ULPT request: How to clog a toilet?
Posted by Banana-9@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 112 comments
Besides eating certain things, how can I really clog a toilet? Due to certain incidents at my workplace (such as being fired with no reason, communication, or severance pay), I would like to leave them a nice little going away gift. Not something that will cause permanent, irreversible damage please. I have some backup plans too, but I need something as a cherry (dookie) on top.
Curious-Order-8429@reddit
yyeah i get the urge to do something on the way out... but messing with plumbing is one of those thingss thatt can spiral way past what you expectt...
Ravenwolven1@reddit
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Quality_Cabbage@reddit
Get a sponge, wet it and squash it down until it's small, then freeze it. When it's time to launch your attack, get the frozen sponge and flush it. It will thaw out and return to its normal size, somewhere past the u-bend.
Banana-9@reddit (OP)
This guy is a genius mad scientist
That_CDN_guy@reddit
If you can make sure it's one of the big car washing ones.
a_mulher@reddit
The sponge but with red food coloring so they think it might be blood.
Particular-Tax8106@reddit
And soak it in the juice from a tuna can before freezing it, for that wonderful fishy odor when it defrosts.
TaytesMcGee@reddit
eggington69@reddit
Bring some paper towels with in your pocket. They don’t break down like toilet paper will, so they are more prone to cause clogging. Do some paper towels, then some TP, then some poop, then some more TP, then flush.
Although, I would caution you to consider—do you really want to be thought of as the guy who got fired and then took a big poop and FUCKED UP the toilets on your way out? Like I would view this as more so embarrassing than a “screw you”, but that’s just me.
Osmyn@reddit
One time I had a felt-tipped pen in my shirt pocket. It fell out while I was using the toilet and I didn't notice and got jammed in the crick of it. The toilet had to be unbolted from the floor, taken outside and have the pen removed!
BaconLibrary@reddit
Look up fibermaxing and just ruin it with yo ass.
AffectionateMarch394@reddit
Half or a big chunk of potatoes
Trust me, unfortunately from own experience, I know it works 😂
Key-Algae-9245@reddit
When my son was like two, he chucked a yogurt pot down the toilet that got stuck in the u-bend and caused a semi blockage. I’d go with contact adhesive in the door locks at night myself.
ww8431@reddit
Working in apartment maintenance, instant potatoes or rice has caused me trouble in the past. This was in garbage disposals, but I’m sure the right volume would stop a toilet, too.
Careful-Self-457@reddit
The only person you will be hurting is the poor janitor who will have to unclog the toilet.
GL510EX@reddit
For plausible deniability, put a LOT of TP in there, drop a cherry on top of that, more TP, then flush.
FooJenkins@reddit
I hate going to the office so when I do, I use excessive amounts of TP every day. The toilets seem to handle it well, but I’m using 2-3 basketball sized balls of TP. It has yet to cause any problems.
lebob_69@reddit
This is such a waste
sofaking_scientific@reddit
My brother in Christ, I laughed so hard I cried out of both eyes. Keep doing the lords work
Charlie24601@reddit
"Flushable" wet wipes. They are NOT flushable like the company says. They will fuck up a pipe like you wouldnt believe.
If caught you just point out the 'flushable' part and say the toilet paper here sucks.
HelpfulPhrase5806@reddit
Nay. Use the paper towels, not TP. Looks the same when checking the sewer lines, but does NOT dissolve and will need physical removal. Unless they hurt the pipes doing it, no lasting damage.
stabbingrabbit@reddit
Is the cherry an M80?
sierrabravo1984@reddit
Ah, the Walmart special.
Aetheldrake@reddit
The grocery store special apparently. Happens at Kroger too
onlyTryingtoBeNice@reddit
this is the way
atomic_drumstick@reddit
box of tampons, unwrap them first
MeanSecurity@reddit
Or don’t!
gl0ssyy@reddit
the wrap would prevent the tampons from absorbing water and blocking the pipes. def take off the wrapper and the plastic applicator
cheezytitz@reddit
No, just get the kind with the cardboard applicator
iH8MotherTeresa@reddit
Thick enough cardboard the tampon probably wouldn't get wet before something was done about it. Laziness has no place here.
c4pt1n54n0@reddit
It'll still hold it together for longer than anyone wants to stand there looking at a toilet full of tampons. Removing them will be faster than waiting 🤷♂️
Timely_Winner6847@reddit
Cherry juice optional?
PremiumUsername69420@reddit
V8 is probably cheaper than cherry juice, also thicker.
atomic_drumstick@reddit
You must be lost dude
Capable_Victory_7807@reddit
Dry ice won't clog a toilet but it will burst a pipe somewhere down the line. Discovered this from a Halloween prank gone wrong.
Apprehensive-Wait783@reddit
This reminds me of Tiny Toons where Plucky puts random things in the toilet like his diaper “diaper go down the hole”.
Wildly_Uninterested@reddit
An unhealthy amount of cheese, if personal experience is anything to go by....
Healthy_Chicken_6551@reddit
1/2 cup of instant cement every day will eventually require all new pipes…
ThirstyCoffeeHunter@reddit
Lysol wipes
gsko5000@reddit
Just take a shit in the cistern, it's an old estate agents trick
sitheandroid@reddit
Why do estate agents shit in the cistern?
gsko5000@reddit
I don't know, but they call it a slam dunk
Quality_Cabbage@reddit
I've always heard it called a top decker.
gsko5000@reddit
Must be a regional thing
No_Geologist_93@reddit
😂😂😂 dead
Storage_Ottoman@reddit
Hell yeah the upper decker is always a great option. If OP can take a messy dump in both the bowl and up top, it’ll be a really fun combo.
MrPuzzleMan@reddit
Too bad they don't sell Haribo Sugar Free Gummy bears on Amazon anymore
dirkdiggler1618@reddit
This is only going to affect the janitor, who’s probably already making minimum wage. Surely there’s a better way to get back at the actual people who screwed you over.
Put your boss’s number on Craigslist offering free ~stuff~
Banana-9@reddit (OP)
I agree with you. However, I know for a fact we don't have a janitor, and all cleaning at the end of the day, including toilets, is done by my manager. I wouldn't do something that makes an innocent person's life shitty.
I am tempted to do the phone number thing, but I don't have his personal number, only the number from the "info" phone.
sagittariums@reddit
As a janitor, and mind you this would not be very inconspicuous, the worst clog I've ever had to deal with was when someone flushed a wig down the toilet.
Banana-9@reddit (OP)
I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I have to agree, the sponge comments took me by surprise too.
ExtremeAthlete@reddit
Is this manager sponge worthy?
Banana-9@reddit (OP)
sagittariums@reddit
Lol it's unfortunately just the reality of cleaning public spaces, thankfully I'm paid decently for it. The sponge thing is funny because I had actually accepted that as not a fully deliberate act, at least in comparison to the wig flushers of this world
2600sysop@reddit
Sugar sponge.
ImperfectAnalogy@reddit
Why sugar water?
Timely_Winner6847@reddit
No idea honey
mister-ferguson@reddit
Take a big sponge. Like one used to wash a car. Soak it in sugar water. Tie it up tight into a small ball. Let it dry. Unwrap the string. Now you have a hard sponge ball. Flush it. It will expand on the way down and make an expensive clog.
TevisLA@reddit
I threw a TP roll in one once and flushed. It seemed to work before I ran outta there.
lordshampoo@reddit
had a coworker that wore 2 shirts so he could flush one which flooded out the entire floor
could also try a couple tennis balls
Eastern-Extension125@reddit
Some old coworkers of mine (worked in public safety with a decent amount of pranking) would poop in the toilet, not put any toilet paper in, and not flush. Gross bc I had to clean the bathrooms, but I didn’t say anything bc the pranks would just get worse. Anyway, giant log of poop in toilet was pretty gross.
Angry-_-Crow@reddit
Whatever you do, be sure to leave one toilet untouched and perfectly functional. That way, not only with the asshat manager have to deal with multiple toilet issues, that one remaining toilet will get concentrated traffic
Ban_Assault_Ducks@reddit
Get those expanding foam dinosaurs or whatever else you find at the dollar store. They work really well for this. Trust me. I know. From experience.
MrPuzzleMan@reddit
Quick hardening spray foam
Affinity-Charms@reddit
Cheesecurds..... You eat em. Lots of them.
FlowerComfortable889@reddit
"Flushable" wipes aren't actually flushable. They'll clog the shit out of every plumbing system. Add some bacon grease too
ThePiachu@reddit
Paper towels don't flush as well as toilet paper.
pandapower63@reddit
You should never ever flush clumping cat litter!
YouDontLookSpiritual@reddit
An opiod addiction should do the trick
SmokeyMcHerbium@reddit
That’ll show em!
CrankyWife@reddit
All you're doing is making life more miserable for the people left there who can't afford to quit. Sabotaging equipment on your way out makes you a crap person. Have some dignity, and just leave.
SmokeyMcHerbium@reddit
Disagree. Inject pilk into the vents
3X_Cat@reddit
a cup of QuikRete
InfoCruncha@reddit
Double decker. Google it
bpthompson999@reddit
Take a sponge amd soak it in liquid starch, then wrap as many rubber bands as you can around it until its compressed as much as possible. Leave it out to air dry. Once the starch has dried out, cut all the rubber bands and flush your sponge down the toilet. The water will saturate the sponge and it will expand again.
_Mayhem_@reddit
Chunk of loofa. The natural kind, not the plastic ball-type.
froction@reddit
You were definitely fired for a reason, almost certainly a very good one.
svacheem45@reddit
My Uncle Ralph. Give him a call.
Zailema0s@reddit
Styrofoam, they aren’t gonna think to flush gasoline down the toilet 🤪
Scoxxicoccus@reddit
Banana peels. Lots of banana peels.
For an office toilet with a strong flush you may need as many as eight or ten all balled up and flushed. You want the green unripe peels, not the moldy brown.
frederichenrylt@reddit
Kitty litter
glemits@reddit
Flush some Quikrete. Three times in quick succession might be effective. It might need more than that, or a faster-setting material.
CaliHeatx@reddit
Related post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Wellthatsucks/s/JGyvVg693k
seafox09@reddit
I work in a school,large vapes are very effective
Storage_Ottoman@reddit
lol my old ass thinking back to when kids in my HS would sneak cigs in the bathroom and you’d find butts floating in the bowl pretty frequently. Times sure have changed.
Doustin@reddit
emax4@reddit
Hire Al Bundy.
Doustin@reddit
Fa-WOOSH
LoudAcid-@reddit
Cat litter. That stuff with fuck up your drain and be hell
professorseagull@reddit
As a plumber, paper towel or flushable wipes. Or a small object that will get stuck and cause toilet paper to gather. Needles seem to work really well
PiscesAle@reddit
Locate the water valve and turn it off after first clogging it. Make it extra miserable.
Haggis_HotPocket@reddit
Damn. Nothing permanent or serious. Bummer. I was gonna suggest half a bag of quickcreat concrete.
Fight_Nerd84@reddit
Do with this information what you will, but hydraulic cement, unlike regular concrete, will set up in water AND is surprisingly inexpensive at your local hardware store.
spellboundartisan@reddit
If you choose to do this, then understand that this is the ultimate "fuck you" to someone's plumbing: Grab a bottle of instant cement, the kind you mix with water, and patiently dump and mix it into the toilet.
Banana-9@reddit (OP)
I find this to be a bit too much. It's why I specified it has to not be permanent or distructive.
Mr_Gaslight@reddit
Pour in concrete on Friday at five.
BlottomanTurk@reddit
And handful of those sponge capsules for baths that dissolve and "magically become" dinosaurs or other animals (super compressed shaped sponges, effectively).
ViaVitoV@reddit
Just making more work for the lowest paid person they have on staff or at least the janitor. No idea if he is the lowest paid but all the same he is the person you are going to have the most impact on. Instead think of something that will have an effect on the people who actually decided to fire you maybe. Unless the maintenance dept was involved in you losing your job and if so then pour a bag of quickcrete down there.
Bklyn78@reddit
Cotton gloves
BednarsTwin@reddit
Flush a small handful of short roofing nails, lightly wrapped in toilet paper.
The nails form a perfect poop phalanx in the glazed trap. It catches solids, but let fluids pass. Guaranteed fecal catastrophe once it locks in.
beachbum818@reddit
Bounty or Brawny papertowels. 3 or 4 sheets balled up should do
Sufficient_Sleep_199@reddit
kitty litter
Ok_Conversation9750@reddit
Flush down some paper towels. Guarantee this will work.
Dry-Supermarket5361@reddit
Frozen water balloons
theworldofAR@reddit
Definitely wouldn’t want to sand a bunch of PETG (3D printed filament) and flush it down the toilet…
gskbyte@reddit
Orbeez
https://youtube.com/shorts/F6XjvOO1SM8
jcurlyk@reddit
Great stuff foam. I clean sewers so you would be making me money!
Follow_youre_heart@reddit
When I was a kid I may or may not have discovered that an apple wrapped a few times in toilet paper won't flush down
Vicorin@reddit
Reminds me of when my little brother tried flushing a corn cob. Our neighbors made it and he didn’t want them to see him throw it away. You know who was a handy man that offered to unclog it for us? That neighbor lol. The look on everyone’s faces when a half eaten corn on the cob floated up from the deep.
beamerpook@reddit
Feminine hygiene products
Newzachary@reddit
Diapers
Spirited-Warning-162@reddit
baby wipes is an easy way to do this, just flush like 10