Are others in that “this will be my last” mindset? Or is this just midlife crisis or depression?
Posted by Weekly_Library9883@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 332 comments
So lately I’ve been thinking in terms of “this will be the last car I ever own” “this is the last dog I’ll have” “this is my last job search” mindset. I’m 42, not in good health, overall disappointed and depressed with how life turned out for me. Things are generally fine, married a great guy, have a semblance of financial stability for now. But I’m just so tired of everything. Like I’m at the age where I’ve maxed out with my salary expectations but I also can’t change fields, so every new job has just been starting at the bottom and being worse off financially. Even used cars, for my needs, are too expensive to even think about replacing this one. My dog has another 8 years or so in her life expectancy, I feel like at 50 nothing will be better so I won’t get another dog. I just look around at my life and am like yeah, I’m too old to start over and too young to lose all hope. I don’t know.
OG_Cryptkeeper@reddit
I remember about 10 years ago I bought a very nice set of cooking knives and I said “these will last me the rest of my life” and that kinda bummed me out more than it should have.
taita2004@reddit
Maybe you just bought a REALLY GREAT set of knives though.
OG_Cryptkeeper@reddit
Yeah, probably. But there’s something odd when you realize it’s the last time you will probably ever do something.
taita2004@reddit
I think its all a mindset I guess. I'm 45 now, and I used to work with a guy the same age (he's two months older than I am), and he had this massive existential crisis about turning 30 years old for some reason, and an even bigger one at 40. And I've always taken a wildly different approach to aging and mortality I guess. I told him that you really have only two choices, one being to keep living and hopefully live your best life...and choice two being the exact opposite. We can't (or shouldn't at least) spend the remaining years we have left fretting over the time we do or don't have left. Live life and make it a fun ride.
A lot easier said than done I know...but thats this guy's blissfully unaware take on life.
Lilpunkrkgrl@reddit
I agree, i am one of those it is what it is people. Right now everyone is freaking out about how expensive everything is and how they are making more but have less, saying they will never own a house. I had been dirt poor most of the time and didnt realize until I started seeing those posts that im doing better than I was because everything feels exactly the same. I never was going to afford a house so I guess I dont feel the loss. Im still just surviving, and it is weird to me seeing that doesnt seem to be enough for the majority of people. Kinda like the meme.
DeeVons@reddit
Yep there’s is exactly nothing we can do about it except try to live our best lives we can
TheUnknownStuntman51@reddit
Very similar outlook over here
taita2004@reddit
Well Im stoked to know there's at least two of us! So highest of fives to that
Fearless-Sherbet667@reddit
I bought my last set of knives at 26 as a professional chef. I'm currently switching careers at 44 and these babies have at least another 30 years in them even after commercial use. Good steel will outlast you unless you do not know how to sharpen and care for them.
B4SSF4C3@reddit
“You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you.”
OG_Cryptkeeper@reddit
I’ve been a Chuck Palahniuk fan for decades. He was really on to something with his earlier books.
And I do have that knife issue covered.
poppykettle@reddit
Literally bought new saucepans today and had that thought too, but I'm happy about it because it means I can finally afford to buy the decent ones that should last decades.
4stringsoffury@reddit
I always wax poetic over the Instagram posts that are like “at some point you played with your best friends outside for the last time and no one realized it”. I have to watch it though because that typically leads down a sad road. I wonder sometimes what I’m doing for the last time these days that I don’t realize yet.
danbob411@reddit
That is a bit sad. Lucky for me I’ve got plans to play outside with my best friends in a few weeks.
BennyOcean@reddit
There's a "buy it for life" sub and they celebrate that kind of thing.
BelligerentNixster@reddit
Don't let it get to you! My parents used to always say things like 'this is the last mattress I'll ever need to buy' or car or whatever and it really bothered me. I told my dad how much I didn't like hearing those things and he told me not to worry about him until he stops buying green bananas.
OG_Cryptkeeper@reddit
😂😂😂
Kiethblacklion@reddit
I see it as a challenge...let's see what kind of abuse I can put these knifes through to see if they truly will last the rest of my life.
Rare-Recover-5032@reddit
There is a lot of evidence that suggests life satisfaction really bottoms out at about this age (42-48) and then starts to gradually improve. Standard midlife happiness valley. It will get better. Just keep plowing through.
https://medium.com/the-nuance/how-to-weather-the-midlife-happiness-dip-e5b23d93971b
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
That’s somehow reassuring. I have generally always considered myself an “I can improve this situation” person, but it’s getting so difficult.
Glittering_Boat_4122@reddit
No, I dont feel like that at all. I still feel there is so much more to come in life.
I say that having lost both my parents by age 42, so probably not great genetics. I've likely had half my life already. I work in healthcare though, I'm aware I could be hit by a bus and die tomorrow.
I am not one to linger on the past though, im an Onwards and upwards sort of person. You can only control this moment in time. Not the past or the future.
If I felt like you I would be seriously concerned I had depression.
Dark-matterz@reddit
45 and seem to have a lot of life left in me. Definitely not in the ‘last’ mindset.
18randomcharacters@reddit
Yes and no.
At 42 (I'm 45), these are absolutely not our last cars our jobs. Might be our last houses, or might not. There's a lot of life left.
However, sometimes I'll be doing something with my youngest (3.5 yo) and think "This is the last time my kids will ever be this small again". Or "I'll never hold a baby this small again" or something. It just makes me cherish those moments.
---
Why wouldn't you get another dog at 50? There are so many dogs that need a safe home, and they're proven to be good for your physical and mental health.
WheelLeast1873@reddit
Every night when I carry my kids to bed I imagine that soon I will not need to or be able to do that anymore so try to cherish that little moment a bit.
Mammoth-Cod6951@reddit
My kids are teens. I am at the stage that if they put their heads in my lap and let me comb my hands through their hair, I know that it will soon be the last few times I get to do this. Forever.
Typical-Exchange-406@reddit
Same.
Pretend-Tea86@reddit
I joke that I train so I can carry my kid forever.
But in all seriousness, i'm 5'2 and 135, hes 4'2 and 60lbs, and a few weeks back we were at an event, he couldnt see, and I hoisted him up and held him for like half an hour moving around and watching. The guy behind me actually tapped me on the shoulder to tell me that was impressive. But my husband has back problems and can't do it, so bet your ass i'm gonna stay as strong as I can, as long as I can. I want to be able to lift my kid when he's 30. I can still carry him to bed, and I will do it as long as he lets me.
wrldruler21@reddit
The only time I thought "this will be my last" was when the roof was replaced on my house.
Even if I am still in the same house in 30 years, it will be up to my kids to deal with the next roof. I'll be too old to care.
18randomcharacters@reddit
Never know when a hail storm will strike
Deep-Interest9947@reddit
If you’ve survived to 50 you’re expected to live at least 30 more years. You can get a dog.
PMmeHappyStraponPics@reddit
I'm a 40-something dude.
I love dogs; I have a (young) dog, and I would love to continue having dogs.
But I also plan to retire in 10-ish years. I would like to travel quite a bit in my golden years.
It wouldn't be fair to a dog to repeatedly abandon them for weeks or even months at a time.
This is my last dog.
calmacorn82@reddit
Yea but you’ll probably travel a lot for ten years and then chill more. I’m not a dog person, but I’d caution against saying never!
BasvanS@reddit
“This is my last dog”
They’re hard to curb than heroin. After a month or two you’ll be so desperate you’ll take the first stray that comes near your door ❤️
ChiMara777@reddit
Is that a real statistic? Just curious since it doesn’t seem to work for my family. All of my older family members have died between the ages of 50 and 80. Even my aunt who “made it to 50” died before she turned 51.
Deep-Interest9947@reddit
Yes, look up actuarial life expectancy tables. It doesn’t mean everyone will survive that long, just that most people will.
EggieRowe@reddit
Or get a senior dog which are often overlooked in shelters.
Cptcodfish@reddit
Who expects to live another 30 years?! Your optimism about the state of affairs amuses me.
Deep-Interest9947@reddit
An actuary. There are stats on this.
Cptcodfish@reddit
My point is that everything is getting worse, not getting better or even staying the same. Does your statistical model take loosened environmental and food regulations into account? Accelerating climate change? Elimination of social safety net programs? Decreases in health care quality and outcomes? I know you have error margins and all, but come on. Look around.
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
“Can” is much different than “should.” Financial resources and the physical ability to care for it are the barriers.
Pinklady777@reddit
I have chronic health issues and a small dog has been great! She does okay with smaller walks and less exercise than a larger dog. And has been the best companion during illness. So grateful for her. Even if you have health limitations, this might work for you.
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
Thank you, but I’m really set in my decision. I love my pets (we also have 5 cats), but the increased financial costs weigh heavily on me, and that’s a barrier I can’t see around. My dog now has separation anxiety, so we’ve spent a lot of money that we weren’t expecting on things like monthly medication, individual training, daycare. I would never deprive her, or any potential future pets, but some things just can’t be predicted. It feels too risky when we could already be looking at a worse financial standing.
4 years ago, when we had less household income, we were more financially comfortable. I can’t believe how bad things really have gotten. We make more money now than ever, and yet our budget is stretched further. It’s a no win situation.
Sudden_Discussion306@reddit
Definitely feeling you on the last thing you said. I’m making more now than I ever have, but I’m barely getting by. The cost of living has just gone through the roof!
Pinklady777@reddit
I hear you. We're in the same position. Like pretty much everyone I guess. It sucks! We were quite comfortable and I thought we would only become more comfortable in the future, not less. I have actually thought that I won't get another dog after this one because of expense as well. She's not terribly expensive because she doesn't eat much. Except for she has to get dental cleanings and extractions. And that is really pricey! I got her before inflation and before I became ill. If my health improves and I can work more I might get another one in the future. So I totally understand. But I'm sorry that it's not a viable option for you. My little one brings me so much comfort. I don't know how I would have survived the dark days of being ill without her. I wish you the best!
Sudden_Discussion306@reddit
You still have plenty of time for new experiences. How about some new hobbies? Make some new friends. Also, don’t forget to be grateful for what you have. I’m 47 and don’t have great financial stability (don’t own a home, don’t have much savings, living paycheck to paycheck, etc.) Remember that you always CAN start a new career or learn a new skill. If you choose not, that is a choice.
IvenaDarcy@reddit
Wow I made it half a century and overall healthy but never heard this statistic. I hope if I made it 30 more years they are good ones and not plagued with aches and health issues. Or my mind deteriorates before my body.
yungrii@reddit
I have an arrangement with my mother and also a few elderly friends that so long as they keep adopting dogs, I can be a fall back if the dogs need to go to a new home as the humans continue to age.
I dunno. I developed a chronic disease right out of high school. I think it's helped me to realize that our 40s and 50s, if we are lucky enough to make it that far, isn't old and decrepit.
jen_17@reddit
That is such an amazing thing to offer to your mum/friends. Peace of mind and the joy of dogs. You are a good soul!
calmacorn82@reddit
Yes my dad just got a puppy at 70. Dogs are good for you.
-piso_mojado-@reddit
I’m 43 and like a decade ago I read “one day you will put your kids down and never pick them up again.” I’m in decent shape. I pick them both up at least weekly, much to their chagrin.
sprinklesadded@reddit
Exactly this! Got my grandpa a dog and it was his loyal companion. Helped him a lot with his activity and mental health as he started slowing down.
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
Just regarding the dog, my health will likely continue to deteriorate as I’m showing the same first signs of a condition my mother has. There’s no way to stop or slow it, and it’s debilitating. For now, I am trying to better my heath with weight loss and regular exercise, but it won’t do anything preventative per se. There’s that, and with the way prices have skyrocketed just over the last 2 years or so, we went from fairly comfortable to significantly less comfortable. I don’t see how our financial situation could realistically improve in 10 years. We can barely afford the animals we have now, even tho their expenses were a drop in the bucket when we got them.
burjja@reddit
They said they are not in good health now. They didn't really specify if that situation can be changed or not. They just said they don't expect anything to be better at 50.
HappyChilmore@reddit
I'm at the end of my fourties, I look like I'm at the end of my thirties and I've learned a long time ago to not dwell on what happened or what will happen. If you want to live old, you need to let things go.
Vast-Masterpiece-274@reddit
"My last child" and "my last man". Probably, my last health, too. We are slowly falling out of the changing worls looking for some place to keep what we have.
Sanchastayswoke@reddit
All of my smoking drinking overweight grandparents lived until between 89-95 years old. My parents are 77 & still kicking. So no, I haven’t felt that way yet.
lauraintheskyGNM@reddit
Sounds like depression 😞
Felixir-the-Cat@reddit
I am 53 and absolutely do not have that mindset, so you might want to talk to someone about this.
Crafty_Original_7349@reddit
My cat is my last pet. I have had animals and pets all my life and I am tired of taking care of them.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my cat, but he’s completely destroyed my house. He’s messy when he pees and tracks/flings a slurry of piss soaked cat litter everywhere after he steps in it. I will NEVER get rid of the smell. Even though he’s neutered, it stinks as bad as if he were still an intact tomcat. Worse, the smell attracts other cats who spray all around my house (including my doors, doormats, vehicle, etc).
It’s not his fault, he has bad arthritis from being beaten by his former owner, but I really can’t keep my house clean anymore because of it. I am in poor health and barely able to walk.
Also, I simply cannot afford the added expense. Pets are a first world luxury.
silentbias@reddit
I don’t have anything to say that will help you, but I feel like your story is very similar to mine and I can relate completely. And I feel the same way. I don’t know what I expected at this age, but I’m starting to get depressed about the same stuff. It does feel like at 40 things start really falling apart. Feels like every month someone close to me dies. Feels like I’m never gonna pay off all my bills. Feels like I’m done searching for better jobs because I’ve pretty much peaked at my specialty. It really is only one way from here and then that’s down. Both of my parents are in their early 60s and are close to death. It’s really hard for me to imagine my life without them. I don’t know. I feel your pain. Just know there’s a lot of people out there that feel like you. We gotta keep trucking, especially if we have kids and stuff so.
Juanbolastristes@reddit
I know this is my last car, because new cars sucks. I will die with my Mustang and my Harley. Im not going to buy a EV ever.
mdmommy99@reddit
I'm going to be honest, a lot of people here sound depressed. At 42, we're pretty far from most things being our "last" anything. A lot of people are just getting started with a lot of things at this age. I have quite a few friends who are just having babies.
I definitely understand feeling the weight of the passage of time, but most of us aren't dying of "natural" causes anytime soon.
Not trying to criticize the fact that you feel this way, but also, sometimes things are a normal phase of life and some things you might need to get some help dealing with.
+
ApatheistHeretic@reddit
Not yet. The 'lasts' that I call out are still crappy things that I refuse to do again. I'm not foolish enough to think my car or most other things will last another 25-35 years.
Maybe my home, it's feasible that I will die in my current home.
IranolosDelSol@reddit
Yeah...the struggle is real. One of the things that has helped me greatly is working on my inner person. Regardless of your religious beliefs, there is no getting around we will spend more time on the otherside of life than we do living. So, I've been trying to prepare myself for that next life. I guess in reality I'm just trying to improve myself as a man, as a member of society, a friend, neighbor, spouse, father, etc. in meaningful ways. If I'm lucky enough to have them around me when I go, I want my loved ones to remember ME, not my house, car, or whatever title "the man" hangs around my neck. I believe we are spiritual beings trapped in a physical body, I want to be ready for my escape when the time comes. Its certainly better than looking around at middle age and beating yourself up as a failure. That doesn't help in my experience. For a recommendation of where to get started, maybe checkout the Art of Manliness Podcast. I think they have men groups around the US as well. Just a suggestion in an effort to help.
RachelPalmer79@reddit
Resigned. Waiting for the crash. As long as my kids survive, I’m good.
calmacorn82@reddit
I just finished scraping the popcorn ceiling off my dining room…that was definitely the last time I’ll do that!!
You can always reinvent yourself!
I do say this is my last job in my industry but after 21 years I’ve earned that. I’m in a golf clinic and the pro quit his stressful engineering job to teach golf. He is my hero.
DontAskQuestions6@reddit
Too old to start over? I'm 46 and just started over and about to again. We're not even halfway through life yet. I'm still hoping to be successful someday!
Logical-Cherry9395@reddit
I'm 49, and that is definitely not true that nothing will be better. But I had to take steps to put myself first and make changes. One thing I did and recommend to everyone is block internet and apps on my phone. I got so much time back to myself I actually have hobbies again. I'm so much happier for it.
If you're a bio female, you're entering peri stage, too. It is hard here, with depression and apathy being driving factors. Again, I recommend lifestyle changes...just not the ones people expect.
IvenaDarcy@reddit
Are you considering HRT or going to go thru it without any medication?
Logical-Cherry9395@reddit
My journey has been somewhat different. My hormone levels have been fine. My periods have been regular. Normal. It was only looking back as things began to improve that I even considered Perimenopause as a possibility. Most symptoms, I've had since my reproductive journey started, so I didn't really notice they'd gone absolutely bonkers until they were just GONE and I'm like wait...what's going on here?
Hot flashes? Since 14. Munchies? Since 19. Rage? Since 11. Nausea? Breast tenderness? Heightened smell? Exhaustion? All since my teens or 20s. Around October of last year, everything started leveling out and I don't feel normal for me at all anymore, in a good way. No breast tenderness. No munchies. No exhaustion or rage. Less hot flashes.
Looking back, I can see how it had gotten really extreme, but so much other stuff was going in life: I had a baby at 44. That jacks with hormones for years, especially if you BF. I could barely get out of bed some days, but I had critically low Vitamin D. I was ragey. I depression and apathy, but I'm so tired and run down from being a full time student, mom, wife, and employee. OF COURSE I'm ragey, exhausted, and depressed! Who can freaking tell what's peri and what's just normal life?
Because I've been fortunate so far, I don't think HRT is the right choice for me at this time. But, I won't rule it out if I get T-boned in the coming years. I'm 49...there is plenty of time for things to go apeshit.
IvenaDarcy@reddit
Wow since you were suffering so long it’s possible your hormones were always haywire and once they decrease and stay that way might be a blessing for you. Sounds like it’s already better than before so that’s great! Wishing you more peaceful days than rage filled ones. You’re so right it’s not easy to know what’s life kicking out ass sometimes and what’s our body kicking our ass. My guess it’s often it’s both. We getting double teamed lol
Initial-Progress-763@reddit
Do you ever find yourself wishing we'd been educated on this second adolescence during all those "family life" talks in health class?
I swear, I never heard of peri until my late 30s, and prior to that, it was menopause or 'the change', and members of the older generations just never talked about it.
This shit's wild, though. It would've been nice to know more - and have more tools available - in advance! As it was, I hit 45 and got walloped with depression, weight gain, and night sweats. On top of the existential doldrums that had already been brewing.
Logical-Cherry9395@reddit
YES. Sadly, the reality is not a lot is known about it.
Initial-Progress-763@reddit
:: rages internally :::
You're right, though! Weird that something impacting millions of people each year would remain a medical mystery, you know? 🫥🫠🙃
Logical-Cherry9395@reddit
Funny how that happens when for centuries women's medicine has been left to males.
saison257@reddit
Yeah, it was what, 1993? before women were even included in medical studies about women. Everything was tested on men and they just assumed it all presented the same for women. Heart attacks, for example, present significantly differently in women than in men.
Logical-Cherry9395@reddit
My favorite has been the realization women create eggs right up until they don't. Like, ya'll really thought we had all our eggs at birth, didn't you? AND there is so much resistance to changing that view point.
Oh, I lied. My favorite has been: women experience minor pleasure during orgasm. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
saison257@reddit
Yeah, it was what, 1993? before women were even included in medical studies about women. Everything was tested on men and they just assumed it all presented the same for women. Heart attacks, for example, present significantly differently in women than in men.
IvenaDarcy@reddit
Thankfully for Reddit and stumbling on perimenopause and menopause information here. It was so important to know all these unrelated symptoms were not unrelated at all! I woke one morning with joint pain out the blue. Didn’t even know what joint pain was until all my joints started to hurt lol and started HRT and joint pain gone as well as most my other symptoms. Thankful other women take the time to share information online.
Fickle_Wrangler_7439@reddit
I wouldn't have paid attention to something that wasn't going to happen to me for 30 years, to be fair.
saison257@reddit
Yes, it's infuriating how little is talked about women's health. We always heard about menopause, which we expected in our 50s, but I had never heard of perimenopause until a few years ago. I was dealing with depression (I thought) and just started crying in my doctor's office for absolutely no reason. I told him I just didn't feel like myself and this didn't feel like depression, so he referred me to his colleague who specializes in women's hormones. My estrogen and progesterone are still fine, but my testosterone was bottom of the barrel. Who knew I even needed to be looking at that? Got on HRT and within 1 month I was off the antidepressants, had so much more energy, started sleeping so much better, got my sex drive raring back, and just generally started feeling like a person again. Changed my life, seriously. I tell everyone our age now. Even if you're not in peri yet, you can still have hormone imbalances that mess everything up, and the kicker is, it's so easy to fix sometimes. Just makes it even more infuriating that nobody talks about it. We deserve to not suffer through life bc of stuff like this.
davosknuckles@reddit
This pisses me off. Because I have cried, sobbed to my primary care NP in three office visits over the past three years and every time she just runs basic labs and says I’m fine. I’m so over this shit, I gotta swallow the cost that’s holding me back and find a women’s specialist because seriously fuck this pain I’m in. I’ve been followed by a psychiatrist and two different therapists, and none of them have helped me explore the angle of this as a real explanation as to why I seem to be treatment resistant.
IvenaDarcy@reddit
Love this for you! Hate how many primary care drs prescribe antidepressants to women around our age without suggesting it could be hormone related and a symptom of that and not jump to antidepressants. Most who need antidepressants have suffered with depression often severe most of their life! Not suddenly in 30’s-50’s.
ipaintbadly@reddit
I never heard of it until I started having symptoms at 47/48…or at least that’s when I noticed the symptoms because they started to screw with my life.
Missmunkeypants95@reddit
I'm a nurse and the first time I learned peri was a thing was when at 48 I had to Google "I've had my period 4 times in two months, is this cancer"? Which lead me to the perimenopause subreddit. Many of the symptoms people listed matched my own and I self diagnosed myself with peri. I don't have the night sweats that would have made it obvious what it was.
Initial-Progress-763@reddit
That blows my mind that even medical professionals are dealing with the same knowledge gap. But then again, I'm not actually surprised.
sarahthestallion@reddit
Seconding the idea that peri may be a factor here for OP. I’m 44 and had similar feelings about life and HRT has helped a ton.
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
How do I get HRT?
Curious_Matter_3358@reddit
Even my very ancient, male gyno didn't bat an eye when I told him that I was interested in HRT. Just said Okay, and prescribed it for me.
The times, they are a-changin'.
IvenaDarcy@reddit
OP I asked my primary as well as OBGYN and was denied then went to planned parenthood and was given birth control. Which is NOT HRT but supposedly helps some women so it’s first thing they put you on. I didn’t take any of it. I didn’t take birth control my whole life so certainly wasn’t started but in late 40’s. I went back months later and said birth control didn’t work and I was firm I wanted to try HRT. Finally was given it at planned parenthood. So if you don’t have luck try there.
I never tried it but heard MIDI Health (online) is good for HRT too. I don’t have insurance so planned parenthood works best for me.
sarahthestallion@reddit
There are online telehealth companies in the US like MIDI, Defy, Gennev, Evernow, etc that specialize in menopausal care and HRT. Some doctors are up to speed on modern research but many still are not, so your doc or gyn may be willing to prescribe. Check out the wiki at r/menopause for a wealth of info.
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
Thank you, I’ll definitely be looking into this!
sarahthestallion@reddit
Of course! Feel free to DM if you have any questions. Wishing you the best🩷
sneakpeekbot@reddit
Here's a sneak peek of /r/Menopause using the top posts of the year!
#1: Shit our moms didn’t warn us about; haunted butthole edition.
#2: My Husband To Me: “I Don’t Care”
#3: The FDA will lift warnings on hormone therapy for menopause.
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^Contact ^^| ^^Info ^^| ^^Opt-out ^^| ^^GitHub
jtriomino@reddit
HRT didn't fix everything for me but it helped a lot. I probably wouldn't have gotten in such a hole if I had known/had access to it sooner.
erin_marie25@reddit
I was scrolling to see if anyone mentioned perimenopause cause that was my first thought as well. My girlfriends and I (all 40-something) “joke” that on any given day we don’t know if we’re depressed, anxious, hormonal, or just feeling the effects of the current state of the world. It can be a lot for sure. Talk to people, limit your screen time, unplug when you can, and take time to focus on what’s good in your life. Hang in there.
crediblesimon@reddit
A good way to think about the "too old to start over" thoughts: If you are 42 and to start over you need to do a 3 year degree course to change jobs, then you'd be 45. How old would you be in 3 years if you didn't do that degree course?
Turtlegirlh@reddit
Last New New car. Never paying that much again. Last cat no more please. Dogs can apply though. You aren't alone. For me, it's the finite amount of time I have. I just don't want to manage certain tasks again during my lifetime. I'm okay with it.
brainybrink@reddit
This sounds like a classic midlife crisis. Even though this phase is painful it’s temporary and you’re not alone.
ImmediateLoquat6877@reddit
Im sorry you're going through that, it sounds brutal and I hope you're able to work through it.
But we definitely share some of those thoughs. I dont know your health condition but I hope its a little year to be calling out your last car
Wife and I have definitely had conversations about the future though. Mainly revolving around her wanting to move and me being comfortable in our current, almost paid off house, instead of picking up a hugely inflated mortgage that we will be paying well into our 60s
Or we have three cats all under 4 years old and I wonder if they will be the last generation of pets because Im not sure if Ill be bothered to adopt the responsibility for more when Im creeping up on 60
Thoughts like these are completely natural and its never bad to plan for the future, but make sure you're planning for the future and nit just mourning time gone by. If you find them consuming you it might be a good idea to reach out and talk to someone!
Keep us updated!
wookiesack22@reddit
I keep thinking about how my grandma lived to 98 yrs old. 56 more years is a long time
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
That’s how old my grandfather (last surviving grandparent) was when he passed. He’d retired early, in his mid-50s, spent most of his retirement collecting and restoring antique cars, building model train setups, learning new hobbies, lived in a solid middle class neighborhood with plenty of money to be comfortable. That’s completely unobtainable for me, frankly just daily living has been such a struggle that I have no retirement savings to speak of.
But when he passed, he was blind, mostly deaf, mostly immobile, and in a tremendous amount of pain. He watched all his friends and most of his family (except 1 of his children and his 3 grandchildren) die. He got really emotional near the end, saying he wished he’d gone much sooner. It was so sad.
brackthomas7@reddit
Yes but not because I feel old and dying. But I refuse to pay outrageous prices! for new and used vechicles these days. The world has gone crazy Avg new car is 48k! What are we doing here ppl the greed is absolutely crazy
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
I think I keep internalizing that feeling, like “where did I go wrong, how is it that I can’t even afford a used car, I’ll never be able to be comfortable or relaxed again, I’m so tired of all this stress” and it just escalates.
International_Bit478@reddit
No. Sorry, but no.
DHN_95@reddit
I'm far from my last anything! Looking forward to the last time i ever have to clock out from work though!
Dramradhel@reddit
I am 46. Divorced 6 years ago because she wanted to be with a guy she knew in high school and it didn’t work out.
Since then I feel like my life has started again. I got back into my hobbies, I’m learning new hobbies and skills. I have a normal job ( I install internet) but I paint and do photography and 3d printing and I work on cars and learn how to fix things around the house. I feel like I am self improving.
I had been deeply depressed. My parents an my brother all died in the same year, the following year I got divorced. The only negative is I see my kids less than I’d like (that one cuts deep)
I’m am absolutely not saying divorce is the answer! Just that it had inspired me to make a change in myself, I chose to improve myself, and it helped a LOT.
Therapy helped too and once I got the tools I needed from that, I stopped going. I’m feeling pretty good about my future. I wish I felt like this back in my 20s. It’s like a new beginning.
brokesciencenerd@reddit
My boomer dad just got his "last colonoscopy". Ill start thinking this way when the doctors no longer care to look at my ass.
ohyeahwell@reddit
I reroofed my house again last year and was definitely thinking that it will be my last.
CaptShrek13@reddit
I'm trying to lose weight, like everybody else I'm sure. I can't count how many times I've said "this will be my last dessert, I've got to cut back".
MuttDawg509@reddit
That was my mindset with my last marriage. Tried it when I was 21. Didn’t pan out. Tried it again when I was 35. Worked for 10 years, but ultimately failed.
Won’t be doing that again.
Affectionate-Bag-611@reddit
No, the exact opposite. I feel like I'm just starting my 2nd half of life. Sorry you feel this way.
Great_cReddit@reddit
I just want to answer your question. No, I have never thought this nor am I in a midlife crisis. It does make me sad to see my kids get older and know I'll never have babies of my own again. That's about it. Also I do realize my life is halfway over but overall I'm a pretty happy person with a great life, all things considered.
B4SSF4C3@reddit
Nah. Got 40 + years left. I’m only half way through. And the first 10-20 of the half that passed weren’t my own, adult, independent life. From that perspective, I’ve got 2x ahead of me as I do behind me. Im in my prime and life’s just getting going.
ChiMara777@reddit
I’m basically the same age as you. I have three kids and I went through “this will be my last” with every milestone my youngest child went through. It was hard feeling like I was entering a new stage of life and getting closer to the end (and that was at 32 years old).
I have a lot of pessimism and discouragement (sometimes even hopelessness) at the direction of our world and our country specifically (USA). Growing wealth inequality, absurd corruption, a million issues related to AI including the elimination of tons of jobs, and the continued destruction of our natural resources… My financial anxiety is sky high lately too. Prices on everything keep going up and my aging vehicle keeps having more and more costly repairs. I’ve had the same vehicle for ten years and I’ve had no accidents or claims or driving tickets, yet my car insurance is double what it was ten years ago 😭
I haven’t been having that “this will be my last” feeling lately. It does sound like midlife crisis/existential crisis. All I can say is try to reflect on what things in life you value, what things feel meaningful and purposeful, and try to prioritize those things. Even if it just means giving a friend or family member a call once a week. Or going on a hike with your spouse and dog on the weekends. Little things that make life feel worthwhile.
Relevant_Outside2781@reddit
So glad I found this post - 41 and I am SO RIGHT HERE right now, and I’ve recognized it probably isn’t a healthy place to be but it seems insurmountable.
alesplin@reddit
You may need some professional help. Life can get pretty shitty sometimes, and it can be hard to recognize how much good there is in it, and how many people your life touches for the better. All I can really say is hang in there and don’t shy away from seeking help if you need it.
Appropriate-Diver301@reddit
My first thought was depression too (as someone with bipolar 2 who goes in and out of depression relatively frequently)
aaronin@reddit
I catch myself thinking this… but they’re intrusive thoughts. Noting that doesn’t make them stop, but it’s important to recognize that. I wish I knew how to make them stop, but recognizing that they’re not correct, just because you think them, is the first step. At its worst I think “this might be the last bottle of shampoo i buy.” I keep buying shampoo. I’ll have another job too.
Talking to someone can help.
withinawheel@reddit
Yes, OP this sounds like depression to me. Seeking out a professional to talk to could be really helpful.
fadedblackleggings@reddit
Yup, sounds like screening for Major Depression would be good.
WintryLadyBits@reddit
That and maybe medication? I’m 43 and make use of both medication and therapy to deal with my depression and anxiety. Also as some others have mentioned here perimenopause is a thing. It definitely exacerbated my diagnoses.
WintryLadyBits@reddit
And/or medication. I’m 43 and make use of both medication and therapy to deal with my depression and anxiety. Also as some others have mentioned here perimenopause is a thing.
WintryLadyBits@reddit
And/or medication. I’m 43 and make use of both medication and therapy to deal with my depression and anxiety. Also as some others have mentioned here perimenopause is a thing.
NewWayHom@reddit
Yeah I agree. OP, it sounds like you’re facing health challenges beyond what most of us are dealing with, but you deserve to feel mentally better. This definitely sounds like depression, as someone who cycles through it myself periodically. If you like your primary care doc they can be a good person to ask about options.
TammyInViolet@reddit
Could be early perimenopause. Lots of fellow women say that they don't feel like themselves around your age. Estrogen could make a lot of difference to get out of the rut so it feels like you are making choices instead of life just happening
Specialist-Leek8645@reddit
Everyone else is being supportive but I know what you mean. My version of midlife crisis partly involved the realization that whole lists of things I wanted to do are just not going to happen. Shit got bad and I had to get rid of half of everything I spent decades collecting. I miss exotic pets and the big aquarium sticking out from behind my curtain is a reminder. I was thankful they all died within a year or so. I dont have room or money and likely never will again. Its been close to a decade since I had my own car. My body and personality shifted very hard. I have no hope left, only gratitude.
TheLastGenXer@reddit
i hate modern cars so much, im totally fine driving my 15 year old car for the next 40+ years (if the rust monster does not eat it first)
sleepy_bunny13@reddit
My husband and I have discussed this in terms of cars. We both own what will probably be our last manual transmission car and possibly our last gas field cars.
The manual transmission thing is just kinda nostalgia for us.
Other than that, it's not really come up much.
fatkidscandystore@reddit
No. I’m 49 and I’m nowhere near thinking that. I don’t ever want to think that. I get what you’re saying about being kind of “stuck” or capped out financially etc. Start improving…something. It snowballs I promise. Don’t do a bunch of stuff but do little things. Start moving a little more or cutting back on one expense and putting the savings into an account to save up for something, slow down a bad habit, start up a new one. You’ll be fine. You have a long way to go.
I have an idea…make this you last “this is my last” and start adding in a bunch of “this is my first”
Psychological_Tea674@reddit
I don’t know about last dogs ever but I’m definitely feeling tied down by my dogs even though I love them immensely. My first two dogs, one lived to 16, now mine are 10 and 7 and not slowing down at all. I also have two cats and worry about them all needing elder care at once which gets really expensive. I want to travel a little in my 50-60s. I can take them with me some places but I want to visit where all my ancestors came from.
m8k@reddit
I’m almost 46 and I bought my last pair of ice skates a few years ago. I’m not looking at much else as “my last XYZ” yet. I don’t think it’s optimism but I’m not done yet and still have plenty I’d like to try to do even though I feel the stagnation/brick wall of career and finances.
Spiritual-Promise402@reddit
It's depression. Life is constantly changing/shifting/moving. There's no guarantee that this will be your last anything
Creative-Constant-52@reddit
I’m 42, just survived two tumultuous years of battling cancer with surgeries and chemo, and tbh I feel like my life is starting over - so many new beginnings. I lost everything financially and will be building back. It’s arduous to think about, but I’m rich in friendships and the small joys of being alive.
Definitely all about perspectives. There will be more firsts as well as lasts the next 20-50 years for all of us, if we’re lucky.
that_bish_Crystal@reddit
These are the last dogs we will own. We are mid 40's and our dogs will probably live for around 15 years.
FineIJoinedReddit@reddit
I do think like that but I'm also bipolar. I always have to remind myself that it's my illness talking. It's a bummer every way you look at it, though.
59apache01@reddit
Sounds like you're going through a midlife slump, which is fairly common. When it comes to career, I think all the time that I'm too old to start over, but I can't retire for another 12-15 years. It kind of feels like you're trapped in a way.
If you're having a hard time sorting it out, you might want to talk to a therapist.
shewoman@reddit
I’m kind of the opposite- I get a little shocked whenever I tell myself that I might only be halfway through my living years (if I live past my 80s). I feel I like still have so much time left and yet I’m at a point in my life where I setting myself up for pre-retirement and unsure of what I will do for the rest of my life.
Fickle_Wrangler_7439@reddit
Eh, it's a different feeling when you're poor.
I'm in a similar boat to OP, maxed out in a low-paying field, no money to go back to school.
Sure, I might have years left, but are they going to be good years?
... probably not.
Fickle_Wrangler_7439@reddit
Eh I've had phases like this since I was a teenager.
... I have diagnosed, life-long Depression, so there is that.
But also life is shit for most people, so there's that too.
davosknuckles@reddit
So much yes. I didn’t feel like an adult until about 43. Now two years later, I feel like it’s all downhill and going fast. Mental health is fucked, haven’t yet found a medical provider to believe I’m in perimenopause (I’m 45. Of course I fucking am). Marriage crumbling. Finances bad. My kids are my everything but my only thing. My dog too, but I spend a lot of time knowing that she’s got abt 2-4 yrs left and I get very sad thinking about when she’s no longer here, she’s had health issues in the last year and it’s been scary at times but she’s seemingly ok right now.
Anj_Ja@reddit
Holy shit - I'm 45 and the exact opposite! I've blown up my life, left everything, and am changing careers. Fuck it!! Sod the people and systems that made you feel this way. Have a look inside yourself and start doing more of what matters. Good luck!
Optimusprima@reddit
I think you’re depressed. I’m 48 and I don’t think this way at all (I also have a 5 year old - so have many, many first still ahead).
Babe - you truly might live your whole length of life again (forgive me if your poor health implies a true shorter lifespan).
There are new things to learn (chess, crochet, pottery, baking, gardening), places to go, songs to hear, books to read…
Once you stop thinking that way, you’re old
sk3pt1c@reddit
Maybe you can talk to a professional too?
46 here, completely changed my life at 38ish, it’s never too late. We do have to slow down somewhat and take care of ourselves more though. But other than that, it’s all good. Something being your last whatever doesn’t really mean anything, it’s not about quantity anyway.
Friend_of_Gorgar@reddit
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you've got one GTA left. Maybe two if you're lucky.
jbt55@reddit
43M, definitely don’t feel this way. I exercise, have a few hobbies, eat well and focus on getting enough sleep. Kids are getting toward the end of high school. While I’ll miss them when they are off and away I’m excited to see what they do with them selves. Also excited to get more 1:1 time with the wife. For whatever reason we are better exploring when it’s just the two of us. Doubtful to be on my last car though I’d be happy to not have one. Definitely not that last place I’ll live.
Kyric1899@reddit
Not trying to oversimplify what you are going through but I suggest you talk with both your partner and a mental health professional about these feelings as soon as you can. Hopelessness like that isn’t likely to go away on its own, you will need some support, and genuinely wish that you are able to get it.
OregonResident@reddit
I’m at the exact same place. Nothing is looking like it will improve and everything is going badly.
OregonResident@reddit
Not sure why I keep contributing to this subreddit. Every comment disappears without notice. A reminder that people in my own generation are the worst.
sourpussmcgee@reddit
Honey, have you had your hormones checked? Sounds like perimenopause.
burnt00toast@reddit
Fuck that. I'm just getting started.
Heavy_Pin7735@reddit
I feel you…I really do. It feels like my past is better than my future ever could be. Then I think “well, it could get much much worse”…and that only helps for a bit.
My advice is the same for myself: you have to get to a place of gratitude in the present moment. Gratitude for all the big and small joys, for the tiny things, for this whole thing called life. It’s easier said than done, but it’s the only way through that I know of, and it’s a daily practice and effort. Good luck!
ammodramussavannarum@reddit
I turn 49 in about a month, and just started a new job after being unemployed for 6 months. The job I started has great potential, but I have to hustle for funding and such. I feel like I’m too old for this shit all the time, and I’m just hoping to make ends meet and be able to keep my vehicle and maybe finally buy a house or maybe get started on paying off my student loans. I should have had all those things taken care of a long time ago. wtf. Oh, and I also have a young kid and am newly divorced and was recently diagnosed with severe depression. It’s fun growing up.
jackofallsomething1@reddit
No shame in a chat with a therapist, I’m not saying anything is wrong I am just saying they have great perspective
depictionofmood@reddit
I feel that way about having another pet because the vet bills for an elderly animal are so so high. I don't think I'll ever have thousands to spend on another animal again.
Balerionmeow@reddit
My parents are saying this about stuff they buy and they are in their 70’s. You got time.
Aggravating-Try1222@reddit
Not in the slightest. Seems kinda pathetic.
theimperfexionist@reddit
I'm starting to think that way about pets, but more from a practical standpoint because we want to travel in retirement without arranging long-term stays for a bunch of critters. If we want a little kitten, it's now or never!
TizzyTism@reddit
My life was completely stagnant at 40, and worse by 42. Then I divorced and aside from my job completely started over.
Before my future looked so bleak, nothing was good, not overtly in my face horrific but far from good, and I saw the next 50 years looking exactly the same. And that was terrifying.
I’ll be 45 this year, and I haven’t looked forward to the future and all the upcoming firsts I still have ahead of me like this since I was a kid. Life is absolutely not over at 50.
Beside_Wayside@reddit
I still feel like I’m in my 20s, but wiser and more financially stable. I might be living in denial not worrying about lasts, but I’m okay with that sunny side of life!
RaccoonObjective5674@reddit
My mom adopted a senior dog at age 76. It’s brought her immense joy. Now she is almost 80, and she is wondering what to do when her current dog passes away. She may get another senior dog. In any case, my point is you can have many more dogs in your lifetime!
bananawarhol@reddit
No, but I (43f) just took my dad (71m) to his last colonoscopy. He’s at an age where they won’t do another one unless he has problems. So, this was his last preventative check up. It felt weird when the doctor said that.
Super_Fa_Q@reddit
This will be my last season on a motorcycle.
Eclectic_Paradox@reddit
Join us in the r/perimenopause sub.
TheCodeTeam@reddit
I’m 48 and no not thinking like this. Moreso, panicking about making sure that I’m one of those 60somethings that’s fit and mentally in shape and running around like we used to think 45 year olds did. Because as tough as life has been financially I have so much I want to do and see and I’m already 48.
ArchSchnitz@reddit
Nope.
My kids are at the end of high school and I do realize that I'm at the end of my time with them as kids. They'll still be around, and I expect they'll be living at home for a while because everything costs too much, but I'm capitalizing on kid time.
I do know these are the last years having my father alive, but I don't get on with him anymore. I know once he goes I'll be messed up, but that's the only terminal thing I'm looking at.
As for the rest, no. This isn't my last car or my last job. Hell, this may not be my last career. I view flexibility of thought and action to be key to a long life and I'm clinging to it best I can.
LeatherRecord2142@reddit
Girl, no no no! Your story is FAR from over. I changed every single thing in my life at 40. Five years later I’m the happiest and most fulfilled I’ve ever been. I’m not saying you need to do what I did, but I AM saying you need to rediscover your agency and switch things up enough to find some joy again. Trust me, it’s possible!
Side note: Perimenopause can quietly create absolute darkness and chaos; HRT was a lifesaver for me even when my hormone levels kept coming back as “normal.”
JudgeJuryEx78@reddit
This sounds like clinical depression.
First_manatee_614@reddit
No, I've seen enough weird shit in my time to know I don't know shit and this timeline is a masterclass at showing that nothing is off limits
therealpopkiller@reddit
My career ended bc my industry collapsed. I’m working 5 jobs to keep the bills paid, making half as much as I did 5 years ago. I don’t have kids. I’ll never own a home. I feel like I’m just waiting out the end at this point. It should not feel this hopeless at 47 but with the way the world is headed it’s hard not to. I wish I could believe platitudes like “things will get better” but man… I don’t see how.
So to answer your question, yes.
ih4teme@reddit
I’ve been feeling the mid-life crisis super hard this past year. My thoughts are naturally dark and I not sure I would be missing much if things end abruptly for me.
I’m not happy to be having these thoughts but really unsure of what I’m going to do with the time I have left.
In a good spot but I’ve lost the joy in the simple things. The constant masking I manage through this life has me exhausted.
Seems like most people are happy which is great. Hurts when I can’t seem to find that rhythm myself.
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
This really resonates with me. I look around at all the things that I have - my husband, my pets, my coworkers, my home, my hobbies - and try hard to be grateful and satisfied. I have so much good around me, but it feels like everything is slipping away. Like all of these things and people will be fleeting, so I mask hard to enjoy things as they are because I can’t stop feeling like this will be the last time I see/do/buy/create anything. It’s an itch that won’t go away.
ih4teme@reddit
I feel you. The good you speak of is how I view it myself, is the good for them or for me. I get that making people happy is great but I’m not getting the same outcome. Not sure if things were flipped I would feel any different. I’m not one to ask for much as I don’t feel I’m worth anyone’s true time or energy.
To bring some positivity, you may need to really think about the perspective you are setting for yourself. You may have everything you could ever want which it seems like may be the case. Of course I’m a stranger and know nothing of your true situation or feelings. At times we need to challenge ourselves to redefine what living dream means to each of us as we are the only ones that can refine our perspective. Give yourself some grace and let time do its thing.
Wishing you peace.
rebecca__goldberg@reddit
Some of this might be perimenopause talking. I’m 41 so I have the frame of reference as well…
solidwhetstone@reddit
Idk about you but I'm gonna live forever when AI medicine gets here 🤫
Mememememememememine@reddit
Well now I am 🙃
IvenaDarcy@reddit
I’m so happy you said this cause my whole life I was carefree and knew we all age and die but lately I been panicky and just having depressing thoughts about dying in pain or dementia. I’m very healthy according to bloodwork. No medication other than HRT I opted to start and I’m sure this is triggered by one of my closest friends getting cancer and my mom slowly deteriorating with dementia. It’s just all so heartbreaking and overwhelming and I need to snap out of it. Told a friend I must be in midlife crisis and they said sounds more like existential crisis. Maybe both?
Anyway back to you! lol 42 is young enough if your health can be changed with lifestyle changes please do it. Easier to do it now than later. Especially for women. Our muscles get weaker with age and seems to much harder to build muscle and without that we get fragile and that won’t help aging that’s for sure. We need to do what we can to contribute to our future selves so we have best chance to have a decent quality of life.
Good luck and just wanted you to know you’re not alone. I think we all hit this bump at some point but I think and hope in time we shake it off and continue to appreciate today and live life to the fullest cause reality us no matter how long we live the time flies by.
Occams_AK47@reddit
I've done it for years. I find it morbidly fascinating trying to guess if I've already done some random thing for the last time.
Lebowski304@reddit
Nah man you’re just teeing off on the back 9
MetalEnthusiast83@reddit
Nope. Not at all.
Why would that be your last dog? My parents are in their 70s and got a new dog when they were in their 60s?
Plenty of stuff to do aside from that. You’re not exactly at deaths door at 42 unless you’ve had some real bad luck or a drug problem.
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
Deteriorating health and unstable finances. Both my husband and I are pretty much capped out with our earning potential in our fields. We can hardly afford life anymore, and we thought we did things smart. We bought a cheap fixer upper home and do the work ourselves. We don’t have extravagent cars. We are frugal with our groceries and entertainment. The financial security we had, even just 2 years ago, is gone with how everything has increased. I don’t see a way out.
Chance-Travel4825@reddit
I hear red flags left and right. Please seek help for depression.
degeneratesumbitch@reddit
When my cat croaks I'm done with pets. My wife and I will finally be free. Having to put my best little dog friend down a few years ago hurt and I don't want to go through that again.
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
Ugh, yes. 4 of my cats and my dog will be at the end of their life expectancy at around the same time. I know there is going to be a terrible time period right around when I hit 50. I try hard to not think about it…
degeneratesumbitch@reddit
Yeah that sounds completely awful. All we can do is enjoy them while they are here and remember them when they are gone.
Witty-Management6094@reddit
No. Not at all. I am also 42 & we have a lot of life to go. What kind of hobbies do you have? Are you able to go out walking a few times a week to get some sunshine?
mvillegas9@reddit
This might get lost in the sea of comments but come over to r/perimenopause a lot of us are going through a lot together at this age and time in our life. It’s nice to have the support of a community.
humble_cyrus@reddit
All the above. My 35 year reunion is iin a few months. Damn. It flies by.
Churlish_Performer@reddit
No, I mean I know far too many people who legit like raced thru life to get to retirement and I always found that profoundly sad. I didn't grow up with much and I'm more than grateful for all I have now. I'm neither wealthy nor poor, neither unhealthy nor in great shape, I'm neither sad nor happy - everything feels beige lest I just live inside my moments and say, "well God dammit, if this isn't nice, I don't know what is!" I feel anxious about the future all the time, but I have to remember that it's what I do right now that determines that. I have to think a lot harder about the fact that while yes, I don't care what you do for a living - if you were offered a day off with pay vs going in, you'd take that day off. Still, it's the time (in your life) you're working that you're still young, healthy, full of personal choice about what to do, who to hang out with, where to go, what to buy. Once you retire, you're towards the end of your life and so, with these last roughly 21 years I have left, I want to live my life before I retire. I'm sure retirement will be ok too - but both my father and grand father had cancer. They both died at age 72. I would like to outlive them. I miss them. I just want to live and I'll be god damned if I don't point my compass towards happiness.
Professional-Put7420@reddit
Same mindset, but for me it’s really about financial freedom. I don’t want to be tied down by a big car loan or mortgage. Started working young, listened to the people pushing me to invest, and lived frugally throwing every spare dollar in. I guess, I can thank the Gen Xers for their cynicism and the boomer accountants who used to educate me during work lunches. I don’t regret how I lived, and my perspective of the future isn’t as bleak as my peers.
SignificantApricot69@reddit
I’m 48 and no.
Intrepid_Race1923@reddit
I don’t even think this is a reasonable way for a 70 yr old to think. You’re far too young to be deciding this is your last whatever. I think you should talk to a professional.
Yellow_Curry@reddit
Idk consider therapy if you’re thinking in your 40s this is the last of anything. Eat healthy. Move your body. Do something. Dont let the darkness take hold.
JeffTS@reddit
I’m 48. I don’t expect to make it to 50. Being a sole caregiver for a parent with dementia is taking a toll on both my mental and physical health. The people that should be here for my mother, as she was always there for them, generally to the detriment to our family, are nowhere to be found.
I’m also a business owner. So, between running a business and being a caregiver, I live a very high stress lifestyle.
So yeah, I’m seeing a lot of lasts. It dawned on me 2 years ago that, as I stood there overlooking the Hudson Valley, I’ll never get to hike to this spot again and see one of my favorite views ever again. That was pretty much my first last.
isamura@reddit
I try not to think about the future too much. it doesn’t exist it yet, so your brain is just simulating some delusion which is predicated on how happy you feel right now. Speaking of now, try and stay in the now. Not much bad happens in the now. You’re safe, you’re not in pain, you have companionship. Look into a daily mindfulness practice. It can really help be beneficial to your health.
Dr-Alec-Holland@reddit
I think this state of mind can get better. Mid life can be very tough so I don’t blame you, but I think there are some steps you can take that will make things feel a bit better. You might be a little depressed and I think a gratitude journal and possibly some small pharmaceutical help could make a difference, but who knows, we’re internet strangers.
amynicole78@reddit
This is literally a personality trait. My ex was like this. We split up in our mid forties because l didn't want yo be with someone who was basically waiting to die.
Traditional_Entry183@reddit
Oh no. My parents are. They'll both be 74 this year and I was having that conversation with my dad last week. But I hope to have some mileage left in me.
Syonoq@reddit
YES! All the time.
your life in weeks check this out.
But yeah, every vacation I go on, this may be the last time I’m Mexico or Brazil; when I see old people or people out of state I realize there is a high chance it will be the last time I see them. I think about this often.
Status-Speed-5956@reddit
A daily gratitude journal along with a vision board might get you out of your rut. Try a yoga/mindfulness app for a little bit and see if this gives you any boost too. And remember alot can change very quickly for the best if you think positively. Don't say negative things out loud, you dont want to speak things into existence unless they are positive.
fadedblackleggings@reddit
Have you ever been screened for Major Depression?
WakeyWakeeWakie@reddit
Honestly, no and I am an older Xennial. I feel like I’m starting an awesome second half of my life! I’m in my Fuck this Shit Era. Look into hormone therapy. I did not feel depressed but I had a lot of mood swings before I started it.
schwing710@reddit
I generally don’t think of anything as the last thing I’ll ever own, solely because most stuff these days is manufactured to fall apart quickly
craycrayintheheihei@reddit
This is so depressing. No. I don’t live like this.
SilverAsparagus2985@reddit
Nope, I’ve literally started over in every way. I didn’t even consider age. I’m not in denial of my age but I’m certainly not in any sort of finality mindset. I’m fit and happier than ever.
Outrageous_Pie_3094@reddit
GTA 6 being my last GTA hits me kinda hard at 45 sometimes
LevelPerception4@reddit
Pretty much the opposite. I read predictions about the future and I find myself thinking please let me die before x happens.
lovepeacefakepiano@reddit
I’m 46 and I’m not even on my last country.
Also I’m looking for a job right now and while I wouldn’t mind finding something that I can keep forever I’m not really banking on it.
WhatTheCluck802@reddit
I’m feeling some sort of way relative to midlife crisis these days also. Primarily dread at the realization that my grandparents and parents won’t live forever and I’m in no way prepared to deal with that. I’m extremely fortunate that in my mid forties I still have three grandparents. I’ve really only lost two people I cared about a lot, my grandfather and my great grandmother who died when I was in my mid-30s. I don’t know how to process death.
I’m also feeling the feels about all of our kids being in college in the fall. One is still going to be living at home while in grad school most likely and it’ll be another handful of years before they’re all officially out of the house, but the thought of being empty nesters is just so strange to me.
I’m also noticing changes in my face and body relative to aging. I don’t mind them but it’s striking to see how much I’ve aged in just the past few years.
Plus the world is shit right now. I’m tired of it all.
TL;dr: I feel you, friend!!
seamore555@reddit
You are depressed. You shouldn’t ignore this. Talk to your doctor if you can.
gowithflow192@reddit
I have some similar thoughts. I recently started YOLO everything.
croissant_and_cafe@reddit
I’m much happier at 48 than I was at 42. I’m nowhere near thinking about lasts. My maternal side all lives till their 90s, my paternal side not too bad but I can see the difference. Healthy eating, staying active (for my mom that’s just walking and gardening)
Physical and mental health are everything. If you’re in a position to improve your health, definitely make moves towards that. If you have a case of the blahs, physical activity can help a lot, and as others mentioned, perimenopause can cause a drop in hormones that absolutely affect mood and energy.
You might be only halfway through the journey so you have to take care of yourself!
poofyhairguy@reddit
I totally get it. How I have tried to explain it before:
When I go on trips now I don’t think on that last day “when I come back one day I want to…” like I used to do when I was young.
Instead I think on the first day “I will probably never come back here so what is my top priority to see/do with my one chance?”
sonofnalgene@reddit
I'm 43 and the complete opposite tbh. I worked really hard to have a stable life, so I relished the idea that I was finally in a safe and stable home, didn't have much to worry about, etc. In the past 6 months tho I've taken a position in Europe, my wife is an immigrant and I want to make sure that she and her family have somewhere to go, so I'm getting rid of most of the things I own and it's like tearing my heart out. I'd convinced myself that I'd be safe and stable for the rest of my life and I'm in the process of saying goodbye to all the things that contributed to those feelings of stability.
I am realizing within it that I have time tho- whatever I'm doing a) I'll be ok, and b) it's a life worth living with whatever time I have left.
So I'm kind of in the complete opposite, but it's made me make the best of the situation. I hope you find a way to look at things that help you through this time in life. It's the last time you'll ever have to jk.
dirtytounder@reddit
I did it when i got 50 year roof shingles put on. Din't give up!!!
tinzor@reddit
Think about it this way. You may be 40, but everything that you’ve experienced as an adult happened in the last 20 years. In another 20 you’ll be 62, which, if you’ve met healthy 60 year olds is not actually that old. Best place to start would be taking care of your health.
SnooMaps8307@reddit
I don't think anyone should be diagnosing you over Reddit. Everyone is wired differently and there are so many factors in people's lives that affect longevity and outlook.
sonofnalgene@reddit
Did you not know that everyone on Reddit knows everything? /s
Pandamana85@reddit
Sounds like you’re just depressed.
Interesting_Owl7041@reddit
My parents are still driving in their 80’s, so no, the thought that the car I’m driving now at 41 would be the last I ever own is not a thought that has ever crossed my mind. I certainly hope it isn’t, that’s for sure.
We recently got a kitten, and it was weird realizing that we would likely still have that cat in our upper 50’s or early 60’s (husband is 44).
I do actually plan on staying at my current job until I retire, so I’m hoping that I won’t ever have to search for another job. But I also realize that I have many, many years to go and that might change.
I’ve recently been thinking about how much easier and better it would be for me if I lived closer to work rather than commuting, but I would want to wait until my kids get out of high school first. That would put me very close to 50, and I did have the thought that maybe that’s too old to take on a mortgage.
Affectionate_Hornet7@reddit
My mom ingrained that into me for everything. “This is your last Wednesday of 3rd grade” “This is your last time to ever ride the bus” “This is the last time you’ll feed and walk your pet”
Plastic-Flamingo5046@reddit
At 42 I was part way through studying for a major career change because I didn't want to spend another 20 years doing my previous job. I'm now a couple of years into my new career and who knows if I will stay in this role or change again!
My mum (70+) bought a new car saying "this will be my last car" but she was wrong.. mostly because that one was written off but still you don't know what can happen in the future.
I would definitely recommend talking to a GP about how you are feeling. It is worth considering perimenopause as it definitely can impact your mental health and general motivation / interest in life.
noblewind@reddit
I've definitely said this about pets. We have two cats 4 and 2 years old. Hopefully they are around until my kids graduate. I just don't think I'll be able to handle new pets after these are gone plus I'd rather face older age without the extra worries. But I haven't said it about anything else yet. 40s are supposed to be one of the hardest times in life so hopefully you see some more joy soon.
tc_cad@reddit
I haven’t thought of that many things, but I have recently had my last moments with my Mom and Dad. Those last interactions are with me forever.
civilwarcorpses@reddit
This reminds me of a time I saw a Corvette convertible with a grey hair couple inside. License plate was something like "RLASTVET" (our last 'vette) and I just thought jesus christ that's morbid but I guess they're having fun.
Straight_Idea_9546@reddit
I feel this a lot lately too. The “lasts” creep in when you’re worn down and everything feels uphill. What’s helped me a bit is shrinking the time horizon, like focusing on the next six months instead of forever, and finding one thing that doesn’t drain me. If job stuff is adding to the dread, I’ve had better luck with smaller, steadier roles that don’t demand reinvention, and wfhalert has been decent for that since it emails legit remote listings like customer support or admin without the scammy noise. You’re not alone in this headspace, and it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
MidgarZanarkand@reddit
I’m 41 and the only thing I have that about is my next house, but in a positive way. I come from late starters though - my dad took up karate at 60 and ended up earning a black belt before hitting his mid-60s. My wife is starting her career at age 40 (therapist). I’m starting my post-military life and career at 41 and I became a semi-successful YouTuber at 40. I also got in shape this year and feel like I’m 25 again, so I suppose that helps.
EnvironmentalPack451@reddit
I really don't plan that far ahead. The future is unpredictable, especially in these times, so i figure enjoy right now and deal with the furure when it happens.
Status-Hovercraft784@reddit
"This is my last job search" doesn't actually sound so bad.
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
If I loved my job and the income from it was sustainable, I’d be thrilled. A large part of me doesn’t want to leave this job, but there are no health benefits, no 401k, and we all essentially just took a pay cut (mine comes out to be about $400/month) because they’ve changed our expense reimbursements.
herozero@reddit
I recognize there are things I could do 20 years ago that I can’t do now, and that list is likely to grow over the next 20, so I try to spin it into a positive. And I try to remind myself the midli This might be last chance to hike at Joshua Tree, so I’m doing that next. That kind of thing.
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
My depression is manifesting differently, but I can relate to being middle aged, chronically ill, and stressed about it. I'm trying to look up and forward instead of down and backward, cause I'm not going that way. But it's a job.
TijayesPJs443@reddit
Its a super glass half empty view on life - “my last xx” shouldn’t be a consideration until your 80
Fwiw Im 42 and just finished school to start my dream career, no house, no savings, 2006 Mini cooper that needs brake work. But Ive got everything in front of me
XDariaMorgendorferX@reddit
No. I’m 42, a month older than you based on your username, and I literally just switched careers and nearly doubled my income 8 months ago, left my ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE husband in September 2025 (the divorce finalizes in May) and found a new boyfriend, moved into a new apartment, got a new car in January 2025, and I’m thinking of getting another dog so my corgi has someone to play with. In the next year or so I plan to move out of state and completely start over. I literally feel my life is just beginning and I’ve never felt more happy or free.
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
How did you manage to switch careers? I’ve been in a very specific (and very poorly paid) field that I got suckered into when the 2008 financial crisis hit. Everything I’ve looked into either pays significantly less or I have zero qualifications and don’t get a response. I’ve applied for probably 80-100 jobs in different fields over the past 2 years and nothing. For a while I was looking into community college to go into nursing, but it would require quitting my FT job (which I can’t afford to do) and taking out student loans (which would wipe out so much of the increase in pay since the increase isn’t necessarily all that much and student loan interest is the biggest scam of all time).
XDariaMorgendorferX@reddit
A friend I knew from another job had quit and moved into sales. She told me there was a position open on her team and she coached me to help me prepare for the interview process. I prepared obsessively for weeks and sold myself hard, talking about my soft skills and how I’m so good with people, and how my skills transferred well into the position. After 4 rounds of interviews I got the job! And this was only with a trade school diploma in esthetics. I do consider myself lucky but I genuinely feel it’s never too late. You just can’t be scared to try!
CSWorldChamp@reddit
My parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. all lived to be nearly 100 and batshit with dementia.
So I’m not even halfway done yet.
remoteworker9@reddit
No. My parents are 70 and they don’t even think this way.
ChiefBroady@reddit
Nope.
Mackheath1@reddit
I know this isn't probably what you're looking for, but... a few weeks ago after tumbling down a black ski slope with one ski on (the other went to Narnia) in front of my goddaughters at the lodge deck, and bouncing down moguls and then one friend showed up from another slope into slush and water, and another broke his ankle because his old boot shattered....
The three of us of same age were on our backs in the end of ski season at the base of three slopes, and - in labored breath - I said, this might be the last of my skiing, and they agreed.
We're all fine, but at our age if it's not an activity you do monthly or whatever, well, we're not in our 20s anymore. I don't live in a ski village.
So while hilarious, and I hope there are videos, I think my ski days are done.
I also have a younger neighbor who asked if I wanted to go do hurdles in the morning with him. As God is my witness, those days are over.
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
Oof, a few years ago when my niece got into gymnastics, I tried to show off by executing a perfect split. She was definitely impressed. And that was definitely, most certainly, without question, the last time I will ever do a split.
KrissyPooh76@reddit
I was thinking about this the other day. I brought my mom's 4-year-old cat home with me because she can't have him anymore for health reasons. And I'm 50 years old. If he lives to 17 or 18 I will be 68-70 years old.
Not sure if after he and my other 4-year-old pass that I want to be dealing with litter boxes anymore. So they will probably be my last cats.
rpmsm@reddit
Only on things my body won’t do anymore. So yes, basketball is over, but no, I’m not near my last car.
Appropriate-Food1757@reddit
No, not at all. Maybe last piggy back ride for the kids. I don’t think at all about what you are saying though.
Thornfist22@reddit
I'm 49. I feel exactly this way, but I have 3 teenagers. They talk excitedly about college and their ideas, and I'm pretty sure none of it will be possible. It's depressing as fuck.
MisterZacherley@reddit
The best advice that I can give you, in addition to focusing on your physical health, is to look at making your mental health better. You ssked if it was depression and it seems like a combination. The world is difficult and not getting any easier, but there's way too much good in the world (Especially if you're not alone in love and seemingly financially stable). Therapy and meds won't cure you if the world's impact, but they might make you feel better about your future.
Ramone5150@reddit
I’m 45 and I’ve sometimes felt like “Is this all that I am?? Is there nothing more??” but then I look at the things I have rather than the things I don’t have and I feel better. It sounds like you may need to sit down and talk with a professional. I don’t feel Reddit is the best place for you seek advice for these types of feelings and thoughts. Just my opinion. I hope things workout for you. It’s like Rocky said “life’s not about how hard you can hit, but about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.”
Ticky79@reddit
Depression. We are half way through!
PhoneJazz@reddit
Sometimes I’m sad that the best days are behind me. But that’s not even because of my age- it’s because society is just enshittifying for everyone. Glad I got 40 good years. And I’m not dead yet!
Willing_Crazy699@reddit
42? I'm turning 65 this fall and I don't think like that...and I survived a gangrenous gall bladder removal in Feb
Lighten up...
NW_Forester@reddit
Yes. I walk to and from work these days so I do about 4-5000 miles / year between 2 vehicles, one with just over 10k miles and the other just over 80k miles. So long as I can keep this going, I think those will by my life time vehicles.
I've gotten my last big dog. Any dog I get going forward will be 40 pounds or less. I love my giant mutt but a 100 pound dog is huge.
I don't think I'm in my final house, I think I will live hear until I retire and then sell and get a small bungalow in like La Jolla or something.
TinyRedGuy@reddit
Definitely just had the last time I go skiing, just can’t hack it anymore and the risk grows exponentially
TalkingRaccoon@reddit
Lol. Start thinking that way once you hit 70. You have 30 more years till then, cmon man.
Ok-Bat8712@reddit
43 female. Yes I too have depression and have also been doing and saying things like that myself. You’re definitely not alone with this.
Kiethblacklion@reddit
I'm 44 and I've had a few of those realizations but I try not to let it get me down. This world is crappy as it is, but there is a lot of brightness still in it. I have two young boys (12 and 9) and they bring so much life to our home. There is this belief that as adults we are supposed to act a certain way and give up certain aspects of our childhood and I refuse to adhere to that. I will sit down and play with Hot Wheels with my kids, watch cartoons with my kids, I still get excited when I see toys of brands that I grew up with (Little People, Transformers, etc.). I feel that when we force ourselves to stop letting out that child in us, then the anxieties and depressions of this world take hold and overwhelm us.
woadgrrl@reddit
Well, I am now!
ughyoujag@reddit
I’m not happy, but I don’t assume I’m eight years away from death yet. Currently thinking about starting over
Deep-Interest9947@reddit
Actuarial tables are a thing. Check them out
ughyoujag@reddit
I was saying for me, personally, I don’t think death is imminent. Not saying we all can’t die tomorrow. I’m not sure what you’re even arguing here about a personal sentiment solicited by OP.
Deep-Interest9947@reddit
I was agreeing with you.
ughyoujag@reddit
Sorry man. I thought you were giving me some fight club stuff about my own death pending
Deep-Interest9947@reddit
You will die. Someday.
ughyoujag@reddit
Notredamus1@reddit
Im the same age going through some stuff too. I started seeing a therapist regularly recently and its helped a lot. I am also trying to stay more physically active. My sleep has gotten much better since I started exercising regularly. I wish you all the best. You still have a lot of life left and I hope things turn around for you.
No_repeating_ever@reddit
I have a chronic neurological issue that has no cure, just treating symptoms. It’s made the last year miserable and it won’t get better, just worse, so I know where you’re coming from. Our dogs we have now will be our last, because in ten years when they’re both gone there is no guarantee I’ll be ok to manage another on my own, and I won’t ask my family to take on a pet I can’t help with.
I’m making an effort to do all the things I can, while I can because it might be the last (only) time I can as this progresses.
Weekly_Library9883@reddit (OP)
That’s my health situation too. If it progresses how my mom’s has, the only thing I can look forward to is immobility and stabbing nerve pains. Likely not able to work anymore. Continually tightening finances stretched even further by becoming a single income household, provided that my husband can keep working.
djsynrgy@reddit
There being others doesn't mean it isn't midlife crisis or depression. 😉
But I get it. Earnestly. I have this with various things and it's not fun. Every time I see my dad feels like it could be the last, and due to a big and permanent move, I'm pretty sure I've already seen 90+% of my friends for the last time. Related, I'm unlikely to ever play in a band again, not just because I don't know anybody here, but also because crippling cubital tunnel effectively stole my left hand (AKA my "fret hand", for guitar..) There are various old stomping grounds I'll probably never see again. Current economics suggest I won't suddenly be joining the globetrotting class in this lifetime, so what little I've already done is probably it.
For a variety of reasons, most of my family was gone by my 22nd birthday. Even the family home doesn't exist anymore.
Factor being a parent on top, where every sort of thing related to the kid might be the last time.
At this age, most of us have notched enough experience to have "compounding grief" on some level. That's definitely my bag, anyway. In case nobody has mentioned it, grief speaks to loss and profound changes - which includes but is certainly not limited to death. Moving; job changes; surgeries; friendships; interests; happiness; it encompasses all sorts. And, importantly, it's valid.
As a side there's a recent quote (paraphrased) from a professional wrestling related interview that struck a chord with me: "Everyone has a last match; few know when their last match is happening."
Asleep_Onion@reddit
Not really. At 43 years old, the chances that anything will really be my last anything is slim to none. Assuming I live another 35 years, there's not a lot of stuff that I'll realistically hang on to for that long.
Professional_Scale66@reddit
I do have the existential dread of getting old and just figured out what I’m doing for my midlife crisis thing (I think it’s time to get the band back together 🤘))) But no, some how I’m more scared of thinking about how I’m going to fill out my life for the next 40+years (Satan willing) that I’m on the planet for. The kids will be grown up in a couple years, but fortunately I’ll have more career opportunities the older and grumpier I get (construction superintendent). Gosh, I really never thought “this is the last (blank) I’ll ever own…” that’s too bleak of an outlook even for me! And I’m bleak! Good luck getting out of your head and gaining some perspective, there’s no reason really for you to think you’re out of options, if anything there’s a dizzying amount of options for you, if you choose to look at it that way…
KnifeFightAcademy@reddit
Think about where you were 8 years ago.
Everything that has filled those years is still theoretically also infront of you.
You always have time to change a mindset. Enjoy what is now with everything you have.
Chernabog801@reddit
If I did not have children this would be my last day. But until the kids are old enough to care for themselves I’ve go to stick it out so no, gonna have to buy at least one more car probably.
wrel_@reddit
The hell kind of car are you buying that'll last 20+ years, let alone the rest of your life?
Procrastineddit@reddit
Yep. I bought a $1,000 suit. Just one of those silly things I wanted to say I did for myself before I died. It's a black suit; figured it was the most universal. As soon as I had it home and really looked at it, I realized I'll probably be buried in this thing. I mean, I just spent all this stupid money on it, and it's nice, and it's black, so might as well. I hope that's not for 2 - 3 more decades, but maybe it's much less. This could be it. Weird.
TheDavidCall@reddit
I’m 42, about to be 43, and I’m in the best shape of my life (with plenty of runway ahead of me to be in better shape), a stable, long career, I’m finally married, and have two teen sons. I realize I’m better off than most, and I am grateful for it all the time.
I will say that if you truly don’t like the direction of something, change it. Even little course changes could dramatically affect a long time outcome. My wife turns 50 in a few weeks and is about to graduate college and get her undergrad with a 4.0. I’ve always wanted to learn piano. So I am now. It’s never too late to start making changes and pointing your life in a direction closer to where you want to be aiming. Obviously it’s probably not going to be big, unbelievable shifts in one fell swoop, but make some changes, and expect changed outcomes. So far as we’re aware, you’re not on your death bed, so nothing says this is it for you. I work out more now and take better care of myself than I ever have specifically because I want to age better, to be better (more healthy, more stable, more content, more happy) than when I was younger.
Jimmy_83_Don@reddit
I feel like I want to go for another 30-years. I believe I can stay strong and healthy if I do the right things. I do worry though that society could be on some weird tipping point so I’m not confident we’ll get through the next 20/30 years unscathed.
supergooduser@reddit
I have a sorta optimistic take on this.
One average over the course of my life, every year there has been one "must watch" show, and two "must watch" movies.
I'm still young enough I have the patience to watch shows and things with peers and farm for more future great shows. i.e. I got Chernobyl but West World sucked etc.
I've started buying up those must watch shows on DVD/Blu-Ray... It's a really good amount of content. And at a certain point, retirement home or something, so long as I have a working Blu-Ray player, I'm fucking set. Literally just sitting back and watching a non-stop loop of "best of" content.
The Wire, Community, Breaking Bad, etc. Marathon Marvel's Infinity Saga and then do a rewatch of every Jackass movie.
MonkeyBred@reddit
Somewhat. I don't mourn it, but I'm realistic. I'm 90% sure I have all the kitchen gizmos, most of the tools I'll ever need, etc.
At 46 with an average life expectancy of 73, I'm looking at 27 years. My last car lasted me 15 years... so I might have one more of those to buy. Might even have 1 more Grand Theft Auto to see.
Born_Local_1477@reddit
Sometimes, but then I remember my mom saying that shit but she's still kicking around so obviously WRONG. I don't think about the future at all for the most part. Fuck it dude.
walter_grimsley@reddit
Im 48 and putting parents into assisted living. Triaging all their shit. Managing all their accounts. Knowing they are dying in slow motion.
Now looking around at all my stuff thinking "all this is what my daughter will have to deal with when she is middle aged". Its not fun.
Whoever said life gets better when you get older is absolutely full of shit.
lascriptori@reddit
That sounds more like depression than anything. We're not nearly that old and unless we have a known terminal illness, it shouldn't have a large likelihood of being correct.
The only thing I've really thought would be my last is kids (had two, husband got snipped) and that was bittersweet.
dukefett@reddit
I like to watch a lot of movies and like physical media, but when it comes down to it yeah, I think “how many times will I ever watch this movie again.” I’m 43 and there’s movies I’ve watched lately, mostly catching up on 80s/90s stuff I missed where I’m like ‘that’ll be the only time I ever watch that.’
And for movies I love, there’s so many, is it worth spending $30 on a 4K disc I might watch twice more?
Dry_Ass_P-word@reddit
I’ve started to do that. It is a little depressing.
Affectionate_Ask_769@reddit
You mention being married to a guy so there’s a good possibility you’re a woman. If you haven’t started hormone replacement therapy I suggest you look into it. Apathy, anxiety, impending doom, insomnia were all things I dealt with until I started HRT. I started getting these symptoms and intrusive thoughts in my late thirties and didn’t realize it was perimenopause until I got on hormones and felt newfound hope and joy that I didn’t think I’d ever feel again.
MetaverseLiz@reddit
42 is not old. You have so much good ahead a you.
I started new hobbies and activities in my 40s and have not slowed down at all. You only got one shot at this, make it count.
Turbografx-17@reddit
Hobbies, my spouse, my kid and music are all I need to keep myself going. Do you have any of those (besides the husband)?
Designer-Bid-3155@reddit
Nope. I'm 48 and my life is awesome. Childfree and single by choice. I live like I'm still in my 20s. After my 13v year old pup passes, I'll be traveling the USA in a tiny house for a few years.
shebringsdathings@reddit
No, because I can't afford things that will last THAT long.
Epicardiectomist@reddit
This sounds a lot like you're stepping into depression. My Grampa used to say things like that when he was 85; that's not the sentiment of a 42 year old.
The day you die is the day you can stop learning, or start over, or revamp your life. Up until that moment, unless you're paralyzed or something, as long as you have reasonable expectations then you can begin again.
LLPhotog@reddit
Dude. Snap out of it. I just had this conversation last night. For my grandmother, every Christmas past the age of 80 was "This could be her last Christmas!" and as such we were constantly guilted into not missing anything or changing anything or whatever. She lived another 15 years! Fifteen "last Christmases"! Give me a break!
Similarly I just had a relative turn 70 and he was whining about how old he feels, yet his father is alive at 95. Meaning he could have 25 years left! Buckle up!
You have no idea how long you're going to live. You could have more days ahead of you than behind you. Within reason, this is YOUR life. Right now. If you have your health, you already have so much. Don't despair. Go give that great guy you married a smooch.
playfulwarning@reddit
Not in the slightest. Perhaps it's because of my parents and the other older people in my life. Lol, my father got braces at 55. Not Invisilign - I'm talking straight up brace face. When asked why he said he'd always wanted straighter teeth so did it. As weird as that sounds, it really inspired me. I now know that these arbitrary time lines are just that, arbitrary. You got too much living in you left.
Yagoua81@reddit
I think a defining element of our emotional development phase is finding meaning and purpose out of the life we have as opposed to the life we dreamt of. I am a therapist who also didn’t expect this to be my career, living in a place I didn’t want to live and I am actively working on figuring life out.
WldKarrde@reddit
I'm mid forties and just bought my first house, because, you know, life. We are all at different stages in this journey, and nothing is over until it's over. Enjoy the ride.
jtriomino@reddit
I somewhat accidentally switched careers at 42. Never thought I would find something related to my specialty but I did. Mine is less "this is the last' and more "I'll have this car until I'm at least 50". I will say though 42 to 46 was rough. It's just starting to perk up (47 now).
SlapHappyDude@reddit
You're a little early for "this will be my last" aside from "home" or "child's graduation". If I bought a car tomorrow and it lasted 30 years I would be psyched. Dogs live what, 10-12 years?
DoodleDoo1989@reddit
Oh gosh, no, I have a baby so I refuse to allow myself to think that way. I'm only halfway to 90. There's a lot of time left for me, God willing.
2d6DoomedWizards@reddit
Your purpose, to the world at large, is to be exploited for labor that creates capital. Start living for your own purpose.
ReWine29@reddit
Been through what I would consider a “midlife crisis”. It was the worst 2-3 years of my life. I somehow survived and came out better on the other end. I’m now in what I would call “the old hound dog chilling on the front porch” stage of my life. I’m enjoying it and have no plans to switch it up.
keep_it_kayfabe@reddit
My wife and I are big Disneyland fans and I just had a conversation with her about this. I told her I can probably count on my hand the number of times I have left to visit the park and actually enjoy it. As in, brisk walking from land to land, standing in long lines, going on all the rides, etc.
Our kids are still very young (I had kids late in life), so it's kind of sad to think about.
checksy@reddit
It could be the depression talking. Just because you hear what it's saying doesn't mean it's true. Reach out to someone, anyone you feel like you can trust. There is help. In a few weeks you could be feeling better. I wish you luck.
Firebolt164@reddit
I'm only 42 and I haven't thought of this at all
CantFindMyWallet@reddit
I cannot tell you how much I identify with this, other than to tell you that your feelings are just feelings, and later you'll look back on them and realize that. I went through almost the exact same thing not long ago, and I'm 42 as well. This year, I undertook an extensive project that I had always wanted to do, that required I learn a lot of new things, and it's going really well. It's not perfect, but I'm having fun and it feels good to be making something.
I know it's pretty trite advice, but think about something you've always wanted to try to do, particularly something that is a skill you could learn or a thing you could make. Be shitty at first and then keep going and after a while you'll feel pretty good about it.
Ordinaryfemale@reddit
I'm 45 and just started gardening a few months back. I cannot tell you how much joy these stops leaves give me. I've never been so happy or grounded in my life. I love that there are other people who are living this same experience.
I'm not dead yet and I'll be damned if I'll live like I am
💙💙💙
Potential-Budgie994@reddit
I (47f) sort of think this way but a little in the reverse, like I better eat some cotton candy at the fair this year because I’ll be d@mned if I’m dying before I eat fresh cotton candy again.
I wouldn’t let it hold me back from anything, more that I might encourage myself to do the things I really want.
Ordinaryfemale@reddit
I'm 45 and walked away from my marriage almost three years ago and moved four hours away.
At 6 months away from that relationship, I was borderline suicidal. I couldn't stop crying. My life was in absolute shambles. My car was in the shop and needed the engine replaced. I had a job making less than I was making when I left my two income relationship. I felt like I was running so hard and so fast, but my feet were ever so slightly behind me, that feeling of falling forward but not enough to gain momentum and not enough to fall over. It was excruciating.
The thing that broke me was my hair. I needed a hair cut. Hadn't had one in probably a year or more, but I was so depressed that I couldn't make an appointment. I waited for one of those days that feel like everything is maybe ok and went to Walmart. Figured they could probably squeeze me in.
They couldn't and it broke me. Sometimes, it really is the straw. I went home and screamed and threw shit and made an absolute ass of myself over something relatively inconsequential.
Now? My feet are under me. I'm ok. I'm actually better than I've ever been in my entire life, but that's not even the point.
It's not your last dog. Or your last car. Or your last year or probably even your last decade. Everyday you spend dreading the end is a day you've robbed from yourself.
Stop it. Yes, death is inevitable. We will all eventually die. But if you stop allowing yourself joy because it's going to end eventually, you're missing out on some really good shit.
Step away from the existential dread. It does not serve you.
SweetCosmicPope@reddit
I honestly can't relate. My 20s and 30s were fucking terrible, but I found my footing in my late 30s and continue on today. Things just keep coming up Milhouse.
That being said, I do get a little emotional when it comes to stuff about my kid. We only had one, and won't be having any more ✂️. My son is in college now, and ever since his senior year of high school it's been this breakneck pace of "I have to do X with my son! We don't have much longer!" I feel that all the time. He's wrapping up his first year of college next week, and it went by so fast. Before I know it he'll be starting his own life, having his own career, starting his own family, and I'll be relegated to the occasional phone call and a visit every other holiday.
Sea_One_6500@reddit
I'm 43. At 40 I felt like you. Had a rough couple of years with perimenopause, arthritis, and back issues from a previous job. Replaced my knees, fixed my back, and went on progesterone. I feel 10 years younger. My point is, try to find the root cause of your physical discomfort and it might feel less gloomy over all. My dogs are 4 years old, and at almost 44 I can say they will not be my last, which is sad for a whole other reason. You deserve joy and optimism OP.
mlo9109@reddit
Not for me, but for my mom (76). She is in need of a new car as her other one is on it's last legs. Whatever we get will, most likely, be the last car she'll ever own. And while she's relatively healthy now, who knows how long she'll be able to drive it for before she's just too old to drive? It's freaky to think about.
Powerful_Leg8519@reddit
I’m almost 50 and I’m still waiting for firsts.
I’d love to own a home.
In my neck of the woods couples in their 40s are having first or second babies and most can’t buy a house until 40-50 age range.
It’s all relative and I suggest maybe some counseling and a doctor visit for a hormone check. Almost all peri women I know in their early 40s start feeling the same and think about blowing up their lives. Get the hormones checked before you make any drastic decisions.
Applesaucesquatch@reddit
I definitely think about purchases with a BIFL mentality but it doesn't depress me, I just found that not needing things is freedom, so if I buy something I want it to last as long as possible. My health is good but financially I could have done better for myself, however I made a career pivot mid 40s that worked out pretty well for the work/life balance part of things. One of the most empowering steps I have taken to be happy is just being satisfied with what I have instead of always wanting more. I am working on a minimalist lifestyle and it helps to focus on what is truly important, experiences. I'm not extreme about it but wanting less stuff and getting junk out of the house has been so helpful.
_kurt_propane_@reddit
‘You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug.’
GinchAnon@reddit
turning 44 shortly.... I am in not spectacular health but not terrible all considered, IMO.
I am somewhat optimistic that I'll survive to see longevity escape velocity. (technology to pause and/or/later reverse effective aging in adults, allowing people to live potentially much longer than ever before, in better health than ever before) but other times it swings to expecting things to stay as they are.
if things stay as they are, its fairly likely this house will be the last place I live. (hopefuly, save winning the lottery)
I think that I'm not pessimistic for much of anything else I have now to be predictably "my last" whatever.
but on the other side, I expect AI and automation to change things radically in a way that if my current job lasts me til the robot overlords take over and nobody has to work anymore,... I'd be pretty dang cool with that.
_Xee@reddit
I got this mindset. It's hard to find anything which doesn't disintegrate 2 seconds after warranty expiration these days, so I often pay a lot more for stuff that lasts and which cannot become obsolete. Simple, single-purpose stuff. Point being, I don't have to purchase another, hopefully ever.
like_shae_buttah@reddit
Definitely not
TheDaymanALSOCameth@reddit
Birthday approaching in June, who cares if it’s my last? No insurance, no job, shitty family…I’ll go as long as my cat does, I have nothing else on the horizon to care about.
notadamnprincess@reddit
The only lasts currently are with family. This is likely the last year we’ll have my mom. Stuff like that. Otherwise, the only lasts are just until I retire.
KyleSidebotton@reddit
Relax, with how disposable EVERYTHING has become, you can rest easy knowing most things will be gone fairly quickly and replaced by something much worse.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit
Old dogs. Thats my plan for when I'm older. If a puppy will likely outlive me then its not fair to take it with me (I'm a hermit, if i drop it will be months until anyone notices, any dog in my cabin with me will die if dehydration within days and be found mummified with my carcas) however old dogs might only have 3-4 years anyway and tend to be put down in shelters when nobody wants them. Better for them to get a few more years with me than die in the shelter, plus when I'm too old to be active an old dog will be content laying about the cabin with me all day. Even if they go with me they still had more time and a better retirement home than being put down in a shelter abandoned and uncared for by anyone.
Just a bit to think about before you say no more dogs
WhataburgerLiberal@reddit
Kind of, but more in the way of, “This is the last time I allow this shit…” or some version thereof. Life is too short to enable others to make you miserable. I don’t know how long my second act will last so I’m going to seek out people and places that bring me happiness so I can earn the good things I want people to say about me when I die.
AM81inMA@reddit
Well, I’m planning what will likely be my last major sailing trip with my father. Which is weird and hurts like hell.
SuchMatter1884@reddit
I just turned 50 and feel this very much so.
night-swimming704@reddit
To a degree, but only with things like movies and records. Just being honest with myself really. When I was in my teens and twenties I could watch 3-4 movies a day when I didn’t have school or work. I’d watch some movies 10-20 times in a year. I’d buy movies with no plans to immediate watch it just knowing I had my whole life left to watch it. Now I’m lucky if I even get to watch one a month. And being in your twenties thinking you have 60 years ahead of you is a lot different than being in your forties thinking you’ve probably lived over half your life at this point.
VinylHighway@reddit
I've accepted that life is about change, so no, but this may be the only house I ever own
ConnectKale@reddit
I think about everything I have done until Now, and know that I have that much and more ahead of me.
I still have a cooler car, bigger salary, city condo, hiking higher peaks, kayaking longer rivers, grandkids, more kitties, new TV shows, creative projects, bigger garden, and more to look forward too.
Turbomattk@reddit
A few years ago I said that will be the last time I ever go ice skating. I hated it. My ankles and legs hurt for a week afterwards.
someguyfromsk@reddit
It isn't something I look ahead at, but I am becoming more reflictive of "I didn't realize it was the last time I would be doing ______" and just holding onto those memories a little tighter.
Serious-Tomorrow1308@reddit
I understand where you’re coming from. I’m going to be 45 soonish and I feel really lost. I have felt this way for a few years now. I can’t feel excitement about anything, it’s a struggle to want to do anything or go anywhere and I just have no idea what the rest of my life should even look like. I’ve been binging self help things on and off and I’m actually in therapy and taking medication but nothing seems to help. I have no idea if this is extreme burnout, depression or if this is that midlife crisis situation. I’m pretty sure cutting all my hair off and buying a corvette (not that I could/would) is not going to fix it. I’m not in the “this is my last” phase… but my apathy level is leaning there.
Chihlidog@reddit
This sounds like depression to me (NOT a mental health professional).
I certainly dont intend for my current car to be my last. We are actively looking to buy a house. This job is think, will be my last, but by choice because Im treated very well.
Id encourage you to start taking better care of yourself, mentally and physically. Reach out as others have suggested. You seem like you've really lost your joy and I hate to see it. Hang with us here in the sub, see about a good therapist (Im in therapy and its pretty good. Really helps regulate me, doesnt meant theres anything wrong), dive into a hobby you love, whatever makes you happy. You got this! You've got plenty left to enjoy!
Possible-Jerk0138@reddit
You are not alone. Not to sound judgey but practice some gratitude. You have a partner and a home, a job, these aren’t guarantees to a lot of people.
herseyhawkins33@reddit
Not at all, and I unfortunately went through some serious health problems right around 40. As others suggested, sounds like you need therapy.
edasto42@reddit
Are you talking to any professionals about this? I’m not a doctor by any means, but this reads like something my clinically depressed family could have written. And I get it, life can be really challenging. I know I’m not particularly excited about some things in my personal life for sure, and I think that’s normal. But I also take a look around at the positives in my life and keep that in focus and it helps keep me grounded. I also try to do something different every day too to help keep my brain going. Anything as simple as a new way home from work, all the way up to trying a new hobby out to see if I like it, and anything else in between. I’ve found doing this has a butterfly effect. That new way home may have me encounter a park I didn’t know existed that looks nice, so I can either stop then and check it out or log it for future use. The past has already happened, so I can’t change it, and the future is yet to be written.
Deep-Interest9947@reddit
No the people in my family tend to live forever. Which comes with its own annoyances when you’re not that into it.
Quato815@reddit
Same here.