How do you politely tell someone to “Shut up”?
Posted by TheMalsh@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 236 comments
Serious replies only please.
I work with someone who is a lovely bloke, but all he does it talk from 8:30 AM - 5 PM which in the confines of a small company office is unbearable. At the same time, it’s genuinely impressive how someone can talk so much.
He is in his late 40s, possible early 50s has a partner and child and I honestly feel bad for them.
I am big into my fitness etc, recently he joined my gym and he manages to somehow bring it up in conversation everyday. I have been slacking in the gym as of late and despite me saying this, he still continues to talk to me about it. I try to say I’m not interested but he does not get the memo.
It’s not even like he tries to one up you, it’s just a story every single time about something usually extremely unhelpful.
I have just sat here for 10 minutes giving it the “Yeah” “mhmm” “I see” and yet he still does not know I am not interested.
I am not the only person that says this and every now and again somebody might get a bit snappy with him purely because they are trying to focus. How do you politely tell somebody that you do not care or to be quiet without offending them especially in a small environment like an office?
No_Appointment_7576@reddit
I used to work with someone like this and it got so bad that in our team we took turns calling each other's phone so we could go "sorry, a client is calling me" and only then did they stop talking.
L-0-T-H-0-S@reddit
Just tell him you want to get on with work or whatever. You haven't set boundaries, you need to.
TheMalsh@reddit (OP)
We all say this to him, but I genuinely believe he just likes to talk
Haytham_Ken@reddit
I've got ADHD and I like to talk. I have to force myself to not interrupt people. What helps me is putting earbuds in and listening to music.
Illustrious-Milk6518@reddit
I read this and thought ADHD. But I also would never work in an office environment because ADHD lol
omniwrench-@reddit
Depends on how you manage yourself and learn to check your behaviours
Office jobs have been the bread and butter of my career, it’s not like ADHD makes this stuff impossible.
Helps if you do something creative - I work in an office but I spend my days drafting designs and colouring in pictures so that probably helps.
Illustrious-Milk6518@reddit
No it’s not impossible with ADHD, but it’s certainly not for me 😂 I like working with people and chatting. Sitting quietly at a desk is my idea of hell.
omniwrench-@reddit
I totally feel you! In the design role I do there’s a fair deal of collaboration, so I’m fortunate we as a team are often chatting and asking for opinions/sharing ideas; and they take me as I am, so less masking required - ideal AuDHD territory for me
What role is yours? That sounds good
Haytham_Ken@reddit
Yeah. It's super difficult for me. But the HR director is awesome. Basically said I can come in when I want to and if anyone gives me grief she'll have my back
Illustrious-Milk6518@reddit
Oh that’s super cool! I’m glad you’ve got an understanding HR team who have your back. Flexible work must be a blessing haha
vajaxle@reddit
The whole world has ADHD these days mate, the OP is looking for polite solutions to dial you out.
AskUK-ModTeam@reddit
Don't be a dick to each other, or other subreddits, places, or people.
Don't be a dick to each other, or other subreddits, places, or people. AskUK contains a variety of ages, experiences, and backgrounds - consider not everyone is operating on the same level or background as you. Listen to others before you respond, and be courteous when doing so.
DryJackfruit6610@reddit
What an unhelpful contribution.
vajaxle@reddit
No, their contribution was unhelpful. That poster wanted to shoehorn ADHD into a question where ADHD wasn't on the radar.
DryJackfruit6610@reddit
Its very common for people with ADHD to not understand social cues and talk about their interests. Also common in other neurodivergent conditions.
So I would argue it was more helpful than your dismissive contribution.
elgrn1@reddit
"Dave, I have work to do and can't chat to you all day. I'm happy to catch up when I go to make a cuppa or at lunch but otherwise I need you to direct that energy elsewhere.
Also, if I ask you to stop talking about a subject, I'm not giving you the option to choose whether to do that or not, I'm telling you. You need to respect my boundaries more and get a better understanding of consent."
Send this if needed as a follow up https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pZwvrxVavnQ
ShutupNdSquat@reddit
People actually speak like this? Flipping hell…
Pristine_Speech4719@reddit
This misunderstands boundaries (the point is that YOU will do something if something crosses a line - you can't impose boundaries on other people), and using the language of sexual consent in the context of a natterbox is just cynical.
elgrn1@reddit
The fact that you think consent is only applicable in a sexual context is exactly why people need to be better educated on the topic.
95jo@reddit
This would be incredibly uncomfortable to say in real life btw.
cuppachar@reddit
This is cringey as fuck. "Dave, mate, STFU"
Bruno241221@reddit
Bingo.
BaseballBrave927@reddit
It would, this is why I just distance myself from people like that (that’s not nice/adult but it’s what I do anyway!)
elgrn1@reddit
It wouldn't be more uncomfortable than OP setting himself on fire to keep his coworker warm, as he's already doing.
People pleasers and conflict avoiders need to realise that other people can't respect a boundary they don't know exists. So you need to speak up.
95jo@reddit
Mountain out of mole hill - OP could just say ‘Sorry mate, can’t talk right now, I’m busy’ and move on.
dugerz@reddit
There's no way that works against ADHD
SorbetNo7877@reddit
If he's been told then just turn around and get on with your work.
I do this in the office for conversations that have gone on too long, we're there to work, no one is offended.
sluttracter@reddit
Then he is selfish and not actually a lovely guy. I hate people like this. Read the room. Unless he has learning difficulties it's easy to tell if people are engaged with the conversation.
mgorgey@reddit
Or he's a lovely guy who is socially unaware and struggles to pick up social queues.
altopowder@reddit
A social queue sounds intense!
pajamakitten@reddit
But they have already politely told him to shut up. That is not missing social cues, it is ignoring people.
A_Roll_of_the_Dice@reddit
"Sorry bud, I don't mean to cut you off, but I really need some quiet right now and I can't focus when people are talking to me. I'll catch you later, alright?"
If he gets the message and leaves you alone, great. If he doesn't, double down with "see you in a bit" and walk away.
Other than that, your only recourse is being bluntly direct -- "I need you to stop talking to me for a bit because I'm busy."
westofcentre@reddit
I love the Britishness of that. Skip the "I don't mean to cut you off" and try "Sorry to cut you off"
blahblahblah1234_@reddit
Just don’t respond. If he tries catching your attention by calling your name, just say ‘Oh sorry, I’m kind of busy right now. Let’s talk later.’ The end.
MrLewk@reddit
Sounds like he might be somewhat autistic. Very familiar to someone I know who is. If he actual is on the spectrum, sometimes being blunt is a far better way to go as subtle social cues are meaningless
BaseballBrave927@reddit
Intentionally eat sulphurous food and fart around him obnoxiously, that’s my novel solution to your problem anyhow!
reditcyclist@reddit
Headphones is the key. You can dial back usage as he improves ;)
lesterbottomley@reddit
Have you tried the approach of:
"Its great that you can focus on work and chat at the same time. I'm just not wired like that and can't multitask to that degree"
Spirited-Ad655@reddit
Say it and put your headphones in
olivinebean@reddit
They love to talk? Well then it's time for you to talk more.
If a voice pops up in your head and says "I'm starting to bore myself, maybe I should finish talking" ... Ignore it.
Pick the most boring subjects you can and let them flow out.
Train/bus schedules, food you don't like, what your family has for breakfast, why your dog has it's name, the entire plot of an okay TV show that they will never watch.
And to really drive home the punishment (conditioned to associate you with a poor audience), top every single story they tell. Don't even react, just immediately start talking about something barely relevant.
Deep_Banana_6521@reddit
Yes, this. Especially the last point. "That reminds me of the time I.." is a great way to get people to avoid you.
Especially if you tell the same stories over and over again.
cyberllama@reddit
Choose 5 terrible dad jokes. Repeat constantly. If that doesn't work, start explaining the jokes
Deep_Banana_6521@reddit
I came up with a good joke that I've told at work about 900 times.
I'm a baker, work in a bakery. They were talking about small boats on the radio and I said:
"They say there's a small BOATS problem, but I'm having a small BOWLS problem, I can't find any" because we don't have enough small mixing bowls.
Now any time I'm looking for a small bowl, I say "They say there's a small boats problem..." you get the rest.
olivinebean@reddit
Shit, nearly forgot the best one.
Show them pictures of your friends/family on your phone and don't move on until they react to each one individually.
I'd like to thank a woman called Susan for my inspiration, truly the dullest yet most talkative person I ever met in my life.
changhyun@reddit
This is inspired. Expert level boring.
Make sure half the photos are very similar shots from the same occasion too. Here's one of my niece on her birthday. Here's another from her birthday but this time she's smiling a bit bigger. Here's another but now she's smiling at someone behind me.
hunsnet457@reddit
I work with a woman who does this and after the 15th photo I start to panic over which variation of oooh/aaah/wow I need to use next, it’s like playing Bop It!
UKBARNEY73@reddit
I told someone to shut the fuck up when they rudely interjected, the fact I let it slide when they called me a cock on numerous times previously stood for nothing , lesson learned but at the same time probably not , I dont regret it and I lost my job. Nine times out of ten it will work out in your favour if you happen to be female insulting a male, the other way round diminishes any chance.
Wonderful_world101@reddit
I'm just curious, does he get his work done. Could it be he's on the meth lol
PeachImpressive319@reddit
“Mate, you seem like a decent sort, and I quite like you…but you don’t half rattle on. Give it a rest for a bit, l’m trying to work here, and you’re giving me a headache.”
pgnlzbth@reddit
I have often said ‘sorry, I really need to concentrate - just need to get my head down for a bit in silence. Thanks!’
AcanthaceaeHot1694@reddit
You aren't really going to address this without pissing in his cornflakes at least a little bit.
Get a stopwatch and visibly start it in front of him every time he starts talking and then show him saying things along the lines of "dave you have been talking to me about the gym for 20 minutes now, I need to get on with my work"
If you want to be fancy I should think one of those chess clocks might be a good option.
You could then escalate to recording how long he talks in each instance in a spreadsheet. T
He's also not being that lovely if he is making lots of peoples days worse but is seemingly clueless. Being ignorant is a weak excuse.
I used to work with a couple of people where you basically had to shout at them or just walk off half way through whatever they were saying. If you directly told them something like "good to talk to you, I need to be going now I will see you tomorrow" they would acknowledge it but just carry on talking lol.
plasticjalapeno@reddit
headphones
Rich-Lychee-8589@reddit
I once worked with a lady like that...I'd just say things like...im gonna have to get this report done...or im absolutely swapped so ill chat when its break time...or I'd say im absolutely stressed atm so I can't take in what youre saying.
She took the hint!
If he carries on, then it might be worth speaking to your manager and asking them to have a quiet word about him disturbing others.
theawesomepurple@reddit
You wear ear buds for a little while.
Every time he starts talking look blank, then make a show of taking them out and asking him to repeat himself. Comment appropriately and make a show of putting them back in.
Do this until he’s got the message.
You are ‘training’ him.
place909@reddit
Don't forgot to ask him to wait second and furrow your brow and you hunt for the pause button
GenXer76@reddit
I wore large noise cancelling over-the-ear headphones, and my chatty coworker would still walk up to me and stand there until I took the headphones off! It was unbearable.
HarketSavoy@reddit
Turn the other way and ignore them. Obviously, if it’s about work, you might have to remove them but for socialising, urgh no.
Rosehiphedgerow@reddit
I'd say its better to performatively wear headphones. I personally bought myself headphones because when walking in the street, people will stop and try to interact with you (people trying to sell you stuff), if you're wearing earphones, because they can't see them. Headphones they can see and it sends a clear message
phatboi23@reddit
i have a big set of headphones i wear out and about.
i can hear what people are saying to me, gives me that second if i want to interact with them or not haha
sihasihasi@reddit
Maybe when you're out and about, but in this situation, completely irrelevant.
Moomoocaboob@reddit
I have an alternative… after the looking blank part you do the “oops I can’t hear you” ear point and shrug then go straight back to work.
CuteChampionship6350@reddit
Say to him now is not the time for chatting, now is the time for working.
Past_Grass_@reddit
Headphones
cdh79@reddit
He's lonely.
Ill-Confusion-1844@reddit
I work with one of those called Jim on a platform in the North Sea, so it’s not like I can even go home to escape him. We do 2 week trips, I arrive the Monday after he does, and he then goes home the following Friday, while I have to wait until the following Monday for my crew change day,. I refer to the 11 days I spend with Jim as ‘The Mindspool’ (shamelessly stolen from TV Go Home) literally a thought, no matter how random or tedious, can’t pop into his head without coming out of his mouth, sort of like a hair drier, but with words, tedious, tedious words.
He’s shifted gears recently and will also throw in random questions that he somehow expects me to know the answer to, totally offhand with no opportunity to research it, like he asks and he expects the answer, immediately. One example was at 3am on a quiet night shift: “Why doesn’t Norway use the Euro?”. We hadn’t mentioned Norway or the Euro, so I honestly don’t know where this came from. I’ve labelled this new phenomenon ‘The Jimquisition’.
I subsequently refer to the day he goes home as ‘Jimdependence Day’, and it’s honestly the start of my time off, even though I’m still on the platform for another 3 days.
JSHU16@reddit
This is the funniest thing I've read on here for a while.
A hairdryer with tedious words absolutely sent me
Glittering_Vast938@reddit
This sounds awful! Poor you.
Ill-Confusion-1844@reddit
Thanks, but luckily this is my last trip here, I’m on to Jimless Pastures new. The platform I’m on is being decommissioned by the end of the summer and we’re all being made redundant, but luckily I’ve found a new job, so I’m just working my notice. Plus recent changes mean that for this trip, he’s on days, I’m on nights, so I hardly see him. Think I’ve gone deaf.
But honestly, if we weren’t being made redundant, I’d have been looking for a new job anyway, just to escape Jim.
Glittering_Vast938@reddit
Ah good luck with the new job!
I knew someone years ago who used to do the offshore thing 2 weeks on/ 2 weeks off stationed on a boat next to a rig. Think he was a document controller. Was decent money!
HelzBelzUk@reddit
Jimdependence Day absolutely sent me 😅
TheRealSlabsy@reddit
Look up the 'Grey Rock Method'. Maybe he'll stop talking to you if you're incredibly boring.
FuckedupUnicorn@reddit
I work with a guy like that. The other day I said excuse me I just need a wee, and then didn’t come back. Not really practical in an office job though.
Sagegreenlama@reddit
Get big over the ear headphones and tell him you have to concentrate then put them on.
Formal-Proposal7850@reddit
We were all given these little flip charts that had different messages on them
Smiley face + happy to chat! Concentrating face + please do not disturb Etc etc
Maybe you can buy one or make one! Set it to ‘do not disturb’ and tap it when he tries to chat
signalstonoise88@reddit
Not an idea I’ve tried, but one I saw suggested on a similar thread which I thought was subtly incredible:
You: “Can I just stop you there…”
Him: “Oh, sure.”
You: …
…and just silently carry on with whatever you were doing.
ItsFreeRight@reddit
"There's this cool new Black Eyed Peas song I think you'd love..."
Serious reply? Tell him you need the bathroom. Hopefully he'll be gone when you get back. Can't do that every time so maybe sometimes you could set a 2 minute timer on your phone when he walks over to you (tell him it's important and you've gotta deal with it idk). Fake being sick? People hate germs.
Namaste_Life@reddit
Buy a fez, and tell him whenever you have the fez on, it's a sign you need to focus on your work.
MingePies@reddit
“Please only talk to me while I’m wearing this fez,” while very clearly not wearing a fez.
Namaste_Life@reddit
They stopped making imaginary fezes - there was no market for it.
Pristine_Speech4719@reddit
A tough decision but they had to fez the facts
dugerz@reddit
You're almost there but it's the opposite way around. Fez ON = happy to talk
Kickkickkarl@reddit
You have to be super firm with people like this. The more you are super firm the less they are likely to chat to you next time because you set a boundary and they know they will not get away with their behaviour with you.
Psychological-Bag272@reddit
Can you put on an earphone??
TheMalsh@reddit (OP)
We can, but only one earphone and I can bet he wouldn’t notice it or still try to get your attention
Crinkez@reddit
Why only one? Sounds like a rubbish job. Maybe it's time to start looking elsewhere.
Throwaway91847817@reddit
My office is the same. You can only have one so you can still hear instructions from people, fire alarms, people moving Yorkies (big mobile cages) and things around.
Psychological-Bag272@reddit
Sounds like he has a bad home like and work is his escape. I doubt he is like this at home.
You need to just interrupt him and pretend to be apologetic and say you need to get back to work.
I was "him" at some point in the past and when my colleague said they have to get back to work mid convo it did make me realise I might have been disruptive and I eventually stopped... well... the company allowed me to WFH so I didnt have a choice haha
TheMalsh@reddit (OP)
I honestly just believe he is passionate about his job.
Most stories involve work somehow.
Even if it ends up going back go the first time he had a roast dinner which was in Norfolk and yes, that is a true story
timind25@reddit
The first time I ever had a roast dinner was in Norfolk too! (Mind you, I was only 2 and I lived there...)
RetroRegretso@reddit
Can you put it in his mouth?
lime-enthusiast@reddit
Used to have a teacher who'd say "let me stop you right there.." as if he was about to inject with a follow up point.
He'd then just say "thank you" and turn around
Throwaway91847817@reddit
Fantastic power move
hassan_26@reddit
I've been using the "let me stop you right there" a lot recently with a friend who's tangents in his stories are sagas of their own.
I then follow up with "finish the original story first" because they are genuinely funny/interesting
ams3000@reddit
Headphones. Headphones. Headphones. Sounds like he suffers from a compulsion and people like that have a fear of silence and cannot help themselves. So you do what you can and block the sound out of
TheDaemonette@reddit
I think we all have something to bring to the discussion but from now on what you should bring is silence.
Sandy_Bananas@reddit
Will he try to fight you if you’re direct?
Gimme five minutes of peace, please.
‘Can I interrupt…’ then go back to what you were doing.
‘Let me stop you there’- pause and then get on with whatever…
I have kids at home… I come to work for some peace.
You didn’t need to share any of that with me.
I used to overshare too.
This isn’t the time nor the place.
Have you been tested for ADHD?
It’s important that people find an outlet for their energy beyond work.
Christ, John, read the room.
Haunting_Being@reddit
Hate people like this, I had someone sat behind me on a long coach trip over a decade ago who was just like this.
In your case, I'd recommend a decent pair of noise cancelling headphones. I'm not an expert but I won a nice pair of JBL ones in a competition last year, they're wireless, the battery lasts a long time between charges and it drowns out most noise and talking completely.
ScientistNational363@reddit
Nah, need to offend him if needs be. Needs some home truths, works difficult enough.
“Can you stop talking for just one day, for the love a god!” Should do it.
yarddog9@reddit
I had a customer awhile ago that had business cards printed “stop talking”. She would hand them out to those that felt they had to break the silence.
Arabatta@reddit
Time to get some headphones.
lapsongsue@reddit
I work with someone like that. Last week I told him I was desperate for the loo and he said sorry, then carried on talking as I tried to walk off.
He's big into cars and will ask you how your weekend was purely as an intro to show you photos of cars he's taken over the weekend. Not from a show or race, not flash sports cars, a specific make, model or colour, or even badly parked. Just. Cars.
I hate him.
Spicymargx@reddit
I would just say “I’m so sorry I’d love to chat but I really need to crack on with some work”. He’ll probably reply and say “yeah me too”.
nickdaniels92@reddit
Exactly, anything that reinforces that you have work to do and potentially implies implies he's slacking is worth a shot. I'd avoid saying anything to suggest that you're open to taking at some point though, so wouldn't use "love to chat".
"Sorry XXX, I've got a lot to crack on with" then look away and ignore. Next time, "Sorry, still got a lot to get on with". "Wow, they must be sending your work to me by mistake! Sorry, I've got a lot to get done by end of day.".
It could also be a sign that he's having difficulty with work, so it's something to flag with a manager.
Spicymargx@reddit
I get why you’re suggesting not adding anything which may encourage further discussion but ultimately I don’t think it’s realistic to work with someone and never have a casual chat with them. It also doesn’t sound like OP never wants to talk to their colleague again, just that it’s too much right now. Personally I think saying “I’d love to chat but” is a way of indicating “this isn’t personal and I still like you, but the boss is expecting this done” and may be a good get out of jail free card as it puts the focus back on what you have to get done, rather than making the other person feel like they may have annoyed or upset you.
lost_send_berries@reddit
They're not saying never chat with them. You can chat for ten minutes in the morning then use this.
It seems like the colleague can't take a hint, so don't give them a hint. If you say "I'd love to chat", there's a chance they take that and ignore the rest.
Spicymargx@reddit
I think we’re reaching here. “I’d love to do x BUT” is a pretty clear indication.
nickdaniels92@reddit
The trick is to stay neutral and say as little as possible. Who knows what goes on in their head, any something innocent like "would love to chat" could be weirdly misinterpreted, "oh, they said LOVE", "so they do like me after all", etc. Not an interpretation that anyone well balanced would make, but they may not be. So don't tell them that you don't want to talk ever again, but don't throw any hint of encouragement either. Depends on context and only the OP knows the exact dynamic, but the less said the better IMO.
Spicymargx@reddit
I mean I hear you but I’d personally take a graduated approach. Start as friendly as you can whilst making it clear you’re not available to talk, and then be more blunt if the message isn’t received. I also don’t think OP dislikes their colleague they’re just finding it all a bit much. I’d be tempted to tread carefully.
Legit_Vampire@reddit
This is what I said to a colleague who kept talking. I just said tell me about it later but I really need to knuckle down to work
PsychologicalDish430@reddit
Just say you need to focus on a task and then ignore him, he'll soon get the message.
joshchngs@reddit
https://media.tenor.com/r17xjNTNKJoAAAAM/jim-carrey-dumb-and-dumber.gif
bellabanjsk@reddit
My husband has this at his work and now goes in with headphones and says he’s listening to ‘focus music’.
Illustrious-Milk6518@reddit
Sounds kinda like ADHD. I’ve had people grab me by the shoulders and tell me to shut up because when I’m hyper I just can’t be quiet. Even if it’s humming or making funny noises to entertain myself
KoorbB@reddit
Offend him. If he’s too dumb to read the signs then he’s just being a dick.
Neat_Sand_9717@reddit
Noise. Cancelling . Headphones
chaoticchemicals@reddit
Are you Still talking ?? Have sern this used to effect.
KelvinandClydeshuman@reddit
Does he have a mental health condition or neurological disorder? Hyper, excitable behaviour can often be a symptom for certain conditions.
Ivy_Sinclaire@reddit
"Dave, there's no point in talking to me. I've got my headphones on and I can't hear you. And I've got work to do"
AHGoogle@reddit
How about saying, in as friendly a way as possible, "have you heard about studies of conversations, in which you measure what fracton of air time each of the parties take up? In healthy conversations, it can get as uneven as about 70:30, but if one person is doing 90% of the taking, there's something badly wrong", and asking him to think about that over the next few days/conversations he has.
Put it across as him doing the other person a favour by letting them get a word in - when there aren't any coming in the other direction, he'll realise it's not a dialogue.
A little guided introspection may go a long way.
Mplus479@reddit
Have you tried just saying "uh-huh", repeated, that's all.
FingersMartinez@reddit
I say either "I need to crack on mate" or "sorry but I need to concentrate and I can't multi task" and it usually works. The people I've said this to don't seem to have any negative feeling towards me either right then or later when there is time to chat. If this doesn't work you need to snap increasingly so they clearly know they're annoying you. You could make it uncomfortable for them if you want them to not like you anymore and they probably wouldn't want to talk to you but that is a pretty nuclear option and hard to recover back from. Stare blankly at them with no reaction whatsoever then when they stop talking go back to what you're doing. Then if they start again, sigh and stare. They should get the message pretty quick. I think the "politely" bit is your problem here.
gherkinassassin@reddit
I find saying 'Sorry, Im now keeping you from your work, let's catch up in a bit' had been pretty useful.
Excellent_Bank6964@reddit
I think he’s neurodivergent and doesn’t know. I was him. It’s very hard. I’m now diagnosed and go for coaching I’m more bearable now. Not medicated yet. It was a colleague took me out for lunch and spoke to me about it. I was devastated but saw my doc and after diagnosis and much reading I’m so grateful it was pointed out to me. When I told my family there was a resounding AT LADT! They’d been trying to tell me for years but it whooshed right over my head … I hope you both get what you need … he the help and you some peace.
OrangeChevron@reddit
Be direct and say I know you have a habit of talking a lot, but I cant talk and concentrate at the same time. We can chat on lunch breaks but not while im working. Please respect that.
Then get to work and DO NOT break your own boundary or you're back to square one.
Also tell HR as that kind of stuff is genuinely disruptive to workplace environments
Hminney@reddit
Leave your desk and go to your manager. Say you can't do your work because of it. Keep doing it, and persuade colleagues to do it too. Eventually management will realize that either they're paying lots of people who are unable to get any work done, or they have to remove this person to a place of safety - your safety.
spik0rwill@reddit
I have someone like that at work too. I've known him for a long , so all I need to do is interrupt him and he stops.... He knows he does it, but it doesn't seem to bother him. God only knows how mamy times I've heard his life stories.
BertBlenkinsop@reddit
My favourite is "let me stop you there" then turn away and do your stuff.
BellamyRFC54@reddit
Are you allowed to use headphones ?
mkaym1993@reddit
I tend to say “I’m just going to lock in as I’ve got to get this done” and put my headphones in and crack on
Indie_Barrel_1402@reddit
Look, I’d love to hear the rest of the gym saga, mate, but I’ve got to put my head down and smash through this work or I’ll be here until Christmas. I’m going to pop my headphones on for a bit so I can focus—give us a yell if the building’s on fire, hey?
TheNinjaPixie@reddit
In the UK there was a tv show called Doc Martin played by Martin clunes. He was a clunky character and when people were chiming in he would just say firmly "stop talking" or "be quiet" Not loud or aggressive just.....stop talking! i use this at home, and follow up by "you are still talking" It's just jokes but also kinda isn't!
if thats not your style just say "im getting behind, I'm sorry I must concentrate on this" or "please excuse me I'm so busy"
MobiusNaked@reddit
Still Game equivalent - ‘that’s plenty!’
TheNinjaPixie@reddit
A new one for my repertoire, thank you!
Pigflap_Batterbox@reddit
Hmm... Wonder if 'That'll do, pig' will work...
Kind-Tie5236@reddit
Buy him a big bag of toffees.
kelleehh@reddit
What if he then tries to chat as he eats them. It would be even worse!
Kind-Tie5236@reddit
😂🤣😂
a3minutehero@reddit
'Well, best crack on...' always seemed to do the trick for me.
grgext@reddit
I tell people not to disturb me if I have headphones on
Logical_fallacy10@reddit
There will always be the chatty colleague.
Polite does not work. You have to be direct and honest. If you don’t like to say “shut up” you can say “I am not listening as I am working”. Or just completely ignore him. He will eventually get the message.
I had a colleague that did the same - and every time you told him a story he has a better story. He would always speak of his “mates” and other boring irrelevant stuff. And he would bud into everyone’s conversations. A thing I have noticed it very common in England - and so disrespectful.
Superspark76@reddit
He's a GenX, we don't have feelings. Just say "will you shut the fuck up and give my head peace"
Independent_Push_159@reddit
Discuss with a manager, tell them you don't want to make it awkward and suggest that if it's not allowed already that they agree to you getting over the ear headphones, and then tell the guy "I'm going to be concentrating now so I won't hear you". Earphones on, he either stops, talks to someone else, or you can get noise cancellation so you genuinely can't hear him.
On the other hand, this is an issue for a manager to be aware of, and if it's a problem for the team and productivity generally, they will need to intervene
Miserable-Ad6941@reddit
Just say “that’s enough words for one day”
deletethewife@reddit
I’d personally deal with it with noise cancelling headphones or I’d possibly say, ‘hold that thought I’l come and find you after I’ve finished’ You could try ‘ I’ve got an ear infection and I can’t hear well it the minute’ I’m full of excuses the more random and quirky the better! I’m guessing you have to be appropriate though.
Hal_E_Tosis@reddit
Where you vaccinated with a gramaphone needle?
DRUGEND1@reddit
Used to work with someone like this who sat right next to me. Ended up putting earphones in after weeks of it. Could see him in my peripheral turning sadly to me every now and then and turning back to his computer. Next thing, he’s messaging me on MS Teams. Can’t win against these characters.
Jarcooler@reddit
Thumb up emoji to any and all messages while stoically staring at your screen
phatboi23@reddit
oooooh i love that hahhaa
phatboi23@reddit
"do not disturb" lol
HeartyBeast@reddit
Set do not disturb
TheMalsh@reddit (OP)
😭😭😭
Prestigious-Might406@reddit
Would you tell your partner? I'm sure you would, if you can tell someone you love/care for to be quiet then you can tell someone that means nothing to you.
InspiringGecko@reddit
Just interrupt him and say, ‘So sorry, I have to get back to work. I’ve got so much to do today!’ and then run off.
Glittering_Vast938@reddit
Can’t if they’re sat next to you! It’s actually really stressful if you have a high workload and deadlines.
MingePies@reddit
You absolutely can. Just get up and walk out of the room.
LadyBeanBag@reddit
Just say “I need to concentrate on this, sorry” maybe?
InspiringGecko@reddit
But you can put headphones on.
ShampooandCondition@reddit
“I’m really sorry I have a lot of work to be getting on, and I try keep my private life separate from my work life so if we could avoid gym chat that would be great”
have you thought he might be trying to chat you up?
TheMalsh@reddit (OP)
To be fair I’ve said to him before that gym is something I just like doing on my own. He tried to suggest we worked out together but I shut that down right away 😭
Both pretty straight males. FYI he talks to everyone in the office about the same amount.
ShampooandCondition@reddit
If there are a few people who have an issue with it too, then you need to maybe address it with a higher up and suggest they have a word about work environments and constant chatter.
ManOfTheBroth@reddit
Is how to say it and come across as really rude...
Redditor social skills in action.
You can just say "sorry mate, can we pick this up another time? I really need to focus".
They'll get the message.
ShampooandCondition@reddit
It sounds like social cues have been tried and that hasn’t worked so a more blunt approach might work. Sometimes being a little rude gets rid of unwanted people
itsamberleafable@reddit
This works
This does not. It's rude, but more importantly it doesn't really make any sense. I want to keep my work life and private life separate would usually be an excuse for sensitive subjects like your sex life or something.
"Sorry mate, I don't like sharing intimate personal details like hot tips on how to maximise my bench"
-aLonelyImpulse@reddit
This is the most straightforward way. Some people genuinely don't pick up on social cues/hints. Could be cultural, could be autism, could just be lack of observation. Politely informing is the first step, then if they continue to overstep boundaries, I think a little rudeness is justified.
Wild-Individual6876@reddit
“Excuse me, shut up”
oulipopcorn@reddit
Say, ‘you have not picked up on my hints, só listen up: I cannot chat now. I am working. This conversation is now over.’ Then ignore!
korg64@reddit
Mate, shut up I'm trying to work.
Necessary_Debate7@reddit
If your company allows it, wear earphones and listen to some music/a podcast.
Mudeford_minis@reddit
I work with someone like this. He knows he does it. Everyone knows he does it. We just tell him to shut up. That works 15 minutes at a time.
Ok-Classroom-5235@reddit
Air horn, in his face every time he yacks on for too long. He’ll soon get the hint.
Status_Pure@reddit
I find just ignoring people works but I do have antisocial personality disorder, I’m also partial to telling people to fuck off
nathhh8@reddit
I'm bored of you now, shut up.
nickmasonsdrumstick@reddit
Shut up...please? :)
PerfectEmphasis9016@reddit
I have this problem. I have tried but to no avail. Somethings they just won’t shut up or go away!
C2BK@reddit
I think the problem is that you're trying too hard to be polite, I gave up on that years ago and it's worked really well for me. It's okay if you're in a 9-5 job such as a shop that will close at a certain time, but if you're salaried and work flexible hours, any time I spend having to listen to other people witter on gets tacked onto the end of my working day.
At one point, in your situation, I put a sign on the back of my office chair that said something along the lines of "I'm busy, interrupt me at your peril, unless the building is on fire".
I've even actually said "Okay, you can go away now" and amazingly they weren't even offended, they thought it was amusing. People are strange...
Original_Bad_3416@reddit
You’ll miss him when he’s gone
toady89@reddit
Have a word with his manager or yours. If you've got a room full of people politely telling him to shut up and he still continues then he needs formally telling to rein it in. Just say he's disturbing your work and others are experiencing the same frustrations.
ChelseaMourning@reddit
This sounds a lot like my boss, who I happen to sit next to. When he’s not in meetings, he doesn’t know what to do with himself, so he just talks to anyone who’ll listen. Unfortunately a lot of the time that falls to me. But he’s one of those people who’ll go on and on and on about himself, often telling me the same story he’s told me 5 times before, then if you go in with your own anecdote or comment, he’s switched off or just moves the conversation back to himself.
He’s recently become a bit Reformy. I have to remember to keep my mouth shut because I need this job.
HeartyBeast@reddit
I’m really sorry but I need to concentrate on this, so I can’t talk.
EatingCoooolo@reddit
Listen to your audiobook.
RulerOfThePixel@reddit
Over the ear headphones.
And when someone asks what im listening to, i just say, nothing i just wear them so people dont talk to me.
Confident_Yak_1411@reddit
Have you watched ‘What We Do In The Shadows’? The tv show, not the film. Congratulations, you work with an entity known as an ‘energy vampire’ aka Colin Robinson. These are notoriously difficult to deal with, other than to keep your distance.
Wearing AirPods and pretending to listen to music/podcasts are the only way.
SpudFire@reddit
We had somebody like that in our office. Also a couple of others that could talk a lot too if encouraged and all were quite loud.
The boss ended up addressing the whole office and said that while he didn't ever want to work in a silent office, the chatting had gone a bit too far and was impacting people's work too much. That everybody had to be responsible for their time and how much they got done and be aware of what is considered fair to themselves, the business and everybody else in the office as shouting across the office affects everybody.
It seemed to work. The noise levels dropped and there wasn't constant chatting from 9 til 5. Can you speak to whoever is highest ranking in your office with your concerns and see if they address it, either directly with the individual or to everybody as a whole?
Zealousideal-Low3388@reddit
If it’s that much of a problem, take it to your line manager.
bristoltim@reddit
Please shut up unless you are going to do the work that you are stopping me from doing with your incessant drivel.
Kian-Tremayne@reddit
“That’s great. I need to focus on this - we’ll catch up later, yeah?”
Do not specify when is ‘later’.
BeatificBanana@reddit
Wish this worked with my dad, lol. He's like the guy described in the post and it doesn't matter how much you try to spell out that you want him to shut up, he won't.
"OK dad, I've got to stop chatting now because I need to do xyz"
"Oh yeah OK well anyway just before you go, I'll just finish by saying this-" (25 minute monologue)
Chemical-Lettuce2497@reddit
There is no such thing, they either think you're being polite because they don't realise you're telling them to shut up, or you're telling them you don't want to listen to them anymore
Low-Run9256@reddit
Last week I had to tell a colleague to please not talk to me when I'm on my break. I've been talking all shift and would like some quite. Proceeded to ignore me and talk 😑
elbapo@reddit
I once lived with a housemate like this. Without diagnosing him with anything- he was definitely very low emotional intelligence.
The quid pro quo, in my experience- was that he actually did not mind if you instructed him fairly bluntly (by usual standards) to stop. In fact, he almost appreciated it as he almost appreciated the instruction, and was aware he lacked the ability to latch onto cues others did.
So in the end, albeit uncomfortable sometimes - I was just blunt- 'sorry im trying to work now'.
I realise this is high risk. White noise and headphones another option
According_Sundae_917@reddit
Turn on Chat GPT voice and let AI tirelessly respond to the chit-chat while you get on with work.
sock_cooker@reddit
Tell him he's got a beautiful chin
He's got a beautiful skin...
Keep going till he gets it
Terrible-Group-9602@reddit
You don't tell him anything. You mention it your manager, who will have a word with him without naming names.
HelzBelzUk@reddit
Jimdependence Day absolutely sent me 😅
Proper-Throwaway-23@reddit
I have worked with a couple of these over the years. I tend to just be really candid with them and explain as directly as possible without being openly rude that I dont enjoy chit chat whilst working as it breaks my concentration and that I am there to earn my payslip and go home.
"Sorry buddy, I am really not the chatty type and much prefer to keep my head down and concentrate on work. If ever you need to discuss anything work related, you can hit me up though. Anyway, you're looking well. I will catch you some other time". And repeat until they realise you NEVER want to chit chat.
Dull_Hawk9416@reddit
Omg is my MIL your workmate! The best thing to do is say “Look Gary I’d love to chat but I’m busy and your talking is distracting me. Let’s catchup later” Later ofcourse never has too arrive. But also don’t be so British about it. If he still carries on is when you have to put your foot down and be like “Gary stop talking. I have too much to do and if this carries on I’ll have to make a complaint”
MonkeyHamlet@reddit
Air horn
vcdaisy@reddit
I saw something the other day on Reddit that made me smile.
A colleague was prattling on and on. The person just said 'can I just stop you there...' They stopped, thinking they were adding to the conversation but they just carried on working.
Wish I'd used that a few times in my working life 😅
qbnaith@reddit
Shut the fuck up, cunt, I’m working
highrouleur@reddit
In my workplace I'd just walk away from them. If they're in your workspace and you can't walk away, with some people you have to go beyond politeness and just firmly tell them to leave you alone.
Hopefully once will be all it needs
Glittering_Vast938@reddit
And this is why I need to work from home!
My job is really complex legal stuff and people trying to talk to you all day is just really off putting. I don’t mind the odd chat first thing but there are people who talk all bloody day!
maksigm@reddit
Work on your boundaries mate.
ConsciouslyIncomplet@reddit
Wear earphones.
Feisty-Lifeguard-550@reddit
Tell him to shut the fuck up
feetflatontheground@reddit
Stop doing the 'yeah' 'uhuh' 'I see '. That just encourages them. I only (relatively) recently discovered that you're supposed to say stuff like that in conversation (I'm autistic). I also discovered that that just encouraged some people to keep going. So I don't bother with them.
Spicymargx@reddit
I’d agree with this. For some people this is a way of showing active listening and he may be taking it as an indicator of interest in the conversation.
0800happydude@reddit
I used to work with someone like that. In the end, I asked my manager to move seats and we made up some fake excuse as to why.
Embarrassed_Park2212@reddit
I'm all for being polite, typical British, but sometimes you need to be a bit firmer.
Now if it was me I would say 'will you stfu yapping, it's getting severely on my tits'. The thing is if you are firm and direct he may get the message but if you keep dancing round the houses, he will keep yapping. Remember you have to be cruel to be kind.
If that fails them maybe a word with the supervisor/manager.
flip8t2@reddit
Is there not a manager or supervisor present when this is happening? I would just start to look at my phone and avoid eye contact.
Worried_Suit4820@reddit
I had some success with 'can I just stop you there?' and then saying nothing. People assume you have something to contribute to the conversation but nope, I just want you to stop talking. Unfortunately you can't use it very often with the same person...
JeffTheGoliath@reddit
"As riveting as your monologue is, there is some paint drying outside that I quite simply just have to watch"
DB-DanCooper@reddit
What is life like for these people? Do they not know how boring they are?
Artistic_Impact_8566@reddit
Unfortunately every single one of us has to deal with people like this
Cally83@reddit
Are you able to do your work elsewhere? As in another desk?
If not, then it’s two options - you politely say you need to concentrate and will be cracking on with work, or headphones. Or do both.
SkittlesHawk@reddit
Just talk to him and say it how it is.
Naive_Reach2007@reddit
Talk at him, I just talk and don't stop to these sort of people then not engage
Or you could do what my colleague did called him a boring old c*nt then walked out🤣
Kaiisim@reddit
You have already done the things that politely tell someone to shut up - he has either ignored the signs or doesn't know what they are.
Next is less polite ways. Traditionally British people use humour for this. Bit risky in a work place
You could tell your manager.
You could try the magic of directness.
"Sorry mate it's not that I don't like listening to your stories, but I definitely don't get paid to listen to them so, I need to do some work now."
Then you repeat it if he starts again.
"I can't concentrate if someone is talking sorry!"
fakename246810@reddit
My boss is like this. I have no advice, but a lot of sympathy!
MiserablePool1725@reddit
Headphones on. Maybe a word with his line manager. They will have 1-2-1s .
msma46@reddit
I had a colleague like this. In the end I simply lowered my politeness level. I’d say something like “Hold that thought - I need to go and finish something” and turn away from him.
Full_Strawberry2035@reddit
It sounds like he can’t read the room, which is hard for you both - when people can’t pick up on social cues I think the only solution is to specifically say “I’m really struggling to focus/multi task” you could fluff it up with some I’m sorry’s/I don’t mean to be rude etc if you wanted, and failing that - headphones!
Max1357913@reddit
Just wear headphones
Some-Cope1999@reddit
Have you considered invoking quiet time? A couple of hours devoted to focusing on any projects. If anybody doesn't comply then they have to buy the office, coffee or something silly?
TheMalsh@reddit (OP)
We do to be fair, the whole office does which he somewhat follows. Just not very well…
Intruder313@reddit
Same at my work with the twist that he repeats every line 3-5x like a verbal tic. He’s insanely loud too so he disturbs the whole room.
Cakeo@reddit
Sorry mate my heads pounding, going to just get on with work.
Or just be honest
55caesar23@reddit
I’m just going to go inside my head for a few moments
Available-Nose-5666@reddit
It sounds like work is his only outlet and he is perhaps lonely. Maybe he has a difficult home life. Maybe talking everyone’s ears off is his way of coping?
Nevertheless, I can understand the frustration as I like to have a few moments of complete silence myself.
Hancri84@reddit
I feel your pain, when I go to football theres a lady who sits behind me and my family who doesnt stop talking (quite loudly) for the full 90 minutes plus extra time.
What makes it worse is she know f' all about football.
At least I can move seats next season.
pirateluke@reddit
Say cool story bro after everything
One-Leopard@reddit
Genuinely could be a sign of early onset dementia. I would try some of these suggestions and if he still doesn’t chill out, it might be something to think about/bring it up with your boss.
Evening-Tomatillo-47@reddit
While he's talking, slowly walk back to his spot. Then say "well I shan't keep you any longer" and walk away
gholt417@reddit
Just ask him to put his lips together and give it 3 seconds before saying ‘ah that’s better’.
That usually works for me.
Rinthrah@reddit
You can't tell someone to shut up politely. I reckon that's the most quintessentially English of all cultural mores. You can hint at it, allude to it, maybe even openly imply it. But it always has to be done in a way that the kind of person who does never shut up, could be oblivious too it. It's just the game we play and as far as I'm aware it's always been that way.
There is a different approach you can take, which is tried and tested. Find ways to disincline them from talking to you. This can be achieved in all kinds of ways through what you say and how you interact with them. You could confound them, disgust them, unnerve them, straight-up scare them. The approaches you can take will be informed by the code of conduct in your place of work. But there's usually at least one approach which is feasible in any professional environment.
3headsonaspike@reddit
SummertimeSandler@reddit
Have you tried the old "Right, well..." said just poignantly enough to indicate satisfaction with the conversation and a need to move on?