Do I get a wedding gift?

I’m not the one who went on a UK sub with the intention of insulting UK citizens… talk about being generous and kind, lol! You were incredibly rude and also completely oblivious re the audience (“AskUK” is not a complicated word to understand).

I find it flabbergasting that people from your country still believe they are superior, despite all the evidence against that silly hypothesis.

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squigs@reddit

It's more about not making an event like this into a transaction. We don't invite people to parties as cash raising endeavours.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

I bet you’re British

No shit Sherlock

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jelly10001@reddit

My British Grandma adopted the cover your plate mentality when it came to weddings.

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No_Scheme5951@reddit

No, covering your plate is not an American thing, it's just polite.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

Its not polite to invite people for a meal and then expect them to pay you back for it in their gift.

Guests give a gift according to their own circumstances and budget, they are not expected to work out what the couple spent on the catering and stump that up!

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Realistic-Pear5640@reddit

They aren't expecting them to pay for their meal, they have explicitly said no gifts so theres no issue,no one is being impolite.

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DagenhamDav@reddit

You're not married are you

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Realistic-Pear5640@reddit

Yes i am why?

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Realistic-Pear5640@reddit

Actually I am, not sure how that impacts my oven usage?

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Saladin1204@reddit

100% agree with this. Paying for your plate? What is this, a restaurant?? You should always only give based on your own circumstances and budget.

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Common_Grass3875@reddit

it's all a figure of speech I don;t know about you but I wouldn't want to turn up with £20 - ofc I understand if it's dire straits etc... but it's a rough rule of thumb I hold, and I generally give \~ 50 - 100+

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unyieldingnoodle@reddit

I’m really intrigued by this position; if you didn’t have the £50/100 would you just decline the invite rather than give £20?

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Common_Grass3875@reddit

It again depends on how close the friend is right? I have been fortunate enough to not have to worry too much about cash but I understand times are tough. A close friend you can pay later, a card later on or something later . If it was just an acquinatance I would probably decline

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unyieldingnoodle@reddit

That’s interesting, thanks for responding!

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

So you give according to your budget and feelings about it. For other people £20 might be very generous, or they might give £300 and think your £50 is stingy. Its entirely personal and nothing to do with the budget of the catering!

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polodabear2001@reddit

You don’t know what you’re getting til you’re there, could be chicken soup and a sarnie 💀

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No_Scheme5951@reddit

There are places where you don't give your card until you leave for this very reason 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Laylelo@reddit

I thought this was a variation of cover your arse… then I worked it out properly.

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DIY_at_the_Griffs@reddit

Better double that £50 then if it’s to cover the cost.

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abstract_groove@reddit

If it were me I’d put some cash in a card anyway, take it with me and see what the vibe is. If other people are gifting then give it, if not then you’ve got some money for a kebab on the way home to soak up the wedding booze.

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MammothScar1@reddit (OP)

Yeah I'm basically double guessing myself. Either way, morning trip to the cash machine to be done with it!

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Baby8227@reddit

I said the same at my wedding because I knew some guests couldn’t afford gifts. Those received were truly appreciated. Only the people I knew weren’t well off didn’t give but I was just glad they were there xxx

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Bus8082@reddit

I have always taken this at face value as have the friends I’ve attended weddings with. Then a different friend who’s just got engaged told me it’s a lie and people do expect money….
I can understand me getting confused alone but I’ve literally never seen another friend do this. I’m quite confused now!

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phatboi23@reddit

if not then you’ve got some money for a kebab on the way home to soak up the wedding booze.

a person of incredible smarts.

genius move that.

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abstract_groove@reddit

Stingy wedding food portions are never enough, especially if you’re a greedy fucker like me after a skinful in some soulless hotel function room 😂.

One genius move my dad made when he got married a few years ago (in his 60s!) was order in a massive beige buffet feast for the party, knowing full well everyone would be leathered and be in the mood for devouring chips and chicken nuggets. The posh proper ‘wedding meal’ was nice but the 10pm feast was the highlight.

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Jenpot@reddit

Definitely cash in a card. Every wedding invite says something similar.

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exhausted-pangolin@reddit

Hmm I genuinely meant it in mine when I got married... Probably around 1/6 of people ended up bringing a gift of some sort anyway

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MammothScar1@reddit (OP)

Other invites I've had say this then have a link to their holiday fund or something so seems much less subtle.. ah well!

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Realistic-Pear5640@reddit

I think thats more common now, generally couples are living together before marriage so they have everything they need, the last couple of weddings ive been to have requested cash , id much rather they tell me that straight up.

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RaveDaveXD@reddit

Personally, we always pop a little bit of money in a card, regardless of whether they request it or not, as we feel it's a nice thing to do. We've not had any complaints yet!

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rshslake@reddit

I need to know how much money. D: Everyone on here is saying £50 and now I feel horrendously tight as historically I've always given less than this

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RaveDaveXD@reddit

Don't worry about feeling tight, everyone's circumstances are different and the couple (assuming they're not arses) would likely appreciate people gifting them any amount.

If you're able to, aim for £20+ but, if it's not financially viable for you, it's not the end of the world, go for something more comfortable.

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phatboi23@reddit

i went to my brothers wedding yesterday.

Him and his new wife got a card as i'm skint.

but they got me in a suit so i class that as my gift to them as i fuckin' hate wearing suits but they wanted nice pictures so needs must :)

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mollyangel69@reddit

Is it just me who thinks £50 is a lot?

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Aggressive-Waltz1126@reddit

It absolutely depends on your means. I push the boat out because their wedding only happens once. For a recurring occasion like a birthday its £10 or 20 depending on who they are.

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squigs@reddit

Most of our friends gave us £20 or £30 a couple of years ago, so it's not just you.

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mollyangel69@reddit

I think £20-£30 is really reasonable but everyone has a different situation and I wouldn’t judge if someone couldn’t afford anything

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Cub3h@reddit

It is, but no one's going to look at you weird for giving £20 if you don't have much money to spare.

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BatteryAt14percent@reddit

We did this for our wedding. We genuinely didn't want any gifts or money. Some people gave us cards. Others gave money in cards which was appreciated but not necessary.

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DagenhamDav@reddit

It depends on the wedding. My mum got remarried in later life, she was a teacher and had the reception in the school hall. All the parents turned up with bags of booze. I reckon my mum spent about a £1 a head on that wedding just to pay the DJ

I also been to weddings where people have spent lots of money on just the meal

Take a pre written out card and some cash in your wallet and see what happens. If £50 is all you can afford then thats fine.

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DontCatchThePigeon@reddit

We said no gifts and meant it, it was a small wedding and we had friends attending from various different life circumstances and we wanted to take the pressure off. The only folk that didn't give something were the couple we knew were financially struggling, and my new in laws, who are not. But they also turned up in their gardening clothes, so to each their own I guess.

If you can afford it, cash is a lovely gesture. If not, take them at their word.

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cds2612@reddit

I went to my cousin's wedding a few weeks after I lost my job. We had to pay for car rental, flights and hotel plus the rest so really couldn't afford to give them any more. I still feel a bit bad about it even though they said no gifts.

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Deep_Pepper_5405@reddit

I'm going to a wedding later today that said they've not set up a formal registry because they truly feel your attendance on the day is more than enough.

How was this phraises in the invite? Or did they tell you this in person and what was the phraising?

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tommycahil1995@reddit

If it's local, it's bad form not to give at least £30 in a card if you're getting food/drinks at the wedding.

If you're travelling or driving 3+ hours or something then I'd say it's less of a requirement. This is the only time I haven't given a present.

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squigs@reddit

I said similar - although did offer people the option to donate to the honeymoon.

Some people feel an obligation and it was nice to receive but I genuinely didn't mind that most people didn't.

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vikingveteran@reddit

Money in a card!

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smallgreenpanda@reddit

How did they word it? Did they explicitly say no gifts? if so you should respect that.

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Fellattio_Nelson@reddit

Fiver in an envelope. Something to get them going.

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DrNuclearSlav@reddit

I pity the children growing up in a cashless society who will never know the joy of opening a card to see their nan has slipped a fiver in there.

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RaveDaveXD@reddit

Don't worry about feeling tight, everyone's circumstances are different and the couple (assuming they're not arses) would likely appreciate people gifting them any amount.

If you're able to, aim for £20+ but, if it's not financially viable for you, it's not the end of the world, go for something more comfortable.

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HullGuy@reddit

I’d personally buy a voucher for a nice restaurant or something (a lot of places do them) and in the card I’d ask them to have a wonderful date night when they get back from honeymoon. Cash is quite impersonal. Nothing wrong with it, but I’d try do something a little different without buying a physical gift of something they don’t need or want.

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craigybacha@reddit

Cash in card.

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windy_on_the_hill@reddit

You do not need to.

Nice to give something if you can.

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LordAnchemis@reddit

Cash or gift card from a reputable store (John Lewis) etc.

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AdaandFred@reddit

We said no gifts, and set up some charity links if people wanted to donate. Lots of people gave us stuff anyway and, personally, I found it very annoying. If an invitation said no gifts, I would take them at their word but I am autistic and hate all the implied shit - if you want something, ask for it.

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whodunnit20@reddit

My daughter got married in September last year, they had money donations as gifts. They are going to Japan this year for their Honeymoon so all money went towards the holiday.
There was a postbox at the wedding and people posted cards and money into it. My daughter did state that they do not expect money from anyone, it’s an individual thing if they want to.

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YOF626@reddit

I would put cash in a card.

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Sparko_Marco@reddit

When we got married we didn't set any registry thing up and we asked for no presents and we meant it, we only invited people that we wanted to be at the wedding not to give us money. Also all this give enough to cover your plate thing shouldn't be a thing, you pay for your own wedding at a cost you can afford and shouldn't expect people to pay anything towards it.

If people want to give something and can afford to then fair enough, put what you can afford into a card but don't worry about how much or covering your plate, if you can afford nothing then just give a card congratulating them, if you can only afford £10 then give that, if you have money to spare then give £50 or £100 or whatever. It really doesn't matter, you should have been invited because they want you there not because they want a gift or money.

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parttimepedant@reddit

Put a photo of you inside a card. As they value your attendance so much, they would surely appreciate something to remind them of you.

Seriously though, put £50 in.

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lumixjourney@reddit

If I'm giving up my time to attend a wedding then I'd say that is enough - there are often other costs like travel and sometimes accommodation so you are already paying in many ways

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Proof-Order2666@reddit

I would go to your local supermarket and buy a £50 gift card for them if they haven’t already a chance to start filling their cupboards with basic foods.

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poo_on_my_scarf@reddit

Get them a slow cooker, waffle maker, ice cream maker etc. Something that will sit in the back of the cupboard for years after being used twice and remind them each time of their wedding

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onegirlandhergoat@reddit

Did they just not set up a registry or did they specifically say on the invitation not to bring a gift?

If the former, I would give cash in a card. If the latter, I would just give a card. I have done this in the past, IMO you can't instruct people one way and then be upset when they follow your rules.

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Upstairs-Quail5709@reddit

Take a bottle of champagne 🍾🥂, carton/ of orange juice 🍊 and jar of body chocolate 🍫 and say "for tomorrow morning" and wink 😉. Attach a card too.

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SeenEnoughAlready@reddit

Cash in a card. Help them towards the start of their married life or even towards their honeymoon.

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ActivistSubset7@reddit

I usually put cash in the card. Think of it as paying for your meal.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

That's not the way to think about it. You give a gift according to your budget and circumstances, not theirs!

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Hour-Estate-2962@reddit

My husband and I said this. Around 50-60% of people gave money in a card or a voucher, a couple gave physical gifts, 40% gave just a card, a few brought nothing. My brother gave me a packet of chocolate buttons.

We were so grateful for the money and gifts we did receive but felt absolutely fine about the people who just gave a card or nothing or chocolate buttons!

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AnxietyOk7049@reddit

Cash in card

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mrfatchance@reddit

Put cash in a card and give it to me

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Sleepyllama23@reddit

They probably don’t want gifts if they already live together and have stuff already, but they don’t want to directly ask for cash.
Stick some money in a card, depending on what you can afford.

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PomPomBumblebee@reddit

As others have said, £50 in a card or of you genuinely see a gift you wanna give them that's not cumbersome, get it. Basically what you think might cover your drinks/ meal or something being at the wedding.

We got some little nerdy stuff for our friends and a TK Maxx card for another because they love any excuse to buy candles and stuff there (they had just bought a house) so a voucher giving them an excuse to treat themselves next time.

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