Did you break the cycle? Do you think your generation, as a whole, broke the cycle?

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KellyzKillaz@reddit

I broke the two cycles I felt were most important to break and I had the direct power to break. I broke the corporal punishment cycle for one. I used to get the wooden spoon, the belt, the shoe, whatever was around. Never struck either of my kids. They were punished, but not hit. Both are kind, productive adults. The second cycle I broke was indoctrinating my kids with an organized religion. At 16, I broke with the Catholic church I was forced into by my parents. Took quite a bit of verbal abuse for having done so, they'd stopped physical punishment by then. Said I'd never do that to my kids. If they chose to be religious, fine, that's their decision. But I wasn't about to force nonsensical ancient beliefs on my kids just because they were forced on me, my parents, my grandparents, etc. At 25 and 30, neither has just "found" religion on their own. Quite the opposite.

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rabbita102@reddit

Can I get an Amen? 😜 I also broke the Religious trauma cycle

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After_Narwhal8582@reddit

broke the cycle of neglect and horrible choices. Mom is 15 years older than me. I grew up with her and it was not pretty. I waited until I was almost 30 and was still on the fence about a baby. Ended up happening and it was a one and done. My daughter was shown from an age appropriate age to not do "how they did it" I made sure she never felt dismissed and unheard. That was my life's mission the moment I found out I was pregnant. Thought all of that was behind me but turns out that was just a set up for what was about to come some 50 years later.. the current state of the country in 2026.

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Bubbly_Following7930@reddit

I broke the cycle of bad parenting by not having children

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baziik66@reddit

Land of Confusion: I won’t be coming home tonight My generation will put it right We’re not just making promises That we know we’ll never keep It was also remade in the early 2ks.

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Choice-Committee3858@reddit (OP)

I just listened to it. Now it goes into my playlist. It'll balance out "The Kids Aren't Alright".

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baziik66@reddit

Gotta love the Offspring 🤘

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elphaba00@reddit

I was describing listening to Offspring while I was cooking in the kitchen to my Boomer and Gen Z coworkers. They had no clue what I was talking about.

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iloveairportsushi@reddit

I broke the cycle. No kids, never married. There won’t be any children being neglected/abused moving forward. No failed marriages. My family name ends with me as well.

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Throwaway7219017@reddit

My father never wanted anything to do with me. He ignored me most of my life - except to heap criticism on me, treated me like a burden, and when I was an adult, he blamed me for our lack of close relationship. I didn't feel a whole lot, besides relief, when he died. I was a stay at home parent for my kids when my wife went back to work when they were 6 months old, until they were in school full time. We used to play Lego, draw, colour, sing songs and dance around, and make utter fools of ourselves all day long, it was glorious. As teens, we were fairly close, playing cards and board games on a weekly basis, even prior to Covid. Each of my kids has several interests that I share, so now as adults, we have a great frame of reference to have grown up relationships, not just parent-child. I broke that fucking cycle with a steamroller.

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Choice-Committee3858@reddit (OP)

I want to have fun with my kids when I have them too. My parents were very busy when I was young and couldn't spend much time just hanging out with us kids when we were small. They didn't really have as much of a choice in that regard because of finances and visa stuff, but I hope I can do better.

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MaineMan1234@reddit

You are awesome! I wasn’t a stay at home dad, but I did my best to have \*fun\* with my three boys. I’m always amazed at how few parents are able to find the joy in spending time with their own children, even the latest generations of dads that I follow on the Daddit sub seem to struggle with this concept. It’s the one way to make the slog of child rearing enjoyable

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MhojoRisin@reddit

This is awesome.

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violetauto@reddit

Not ever beating (let’s call it what it is, not “hitting”) my children is my proudest accomplishment. Sure, it seems like a no-brainer, but I was beaten so badly and so often, it was programmed into me like an instinct. No matter how mad I got, I never lost control like that. That is fucking amazing, IMO.

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Choice-Committee3858@reddit (OP)

Good on you!

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Borderlinecuttlefish@reddit

Yes.. My kids have been allowed to be who they are, their views have been respected. Their humanity will always come first over their job title and they know it. They are told by me, their Dad how loved they are no matter what they do and are told often. I was born in 1969 and lived in a time when "children should be seen and not heard" Imagine trying to silence a generation??? How counter-productive our parents were.

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Choice-Committee3858@reddit (OP)

>Yes.. My kids have been allowed to be who they are, their views have been respected. Their humanity will always come first over their job title and they know it. My parents are not like that at all. They really tried to make the options doctor (of MEDICINE) or engineer. I think it comes from a place of love and concern though. They grew up poor by American standards, had family that were third-world country poor, and this is their way of trying to keep us kids as financially stable and materially provided for as possible.

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EnjoyingTheRide-0606@reddit

I tried really hard but didn’t get help for myself until it was too late to keep my kiddo safe. Kiddo repeated the pattern of generational addiction and is a homeless, felon now. It was not my intention to repeat the behaviors I learned. It’s what happened, though. My child knows they’re loved, there is help, and this is not the end for them. I just hope my child survives this period.

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Choice-Committee3858@reddit (OP)

I'm really sorry about that, that sucks. I was thinking about a myriad of people, including someone I know who I heard has gone down a bad path recently. They tried so hard to do well but they just kept getting dragged down and I think that's what brought on this post. I'm glad that you at least got help at all and also hope your kid can pull through 😞.

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ONROSREPUS@reddit

Yes and No. Unpopular opinion, I am sure I will seem some down votes. Parents that I have noticed do not have much control over there kids behaviors anymore. Look at the schools and the kids in the school how they treat the teachers and staff. Look how kids act in stores and restaurants. I believe in spanking, but not all out abuse. I don't think there is anything wrong with consequences to actions and I don't think taking an Ipad away or counting down is doing anything. If a spanking earns respect I am for it. Some people can do it without spanking but the majority I don't believe can.

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Resident-Condition-2@reddit

Sorry I hate to tell you, but spanking is abuse. There's no discussion around it.

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Choice-Committee3858@reddit (OP)

[https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/fam0000191](https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/fam0000191) There's been a lot of science to support this now. Abstract "Whether spanking is helpful or harmful to children continues to be the source of considerable debate among both researchers and the public. This article addresses 2 persistent issues, namely **whether effect sizes for spanking are distinct from those for physical abuse**, and **whether effect sizes for spanking are robust to study design differences**. Meta-analyses focused specifically on spanking were conducted on a total of **111 unique effect sizes** representing **160,927 children.** **Thirteen of 17 mean effect size**s were **significantly different from zero** and **all indicated a link between spanking and increased risk for detrimental child outcomes**. Effect sizes **did not substantially differ between spanking and physical abuse or by study design characteristics**. (PsycInfo Database Record (c) 2025 APA, all rights reserved)" I'm reading through this because I have institutional access and it's a pretty thorough study.

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Dakota5176@reddit

I don't know if I broke anything but I did the best I could. My silent gen parents never hit but occasionally we had fights and they'd yell at scream. They'd get mad about the dumbest most trivial things! For example they hated my long hair and it was a source of conflict. I'm a girl! What was the problem?!?! I'm closer with my kids. I won't lie and say I never lost my temper at them. I did sometimes but not often and I'd apologize. I spend more time with them and do more with them than my parents did with me. My teenager is gay and nb. There wasn't a fight we just talked. We are collectively hiding it from his grandparents. They're 93 and 85 and will never understand. It's not that they're bad people they just don't have the mental maps. They understand and are out at school and in other places. When one of them struggled we got him a therapist and put him on the recommended meds. It helped him be a lot a happier. Looking back I see my silent gen father had struggles with anxiety and could have used some medicine that wasn't an available back then. I tell my own kids I love them everyday and give them a hug. This was a choice. My parents didn't do those things. I knew they loved me but they didn't hug or express it physically. I laugh with my kids and we have inside jokes. Some are related to gen x media. Like Rev Jim and the yellow from Taxi. We do that bit all the time. We watch shows together both old and new. The biggest hit was Wandavision. My love of old tv shows and my kids love of Marvel. I saw inside references he didn't get and we ending up both enjoying it. I never watched movies or tv with my parents. They didn't really get it? Even now my mom only watches game shows. She has never liked plot based stuff. 🤷‍♀️ I wish we had solved the world's problems. I am constantly shocked at our bad the world is. As a young person I would have thought you were out of your mind if you had told me what was happening today. It's such a shot show. I'm glad I'll be dead before things get super bad. And it breaks my heart that this is what I'm leaving to my amazing children. I'm not sure what I could have done different. I was just trying to survive and pay my bills. Maybe our generation was just too small to have an impact? I would like grandkids someday but honestly I understand if my kids don't make that choice. One thing I'm gonna do different is with money. My 93 year old mom has lots of money. She tells me all the time it will all be mine someday. This is great and I'm glad she's had a long healthy life but some money would have helped me a lot 20 years ago! By the time I inherit it I won't need it as much. I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna make sure that they all can get a bachelors degree and then I'm gonna give them money every year. Hopefully I'll live a long healthy life and I'll keep enough for illness and to have some fun myself but I'm gonna give it them as we go through life and not make em wait til they're 65! So yes I've done better than my parents. Although I think about my mom sometimes. We think her father was a violent, abusive alcoholic. Not sure she won't talk about it. Maybe she broke a cycle too. She got out, got educated, found a good man and be came financially successful. Gave me a much better life. Maybe that was enough .....

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Choice-Committee3858@reddit (OP)

>I never watched movies or tv with my parents. They didn't really get it? Even now my mom only watches game shows. She has never liked plot based stuff. My parents and I also mostly watch game shows (specifically Jeopardy) and documentary/tutorial/cooking shows together. Things that are emotionally deep or delve into certain topics end up becoming a no. >Maybe she broke a cycle too. She got out, got educated, found a good man and be came financially successful. Gave me a much better life. Maybe that was enough ..... I like that. I think I see that too. My parents also became financially successful and educated. My mom (and even my grandma (dead) ) are one of the few women of those generations in my family that are/were not housewives. I also know she was basically parent number three to her younger siblings because both of her parents had no choice but to work *very* long hours to keep the lights on. As an elder sibling, that did not get passed on to me.

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truejabber@reddit

“…I’d apologize.” Yes! Something my parents never did, about anything. When my girls were young I saw an old episode of a The Andy Griffith Show where he apologizes to Opie about something he got wrong…and a light bulb went off in my head. Parents can apologize! It made such a huge difference in my relationship with my daughters. “…she won’t talk about it.” My father grew up in a horrifically bad alcoholic home but never talked about it. I figured it out over years of hearing pieces of conversations between other relatives who were around then. So strange how that generation kept it bottled up so tightly.

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xxDailyGrindxx@reddit

I've never hit or yelled at my kids as a result of my dad being an absolute motherfucker while I was growing up. That doesn't mean they didn't have consequences for their actions, and I'd like to think they're much better for it.

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Equivalent_Gap_805@reddit

I know I broke the cycle . Never married ( everyone in the family divorced at least once), some of the mental and physical abuse won't go on. Although I wanted marriage and kids I decided in my late teens early 20's no marriage and no kids. I'm 60 now.

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truejabber@reddit

My dad did better than his parents, but he was still both physically and verbally (yelling but also belittling us) abusive. I did better than my dad. I never hit them, but I did yell sometimes in anger. None of us are perfect. Never will be. But I think the generations were on a pretty good roll there of making progress in parenting. The bigger problems now are economics that make it more difficult for the generations coming up as well as “social” media and AI which, among other things, separate people more and more at the worst possible time. I’m very worried about what the future holds for my kids and grandkids.

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largos7289@reddit

Here is Gen x in a phrase. We are not kings, but king makers. We broke the cycle of so many thing by our parents by actually being present for our kids, sometimes we over corrected for this. They were not a accessory pieces to bring out and then when got tired of put back on a shelf. Our kids were shown a better way and they changed.

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WildlifePolicyChick@reddit

I did my part by not having kids.

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pmbpro@reddit

Same. Broke the family generational curse. Bloodline ends at least at *my* branch of that ‘family’ tree. I knew since I was 8 that I didn’t want any. Got ‘bingo’ed for years about it until people figured out I meant what I bloody-well said and *finally* left me alone about it.

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Sintered_Monkey@reddit

Decades of bingo. "You'll change your mind!" "You're being selfish!" "It's different when they're your own." With more Millenials consciously deciding not to have children, I hope they have it a little easier.

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WildlifePolicyChick@reddit

OOh I HATE the 'it'll be different with your own'!! I'm gonna roll the dice based on that? It's not like I can return it if I don't want it.

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Sintered_Monkey@reddit

I forgot "who will take care of you when you're old?" Amazing how it's everyone else's business. It's always been the one subject, well besides religion, where it's been considered okay to badger people for their choices. It's not like I ever went around telling people with children, "hey we have enough people already!" "what if your kid turns out to be a jerk?" "what if your kid refuses to take care of you when you're old?" "don't you feel bad about the world population?" Because it's none of my business.

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Kind_Indication8527@reddit

I wish people would respect your decision. It is not something people take lightly. It takes a lot of self awareness and wisdom to make a selfless decision like that. I’m glad people finally figured it out.

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Sintered_Monkey@reddit

Same. There was no physical abuse in my house. But I always thought that my parents didn't want children but had them because they thought it was required by society. I knew from a really early age that I didn't want children.

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Emotional_Mess261@reddit

I felt they had us to run the household while they’re doing hobbies and working, then not seen or heard when they’re home. Until the dishwasher needs to be unloaded or the lawn mowed or the trash cans brought in……

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wrldwdeu4ria@reddit

100% this.

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Chibi-Skyler@reddit

I always told people, "I'd be a lousy parent! Just look at me!" It was (half) meant as a joke, but just look at people who married and had kids because "that's what you do" and they're trying to please those around them. Another commenter cited being called "selfish;" wouldn't I be more "selfish" if I brought a child into the world, knowing I couldn't be a decent parent to him/her?!

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Hydroidal@reddit

Having kids was the best thing I never did.

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SolomonGrumpy@reddit

Same. I told myself I would have to when I could provide a more for them I has always wished I had growing up. I never felt secure that this would be the case.

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gbe28@reddit

Same

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Far_Oven_3302@reddit

I sure did break the cycle, no kids whatsoever.

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Foulwinde@reddit

Same.

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wrldwdeu4ria@reddit

Me too. And I dumped religion as soon as I became independent.

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Full-Photo5829@reddit

This is the way to break the cycle of suffering.

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TiredinUtah@reddit

I was abused and groomed from birth. My kids are not abused nor are they in abusive relationships. Gen X survived Boomers. The issue I see is Millennial parents. Genz and Alpha re out of control. No manners, no engagement. All I see is them on their phones. Even driving.

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Majik_Sheff@reddit

Not perfect, but better. My kids are teenagers now and are already more considerate, responsible, and conscientious than I was by the time I got to my 30s. I see how Gen Alpha is taking no prisoners in the accountability game and it warms my heart.

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LadyNorbert@reddit

I stopped the cycle unintentionally by being unable to have kids. But I heard enough stories about my various family members to recognize that there definitely was a cycle. My mom, bless her, has actually grown a lot in the last several years and has worked hard to change the way she interacts with her kids.

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MaximumJones@reddit

Please remember Rule 7 and do not make political comments so we can keep this thread open plzkthx.

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Sea_Part_1581@reddit

Well, I didn’t repeat the sins of my parents! Though I am sure I fucked up in a myriad of other ways. Had a conversation with my boomer dad about 10 years ago. He said “ Kids don’t come with an instruction manual!”. That really struck me. I realized that even in my own life I was making it up as I went along. Tried my best though. I hear from other people how great my kids are and for that I am proud. Nobody is perfect and all you can do is the best you can.

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Duran518@reddit

I believe we did.

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Dunno_If_I_Won@reddit

My kids are substantially less fucked up than me. I think I did good.

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House_Junkie@reddit

I could write pages about how shitty my parents were across all facets, but what’s the point, most of you were living the same scenario. I knew EARLY on that I wanted more for myself and that one day when I had the chance to parent, I would do infinitely better. And I did. I am raising wonderful kids that feel loved everyday. We hug them and tell them all the time how proud we are of them and most importantly, we are present in their lives. I think I broke the cycle.

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xBobaFattx@reddit

\> but what’s the point, most of you were living the same scenario I for sure respect what you mean here, but I wholeheartedly think it is what bands a lot of us together. We went through the same shit and I know personally, I would listen to the same scenario over and over if it made another one of "us" feel a little better. I know this sounds corny, it feels corny to write. But a big part of what sucked for me as a kid was never feeling "listened to" and I vowed to not do that to anyone else. Anyway, glad to hear you did a good job with your kids!

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gumby_twain@reddit

I tried, i fixed some, created some new ones

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Falcon731@reddit

Back when I was about 9 - I had done something (I can't remember what now), and my dad was really mad at me. I remember him taking me up to my room, and him taking off his belt. The he explained to me how when he was young how his dad would punish him by whipping him over and over. How he would go to school the next day covered in bruises. Then he put his belt back on and told me to never make him regret the choice to not do that with me. That story really stuck with me as a kid.

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Consistent-Ad7428@reddit

Nah. We fucked it up worse. I was all in on computers and technology. Now we have social media and AI. Starting to think the Amish had the right idea.

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funktopus@reddit

I am doing everything I can to break the cycle or violence in my family. My son is much more stable than I was at his age.

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SamePhotographs@reddit

I've done my part to break the cycle. I grew up being hit by a mean drunk. My partner not as much. He doesn't yell or hit, but grew up with a lot of emotional manipulation. It still comes heavy from his side. I've done my share of therapy, and believe that everyone should go. I've got tools to help navigate tricky situations.

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fastcatdog@reddit

We broke the planet look up current extinction rates and causes. The single use plastic generation and look at it now. You feel like a real Genx outsider when you try and do something about it. We could start an anti plastic/ pollution revolution? I’m in!

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sutter333@reddit

We one hundred percent broke the cycle.

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REDDITSHITLORD@reddit

My daughter isn't scared of me, and unprompted tells me she loves me. She felt comfortable enough to come out to me on her 16th birthday. I think she's the one thing I got right in this life.

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Throwaway7219017@reddit

You're a great parent, REDDITSHITLORD, we love you too.

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MaineMan1234@reddit

😂

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rockpaperscissors67@reddit

I'd like to think I broke the cycle, but it took me many years to really grasp how difficult my childhood was. It would take me pages to explain it. When I got in serious trouble, my father spanked me with a 2' x 4'. I never felt loved or understood. At 55, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, and I've wondered a lot how different my life would have been if someone had recognized it earlier. You see all of the people commenting that they didn't have kids? I went the other way and had ALL the kids. Being the parent to them that I wish I'd had has done a lot to heal me, but it's been a long road. When my oldest was a kid, I started spanking him because I thought that's what you did. I learned pretty quickly that all it accomplished was making him mad so I quit. I've done my best to make sure my kids know they're loved and supported. My adult kids have gone in directions I never would have predicted, but they're generally happy. I love the people they've turned out to be. I still have four kids at home and the youngest is 12, so I'm not done yet.

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Listen-to-Mom@reddit

I certainly didn’t yell at my kids as much as my mom yelled at me. I have friends who, of course, did everything for their children yet their adult children still find fault with their parenting. No one tells you how to parent. Most do the best they know how.

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1043b@reddit

Idk about our generation as a whole, but I worked my as off to break the cycle of alcoholism and physical and emotional abuse. At 57 my kids are closer to me now than I ever was to my parents, and I'm grateful for the results of the effort I've put in. My marriage didn't last beyond 19 years but I broke the cycle of multiple marriages as well...

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Kind_Indication8527@reddit

Yes, we have broken the cycle. No alcoholism, no physical and emotional abuse. No divorce or separation. We acknowledge mental health needs. I think the biggest factor that made a difference for me is that I married someone from a heathy and functional family. He knew what normal looked like and modeled what a good husband and father is. My brother also married a woman from a stable family and he has broken the cycle too. I think who you marry (if you choose to) is probably the most important decision a person will make in their lifetime.

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yarnhooksbooks@reddit

I broke the abuse and alcoholism cycle as well as the poverty cycle. Did end up divorced, but am doing that MUCH different than my parents did. My ex-husband, his wife, and I are all on the same team. We celebrate holidays together and work really hard to make sure the kids never feel like they are caught in the middle of anything.

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Guidance-Still@reddit

This generation and the one before inventing the tech to make smart phones possible

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Bucks2174@reddit

We raised our kids to Love Jesus, Love their family, and work hard. They both are now married, two kids each, they are doing well in all aspects of their life, and all serving God and raising their kids to do the same.

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Fudloe@reddit

I didn't break nothin. Why is everybody always blaming me for everything!

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jaxbravesfan@reddit

I broke the cycle when it came to disciplining children, that’s for sure. My boomer dad’s method was the belt for every infraction big or small. It’s what he knew, because he got that and a whole lot worse from his dad. So by leaving out the whole lot worst and just using the belt, he also broke the cycle in his own way. I also gave my kids a lot more freedom to do what they wanted and make their own decisions. We gave them the guidelines of what was and wasn’t acceptable behavior, and as long as they stayed within those guidelines, which weren’t super strict, we let them do what they wanted and make their own decisions.

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Ray_The_Engineer@reddit

I feel like my wife and I did raise kids that will contribute in a positive way; one is a social worker that works with kids, the other is finishing up her schooling to be a physical therapist. We're proud of them, and they have/will do great things, but I also think it's a little grandiose to think of there being a big "cycle" to break. As long as human beings exist, there will be problems. The issues may change as time moves on, but there is no human utopia out there to live in, somewhere. Folks that pursue such goals usually wind up doing far more damage than good.

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dinkeydonuts@reddit

I don’t have kids.

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MrBrawn@reddit

Thats how I broke the cycle.

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Old-Somewhere-6084@reddit

I did my best, but looking back I don’t think I did better than my own parents. So the older I got, the more I realized they were also trying to do their best. They had their faults as parents, and so did I. We can’t rewind the clock unfortunately.

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H-is-for-Hopeless@reddit

I missed out on having a family. I'm too close to retirement now to start one so I won't be passing on anything good or bad.

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WaterwingsDavid@reddit

It takes a tremendous effort to break the cycle, beginning with recognizing what was wrong and then doing the work to improve oneself. My parents were both silent gen and carried unresolved trauma, none of which was ever addressed. Dad had a terrible temper and was verbally absive. Mom invalidated me regularly. In the grand scheme of things, I didn't have it as bad as other Gen Xers. It's very sad reading some of the stuff our generation experienced growing up. Im working thru issues from my childhood and trying to improve myself. I dont have kids. I'd still love to be a dad (maybe I'm getting too old?) But i realize I need to work on myself before committing to the incredible responsibility of raising kids. I would parent mine 💯 % differently than how my parents raised me.

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Adventurous-Topic-54@reddit

As a member of a generation that is so often forgotten, I have to point out that you seem to have left out Millennials. Just sayin. My husband and I are both children of abuse and divorce. We agreed we are one-and-done people. No divorce. No hitting, and certainly no beatings. We communicate. We stand united. And we celebrate our 32nd anniversary in June.

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JJQuantum@reddit

My wife and I have raised our kids completely differently than our parents did. No abuse. We didn’t get divorced. We put their welfare first. Seems to have worked out well for them and us.

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Agamenticus72@reddit

My siblings and I all chose not to have kids . We broke the mold altogether

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dreaminginteal@reddit

Completely broken it. Because I have no kids.

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Dragonnuttz@reddit

![gif](giphy|11ZAUfeJHojWlW) Thankfully yes, because of that I have a wonderful relationship with my kid! My sister has been no contact with my mother for over 25yrs. Both my father and mother came from abusive families and I am so happy that I was able to break the cycle for my kid.

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Corteran@reddit

I had learned about the cycle of abuse long after mine ended. I went to my abusers funeral and swore that his cycle ends with me and it has. I'm 58M now, I don't know about overall numbers or impact, but there is one generational line of abuse that won't be hurting any more kids. Trying to find a solution that fixes everything all at once is never going to happen but I know for a fact that things are better now than they were for me back in the 70s. There aren't a lot of societal problems that can be "fixed" like we'd want or as fast as we'd want but we're doing a lot more than just dragging things out even if we don't see huge immediate results.

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