Found out I'm the last survivor of my high school friend group
Posted by 59apache01@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 194 comments
There was a group of four guys who ran around together in high school back in the mid to late '90s, one of which was me. After graduation, we all scattered, which unfortunately happens all too often and we slowly lost touch with each other. As the old saying goes, life gets in the way sometimes.
The first one died while deployed in 2003. Not as the direct result of hostilities, but accidental. Heard about his death almost immediately after it happened, but I was not able to attend his funeral.
The second one that I knew about died of a heart attack in 2020. He had just gotten off work and had made it to his truck. He got inside the cab, slumped over, and was found a few hours later. He was gone when they found him. I hadn't talked to him in several years, but his death still hit me pretty hard. His family did a direct burial, so there was no funeral to attend. This was right around the time the Covid stuff started.
The third one went under the radar for a long time. I hadn't talked to the guy since the early 2000s, as he had moved away from the area for work and eventually lost touch with everybody. I found out over the past weekend that he had been killed in an industrial accident back in 2011. Even though that was 15 years ago, it hit me like it had just happened.
It's a strange feeling knowing that you're the last one left of the crew you ran with. If I were a betting man, I would have expected this to happen in my 70s or 80s - not at 47 (technically 42 since the last one died in 2020).
Didn't want to bum people out with this post, but did it to serve as a reminder to those of you who are still in contact or semi-regular contact with the friends of your youth, check in with them when you can. It's amazing how life gets in the way. You're going to call or email or whatever the case may be. Then something happens and you think "I'll do it next week". Eventually you run out of weeks.....
Dunwich_Horror_@reddit
A college friend had a serious problem with alcohol. It got worse after she had gastric bypass surgery and kept partying. When she was sober, she was wonderful. A kind, caring soul who was an elementary school special needs educator. When she was drunk, she became self absorbed, childish and could not stop drinking till she blacked out. I had to chase her down and take her car keys from her in a parking lot and drive her home and can back at my expense more than once.
I got finally got fed up with her shenanigans when she crashed my date at a brewery. She showed up drunk, the bar refused to serve her so she drank my beer flight , my other friend’s beers and my date’s beer. She then hijacked/kidnapped another patron’s infant to show her then boyfriend/ six months later exhusband (that is another wild story) and lost her wallet during the brief time she was there and blamed the staff for stealing it because it had $600 cash in it.
I went to her doomed wedding and quietly ghosted our friendship after telling her I couldn’t handle her behavior when she was drunk.
I met up with a mutual friend about a year ago where we commiserated about the stolen baby incident. I said I hope she’s doing well and got the help she needed. He looked surprised and said oh, you don’t know? She died suddenly and without warning about two years prior while she was on the phone with her mum planning her 40th birthday party. It sounded like she was getting her shit together at the time. RIP Bex. See you at the ska show in the sky.
Top-Sleep-4669@reddit
We’re all running out of time.
GorganzolaVsKong@reddit
You’re older than you’ve ever been and now you’re getting older and now you’re getting older and now you’re getting older you’re older than you’ve ever been and now you’re older still
Good-Antelope9512@reddit
This needs to be put to music...Like I'm able to sing along to this!
GorganzolaVsKong@reddit
Brother have I got news for you
Good-Antelope9512@reddit
Yes? Are you saying a hip duo from Brooklyn already made this a song in the mid 90's?
GorganzolaVsKong@reddit
They might be Dr Spock’s back up band
Good-Antelope9512@reddit
Good stuff, fellow fan.
Top-Sleep-4669@reddit
Only one alternative.
most_triumphant_yeah@reddit
Anti gravity
HontoRenata@reddit
Gravity always wins
Pope_Squirrely@reddit
Cryogenics?
MaxPowerrr85@reddit
Top-Sleep-4669@reddit
Zogstrukka@reddit
Yup. Cocaine.
Metals4J@reddit
Vampirism? Zombie apocalypse?
Top-Sleep-4669@reddit
Obie-Wun@reddit
You are as old as you’ve ever been right now, but you are also the youngest you’ll ever be for the rest of your life. What do you do with this newfound youth???
Zogstrukka@reddit
Cocaine?
ParallelDymentia@reddit
And hookers. Don't forget the hookers.
tha_rogering@reddit
Also you'll never be this young again.
Longinquity@reddit
Time
Is marching on
And time
Is still marching on
avalonfaith@reddit
Well that song is now playing in my ears, on the train, going home.
Old-Ambition2081@reddit
It’s oddly funny but also kind of a reminder to make the most of where you are right now.
CaptGarfield@reddit
TIME! IS MARCHING ON!
Present_Scar3119@reddit
That line hits in a strangely funny but slightly existential way the more you think about it.
Particular-Serve-894@reddit
2 hours later.. yup, still older
EchoAquarium@reddit
Older than you’ve ever been is as young as you’ll ever be
MattheiusFrink@reddit
.....same as it ever was.
Metals4J@reddit
Letting the days go by…
djseifer@reddit
Water flowing underground...
MattheiusFrink@reddit
I see you enjoy macross. I too enjoy the works of Lynn minmei
djseifer@reddit
Respect for saying Macross instead of Robotech.
MattheiusFrink@reddit
My time spent in japan forbids such an error.
Clear_Tangerine5110@reddit
And you may ask yourself...
IdesofMarchHair@reddit
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it’s sinking. Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death.
kgruesch@reddit
Is there still time for a long tall weekend?
MildColonialMan@reddit
Time keeps marching on. And time... is still marching on!
LeoDavinciAgain@reddit
Act accordingly
Rarefindofthemind@reddit
I swear I read that the first time and it said “act lovingly.” I thought “what wonderful advice.”
tiexodus@reddit
Ok, I’ll go grab a beer
brendanl79@reddit
gorilla-ointment@reddit
humble_cyrus@reddit
Time is finite, temporal, and...always the victor.
DDrewit@reddit
We all have time.
Cute-Interest3362@reddit
What time do you think you have?
Sea2Hsix0@reddit
Half way to 86 , pretty sure the second half goes faster than the first half.
kuchikopi81@reddit
Yeah and I'm not convinced we will experience the longevity of our grandparents.
5November1955@reddit
“The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older. Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death.”
neanderthalman@reddit
Thanks to denial, I’m immortal.
MattheiusFrink@reddit
🎶🎶We're out of touch, we're out of time (time) but we're out of our heads...🎶🎶
hungrypotato0853@reddit
I'm with you, brother.
At 45 I just lost one of my university buddies. He was also 45 and dropped dead of a heart attack.
RobotBearArms@reddit
Eat your veggies people. Cut the red meat out almost completely. Go to the gym 3+ days a week and lift weights for bone density and cardio for your heart
Most men in my family had heart attacks in their 30s but my wife said "fuck that" when I was 35 and got my ass in line to eat healthy and work out. Fiber is your friend.... It's really fuckin hard to get 30g of it a day but you gotta try. ... Also I look better in my 40s than I did in my 30s
seamore555@reddit
More so, get your cholesterol checked and get on a statin. Medical intervention is more likely to save your life.
I have genetically high cholesterol(lipoA). No lifestyle modifications will change that.
RobotBearArms@reddit
I have genetically high triglycerides and cholesterol and I just had a blood test with all measurements in the green and a calcium score of 0. All from eating right and going to the gym every day.
seamore555@reddit
You don’t have genetically high cholesterol then. LipoA is a genetic cholesterol that cannot be changed with diet, exercise or medication. It is a number you have for life.
You can certainly lower your LDL and Tri with lifestyle, which is great, because you don’t want both high LDL and LipoA.
But there’s also absolutely nothing wrong with taking a medication to help you manage your cholesterol. The idea of this badge of honor that you must do things the “correct” way is the type of stigma that causes people to die.
Kids without their fathers. Without grandfathers. All because “medications bad man!!”
Be responsible with your opinions. Both Statins AND exercise can both be the right answer.
RobotBearArms@reddit
Certainly there are conditions that require medical intervention. The other side though is a lot of people play the "genetic" card saying "woah is me" and that they can't do anything about it and use statins with no lifestyle changes.
seamore555@reddit
Ok so why do you see that as a problem?
Traditional_Cat_60@reddit
You’re not lying about the fiber. I just dropped my cholesterol 50 points in the last year by having fiber gummies with meals. Due to an jury I’m much less active than I normally am, but my cholesterol is the lowest it’s been in a decade.
seamore555@reddit
Don’t shit on statins for no reason. Even a little comment like that could be the thing that stops someone from getting life saving medical intervention because they “read on Reddit they’re bad”
Ineedavodka2019@reddit
Statins have lowered my cholesterol levels to normal. I’ve had high cholesterol since I was in my 20s and couldn’t get it down even with diet and exercise. Hereditary stuff can suck.
remedialhandwriting@reddit
What kind of gummies?
Traditional_Cat_60@reddit
“Vitafusion fiber well” gummies. Two with lunch and two with dinner. I also tried to eat more fiber in general, but have had limited success with that in the past. The gummies must have pushed my fiber intake into the actually helpful concentrations
aenea22980@reddit
Great tip, thank you for sharing. Didn't expect to read an actually useful health thing online today, like finding a dollar in your laundry 😂
full_of_ghosts@reddit
I've been lucky enough to have not really experienced this yet. I know of two members of my graduating class who died (both from suicide) years later, but I wasn't close friends with either of them. One was a passing acquaintance, the other I barely knew.
I don't know if any of my other high school classmates have died. The two I know of were both announced on my graduating class's Facebook group, and I deleted my Facebook account a few years ago. My school's website doesn't keep an online memorial list. Apparently there are memorial posters at class reunions and homecoming events, but I live 1,000+ miles away from my home city these days and can't be bothered to travel for that.
Statistically, it seems likely that we've lost more than two, but I don't have an easy way to find out who else we've lost.
The toughest comparable experience I've ever experienced was finding out an ex-girlfriend passed away. It was a rough breakup. She lied to me about something monumentally important. It didn't only destroy the relationship, it destroyed my entire memory of the relationship. I felt like I couldn't cherish any of the memories, because I had to retroactively question everything important she ever said to me. I'd been cheated on once in an earlier relationship. Being lied to was far worse. Felt like a much bigger betrayal.
But eventually (and the word "eventually" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here -- we're talking years) I quietly forgave her inside my own head and moved on. I just stopped thinking about her. She didn't matter anymore.
Then one day, probably about 15 years after the breakup, I had an "I wonder what she's up to these days" moment and looked her up on Facebook (this was back when I still had Facebook, obviously). Her page had been memorialized. She'd been dead for three years. In the meantime, she'd gotten married and had three kids. Left her husband without a wife and her kids without a mother.
And I was so confused about how I was supposed to feel. I mean, I'm sad for any family that loses its matriarch too early, but was I sad for myself? Was I supposed to be? Because I wasn't sure if I was. Does that make me a horrible person?
Morbid curiosity got the better of me, so I did a public records request for the coroner's report. Turned out to be alcohol/opiate toxicity. I assume it was accidental. I definitely prefer to believe that. She just made a dumb mistake before going to bed one night, and never woke up.
And part of me still wonders, if our breakup hadn't been the angry shitshow that it was -- if I hadn't told her to go fuck herself every time she tried to reach out to apologize for her dishonesty -- might her life have taken a slightly different trajectory? Yeah, you see where I'm going with this. And the truth is that I know it's not my fault. I know there's no reasonable way her death can in any way be my responsibility. But I can't stop my brain from going down that butterfly effect rabbit hole.
WhatIGot21@reddit
Same boat bud, my crew was OD's and one was told by his doctor that he had to lose weight so he started going to the gym and died on a treadmill.
Cooper_Sharpy@reddit
In the same boat except we weren’t “drifted apart”. 2002 best friend dies of overdose 2 months after graduation. 2005 another close friend overdose. 2010 best friend 2 dies in car wreck. 2012 another very close friend dies in a relapse. Then the love of my life was taken from covid. It never hurts less but it slowly gets easier…
HeyTherehnc@reddit
Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry this is the way it turned out. I’m very lucky in we’ve only lost 1 person to an accidental fent overdose - he couldn’t afford his anxiety meds so he bought some off the street, yay America! I’m going to give everyone extra hugs when I see them over Memorial Day.
AAAaaaaAAAaaaAAAACHO@reddit
Google: percent of people dead born in (your birth year). It's anywhere from 8% to 6%. In a class room of 25, 8% is 2 people. Think about that. It's only going to get worse....
sjd208@reddit
Even adjusting for child mortality that’s really depressing.
catsandkittens1308@reddit
That's wild! 6.3% from 1982. Both my best friends from high school were dead by the time I was 20 - one from a car accident, one from a brain bleed.
This thread is a giant bummer.
StabMasterArson22@reddit
I'm 1985, I relate with this sub more than the other generations. My group got caught up in the opioid epidemic. We just lost another one late last week. Funeral Thursday. He was clean from the drugs, but had picked up drinking. All the guys in my phone with the best sense of humor are dead.
My grad year in our area was particularly bad in most of this area of my state. I've been to rehabs all around, 2004 is a prevalent grad year. If you told me there was some kind of MK UKTRA-type program that was run around here and targeted us, I'd listen. Those of us that are left are somewhat absorbed into the friend group of the guys a year older than us. We can't even fill a golf foursome.
wtfworld22@reddit
1984 and an 02 grad. We haven't been thinned out specifically by the opioid crisis but there is definitely some juju over my school. We've lost over 50 from 1999-2005 grad years. Car accidents, sepsis, cancer, cirrhosis, electrocution, ODs, etc. We just lost another one that died in their sleep and we don't know why. Some we don't find out about until years later, which is even more sad to me.
eJollyRoger@reddit
:(
wtfworld22@reddit
Just lost a friend from high school yesterday (I'm an early 00s grad). Unfortunately, my school has a bit of a curse or something, because it happens to people from our school all too often. I did the math and from classes 99-05 which is all the kids I was in school with at one point or another, we've lost over 50. It sucks and hurts every single time.
I'm so sorry for your losses.
BrewMan13@reddit
I'm still good friends with my 2 closest high school buddies.
iveseensomethings82@reddit
As I get older I know a lot of dead people
MommaOfManyCats@reddit
All of my high school friends are still around, but several exes have passed. It feels weird to only be 45 and have 4 exes pass, especially when I wasn't a huge dater over the years.
erino3120@reddit
Three of my exes have passed too. One when we were in college, one in my twenties, one in my thirties.
MattheiusFrink@reddit
Did they all live in texas?
fubo@reddit
Some will die in hot pursuit in fiery auto crashes
canuck_in_wa@reddit
Some will die in hot pursuit while sifting through my ashes
SheWasAlwaysJody@reddit
Some will fall in love with life.
Surfing_Giraffe@reddit
Yeah but his wives live in Tennessee... 👢
FinancialCry4651@reddit
Same here! A few kids I knew died young, no close old friends so far (knock on wood), but at least two ex bfs.
A long time ago, an ex appeared outside the venue where Fugazi was playing; he knew I'd be there, and he came to tell me he was dying. His voice was raspy, skin yellow, and he was homeless. Alcoholism. (He had a tragic childhood but was a beautiful human when he wasn't obliterated.)
Another I was reminiscing about around a year ago, found his fb page to see what he's up to, and it was filled w RIP messages. I assume he also died of alcoholism. He was hilarious, hard working, and adorable; I broke up w him 3 times bc he'd get far too wasted-face.
prosequare@reddit
I have three. It starts to feel personal after a certain point.
Jaded-Owl8312@reddit
My college GF (20 years ago roughly) died last year and it was a huge shock. We weren’t close and had no talked to her in at least a decade if not longer but it was still very weird. I can’t imagine four exes though. My condolences to you and their families.
flatulentstepchild@reddit
It's a weird kind of grief, what you feel for people you were really close to but you haven't seen for a long time. It's the shared formative memories and experiences that you are now the last one to know and care about. It's a very lonely feeling...but you are not alone in feeling it. Two of my best buds from my teen years are gone now. I hadn't seen either of them in years so can't 'miss' them in a day to day sense, but goddamn the feeling of loss is profound.
silentsnak3@reddit
I had two best friends that we would get into everything together.
One died years ago from a heart attack. He was 28 and healthy, but had a undiagnosed heart condition. My other friend died in a fire about 7 years ago. He had always been a drinker, an apparently he was smoking a cig when he passed out and the house caught fire. I hadn't talked to the last guy in a few years. But I still tell stories of all the crazy stuff we got into.
danappropriate@reddit
The best man in my wedding dropped out of life about a decade ago. He was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic, and he fell into drugs and alcohol. A few years ago I got to thinking about him, did some searching and found that he had passed a year earlier.
I have no details on his death. There was no funeral, and I lost contact with his family years ago.
thehakujin82@reddit
Shit, man. Don’t know I’ve ever felt the compulsion to give an internet stranger a hug before this.
My best friend was diagnosed schizo-effective sometime in our early 20’s, I believe he also dealt with so undiagnosed Asperger’s/autism. A savant with math/science, but always just a hair outside the norm in social cues, etc. We met in kindergarten, and were nearly brothers for 22 years.
ANYway… we lived near each other, visited frequently, and yet still managed to drift apart as I matured and developed and explored — and he sat at home turning inward on himself. Finally called me up one day yelling at me about gifts his mom gave me as a child or something. We haven’t spoken since. It’s been 17 years.
I know it’s different but your comment here is about as close of a tale as I’ve seen to mine, and I fear the day I find out the same news. Wife has a couple times before told me to call him, but honestly, there’s this selfishly guilty part of me that is relieved not to have to carry that friendship on any further. I can’t decide for certain what that says about me.
PM_ME_YOUR_INNY@reddit
“YOU WILL CALL HIM!!” - 🥛
thehakujin82@reddit
Start breaking bricks, wet nips
tokudama@reddit
I don't think that's necessarily bad. The people I was friends with was determined by proximity in location and age; eventually I found that I didn't really want a friendship or even to be acquainted as adults (mostly thanks to unhinged Facebook posts lol). I've done a lot of work to divest myself from my mom's guilt trips, so if I start to feel guilty I ask myself what's the point in dredging up a connection to someone i don't currently have anything in common with, and don't have good memories of? I'm struggling to find the right words for this, but also, I want to avoid self-aggrandizing thinking and behavior... my waltzing back into a former friend's life like I'm doing them a favor is not the person I want to be.
JasonB121@reddit
I have to comment that you’re doing the right thing. If the relationship isn’t bringing you and your family joy and happiness, then it’s ok. Sometimes we all have to separate ourselves from those negative relationships and move on. It’s healthy!
Turbomattk@reddit
The two guys I sat by in 7th grade lunch are also gone. One was killed in a motorcycle accident last year(not wearing a helmet). Around the same time, I found out that the 3rd guy had died a dozen years earlier from an auto accident.
Nabana@reddit
The kids are indeed, not all right.
randysavagevoice@reddit
I've played poker a few times a year with a revolving door of 10 guys for 15 years. Realized the other night that our conversations have shifted from girls and road trips to high cholesterol, diabetes, and the guy who is a flat earther.
And no one can stay awake long enough to play past midnight.
Purple-flying-dog@reddit
Our best man/high school BFF started seizing in the middle of the night. No idea why, they never found out. He was brain dead when he got to the hospital and died a week later. He was the first of “our age” in our friend group to go. We were in our early forties. Wonderful man, the world is a worse place without him.
Scherzkeks@reddit
Let start a new crew! With black jack and hoo—I mean, in your friends’ honor.
Legallyfit@reddit
DJSfromthe1900s@reddit
You know what? Forget about the black jack and honor.
MalkaviousM@reddit
I'm reasonably sure there was money that I would be the first of us to go.
I've been the last one standing for a while.
There's a saying in Spanish "Hierba mala nunca muere." Bad weeds never die. Maybe it's true? Or maybe we're just the lucky ones?
Either way, take care of yourself, man. We're dropping like flies out here.
Maximumi-Awkward@reddit
Funny, we have almost the same in Danish: Ukrudt forgår ikke så let. “Weeds are hard to kill.” or “Weeds don’t die so easily.”
ThinkFree@reddit
In English there is "the good die young"
MalkaviousM@reddit
See, I thought of that first, but I feel like something about it felt wrong.
Plenty of terrible people pass early. I view the Spanish saying as one that can also mean that tough, gnarly things forged by the crucible of tragedy and loss are oft the most resilient.
We aren't pretty. We are survivors.
Marquis_Marx@reddit
I'd never heard before, but I like the Spanish version better, too. Thanks for that.
Topwingwoman2@reddit
Last standing from 1980? Geez, we aren't all keeling over. My mom is turning 75 tomorrow and will be traveling to CO to hike in Breckenridge after Mother's Day weekend. The fucked up leader of our nation is 80ish. Don't act like we should all drop dead, gheesh.
Earwax82@reddit
A few years ago an old friend was in town and we met for drinks. As he was walking up I was going to say “Dude I can’t believe you’re still alive!” but before I could he shouted “I’m still fucking alive, can you believe it!”
He was an insane dumbass. I’m terrified when I remember being a passenger in his car. He wrecked three before graduation. At one point he worked two jobs and did half a day of school (he was in a special program because he flunked 10th grade twice). He’d be up at 7am for school 8am-10am, work the bowling alley 11am - 5pm, then Taco Bell 6pm to midnight, then he’d tell me he’s going to meet some people at the beach while shoving no-doze down his gullet. Then he’d do it all again the next day.
He joined the military right after high school saying it’ll be easy because “We’re America, who is gonna fuck with us?” This was early 2001.
When we met for drinks he was an NCO with a big ass plaque of ribbons and commendations and shit and just two years short of twenty and retirement. He said he would absolutely be dead if the military hadn’t kicked his ass and straightened him out. That he managed to be so successful was a complete shocker to any of us who knew him.
Pinklady777@reddit
It's the other side of the same, only the good die Young.
MattheiusFrink@reddit
🎶🎶we're still standing better than we ever did. Looking like true survivors.🎶🎶
TraditionalTackle1@reddit
If I didn’t get married I would have drank myself to death.
MalkaviousM@reddit
You and me both! I was in a real bad way when I met my wife in 2010. To say that she turned it around for me and gave me a reason to live would be a monumental understatement.
Glad you found your person! I hope we all can find the thing that gives us the drive to be who we hoped some day we could be!
Needed_Seeded_81@reddit
There were 3 guys I used to run around with in my early 20s and they've all been gone over 10 years. One friend hung himself, one overdosed, and one had a massive heart attack at 32. The other guys never saw 30 😔. Here I am sitting in my house waiting to go to work at 44.
tokudama@reddit
I occasionally still think about the guy I had a crush on who drowned the summer before sophomore year of high school. I wonder what kind of person he would have been. And it's been over twenty years since a good friend from college died of leukemia. He was fine, and then suddenly he was sick, and passed away shortly before his bone marrow transplant. That one was hard. And this fall is ten years since my best friend/roommate's suicide. Ten years already, holy shit. I don't blame myself anymore, but I still dream of him. My mom died a year ago, and at least once a day I catch myself thinking, "oh, right, she's dead." And now my cousin has lung cancer, never smoked a day in his life. Maybe I'll get better at this whole grieving thing. Probably not, though.
amiableviking@reddit
Yep, my three friends that I ran with in 9th grade are all gone; heart attack, suicide, and car accident
Bastilleinstructor@reddit
Ive been dealing with similar. There were several of us in JROTC our senior year. One died a couple years after high school. She had a heart murmur and dropped dead one day. Another died here a couple years ago. Apparently this straight laced dude lost his mind after high school and wound up on drugs. Heart attack was the cause we were told, but it was probably an OD according to some other friends. Another guy was killed in a car crash (cocaine induced) the night of our 10th year reunion. Out of 10 or 11 of us, 3 are already gone that I know of.
The girls I hung out with in school all attended the funeral of one two years ago. She had asthma and pneumonia and died one night, her husband found her in the bathroom the following morning. That was the first.
Dyolf_Knip@reddit
My grandmother is literally the last one of her entire high school class left.
SheWasAlwaysJody@reddit
I don't know if there's solace in this or not.
I moved 800 miles away going into my junior year. I lost contact with nearly everyone within a few short years despite ~5 years of living there.
I spent my last two years of HS in a town I thought I'd never come back to so I didn't make deep friendships.
I wish I had made friends and kept friends whom I could mourn or they could mourn me when we pass.
It sucks, I've lost classmates to numerous causes that don't need to be listed, but losing them makes me regret never making or keeping friends from those years due to me checking out. I hear from my parents or sister that someone passed and I have to look them up in my yearbook if I even check at all.
There's a blessing to have those memories, the fun, the bond. It hurts now, but if it didn't it would have been meaningless.
You were and are a good friend to them.
sauvandrew@reddit
Good friend of mine from highschool days passed away recently. We're both born 1975.
I'd lost touch with him about 15 years ago, at the time, he was married, had a kid, we had gotten together up until about 2010 for dinner a few times, his Wife, my Wife, the two of us.
He seemed good, decent job, little house, happy Wife.
Then he told me he had been transfered with his work, to the other side of the country, and we just sort of lost touch. We'd do the "happy birthday" and "merry christmas" thing on fb, the occasional message, and then my messages stopped being returned.
His Wife reached out to me through mutual friends last week that he passed.
Seems as though he got hooked on painkillers after an accident playing hockey sometime in 2015.
Lost his job, lost the house, she tried to get him clean, because at that point he was on oxy, and had taken to petty theft to sustain the habit
She left him. Apparently he spiraled, in and out of jail, and a few weeks ago was found dead on the street in vancouver.
Im still processing this one. It's going to be a while.
I choose to remember us playing duck hunt and donkey kong on his OG Nintendo in our early teens, drinking jolt cola while watching a marathon of Halloween movies all night.
Tell people you love them today.
saxoccordion@reddit
Statistically the longer you live the higher the chances for people you know to die… I had a birthday buddy who I remember commiserating with over moving from a one digit age to a two digit age. But he was murdered before he made it to 10. Another friend at 16 lost due to jumping off a bridge. Both uncles and grandfather on one side dead by the time I was 21. It’s all luck of the draw
Nomadzord@reddit
Three of the guys who were in my wedding are dead from overdoses. Three more of my good friends have died along the way as well. One was murdered (he was a drug dealer), one committed suicide, and another one overdosed. Sad.
mcintg@reddit
There can be only one, you are victorious.
JustTinman@reddit
I feel for each and every one of you as I was the one that got married and had kids early and kinda lost touch, life happens fast, feels like I blinked and 20 years went by, sadly I checked Facebook a year ago only to find my best friend who I'd lost touch with because he started shooting up had died a year or so before, and it wrecked me, I had always thought you know one day we'd reconnect when we had the time but that time never came around. A year before that got a call a friend I worked with for a longtime was on his death bed and a barely got to talk to him before he passed but thankful I got the chance, a few years before that dude I worked with everyday died over the weekend he was riding in a car and the driver passed out and he was ejected, and a few years before that showed up for work I've morning to 30 cops and was told the assistant manager liked himself in the office the night before.. So yeah it's crazy how many I know that are gone and it constantly hits you when you least expect it like a song or something brings a memory and it hurts all over again..
dart51984@reddit
I graduated high school in 2002 with a class of about 125. The last time I checked only like 75 of us were still around. That seems like an alarming amount of dead people around my exact age…hmm…
marteautemps@reddit
So many dead, even younger ones that I met through younger friends later in life.
The one that probably messes with me the most is a girl that was one of my best friends for a few years(knew her for many other years before) and we had so much fun and she was just way too much into drinking and drugs(like so much I was scared as a drinker and user myself amd had to distance myself) and ended up fucking me over, I had got her and one of my other really good friends together and the night before they moved across the country(years after seeing each other) he talked me into coming over and seeing them before they left and it was great but I still never really totally forgave her and there wasn't time to do all that in one night.
I talked to her quite a bit over the years on FB and FB chat or whatever it was called and we talked about so much and she lived her life got sober had 2 more kids, one had a rare disease and died and she had such a hard time but still stayed sober, somehow she still stayed sober.Because she absolutely loved being a mom and noone would have thought.
Showed me these beautiful cakes she made for their birthdays that i told her to have a business for(she told me she hated making them lol)Couple years later she died, a stupid genetic liver disease, like she found herself after so much shit and absolutely loved it and still fucking died after everything she overcame. Seems so unfair. I'm still so mad and sad about it even though I hadn't seen her in like 15 years and hadn't talked to her for a few.
teapots_at_ten_paces@reddit
I'm this person for my friend group from high school/early work life, but it also goes both ways.
I was early 30's when I left, and I've been away now over a decade. For the first few years, I messaged everyone on their birthdays, and never received anything back. So eventually I stopped messaging, and still got nothing back.
I had a good chat with one person recently when they were asked to be a referee for an application I was making. Had to bring them up to speed, so we spent a couple days messaging. I heard from another a few years back, with a "sorry I haven't been in touch, wanted to left you know [other friend's] mother died." And that was the last I heard from that person.
In the two places I've lived since, I haven't even bothered making friends because I hate initiating and then getting nothing back. Out of sight, out of mind, apparently.
pandaSmore@reddit
Getting old sucks man. I'm sorry for your losses.
Theloniusx@reddit
I was 40 when I learned of the last uncle on my father’s side had passed. That now put me as the oldest living person on my father’s side. Only a single cousin that is younger than me remains. It was a small shock when I realized it. My dad, two uncles, my grandparents have all passed.
MulliganPlsThx@reddit
The phrase that hits me hardest is “when your number is up.” We just never know when that will be, and you think yours never will (or will after a long life)
johnonymous1973@reddit
I ran with a couple of intersecting friend groups, me and the girls and me and the guys. One is intact (me and the girls) and gets together several times a year, and the other (me and the guys) has scattered. I’ve buried two of the latter group since 2012 and have been the point person to tell the others about the bad news.
I’m on a spontaneous getaway right now, writing this a block from where me and the guys used to go to shows back in our teens and twenties.
I’m sorry to hear about your friends. It ain’t great putting them in the ground.
Dan-in-Va@reddit
wise decision making adds up
tianas_knife@reddit
My dad always used to tell me "kid, all my friends are dead" which I didn't really understand fully until I was older. It's a good reminder to stay involved with things and to meet new people.
DrawTap88@reddit
In my group, I was the one that moved away. Went back a few years ago and asked for a get together at my uncle’s house. Only one friend showed up. Message received.
NoKatyDidnt@reddit
So true. SO many years went by where my best friend and I lost touch. We got back in contact maybe 5 years ago, and have stayed close since.
hakuna_dentata@reddit
This is a late comment, but I lost two close friends because they just couldn't handle life anymore. I would have bought any ticket or pushed any line to keep either of them safe.
There are groups for this. Sometimes they help. Feel free to PM.
Barnus77@reddit
That’s fucking crazy. I’m about the same age and have lost so many old friends and acquaintances in the last year or two. Not “the entire crew” bad, but I definitely feel your pain - this shit was not supposed to happen this early.
raerae1991@reddit
Dang, they were all in their 30’s that’s really young
anakusis@reddit
I'd just be happy if it wasn't suicide or an overdose every time I am close to someone who dies.
Underfyre@reddit
Does cirrhosis from alcoholism count as either of those?
mk391419@reddit
A few years ago, a memory (a picture) on Facebook came up of some of my friends from my mid-20s. Similarity, I am the only person left in that picture. Nothing is more sobering than realizing your own mortality through the morality of others.
PBandDjenty@reddit
Sounds like that Offapring song… “The Kids Aren’t All Right”
genetic_patent@reddit
I was just thinking about this scenario recently. I have 3 siblings. Eventually 1 of us will be all that is left. I don't know what to do with that.
WesLotts@reddit
This sucks so bad. I lost a close friend. Found out when he didn't return my sporadic calls, so I called his mom. He had passed that winter before, and they still hadn't had the funeral because they're in Maine and the ground had to thaw. OD. The summer before I had lost a friend from the same circle to an OD. Showed up at his mom's front door the day of his birthday, without even realizing it. She was inside, lights off and crying. We talked for a couple hours and laughed as I shared all the misadventures from highschool and early college. Then another friend was taken out in a terrible traffic accident. Big truck drove through a red light. This friend was one from our group that had sobered up, had married a girl from our highschool years and had three kids. I had gone to school, lived with and partied with these three for a string of years. It's like they were the ones that truly knew me and therefore part of me doesn't exist without them to confirm. The grief comes randomly and is triggered by the most awkward stuff. You experience something they would appreciate and you can't call to share. The favorite band comes to town and there's no one else you want to go with.
Sorry for your loss and grief. You're not alone.
PartialComfort@reddit
Omg, that must have meant everything to his mom! I’m sorry you had to find out that way, but imagining her sitting in the dark crying, and you just happening to show up to share all your stories of when he was a happy kid must have have been such a gift in such a bleak time.
surroundedbygrapes@reddit
I’ve lost a couple. I have some people that I should call, before it’s too late.
SinStarsGalaxy@reddit
Overdoses took too many of my friends from my late teens and early twenties.
airbagfailure@reddit
This is insane, cause out of my whole graduating class, I think only one person has died.
VVrayth@reddit
I'm sorry you're the last of the Goonies. :(
little_arsonist@reddit
I'd never really thought about this because all my friends are still here. However my younger brother lost two friends, then he passed last year. I'd hoped he wouldn't join his buddies until much later.
munsterCR37@reddit
I'm 47 and have lost two friends to cancer -- one a couple years older than me, the other a year younger. I think about it constantly.
CherryBombO_O@reddit
I'm sorry for all those you miss, OP. Losing friends is so hard. A lot of my friends have passed away, too. I'm 55/F. These years going forward are going to be tough. Enjoy your people now.
whereisbeezy@reddit
The first peer I knew who died was a friend named Joey my senior year. He had an infection in his heart, and he died.
A friend from Hampshire College, Evan, he died a few years ago. That hit hard and I wish I'd... fuck I don't know. Told him how glad I was to know him. And his much his absence is felt.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I guess the only comfort we can offer is empathy. Being the last of anything has to be a special kind of hurt only some people feel.
Fall-Z@reddit
Read this post and decided to look up my best friend from high school that I had lost touch with. Turns out he passed last year. I was the one of my friend group that left our state for college and did not return, so I kind of drifted away from everyone and we lost touch. He would have turned 45 on the 17th.
sinchsw@reddit
I was hanging out with a high school acquaintance a decade ago on his birthday. We were never close and I was the only one there with him at the end of the night as the other guy he brought along ditched us almost immediately. Before we parted ways I asked him where the rest of his friends were. He said they were all dead from partying and drug abuse. He was the only one left (we were in our early 30s). He died a few years later after falling drunk through a coffee table alone in his house.
Clear_Tangerine5110@reddit
There are 6 or 7 high schools in the city I live in. Several more in orbiting towns. I follow all the local high school memorial Facebook pages. They have an album for the graduates of every decade since each school opened. Assuming one attends high school for all 4 years at the same school, you go to school with your own grade plus the 3 grades ahead of you, and eventually 3 grades behind you when you become a senior, and you will have gone to school with students from a total of 7 graduate years. In our school, we had about 450 students in each grade, coming to around 3,150 peers total, and there are already a few hundred of us gone over the last 3 decades.
StNic54@reddit
I lost a friend awhile back, one of those stand-up guys that was always the real deal. For years I wanted to be able to reach out, meet up, introduce my family, but it never happened. During covid times I reached out to his dad, my former baseball coach, just to tell him hello, and that I was thinking about him and his family. It was a message I had been writing in my head for a better part of a year. That day was a really rough one for me, and he replied as I was driving to pick up my daughter. I saw his message, pulled over, read his reply. I lost it. His dad was so kind, and it happened to be my friend’s birthday that day, and I was sobbing. Real deal, ugly tears. That brought home the loss, the forever of it all, and yeah, my kid had no idea why I was telling her how much I loved her that afternoon. We shouldn’t be losing our friends like this, but it’s not up to us.
Earwax82@reddit
When I was a kid I had a conversation with my dad about the people he knew who had died. He must have been in his early 40’s. One was hit by a car while changing a tire, another a car battery explosion, suicide, overdose, etc. I thought it was super rare to not live into old age so I was shocked that he knew like a dozen.
Now here I am in my early 40’s and I know more than a dozen that are gone. Mostly OD’s and suicide, plenty of other things as well.
I had a friend I was pretty close to last year of high school and a bit afterward. Lost touch for a while but reconnected on Facebook fifteen years ago and chatted some. He was a free spirit type, moved to California to join an art collective or something. He deleted his Facebook outta the blue eight or nine years back. Last week I was wondering how he was so I snooped around Facebook profiles of old mutual friends only to discover he passed away four years ago.
So it goes.
OmahaWarrior@reddit
None of us are guaranteed the next day. In my late 40s, lost my brother aged 45 to Liver failure ( who never touched a drop of liquor) and a cousin that i grew up with. Out for a day of fun at a water park with his wife and kids, he unfortunately had a massive heart attack at 41 while doing the lazy river and passed within seconds. Life is short,folks. Love hard, and make memories. We all leave this world at some point. Some sooner than others.
super_scary_ferry@reddit
I have a group of nine girls I was friends with in high school. We're all 45 and we all still keep in touch regularly! We actually just got together as a group last night. And we have a group chat we all regularly participate in. Only one woman has opted out of being in contact with us, but even her, I still text solo a few times a year. I'm the only single, childless one in the group, but we still have fun together!
dsly4425@reddit
There is a picture that was taken at my freshman homecoming with me and four friends from that time. Of the five of us only one besides me is still alive. The first one died 2 months before we graduated high school in a car crash because someone ran a stop sign. The second one was her sister in law who died under questionable circumstances at home about 10 years ago now, the third was a week and a half younger than me and died in the hospital from some sort of medical procedure complications if I remember right. Just leaving me and another woman who still lives in the house she grew up in with her own kids (she bought it from her parents) that I am Facebook friends with and see around town periodically. She’s doing well last I knew.
The only one that had a funeral that I am aware of was the one that died when we were in high school. I was a pallbearer.
trademarktower@reddit
Jesus this thread is depressing. Sometimes I think about why most of the seniors I meet are if not happy at least content with life. And it's survivorship bias. A lot of the truly troubled people never make it to old age.
AngelZash@reddit
I’m feeling so old lately, for reasons like this. Like, where did the time go??? Wasn’t it just the turn of the millennium and I was graduating high school and going to college??? What happened?!
G_the_OG_502@reddit
I can definitely relate to this by the title alone
wrenwood2018@reddit
For me it is my parent's friends dying all of those people that took care of me when I was young. They were second families. Many if them are now ill or have passed. It means we are soon no longer going to be anyone's kids. Its sad.
Syonoq@reddit
As time went on we saw less and· less of Teddy and Vern, until eventually they became just two more faces in the halls. It happens sometimes. Friends can come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant.
I heard that Vern got married .out of high school, had four kids, and now is the forklift operator at the Arsenault Lumber Yard.
Teddy tried several times to get into the Army, but his eyes and his ear kept him out. Last I heard he'd spent some time in jail and was now doing odd jobs around Castle Rock.
[…]
Chris did get out. He enrolled in the college courses with me, and although it was difficult for him, he stuck.with it and graduated 19th in our class. He went on to college and eventually became a lawyer. Last week he entered a Chicken Delight to get a three piece snack bucket. Just ahead of him two men got into an argument. One of them pulled a knife. Chris, who had always made the best peace, tried to break it up. He was stabbed in the throat. He died almost instantly.
[…]
I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does. anyone?
Churlish_Performer@reddit
I hear that. One of my best friends' sister died totally unexpectedly a few years ago. That hit me like a freight train - really really painful shit man.
instant_ramen_chef@reddit
There was a group of older guys i used to hang around d when I was 14. One ofbthem had a dj set up in his garage. He was mid 30s and the guys who hung around were mid 20s. I was just a kid who was interested in learning about DJing. Those guys were trouble. At 15, I was helping them break into warehouses to throw parties. I was doing graffiti with them too. We would hang out at the garage. They would let me drink and smoke weed regularly.
Of the 6 of us who wete in that garage, I am the only one who has not done prison time. Not jail, prison. Can't say its surprising. It wasnt exactly a great neighborhood. I managed to make it out of the hood with zero major convictions, zero baby mamas, and zero debt.
Last-Stop-Before-You@reddit
This is devastating. I’m really, truly sorry for your losses.
Left-Landscape-3890@reddit
This creeps me out man. Unrelated but, I actually get uneasy as fuck when I hear STP, Nirvana, Soundgarden, Tonic or similar on the local classic rock station. It actually affects me. I cant describe it
laynechanger@reddit
I’m not a xennial, I was just scrolling and saw this post. I’m so sorry for your loss your loss. This things hit hard in the oddest ways.
If anyone else needs a reminder to live life. My older sibling’s friends from school out of close friends 4/7 of her friend group had father’s that passed away in their early to mid 40s. One died in his late 50s and our dad died at 65 when they were 21.
Mandygurl79@reddit
I’m also one of the few left of a friend group. It is sad and hard to face when you feel like you’ve never caught a break. Dealt with people dying my whole life and I’m tired. 😪 Clearly as I age this unfortunately will not slow down.
guyincognito121@reddit
I recently started searching up people from college who I hadn't thought about in years. Was shocked to find out how many have passed. It wasn't a huge percentage, but still a lot more than I would have guessed.
GrayMouser12@reddit
That's rough man. I feel for you. A little too much perspective.
VidE27@reddit
It is quite an eerie feeling when your close friends WhatsApp group becomes silent one day. I just hope I won’t be the last one to turn off the light.
Sea2Hsix0@reddit
Sometimes it hits real hard.
For most of the 2000-teens my old high school friend group lost someone every year. Either suicide or drug overdose, at this point there’s not much of a distinction between the two for me. From a larger group of friends, but still pretty tight-knit and not over 20 friends total. About half are gone now. Friends we ran around woods and did stupid shit with almost everyday of my teenage years. Those consecutive years like that, losing people, was brutal. I don’t struggle with grief everyday anymore… but it’s always lurking somewhere. It’s crazy what can bring it up or how it still shows up.
The decisions we make matter. Hug the people you love and call them when you’re thinking about them. If those aren’t options just sit and talk to them as if they’re still there. Be grateful for people, the people today and the ones not around anymore. Practice kindness. Smile. Listen to the Flaming Lips, Do You Realize?, and feel all the feels.
I’m just waxing poetic now, so I guess that’s all I got.
brendanl79@reddit
Mid-forties now. One of the nicest coolest girls I ever knew got killed in a senseless accident last year while vacationing overseas with her family. She should have had the chance to become a nice old lady. You just never know when your number will come up.
Kinky-Bicycle-669@reddit
My bf is 46 and we just had an old coworker who is only a month older than him pass away this month. It kinda worries me sometimes.
USAF_Retired2017@reddit
Heard from my high school best friend today. So far, we are all intact. At 48 I’d be sad to know I was the last. I’m sorry for all of your losses.
dizzy_unicorn@reddit
About 5 years ago a guy i hung out with all through HS died in a car accident. I hadn’t seen him in 20 years but I cried for days. It hit me hard. These are people we spend our formative years with so no matter how much time goes by, it’s painful to hear they are gone.
RobotBearArms@reddit
One of my best friends found out a couple of weeks ago that he has ass cancer (his words)... I'm really hoping they caught it early enough
Unlikely-Strike-8753@reddit
Time is the fire in which we burn.
—Elmore Leonard
Make it count.
chunkerton_chunksley@reddit
In undergrad I lived with 3 of my friends, we rented a house after freshman year and lived there for the remainder of college. One died in a car accident a year after graduation, one died of a heart attack (probably cocaine related) in 2012, and one committed suicide in 2021. He was my best friend, we talked a lot, and he never brought up depression or seemed like he was suicidal. I wish he would have reached out, or I knew how he felt. I knew he was struggling financially and offered up a room in my house, but he lived on the other side of the country so he declined. If I had just pushed the issue a little more, maybe he would have come and would still be alive. I miss my dudes, friendships havent been the same since those guys.
tahlyn@reddit
I had a co-worker die just two weeks ago in a car accident. He was 43 with two little kids. I had another co-worker die just about 10 years ago, a car hit him, he was only 30. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow.
freedraw@reddit
A good friend of mine died last month. He just went home one night and dropped dead. He wasn’t overweight or a heavy drinker or anything. Appears to have been a heart attack. He was 42. I…just really did not think I was the age where my friends start suddenly dying out of nowhere like that.
Jaded-Owl8312@reddit
I found out last year my college girlfriend died of skin cancer a few months before that. That hit really hard in a way that was hard to describe. I’m in my early 40’s now and am happily married but it was still such a shock. She had three young kids too. Really made me squeeze my own kids just a little harder that night (and since).
Isiotic_Mind@reddit
Very sobering to hear about people we were close to when we were young dieing.
ConfidenceNo2598@reddit
Gotta remember the silly things that were your guys things to do and keep on doing one or two of those in their memory
The_C0u5@reddit
Shoulda started that tontine...
LvlHeadThoroughbred@reddit
Sorry brother. Lost my best friend to suicide and a few years later my other to a motorcycle. It’s me and the other friend who remain….
Agreeable_Mouse6000@reddit
Not my high school friend group per se, but I lost 3 of my best friends in the past 4 years. One died of cancer, one went missing and his car was found flipped over next to a river (they never found the body), and the friend I’ve known since we were in 4th grade lost his mind, on and off the streets and went off the deep end into drug use and psychosis and I had to go full on no contact after he started leaving threatening voice mails.
Those are just the guys I was close with. It feels like every year there’s another person I used to know or hang with who tragically passes and I’ve sadly come to get used to it happening. I feel like it was just yesterday we were partying and hanging out and going to shows or playing music together or taking road trips and boom. Party’s over.
burgundyblue@reddit
Damn, man, that sucks. My group still texts everyday and two of them are driving out to see me this summer. We’ll have a beer for you.
glamb70@reddit
Sorry for your losses! There has been a lot of deaths from my friend groups back around that time also. Drugs played a part in several of them. Heart attacks, car accidents, aggressive cancers, 2 shootings, etc. Those funerals are tough but I make it a priority to attend. It’s harder for their families. RIP. Life is short!
araloss@reddit
I totally understand and I hate it.