In your view, what’s the etiquette for being signed off of work?
Posted by prettypinkparsnip@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 230 comments
[removed]
Posted by prettypinkparsnip@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 230 comments
[removed]
math577@reddit
Depends what you've been signed off for? Big time Flu you don't want to be caught doing a 20 mile bike ride.
If you're signed off for something like stress then it's fair game, do what you want imo.
prettypinkparsnip@reddit (OP)
Yes, something I should’ve added - signed off due to anxiety and stress.
Previous-Ad7618@reddit
Being too anxious to work doesn't mean your too anxious to function. Work is high stress.
You need to support him.
Justme-scotland@reddit
As someone just back at work following being signed off with stress and anxiety I was told my occ health not to hide away. To go out, to meet with people is better because it helps. Hiding away is likely to exacerbate the conditions. I wish your partner all the best and hopefully he will recover soon.
ZeroFrogsHere@reddit
Best thing he could possibly do for himself is to utilise this time by going out, getting freeh air and exercise and spending time in nature.
This is guilt fueled by his anxiety. He should look into counselling.
Spending this entire time stuck indoors ruminating and feeling guilty is not going to help him feel better at all. He will feel worse.
laughinggrvy@reddit
Exactly. He may as well feel guilty for going out and get the benefits, rather than restricting himself holeing up and feeling guilty anyway.
Really he shouldn't feel guilty at all - he's been signed off for a reason, and needs to do anything that will improve his mental health.
DontCatchThePigeon@reddit
When I was signed off with similar, I was told by the doctor that I had to try to go out every day, it was part of how I would recover. Going out to try to do things, despite the anxiety, trying to be in nature or trying out hobbies, it's the only way to move towards healing.
laughinggrvy@reddit
Being outside really makes a difference. You might still feel like shit, but slightly less so. You might see a cool bird, or meet a nice dog, or have a brief chat with someone. Or maybe none of those, but you've still had some exercise and fresh air, which are natural mood-boosters themselves.
GoochBlender@reddit
He's allowed to go outside. That's treatment.
Curious-Term9483@reddit
Yep. He is signed off work. Not LIFE - signed off so he can have a break from work and do things that will help him feel better. Which will hopefully include (but not limited to) exercise, sunshine, seeing friends and going to the shop to buy ice cream!
If he is stuck at home worrying about what work will say then they're still in his head and he may as well go in IMO. (That sounds really flippant, but you know what I mean!). I hope he can get find a way to feel the weight off his shoulders - tell him we all say get well soon!
laughinggrvy@reddit
This is a good answer, let him read this thread.
He's been signed off work due to his mental health. Not declared paraplegic, or sentenced to house arrest. Staying in is only going to compound issues.
Jerico_Hill@reddit
Imagine being signed off with stress and refusing to leave the house. Not gonna improve the situation is it. Fucking hell.
FergingtonVonAwesome@reddit
You'd think the GP would have said something when they sign you off. I imagine lots of people that're in an anxious state would get in their head about it and come to the same conclusion. Especially if they're used to the kind of work environment that's lead to them being signed off!
pajamakitten@reddit
Was signed off with stress from teaching a decade ago and nothing was mentioned about treatment besides being given SSRIs. The SSRIs just caused blackouts and I stopped them after three days, so I basically had nothing to help me and no advice on how to get better.
NibblyPig@reddit
The state of things. I had a blood test and they were like 'yeah your vitamin B and D are low'.
That was it.
So afterwards I was like well, guess I'll take vitamin D tablets which is recommended for most people, but vitamin B? That was a rabbit hole - some people can't absorb it, so I'm like do I take tablets or not? Will they work? Which ones? No idea. Am I taking enough of both supplements? Will they retest? Nothing, just 'yeah B and D are low'.
Eyfura@reddit
Both of those being low can lead to anxiety. While I've had the same results and am in that rabbit hole now my GP at least gave me B vitamins for three months then retested me..
GoldenGolgis@reddit
Sorry this happened to you.
decidedlyindecisive@reddit
I dunno, I do understand it. My HR implied I was faking because a friend uploaded a photo of me smiling when I was outside while signed off. Luckily I pushed back and basically told them to fuck off and they dropped it. But still. Really unpleasant and ignorant attitude.
h00dman@reddit
And anxiety, which is probably what's leading them to worry so much about potential recriminations, even if it's not rational.
WGD23@reddit
Same as exercise
Dependent_One6034@reddit
He could go to the pub, thorpe park, or go away on holiday - There is no issue with any of the above.
Scorpiodancer123@reddit
When I was signed off with that previously my boss encouraged me to go out a do nice things as it was part of healing and recovery. I told her I felt bad doing that and that it felt like skiving. She said she understood but that it's not the case.
She said if your leg was broken, I wouldn't expect to see you running a marathon, but you absolutely go out for dinner with your family, to the supermarket or cinema. Mental illness is the same as physical illness and needs to treated as such. Part of that recovery is doing things that make you happy and learning to be out in the world again.
g0_west@reddit
Drop him off at the station and tell him to take a day trip to somewhere nice. Will give him the space he needs to enjoy being out without worrying about being seen, also just a change of scenery can be very good. That's what I did when I had a mental health day, took a train to a very pretty rural town about an hour away and spent the day walking around canals and churchyards and reading my book in beer gardens. Great time of year for it too, weather is good out (or at least, not shit lol)
Ree-gain1234@reddit
I knew a woman who had 6 months off for stress and anxiety, went on multiple holidays and cruises, posted about them, got pulled in for a meeting but it was determined that it was helpful for her mental health to go on these holidays. A trip to the supermarket is absolutely okay.
Hame_Impala@reddit
It's difficult because I can see how there's a line where someone's clearly taking the piss. But agreed you won't improve doing nothing for months.
ArtBedHome@reddit
Get him to talk to a doctor about it. He needs to be able to do things that relieve stress for him (which may be specific to him) or he wont be able to improve, but he also needs to be able to be less hard on himself and to be able to let go some of the details and rule following at least for the extent of to get his brain to release less stress hormones, which brains do when they see themselves as breaking rules or failing.
lemonstealingwho@reddit
I’m an occy health nurse. He should definitely be getting out and about where he can - it’ll be beneficial for his mental health and speed up his recovery. When I do assessments I ask if people are still engaging in hobbies or going outdoors as when all that falls to the wayside it can indicate that their mental health is very poor. I see it as a positive if they’re going out for regular walks or gym etc. I know some workplaces have a shitty culture so I’d suggest avoiding the pubs and clubs (locally, anyway!) but a bike ride to the shops is great. Stress isn’t like flu, some rest is important, but no need to be housebound.
hallerz87@reddit
Explains his anxiety about going outside. His reluctance is part of the underlying issue
open_formation@reddit
To be honest, this is probably part of his anxiety and stress. I wouldn't push him to do anything for a few days, make clear he doesn't actually have to stay in, and it's a bad idea, but I would give him at least a week to be a hermit.
Kuddkungen@reddit
Yeah that sounds about right for his current behaviour. Anxiety/stress brain is not a rational or kind-to-yourself type of brain. Poor guy is probably suffering from some flavour of tunnel vision. So it's not going to be easy to convince him that he's allowed to do normal life things.
Did the doctor who signed him off give any tangible, actionable advice on what he should do? Like "at least 30 minutes of walks in nature per day"? If not, maybe go back to that doctor together, and ask about specifics. Can/should he go to the shops? Can/should he go for bike rides in the park? Can/should he do gardening? The cinema? Day away in cute market town? Etc. Maybe if a person of medical authority tells him that he should go ride his bike, maybe he will accept this.
KimbaTheLion@reddit
My friend got signed off with stress and went to Italy for two weeks
AliG-uk@reddit
Then staying indoors doing nothing is the worst thing to do. Getting out in nature is the best medicine in this case.
Chrismeister77@reddit
I went on a weekend away to York with my Mrs when I was signed off for a month. Helped a lot - exactly the sort of thing the time off is for!
steak-connoisseur@reddit
I know people who have gone on holiday after being signed off sick and this is allowed as it is meant to help.
Recent-Climate6942@reddit
Then he can do whatever he deems as anxiety and stress reducing. A bike ride, a walk, swimming, a holiday. He can quiet literally do whatever he wants and will actually be advised by doctors to do so. If he is off for mental health reasons and isn't working on reducing stress and anxiety during this time off then what is the time off for? Go out, enjoy yourself.
abyssal-isopod86@reddit
Going outside, doing normal life things, exercising, doing fun stuff = that's literally treatment for stress & anxiety that a psychiatrist would tell him to do.
amonym0us@reddit
This is also the anxiety and probably the guilt that comes with. From someone who recently was signed off, don't push him too much. However, he should be actively working on getting better or he'll go back to work and mentally fall arse over tit.
Evening walk to test the water? Less people about. Drive to a different area for a nice walk? Go out for dinner away from places colleagues live? It is fine to be out but he's got to find his balance.
ross-dirext-words137@reddit
Then he needs to get out as much as possible to recovery.
Your health comes first. Does not matter what the job thinks or if anyone sees him.
FearlessBanana81@reddit
His job won't care because you are allowed to be out when ill.
ross-dirext-words137@reddit
Clearly he thinks his work cares.
FearlessBanana81@reddit
What he thinks and what's real life may not always match.
Sway_RL@reddit
It rarely does if you're suffering from anxiety. At least in my case.
jaynoj@reddit
If he has anxiety about going out when he's off sick for fear of reprisal at work, encouraging him to go out is going to have the exact opposite effect of helping him relax.
Suggest it to him but fundamentally let him make the decision.
If you push him, he will be enduring going out instead of enjoying it.
skatemoose@reddit
That's even more reason to go out. I've been signed off several times (stress/bereavement/depression) and each time I left the house without a care. Walking/cycling ect are great for the mind and body so it would be better for him to do that than isolate himself at home.
carebje@reddit
I was signed off for mental health reasons and occ health at my company greatly encouraged outside time and exercise (eg walks). Is there an occ health or EAP he has access to and could take advice from?
Wrekh@reddit
Sounds like going out is stressing him out!
Final_Flounder9849@reddit
He’s encouraged to do anything which may benefit his mental health. That’s anything from going for a walk, out to see friends, on a hike, theatre, cinema, to the beach etc. anything. He’s signed off sick, he’s not been placed under house arrest.
Ecstatic_Effective42@reddit
I was off for almost 6 months because of stress. I made myself live a normal life away from work as part of my therapy.
It's required, not to be avoided.
smeghead9916@reddit
I imagine a doctor would encourage fresh air for that
Eyeswift@reddit
Hey! I was signed off for stress and anxiety for a couple of weeks. I went to Thorpe Park and felt like a kid again, did a few hiking trails, spent most of the time off outside. It’s the best way to get better. Everyone is different but sitting at home can make things worse than working because of the rumination it comes with.
eilb3@reddit
I shattered part of a finger and had to have it repaired so couldn’t do my job and was signed off for 5 weeks. The painkillers initially knocked me out for the most part but as they reduced I went out. I even went to a festival. I needed to use my hands and my left one had to be kept elevated so I couldn’t do my job but I could do other things so did. If he has mental health issues then being at home probably won’t help him to improve, getting out, doing exercise and moving around may help his mental health improve so he should get out and try and work on helping his health improve.
pianomed@reddit
I'm a GP and I would be very worried about any of my anxious patients staying in the house when signed off work. I have seen far too many people get increasingly anxious after time away from work as they are able to recluse into their safety zones which will alleviate the anxiety temporarily but may worsen it when they try to get back out into the world. The sign off is to take some extra pressure off to help build healthier habits in my view and have a think about if the current job is sustainable longer term. Regular light exercise and time outside have good evidence supporting their benefits in anxiety, this would be a great use of his time.
laughinggrvy@reddit
You are a good GP.
I've had GPs happy to hand out sick notes on the fly, and also others who'd drill me a bit more about what actions I was going to take, or inform me about other support services. Did I like the latter at the time? No. But absolutely appreciate it now.
Rusty_Tap@reddit
Whilst I defer to your vastly superior education and knowledge, if I were in his situation and didn't want to go out, having someone pestering me about going to the shop or going out if I didn't want to is unlikely to make me feel better either.
It's the right thing to do, but as soon as someone becomes even the slightest hint of annoying about something like that (even if I know they are helping me) my brain switches off.
It's possible he's similar.
Nb. I'm aware my take is likely due to my own childhood issues.
pianomed@reddit
I agree pestering from others is unhelpful but this is the reason I try not to give sick notes for anxiety without at least having a conversation about this risk first so the individual can hopefully suggest themselves some things they might do to keep themselves getting out of the house. Often people do need the support of their family to manage these things though so hopefully it would be support and the offer of someone to go with them rather than pestering. I appreciate not all families are equipped to be supportive though.
Rusty_Tap@reddit
Agreed. I'm very lucky to have a partner now where we don't pester each other and support each other, but I've definitely had one or two in the past who would dig at me constantly until I left the house, more frustrated, anxious and annoyed than before.
All depends on how you're asked/told to do something I suppose. In my case I'd be better being left to it until I snap out of it and decide that I want to go out for a walk, go and get a coffee somewhere or just get out to a shop to find something nice for dinner. Which after a day or so of wallowing I will do. I appreciate that for many people this can spiral into a depression like state where you'd never go out unless absolutely necessary though and there's no one solution that fits everyone.
BeeSting113@reddit
Agreed - for example, my anxiety about driving is much worse if I avoid driving. Driving a regular route helps build my confidence, and starting with a small local drive is much easier than just diving into a motorway or city centre drive.
Violet351@reddit
If you’re signed off for something contagious stay at home, if it’s stress and mental health related getting out might help. When I hurt my back the advice was to walk so I would walk round the block a couple of times a day
Bc2193@reddit
Exercise is proven to help with anxiety and stress. If he's gotten to the point where he needs to be signed off from work, then he should absolutely be using this time to interrupt those feelings by getting out and about.
Maybe if it makes him feel better, drive somewhere out of the local radius where the chances of being seen are far less - especially during working hours.
misskittygirl13@reddit
I got signed off for 3 months with a broken thumb ( my work requires 2 hands and is very physical) chilled out, went to many gigs. Great fun was had.
BleckMagic@reddit
The best way to get through anxiety and stress is to try and stop putting pressure on yourself. Being able to go to the store is a completely different bar from being able to consistently perform at a job. If anything, being outside should be the goal during this time to speed up his recovery and allow both his body and mind to rest.
Fit-Jellyfish1675@reddit
He should definitely be getting out and about if he is signed off for mental health reasons.
I hope he is doing something to address the issues other than just taking time off because speaking from experience that makes it far worse.
An employer seeing you out when you are signed off for stress and it being an issue would be like getting signed off with a bad back and getting written up when they saw you going to the physio.
Edi-Iz@reddit
That sounds really tough for both of you, honestly. If it’s anxiety and stress, it kind of makes sense he doesn’t want to be seen or go out it’s not really about “etiquette,” more about how safe he feels mentally. For some people, even small things like going to the shop can feel overwhelming.You’re not wrong either though gentle movement and getting out a bit can help. Maybe instead of pushing bigger things, try really small steps first, like a short quiet walk at off-peak times, just to build comfort.
Timtamjam44@reddit
Maybe getting the GP to recommend going out as treatment would help. Or offering to drive him to a park or other nature area far away would help.
I just don't think it's worth pushing him if he's getting anxious about appearing sick. May end up making things worse.
JohnCasey3306@reddit
Whatever makes him feel comfortable is right for him.
I personally would go out (depending on the nature of the illness) but to each their own
MahatmaAndhi@reddit
Sick people are allowed to have a life. Just don't go bungee jumping if you claim to have a spinal injury.
nfyofluflyfkh@reddit
It’s a very understandable concern. But larger employers often have a written policy on sickness absence and good ones or ones where a union has some sway, have wording that explicitly states it is allowed to do normal activities including holidays, exercise, etc if off for mental health. He could check handbook / policy online if his employer might have this, to set his mind at rest.
penelopehelen@reddit
I was signed off with anxiety and stress a few years back. I went on walks every day. Even cycled. Shopping, generally mooching about town. Just things to keep my mind off work and focussed on getting myself better and things I really enjoyed.
Spicy172@reddit
If it's for stress then even a holiday would be appropriate.
KeithLimePie@reddit
Sort of related, but I remember I once worked in IT at a prestigious law firm, and when I went back HR and Line Manager called me into a meeting and called me out on going to football matches every weekend. My response was something like "Surprisingly being at Elland Road with my mates is actually helping my depression and amxiety, unlike being here. And my GP agrees which is why he's told me to take time off work and spend some time on myself".
Common_Reading_8058@reddit
Ive been signed off recently for not dissimilar reasons. Whilst I was like your husband (and do still panic), my doctor made it clear that I wasn't well enough to work, which was very different to doing other things that would improve my wellbeing, like getting outside or meeting friends.
If he's worried, I would see if he can get the doctor to confirm this. It's definitely advocated to not stay stuck up indoors for mental health issues when off work sick.
photoOomph@reddit
I think it’s a common thing to feel, but is wrong to do so. Getting out and healing is why he has been signed off. When I was in a similar situation I did everything I could to get myself out and about when I felt upto it.
-scottishsunshine@reddit
My sister was signed off with stress and went on a 2 week holiday, extended to 3 weeks whilst she was there because she had the time off and it was only an extra few hundred to do it. People at her work complained, but the first part was already booked and paid for - she was not 'ill' and it was the only thing helping her get over her child that passed away.
My brother in law was also off and did the same. He took it worse than her and needed a few extra months and took up cycling. He joined in a charity race for illness that killed their child and raised money for it, and people at his work complained.
To me, if it helps you get over the stress then go do it. You also can't not go shopping - really it's less stressful/quieter to do it midweek in the day so that will help too...
SubstanceOdd6287@reddit
Your sister lost her child so distracted herself with a holiday and her colleagues complained? WTF is wrong with them!
pajamakitten@reddit
People lose sense of perspective in cases like this. They get annoyed that someone went on holiday while sick, completely forgetting what that person went through to be signed off sick in the first place.
Hame_Impala@reddit
Think some older workers who take pride in having never been off/having powered through difficult times suddenly realise it doesn't have to be that way, and feel a tinge of jealousy as a result.
Visible-Pomelo7748@reddit
Your sister's colleagues suck. I'm so sorry for your loss, and glad your sister and BIL found something that could help them feel even the tiniest bit closer to ok.
ClarifyingMe@reddit
I wish a very pissy life for all the people who complained.
Jezzle219@reddit
Wow. Those people at their workplaces obviously haven't ever suffered a loss in their lives.
m1nkeh@reddit
What was it they thought they were actually complaining about?
Lord alive.
YouCantArgueWithThis@reddit
His behaviour is a sign that his workplace is a toxic environment and his anxiety has a valid reason. I hope he is looking for another job.
ShakeNBakeUK@reddit
he is probably gonna need talking therapy from a mental health specialist in order to get better. for now it is anxiety and stress (likely caused by burnout), but that could quickly progress to depression (probably already has tbh). the not wanting to be seen out is likely due to perceived shame/failure. maintaining the basics is going to be critical. healthy diet - regular sleep schedule - regular (light/cardio) exercise. if he doesn't want to go out because he's afraid someone who knows him will see him, go somewhere out of town. recovery from burnout is a marathon, not a sprint. also buy some books on CBT asap - "how you think affects how you feel affects how you act/behave". understanding this pathway is critical. mindfulness meditation can be a very powerful tool as well, if he is finding it hard to shut his brain down, especially for sleep - however difficult to learn in a crisis - but stick with it, it takes time for it to become effective (essentially brain training and regular daily practice is critical to rewire the anxiety pathways). good luck.
WebDisasters@reddit
This comment might be buried in the rest of them… unless your partner has a history of playing the system, you need to support him.
Most guys don’t go off on sick leave unless there is something seriously wrong.
He might not be ready to tell you, but if you are truly a life partner, you need to let him know that you support him, no matter what the issue is.
Chances are that he has a gambling or financial situation that he feels he cannot escape from and cannot tell you about.
reverandglass@reddit
I was signed off with stress, anxiety and depression. I was "caught" at a house party playing Twister. My boss's reaction to the tattle-tale was, "so, what do you want him to do, stay home and cry?!"
He's signed off to get better. If getting better means going out and about (it does) then that's what he needs to do. Remember, it's the illness making him scared, he just needs to out think his over thinking.
chocklityclair@reddit
He's objectively wrong, but he's also suffering from anxiety. I was off work for six months with work-related stress and I went out plenty. Walks in the countryside, trips to the bakery (that one was a mistake), meetings with friends. I needed all those things.
What treatment is he having? Going to the shops isn't wrong but going without treatment is a bad idea.
acezoned@reddit
He is not well enough to work, If he feel well enough to go for a bike ride thats all good, intact getting out in the fresh air is great for making your self feel better
fancycakelover@reddit
Well he's probably not wanting to go out due to anxiety and stress. It's not something that vanishes overnight and you often get the feeling if not wanting to do anything at all. Not leaving the house not watching TV etc. Give him time and ask what you can do to support him. Therapy will also help
Aggravating-Monkey@reddit
I was signed off with depression brought on by work related anxiety and stress. After a full examination to rule out physical causes, because I had had chest pains and panic attacks, my GP referred me for a mental health assessment which led to a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
In my case it was largely talking therapy and advice in how to manage the causes and symptoms. In my case it took about 4 months to get back to work and then, with the support of Occupational Health providers, a staged return to work with some work adjustments lasting another couple of months. I was able to return to full time work for another 15 years until I recently retired.
I would recommend you both look at NHS websites on the subjects of dealing with axnxiety, stress, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and possibly the acas website for Occupational Health info. The MIND website also has a lot of helpful information and information about support.
As to your partners refusal to go anywhere or do anything, I was encouraged to do the the reverse and to engage in activities that would get me out of the house and find things to do that I enjoy and that included both recreational activities and exercise.
For me it was about learning to prioritise my own needs and welfare and learn new ways of dealing with the causes of my stress, doing so not only got me back to being fully functional at work but also improved my life generally.
Nineteen_AT5@reddit
Well I wouldn't force him do do anything he doesn't feel comfortable in doing, since he's been signed off with anxiety and stress.
I'd sick professional help, and work through the reason he's off, occupational health might work of his employer can offer that. It's also a way to engage with work and for them to make any reasonable adjustments if and when he returns.
Essentially, I'd do whatever he wants and is comfortable to do.
becca413g@reddit
You can do things that match with the reason for being off sick- you don’t have to be a prisoner in your own home. Doing things that will help improve your mental health are perfect if you’re off due to mental illness. That’s you actively trying to get back to work. If you’re off with a broken leg and running a marathon then that’s taking the piss.
Emergency_Mistake_44@reddit
Reading between the lines a bit, it probably isn't that he's worried work will see him and question it, but if he's been signed off due to stress like you say, it's probably work that was stressing him to begin with and doesn't want to go near it (in terms of your example where he chooses supermarkets furthest away).
Marion_Ravenwood@reddit
It will probably only make his anxiety worse to stay cooped up. He's allowed out. He's taking some time to reset his brain from work, which means he should be doing things he enjoys and that can include getting out of the house.
ClarifyingMe@reddit
He needs to go see a therapist, sounds like his plan is to make himself worse via this terrible plan, then go back to work worse, and then eventually crash and burn.
RRW2020@reddit
Honestly, I think it’s ok for him to be seen doing anything. Even like a holiday… he genuinely might need took get away (though I wouldn’t post any pics on social media). He’s off for stress… he should be doing anything he can to de-stress.
Buddy-Matt@reddit
A friend of mine was signed off for 2 weeks with a bad back, as they were unable to sit at a desk all day and the company didn't provide standing desks.
Middle of this they went to a beer festival. Where they, of course, stayed standing all day.
Someone they worked with saw this on Facebook, dobbed them into management, and theu were fired. Coincidentally about 2 weeks prior to hitting their 2 year anniversary. Also coincidentally their manager had a habit of suddenly firing many of their staff around a similar tenure. Coincidentally this was a call centre job.
I learned many things from this.
That said, in my place, if I was signed off on stress, id rather be seen on my bike than not. Cycling and exercise are recognised as stress relief, especially if youre already a fit avtive person. There's an argument a social event when signed off is a bad look. Theres an argument that riding 20 miles signed off on a bad back is a bad look. But a 20 mile cycle as a stress buster is a generally recognised thing.
spacebug2k@reddit
I'm a line manager, and have had staff be off with anxiety/stress and I absolutely wanted them to be getting out and about! Part of my supporting them was actively asking them what they'd been up to, to make sure they were getting out and about when they felt able to. I'd meet up for a coffee and go for a walk at a nearby park with them, let them know about community events that might be of interest. If getting out benefits your overall 'getting better' then any manager worth their salt would be encouraging him to do it. Hope he's feeling in a better place soon x
tiggergirluk76@reddit
When I was signed off with stress and anxiety, if anything I was out of the house more - exercising and keeping busy. Anything to stop myself spiralling about the things causing the stress and anxiety.
How exactly is he planning to recover by sitting at home like that?
NoodleDoodlesocks@reddit
If the activity helps recovery then it should be done. If the activity would cause him more anxiety and stress, it should not be done.
TheGreenPangolin@reddit
Exercise and fresh air/sunshine/the outdoors are part of the treatment for stress. Socialising is also a requirement. Your partner NEEDS to be doing them if he wants to get better. So yes he can absolutely do them when he's signed off with stress- and it's not just that he can, he NEEDS to. In my opinion, it's the same as going to the pharmacy for antibiotics if you're off work with an infection. Any normal boss will WANT you to do that.
Kithulhu24601@reddit
I went off work with job related stress and anxiety and immediately went on holiday.
A lot of people are burnt out with work and general life responsibilitys and sometimes we need to do the shit that resets us, whether that's a holiday, exercise etc.
The typical work week isnt some innate human structure, it came with the industrial revolution. We weren't built for this!
United-Cucumber9942@reddit
I know someone in a high pressure job signed off with stress for 2 months. GP told them to take the time to do things to relax and de stress. They went on holiday, did some intensive yoga and workouts etc, with the full knowledge of their employers, and went back.to work rested, reset and energised. They were able to work better and at a higher level afterwards so it benefitted everyone.
Tell your other half it is imperative to thwir mental health that they take time to decompress, that's the entire reason for being signed off. GPs sign people off work who are burning out so that they can take positive steps to relax, which includes having fun. This is the whole point. It prevents increased blood pressure caused circulatory and pulmonary events in the future and mental health crises which all cost the patient and the NHS a LOT more in time, treatment and overall health in the future.
Your partner MUST stop hiding away, this will increase anxiety and not address the issues they are experiencing because of high pressure at work. If they worry about this then they need to meet with their GP (maybe with you there) to confirm the 'parameters' of their sick note, because they are clearly stressed by what they think they are 'allowed' to do being off work which defeats the purpose of the sick note. 100% the GP will advise rest, relaxation, serotonin and dopamine inducing activities. There have been court rulings on such cases where it is more often been deemed reasonable that the employee was expected to pursue activities to promote positive mental.health outcomes while signed off work for stress. This is the purpose of the sick note.
Then it will be on record with the GP that your partner is worried that they feel they can't actively pursue mental health benefitting activities while on sick leave due to concern of repercussions from their employers.
This should reassure your partner that it's okay to be outside and be seen to be enjoying themselves legally. Also it should highlight to his GP that they might need a little more help, in case they actually just want to sit around and feel like shit (which is also fine, if the aim is to feel better after a period of shut off from the world), but actually might point to an issue that needs additional support other than just time off from the source of stress.
SmolKits@reddit
I self certified a couple of years ago for a week due to a burn out induced depression and my manager actively encouraged me to go out and do things to help my mental health. If he's signed off with a stomach bug then absolutely don't get seen anywhere 🤣 but for mental health reasons I would say it's okay
Eoin_McLove@reddit
When I was off sick with depression and anxiety I still met up with people from work including managers for a few pints. They were quite clear that it was seen as a positive to get out of the house occasionally.
PurplePlodder1945@reddit
I was signed off for two weeks with stress (due to my boss). I was also in the middle of a weekly health and safety course. I still attended the course and everyone agreed it was good for my mental health to be still going to college and concentrating on that instead of sitting in the house, drowning in my own thoughts and misery. Fresh air and exercise is good for you. He should get out and about
Only-Teacher-7596@reddit
Being signed off means you are not fit to work, going to the supermarket or going for a walk is not work and could be therapeutic. But suffering from anxiety he may not feel able to leave he could suffer from panic attacks. When I was suffering from anxiety home was my safe space and I didn’t want to leave it, so I would engage in gardening making myself not bed rot. It may still be early days and he is not really comfortable with his diagnosis and what that means for him. He will get there in time. I hope he recovers soon and takes time to heal himself.
CurvePuzzleheaded361@reddit
You get signed off work, NOT signed off going outside. For mental health especially, being out and about only helps.
off_of_is_incorrect@reddit
Hmm... -_-
LeftCat6512@reddit
I was bought up with a rule that if I was too ill to go to school, I couldn't go out and play after school with the kids up the street. It made me feel like your partner, that if off sick, I must stay at home. It took me years to break this mindset.
Now I'm older, I realise in reality, people need to go to the doctors, fetch prescriptions, get shopping. If they're off with something contagious then stay home, seek alternatives, but for stress? I see no issue. I was a manager for 10yrs, I've had people off work due to mental health and one person who was mortified when I spoke to them whilst in a supermarket, but people have to eat.
XihuanNi-6784@reddit
So many answers are missing the obvious fact that this isn't about his personal feelings really, but about his beliefs about "how it will look" if he's seen out and about. Does he have good reason to worry about backlash or claims of faking it if he's seen by certain people? That is the real question. Yes, objectively it's good for his health to get out and about. But in terms of his employment it may be a different kind of risk.
Mental health and anxiety are still very much new in terms of being taken seriously as illnesses. In fact, we have a government currently pushing to downgrade many forms of invisible illness and implying heavily that people just need to toughen up when it comes to this sort of thing. Can't blame him for worrying.
SeaIntelligent4504@reddit
Sounds like he almost needs a prescription for what he should be doing, so he can say I'm doing these things on doctor's orders.
TurkishSte@reddit
I’m currently signed off with personal stress due to my grandfather taking ill and my car also broke down same week, I’ve been off two months due to go back end of this month and I’ve been going to the gym and cycling because it is good for mental health. If I was signed off with a broken leg then I wouldn’t cycle but would still attempt the gym. He can actually leave the house the school board man isn’t going to come knocking
Timely_Egg_6827@reddit
Advice from hospital when I was signed off was to make sure you get air, exercise and stimulation.
My ME/depression is flaring and annoyed with myself I spent most of the bank holiday in bed as it doesn' help much long-term. However, he is struggling and fair chance the hiding away is as much a symptom as anything. He won't feel inclined to do it because if anything like me, anything like decision making can lead to over-thinking and brain switching off. He's ill and his brain does need time to catch-up on itself.
But there is a lot of difference beween working and going to the shops. Going to the shops is a useful test of what he can cope with in terms of decision making and crowds. It is low-stakes decisions that you can walk away from. Stress that he doesn't need to feel guilty - being signed off is not going to house arrest and HR won't fire him for going to do a low intensity, short period task.
underwater-sunlight@reddit
Use a common sense approach. Don't be seen clubbing every weekend if you are off on a Monday or off with a bad back. Supermarket trips are essential, taking kids to school also (age and location dependant)
paddlingswan@reddit
I was signed off earlier this year following a miscarriage, first time I’ve ever had real sick leave. I kept bursting into tears and couldn’t focus on anything so couldn’t have worked even though I was physically ok to sit at a desk.
I expect stress is the same mentally - he might just feel like sitting and staring out the window for a bit before he’s ready to have structure or get exercise.
The only problem would be if he didn’t leave the house or engage with domestic routines like dinner and bedtime for several days, in which case it starts to look like depression.
grgext@reddit
Clearly the idea of being seen by colleagues is making his anxiety worse. Agree he should get out the house, but how about doing something he's more comfortable with, as walk in nature maybe
TSC-99@reddit
Yeah he should be going out.
bradclark2001@reddit
Tbh if his bosses think his mental health will improve sitting inside all day that’s a huge red flag and he should get a different job
audigex@reddit
It depends on the nature of the sickness and the company culture
For mental health issues it's usually advised to be out of the house, but if you have colleagues who are gonna be total dicks about seeing you out then I can see why he might think it would add to his stress and anxiety about going back to work
Fundamentally, I don't think you should be "convincing" him - you can suggest, but this is his to manage
Voltalox@reddit
I mean I WFH so none of my co-workers even know what I look like, but I was recently signed off for mental health (severe depression) and I was encouraged to like... go outside. Spend time with my family, do fun activities, anything to improve my mental. I am a total homebody but even I know it's good to get out sometimes.
So if your partner is signed off for stress and anxiety, which is mental health, I think he should be doing anything that helps relieve those two things. If that involves going outside, he should go outside.
Entire_Pen9097@reddit
Since it’s stress he should absolutely be doing normal things to recover. Gentle Exercise would be a great one. Perhaps he needs further help and it’s a bit of a deeper thing like depression that hasn’t been picked up yet.
As someone who’s been in his position (I.e. not work made me super stressed to the point of regular tears) he should think about alternative employment as I think by the time it gets to this point (if it’s related to relationships and performance in the business) going back to work won’t make it better. I moved jobs, moved on and am so happy because of it.
IamTory@reddit
Cosigned. After my three month sick leave I limped through a few more months but ultimately left that job as it wasn't sustainable for my mental health. Part of what leave is for is to take stock and make a plan to improve your situation long term.
143Emanate34Elaborat@reddit
I've been signed off many times for mental health.
In 2018 and 2019 was around 6 months each year.
I spoke to my employer about this, and they said that it was actually very important to get out, certainly whilst the weather was good, and do things which make you happy, relaxed and feel calm.
Sitting inside all day, certainly when the weather is nice, isn't going to help a stressed mind.
I loved walks on the beach, forests/woods. Even seeing friends.
It was a shop I worked in, and I would even pop in once or twice, just to keep the area manager updated on how I was.
mmoonbelly@reddit
If anxiety and stress - first thing is to chat through with a healthcare professional about the causes and triggers.
Doing non-work normal activities within the guided framework of the specialist is completely allowable.
As is staying in and relaxing as needed.
Hiding away and worrying, without help though, speaking from personal experience in a similar situation, just delays problems on return to work.
Be sympathetic but straightforward. The things he can do without sparking anxiety attacks he should do.
prettypinkparsnip@reddit (OP)
Thank you. He’s speaking to a therapist for the first time this week, who I hope will be of help!
Swimming_Gas7611@reddit
Depends, are you presenting this arguement fairly and honestly to us Redditors? If so then yeah sure he can do some bits here and there, in fact he should be.
If you are presenting your side of the argument that he should be able to do these things but doesn't want to because of xyz (anxiety being a major one) and is fine at home then no, don't force him to have more anxiety worrying someone from work will see him and make returning to work miserable.
prettypinkparsnip@reddit (OP)
I believe I am presenting it fairly. It’s quite tricky, as his primary symptoms are some sort of episodes that presents as Deja Vu and nausea. His most recent doctor visits suspects stress induced anxiety and panic attacks (also possibly epilepsy? - we’re working on it with doctors), which is what I simmered it down to on this post. He doesn’t necessarily present as a person with anxiety, and is actually quite confident. This is why I feel comfortable in pushing him to get outside in the sunshine, as it isn’t the standard traits of anxiety that are holding him back, but rather his understanding of what being signed off from work actually means.
Swimming_Gas7611@reddit
Then yeah 100% my first point. Small steps getting him out and about. Idk how old you both are but this is an archaic belief that off work should equal bedridden!
shanrees8@reddit
I can see how he's been signed off for stress and anxiety 😭
prettypinkparsnip@reddit (OP)
Damn… that’s harsh
Intruder313@reddit
*off work
Never ‘off of’ anything
prettypinkparsnip@reddit (OP)
Thank you! I actually stopped for a moment as I was writing this as I wasn’t sure which one was correct.
Puzzled-Barnacle-200@reddit
Completely depends what for. If I'm off sick because of an infectious illness, I'll try to avoid places where I might be in close contact with other people, such as shops. But I will often go for a short walk for fresh air I'm I'm up for it.
I have taken 2 days off for mental health, after my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I cleaned a lot of the house, and went shopping.
Impressive-Cheek1609@reddit
In my work places (NHS no less) anyone with a "hidden" illness or disability was considered to be making it up for time off.
Work culture has a big part to play in how hidden someone feels the need to be when signed off. I don't mean policies, I mean how colleagues talk about other people who are off sick. We had a lovely young man in the office, 21, so clever, so helpful, but quite mentally unwell for a variety of reasons including a terminally ill mother and a chronically ill partner. If anyone saw this young man out, trying to get some air and exercise, they would "joke" with him. "Not much wrong with you, is there?" "Alright, Slacker?" He ended up coming back to work before he was ready due to this, and ended up in a much worse position.
The media and politicians going on about how there's "too many people claiming to be anxious", and the vitriol you see spouted on the internet to people who admit to being on benefits, has fall out wider than people might imagine.
TL;DR
Yes, being out is good for him, but it really isn't that simple either.
_isolati0n@reddit
For mental health illness you can definitely still live your life. You are medically unfit for work, not unfit for life, and it makes sense to try and better yourself rather than letting the anxiety consume you. The workplace would also take no issue in seeing you outside when you're signed off (unless you're supposed to be very physically unwell).
I was recently signed off with anxiety for around 4 months. I lived my life as normal and even went on holiday while signed off with anxiety and wasn't afraid to share it on social media which my colleagues can all see. It really helped me to relax and I subsequently returned to work. Management never once made it an issue (because they can't).
prettypinkparsnip@reddit (OP)
Thank you. I think ‘unfit for work, not unfit for life’ is a perfect comment, and I’ll definitely show him this.
Zzzzzzzz64238@reddit
If he has been signed off from work with stress and anxiety, yet is still stressed and anxious by his work’s perception of his illness he will never get better
VardaElentari86@reddit
If i have a colleague signed off with stress and anxiety, I WANT them to be going out and trying to improve their mental health.
the_night_max@reddit
I was signed off due to anxiety for all of January. I absolutely still walked, went rock climbing, went away for the night to a pre-booked trip to the Lakes for walking and climbing and did their hobbies.
My stress wasn’t because of work, but my job is pretty intense, requires a high degree of focus, organisation and interaction and I wasn’t capable of doing it well while I was mentally unwell. However I was perfectly capable of trekking up a fell, climbing a wall, socialising (a little) and doing other hobbies - even if I wasn’t getting the enjoyment I usually would.
He absolutely can and should be doing things for himself and it can be really helpful for healing.
Conversely, I recently had a moderately serious (physical) injury and I worked from home as normal throughout but couldn’t do my hobbies.
Being too unwell for some things doesn’t mean you’re too unwell for others.
If he’s worried about being ‘caught out’ could he go back to the GP and maybe get their advice? They’ll absolutely tell him to exercise and if queried (which he shouldn’t be) he could always show them the GP recommendation. Mine specifically said to try and continue normal physical activity.
prettypinkparsnip@reddit (OP)
Thank you. He’s going back to the doctor and has his first ever therapy session this week so hopefully they will provide clarity on this and he can feel more comfortable leaving the house.
the_night_max@reddit
I hope the therapy helps and he’s out and about soon! Seeing the therapist is a great step.
I am absolutely sure doing things I usually enjoy helped me feel better faster (along with the right meds and, probably a bit niche, but for me getting an ADHD diagnosis, lol).
Specific_Willow8099@reddit
Anxiety and stress.
There's everything you need to know about this "illness"
MotherTemporary903@reddit
Especially for stress it's important he does things that alleviate that. Sitting at home doing nothing won't do that.
I was off with stress for a month and my boss asked what I was doing to improve my mental health, I talked to him about walks I went on and art class I joined.
Swimming_Possible_68@reddit
It depends what you've been signed off for.
Signed off for a highly contagious disease? Don't go out.
Signed off for stress or mental health? Do whatever you need to get better - if that's going out, that's absolutely fine!
Bowtie327@reddit
Pretty much this, any physical aliment, it’s the old “if you’re well enough to X, you’re well enough to go to school”
If it’s stress, depression, anxiety, go take your “medicine” and do whatever you must to feel well
Diligent_Leopard7739@reddit
Slightly disagree on the "any physical aliment" bit - I was recently signed off following surgery and once I was well enough I went for short walks etc but was exhausted afterwards, no way I could have worked. Rest is also a big part of recovery but light exercise and fresh air can also help when you're feeling up to it.
Completely agree for mental health though, go do anything that makes you feel better. If someone isn't going out it's possible it's due to anxiety of being in public rather than it being taboo. Not wanting to be seen by colleagues could also be a shame thing.
Bowtie327@reddit
Fair enough, I was generalising slightly, if you need physio/recovery time then I’d put that under the same umbrella as what I said for mental health, short walks/runs to rebuild muscles/strength is very different to say if you spent your days in the Peaks hiking
Diligent_Leopard7739@reddit
Agreed, general advice would be to do what helps but don't take the piss.
-Intrepid-Path-@reddit
What is he doing to manage his anxiety and stress?
alillypie@reddit
He should be cycling, walking, running, spending time outside. He'll be more anxious if he stays home all day
Majick_L@reddit
Getting out of the house and doing “graded exposure” is a method that’s encouraged by doctors to help with anxiety, so its fair game
Repulsive_Sweet_5308@reddit
I seen you said he was off for anxiety and stress in a post further down. I couldn't recommend highly enough to encourage him to get out in the fresh air for his own mental well-being. From someone who many years was in this position, being home made everything worse, work was always on my mind, what are they saying about me being off, will I lose my job, will they be funny when I'm back... Getting out on the canal with my dog helped me hugely, excersise is the best medicine for our own minds ( in my opinion). Hope he feels better soon
arweeni@reddit
Yeh not doing anything to help with the stress and anxiety would likely be deemed worse by his employer. He definitely needs to be getting outside.
BG3restart@reddit
Unless the doctor has specifically told me to go out for some kind of rehabilitation, if I'm off work sick, I don't go out either. If I'm well enough to go out, I'm well enough to go to work IMO.
anoamas321@reddit
if you off sick for any reason going to a supermarket is fair game. Sick people still need to eat......
Strong_Roll5639@reddit
I was signed off with anxiety and I cycled loads. It was one of the only times I didn't fedl anxious so it was really helpful.
TheQuietRoar@reddit
I was signed off, I had a holiday already booked - in went on it and my boss knew. Absolutely no problem- I was also signed off for depression and anxiety and advised by my gp to also go on holiday for a reset/change of scenery. Being signed off is to get yourself back together and staying in the house and isolating is only going to make things worse.
CynicalRecidivist@reddit
The thing is, your partner has been signed off with anxiety, so although he is allowed to be out and about - trying to "persuade" him to go to the local places with you when he is clearly worried about being seen could be adding to his anxiety. He is clearly incredibly reluctant to run errands in his local area, and he is doing everything he can to not be seen (even though in reality - it's fine).
Why not travel away from your local areas so this distance might not make him feel as worried.
Suspicious_girl1990@reddit
I was once signed off with anxiety. I worked at a big supermarket at the time. A friend persuaded me to go out with her to the park. I did and I was seen and it was reported back to the supermarket and I had to have a meeting over it. This was about 15 years ago now but I remember it being such a step back on my mental health and anxiety. I suppose I should have pushed back but I was young and unsure. But he should definitely get out and about for his own well-being. Sending good vibes
OwlAviator@reddit
It's very difficult, if not impossible, to recover from acute stress and anxiety without leaving the house. I'd honestly recommend a change of scenery, maybe stay with his parents or a sibling for a few days, or a weekend away together? He needs fresh air, vitamin D, and distractions. However, and I say this as someone who has been in his shoes: good luck convincing him of that, he'll resist, but the resistance is a symptom of acute stress and anxiety - it's not 'really him', so while it's important to keep him accountable, allow a little grace too. Good luck, you'll both come out the other side stronger for it!
likeyournamebutworse@reddit
Been signed off for depression, stress and anxiety in the past. I struggled with this too, having grown up with the mindset that if you're too sick to fulfill your responsibilities then you're too sick to be enjoying yourself. However, both my doctor and employer encouraged me to get out and do things I enjoyed. That's how to feel better. You have to refill the tank. If hes just sitting at home worrying then hes not using the time as intended and will likely end up being off for longer.
Neither_Practice_247@reddit
The etiquette is to let the person who’s signed off manage their health and wellbeing… anxiety is really hard to manage and variable af.
You can’t “convince him”. You’re meant to support him not add more pressure, stress and anxiety
Wonderful_Audience15@reddit
I have been signed off with stress/anxiety a couple of times.
The first time I stayed indoors worse than normal (for the same reasons cited here) and honestly, it made me feel worse to the point I actually went back to work early.
The second time, my mum had died and I was speaking to the mental health nurse about it and she told me she would recommend I take some time off work, I ended up discussing my previous time signed off and how it made me feel worse. She just shot me a straight look and said "I am telling you as a medical professional that getting out and doing normal things is going to help you in this situation" and it just sort of snapped into me how silly I was being the first time. So I did everything, I even went out for a game of footgolf with my direct manager who I opened up to about feeling a little guilty for having fun while signed off, they just laughed and told me they were really glad I was getting out and about.
So all in all, my advice would be get out and do anything you want, you are not going to help yourself by locking yourself away
ShineAtom@reddit
I understand where he's coming from as have been there and done that. Being signed off work doesn't mean you have to isolate yourself (unless that's a medical necessity) not should you. I'd suggest that he takes a daily walk in a local park or nature reserve or woods depending on what's available where you are. If you need to drive to get there it doesn't matter as just learning to get out of the house is really important. I suspect he's worried that colleagues will see him out and think he's faking it. In that case ensure that going out is not close to his office or at times when he may feel he'll be seen, at least until he's got a bit more confidence.
m1nkeh@reddit
Assuming he’s been signed off for stress or something… you need to get out there and live a fairly normal life so that you can feel unstressed
slippery-pineapple@reddit
I was recently signed off for stress and both occupational health and my manager told me to make sure I get out the house plenty and enjoy myself - that's like the whole point of having time off to deal with your mental health
Robzooo@reddit
There is plenty of evidence that exercise, doing things that you enjoy and also getting out with nature is helpful for stress and anxiety. The point of a sick note is to say the patient is too unwell to work but also to allow time to recover.
Sitting at home in the dark with anxious thoughts are just going to make his condition worse. I know we can have a lot of guilt of getting caught "throwing a sickie" but if we don't do anything to improve our condition it isn't going to improve and likely to need more time off.
gemmajenkins2890@reddit
My parents were like this when I got my first job when I was still living at home.
I used to get a lot of ear infections, and bad. Im talking pus pouring out of my ear, that whole side of my head way too sensitive and painful to touch, my whole ear being bright red. When I got one of these, I’d phone in sick.
There were a couple times I had to go to get painkillers. So I’d ask my dad if he could run me to boots in the car as we lived on the edge of town.
His argument was if I can leave the house to do that, I can go to work.
I’m not contagious, sure, but I’m gonna be pretty fucking miserable trying to work in pain like that, and it’s gross for people to see all this crap coming out my ear.
SeriousWait5520@reddit
If it's stress related, then activity generally recommended to support recovery should be encouraged. From an etiquette perspective, would just avoid excessive social media posting that could be seen as taking the p*ss (e.g. posting pics from a beach...) Also if you are signed off from work, that means do not engage with work. I personally wouldn't turn up to work social activities for example, but I don't think that's explicitly banned.
jade333@reddit
Exactly. I worked with a bloke who was signed off over summer every year (partner was a teacher)
The social media posts of bbqs on the beach and several holidays were a kick in the teeth.
OkTadpole2920@reddit
He needs to go out, to recover however, while his anxiety levels are sky-high he will overthink absolutely everything. Supermarkets are the worst places for sufferers, bright lights and too many people alongside too much choice, trigger anxiety in people who don't have it! Do you have any decent (or indecent) parks or nature reserves within a reasonable distance. Drive there and go for a walk, minimal talking though because that interferes with the relaxed breathing that will help to ground him. Good luck OP x
Hammahnator@reddit
I was signed off for 5 months after hip surgery. I went out for walks, went to the pool, went out to lunch, went to the shops. Being signed off doesn't mean you have to stay at home 24/7. You are allowed to go out.
Milvusmilvus@reddit
He can do whatever he chooses to as long as it doesn't directly contradict why he's off (i.e. says he's broken a limb but goes rock climbing).
Realistic-Muffin-165@reddit
If it helps, I know someone who was signed off for the same and went off on a ski holiday.
asymmetricears@reddit
I guess this may be a symptom of the anxiety.
But in short, you probably shouldn't be seen to do anything that is reasonably comparable to work, because the argument would then be that if you can do that you can do your job. You also probably shouldn't be seen to do anything that would likely delay your recovery. i.e. moving big bags of compost at the garden centre if you've been signed off for a bad back.
But then there are nuances, doing an activity similar to work isn't on it's own bad, because there is the possibility you can do it for 15 minutes, but not 7.5 hours. There are many reasons to be signed off work, so circumstances will be different dependent on the reason for being signed off.
When I was signed off for a couple of weeks a few years ago, amongst other things I got a haircut and went for a pub lunch during "working hours". Going for a walk or a bike ride, or going to the supermarket are all reasonable things to do in your partner's case.
Cleffah@reddit
Your partner has been signed off work because his mental health has gotten so bad and you are spending your time moaning at him and trying to force him to go outside and do things... whilst he is ill and signed off work?
Are you okay? Is there even a morsel of empathy in your body? Let him breathe for fuck sake... I wonder why his mental health is declining huh.
FYI the last thing a depressed and anxious person wants (and arguably needs) is to be going on bike rides and being forced outside. Maybe stop shaming him into "being productive"?
So_Gawjus@reddit
I was signed off for 3 months due to anxiety and depression, a couple years ago. I still did the same as I do now. Or did before. Shopping, etc. obviously I wasn’t out throwing it down my neck but there is absolutely nothing wrong with being outside. And if anything ya sometimes encouraged.
venuscans@reddit
I was off because of pregnancy sickness once, but I did go to Lisbon at the end when my symptoms subsided. I returned to work straight after but my boss was fine about it.
NaomiT29@reddit
It depends what he's been signed off for, in all honesty. By the suggestions you mentioned for leaving the house, it sounds like it's not a short-term issue like a viral illness (which would be something you'd not expect a person to be leaving the house with).
If it's for something like mental health, a serious injury, or recovering from surgery then leaving the house occasionally isn't unreasonable. I'm sure if someone he works with did happen to see him during any kind of excursion during work hours - which would be unlikely given they'll be working - then I'm sure it would be quite clear that whatever the reason for his being signed off is still an issue for him.
Going for walks, for example, is really good for our mental health, and a gentle walk is also often good for physical recovery from injury or surgery. Likewise, going to the supermarket is a necessity of life but can also be a good way to get someone out of the house and get a bit of gentle exercise.
Competitive_Pen7192@reddit
Signed off is signed off, if it's stress or whatnot it shouldn't matter. He could even go on holiday and there's nothing there that's wrong.
Being seen by colleagues shouldn't be an issue unless maybe he's skipping around the supermarket in brightly coloured clothes but even then maybe he's relieving stress...
Sounds like having to actively hide is causing him more stress as in his mind he might think the time off is illegitimate.
rainbow84uk@reddit
When I was signed off for mental health reasons, the doctor specifically told me to do things I enjoy as part of my recovery.
snarkmaiden5@reddit
If its for anxiety and stress hes definitely fine to be seen out and about, its often encouraged Even doctors say getting out and exercising is one of the best things you can do.
Being seen doesn't mean hes ok, it just means hes working on recovery
cactusdan94@reddit
Your signed off work. Your not a prisoner its none of your employers business what your doing.
A bike ride sounds like a great idea for anxiety.
AndrewHinds67@reddit
If you're signed off work, it's a good idea not to be seen out and about because I've known people to get the sack for that.
sandblown@reddit
Go back to work, no more stress of being seen out and about, problem solved.
Trash_Panda_Leaves@reddit
I used to get this way. Its a part of the illness- a feeling that you are not allowed to relax. I'd offer to get him outside more, just to sit in nature. And yeah away from work.
I'm literally in bed rn because I have to save energy to work tomorrow.
Diplomatic_Gunboats@reddit
Have the discussion with him about what you should be doing depends on *why* they have been signed off.
Signed off for back problems? Absolutely dont go cycling every day or doing other strenuous activities etc unless recommended to by a doctor.
Signed off for anxiety/stress? Basically everything is fine (in the context of 'being seen by work colleagues'). They could be on a bouncy castle and it wouldnt be an issue.
No_Ease7557@reddit
It could be that he just doesn't want to go out and this is a symptom of the condition and not wanting to be seen by anyone from work is just an excuse.
katharinelouise@reddit
I was signed off due to anxiety and depression in lockdown and my doctor suggested I try to get outside for a walk as and when I could! So imo it's fine/should be encouraged.
CherryPie8219@reddit
As someone who had 4 months off due to MH issues, I felt this way at first but then realised staying at home didn't help at all, yes it's nice to have a space that feels safe and comfortable etc. however getting out for a walk or doing things for me, helped me move forward. It's so easy to stay in your safe space and feel like the outside is the bad place, I've been there and lived it, your partner will benefit from being out and about, even if he doesn't feel like it at first.
wendz1980@reddit
As someone currently signed off with heart issues. I go out the days I feel ok and stay in when I don’t. I ventured to the pub for a few hours on Sunday (no alcohol btw), and on Friday I have a walk along the beach planned with my sister and cousin. I can’t be stuck in my house all the time. I’d go nuts.
DependentMind6101@reddit
He's signed off as not fit for WORK it doesn't mean he can't engage in other activities that would help improve his condition. I don't think any reasonable employer would expect him to stay cooped up at home the entire time
onlysmaller@reddit
I was signed off most of April over a miscarriage and I did what I could to feel normal I didn’t really think twice about who saw me where my health is none of their business. Several people from work did see me.
Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit
He's fine too go about normal life business locally. Msybe don't go on holiday, or to a theme park, but getting outside and fresh air is good for anxiety, and people need to get groceries, do that's fine.
vivalaalice@reddit
Anything mental health related it’s fair game to go out and do things. It would be wildly unreasonable to expect someone experiencing stress, anxiety, depression etc. to improve by sitting inside all day
Emergency_Wealth7778@reddit
I managed someone who got married whilst signed off long term sick and HR confirmed it was fine. As long as he's not planning on going to a rave, I think going out (which supports mental health etc.) he should be fine
Hot_Lynx7043@reddit
A rave might help with someone’s mental health
spaceshipcommander@reddit
Just don't take the piss.
Exercise and fresh air speeds up recovery and is essential for good mental health.
Flying to America for Coachella is taking the piss.
The limit is somewhere in between.
theloniousmick@reddit
He should carry on as normal but I totally understand his logic. People talk and mental health still isn't taken as seriously as it should be. Saying that the attitude seems to be changing in my place when someone was tutting about a girl off with stress putting something on her socials about going out with friends and it was refreshing that they got shouted down by people pointing out her staying at home wasnt going to help her stress.
Superb-Ad-8823@reddit
Being stuck in doors 24/7 will make it worse. He needs to go out and about. Go see nature.
Imperator_Helvetica@reddit
Fwiw if he's signed off then a medical professional doesn't think he should be at work and work presumably agrees with them. That's it.
Maybe people will gossip and moan if they see him out and about - but fuck 'em. They don't know if the treatment includes 'take some exercise to loosen the joints up' or if that 'I have enough energy to get the shopping in but no more - so I have to choose between being in the office or not.'
I get that there might be some guilt or a feeling that 'I'm not properly ill unless I'm suffering and having a miserable time indoors' but that's nonsense. Also, anyone who thinks you're skiving will think that if they see you outside 'Oh, not too ill for a walk' or not 'Oh, not too ill to watch TV/play videogames/drink coffee' as though you should be like a sickly heiress from a Victorian novel confined to her bed with only gruel and a non-exciting book.
Also, as far as MH issues go - getting active and outside, even running errands is better than staying in and fretting. Although lots of sleep is good for burnout.
It may be though that the overinflated worry-tanks once full of work stress are now feeling empty and your partner is trying to replace that stress with 'worrying about work and if I'm ill enough' stress - if they're not getting therapy then they need to understand that their sickness is valid and their illness is legitimate. If they'd broken their arm and couldn't do their driving work then they'd (hopefully) not be feeling guilty for having to take time off, or if they'd overworked the car and it needed a week off the road to be retuned and repaired, same for the mind - take the time, it's all authorised and don't worry about office gossips or your 'not ill enough' guilt.
jonschaff@reddit
Give the poor guy a break
atomic_mermaid@reddit
You would not believe the petty sniping gossip some people do when a colleague is off sick. I get why he's bothered.
I always tell people (and their managers) to ignore that petty bullshit and do whatever they need to for their recovery. It's up to managers to tell people to wind their necks in if they start getting gossipy about it.
Just like a broken leg will need some physical exercises and physio to get better, anxiety and depression needs some physical and mental exercise to get better. That's often a walk, a trip out, maybe the gym, some relaxing time at a coffee shop with a mate, whatever. He should absolutely start doing some normal life activities and put his recovery first.
Glittering_Win_5085@reddit
Those things are important for recovery. He would have every right to go to tribunal if fired for going on a walk whilst off with anxiety. He needs to focus on recovery not appearing as sick as possible. Obviously don't go overboard, trips to a theme park or a holiday might not be a good look, but he needs to not think that he is required to become an agoraphobe. He should speak to his GP.
tulipjessie@reddit
My father always said "I'm too ill for work, I'm not too ill to live" he followed this and carried on as normal, without going to work. He never had any problems with it.
Visible-Pomelo7748@reddit
Signed off from work means not currently well enough/able to do my job. It doesn't necessarily mean not well enough to leave the house. If I saw someone I knew was off for an injury and they were doing an activity that made it clear they didn't have an injury then I'd be judging them. Otherwise, live your life. Going for a walk, cycle, or to get groceries is absolutely fine and actually probably good for the stress/MH. (I am a hypocrite though because I do get embarrassed and stressed if I'm ever off work and see someone from work out in the wild)
TheDoctor66@reddit
When I was off for that towards the end of the time off especially I was hiking a lot. I even bumped into my manager on one of these hikes and it was completely fine and understood.
FearlessBanana81@reddit
You are allowed out when on the sick. Even if you're really ill, you may need to get yourself to the shop to buy medicine or things you need.
Always wise to use some common sense though, if you're off with a stomach bug, probably best not to be out drinking and partying.
IamTory@reddit
I was signed off with depression and work stress for three months. I still went out: to the shops, to choir rehearsals, to eat with friends, for walks, even on a weekend away with choir. Activity and pleasure are part of the recovery process for anxiety, depression, and stress.
It does feel a bit weird going by your work when you're not there because you're ill. But it really is okay.
Anxiety brain is probably not helping your partner with this, though, and I would be sympathetic and patient with him on it. Suggest quiet, out of the way outings where he won't worry so much about being seen. And suggest he talk to his therapist about it if he's seeing one (which hopefully he is).
IamTory@reddit
Adding to this: he may also be worried about being seen by colleagues because it would raise questions about the nature of his illness. Maybe he doesn't want people to guess that his absence is of a mental health nature. Which is also understandable.
beetrootfarmer@reddit
Yea he needs to do things. Especially for a anxiety and stress condition, he won't recover if he just stays home and does nothing normal for the duration. Also, he's being paranoid! Unless you live in a teeny tiny village the chances of bumping into someone from work are slim and even if he does they know he still needs to buy food or enjoy life.
Fraggle_ninja@reddit
Do you live locally to work? But either way if work if causing the stress, not being at work is allowing recovery and there’s a need for self care and doing normal routine stuff and stuff that makes you feel better. It’s not a prison sentence however it’s easy to see how your husband might be overly anxious about it if he’s already anxious.
bigborb1985@reddit
if he's signed off for anxiety and stress, not only can he go out and about but he should be out doing whatever he finds relaxing, even if seen by colleagues he will be doing nothing wrong, i would say its anxiety that's telling him he can't go out and about or be seen though. shit thing about anxiety theres no flip of a switch that can just turn it off.
surprise_pudding@reddit
When I was signed off for stress and depression I was told straight up by my doctor that I needed to go out and do things that I enjoyed as part of my recovery.
FunkyYoghurt@reddit
He should be going out without worrying about a colleague seeing him. Years ago a colleague of mine was signed off work for 2 weeks due to severe depression, and went out to a local cocktail bar one afternoon with a few of his friends. Someone at work took a photo of him and reported him to management being all "Look at this!? Off for depression!?" Luckily the manager was ace and bollocked the person reporting him with "Being out of the house and socialising is great for depression. Why can't he?"
L-0-T-H-0-S@reddit
He's signed off for stress and anxiety, yes? It's not like he was signed off for a bad back - which is the key distinction, he hasn't been signed off for any kind of physical reason.
That's his problem - he doesn't want his colleagues knowing why he was signed off, he doesn't want to have to confront dealing with his stress related issues.
You're best cause is to accept that this is the way he currently is, he needs time and patiences. Shopping is exposure to a public place he may run into people from work he knows - that's his anxiety about going out, it has nothing to do with feeling he should be cooped up at home - its to do with acknowledging his problem.
You just have to be patient and get him to see that, that's his first step in dealing with it.
PiercedX123@reddit
I am signed off at the moment, I have been for about a month. I still need to eat so have to go to the shops. I am still a carer, so need to do that. I am having tests so need to go to the hospital. I even went into work the other day because I had a hard copy sick note to drop off. There’s a big difference between being well enough for a short visit and doing a full shift five days a week and I think most employers understand that.
Elegant_Plantain1733@reddit
If hes signed off with mental health then I expect him to be following the treatment prescribed by his medical practitioners. Im pretty sure that will include leaving the house.
Hunter_Hendrix@reddit
I guess the question is, what is the reason for being signed off?
prettypinkparsnip@reddit (OP)
Good point, I updated my post. He’s been signed off due to anxiety and stress.
PorkAmbassador@reddit
Getting out and about will help with that; he's not contagious.
Aggressive-Waltz1126@reddit
If its more like mental health then I see no reason for him not to be living life "normally" outside of going to work.
It's better for him to be doing things, mental health can deteriorate quickly when cooped up and inactive. If anything he should be actively doing things that make him feel better, how else will he recover?
Mental-Sample-7490@reddit
He should absolutely be doing things that support his well being such as exercise and getting out. You may find he is avoiding thees things due to his mental health as opposed to being seen..this is an easy reason not to do it as opposed to saying I don't want to because my mental health.
cloakandagger123@reddit
Maybe start off with walks to the country side- far away from home/office as being in the vicinity may be a trigger for his anxiety and then work your way inwards from there. Hopefully before long he'll be able to go out by work
SamVimesBootTheory@reddit
He's dealing with anxiety and stress so he's not going to be feeling great but he should at least try to get out as it will help but I understand the concern of the 'what if someone sees me and decides I'm not really sick'
PanicStil@reddit
Getting out is all part of rehabilitation. You won’t be looked favourably on if you go to the south of France for a week. But come on, going to the shops is fine.
thelajestic@reddit
Depends on the reason. If it's mental health related, then they should absolutely go out and about, and when I was a manager if I had someone off with mental health issues I'd always actively encourage them to do so. I don't think many people will feel better from just holing themselves up in the house.
If it's due to an injury and you're signed off because you say the injury is stopping you getting to work then it's probably not good etiquette to then be going out and about doing other things 😅 but then that depends as well, as you might be able to go out and do a moderate amount but you can't sit at a desk all day, do the normal commute, or do whatever physical tasks the job requires. So I'd say in most cases it's fine and expected that you'd be out doing other things.
Which-World-6533@reddit
If I'm signed off of work then it means I'm too ill or incapacitated to do much.
I'm not going to be cycling around or wandering around shops.
Have some sympathy.
Princess_Mai@reddit
I think it depends why he’s signed off?
If it’s physical health or he’s got a sickness bug, then absolutely shouldn’t be seen.
If it’s mental health or stress, then i probably wouldn’t be posting online of him having a great time: but he can definitely go out and about! It probably would help
12Keisuke@reddit
I think that is a bit old fashioned. His not well enough to work doesn't mean he isn't well enough to go to the shops.
Tell him he must lay in bed all day.
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