Is it a big deal in the west to be a virgin? Do people make fun of them like the movies?

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TheYeast1@reddit

This is cracking me up lol, it’s not really that big of a deal anymore atleast. As long as you aren’t a virgin before 25-30 people really aren’t going to think much of it. And even then, lots of people wait for marriage or “the one” for their first time.

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

Im 26 and still a virgin so what does that mean?

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Devi-Supertramp@reddit

It means you have high standards and you aren’t careless with your sexual health. In my opinion, that is awesome, and you should be proud of it!

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Dr_Watson349@reddit

This is Reddit only utopia commentary.

We both know they will be 100% judged for being a virgin in their mid 20s.

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jmsnys@reddit

Not true. In the circles I run in plenty of people wait until there married.

I waited til I was married. Granted I was married at 20, but if we waited I would have waited

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Dr_Watson349@reddit

Cool. Fun fact: the circles you run in are not the representative of society as a whole.

People who wait till marriage to have sex make up 3-4% of the US population.

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jmsnys@reddit

Yeah but stating that “YOU WILL BE JUDGED” is bullshit.

In reality, nobody cares.

“Who cares? It's a fucking friendly. A friendly is a pretend match. This is a pretend conversation. You're a pretend person with a pretend job. And I'm having a really hard time pretending to give a shit.”

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Dr_Watson349@reddit

You will be judged. Listen you run in the wait till marriage circles. I’m sure in those it’s fine.

However in non wait till marriage circles you will be judged. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. It’s just how it is.

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jmsnys@reddit

Meh. I disagree

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The_Buffalo_Bill@reddit

I think I'd judge the person pointing and laughing far more than the one who said "I'm a virgin." Did you stay in the town you graduated highschool, or just leave your brain there?

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Dr_Watson349@reddit

That might be the weirdest insult I have ever heard. In the future just call somebody a fucking idiot.

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chupamichalupa@reddit

No one said people would be outright mocking them but there will always be judgement, either deserved or undeserved, if you are a virgin that long.

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anonsharksfan@reddit

I lost my virginity at 26. I judged myself, but that was it. The first girl I was with just said "oh, ok" when I told her

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TresWhat@reddit

Perfect response

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Many-Rub-6151@reddit

Depends on if you are a chick or a dude.

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Devi-Supertramp@reddit

Disagree. I made my assessment before knowing OP’s gender. I stand by my comment, regardless of the situation.

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Then-Leadership9199@reddit

Idk man, I know a guy who didn't get laid until in his 30s, people still call him Pat the virgin to this day. It is definitely something people make fun of guys for, even if it is light hearted and jovial

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

Im a girl

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MissFabulina@reddit

You are a woman...if you are 26. Don't infantilize yourself. There will be plenty of other people who will do that to you ... You don't have to help them.

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LongRodVaughnDong@reddit

Oh, yeah you’ll be perfectly fine. Some men would even desire you more. If you were a dude it would be the opposite. Honestly wild how that works. But yeah, you won’t encounter any issues

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OK_Stop_Already@reddit

It does not depend.

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BaseClean@reddit

I would need a lot more information to formulate an opinion.

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

Someone to told me about demisexuality, and I believe thats how i view men. I wont feel sexual attraction unless am in love with them. Although i am in a relationship but I rather have sex when it’s official

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JimBones31@reddit

Wait, is love not official unless you are married where you are from?

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

Its my personal opinion really, doesn’t have to do with where im from. Marriage provides emotional stability and shows readiness to build a family with someone who has taken a step that proves they are reliable.

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JimBones31@reddit

I mean, everyone is entitled to their own philosophies but in my mind your reasoning makes sense in terms of waiting for intimacy, not necessarily love though.

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

Its kinda both honestly, its not like i dont get sexual desires but in the same time i have to be someone i have affection for

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JimBones31@reddit

Right, no that makes perfect sense and that's true for a lot of people. It just came across that you were saying love isn't official unless you are married.

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

Let me rephrase that. It makes it even more official

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JimBones31@reddit

Definitely different philosophies in play. I was officially in love with my wife long before we got married.

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

I’m happy for you brother

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JimBones31@reddit

And I hope you find what you're looking for.

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

Thank you

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HowsMyBuddy@reddit

Means you were raised on screens and don’t know how to interact with people.

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

Not really i am in a relationship but to me sex is special and romantic i want to do it with someone who will be next to me when i wakeup, i would never do a one night stand

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MaterialInevitable83@reddit

That's a good thing. Plenty of people wait until marriage for religious or personal reasons, but many people on Reddit look down on them because they are seen as conservative and Reddit tends to be overwhemingly liberal.

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Dr_Watson349@reddit

Some do sure however most of us look down on them because waiting for marriage to find out of two people are sexually compatible is extremely stupid.

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Devi-Supertramp@reddit

I’m glad you’re choosing to wait for personal reasons. I am not a big fan of religion dictating sexual choices to adults. Seems to me that you’re making your choices for the right reasons.

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AskAnAmerican-ModTeam@reddit

Your comment was removed as it violates Rule 9 which is “Treat the person you are replying to with respect and civility.” It means that your comment either contained an insult aimed at another user or it showed signs of causing incivility in the comments.

Please consider this a warning as repeated violations will result in a ban.

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GreenBeanTM@reddit

Only the people you tell will know, meaning you’re either the weirdo telling everyone in school about your sex life or you’re only telling your friends. Sure there are some particular breeds of asshole who will make fun of that, but they have to actually know that information in order to do so.

Movies are not documentaries. No, they do not depict real life.

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Adjective-Noun123456@reddit

It matters a lot to teenagers, for obvious reasons.

In adulthood, unless you go around advertising it, nobody's going to know. That being said, once you hit a certain age it does start raising a few flags.

Either extreme religiosity, which can be a turn off for a lot of people, or something weird going on.

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Valiant_QueenLucy@reddit

I know in my high school kids kinda picked up on if yoy were likely to have sex and little Christian girl me faced some ridicule for being a prude but nothing wild. I waited until I got married in my mid 20s to have sex with no regrets. Got more comments the older I got lol

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TheDjeweler@reddit

Not really. People who aren’t virgins have probably only ever been with one person, maybe two max.

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caseygwenstacy@reddit

From the experience I have seen in my life, no one outwardly mocks or harasses people about it. It’s less of a bullying and embarrassment thing between peers and more of an internal conflict. Most people are just embarrassed to not have had sex yet and angry that it’s taking so long. I have heard so many people worried and scared because they are at some age in their twenties and still a virgin. I don’t see anyone making fun of people, just an expectation put on ourselves that we feel ashamed of not yet accomplishing.

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Bluemonogi@reddit

When I was in high school I don’t remember people talking about virginity or shaming people publicly. Some people had sex and some did not at that age.

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BaseClean@reddit

It depends on a lot of things. Most people at both high schools i went to (one public, small town and one private, Catholic and in a medium sized city) had lost their virginity at some point prior to graduating. It was mostly guys who got teased for being virgins but I don't ever remember anyone being tormented or bullied for being a virgin.

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No_Importance_750@reddit

No, nobody really cares all that much. Also, there are a lot of people who wait until marriage to lose their v-cards so it’s normal.

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OK_Stop_Already@reddit

I mean no one is going to know or care unless you go around announcing your sexual status. and people who DO care are weird, imo.

But as someone who was a teen at one point and also have seen movies from other countries.... it is not only american teen movies that talk about those things.

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

Yeah I’ve watched other countries movies with the same stereotype, but US movies often go viral worldwide thats why I talked about US movies pacifically

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BenDover0903@reddit

I find that this question is answered different on Reddit (on any sub) than it is actually perceived in reality.

In highschool it’s not usually a huge deal, but by the back half of college it’ll start to become a “I wonder why _____ hasn’t had sex yet.” Not necessarily in a bad way but you will start to turn heads.

By 25 it becomes a bit of a yellow flag for perspective relationships. Again, not a dealbreaker or something bad but people will 100% start asking “why” at this point.

By 30 it’s a red flag to most people and this is the point where I’d say it becomes a big deal. At this point most of the population has been sexually active at some point or at least had sex.

You do whatever you want, and never let someone else dictate or influence your sex life, but that’s what I’ve experienced.

I find Reddit downplays virginity a lot, and says it’s way more commonplace / accepted by society than it actually is.

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

Some people have sex just to experience it. To me honestly it disgusts me to touch or be touched by someone im not in love with.

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Spirited-Way2406@reddit

Have you looked up demisexuality?

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

This is the first time i hear about it. That’s exactly how i feel towards people, that’s interesting to know

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BenDover0903@reddit

That feels like we’re getting into different territory. For me your response has less to do with sex and more to do with relationships.

By 26 every friend in my circles had at least one relationship with a good chunk of those being serious. Most people I know started dating at 15-16 so if I were to meet you socially and the topic came up I’d probably be more inclined to ask, “hey man, why haven’t you dated?” rather than “hey man, why are you a virgin?”

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Haxooo_@reddit (OP)

I am in a relationship but i want the day that when we have sex is the day we are officially together. I belong to him he belongs to me. Some may think there’s no difference but i think marriage make relationship more stable🤷🏻‍♀️

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Ok_Orchid1004@reddit

No only in the south, not in the west.

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Dusk_2_Dawn@reddit

In reality, no. But there exists a perversive force that tries to make it seem bad culturally.

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Spirited-Way2406@reddit

The pervasive force is mostly silver-backed movie and series makers these days, I think.

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Spirited-Way2406@reddit

Oh, high school. I do not miss it.

Movies aside, having sex was (and still is by many people) considered to be a sign that you were really an adult, not a kid anymore. But there was a double standard. When I was in high school the boys all insisted that they had lots of sex. They even walked with their knees pointed slightly apart because they thought that it made them look like they had recently had a lot of sex. Meanwhile, girls who didn't have sex were considered to be "uptight" or "teases," but if they did have sex, they were "sluts."

See, you had to hurry up and have a lot of sex in order to be a real adult, but if you were a girl, you were also supposed to wait until you had gotten a wedding ring, and you weren't supposed to hurt boys' feelings by telling them they were not allowed to have something that you had that they wanted. (I do not miss high school at all.)

I get the impression from my own kids that people don't care quite as much. You're allowed to "not have found the right person" or "be too busy with school to hook up," even "just not into that, OK." And boys who are pushy get more pushback than they used to. It just doesn't seem to be a big darn deal anymore.

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LassierVO@reddit

It matters a lot to teenagers and incels. For the most part, the rest of us don't give a fuck about who fucks.

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Many-Rub-6151@reddit

A lot less than the government, thats for sure

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Many-Rub-6151@reddit

In HS you can definitely get clowned on but you quickly realize how irrelevant that you were a virgin in HS once you graduate lol

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Playful_Question538@reddit

Those are just coming of age movies that are somewhat real but have no absolute basis in reality.

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goblin_hipster@reddit

I mean, honestly, how would they know? I'm 32 and a virgin. I don't go around telling people. It's really not a big deal at all.

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OpeningChipmunk1700@reddit

Im curious is it really like that irl?

The median age of first time having sex for US men/boys and women/girls is \~18 years old.

A lot also depends on cultural and religious values. Some people remain celibate until marriage--which could involve a pretty long period depending on when they get married.

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wrosecrans@reddit

Only close personal friends that you tell about your private life would ever have any idea.

So it's pretty much just a question if whether you choose to be close personal friends with people who have the personality that they make fun of friends for everything, and then, knowing somebody has the personality that is always making fun of everybody for everything, you tell that person every detail if your personal life.

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oremfrien@reddit

For women, losing their virginity early (before 20) can come with some forms of stigma. For men, failing to lose their virginity early (before 35) can come with some forms of stigma. For the women, it’s the accusation that they’ve too loose and, for the men, it’s the accusation that they’re deficient and unable to attract a woman.

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