Is it common in the US for married couples to sleep in separate rooms?
Posted by GwenPoolestar22@reddit | AskAnAmerican | View on Reddit | 444 comments
Hey everyone, 23 year old Gen Z latino guy here. I’m still learning a lot about American culture and relationships.
I was playing *Tomodachi Life: LTD* and noticed that when the Miis (customized characters) get married, they move in together but often sleep in separate rooms until they have a baby. I know the game is Japanese inspired, but it made me curious. Is sleeping in separate rooms somewhat common for married couples in America?
If yes, why do people do it? (snoring, different schedules, wanting personal space, etc.?)
If no, what’s the usual expectation?
firerosearien@reddit
It's not uncommon if one partner snores, but there's definitley stigma about it.
uptiedand8@reddit
I visited my childhood best friend’s house when we were in our twenties and picked up weird vibes between her mom and stepdad, who had been married for twenty years at that point. I remembered them being a nice couple when we were kids. Now, mom seemed on edge and stepdad was distant. While I was there, they were meant to leave for some event, but this got way delayed as mom spent an hour washing every dish in the sink very loudly before getting ready. They were really well off too, stepdad was a law firm partner.
My friend told me that they now slept in separate rooms due to his snoring. I felt like there might be more to it than that. I would wonder why this rich dude didn’t simply get a CPAP machine.
A couple of years later, they were divorced.
YMMV but I don’t see why a couple would sleep separately due to snoring in the CPAP era.
crooked_kangaroo@reddit
Had an ex leave in the middle of the night once because of my snoring.
knifeyspoonysporky@reddit
I know my husband would not be my husband if he snored like a chainsaw every night.
crooked_kangaroo@reddit
There was a joke in our family that everyone needed to go to bed before our dad. The reason was that his snoring was incredibly loud and it was nigh impossible for anyone else to fall asleep once the snoring started. I have no idea how my mom put up with it.
dauntless-cupcake@reddit
Sounds like my childhood family vacations. If I was sleeping in the same tent/hotel room as my dad and didn’t have earplugs I was in for a rough night.
Yeah so he has a CPAP now
thebeatsandreptaur@reddit
When I was little I had night terrors, like diagnosed. Already shitty, right? Well my dad started to snore really loud too. Their room was in the basement, and their vent connected to my vent, unbeknownst to us at the time. I was terrified of the closet that the vent was in. Genuinely thought it was a monster. Parents didn't really listen to me because 1) already had night terrors so they assumed maybe it was related to that and 2) I was like 3, and kids think the boogeyman is in their closet/under the bed, it's normal.
This went on for two years. Then one day he was home and taking a nap, and my mom went to clean my bedroom and she heard it. She said it sounded like a fucking bear, because I guess the ductwork was amplifying the sound.
Never felt more vindicated than when they were like "so uh, the closet thing..."
SpringtimeLilies7@reddit
I wouldn't have my 3yo child on a separate floor than me.
AntOnADogLog@reddit
U could hear my dad across the house thru 3 doors. He made his leadership run screaming out of her tent in alaska bc she thought he was a bear. My mom slept with her head sandwiched in a pillow and regularly checked his breathing bc of his sleep apnea. I wouldve told him to figure out a sleep study and slept on the fold out in this modern era.
Junior_Ad_7613@reddit
The joke in our family was that my great-grandfather set things up so the head of his bed shared a wall with the living room (where suitors would come to call) because his snoring would put off anyone who wasn’t serious about his daughters.
schmatteganai@reddit
....wouldn't that just let them know he was asleep?
thebeatsandreptaur@reddit
That's cute lol
kartoffel_engr@reddit
My father in law has sleep apnea. When he visits and stays in the guest room, I usually have to go in and tell him to “put on his breathing crab” because he’s so damn loud.
Idk why he brings it and just chooses to risk dying at night.
innersloth987@reddit
What's a breathing crab?
KingDarius89@reddit
CPap or a BiPap, most likely
EtherealProblem@reddit
Some CPAP machine (treatment for sleep apnea) masks do kind of look like a crab on your face, so I would guess that's what they call his machine.
innersloth987@reddit
Ohh.
Yes we can say it also looks like those villian in Superman(Henry) wear on their nose.
Darryl_Lict@reddit
It's a trained crab that holds your mouth closed and hold your nostrils open with its pincers like a Breathe-rite.
Environmental_Bar824@reddit
Probably breathing "crap."
Photo_Dove_1010220@reddit
This was my house. We used to spend a lot of times in hotels for gymnastics when I was younger and I can't recall the number of times I would get up to "go the bathroom" and be excessively noisy just to wake my dad up to give myself a chance to fall asleep before he'd start snoring again
SpringtimeLilies7@reddit
I snore😔Guess it's good I'm single. I would hope if I wasn't, it would just mean separate bedrooms not a divorce. I did move my bed for my neighbor's sake (she could her me through our shared wall).
Environmental_Bar824@reddit
How about after you'd been married for 28 years?
This month will mark our 29th year together and our 28th anniversary. My husband has started snoring pretty hard most nights within the last couple of years. He used to only snore like this when he had worked a particularly long and physically hard day, but now he snores like that most nights. I'm not ready to throw away that kind of investment. I just rub his arm and tell him that he needs to turn over. He doesn't seem to snore near as bad when he is on his side. He used to get really irritated when I did that, but since I explained that I was concerned about his well-being, he has been less grouchy about it. I'm pretty sure he has Sleep Apnea, but he refuses to get tested. To be fair, we don't have insurance and it's not cheap to be tested.
AntOnADogLog@reddit
A funeral tends to be far more costly. I say this with love as a person with two parents and a grandma who have/had sleep apnea and two brothers being tested for it soon.
knifeyspoonysporky@reddit
I would INSIST he go in for a sleep study or be actively working towards a solution to solve it (weight loss, reducing alcohol/weed consumption, be willing to try a mouth guard or breathe right strips, etc)
Ignoring the problem and making it your spouse’s sleep problem just feels selfish and invalidating to you (the non snorer’s) needs.
Complaining about being woken up for snoring and about being tired the next day makes me feel very little sympathy after a night of being kept up by said snores.
My husband was starting to have snoring issues but actively worked towards solving them, but the moments he kicked the can down the road and ignored them was really frustrating.
mr_frpdo@reddit
A little annoying but a motorized incline topper for his side can do wonders. I used to snore but while it takes a bit to get used to, sleeping at 30 degree incline solved all my snoring. I feel so much better in the morning now too. Not very expensive, they are available on Amazon
Environmental_Bar824@reddit
We tried a wedge pillow, but he had trouble sleeping with it. :-( We also tried elevating the head of the bed with risers. We had to take 1 level out because, once again, he couldn't sleep like that. The head of the bed is still elevated about 8 inches. It doesn't seem to fix the issue.
OmightyOmo@reddit
He needs to see an ENT
Communal-Lipstick@reddit
You woukd seriously leave gim or are you jokinf?
sweeteatoatler@reddit
Thankfully, we have a guest room when my snoring gets to be a problem.
youdontlookitalian@reddit
I’ve considered doing this before
21stCenturyJanes@reddit
As you get older, there's no stigma. I know a lot of middle aged couples who sleep apart only because of sleep issues, not relationship issues.
currburr21@reddit
Yea my parents sleep in separate rooms, they both snore so loud they wake the other one up 😂
HairyPotatoKat@reddit
I wore noise cancelling headphones because of my husband's snoring. Those only helped a bit though. I would have stayed in another room but I'd often have to nudge him if he stopped breathing. He'd go a disconcerting amount of time without breathing if I didn't. Textbook sleep apnea. I was on him to talk to his doctor for years about it....
FINALLY got him to do a sleep study. He now has a CPAP that's surprisingly quiet. Snoring has completely stopped except for when he shoves the mask off in the middle of the night. He's more awake during the day too.
Idk who needs to hear this, but please encourage a snoring partner to get a sleep study done. They can be done at home a lot of times now. Or if you're the snorer, talk to your doc. Also not all sleep apnea requires a CPAP. Some does. But sometimes a mouth piece is all that's needed. Sometimes there are treatments that can cure it. Depends on the specific cause.
Go book that appointment:)
historyhill@reddit
My husband just got a CPAP and when it works it works! But about half the nights the seal gets unsealed :/
bachelurkette@reddit
or, if you’re me, if your partner regularly flails in his sleep and sometimes elbow drops you
we started having separate rooms 4 years ago after hacking it out for the previous 8 and it was genuinely life changing for me. but it is still weird to talk about it to other people :/
historyhill@reddit
Yeah, there's really a stigma and it's like, "why should good sleep for everyone be shameful? My marriage isn't weaker than it used to be, stop acting like it is!"
LouisRitter@reddit
Yeah we almost always sleep separate because my gf snores and has to have a TV on in the room. I like white noise, a fan and darkness.
No sense in losing sleep to accommodate the other person
MartyMcShitigan@reddit
you prob get zero buns
Magerimoje@reddit
Same with me and my husband. It's been almost 20 years of sleeping in different rooms.
He needs a cold room, pitch black, a fan blowing on him. I need warm, a bit of noise and light (TV), and I fucking hate fans.
So, we're happy in different rooms.
CunningWizard@reddit
We sleep separate for the snoring issue and the fact that I’m a night owl. Works fine for us.
Jsmith2127@reddit
I started sleeping in another room because of this. Either I was awake all night, or I was poking him several times a night to get him to stop. So neither of us really slept.
With separate rooms we both get a full night's sleep
Silkies4life@reddit
Yeah I have a CPAP and I have to have music or a sort of white noise going on. I also need to get up and go to work like 2 hours before she’s awake. Different rooms makes sense
ben7337@reddit
The traditional answer is that married couples share a bed/room, as do couples living together who aren't married. However this is not at all the only option.
According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine 30-35% or about 1/3 of couples sleep in separate rooms
https://aasm.org/new-survey-data-sleep-divorce/
So while most couple sleep together, I'd say a fairly significant portion do not.
LikelyNotSober@reddit
I’d love to see the stats based on number of years married.
Also, the stats on how long people stay married based on their sleeping locations.
Having different bedrooms seems to be very common in the 30+ years of marriage crowd in my experience.
sweet_hedgehog_23@reddit
The article stated that sleeping separately was most common in the late 30- early 40s group and least common in the 65+ group. So it seems that just due to the age necessary to get to 30+ years married it would be more common in the 10-15 years married and maybe less common in the 30-40+ years married.
Pudix20@reddit
I also want to see them based on things like socioeconomics too. That’s an extra bedroom and setup needed too.
I’ll also put it like this. I bet the statistics on this also favor a particular racial background and age group.
oldfarmjoy@reddit
Yes! So interesting!
Spirited-Way2406@reddit
The conventional wisdom appears to be that you "ought to" be just fine sharing not only a room, but also a bed. People who are more comfortable in separate beds or separate rooms are often regarded as though there's something wrong with their marriage.
My husband snores and kicks in his sleep. I like my room just fine and he likes his.
travelinmatt76@reddit
I love my room because I get to decorate it with whatever I want.
amyn2511@reddit
We sleep in separate rooms due to my sleep disorder but we also enjoy having a space that’s just ours and I loved decorating my room. My husband and I have different tastes in decor, and while we are great about compromises in the rest of the house, it’s so nice to have a space that’s just how I want it.
bird_boy8@reddit
Me and my partner have bunk beds and she joins me on my full size bottom bunk when she wants to and she sleeps on her top twin when she doesn't. I love that woman to death but she is a blanket stealer and shoves me to the edge of the bed every night and she sleeps so soundly that I have to physically shove her to roll her over so I can have any space. It's also nice to be a flopping starfish sometimes. It's about 50/50 whether we share a bed that night and that is perfectly good with me. Plus, it lets me feel a little spark of joy when she chooses to snuggle me cus I know she has no obligation to. I love having separate beds.
Eagle_1776@reddit
I sleep like a fish out of water, and leave the tv on all night. Yea. Seperate rooms.
Head_Razzmatazz7174@reddit
I snore, he has medical issues. The last time we slept in the same room was 3 years ago on vacation. It was the first time in almost 20 years.
AntOnADogLog@reddit
Its weird that people act like u can only get dicked down at bed time. I personally like to jump on right after work when ive had the car drive to think about how yummalicious my spouse is 🤷♀️
Rob1150@reddit
[Starts dancing like MC Hammer.]
PK808370@reddit
Just need a comma
mdf7g@reddit
Or a colon, if you're feeling especially spicy
Jessrose2h@reddit
We simply have different schedules. It’s fine. We get together time and both sleep when works for us. Comfortably. We might actually sleep together for more than a cat nap once every couple months. It’s hell. He’s hot and invades my space 😂. 10/10 proponent for separate bedrooms.
darwinsidiotcousin@reddit
I often sleep in the guest bed because my wife talks in her sleep and can't lay still for more than 30 seconds at a time lol
We even have a king sized bed and she still manages to beat me up most nights
arbor-ventus@reddit
When I finally decided I'm just not cut out to share a bed, I read an article about the subject that basically said that expert consensus is that what's best for a relationship is both people being well-rested. I thought that was a very wise and pragmatic approach to these decisions.
-Moose_Soup-@reddit
That makes sense. While I do think there are some benefits to sleeping together, I feel like all of those benefits are negated if one or both partners are constantly sleep deprived because of it. I'm basically a different person when I don't sleep well.
Wooden_Airport6331@reddit
Not unheard of but definitely not common. Sleeping in separate rooms is generally a sign of major marriage problems.
Money-Possibility606@reddit
It's getting more and more common - but I think in older couples, not a couple that just got married. My husband and I sleep in different rooms, but we've been married for 15 years. My husband travels a lot for work, and we both realized that we both just sleep a lot better when we sleep alone.
My husband snores and wakes me up all the time. I get up to pee a lot and wake him up all the time. He wakes up way earlier than me. I go to be later than him. We both just sleep way more peacefully alone.
Our relationship is otherwise fine. We still have a sex life - we just do our thing, cuddle for a few minutes and then he goes to his bed. Sleeping separately saves more marriages than it harms.
Flax240@reddit
American here. I sleep in a separate part of the house from my partner and people are shocked to find this out. They can’t rap their heads around it, no matter how it’s explained.
iuabv@reddit
I think it's one of those things where either your marriage is really dead or really strong.
Like either you haven't had sex in years or you're having amazing sex and then going back to your room for a good night's sleep.
sadthrow104@reddit
A cynical part of me is (somewhat) wondering if these questions are an attempt to fish another hot topic out (things like the lady suing McDonald’s for scalding coffee, our wooden paper houses are such examples) so they can throw 🍅at us for it.
Like I said, just a cynical side of me…
DifferentWindow1436@reddit
That lady, btw, did not end up receiving as much as people think in the end, and that was an exceptional case.
logaboga@reddit
not common at all. some spouses would be upset at the suggestion of their spouse to sleep in separate rooms
battlesong1972@reddit
My wife would most definitely be pissed
pizzaanarchy@reddit
Give it a few years. We went separate beds after 30 years because of my snoring and getting up to micturate. After another 7, (when we had been empty nesters for a while) we moved to different houses. Still married, still friends, talk everyday, we just each like our stuff and space.
Aachaa@reddit
Why two separate house rather than a larger house that gives both of you more space?
pizzaanarchy@reddit
Me, OCD, neat and Spartan. Her: frilly, knick-knacks and a serious lack of concern with dog hair. We have 2 large houses, but are both moving and downsizing to take care of our respective parents.
SpringtimeLilies7@reddit
duplex?
pizzaanarchy@reddit
It was an option, and we studied it. In the end, we could not find an acceptable one where we wanted to live, and have no desire to build one, so I live in the primary, mainly so I can maintain it, and she has a condo closer to downtown where most of her activities take place. Your basic Green Acres scenario.
pleasesayitaintsooo@reddit
Respectfully, you must know your situation is highly unusual
pizzaanarchy@reddit
Very much so, but different beds is not unusual at all for older married couples.
battlesong1972@reddit
Well, we’re at 30 years together this year, so we’ll see, but I doubt her mind is changing anytime soon.
MasonStonewall@reddit
Mine would also - until I snore or fart. Then I get to go to the sofa. 😉 😜
ImmediateAd7069@reddit
I hope you've seen a medical professional regarding the snoring. Ignoring your health is a good way to get your own bedroom.
AdventurousRope6830@reddit
Ignoring your health is VERY American, though.
Environmental_Bar824@reddit
. . . or your own casket. Sleep Apnea can cause all kinds of health issues.
Rob1150@reddit
This advice is for adults, not kids by the way."
pinksparkleberry@reddit
Its not the majority, but its common. Shift work, health issues, and older folks who have sches and pains often sleep separately.
logaboga@reddit
Wouldn’t say common. It’s not unheard of, but not common. I would say a spouse sleeping on the couch or in spare bedroom when getting back from work and not wanting to wake their spouse is somewhat common, but a dedicated separate bedroom situation isn’t common at all
myfourmoons@reddit
What do you mean by common? That it’s not unheard of? That doesn’t make it common.
SamTheShamIAm@reddit
I just read a study that indicated 43% of younger (millennial) couples sleep in separate bedrooms.
11twofour@reddit
This cannot be correct. No way nearly half of millennial couples have a spare bedroom.
Aachaa@reddit
Dollars to donuts this statistic is including couples that don’t actually live together.
pinksparkleberry@reddit
Obviously people who dont share a home have their own bedrooms. Lol. No one is doing that survey.
myfourmoons@reddit
I don’t think you understand how bullshit our polling systems are. There was like a 2% chance Trump was going to win the first election. The democrats wouldn’t stop quoting it.
I genuinely believe they are asking people if they are in a relationship and if they sleep together.
pinksparkleberry@reddit
Have you confused political polls with a medical organization doing research?
myfourmoons@reddit
Are you an American? The social polls are all done by the same type of people who skew results to fit certain narratives.
pinksparkleberry@reddit
I am. Surveys for medical research are not conducted by political pollsters.
Environmental_Bar824@reddit
I bet most have a couch though.
atxlonghorn23@reddit
Young people sleeping in different rooms? That is odd and sad. it’s not unusual for old people or heavy snorers, but young people…
No_One113812@reddit
It’s not sad for young people to sleep better when they’re alone.
pinksparkleberry@reddit
Why is it sad for people to do what makes them happy and comfortable?
pinksparkleberry@reddit
Someone else post a study that said 35%. I think thats common.
myfourmoons@reddit
I don’t believe those results. There was a 2% chance Trump was going to win the first election according to our best pollsters.
pinksparkleberry@reddit
So they lied
mumblewrapper@reddit
I think people just don't talk about it but I know several people who sleep separate myself included.
Prior-Evidence4770@reddit
I agree and much more common for older married couples. I would find it rare for newlyweds.
pinksparkleberry@reddit
My partner and I sleep separately probably 40% of the time. Doubt we've ever discussed it with anyone. Been that way since before marriage.
2DEUCE2@reddit
Agreed. My wife would be offended if I slept somewhere else. To her it’s like non-negotiable.
One time we had an argument and I thought she was so mad at me and I with her that I grabbed a pillow and a bedsheet and started to make my way to the couch. She came in and asked “what are you doing? Get back to bed”.
We rarely argue so that was the only time that happened in our 20+ years together.
HrhEverythingElse@reddit
I would be absolutely devastated if my husband tried to sleep on the couch over an argument!
Rob1150@reddit
You sure you aren't a prisoner?
swagestan@reddit
That's so cute lol
Circle_Breaker@reddit
It is common
myfourmoons@reddit
If I even stay up through the night I a separate room my husband is sad lol
swagestan@reddit
Yeah, that's usually what people do when they are mad at each other
nonamesleft79@reddit
I think the by far standard is one bed.
Takeabreath_andgo@reddit
That’s all people will admit to, but I think you’d be surprised and how few people actually do it
Takeabreath_andgo@reddit
I would say it’s the opposite. People sleep together until there’s a baby then some couples decide to split where they sleep so one spouse doesn’t get woken up in the night if they are the breadwinner so they can be rested for work.
It’s also not uncommon for people to eventually sleep apart as they age because of different sleeping needs and snoring and all kinds of different things
movingarchivist@reddit
I wouldn't say it's "common" (like if I met a married couple and had to assume for some reason, I would expect that they sleep together) but it definitely happens. Some people even get separate houses right next to each other bc they like being married but need the space. Or have separate floors to themselves. To each their own.
ChainWise6768@reddit
No. The most common arrangement in the US is to start sleeping together while dating and move in before getting married and share the same bed
Lavender_r_dragon@reddit
The couples I know that sleep separately started doing it later in life (health, snoring, shift work)
CupBeEmpty@reddit
Yeah I know enough people where the strength of their marriage is in sleeping separately for the exact reasons you mention.
They are comfortable enough with each other that they value solid sleep and aren’t grumpy and bickering.
Circle_Breaker@reddit
Most common doesn't mean something else is uncommon. I know plenty of couples with separate rooms
DrWooolyNipples@reddit
I don’t think you understand what those words mean. If a majority of couples share a bed, by definition the ones who don’t are a minority or in this case, uncommon.
The exception doesn’t disprove the rule.
Dragon6172@reddit
Uncommon and minority are not synonyms. A third of couples sleep in seperate beds, that's a minority, but certainly not uncommon.
Circle_Breaker@reddit
Common is just something that is frequently encountered. You don't need a majority for it be common, and being a minority doesn't mean uncommon.
For example about 30% of Americans watch baseball. You would still watching baseball in America is common.
ChainWise6768@reddit
The most common sport watched in the US is American football.
Circle_Breaker@reddit
Yes. That is correct.
But we're right back to the first point. It's more common for someone to watch the NFL. Watching baseball is still common.
Most couples share a bed. It's still common to find ones that don't.
toozl@reddit
Brain dead
ChainWise6768@reddit
So then I should have said most common OH WAIT
Ok-Bed6354@reddit
Minority does not necessarily mean uncommon. Just because in the last election the majority of people voted republican, that doesn’t mean it was uncommon for people to vote democrat.
It would have to be the VAST majority, to make the minority uncommon, which is probably is in this particular case.
DrWooolyNipples@reddit
Are you really comparing the very tight nearly 50/50 margins of US elections to the rate loving couples share a bed?
beyphy@reddit
Not necessarily. Not having this arrangement could be more common than you expect. But it just isn't talked about due to the stigma surrounding it.
historyhill@reddit
Also, a lot of couples may wish they could be in separate rooms but lack the space in an apartment or something.
bce13@reddit
So you’ve gone couple to couple and taken an informed survey?
Dr_Watson349@reddit
This
-Boston-Terrier-@reddit
It’s not the norm but common enough where it’s likely you know a married couple who does even if you don’t actually know about it.
It’s for the reasons you said: snoring, different schedules, wanting personal space, etc. but the most common reason is probably snoring.
DarlingTreeWitch@reddit
Not common at all. Been married 30 years, we still sleep in the same bed, together. I would love my own room though. My grandparents had separate rooms once they hit their 70s, because she liked to sit up and read, he watched the news, and they were keeping each other awake, so they got separate rooms. Did their own nightly things.
Ok-Concert-6475@reddit
It definitely happens, but the norm is for couples to share a room and a bed.
Tx2PNW2Tx@reddit
I wouldn't say it's common. I guess if someone snores they will, which is probably the true reason to do that. But for some reason I will usually jump to the conclusion that sleeping in different bedrooms is a sign that your marriage may be in trouble. Even though the marriage is probably fine, its just where my head goes.
K_N0RRIS@reddit
Me and my wife sleep in separate rooms. Both of my grandparents on either side slept in separate rooms. Some people just sleep better alone. Some people sleep better together. If there is enough room in the house, I'd say its common, but not as common as a shared bed every night. Majority of couples share a bed.
Less_Resolve243@reddit
Just letting you know that the game which you're talking about was developed and published by Nintendo , which is a Japanese company.
I don't know why you would expect a game made by a Japanese company to answer the question which you have.
Physical_Cod_8329@reddit
No
HarlequinKOTF@reddit
For better or worse the standard is 1 bed.
kaimcdragonfist@reddit
Dude who could *afford* to do that lol
Shot_Psychology5895@reddit
There's always the couch
oldfarmjoy@reddit
Which usually doesn't = good quality sleep.
pinksparkleberry@reddit
Anyone who can afford a bedroom per person.
oldfarmjoy@reddit
No, not common.
Can mean the marriage has become a business arrangement. This is not necessarily bad. It can be a great cooperative, friendly co-parenting scenario, or an amicable, supportive, co-habitation, roommate situation (my parents).
lantana98@reddit
Most people do not sleep in separate rooms unless there is a reason like snoring, restlessness or different wake up schedules for work.
Gloomy-Ask-9437@reddit
It's not common. I personally think it is a great idea for everyone to have space that is their own, even if you still sleep together most nights. It often is because of things like snoring or maybe one person gets night terrors. Or one person needs silence and the other needs the TV on. Sleep is important.
Perseverance2571@reddit
My husband has restless legs. I am a very light sleeper and also struggle with night sweats. I go to sleep earlier than he does. We hang out until it’s time to actually sleep, then we go get ourselves some high quality sleep in separate beds. Life is hard enough without being sleep deprived.
anna_alabama@reddit
Personally I’ve only met one couple who sleeps in separate bedrooms. They are legally married but spiritually separated and live as roommates. That seems to be common in couples who are 50+ where divorce would destroy their financial and personal lives, so they don’t bother. I’ve also heard of couples who are in love but sleep separately because of a sleep issue - a sleep disorder, restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea, etc. That can also be fairly common as you age. But in general, the norm is for couples to share a room.
SpringtimeLilies7@reddit
Most married couples I know share a bed and bedroom..However, there are lots of cases where people don't, as explained in this thread. However, in the Olden days, upper class couples with large houses had seperate wings, and had to be invited to the other person's room. I'm sure there are and were lower income/smaller house people (both now and in history ), that would have liked their own spaces but didn't have yhe room.
RealAssociation5281@reddit
Who can afford that
BouncingSphinx@reddit
Most common will be same bed, occasionally separate beds same room, but probably most rarely different rooms.
My mom's parents slept in different rooms in their old age due to him needing a breathing machine at night, but my dad's parents slept in the same bed. My parents have always slept in the same bed, and my wife and I have also always slept in the same bed until after we had kids because the kids often want me to sleep with them (we got a king size bed for them to share specifically for when they want me to sleep with them).
Commercial-Land-6806@reddit
Going against the other comments here and I wouldn't say it is super common but not exactly uncommon either.
My parents slept in different rooms due to both having vastly different schedules (one was a night shifter and the other was a day walker) and due to snoring (both snored and both denied that they did).
Me and my partner also sleep in different rooms primarily due to health reasons (I use a CPAP and she can't stand the noise).
Also know several friends who sleep in separate rooms for various reasons. Of course I also know several who wouldn't even dream of sleeping in a separate room.
Time_Neat_4732@reddit
I find the sound of spouse’s CPAP soothing. We sleep in different beds in the same room, though. Not sure if it would be different if we were in the same one!
Commercial-Land-6806@reddit
She's one of the few people I have met that it has to be absolutely silent and no lights. Besides my cpap I also generally have a fan on in the corner and sometimes fall asleep with the light on when reading. If we didn't actually enjoy each other's company I doubt we would have ever been compatible due to this alone. XD
abstractraj@reddit
By the way, I don’t know which CPAP you’re using but my Airsense 11 is fairly quiet. My wife is a super light sleeper, so she wears earplugs regardless of me, but she says she can’t hear mine at all
Commercial-Land-6806@reddit
I forget which one, I wanna say a resmed maybe from 10ish years ago, but it's definitely a crappy one my insurance cheaped out on back then. Waiting for new jobs insurance to kick in so I can get it replaced.
Broad_Tie9383@reddit
Yeah, the modern ones are pretty quiet unless the fit on the face is bad. I'm the worst sleeper and can sleep just fine next to my husband as long as he wears it.
afakefox@reddit
Yeah just want to chip in w the other commenter and say they have new machines that are almost silent nowadays. It would be good to get even for your own sleep health regardless of your wife.
Living_Fig_6386@reddit
It is not common. There's no societal pressure to do it, and there's economic pressure not to be wasteful of space by using a second room like that when you could just share one.
Just about the only time it happens is if one of the couple is disruptive of the sleep of the other (they snore, they have restless leg syndrome, they talk in their sleep)... Even then, people tend to share.
Bored_Accountant999@reddit
People should do whatever works for them. I've known plenty of couples who share the room and some that don't. I didn't share a room with my ex after we lived together a few years because he snored so loud. I just could not deal with it anymore.
Not everyone in the US has a spare bedroom. But it's probably more common here than in other parts of the world.
noviceartificer@reddit
I sleep separate from my wife her job has her sleeping odd hours and I’m on the baby’s schedule. Forcing it would just make us both miserable.
nittanyyinzer@reddit
Nope. No married couples I know sleep in separate rooms. The expectation is sharing one bedroom with one bed in it, typically at least a queen size.
pinksparkleberry@reddit
I am willing to bet you o ow far less about most people's sleep habits than you assume
nittanyyinzer@reddit
Probably! Just sharing my experience.
HeyPrettyLadyMaam@reddit
My grandma slept anywhere my grandpa wasn't. He snored like a freight train, farted like a fog horn and went to bed at 3-4 pm. My grandma was a also a vivid dreamer. She flailed a lot. They decided separate was better. They were married over 40 years and didnt co sleep for at least 10 of those years.
moles-on-parade@reddit
Everyone else's marriage is a black box.
LouisRitter@reddit
Because you get to hear about everything after it explodes?
wowbragger@reddit
ngl that made me snort my beer
Rob1150@reddit
I usually drink mine, but hey, "Land of the Free"
heyitsYMAA@reddit
Other people's drinking habits are a black box.
Better_Chicken_5184@reddit
This is definitely the best thing I'm gonna see all day.
kitzelbunks@reddit
One day, you find out from a social media post that they’ve been living a lie. They weren’t happy on vacation or in all the sappy anniversary posts, and it really makes you question the nature of reality in this timeline. And after you went through the trouble of following their specific directions on what colors and shoes you should wear to attend their wedding. It’s just the world we’re living in now.
PacSan300@reddit
Or after they invite you to an expensive destination wedding.
YOUTUBEFREEKYOYO@reddit
Hey it was true for my buddy.
nope-its@reddit
This is hilarious
stabbingrabbit@reddit
Or crashes.
Derwin0@reddit
Not common at all.
It does happen with some older couples, for example one is a really loud snorer. But it’s pretty uncommon unless the couple is fighting.
sesamebeeftacos@reddit
The two greatest mysteries in life is someone elses marriage and someone elses kitchen.
Iojpoutn@reddit
It’s very common, but still kind of stigmatized. It can be a sore subject that people would rather not talk about.
Spryadmin@reddit
It’s not the “default,” but it’s definitely not weird or unheard of either. Most married couples in the US share a bed, especially earlier in the relationship.
That said, separate bedrooms are more common than people think, particularly long-term. Usually it’s for practical reasons like snoring, different sleep schedules, light vs heavy sleeping, or just wanting better rest. Some couples also like having their own space.
There’s a bit of a cultural expectation that couples should share a bed, so people don’t always talk about it openly, but attitudes are slowly becoming more flexible.
So yeah shared bed is still the norm, but separate rooms isn’t seen as a problem if it works for the couple.
CrabbyCatLady41@reddit
My husband and I sleep in the same bed most of the time. My work schedule changes every 8 weeks and sometimes I'll have crazy early start times a couple days a week. He's a huge night owl, so sometimes when I have to work super early I'll sleep in the other room. Otherwise he wakes me up by coming to bed an hour before my alarm goes off, and it drives me insane.
I have "my" room that is separate from "our" room. I really like my little room, I decorated it just for myself! I enjoy sleeping in there occasionally but I wouldn't want to sleep alone every night. I set up the room shortly before I had surgery last year, because our shared bed is super high off the ground and I knew it would be hard for me to get in and out of it. Husband also has his own room, but he uses it as a workspace.
My parents ALWAYS slept in the same bed, even though my dad snored like nothing you've ever heard before. He got a CPAP but never bothered to get used to using it. It definitely took years off his life, and the disturbed sleep probably aged my mom terribly.
Gamecockgirl79@reddit
My hubby and I don't sleep in different rooms but he does get a smack in the arm every time he starts snoring. Not that I haven't been tempted to do sleep in another room at some point or another.
MrsNoodleMcDoodle@reddit
It’s pretty uncommon, but some do. Usually it has to do with one person snoring or tossing about or having to be on call for work and the other being a light sleeper.
Shop-S-Marts@reddit
It's not normal, but happens. I sleep in our guest room sometimes because we work different shifts a d it's just easier to do hygiene routine without interrupting my wife's naps, or waking up the kids stomping through the house.
socabella@reddit
No, it’s not common.
tcrhs@reddit
My spouse and I sleep in different rooms because he is a heavy snorer and I am a light sleeper.
eccatameccata@reddit
There is no one I know, family or friends, who sleep in separate rooms. I would say it is a minority who sleep in separate rooms.
legend_of_the_skies@reddit
You are too old to look at something in a video game named tomodachi and think it represents the US.
gofindyour@reddit
Sometimes when my husband snores, I go to the couch. Maybe once a month or less
Help1Ted@reddit
This! Or if one of us just can’t sleep for whatever reason then we’ll use either the couch or another bedroom.Sometimes my wife can’t sleep during a full moon
SkiingAway@reddit
Did you marry a werewolf?
Help1Ted@reddit
Lol possibly!
heybud_letsparty@reddit
I think it used to be more common, mostly with very religious couples. But in modern times I don't think it happens as much. Not at all with people I know, except ones that got a silent divorce but live together for the kids. But I also don't know many extremely religious people where I live.
Also if one of the partners snores loudly or moves around too much where it wakes up the other, they also will sleep separately. I would love to sleep seperately actually but she would take it wrong.
pippintook24@reddit
me and my husband don't have seperate bedrooms, but we do have opposite sleep schedules, which works best for us. especially since we also have differing sleep needs.
Broad_Tie9383@reddit
My husband and I almost always sleep together, but we didn't in the last trimester of either kid. I was so hot and restless, we couldn't make it work. He did move back in when the babies were born, which was a questionable decision, because babies are loud, he couldn't breastfeed them, and the post-partum night sweats are intense.
None of that had anything to do with culture, though. The stigma about separate bedrooms likely comes from a time when divorce was harder and less common. People would drift apart and lead separate lives in the same house, so it was often a sign of a failed relationship. In modern times, that is less common (though, divorce is terribly expensive), and people tend to sleep apart simply because they sleep better that way. My grandparents got a king sized bed so my grandfather's restless legs wouldn't keep them awake. People just do what works.
AwarenessGreat282@reddit
When we we got married, we shared a twin bed. Then a full, to a queen and then a king. After 40 years of marriage, we sleep in separate rooms. It's just more comfortable for each of us.
doublestack@reddit
Back when I worked swing shift we had a small room tucked away in a corner of the house were I slept when my schedule conflicted with normal daylight hours
draizetrain@reddit
No it’s not common, also the game *is* Japanese, not Japanese inspired. But it’s localized to different areas depending on what region and language you choose
ThePolemicist@reddit
I'm American, and I personally don't know anyone who sleeps in a separate bedroom from their spouse.
Icey-Emotion@reddit
My parents slept in different rooms. My dad snores super loud and kicked in his sleep. And was a very restless sleeper. My mom got fed up with it so they slept in different rooms.
I know someone that as soon as their oldest moved out, they had separate rooms. They each had a different sleep schedule. One also liked the TV on and the other required silence.
I wouldn't say it is super common, but not common either.
btnzgb@reddit
Anecdotally, every couple I have met that slept in separate rooms, and thought it worked for them as a couple, ended up divorcing later.
Alarmed-Emotion4622@reddit
My wife and I have separate rooms, but we started out in the same bed together. I had ended up getting a job with a schedule that was too different from hers and we'd both wake each other up (her having to get up way earlier than me and her being asleep by the time I got home and went to bed). I moved into the guest room and we were both able to sleep better. Now even though I now have a job with similar hours, we just got used to it and still sleep in separate rooms. This is definitely not the norm, but probably happens more often that people would think for simple reasons.
Curious-Cranberry-27@reddit
lol no. The only couple I’ve ever met who had separate bedrooms were my grandma and step grandpa.
Benny303@reddit
Most share the same room. I think you should have two rooms, that way you can sleep separately if you want to sometimes. Apparently it was very common in America for partners to sleep separately until the Great depression when everything got more expensive so couples started sharing beds.
TheOneWes@reddit
No a video game made in Japan does not accurately depict American Life.
BillHistorical9001@reddit
My parents do. They’ve been married 55 plus years. It works for them.
CtForrestEye@reddit
Not usually but if one of us is ill, sure.
GSilky@reddit
I don't think so? I had a friend who's parents were super Catholic and hated each other, but wouldn't get divorced. He got downstairs, she got upstairs. Probably should have given him upstairs to keep an eye on him, he was a rascal.
KingDarius89@reddit
Eh. It varies. Both to it happening, and the reason why.
My parents: my mom spent the last 15 years of her life in a hospital bed at home, and my dad didn't want her to isolate herself, so it was in the living room.
My aunt and her husband: he was a hardcore alcoholic and I have no fucking idea why she never divorced his ass. There's a reason why my cousin moved across the country and cut all contact with the family after her mom died. I had to help my other aunt find her through Facebook to let her know when he died.
min_mus@reddit
My husband and I are very happily married but sleep in separate rooms. I'm a very light sleeper and he snores. We both sleep better alone.
Our best friends--a couple three doors down--also sleep in separate rooms.
My grandparents slept in separate rooms, too.
It's common enough but maybe couples keep the information to themselves.
gtrocks555@reddit
Common, probably not. People definitely do it but I’d say it’s uncommon on a “how often/rare is this” scale.
People do it for multiple reasons. From hearing about it I feel like it’s mainly due to medical situations or working odd hours / shifts. I’m sure some people do it just because they want to though.
ConsiderThis_42@reddit
All my married family members have slept together, even though they occassionally fought major battles over buying a new mattress, room temperature, snoring, sleep habits, and the famous, at least in our family, battle over where they stuck their chewing gum at night. During the Great Depression era there was even a song about "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It"s Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight" so apparently that was a real problem for couples back then because gum didn't always end up or stay on the bedpost. You have to remember that chewing gum was a luxury item back then, one they didn't want to lose, so in the dark, accidentally mistaking your partner's upstretched arm for a bedpost and sticking your treasured piece of chewing gum in their armpit hair is bound to cause a spat.
It is becoming more common in the US for couples to just stop fighting and have separate bedrooms except for conjugal visits. First they usually try to solve their problem with kingsize beds for restless sleepers, beds where the hardness or softness can be different on each side of the bed, and with heated blankets with his and hers temperature controls, but these aren't always enough. Differences in sexual desire as they age is sometimes the deciding factor in some of them having separate rooms. For some it comes down to divorce because sleep is just that important.
StormFather15@reddit
Most share a bed but you can do whatever works for you
CalebCaster2@reddit
No, it is not common. The majority of us couldnt afford spare bedrooms anyway
mrbear48@reddit
This is very uncommon the only time this happens is if someone takes a nap on the couch, most Americans don’t have separate bedrooms to do this regardless
Efficient-Panic3506@reddit
i’d say most couples start out sharing a bed, then some gradually migrate to separate rooms once reality (snoring, sleep apnea, night owl vs early bird) kicks in 😭
Reddittoxin@reddit
Not common at all, but not unheard of either. It commonly is seen as a sign of a failing marriage if they sleep separately, however this is not inherent. Like I'm single but I know i would be one of these couples solely bc I have such a hard time sleeping as is. I don't think I'd ever get restful sleep if I was in the same room as someone else, let alone the same bed lol.
AluminumCansAndYarn@reddit
I have the opposite problem as you. I am so used to sleeping next to my person, that I have a hard time sleeping when he isnt in bed with me. Its easier when I'm in a place that isn't my house because usually when I'm not at my house, were not sleeping in the same room but when at home and I'm in bed and he isn't, it's hard for me to fall asleep.
But like it's not the end of the world to sleep apart from ones person. Especially if the person you are sleeping with is a rough sleeper. I'm actually at my least rough of a sleeper with my partner. I've been known to attack other people in my sleep. So the only other people that I'm willing to share a bed with are my mom, my sisters, and my best friend because those people love me too much to hold it against me when I'm not conscious.
Reddittoxin@reddit
I feel ya. Idk if I'd ever get used to it if I did have someone, but I think I'd also go crazy from sleep deprivation before I did lol. Especially considering my baseline is already operating on like, 6 hours of sleep on average a day.
I also rotate around like a rotisserie chicken all night lmao. I don't think anyone would wanna share a bed with me either 😂
AluminumCansAndYarn@reddit
It took me a while to get used to sleeping in a bed next to someone. Like a while. I was so used to sleeping alone in a twin sized bed that when I did try to sleep next to someone, I feel like I spent half the night awake. But by the time I started sleeping next to my person, I was around the age of 24, we slept on a broken futon and it's been almost 12 years since and sleeping alone is rough. But my mom has been sleeping alone since well before her and my dad divorced and so for her, it's always an issue sleeping next to someone because she is used to her bed being her own.
corvvus@reddit
^ yeah, im willing to bet more couples sleep separately than are willing to admit because of the stigma. a lot of people struggle to sleep in the same bed for many reasons. I have even heard of couples who just really enjoy having their own rooms they could decorate their own way and didn't want to give that up. it works for them. but yeah definitely not the norm.
Reddittoxin@reddit
Yeah I've always been a person who really needs a space that I can claim complete ownership of lol. A place that I don't have to worry is upsetting someone, where I don't have to worry about being cleaned to someone else's standards or organized in a way that they can understand/use.
My bedroom currently is the safe place I can retreat to when I need a moment of calm, where I don't have to feel concerned about other people's demands bc it's my space, made for me and exclusively used by me lol. As long as whatevers in there doesnt bother me, its fine. I think even in a relationship I'd still want a space like that, but I also get in this economy/housing market that might not always be feasible lol.
ramengirlxo@reddit
I work from home and my office is that space for me. I turned the room into someplace I genuinely enjoy spending time.
YeahYeahYeah6789@reddit
I could never do separate beds, but there are people who thrive on it.
JoganLC@reddit
No but it's getting more popular. People used to think the marriage was done if you slept in separate beds for whatever reason.
Cultural_Iron2372@reddit
Personally, I sleep mostly apart but it’s not the norm in my circle at all, and I’m sure some people think we’re insane. I have a very different sleep schedule preference from my husband (I like to stay up very late and I sleep very lightly without moving) and he goes to bed early, is a heavy sleeper who talks and flails around in his sleep and has OCD so he’s always concerned about germs too (I shower every night but I don’t wash my hair every night and the idea of outside hair disturbs him).
Sometimes we can sleep in the same room if the stars align which is fun but we use a guest room as the secondary option with a smaller bed. It hasn’t hurt our relationship at all, if anything it helps it a LOT for our circumstances versus forcing it.
Footnotegirl1@reddit
Most people are sleeping together (in both senses of the term) before marriage in America. Most married couples sleep in the same bed.
That said, it is not so rare for people to sleep in different rooms that it would cause upset or open shock. Somewhere between 15 and 29% apparently (Link here)
TresWhat@reddit
Not common at all for newlyweds. Not at all. Maybe much much later in marriage when they’re aging and have enough money to afford more bedrooms.
rhb4n8@reddit
It feels like rich people shit to me definitely not common for even upper middle class people
MiketheTzar@reddit
It's not uncommon, but Nintendo did that to avoid some weird country ESRB ratings (fun fact the reason MiiTopia got an M rating in Russia was for same sex marriages)
It's standard for married couples to share a bed.
SirTheRealist@reddit
No, it's not common.
JuanMurphy@reddit
More common in shitty marriages
rexallia@reddit
My partner and I share a bed. But honestly would like my own room
mltrout715@reddit
Hated the idea of it. Love the practice
travelinmatt76@reddit
My wife and I have been sleeping in separate rooms for some time now. I snore pretty bad and kick and steal covers. Also I work shift work so I'm often sleeping during the day. My wife still wanted to be able to come in the room without waking me. So now we have our own rooms. She can relax in her bed or work on her art projects without bothering me. And best of all we can decorate our rooms with whatever we want.
DJCowbro@reddit
I’ve only seen it with some older people to have separate beds
atamicbomb@reddit
It’s not common, but it’s often done in family friendly media to not allude to sex.
Rubycon_@reddit
Yes I am a light sleeper and my partner snores and needs 50 fans on
cryptoengineer@reddit
I think it's unusual to sleep separately, but not to the point of being weird.
I suspect that if I hadn't started using a CPAP machine, which stopped my snoring, we might be sleeping separately.
No-Discipline-5822@reddit
It’s called sleep divorce, I think it’s more popular now than say 20 or 30 years ago but definitely maintaining separate spaces if you can afford it is. Hobby room, dressing room, man cave, sewing room, etc.
JenniferJuniper6@reddit
Ok, look. I didn’t mean to punch him in the face. Or knee him in the balls. He just kept encroaching on my 7/8ths of the bed. 🤷🏼♀️
DaddyIssuesIncarnate@reddit
It's most common to sleep in the same bed and there's a stigma against not sleeping in the same bed.
GorgeousBog@reddit
For some reason there’s a lot of people in the comments saying yes but no it is not common at all.
BriLoLast@reddit
There are multiple factors. But having been someone who worked in a retirement community for a few years, it actually was much more common in older couples, usually due to medical issues.
A few are because of sleep apnea. One part of the couple uses a CPAP, or refuses to use the device so they snore loud. The other partner doesn’t want to be bothered, so they split rooms and sleep better that way. Sometimes with BPH, men can be up numerous times a night peeing, so they sleep in a separate room to not disturb the other partner.
I’ve known a few younger couples who have also done something similar after having kids. One parent sleeps with the baby in their room while the other parent has uninterrupted sleep time. Another couple did it because of their work schedules. They’d sleep together 2 nights a week, and the other 5 they’d sleep apart due to their work schedules so that the partner who is a light sleeper wouldn’t be bothered. It just varies, and you don’t really know unless you have friends who are open about it, or it’s something like I mentioned with working in retirement communities or senior living communities where you may see it.
JellyfishFit3871@reddit
My husband sounds like a chainsaw in need of a tuneup. We don't sleep in the same room, because I'd have to be deaf to sleep in that room. (Age 56, he's 57, and he won't get a sleep study or use a CPAP. Not my problem, but I can't sleep with him.)
dontpolluteplz@reddit
No lol my husband & I have lived together for \~5 yrs and there have maybe been 5 nights we didn’t share our bed just bc someone was super sick & sniffly or had a super early wake up.
angelalj8607@reddit
Mostly uncommon, but it definitely depends on the couple. Both sets of my grandparents slept in different rooms, but also both grandpas snore super loud so separate rooms are completely understandable.
TheMrsH1124@reddit
No. The main situations where spouses sleep in separate beds or rooms usually have to do with the increase in popularity of bed sharing with small children. For example my husband and I currently sleep in two separate king beds in one bedroom, and we each sleep with one of our two children. But we shared a bed until we had our second child and will return to sharing a bed when our sleeping arrangements allow it.
The only other reasons I know of are if a spouse snores or otherwise disrupts the other spouse's sleep.
I don't know of any Americans who just don't share a bed without other factors playing into that decision.
MarxAndSamsara@reddit
A family of four sharing two king beds in the same bedroom sounds kind of awesome. Do y'all enjoy that arrangement? And do other parents ever give you shit for it? Seems like something a lot of narrow-minded Americans might have trouble wrapping their heads around.
TheMrsH1124@reddit
It's SO awesome 🤣 I highly recommend it. The kids obviously love sleeping with us - what kid doesn't? - and we sleep better as parents, because we don't have to get up and go to another room if a child is crying, usually we don't even fully wake up! And it's very snuggly. My husband loves it just as much as I do - it was actually his idea!
An added benefit is we're nervous parents and our house is split. Master and then two other bedrooms on the other side of the house. So if a fire or something happened we likely wouldn't be able to get to the kids in another bedroom - it's so nice to know they are safe with us!
It's definitely not the norm in American culture but it's very much becoming normalized in our age group, I find, and those who don't bedshare are usually very respectful. Older folks are less open minded but it so happens that my husband's parents and mine both bedshared with their kids (even though our parents have very little else in common!). So we haven't had any backlash from them. I do occasionally share as an informal survey of what other people think, and I always find it amusing that the older immigrants think that's entirely normal and the older Americans think it's shocking. 🤣
Our pediatricians have also been accepting though for liability reasons they can't be supportive, so it's been a good experience all around!
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
I don't think it's common but that's just a sense I have, no survey done. A few people act like I must be unhappy with my husband because we sleep apart sometimes. And it's like "no we're happy because we can control the climate separately." so I guess it also just depends on having space to separate.
joedenowhere@reddit
I think it becomes more common the older you get. Especially if one or both partners snore, which tends to get worse with age.
wifeofpsy@reddit
Not common, but certainly not unheard of. Like you said, things like snoring or needing your own space to be comfortable to sleep can be primary reasons to sleep separately. The majority though see sleeping in the sale bed as a sign of a healthy cohabitating relationship and if people sleep separate it can have people questioning if the couple is fighting. Reality is that not everyone will have extra space to sleep separately either.
It's not universal either way. There are happy couples who sleep separate and have no problem talking about it, and there are couples who see sleeping together as a healthy goal or need it to sleep well.
Congregator@reddit
It’s neither common nor uncommon… like, holy heck this is a real scenario
Aromatic-System5258@reddit
My husband and I slept in the same room for 35 years but the last few we do separate rooms. He snores and has restless leg and it makes it very hard to sleep. I think it is more common for older people to take use separate bedrooms.
WinterOk1799@reddit
i’d say it’s a lot more common in elderly couples! idk of any people old enough to be my grandparent who share a bed/bedroom
nakedonmygoat@reddit
The socially expected sleeping arrangement is that you both share a bed. This seems to be the most common thing, too. But there are plenty of reasons to have separate beds or even separate rooms. These can include, but aren't limited to:
My maternal grandparents had separate bedrooms because my grandfather snored. My husband and I opted for separate bedrooms because he had restless leg syndrome and because I usually was up later and got up earlier than him.
People have a happier marriage when they're well rested.
And as for sex, I have to laugh when anyone acts like that can't happen when you're in separate beds or separate rooms. Like, before we were married, we had separate apartments and managed to have sex frequently, so why would separate rooms stop us?
Practical-Ordinary-6@reddit
Not super common but it happens.
unknowingbiped@reddit
My parents did, at one point my mother broke my father's nose, then my mother went on a breathing machine, later my father needed one.
In the grand scheme of American things we were quasi poor I slept in the laundry room. But having a laundry room is kind of bourgeois.
At one point I was living in a "building" down to freezing without heat
RedditWidow@reddit
Stats on the internet say that about 1/3 of couples in the US sleep in separate rooms. So it's not common, but it's not really all that uncommon either. Most couples share the same room and the same bed. If they sleep separately, yes, it usually because of snoring, different schedules or other issues relating to quality of sleep.
YouFeedTheFish@reddit
The key to a happy marriage is separate bedrooms. -- Some French King or something.
Dramatic-Fig-8007@reddit
My fiancé and I do, ever since we started dating. He just snores so loud and I’m an incredibly light sleeper. I am no fun when I don’t get to sleep normally. He’s not upset about it, I’m not upset about and we both wake up refreshed
DelcoUnited@reddit
I’d say most married couples sleep in the same bed. But as couples get older and their kids move I’ve seen people spread out into an empty house. Most people are snoring when they’re older and it’s just about having your own space.
Jim_E_Rose@reddit
Not common but I do know a few that do it. Because of snoring with two of them, and another one where the husband moves around a lot while he sleeps.
eugenesbluegenes@reddit
He's got the Jimmy legs.
DanteRuneclaw@reddit
It’s fairly rare as far as I know but I’ve heard of couples that do it
Individual_Check_442@reddit
My wife and I do that, mainly because we both snore and we like the room at different temps we put the AC at temp
She’s comfy with and then I use a fan also.
Jealous_Ask_4876@reddit
nope and it can get stigmatized but i think it should be so much more common!! i mean it doesn’t mean you can never sleep in the same room as your partner but it means if one person snores, or sleeps hot, or lightly, or early, or so many other things and gives both of you an entire space to decorate!
quiltsohard@reddit
I’ve been married over 30 years and we have separate rooms. I’ve noticed most ppl that have been married a long time sleep apart starting sometime after the 20 year mark. I have no proof but my theory is it’s a combination of menopause, weight gain in both parties that causes snoring/sweating and extra rooms becoming available as kids move out. I absolutely love having my own space!
BenDover0903@reddit
My wife and I sleep in different bedrooms because we are on different sleep schedules. She goes to bed 3-4 hours before me and wakes up 3-4 hours before me. We’re both light sleepers so every night I’d wake her up briefly when I came to bed and she’d wake me up getting ready in the morning. We made the switch and it’s been so much better. We do share a bedroom on weekends. If our schedules line back up we’d share a room again.
Tweedledownt@reddit
Most people aren't wealthy enough to have that many bedrooms
Thunderplant@reddit
Not common, but I think it's becoming a bit more accepted. My partner and I have our own rooms and older people often tell me they are jealous
Weird_Wrap5130@reddit
I don't care if other couples sleep separately but it's still looked down upon generally in american society. My husband uses every excuse to sleep downstairs on the couch and it's causing issues with me personally. I never see him because of our schedules and him damn near refusing to quit using the damn living room as his bedroom is definitely bringing up some annoyance on my end lol. Plus it makes me feel even more disconnected from him.
Avalanche325@reddit
Not really common.
Bear_necessities96@reddit
It’s not unheard of…
curlyhairweirdo@reddit
My grandparents slept in separate rooms, they claimed it was because my grandpa would wake up through the night and keep my grandmother awake
alexiiisw@reddit
the standard is one bedroom and one bed, but I have a fun example.
right when my husband and I were discussing getting married, I got an incredible promotion opportunity that required me to move across the country. He is getting deployed soon~ish, and the job was too good to pass up, so I went ahead and took it. we see eachother every three or four weeks or so for about a week at a time but live in completely different houses with completely different vibes. not sure what our house will look like when we finally get to move in together lol
laurcone@reddit
Is there an askjapan subreddit for this..?
Antioch666@reddit
Don't know if there are statistics for this.
I'll make an educated guess that the vast majority of happy narried couples sleep together in the same room.
The reasons I can think of this is not the case is, you have fought and are still mad so temporarily sleep in seperste rooms. You are religious and have certain faiths (muslims and possibly orthodox jews seperate qhen the wife is on hwr period). And then I think certain Amish also sleep qith like a voars in between themselves.
And lastly if ao eone is a have snorer and it is simply unbearable for thebother to try and sleep with that noise.
indigoC99@reddit
No, it isn't common in the US but it does happen.
The most reason I heard for separate rooms is Snoring (though are various different reasons for each couple) but sometimes it just works better for the relationships. It's a very unique thing and I'm even thinking about it as I've never had my own room in my life, I always had to share with someone.
Also, Tomodachi Life is a Japanese product straight from Japan (Although some games had an American team input like helping with English in the text to voice speech). Tomodachi is the Japanese word for 'Friends'. The game series actually has a whole interesting history, you gotta check it out! 😊
Psyko_sissy23@reddit
No, it's not common.
I started sleeping in the extra bedroom when I stated having back problems and couldn't climb the stairs. After my recovery from my back surgery, I kept sleeping downstairs for a few reasons. The main reason was out work schedules were different enough so that when I went to bed, I wouldn't wake her up.
BioDriver@reddit
It’s uncommon for most couples outside periods when one is sick, has to wake up much earlier for a flight or something, and other out of the ordinary situations.
danhm@reddit
It's 100% Japanese. Made in Japan with the Japanese audience in mind.
SouthernStyleGamer@reddit
I wouldn't say it's common, but it isn't unheard of.
ZeldaHylia@reddit
I think it’s becoming more popular for couples to sleep in separate rooms. So many people grow up never sharing a room and certainly not a bed. I think it’s unnatural to expect two grown people to sleep in the same bed. Maybe it’s because I’m a light sleeper. Anything wakes me up. I can’t share a room with a person. I never get sleep. It’s awful. Don’t get me started on people who snore. I once tried to sleep in the bathtub in a hotel because I was stupid enough to travel with a loud snoring person.
mssleepyhead73@reddit
It’s not unheard of, but it’s also not common. It’s also one of those things that seem to be more generational. My parents’ and grandparents’ generations are horrified at the thought of married couples sleeping apart and would immediately think that there’s something wrong with your relationship, but the under 50 crowd seem to be more accepting of it.
Lanky_Ad_9605@reddit
My parents slept in separate bedrooms for the last 6 or 7 years of their 20 year marriage, but the also ended up divorced.
A good friend of mine is 35 and sleeps in a different room as her fiance - she has trouble sleeping next to anyone, and it’s her second marriage so she’s more practical now.
Dismountman@reddit
I dunno if common is how I’d describe it, but it’s not unheard of. Then again how random married couples sleep is kinda none of my business anyways
GateDeep3282@reddit
I've never had a woman be able to sleep with me for any extended period of time. Not my ex wife, not my current wife or any girlfriends.
I'm a loud snorer.
Between wives I met a deaf girl. I really liked her...but she dumped me. Turns out I'm not only a snorer, but also a thrasher.
Oh well, I get the nice king bed all to myself now.
Oh, and Heidi. She doesn't seem to care. She's a good girl!
Elegant_Purple9410@reddit
Does everyone here saying it's common actually talk to their friends about it? Because even if it's not an always thing, most couples I know and have talked about it (myself included) end up sleeping separately at least half the time. Different temperature requirements, different times to get up for work, sickness, and snoring, are all good reasons to spend the night in different rooms.
darwinsidiotcousin@reddit
My wife regularly talks in her sleep and almost every night is flopping around and kicking me. She also goes to bed like 2+ hours earlier than I do a lot of the time. We try to share a bed as much as possible but there are a lot of nights that I just sleep on the couch or the guest bed.
Temperature is a good point too. She sleeps really hot so even if we were trying to cuddle we end up separating because she gets sweaty and uncomfortable.
rebby2000@reddit
Yeah, I have and I can only think of one couple who does it and well...I don't take them as representative of anything since for a few years after they got married they were living in entirely separate houses. So not typical at all.
JuneRhythm1985@reddit
I think it’s becoming less stigmatized. For example, friends of mine sleep in separate rooms because they work opposite schedules. She’s a vet and works days and he’s a cop and works nights. They joke that they have sleepovers when their schedules align, lol.
I think it’s really important to get good sleep and if you and your partner aren’t sleep compatible, sleeping in separate rooms to prioritize your health shouldn’t be looked down on.
somewitchbitch@reddit
My partner and I have separate rooms. Until we moved to our current place, we would sleep together on weekends and separate on weeknights. We'll probably go back to that if I can ever finish unpacking my room, but even if we don't its nice to have our own spaces.
EgoSenatus@reddit
It’s pretty uncommon if the couple lives together- however, it can be noticed sometimes, most frequently in older couples.
My aunt has started sleeping in a different room than my uncle. In their old age, it’s more and more difficult to get a deep sleep. So my uncle’s cold temp room and snoring might’ve been tolerable 30 years ago, but now in their 60s, my aunt can’t sleep unless the room is dead silent and warmer than a parking lot in Houston.
Deanoram1@reddit
When my wife went through menopause I was miserable. Because of the hot flashes, the blankets were on and off all night. I was either sweating or freezing. I would sleep on the couch just to get some comfortable sleep. The solution was pretty simple… separate blankets.
limbodog@reddit
It's a lot more common than we advertise to people. But you gotta sleep, so...
coltflory5@reddit
All of our marriages are like children’s video games, and your use of Reddit is time well spent.
WowsrsBowsrsTrousrs@reddit
Not common. Sometimes necessary, simetimes preferred, but not common.
eurydice_aboveground@reddit
Despite what so many are saying, I think it's more common than people think, but people just aren't forthcoming about it.
My parents were married for 55 years and rarely slept in the same room. Different sleep styles, comfort, etc are often the reasons. I know among my friend group it's pretty common, but people don't really talk about it until it's brought up because people act like it's some litmus test of the marriage. Healthy relationships aren't determined by where you fall asleep.
Duncan-Edwards@reddit
Married 37 years and can’t sleep if she’s not there.
periwinklepip@reddit
My partner and I don’t share a room or a bed, bc we have different sleep schedules and we both have various sleep disorders. It’s just easier to sleep separately. We still love each other very much and have a good relationship, and it’s better off for us both getting the rest we need lol.
Spongedog5@reddit
It isn't common, but it isn't unheard of. If a regular person learned it about someone's marriage they would note it as weird.
Successful_Way_3239@reddit
We have separate rooms. Apparently I am a horrible sleeper. I snore so loud that I can be heard downstairs sometimes, I also swing my arms dangerously and have tinnitus so bad that I have to have my white noise app at max volume.
Aggravating_Week184@reddit
I am in a sleep separate situation. I’m a very very very light sleeper, he snores, farts a loooott at night, moves all around constantly, in his sleep takes all the blanket, sometimes even takes all the pillows and throws them on the floor. It’s so weird, I’d rather have a good nights sleep and not deal w all that.
Smart_Engine_3331@reddit
It's not usual, but some people do it. Usually couples sleep together in the same bed.
Junior_Ad_7613@reddit
Most married couples share a bed. Some might have two beds in one room, or two different rooms (when our kids were newborns I mostly slept in the room with the baby for much of a year). Mostly this happens when one is a very light sleeper, or they are on different shifts. When I was a kid I knew a happily married couple that lived in two houses across the street from each other but each would go over to the other’s place pretty often. It was the two houses that kept them happily married.
Shinto_Wise@reddit
My elderly neighbors (who have since passed away) used to sleep in separate rooms. They told me that sleeping together is only for making babies. Otherwise, you should get your quality sleep!
appleparkfive@reddit
No, it's not super common. It happens, but it's not common.
They're just playing it safe for the game. Same as how they used to do it on TV shows back in the 1950s.
achaedia@reddit
I love this kind of question. “I was playing this game from a country that isn’t America. Is this thing from the game common in America?”
Why would it be? Why would media from another country be an accurate example of life here?
flippythemaster@reddit
They said the game is “Japanese-inspired” so I think they’re just mistake about the country of origin.
indigoC99@reddit
Which is so funny since the game is called Tomodachi life. Tomodachi is def not an American word but I can see how they mad the the mistake considering many things come out of America.
arnoldrew@reddit
I mean, easily 50% of the questions here are adorably dumb. I thought the same thing as you when I read it but it's pretty much par for the course. I've never said anything before because I don't want them to stop.
notsosecretshipper@reddit
Not common, but probably happens more than most people would think. I don't know the ins and outs of other people's marriages, but a small sample size of couples I'm close enough to, whose homes I've been in often enough, and early or late enough, to know for sure if they usually sleep in the same bed or not is 7 couples do and 3 don't.
rakens_with_radies@reddit
My husband and I sleep separately during the week because he works a night shift and is getting up as I’m getting ready for bed. He sleeps in the guest room during the week which lets me come and go in our room without disturbing him. On weekends he isn’t working we do share a bed.
BeatnikMona@reddit
No. My boyfriend and I have separate rooms and people judge us for it sometimes.
docmoonlight@reddit
It’s definitely not standard, but not unheard of. I think conflicting schedules is a relatively common reason that has come up in my own life. When I have to wake up at 2:30am I sleep in the guest room so I won’t wake up my partner, because she has trouble getting back to sleep, but on days I ca get up at a more reasonable hour, we sleep together.
therealbamspeedy@reddit
It becomes more common when the couple gets older, and have the means. My parents were married over 50 years, they had separate rooms towards the end. Sleep apnea machines, snoring, temperature preferences, etc all contributed. They had same room and bed all through my childhood.
schoolydee@reddit
no
purplishfluffyclouds@reddit
It's not uncommon at all.
AZJHawk@reddit
I do t know anyone who would admit to that. My wife and I sleep in the same bed and have since before we were married.
Available-Egg-2380@reddit
My husband and I slept apart for almost 6 years. He snores terribly and has night terrors. He wouldn't get a sleep study so I told him he could keep the cats awake in another room, I needed sleep. I thought that would force him his hand to get the sleep study but nope... He did eventually lose 20 pounds and we got a new bed. If he uses an incline pillow he doesn't snore/night terror/struggle to live through the night. Still no sleep study though...
ants_taste_great@reddit
I sleep in the living room to watch TV, because I am used to that, wife sleeps in bed because she needs the dark quiet. I sleep in bed sometimes, but I don't like it just because it's kinda soft. I want a more firm bed. Our guest bed is more comfortable for me.
Mushrooming247@reddit
Sometimes when I’m snoring really badly, or if one of us stays up late and the other has to wake up early.
Slight_Manufacturer6@reddit
No
Active_Scallion_5322@reddit
As a normal reddit using my waifu kicked me out of the bed for snoring so I sleep in the couch and she sleeps in the bed
ShiftyShaymin@reddit
My grandparents did that through most of their lives apparently. I never really saw a ton of compassion between the two through my life, but they were def life partners if that makes sense. That said, it’s not usual. My aunt and uncle had different beds (same room) after my uncle had a stroke, so that’s more of a medical reason why.
It’s more common in Japan because prior generations there had a decent amount of arranged marriages, so not being 100% in love and keeping the relationship more of an obligation would result in having different rooms, or different beds/futons.
Ok-Process7612@reddit
Most married couples sleep in the same bed. That can change over time as the kids grow up and move out and if one partner snores and the other has insomnia, you can move into an extra bedroom.
CowboysFTWs@reddit
IMO If we sleep in separate rooms we aren’t married, we are roommates. But hey, if it works for your marriage do it.
drumzandice@reddit
No
ferngully1114@reddit
It’s not the most common, but it’s not as rare as the commenters here confidently stating that it’s “not common at all,” would have you believe. It is heavily stigmatized, so many people who sleep in separate rooms do not admit it or talk about it. When I say my husband and I have separate rooms I frequently get a relieved, “Oh, we do too!” Followed by an explanation, “we just need a lot of personal space,” “I snore,” “he keeps it freezing,” “she has nightmares…”
We ended up in separate rooms during a rough patch and it saved our marriage. Turns out that we have different sleep habits and enjoy personal space. We have way different sleep patterns, like the room a different temperature, and like different sheets for comfortable sleep. It’s also way more enjoyable to live and easier to manage life when you are well rested!
neoslith@reddit
My wife and I have separate rooms.
That's mostly because I work night shift and stay up way later than her.
Yankeetownn@reddit
My grandparents did when I was little.
YellowTonkaTrunk@reddit
Not really. I think most common is sharing a bed. my sister and her husband have separate beds but share a room and they’re the only ones I know who even do that.
ParkerGroove@reddit
We do- I need to adjust a LOT and I don’t want to wake him up. So I’d either lie there in pain or wake him up. In other words- at least one of us wasn’t sleeping.
Earlier in our marriage it was him snoring so I’d move.
Now we just sleep separately. It’s bliss.
redditreader_aitafan@reddit
No, it's not common at all. Especially with a newly married couple.
JadedDreams23@reddit
I think especially as they age, it becomes more common
Educational-Dig-4235@reddit
Not at all lmao. If you sleep in separate rooms, most people assume your marriage is borderline or on it's way to complete divorce.
seancbo@reddit
Nope
soap---poisoning@reddit
It’s not as uncommon as most people think. Married couples sleeping apart happens for a number of reasons, but for most it’s a private matter that they don’t talk about with other people.
It could be that one partner snores or moves around too much for the other to sleep. I knew one couple that slept apart because the husband had PTSD — he would wake up confused and panicked at night, so they ended up sleeping apart for her safety.
wittyrepartees@reddit
I was thinking about my grandparents while writing this. Abuelo was in the Colombian army and navy, and I know he yelled at my mom when my sister snuck up on him while he was sleeping once. I wonder if that's why they slept in separate beds in the same room.
sillyhatday@reddit
My wife and I typically sleep in different beds because we have small children we trade off nights with.
Ok_Truck_5092@reddit
Slept with my wife in the same bed for years, until last year when I started working overnights. I quit that job but we still sleep separately now because we sleep better apart lol. My great grandparents did the same, but that’s all I know of personally.
wittyrepartees@reddit
My abuelo and abuela went on a trip where there were bunk beds (which they thought was funny), but then when they got home they got 2 singles, because that worked much better for them for some reason. It looked very 1950's television.
hoggmen@reddit
Definitely not the norm, but it's not too unusual either. As others have mentioned, snoring can be a reason for it, or if you have different schedules! Growing up, I knew several adults who slept in different rooms because one worked evenings and one mornings, and i thought it was weird but they treated it as perfectly practical.
My wife and I do the same, though its also so we have our own spaces to retreat to when we want to do our own thing. Man-caves etc can also serve this purpose, but with living space at a premium, why pay for 3 rooms (bedroom and a personal room for each of you), when you can just have 2 separate bedrooms?
And as a side note, yes sleeping in separate rooms probably has led to less sex, but we're happier than we would be sharing a bed every night, both of us sleep better, and we do still have sleepovers every weekend.
pizzaanarchy@reddit
Hell, my wife and I sleep in separate houses, much less rooms.
Careless-Internet-63@reddit
It would be common for people to speculate that a marriage between two people who sleep separately might be about to end. It's definitely most common for married couples to share a bed
Phoenix_Court@reddit
It's not unheard of, but definitely not common.
captaindomer@reddit
Not common, but my wife and I (25yrs) sleep in separate rooms. I snore terribly and she, apparently, practices her Brazilian jujitsu with several octopi in her sleep. Marriage is great, adult time is normal. Sleeping is separate. Works for us, especially because we get up at vastly different times in the mornings.
Squish_the_android@reddit
This is just a quirk of Living the Dream that let's the Miis retain a separate living space for interactions.
It's not unheard of for some people to do separate beds/rooms but it's not the norm.
thisislyncanthropy@reddit
No married couple I know has that arrangement unless they’re heading for divorce but everybody’s diffferent. Not the norm tho
tranquilrage73@reddit
I don't think it's common, but it sure happens.
salmonstreetciderco@reddit
it's not super common no but if i found out somehow about a couple i knew doing that i wouldn't assume they were weird or had a bad marriage or anything. i'd just assume the husband snored. it's no big deal imho, if you have enough bedrooms to make it work then who cares
babyshrimp221@reddit
there’s a stigma but it’s more common than people think imo. i know a lot of couples who do. i also sleep separately from my partner and having different rooms has been great for us
flippythemaster@reddit
One mild correction: Tomodachi life is not Japanese-inspired, it is a Japanese-produced game. Nintendo is a Japanese company.
That said I question whether the game is a terribly accurate reflection of Japanese life either.
Q8DD33C7J8@reddit
My husband and I sleep in separate rooms because he's got chronic pain and he doesn't sleep more than 4 hours at a time so being in separate rooms makes it possible for both of us to sleep when we need to.
Fickle_Cow_3382@reddit
My partner and I sleep in the same room and so do some people at work that I know.
lowfreq33@reddit
When I was still married I got into the habit of sleeping on the couch. I usually got home from work pretty late, like 2-3 am, Not really wound down enough to sleep yet and didn’t want to wake her, so I would watch a bit of tv in the living room and just sleep there. She didn’t like that, but she also didn’t like it when I woke her up getting in bed when she was sound asleep. So she was mad either way, but at least on the couch I didn’t have to deal with the argument. Not until the next day at least.
brak-0666@reddit
Most people would consider a couple sleeping separate as a sign something is wrong in the relationship.
hobokobo1028@reddit
Not common but when people do it’s usually because of a legitimate need for quality sleep. One partner might snore, one might roll around a lot, one might be a light sleeper. Not a problem and none of my business.
Key_Hat_5721@reddit
It is not at all common, but it happens. I’ve been doing so lately to increase my rest. I like cool and quiet with the windows at least cracked open to fresh air so I usually have to leave the room to get that 😂
WalterWriter@reddit
Uncommon, but certainly gets done.
My wife and I often sleep in separate beds when one of us is snoring or didn't get a good night's sleep the previous night. We're both very light sleepers, and I also have a hard time falling asleep to start with. We always have cuddle time (along with the dog) beforehand.
We've used separate blankets since maybe two months after we started dating. PRO TIP: EVERYONE SHOULD DO THIS.
stabbingrabbit@reddit
Till I started snoring too loud. Have to use my CPAP to sleep with her.
K0T_666@reddit
Only in 50s, 60s sitcoms 😅
TheArgonianBoi77@reddit
You’re playing a Japanese game
The_sad_zebra@reddit
It's not common at all, but some few do it.
Spiritual_Being5845@reddit
My maternal grandparents slept in separate rooms. They hated each other though so probably not a good reference for a normal marriage.
CyanCitrine@reddit
I wouldn't say it's common but some people do it for whatever reason.
Pintsize90@reddit
My husband and I usually sleep in separate rooms and there’s definitely a stigma.
falseparadigm86@reddit
I sleep in a separate room than my spouse because I'm a very light sleeper and they used to snore very badly. I also prefer my room and closet a lot neater and both sets of our clothes together wouldn't fit in one closet. It solved a lot of arguments and both of us get way better sleep
Katsaj@reddit
Not common, but also not unheard of. Like I know of one elderly married couple I knew who had separate bedrooms because of snoring, and I know some couples where one often falls asleep and spends the whole night on the couch or in a recliner. But that’s out of everyone I know.
donuttrackme@reddit
It's not common but it's also not unheard of either.
rileyoneill@reddit
No, but it happens. Usually not at the early onset of the marriage though. I know of some wealthy people who had custom homes built where they each had a master bedroom suite.
FunImprovement166@reddit
Not common at all.
pinksparkleberry@reddit
Someone else posted a study that said it was around 35% of couples.
Huge_Monk8722@reddit
One bed here. 23 years and counting.
78judds@reddit
I think it’s more common as you age. My shift work and snoring are not great for my wife and we both get better sleep in separate rooms.
dirt_mcgirt4@reddit
I actually know 2 couples in my lifetime who do this due to snoring but no, not common overall. I need my wife next to me.
pinksparkleberry@reddit
You have known more than that. They just dont share their sleeping arrangements with you.
averagejosh@reddit
It’s not the norm, but I would say that it’s becoming increasingly more common. And honestly? I totally get it. It can be a lot more restful and restorative in your own space. Especially if one or both partners snore, wiggle around in their sleep, are easily woken up, etc.
PirateSteve85@reddit
Most do sleep in the same room but separate sleep space is becoming more prevalent. In cases where the marriage is not failing it is usually due to sleep issues for one. My case personally I have my own room because my wife snores. I spent years sleeping on the couch till we bought a new house that has a room for me.
devnullopinions@reddit
My spouse does this when I’m sick because I tend to snore really loudly I guess lol
Quirky_Commission_56@reddit
My parents slept in different rooms. My mom slept in the master bedroom on a queen sized bed and my dad always slept on the couch in the living room so he could have back support while watching the TV and I could hear him snoring through my closed bedroom door. The only instance where they were both in the same bed was to have sex. I heard them because my room was next to my mom’s and they were not quiet about it at all.
PilesOfRavioli@reddit
No
johannaishere@reddit
My parents do because my dad is a light sleeper and mom snores but I definitely would not think most people can even afford separate rooms. For my parents it helps them both be healthier and like each other more. When they’re on vacation they sleep together but by choice they have separate rooms and spaces in the house. Still best friends. Still very in love after 40 years. But I would not say that is like… normal for Americans.
knifeyspoonysporky@reddit
Its rare, that is just a silly quirk of the tomodachi life game that I have seen people complain about.
If spouses sleep separately it is usually a sleep issue. Very rare / not what the average married couple does
Bluemonogi@reddit
It is not common among people I know for a couple who live together to not share a bedroom even if they are not married.
GlitterFallWar@reddit
If I'm coughing and need to sleep sitting up, I'll sleep on the couch. Or if the kids have been bad sleepers (they wake me up but not my partner), I'll hide in the basement and sleep on the pullout couch for a few nights.
Snoring pro tip: mouth guards for teeth grinding also help snoring!
Fl_bmo@reddit
Maybe for the older crowd, one likes firm mattress and the other likes super soft. Or if one of them snores really bad. It’s not “common” though but it’s not a figment of your imagination either.
sabatoa@reddit
It’s not common that I know of, but I do have two friends who sleep separately from their wives because of snoring
Mystery13x@reddit
My parents have slept in different rooms most of their 37 year marriage because my mom has always had back issues and can't lay in a bed without throwing her back out of alignment for the next month and has to sleep in a recliner and my dad snores hella loud and refuses to get a sleep study at almost 65 when you can hear him multiple rooms away with the door closed. I'd say it's common.
beccahas@reddit
No not really
Beautiful-Parsley-24@reddit
This is very socioeconomic dependent. Wealthy couples will have their own bedrooms. Hell, my dog has his own bedroom (snoring). Most Americans cannot afford this.
moonmoonboog@reddit
My husband and I have separate blankets lol but usually sleep in the same bed. We sometimes go off to the guest room if we are tossing and turning as to not wake the other person up or someone is snoring too loud.
Lovemybee@reddit
It is not unheard of, but it is not common.
Char_siu_for_you@reddit
It’s not common, but my wife and I sleep in separate rooms. Our large dog took over my wife’s side of the bed. She didn’t want to make her sleep on the floor so she moved into the spare bedroom.
BuffaloDivineEdenNo7@reddit
I wouldn't say it's common, but it happens. My parents sleep in separate rooms. Dad snores and Mom's an insomniac.
BigReception7685@reddit
My grandparents like having separate bedrooms now (their marriage is fine, they just like having some personal space in their old age), but basically everyone else I've known has shared a room, which is the expectation after getting married.
Yeahboyeah@reddit
Not if they're under 70. Or, sleeping problems, etc.
bluegrass502@reddit
I know a couple who have their own bedrooms. They're DINKs, which helps out a lot. It's helpful when they need some space from each other. When they feel like sleeping in the same bed, they'll pick a room.
They're parents and family, and other people think it's weird. But it works for them so I can't judge. They are vastly outnumbered by other married couples who sleep in the same bed all the time
OkManufacturer767@reddit
Not common but becoming more so. Snoring, blanket hogs, different bedtimes and/or get up times, temperature of room differences, CPAP machines, insomnia. It's a long list.
People are also choosing to keep separate homes after marriage or long-term commitment.
cowboybebop32@reddit
I wouldn't say its super common, but its also not unheard of. Especially if there is medical or other reasons that could interrupt your partners ability to sleep. Ive known some people that at least certain days of the week would sleep in seprate rooms, because one would get home from work about 4 hours after their partner went to sleep, so they'd sleep in another room to not wake their partner. My grandparents also slept in seperate rooms, because my grandpa sometimes got night terrors. He'd think that he was back in Korea during the Korean War and would end up thrashing in his sleep
da_chicken@reddit
Sleeping in separate beds is uncommon. Having seen the bedrooms of my friends and family, I can say that they all had a queen size or king size bed in the main bedroom where both people slept.
The only couple I know of that frequently doesn't always sleep together has one partner working third shift who also has multiple sleep disorders. They don't sleep together all the time simply because it's difficult, and even then they still often do (based on how often my friend complains about their partner waking them up).
However, in the 1930s when they Hays code for movies was adopted, one of the "rules" was to be very modest in the portrayal of sex even inside of a marriage. In the 1950s, a similar television code was adopted. As such, most married couples in movies and TV from the mid 1930s through to the 1960s or 1970s so were frequently portrayed as having twin beds. It was still never common in American culture; it was just how it was portrayed in the media.
ImmediateAd7069@reddit
Not common. I think more millennials, at least, would if they could afford their own bedrooms. I sleep separately from my spouse because he started snoring.
Confetticandi@reddit
No, very uncommon. Married couples share a bed.
In old American TV shows (like The Brady Bunch), they used to show married couples sleeping in separate bedrooms because showing them sharing a bed was considered too sexually intimate to broadcast on TV. However, these days it’s not a problem.
Couples sometimes sleep separately if someone snores, or if they work different hours that would disrupt each other’s sleep.
But typically if you hear that a married couple is sleeping in separate bedrooms every night, you assume that they’re having marriage problems unless you hear a good reason.
grpenn@reddit
It’s not common but it’s not uncommon either. There are a lot of couples who don’t sleep in the same bed.
zinky8@reddit
Only if they’ve had a huge argument.
Alcoholitron@reddit
I do. I love my wife but she’s an oven. Our bed is a queen. The guest bed is a king and I can leave the TV on! No shame twenty years in. We just need sleep sometimes.
Square-Wing-6273@reddit
A video game. You are basing this on a video game.
Ffs
Exciting-Ad-8339@reddit
My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We slept in the same bed until about a year ago because we would both wake each other up somehow at night.
At some point sleep becomes a priority. We still cuddle and sleep in the same room, we just have separate mattresses.
aotus76@reddit
Hubby and I shared a bedroom for 20 years. I’m a light sleeper and his snoring got worse and worse. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and I kept going into his office to sleep. He decided to convert his office into an office/bedroom and now he sleeps in there every night and I sleep in the primary bedroom. Honestly, I’ve never slept better - don’t wake up multiple times a night anymore.
Coldfyre_Dusty@reddit
Definitely uncommon.
Iirc separate rooms was much more a European aristocratic thing. The number of rooms you had in your house was a measure of your wealth. Not to mention many marriages were political. Your spouse was less of the love of your life and more your coworker. Might spend a few nights together doing your "duty", but if you weren't actually in love with them, separate bedrooms might be all that keeps them from driving you crazy
Roadshell@reddit
No. The game probably just does that because it's made for six year olds.
housewithapool2@reddit
Its kind of standard in my family. Pretty much no one in my family gets divorced though.
AbilityAdventurous22@reddit
I’ve never known a married couple not sharing a bedroom unless they didn’t like each other and wanted divorced. I’m not saying there can’t be another reason that isn’t bad but this is all I’ve ever heard of personally
JohnHenryMillerTime@reddit
No. My spouse and I sleep in separate rooms but thats because she is cosleeping with a breast feeding child and our older child still doesnt want to leave her bed. Plus I travel a lot for work so enforcing that separation is hard.
lolslim@reddit
I proposed this idea to a girl and she was like but what if I want wanna cuddle?? Or if I'm being clingy??? I told her that you can still do that but you won't feel like this every night and of course the sad face puppy dog eyes she goes "yes I will"
Anyways I'm single and no this girl and I are not in a relationship she thinks she's funny saying we won't be together then tell me that she's cold and wants me to be her personal space heater, then gets mad when I leave her on read.
MissingGrayMatter@reddit
If you're in the US and sleeping in separate rooms, it would signal to others that you don't have a good relationship and are likely going to get divorced. My parents did sleep separately at one point because my father had bad snoring and slept sitting up in a chair in the living room because it helped him breath better, and he was later diagnosed with sleep apnea. But that's not really a normal situation for most families.
I live in Japan. It's not unheard of for married couples here to sleep in separate rooms, especially once there are children involved. Sometimes children will sleep in the same room/bed with the mother, and the dad sleeps separately. Not every household is like this, but no one here bats an eye at this situation. I worked as an English teacher in Japan for around 7 years, and one of the assignments the students had my first year was to draw their house and explain the rooms. Several students drew their father's room as a separate room, and I was very confused until my Japanese co-worker explained it to me.
As for Tomodachi Life, if I saw this I would assume it might be set up that way because it's a child's game? But I've never played it, so I can't really comment on it.
rmill127@reddit
Depends, i usually sleep in the master bedroom with my wife, but if either of us is tossing and turning I’ll go sleep in our guest room. She throws me out if I’m snoring too sometimes. The guest bed is comfy as hell tho so it’s all good lol.
I have 3-4 very good buddies I play golf with every week, also all married in their 30s, and 2 of the 4 have kids. None of them sleep in the master bedroom with their wives.
RightComposer@reddit
My husband and I started sleeping in separate bedrooms during our 60s. We both benefitted from this arrangement.
SAMixedUp311@reddit
I'm not married but in a relationship where we live together. We sleep in separate rooms... one due to his snoring, and due to my insomnia. It works for us, and we don't have to worry about being excessively quiet if we can't sleep or the other is sleeping late or something.
iowanaquarist@reddit
Maybe if they are one of those modern couples that don't actually live each other.... ;-)
Outrageous-Pin-4664@reddit
It's very out of the ordinary not to sleep in the same bed.
When it does happen, it's usually because one of the partners snores so loudly that the other one can't sleep near them. It could also be because one of them has a health issue that requires them to sleep sitting up.
billy_pickles@reddit
You get twin beds and sleep in the same room duh.
On special occasions you move the beds together.
Ms_Schuesher@reddit
I don't like sleeping without my husband next to me, I feel safer when he's there.
Sea-Bill78@reddit
Is it common - I don’t know but sometimes we sleep in different rooms due to a very early meeting or flight. We don’t want to bother each other.
slatchaw@reddit
I know I'm rich because we have a guest room my wife sleeps in. It's nice when no one is staying at the house but we appreciate having a place for her to not hear me snoring or her working in bed
WiseQuarter3250@reddit
So back in the day on TV it was scandalous to show married couples in the same bed. Shows like I Love Lucy show them in different beds.
Usually portrayals on TV showed them in the same room.
My grandparents and some of my aunts & uncles had separate beds in the same room as a married couple.
These days it's more common to be in the same bed, but some folks out of comfort (different preferences for temperature, bedding, mattress firmness, etc.), different schedules, one partner snoring and the other not will sleep in separate rooms. I know people that do, but the majority are in the same room and same bed.
ltsmash1200@reddit
Not in my experience.
Otherwise-OhWell@reddit
How many empty bedrooms do you have in your home?
andmewithoutmytowel@reddit
No, that’s very uncommon
Trick_Photograph9758@reddit
If my wife or I are sick, we'll sleep in separate rooms, just to make it easier to sleep and not catch whatever we have.
hntr20@reddit
Some do,most don't
JohnnyC300@reddit
Sharing is more common. But I know folks who sleep separately for various reasons. One couple sleeps apart because on person has sleep apnea and wears a CPAP machine to bed and the other person can't sleep while it runs. And another couple sleeps apart because they are on different work schedules and one of them is a light sleeper and can't get back to sleep if woken. They're a young couple, and honestly I'm not sure how they are gonna handle having babies.
Pernicious_Possum@reddit
No
DejaBlonde@reddit
It's not very typical, but I've seen it happen. Some couples are just self aware that they're not very good sleeping partners (sleep apnea, restless legs, night terrors, what have you) and agree to break it up at least some of the time.
My husband and I share a bed 99% of the time, but there have been nights he'll go up to the guest bed when he's restless, or in and out of the bathroom or something.
Manatee369@reddit
Some do, most don’t. I’ve known several who have separate bedrooms (for various reasons), but they do “visit”’
stangAce20@reddit
Not unless they’re going to be divorced soon
Responsible_Side8131@reddit
When one person snores, it’s common for the couple to sleep in separate rooms. Everyone gets more rest that way
TyraNotBanks5@reddit
In America, that would typically be viewed as a rocky relationship...whether it's true or not lol
SabresBills69@reddit
Ot e it's because one is a light sleeper while other us a heavy scorer. After us kids moved out my parents slept in separate rooms.
Sugah-mama21@reddit
No, not common
ElijahNSRose@reddit
I have never heard of anyone that did that.
MalarkeyMcGee@reddit
Not even remotely common