ULPT request: How do I "Robert Pattinson" someone into avoiding me?
Posted by DistinguishedSlice@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 88 comments
TLDR: How do I subtly reverse-psychologically convince someone in my family, through text communication, to begin not liking me, thinking I'm a drag and boring/unpleasant/weird to interact with, and avoid texting me- without outright telling them to fuck off or block them? A lá the Robert Pattinson story about him taking a superfan to dinner and complaining for 2 hrs so they never stood outside his apt. again?
END TLDR
Maybe an unusual request but here goes
I have a family member that I've been fairly close with my whole life. We grew up in close proximity, we've had our ups and downs, and we've followed fairly similar paths in life, for the most part. We currently live in different states, and have a text relationship other than the very rare family get together. They got laid off during The'Rona, and have been out of work since. Instead of...seeking employment they enjoy an all expenses paid lodging with room/board/wifi courtesy of my other extended family. And somehow, they've alienated all other friends/family..I'm the only one left that give them the time of day.
Recently(as in the past 5-10yrs) a multitude of factors has made our paths diverge in life, more and more. One factor is *ahem* the whole Orangeness of it all, starting around 2018 with my family member beginning to send more and more "memes" (?) of the Orange One, to my growing annoyance. But I just ignored/ didn't reply to them, and steered the convos elsewhere.
Another factor is substance abuse. I'm no angel, but the type of stuff they're doing makes them belligerent to the point of every convo derailing into them attempting to harass/provoke me(think angry drunk that won't stop running their mouth), and me eventually not responding/blocking for a day or 2, they're ok again for a bit, repeat
This cycle has continued for basically years now. I'll be the first to admit I have little # of friends, but the difference is I'm comfortable being by myself, I prefer it actually. No drama that way
My family member however is one of those people who cannot stand to be by their self with their own thoughts. Even if it means sending barely intelligible "memes" they made while drunk to people at 1am in an attempt to bother someone into striking up a convo. And as mentioned, I'm basically their go-to for human interaction.
Let me wrap this up. It's got to the point where I'm getting tired of the whole thing. While I feel for the state they've let their life get to, and genuinely wish them the best, their behavior has reached the level of beginning to be less annoyance, and more "daily unpaid 1 a.m. therapist/punching bag/chat buddy". But due to family dynamics/politics, I can't just tell them to fuck off/get a job/L/ratio/stop drinking+block them for good. It would cause more problems in family dynamics that I just don't want to be bothered with.
What are subtle ways I can slowly start convincing them I'm a bummer person, and then they eventually text me less and less, leaving me alone?
A few thoughts I had:
Start sending voice memos of my farts throughout the day with a 😛 emoji
Find playlists of bagpipe or lap steel guitar songs/anthems on YouTube and randomly send links to songs with caption "This goes HARD 😤"
Download every crappy mobile game on a spare device+send links every day with "Get 500 coins Free and Join me in Balls.io!"
Get some kind of unusual kink type thing like someone smelling dirty socks or something (not kink shaming btw) and send a gif of it to them "accidentally" followed by "ah I meant to send that to someone else my b" ...have it be a regular occurrence
Endless Tiktoks where the people are just yelling at something at the top of their lungs
Some second hand embarrassment type things?? Idk
What are some other creative ways to subtly influence someone over time, through text into having an aversive reaction every time the thought of texting me crosses their mind?
Sharkhous@reddit
Use the Grey Rock method
AK_Sole@reddit
Does this mean, for example, one would just answer with an “OK” to everything?
slope11215@reddit
K
exxcathedra@reddit
That would make you sound upset. The goal is not sounding emotional in any way, just incredibly boring. Generic replies, no follow up and stretching the silences as much as possible without conflict. You'll fade away without them noticing.
Sharkhous@reddit
Imagine how a bored teenager would react, that's how
AK_Sole@reddit
Whatever
/s
Briccone1979@reddit
Sure
exxcathedra@reddit
This is very effective. You basically become so dull and boring to them they no longer feel the need to focus on you. I've used it a few times around difficult people in my close circle I cannot easily avoid or ghost.
DistinguishedSlice@reddit (OP)
This will probably be the most effective strategy honestly
I kind of did this before inadvertently at different times, when life would get busy and I just didn't have time to text back often.
Guess it's time to get "busy" again... for good though
Tw1ch1e@reddit
I’ve done a few tactics over the years and by far “grey rock” works the best. Any engagement is an invitation, stop sending anything and only speak when spoken to
Shazam1269@reddit
I hurried to the comment section to ensure this method was listed. I use this on a regular basis, and it works.
FilthyThanksgiving@reddit
It really is the gold standard
10S_NE1@reddit
Every time he contacts you, respond with something like “Hey! My friend Ray has three dogs and they’ve been shitting all over his backyard for the past few months and he needs someone to clean up all the shit. I know you’re not working so I thought maybe you’d wanna help him out. He can only pay you five dollars, but since you’re not working, it’s better than nothing right?
Or “My friend’s mom is moving and she can’t afford movers. Can you help her move her furniture to her new place? A lot of it is really heavy. You might want to bring some friends to help too. I’m sure she will thank you by making you dinner sometime.”
Every time he contacts you, have a job for him. Ask him to cut your lawn or chop wood or anything you have that needs to be done. You can frame it like you know that it’s really hard on him to not have work, and that he obviously has a lot of time on his hands due to how often he contacts you.
Or you can tell him about how you recently found Jesus and want to save him.
DistinguishedSlice@reddit (OP)
Excellent suggestions.
I have already used the 1st strategy of sending job apps/ odd job offers..but not as a "strategy".. I was genuinely trying to help them by sending apps for hiring positions that I would come across, that were relevant to their past job experience
To these, I have received excuses ranging from "I don't want to work there" to "There's too many (blank) people that work there" so eventually I just stopped.
However, it did seemingly slow communications from them for a while.. maybe I'll start that back up
The Jesus angle could work, but likely would backfire since I'm pretty sure they're into that already
fuuckimlate@reddit
But don't just send them out if the blue, wait for them to text you and just be like oh that reminds me I wanted to send you this. They will think twice about starting up the convo
LeadershipAble773@reddit
No, no, not actually paid jobs. You need to ask for free labour! Cause they have nothing better to do
Immediate_Cake9151@reddit
Nah you think they’re into that but actually start enthusiastically talking about the bible, going to church every Sunday and Wednesday, abstaining from masturbation, premarital sex, etc - they’d be all crickets. Especially if you try to get them to get re baptized and go with you to spread the gospel. Lmfaoooo
I grew up w the Cheeto crowd, they definitely don’t want to hear about it at length
RainbowDarter@reddit
My son's father in law is apparently an asshole and I knew that
When I first met him, I let my autistic freak flag fly and just went into great detail about what little I knew of his job (truck driver delivering DEF) and then details about DEF, and diesel and then I started asking questions about the topics. Deep, probing questions.
He's a blue collar man and hadn't given that much thought to his job ever in his life. I was just trying to find something to talk about.
He excused himself to talk to his wife's kids, who all hate him.
He never spoke to me again.
Aggravating_Act0417@reddit
You nailed it! Congrats. What's DEF
RainbowDarter@reddit
DEF is diesel exhaust fluid at a standardized 32.5% concentration.
Diesel engine inject DEF into the exhaust to break down nitrogen oxides (NOx) into nitrogen and water.
NOx is that acrid smell that old diesel engines have and it's nasty pollutant.
On road engines use DEF at about 2-3% the rate of diesel fuel. Off road use up to 5%.
You're nice so I'll stop now
AffectionateMarch394@reddit
Go for Scientology instead then
Immediate_Cake9151@reddit
THIS
10S_NE1@reddit
Thanks for the award, Cake!
Moth1016@reddit
Most of this comment is especially clever because following the suggestion would likely create a growing avoidance response, conscious or subconscious. It ("nagging") is how many of my family members gradually ended up hardly ever hearing from me, despite that not being their goal at all.
Every time I saw them, they'd have a million questions I didn't want to answer about my employment status, or when I was going to finish school, or whether I was keeping my room clean... whatever aspect of my life I felt most insecure about at the time, they'd find it and poke and prod with a tone of the utmost sincerity and concern until I reached a breaking point and snapped. Then, they'd act deeply hurt and ask why I was so upset when they only wanted to help, because they loved me and were worried about me. HIGHLY effective insecure-person repellent.
The Jesus suggestion might be great for somebody else, but I'm not sure that it applies here. The "cheeto" crowd, the Jesus crowd, and the uppers crowd have too much collective overlap. Risky business.
FilthyThanksgiving@reddit
People don't realize how repellent this is. It's why I don't ever share things like job loss, major decisions I have to make, etc with certain family members bc then every interaction will be, "how's ____ going" and it's annoying
Immediate_Cake9151@reddit
What kills it for me when I’m talking to a person (especially a guy that I’m trying to figure out if I’m interested in them at all)
“Hey”
“Sup”
“Wyd”
“Nm u”
I would nope out of that shit so fast
LeadershipAble773@reddit
Wyd?
OllieWobbles@reddit
Ask him for money every time he reaches out. Make it a believable request ( I have no doubt you’ll be able to think of something). Every time there is back and forth texting, bring it around to asking for money.
DistinguishedSlice@reddit (OP)
Excellent and tried-and-true strategy here.
I'm thinking about how broadly this could be applied too, with an automated reply on my phone
-This family member texts me something annoying
-Autoreply: "I need a dollar"
Other family texts: "Granny fell today you need to come to the hospital"
-Autoreply: "I need a dollar"
-Boss texts: "Mr. Slice, we wanted to reach out regarding your continued unexcused absences, reminding you of our NCNS policy. Additionally, we have reports of you continuing to enter the premises, going to the restroom, and leaving the facilities in "inexcusable" condition. Please reach out to us ASAP"
-Autoreply: "I need a dollar"
-"Please call and confirm your appt with Dr. Jones for Fri May 32nd. This is an automated system, DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE."
-Autoreply: "I need a dollar"
But in all seriousness, this would be too obvious because they know that I know they're broke... I started loaning them small amounts of money after they lost their job, thinking they'd be back on their feet soon. But it got to the uncomfortable point for me, and I stopped.
It was enough money where you would think they would want to avoid me, as sugarturtle commented below, but instead they continued to talk and just never bring it up. I've already wrote it off in my mind that I'm not getting it back.
Remarkable_Proof2565@reddit
There’s your angle, then. Just a monotonous “when are you paying me back?” No follow up responses when he reacts. Then repeat at the next interaction. “When are you paying me back?”
LeadershipAble773@reddit
And DONT FILL THE SILENCE !
sugarturtle88@reddit
my husband once lent a family member money just so that they'd feel so awkward about not paying him back that they'd not contact him again... that was about 5 years ago and we haven't heard from her since... she even avoids family get-togethers that we'll be at.
he never expected the money back... he considered it a payment for peace.
whoisdonaldtrump@reddit
I LAUGHED at this, wow brilliant
aceromester@reddit
This! Head it off at the pass, with a quick ask for money whenever they call.
Don't sound ashamed, just act like this is something you just do with ALL your friends. "Hey man, my account is in the negative, do you think you could lend me $740?" Make it some random number to add some realism.
Feel free to concoct a sob story with lots of gross detail. You've got an ingrown public hair... that got infected... now it's become resistant to antibiotics... oh darn I need to go repack the open wound, talk to you later, bye!
SecretCorm@reddit
Just start asking him for money. People hate that!
Ruleyoumind@reddit
Start trying to aggressively sell them insurance.
perry147@reddit
Or go full on Amway. Offer to sell them tapes, books and meetings. Turn every single conversation about Amway.
“I was just thinking about you. I know something that will help, and you get to be your own boss. The starter kit is only $120 but for you I think you should go with the gold kit for $200.”
TheDreadGazeebo@reddit
Kinkshaming is ok, btw
WatchingTellyNow@reddit
Clearly, political differences are a thing. Send them lots of links to Facebook posts by Harry Sisson, Meidas Touch, Aaron Parnas, etc etc, and go into long rambling explanations about how good these posts are and how you agree with them. Follow up with links to anything by President Obama. They'll soon get really pissed off at you and won't want anything to do with you. Result!
cynocratic@reddit
Bruh, this is ez. If they're into the "orangeness" of it all: get really into loving/hating their fav "orange" thing.
Most people like him for one of these reasons: 1) They're really into the hateful "honesty" about x "group of people" 2) They think he's super in line with their religious beliefs 3) They actually believe he was a good businessman, economy guy, military guy
AND/OR they are incredibly wealthy
If it's one, send pro "x people memes" Two: find the evidence or "evidence" side of social media. Maybe send memes? Three: see, 2. Four: you're fucked. But you said that was not The Thing.
A NOTE: this may also socially bomb you and/or spread through your family. this comment is not a guarantee or insurance against bodily harm if these people do meth.
Critical_Cat_8162@reddit
Why be subtle?
BigSisLil@reddit
Every ULPT rquest I see these days is for something that could be dealt with more simply by a little honesty. In this case a short message along the lines of " Hey I'm not into the memes and such, please don't send them to me anymore. You are still family and I'm here for you if there's an emergency but I'm muting you on WhatsApp for now. I can tell you are going through some stuff, I hope you get it worked out. Take care. Sorry that's not unethical but really who has the time 🤷🏻♂️
FilthyThanksgiving@reddit
Well yeah they're here bc they dont want to do that
Aggravating_Act0417@reddit
Bc they're a little b
motionmatrix@reddit
This doesn't line up in my head. If everyone else has alienated them, why would anyone have the balls to say anything to you for doing the same? It seems like you should be able to do the same as everyone else and then follow up with "I just did what you did (insert family member giving you shit about it here), why don't you go spend time with them?"
Aggravating_Act0417@reddit
Agreed. It's fishy.
OP has no spine and a million answers here and continues to say, ohhh I can't do thaaaatt
starfire4377@reddit
Join an MLM and keep trying to rope them into it.
Safe-Agent3400@reddit
I had a dilemma with a person for of all things, a volunteer position. Anyway, she seemed like an alcoholic because she would rage text at night. I asked chat for fake responses:
“Thank you for your message. Your input has been received and will not require further action at this time.”
“This is an automated response to confirm your message was delivered. No reply is necessary.”
“Message received. At this time, no further engagement is planned.”
“Your message has been noted. We appreciate your feedback and will process it accordingly”
“Thank you for reaching out. This inbox is not monitored for ongoing discussion.”
She was stirring the pot and mean.
I cracked up with every reply I gave. It’s gave her nothing to work with and she eventually gave up.
sitheandroid@reddit
Block them. When you next see them at the "very rare family get together" say "uh that's weird, I wondered why I hadn't heard from you for a while". In the intervening period there's a good chance they'll get bored trying to contact you.
DistinguishedSlice@reddit (OP)
Good answer...but they use Internet based free phone numbers, and will just text from diff numbers and quickly suss out that I blocked them on the orig number. They have nothing better to do
I already don't answer unknown numbers, but blocking all unknowns not listed in my contacts isn't feasible because I need to be able to get the occasional Dr. Appt. Call
Mental-Nothings@reddit
Put them on mute/ DND. Pick a day, once a week, month, year, whatever works for you. That’s the day you look at their texts and respond. Any other day ignore them. ‘Sorry, super busy with work, don’t have time to look at y phone right now’ ‘ sorry, watching all of Star Wars with friends this weekend and need to focus’
The. When you do respond, if y wanna be a lil crazy: ‘he dude! I’m just taking a massive shit right now. Since I have a few minutes I wanted to respond to you’ nicer ‘sorry, been super busy XYZ’
Alternatively out meme them. Every time they send you a meme, send them one that’s crazier back.
pinkmarshmall0w@reddit
So you just stop replying. Block, stop replying. Set your phone setting so that unknown text messages are sent to a different folder.
Turbulent-Trip3706@reddit
I would also put your phone on do not disturb at night. On my android phone you can list exceptions so people that don’t spam you can reach you in an emergency. If you are not comfortable with that, maybe mute him and that will help with the grey rock method
Optimal-Prime420@reddit
Works on Apple too
pletro78@reddit
Keep it simple. Wait several hours after a message is received from them, then just send a dad-esque thumbs up reply. Nothing else. Just a solitary thumbs up. Repeat until they get the message.
The key is the long delay in response. Never reply immediately.
sinuous_whimsy@reddit
This is the most realistic suggestion. Even if they are slow or never get the message, you have a low effort strategy.
DistinguishedSlice@reddit (OP)
TaylorSwift_FistPump.gif ✊ 😲
cascasrevolution@reddit
that could be a tactic too, file names as your reaction. nodding_kid.jpg
glittercatlady@reddit
Turn off your notifications at night so they can't wake you. Wait at least 12 hours to respond to anything and then only send one word. Don't respond to anything that isn't a question.
MarcellaMeadow@reddit
FWIW, Robert Pattinson made that story up. He makes up a lot of personal stories and anecdotes. He told one late night talk show host that he did hand modeling for women's jewelry before Twilight. (also not true)
So idk if the method he described to get rid of a stalker would work at all.
BaronBokeh@reddit
He told Matt Lauer on Today that he watched a clown die when a joke car exploded at a circus and told reporters he stopped washing his hair.
Bro is a top tier prankster
ranger0293@reddit
Just be yourself.
brainhack3r@reddit
Ask them if they can start sending you pictures of their feet.
... or something else equally weird.
Buy used shoes, mail them to them, ask if they'd wear them for a few days, then send them back to you.
baldamenu@reddit
You can just mute notifications for their texts
mcdave71@reddit
Start sending them links to job postings saying you're trying to help them find a job. Send the shittiest jobs you can find.
Vandelay797@reddit
snail collecting
krysztov@reddit
Just ask them if you can borrow money every time they initiate contact, either they eventually go away or you get paid to put up with them
raven16342@reddit
Tell him you're going to have a sex change.
FilthyThanksgiving@reddit
Yes, or tell him you're into some weird cursed media
trikaren@reddit
Just stop responding to texts and calls from them. Mute them if you don’t want to block them. Less engagement, not more.
More_Bigger@reddit
If theyre meme conservative become ultra conservative and talk about how this or that is a part of God's overwhelming plan but make super dark and twisted shit.
I saw on X people think we are trying to open a portal for demons in the middle east. Maybe get real into that and go on wild tangents about Angel's and stuff and if they say anything to the conteart tell them they dont understand God's plan fir mankind and especially for you and brow beat the fuck out of em and ghost for a few days then come back like you've graciously accepted their company back.
If he says anything even vaguely liberal tell him hes a godless communist and include allusions to homosexuality (which is of vourse the devil to you now even if youre wearing socks to cancel out the gay) and start sending then phone numbers to conversion camps.
Have a lot of fun w it. Zionist Gay Lasers, Baby trafficking Lib Cartel sympathizers, bird poop is making our cars gay etc.
Impossible_Volume811@reddit
Change your number
MeatloafingAround@reddit
Ask him every convo how his job hunt is going and give endless advice on how to improve his resume.
hacksoncode@reddit
Have ChatGPT respond to everything they send you with a prompt something like "please write a dismissive response to this meme".
Low effort, high volume spam. Like, you know, what they're doing to you.
Eventually, if that doesn't work: tell them that's what you've been doing and suggest that ChatGPT might be a better correspondent than you are.
drunkeymunkey@reddit
Energy Vampire. This absolutely works. Ask me how I know 😌
https://youtu.be/u_xSilxHFns?si=_LAmg9Qr_Ondvy7k
Mushroomphantom@reddit
Lend him some money i bet u never gear fom him again
Reasonable-Marzipan4@reddit
Send them a photo of every poop that you make.
Altruistic_End_6003@reddit
This is the correct answer.
philatio11@reddit
Send him gay cousin porn. Every single day. Switch it up occasionally but every porn link you send should be family/incest themed. Does he have a hot sister? Send lots of incest porn. Does his mom get around? MILF porn. Every porn link should make him think about banging either you or another family member.
ContentiousLlama@reddit
Ask him repeatedly to lend you money.
Something_McGee@reddit
Complain about money problems all the time. Complain about bills. He has neither, so he won't be able to relate.
Complain about work and about co-workers. Drop names like he should know who they are - just to make it confusing.
Whenever you explain a particular incident to him (which you'd be complaining about), always start the story from the middle. When you're close to the end, pause... apologize for being so confusing... then restart the whole story from the beginning... except, begin way earlier than you really need to. Be sure to add irrelevant details so that the main point is lost. And never ask for his opinion on any issues you bring up. If he offers solutions, tell him you've already got it under control... you're just venting.
Dominate convos. One-up him. Always find a way to make the situation about you. He wants to talk about his bad day? Bet him that you're day was worse and just dive right in to your long and confusing story-telling.
He brings up politics? Great! It's an easy way to create divide. Don't debate anything. Firmly tell him your beliefs. Make sure your beliefs are a bit ridiculous and in direct opposition to his.
Pumpkin_Pie@reddit
Just leave all the texts on read and don't respond
Total-Jerk@reddit
Send anti orange memes?
ArtVandalayInc@reddit
Why go through all this trouble? What exactly are your "family dynamics" that make it such that you cannot just end the relationship with this guy? He sounds insufferable and annoying AF. Surely everyone else is annoyed by him and doesn't want to be around him, hence anyone would understand if you wanted to end contact.
This just sounds like a toxic relationship where he's using you, and you're so far stuck in things that you're unwilling to be honest with yourself and end things.
NoWonder375@reddit
Just be honest with them. “Talking to you makes me want to learn how to fly off the Golden Gate Bridge. You like Cheeto and I don’t. 1am isn’t an appropriate time to begin a conversation. Get a job. Please leave me alone”.
Fitz911@reddit
>How do I subtly reverse-psychologically convince someone in my family, through text communication, to begin not liking me, thinking I'm a drag and boring/unpleasant/weird to interact with
Send them this link
Tweaked0ut@reddit
Be passive aggressive as fuck, don’t bring up how you actually feel just call them crazy when they start thinking “uhh maybe I should go”. Give them backhanded compliments and gaslight them when they start thinking it’s backhanded.
Talk to them like they are a dog and when they tell you, you’re being condescending gaslight them and accuse them of being the problem.
Au2o@reddit
What