Feeling lost

Posted by Ok-Advice1072@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 56 comments

I'm feeling so angry, so tired and sad all the time.

I'm (46F) married to the love of my life (47M). He's completely supportive of me and our kids are grown up now.

I'm a teacher and have worked as a private teacher of English for many years and I got completely fed up with the job. I quit.

Now I have no income. My husband earns good money and is totally fine with me not working, but I'm not. I've been applying for other jobs but no one wants to hire me for a good position.

Here in Brazil we have two types of work contracts: one of them gives us more stability and government assistance, and the other one is a type of "self employed" contract where you have no benefits. This one is the only one people want to offer me and I'm tired of this type of job.

I don't know what to do with my life. It's like I have no energy to do anything anymore, but not working makes me anxious. I have no dreams, nothing to hold on to.

I just wanted to stop being so angry at myself all the time and maybe just relax for a little bit.

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Pony_Baloney_Acad@reddit

If you visit the perimenopause sub here, they have a wonderful wiki with so much information. Lots of kind and helpful people there, so you can share your experience and find some help.

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Effective_Fox_8075@reddit

Completely agree with this comment. The agitation/anger then conversely the weeping/sadness that perimenopause hormonal imbalance can cause leads many women to start anti anxiety and antidepressant meds when in fact the trigger is hormonal. Please get checked out by a physician . And the perimenopause subreddit is awesome!

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Kensho-70@reddit

I’m a 55f and went through menopause at 49. I experienced a lot of the same emotional issues you mentioned in my late 40’s to early 50’s. It finally dawned on me that the drop in estrogen might be a contributing factor, so I’m now on HRT (estrogen patch and progesterone pill). It’s not a cure all, but it’s definitely helped my mood a lot and I have more energy. Just my two cents.

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Pony_Baloney_Acad@reddit

^^^ This This this

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TakkataMSF@reddit

If you can, talk to a therapist. You don't want to sink too far into depression. They can help you organize your thoughts to figure out what you want to do.

I'm in the same situation, lost my job and struggling. Somethings my therapist suggested.

Put yourself on a schedule. Wake at 7am, shower, breakfast, clean up, etc. It doesn't have to be the same every day. A schedule gives you structure (something missing without work).

Volunteer. Donate your time to good causes. They always need money and time.

Find a hobby. Do something you enjoy.

Take classes. Find stuff that interests you, photography, painting, Egyptian Hieroglyphic writing. You can also take college courses if that is more your thing.

Join groups. Like a knitting group or book club.

You can even mix it all up and do lots of different things.

Good luck.

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Azerafael@reddit

Perhaps translate your skills online like perhaps start a youtube page focusing on english or the subject(s) you used to teach ? Or perhaps walk around your city/town and video some nice sights or restaurants, bars etc and try uploading them to the youtube, or any other paying social media site.

I tried this but what i found more interesting was learning how to use video/photo editors; lots of free ones available online. It took me a couple months to figure out how the software works but it was interesting as it was something completely different from what i used to do for a living.

Try it out. At the very least you'll pick up a new skill and could always just put together a video of all your fond memories for fun and perhaps share with your family.

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DeeLite04@reddit

I kinda understand how you feel on a small scale.

I took a leave of absence from work (also a teacher) 3 years ago. I was so burned out. I know it was mostly the team and building I worked in that did it to me. At the time I tried to job transition out of teaching to edtech where I had worked before. I got many first interviews but few second or third round ones. They all wanted someone 15 years younger who would work for half of what I had made as a teacher.

I also was depressed and felt like I had no goals or ambition. I know some people on here keep saying “you’re equating your work with your sense of self worth, stop doing that.” What some people don’t get is it isn’t always the job per se. It’s the sense of purpose and fulfillment we get out of doing some kind of meaningful work. That’s why you sometimes see elderly adults still working, not just bc of economic needs but also bc the work makes them feel like they’re contributing something meaningful and gives them a sense of accomplishment and purpose. We all need to feel we have some purpose.

I ended up going back to teaching but in a different building with a different sense of self. It’s way better. I don’t stress about anything, I do my job and leave. I don’t worry about being on time of committees or doing lots of extra things unless those things are things I want to do.

Maybe find part time work doing something you enjoy like working at a library, shelter, etc. Good luck to you!

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Ok-Development2520@reddit

I’m right there with you. Just keep going, things will fall into place.

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Comedywriter1@reddit

Do you have any interest in writing? If so, maybe that’s something you could do on the side.

What I’ve done when I was out of work: Everyday I got up at 6:10am. I went to the gym or for long walks. I did my job search, applied for jobs (and did interview prep if I had one coming up).

I also took time to read, write and did some work around the house.

If you’re feeling lost/down, I would recommend you spreak to a counsellor. I have a person I talk to regularly.

If you’re feeling bored (but cash strapped), there are loads of free movies and tv shows on YouTube, Internet Archive, etc.

Hope some of this has helped. Hang in there!

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Elusive_strength2000@reddit

You’re basing your self-worth on working. I only wish I could relax and just “be”. Pour yourself into caring for your wonderful spouse and yourself, and into making your home and life a happy place.

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Egg_Gurl@reddit

Thank you for posting your thoughts. It’s both sad and affirming to hear the voice of someone of our generation from another language, culture, and country having the same experience as those of us in the USA. I don’t know what to tell you. Everything sucks? Whatever you decide to do, taking a break for your mental health is never a bad plan. I wish you the best 🤗

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Ok-Advice1072@reddit (OP)

Thank you, dear. Your words meant a lot to me. ❤️ Searching about perimenopause I saw that in the US you talk about it a lot more than here in Brazil. It such a shame. I have no one to talk to. My friends also never heard about peri before!

I was never the first one on my to do list. I guess now I need to take care of myself.

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Egg_Gurl@reddit

It was a pleasure to reply to such a heartfelt and honest comment 🙂. My wife is a physician who treats hormone dysfunction in women who are approaching or are in menopause. Would you like me to ask her to suggest some resources that might help you?

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MyNEWthrowaway031789@reddit

Perimenopause.
Tired Angry Sad Sleepy Irritable And my personal favorite: brain fog.
Just now, I lost the words “brain fog “ I lose words all the time, then I panic, then I start sweating, get frustrated with myself, then sad because I don’t think those words are coming back, and depression.
Go see your gynecologist. Hormone Replacement Therapy will help, not cure. But it does help.
Also, get your Vit D and thyroid checked.

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Quirky-Web-8120@reddit

I was going to say the same. I talked to a friend last month about the same thing. She hadn't even thought of it. Got HRT from her Dr. and felt better immediately. Again, not a cure, but it can really take the edge off and let you think more clearly.

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Ok-Advice1072@reddit (OP)

I started the therapy a month ago. I really hope it works fast 😢

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Quirky-Web-8120@reddit

A lot if us are going through it lately. Be kinder to yourself. And all the pressure is coming from you. Sit and breathe and watch the birds. You'll make it.

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Ok-Advice1072@reddit (OP)

Imagine working as a language teacher... I felt like sh*t. The mental effort was so high I would have fever and migraines after classes. That's why I quit in February 2025. I thought it was stress, as all doctors would tell me. And I trusted that taking some time to myself would make things get better. Only by the end of the year my nutritionist told me about perimenopause. I'd never heard about before! Most doctors in Brazil don't know how to treat women! It's a shame. I started HRT a month ago but haven't felt better yet. I'll check thyroid and vitD. Thank you!!!

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Dusty_Sequins@reddit

Yes. Also sounds like it could be depression.

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Criseyde2112@reddit

Very gently, it sounds like depression, to me. Please talk with your doctor about this. You deserve to be content with your life.

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Ok-Advice1072@reddit (OP)

It does feel like depression sometimes, but I don't know.

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Criseyde2112@reddit

When we are inside a situation, we're not necessarily the best judges of it. Your doctor has a screening that involves several questionnaires that you fill out. Your responses are totaled up and provide the diagnosis. It's a good screening because you just circle an answer without having to find words or face someone, which can be really difficult.

There's also a blood test called Pharmacogenomic testing that will check your genetics against different medications. I had this done, and some of the medications I had taken for anxiety in the past turned out to become ineffective over time with my genetics. I'm now taking something that is a good match for my biology. It's not necessarily a perfect solution for everyone, but it's a starting place.

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Dusty_Sequins@reddit

Talk to your doctor. They should be able to help you decipher what’s going on. Also you can see a menopause practitioner and they should be able to help you

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ShartlesAndJames@reddit

baby, you in the grips of perimenopause. it's okay - hang in there. the veil has dropped and now all the bullshit in the world is obvious to you. take a little time, give yourself some grace.

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Ok-Advice1072@reddit (OP)

Oh, gosh... Please, tell me more about it! I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to who really understands what peri is.

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Fit_Poetry_267@reddit

The Galveston Method book by Dr. Marie Claire is a good place to start. There's a lot of info in there about menopause and practical ways to feel better. This book turned my life around. I do pretty much everything except intermittent fasting (cant for health reasons) and I feel like myself again.

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Fit_Poetry_267@reddit

Came here to say this! This is exactly how peri makes you feel! Go see a good gyn ❤️❤️❤️

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Ok-Advice1072@reddit (OP)

I've been going to different doctors for maybe 4 years now. They all said that all I had was stress. One of them even told me I should divorce my husband. The first time I heard about perimenopause was last December, when I was crying to my nutritionist after she asked what was wrong and what she could do for me. She was the first person who talked about perimenopause and how I could get treatment. She even gave me the contact number of her doctor. I've started with hormones about a month ago.

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Fit_Poetry_267@reddit

I am so sorry! I was having a horrible time for years and was put on antidepressants. There were days I couldn't even get out of bed. No one ever said perimenopause to me and I even asked. I eventually found help but suffered for so long. I hope you get the relief you need!

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BrooksRoss@reddit

You may be suffering from depression, which is totally normal and understandable given your situation. You might consider seeing a therapist. Whatever you do, DO NOT JUST SIT AROUND AND "REST". That will feed your depression (if that's what you are suffering from).

Be active. Get some hobbies. Volunteer. Action often generates opportunities.

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HermioneMarch@reddit

You are not ready to rest on your laurels, but you can rest and rejuvenate for a while. Do some soul seeking, indulge your hobbies, be open to what’s next, because it might not be whst you’d planned.

Also, because you mentioned being in your late 40s, get those hormones checked. I had no idea how miserable perimenopause made me because it happened bit by bit. But on hormones I am a new person— more energy, not depressed, not anxious. It could be contributing to your feeling “lost.”

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Bokononfoma@reddit

If you're in a position where you can afford to take time off to rest, you should really take it easy on yourself. We all push ourselves beyond our limits for our jobs throughout our careers. Burnout is real. Take time and invest in yourself if you can.

My body broke, but I took time for myself after spending a decade trying to work thru constant pain. I took it as an opportunity to rethink my life, and while I still have things to figure out, I'm happier than I've ever been. I still don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I did finally learn to stop beating myself up. I also gladly pass on a big "reason for being" and instead I seek perspective on the simple things.

I try to focus on how to appreciate things instead of what I appreciate.

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Ok_Driver8646@reddit

Sorry to hear your struggling. I’m pretty sure that this feeling you have is from YEARSssssss of a rigorous schedule from class to class or student to student. It has become a learned behavior and you just need to be kind to yourself acknowledging this strange habit. Then you can change. Slow down just a bit to gather your thoughts & desires. At least this is what I hope for myself when I too finally retire from teaching. There’s a ton of purpose and feeling being needed in the profession. So when it all stops? I’m sure many of us will freak out a bit.

Take care and good luck to you in Brazil!! Good luck with the World Cup Games coming up. Brazil is a favorite team to watch. 🤩😎⚽️

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nowwhatdoidowiththis@reddit

If you want to keep busy and the money isn’t important, you could find somewhere to volunteer. I’m sure there are places that would love your skillset and time!

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Ok-Advice1072@reddit (OP)

That's a great idea. Haven't thought about it! Will consider it. Thanks.

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Constant_Sky9173@reddit

To add to this, volunteering can open up jobs you normally wouldn't think of through networking with other volunteers.

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the_natis@reddit

Being angry with yourself isn't going to accomplish anything, but having patience with yourself will pay dividends.

I took a year off from working as I was burnt out and unsure if I wanted to continue doing what I was doing. During that year, I focused on fixing things around the house and spent time getting to know myself better; figuring out what makes me tick, what processes work for me to accomplish more.

Again, be patient with yourself. It'll come to you when you're least expecting it.

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AussieGirl27@reddit

Volunteer somewhere that interests you. Go and spend time with the elderly that don't have anyone to visit them. Ask if you can work at a zoo, do something that brings you joy. Who knows it might even lead to a paying job. You are fortunate enough to not need an income from a dead end job that you hate, so find something you don't hate and do it for free for a while

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cme74@reddit

Menopause. It sucks. I wish you the best, I understand, I was there, now I am on Testosterone HRT, and things are better.

Talk with your gynecologist. Hugs. You are not alone.

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Ok-Advice1072@reddit (OP)

Thank you so much. I'm treating with hormones. Hope to feel better asap. I can't stand this feeling..

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cme74@reddit

I hope you feel better soon too ❤️

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MyNEWthrowaway031789@reddit

My dr won’t prescribe it. It’s making me so mad. I know that is going to help. And she’s reluctant.

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icedyoga@reddit

My PCP wouldn’t prescribe or treat either. Had to go to gyn. It’s helped me.

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cme74@reddit

That is extremely frustrating to hear, and extremely frustrating for you...I am so sorry...

May I ask, is this doctor your PCP or your gynecologist?

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MoeBlacksBack@reddit

Hugs

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Ok-Advice1072@reddit (OP)

Thank you so much!

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darkest_irish_lass@reddit

Have you considered doing translations of written works? You could even freelance, so work as much as you want/ need

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IntelligentNovel1967@reddit

It may be perimenopause. Visit your Doctor, blood test and have your hormone levels checked; it may be the Horror-mornes that are causing your current state of mind. Treat yourself to something (day spa day, a weekend away) and discuss how you feel with your husband.

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Ok-Advice1072@reddit (OP)

"Horror-mones" indeed! Lol I have all symptoms of perimenopausa, while still having PMS. I started with hormones about a month ago. I go to the gym... I'm trying my best to get better. My husband is really good to me, but I feel like he's loosing faith. I don't know...

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