Today's ration: rice and beans, no seasoning or salt
Posted by elonmusktheturd22@reddit | shittyfoodporn | View on Reddit | 251 comments
Just an expired can of kidney beans and 1 cup dry rice boiled in 2 cups of water.
Probably shitty given its bland and flavorless.
Consistent-Secret715@reddit
Fat ass ugly mf. Fight me.
Decent_Historian3368@reddit
Pretty sure you can eat only this everyday, and live
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Not die is not the same as live lol
Wasabi8486@reddit
Why not seasonings?
JemmaMimic@reddit
Salt and a little cayenne would improve the flavor 100%. Heck, salt and pepper even.
SparklingLimeade@reddit
Garlic powder. It goes in every beans and rice.
somnusv@reddit
Me but w onion powder
karratkun@reddit
literally just some hot sauce would make this palatable lol
JemmaMimic@reddit
I raided local fast food places for condiments back in the day, do they even leave them out for customers anymore? A couple of Taco Bell hot sauce packs, sure.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I think i still have about 12 bottles of their hot sauce in my pantry, didn't bother to use any though.
Im not cheapo (stan lee supervillain who takes fast food ketchup packets to refill the bottle in his trailer and his gang only has 1 gun and take turns holding it when robbing the dollar store)
Adam-Origen@reddit
Invest in some Goya Jamón, it's like a dollar and change for a box and it will drastically improve your bland rice and beans.
Excellent_Law6906@reddit
Astounding. Excelsior!
karratkun@reddit
insane random marvel drop but i loved it, cheapo was goated
astoldbyme@reddit
Wait, that's an actual character? If so, why isn't there a Marvel movie about him?! That would be so funny and what a unique perspective of a supervillain.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
It was a short lived tv show about a stripper superhero called stripperella, voiced by Pamela Anderson. I think it was on spike tv, same channel that did the ren and stimpy adult pool party cartoons.
Cheapo appeared in 2 episodes, one his big plot was to steal the world's largest cubitz zirconium to become a hundredaire
It was very over the top and risque
Less-Squash7569@reddit
I remember him doing the ketchup packets into the bottle part lol
AppropriateTouching@reddit
This is unlocking some memories.
astoldbyme@reddit
That's so funny, I can't wait to watch. I already think Cheapo needs an updated spin-off.
karratkun@reddit
oh he's very real, he's in a show called stripperilla LMAO
astoldbyme@reddit
Lol again, I thought this fake, but I stand corrected! This is awesome, I'll be binging this soon.
UncleNoodles85@reddit
Yeah I'm not a comic guy but I'd watch the shit out of a flick with Cheapo and his gang robbing dollar stores with a shared gun.
The_Best_Yak_Ever@reddit
A man who would step over a dollar to beat up a dime for a nickel, Cheapo was!
karratkun@reddit
some do! i've noticed it at smaller restaurants. i also stock up on taco bell sauces and burger king zesty sauces lol
Negativecreepy@reddit
A lot of big chains stopped, but I’ve never been anywhere were local places don’t leave condiments out.
portezbie@reddit
Steal some packets from Taco Bell if you have to
karratkun@reddit
thank you steven universe
portezbie@reddit
Haha, would Steven steal hot sauce packets? I'm not sure.
karratkun@reddit
he would and then he'd feel so guilty he'd cry and return them lol
portezbie@reddit
Haha that sounds like exactly what would happen. There would be crying and valuable lessons learned. Possibly a hot sauce monster to defeat
SlowScience7306@reddit
Guy cant taste
Excellent_Law6906@reddit
Seriously, I was going to comment, "do you hate yourself?"
CIA_Rectal_Feeder@reddit
Can't afford?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I used curry yesterday, don't really like it, didn't think of any other seasons to use so just ate plain and didn't bother
UwUthinization@reddit
Me in games when I try one subclass and decide the entirety of that class sucks.
mPORTZER@reddit
Are you depressed
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
No
chocolateandanxiety@reddit
Nah this has to be rage bait
Jesustron@reddit
List of known seasonings: Curry ???
Obant@reddit
You ever hear of salt, pepper, garlic?
GreatAndMightyKevins@reddit
A bit of salt, bay leaf and tomato sauce/paste would be nice. Garlic or onion powder is also very good.
ExtraBreadPls@reddit
Most_Philosophy_1507@reddit
Then OP can’t post here. If he adds seasonings the mods will burn down OP’s house whith OP still inside to send a message.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
They left a horse head last time...
Co_OpQuestions@reddit
Ooo I bet that was tasty at least! Based mods
MarcusRoland@reddit
Could have added that to the plate for even more protein.
coolguy420weed@reddit
OP doesn't deserve seasonings :(
norunningwater@reddit
If it isn't expired, the OP has to have some way to tell you it's different. It's always like this
Verix19@reddit
Prison food, nice
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Naw, from what i heard prison food isn't this bad
eccojams97@reddit
why do you do this? it’s clearly not convenience or money, even poor people let themselves enjoy flavour and foods that are not expired
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Don't really like the curry i been using, like yesterday, so didn't want to use it today, just didn't bother with any seasonings
grilledfuzz@reddit
Other people won’t understand but flavor fatigue is a real thing. Sometimes I’ll have just plain oatmeal with some fruit in it. Sure I could go all out and put cinnamon and nutmeg and do some maple syrup and peanut butter but ong sometimes I just don’t care and want to eat something quick.
PuzzleheadedDraw6575@reddit
Salt literally takes 2 seconds 😒
BAMspek@reddit
The fuck does that even mean? Just sprinkle some salt on it and stop whoring for attention
pepcorn@reddit
Don't be mean to OP.
Patmanjones100@reddit
OP deserves it. I think OP is 12?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
43 last i checked, though some records say im 53 so i may be wrong, don't really matter none though
pepcorn@reddit
OP is disabled and a subsistence farmer. He doesn't deserve you being mean.
creedsblog69@reddit
Shut the fuck up.
LandauTST@reddit
I'm having a hard time understanding "just didn't bother". That had to have been the blandest mush. Please don't do this to us again. Or yourself.
Less_Win2234@reddit
Rice would be better if it wasn't mushy.
TheBestLotad@reddit
Murderers are given better meals than this
ASAP_Elderberry@reddit
Wash your rice broo
JUGELBUTT@reddit
rice and no salt...i love rice but not without salt...
Sun-Much@reddit
I typically use 1.5c water to 1c rice. Add whatever you want to your water, boil it and then add rice. Bring back to a boil and then reduce heat to a simmer, put lid on the pot and set timer for 15mins. This gives just a slightly al-dente rice that helps it maintain its structure when reheating. If you need a "stickier rice", the recipe you used works perfectly or I cook my recipe for an additional 8-10 mins. Rice and Beans are an easy go-to and can be dressed up in many ways.
Violator361@reddit
Should have done black beans
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Don't have any.
I am going to do rice and beans again next Saturday , but low on canned beans so going to do with green beans. A lot less calories and protein so i will have to make up for it with plain oatmeal
AnythingEastern3964@reddit
You’ve ruined my day, probably my week tbh
Separate-Fly5165@reddit
mumooshka@reddit
🤢🤢🤢
DangerousPaper8986@reddit
Someone's Tia is crying right now looking at this...
Planet_Booty69@reddit
Why does this look kinda good rn…?
deathraft@reddit
Salt is literally $1.00 there's surviving, and there's torturing yourself. You're doing the latter.
Jetstream-Sam@reddit
Hell at that point just walk into a mcdonalds and ask for some salt sachets. Or even a few sauce pots, if you're nice they probably won't charge you, and three or four of the sweet currry ones would at least make the rice better
If you guys have the sweet curry sauces in the US anyway. Though the others would probably work too
amo-del-queso@reddit
They don’t (we don’t either in mexico)
I learned how to make them asap when i came back from visiting europe lmao
Jetstream-Sam@reddit
Yeah honestly they're really good. I wish they sold a bottled version so I don't feel bad asking them to give me a handful of them when I go in for some mcnuggets
Tarek_191@reddit
Hey, if your really just want a bottled version and not a bottled version they sell in McDonald's itself: At least in Germany they use the sauces from the brand "develey" wich you can find in supermarkets (not sure how it is in other countrys)
Jetstream-Sam@reddit
No I'm not picky, I'd be fine with it not being mcdonalds brand as long as it tastes similar
So the Develey sweet curry tastes like the mcdonalds one? I've not seen them here in regular shops but I was going to look in the polish/european shop near me, and if not order it online. I hope you're right, I've gone through a bunch of curry sauce bottles over the years like the heinz one and none of them came close really
Tarek_191@reddit
I've not specifically tried the curry one but the sweet and sour, the sour cream and the ketchup all taste the same to the German sauce packets (If you ask Google it also says they are the ones from develey)
Ambitious-Body8133@reddit
This guy lives in the middle of butt fuck no where and walks everywhere he goes.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Sure it is, its just a 2 day expedition and i would have to sleep in the bushes somewhere near town.
Did that once in 2012 after i was laid off by the tribe, filed for unemployment, they mandated i come to the office at 8am monday. i asked for a later time to take the bus. They told me 8am, no reschedule, if i don't show my claims denied on the grounds i am not "ready, willing, and able to work" not having a car meant i was not able and thus they would deny the claim. Hadn't walked the distance before, my bike was broken, couldn't find a ride. So i left at 6pm sunday, got there about midnight (got pulled over by the cops twice, demanding id to prove i wasn't walking in from Canada, threatened with arrest for no id till i showed them the unemployment letter) they asked why i didn't drive, told them because i was suck of getting pulled over all the time for the crappy kinds of cars i could afford, cops were embarrassed and apologized then awkwardly left both times. I slept in the brush near the office, had no minutes left on my cell so used as an alarm, skunks kept trying to steal food out of my pack all night. Got up early and dug through the kmart dumpster and got a bag of clothes my size that someone had dumped illegally the night before, also a couple damaged boxes of kix cereal. Walked into unemployment office at 8am, this was in October and i wrapped myself in a dumpster found blanket. Walked in and said "im here, i had to fuckin walk all night and sleep with the skunks out back but I'm here, don't take it personally if I'm rude to ya". They thought i was making it up about having to walk and apologized, the meeting was just 5 minutes to prove i was a real person not a scammer. After that every time the state ui office selected me for an in person follow up the local office exempted me from it. I collected ui until i was rehired by the tribe in the spring.
Was laid off again December 2013 but denied unemployment as the tribe did some funny stuff stretching a non-existent budget, had me work 2 days a week spring and summer, thrn 6 in the fall, the way ui ellegebility was determined was by quarterly earnings not number of weeks, so i was out living on my own dime till rehired in 2014 under worse conditions then quit shortly after.
Anyway, while i could make it in a 12 hour round trip before my injury i would have to make many rests to kay down an hour or 3 so i would have to overnight it like this if i were to try walking there again. Maybe in the summer i could attempt a single day round trip on a bike...
iamtheantisafespace@reddit
Hey man. I'll like, send you a package full of whatever spices and sauces you can store.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Thanks for the offer but I'm good, i have stuff in my cabin already. I might be British, ya know, invading and conquering places for spices but never using them lol
iamtheantisafespace@reddit
Just dm me
SanestExile@reddit
You're a legend
Jetstream-Sam@reddit
Huh. Do you have a store closer to you or is it a 2 day round trip every time? I just wonder how you'd manage doing that, since you couldn't really buy any frozen or refrigerated stuff and get it back safely
Either way, that sounds awful and I hope things improve. I'm in the UK but unemployment staff being jerks seems universal. It's not nearly as bad as yours but I had to walk 4 hours for a similar reason as a teenager, they assigned me an appointment at 7am which was before the buses would be running and despite having an office in the town I lived in, they sent me to one 12 miles away. Thankfully I got a job quickly so I didn't have to engage with them long. I really don't know why you'd get a job there if you look down on poor people so much
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I get a ride once a month with a friend who lives in town. Not really anything closer other than a truck stop but it was $15 for a can of spinach and $10 for a can of beans when i was up there last week (drove my tractor out to take my trash out for the year, filled the tank on the way back), its about $1 a can fir beans at the store, dry beans are cheaper. Truck stops about 6 miles away and not worth considering.
Jetstream-Sam@reddit
Damn, that's some gouging. I thought my hospital shop was bad charging £4 for a bag of dried pasta or £7.99 for a basic microwave meal. I guess they both have captive audiences, though there's at least a supermarket five minutes down the road for me. The sick people can't really go there though.
How much is a taxi or something to the town? I'm guessing a ton. My grandma got an Uber from her house 8 miles away to the hospital recently and it cost her the best part of £60.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
No taxi, and amazon is not an option.
Zizhou@reddit
Unfortunately, that flavor is too ~~ethnic~~ "exotic" for huge parts of the country, so we do not.
honey__harlot@reddit
idk where you live but we have them here (also in the us, but near a big city)
Most_Philosophy_1507@reddit
Go to Taco Bell. Free hot sauce yo.
OwnNothing3318@reddit
$1 of salt can last about 6 years. I think there is a different reason for this
SparklingLimeade@reddit
If cooking from the basics like this then it will go much faster.
Still, not having a spare container on hand is a questionable choice when it's that cheap and also a mineral that doesn't go bad.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I don't really like the curry i did yesterday, didn't think of anything else, i never add salt to anything except fried potatoes.
I am sure eating a can of ham a week has enough salt to balance out the dsys i don't add salt.
Spirited-Juice4941@reddit
I don’t think that’s how salt intake works lol. Your body is going to struggle to stay hydrated without enough salt and electrolytes and your muscles will be crying. Do you generally feel tired, irritable and foggy?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
No, never feel like that
Sendtitpics215@reddit
Nah man, i like seasoning and use ALOT. I also really like meals like this too. Simply eating 2 things straight up (another example mashed potatoes and butter) is delicious and different then the seasoned version. This person might just like this
summerskies288@reddit
canned beans already have a shit ton of salt to be fair
our_meatballs@reddit
also salt is necessary to live
MedicalDisscharge@reddit
They ran a family off the road in 1976, this is their penance
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I wasn't born until 1982, but my mother cut someone's ear off in 1976
gleepglorpad@reddit
did a double take, looked at username, everything made sense suddenly. sparkle on you crazy diamond
Alarmed-Shape5034@reddit
What? Can you elaborate?
MedicalDisscharge@reddit
haha, sometimes
Ok_Zookeepergame5141@reddit
😄
clinton_bayou@reddit
It’s not your fault.. it’s not your fault
Independent_Loan9806@reddit
the self hatred adds its own seasoning
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
The tears add a lot of salt lol
ImaginationRadiant64@reddit
OP, are you okay?
IsSierraMistOk@reddit
Por qué?
ajinthebay@reddit
Why does the rice look so mushy? 😩
The8bitCorgi@reddit
Overcooked to shit 🫠
Grimalkinnn@reddit
You deserve nice things and happiness.
eaglesegull@reddit
Why? Do you have Covid or something?
Bloodyfinger@reddit
I'm starting to think this is less poverty related and more mental health related at this point.....
Sea_Structure_8692@reddit
I’m inclined to agree because when I was surviving on rice and beans in college, I could still make it appetizing
Sea_Structure_8692@reddit
Are you in prison?
toasterdees@reddit
Gravy is $.99
freakmeout123@reddit
What;s that bruh
raechelisbored@reddit
You would do well on survivor
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I'm rude, can't go 5 minutes without drama, and very annoying, i would be voted off in the first episode, or outlast everyone cuz they assume I'm the least possible threat and don't take me seriously.
Haven't seen that show since that guy ran down a pig
Mizike1994@reddit
Can you not get your own car to get into town. Bike? Scooter even?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Its extremely expensive to have a vehicle, 15k per year based on the calculations i did a decade ago and adjust for inflation. Wasn't worth it then, still ain't worth it with my dpine bolted together post logging injury now.
MrSal7@reddit
Unless you’re a prisoner in a third world country, you’re allowed to have seasonings with that buddy.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I'm in upstate ny, as upstate as it gets, third world countries are not this bad. Them danemora escapees were on the lamb a long time simply because theres nothing here but trees and blackflies
HistorianBig2469@reddit
Bro what salt did to you
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I was salted once, got it worse than mr peanut lol
justbleachmyeyes@reddit
Bro is the salt
minghj@reddit
Add an onion, a can of tomatoes, and some seasoning, and you’ve got a beautiful meal
jakesrunnin@reddit
Fool
CalciumCobaltite@reddit
That brought a few childhood memories...
No_Equipment7456@reddit
You uh, you want a trick for good rice or do you like it the consistency of gruel?
Kenji1912@reddit
Don’t do this, you are loved.
Bebopcowboy718@reddit
atdoggg@reddit
Bro is just prepping for next season of Survivor ok
Robot_boy_07@reddit
Why?
AuthorNo4394@reddit
Un clébard
PonchoMcGee@reddit
Damn dude, 2nd pandemic hasn't even kicked off yet
Hidingfrombull@reddit
They're pre-gaming
xAshev@reddit
Op are you on Dr. Nowzaradan’s diet?
SomeJoeSchmo@reddit
FAR too many carbs for Dr. Now’s approval.
xAshev@reddit
So it’s not even a healthy meal 🫠
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Never heard of him
LaGorda54@reddit
Nah this is too many carbs for that.
ulnek@reddit
Why?
BritSpic@reddit
Pls learn how to cook rice 😭 Depression doesn't mean your food has to be shitty too. Seasonings are mad cheap as well...
GlitterPirateKiki58@reddit
Especially if you go to an international grocery store.
CoconutxKitten@reddit
OP lives in bumfuck nowhere & is poor + disabled
I don’t think international stores are easily accessible or a priority. Dude can’t even get mail most of the time
drifloony@reddit
The way you cook your rice makes me very sad. Way too much water 😭
Scathainn@reddit
Yeah this rice is absolutely fucked looking. Amazes me that there are people who can mess up rice which is arguably the easiest food to cook on earth.
Incendas1@reddit
I thought I hated rice until my boyfriend cooked it for me and I discovered the joy of properly cooked fucking rice. My dad makes riceslop but not as bad as OP's
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Actually the extra moisture is the bean scum from the can since i didn't bother to rinse them.
fierypianist@reddit
That extra bean scum can be really hard to digest, worth giving it a quick rinse for sure if you notice digestive issues from it
phatballlzzz@reddit
“Bean scum” great name for a shit band
Pennymoonz94@reddit
Are you depressed?
FlimsyAcanthaceae184@reddit
2:1 ratio is still too much water even without the bean juice. I leave the bean juice in too, that ain't the issue
Storrin@reddit
Hey.
I hate that a lot.
drifloony@reddit
Oh okay! Horrible!
Classic-Exchange-511@reddit
You should season or salt it
WeeebleSqueaks@reddit
sigh I guess I’ll make some rice and beans. Gawd damn that sounds good
AppropriateTouching@reddit
I've had this meal more times than I can count. Its solid.
pandariots@reddit
I just wanna say I always enjoy seeing your rations and hearing your stories, thanks for doing what you do Mr Turd.
CanadianTimeWaster@reddit
It's shitty because you put too much water in the rice, it looks sloppy.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Thats the bean scum from the unrinsed can of beans, they had a lot of beany slimy goo on them.
CanadianTimeWaster@reddit
no, you used 2 cups of water water + the bean scum.
if you want your rice to be less sloppy, try using a 1:1 or 1:1.5 ratio of rice to water, then subtract the amount of bean scum water.
you'll have less gooey rice.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I just used the ratio on the rice package. Softer rice is also better given my crappy teeth.
CanadianTimeWaster@reddit
if you do 1:1 or 1:1.5, you'll still have soft rice, it just won't be mush.
DeathWorship@reddit
Why?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Why not?
DeathWorship@reddit
Doesn’t seem very enjoyable 🤷
truthequalslies@reddit
Violetbranko@reddit
Beans are flavorful enough
jpp01@reddit
You good bro?
ultimagriever@reddit
I think I would rather turn myself off than live in a world where I can’t season my food
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Wasn't something i grew up with, lived most of my life on plain stuff.
As a kid it was cold plain oatmeal, plain noodles, plain rice, boiled potatoes, etc. my caretakers couldn't even do spaghetti right. Lucky to get a plain bagel for lunch that didn't have mold on it, sometimes got a single slice of bologna between 2 slices of wonder bread.
As an adult in my 20s i ate a lot of hard tack and rice and oatmeal
After that i just didn't develop much interest in food
Appropriate-Sun834@reddit
Not shitty
Pirate_Candy17@reddit
Is it warm at least?
This food as a gif. Bleak.
akaobama@reddit
this is 30% of the way to being Jamaican Rice and peas
Ok_Zookeepergame5141@reddit
I love plain short grain white rice so, I'm not offended. 😄 If this is what you have on hand and that's how you like it, whatever. Enjoy it. Not shitty.
Fomulouscrunch@reddit
Second opinion: if you have access to civilization, which this person does, deliberately not using salt or seasoning goes against our primordial ancestor's drive for novelty and tasty things. Why is this person deliberately not doing that?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Its 20 miles to town, i have no vehicle, only have $74 to my name, and my spined bolted together, not sure what level of civilization you think i have access to lol
Lostinthebackground@reddit
Do you not have neighbours?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
All of them are assholes.
They are fairly far away (over a mile) and i don't know them, or they are Amish (no cars, they pay $2 per mile to hire a guy with a truck to take them to town as an under the table not reporting to the tax man gig), or i am feuding with them (usually because they stole from me aka broke open the gate, drove up to my woodshed at 1am drunk and high and started taking wood to have a bonfire at a party at their place, then i held them at gunpoint till the cops showed up and arrested them).
Fomulouscrunch@reddit
My bad, I'm not stalking you and don't know your circumstances better than any other internet stranger.
redskyatnight2162@reddit
He lives very far away from the closest town and has no transportation. If you follow his posts here he’s in quite a situation.
Ok_Zookeepergame5141@reddit
Maybe they have high blood pressure and can't use extra salt or maybe they like it plain... who cares. As long as there is food on the table for them. I'm not offended.
-BodomKnight-@reddit
I agreed.
Xlbowlofpho@reddit
In Vietnam, we have something similar like this. Sticky rice w red beans. Instead of no seasoning, we put in a mix of sugar, lil salt, seseame seeds, and smash peanut. They taste really good.
idk012@reddit
What is it called?
Xlbowlofpho@reddit
It is call "xôi đậu đỏ". But because there can be a lot of variant of beans and sticky rice would just call them "xôi đậu"
Ok_Zookeepergame5141@reddit
Yes! I love it!
LimpusChimp@reddit
How’s your back doing, friend?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
It hurts, but i did a 4 mile walk this morning, just checking in reddit and about to do 4 on my bike since the wind died down. Will be back in even more pain and responding to comments when i lay down after the ride later
AltruisticBridge3800@reddit
Your rice is wet...
Kimberlylynn2003@reddit
Hopnjohn
Donatter@reddit
For op and anyone else.
• Here’s my recipe for Cajun red beans and rice, and the beauty of it is, the minimum of ingredients you need, is rice, red beans, and water. Literally nothing else, just skip every step that doesn’t apply to you. Alongside, feel free to add or substitute any step or ingredient you want or need to. I grew up eating this, and still regularly make this today. It is cheap, it is filling, it is easy, and it’s delicious. (best thing about it, is cook this one dish, and you’ll have dinner for the rest of the week already squared by the leftovers)
• in whatever amounts you’d like;
-) thyme
-) oregano
-) salt
-) black pepper
-) onion powder
-) garlic powder
-) smoked paprika
-) cayenne pepper
-) whatever else you wanna add
Ingredients-) a pound-ish of red kidney beans, 1 or 2 large onions, 1 or 2 bell peppers, 2 or 3 stalks of celery, 1 or 2 pounds of your favorite sausage(I typically go smoked, andouille, or a polish kielbasa), 1 or 2 bulb(s) of garlic, more chicken stock then you’d expect to need/use, your preferred type of rice in however much quantity you want, some tomato paste, some dried bay leaves(I typically go 2 to 4 bay leaves), and if you can get it, a ham hock bone(a lil’ bit of liquid smoke or extra sausage does the exact same thing if you can’t get it)
Tools needed-) a big stew pot, Dutch oven or something you can cook large amounts of stew/soup in. A ladle, and a lid for whatever pot you got. A knife. A rice cooker or a small pot for cooking the rice, and a cooking beer(a beer you drink while cooking)
Steps-
chop up your sausage, chop up your vegetables, mince your garlic and rinse/wash the beans
put the big pot on the stove, and set the burner to low-ish heat, and once it’s “hot enough” throw the sausage in and stir somewhat frequently, as the purpose is to brown the sausage and to extract as much sausage fat as you want. Once you have, take the sausage out of the pot onto a plate or whatever nearby(so you don’t burn/overcook it)
add more fat if you need it(olive oil or butter) and throw the vegetables into the sausage fat, and cook until beginning to get soft
make a hole in the center of the vegetables add a lil’ bit of oil/butter, then add the tomatoe paste and garlic to the small pool of fat, and wait 30 seconds or until fragrant and then thoroughly mix.
throw the sausage back in, stir to mix a lil’
throw the rinsed/washed beans into the pot, mix, and let cook for a couple minutes
(Presumably, you’ve been taking sips of your beer(s) throughout this process, and should start getting a lil’ buzzed by now)
7) add the ham hock if you have it, and add enough chicken stock for it to be an inch/2.54cm above the meat/bone/vegetables
8) add your seasonings/bayleaves and throughly stir until well incorporated, turn the heat up and wait until it starts to boil
9) once boiling, let it boil for bout 5-ish minutes, then turn the burner to half/low heat, put the lid on and let it simmer for 3 and a half-ish hours.
(With you stirring occasionally to prevent anything from sticking to the bottom of the pan and burning, also to add additional chicken stock if needed. Plus, to thicken it, towards the last 40-ish minutes, use a spoon to smush some beans against the side of the pot, and/or tear off chucks of stale bread, mix and let finish cooking. Also, it’ll need more salt than you’d expect, so add it towards the end, and taste each time you add a lil bit)
Finally, to serve, remove the ham hock and ladle a lil’ bit of juice into a bowl, then add some rice, and ladle a large helping of everything, and enjoy. It also tastes better the next day after a night in the refrigerator, hungover and eating it hunched over the trash can with your morning beer(s) (the traditional way of eating Cajun cuisine)
(Green onions and some cornbread also pair extremely nicely with red beans and rice)
Edit: also, for the rice I like to add a glob of butter, a pinch of salt, and a lot of dill just before the rice cooker cooks it, or you boil it in a pan.
DuchessOfCelery@reddit
You know, next time, you could snap a pic of your spices, tell us what you plan to cook, and you'll get a shitload of ideas.
You'll get less upvotes on the misery meals but it's a tradeoff.
Aurichu@reddit
what have seasonings ever done to you?
zugarrette@reddit
maybe that old fake butter you had would be good on it
Icy-Effective-5984@reddit
This is that tuna and two raw egg's post carbohydrate edition.
Cupcake_queen27@reddit
You can get seasonings from the Dollar Store ($1.25 store now). I recommend Sazón Goya for your rice and beans. You don't have to do this to yourself friend lol.
Invictu520@reddit
Do you just like being miserable?
lochnesssmonsterr@reddit
Dash of soy sauce maybe? 🤔
BustyCelebLover@reddit
I mean it’s kinda your choice to not season it, this ain’t Rome, salt is cheap
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Yeah but it always turns into a solid block if left in the store package or makes the lid rusty if i pack in a jar.
stickysweetbear@reddit
Literally have no idea how you manage to turn salt into a block… stop letting water get into it
thrumirrors@reddit
Just break it down with a fork and you're good to go
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I can't even break it with a hammer, i tried.
doctorpotterhead@reddit
Have you tried cutting off the container and shaving the sides with a knife? It works okay for a salt rock but ik you don't have like, a single big chunk of rock salt.
DragonScrivner@reddit
Humidity will do it
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
This area is so humid it was historically called the asbestos forest, wildfires are not a risk around here
DragonScrivner@reddit
Huh, I’d never heard that! TIL
AtroposMortaMoirai@reddit
Your hovel sounds particularly dank.
If you try putting a bit of wax paper between the lid and jar that may resolve the rust issue.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Its a tar paper shack in a swamp, no foundation other than a couple cinder blocks under the logs i used as skids. Can't have carpets or mushrooms grow out of them.
IrregardingGrammar@reddit
This is some absurd level of incompetence to not even be able to salt your food because you can't manage to... Store salt?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I so rarely use salt that i often forget about it for like a year, then find its hardened into a solid brick by the time i remember it and try to use it.
DragonScrivner@reddit
They are a hermit who lives in the woods — maybe clump-free salt is not high on the list of priorities
DragonScrivner@reddit
You could try putting some grains of uncooked rice in with the salt in a jar—rice as a desiccant works pretty well to keep the clumping at bay
Exotic_Reporter_3309@reddit
Seasoning aside, you could use a lesson in cooking rice.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
The moisture is from the bean scum, i didn't rinse them before adding so they were slimy with goo
psychrolut@reddit
VelvetRabbit91@reddit
Get some free condiments from a gas station my guy.
unclemandy@reddit
Lol poor man's arroz con habichuelas
robertbreadford@reddit
Ive zoomed in on the rice and have concluded that bro is not Asian
dsafire@reddit
This is why i hoard spices.
SilverKnightOfMagic@reddit
and it's too wet
DisastrousPepper2897@reddit
Why plain
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Grew up eating a lot of plain oatmeal, no sugar or salt in it, and i got hit and given bruises if i tried to let the tap run to heat up so it was always cold.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Looked at the seasonings i have, none felt right, couldn't decide, so just didn't bother and ate before it got cold.
Like getting up and not being able to decide what to do for the day, never being able to decide, then its dark again and time to go to bed
mambotomato@reddit
They're into self-punishment. It's a thing for them.
BellamyDunn@reddit
It'll make a turd.
InjuryTemporary2737@reddit
This is gallo pinto
Mammoth_Pangolin275@reddit
Holy crap this reminds me of jail.
Mister_Green2021@reddit
salt and spices too expensive?
Most_Philosophy_1507@reddit
Struggle meal?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Not struggling, i got a whole $74 left till next month! Thats more than any other month this year so far.
Thought about asking my friend to order me some more humanitarian daily rations with it, could get 2 cases of luxury food with this budgetary surplus
RodMunch85@reddit
Thats some rice pudding assed sloppy rice
Beef_M1lk@reddit
Cook the rice some more, this looks wet. Or add a little less water or something
Ok-Hovercraft-9959@reddit
This gives me such a visceral feeling of disgust, way more than a lot of the other food on here. The ideal of chewing food that starchy and bland makes me wanna gag 😭
confusion_est@reddit
Seasoning aside that rice looks wet as fuck brother
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I dumped the beans in, drained but not rinsed so the bean goo was all over them
LeaveMeAloneAdmins88@reddit
looks like something that would be served in a north korean prison.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Shhhh... Don't let dear leader hear you say that!
Jk lol
BuddysMumOz@reddit
If you had used the bean water to cook the peas you would have added a little flavour
VisionAri_VA@reddit
Are you doing penance for something?
BlurryBigfoot74@reddit
This song always pops in my head
Canelosaurio@reddit
Why do you punish yourself?
Electronic_House2272@reddit
The bitterness in you will cope with the lack of seasoning
RedditsDeadlySin@reddit
Bro garlic, salt and black pepper go a long way. This is on you.
userdeath@reddit
They wouldn't feed this to prisoners in Saddam's Iraq..