How are your parents?
Posted by CommentMundane@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 79 comments
I have 6 brothers-in-law & sisters-in-law, we are all within 6 or 7 years of each other. A couple years ago all of us still had both our parents. They were all active, traveling, socializing seemingly healthy. Today things are very different. First my SIL lost her mom to cancer. It was very sudden, apparently she chose not to tell her kids about the cancer until near the end. The SIL lost her father almost immediately after. A BIL lost his father last year. My wife's father passed last month, my BIL's father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last month and my mom just told me she was diagnosed with Alzheimers.
It just feels like all of a sudden everything is going very fast. Is anyone else experiencing this?
Pantsmithiest@reddit
They’re dead. My mother was an alcoholic. My father had dementia. My life feels like it’s on easy mode now.
Nonsenseinabag@reddit
Both still alive, but stopped talking to my dad for my own mental health. I talk to my mom occasionally but we're not close or aligned, either. I live in an entirely different universe than everyone else in my family, so I have found family instead.
Slim1256@reddit
I feel this for you, and am in much the same boat. Mom passed away in 2021. My dad is an avid Trumper, and both of my (older) sisters are too. I just don't get it, and really struggle with how the people that I grew up around have turned into... whatever they are.
I'm not full no-contact or anything, but the relationship is definitely strained.
Interesting_Owl7041@reddit
My parents are in their 80’s and are mostly ok. Mom has had both knees replaced within the past couple of years, she’s functional but she’s not going to be running any marathons any time soon. Stairs are tough for her to navigate and probably will always be tough. Dad’s had diabetes for decades, but he manages it well. He’s on a ton of meds though for that and several other issues that are more than likely related. But with all that being said, they are still active, living independently, driving wherever they want whenever they feel like it, volunteering at their local church and senior center, and more or less enjoying life. They might not be what they used to be, but all things considered they’re still doing really well.
B_Williams_4010@reddit
Mom, 77 and doing well. Dad went to cancer 35 years ago.
Material-Strength-92@reddit
Dad 79 and doing well. Mom passed from cancer 35 years ago.
Fickle_Wrangler_7439@reddit
Dad 70 and doing poorly. Mom passed from cancer 35 years ago.
What was in the water 35 years ago?
Fickle_Wrangler_7439@reddit
Well, mom died in '93... so... not great obviously.
Dad never took care of himself and he's not looking good. He's an absolute misery to be around too, always has been, so zero social life to speak of.
I give him 5 years.
littleyellowbike@reddit
FIL died of Covid in early 2022. MIL is physically healthy but is also deep into woo-woo health and wellness conspiracy bullshit (which I firmly believe contributed to FIL's death) and her coping mechanism for any sort of adversity is to pray it away and pretend that worked so who knows how long that'll last.
My dad has had one health scare after another since late 2021 (big stroke, little stroke, heart attack that knocked back his neurological recovery, broken hip that led to replacement). He's still with us and mentally still sharp, but he's effectively disabled and I know he's bored and grieving the loss of his hobbies and abilities (he was an extraordinarily talented singer but the stroke heavily affected his mouth/throat control, and he's no longer able to work on or fix up his antique tractors). Mom is physically doing great but I know she's exhausted by Dad's care requirements and I constantly worry about her mental health.
I'm also concerned about my siblings. We're all in our 40s and doing alright now, but neither of them take very good care of themselves so I'm nervous about what their lives are going to look like in another 20 years.
PapaTua@reddit
Both parents dead. All my siblings are dead. All my aunts and uncles too on both sides.
It's a super strange feeling being without family when I was surrounded by family as a kid. I didn't expect to be family-less until I was an extremely old person.
If I died tomorrow there would be no next of kin to call.
It's scary and surreal.
fattycatty6@reddit
Ugh this hurts. I'm an only child and both parents are gone. We had a small extended family so it's a weird feeling, I get it. ❤️😔
fattycatty6@reddit
I too feel things are moving fast. I lost my dad to cancer at 69 in Jan. Of 2018 (diagnosed Nov 1 2017) I lost my mom to cancer in Nov. Of 2019 (diagnosed Nov 1 2019) at 72. Everything is different now, thank goodness I have my husband and my kids bc I was an only child and it's a weird feeling. I wasn't really prepared for it in my late 30s.
Dashcamkitty@reddit
Just lost my dad and it's awful. I just can't believe I'll never see or speak to him ever again. He was sick but his death was quite sudden so I have feelings that things were unsaid but also grateful he went peacefully. He's left such a void in our lives.
CaptinEmergency@reddit
Mom died of Alzheimer’s three years ago and my 86 year old dad fell a few weeks ago and needed a hip replacement. Lots of old people die within a year of a big fall like that, but he’s in good spirits all things considered.
Intelligent-Camera90@reddit
My mother is one of the strongest women I know. She’s helped raise 3 kids and 2 grandkids. She’s suffered losses - we lost my dad in 2007 and then my sister in 2014, both unexpectedly. One grandkid is still living with her, and has a few mental heath challenges (including level 3 hoarding)
And my mom is trying, in her 70’s to finally make some changes. She’s actively making moves to get out of the unsafe environment she’s been in for the past few years. She’s spending time with her first great grandchild who is now 6 months old and going on walks with him.
She’s in the best mental place I’ve seen her in years - definitely since the beginning of the pandemic (which was when the hoarding was kicked into high gear).
I’m doing what I can to help make this a reality for her. I live 2 hours away, in a different state, but she shouldn’t have to live like she does now. Her house is so unsafe now. She doesn’t have a working oven and there are mice.
FormidableMistress@reddit
Dad just turned 72. Never goes to the doctor so when it happens it'll be sudden. Mom and stepdad still kicking unfortunately. Satan won't take her. So many good people have died while she continues to cheat death, just like she cheats everyone else she comes into contact with. She's had COPD since the '90s and so far has been intubated in ICU 4 times with covid. She has so many health problems and yet she lingers.
mamalmw@reddit
Mom passed 10 years ago. My Dad was older when I was born so he’s 85. Living his best life alone in a retirement community. He’s fairly healthy and still active but slowing down. He used to cruise a couple of times a year but recently told me he’s done with traveling. Both of his parents and grandmother lived well into their 90s so barring anything major I’d guess he has another 10 years.
pug_fugly_moe@reddit
Mom died last year at age 75. My sister suspects a pulmonary embolism from complications of edema.
Dad, 77, is still good. Bloodwork labs are perfect. His brain is WAY sharper now that he got divorced and found a less stressful job. He’s always had a shocking amount of energy, and still works four days a week. I call it semi retirement because he’s only working 40 hours a week instead of 60. That said, he gets more tired these days.
jackfaire@reddit
Brutal honesty hating that I know I'll feel both devastated and relieved when my mom passes. I love my mom but she sees nothing wrong in having me supplement their lives and until the end of this year that's very limiting. At the end of this year my furniture will be paid off and free up about $500 a month which will make helping her easier while having more money for myself.
I'm paying for their storage sheds that they swear they'll whittle down and I know they never will. I'm finally lucky enough to be in a position where I can have money to put away and am still chained to giving her money because if I don't they lose everything and it destroys our relationship and most days I'm okay with the amount it's costing me but when there's things I want to do and I have to realize I can't afford it.
I'm spending literally thousands of dollars a year to supplement them because they can't or won't cut loose things they'll likely never do anything with.
Happy_Confection90@reddit
They've been dead for years
casdoodle527@reddit
My husbands dad passed in 2004 (he was 60). My the rest of our parents are still alive. My mom lives with us 🫠
-Odi-Et-Amo-@reddit
Mom is 75 and dad is 82. Still married, live independently, travel at least twice a year and both keep part time jobs. I have notice some cognitive decline with my dad and my mom’s health is just okay. Although I’m grateful they are overall doing well for their age, I know this won’t last forever.
sunkistandsudafed3@reddit
I was just on about this with my husband, it feels like we have entered this phase of life and I dont feel ready.
My Mum has weeks left at the most, Dad is ok ish, a little forgetful but I think it might be worry/grief. Although he did have major heart surgery a few years back and I'm very aware of his vascular risks.
Father in law has dementia but wont go to the drs about it currently, he is getting more mixed up. Mother in law has a diagnosis but is doing ok.
A lot our friends parents are unwell, one lost has Dad recently.
I'm having a bit of an existential crisis to be honest. While it is the natural order of things, it is suddenly on us.
59apache01@reddit
I'm fortunate to still have both of mine. They're in their late 70s now. They have some issues, but are still getting around ok for the most part.
I think what you're describing is an effect of everybody being around the same age and being part of the age demographic that death hits most frequently. I remember losing three aunts within a 1-week period back in 1991. All three were my grandfather's sisters. That hit him really hard.
Eziekiel23_20@reddit
Lost Dad to suicide in ‘17…mostly due to unresolved PTSD from Vietnam, but there were some other factors weighing on him. Miss him frequently and still have times I want to call and just bs about cars (common hobby) and work (both engineering).
Lost Mom in ‘20 to a 4th bout of cancer. Complex relationship, but ultimately hold many negative feelings toward her.
maggie320@reddit
Both gone. Dad in 2011 and mom in 2020. It’s still hard to talk about the day my mom died. I still have her kitty who’s actually sitting with me now purring away.
foggytreees@reddit
I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️
foggytreees@reddit
My mom (72) has late stage Alzheimer’s and my mother-in-law (66) just passed away from cancer a few weeks ago. Lots of my friends are losing their parents. It’s a real shitty time that I did not anticipate.
evenifihateit@reddit
My dad is post chemo and radiotherapy for oesophageal cancer. He was due to have surgery but was not well enough due to COPD. He's ok for now. My mum is physically really good but COVID then Dad's illness have done a number on her nerves and she finds life scary these days.
StevieNickedMyself@reddit
My parents are both doing okay. They had me relatively young. They are only 73 and 71. I wish they'd eat healthier and exercise though.
IggyDrake64@reddit
What parents? never had none.
Bitchonthebeach@reddit
Parkinson's has just crashed the party and given us a real beating. It marks the end of their independence and the beginning of my second life, one where I'll give back what they've given us. So they go on like people who know one of their children will take care of them; they're weakened but serene. As serene as one can be in the face of such an aggressive degeneration.
violetstrainj@reddit
My dad’s fine, but my mom’s dementia is getting worse. They are abusive shitbags, and I’m about to start therapy to unpack all of that trauma and bullshit.
Truth_Seeker963@reddit
Mom and stepdad both gone within the last 5 years. Dad is still around, will be 81 this year, still working.
_Internet_Hugs_@reddit
Completely delusional but still functional adults.
Asleep_Onion@reddit
Mom is good at 82 years old, sharp as ever, and healthy as far as I know. Dad died 7 years ago at 72 years old, he had some sort of early onset alzheimers that appeared only like 3 years before he died. I never got along with him and don't particularly miss him, I just hope whatever the hell he had isn't hereditary lol.
War-Bitch@reddit
My whole family has evangelical maga brain rot and they died the day I came out.
CatsEqualLife@reddit
Lost my dad today. My parents were far from perfect but they tried and were the only parents I had. Fuck cancer.
ineffable_my_dear@reddit
I’m so sorry. Fuck cancer indeed.
ineffable_my_dear@reddit
My bio dad died in a freak accident at age 30 and I was an infant. My stepdad raised me from age 3 and died after a 6-year battle with stage iv colon cancer. I’m NC with my mom and I grieved her years ago.
My spouse’s parents are both alive and fairly healthy, not too surprising since he had all four grandparents until his mid-40s.
Alien_Nicole@reddit
I just brought my mom home from the hospital today. She was there for a week for sepsis. From pneumonia somehow. It came out of nowhere. She almost died and we didn't even realize she was sick. If she didn't live with me she probably wouldn't have made it. It happened so fast! The past few years she has become increasingly more susceptible to illness and it keeps getting worse.
As an only child of a single mom, it's all on me and the pressure is too much sometimes.
CommentMundane@reddit (OP)
My wife lost her job about 2 years ago. It turned out to be a blessing so she could drive to another city 4 hrs away while her dad was in the hospital and advocate for him. Multiple times she had to go to the hospitals and fight with the doctors who were happy to write off her dad as another old man who was just going to die. Because she was there to help he got an extra 2 years.
Spartan04@reddit
My mom is in her late 70s and is doing fine physically and mentally. I haven't had any contact with my dad in close to 30 years now so I have no idea how he's doing (or if he's even still alive), nor do I care.
Same_Bug5069@reddit
My dad passed in 2005, he would be 78 now. I still think of him often miss him quite a bit.
My mom is still around, 76 now, but our relationship has been a bit strained. She seems to be falling apart, to be honest. Might be time for to mend things.
relikter@reddit
Step dad passed in 2007. Bio-dad that I never met passed in 2018 and left us with an inheritance mess. Mom is still kicking and being her awful self every day.
My mom is constantly sick and in generally poor health, so I don't expect another 5+ years from her. I won't miss her, but I'm not in any hurry to lose her. Does that make sense?
Debtastical@reddit
Both of my parents will be 75 this year. They divorced when i was 2. Im very close to my mom, she watches my kids every Tuesday and she’s super healthy - walks daily, has a lake house, ton of energy. She has a pacemaker but other than that, she’s amazing. I have a cool step-dad he’s 77 and also active, hangs out with my little kids.
Never had much of a relationship with my father, he was too busy finding wives to hang with his daughters. He’s had heart disease and diabetes since his 50s. A few vascular surgeries (lifelong heavy smoker) He has lung cancer now, but it’s stable. He will call me to give me updates on his health… always a strange uncomfortable conversation. 😒
Top-Wolverine-8684@reddit
All four of my parents (biological and steps) are still alive, fit, and active in their late 60's. My dad just retired a few months ago. We lost both of my grandmas in 2024, so my family is still going through THAT transition.
My husband is older and his parents are in their 80's, and they're still driving all over the country to visit family!
What I am beginning to notice is the mental decline in my mom (67). She's losing her filter, getting more stubborn and opinionated, and just general lacking social graces that she used to possess. I'm currently the only one of her kids still speaking to her because she has offended the others so much.
MsBlondeViking@reddit
I’m no contact with my actual parents, both are still alive. The couple I loved as parents, considered me their daughter, are both dead. She passed in 2009 from ALS, he passed in 2021 from prostate cancer.
icanhaztuthless@reddit
Dad died when I was in Kuwait in 2003. I went to the funeral and upon return to Kuwait, the invasion of Iraq had begun and I missed unit movement. They were ambushed. I feel some kind of way about that whole thing even to this day.
Mom as far as I know is still alive. I severed communication with her after discovering my half brother who is autistic touched my daughter inappropriately, years ago. She dismissed his behavior and that was unacceptable to me and to my family unit. We were never really close anyway so not much loss there.
reillan@reddit
Mom died a few years ago from acute pancreatitis. Doctors had tested for it two different ways and the tests were negative. They only figured it out during the autopsy.
My dad remarried and is doing well. Still weird having a step-mother, seeing him loving on her.
zuklei@reddit
I lost my mom when I was 26. I won’t really know how my dad is except that he’s still working I guess. His wife asks me every other month for money despite his significantly larger income. I never hear from him
brattybabyc@reddit
My mom died by suicide in 92. Dad drank himself to death, around 7-8 years ago now. I lost my in-laws to covid.
languagehacker@reddit
We have one of these posts a week, give it a rest
DustedGorilla82@reddit
Dead!
maceilean@reddit
Dad passed away in 2018 and I miss him every day. Mom is living her best life: taking cruises, traveling, spending time with her friends, kids, and grandkids. Her mom lived to 99, her grandmother to 103, and her great grandmother to 102 so she's probably not going anywhere soon. She needs to sell her two story house though. She might walk a couple of miles around the neighborhood every day but climbing stairs are starting to worry me.
os_beef@reddit
My mom died a few years ago after a long battle with cancer. My father is still around. We're making more of an effort to see each other, because my mother's death made us all realize that our time is limited. Better get our time while we can.
Weird thing is that ever since my mom died, I can't stop thinking about having kids. Every single day. My wife doesn't want them and I thought I could do without them. Don't really know how to deal with it, but I think if I sit on it long enough it'll go away.
ryhoyarbie@reddit
Mom passed away from lung cancer in 2014. She was 59. Don’t smoke, kids.
Dad is fine and is 77, although his eye sight is going somewhat bad.
Adventurous_Cloud_20@reddit
My Dad died October 30th last year, and I still wake up most mornings feeling gut punched. Highly aggressive prostate cancer, he went from diagnosed to dead in 6 weeks.
My mom is still a wreck, he was her rock, her everything, she hates the home place, everything reminds her of him.
She has her own issues as well, she's diabetic, which is an issue at her age and weight, but she was just diagnosed with bladder cancer, so that's a fresh hell she gets to deal with. I worry about her a lot, she just spends her time moping around the house, she's not even really interested in the grandchildren anymore. She puts on a smile for them and tries to be happy, but you can tell she's not.
I miss my Dad, and I miss my Mom being happy.
Fuck cancer.
mistyayn@reddit
My mom has pulmonary fibrosis and inoperable lung cancer. Right now we are waiting to find out if it has metastasized to her pancreas or is something else. My dad's got lots of little things bothering him but he still surfs and went bungee jumping a few months ago at 78.
TALieutenant@reddit
They just got back Tuesday from a 2 week European (the Netherlands, Germany, France and I think Switzerland....they did one of those river cruises) vacation....their 50th anniversary present to each other. We live in Washington state so there's like a 9 hour time difference that Mom's still struggling with.
MedicalRhubarb7@reddit
I have them both. My mom is physically fine, but has gone hard MAGA which limits how close we are these days. My Dad is mentally fine but physically a mess. Still hanging in there though.
purplewizardshoes@reddit
My mom was also recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. I’m sorry you’re going through it too. It’s heartbreaking. My was the most brilliant person I knew and now sometimes she can’t answer a question she definitely could have before. She’s in good spirits though! I’m the one who’s f’ing terrified… she’s my best friend and biggest supporter. Ugh. Aging. My Dad is having some cognitive decline as well but nothing as serious. They’re both otherwise in decent health. Still maintaining their house and yard, driving, etc.
Significant-Rush-129@reddit
Yes. I still have both, but my husband, most of my friends, and many of his friends are down to one.
There have been some major health problems lately with one of them. It’s hard when it starts you know? Lately hearing songs from the 1960s makes me all wispy and emotional. It was like their time, their youthful coming of age period.
Hate to say I’ve been more in denial about it than I thought I would be. It’s totally selfish, and I feel like a big a’hole because of it. Trying to turn that around.
sanosukecole@reddit
Dad's dead. Mom's homeless.
crazycatlady331@reddit
My mom went to France with a friend this afternoon. My dad is spending the night at my apartment tonight.
NW_Forester@reddit
Physically both are doing well. I'm worried about my mom mentally. She is so gullible now. If someone tells her something she just accepts it, no critical thought. I've asked her to get checked but she says im making things up, my dad doesn't notice.
TheGogglesDo-Nothing@reddit
Lock their credit if you can.
AskMrScience@reddit
My parents are both 77 and doing great, mentally and physically. Dad's a very active road cyclist, and Mom spends a ton of time gardening. Dad just came through elective surgery like a champ.
ResurgentClusterfuck@reddit
My dad went to Hell in 1998 I think
Mom passed in 2018 :( I miss her every day still
Zagmut@reddit
Sorry about your mom, dude. I know I'm gonna be miserable when mine passes.
ResurgentClusterfuck@reddit
Thank you friend. I won't lie, it was one of the hardest times in my life, but it does get easier to live with
dbzmah@reddit
My dad recently had his Achilles repaired, and, as a 70 year old, recovered very well.
My mom is still sharp as a tack.
They're doing excellent as 70 yo's, but could maybe lose a bit of weight.
FiveCrappedPee@reddit
Dead
TestDZnutz@reddit
Hard to kill
PeachesCream24@reddit
Lost my dad almost 20 years ago (he was 53) and mom is still going at 71. Husband lost his mom in 2019 and his dad is still here at 64.
MayhemanMarshmallows@reddit
My parents were going strong, taking up the RV lifestyle. Then, last fall, my dad had a stroke. While he is recovering, he walks with a cane or walker now and can no longer drive. My mom is thankfully going strong as ever.
caramelpupcorn@reddit
My parents are surprisingly fine, I had burgers with them earlier today. My dad definitely has some kind of cognitive decline, but he's mostly still himself with a little help. My mom is obviously aging as well, but is doing pretty well health-wise.
I do constantly worry about the day I get a call that one of them is critically ill or injured and they need me to come see them.
Ok_Breakfast5425@reddit
My mom died a little over two years ago, that was up there with worst couple weeks in my life. My dad is in a home with some quickly worsening dementia and wheelchair bound after breaking his hip from a fall that is burned into my mind until the day I die.
TheREALBaldRider@reddit
Mom died 6 years ago. Dad is still going. My wife is solidly in Gen X and still has bother her parents around