4 Years in Edu-IT, Sole Breadwinner, and Feeling Stuck

Posted by Strange_Theory_9158@reddit | sysadmin | View on Reddit | 35 comments

Hey everyone,

I’m a 28M working in Network and Security. For the last 4 years, I’ve been handling the entire infrastructure for an educational institute. On paper, it sounds like a solid gig, but lately, the weight of it all is starting to feel heavy.

I’m the sole breadwinner for my family, so the pressure to succeed isn't just about "ego"—it’s about survival. Because of that, I have this constant, low-simmering anxiety about the future. I’ve been trying to pivot and find a new role for a couple of years now, but despite the effort, I keep landing back at square one.

Sometimes I find myself spiraling: Is there something fundamentally missing from my skillset? Is the market just that brutal? Or is it honestly just down to luck and destiny at this point?

It feels like I’m running a marathon on a treadmill—lots of effort, zero distance covered.

I’m posting this because I need to know: Is it just me? Does everyone in IT/Cyber feel this constant tension about their "next move," or have you found a way to switch off that "stuck" feeling?

If anyone has been the sole provider and managed to break out of a multi-year rut, I’d love to hear your perspective.

Take care of yourselves.

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kerosene31@reddit

4 years ago would have been around the post-covid IT boom where salaries were exploding and everyone was hiring. I remember companies so desperate to hire, I wouldn't have been surprised to find recruiters on my front porch when I got home. Salaries were exploding and companies were desperate to hire people before their competition did.

That's not normal, and of course things have gone to the other extreme. Jobs are scarce, and the ones that are out there are low salary.

It isn't you. Hopefully things eventually settle into some sort of happy medium between these two extremes. This is one of those storms you ride out.

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Player2Systems@reddit

Can help you make a quick 3-5K but can't solve all your problems. Message me if I can help, all welcome.

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Away-Ad-2473@reddit

I totally hear you on this. Opted to take a job and move states a year ago and hasn't gone as I'd hoped. Going from tech company to a non-profit where there is a lot of legacy tech in use and older, manual tasks still performed. The idea of being able to help bring them up to the modern world as I had understood hasn't been possible. First time in my career I very much feel stuck when nothing else around and job market seems so saturated at the moment..

Think we gotta be thankful we do have jobs - especially as sole breadwinners of our families. That said, keep resume handy...

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RedditDon3@reddit

Ask for more money, promotion. Then hire subordinates

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djgizmo@reddit

Market is brutal IF you don’t specialize. start specializing now and be the best at what you do. Use all the tools, including Ai, scripting, and social networking to be known for what you do.

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Strange_Theory_9158@reddit (OP)

thanks for your advice

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Competitive_Tree8517@reddit

Keep your drive and determination. If you'd like to see a change, keep working towards it. There are a lot of external factors. Keep trying and keep your eyes peeled for opportunities to grow or move on.

All that said, it can be a long, exhausting journey. It sounds like you have the right mindset. It can be tough to keep that at all times but it's important to return to it if it's meaningful to you.

You're on the right track and you're not alone. It's tough.

Take care of yourself, as well. And, thanks for being open and sharing - it helps folks.

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Strange_Theory_9158@reddit (OP)

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply and for the encouragement.

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MathmoKiwi@reddit

At the moment you're a generalist with only a mild amount of specialisation; that's why you're stuck in a rut. You should choose cyber or networking to go deep into, and then leap into your next job to make a big step up

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StarSlayerX@reddit

IT Manager here, the market is absolutely brutal. Last year I was hiring for a SaaS engineer, within the first week there was already 300+ applications. In your current position try to find oppertunity to upskill.

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nemisys@reddit

How many of those 300+ applicants ended up being good candidates?

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StarSlayerX@reddit

We have an external and internal recruiter that checks the applicants and resumes... Out of the first 300 resumes, 20-30 lands on my desk, then I select 5-10 resumes that fits the role best for 1st interview.

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Strange_Theory_9158@reddit (OP)

Thanks for your suggestion.. thankyou

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music2myear@reddit

I'm the sole breadwinner in my family too. Wife creates loads of value caring for the home and kids, but it does mean our life looks different than others, and yea, the pressure to provide is real.

I lost my job back in the 2008 recession a few weeks before the birth of our first kid. That sucked, badly. The company didn't leave us hanging: they scheduled the RIF to occur after we'd paid our insurance for the month, so we had coverage, then they did the whole "here's 2 week notice, leave now" thing, but then they supplemented unemployment for 6 weeks after that 2 week period so we basically got 2 months full pay, and they paid for a "transition concierge" service. All that to say, despite being RIFed and the major suckage that is, the company wasn't as evil as they could have been. Still, the memory of that stress remains with me 2 decades later and I am willing to put up with a lot to keep the income coming. Thankfully, I've found pretty stable roles the last decade. Maybe not as much pay as I could have earned, but very low risk of being let go, and the work is generally rewarding and interesting without being piled too high.

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Strange_Theory_9158@reddit (OP)

Thankyou for sharing your experience

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Sobeman@reddit

A single income home in america is almost impossible. I would talk to your wife about your concerns and anxieties.

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St0nywall@reddit

Find a good therapist and then realize you ARE employed and become happy about that fact.

You don't always get to have a great family life and a great work life. Pick the one that matters most to you and suck it up on the other one.

The therapist will help you with the one you need rather than want.

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Jaki_Shell@reddit

Where are you located?

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discgman@reddit

Why are you trying to move? Into a higher position at your job or looking for another one? Because the market is shit right now so staying put and putting into your retirement is a good thing right now.

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Strange_Theory_9158@reddit (OP)

because I’m worried that staying too long in one place is making my skills go stale.

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Jaki_Shell@reddit

The main thing to consider is how stable is this place you at working at right now? Is there any chance or it closing down, you losing your job in the next 5-10 years? If the place is stable and gets you a paycheck and you arent worried about losing your job, then in my opinion that outweighs the skills going stale.

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Last-Appointment6577@reddit

listen, in this field with our skills being as wide and deep as they are there are SOME that will need a brush up on and that's alright.

I made a pivot recently from enterprise level IT (joined one sinking ship after another after the pandemic) back to the MSP realm and guess what, my firewall/SMB networking skills were dogshit and I had to bring myself back up to speed.

It doesn't take nearly as long as you think though to get back on whatever track you need to be effective in a role. Most of us have forgotten more about IT than anyone will ever care to learn so you will be fine.

to answer your original question, no, you aren't the only one feeling this way. Find your balance, it's there.

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wasteoide@reddit

Are you in the US? Are you working for K12, higher ed? Look into resources like the MS-ISAC, professional conferences, and communities that will provide crowdsourced knowledge.

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the262@reddit

I worked in higher ed (jack of all trades mostly solo sys-admin) for too long (10+ years) and it did really hurt my skills. It took a TON of effort to climb back up. I ended up switching teaching IT for 5 years, while I upskilled (OSCP, OWSP, CPTS, CWES, etc.), got a foot in the door as a cybersecurity consultant (mostly penetration testing, some IR, GRC, vCISO, etc.) and feel like I'm in a much better spot. You can do it too, but it is a ton of effort and calculated risk no doubt. The firm I work at is 2.5 years old and we're a 10 person crew. Way less stability than my higher ed jobs, but tons of growth.

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discgman@reddit

That is true about 2-4 years ago. now if you try to move around you risk not finding a job or getting laid off at new job. Stay stable, improve your skills yourself, ask for training, ask for new tasks that is challenging. Train new staff and keep up to day with emerging technology. Wait out this market and then look around again when things are better.

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Strange_Theory_9158@reddit (OP)

makes sense.. thankyou!

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Key-Level-4072@reddit

There’s a significant element of luck required in this country (assuming USA) for the last ten years when it comes to getting a real job.

Being competent and skilled is absolutely beneficial. But the biggest tool for landing a good job with a good company is pure social connection.

The USA isn’t a country. It’s a business. And business is built on relationships.

I’m fortunate because every IT job I’ve geld since my first shit MSP gig ten years ago has come to me through a social connection. I wasn’t handed the job because I knew someone. But I was put on the interview list because I knew someone. And I did the rest.

All that to say, it isn’t you. The market is shit. But that 30% raise and significant workload reduction likely can’t be had by hunting for openings and applying. My last two positions weren’t even listed . They were headhunt only.

A good recruiter (I know: impossible to find) is probably your best bet. Also making social connections in your city with high-level industry workers will do wonders. Easier said than done if you’ve got young kids, though.

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Sprucecaboose2@reddit

I make enough in my current role that I can cover the bills for my family and I have retirement setup if I make it that far, so I don't think I have a next move as long as my company doesn't go under and I don't get myself fired. I worry about the future, but I think that's everyone, especially with the state of the world. But I am not trying to grindset my way to a new life anymore, I am content.

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thr3b@reddit

Hang in there. Its not just you

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draggar@reddit

Nope, it's not just you. Towards the end of my last job (community college - mostly online) I was the only desktop person there - for about 90-100 staff, a few hundred faculty, and over 3,000 students.

As for my "next move" - I'm about 15 years away from retirement. I don't want to get into debt for a degree and my job has been changing so much lately that the only growth is for my current job (either new products / services, new procedures, or trying to make my job easier). I'm also only 15 minutes away from home working in a rural hospital (and yes I am the proverbial breadwinner, luckily both stepkids are moved out).

Today, people seem to have better moving up by leaving one organization and going to another.

It has its ups and downs but if I left here I know I wouldn't get paid as much or I'd have to go back to a long commute.

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Strange_Theory_9158@reddit (OP)

It’s a tough balance to find. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

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Pale-Price-7156@reddit

> Is the market just that brutal?

It's 100% this. take a vacation and be thankful that you are able to provide the bread for your family.

I wish it wasn't like this but its the world we live in.

I have dozens of certifications, 20+ years of experience and I am operating with a 1-2% rate of getting interviews vs. submissions.

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