God responds to anon | TheaterFire

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WintersbaneGDX@reddit

Be babirusa

Living my best small-boar life, never knowing that my body is "supposed to be" some other way

See tusks growing on my fellows and killing them slowly over time

Decide that won't be me

Run around the forest training, challenge the biggest alphas in my region

Win

Fuck the hottest baddierusas for years

Start feeling my age, tusks growing ever longer

That won't be me

Keep fighting, keep fucking, keep pushing

Eventually gored in battle, felled by a new young buck

Lock eyes with him as I bleed out, and smile

"The future is yours, young blood"

Die, covered in blood and glory

God is good

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Mylxen@reddit

Just break ur tusk in a fight and you get to live longer

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WintersbaneGDX@reddit

To what end? So he can grow old and withered? So his legacy can shrink, his purpose diminished?

No.He had made his mark, and his progeny will cover the forest for generations to come.

This babirusa has found more success (by the measure of his kind) than you or I ever will.

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Ok_Elk_4333@reddit

be babirusa known alpha male decide to fuck all the hottest baddirusias first babirusa I fuck gives me bovine disease writhe in agony as my rivals plow her next to my deathbed god is good

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WintersbaneGDX@reddit

Be human

Never feel comfortable in my own body

Feel like maybe I was supposed to be different

Kill a bunch of innocent people and then myself over it

Which species did God actually fuck up?

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thr33beggars@reddit

“Haha, the babirusa’s tusks grow into its brain, killing it. What a dumb design. God is a dipshit!” anon says, as he silently curses god for not making him flexible enough to suck his own cock.

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the_quivering_wenis@reddit

Sucking your own cock can kill you too because the pleasure is so intense.

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DoctrL@reddit

I’ve sucked my own dick before and I can assure you it is not pleasurable

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Worldedita@reddit

You gotta imagine it's an attractive woman who is jizzing in your mouth.

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Lucius-Halthier@reddit

You either aren’t trying hard enough or aren’t long enough

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Worldedita@reddit

I actually had an extra rib implanted to try to get me to stop.

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thr33beggars@reddit

I did too, but only because I like a challenge.

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Nisecon@reddit

Then next time try it bending backwards instead of forwards. It feels like a solo 69

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Nisecon@reddit

You need to bend a little more until your body looks like the golden spiral

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sassydodo@reddit

What a terrible day to be literate.

Thank God I'm not.

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FallenSegull@reddit

Silently? I yell that shit from the highest mountain and the lowest valleys

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HamBlamBlam@reddit

When it comes to cock sucking, teamwork makes the dream work.

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lefeuet_UA@reddit

He can train anyway. Anon 1 babirusa 0

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micheal_denny@reddit

Not sure if this has been posted, but the animal is proof that evolution is bullshit. Why and how did a self deleting animal evolve?

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Accurate_College_864@reddit

thank god they censored those bad words

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This is what happens when you replace the jannies with AI. It's way more strict, works 24/7 and much faster. Now we are stuck with shitty online platforms where we have to say grape, sewerslide, pew pew, unalive and other dumb shit because the shareholders don't like spicy words

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Next-Use6943@reddit

And no slurs, ever

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CarlosimoDangerosimo@reddit

There's still incest and gay sex thankfully :)

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drak0ni@reddit

That’s just an evolutionary failure. The tusks don’t kill them before they can breed so the gene doesn’t disappear.

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SpaceBug176@reddit

What confuses me is how did natural selection even let this shit slide? How is this trait not lost already? Or did it happen recently ("recently" in evolution terms) and they're gonna evolve out of it eventually?

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Wolfman513@reddit

Natural selection isn't necessarily "survival of the fittest", more like "survival of whatever works". Big tusks are more effective at foraging and fighting and is considered a desiresble trait, so over time the tusks of the kept getting longer and longer. Even though now those tusks are self-destructive, the animals still have plenty of time to reproduce before that point so the trait just keeps getting pssed down.

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MrSoxs@reddit

What if humans have a “Long Tusk” gene that is capping our lifespan but we just don’t know it.

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Pieecake@reddit

We do, it's cancer

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Wolfman513@reddit

From what I understand we kind of do, all the little bones and joints in our hands and feet are super prone to arthritis but for most humans that doesn't usually become a major problem until well past reproductive age

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AssociationTimely173@reddit

They dont actually kill them if they use the tusks regularly iirc.

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Riggahz@reddit

Correct. A lot of stuff like this is only an issue in zoos where animals don't break their tusks, horns and whatever else in mating rituals or however they resolve the issue in the wild.

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scolbert08@reddit

So you're saying it's humanity's fault, not God's?

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SpaceBug176@reddit

Yeah bro its my bad I did that.

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AssociationTimely173@reddit

And even then they dont usually curve straight into the head but around the sides

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TantricEmu@reddit

Maybe it doesn’t kill it until it’s already past reproduction age. Reproduction is the motor of evolution.

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tuskedkibbles@reddit

Evolution cares not for quality of life, only ability to reproduce

TIL that evolution is no different than the average r/greentext user.

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skyzm_@reddit

Evolution just wants to get you laid.

Thanks evolution.

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skull_fucker79@reddit

evolution doesnt care if you get to see your grandchildren grow. it just makes sure you do get grandchildren. of course, that's just theory. in practice, none of us on this goddamn website will ever have children

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SpaceBug176@reddit

Maybe you would have some grandkids if you stopped fucking skulls and fucked women instead...

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JuiceInhaler@reddit

As someone else pointed out, natural selection really only cares about if something is good enough to make it to breeding the next generation. For instance in humans our tiny feet bones mean an extremely high likelihood of arthritis or similar conditions but since that impacts us in our older age past when we would be having offspring its not impactful enough for there to be evolutionary pressure

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Environmental-Arm269@reddit

Because it doesn't really happen that often at all, it's just a cool piece of misinformation people on the internet like to share

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retardong@reddit

Because it happens extremely rarely and you people are gullible enough believe every click bait article you see.

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SpaceBug176@reddit

So it does happen

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Guilty_Outcome1111@reddit

Yeah but only extremely rarely.

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retardong@reddit

One documented case ever.

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ungabungabuster@reddit

A quick Google search will reveal that regular use (fighting and the like) will keep them short. However, females are attracted to the larger horns. They must risk skull death or be a permavirgin.

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Microgolfoven_69@reddit

I'm not a creationist but this guy feels more like a bad argument for evolution than for the existence of God

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pllin3@reddit

https://i.redd.it/wg1yxmtlfsyg1.gif

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Might_of_Stormrage@reddit

Only if you have a kindergarten-level understanding of what evolution entails

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Ozymandias_1303@reddit

If god really posts on 4chan, we're all even more doomed than I thought.

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Nadiadain@reddit

Skipped the best part where the tusks grow from where the jaw is so it has to punch through all the flesh and skin before it can even start curling into their brain

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