Anyone ever live somewhere for years, leave, and never go back--not even once?

Posted by Downtown-Storm4704@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 36 comments

Curious if anyone else has experienced this.

Like living in a country for a long time--10 years or so--building a whole life there, routines, relationships, memories, buying a house, a car… and then leaving one day and just never returning. Not even for a visit. Like setup life somewhere, sold everything and just left to never look back?

Maybe it ended because of something personal, like a breakup, or maybe life just moved on. But instead of going back, you kind of choose to leave that place as a closed chapter.

I’ve always wondered how common that is. Especially the part where people avoid going back not because they hated it, but because they’d rather remember it how it was than see it differently now.

Anyone relate?

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Then-Stage@reddit

I rarely travel back. It depends on the person if they want to go back.

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Green-eyes-guy@reddit

Ukraine, came back a couple of times but its been almost 6 years I didn’t go back and now its not a possibility:(

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slow_in_Mexico@reddit

Halloween 2024. Left the US, sold what didn’t fit in a backpack, traveled south for some months, settled in Mexico City. Haven’t been back, don’t plan to.

Not because I’m preserving the memory. Because going back is its own kind of trip. Money, vacation days, a reason. The reason isn’t there. Family I want to see — I’ll fly them somewhere I actually want to be. Old friends — most have moved themselves, or are busy enough that a three-day visit barely registers.

What I freed up wasn’t the airfare. It was not having to maintain a relationship with a place I’ve already had. The new city gets all of it.

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ponpiriri@reddit

So far this is Chicago for me. Great city in my 20s and it's okay to stay that way.

Pretty soon, that will be the entirety of France. I left last month and don't plan on visiting because I hate it.

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stellularmoon2@reddit

Why did you hate France may I ask?

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ponpiriri@reddit

Cultural clash. I cant stand being surrounded by a bunch of complainers, so imagine a culture that sees criticism as a sign of intelligence. Not even moving to the south helped.

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Upstairs-Basis9909@reddit

I never would have gone back to America after I left if it weren’t for my parents.

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Grouchy-Muscle-7952@reddit

Kuwait. I have no urge to ever return.

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shwifty123@reddit

I left my native county and haven't been there for 15 years, I don't see any reason to go there.

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tasi671@reddit

I was born and raised on the Pacific island of Guam in the Marianas islands. I left when I was 23, knowing id probably never see the place again where I had spent my whole life up until that point. I cried on the plane as I watched my small island home become smaller and smaller as we flew away. I now live in England and due to how far away I am now, the costs of getting there, the struggle of getting there due to multiple plane changes, I've known that I will never get to see that land again. I've now lived almost the same number of years away from my first home than I spent there. It sucks tbh.

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alexnapierholland@reddit

Out of curiosity, I just checked.

Return flights from Heathrow to Guam (one-stop, Korea) can be found for £1600 in July/August.

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OutsideWishbone7@reddit

Kiribati for me. The cost is prohibitive to realistically go back. Good times. Amazing life.

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Sure_Appearance_7557@reddit

I grew up in New England, lived in Louisiana for two-and-a-half miserable years, and then in North Carolina for ten years.

I will never go back to Louisiana or North Carolina. I did not enjoy living in either place and have no friends or family there. I hate hurricanes, bugs, and extreme humidity.

We now live in Portugal and plan to travel extensively in-country and in Europe. If we leave here, I think we would come back again, because it is lovely.

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btt101@reddit

I never return

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OutsideWishbone7@reddit

Yep Costa Rica - 8 years. Never been back in last 30 years Kiribati - 6 years. Never been back in last 20 years.

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Catcher_Thelonious@reddit

I've lived in a few and can't possibly revisit all.

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Top-Vacation-4429@reddit

Nevada, USA. I will never once in my life step foot there ever again. It was a terrible place to live.

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Difficult-Egg3541@reddit

Left my home country 15 years ago. I used to enjoy going back for my family the first few years because no kids so we could move a lot and visit other countries etc. now I only go back once a year because of family oblgiations though I have been trying to skip a year whenever I could. Reason 1 is because i dont feel connected to my home country anymoe 2/ because visiting family gets extremely boring for me and my kids 3/ i want to visir other countries.

Even if we get remarks from family there when we annouce that we won’t come this year (mind you: said family comes several times in a row to my place each freaking year), i am planning to visit even less often.

Tired of family obligations that i already fulfill when they come to my place. Tired of doing the same things and of missing opportunities to travel elswhere. And even when we announce that we plan to visit x country next holidays, you can bet someone from said family will try to join us.

So no, thank you.

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NansDrivel@reddit

I've only been out of the country for 4 years but I have no plans of ever going back. We have no family left there, friends often visit the EU and we meet them wherever they are, so there's absolutely no need to ever return.

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Coriander_marbles@reddit

Absolutely. To be honest, I feel like most of the responses you may get are less about heart break or some sort of upheaval that happened, and more to do with the fact that life gets busy and there’s no point spending money and vacation time to go someone you’ve already been.

For me, it’s not that I would mind returning to some of those places and eating at the old haunts, or walking the same streets, it’s that it would take considerable resources to do that and I guess I’m not nostalgic enough. I’d rather check out a new place.

Moreover, I find that the things that made those locations memorable were the experiences I had with various people, and many have now also moved on.

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FreeFortuna@reddit

I actually finally went back to a couple of places I’d lived 10, 20 years ago. Not out of nostalgia, just that it happened to fit with what we were doing at the time.

And it felt … weird. Like kind of bittersweet, kind of like I remembered being the person who lived there and what it felt like, but also … I’m not that person anymore. It was home but not home.

I definitely wouldn’t go out of my way to do it again. I’ve lived in many different places and haven’t returned to the vast majority of them, and now I don’t think I ever will. The person I used to be doesn’t exist anymore … and really, the places they used to be don’t either. The world keeps turning.

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caminantedecalles@reddit

It's the last point why I don't go back to many places. Nothing left there but memories, and trying to step back into those just leads to disappointment.

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Downtown-Storm4704@reddit (OP)

Heartbreak abroad is an interesting one and painful too. I'm curious to see if that's got anything to do with it.

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inga-babi@reddit

I was born in an Eastern European country and I’ve not been back to visit in over 20 years. I have very poor memories of living there, so I just don’t want to retraumatize myself by going back.

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pearpool@reddit

Thinking of moving data centre?

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fraxbo@reddit

Wow. I am floored by the answers here. One of my greatest delights in life is returning to places I’ve lived or otherwise spent extended time in.

I always feel like when I’m in these places I can possess the city and it me, in a way. It is definitely the feeling of home.

I also travel a lot, and have maintained relationships in every place I’ve lived. So, I also get to see friends this way.

New York (born and raised), Paris (lived part time over five years as a teen), Dallas (college), Helsinki (doctoral study), München (research stay), Hong Kong (job), Stellenbosch, SA (research stay) and now Bergen (job) all have this status for me.

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SeanBourne@reddit

I’ve properly lived in 9 different places in my life, and have been back to all of them after leaving there from a living there standpoint, due to various circumstances.

There is one city that I never lived in, but my life sent me there on three different occasions on a temporary basis. Each time, something pretty bad would end up happening to me. After the third time, I swore I wouldn’t so much as connect through that city’s airport.

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palbuddy1234@reddit

Yeah, China. I left, then COVID happened. I know some people there and they say the better days are in the past. From what I understand it's harder now, more expensive and I have kids. As a young guy you can forgive the pollution, and not adding to your American pension and the chaos as you made good money.

Now I just want stability and to not worry about the wildcard of corruption.

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wyldfirez007@reddit

I left my home country when I was just about to turn 34. The next time I stepped foot in my home country was 8 years later, for a 5 week visit, miles away from where I lived. That was 10 years ago. I don't believe I will never see where I grew up again in my lifetime due to distance.

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projectmaximus@reddit

Hmmm. Maybe my college town for undergrad could count? I did 5 years there as a student followed by 3-4 years where I was in and out on a part time basis working/teaching and still had lots of friends in the area. My very last visit came 9 years and 9 months after I first moved there. It was the last time I needed to go there for work and I realized then that basically everyone I knew well was gone at that point. So I wouldn’t have any reason socially to return. And I haven’t. Despite being an hour and a half away on maybe 60 different occasions since then.

I’m a big city guy so a college town wouldn’t ever be my ideal, but man I remember how much I loved that place when I was there. It’s strange to have so much love for a place and feel so comfortable and at home there, and then suddenly never feel like going back.

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Primary-Angle4008@reddit

I’ve been basically born to an expat and lived the expat life my whole life and while I went back to live for a year to my birth place and visited that often I don’t have much attachement to any of the places or countries I lived.

I do have fond memories of those places but not necessarily in the way I feel a huge urge to go back and rather spend time and money to discover new places

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IndependentPath2053@reddit

Me, everywhere I have lived. I’ve lived in 4 countries, 7 cities. The only place I’ve gone back to is where I grew up because my family is still there. Other than that, I’ve never been back to any of the cities I lived in and they range from 2 years to 10 years.

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shutupdutch@reddit

Moved countries twice after 8 years and 15 years, respectively. Never went back