ULPT: How do I subtly train my coworker to stop talking to me?

[-]

supplespine@reddit

Have you tried just flat out ignoring him? could work and have a lasting effect.

[-]

SunfireAlpha01@reddit

Lie to him. When he asks something he could Google, tell him the wrong answer. When he starts applying those answers and getting penalized for poor performance, he'll stop.

[-]

Tried, tested,and works every time; as soon as he gets tp your desk, grab your water bottle and walk to the cooler. He will follow. Fill your water bottle,but only halfway, and walk back to HIS desk. He will instinctively sit down. Wrap up the conversation as quick as possible and walk away. If he comes back, repeat. (That is why you don't fill it all the way.)

[-]

jaxxon@reddit

I kind of wish I still worked in a cube farm so I could try this. LOL

[-]

tank_monkey@reddit

I wish I worked in a different kind of cube farm. I love mushrooms.

[-]

LevelPerception4@reddit

Yes, this works! On my first day at a new job, I popped into HR to say hi to the recruiter and she was really warm and friendly, and asked me to walk with her. We had a lovely chat while she walked me back to my desk. 😂

[-]

Hoarfen1972@reddit

It would irk me that hr got one on over me and took my hand like a kid to led me away.

[-]

str4ngerc4t@reddit

I work in HR and our recruiter is the Chatty Cathy! I think that she is just so used to talking to candidates all the time that when she has an admin day she doesn’t know how to handle the quiet space. I really like her but I get nothing done in the office because of her. I can’t even walk her back to her desk because she sits behind me (our backs face each other). There is nowhere to redirect her unless another colleague is in our pod and I can drag them into the conversation to slowly ease myself out. Sometimes I will book a telephone booth and tell her I have to take a call just so I can get some focus time.

[-]

LevelPerception4@reddit

I didn’t feel overly chastened because the reason I had time to wander over to her desk was that nothing had been set up for me. I had no phone, no email address, no computer.

My team took turns having me join them in meetings and printing out documents for me to read, but they had work to do, and the recruiter was the only other person I’d met.

[-]

Adorable_Ad4990@reddit

What if their desk is next to yours? (Asking for myself)

[-]

tank_monkey@reddit

I had that situation with the guy I was herding. As soon as I dropped him off I would sit down and put my headphones on. I wasn't always listening to anything, but I wouldrespond if he talked. He eventually got the picture.

[-]

Adorable_Ad4990@reddit

If I tried to walk my coworker anywhere she’d just wait until I got back. She would not stand up and start walking. She talks to me from her desk!!

[-]

DeskSleuth@reddit

I got this done to me once by my boss and after I realized it pissed me off so much because I never asked questions and the one time I did, I got herded back! I guess he was still successful because of my annoyance any future question was via Teams. Go in-office jobs, go.

[-]

Niniva73@reddit

Yes, this is the way!

[-]

J1pt5@reddit

An HR person gave me that tip in a workshop. It worked on multiple co-workers.

[-]

testsubject793@reddit

What if it's the sixth time, and you really want to pee from chugging all the water to make more space in the bottle, but they follow you to the toilet?

[-]

STS_God@reddit (OP)

Maybe go into the stall.

[-]

mjnoo@reddit

Pissdisc

[-]

moranya1@reddit

Piss on them to show dominance. Duh!

[-]

sumptin_wierd@reddit

Thats a lot of work to babysit an adult.

[-]

blindtoe54@reddit

He'll just start calling her to his desk at this point lol

[-]

n_ug@reddit

ohhhh my god this is genius

[-]

Dry-Palpitation-4878@reddit

Lol I like this. Just herd him back to his place.

[-]

rauleduke1980@reddit

I use the wonderful line from Zach and miri make a porno. Shut your face before I fuck it.

[-]

Kautami@reddit

I'm keeping that line for the next time someone starts shit at the family Christmas dinner

[-]

GeorgeGorgeou@reddit

I drive elderly people to medical appointments. Sometime the trip can be more than an hour - one way. I really don’t want to know about the cute thing their dog did, or what they had for supper yesterday.

My two best lines - that both work well - are “You already told me that.” and “Don’t care.”

Deliver it right through their rambling. Stops them cold. Repeat as necessary.

If it’s a question, “Don’t know, don’t care.”

(You can do this when you’re a 70 yr old volunteer.)

[-]

whyisitsofuckingcold@reddit

Sneak in really uncomfortable pieces of info into conversation periodically. Had a really bad shit? Recount it in detail. Food poisoning? Tell him all about it. Had to sit through something awkward? Explain it all. Make shit up if you need to, but give him all of the gory details he never asked for.

[-]

StarBreanna127@reddit

Why not just say "hey I'm busy, I can't talk right now"

[-]

STS_God@reddit (OP)

You and your ethical tips..

[-]

areyou_listening@reddit

Do you have over the ear headphones? I find that works better than ear buds

[-]

RRumpleTeazzer@reddit

type every question he has into google or copilot and read out the answwr to him.

[-]

PapaJohnTravolta@reddit

Set a boundary. Literally the only right answer and while it might feel unethical, it is not.

[-]

Charming2020@reddit

Yeah this. "I can't listen. I'm busy."

[-]

furdsonofurd@reddit

How is this answer so far down? It makes people uncomfortable but it’s the only honest way to handle it. You can still be polite and tell someone they’re taking your ability to focus away.

[-]

BoxComfortable5282@reddit

Exactly. OP, You’re prioritizing his feelings over your own and suffering for it. Some people cant read social situations at all for whatever reason. Shit sometimes I can’t. Hence, I’m blunt and honest while still being respectful and understanding. You could even do it in a joking way, but you have to say something. No matter how obvious a gesture or face is, someone will misinterpret it. Almost nobody will misinterpret “I’m working“.

I started doing this and now I’m the person people expect to be 100% honest so they dont even take it personally. Although I can still be a people pleaser so there’s more work to be done. But life is so much better when you realize your feelings and peace matter and you’re entitled to protect it. If people sense you lack to conviction to protect it, you WILL get taken advantage or have your boundaries pushed, even by the nicest people. Sorry for the rant.

[-]

scratchtheitch7@reddit

Do you mean inatall a fence?

[-]

PapaJohnTravolta@reddit

Lol like a verbal boundary. Try it. It’s healthy!

[-]

madgirafe@reddit

Guy I work with might need a literal fence. I can straight up walk away from a 5 minute ramble and he'll just follow me.

I know you're excited and trying to make it the best story ever, but its 6am, you're using waaaaaay too many words and im not awake enough to gaf about anything yet.

[-]

TheSmilingFool@reddit

“I’m sorry, I need to work/focus/get through something. Is this urgent?”

[-]

XtraXray@reddit

Skip the “I’m sorry” tho

[-]

SnarkCatsTech@reddit

An electrified fence.

[-]

sumptin_wierd@reddit

You're this guy

[-]

MissO56@reddit

get one of those pop-up desk cubicle tents and surround yourself with it.

[-]

cryptidkickflip@reddit

shit your pants about it i think

[-]

PapaLRodz@reddit

Start crying. Every single time he walks in, grab a tissue, and prepare some water works.

[-]

STS_God@reddit (OP)

Maybe I combine this with another recommendation of eating 15 picked eggs and farting.

[-]

kilgoretrout1077@reddit

Interesting to me how it’s a circle. The guy probably has ADHD or social anxiety or something and doesn’t know he’s being mildly annoying, and the lack of balls of someone to just say hey man, can you not talk to me like this, I like you but it distracts me causes him to think you like him and come talk to you…

[-]

digitalforestmonster@reddit

Not unethical, but you could tell him you are getting in trouble for talking too much/not getting enough done. Valid excuse.

[-]

dlynes@reddit

Doesn't work with ADHD. Trust me...I've tried it with my wife several times.

[-]

Vegaprime@reddit

Well if its a lie...

[-]

WhiteUniKnight@reddit

If it would be a lie, then maybe say "I don't want to get in trouble for talking too much on the job," or "I'm sorry, but I can't focus on my work when [you/someone] talks to me."

Or, if that doesn't work, then "I would really appreciate if you refrain from conversation [with me] on the clock. I've asked more than once and you haven't respected it, not once. Please go do your job so I can do mine, otherwise, I'll have to bring this up to [manager/owber/boss] if it happens again. Capiche?"

[-]

a22x2@reddit

I’m very extroverted and have ADHD, I’m one of these nonstop talkers lol. I just like people and get excited.

It sounds like the coworker doesn’t even realize they’re getting on OP’s nerves. OP, please don’t take all this weird and passive-aggressive advice. By the time your coworker even realizes there is even an issue, you will be at your wit’s end and you’ll have created a tense and unbearable vibe.

please just use the first two sentences this commenter is suggesting.

It’s direct, tactful, respectful, and honest. That’s the best way forward in 90% of situations. If that doesn’t work then sure, knock yourself out involving other people or trying some of this bizarrely complicated advice.

If he’s a constant talker like I am, chances are he’s used to people he likes (and if he’s talking to you all day he probably likes you as a nice coworker, at least) asking him to zip it or get back to work lol. No need to be weird about it, just tell him

Write those sentences down on a note card or something 😎

[-]

rightwist@reddit

But you just admitted you are fully aware of what an a nuisance you are and refuse to adjust your problematic behaviors

Assuming OP's desk neighbor is equally asinine, why would we thi k that a direct, candid approach will do anything but escalate conflict with someone who knows they are a nuisance and continues to do so because they enjoy it?

[-]

Ok_Collar_3584@reddit

I'm guessing you don't have ADHD.

[-]

rightwist@reddit

Nope, although my wife and stepson do

[-]

sparkledaunicorn@reddit

Most people who are fully aware they're a nuisance aren't fully aware of being a nuisance in all instances. People get excited, especially when they see someone they like. OP always letting him talk has given him permission and he doesn't think he's a nuisance to OP. OPs only option is to be direct and nice about it if they don't want to cause uncomfortable drama.

[-]

a22x2@reddit

Where did a say I know I am a nuisance and refuse to adjust my problematic behaviors? Or that I enjoy being a nuisance?

I said that (just like you and every other human being alive) I have some tendencies that might not fully be appropriate for all settings, situations, or people, and that a tactful but direct approach is best when those tendencies are unwelcome or create an issue. I think that’s generally a good idea because humans are not mind readers.

I guarantee that my way of interacting with the world can get in my own way sometimes (just like you!), and at other times it’s helpful (again, I would assume, just like you).

I’m sorry that you’re reading bad intentions in people whose behavior you don’t understand. Of you expect a degree of understanding and grace in life, you really should be extending it to others as well.

[-]

rightwist@reddit

As I already detailed a bit further down - I actually just posted that to stage a demonstration. I took a direct approach, you got defensive.

Which could be undesirable in the workplace, thus, why people are offering optio s that are indirect, subtle, manipulative, and passive aggressive.

[-]

orphick@reddit

You didn’t take a direct approach, you were plain rude

[-]

Wicked-elixir@reddit

Wow! I hope you totally ignore that persons very jaded viewpoint.

[-]

Wicked-elixir@reddit

What a jaded way of thinking!! They don’t realize it in the moment but probably later in the day or something. Also the very definition of ADHD is acting before thinking. You’re a jerk bro

[-]

MisterEfff@reddit

Because this person clearly sounds neurodivergent and for those folks direct and to the point is so important. They won’t get angry, if anything they may be appreciative you were straight-forward because the neurodivergent don’t pick up on cues very well.

Now I don’t know your coworker obvs, but based on your description of them I think it’s possibly the case. And genuinely the best response. I get it tho, it’s unethical life pro tips, i myself came to the comment section looking for unserious answers to enjoy. But in the off chance this is a real situation and you are actually looking for advice, that’s my advice.

To repent for my digression with my stupid serious answer:

Make a noisy dramatic act of clipping your toenails each afternoon and every time he gets up sprinkle another toe nail clipping on his desk.

[-]

sanding-corners@reddit

What if the other person likes this communication? He wouldn't know, unless the other person explicit tell it

[-]

a22x2@reddit

Totally. I’ve had quite a few of my quiet or more thoughtful friends tell me that they gravitate toward talkative people on dates or at work, and that it relieves the stress of thinking what to think.

I never would have thought that was a thing! But sometimes if we’re vibing or clicking, we’re vibing. I can’t take responsibility for anyone out there I might encounter who would just sitting there and secretly seething at me instead lol

[-]

meh-usernames@reddit

I’m definitely one of those quiet types who gravitates towards talkers. It takes pressure off of me to come up with topics or keep the convo going. Other times, I just like listening to people’s stories. I don’t think it’s on you to gauge everyone’s communication preferences though. If they don’t like it, they should communicate that clearly - and this is coming from an introvert.

[-]

rightwist@reddit

If that's your lived experience, I pity you.

[-]

sanding-corners@reddit

No, you got me wrong, I don't talk at my work outside of cafeteria and I don t bother people working.

Maybe the other person can't understand your feelings that well, and you have to explain to them instead of putting more and more aggressive faces.

[-]

rightwist@reddit

Fair.

But.

Actually I was being super direct to stage a demonstration, bc someone advocated being direct.

Points I was making: my super direct approach caused you to react essentially as if I was bullying the person I was speaking to, and you needed to jump in to validate them - this is a dynamic OP would be sensible to avoid.

Additionally ), you, as well as others advocating for direct communication ication, are essentially reasoning that it's ethical to be direct. Which is true. But. This is ULPT.

[-]

barrettcuda@reddit

my super direct approach caused you to react essentially as if I was bullying the person I was speaking to, and you needed to jump in to validate them - this is a dynamic OP would be sensible to avoid in the workplace.

Your mistake here is thinking that people respond online in even remotely similar ways to the way they respond in an in-person workplace.

[-]

sanding-corners@reddit

I didn't bother defending anyone, I was just talking to you. Just so you can get another person's view.

I had some co-workers that were busting my nuts in the past, I don't regret working solo.

[-]

barrettcuda@reddit

Just because you know that you talk too much sometimes doesn't mean that you can stop it when it matters and just because they think that they're just talking nonsense that no one wants to hear doesn't mean that they're the other side of the interaction that this thread is about.

Could be their coworkers feel that they always have really interesting stories and like to hear them.

Part of the ADHD that they mentioned is thinking that no one likes you even if it's not true.

As an aside, I'm often the one talking too, but I'm also the one that's probably most annoyed about it cos I'm actively not getting shit done while I'm doing it, even if it is nice to chat with my coworkers sometimes.

[-]

a22x2@reddit

Right! I’m always self-conscious about talking too much, but that doesn’t mean I can catch it in the moment. But you know what? I make friends in real life pretty easily, so I must not be as awful as I sound here lol

[-]

orphick@reddit

As a fellow ND person the replies here are mind blowing, the way people are finding ways just to not communicate with this guy politely and directly

[-]

raven16342@reddit

If you are what you say you are, then you're one of the most annoying people in the world. Please learn to be silent sometimes. People like you usually do it it because they crave attention. Being an asshole is a bad way to get attention. It's obnoxious.

[-]

WhiteUniKnight@reddit

Heyy, fellow divergent! 👋 I have AuDHD, but I'm more introverted lol. I tend to keep to myself due to overstimulation (noise, heat, light, etc), lack of social skills, and cptsd. That makes all interpersonal interactions I have confusing and daunting.

Honestly, I think I'm like OP because I don't want to be rude, but I just don't know how to communicate it effectively, or in a nice/respectful manner. (I'm glad you shared your POV because I am still trying to learn!)

I'm so sorry to say, but some extroverts' energies are so draining. However, socializing in general (for me) is draining; so someone with high-energy only drains me faster, if that makes sense?

Most of the time, I'm the kind of person who 'just deals with it' to keep the peace, but I end up snubbing, bottling up, and sacrificing my needs in order to do so. (which I'm working on!)

It's hard to explain in a short, concise way that my spoons, my energy, my mental faculties and whatnot are all used up and burnt out and I just want to do my job and go home!

It's nothing against extroverts; I just can't meet the person where they're at (in terms of energy/state of mind) and don't know how to approach the conversation without creating conflict.

Especially when they are my boss. So anything I say could cost my job. 😐

(I could have left the last two sentences out, but we are in 'unethical life pro tips.' I didn't know if OP wanted to choose the 'lethality' of their remark, in case the first two don't work, or if their coworker isn't like you and does those things to purposefully antagonize them.)

[-]

a22x2@reddit

That’s fair! And totally valid. The two questions above really are excellent ones to keep on hand.

I have a lot of anxious introvert friends, and while I can’t pretend to understand what that’s like, you all do seem to have a lot of experiences in common.

It might help alleviate some of that anxiety to workshop some brief, tactful, and direct responses for situations you might regularly come across where someone is just too much. Maybe with your friends who are, um, more like me?

I’d bet you have a few lol. It’s very likely that what you are afraid sounds very rude might actually be just right 👻

[-]

Hoarfen1972@reddit

I like to avoid people like you, but you always find me. This is why I love remote working. I always wonder how people like you keep your job, too much talking and not enough working.

[-]

ThatsJustMyToeThumb@reddit

You know what, I’m glad you work from home too.

[-]

Hoarfen1972@reddit

I bet you are one of those who always want to talk and bore us with whatever you did over the weekend. We actually don’t care.

[-]

HenryFordEscape@reddit

I'm also glad you work from home (as not a talker).

[-]

a22x2@reddit

I do think it’s interesting that misanthropes often assume everyone else who is quiet, shy, or introverted hate people too lol

[-]

a22x2@reddit

We keep our jobs because we genuinely like and care about people. Enough people, including our bosses, tend to like us.

Quiet, shy, and introverted people are importantly too and have a role to play in society. People who seem somewhat proud about their misanthropy, though, I don’t think are terribly essential.

[-]

Embarrassed-Leg-4246@reddit

I agree with you!

[-]

Vegaprime@reddit

Nah, cause he said "its not unethical". Kinda is.

[-]

WhiteUniKnight@reddit

Idk why this is so important for you to assert, because I already understood that it's 'kinda' unethical if it were a lie. weird hill to proclaim to die on, but ok

I'm sorry (truth) I piggybacked my response onto your comment... was that unethical? Would you prefer I take it elsewhere? (I'm trying to communicate directly)

[-]

Vegaprime@reddit

Was mostly getting in front off all the comments below, prolly should have done and edit.

[-]

WhiteUniKnight@reddit

OHHH! I see now. Sorry, I misunderstood again.. 😩

[-]

Vegaprime@reddit

I just meant a lie is unethical, so it should count.

[-]

WhiteUniKnight@reddit

Oohh... I forgor where I was 🥴

gif

[-]

srirachacheesefries@reddit

This sub is ULPT, right?

[-]

MissO56@reddit

it's not a lie if you believe it.

[-]

Monday0987@reddit

ULPT

[-]

Adorable_Ad4990@reddit

This would not work at my office because everyone would know if anyone was in trouble for talking too much. And my coworker who talks too much is the ONLY person who would be able to know if I were talking at work.

Chiming in because I’m looking for a solution to the same problem. In my case I share an office with one other underemployed coworker. I like her but she talks all day and doesn’t care about headphones.

[-]

tetlee@reddit

On a large email list where a colleague was refusing to test an obvious problem and suggesting I should test it i replied

"I'm sorry but due to having my own work to do I'm unable to test your change for you".

Was all the more satisfying when other people on the list came to my desk to laugh about it.

That guy was a nightmare.

[-]

Dontfollahbackgirl@reddit

Just be honest in a kind way. “Clearly you multitask really well, but I don’t. Conversing completely breaks my focus,and I can’t accomplish my tasks. I get frustrated and feel miserable. Please forgive me if I don’t chat. It’s not personal. It’s just the only way I can stay happily employed.”

[-]

Uncanny_ValleyGrrl@reddit

Since you mention training, why not try a behavioural method? If you're on ULPT 'subtle' doesn't really fly.

When coworker enters workplace, call him over and ask for his wrist. Slide a rubber band over his hand. Do not explain. Tell them it will become clear then ask him to not take it off. When the chatty Cathy pipes up, lean over and snap the rubber band. Do it every time without fail.

[-]

Uncanny_ValleyGrrl@reddit

Thanks for my award MsChanandalerBong!

[-]

bobarrgh@reddit

When I worked at one company, we had a guy just like that in our group. He was very tall, probably 6'3", and loved to talk about his new hobbies, each of which held his interest for about 3 months. I ended up being his supervisor, which was ... fun. I finally resorted to telling him, "I can give you 10 minutes of my undivided attention to discuss this during lunch."

However, I also figured out a way to weaponize him to benefit our team.

We were responsible for supporting a particular software application while the Development team was working on the New! Improved! version of the software. Usually, I kept a pretty tight leash on him so he wouldn't disturb others. However, if I had asked the Development team for certain documentation more than once and they hadn't responded to me by the deadlines I had imposed, I would send him over to their side of the building to request the information in person.

He would lumber over to their cubicles, hang his arms over the 5' cubicle wall, and ask them for the information. "Hey, BobArrgh and I really need the documentation for XYZ, so he asked me to come over and get it directly. By the way, you should see the new kite I just got, it's a koi kite, directly from Japan, but I'm using a new kind of string reel ...........". (Or whatever his latest hobby-of-the-quarter was.)

Funny thing, but I usually got the information I needed within about 5 minutes.

[-]

Ok_Collar_3584@reddit

Just realised that I am the guy management send.

Spoiler alert, they all probably have ADHD.

[-]

usemysponge@reddit

I have ADHD and immediately recognized myself as that guy, but I know my coworkers don't want to hear me infodump about snakes for any amount of time lol. When I first entered the workforce, I actually got a lot of criticism for being too quiet or unfriendly. My social skills are much better now but small talk at work is fucking exhausting. Damned if you, damned if you don't.

[-]

ConfirmationBiasTape@reddit

I want to hear you info dump about snakes

[-]

soopirV@reddit

Mine was called Scot, and Scot was a weapon best deployed tactically, but damn was it effective!

[-]

Zealousideal_Sir5987@reddit

I love this. Elegant and simple solution.

[-]

jamnoNewEpoch@reddit

I ended up being his supervisor, which was ... fun

I feel your pain🙄

[-]

FrankCostanzaJr@reddit

its like social aikido

[-]

Adorable_Ad4990@reddit

Love this! Different personalities all have their place it seems

[-]

shrivvette808@reddit

Damn poor guy.

[-]

soowutt@reddit

This is reminding me of Jonah in veep!!!

[-]

Afraid_Baseball_3962@reddit

😆😆😆

[-]

Wide_Interaction_788@reddit

Brillliant lol

[-]

JupiterSkyFalls@reddit

Pretend to go see a concert one weekend. Come back to work on Monday and pretend you think you stood too close to the speakers, you've had ringing in your ears for days.

Start with a few "what did you say?" 's for the next few days, while gradually complaining more and more about not being able to hear well. Ask more and more for him to repeat himself, completely ignore him sometimes like you can't hear him, make him work to visually catch your attention. Eventually he'll tire of saying things over and over and doing so much work to tell you crap he knows isn't important, and move on to some other victim.

But honestly if all else fails, ask your boss to move him somewhere else and tell him he's distracting you from doing your work at peak performance. It won't get him fired unless he keeps it up, in which case he probably should be.

[-]

bLazeni@reddit

Just be a dick about it and respond “ok? How does this relate to work?”

The thing is you have to “sell” it, like you truly only want to talk unless it’s work related. If he doesn’t get the hint you’ll have to be upfront and tell him his conversations during work are effecting you to get your job done, if it continues from there, that’s when you go to management.

[-]

Final_Bunny_8@reddit

Do not engage, do not react, do not nod your head, do not say a word.

[-]

DasGlute@reddit

Put on your headphones and every time he tries to talk to you cut him off and tell him you're in a meeting.

[-]

KirkSheffler@reddit

You can just tell them and learn to effectively/ efficiently communicate? It’s literally that simple lol.

[-]

EveryAccount7729@reddit

just say something.

"hey you talk to me a lot can you talk to me a bit less"

[-]

frezor@reddit

Just be honest. Tell him straight up that he talks so much it’s affecting your work. Maybe he’ll be offended or silently hurt. Well too bad, this isn’t a social club. It’s a business.

[-]

Iverson7x@reddit

If this was Ethical LPTs I would say to have your headset at your side and tell him “hey I need to jump on a call with [insert name], can’t talk right now”

Since this is Unethical LPTs, I suggest you find a way to accidentally spill hot coffee on him while he’s talking and make it look like an accident. Not enough to burn him, of course, but enough to stain his clothes and make him uncomfortable. Repeat as necessary.

[-]

herowe123@reddit

I had a chatty coworker who I accidentally trained not to chat with me (realized when I heard him make the rounds talking to everyone else BUT me aside from a hello. Didn’t mind lol). I’d answer one question with eye contact, and then after that keep talking while looking at my computer screen and typing, or sorting papers. I’d be perfectly civil and nice, but also would make it plain that I had work to do

[-]

sebatakgomo@reddit

My office became a popular place for people to come and moan about their work/life, other colleagues for some reason, and I was the most recent hire. At some point, 3 people will be in my office. This became my go to strategy. First acknowledgement with eye contact, rest while sending off emails, and actually carrying on working on documents and stuff.

[-]

BillieJoeLondon@reddit

Keep asking to borrow money

[-]

sebatakgomo@reddit

Until he reverse uno and start asking you too

[-]

DeadAsspo@reddit

I'm cackling

[-]

STS_God@reddit (OP)

I like this one.

[-]

Turbulent-Break-4947@reddit

Gorgeous...

"Hey Jim, while Ive got you, could you spot me a hundy?"

[-]

marriedwithchickens@reddit

They sound like they are a compulsive talker. You are someone who needs to focus without interruptions (I am, too). I would explain to them the way you need to work and say that he not talk to you while you are working. Just simply say that, and don't go into a big discussion. Polite, but firm. If he continues to interrupt you, go to your supervisor to ask if your desk can be moved. A superior should recognize that you are serious about your work and accommodate your wishes.

[-]

b0ingy@reddit

This is the beauty of being a sound mixer. All I have to do to shut someone up is hit spacebar

[-]

Spirited-Warning-162@reddit

I could make a joke about clicker training and giving him an m&m or a dumdum every time he doesn't talk to you when you are near him, but I'm assuming you want to keep your job

I know what subreddit this is, but I work IT and get this treatment all the time. This was the only thing that works:

just grey rock him with headphones on, tape a sign to your desk that says something to the effect of "if my headphones are on, I'm hard at work, please send an email or text and I'll get back to you as soon as I am able" or whatever you think sounds good. Make sure he's not in your peripheral vision if possible, re-arrange your desk if you have to. Then just put on your headphones and lock in

[-]

PixieStyx8@reddit

It's like training a pet, honestly. Ignore them if they're doing something you want them not to, and acknowledge them/praise them for good behavior. Most of life boils down to treating someone (nicely) like a hungry or tired toddler or dog. 😅

[-]

mathaius42@reddit

I have a coworker just like that! Just can't stop talking when their intestines are acting up

[-]

Spirited-Warning-162@reddit

lol I'm keeping that typo now

[-]

iH8MotherTeresa@reddit

I absolutely read that like it was a normal sentence and you were being artistic in your writing lol

[-]

MOTwingle@reddit

What typo?

[-]

Spirited-Warning-162@reddit

instead of intentionally I wrote intestinally

[-]

Offal_is_Awful@reddit

Verbal diarrhea

[-]

themobiledeceased2@reddit

Penny, Would you like a chocolate?

[-]

Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit

If he taps your shoulder, that's assault.

[-]

Vi_Rants@reddit

He also has to legally tell you if he's a cop.

[-]

Reallyhotshowers@reddit

As someone in corporate IT, this is the answer. People who respect your time won't struggle with this at all, and the people who don't will quickly learn they can't force you to drop everything for them. You also don't risk your reputation by giving anyone the impression that you might have a competency issue.

[-]

Big_Lab_111@reddit

“Hey you didn’t talk to me for 15 minutes, here’s 1 M&M”

[-]

idonotknowwhototrust@reddit

... intestinally... 🤣

[-]

cait_elizabeth@reddit

Tell him you cannot concentrate on your work when he’s talking so please stop so you don’t loose your job.

[-]

Craino@reddit

Subtly stop listening to him

[-]

UrMomThinksImSmart@reddit

I had a friend who like me is a hard worker and like me loves to Yap. So we came up with a number system. We each had a whiteboard little sign on our desk and we could write our number on there, or just say it out loud.

Low numbers meant I'm not busy and I'm available, higher numbers meant I'm super busy and not available to talk. 10. Basically means stop what you're doing and help me because I'm in panic mode. One means let's sneak off and get ice cream or go to A bar.

It helped that both of us were the problem, and both of us genuinely talking with each other. It was nice because it meant we didn't have to reject each other to get the focus time we needed. Took all the sting out of everything

[-]

AmoebaBullet@reddit

Buy a Satanic Bible sit in the corner of your lunch room grinning & rock back and forth. Laugh a lot.

Make certain he sees's you. Also talk to yourself whenever he's around. Pretend you're talking to someone and whisper a lot.

He'll probably avoid you..

[-]

HookerDestroyer@reddit

Pretend to answer the phone and walk away

[-]

Nannookdoowah@reddit

Get a two sided sign for your desk. On one side in green have the words, ‘open to socialize’ and on the other in red, ‘focused on my task, so not disturb’ and when they try to talk when it’s red, tap the sign and motion at your work.

The trick is to flip it to green once in a while, like when they’re on break. Give them 5 or so minutes when they get back before you flip it red or take your break and walk away.

[-]

0rbital-nugget@reddit

Give him nothing to respond to. Just blank stared and slow nods.

[-]

Lgrze@reddit

This is what I do. But not even slow nods, just blatantly ignore them

[-]

randomredditor0042@reddit

Get up and as your both talking, walk him back to his desk, then you go to the bathrooms or the tea room for a few minutes, then return to your desk.

Do this a few times, hopefully they’ll get the picture.

[-]

Starsinyourheart@reddit

Some Colin Robinson energy.

gif

[-]

JoinedReddit@reddit

Look up the video about Charles Barkley trying to talk to Kareem Abdul Jabaar, also. Well played version of "I'm busy"

[-]

Laid-dont-Law@reddit

Give him the wrong answers that are slightly misleading but credible and correct enough that it looks like his fuck up

[-]

Ok-Introduction1836@reddit

Try enthusiastically and aggressively talking about your niche interests. Choose something he does not care about, and insist on giving him so much context for every point. Don't let him redirect the conversation. Its a win win because either he leaves, or you get to have a conversation about something you like to talk about.

For example, if you like backpacking, start enthusiastically describing the exact dimensions and purpose of every pocket, clip, and adjustable strap on your backpacking bag, and why you chose this one over another brand. Make him look at pictures of it. Not just 2-3, but like 10. Pictures from the website AND pictures you took at home AND pictures of you wearing it. Then go on to detail all the pros and cons of the runner up backpack that you did not buy, just in case he is curious why you did not choose it, and they hypothetical scenarios in which you might have chosen it. Then describe in great detail your prefered method for packing the bag, why you pack it in that order, the pros and cons of each type of stuff sack you could have used, and how your method differs from what you have seen other people do.

Then ask for his opinion in a situation which will require you to give even more specific context. "if you have time, I've been trying to decide whether its worth it to pack a camp pillow or not. I've made a spreadsheet will all my gear listed and possible packing list configurations. First I should explain my light to heavy packing list scale, there are 5 levels. Of course maybe first you will want some context on what the difference between "light, ultralight, and super ultralight" in the broader backpacking community, and my opinion on what each packing type says about you as a person. Then all show you the four near identical camp pillows I am considering..."

[-]

Ok-Introduction1836@reddit

Enthusiasm for a weird niche topic also works if you are getting hit on. When you want a guy to go away tell him that you (an adult) are rereading the Percy Jackson series and have some thoughts to share. And also you have a cousin with the same name as him, does he want to hear about your cousin and how when you were 10 you and your cousin put on a play? Well to understand the play first he needs to have a mental map of the field and creek where your cousin used to live...

[-]

JoinedReddit@reddit

Decorative palm trees, woven together, with "out for margaritas" sign, and bolted to the cubicle walls so he can't enter.

[-]

matchadelite01@reddit

Get those big headphones and just act like you don’t hear him!!!

[-]

BroccoliCompetitive3@reddit

"Have you met Ted?" him on someone else.

[-]

troyrmason@reddit

lol. Yes.

[-]

Specific_Ad2541@reddit

Grey rock. Be the most boring unenthusiastic non listener possible. Bordering on outright rude. No facial expression. No active listening. No comment. Pretend you're a rock.

[-]

Correct_Cat4414@reddit

Have you just tried being straight forward and saying "You are gross and I hate your guts, Please shut up"

[-]

1stAmericanDervish@reddit

My method for dealing with the ask before you think crowd (as an engineer) is this:

You should always ask them what they think the answer is. Then ask them why they think it.

Always give them the answer, but make them do the critical thinking first. They will learn the process of critical thinking.

If you just give the answer, you are just a handy crutch. If you make up something about getting in trouble for talking or whatever, you are not stopping the issue, you're teaching them it's fine if they are sneaky .

Make them give you what they think, and explore what they think and where they looked for the info before you give your answer, and they will learn how to find the answer on their own, while also building your team.

[-]

polarcol@reddit

They don't get hints. You have to be direct and say "___" stop talking to me. They'll get upset but what you want will be done.

[-]

porfito@reddit

Not unethical but just tell him to fuck off. If you want unethical just give him the ole piss disc under his desk everytime he speaks to you. If that doesn't work: liquid ass his face whenever he tries to talk to you

[-]

WhiteUniKnight@reddit

Not unethical, but real: maybe say "I don't want to get in trouble for talking too much on the job," or "I'm sorry, but I can't focus on my work when [you/someone] talks to me."

Unethical: or, if that recurrently doesn't work, then "I would really appreciate if you refrain from conversation [with me] on the clock. I've asked more than once and you haven't respected it, not once. Please go do your job so I can do mine, otherwise, I'll have to bring this up to [manager/owber/boss] if it happens again. Capiche?"

[-]

Frequent_Opportunist@reddit

It's actually really simple to establish boundaries with people. With a stern face look right at them and say, "no!"

That's it. That's all you have to do. Grow a pair, stand up for yourself and establish boundaries.

[-]

hypnochild@reddit

Any way you would pretend you went deaf or had hearing aids and suddenly lost them? Issue with your ears and can’t have people talking a lot near you? I’d definitely make up a medical reason.

[-]

SuitableExercise7096@reddit

Ive done this many time...here my methods

-Be as BORING as humanly possible when you have to speak.

-Repeadtedly ask them "what do you mean" like an amount of times that makes people just want to say....ok nevermind

-Always have 1 airpod in. Point at it agressivly when they talk to you

Generally treat them like a stray dog. Acknowledge they exsist but never engage

[-]

FlowerComfortable889@reddit

I'll definitely second the incompetence angle. Pretend you don't know answers to any of their questions and/or point to the documentation. I didn't learn that for a long time when I was on a helldesk and ended up babysitting a brutally incompetent person who, while a nice person, had absolutely no business being there for months.

[-]

HommeMusical@reddit

when I was on a helldesk

Bit of a Freudian slip there.... :-D

[-]

CommercialExotic2038@reddit

Slip, I always thought it was an on purpose

[-]

mrman08@reddit

It’s true though. They aren’t kidding.

[-]

FlowerComfortable889@reddit

Actually it took rather a lot of fighting with my phone keyboard to stop correcting that back to helpdesk 🤣

[-]

HommeMusical@reddit

Even better!!!

[-]

f1ve-Star@reddit

I think we all knew exactly what they meant. I too have been in hell.

[-]

Puceeffoc@reddit

I once worked with a guy who I knee growing up. He was my parent's friend. He was a Marine and was very intelligent. I get into corrections and EVERY ONE hated him. I see him having a conversation with someone and he's a complete idiot. I immediately know his game, but say nothing. The other correctional officers leave and say "you know what we'll take care of it." NO ONE trusted him to do things. He came in collected a paycheck and did the bare minimum. It was a work of art. I never told anyone his game except for my co-workers I considered close friends. When I told them "Jones is pretending." They didn't believe me until I brought them to Jones' house after he retired from the prison. It was hilarious when he spoke completely different and was extremely competent and responsible in his personal life.

You gotta play that game right off the bat or slowly become an idiot and unreliable. Especially if you're an hourly wager. Why work harder for the same pay?

[-]

Afraid_Baseball_3962@reddit

"brutally incompetent"

Nice one. Think I'm going to tuck this away for future use

[-]

FlowerComfortable889@reddit

I can't say I've ever used that before, but when I thought of this former "tech" and the other contractor who was brought on at the same time (and both were cut loose at the same time for similar reasons of incompetence), that popped into my head. The one they put me next to was at least nice. The other had a face and personality like a cat's ass and was even less competent. Password resets were a real stretch, forget about anything requiring the registry

[-]

Over-Bug1501@reddit

Vince? Is that you?

[-]

FlowerComfortable889@reddit

gif

[-]

SuitableExercise7096@reddit

I experimented with giving the wrong critical information to one of these people once and it kind of backfired on me and I had to BS my way out of it with gaslighting everyone ...thats where I learned the play dumb angle works better

[-]

HeadsUp7Butts@reddit

To sum it up: play dumb

[-]

polinadius@reddit

You just described how I interact with everyone.

[-]

Hoarfen1972@reddit

That’s sounds so exhausting to have to do, just to get rid of a numbfuck at your desk. Very imaginative tho. I just put earphones in and point to them and carry on with what I’m doing. Same as with people sitting next to me on a plane, earphones work best.

[-]

jjjjjjj30@reddit

That's so awesome! 🤣🤣🤣 You don't give a fuck. I like it.

[-]

Puceeffoc@reddit

Manager- "Hey Bob says you're purposely not hearing him."

OP- "What?" (This buys you time to mishear them)

Manager- "Bob says you're purposely not hearing him."

OP- "Oh yeah. A porpoise not feeling well, yeah I've seen those memes."

[-]

overlymanlyman5@reddit

Holy shit, just reading this made me hate you as a person. Good advice…

[-]

ThatsJustMyToeThumb@reddit

OMG YES make them repeat _everything_ ! That is so obnoxious sometimes I don’t even want to talk to my own mom 😭

[-]

Critical_Cat_8162@reddit

I do the air pod thing, but if someone tries talking to me, I remove one, but hold it out from my ear by about 2". In other words, I'm just waiting for you to stfu so I can plug it back in again.

[-]

chunky_lover92@reddit

Be as boring as possible is basically a technique called grey rocking.

[-]

STS_God@reddit (OP)

I’m implementing this ASAP!

[-]

Shepherd77@reddit

gif

Basically be Colin Robinson OP

[-]

jim_br@reddit

Or Uncle Colm!

[-]

Couldthisnamebetaken@reddit

We often joke that Colin Robinson and Uncle Colm must be related.

[-]

lisaaah1123@reddit

Now, I don't mind a bit of a breeze, if any, I prefer it. But thon was aggressive. So I says to myself. I say 'Colm, this is no day for a do'.

[-]

dilperishan@reddit

this is the way

[-]

c4pt1n54n0@reddit

Just made me realize it's probably good I don't live where there's lots of stray dogs because I'd soon own lots of dogs

[-]

SuitableExercise7096@reddit

I edited that part, maybe stupidly but its how I treat mine

[-]

StatisticianKey7112@reddit

Impeccable ideas

[-]

TheSpacedGhost@reddit

gif

[-]

MimsyPrincess@reddit

Before you start something, hey. Just a heads up i need to concentrate on task now. I'm putting on headset so be in the zone.

Then when they inevitably disturbes you, say " I don't have time to chat now, as I said earlier I'm focusing on X task. Let's catch up later when break starts. If they go " it will be quick" say I'm busy. Let's talk on break when I'm done. After you say you are done here. Plop in the headphone and ignore. Ignore ignore ignore.

When they get offended. Be blunt, hey I get that you want to chat but this is the third time you interrupt me and ignore when I tell you I'm working and need focus. Please let me work in peace.

[-]

eggington69@reddit

Bring in something really stinky for lunch that stinks up your whole desk area

Let him get into his yapping and sprinkle in a few wet coughs/sneezes. Then ramp it up after he’s a couple minutes in with a bit couching fit or something and explain “sorry, I’m just getting over the WORST cold”. It might make him keep his distance for a few days, but hopefully he’ll think you’re the kind of guy who will just get others sick and he’ll just avoid you more in general now. This one’s also repeatable—if it doesn’t work long term then just keep catching another “cold”, he’ll think you’re one of those people who are ALWAYS getting sick and maybe that’ll convince him to keep his distance more long term.

Make negative comments about his stories. Not mean necessarily, just enough that talking to you is not fun anymore. Like if he’s telling a story about his nieces wedding you can go off about 1) how you hate weddings—it’s such a backwards social construct created by the patriarchy to keep women in their place 2) how YOUR niece is just the worst—she’s in rehab again after she got caught stealing from your sister for drug money 3) how you just hope his niece didn’t have too many flowers at the wedding—god how you hate when people are so inconsiderate of other people’s allergies. Those aren’t different options of what to say, you should say all of that and MORE. Be an absolute energy vampire. Make talking to you such a chore that it’s not fun anymore. Go on and on about yourself and be as negative as possible.

Sit too close to him or make WAY too much eye contact

Wait until he gets into the thick of a story and then interrupt him— “hey I think you have an eyelash in your eye, hold on… no maybe not. Wait idk, does it feel like there’s something in your eye? It kinda looks like something… hold still…”

Go to the bathroom whenever he starts chatting you up

That’s all I got

[-]

FatherFarnsworth@reddit

Just be flat out.

[-]

SassyMoron@reddit

The instant he makes a sound near you, scream as loud as you can and make yourself vomit

[-]

krazul88@reddit

Buy one of those programmable big red buttons with a speaker in it. I think they are USB powered. Program it to say "Shut the fuck up and leave me alone."

Wear your headphones and keep the button right next to you. Whenever Chatty Patty shows up, press the button.

[-]

SarahKauthen@reddit

Ask him if you can borrow some money.

[-]

StrangeDocument3571@reddit

Just tell him to stop talking to you so you can focus?

[-]

Original-Evening-116@reddit

You tried subtle. These people don’t understand subtle. You can’t win if you’re your level of polite to someone with that level of rudeness. You might feel bad but you shouldn’t.

Headphones on, only uncover an ear to determine it’s not work related then go back under. Outright ignore them and if they try to wave in your face or touch your headphones then treat it like you would a random stranger at the store.

[-]

Tirednurse81@reddit

I finally changed jobs because the person in the office next to me talked non stop. I would close my door and she would run over and fling it open-no matter what I was doing or if I was on a phone call. It was awful.

[-]

MikeHock79@reddit

Eat a bunch of boiled eggs everyday so that you have really smelly farts on deck. Whenever he comes to talk to you let a few silent but deadlies rip and eventually he'll leave you the hell alone.

[-]

Varsoviadog@reddit

This is all so silly. Just explain him you don’t want to be bothered because you need to work. No quick stuff no nothing, and sell the promise to provide another space for their chatting urges. Ofc it’s a lie but in this times… better being explicit

[-]

Adorable_Ad4990@reddit

“That’s cool! Man, I’m so swamped right now sorry I’m only half-listening… sorry…. hey, you wouldn’t be interested in prepping the xyz report (or whatever menial task that’s universally hated)?for me? Dig your heels in. Act completely earnest as you ask him to do YOUR work. Every time he starts, cut him off and sigh about how much work you have and ask him to do some of it!! Send him on an errand “hey can you ask Tiffany if she ordered those binders yet?”

Mix of redirecting combined with him associating you with asking for help with work.

[-]

Adorable_Ad4990@reddit

Start asking him to do your work for you. “Oh man that’s pretty cool… hey I’m falling behind on this TPS report if you want to work on sheet 3?”

[-]

whitewolfdogwalker@reddit

Good luck! Maybe just be honest, tell him that you need to concentrate. Can you move your desk?

[-]

kex@reddit

Have you ever worked in an office?
Being honest will inevitably result in HR getting upset with you.

[-]

Adorable_Ad4990@reddit

Or your coworker hating you, which is also sometimes not worth it.

[-]

Redsquirreltree@reddit

Through the years I have found that a person like this will not respond to subtle hints.

You have to be as rude to them as they are to you.

Yes, they are being RUDE TO YOU.

They are NOT nice.

Interrupt them mid word and say “be quiet, I need to work”.

Nothing short of that will work on this person.

[-]

Adorable_Ad4990@reddit

They are clueless, not always trying to be rude. Feel sorry they never got social guidance. You can still be direct, but gentle is fine too. Even playful.

I want to hear about this when I can focus, but I’m right in the middle of something and have a lot going on. Or playful: hey you wanna write this report for me?

[-]

fishmedia@reddit

I have literally told people “get out of my office I need to work” and honestly they’ve never gotten offended

[-]

Guilty_Application14@reddit

Had a coworker like that years ago. Not onky would he talk endlessly, but as he was winding something down he'd remind himself if another story. We'd use netsend to send 'help!' to another coworker and they'd cine iver with some emergency that they needed our help with.

[-]

TichoZataku@reddit

Real answer? Just be up front and direct. Funny answer? Keep something really smelly and quickly spray it when they approach. Or, if you've got one in the chamber, hold it and let it rip when they come by 😆 Bad news is that you will have to sit with it after that, good news is it will be quiet at least

[-]

Nenroch@reddit

You're on a new, health information kick. Start working weird facts about bodily functions into the convo ESPECIALLY if you can relate it to women's health. Society has is trained that we don't speak this aloud, and statistically, men will get uncomfortable way faster. If he steers the convo away, you can randomly make a face with a, "sorry, I just can't stop thinking about ..."

If you only work this in when the topic isn't about work, you might be able to operant condition them to chill on the chatter.

[-]

Mitts64@reddit

Ignore and pull through as if he doesn't exist as soon as you settle down and start working. It was weird to do at first for me as well but I have seen it done before and i usually remind myself that I don't look like an ass when I do it and that I am just concentrating on my task

[-]

throwawaymentality10@reddit

Bro I just repeat "oh, nice" every single time. Eventually they understand.

[-]

neophanweb@reddit

Headphones work if you pretend you're on a call. Point to your headphones and to your phone, then completely ignore him and act like you're focusing on the call.

[-]

Xenovitz@reddit

I used to sit next to a Brian. Brian never did any work and was impossible to teach how to use Excel. Brian was a red hatter who thought being the problem made him a patriot. Brian thought it was super cool to talk about drinking and doing other drugs with his teenage kids so they'd like spending time with him over staying at their mother's house. He also wouldn't shut up about Scientology. Brian had past problems with domestic violence, being creepy with children and stalking, don't be like Brian. Brian was the company owner's childhood friend so there was only so much I could do. One day the boss tasked me with creating Youtube training videos for Brian. I'd never made videos of any type before so I unintentionally made training videos in the old Let's Play style, which was fun. Unfortunately Brian would never shut the fuck up so his talking was in the background of every video and Brian would constantly say some fairly incriminating shit. I did my job and posted the videos for the whole department to use as training and guide material. Brian's ex was in the same department and watched the videos. I don't know the legality of it but she used Brian's ramblings to get full custody of the kids and a fair amount of child support. Brian blames me for it and all I could do was smile. I don't know where Brian is now but the last I heard he was working for the local church (mentioned previously in this post).

[-]

Existing_Many9133@reddit

Some people just don't get it. You have to be blunt and kind of a bitch. I had that happen to me twice, I tried to be polite at first. Then while going through menopause, when I had NO patience I just blurted it out...."Will you shut up and leave me alone, I'm trying to work/concentrate on this!" Worked like a charm!!

[-]

SudburySonofabitch@reddit

Say "stop talking to me unless it's absolutely necessary, I don't like talking to you nor do I like listening to you".

[-]

OGMom2022@reddit

I’m a dog trainer. Any time he shuts up , toss him a treat. Or muzzle him.

[-]

SnarkCatsTech@reddit

My twisted AF brain saw this after reading "muzzle him": An industrial sized box of ball gags with leashes attached. From Temu.

OP silently grabs one and wrestles chatterbox to the floor, much like getting control of a gator. Installs the gag, grabs the leash, and leads chatterbox back to their desk. Attaches leash to their chair. Walks back to own desk.

Repeat as necessary. 😂

[-]

OGMom2022@reddit

That works too. 🤣

[-]

Dropitlikeitscold555@reddit

Not unethical, but put up a sign saying “do not disturb, I’m focused in on work” Unfortunately in my heavily male engineering office, some of the more attractive women have had to do this to actually get work done when men stop by to chat all day long.

[-]

Replic_uk@reddit

When he turns up, turn to him with a wide smile and crossed eyes. Let drool run down your face...

[-]

Classic_Cauliflower4@reddit

There is a website called “Let Me Google That For You.” Next time he comes over for something easily searchable, tell him you’ll send it right over…and then send a link. I’ve never actually used it, but my partner tells me that it will open a Google page with animations showing how to type the term into the search bar.

[-]

Acer018@reddit

Keep airpods in your ears and and when Mr. Interruptis asks a questions. Point to your air pods you're listening to something and keep doing what you were doing. Basically ignore him the way he ignores uou.

[-]

Primary-Strawberry-5@reddit

Hold up a sign with the hush lips on them and the words “SHHH. I Don’t Care!” They eventually get the hint

[-]

gringogidget@reddit

I just say “sorry no English” even though I very clearly speak English.

[-]

IngrownToenailsHurt@reddit

I'm a network engineer and used to get interrupted by the desktop team constantly about things they should know or could easily find via Google. I had to start telling them Google is your friend.

[-]

2571DIY@reddit

Say “hang on please” turn to the computer to keep working. When he starts talking again “let me finish this up, be right with you” when he interrupts again, stop what you’re doing, stand and face him and afk directly “why do you think it’s okay to interrupt my work and put yourself in a position of priority? I asked you to wait til I was done”. Immediately turn and sit to work. Do not respond to his apology. Do this EVERY SINGLE TIME. Make him wait ridiculous timeframes. He’ll get it. Stop being polite. If called to HR, your response is “I am so glad you are addressing this finally. I’ve asked him to wait multiple times yet he continues to interrupt me incessantly with no regard to my job duties. I am relieved you’re finally handling it.”

[-]

missjay@reddit

Grey Rock.

[-]

LinkavichChomofsky@reddit

Had a coworker like this, and when our office moved I was relocated to beside them. Immediately bought big noise cancelling headphones, and would act like the coworker didn’t exist. Wouldn’t acknowledge them until they would literally have to tap me on the shoulder, and then I would barely remove one side of the headphones and act like they were interrupting something important. Only took a day or two before they got the picture. Good luck!

[-]

nmf343@reddit

If you’re able to see him coming, quickly pick up the phone and pretend to be on a call

[-]

Turbulent-Caramel25@reddit

In a similar situation I said, "Jesus Christ, Curtis. It's not like I have anything else to do," while posting out the pile of my own work. He never came back.

[-]

wisegrace@reddit

Why not just tell him you need to work and please leave you alone? Why jump through all the hoops? Seems like energy wasted

[-]

FullSandwich6694@reddit

“Listen. I really need you to listen to me. With all due respect, I simply can’t focus on my work load and engage in small talk with coworkers at the same time. I’m honestly not a chatty person to begin with. It’s nothing personal. Thanks for understanding.”

[-]

trentyz@reddit

Tell him you’re starting to fall for him but “you’re not ready to get back into a relationship” and you “need space” hahaha confuse the fuck outta him

[-]

huuttcch@reddit

Why not just be assertive about it? You don't need to humour people and their disappointment isn't your responsibility

[-]

abqcheeks@reddit

Good idea. I was going to say, show him this post.

[-]

ninjaweasel21@reddit

Not unethical, but I feel like honesty could go a long way. If they ask a question, or just start talking, drop in something like, ‘happy to answer this quick question but I really do need to get back to work within the next two minutes. I think I have a harder time task switching than you and I lose track of where I was if we into a real conversation. Kind of a bummer, but that’s just the way my brain works.’

That’s what I’d do, and it is true for me.

[-]

Modavated@reddit

Tell him to shut the fuck up so "I can get some work done"

[-]

CripplingdepressionP@reddit

Keep an AirPod in on the side he’s sitting. When he talks just keep looking at your computer and respond with ‘mmm’ or ‘mhm’, dont open your mouth to answer anything. Be boring

[-]

unreelectable@reddit

Why is this in ULPT? This is basic communication.

When you say "I’m busy" and he responds with, “this will be quick,” don't just sit there and take it.

Cut him off and say, "no, i don't think you heard me, I'm busy and you're distracting me from work. If you keep this up, I'm going to have to talk to HR. Now let's just both focus, ok? Thanks."

You'll have to repeat this at least twice for them to get it. I ended up actually reporting one of these guys to HR and he hated me for years after that, but he hated me quietly and it was worth it.

[-]

UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit

User listed on r/botbouncer.

[-]

flamboyantbutterfly@reddit

Anything but a kind confrontation could get you in trouble for creating a toxic workplace if he gets offended and decides to talk to the management before you.

I’d mention it in my 1 on 1 with my manager so they’re aware and then have a talk with the coworker that the conversations are draining and they impact your performance.

He will 100% back off after this. Guaranteed. And if he gets offended and talks to the manager, the manager already knows what happened.

[-]

Follow_youre_heart@reddit

Eat 12-16 deviled eggs before work. We're going chemical warfare on this one

[-]

kendragsc11@reddit

Came here to say op should just fart 💨

[-]

HenryFordEscape@reddit

And you'll be big and strong like Gaston.

[-]

scientia_analytica@reddit

Add Garlic and Onions. Maybe try the cannon with beans and sweet potatos. Also no deodorant

[-]

UnfortunateDesk@reddit

Plus kimchi

[-]

Apotak@reddit

Take a microwave to work, heat up fish.

[-]

Ban_Assault_Ducks@reddit

Get a USB powered George Foreman grill and cook it at the desk. All day. Just keep eating fish. With broccoli and cabbage and eggs and garlic. May as well melt the building.

[-]

Ban_Assault_Ducks@reddit

Your username and profile pic are the chef's kiss to this comment

[-]

Follow_youre_heart@reddit

Username checks out

[-]

Voyager5555@reddit

How the fuck is this an "ethical" question?

[-]

Queen-gryla@reddit

Nah with those you gotta be direct. Chances are dude has mega autism and isn’t picking up on your disinterest. Pretending to be friendly is more cruel than simply saying that you can’t talk at the moment.

[-]

themobiledeceased2@reddit

Your co-worker gets dopamine good feelings hit talking at someone. All about his feelings.

First: THEY KNOW. Because they ignore/ disrespect normal first line social signals (headphones, busy, pushback.) "It will only take a moment." Up their game to "just being friendly/ helping" staying inside the lines. Olympic Level dashing through social boundries to feel good at expense of the victim. He is being friendly helpful good guy. Hence, you are Bad Guy for any indication he isn't.

Benign or game playing, the level of feedback required to tip to "this requires prompt change" can be personally devistating. Over reactions, quitting, "they unfairly are trying to fire me." Some are more fragile: can internalize and spiral down.

1.Document objective data covertly: frequency of interruptions, time, push back to "busy" daily, weekly, and monthly. Low level talk to manager: Data, Tried this. No change. "don't want to complain, criticize, start something but not sure what to do. Thoughts?" Good management / HR know how to walk this delicate line. Theirs to frame, manage. You avoid employment law, policy whoopsies. Yes, awkward.

Disrupt pattern more overtly, but unspoken: White board tally of everytime he interrupts. Overt location he can see, big deal to pull out a marker, add a mark as soon as the interruption begins. See if he connects the action, evidences insight / self moderates. Escalte to entire spreadsheet. # of interruptions, # "this will only take a minute." Stopwatch to document length of time of interruption. # related to work. Allows for just kidding defense while giving negative feedback.
Direct objective facts without friendly concern. "I'm going to interupt you: You may not realize: The amount and frequency of your interruptions has escalted. For your awareness, starting tomorrow, daily count. If I have my headphones in, I'm concentrating and want to stick to business at hand."

4. Optional: Here is information for the company's Employee Assistance Program."

Do not be drawn into medical discussion, diagnosis, mental health, medications. Avoid any trying to help you, concerned about you. Succinct, Head phones back in. Allows: "Thought feedback would be helpful" if escalates.

[-]

Ludwig_Vista2@reddit

Use your words.

"Dude, I've got way too much work to do.

If my headphones are out, I'm working. If they're in, I'm working. If my laptop is on, I'm working.

I don't really have time to chit chat."

[-]

Something_Etc@reddit

Say that you heard layoffs are coming and you need to look busy. That will freak them out and they’ll get back to work.

[-]

WatchingTellyNow@reddit

Brilliant!

[-]

Lizaderp@reddit

I fart and swear a lot. 10/10

[-]

ahahafuckalive20@reddit

Start looping your leadership in. Passive aggressively email CCing him in “hey so and so had a question about this.” Create your paper trail because your leadership will get annoyed with the emails and will make them stop. Malicious compliance and we speak to them as if they’re toddlers. We quote them in their own language “We know that our deadlines are approaching shortly and I am going to be taking the opportunity to prioritize this project, can anyone be available to assist other team members?” Leadership can’t be mad because work is done, leadership can be mad they tried to shrug their job description off on someone else and can’t do anything about it because paper trail for HR. It’ll get handled.

[-]

WatchingTellyNow@reddit

Headphones do work if you do it properly. I had a colleague like that, and put my headphones in because his constant running commentary stole my focus all the time. I let I'm know that if he really needed to talk to me, he'd need to attract my attention in some other way than just talking to me, and he couldn't be bothered to look silly waving at me, so the interruptions were really reduced.

When your colleague starts up, immediately say "I'm in the middle of something, give me 5 minutes" and then put your headphones back on and ignore him. Five minutes later, ask him what he wanted. If it's a question he could find the answer to elsewhere, feel free to say "that's what Google is for", or "try asking Cathy", or "what do you think is the answer?" Or better, he will have forgotten what it was he wanted to say. Engage with him on your schedule, not his.

If he takes it further, you can explain that his interruptions are negatively impacting your productivity, and you're trying to encourage him to work independently. If you're really worried that it'll be a problem, keep a log of dates, times and length of interruption, and the subject of the interruption. For example, "1 May, 9:23-9:28, what his dog did this morning" or "9:31-9:34, how to write a SUM formula in Excel". Look at the clock very obviously as you note the time.

Good luck, it's so disruptive to your day, I hope you can get it sorted.

[-]

Niniva73@reddit

There's the walk him to his desk method. "Let's walk and talk." And when he gets to his desk, he'll sit down, because that's what he does there. You gotta be a bit smooth to pull it off, but it's worth a try.

[-]

GoblinTatties@reddit

Fart spray

[-]

GiftToTheUniverse@reddit

Look over and hold that urgent pointed finger upward with a “shhhhhhhhht!”

[-]

urbanista12@reddit

Ask to go to another desk.

[-]

ayleidanthropologist@reddit

Act like you’re not listening. Let them go on for a while then “wait so is Mike you’re brother? Oh what, idk why I thought that” eventually the disrespect will register but you have enough deniability for workplace purposes

[-]

MiserablePassion9264@reddit

When he starts tell him you will give him 2 mins to say what he has to say and then you have to get back to work. Time him and if he goes over cut him off.

People like this tick me off because they are allowed to suck up all your time but if you say anything back you are the rude one.

[-]

wouter135@reddit

[-]

ThatsJustMyToeThumb@reddit

I married a man like this. I’m an introvert 😭 I’ve tried all of these thiiiiiiings and he still talks SO MUCH WHY GOD

[-]

drnigelchanning@reddit

😆

[-]

ElizabethTheFourth@reddit

Why is this in ULPT? This is basic communication.

When you say "I’m busy" and he responds with, “this will be quick,” don't just sit there and take it.

Cut him off and say, "no, i don't think you heard me, I'm busy and you're distracting me from work. If you keep this up, I'm going to have to talk to HR. Now let's just both focus, ok? Thanks."

You'll have to repeat this at least twice for them to get it. I ended up actually reporting a guy to HR and he hated me for years after that, but he hated me quietly and it was worth it.

[-]

UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit

User listed on bot bouncer

[-]

cocototo@reddit

gif

[-]

GungHough@reddit

A while back I had a female friend who worked in a corporate office with mostly female coworkers. This office had a porcelain cat statuette that would mysteriously make its rounds to various desks. If you returned from the bathroom, lunch, whatever, and found the cat on your desk, you can be pretty assured that you set someone off recently, possibly by being "catty." You can do something similar with your chatty coworker with a symbol of some sort that means you are not available to talk. Maybe, even, one the three wise monkeys, the one covering their mouth.

I know this isn't unethical but so are a lot of the responses on this thread to your dilemma.

[-]

testsubject793@reddit

Huh, cool statue, girl, what's the story behind it? It reminds me of that one time in Bangkok...

[-]

SnarkCatsTech@reddit

Were you somewhere between despair and ecstacy?

[-]

sectumsempra42@reddit

I had one of these people next to me.

One day I came in, and before I could even take my bag off my shoulder they started asking questions about something going on in my personal life and how it was going.

I interrupted them mid sentence and said "I'M ACTUALLY NOT TAKING QUESTIONS RIGHT NOW."

"Oh, my bad."

They have since stopped talking to me other than work related stuff.

[-]

00_buttslut_00@reddit

This is the answer but the keyboard that afterwards, you need to STOP RESPONDING to him no matter what he’s doing - doesn’t matter, don’t react.

[-]

FrolickingTiggers@reddit

I personally chose to use a synthesizer to firm up my resolve.

[-]

00_buttslut_00@reddit

Well played friend

[-]

00_buttslut_00@reddit

Well played friend

[-]

Wide_Interaction_788@reddit

I don’t answer questions

[-]

randyest@reddit

Works well with cops too!

[-]

Flight_Fan2287@reddit

I’ve tried every option mentioned here at some point in my life. Best thing I ever did was pretend I’m trying to change my life.

“Hey, it’s nice be able to talk and all but I want to be more intentional with my life. I’m going to start grinding out XYZ tasks and more focused to discipline myself. I told myself I’d start today. So if you see me with headphones on I won’t be able to talk. I’m not ignoring you just working on (insert self improvment.)Also, if you see anyone else trying to get my intention and it’s not an emergency would you mind letting them know I’m focused and not to disturb me?”

Who is going to argue with you about this? There is nothing to argue. If they tap your should or try talking to you, just ignore them. Or say “focused.” without even looking at them. And by asking them to look out for people interrupt your grind, you are 1.) Legitimizing the narrative you gave them and 2.) redirecting their energy by tasking them out with something to feed their attention.

This is the perfect excuse to ignore someone guilt free. It’s worked 100% of the time with me.

[-]

ThatsJustMyToeThumb@reddit

This is INCREDIBLE!! Genius!

[-]

Itwentinthesewer@reddit

Dude, hell yeah. This is a great suggestion. I really could have used it in 2007.

[-]

Flight_Fan2287@reddit

“I really could have used it in 2007.”

I just recently retired early at thirty. Imagine how much I hate myself for only figuring all of this out in the very latter end of my career… lol

[-]

mooncandys_magic@reddit

Have you tried just ignoring him?

[-]

Independent_Work_452@reddit

I know you mentioned about headphones not working, but hear me out. Use those bulky headphones and even if you listen, make him repeat everything two or three times. Take your time to answer and look at him vaguely like you’re thinking about something else. Even better, answer something completely unrelated a few times.

[-]

HistoricalPlum1533@reddit

Act like you’re getting call anytime they start talking.

I do this sometimes when someone I don’t want to have a conversation with comes up and starts talking to me. A simple, “oh sorry/excuse me, I have to take this” while taking out your phone, say hello and just start walking away.

[-]

1jf0@reddit

You need to be more assertive.

[-]

some1thtuused2know@reddit

Get an hour glass that has 3 minutes of sand. Pull it out when he engages and let him know he's got until the sand runs out. "Not being rude. Just mindful of time and my work load."

[-]

Thecleaninglady7@reddit

“I’m on vocal rest” written on a piece of paper.

[-]

Double_Pay_6645@reddit

Just start talking about how much you love God. Specifically a god they are not interested in. Start inviting them to religious events.

[-]

EusticeTheSheep@reddit

I know this is Unethical tips, but you could try using kindness and honesty instead of hinting at what you need.

George, I need a lot less interruptions that are not related to my work responsibilities. If you have questions you feel that you cannot answer on your own please write them down and we can talk about them right after lunch (or some other time). I appreciate that you want to socialize with me but I need you to respect my need to focus.

[-]

Rey_Quinn@reddit

Bring some liquid ass to the office and spray it around just before he turns up. Guaranteed to keep him away and as a bonus, everyone else too.

[-]

Tiny_Phase_6285@reddit

Sorry, I have to concentrate. I have a shit ton of work to do. Then turn away from him.

[-]

Appropriate-Gap34@reddit

I had a toxic boss. Anytime he asked for something I asked for something. Pretty soon he stopped asking. You can do this proactively.

[-]

Goodlucklol_TC@reddit

"Sorry I have a boyfriend"

[-]

bullgarlington@reddit

Tell him to stop. Be nice. But be clear. Tell him exactly why and tell him it’s about work not about him. But tell him. He just doesn’t fucking get it. He might need a cookie.

[-]

Johnny_Carcinogenic@reddit

Air horn

[-]

LevelPerception4@reddit

The easiest way is to wear headphones, create a meeting in SharePoint and tell him you’re about to start a meeting.

Second easiest is to tell him you’re going into a meeting, grab a notebook and go for a walk/get some coffee.

Third choice is to book a conference room for the time of day he bothers you most frequently and go work in there.

Fourth option: Tell him you’re busy and ask him to schedule a meeting with an agenda so you can prepare for it. - During the meeting, launch immediately into the first topic on the agenda, direct him to another resource for help, and move on to the next topic. - Don’t let him chit chat, cut it short by reminding him you have only 30 minutes to cover his agenda. - Next time he tries to schedule a meeting, don’t accept the invitation; reply that you don’t have time to help him and suggest he talk to his manager/HR/IT about additional training if he’s struggling.

[-]

81644@reddit

How about telling him to leave you alone and get to work?

[-]

randyest@reddit

How do headphones "not work?" Just keep them on, point to them, shake your head, and mouth something random. Repeat as long as you want then turn away.

[-]

NeerDeth@reddit

Bring pictures of your family to work. When he talks, bring them out. Plus points for baby pictures.

[-]

8888eightyeight@reddit

Silver bullet: Complain about Random stuff that happened in your childhood and you always have to have an arrogance about how it's not your fault even though it is

[-]

ShhhBees@reddit

I can see you’re one of those who can’t be directly abrupt or blunt do you also have a problem saying no. Ugh if yes then man it’s tough.

But As someone said pretend you’re getting in trouble due to talking and Maybe let them know that you’ll be available at 12:00 (for example) and surely you guys can talk then right? Or something. They’re trying to be friends so keep that vibe going. “I’m on a strict no talking before 12 today. We’re in this together buddy let’s just finish off the work we’re getting paid to do and then you and I can chat.”

[-]

Such-Mountain-6316@reddit

Never contribute to the conversation. It only prolongs the agony and encourages more.

[-]

Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit

He's a jerk and doesn't respect you.

What’s the most low key way to make that happen?

That won't work. Listen to the "rudest sounding" advice here. This is a person who needs their nose rubbed in their own pee to understand.

[-]

sonarboku@reddit

No advice, just a shoutout to this particular SNL sketch.

https://youtu.be/ZpcMXvUi4Zg?si=16xYZbAVWYcOcoQN

[-]

UpstairsTomato3231@reddit

Just interrupt him to talk about yourself. People like this hate it.

"It'll be quick. So I was...."

"OMG! Me first. Okay, so there I was, waiting in line, and the guy in front of me was all, 'hey you going on the bus, too?' and I was all, 'Totally'......"

And keep talking until he walks away. They usually do. People who won't shut up just want to hear themselves talk. Don't give him the chance to talk. And it's funny.

[-]

Pleasant-West-7760@reddit

They got ADHD. I got a dude like this on my staff. As another comment says. Just say you are getting in trouble for talking. He will find another outlet.

[-]

More-Smell-4734@reddit

Guys imagine telling someone the truth? Imagine telling someone you don’t have time to talk? Imagine telling someone you are busy? Tell. The. Truth

[-]

oymo@reddit

As soon as he tries to talk to you, tell him, "I don't have time to chat, I've got a lot of work to do and need to focus."

Or you could say "we've been spending to much time chatting and I'm getting behind. I need to focus so I'd like to keep the chatting to a minimum."

[-]

KnockItTheFuckOff@reddit

I have a boss who will slowly allow his jaw to hang down as someone is speaking until he eventually ends up with a very dull, vacant, bored face with his mouth hanging open.

It's hysterical to watch and it absolutely works.

[-]

Positive_Reference96@reddit

turn to him and say what you told us and save him the odd psychological tricks used to manipulate anothers behavior .

[-]

ElPapaGrande98@reddit

Just be an adult and kindly tell him you need to focus on your work

[-]

NotMyCircuits@reddit

An old boss taught me the 50/10 rule. I was to work hard and focus from the top of the hour until 50 minutes after; I could only interrupt with questions fir last ten minutes of the hour.

He always took a break at T-minus 45 minutes. Nowhere to be seen.

[-]

Perash@reddit

Eat some tuna and raw onion. Then go talk to them. Stand extra close. Breathe hard on them. Might have to do it a few times to times to reinforce lesson

[-]

iGrowCandy@reddit

Putting in earbuds WHILE someone is talking to you is the total Chad move

[-]

Key-Candle8141@reddit

When he opens his mouth spit in it

[-]

Jabronimus@reddit

Earbuds

[-]

Kammy44@reddit

I have a relative that couldn’t stand being interrupted during work, but she took it to excess. She consistently was told in reviews that she had trouble communicating with other staff.

She eventually rage quit the job. She communicated just about as well with family.

[-]

No_Flamingo9331@reddit

There was a guy who constantly talked to me, all fucking day, but I hated him. He was a pun guy, so many puns. So I started to groan when he made puns and pretended, loudly, that I hated them. In a fun exaggerated way I would put my hands over me ears when he came near me and sort of sing “nope, no puns no puns”. Since I was being friendly and funny he never seemed to be offended, and he always walked away. It became a gag about how much I hated puns. But I really just couldn’t stand him.

[-]

Secure-Corner-2096@reddit

Why not just say, I need quiet to do my work.

[-]

_muck_@reddit

If he's asking a lot of work related questions, suggest to your manager that he needs retraining

[-]

eich_tee_616@reddit

If girl ka kwento mo boyfriend mo palagi. If lalaki ka, kwento ka ng problema mo kahit di existing. Or pwede din sabihin mo kung alam nya ba pakiramdam ng sinaksak mo siya sa leeg pag di siya tumahik ganon.

[-]

PressureLoud2203@reddit

Is this your coworker? Sounds like you have a energy vampire.

gif

[-]

benqueviej1@reddit

Look past them and yell, JESSICA, JESSICA!!!!

[-]

xtnh@reddit

Wiggle in your chair and complain that your VD is acting up

[-]

TheBear8878@reddit

I read about a move someone talked about years ago where when the coworker started to talk to them, they would stand up and walk with them back to the coworkers desk, then walk back to their own desk. The coworker just kind of follows without thinking about it, and then you just leave them there. Might need a little cap off, like "Cool, great chat!" before you walk away haha

[-]

ShoddyJuggernaut975@reddit

Every time he asks a google-able question, Google it in front of him.

That, or if you want to be super passive aggressive, tell him you will email the answer, and send it in Let Me Google That For You format: https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=elephant

[-]

erisod@reddit

Ask "is this urgent?" And turn back to your work. When he is done talking leave a gap and say, "Oh did you stay something? I'm trying to focus"

[-]

Ok_Muffin_925@reddit

Headphones don't work? They are the gold standard in these scenarios. What is he doing? Poking you to get your attention? Just because you might hear him with the headphones on doesn't mean he knows you can hear him. Or maybe just get noise canceling headphones and turn up the volume a bit. I think you need to give this route another try. And do not look away from your screen if you sense he is waving at you , poking you or ear him over your music. And do not get up to leave your desk without calling a phantom person you are meeting somewhere in a minute ("oh hey, yeah I'm on my way now....). . Become the prototypical tech minded aloof worker with no awareness.

[-]

Any_Garbage2598@reddit

This one. Pretending you can’t hear them and not acknowledging their existence WILL deter them. And this way you always have the excuse that you just couldn’t hear them!

[-]

Optimal_Law_4254@reddit

Ask. Tell. Make. You start by being nice and asking them to stop. If they ignore you and don’t then you tell them to. If that doesn’t work you go to the boss and tell them that the coworker is yakking nonstop and it’s affecting your productivity.

Playing ULPT games here is a bad idea because suddenly YOU could become the problem and end up being in trouble.

[-]

thinkshiftster@reddit

“Can you please for the love of all that is holy shut the Fuck up?!”

But also, “I cannot talk—even for one second” also works

[-]

LocalInactivist@reddit

Keep your headphones or earbuds in all the time. Whenever they try to engage say “Sorry, I’m on a call.” and turn away.

If you don’t have your headphones on, say “I’ve got a call in 90 seconds.” Round up to the nearest five minutes. Another option is to say “I have a call and I’m already late”. Put your headphones on and turn away. Start clicking things.

[-]

throwaway291919919@reddit

following cause i have the same problem!!! lady wont shut up

[-]

KatarinaRen@reddit

A simple "could you shut the f...k up for once" usually also does the trick..

[-]

HandbagHawker@reddit

grow a spine and say you cant talk now.

[-]

Biuku@reddit

Sorry, I can only talk for 3 min. (Start stopwatch…). Okay, that was great. Bye. Yeah, goodbye.
Sorry, I can’t talk today. Bye. Yeah, goodbye.

You can actually dismiss him, you’re just not being rude enough. Put on headphones, turn your back, play music and work.

Above all though, be nice about it and try to give him 3 min here and there. If he gets to talk to you twice a day for 6 min, that’s enough. Then look him in the eye and say “Bye.”, turn your back, put on headphones, act as if he doesn’t exist. If he touches you, yell “Don’t touch me!”

[-]

stabbingrabbit@reddit

Do you have a work phone on the desk? If so have it on speed dial on your cell phone. Everytime he interrupts you call your desk phone.

[-]

awmaleg@reddit

Get a buddy across the floor to call you whenever he sees Him standing at your desk.

[-]

grundlemon@reddit

I do this with my boss at work when we have salespeople come in. I just disappear to the back and call him after a few minutes. They usually don't get the hint though.

[-]

ermockler@reddit

No, call his desk phone. Soon as he lifts it hang up. If he comes back, do it again.

[-]

stabbingrabbit@reddit

Was going to say that but then I thought caller id

[-]

simplebutstrange@reddit

Lol my work phone doesn’t have that

[-]

curiouscomp30@reddit

They should get the point
Pretty quick with caller id.

[-]

Offal_is_Awful@reddit

You’d hope

[-]

extraterrestrial-66@reddit

Pretty easy to withhold your number! 🙂

[-]

Saabaroni@reddit

Let me stop you right there.

Then turn around and fuck off until he skedaddles.

If he comes back, do it again

[-]

Brave-Sink-9914@reddit

One time I told a co worker I was facing disciplinary action for causing disruptions to work flow because people won't stay on task and instead they would talk to me. It wasn't even a total lie either. I was a receptionist, at a front desk, these people were coming to me and talking my ear off and I was getting told off for wasting time of the "important staff"

But they did get the message and went only breif conversation in passing and regular pleasantries

[-]

guardiand0wn@reddit

Earphones.

[-]

Hot_Yogurtcloset8609@reddit

I would just be honest tell the guy you got alot of work and the last thing you wanna hear is him talking about dumb shit that don't matter sure it's not the nicest way but it gets the job done.

[-]

llllIIIlIlIIIIIlIlll@reddit

have you tried talking to management? you could say something like, i have a dilemma and i was wondering if you had any advice on how to handle the situation. when im trying to work, xxx always interrupts me to tell me stories and theyre very nice but they dont seem to catch my hints that im trying to work. its very distracting, i dont know what else to do because ive tried telling them im busy and they just say itll be quick and it never is… then just see what they say

[-]

Kooky-Whereas-2493@reddit

stop knowing the answers he is looking for

[-]

gotchafaint@reddit

Honestly that's HR's job, don't waste your energy doing their job for them. I get not wanting to be a snitch but there's a high likelihood he's annoying other people. Ask to be moved while you're at it.

[-]

Mean_Occasion_1091@reddit

HR is not there to help you. complaining to them about something this minor has a chance of putting you on shit list instead of them.

[-]

Mean_Occasion_1091@reddit

I understand what subreddit this is, but have you actually explained this to him, or have you just been hoping that he 'gets it' on his own, while being perfectly nice to them?

You're allowed to be irritated if someone is bothering you too much, and ask them to leave you alone.

[-]

Former-Increase-9165@reddit

Squirt bottle with water in it, just like training a puppy,,,, bad behavior gets a squirt, good behavior gets a treat, so, but some jolly ranchers, toss him one, then say, don’t talk with your mouth full of candy, maybe he will get the hint, if not, then step up to small candy bars, eventually, he will start gaining weight, and then you make fun of his weight, and suggest he go join a gym, or make up outlandish answers to questions!!!!! Make him think for himself,

[-]

PM_ME_JINX_PRON@reddit

This is unethical life pro tips. You should tell him you think he’s annoying, constantly bothers you by talking to you and every time you have to hear him speak it’s like listening to thousands of wailing cats. Then you say the best thing they could do for you is to never engage with you again.

[-]

Bratchan@reddit

Just pretend you don't hear him. Then if you look at him just be like "oh i wasn't paying attention was it something important?" "Oh where you talking i was ding something important?" If he starts to tlalk again be like, sorry got to finish this and just go back to ignoring him.

[-]

cleverusername143@reddit

This.

Sorry I wasn't listening, what did you say?

Then continue to not listen. When they repeat them self you say. Yeah sorry I wasn't listening. I can't focus on you I'm busy. Rinse and repeat. No one likes repeating themselves. He'll figure it out.

[-]

Dr_A_Mephesto@reddit

Yeah and do it over and over. I didn’t hear you. talks yeah didn’t hear that talks still not hearing it

[-]

Jumper2002@reddit

Just be rude, interrupt him while hes talking, if he asks you stuff just tell him you dont know, if he doesnt pick up the hints just tell him "I dont care, stop talking to me"

[-]

StinkypieTicklebum@reddit

Ignore

[-]

h0gwa5h@reddit

Shush them like a librarian

[-]

tree_beard_8675301@reddit

Say, “shh, I’m working.”
If he talks, spray him with a spray bottle.
Continue until he stops talking.
Repeat as needed.

[-]

electric_shocks@reddit

Loudly blow your nose for an uncomfortably long amount of time as they talk.

[-]

ccannon707@reddit

lol, I was thinking coughing but not covering your mouth.

[-]

nolehusker@reddit

Just say your busy, put your headphones back on, and ignore him.

[-]

No-Confidence-4106@reddit

The best way is to do exactly the same thing back to him but on topics he absolutely would not care about you need to every time you see him follow straight over to him and start talking about your favorite Pokemon character at length after a couple of days he will avoid you

[-]

johnpmac2@reddit

Farting works well

[-]

7thAndGreenhill@reddit

Tell him that you have ADHD and that every time he interrupts you it takes you 10-15 minutes to get back into the flow he interrupted. Once you've done this you've now let him now that he is the jerk if he keeps it up.

[-]

Apotak@reddit

You don't have to lie you have ADHD. Just tell him you need 10-15 min to get back into the flow.

[-]

7thAndGreenhill@reddit

But ADHD makes it a medical excuse and not a personal preference. By making it a medical excuse you can now say that the coworker is refusing to abide by a reasonable accommodation for a recognized disability.

[-]

RaeAhNa@reddit

Say, "Hang on, let me record this in case I miss something while I'm trying to do my work and listen to you at the same time."

Then set your phone down in front of him and start your recording app so he can see it's recording. Keep working. There's a good chance this will discourage him. He may not like the thought of being recorded and also that his audience isn't actively participating in the conversation/monologue.

[-]

solewheelin@reddit

Pretty great reverse psychology here.

[-]

Popular-Capital6330@reddit

This one is genius

[-]

LeeAllen3@reddit

Ethical … just tell him, “I cannot handle the constant conversation and get my work done. I do not want to lose my job,” and repeat it again and again.

Unethical … get one of those high frequency noise makers (ex: dog barking trainers) and find a frequency that he is bothered by but can’t actually be heard or found. Secretly activate it every time he starts to chat.

[-]

RewardFluid7316@reddit

I dunno, setting verbal boundaries tends to work for me. Like telling someone I don't want to talk to them. That's not being a jerk, that's establishing your boundaries which is invaluable. Especially at work.

[-]

harmonious_harry@reddit

I think blunt, unapologetic honesty might work the best here. “(Insert name), every day you come to my desk to chat. Whenever you do this, I genuinely just want to concentrate on the tasks I have to hand. Rather than to chat. I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t disturb me in future and allow me to focus on my job.”

[-]

Junior_Ad_3301@reddit

"sorry, I'm right in the middle of ignoring you"

[-]

VStarlingBooks@reddit

Turn whatever they are talking about into something confusing.

[-]

RiloxAres@reddit

Why not just be honest and tell him you have shit to do and have a nice day. Its not rude to tell him off for constantly bothering you.

[-]

Delicious-Broccoli34@reddit

Can you just be direct and say “hey I need to focus” and turn away?

[-]

jlprufrock@reddit

Just tell him "don't talk to me unless I ask you to" ... and mean it.

[-]

grumpvet87@reddit

just be politely honest that you need to focus on work and would appreciate if he waited until break or lunchtime to talk about any non work/ project related items

[-]

Particular-Island709@reddit

Just tell him you are busy and ignore him.

[-]

FraGough@reddit

You're not being a jerk by telling him to shut up.

[-]

BruceRL@reddit

Retraining is absolutely not possible. I've been through this multiple times.

The other comments have a lot of good ELPTs. Basically, you must go to HR and document this person's boundary-ignoring behavior, it's adverse impact on your productivity, and the very polite and professional ways you've tried to mitigate this. Insist on support. Every time. Ask around to see if anyone else has the same problem. Get them to also go to HR. You aren't being a jerk doing this, HE'S the jerk. I mean, you are having to adjust your work schedule; that's a huge red flag that it's bothering you a lot.

The ULPT is after you've done this, then go to HR to complain even when he hasn't bothered you.

[-]

LXVIIIKami@reddit

"Shut the fuck up" goes a long way. If that doesn't work, try "SHUT the FUCK UP"

[-]

ProCunnilinguist@reddit

Have you tried telling him you don't like him and just talk to you if it's about work?

Maybe you could Google and buy a pair of balls.

[-]

PlanBIsGrenades@reddit

Spray bottle.

[-]

CrossFitMathIsHard@reddit

Bark at him. Like a dog. Every time.

[-]

LobsterLovingLlama@reddit

“Hey I need to focus on my work and can’t talk outside of break time anymore”

[-]

Vegaprime@reddit

Declare adhd. "Im really bad at multitasking, can we put a pin in this conversation and circle back later?".

[-]

Koumadin@reddit

🤣

[-]

Baby_Chuck@reddit

“Hey if you don’t mind I have some work I really need to finish up. If I get some free time maybe we can chat over lunch or after work if time permits.”

[-]

dorianfinch@reddit

i've had this issue. what worked was telling him that sometimes, i just want to sit and rest during my lunch break and it's nothing personal, but i need some alone time.

that makes it sound like a "you" issue not a "him" issue so it comes off less accusatory, but still allows you to set a boundary and ask for him to respect it

[-]

mandi723@reddit

Don't be subtle. Tell him to leave. you don't want to talk. You're here to work, not make friends. If he's not taking a hint, you need to decide it'd it's more important to be nice or left alone.

[-]

SuitableExercise7096@reddit

This isn't a viable option in some work settings you have to maintain professional and play nice in.

Could turn it into a much bigger deal or get you "punished" for being a coworker that's not nice

[-]

cyrusthemarginal@reddit

sometimes it's nice to work for Amazon, we are encouraged to be assholes

[-]

lemme_just_say@reddit

Yea, I was just going to say, as someone who voiced “I’m not here to make friends,” it can be bad for your reputation, even if you’re right and doing the work and others chitchat at meetings and all day and they come in early and stay late and brag about that but waste so much time during the day talking about their grown son’s flat tire on the highway and the keto diet. I know, I know. r/oddlyspecific

[-]

Soggy-Attempt@reddit

Easy. No. I don’t have time to talk today.

[-]

FlipMyWigBaby@reddit

When you see him approaching in the corner of your eye, slightly dip your head and close your eyes. Then as he starts to talk to you, say “Amen”…

“Sorry, I was praying… what’s the energency, i got to get back to work, I’m swamped …”

[-]

Winter_Persimmon_110@reddit

Sounds like you just need better headphones. Try Etymotic ER2XR. They are very good ar blocking out sound. Then work at an angle where he can't get in your line of sight and set up as away on slack.

[-]

cyrusthemarginal@reddit

make your own cubicle wall out of poster board and put it up between you

[-]

Cricket_Piss@reddit

Piss disc

[-]

ShiftySauce@reddit

I know you said headphones don’t work, but worth giving this a shot:

Have ear buds in, no need to have anything on. The first thing you say when you get in is, “just so you know, I’m listening to _ to catch up _, so forgive me if I accidentally ignore you.”

Then… ignore them.

[-]

sewingmomma@reddit

Are your noise cancelling headphones the big over the ear types? If not, he may not realize you are wearing headphones if they are small? Get the big ones.

Every time he tries to talk to you, sigh and say...

You: "Ugh. What's wrong?"

Him: "I wanted to tell you about..."

You: "I'm working." Put headphones right back on mid sentence. You're going to need to be a little angsty.

[-]

SMA-Massive-Dong@reddit

[ Removed by Reddit ]

[-]

Sufficient_Swan5250@reddit

Be honest bro, at a certain age, you won’t give a flying fuck, just be nice about it

[-]

LethalRex75@reddit

I have a few like this. They get one conversation a day, and then if they come back I don’t even look at them- I continue typing and looking at my computer screens while giving the same boring responses you are.

[-]

embarrassedburner@reddit

Book a conference room to go work solo in routinely

[-]

famhh97@reddit

Blue light blocking glasses and mention these headaches you get that are triggered by light and noise. Rub your temples and forehead a lot when he is talking and doesn’t get the hint. Can transition to ear plugs if needed.

[-]

CompetitionOther7695@reddit

Just go to management. You are not a gangster snitching on someone, you have a right to a comfortable work place and it’s not your job to police your coworkers. Your boss would wonder why no one told them sooner that this chatterbox is limiting your productivity.

[-]