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Baklavasaint_@reddit

It’s cultural. People just want to be nice. You know how the Canadians are nice? We’re like them but without health insurance.

So when we ask you, “how is your day going!?” We have a tiny tear drop that falls internally.

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marfalump@reddit

Unpopular fact on reddit: 91% of Americans have health insurance. source: CDC

Seniors and poor people get free government insurance (Medicaid and Medicare), so it’s not completely a cost thing.

It’s most people who choose not to buy insurance and risk it.

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So yes, that's why my extremely shy, introverted ass will sometimes catch myself smiling and making eye contact with people I pass. It was beaten into me, lol.

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AnimusFlux@reddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/1sze9kd/why_do_americans_talk_to_strangers_so_easily/

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iridescent333@reddit (OP)

I read this already but can’t find a helpful answer to my question

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AnimusFlux@reddit

Counterquestion then. Why are people outside of America so unfriendly?

Cause you always have one thing in common with the guy standing next to you: he's there too. If you're at a concert, he presumably likes the same band too lol. That's how people start the conversations and usually it just takes off from there

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currymuttonpizza@reddit

Honestly the idea of a society where people can just shut up and mind their own business without bothering anyone sounds amazing

It's a double edged sword. I'd prefer a happy middle. I lived in Berlin for a little bit (job leads did not pan out as I thought they would) and when I first got there I had the same attitude as you - gosh, everyone is minding their own business, it's an introvert's dream! A few months in though, the isolation really started to set in. Nobody perceives you on the street, in line at the store, it's a huge cultural shock. I spent a week in Vienna and it was better there - no unnecessary niceties but people acknowledge your presence. Even if it's just to bitch about the weather.

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Financial-Sweet-4648@reddit

I can’t speak for others, but it feels good. If I’m kind, and I see someone else light up because of it, then there is meaning in that. At least for me.

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renegrape@reddit

I had a roommate who believes there's no such thing as a good deed.

Youre only doing it because it makes YOU feel good.

That guy was a fucking asshole.

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Euphoric_Loquat_8651@reddit

That is a longstanding critique of altruism as a concept. Your roommate read too much philosophy without asking whether it really matters if there is a personal emotional reward when assessing a good deed.

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meltedchocolatepants@reddit

Someone read too much Ayn Rand thinking he was sooo deep. "'The Virtue of Selfishness' is gospel!". I ran in to those idiots even in the 90's when I was in high school.

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Late_Resource_1653@reddit

Fucking Ayn Rand.

When I was in highschool I was in the gifted program and honestly bored in my English classes (I loved to read and would finish the book assigned for the month in a few days. I'm not bragging - it's just that I loved to read. I was okay at science and math.)

My sophomore year English teacher saw that I was bored and assigned me "special assignments."

What did he have me read and write papers on? Ayn Rand. He had me read her entire works that year and come to his office to discuss.

And the very end of the year, he suggested we get together over the summer so I wouldn't lose my drive. And then he made a move. On a student.

I bolted. And he wasn't there when I went back for my junior year.

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HondoGonzo@reddit

I have a kid like that, youngest of 3 boys. I have no idea why he thinks that way.

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PainInTheAssDean@reddit

This is an episode of Friends

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meltedchocolatepants@reddit

I'll go exactly in to him being slightly right, but also an idiot.

The brain does make dopamine when we do something altruistic/prosocial.

Like most things in our brain related to social issues, we do it because once upon a time, remaining in a group/tribe meant survival. (It's why rejection is associated with pain-once upon a time, group rejection meant death).

Does it matter that we have a chemical dump that makes us feel good when we do it? No. Absolutely not. It's the equivalent of mocking someone saying "You only eat because it makes you feel good" "You only take care of your kids because you feel good about it."

Does it matter? No. Our brains are wired to do things for our and others survival. Our brain just sucks when it feels like we're going to die because of some potential social rejection.

Being nice to someone causes you to feel good? What a stupid thing to be upset about.

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Trimyr@reddit

"Why do you care so much about other people instead of yourself!?" she said angrily.

Best compliment my wife every gave me. So, sure I feel good helping someone, but then I still get the residuals of thinking they might help others in turn if the need arises. There's obviously the dopamine hit, but that's learned. Some people don't have that (yet?).

A lot of them.

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GabbyWic@reddit

I was just at a business meeting, where one presentation was about an “elevator study”… when the doors open, if you smile at the person you see, it was shown that the other person would smile back (statistically significant). I don’t know if these studies have been done across cultures, that would be interesting to see comparisons.

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Oh god.

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iridescent333@reddit (OP)

This makes the most sense. Thank you for your thoughtful answer. Takes me back to my first years here when I smiled instead of speaking because I couldn’t speak

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Aggravating_Anybody@reddit

Soooo…you actually knew the answer all along?

We need at least some redeeming qualities.

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Kineth@reddit

I understand that it is the culture but WHY is it the culture?

Why is not being friendly a part of your culture?

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We are a relatively new nation of immigrants. We are also very mobile, and there is a lot of space here. So being friendly is a means of survival and building communities. Also our diversity means virtually everyone is an outsider. So being welcoming is expected because we would want to be welcomed ourselves.

In other countries generations of people have lived in the same location - communities are already very well established, and often homogeneous.

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crass_cupcake@reddit

Short answer: its a fake put on thats drilled into our heads im sure your culture if orgin has something similar

This is why no one is giving you an answer with any substance because there is no reason its just conditioned into us till we think we actually are friendly till people like you think we are friendly

If you pay attention It only goes skin deep and only happens when it serves the individual preforming it

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h4baine@reddit

What you said about politeness is key. Every culture has a different expectation of this. For instance when I lived in the UK, I noticed there is this idea that being polite means not saying how you really feel, even when it needs to be said. As an American that is not polite to me.

AbsolutZeroGI@reddit

Because despite what most people claim on this shit hole of a website, most Americans are actually reasonable, chill, normal, every day people.

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jf737@reddit

What’s not to be in a good mood about? Living in America is like eating pizza. Even when it’s not that good, it’s still good.

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This, America has been around long enough it does have its own culture at this point. Americans are very independent but also tend to be friendly to strangers. That is just part of American Culture. It is just how the culture came to be.

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WhichWitch9402@reddit

So, we are others not friendly? It’s not like in school they sit us down and say “make sure you talk and smile at everybody you meet!”

We have to learn how to get along with each other. At least, those of us who are actually human beings and not hate-filled cultists.

I’m not one to usually talk to strangers, but I always try to be polite and kind. I’d like them to be friendly to me, so I am friendly to them. Treat others how you wish to be treated. Does your country not have a saying like that?

At the same time though, I live in a high crime city. If I’m too rude to a stranger I could get attacked. It’s not a place to be a jerk. There are shootings here every day.

I’d much rather be friendly anyway though because I feel better being friendly. I wouldn’t feel happy otherwise.

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WokeUpIAmStillAlive@reddit

Why not? In a world where we can be anything i want to nice.

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geekycurvyanddorky@reddit

Because we’re a nation full of people that are mostly not indigenous to where we live, so being kind and friendly to each other helps us all survive much better together (and we’re literally all the same species after all). Also it feels amazing to be so neighborly, kind, welcoming, and friendly. I think that most of the countries in the Americas happen to be this way, outside of some regional areas that are a bit more cold at first. I think Mexico is probably the most friendly and welcoming of all the countries out here.

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thewholetruthis@reddit

Americans tend to be pretty outward with emotion and intention, so smiling, chatting, and being friendly is a way of signaling “Everything is okay, no problem here.” There’s also a strong cultural preference for positivity and optimism, so being upbeat and warm is often seen as the default polite way to interact.

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NotenStein@reddit

From the beginning, Americans have looked like their immigrant fore-fathers, but acted differently. The earliest observation of this was by Alexis De Tocqueville in 1837. As the first representative democracy in 1800 years, he noted Americans had a "strong commitment to democracy, entrepreneurial drive, willingness to take bold risks, and openness to communication and forming new associations for mutual benefit." He attributed this to the idea of American execeptionalism. Many Americans know this story of his views, but he also noted the negative aspects of "American exceptionalism" - "shallowness, opinionatedness, and focus on material acquisitions and self-interest."

jazerus@reddit

While I don't think there's one answer, I've seen an explanation that I think holds together pretty well for at least part of it.

America is a nation almost entirely made up of immigrants. In many traditional societies built around cohesive single identities, people do not feel the need to socially engage with other people as much because there is a shared identity that provides a sense of safety in social interactions. In "new" societies built from many different other cultures, there is no easy sense of social safety. Many people arrived in the Western Hemisphere alone, or with just their immediate family, and had to navigate a new social environment to survive. Being friendly helps a lot in those kinds of circumstances - you're a lot more likely to be helped, and to help other people, if everybody is being nice to each other. If you're nice to others, they're less likely to harm you later if you do offend them in some way. And if you're nice, people will trust that you have good intentions more often. Being friendly is safe across cultural boundaries in a way that coldness or aloofness are not.

At this point it is just part of the culture, but it's still useful for making anyone of any background feel welcome.

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FantasticalRose@reddit

Because the people here only came very recently and you had to be very friendly to survive.

funktion666@reddit

Why is it the culture? Maybe because our country started as a big melting pot and people spoke different languages and had different cultures they came from. So being overly friendly was a way to be inviting and show you’re not a threat. And we are very into individualism. So we’re all doing our own thing, so smiling and being friendly is a way of showing that our intentions are good and we’re polite.

Idk tho. This is something we doing think about. It’s just how we are raised, what we see on TV and in books and just how we interact. We’ve had no reason to take a step back and wonder why. It’s just how it is.

OkTechnologyb@reddit

Fewer entrenched, centuries-old hierarchies create space for move overt friendliness.

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Ill-Butterscotch1337@reddit

It's necessary to ensure that a high-speed, diverse society can function without grinding to a halt. Friendliness is like a universal translator. It’s a simplified social interface that allows two strangers to interact quickly and move on without conflict. Basically, a survival mechanic that turned into a cultural habit.

I notice that a lot of people in foreign countries are overly nice, especially when they don't speak the language. But then, if you visit their country (some, not all), it can be a very cold, unfriendly place. I am sure anyone can relate to smiling or being polite/non-threatening in situations where you are a stranger or a foreigner.

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PrickASaurus@reddit

In my opinion, everyone is from somewhere else. And that started in the mid 1600s. one of the first questions you ask somebody is “where are you from?” Through that evolution, everyone in the United States kind of got really good at small talk and making friends with people they didn’t already know in order to get things done. Even to survive in many cases. There was no way to be insular. You had to make friends to be successful.

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OpeningChipmunk1700@reddit

Why are some non-American cultures unfriendly?

As for me personally, it is a moral/religious value.

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Educational-Big-6609@reddit

So, I grew up in Minnesota, live in Oregon, but I’m visiting Minnesota right now.

Americans travel and move all over the place here. Also, immigrants are very common just about anywhere. Add this all up and you have a group of people that’s genuinely optimistic (their ancestors made it and they’re still here so it must be OK) and also just sort of welcoming.

Probably just depends on where you come from and the culture as to of you think we are friendly or not.