How do you learn to enjoy socalzing?

Posted by DescriptionFuture851@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 34 comments

I (28m) have been an introvert my entire life, I've made peace with that by now. I still spend time with friends, such as paddle most Saturday mornings and one evening a week playing pool/darts. But sitting in a pub with a bunch of new faces doesn't do anything for me. I'd much rather play video games with my friends on a Friday/Saturday night, rather than go out I understand that it all depends on who you're with, but the reality is that although I love spending time with my friends, my social life is severally lacking. I'm not the person who's knows "everyone". I have a decision to make, do I **(A)** continue being a quiet introvert and hope for more, or **(B)** change who I am (If possible) and try my best to make friends with a lot more people?

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34 Comments

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MCDCFC@reddit

Recently retired after a 40+ career in Sales. I can finally spend time on my own. Bloody Heaven

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CreativeAdeptness477@reddit

If it's not your thing it's not your thing.

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the_state_monad@reddit

I genuinely don’t like socialising. Funny thing is I’m pretty extroverted and great at small talk, etc. I have no issue meeting people, etc. But I have zero interest in having friends… it’s been this way since I can remember. I always preferred just chilling with my family or being alone. I faked friendships from childhood throughout my teenage years but when I finally moved abroad for my job and there was no pressure to have friends I just didn’t. It’s been 5 years and not one friend have I. I feel like I should want to have friends but I can convince my brain to want them 😔. I feel fine not having friends and not socialising for years on end… I want to feel bad for not feeling social… I want to feel fear of missing out… but I can’t get myself to care… I’m aware I have an issue but I can’t get myself to be affected by it. It’s hard to explain as in.

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boringfantasy@reddit

You sound good man. Lot of us here see friends like once a month

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pajamakitten@reddit

Is your social life lacking or are you just basing this off what other people might say? You have friends and hang out with them regularly, that is exactly what being social is.

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reddiuniquefool@reddit

Practice makes perfect. Just go out and speak to people just a bit more than you are now, and bit by bit increase it.

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DependentMind6101@reddit

You're more social than me 😂

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AJMurphy_1986@reddit

You're already miles ahead of most people on reddit by the sounds of it. I hate meeting new people as well, but wish I'd done more of it when younger as now everyone is married with kids I'm lucky to spend time with friends once every few months, and that takes planning!

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Crafty-Reality-9425@reddit

Do what ever makes you happy. You have friends, you don't need to be Mr. Popularity and know lots of people. You don't appear to be lonely, so you are very lucky in that regard. Stop overthinking things, you don't have to change who you are to make friends with more people. You seem pretty sorted to me as you are, to be honest.

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Sea-Still5427@reddit

It's more important to be authentic and accept yourself as you are. You already sound pretty sociable to me, so you're probably an introvert with good social skills. Most introverts find that a small number of close friends works best for them, but if you can manage to navigate an occasional wedding or work event without feeling drained, you'll be doing pretty well. Interestingly, almost all marriages have one introvert and one extravert as we tend to find a partner to balance out our weaknesses and help us grow. Once you're married the extravert partner will tend to take care of that side of things because they need it more - extaverts need energy from other people to recharge, while introverts need time alone.

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Ok-Shame3827@reddit

I think you are in a good place, it is quality not quantity. It can help to have a mixture of people as friends that maybe don’t necessarily mix as it helps with a balance. People that appear to know everyone can often be surface level, trust me as you get older time is precious and it is not possible without spreading yourself thin. Don’t rule out meeting new people that you enjoy spending time with, but also don’t stress if you are content

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Mike_ParcelClaim@reddit

You're not lacking, you have regular paddle and pool. That's more than most. Stop chasing the "knows everyone" pub thing if you hate it. Just make your current stuff 10% more social, invite one new person to paddle, chat 10 mins after pool. You don't need to change who you are.

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Abaddononon@reddit

You sound pretty social already mate

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Obvious_Armadillo_16@reddit

That's what I thought when I read it

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Some-Cope1999@reddit

Maybe I keep reading this incorrectly. You sound very social already?

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DescriptionFuture851@reddit (OP)

I do okay, as I'm out of the house pretty often, and still have a decent number of friends. Some best friends, some other cool people I like. In all fairness, the people I'm "comparing" myself to are extremely extraverted and genunally can't stand spending an evening at home, such as my dad who always needs to be doing something.

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Some-Cope1999@reddit

I would say you aren’t an introvert more of an ambivert

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MatMcMashadar@reddit

Absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to socialise. You sound like you already have good friends to do the things you enjoy, so what's the point in wanting or needing more? A group of friends you can paddle with and play games with, without any judgement sounds like bliss. This world is set up to have us programmed to think we need to extroverted to be happy, popular, or successful. That notion is a lie. The world we live in has been built by the extrovert, so it obviously lends itself to that frame of mind. Although there's nothing wrong with extroverts, being an introvert is a massive strength that this world currently under appreciates. You be you, and do it unapologetically because introverts are the fucking bees knees.

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Practical_Scar4374@reddit

46 cba with people.

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JustPassingShhh@reddit

42 totally agree

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Practical_Scar4374@reddit

Wanna never speak to each other ever again?

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seriousrikk@reddit

You don’t. Not like you think you ‘should’ anyway. Sorry, but the harsh truth here is if you don’t like sitting in a a pub with a bunch of folks you don’t know then very little is going to change that. There is nothing special about knowing lots of people if you don’t have any meaningful connection with any of them. I ‘know’ lots of people in passing but genuinely if I never saw most of them again I’d struggle to find a fuck to give. If you think people are ending a conversation because you don’t know ‘an other’ faceless person they are not worth your time anyway. Do what makes you happy. It sounds to me like you have an excellent social life and even better as it is with people of your choosing.

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2stewped2havgudtime@reddit

I know it’s popular to be an introvert in 2026, but I do worry about the future impact of choosing isolation. Be it WFH or opting out of social activity, there’s a real risk people are missing out on their innate need for connection, socialisation and community. Loneliness is crippling enough for people in their twilight years. You’re 28, be social while you can, it’s not that long before the choice may be taken away from you.

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Extra-Sound-1714@reddit

If you are happy as you are, it's fine. I am very sociable and will often chat to strangers. If you want to get better at this you have to say more than just no. For example, no I don't know them, I do have a group of friends I go to x pub with, have you ever been there?

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qbnaith@reddit

God I wish I had that level of socialising

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SaltyName8341@reddit

Do what feels comfortable, don't push yourself to conform. If we were all the same it would be dull.

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FCSadsquatch@reddit

You don't have to change who you are. You can stay true to yourself and hope for more, you just have to keep putting yourself out there, likely more than the average person. Eventually you will find your people. I would have a look on meetup and see if there are any events that tickle your fancy.

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Dazzling_Evidence_19@reddit

You sound pretty social. But it is much harder to meet new people as you get older. If there are people in your circle who are interested in the same things but not the life and soul of the party then you should hold onto them. The kind of guys who are happy to join you for a game of darts/pool or whatever once a month can be a real procession in life that will do all of you good,

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Mixup_Machine@reddit

First of all, you don't seem like you have accepted that you're an introvert or you wouldn't be asking this question. Second, why try and change? You say you're happy doing things like gaming etc while you still have friends you socialise with doing activities you actually enjoy. To me it sounds like a good balance and you're doubting yourself because maybe it seems like you have to be more like certain other people in your life. If you're not happy then that's another issue, but it doesn't seem like it here, and the trouble is more to do with comparing to others which is never a good idea.

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misspixal4688@reddit

Genuinely just fine being with the other half I'm polite to people but with 3 disabled step children to care for I don't have the energy to socialise nor do I feel the need to.

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Brief_Ideal2584@reddit

You sound quite social to me

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Esexboy101101@reddit

Wish I had that level of a Social life!

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ResplendentBear@reddit

Don't try and make major changes to who you are and what you like. It won't work. I think the thing to do is ask yourself what you think you're missing out on? Knowing people for the sake of knowing people's sake isn't particularly meaningful. Do you want wild nights out, more friends, a way to meet a potential partner, something else entirely...?

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