What do you consider a normal or average amount of time to be together before engagement?

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Itsjustmenobiggie@reddit

I've never really thought about it because what other people do doesn't really affect me. But, my spouse and I got engaged at 6 months and married 6 months after that. We have been happily married for nearly 20 years :-)

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HeyPurityItsMeAgain@reddit

1-2 years isn't considered fast, it's normal. There's a feeling that when you meet the right person, you know and waiting 5 years is just wasting time.

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Aprils-Fool@reddit

How is it a waste of time? Does something negative happen if you don’t get engaged in that time?

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Blutrumpeter@reddit

I think the assumption is that it's 5 years of being settled in the relationship and not getting married vs 5 years of both people being in a relationship while going through life changes. Obviously if you're 20 and you've been dating for 5 years that's different than being 30 and dating for 5 years. If you're already settled though and you both want marriage in the future then what's the point of delaying it? It's time spent not moving to the next step

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Aprils-Fool@reddit

But what is being wasted? For many people, life doesn’t change all that much after marriage. Living together in a committed relationship for 5 years versus being married… what’s a waste?

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Blutrumpeter@reddit

If you have that mindset where neither party cares that much about marriage then nothing is really being wasted at all

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Aprils-Fool@reddit

It doesn’t have to be the case that neither party cares about marriage. Even if they do care about marriage, waiting 5 years isn’t really wasting anything.

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Blutrumpeter@reddit

If both parties want to get married and think it will enhance their life then usually the holdup is making sure that both sides are secure and ready for the marriage. If both sides are in secure situations where they can get married after the five years, then every following 5 years is just time that could've been spent in marriage. It feels like you are suggesting a scenario where marriage isn't important and doesn't really change life that much. In that case, the time period after the first five years does not matter much. I've known couples like this and everything turns out fine for them. Usually if someone is asking how long they should wait, it's because they care about marriage so that's why the sentiment is that if you're taking longer than 5 years and everything else is settled then you're kinda just waiting for nothing

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Aprils-Fool@reddit

"time that could've been spent in marriage"

But if they live together, how is it a waste? Realistically, what's the difference between that and them being married?

Nope, I'm not suggesting a scenario in which marriage is not important. People can feel like marriage is important and still want to wait, or not be totally ready, or the time just isn't right yet.

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Blutrumpeter@reddit

I'm a little confused. In your scenario you're asking what's the difference but then you're also saying marriage is so important that the difference matters

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Aprils-Fool@reddit

Besides the official, public commitment, day-to-day life didn't change for me from right before and after I got married. It was important to us to commit to marriage, of course. But I don't feel like the years we lived together before marriage were "a waste" in any way. We were already committed, just not legally and had not yet had a celebration. I simply find it silly to claim that being together for 5 years before marriage is a waste.

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IamGleemonex@reddit

If you’re already settled though and you both want marriage in the future then what’s the point of delaying it?

50% of marriages end in divorce, and divorce is one of the most stressful and financially challenging things people go through.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not one of the “marriage is just a social construct” crowd. However, I also think a sentiment like the one expressed above leads to the high number of marriages that end in divorce.

It’s been scientifically shown that our brain releases increased dopamine levels when we are in a new relationship. This lasts for 18 months on average, but can last for as long as 30 months. This is called “the honeymoon phase” and the dopamine response means our brains are physically feeling differently during that time. Too many people take this feeling and assume it will always feel like this. Then after being together for 3 years, realize it’s not like it was.

Too many people believe this means “the spark is gone” when in fact it’s just that our brains have returned to normal and stopped this dopamine release. Some relationships survive this fine, because there is a solid foundation that has been built.

Just based on this, you should at the very least be 30 months into a relationship before deciding this is something you consider as “forever”. Then there should be some period after that to see how the relationship evolves after this point and if it is still what you thought it would be.

Further, in modern society, there is limited practical benefit to being legally married. My now wife and I bought a house together before we were married. We had each other listed on bank and credit accounts. We were each the beneficiary listed on the others insurance and financial services. We were emergency contacts for each other. We each had the other on our insurance plans at different points. Yes, I realize there are some legal things, especially when it comes to medical care and decisions where being married is a genuine benefit. But the fact that this is one of the few things nowadays where that does matter.

We were together for 5 years before we got married, and that was 5 years ago now. Sure, we could have gotten married sooner, but I don’t think either of us considers the 5 years premarriage as “wasted time”. We both knew exactly what we were getting into when we got married. There were literally no surprises left. We had been through bad times and good times, sickness and health, financial booms and busts. And we knew we worked through all of those. How many people who get engaged after a year can claim to know what will happen in those situations? They can speculate, but again, going back to the dopamine, it is also our “love brain” answering that question and leading us to believe in optimistic conclusions rather than necessarily evidence based conclusions.

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Blutrumpeter@reddit

5 years is much longer than 30 months. You're bringing up examples of people getting married too quickly on a post about taking over 5 years. Personally, I feel like under two years is quick, but I've seen it work. I've been in a relationship approaching 5 years now and I don't view it as wasted time at all. There's some loose ends we've both been tying up, mostly career stuff. But it's not like we are unsure of anything and not moving forward with the next step. I'm not talking about the people who decide to get married after one year or whatever, we're talking about the people who are settled in their relationship and know nothing is going to change in the future (no big hope of a job/lifestyle change) and they both want marriage at some point but nobody wants to pull the trigger. At that point it's really time to get together and figure out what you two really want or come up with a timeline. The wasted time that the original comment isn't referring to the first 5 years, it's referring to the years after that

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Aggressive_tako@reddit

So much this. 2 years in, you 100% know if you want to marry that person. Unless you only see each other a couple times a month (i.e. long distance or chaotic work schedules), you should know at a year. If neither of you are looking for a next step, then whatever, but if one of you is looking for marriage then stringing them along for years until you are "ready" is just cruel.

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OpposumMyPossum@reddit

Infatuation wears off in about 2 years.

Decide after that.

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Raborne@reddit

Depends on the culture. Some have arranged marriages while children are engaged a decade or more before they meet. Some are deterministic and believe you should find love. There is no right answer for the question you ask.

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NotDelnor@reddit

I've been married twice. First time I was 19 when we met and we we married after 2.5 years of dating and 1 year of engagement. Got divorced 18 months later.

2nd time around i was 29 when we first got together, we got engaged just after the 2 year mark and got married about 6 months later.

2nd time is the charm because this one feels way different (better). I honestly would have married her way sooner. I think being older and knowing more about what I want/need from a partner made everything easier.

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marksman81991@reddit

My wife and I were dating 7 months before I proposed. I just knew. We just celebrated 9 years married, 10 together.

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ALoungerAtTheClubs@reddit

It's been normal in my circles for people to date for a while, move in together, and then get engaged sometime later.

I was with mine now I so about a year and a half before we got engaged. I figured if we could survive COVID lockdown together then we'd be OK lol.

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Open-Neighborhood459@reddit

Truth lol

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SCorpus89801@reddit

We got engaged after two months and married after 5 months. Next year is our 25th wedding anniversary.

Everyone is different, but I can say it's probably a universally bad idea to get advice about relationships from reddit.

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Open-Neighborhood459@reddit

Awe congratulations on your 25th anniversary!

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Comfortable-Dish1236@reddit

Congratulations. We were engaged after four months and married a year later. It will be 38 years this December.

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bass679@reddit

Ahh man, jealous. We got engaged after 3 and married after 10. We would have married earlier but my sister asked us to wait until summer vacation. Next month is our 12th anniversary.

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RedditWidow@reddit

We were similar, moved in together after 2 months, engaged in 4 months, married later that year, in 1999. Still very happily married. We were almost 30 when we met, though, done with college, had careers, knew what we wanted.

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BusinessWarthog6@reddit

Are you crazy? Reddit always gives the best relationship advice /s

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Ifyougivearagamuffin@reddit

break up

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Certain-Monitor5304@reddit

Exactly.

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Puddin_McPippi@reddit

My brother dated his future wife for 4 years. My oldest sister dated her first hubby for about a year, her 2nd hubby for 2 years, and her 3rd a couple of years. Sister #2 was engaged within 2 months. They had 3 kids and stayed married 19 years until her hubby passed away.

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Bluemonogi@reddit

It varies a lot. Dating 1-4 years is probably common before getting engaged. It does not mean the couple will have a happier marriage if they wait longer in my experience. There are a lot of other factors besides length of relationship.

I got engaged 2 months after meeting my spouse. We got married 8 months later. We have been happily married 26 years. We are not typical.

My sister was dating her spouse for 4 years. She got pregnant. He left because she didn’t want an abortion. He came back when the child was a year old. They got married about 6 months after that. They are still married but he hasn’t treated her well.

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Ahpla@reddit

I’m really not sure what I would consider normal but I know my relationship is far from it. We met in person when we were 20 and 21 after talking online, moved in together 3 months later, and got married 3 months after that. We were engaged for maybe a month. We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary a few months ago.

So definitely not normal and was never expected to last.

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bceagles182@reddit

We were in our late 30s. I bought the ring after 10 months, planned to propose on a trip 15 months in, actually proposed 18 months in (after the trip was postponed due to COVID. This was during Covid so we spent basically all of our time together but it seemed pretty normal tbh.

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Slight_Manufacturer6@reddit

2 to 4 years

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PrincessWolfie1331@reddit

We started dating in January of the year we met. We were engaged that Christmas. We got married the following October. I was 30, and he was 34 when we got married. No kids due to infertility (diagnosed in 2020) on my part. We've been married for almost 15 years.

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Ok_Organization_7350@reddit

2 years for any adults after college age

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Rose_E_Rotten@reddit

I say a few years is good.

But my aunt and uncle were engaged for 13 years before they finally got married! My uncle is a dairy farmer and was waiting for his younger brother to be old enough to run the farm on his own for a few days. You are constantly busy on a farm with 50 cows that need to be milked twice a day.

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Silver_Catman@reddit

2 to 3 years (with some obvious exeptions), after 3 years if you're not convinced you want to marry the other person let them go find somebody that does

(Exeptions off the top of my head–high school sweethearts, in college and waiting to graduate, partially long distance, one partner has some disability assistance they'd lose if married, and if there are stepkids in the picture)

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icyDinosaur@reddit

Judging if one does want that, or in general? I'm a bit confused/surprised by the amount of "I start judging" or "set them free" comments here as someone who just very much doesn't care about marriage (and neither does my girlfriend, she might be more extreme on this than me)

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Silver_Catman@reddit

Maybe it's because I'm in a community that does value marriage a lot so I assume that marraige is the end goal of dating and most people are at least planning on getting engaged by the end of their third year.

If neither of you want to get married, I don't expect you to ever get married. It's not everyone's cup of tea :)

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Evenfisher01@reddit

6 months would be very fast a year is fast but not unusual

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TeacherOfFew@reddit

My wife and I dated for 1.5 years, were engaged for 1.5 years, and are married 20 years now.

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ReversedFrog@reddit

My wife and I got engaged after about nine months. We met when I was in my senior year of college, and in those nine month we spent most of the time apart. Lot of letters and phone calls. (This was pre-internet.) Our 45th anniversary is this summer.

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FitPool8203@reddit (OP)

I can’t edit it in as I’m maxed out on words, but I also see it in the other end: people reacting to posts about people being together for 5-7 years and saying that if he hasn’t proposed by now, he won’t, and you should consider leaving. That would break up a LOT of the relationships around me. That isn’t a dealbreaker here.

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Popular-Local8354@reddit

In the US the norm is to get married. After 7 years I’d be asking “what the fuck else do you need to decide?”

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Fabulosaa@reddit

It might just be that being married isn’t a priority. This is how it was for us. We were life-long committed pretty early, but actually getting married wasn’t a priority at all. We weren’t going to have kids, we weren’t part of a religion that emphasized marriage, etc. There was no real compelling reason to do it. After 18 years when we were both 50 we decided to go ahead. Just the two of us in our living room with a notary public. No big deal.

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FitPool8203@reddit (OP)

Is getting certain things in order or an order to do things in like get a house first important? Or do you decide on marriages regardless of other factors? Cause I know people “wait” until they have bought a house together first and stuff. Or have the right finances for a wedding.

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etchedchampion@reddit

In the US it's a terrible idea to purchase a house with someone you're not legally attached to. Most couples live together prior to engagement to ensure they are compatible in that way, but they will live in a rental. Tying yourself legally to someone you're not married to is a recipe for disaster.

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FitPool8203@reddit (OP)

Why exactly if I may ask? Is it not possible to make legal arrangements regarding shared/individual finances and liability outside a marriage?

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WhatABeautifulMess@reddit

It's possible but it's a pain in the ass. Mortgages are 30 years, why would I trust someone who wants to enter into that but won't commit to marriage?

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etchedchampion@reddit

It is possible but it's harder to force the sale if things go south and you're not married. Especially considering the types of people that buy a house together prior to marriage generally don't make a plan for if things don't work out. If you're getting a divorce you're already going through the legal separation process and there's laws governing what each party is entitled to, but that's not the case if you're just dating. So you break up and then have to go through divorce like proceedings to deal with the shared property.

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LaLechuzaVerde@reddit

A lot may have to do with differences in both law and religion.

The US is broadly a lot more religious than a lot of EU countries. And our religions here are heavily influenced by the legacy of Puritanism.

When you’re expected to stay celibate until marriage, dating for 5-7 years is a hard sell. Even if you’re not actually celibate while dating, the pressure to move from “living in sin” to marriage still influences how long to continue the relationship without at least the appearance of planning for marriage.

Even for couples who aren’t religious, if they value marriage at all, their idea of what feels like “a long time” is influenced by friends and family members who get engaged after 6 months.

The other issue is just property and custody laws. In the US, it’s very risky to have children or buy property together without a legal contract in place. While that can be done by going to a lawyer, it’s a lot cheaper and easier (not necessarily better) to get married and use the default marriage contract in your state.

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Popular-Local8354@reddit

That’s normal, yeah. My wife and I waited for us to know for sure where I’d be going to law school.

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anneofgraygardens@reddit

It TOTALLY depends. Like, one of my coworkers has been with his partner for like six years. They live together and have two kids together. Maybe there's someone out there asking why they haven't gotten married but I've certainly never heard it voiced. It isn't a big deal and it's no one else's business but theirs.

When I see people say that they start judging after 5 years, I cannot relate. Maybe they are from a much more religious or conservative area than I am, idk.

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elphaba00@reddit

My coworker describes her son's girlfriend as her "daughter-in-law," but technically, she's not. Son and his GF have been together about 10 years. No kids but a couple of dogs. They don't ever plan on making it legal. Both of them grew up in not-so-great examples of marriage, and they're just "over" the whole idea of matrimony. Commitment, yes. Legal ties that bind, no.

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HeyPurityItsMeAgain@reddit

Yes that's the general sentiment here.

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alaskawolfjoe@reddit

In my experience, when people get married after only a year or two it is for health insurance (if one partner has a job that has it and the other does not). Usually, though this is done quietly. Then after another 1 to 5 years, they do a public ceremony and reception.

Of course for some reason a lot of my friends have diabetes, lupus, HIV, etc. so health insurance matters enough to them to be legally married before they make the statement of a wedding.

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rawbface@reddit

1 year minimum, 5 years shit or get off the pot

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SockSock81219@reddit

I was with my partner for over 20 years before we decided to get married, but we had basically moved in together a few months after we started dating, rented apartments together, bought cars and a house together. We just had no real reason to get married until insurance got too complex while single.

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CertainFutures@reddit

Yup. My wife and I were together for 10 years and then she got pregnant. We went out to dinner and both were like…”I guess we should probably get married.” That was “the proposal”. Lol. Just had our 20th wedding anniversary last week.

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SockSock81219@reddit

Congrats! Like I say about my "wedding" with a justice of the peace in front of our local library, just because it's practical doesn't mean it can't be special.

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VariegatedPlumage@reddit

Ehh I have some friends who didn’t get engaged for over a decade because they’d both been married before and didn’t want to do that again. They finally got married when their teenaged kids (from previous marriages) put together a PowerPoint about how much fun having a wedding would be.

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Calm_Independence796@reddit

People need to start getting engaged after 2 years like idk what more you need to know about a person to marry them like why do people date for so long and not get married I do not understand.

Like if you’re in college/school fine whatever but I know people dating for 9+ years like what are we doing bro you’re 30 get married 😭😭

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GotMeAMuleToRide@reddit

About a month for my wife and me.

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Fabulosaa@reddit

I know we are totally not normal, but we have been together 23 years and were together 18 before we got married. We were never officially engaged. Dated, moved in together, married.

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Evening_Falcon_9003@reddit

Date for two years, engaged for 6-12 months. In the 70's.

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ITrCool@reddit

I know a gal who was engaged to her boyfriend for six years before they finally set a date for their wedding. They both worked at a northeastern paper supply company in Scranton, PA. He was kind of a dolt-headed jock but she was a bit spacey herself.

Nice folks otherwise. I’m not sure what happened to them.

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WallyMac89@reddit

I bought a ring 10 months after we started dating. We were engaged 16 months after we started dating - 19 months after meeting. We've been married 9.5 years

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Vachic09@reddit

2-5 years

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Brennisth@reddit

For adults with their own living arrangements (not with parents, but possibly with roommates), I would say if households are not being merged (aka moving in together) or an engagement is announced within a year, there's a bit of a view that the couple isn't going anywhere serious. If moving in together first, I'd say up to two years after moving in together before an engagement IF the people involved are marriage minded.

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resinrat98@reddit

2-5 years

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mothertuna@reddit

I got engaged after two years of being together. I was 28. So I think 1-2 is fair. Even out to 3-4. By that time I feel like people would know if they’d want to be married or just stay unmarried by then.

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alwaysboopthesnoot@reddit

2-3 years. Up to 4-5, if younger and waiting to complete university or begin a career. Longer than that and it’s likely not going to happen, or will but the engagement won’t end in marriage.

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Seeggul@reddit

Some of you didn't grow up in a high demand religion and it shows:

At BYU (and in the broader Mormon sphere in Utah), 3 weeks is the bare minimum, anything before 6-8 weeks would be considered "quick", 3-6 months' courtship is "typical", and anything beyond 6 months to a year (depending on who's giving their opinion) would be edging into "you should either break up or get engaged" territory.

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No_Salad_8766@reddit

Im the last person to ask, because we've been together 9 years, and engaged for less than 1. Tbf, we are each other's 1st relationship, so we didnt want to rush into marriage, especially after seeing my older brother marry not 1 but TWO different women after they had been together for less than a year. He divorced both of them. We did move in together after being with each other for less than a year though. We also knew each other for years before we got together and he was my brothers friend for years before I knew him.

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Maurice_Foot@reddit

3 days, for wife and I.

A Friday night first date of dinner and movie turned into 3 days together, hitting 2 other cities and at the end, decided to get married.

Going on 27 years.

Before wife, I dated 1 woman for 2 years but we parted amicably at the end, moving to different parts of the US.

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AStarkWinterfell@reddit

For the couple to decide. Some couples get married after a year or two. Some never get married at all.

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Polite_Bark@reddit

From the midwestern US.

6 months - 3 years.

Younger folks seem to rush it a bit while the older folks seem to take a their time. Exceptions being those who want at least 1 child and are over 35. The people who are nearing the end of fertility and want kids seem to make their selection, get married ASAP, and begin trying to build a family.

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therealgookachu@reddit

We eloped a few months after a year from when we met. We just celebrated our 25th anniversary.

It’ll all be dependent on the couple.

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NegotiationLow2783@reddit

We met in May, married in October. Sometimes you just know. It's been 53 years now.

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Kestrel_Iolani@reddit

I proposed on the second anniversary of us beginning dating, but i was 41 at the time.

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Justmakethemoney@reddit

My husband and I were both 35 when we got engaged. We had been together for a year. He would've proposed earlier, but I told him I wouldn't say yes until it had been a year. We got married 9 months after we got engaged.

My mom made a comment about my "short" engagement. She and my dad got engaged after six months, and married one day before the 1st anniversary of their first date. She was 18. They're still married.

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Eff-Bee-Exx@reddit

We got engaged after dating for 10 months and got married about 8 months later. We’d initially planned to wait another year, but quickly realized that there wasn’t really any point to waiting the extra time.

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Ok-Produce8376@reddit

My husband and I knew each other as friends for a couple of years, we dated for one year and got engaged, and stayed engaged for 2 years before marrying. It has worked for us!

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bass679@reddit

We did 3 months between meeting and engagement. Then we got married 1 month before the anniversary of our first date. We'll celebrate 12 years married this summer.

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pinaple_cheese_girl@reddit

Age is a factor I don’t see mentioned in most of the comments. If you’re dating at 19, please wait 5 years to get married. If you’re dating at 35, you should probably know within a couple years (imo)

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PinchePendejo2@reddit

I'm 26. I proposed to my now-fiancée after a year and a half. When you know, you know. Nobody said anything about the length, it's considered normal.

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pikkdogs@reddit

Depends.

If I'm looking for like an average among an average person, I would say that I would expect most people date for like 2-4 years.

I am a Christian and as a Christian we are generally much quicker. My wife and I dated for 6 months before we got engaged. It wasn't fast for us. We only date to get married, so we don't need to have a long engagement. We marry because we decide that we want to enter in a covenant with each other and God, no amount of time can change that. Her uncle got married within 3 months of meeting his wife, so we actually weren't close to the fastest in the family.

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DOMSdeluise@reddit

I think it depends on your age. If you're in your early 20s I think a year or two would be extremely fast, but the older you get the less fast it is. Like most people, if they want to go this route, would like to get married, buy a house, and then start having kids. with that last part especially you are working against biology the older you get.

Personally my wife and I moved in together after about a year together (we took a big international vacation together before that too which helped I think lol), got engaged maybe 8 months after that, and then got married about six months later. Altogether it was like 2.5 years from our first date to marriage. But we met the year we both turned 30.

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justaclumsyweirdo@reddit

I think this is the key point.

If you’re high school sweethearts, could easily 5-10 years if you wait until graduating college.
If you meet in college or in your early 20s, maybe more like 3-5 years.
If you meet in your late 20s or your 30s, maybe just 1-2 years, largely because (a) you’re more mature and settled and know more clearly what you want, and (b) you’re in a rush to have kids sooner rather than later.

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warneagle@reddit

I think my wife and I dated for like a year and a half before we got engaged. But then we only got married like three years later because I was finishing grad school and living out of the country for part of that time.

Idk if that’s “normal” but I can only speak for my own experience.

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Free_Divide195@reddit

We did it for one year, I proposed at the one year mark, we were engaged for I think two years because COVID happened and we got a dog, then we had an informal wedding around a campfire with a few of our favorite friends the following summer.

I knew 100% that I was going to marry my spouse by around probably 6 months. The only reason I waited until the one year mark was so that I could remember the anniversary lol. I'm Terrible remembering dates.

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Popular-Local8354@reddit

6 months? I knew after 6 hours, smh.

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VariegatedPlumage@reddit

Haha yeah I knew my husband was the one before we even started dating.

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VariegatedPlumage@reddit

It depends on the relationship. I was with my ex for five years before we got engaged, and we never got married. I was in another relationship for three years and never got engaged. When I met my husband, we got engaged after eight months. It was very much a “when you know, you know,” situation, and now we’ve been married for nine years.

Likewise, I’ve known people who have been together a decade before getting engaged but also known people who have gotten engaged after a few months, who have all gone on to happy marriages.

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madogvelkor@reddit

We moved in together after like 6 months, I proposed about 3 years later, and we got about 2 years after that.

I think anywhere from 1-5 years is good. Though don't let your engagement drag on if you wanted 4 or 5 years to propose. And don't get married right away if you propose after 1 year.

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Grombrindal18@reddit

We got engaged on our 5th anniversary together, and were married about 3.5 years after that. That’s a lot longer than the norm, but we just weren’t in any rush/weren’t financially ready to have the wedding we wanted.

And we had already moved in together by 6 months in, so we had done our share of rushing into things already.

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ImmediateAd7069@reddit

3+ years for stable couples.

I know a few people that married in under a year and they're all codependent or otherwise shit shows.

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Both_Painter_9186@reddit

Been married twice. First go around we dated 5 years, were engaged for 2, married less than one… yup. Second time around dated a year, were engaged a month, and we are about to hit our tenth anniversary this fall.

Bottom line is it doesn’t really matter as long as you’re comfortable with the person. I’d say its sketchy only if you like, just met the person, or only knew each other without experiencing any real “life” or tests together.

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sneezhousing@reddit

About 2 years is what I've seen with my friends

1 to 2 is what I see more broadly

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Zziggith@reddit

I'm not sure if it's still true, but in older generations many women are given the advice "If you don't see a ring after 2 years, it's time to move on."

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wugthepug@reddit

Honestly it depends. less than a year would be a bit fast, 2 years on up is normal in my experience. IME 3-4 years is when people start wondering when you're getting married. It's also age dependent too, like I wouldn't expect a couple that met at 16-18 to get married in under a year. Same thing with people who went to med school or some other professional school. Also the internet is not the best place to get ideas of what is normal, everyone online moved in after the 1st date and got engaged after 4 months.

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cwcam86@reddit

Me and my wife got engaged after probably 8 months but we didn't get married for another 2.

She basically started living with me after a month of dating due to her grandma kicking her out of the house.

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SphericalCrawfish@reddit

It has almost nothing to do with time together and everything to do with your stage in life. If you aren't at a point where you want to be married then you are going to date for 5 years or whatever.

If you are both a bit older then get past the 15 months or whatever it takes for your brain to get over the new relationship high and get married.

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enemydarksock@reddit

I would personally want to wait at least 2-3 years, would probably start to worry it’s not going to happen or say it’s time to make a decision after 4-5+. My parents got engaged around 6 months and have been married for 29 years this year, just depends on the couple I guess.

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Viocansia@reddit

We were engaged after 5 years, and it felt perfect. We are getting married Saturday, and our 7 year anniversary is in August :)

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Blue_Star_Child@reddit

50 years. Don't do it

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EvaisAchu@reddit

I got engaged after 9 months of dating, 2 years of vaguely knowing each other, and we've been married 6 years now. I knew I was going to marry him within 4 months of dating. My sister told me she called it within a month.

I would say the average is 1 year and some change in my radius. The older they are, I expect the engagement to be a little longer.

My niece, who is German, has been engaged for 4 years. So that doesn't seem too weird to me anymore haha.

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shelwood46@reddit

It depends on the ages of the couple involved. If they started dating when they were in their teens, it makes sense that they often go many years, sometimes even a decade, before they feel like getting engaged. For couples where both are over 25, anything less than a year is considered pretty fast (but not always a disaster), and a year is fine, though many couple wait longer, especially if they don't want (or already have) kids. I'd say a few months is fast but acceptable. Proposing after a few weeks, though, seems absurd.

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Niro5@reddit

Partly depends how old you are. My wife and I met in college and didn't even feel old enough to make the decision until we'd been together for nearly 5 years. I imagine if we met in our 30s the timetable would have been very different.

I also think number of serious relationships might be a factor too. My wife and I only really had high school drama, summer flings, and college situationships under our belts. I think we both knew the first time we met that this would be something different, but it could be hard to judge unless you have something to judge it against.

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Ok-Walk-8040@reddit

One year of dating and one year of living together seems normal to me.

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Finndogs@reddit

Depends on age. The younger you are, the longer you should be together. In your early to mid 20s that means atleasy 5 years. Late 20s to mid 30s 3 years is acceptable. 36+ then 1 year will suffice, though its still on the low side.

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anclwar@reddit

My husband and I got engaged about a week after our one year anniversary. My dad and his partner got engaged after 16 years of dating.

I don't consider anything to be normal or average. Every couple is different and people at different ages and places in their lives have different goals for their relationships.

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elphaba00@reddit

My in-laws started dating in November and were married the next July. For their case, that's definitely a cautionary tale about taking it slow and cautious. I love my husband, but he ended up with two parents who should have never gotten together.

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NeptuneHigh09er@reddit

I met my spouse in college and it took 4 years to get engaged and 6 to get married. We were extremely serious about each other from the beginning, but we were young and went to grad school where we had to be long distance for some stretches. We got married about two months before we were able to live together for good. Even though we were committed to each other marriage didn’t make sense until that point. It’s kind of hard to come up with an average when circumstances can be so different.

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Building_a_life@reddit

We were engaged 5 months after we met in 1966. Even back then that was considered unusual. Nowadays, it's probably unheard-of. It worked out fine. We've been married 58 years.

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ClermontPorter20588@reddit

We got married after a 6 week engagement. That was 49 years ago. My in-laws married after a couple of months and were married for 66 years.

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SnowblindAlbino@reddit

Several years...typically 3-5 among my social circles. Less than a year would seem very rushed. 100% of couples I know lived together for some years before getting married as well.

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NoGuarantee3961@reddit

Anything over a year is reasonable imo but depends on age and overall situation.

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muphasta@reddit

I told my wife the night we met that I was going to need her number because we were going to get married.

Later in the night, I told her I'd marry her "tomorrow".

She wasn't as convinced about any of that.

We'll hit 28 years of marriage in a few months.

I asked her to marry officially about 14 months after we officially began dating.

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Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit

There's a math problem I can't explain (but maybe should try). How old are they? Do they have kids, and how old are the kids? Do they have money? Have they dated or been married to other people? Generally I'm looking for signs that a couple has sufficient life experience, little to no drama, and the ability to support one another.

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WoodenInvite4602@reddit

For me at least a year.

It can go up for like 4-5 but it depends.

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Blonde_Vampire_1984@reddit

My husband and I got engaged after three months of “official” dating. We had probably been “unofficially” dating for at least two months before that. We were just friends for about two years before I started chasing him.

We spent two years engaged before we finally eloped.

Married for 14 years now.

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Holiday-Pomelo-9246@reddit

My cousin lived with a guy for eight years, expecting him to eventually propose, but he wouldn't even introduce her to his family. We kept hinting that it probably wasn't going to end well. Sure enough, one day he just packed his bags and told her they were breaking up, no real explanation.

So I know for a fact that eight years is definitely not normal. I'd say two years max. The minimum... hell, it could be the next day. Sure, the odds you'll break up are pretty high, but who knows? Maybe it's true love and stuff.

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seaburno@reddit

I'm a little older (we're having our 28th anniversary in a few weeks). We started dating in November, and got engaged the following June. Because we were in grad school, we waited until the end of May for our wedding (50 week engagement). Once we got into our mid-20s, most of my friends/peers either were married within 18-24 months from when they started dating, or over 5 years. (6-12 months of dating/engagement of 6-12 months) The vast majority of my friends who were on the shorter timeline have been together/married over 20 years. Far fewer of my friends who waited more than 5 years to get married made it to 20 years.

Our child (early 20s) has been with his girlfriend for 2.5 years. When we saw them a few weeks ago, the question of marriage (as in - do you know anyone your own age who is married) came up - and they don't have any friends who are married.

My maternal grandfather became a widower and single father at the end of May 1945. He met his second wife in July 1945 when stationed overseas. They got engaged in August. Didn't see each other from September 1945-March 1946 (he was sent back home, she had to stay overseas for about 6 months), and were married mid-March 1946 (married 56 years until her death). My cousin calculated that they spent approximately 45 days together from when they met until they were married.

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No_Entertainment1931@reddit

My spouse and I cohabitated for 8 years before getting married.

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AleroRatking@reddit

This is unanswerable because it's so age dependent.

Like if we are talking high schoolers/college we are talking a few years. If we are taking people in their 30s maybe a year. If we are talking 40s even less.

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andmewithoutmytowel@reddit

In the US, we got engaged on our first anniversary, and married close to our 3rd anniversary. We also moved in together around 10 months into dating (it was how our leases lined up), so we spent 2 years living together before we were married.

Together now for almost 19 years, married 16 years next month.

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Aprils-Fool@reddit

Like you, I personally find an engagement after less than 2 years surprising.

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zeroabe@reddit

3 years dating, 1 and change engaged, married for 18 now.

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IHaveBoxerDogs@reddit

We were engaged after two years, married a year later. 25 years ago!

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Turbulent_Bullfrog87@reddit

I don’t remember the poll/study, but supposedly people know if they’re going to marry the person they’re dating within something like 6 months.

From what I’ve seen, if they still don’t know if they want to marry you after dating you for 2 years, they’re never going to want to marry you.

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SaguaroDragon@reddit

I don't think there is a magic formula.

My uncle for married late and his now wife of 25 years was someone that he dated in 4 cities in 3 different states and was close to 7 years until engagement

My brother married his college GF around the time they got pregnant and they divorced in the 15-20 year mark

I moved across states and lived with my GF after 4 months of dating, engaged about 10 months later and wedding about 14 months from there and we just passed 20 years

For me there was a strong feeling and feeling of alignment and no regrets

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Certain-Monitor5304@reddit

Depends entirely on the couple. There is no norm.

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byte_handle@reddit

6 months isn't common, but I've seen as low as 3 months and as many as several years. I think 2+ years is more common. It's rare to see couples together for more than 4-5 years without getting married, but there are exceptions.

For me, my ex-wife and I dated for nearly 3 years before we got married. In my current relationship, we've dated for more than 13 years and neither of us has a desire to get remarried (she had a bad marriage, I had a bad divorce).

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Classic-Push1323@reddit

The “average” couple in the US dates for 2 years before getting engaged. I would say anywhere between 1 and 5 years is fairly normal, depending on age.

Keep in mind that there are limited options for domestic partnerships and “common law marriage” is not a separate kind of legal relationship here. It is a marriage you entered into by announcing to the state & the public that you are married rather than requesting a license and filing for a certificate - and it’s also limited to a few states.

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Elivagara@reddit

Hard to say, depends on the relationship and people involved. My first marriage we were together for about 6 years before we got married and it was a shit marriage. My current husband and I moved in together after a month and have been together almost 13 years and still going strong.

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LizardHunters@reddit

Our first date - June 30th, engaged July 4th. Married July 18 the next year. When you know, you know. We've been married 33 years.

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AttimusMorlandre@reddit

1 or 2 years seems about right to me. Long enough to get to know someone, but not so long as to make her or her parents start wondering when you're going to make an honest woman out of her.

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Popular-Local8354@reddit

2-5. Less than two seems insufficient, more than five is “jeez, you haven’t decided yet?”

I was dating for just shy of 3 years when I proposed. We’ve now been together for almost 5 years, just got married in July.

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kaimcdragonfist@reddit

At a certain point you shouldn’t even question it.

Lol my wife and I watched through How I Met Your Mother for the first time a few years ago and in the first episode where Marshall proposes to Lily, there’s all that, “Man, I dunno, we’ve been together for ten years but what if she says no?” And I was kinda flabbergasted. Ten years and you’re still not sure?

I mean it’s hardly the worst relationship issue in the show, not by a long shot, but like…my wife and I knew like six months in, either crap or get off the toilet lol

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HudsonYardsIsGood@reddit

Congratulations!

One of my friends got engaged after 7 months and has been married for nearly a decade. The kicker was his prior relationship, with his ex-girlfriend (they never got engaged), was 7 years. He said the prior relationship taught him a lot about himself and what he wants, so he was confident in proposing to his now-wife after 7 months.

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TokyoDrifblim@reddit

There is no real standard. We were together for a year and a half before getting engaged, but we're in our mid 30s. Younger people may tend to date longer before engagement but there's no hard and fast rule

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-Moose_Soup-@reddit

I think it depends on how old they are. Older people tend to move faster. I would not be surprised to hear that a couple in their mid to late 30's got engaged after a year or even less. Younger people tend to wait quite a bit longer, especially nowadays. Most of the people I know who met their spouse in their early 20's or late teens usually ended up dating and living together for 5+ years before getting married or officially announcing an engagement. People I know who met later tended to move a bit faster than that.

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MaeClementine@reddit

I knew after our first date. I think we got engaged about nine months later and married a little more than a year later. So we’d been together less than two years when we were married.

I think threeish years is probably about the average of what I’d expect. I’m not sure what else you need to know about a person after like five years.

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QuigonSeamus@reddit

I would say 2-5 years depending on circumstances. I got engaged 4 years in and married 5 years in.

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gottarun215@reddit

I agree, that's what I'd consider a normal time line.

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mikethomas4th@reddit

1-4 years. Depends on a lot of factors. Age for sure, younger couples tend to date longer, older people marry quicker. Did they know each other prior to dating? Huge factor that would speed up marriage. Religious views are also huge, but could affect it either direction.

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evaj95@reddit

My husband and I were together for 2 and a half years before we got engaged, and we got married at 3 years together. We were engaged for about 10 months. I think age did play a factor for us. We met when we were both 26, so it felt like we met later than most of the couples we know.

My parents dated for 8 years before getting married, but my in-laws only dated for 6 months. I guess it just depends.

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Western-Finding-368@reddit

2-3 years feels normal. Less than 1 year feels like a horrible idea, and more than 4 years feels like someone is dragging their feet.

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AnastasiusDicorus@reddit

Engagement is a thing of the past or for rich people. For normal people, you would live together for a year or two, maybe longer, before getting married. If you break up before getting married, move on and try again.

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MacaroonUpstairs7232@reddit

After 1 year, you should know. Not know, after that you are wasting each others time.

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OldDude1391@reddit

We dated about 11 months, got engaged and married 6 months after engagement. Will be married 32 years this summer. Wife had friends that had dated and lived together for about 4 years. Got married the weekend before us and they have been divorced now for about 25 years. No magic number in my opinion.

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jc8495@reddit

My parents got engaged after a year but they were older when they met and both knew what they wanted. I’m in my 20s and would probably need to be with someone for at least 2-3 years before I’d be ready to get engaged

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animepuppyluvr@reddit

Ive seen people divorce after 10+ years of marriage, and divorce after 1 total year of being together (dating + marriage). Ive also seen people get married within a year and be happy, and and people who married after 4 years. Ive also seen people date for many many many years and not plan to get married at all.

Everyone's different, but most common I would think is 2-5 years of dating, then engagement is maybe .5-2 years (sometimes they want to save up during the engagement or life events get in the way), then marriage.

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wantonseedstitch@reddit

To me, less than a year is surprisingly short. A year or two is average. Two to three years is a little longer than average. More than three is surprisingly long. Most folks, if they're together for over three years and haven't gotten engaged, I don't expect they are going to unless they have said it's in their plans.

And then there's me, who was with my now-husband for a little over nine years before getting engaged. We started dating in 2003, got engaged in late 2012. Didn't have kids, which we'd already talked about, until 2020. Sometimes things take longer than you want them to...

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Fit_Poetry_267@reddit

3 years together, 1 year engagement, married 29 years this month

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river-running@reddit

I think two years is about the average amongst people I've known who've gotten engaged.

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304libco@reddit

I remember reading. An article once that looked at the statistics, and it said that if you aren’t at least talking about getting married within a year statistically, you were unlikely to actually get married. I didn’t have statistics as to when those people actually got engaged. And how long does engagements lasted. Personally, I kind of agree. If after a year, you don’t feel like you guys could be together in the long-term. It feels like you might be wasting your time. And then once to get engaged, what do you fucking around for?

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thomsenite256@reddit

Sometimes people have long engagements. I'd say more accurate would be how long before marriage and usually at least 3-4 years.

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Zizi_Tennenbaum@reddit

After 1 year, we were talking about marriage. I wanted to live together for a year first, with the understanding that if we were both on the same page we'd get engaged at the end of that year. 11 months and one week later I had a ring on my finger. We were engaged for another year, so got married right at 3 years together.

If you're both dating with the intention of marriage, 1-2 years is enough. Any longer than that and you run the risk of one person just stringing the other along for a decade or more.

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Confident-Novel-1855@reddit

It's different for everybody, really. Some people think that getting engaged after 6 months together is fine, while others think 1-2 years should be the standard.

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BoysenberryUnhappy29@reddit

Longer than 2 years and I'd be asking why they got engaged at all.

The culture of delaying everything more and more doesn't appeal to me at all.

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HarlequinKOTF@reddit

2 to 5 years