank account so I can benefit all I want
Homo_Homini_Lupus_@reddit
Nah it's him you need to mess with.
If you call all the divorce attorneys near you and ask for a free consultation then they can't take him as a client because conflict of interest. But don't make it obvious and don't say that's what you're doing or courts could throw it out. Start with the best and rake his sorry ass over the coals
Tiny-Shovel-48@reddit
So going back to the ULPT request…
- if you know any passwords to his phone or accounts, it’s time to be generous and help the animal shelters.
- sign him up for mlm’s and other time share bs
- start replacing family photos with whatever the hell makes you happy. Favorite celebrity, favorite pet, favorite food. Or just tape the pictures of food over his face.
- take away all matching socks so leave one behind.
- start saying “interesting choice” every time he does something
- hide the tv remote (he can’t have tv in the house if he being stupid)
- and my personal favorite: hair tie around the kitchen sink sprayer. Ruins every shirt. Just don’t forget for yourself.
featurescreature@reddit
Your HUSBAND is the homewrecker, she just went along with it.
_SadSilver_@reddit
Not sure what state you're in... But in many states if one spouse commits adultry and you have proof, you may be able to get more alimony.
TurbulentAerie3785@reddit
A lot of comments saying to go after husband and not the other woman but I'd argue her career as a midwife makes this especially bad, that's a trusted role to support other women at their most vulnerable and she's out here ruining families instead
self-medicator@reddit
She is Getting this raggedy ass man who’ll cheat on her eventually if not already. I doubt any revenge will be worse than that. The deal enemy is your ex. Get the best lawyer you can afford and follow their advice.
Individual-Regret574@reddit
How you get them is how you lose them!
Charming-Bat-5335@reddit
Get spam mail delivered to her work address in her name
Individual-Cut-5582@reddit
There is a divorce called no fault divorce, no need to name anyone what's yours is yours what's mine is mine sign on the dotted line! Let her deal with his shit! This is going to happen with my husband he can have his mistress n kid he's not going to see it coming!
1982-toyota-corolla@reddit
Regardless if she knew, he’s the one that should be punished.
superduperhosts@reddit
He is the home wrecker not her
PrestigiousStrain380@reddit
With just an address sign her up for religious door knockers. However with her full name and address you can find her phone # or check his phone bill, you can put it on all t he telemarketer sites.
M4ybeMay@reddit
He's the one you married, but you're trying to get revenge on her? I don't think you have your priorities straight
Skirra08@reddit
Sounds like giving her your husband is going to be the most miserable gift you have to offer.
schwarzeKatzen@reddit
The worst thing you can do to her is let her have him. He’s going to do the same thing to her. He doesn’t get the engagement ring back after 17 years of marriage. That’s delusional. Go pawn it and use the money to pay your divorce attorney. If you’re in a state that allows at fault divorce file that way.
beckypulito@reddit
Wow- 12 hours since posting and I see no unethical tips given! Not even a piss disc!
BasicErgonomics@reddit
yeah scrolled down till I got here - suddenly this sub is r/relationshipadvice. Was looking for some juicy revenge tactics, but alas.
Comfortable-Heat4@reddit
She’s also asking for tips for the wrong person. Her husband is the homewrecker here and she should direct her anger at him.
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
To be fair, does an unethical response exist in this situation? Illegal sure, but unethical..?
scissorsgrinder@reddit
Hey, we're all about righteous fury here, OP forgot who made those marriage vows.
Alternative_Bit_3445@reddit
The person at fault is your husband. That's not to say she's wholly innocent, obviously she's not if she knew about you, but she'll have been told "ignores me, I'm so sad, like roommates nowadays, no intimacy, not really a marriage" or variations on that theme.
Channel your rage where it belongs; she made you no promises, he did. Her punishment will be to live with this untrustworthy POS and never know when it's her time to be lied to.
Mission-Artichoke237@reddit
He shoved you, is it too late to file a domestic assault charge?
KittyKattKate@reddit
Lawyer up, like YESTERDAY! 17 years and this pos want the engagement ring back?! I’d be out for blood.
I don’t have any “how to annoy” tips, but I will tell you about a friend of mine..She became hip to her husband’s program before he knew, played it cool, till she just happened to come home early one day and caught them..she shot AND STABBED them both, ended up getting off on it being a “Crime of passion” she did like 18 months or something. Sold the house and his toys, got herself new tits, condo and truck and will tell you she’s happier than ever.
Unohtui@reddit
Goddamn idiot op, its your marriage that must end. Nothing bad should happen to her. Like what the fuck?
dundermifflingirl@reddit
I think you should want to ruin your husband more. She's only a 3rd party and sure, she's guilty too. But your husband is the one who wrecked your home. Go after both of them, or him.
Specific-Bass-3465@reddit
Focus on him, not her. He cheated on you, betrayed you, and shoved you. Get the best lawyer you can find and focus on moving forward. Good luck 🫂🫂🫂
obvsnotrealname@reddit
File for divorce on adultery grounds and name her in the paperwork. I did this in a similar situation lol
Even if your state has no fault divorce, a lot still allow for fault based as well like mine did.
The_dura_mater@reddit
Get a lawyer IMMEDIATELY. I have heard that if you do the (usually free) consultation with an attorney and don’t choose to go with them, your husband won’t be able to use them either due to a conflict in interest. I’m not 100% sure if it’s true, but if you go to like, all the Really Good attorneys in town, it might limit his options. That being said, if it is true and the judge finds out you did this with the intention of limiting his options, it will reflect purely on you and you might get in some sort of trouble. But hey, who’s to say you weren’t a grieving and scorned wife who wanted to see all her options?
hendersonh66@reddit
She was just shopping around for a lawyer.. got to try them out first.. surely can't get in trouble for that?
JoinedReddit@reddit
For Halloween, be Cheeseburglar.
firesoups@reddit
When my ex cheated on me with his boss and I found out she knew about me the whole time I called HR of the company and reported her for sleeping with her employees and then left google and yelp reviews saying the same. As far as I know it didn’t achieve anything but it made me feel better and the reviews are still up to this day.
nikitafemme@reddit
I got second hand satisfaction reading this
InfamousAd5126@reddit
In this order: lock up your money and assets (take the cash out and put somewhere safe and unknown to him if shared); get a lawyer
And then proceed with anything ULPT
InfamousAd5126@reddit
Forgot to mention. Get a restraining order, have him served at his place of work 🥳 alternatively, have him served when he’s out with the midwife
Hey_Laaady@reddit
OP needs to demonstrate a pattern of abuse before a judge would give her a restraining order.
Source: Have successfully gotten a restraining order on someone
nikitafemme@reddit
Would the shoving incident suffice?
Quirky-Invite7664@reddit
And buy gift cards and store them away, for use later. Pay off student loans.
amberfirex@reddit
This right here. When I was planning my exit, I’d buy gift cards at the grocery store and add it to the total bill so they never knew.
Hey_Laaady@reddit
In this order: Get a lawyer. Do not move money around in your bank accounts. You could really hurt yourself later by doing that.
SouthpawSeahorse@reddit
This! But also—File a report that he hurt her STAT!!!
Responsible-Club9120@reddit
All of this, and then pack up his clothes in garbage bags, and drop them off in her front yard.
AZBreezy@reddit
Give him the ring back but swap out the stone for shitty cubic zirconia. Or whatever fake, glass version are the stones in your ring. When they inevitably fall out or are damaged, it will be a quality befitting the person wearing it
-RainbowUnicornPoop@reddit
Give her name and address to the nearest kingdom hall. Sign her up for their newsletters. The Jehovah’s Witnesses will come to her door at the most random times lol
Sprechensie9@reddit
Rub fiberglass insulation in the crotch of all of his undies.
stipwned_thrill@reddit
Uh. Why not blame the husband instead? This is wild.
Tackit286@reddit
Revenge should be on him, not her. Sure, she knows about you, but she didn’t agree to spend the rest of her life with you. He did, and he has reneged on that promise in the most callous of ways - I’m sure she didn’t put him up to it.
By all means do something that also affects her indirectly, but the focus should be on him.
Also, congratulations on saving yourself a lifetime of further misery by finding out your husband is a piece of shit now and not when it’s too late to do anything. It may not feel like it now, but this could be one of the best things to ever happen to you.
Intelligent-Tough370@reddit
...I'm going through something very similar to this. I even have the same amount of information as OP. I almost feel like it was fate to stumble across this, as I've been too scared to ask for the same advice. Guess I'll be taking notes, heh
Intelligent-Tough370@reddit
Okay well dang there's not actually a lot of tips here, especially not for me since we weren't married. Guess I will need to make a post someday T.T
soakmymemberplz@reddit
Whoaaa hold your horses! Your husband is the home wrecker here. His little slut is probably not gonna last long enough to see any fruits of your ire. Most definitely keep your focus on his infidelity, look into the past as well, it’s not his first time.
Source: I was the same guy minus the shoving… I’d never put my hands on a lady. But I spent long time lying in long term relationships.
Common_Road9143@reddit
He asked for the engagement ring back?! Pfft…what a loser. He absolutely lied to her about you.
ElongatedVagina@reddit
Take the L
MzOpinion8d@reddit
You don’t have to do anything. He is what she gets, and who the fuck wants a lame ass cheater?
klaw14@reddit
simdoll@reddit
Sick the Hamburglar on her
forensicgirla@reddit
I thought of this in a pink bikini when she said "looks like grimace" LOL
lynivvinyl@reddit
I always thought Grimace was a jolly Joe of Mike and Ikes and jolly joes candies turned on its end and squished.
Ivabighairy1@reddit
She’s not the home wrecker. Your husband is. Team up with a divorce and give him a threesome he’ll never forget with the screwing you give him.
FelineOphelia@reddit
Make it public. That's absolutely the worst. I mean, name her in sm
itsnotme43@reddit
Make his life difficult. Also you can order poop and glitter bombs to their homes.
kcshuffler@reddit
Sounds like she’s gonna be a mid wife
LydiaPiper@reddit
Here’s what I don’t understand. Why are you taking out your rage on this woman? She didn’t make any vows to you, your husband did. She didn’t “seduce” him or force him to do anything he didn’t want to do. He made an active decision to cheat on you and continued to do so. He wrecked your home. Instead of focusing blame on her, focus on your husband’s infidelity. Divorce him and take all his shit.
Lacerrz@reddit
Your husband is the home wrecker. Fox or cat pee under his car seat should do the trick.
Due_Combination_968@reddit
agree with many of the comments, the first thing you need to do is understand your financial position.
whether it's a lawyer or financial advisor I promise you it's time and money well spent.
so sorry for your situation
PersonalDistance3848@reddit
Always amazed that when spouse cheats the anger is directed at who the spouse is cheating with.
desertgal2002@reddit
Start getting gift cards for yourself each time you go to the supermarket. You can always say it was for someone’s birthday or whatever. It shouldn’t come up in divorce settlement.
littlecreamsoda79@reddit
Let it happen on its own. The newness and the alcohol will wear off and they'll be stuck with each other.
Acceptable-Net2557@reddit
The alcohol. Yep!!!
Fresh_Individual5500@reddit
In the mean time, get a lawyer.
DinahKarwrek@reddit
So here's the thing. He's living in a fantasy. So is she. She's being told complete lies about you and she believes every single one of them. He is living in some bullshit grass is greener fantasy when in reality what they have is not sustainable..
The best thing to do is honestly just leave him because by the time he realizes his mistake it should be too late. Let him fall on his own ass.
LizardCapturer@reddit
Focus all torture on husband. However. We can def keep calling her grimace ✨️ 💅 💜
Odd_Spot3066@reddit
only on reddit will you have people excusing homewrecking theyre both awful people, how about that?
paula7609@reddit
Not Grimace catching a stray bullet
tranquilrage73@reddit
Why are you more angry with her than your husband?
connectopussy@reddit
Order a glitter bomb to her house. You can do it anonymously. It won't hurt anyone but cleaning it will be an absolute nightmare
SalisburyWitch@reddit
First, keep the ring. An engagement ring is a promise of marriage. He married you, so it’s yours. Next, get a really good lawyer and be sure to freeze the accounts. Look to see what he’s taken out of the account, and make sure your lawyer knows. Do what you can to keep the house.
MMMelissaMae@reddit
Why are you attacking the woman?
PictureMaster512@reddit
She took this WAYYY too far. But her revenge was epic and maybe you can get some ideas.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTk3eBVum/
EmpressofPFChangs@reddit
I’d rather get HIM for alimony and half his shit
GeneralTS@reddit
Don't forget the assault charge
Puzzled-Stranger1658@reddit
Cant believe he asked for the ring back! The cheeky bastard tell him to sling his hook
United-Ear-2360@reddit
Especially after 17 years 🤣 cheap ass
brookish@reddit
The homewrecker IS YOUR HUSBAND.
deadfred23@reddit
Been through that. Move on with your life. Ill bet his tryst won't last. You deserve better and after a healing process you'll find someone who appreciates you. I did. And guess what she wanted me back. Ain't going to happen
Basic-Sky-1335@reddit
Tell ppl close to her what a home wrecker she is.
wawa2022@reddit
Your husband is in the wrong. He’s the scumbag. Go after him.
turnip4hwat@reddit
Enter her name and information to receive spam and calls from telemarketers?
Artesso@reddit
Get a lawyer and let them do the fun work. You need to build a team to have your back. Do what the lawyer tells you, don’t interact with stbx and importantly build your support system. Your going to need people to have your back, be there for you, hold your valuables/important things and back you up if you need evidence
ralanolson@reddit
Get the accounts on the bank either locked or drained them; change all passwords to everything like streaming stations and etc. put his clothes and items outside by the door, and most of all get an attorney and follow him; get the proof he has been stepping outside of his marriage
gamercrafter86@reddit
Do NOT give that ring back. The contract was fulfilled when the marriage happened. It is yours to do with as you like and he can kick rocks.
Ebbnflo25@reddit
You don’t have to do anything to her. She’s getting a cheater, who will either cheat on her or will be devastated when she cheats on him. I’m sorry for your loss.
Lizzy_is_a_mess@reddit
Get any girl under the age of 40 to find her phone number. It’s out there, you just gotta know where to look. Then Google “healthcare” and then go to the top websites and put her number in. I did it by accident in October and they’ve called over 1,000 since then. I did it to my ex and he had to change his number.
followthemissing@reddit
Don’t have ideas for you, I just wanted to say I understand what you’re feeling right now. I went through the same thing a couple years ago and it totally sucks. It gets easier when you realize she is stuck with a fat balding loser whose dick is literally shrinking and who lies every time his lips move.
barbzilla1@reddit
Punish him, not her. Honestly he is the one that betrayed your trust and hurt you, she is just a side effect and not worth your effort.
TicketyB000@reddit
Keep the ring - and everything else.
youlikemango@reddit
Join a few local mommy forums under an alias and wreck her professional reputation. Say she’s been all over your husband while you were in labor. Say she made mistakes during your delivery.
Get cheap flowers delivered to her house when you lmk they are both there. The card should read „No one can drain my balls like you do. Can’t wait till next time I’m in town”
barbiesergio@reddit
I lived this exact situation with my ex-husband. She was married w/ two kids. I never said a word to her or her husband even when he tried to contact me years later with the suspicion she had an affair. I never responded. I went after my ex-husband for as much as I could get, not a lot comparatively. It's not fun and it's been 16 years of hell still because we have two kids. It doesn't matter what you do, she won't care and it will make you more upset if you stir everything up.
Aly_Kitty@reddit
Actual pro tip: get a consult from every divorce lawyer within 50 miles that way he can’t use any of them. 🥰
forensicgirla@reddit
If you do all of them, you can get in trouble in some states. So only do all the BEST ones!
a1icenotinchains@reddit
I've had two rules in all my relationships. No cheating, no beating.
You know what you get when you steal a married man away from his wife? A man who will cheat on you as well.
Old_Blue_Haired_Lady@reddit
Your beef is with HIM, not her.
However, I wouldn't want a duplicitous, cheating skank as my midwife.
Can you find out where she works? Write reviews. Report her to the state licensing agency.
Oddveig37@reddit
Get a lawyer and document everything. Take everything and leave him nothing. Best revenge for both once she realizes that he has nothing.
WatchAdamRise@reddit
Fuck his friends. Fuck her dad and or brothers. Never tell them. It'll come to light when it needs too.
Or, and this is really petty. And could backfire so take that as you will. Let the people they work with know. Don't go busting in there but find one that just looks like the one you need to tell. They will act like they dont care, its not their business. But it will change how they are viewed by everyone in the workplace.
Hes gonna try to get you back. This wont last because its fun now. The fun stops when the sneaking stops. So, let him think he has a shot. Never ever give in. String him along for as long as you can. If you give in one night. Ghost him for a while. It'll restart his chase.
Shit in a box and mail it to her. Its a classic move.
Show up where ever they are. But never acknowledge them. Show up alone. So its confusing. If you show up with someone theyll just think you're trying to make him jealous, which won't work. If you're alone at every outing. But not talking to or looking at them. It'll plant that seed that both of them will eventually need to sow and you can be the victim then. Again.
I have more if you need. Im a very petty person that holds grudges. It's been great on my mental and physical health.
BeeFree66@reddit
"He then said he wanted a divorce and my engagement ring back"
For starters, keep the ring. You can make financial use of it. Or use the stone[s] in a new setting for yourself.
He probably wants to either give it to his shiny, new gf, or sell it for money to get her a ring.
Screw him financially. Keep your ring.
Fit_Instruction_8383@reddit
Get proof in writing of his infidelity, don't give him shit, take him to the cleaners. Make sure to get a good lawyer.
imighthaveafriend@reddit
Send her an email from a burner account pretending to be another mistress. He’s already had a mistress so she knows he’s that kind of guy, and it will cause mistrust between them.
Tasty-Run8895@reddit
This is unethical pro life tips so. Follow him when he is out with her and make a scene. Keep doing it so "their hangouts" what ever bars they meet up in may stop being so friendly to them if scenes keep being made. Find out where she works. Let the word get out there she is a homewrecker. Start posting on all his families social media about what scum he is. Find out her address and start signing her up for everything free you can. Hope this helps.
LuisPerenna@reddit
she is not the problem, but your soon to be ex husband is.
Critical_Cat_8162@reddit
The home wrecker was your partner, just sayin'. Why lay the blame elsewhere?
KayBay17@reddit
I think letting her have him will be the best revenge in the end!
camccorm@reddit
Look up all the best divorce firms in your area and get consultations at all of them. Those firms will then be conflicted out from representing your husband, even if you don’t end up hiring them.
regularforcesmedic@reddit
You need to slow down before you end up with a protection order and in jail for stalking or worse. The person who is a homewrecker in this scenario is your husband. Hire an attorney, divorce his ass and take him for everything he's got.
Most of all, get yourself a therapist. Unload your anger there. The more unhinged you behave, the harder it's going to be for you to do well in court.
Bitter-insides@reddit
Why aren’t you going after your husband ? You know the actual person that swore to love you and respect you in marriage ? your energy is being spent on the wrong person. Why are you going after her and not your husband who not only is a liar, but he’s abusive on top of it.
Tiny_Phase_6285@reddit
He can fuck all the way off about wanting your engagement ring.
Exotic_Attorney7823@reddit
Something about this reminded me of that movie, The Little Death (2014)
Ok_Passage_6242@reddit
Do you live in a state where you can file for alienation of affection? That’s absolutely the best thing that you can do for yourself. It’s very public. And it will stay in the records forever.
AnxietyScale@reddit
Why go after her when your ex betrayed you?
LeeAllen3@reddit
As a MIDWIFE … so many opportunities!
Enter the “mommy and me to be”chat rooms and start sharing!
riceme0112358@reddit
Forget about HER. Stupid angry revenge plots should be targeted at HIM.
When I caught my (then) husband cheating with our neighbor and my (then) best friend, I did some stupid shit that made me feel better at the time. He had recently bought his dream car "for me" and right after I caught him the two of them drove it into the city to go dancing. I had a pretty good idea where they would be going. I drove my truck into the city, found his stupid dream car parked just where I thought it would be and used the spare keys to drive it about a mile away and leave it there, parked. Then I walked back to my truck and drove home.
I never heard a word about it, so I'm sure he knew I'd done it, but that's okay with me because it was undoubtedly not before panicking, calling the police, reporting it stolen, etc. I mean, he bought it "for me." It was in my name. What could he do? Lol
mariijuanaman@reddit
Piss Disk
Dailia-@reddit
I wish you luck, friend. I desperately wanted to do the same thing to the woman. I got really close to a more extreme petty act, but stopped. I guess bringing down another woman didn’t feel good as I thought it would.
My petty act that I followed through on was an attempt to take out a credit card in her name. Anonymously. I had all the information.
I didn’t want the card myself. Financial fraud isn’t really my style. I like staying out of jail. I just wanted her to get her credit messed up and a bunch of long phone calls to see why she got the card. Or she’d spend it and put herself further in debt.
I don’t know the outcome. But I know it was time consuming.
DeathWorship@reddit
You realize that even filling out a credit card application for someone other than yourself is already financial fraud and absolutely a crime, don’t you?
Dailia-@reddit
Oh for sure. Good thing I came to, matured a little, and left my life of crime behind.
DivineDisassociation@reddit
Petty. Why are you going after the other woman?? Is she the one who married you? Is she the one who made vows to you?
Idiot
Local-Position-8378@reddit
Get a restraining order today
Suspicious-Cat8623@reddit
I find it really weird when women blame other women for the infidelity of their husbands.
Your husband chose to not wear his wedding ring.
Your husband chose to pursue another woman.
Your husband chose to not be faithful to you.
Your husband chose to get drunk and push you.
Your husband chose to leave you.
Your husband is the home wrecker.
The new woman in his life only knows what he told her.
Let’s hold this man accountable for his actions.
Local-Position-8378@reddit
Don’t do anything Go completely and silently to your attorney and begin the exit strategy fir him or you if you prefer
Tinmanwpk@reddit
Drain all bank accounts IMMEDIATELY! ASAP and deposit in a different financial institution in, obviously, your name only. What kind of job does he hold. People need to know he's a POS.
jnigotbeats@reddit
The best revenge is letting her have him. He will do it to her as well.
ophaus@reddit
It is not her fault, this is 100% on your husband. Do not give ANYTHING to him. Call a lawyer and take him over the coals. Anything that might be his you can hit with liquid ass before putting it outside for him to pick up.
SenecaLux@reddit
The only thing I can think of is leave anonymous negative reviews of her as a midwife. Other than that, do not jeopardize your position in this divorce.
lfthvysht517@reddit
Don’t do anything.
Get your divorce.
Move on.
Definitely don’t mess with your finances and don’t do anything that the court will use against you.
You are innocent in this, stay that way.
I get it, this shit sucks and you are angry, but I can already tell you are better than them.
Also, remember that this is the time that people do insane things to not look bad and to not lose everything. Protect yourself and keep a close eye on everything.
Also, get yourself the biggest asshole of a lawyer possible. Let that person handle everything. Then collect on everything, get some therapy, get laid, and have a great life. You got this, OP!
mariahcolleen@reddit
Strip the leather off his couch
steffie-flies@reddit
Donate the ring to Goodwill! 😂
purplefoxie@reddit
start posting her address around with some shady af ads lol. and send anonymous messages to her work saying how her services etc etc
name and address sign up for shit
MsTerious1@reddit
Well, don't do anything that can backfire in your divorce proceedings! Because your husband is the person whose life should be made miserable here. If you give the judge reason to find sympathy for him, well, that's not great.
I would encourage you to first undertake regular LPT: Make sure any assets you hold as your own prior to marriage are not something he can get access to. See an attorney immediately. If the house is in his name alone rather than jointly owned, see an attorney immediately. Well, probably do that anyway. Ask about freezing any bank accounts that are jointly owned, whether you can or should remove your name from joint credit cards or close those accounts, and whether you can or should place a lien on the house for 1/2 the value of those accounts (knowing the judge will order the lien removed and marked as satisfied once their final judgment is issued, but still in place in case your STBX does manage to get hands on moneys and try to cut you out. Be sure to hire a certified divorce financial planner to maximize what you get in the first couple years after divorce, which usually sees men's financial status increasing as the woman's drops sharply.
Now, for ULPT that should not harm your divorce? I'd personally decide that since she is so fun, you want to get to know her, too. Invite her to lunch, befriend her, make her CARE about you while you assure her that you hope he never does the same things to her that he has done and is doing to you. If she refuses to meet, send a letter or card once a week, sometimes with a small gift, to achieve the same thing. Your influence here will likely sow the seeds of destruction in that relationship. It might show up sooner, might not be till later. Either way, though, he ends up without a relationship and enduring all the effects of divorce.
Note: I wasn't married to the guy, but I did reach out to a woman that my then-partner was also engaging. She and I genuinely became friends as each of us shared our experiences with that person. That was more than a decade ago and we are still friends, he's distant history for both of us.
alicat777777@reddit
You want to punish her? She owes you no loyalty. It’s your slimy husband who betrayed you.
It amazes me when women get mad at the person their husband cheated with, but somehow managed to overlook that their husband did this to them. Your full wrath should be on your husband.
There would be no cheating if your dearly betrothed husband didn’t sleep with her. There are way too many women out there who don’t really care. So be mad at him. If it wasn’t her, it would probably just be someone else. Cheaters gonna cheat.
Blotonmysoul@reddit
Find a good lawyer as fast as you can. If you two bought the home together, make him leave to give yourself an advantage. Ask about homewrecker laws—about a third of states give an explicit cause of action by statute in addition to common law. Good luck.
savvymyth888@reddit
I wouldn’t waste my time messing with a woman who never agreed to spend her life with me, and instead do everything in my power to make my husband pay for the actions of breaking his vow. Women shouldn’t have to suffer for shitty men cheating on their wives, the men should suffer for it.
eag12345@reddit
Once you’re married you don’t have to give the ring back. I would personally focus on making his life as unpleasant as possible, but I’m petty like that.
Petraretrograde@reddit
Oh girl, youre already giving her the best revenge: that ticking timebomb of an unfaithful, fat husband. AND she looks like Grimace!
JustcallmeGlados@reddit
The home wrecker is your husband. He’s the one who made the bows that were broken.
And you can’t steal someone who doesn’t want to he stolen.
DredgenSergik@reddit
She's not on fault. He is. Do not misdirect your ire
imnottheoneipromise@reddit
Why are women always blaming the other woman. You have no idea what he has told her. Your enemy here is your cheating lying soon to be ex husband. Get your revenge on him. He’s the one who betrayed you.
panic_bread@reddit
Girl, stop. Don’t be yet another woman who blames other women instead of the man she should be blaming.
Arcadiansavage@reddit
If you did find out her number , write it along with “call me for a good time” on every sleazy bathroom door you can find. I did this about 20 years back and the home wrecker got calls for YEARS after contributing to the demise of my marriage. Havahhaahhahahahaha! (She was also my best friend fyi)
Lower-Day3312@reddit
Wait, she’s a midwife who provides prenatal care and is an obstetrical provider? I guarantee she has see it all as far as shitty relationships. I’d call her up and tell her what’s up, and if that’s what she wants she can have him. Also, midwifery is crushing to most hetero relationships.
pupperoni42@reddit
Take him to the cleaners first. Then once things are settled if you're still itching for revenge, go for it.
But don't risk screwing yourself over by doing things now that will look bad to a judge. Let them do that while you take the high road. Or at least appear to do so.
SecurityFamiliar5239@reddit
“Grimace” 💯 😂 I’m so sorry, OP. You are clearly awesome. I predict he’ll come crawling back. Don’t let him. Keep the ring. What an asshat.
jopjpo@reddit
Take every penny you're entitled to. Give him 0 emotional reaction. Sign him up for Scientology. Live your best life.
Queefmaster69000@reddit
Yeah, the 3rd person didn't wreck your marriage, your husband did.
That's where you send all the fury.
I'm sorry for the pain that has been caused to you.
Tahmeed09@reddit
not all sunshine and rainbows inside of their house either.. looking at her post history she had a ~10 year heroin addiction and she wanted out a few years ago
Queefmaster69000@reddit
The separation is probably for the best, by the sounds of it.
LadybuggingLB@reddit
I imagine she’s got enough anger to spread to both. Husband is the worst but if affair partner knew he was married, she’s got culpability too.
I mean sure, if you can only blame one you blame the husband.
But no one is making you choose.
quattroformaggixfour@reddit
That’s presuming he was honest with her and he’s proven himself a liar
firesoups@reddit
Agreed. When I caught my husband, I was mostly just sad. When I found out his AP knew he was married all that sad turned to rage.
JohnnyOneLung@reddit
Why. She owed you nothing. She has not broken any vows. 100% on your husband
firesoups@reddit
She knew he was married. From the moment they met. She is unethical and immoral and absolutely gets some of the blame because she knew.
Would YOU sleep with someone you knew was married? That’s gross.
Spiritual-Mango-8331@reddit
She was not married to you. Husband was.
firesoups@reddit
Whatever. She knew. Fuck her, fuck him, and fuck you while we’re at it.
UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit
Your comment was removed for violating rule 14: No reason to be a dick. Seriously, get therapy or fuck off.
spankybianky@reddit
And you don’t know what she was told. Cheaters absolutely lie about their situations - my spouse cheated on me first/we have an open marriage/our bedroom is dead/we’re only together for the kids/we’ve already separated or started divorce proceedings and just can’t afford to live apart, etc.
And yes, sometimes the AP just doesn’t give a shit, but you know what, let them have your cheater spouse - they deserve each other!
firesoups@reddit
She told me she knew. She reached out to me after I caught him to make sure I knew that she knew.
When I first found out, I assumed he was lying to us both because what kind of person knowingly sleeps with a married man? Then she made sure I knew that wasn’t the case.
spankybianky@reddit
She sounds like a super nasty piece of work, so take solace in the fact that he now has to live with that nastiness. More fool him!
firesoups@reddit
They did not end up together, and his new woman seems reasonable. Our kids like her, so she’s good in my book. All that mess was years ago but I still get good and hot thinking about it haha
Sea-Percentage-1992@reddit
In these situations the anger is rarely aimed equally. There’s barely any mention in the OP about revenge on the cheating husband, it’s all directed at the other woman. Her behaviour might be questionable, but the actual person who betrayed his marriage vows is him, yet that somehow gets glossed over.
I think when people are traumatised it’s easier to fixate on the other woman as the source of the problem and convince themselves that if they sort her out it’ll somehow fix the marriage, when obviously it won’t.
Sarah_Cenia@reddit
AND he was violent. That’s definitely not something to gloss over, as you put it so well.
red_head_it@reddit
OP doesn't know what the affair partner knows. Info is probably from idiot husband who would say anything to be hurtful.
SnooApples5554@reddit
Only one of them said vows in front of their family and god. Only one of them made OP promises.
The 'other woman" is incidental. If it wasn't her, it would have been someone else bc it has nothing to do with OP, and everything to do with the husband's mental health, integrity, and choices.
I've heard cheating happens "when vulnerability meets opportunity." Men really hate the woman that holds them accountable and to a standard... you know who doesn't do that? The new girl. Not yet.
Cut your losses this man is beneath you.
Mental_Jello_2484@reddit
If you have enough anger for two people, send 200% at your husband. He’s the home wrecker.
LadybuggingLB@reddit
There’s some left over for the accomplish. Even if she just drove the getaway car.
EffReddit420@reddit
Yes. Send furry
rodr3357@reddit
If the gf knew about her then they both deserve some revenge
Combination-Low@reddit
How about both? Husband more obviously.
Queefmaster69000@reddit
Yeah, why not?
95% to husband, 5% to shitty bystander.
The done thing seems to be the 3rd person, but they never signed up to do right by someone in a relationship. They didn't fuck it up, the cheater did.
Combination-Low@reddit
I would go for 90/10 split or even 85/15. She didn't have vows but it's still basic decency to stay away from married people. Husband is a whole dumpyard and she's a trash can lol
Queefmaster69000@reddit
I'll take 90/10 🤝
Combination-Low@reddit
Deal
luigis_left_tit_25@reddit
Not all of the fury.. that bEsh knows about her and continued.. they both deserve.. but him more, of course.
Queefmaster69000@reddit
No, all of it.
The random woman didn't jump into a moral contract with this person to stay together and treat other with love respect.
She's definitely let the side of human decency down, but it's not the same.
I'd maybe go 95%/5%.
freckleandahalf@reddit
Not true. She knew
wandrlusty@reddit
I’ll never understand why some women think the other women plays any part of a situation like this
That woman has zero to do with the breakdown of your relationship, and has everything to do with your your husband’s behaviour
Your issue should be with him, not her
Individual-Eye747@reddit
I think of it as similar to a bank robbery. Sure, the person who robs the bank is at fault but what responsibility does the person who drove the getaway car have? After all, they are "just" the driver. It's not as if they robbed the bank so there should be no charged lodged against them right?
The husband is an asshole just as "the other woman" is. The other woman not having legal vows with the wife does not absolve her of not being a good person and not taking up with married men.
Sea-Percentage-1992@reddit
Not the same. The third party has likely been fed a pack of lies about the marriage, ‘ hey will you drop me at the bank, so I can get some money ‘ compared to ‘ I am robbing a bank ‘. just because you’re in the car doesn’t mean you’ve got the full story.
Individual-Eye747@reddit
The man is married. That is all that all anyone needs to know. There are so many single people out there. Why would anyone take an action that they know will hurt someone?
I try to live my life without causing other people pain. I don't care if the man will take care of me in style, take me on vacations, eat at fancy restaurants etc - those actions will cause his wife pain and it is not worth it to me. You do you though.
freckleandahalf@reddit
She knew he was married and went for it anyways.
UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit
Your comment was removed for violating rule 14: No reason to be a dick. Seriously, get therapy or fuck off.
TK-Pickles@reddit
She only knew what the husband sold her. Which was likely painting the wife as the worst villain imaginable.
SaintsSmileShyly@reddit
Get a lawyer, keep your ring,
Report the assault: the shove is an assault. Do it now. Call or go to the local police. Create a paper trail.
Freeze your credit with Equifax, Experian, Transunion.
Remove your name and credit card information from any shared accounts/billing accounts.
But above all, first thing tomorrow (Call out sick from work if you need to)--get that attorney. Why?
A good divorce attorney becomes your pressure valve and your power source at the same time. When you sit down with one privately, you’re not committing to filing that day — you’re gathering leverage. They’ll walk you through exactly how to protect your finances, what documentation to start collecting, and how his shove, his drinking, and his sudden affair can shift the entire negotiation in your favor. They’ll explain what you’re entitled to after 17 years of marriage, what he can’t take from you, and how to make sure he doesn’t blindside you again. This is the kind of move that doesn’t look dramatic from the outside, but it’s the one that makes cheating spouses suddenly realize they’ve underestimated the person they walked out on.
LokiStasis@reddit
Well, the ring is yours, he can always offer to buy it from you.
Ohaibaipolar@reddit
...for 10x the actual value. Betrayal discount!
KaleidoscopeTight340@reddit
Her prize? Your soon to be ex. That sounds like a pretty big punishment. 🤷🏼♀️
missannthrope67@reddit
My advice is to sit back and elect the karma bus come around.
The grass always looks greener at first. The reality often never works out. 2nd marriage fail at a greater rate than 1st. Even more so when they start as affairs.
I also suggest you talk to therapist to help you negotiate this trying time.
mousedeer_78@reddit
You can mail animal poop to people. I don’t remember the website but I imagine just googling exactly that will turn it up.
CrafterOfWonders@reddit
I mean, check if your state has alienation of affection laws on the books. If they do you have a slam dunk of a case. Good luck.
JustSentYourMomHome@reddit
Go get consultations from all the best lawyers in your area so he can't use them.
Sum-Duud@reddit
file for divorce immediately before he drains everything dry. Keep the ring and any jewelry he has given you. If you can agree and settle divorce through a mediator, it will waste less of your money but if you know you all wont agree then just get a lawyer and file. Until you file its his money to spend as he sees fit, as much as it is yours, so file before you have nothing. If you're state doesn't do fault for divorce then cheating won't matter. Hopefully you don't make more and wont have to pay alimony/maintenance.
For the ULPT - Send an anonymous letter to the new girl that she should get checked for STIs. Explain that you are a woman that was with the guy and that he gave you an STI, you recently learned he had a new gf and was married and wanted to send a letter to both women to warn them.
She already knows he is a cheater, it won't be a stretch for her to assume he cheated on her too, it will cause drama. Can send the same letter to yourself too if you want... but also go get checked.
camkos101@reddit
What was wrong in ur marriage... Thats the real question. Sometimes ppl change and the relationship isn't strong enough to make it thru, but sometimes it is.
Sea-Percentage-1992@reddit
The husband needs to communicate what’s wrong before stepping out and basically taking a sledge hammer to the relationship.
camkos101@reddit
I wasn't defending anyones actions. I commented on the situation based on my own experience with scummy cheaters
Sea-Percentage-1992@reddit
Presumably the OP doesn’t know, and the cheater , being a liar , is hardly likely to tell the truth. If you’re unhappy in a relationship, communicate your needs, and if they still can’t be met, leave. Your post has a real victim blaming tone to it.
camkos101@reddit
Everyone's a victim if u ask them.
TheNinjaPixie@reddit
in which case you have an adult convo, break up, *then* meet other people. He's got the replacement lined up before OP knows theres a problem.
camkos101@reddit
See comment below
Ancient-Song-8428@reddit
Make a fake copy of that engagement ring and return the copy to him! You could also sold original and go on a nice vacation.
donut_witch@reddit
The best way to make her life hell is to make HIS life hell. I promise you she won’t want him once she sees how this divorce goes down. Lawyer up and make him regret it.
Vinoandkittos@reddit
I would send flowers to her address when I knew he was there and address her by name. Then signed from a random guy.
h0llyflaxseed@reddit
Your husband is the homewrecker, babe. Focus your energy there not on the other woman. She didn't make you any promises.
zf420@reddit
Your husband is the home wrecker.
Re-read that over and over until it really sets in.
Slythetine1176@reddit
I will never understand why people go after the stranger and not the person who lied to you, not the person who betrayed you, or cheated. How is the stranger is the problem here? Why not be mad at the person who just wasted 17 years of your life?
Tassey@reddit
FYI: Hubby is the home wrecker ✌🏽
SlappyHandstrong@reddit
Let her have him. Chances are that once he’s no longer someone else’s man she’ll get bored of him real quick. In the meantime, plant the seed in her ear that he’s a serial cheater and wish her luck.
Glass_Ostrich-@reddit
Your husband wants to cheat on you. If he didn't find this specific woman, he would have found another one. That's the problem, not her.
frozen_pipe77@reddit
Are you mad at them or yourself?
Tahmeed09@reddit
Herself likely. She had a 10 year opiod/heroin addiction and the husband stuck it out til she was in rehab for it. Good man. Maybe a good woman as well, but has not always been the angel she claims to be in this post here.
Such-Mountain-6316@reddit
If you do split up, get everything in writing because you're never getting anything that's not in writing. And make sure it's in legal writing such as a contract.
And hang around long enough to get proof of his assets and income. Store that proof off site along with your personal papers and enough cash for a few months if possible.
Tahmeed09@reddit
Tell us more about yourself! You didnt have something crazy like a 10-year heroin addiction i presume
TonyTonyChopper@reddit
If you had unprotected sex recently, you should get tested for STDs just in case.
adognameddanzig@reddit
The man is the problem, the other lady is a symptom.
squintobean@reddit
He shoves you again, file an assault charge. Get some interior cameras in your house.
Call her clients or leave Google review about her stealing married men. She’s a midwife, her clients should know her ethics.
Piss disks.
Logical-Quarter-5892@reddit
As others have said, focus on your husband. Take him for everything he’s got.
Dolokhov88@reddit
Here you go:
https://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/?srsltid=AfmBOooI8CqGOPACoQaHI4iO7MTOdSr4ZuytWTb7FGb8XAX3W--GmM7Y
tecampanero@reddit
The unethical thing specifically for you is to figure out why your marriage failed. You probably think it’s got nothing to do with you.
Cabbage-Patch-Adult@reddit
Piss disc. And sleep with his dad.
AmexNomad@reddit
I think that thanking her is the best revenge. You’re rid of him.
Phoebegeebees@reddit
Literally this, buy her a BIG bunch of flowers with a thank you card. The other woman will be wondering what the hell she just signed up for
AmexNomad@reddit
And HE will be really pissed off :)
buriedupsidedown@reddit
Is she tho? Rid of him, I mean? Rereading it, I wouldn’t be surprised if this person stays with their cheating husband and puts the blame on the mid wife. I just can’t believe people are this jealous in real life to not see who the real problem is.
Lurch2Life@reddit
The best revenge is living well. Unpopular opinion, but nothing will bother him and her more than your success and happiness.
PowerfulWorld1912@reddit
Idk why no one is offering tips to get back at the other woman. OP already knows how to hurt her husband, they’ve been together 17 years. She’s asking how to inconvenience a stranger about whom she has limited info.
If it’s legal, i would suggest commenting on her practice via a review. I wouldn’t want my baby delivered by a cheater, and I wouldn’t want my partner around someone who doesn’t respect boundaries (though i agree it would be primarily his fault if he went for it). I’m not a lawyer though, so even though i don’t think this is libel or something it might be, in which case, don’t do it!
Fluffy-Fox-7292@reddit
Use phone numbers and or emails to sign up for car insurance quotes, etc.
Hegiman@reddit
What happened to getting divorced two years ago?
pimpedoutjedi@reddit
I've never laughed so hard at a burn than I did when I read "looks like grimace" I legit gafawed in the middle of the plane.
Might I suggest Glitter mail? Or find if she's got a yelp/Google business page and review bomb her with the truth?
Anithia13@reddit
Why is it her fault? She’s not cheating on you; HE is cheating on you.
It has literally always blown my mind that our society goes so far to punish women that we even look at someone not in the fucking relationship to blame for a man cheating on his wife. Like according to him, she knows about you - but he’s a goddamn liar and a cheat. Maybe she didn’t know, maybe she did and he told her you were abusive, or maybe she didn’t know everything. It doesn’t matter, she never took a vow, and she didn’t promise you shit. Put the blame on the person who deserves it…
Hot take: why not make HIS life miserable, the person who actually deserves it.
ayleidanthropologist@reddit
[ Removed by Reddit ]
cottoncandymandy@reddit
Stand outside her job with a big sign of her face that says homewrecker. Put your husband's mug on their too because he's really the one that should be faithful to you- not her.
But I hate when women go after the other woman. Your beef is really with the man. He made vows, not her. You also have no idea what he told her. He could have told her you abuse him and that's why she didn't care about knowing ge was married.
NovelDame@reddit
Hiiii OP. 👋 I have lots of ideas.
Are there children involved? If so, you'll be seeing this man monthly, for better or worse, for the rest of your life. If he has poor self-control, and I bet he does, play the long game: meet him with baked goods EVERY child swap for the next year. Go out of your way to bake brownies one week, snickerdoodles another week, a new cake recipe... and send the whole thing with the kids. He will gain 40lb in 6 months. I promise.
Go into his closet with a pair of scissors or a letter opener. Most buttons have 4 holes and 4 "legs" of thread. Cut 1/4 legs for every button in his closet. It's enough that he won't notice immediately, but after the 2nd wash, buttons will start coming loose and getting lost.
Put a light dusting of powdered sugar in his shoes. Under the insoles, and concentrated in the toes. It'll melt with wear and make the shoes stink/cause a yeast infection or attract bugs.
Take ALL of the drawstrings out of his shorts and hoodies.
beardofdoom2017@reddit
Damn, these are low-key diabolical, lol. I tip my hat to your creativity, fellow Redditor!
Over-Distance8726@reddit
Midwife huh?
I’d call her hospital and ask to speak to her charge nurse or the unit lead. I’d put on a show, very embarrassed wife explaining the situation- you have a cheating husband. Terrified, you went to have a sexual health screening. HIV positive. You’ve been in a closed relationship with him for 17 years, so this is from one of his new affair partners, of which there are several. You confronted him and implored him to get tested and contact his partners too. He aggressively declined. Now you are having to do that for him. Explain that the midwife and him have been together for several months, she likely needs to be checked. You aren’t a vindictive wife, your marriage was over for years. But you’re concerned about the spread, especially to vulnerable mothers and babies.
Hopefully the hospital will freak out and prevent her for working (at least hands on). At worst, her supervisor knows she’s a POS with a sexually transmitted disease.
I also second what people here are saying, you should really direct your anger at your husband. The midwife only knows what he told her.
Barfotron4000@reddit
When my dad cheated on my mom, I broke all his cigarettes in half
Fit-Albatross5684@reddit
I’d make sure all her patient know that she has no regards for marriage and relationship.
sberniem@reddit
Why are you trying to take this out on her when it was him who disrespected you?! Be an adult and go after his ass. The home wrecker is your husband. Attack the problem at the source.
Ok-Equivalent8260@reddit
Just move in. To be more pissed at her than your actual husband is so embarrassing.
douglorde@reddit
Be ethical and make him broke by divorcing that ass. Then she has to deal with paying for him. Thats pretty annoying
Maybe a cease and desist leeter served at her work if possible for defamation, most likely, shes slandering your name. feel like a mid wife should be the biggest girls girl there is... this means you've been lied about. Your husband has vilianized you.. and you should be even more angry at your husband for that. But im sure if she was revealed as a homewrecker at work.... dynamics would change for her pretty quickly....pretty annoying if you ask me. Maybe reach out to a coworker trying to drop some of her things off lololol
You get revenge by losing some weight, getting on a great skincare regimen and living a great life. She will realize she was lied to... thats also pretty annoying if you ask me.
7FuzzyBabies@reddit
shorebirds@reddit
AI slop
Sea-Percentage-1992@reddit
Direct your anger at him, he’s likely told her a pack of lies about you and she thinks you’re the villain. Get rid of all his stuff tell him to vacate your property immediately, if he’s still, there and don’t look back.
lr99999@reddit
Say you’re afraid of him even if you’re not, so you can get it order of protection or whatever your state calls it. This way he has to look for other housing right away.
Practical-Economy839@reddit
Lying to get an order of protection might get her use of the home for a couple of weeks until there's a hearing. Then what? Does she lie at the hearing too? Besides being a felony, it's extremely short sighted. She will lose all credibility with the court for future proceedings.
Lying will also hurt the credibility of people who are actually in fear for their safety. OP says nothing about being afraid of her POS husband. She's not even looking to get back at him for breaking the vows he made to her. She wants petty revenge on the side piece, which is somewhat understandable. Your suggestion is not unethical, it's illegal. Perjury is a felony and it's completely inappropriate to use expedited DV legal processes because her husband had an affair.
OP should direct her anger at the appropriate person, get tested for STIs, and go about getting a divorce through proper legal channels.
Melonfarmer86@reddit
And give up any guns he has.
freckleandahalf@reddit
This is unethical life tips, not be understanding to women who helped your husband cheat life tips.
Cautious-Blood-6163@reddit
Your husband is the home wrecker.
ArrivalNice3469@reddit
Hun... your HUSBAND wrecked your home. Sorry to break that to you
Detour_tohell243@reddit
The home wrecker is your husband, dude. Call it like it is.
But I bet we’re staying with him and putting all the blame on the chick. Good luck with all that
hendersonh66@reddit
Well aren't you a barrel of laughs ? Sounds like you were just looking for someone already deflated, just so you could deflate them some more. Oh.. and sarcasm is the lowest form of wit... just saying
gl0ssyy@reddit
let's be adults and go after the person who deserves it. your husband.
Thin-Solution-1659@reddit
Male viewpoint if it matters - He gets the heat. He violated the relationship between you two. The other woman did not.
Beck943@reddit
They both did. She knew she was sleeping with a married man. I wish people would stop letting her off the hook.
As to the husband, OP KNOWS him and probably already knows how to get back at him. So home wrecker woman is the one deserving revenge tips.
CinnyToastie@reddit
Not sure why you're being downvoted. She knew he was married, who cares what he told her. Married is married. She was a part of the home wrecking and it's not misogynist to say so.
needween@reddit
The girlfriend only knows what the husband told her and you know it was 0% truthful. She probably thinks OP keeps him in a cage in the basement while yelling at him nonstop and that she is his savior.
scissorsgrinder@reddit
I think most women would agree... "homewrecker" is pretty misogynist, glad it's being treated as antiquated here in 2026.
freckleandahalf@reddit
Yes she does. She violated it too.
UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit
Your comment was removed for violating rule 14: No reason to be a dick. Seriously, get therapy or fuck off.
GoodGoodGoody@reddit
You’ve copy-pasted this in at least one other sub so far.
In that sub you mention you’re mentally ill.
Obviously he’s exhausted with you and quite willing to let things end so maybe skip the revenge part and ask what both of you could have done differently and apply that going forward alone.
Ok-Recognition9876@reddit
Not unethical, but if you live in HI, MS, NC, SD, UT or IL you can sue for alienation of affection.
You can also legally post about the affair if it’s the truth. Maybe as a review naming her on their website.
stellaxo@reddit
Stop being so desperate… thats how you ended up with a man that had zero intent to marry you
Other_Smoke_3568@reddit
But they are married
Melonfarmer86@reddit
Why her? She's not married to you.
CardiologistLost5373@reddit
I'm sorry, how stupid do you have to be to blame some random third party, rather than the fucking person you've been married to for 17 years? 17 years ago, did this random person join in on your vows and declare that she will not pursue your husband? Or did the man you married vow to be loyal to you and you alone? Marriage isn't a commitment by the rest of the world to you two; is a commitment by you two.
CFHQYH@reddit
Grey Rock him and cheat on him with his boss.
Suspicious-Grand9781@reddit
When man leaves to be with his mistress, it creates a vacancy.
She'll be cast aside too.
ceebuttersnaps@reddit
He abused you, cheated on you, and he’s making demands of you and you want to go after her? Nah, get a lawyer and go after him. And don’t give him the ring; it’s your ring, not his. I bet the more you hold him legally accountable, the more his relationship suffers.
likelikegreen72@reddit
Never understood why someone gets mad at the person their spouse cheated on them with. Unless they were your friend the anger should be towards the spouse.
Comfortable-Heat4@reddit
You taking all his money and making him broke, angry and miserable for her to deal with will be the ultimate revenge.
b_k_p_k@reddit
In my area a wife had giant weather proof banners made with the woman’s picture and name calling her out. Then hung them on various road and overpasses around town
Connect_Office8072@reddit
Don’t give him the ring back. It was a gift conditional on marriage and you got married so it’s yours.
catsweedcoffee@reddit
Girl, I’ve been there. Only in my case, the girl didn’t know but stayed with him anyhow once I told her I was filing for divorce. The best revenge is really that his focus will be entirely on her meaning you can live whatever life you want.
But I’m petty af. I had her number from his phone and used one of those text services to inform someone of an STI exposure. I sent new messages about different illnesses to that girl bimonthly, his phone too lol. If you know homegirl’s last name, you can reverse lookup her number through FB messenger.
Rubycon_@reddit
Your husband's the home wrecker, why aren't you targeting him?
Bratchan@reddit
Send flower to her house. Say 'had a great night, can't wait till we have fun again' and your soon to be EX's name on it. Make up some random female name for it. So it looks like he is an idiot ad used her address for him cheating with new chick. Even if he argues all of it, she will always doubt him. then wait 6 months down the line do again with another name.
DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK even if she dumps him for this. Be like nope ship sailed. Lawyer up bonus if you get one who likes to get all the things from the ex.
Formal_You6846@reddit
I only suggest this because you asked ULPT and it is an obligatory suggestion, but sleep with his mistress.
AlissonHarlan@reddit
sorry ma'am, but he knew you were married too. ...
LocalMossCryptid@reddit
You better keep that ring! That's my tip lol
astronarchaeology@reddit
Uh oh. OP’s got a midwife crisis on her hands.
buriedupsidedown@reddit
Jesh, this entire post is made about getting revenge on a woman who didn’t give you a vow, who never made you a promise, who didn’t waste your time, who didn’t talk about a future with you. Jealousy is emotionally fueling this rage, and though morally corrupt, I wouldn’t focus on that woman.
I have some ideas on how to get revenge on your husband though.
Responsible-Fun-5566@reddit
yeah focus on being petty with your trash ex. this new woman is none of your concern.
Pergaminopoo@reddit
Grimace probs has sex with him
Fun_Muscle9399@reddit
Do a search online and you can probably find her phone number. Sign her up online for mortgage refinance and car insurance quote sites.
teborigloryhole@reddit
I'm gonna be the devil's advocate here because although shitty 1 you have no idea what the hell this mans told her about you, truth, lies, whatever. He coulda told her whatever he wanted and who would tell her otherwise. That woman does not know you. She only knows what could be a completely fabricated version of you. Secondly that woman is a stranger to you and owes you nothing. Your (ex) husband however? He made vowes 17 years ago to you. He was to respect love protect and and honor you and homedog just trashed that shit cause the novelty was gone. put his hands on you, disrespected you, lied to you and betrayed you. Why aren't we trying to make HIS life miserable? Because that guy DID owe you something. That guy DOES know you, he's supposed to be your biggest supporter and your best friend and your rock and he just disregarded all of that. That's dirty. That shit cuts deep.
On the other hand maybe she is a scumbag and we don't care about reasoning. We out for blood, This is unethical life tips anyhow, we don't wanna question our moral standpoint, if she can take a married mans hard dick she can manage a moderately inconvenient life. Sign her up for scientology and weird subscriptions. Call on some wellness checks. Send weird anonymous packages to her work. Like a box filled with mayonnaise and packing peanuts on top to cover it. Have random people show up at her place soliciting shit. If she leaves your car doors unlocked ever fill her air vents with glitter.That's a fun one. Happy harassment
Maleficent331@reddit
Just let it go. He cheated and you dont want him back. She's a "grimace" and that's not going to change. They'll be happy for a while and then it'll probably fall apart. The best revenge is living good. He'll wake up everyday regretting his choice.
cassodragon@reddit
I agree that getting an attorney is your first move. Ask about whether you can move money, change locks etc.
If you get several consults, even if you don’t hire those attorneys, your ex cannot hire them due to conflict of interest. So speak to all the top local divorce firms, and eliminate them as options for him.
Connect-Minute9456@reddit
Ring back? Oh sunshine ...... he just showed you his worth. Physically mentally and financially. Someone told me once in the throes of what I perceived as heartbreak at the time ...... "one day you will look back and cringe" they were right and I hope just as right with your experience.
Arylcyclosexy@reddit
Why do you need to harrass her instead of him? It was his decision and he's at fault.
m0x1eracerx@reddit
He laid hands on you! That's what you need to focus on.
Interesting_Pen6944@reddit
My best revenge was stalking her on FB and friending everyone I could, of course one was her current man, who of course hit on me. Sent the screenshot of our conversation to her and felt vindicated in a way. I will say that due to him having a stroke we are still together but it will never be the same, after 30 years of marriage and being a good wife he lost that. Worst part is, he doesn't remember and I'll never forget.
urbanista12@reddit
That ring is yours and yours alone, it was a gift. What a dipshit, I’m so sorry.
mediawoman@reddit
Now what to do with HIM? Help him pack his shit up. Add one raw shrimp to the inside pocket of everything you can find.
cbelt3@reddit
Your divorce lawyer will help you to go nuclear on his ass.
As far as ULPT, the host of “letters about STD’s”, phone call signups for the GF, anonymous social media attacks, etc. make sure his “buddies” WIVES know what’s going on. His friends will evaporate.
Then again, your lawyer will counsel to not indulge in righteous rage.
DVsKat@reddit
Who knows what kind of lies he's been feeding to her. Yes she knows he's not single but he could have told her a million stories to fill in the rest of the details here. He might have made up a story that made her feel like she's not really doing anything unethical herself.
My advice is to redirect your efforts towards your ex, but only after you have safely exited the shared home and sorted out finances
jzee87@reddit
The best thing to do as many already said is get a lawyer and have them deal with it. Stay away from that women. She did nothing to you and have no obligation to you for any reason. She did nothing wrong. You hopefully soon to be ex husband is the fuck up.
But obligatory bc of this sub put a piss disc on her windshield and let it melt into her vent instake
bluebirdmorning@reddit
Your husband wrecked his own home. Take it out on him.
scooping_kiwis@reddit
If she could take him that easily, then let her have him. The best revenge is serving him divorce papers and protecting your peace.
Hopewellslam@reddit
So few unethical tips so far.
I would first send your husband an email with mention of the shoving in it. Hopefully he will respond which would give you hard evidence that you can use against him later.
Then I would freeze your credit. They have probably been spending a lot of money and have eyes on your assets. Start squirrelling away funds if you can.
Then I would start contacting his social and family circle. Maybe start with his mother or father. Don’t let him own the narrative, rather let them know you’re sorry how this worked out. Never let him know who you will tell next…make him sweat.
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
Absolutely do not tip off the husband first.
Lawyer up, lock your credit, move your accounts (and your PAY deposits), and secure and store your personally important items (jewellery, family momentos, childhood treasures). When you've nailed down your own safety and survival, then you can deal with the rest of it.
Melissandsnake@reddit
Baby, she sucks but he sucks way, way more. He will regret it.
4melooking49@reddit
Takes to to cheat! Karma is a B!
caarrssoonn@reddit
Has he had any other personality shifts? This could be a tumor we’ve seen similar stories following sudden changes.
Relative-Cricket-543@reddit
Focus on your husband being a dick, not her. He is the one who made the bad decision.
Extension_Vacation_2@reddit
Your husband is the home wrecker here and the one that should pay for his decisions.
jueidu@reddit
First - get everything in writing. Pretend to cooperate as much as needed to get him to feel secure being honest in writing. Or, check your state laws, and if you’re a one-party consent state, record him secretly.
Then, get a shark divorce lawyer.
Then:
Recruit friends, and have them tell EVERYONE. Facebook, twitter, NextDoor. Especially the “Donwe know this man?” Facebook groups where women share pics of men who’ve screwed them over and compare notes.
Have your friends leave bad reviews mentioning her name specifically on her business Yelp and Google listings. Call her business and leave voicemails saying they had a horrible experience with her and she should be fired. Do the same to your husband for his business. Keep doing this periodically for months. Tell all family members.
It needs to be friends so that you cannot be blamed for any of the posts in the divorce (you are never responsible for other people’s speech).
Wagegapcunt@reddit
Haha. Nice.
8Mariposa8@reddit
Get a lawyer ASAP!!!
Get your money out of the bank ASAP!!!
Close every joint credit card and get your name off of them!!!
Pack his things and change the locks.
He can go live with the side chick.
Wagegapcunt@reddit
Yes. Do all of this now!!!!!
YSoSkinny@reddit
Do your revenge on him. He was the one that wronged you.
pretzelsRus@reddit
I dunno. She didn’t propose to you and promise to be with you forever. He did. I’m sorry this happened to you. But your ire is misplaced.
ApprehensiveReader@reddit
Why do you not want revenge on the person who made a commitment to you for 17 years? Also, you claim she knows about you, and maybe she does, but your husband sounds like a liar so who knows what she THINKS she knows about you.
I don't understand why the revenge isn't aimed at him.
BanditIsMyDad@reddit
Your husband is the home wrecker.
apostate456@reddit
Make her life miserable by letting her have a cheater. These relationships usually thrive on the drama of the triangulation. They get boring quickly. Then whenever he gets a little distant or takes a while to return a phone call, she’ll wonder who he’s with.
It may not feel like it now, but you’re going to be okay and much better off. Chumplady.com
SpinachLumberjack@reddit
I thought you only had to return the ring back if it was a mutual breakup. If there was cheating you got to keep the ring?
AdventureThink@reddit
You have no idea what he has told her.
She is def not the home wrecker.
Politely_Pout818@reddit
“looks like grimace” is fucking me up 💀💀💀
_Sovaz99_@reddit
She looks like Grimace...!!?? ROTFL!
Me, that ring would disappear right now not to be seen again before she ended up with it, but im vindictive.
Suitable-Slide7566@reddit
Don’t you dare give the GIFT of your ring away
puff1595@reddit
This. If it was clearly a gift it's legally yours to keep.
chosenone1242@reddit
Shouldn't you be more angry and wanting to get back at your (ex) husband instead of the random sidechick you caught him with this time? He's the one who promised you lifelong commitment and love, she promised you nothing.
With that said, piss disk I guess, when you find out where to drop it off.
anonymousambassasor@reddit
Keep your ring.
IYFS88@reddit
She obviously sucks, but she’s a stranger. Channel your anger into the one that really betrayed you which is him. And the life well lived thing in this context means take him to the cleaners with the best lawyer you can. Best wishes to you!
shoulda-known-better@reddit
The home wrecker is your husband......
iriepuff@reddit
> But to make her life a little miserable or difficult would bring me just a small amount of joy
Why are you targeting her rather than the man who made vows to you? She owes you nothing, whereas your husband is the one who broke his promises to you. So she knew about you, so what? What does she owe you?
Don't be one of those women hating woman who is irrationally aiming her anger at the wrong person.
ahkian@reddit
Sign her up for visits from Mormons, Scientologists, jehova’s witnesses etc
Background_Resolve75@reddit
Do some we OSINT investigating to get social media accounts, email addresses, phone number and so forth. OSINT Framework is a good start just Google it and it's set up like a mind map with categories and sub categories. Then of course you will have different methods to get her back.
KingKawaiiBot@reddit
There are services on social media who make contact with your ‘man/boyfriend’ to test their loyalty. It’s highly likely that he will cheat again, so hire 1 of those girls and send their conversations to Grimace.
rlkrn@reddit
I wouldn’t be focused on her. Focus on him. Making his life hard will in turn make her life hard.
Don’t do anything that causes damage. But thinks like talking to every divorce lawyer in town means he has to drive further for his.
Hello_Hangnail@reddit
Your husband is the home wrecker girl
donh-@reddit
Let it be known that that midwife also delivers kitty.
Forgottengoldfishes@reddit
She’s getting your husband who is a piece of shit. It hurts at the moment but it won’t be long before you reflect that this woman is getting exactly what she deserves while you get the opportunity to get rid of him. It’s a win/win for you because he obviously was a piece of shit long before he met her.
After the dust has settled and you have no legal entanglements to him send her a nice card thanking her for setting you free. Put a lot of glitter in it so she can be visually reminded of your card and her bad decisions even when he’s not with her.
Veloxiraptor_@reddit
Calling her grimace is a big yikes on your part OP.
The_best_is_yet@reddit
Really? I’d say cheering on your wife is the big yikes in this story.
Veloxiraptor_@reddit
I didn’t say “the” I said “a.” There are many. Including this.
sewingmomma@reddit
Don’t give him your ring.
Empty-Swing@reddit
Get revenge on your husband, he owes you the loyalty and respect.
BettydelSol@reddit
Sign her up for all kinds of brochures. Especially Scientology!
Choosepeace@reddit
Your husband wrecked the home! Get a lawyer, and focus on getting yourself separated and money distributed.
I_Want_A_Ribeye@reddit
Your husband is the adulterer. He wronged you. Leave the other woman alone. From her perspective, you were the woman who was still married to her boyfriend and unknowingly delaying a divorce.
Sk8r_2_shredder@reddit
If you have her address then you can purchase literally any kind of fecal matter and have it anonymously delivered there. I feel this fits the sub. And sending random types at different times can be satisfying
Odd_Violinist_7706@reddit
She looks like grimace? Ooof. Might be the first attention she’s had. I’d focus your anger on the husband who made vows to you….
Apprehensive-Pop-201@reddit
If he will cheat with her, he will cheat on her. 100% This happened to my best friend, her now ex, married his girlfriend, and two years in, she is FB massaging my friend for advice about his cheating. I know several other men, and women, who have done this. Mostly men, though.
foreverunamused@reddit
The only homewrecker here is your husband. He's responsible for his own actions; you're acting like he was seduced against his will.
scissorsgrinder@reddit
But men can't helppppp it! According to the bible, EVE was the temptress!
honeybeegeneric@reddit
How about make it financially impossible for him to spend money on taking her out?
rodr3357@reddit
Leave a one star Google review for her place of work calling her out as a homeworker. Make sure to include that he told you she knew about you
That should definitely be good for some uncomfortable conversations and behind her back gossip! Unless she works with horrible people that should make her work life pretty uncomfortable
Grayly@reddit
Get a lawyer, immediately. Don’t agree to anything or make any concessions whatsoever until you speak with one. You have rights regarding the ring, marital property, etc. They vary by jurisdiction, so any advice you get here may not apply to your situation.
A reputable lawyer who actually has time for you either give you a free consultation or charge a very minimal fee (not really to make money, just enough to weed out clients who aren’t serious. That’s common in divorce law.)
Be upfront with them about your budget and expectations. Remember they’re a lawyer, not a therapist. They’re going to handle the mechanics of a divorce, not help you deal with it emotionally.
xtrahandy@reddit
Let him go.
The other woman may not even want him fully in that way.
The answer you're looking for lies within the walls of your home and realm of your marriage.
tville1956@reddit
First, Grimace, like McDonald’s? Great reference.
Some locations have DV laws where a credible accusation leads to automatic arrest. It will be a major PITA and is accurately warranted.
There are news “scrapers” such as Patch that grab and repost arrest reports from police. But if you get out of the charges you can eventually get it taken down.
FOIA the police records of his arrest. Copy the blotter record. Repost them on X or another website that never goes away. Optimize for search terms on his name.
Forever any google search of his name will come up with a DV arrest.
Expressoed@reddit
Karma is bitch and will do a better job than you. Hint, make their life difficult in other ways. Zero communication and radio silence and putting up a legal roadblock at every turn. Play chess not checkers.
Safe-Agent3400@reddit
Maybe focus on him, he's the one who betrayed you.
CuriousKatMiny@reddit
Sorry, OP. People are annoying. No one wants to hear that it’s the husband you need to be taking it out on, of course you’re taking it out on him too. I get your need for some revenge on a hoe, I came on here posting something similar and didn’t get much I could use.
What I did find is that if you if you can find her phone number out, purchase a bag of keys on eBay and label each key “please call if found” with her number and then leave them all over town discreetly. She will get random calls claiming to have found her key!
The other one I liked was there’s an a website where you can anonymously mail things. It would like glitter penises that found fall out of a card or box of poo. You could have those sent to her work.
Good luck girl.
Z4-Driver@reddit
Maybe, you could let her know she's not the first one he cheated with or such. That she should get tested for SDIs.
SKatieRo@reddit
That shove is domestic violence. It could get much worse. Attorney asap.
willdallas2020@reddit
People always be hating the wrong person. It wasnt some random woman's job to protect your marriage. It was your husband's job. Some random woman didn't stand across from you and promise to be faithful to you. Your husband did.
Purlz1st@reddit
Does your state have “Homewrecker” laws that allow civil suits for alienation of affections?
scissorsgrinder@reddit
lol, what nineteenth century nonsense is this.
The US? Probably.
LeadershipAble773@reddit
Its not her fault. She didnt make a commitment to you. He did.
scissorsgrinder@reddit
Your husband is the one to direct this to, sheesh. Homewrecker is SUCH an antiquated sexist term.
MsDeluxe@reddit
Hire the best lawyer and take him to the cleaners. She will dump him pretty quickly. I hope you've reserved most of your wrath for your husband though
Ok-Humor-5672@reddit
[ Removed by Reddit ]
nognamer@reddit
Sorry OP but the home wrecker is your husband. The stories he’s told her about you I’m sure you wouldn’t believe. I’m sorry, the best revenge in this situation is moving on
khizoa@reddit
Just cheat on your husband with her
Punkinpry427@reddit
Home wrecker here is your husband.
Mental_Jello_2484@reddit
Call all the top lawyers in your region for a free “informational” inquiry about divorce. Even if you don’t hire them yet they will do a name search and won’t be able to represent your husband.
Hire the best one and get divorced.
Focus on getting back at the husband. Not the other woman. Why is the other woman always seen as the evil person when the husband is the real home wrecker? If you have enough anger for two people, send 200% at your husband. He’s the home wrecker.
freckleandahalf@reddit
Nahhhhh I agree. She had a choice in the matter.
Post a warning review. 5 stars so it's harder to be removed. Tell her whole business to watch out because she probably targets people's husbands and not just yours.
Also your husband sucks more. You can get a restraining order so he isn't allowed to come home anymore. Honestly because he shoved you I'd keep my distance.
One time my ex did some crazy mean stuff so I reported to all his favorite bars that he was loudly saying violent racist stuff and they blacklisted him for life.
Aware-Jicama-3462@reddit
Sign her up for being interested in scientology, jehovahs witness, Mormons. Fill out any magazine subscription inserts you can find on the racks at thr grocery store perhaps.