Today's ration: dandelion fritters (grass clippings donuts)
Posted by elonmusktheturd22@reddit | shittyfoodporn | View on Reddit | 98 comments
Only made in the spring, when i worked for the Mohawk tribe my coworkers were a mix of impressed that i ate stuff their grandparents used to eat, the rest were disgusted and called them "grass clippings donuts" afterwards they warned new hires not to eat my home cooking because I "eat a lot of really weird stuff"
So i pick a bunch of flower heads, raining today so they are closed, they are a member of the sunflower family after all.
I make batter from 4/5 cup flour, a pinch if sugar, a spoon of cornmeal, a half spoon of powdered milk and a bit if baking powder, 1 egg, then water to make batter.
Can either dip the flowers in batter or rip them up and mix them in the batter like corn fritters. Then deep fry them.
Good as is, or with mustard, or horseradish sauce
No idea the calories but i assume over 1200.
LazerBear42@reddit
Suspicious crisco notwithstanding, dandelions are great eats! This almost isn't shitty food porn!
Purple_Dragon@reddit
That pot has seen some shit
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I haven't cleaned it in years, i also rarely deep fry anything (been about 2 years since last time) so i just put the lid back on and keep in on the floor in the pantry. Been used maybe 10 times in the last 6 years.
Debonaire_Death@reddit
You realize that Crisco goes bad in around 2 years in storage, let alone after being heated?
Surely when you open that pot, you can smell a plasticky odor. That's the rancidification of the fats in the crisco.
Not to mention, all of those burned bits from old frys are chock full of harmful compounds like acrylamide. Have either of your parents been diagnosed with cancer?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
No idea, they were terrible people i haven't spoken to in 2 decades and have wanted dead since i was 13.
Last i heard they were in decent health for mid 70s, my grandmother lived to mid 90s eating like this an smoking a carton a day.
I been dead twice before but got better, pretty sure I'm decended from Rasputin given the horrendous stuff people in my grandmother's branch of the family lived through, we just keep getting back up. Last time for me the doctors at the trauma ward said i wasn't human
Debonaire_Death@reddit
Death is a lot to want for your parents. What happened?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Well, around 9 i needed glasses, but they refused to buy them and just backhanded slapped me any gime i squinted my eyes. Got them at 12 when social services forced them to. I slept in the floor and had no door to my room, ate moldy food, generally treated like crap as the family scapegoat. Things got worse from there, like at 15 my appendix turned gangrene and ehen i kept crying in pain, pissing blood, and begging for a doctor they just punched me in the stomach and mocked me for it. It burst, i was hospitalized for months due to complications, i died on the operating table but was revived or so i was told. Had to wear a coat all summer to hide bruises. And things got even worse after that.
Senior-Cost1070@reddit
Thank you for sharing, sometimes trauma dumping on nosy/judgemental people is the only way.
You’re great.
That oil’s pretty nasty, tho. lol. Would make really good undercoat for my truck….
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Tempted to just dump it down the outhouse. Been almost 2 years since i deep fried anything, and likely not going to any time soon again, I don't burn calories like i used to and fried stuff like that is something i avoid.
Senior-Cost1070@reddit
Can you use it as a candle or something?
Ananakoya@reddit
I’m so sorry, what the fuck
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
It gets worse, the babysitter, who also beat me, is now a world infamous child murderer who had an episode of history channels women behind bars series (season 1, episode 7, peggy sue hilt), she would flip out randomly and just start punching, slapping or kicking me while i curled up crying and holding my arms over my face to try to protect myself. She used to get my sister to stop crying by sticking her in the refrigerator. Told my parents and they beat me too saying i probably deserved it.
She ended up adopting a girl from Russia and the girl died at 2 from multiple blunt force injuries over an extended time. She got 25 years for it and had no remorse other than that she was caught.
My grandmother replaced her as a free sitter around 1989 when she moved in next door and was actually even more evil.
bigoltubercle2@reddit
There's a lot of runway between "kills you" and "not bad for you"
DowntownMinimum_@reddit
This is one of the most revolting things I've ever read on the internet, your co-workers are correct to tell people not to eat your food
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Really? Did you not see the picture i posted in the fall of the muskrat soup those same coworkers made?
Hint: the rats skull was floating in the soup pot
I grew up eating things that would make Rambo puke! It was either that or starve, sooo many moldy bagels and dessicated trash can pizzas....
DragonScrivner@reddit
I 100% remember the muskrat soup, that was so metal lol. The fritters look pretty good, honestly
teraken@reddit
Honestly this is the kind of stuff I'm still on the internet for, so thank you for documenting and continuing to share dude.
soccermom1984@reddit
Your the man I don’t know else to put it!
faatbuddha@reddit
This explains a lot
censorkip@reddit
This guy is a hermit that lives off grid. His stomach is probably made of steel at this point. This is honestly one of the less surprising meals he’s posted about.
btchfc@reddit
Please explain.. You deep fry in 2yo oil? Does it not go rancid?
rosy_entoloma@reddit
I think it’s 6 year old oil, that was last used 2 years ago 😖
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Shortening, its solid at room temperature, never goes rancid, or at least i never noticed it being rancid nor had trouble using it
JerryMau5@reddit
A quick google says shortening goes rancid after one year after opening. Probably much less for shortening that’s been used and solidified.
Edit: per USDA 3-6 months after opening, and 8-12 months unopened.
ADD-DDS@reddit
Now factor in that it is being heated to deep fry. That’s wild bro
orangeleast@reddit
My great grandma used to do the same with lard. Had a bucket of lard she refused over and over again for about over 50 years. Pretty sure she lived well into her 90s.
dunningkrugerman@reddit
maybe at a certain extreme dosage the transfats start working as a preservative
vote100binary@reddit
*noticed* working hard in this comment
taylorthestang@reddit
Lmao the perpetual fryer pot. All the burn bits just accumulating flavor.
DrHutchisonsHook@reddit
Your coworkers' warning to new hires may have been warranted.
Spiritual-Quail3583@reddit
But why lol. No way that oil isn't rancid. I get you are trying not to throw away old food but some things are just gross, and could be very costly if you got sick from it. Not trying to be mean, I'm just genuinely a bit concerned
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Shortening, not actually oil, i have never had it turn rancid
Purple_Dragon@reddit
thanks for confirming I guess
XvX_Joe_XvX@reddit
I'm sorry what
JerryMau5@reddit
moileduge@reddit
Did you learn your lesson?
Damn.
Purple_Dragon@reddit
Strawberry-vape@reddit
You should not be feeding other people using old oil in a pot you haven’t cleaned in years. That’s disgusting.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I used fresh shortening when i did that, in 2012.
The job has long since ended, budget problems, position was grant funded by the bia, usfs, aphis, etc (multiple grants for specific projects) when they ran out august 2012 i was laid off, rehired june 2013, laid off December 2013, denied unemployment (worked 2 days a week in summer then 6 in the fall, threw off the quarterly earnings calculations for UI so i was intelligible), hired back 2014 under even worse funding then quit (had to hitchhike to work sites, i had no personal car and the work truck was sent to another program). I could have left the area to find work as a forester elsewhere but i already owned a debt free shack in the woods so i just lived off my land and stayed where i was.
Strawberry-vape@reddit
You said in another comment you haven’t washed the pot in years. That’s still really gross man, and to use an unwashed pot for feeding other people is just inconsiderate.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
In 2012 i did not use a pot, i didn't have one at the time. I had pan fried them, not deep fried. I only had 1 skillet so had to wash it between uses.
At the time i was living in a 10x14 portable shed. I cooked on a rocket stove i made from an old metal canister from a shopvac.
As per the pot in the picture i got that years later. Its been 14 years since i made that for coworkers. Had i fucked one if them at the time the resuling kid would be in high school now, its been a long time.
As per the pot and the shortening thats from about 2021 when i started using for deep frying. I changed the shortening around 2023 after using it for making fish sticks and everything got a fishy taste. I haven't had fish stick's since early 2023, used to get them at the food pantry but the person i used to get a ride with did some really bad stuff and i haven't spoken to her since, nor gone to the food pantry, mostly (i biked there last year 2 times).
bet69@reddit
I love you're posts .you're such an interesting person. Please continue to.
I would eat this easy. I don't get people being disgusted of earths offerings.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Oddly most of the coworkers i had rarely ate anything but Tim Hortons or other chain fast food. For all the talk of closeness to the earth most of them were resting on the reputation of their ancestors. The dandelions were not even that weird, not like the burdock candy or phragmites marshmallows
bet69@reddit
I've had burdock before in Asian dishes and also as a Chinese medicine herb. Candied burdock root though that's interesting. I just looked it up. Just want to say OP : I came from a similar childhood abuse background. We are out there. Rooting for you. You're not alone. Take care.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I made the candy from the stalk. Old recipe i read a refrence to in an old book so recreated it. Everyone at work in 2012 loved it, was the first article i sold and had published too (i write how to for self reliance and backwoods home magazines).
Peeled the flower stalk before flowers formed, boiled in several changes of water, then boiled in maple syrup, then dried and rolled in powdered sugar. Was like a maple flavor licorice.
froggyfriend726@reddit
They sell dandelion in grocery stores! I don't think that's weird at all
bet69@reddit
Dandelion tea as well etc.
Ananakoya@reddit
Dude, have you ever thought of posting cooking videos to YouTube or TikTok? I would tune in!
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I have never looked at tick tac, i had YouTube a long time ago but have strong dislike of Google so don't anymore. Also don't have a way to make and edit videos anymore.
Used to use a 7mpxl cannon powershot i bought in 2008, edited with winxp version of movie maker. Still only have that kind of software but only a prepaid cell camera qnd the video format isn't compatible and the files are obscenely huge. 2gb for a 5 second video, no options to change it in the settings. Thats larger than a dvd movie ripped to my laptop. Used to have decent quality video 5 minutes long under 60mb. I hate the modern cameras available, either they are shit like the cell or energy hogs taking 3 aaa batteries to run for 4 minutes. Old powershot took 6 hours of video with an sd card and 2 aa batteries. Unfortunately it broke long ago, I'm not sinking hundreds to buy another uses ones (i checked ebay, almost as much to buy a used one as i spent buying it new 2 decades ago, face value anyway). I'm not interested enough to sink tons of money into something like that.
LatterParty182@reddit
food is lifeee ah
Rhesus-Positive@reddit
You're eating like a Womble
BONERSAWS@reddit
When theyre like that is that the best time to pick them? Ive tried dandelion heads before and didnt get much out of them but they were fully open for some time then.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
They close at night and in the rain. It was raining when inpicked them.
SpicyNacho74@reddit
This is so filthy to me because you know…dogs pee on dandelions.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
So do I lol
TopSecretGayAccount@reddit
This actually was already on my to-try list since I have a whole bunch of dandelions that I want to do something with aside from pulling and tossing. Does the age of the flower matter and does it need to be closed? I heard the leaves get more bitter over time, so I didn’t know if it was a same with the flowers
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
Just need to be yellow. They close at night and in rainy weather, if open they can be dipped whole and fried, since they were closed i ripped them up to mix in the batter instead.
lesbian_agent_ram@reddit
This reminds me of senior year in high school (2022-23) we made dandelion burgers in food science class, went out and picked them ourselves, added the proper ingredients and they were surprisingly really good (and strangely meaty? There were eggs and breadcrumbs or flour I think so maybe that’s why.) I’d had dandelion jelly before and it was really good but I’d never eaten the actual plant (too many dogs in my neighborhood to collect them from our yard.) I might have to find a good dandelion picking spot somewhere and try these :)
SpinMeADog@reddit
these actually look really good IMO, just the kitchen's a little dirty. wouldn't call it shitty
just_a_foolosopher@reddit
I like dandelions too. Be aware, they are diuretic so they make you have to pee
sakuradawning@reddit
That makes sense of the schoolyard lore - "pick a dandelion flower and you'll wet yourself."
gilly_girl@reddit
The French are on to that: pissenlit
Penis_Envy_Peter@reddit
Gma would make this. Wish I lived in a place where harvesting them was safe because I certainly would love to.
cinnykiss@reddit
At least they fight cancer.
NoBoolii@reddit
This does not deserve to be in this sub. This is a super food and amazing snack ugh
faatbuddha@reddit
Until you find out that he's frying them in rancid oil in a pot that has never been cleaned.
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
A matter of perspective, like when i brought a huge plate of them to work and my coworkers were horrified and called them grass clippings donuts
thelectricrain@reddit
I'm intrigued. What do the flower heads themselves taste like beneath the fried layer ?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
A little like sunflower seeds
thelectricrain@reddit
Sounds good tbh !
Nilly-the-Alpaca@reddit
I made these a few years ago. Not bad at all. Served with rémoulade sauce.
rymyle@reddit
Dandelions are delicious and nutritious! My dad made tea with them once. It tasted like grass and honey
plumcakk@reddit
guineapigcore
dont like others ick your yum, looks enjoyable !
ccalo@reddit
idgaf, would eat tempura dandelion head smothered in peanut sauce
Goth_Spice14@reddit
You a fan of Waypoint Survival? I just watched his video on dandelion fritters last night!
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I have never heard of him until right now.
I grew up rural poor and spent all my time alone in the woods or reading. I read books on edible plants since i was 14 or about.
taylorthestang@reddit
This is some serious Great Depression shit. Congrats.
Goth_Spice14@reddit
Actually, yes.
fenwayb@reddit
I have reservations about the oil (you do you though) but it sounds and looks good! more grass clipping donuts for you
mydearwatson616@reddit
My favorite thing about fall is going pumpkin picking and loading up on pumpkin flowers to fry up. I imagine this is similar.
Genmutant@reddit
Thats similar to something we have in (south) Germany, Hollerküchle. Basically the same but you use elderflower instead of dandelion.
tabruss@reddit
Honestly, I would eat this just fine
frothingnome@reddit
This is my favorite thing you've shared. Sounds delicious.
MollyMalice@reddit
This looks great! I enjoy your posts. They're like a testament to the human spirit of survival.
the1stmeddlingmage@reddit
Wait, they’re finally allowing more than one image per post again?
elonmusktheturd22@reddit (OP)
I guess, i was surprised too
alex_s1919@reddit
I scan it with my app..no sugar added. I take it😅
The-Devil-Cat@reddit
this looks amazing
my family would make something similar with zucchini flowers
HopSkipJumpJack@reddit
Grass clipping donuts lmao
I wanna try this!
Ikillwhatieat@reddit
Yo thank you for the reminder
Next-Drink8593@reddit
Yeah… dandelions can be incorporated into salads or sautéed with other greens as a side. It’s suppose to have a nutty , baby greens kind of flavour.
raechelisbored@reddit
Ahh reminds me of the Great Depression 😌
SpecificSkunk@reddit
You do eat some weird stuff (enough that I guessed the username before opening the post lol) but I’m always intrigued and might give this recipe a shot myself.
NonSupportiveCup@reddit
Their loss. Dandelions are good.
That pan is suspicious. I winder how long you can go before the polymerized bacterial residue outmasses the actual pot.
Djbearjew@reddit
I just made some dandelion honey, gonna have to try this
MaddiMoo22@reddit
This reminds me of tempura broccoli and now I wanna try it so bad
freakmeout123@reddit
i want to eat this
Miserable_Ferret6446@reddit
I used to eat dandelions, only mine were put in leftover veggie stir fry.