ULPT where is the best place to hide money?
Posted by Kooky-Grapefruit-941@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 135 comments
50k in a bank account needs to be hidden
I can buy a property through a company
Stocks and shares through trading 212
Crypto via Kraken
Or anywhere else?
Key-Candle8141@reddit
Safe deposit box? Not very unethical but prob the most secure
If you dont like that idea give me your address I'll send someone around to collect it... I'll just hold onto it for you what I'll do with it will prob be mostly unethical and some will prob be illegal
toomuch1265@reddit
Wall outlets. My friends who were former junkies, always said that it was the best place to hide money...and drugs. š
feryoooday@reddit
Iād hide money from myself as a saving strat (my ADHD means I genuinely forget) and the best place was picture frames behind the pictures
reijasunshine@reddit
I used to leave cash in my coat pockets as a gift for future me. Future me was always grateful.
toomuch1265@reddit
When a family member passed away, his wife donated all his suits and jackets. He was notorious for leaving lots of money in his pockets. I asked her how much she found before she donated the clothing. She totally forgot about checking, so either the people at salvation army, or the people who bought the clothes ended up with a bonus.
nostradumbass7544678@reddit
At some point in the 80's (going by the dates on the bills), my grandparents decided to stash a couple hundred dollars under the spare sheets in the linen closet. Found it when we were cleaning the place out to sell after they'd both passed decades later.
Lopsided_Living9013@reddit
as a kid I found a 500⬠bill (might have been only 100⬠but it was insane to me at that time) in the couch I had in my room. this was kindergarden age and I was so confused
IveeLaChatte@reddit
Every time I go to the thrift store I spend a few minutes checking the menās suit pockets, just in case.
reijasunshine@reddit
I found a $50 bill in the tiny pocket on a pair of thrifted jeans once. It made my week!
heathercs34@reddit
I used to stash extra cash in random pairs of socks. Getting dressed some mornings is like Christmas!
gwenhollyxx@reddit
A friend bought a townhouse and took off all the outlet plates to paint. Found a roll of $10k stashed in one.
nva700@reddit
Mustāve been a 16 gang box box.
boringcranberry@reddit
That's where I keep my little vial of poison.
South-Ad-931@reddit
was
Rare-Midnight-8895@reddit
I've done this during my divorce. I rented a safe deposit box with my girlfriend had mine and her personal records clearly identified, but just put the cash in an unmarked envelope. I thought of that myself then checked with my lawyer and she said no one can claim that money because then the other person can say no that's my cash. You just can't be legally related to the other person.
fanoftom@reddit
Wristwatch. Get a Patek Philippe or similar luxury item. If you need to go overseas just wear it on the flight. Can even resell for more than you paid if you choose wisely. Or so Iām told.
dkdebra@reddit
Crypto on a DEX
Kooky-Grapefruit-941@reddit (OP)
Sorry what's a dex?
dkdebra@reddit
Decentralized exchange
Kooky-Grapefruit-941@reddit (OP)
Could you suggest one?
dkdebra@reddit
Cake wallet maybe, can store Monero (XMR) on there too
Green_Yesterday3054@reddit
Thatās like 11 one ounce gold coins. Theyād all fit in your pocket.
Jt8726@reddit
This is a great suggestion and with how gold is going it will be worth more maybe in a few years.
Green_Yesterday3054@reddit
Maybe yes, maybe no
Fearless_Market_3193@reddit
At the very least, it keeps up with inflation
Pylyp23@reddit
Half the time at least.
blacknessofthevoid@reddit
For greater security, they would also fit up the bum.
DA6_FTW@reddit
āUse your prison wallet, Harry!ā
Timmerdogg@reddit
"Prison Wallet"
GEG509@reddit
Prison purse
livenature@reddit
One of the better features of gold is that it's value will never go to zero. When the US dollar crashes because of the national debt, the value of gold, compared to the dollar will increase. If I had extra cash, I would be putting it into gold.
Bindle-@reddit
Nothing they can do if you happen to lose them after buying. Oops!
calmtigers@reddit
Make a bracelet for easy transport.
Kooky-Grapefruit-941@reddit (OP)
Thanks never thought about gold just posted on their sub now
UserCheckNamesOut@reddit
Just consider the premium. Silver bars might have less %, but yeah gold is a lot smaller
AmexNomad@reddit
In ziplock bags with de humidity packets- in the exterior back panel of the refrigerator.
theranger799@reddit
I got you
StingX1@reddit
A Rolex watch
stabbingrabbit@reddit
Back yard in a vacuum sealed bag. Safe deposit box.
2017CurtyKing@reddit
The guy i grew up working for kept his money in the back seat of his welding truck in a rod box. He claimed you can fit 10k in one.
OkLibrary8527@reddit
Gold jewelry
Local-Position-8378@reddit
In my personal account. lol
Extremely_Peaceful@reddit
What are you hiding it from? This post will be discoverable depending on who is looking for it
3X_Cat@reddit
Since it's in the bank, you've already paid taxes on it, or you will because They know. Put it in a Roth IRA.
FierceResistance@reddit
My grandparents hid money under their mattress.
3X_Cat@reddit
You don't earn compound interest under a mattress.
uhhhnic@reddit
Banana stand
Sapiopath@reddit
Thereās always money in the banana stand
BetterDrinkMy0wnPiss@reddit
Property, stocks and crypto (to an extent) can be tracked.
Buy gold, silver or something physical and 'lose' it.
yahziii@reddit
"Boating accident"
Snoo58991@reddit
Zcash can't be tracked if you use their shielded coins and shielded protocol
Kooky-Grapefruit-941@reddit (OP)
Thanks is buying physical gold, and selling it, easy enough?
elementfx2000@reddit
Easy to buy, hard to sell. You'll also most likely lose some money in the process, but that's the cost to play. Make sure you get minted/certified coins, they'll be easier to sell when the time comes.
TheFightingQuaker@reddit
Ive only ever bought and sold silver, but it was not difficult to sell and did not lose me money. Walk into any coin shop and they'll take it off your hands for like 95% of the face value they will sell it for.
elementfx2000@reddit
95% of face value, doesn't that mean you could've lost 5% of what you paid?
The market could work in your favor of course, but I didn't want to set that expectation for OP.
bavuong236@reddit
Not only that they will say oh the silver price had gone down, so here's 60% of your money
DonkeyDonRulz@reddit
This has been my experience. Even when up on junk silver coins, i also felt like i was down on fees and percentage from the shop.
" Prices down because of the war/financial crisis/ price of tea in china...blah blah".
" Sir, there are so many people selling at these prices, the smelters stopped buying, so we cant offer more than..."
Brandbll@reddit
Yeah, that's like 2500 in this case.
TheFightingQuaker@reddit
Yes I thought this might come up. As with any asset, the value fluctuates. If you buy and sell on the same day, you will lose the 5%. I did not do this, so I still made plenty of profit. You could also lose like 50%, the risk with any asset (stocks, crypto, whatever) the value can go down. The USD has devalued over 10% in the last year. Even holding straight up cash has this risk.
whimsical-crack-rock@reddit
what a brilliant counterpoint
kaizoku7@reddit
Why is it hard to sell? Do you need tomorrow source or keep receipts or anything?
elementfx2000@reddit
Well, technically it's not hard to sell, but it can be hard to get the price you want and move a lot of volume if you need to.
x_lincoln_x@reddit
If you are in the USA, selling silver or gold in quantities higher than $800 (if I recall correctly) requires the buyer to record your ID and they have to report the sale to the government.
xtrahandy@reddit
In glass jars buried in a junkyard.
dannyocean7@reddit
Second page of any Google result
shindleria@reddit
Buy a several duffel bags of hash then hide it right out in the open. Be sure that nobody parks on your brand new driveway.
chillywilly69@reddit
Let me guess- you are about to get divorced right? cash it out and tell her you lost it in vegas gambling...hide the cash or buy gold
Snoo58991@reddit
Zcash with shielded coins
pi1979@reddit
Nice try, cops!
raqnroll@reddit
Go to a sports card show and purchase a few Tom Brady RCs.
Saulg56@reddit
Graded pokemon slabs. Real talk. Easiest way to move money anywhere.
Undrwtrbsktwvr@reddit
Who exactly are you trying to hide it from?
ThePiachu@reddit
If you have kids, in a neatly wrapped diaper. Nobody wants to be touching a dirty diaper. It apparently also works as a pretty neat car thief deterrent if you have it on your dash or passenger seat...
beegproblemzzz@reddit
If you're hiding it from the taxman or the government, they can, will and probably have ran vircles around any scheme you can do and would love to see you try something big to catch you on worse charges.
Suomipm@reddit
If trying to hide funds during something like a divorce then consider visa/mc gift cards. Just buy some every time you're shopping for groceries (yeah, it'll take some time; "luckily" divorces aren't fast). The individual transactions won't be noticed among the rest of your purchases and you'll be padding your monthly expenses (helpful during maintenance discussions).
Sure, it's a hassle but less so than giving the money to someone else.
Bright_Crazy1015@reddit
Use a lawyer or buy minted gold or silver. Collectibles and stones are a bigger risk, but I know a contractor who liked to get paid in rare stamps and comic books when he worked with certain customers.
Lawyers and CPA's are worth consulting, especially if you're interested in ways to protect it vs hide it.
brainhack3r@reddit
Give it to me. I'll hide it for you.
ScoutAndathen@reddit
Nice try IRS!
OkProcess5800@reddit
yeah ok good luck with that, maybe schedule a trip to vegas and hit a strip club
Fallen0001@reddit
now you know why local entrepreneurs buy gold chains. forget diamonds and gems. too subjective and unless you're a pro, youll get overcharged.
Ban_Assault_Ducks@reddit
In a container that fits in a fence post with a cap that is hard to take off
tewjaunts@reddit
Art and you can store it in a legal grey area and never pay tax
J8YDG9RTT8N2TG74YS7A@reddit
Do you need quick access to the money?
How untraceable does it need to be?
As some other people have said, you can buy silver or gold. Just make sure places you're buying from aren't going to low ball you with prices when selling it back.
If you want a solid place to hide them, dig a small hole under a concrete floor in your house.
Place the items in a sealed container, ideally you would dig a small diameter hole and go down. Think Pringles tube standing on end, but not as long.
Then concrete back over the top. Make sure the top layer over your item is only a few cm thick to make retrieval easier.
Don't try to hide them in a wall socket or under a floor board. Those are both places that an investigation would search if you ever get arrested for anything.
But nobody is digging up a concrete floor unless they're looking for a body.
You can even hide cash notes like this nowadays as they're no longer made of paper. But I would not recommend storing cash. Get gold or silver as that is more inflation resistant.
If you need it to be untraceable, ideally you would need to take it out of the bank in small amounts every week and then convert it to gold or silver.
If asked, you can claim a gambling habit. Just say you were betting on sports.
Making a large purchase of gold or silver and paying by bank is easily traceable.
Even putting it into crypto is very traceable when buying directly from your bank.
To properly hide it you would need to take out small amounts over a long period of time.
Around £400-£500 a week could be explained with a gambling habit.
horrbort@reddit
Buy gold
Put it in a chest
Dig a hole
Place cheat in the hole
Cover the hole with dirt and leaves
Make a paper map with X marking the location of the chest
Back to the classics!
hercdriver4665@reddit
Get it in cash and buy gold coins.
Report āgambling lossesā to the irs.
moresmarterthanyou@reddit
How does that work?
shortbarrelflamer@reddit
Go to The racetrack and pick up bedding stubs off the ground. If they're winners, they're not going to toss them on the ground. Toss the cheap ones and keep the big ones. Filtering out the largest ones for each race of the day so that it doesn't seem like you're making multiple large bets per race and losing. Instead, you like to act like a big shot while knowing nothing about what your betting on and no surprise you lost a bunch of money. File those stubs with the IRS claiming that you were the one who lost all that money at the races.
At least that's how it used to be done decades ago I would be very surprised if there has not been legislation requiring some sort of tracking as far as who made the bet at the races in order to close this fraud loop. I don't know, I neither bet on the races nor do I defraud the IRS
gwenhollyxx@reddit
You can only report gambling loses to offset to to 90% of gambling winnings. It can't be used to offset non-gambling income.
shortbarrelflamer@reddit
Ah okay shows how much I know about gambling and defrauding the government lol
Pale-Light-8268@reddit
Precious metals silver and gold. Buy just plain bullion or a few rare coins
Ol_stinkler@reddit
"There's always money in the banana stand"
Doctor_MyEyes@reddit
I said, thereās always money IN the banana stand!
emmathatsme123@reddit
Bottom of a piano
Luggageisnojoke@reddit
Gold
MormonAssaultVehicle@reddit
brothertrill@reddit
Hereās my top 3.
AdventurousVast6510@reddit
crypyocurrencies
LipFighter@reddit
Use a metal box underneath a new bush in your backyard.
LipFighter@reddit
Use a metal box underneath a new bush in your backyard.
zvx@reddit
50k is not a lot of money
diablodeldragoon@reddit
It's enough to completely pay off my debt, cover my lost wages while I have a knee replacement surgery, and still have a small down payment for a house.
matthewbowers88@reddit
It's a years salary for a lot of people.
Justmadeyoulook@reddit
3 years of min wage.
matthewbowers88@reddit
I rarely stop complaining about the miles I drive, the hours I work and how poor I am.
I don't have it so bad. 3 f** years. That's insane to me.
Thank you.
sfdsquid@reddit
Or more.
Kooky-Grapefruit-941@reddit (OP)
Is for me
lxlviperlxl@reddit
You want the best way to have it unreported and untraced?
Iām assuming youāre in the UK.
You either gotta buy gold or crypto. Depending on what you wanna do with the money. If you wanna stay in the uk, go for gold. If you want to leave the uk and spend the money, get crypto. Itās gonna be really hard travelling around the world with gold but you can easily spend with crypto.
Both of these ways can be 99% untraceable.
EuphoricNatural3406@reddit
But the bank statement will show a transaction to the crypto exchange, how would you route the transaction?
lxlviperlxl@reddit
OP stated the money needs to be hidden and he can purchase crypto on Kraken.
If I was him, Iād transfer this to a Monero Wallet then sent it back to a fresh wallet. The instant you purchase Monero, it would be possible to link any existing wallets to your orginal KYC.
Similarly you can āscamā yourself and create a coin to rug yourself. That new wallet will be tainted as a scammer, but you wonāt be linked to your existing wallet in anyway.
mayorofdumb@reddit
I'm 99% sure I can follow a rug pull, it's be easier to monero it.
Kooky-Grapefruit-941@reddit (OP)
Cheers yes UK so looking at gold
fuckoffweirdoo@reddit
Hide it in my ass please
Kombucha-Krazy@reddit
Art
DuckRubberDuck@reddit
My aunt an uncle uncle once hid ~$110.000 in the front of their boat for a while. No crime involved they just didnāt want them in the bank
kevinh456@reddit
Erase any discussion of this and contact a lawyer son. Now. Immediately. You need a *Criminal lawyer* know what Iām sayin?
Berkuts_Lance_Plus@reddit
Why contact a "lawyer son" instead of an actual lawyer?
teamdragonite@reddit
bc no lawyer is going to advise op to commit a crime
TaxTheRichEndTheWar@reddit
What does āNo lawyerā¦ā mean?
kevinh456@reddit
Begrudging edit. Thanks for the catch. +1 updoot
xredbaron62x@reddit
thebaine@reddit
Hidden from whom and for how long?
fedesoundsystem@reddit
Make little rolls with the bills and tuck them in the pipes that you use to hang hangers in your wardrobe.
monkeywelder@reddit
prison wallets keeps it portable
Haggis_HotPocket@reddit
Cayman Islands, Switzerland, Panama.
Biuku@reddit
You can establish trusts there but those are not great for hiding money. They will share data with foreign governments if requested.
Kooky-Grapefruit-941@reddit (OP)
How do you do that if not based in those countries?
thefuriouspenguin@reddit
Create a trust. Trust opens bank account. Typically you need a lawyer that does this for you, or a company manager.
Kooky-Grapefruit-941@reddit (OP)
But I assume you need a lawyer on those countries and finding one might be harder
Seabuscuit@reddit
This is likely bad advice, who are you trying to hide the money from?
A. It is likely not worth the costs you will incur to āhideā $50,000.
B. Cayman and Switzerland at least (not sure about Panama, although it is no longer on the FATF grey list so I would imagine they are in the same boat), are not going to hide your money from the government depending on what country you live in.
Seabuscuit@reddit
Depending on where OP is and who they are hoping to hide the money from, it should be noted that Cayman banks recently joined āthe group of nations which tell each other about money being held thereā. If they are in the US, Cayman is not going to help them hide their money, nor is it going to help them avoid being taxed on their worldwide income.
Source: I am a risk advisory manager for a cayman based audit firm and complete anti-money laundering audits on Caymanian financial institutions.
PlanBIsGrenades@reddit
Almost anything you do can be tracked by someone with more skills than you. So depending on who might he looking for this money, you may or may not be able to hide it. If it's just an ex, you might be able to do it. If it's an ex with an attorney who has hired a forensic accountant, you'll probably fail.
Biuku@reddit
This. If the person looking for it is competent, everything can be found in an audit. Every transaction has two sides and potentially multiple parties like custodians, plus just email and telecom prover records.
If you withdraw the $$ as cash that becomes the last record of it. If you buy jewelry with that cash⦠maybe with any cell phone tracking your location⦠then the problem becomes a physical world hunt for 10 oz of gold or whatever, which is different. But, 10 oz of gold is also easy to get stolen or to misplace.
Ok_Piglet_1844@reddit
Gold doesnāt lose value
InterestingLynx7355@reddit
Inside of the blinds. Take your blinds down, open the little cap at the end, shove it in there
ClearSnakewood@reddit
Bitcoin AND in self custody.