Is this all there is?
Posted by No-Anybody5719@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 781 comments
I have been lurking here awhile. I am 49 Married wonderful wife no sex but that’s a different board 😂 3 wonderful kids all adults now but still at home in college. I’ve had a great career make decent money. Work is stressful and can suck the life right out of you. I’ve had many hobbies over the years but don’t have the time to enjoy like I should. But the older I get I keep thinking is this all there is? I feel time flies by so fast. Guess enough self loathing and back at it. Thanks for the vent.
Consistent_Art_4471@reddit
Maybe an unpopular or oversimplified opinion, but I was very much in the same boat (except the middle-aged female version, which it’s a shit show in and of itself) and realized that we’re the only living things on the planet that concern ourselves like this; with whether what we’re doing feels like enough, or special in some way. Every other animal is content to just be, come what may. Maybe that’s what makes us unique, but it feels to me like it’s also what stresses us out and ruins the ride. I decided that I wanted, as much as possible, to live the life of a happy dog: good company, good food, get outside as much as possible, be loyal, love, appreciate every moment. All this today I think, yeah, maybe this is all there is, and that’s actually quite a load off, if you can get yourself to see it that way.
melanybee@reddit
This is a fantastic perspective. I’m going to let this soak in.
Nerdy_Crow1111@reddit
This is not oversimplified; it is brilliant
DrLJacoby@reddit
It both ruins and transcends. We are the only animal that can appreciate the glory, interpenetration, isolation, joy, void, plenitude and parking charges of our existence.
BigThirdDown@reddit
I'm pretty sure my dog wonders 'is this all there is?'
Consistent_Art_4471@reddit
I guess mine did too, but only in reference to her food bowl.
ImpossiblePumpkin476@reddit
Other animals haven't retooled their social organization to favor isolation and disconnectedness, unless we've done that for them - and even cows still cow it up in the pasture with the other cows if they're able. Just look at the movie Black Fish and how isolation from their pod drove orcas to deep depression at best or psychopathic violence at worst. Neglected dogs develop personality disorders. We're pack animals too, and our intelligence works against us when we're left alone in our own heads.
CrappyCupOfCoffee@reddit
That was so wonderfully put that I’m going to stop reading the comments right here. Thank you for sharing that wisdom!
Consistent_Art_4471@reddit
Well, thanks! ☺️
pantstoaknifefight2@reddit
Beautifully said!
Consistent_Art_4471@reddit
Thank you. 😄
Ouakha@reddit
Yes! Got a dog and I try to emulate her aside from eating deer and sheep shit. Her happiness is something I've rarely experienced.
Consistent_Art_4471@reddit
An important caveat to the approach, for sure! 😂
MinusGovernment@reddit
Do more of what you enjoy and less of what you don't. Watch porn and jerk off if there's no sex in sight. Cats are making their move to take over the internet but there is still plenty of porn out there. So much still that you can find it even when you're not actually looking for it.
Ckn-bns-jns@reddit
I’m getting real close to walking away from life. If I could afford a divorce and change I would but there’s only one way out of this he’ll hole.
Bizzife@reddit
Yup. Try and die doing what you love. I have several friends who didn’t make it as far as me. I had cancer in 2010. My 41st birthday is Monday.
dejaentendu82@reddit
Why aren’t people having sex? My wife and I are in our early 40s and on the weekends we have as much sex as possible. Should I expect this to change as we get older?
H-is-for-Hopeless@reddit
Early 40's here too. Been nearly celibate for many years already and she has zero interest in changing that.
dejaentendu82@reddit
Shit. Sorry to hear that.
H-is-for-Hopeless@reddit
Actually the only reason I joined Reddit in the first place was for r/sexlessmarriage
MikeyD101@reddit
Unfortunately yes
Possible-Ad75@reddit
Yes
Alternative-Hurry287@reddit
Yeah this is pretty much it. And lucky you. Our ancestors were dead by 49. I’m mid-50s with no kids, but otherwise similar position. And I have to admit, life is pretty good regardless.
Weak_Lettuce_9053@reddit
Midlife reflection is normal and good. Try something new, by yourself, with your wife, or both. Just don’t turn the reflection into a crisis by freaking out and destroying everything you’ve built so far. You’ve accomplished a lot. Add to it. Don’t replace it.
Alternative-Hurry287@reddit
I was just gonna say… reflection is healthy. But don’t let it turn into a midlife crisis that fucks your life up.
Nerdy_Crow1111@reddit
This! A hundred times over, this.
lololesquire@reddit
Man this is terrific yet succinct advice.
A_wanderer_forlife@reddit
What were you expecting?
Ihearthali@reddit
What were you expecting?
Passion4Gardening@reddit
Count your blessings 🙏🏼
kurtstoys@reddit
Have you discovered what you can do with your consciousness? Bunch of the old philosophers were pointing you towards it
SupersonicWeirdo@reddit
What’s with the 40-50 crowd and sexless marriage? On the same boat…
Ms_ankylosaurous@reddit
Menopause. Learn about it.
filmguy71@reddit
Menopause doesn't last 12 years, does it?
Ms_ankylosaurous@reddit
It lasts a while, and the health impacts when the hormones leave are devastating. We have to fight to get HRT, and lots of things happen. It is a whole body thing. It was not spoken of in past generations, but Gen X women are like ‘fuck this shit’ and are dealing with it openly.
Street_Barracuda1657@reddit
No arguing how rough it is. But ours stopped way before Menopause.
Ms_ankylosaurous@reddit
Counselling?
filmguy71@reddit
That might be true. My wife's lack of interest however can be directly connected to the birth of our second and last child. In other words, she got the babies shes always wanted (before the biological clock ran out), and now no longer has the need for the baby batter. Or at least not with any kind of regularity.
Just-Finish5767@reddit
I'm not saying that never happens, but that's a pretty unkind view of something that's quite complicated. The first years of being a mom are exhausting. Frankly, it takes a long time for it to improve, and often coincides with the onset of perimenopause. And if all you see is that she got what she wanted and you're feeling neglected, it's possible you're neglecting how she actually feels, which only harms your relationship and makes sex even less likely.
Ms_ankylosaurous@reddit
All years of being a mom are exhausting lol
Ms_ankylosaurous@reddit
Maybe it’s an emotional intimacy issue? Don’t be afraid to talk about it and seek counselling
pbpowercat@reddit
Women enjoy sex as much as men when the sex and connection are satisfying. The question I would be asking is, what is going on that she doesn’t find sex enjoyable enough to desire it outside of this “baby making”? Hormones? Poor sleep? Not enough self-care to bring balance? A past history of trauma that needs attention? Trouble orgasming? Bad sex?
Girl77879@reddit
Yes, it can. Perimenopause can last a long time, then menopause is until death. It can. Cause the most "issues" during the peri portion though.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/21841-menopause
BloodyBarbieBrains@reddit
It’s a tough, stressful age. Sandwiched between caring for children and caring for aging parents. Fwiw, some of my married friends have told me that their sex life rejuvenates when they become empty-nesters. I have a few married friends whose kids are off to college now, and they were afraid of being empty-nesters, but it seems their bedrooms are slowly coming alive again. So… my hypothesis is just there’s a lot of fucking stress in middle age that nobody ever talks about, and it affects the bedroom, and some people freak out and think there’s a problem with the marriage, when maybe it’s just a really difficult phase of life… but the phase won’t last forever.
Street_Barracuda1657@reddit
Waiting until I’m very old and crippled seems like a lot of lost time…
Pointy_Stix@reddit
Menopause. Things don't work like they used to.
SupersonicWeirdo@reddit
What did we do wrong?
ProduceSimilar@reddit
We became soft lazy and complacent to our spouses We also didn’t want to divorce like our parents did do we just stayed stayed.
4554013@reddit
My guess is choosing a monogamous heteronormative lifestyle. I did not choose that and I still have sex. (54NB)
Rare-Independence310@reddit
+1
Valuable-Phase1282@reddit
Life's a bitch and then you die.
ThePlasticSturgeons@reddit
I have been asking myself this same question. There has to be more, right? Where is it? How do we find it?
Determinedpony@reddit
55f here. I have grandbabies and both of my adult children are married. I am so grateful God has given me what I have. I don’t need anymore schooling. I’m learning every day… even at my age. I make more than I ever thought I would. I guess it is your perspective. I have been through decades of counseling and meds to correct what my childhood did to me. I have learned so much in life, and I am satisfied…which scares me because I feel so lucky. “They” say don’t get too comfortable. I reckon this all comes on when we(women) go through that particular phase of our lives. I know what I like and what I don’t like. I grew up letting others walk over me. I’m ready for someone to walk over me now. You mess with my kids, grandkids, YOU WILL MEET MOMMA BEAR! Sorry went off on a tangent. I’ve heard for many years(never understood until recently) count your blessings! 🙏
Perplexio76@reddit
I too am 49, married, infrequent sex that can be counted on 1 hand (but like you said-- that's a different board), 2 teens-- a 16 (almost 17) year old daughter and 13 year old son. I have some hobbies, but no real friends locally (I now live over 800 miles from my hometown) as many of the friends I made since moving here have since scattered-- a lot of them were Dads from a SAHM group my wife was a part of when our daughter was a toddler and many of them moved away and others we just grew apart from. The best friend I've made out here sadly died of brain cancer in 2019.
The lack of friends thing seems to bother my wife more than me. I've always been a bit more introverted and while I've got a few more years with my son at home, my daughter goes off to college in the fall of 2027. I'd kind of prefer to get as much time with my kids while they're still at home while I can than try to make new friends, which is hard enough for men after college, let alone pushing 50.
But I don't look at it as "is this all there is", and maybe that's because my kids haven't left the nest yet. I treasure the time I get with them and watching them grow up and become their own people.
InformalScience7@reddit
Bioidentical hormone replacement, no libido is a hormonal problem--started in my 40's. It's the only expensive thing I buy that my husband appreciates!!
huntersM00N@reddit
Being bored is for boring people
InformalScience7@reddit
Thanks, Mom. (Seriously, she used to say that to me!!!)
deHack@reddit
Yes, this is it. You’re not alone. Exact same story, except the hobbies. Never had the time or money for any hobby besides children. 65 still working and probably will another 10 years at least. Gotta pay for all those packages that keep arriving on the doorstep. 😒 Plus we like to travel occasionally. But I have 2 adult children who are successful so that’s a great source of pride, the most adorable grandchild in the history of the world, and 40 years of marriage to a lovely woman whose biggest vice is Amazon. 😒At the end of the day I guess that’s what you live for — a beautiful family you can be proud of.
WonderfulQuestion425@reddit
Midlife crisis? Buy a sports car, get a women half your age, get her a boob job, dont leave your current wife, it will take away from the excitement when she finds out about the younger version of her that you've fallen for.. So this is all there is to life now but if you want more consider the above... *I am not a therapist and therefore my advice should not be taken
deHack@reddit
Some people do love the drama. And most drama is self-inflicted.
seagullsondeck@reddit
I’m 78. Retired 20+ years. Grown kids. Get used to it slowly work buddies disappear. Days blend into boredom. Read a book. Do puzzles get a hobby. Blah blah blah. 10 million people have done same stuff that’s life
PuzzleheadedIron5543@reddit
Can you travel? Go see something new! And something very, very old.
MaximumJones@reddit
PicoDog153@reddit
Omg, just saw David Byrne in Vegas. Not a fan of Vegas but went for the show. It was phenomenal 😁 Death Valley was pretty damn cool too!
glucoman01@reddit
Classic!
Mmm-Poptart@reddit
Letting the days go by...
Frozty23@reddit
There is water at the bottom of the ocean.
[I don't know why that line stands out to me so much, but it always has.]
frockinbrock@reddit
In times like these I remind myself: there is water at the bottom of the ocean, under the ocean
Sitting_pipe@reddit
Yes my dude, this is it...make the best of it.
YoYoYoYoBaby-Pop@reddit
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters🤘🏽
MaleficentLow6408@reddit
Great song.🤘
hetherc@reddit
I think this is just part of the midlife crisis realization that time is fleeting, and feels like it passes faster the older we get. Knowing our time isn't unlimited makes it feel like we're wasting it when we're doing all this mundane shit every day, especially knowing that some of it is just keeping up appearances and keeping others happy while the sand runs out.
For me the answer lies in seeking adventures, curiosity, and awe. I'm still at a stage where I can't do the big adventures that I want, so microadventures it is. Add some novelty wherever you can find it. Refuse to just let time pass without your input.
Do not go gentle into that good night, and all that.
bwomp99@reddit
Find any good microadventures?
I got a little excited about a year or so ago getting more into AI - made me feel like I did, at the cusp of things, back when the web exploded in the late 90s (and I was in college back then). Now I'm just overwhelmed with it all.
hetherc@reddit
I feel like IKWYM, was also in college in the later 90s. I remember being so enthusiastic about all the computer stuff, and doing things like customizing Napster skins, computer themes, sim city buildings. I parlayed all the fun I had playing around creating graphics and building websites on geocities and made that my career before I even graduated. Now things with AI are changing it all so fast, and there's SO much potential there, but overwhelming too, as well as the dread that comes with certain aspects of it. The environmental impacts bother me too much to use it for fun.
I've been doing some tiny, local exploration. I occasionally watch videos from tourists and influencers to find things in my area, but also Pokemon Go is great about pointing things out (street art, statues, etc.) that I often didn't know were there. Sometimes just looking at Google maps points out random things that I then go find out what they are. I do simple things like take different routes across town when I'm not pressed for time to see new stores and neighborhoods. And I go for walks somewhere else. If you're going to be doing it anyway, why not a park or trail I've never seen before instead of the usual? It sounds basic, but that small bit of novelty really does help me get through.
There are also lots of attractions within just a couple of hours that I've been trying to find time to visit. I used to travel a lot, but that's just not very feasible right now in a caregiver sandwich role with chronically ill family members, so I've figured it's a good time to plan out some options closer to home. Like went and stayed in a historic hotel just a couple hours away from our house that had cool features you can only see when you're a guest there. Normally I'd never need to get a hotel there as it's too close to our place, but it was fun and interesting. I feel like most people go for bigger trips and miss a lot of the things that are in that near middle distance. I remember reading that the guy who "invented" microadventures does a lot of things, including camping trips, that could be completed in the space after work one day and before work the next day.
I also started learning a new language (Mandarin) that really challenges my brain and is so different from anything else I've learned in my life, including the writing side as well. Almost relaxing to practice. I watch a lot of foreign media too to learn about new cultures and listen to web radio stations from other countries.
I've also tried out some crafts and baking stuff without trying to make it my new favorite hobby, being fine with just doing something for fun once and then not again.
I hope you find some things to do that bring you that spark!
huntersM00N@reddit
To Button this up: Get after it friends. This is it.
Immediate-Unit2593@reddit
F/60, Married, no sex. Retired now, and have 4 grandsons. My 64 y/o hubs is also retired and now a “professional grandpa”. We are very content being avail for our kids & grands …and our aging parents. If things seem boring now, enjoy it, cause it could get crazy!
In 2 years we’ve had: parents w/Dementia, Parkinson’s, and my son in law set our house on fire with my daughter, grandson, myself and hubs inside. (We’re ok) Today, Dementia is in memory care, Parkinson’s passed away, and the SIL is in prison now.
Chill, it’s all good! 😊
tuscaloosabum@reddit
Good perspective
CALAND951@reddit
Pray and seek
dreadyruxpin@reddit
Start a second family
ideapit@reddit
I get that feeling.
I have to say something awful, but I'm glad to hear you're in that spot because I am too.
You chose the life I didn't. I have no kids, had no stability besides working my ass off which was as a screenwriter so never in one place. I traveled. Had adventures. Great successes, huge mistakes. Have a lot of intense memories from all of that, good and bad.
I wondered what taking your path of life would've looked like for me but it wasn't really accessible to me. I covered up a lot of big, emotional pain instead of dealing with it for a long time.
Anyway, my path, your path, we both ended up here.
But I'm here thinking less:
"Is this all there is?"
Trying to get to:
"All of that is done. Good, bad or ugly, it's over. I'm not going to get any more juice out of the past. So now what?"
Graduating from grade school or high school or college kind of energy is what I'm chasing down.
Anyway, really long way to say that I see you. I feel what you're talking about. Thanks for sharing.
Aware_Mix422@reddit
Yep. This is all there is. But I try to do one thing each day that gives me a little pleasure. It might be a can of soda, a cigarette, something nice to eat, some exercise, or whatever. I just try to support my family and take pleasure in the small things. Sometimes it’s just taking a break after a hard day of teaching school, which is my job.
realityone22@reddit
Take a trip to Disney, that usually fixes it for me
Big-Sheepherder-6134@reddit
Disney would make me want to end it all!
realityone22@reddit
😂
lololesquire@reddit
I'm 51, married and generally similar story as yours (stable, great wife, enough money), have a younger child who is a source of great joy for us but I've found that I need time for myself and so has my wife and we have very specific hobbies that we pursue and we team up to make sure the other can enjoy those. My wife fully supports me in my hobbies, even participates sometimes despite not having much interest (bless her LOL). I often contribute to her enjoying her hobbies by clearing her schedule, watching our daughter or allowing her to mark time off where I cover for her in what she does for the household, etc.
My point is that you have to maintain a sense of yourself while also being a family man...maybe a son, or an uncle or a friend or a neighbor. Especially as a husband. You'll be better for everyone and enjoy other parts of your life more if you value time for yourself, however you like to spend that time.
NerdyComfort-78@reddit
Wise words. Like any point in a relationship, you have to make time for you and your interests or you become insufferable. Sounds like you got a good balance.
Martian6261@reddit
Is That All There Is Song by Peggy Lee Lyrics
I remember when I was a little girl, our house caught on fire I'll never forget the look on my father's face as he gathered me up in his arms And raced through the burning building, out to the pavement And I stood there, shivering in my pajamas And watched the whole world go up in flames And when it was all over I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a fire?" Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing Let's break out the booze and have a ball If that's all there is And when I was 12 years old, my daddy took me to the circus The greatest show on earth There were clowns and elephants, dancing bears And a beautiful lady in pink tights flew high above our heads And as I sat there watching I had the feeling that something was missing I don't know what, but when it was all over I said to myself, "Is that all there is to the circus?" Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing Let's break out the booze and have a ball If that's all there is And then I fell in love with the most wonderful boy in the world We take long walks down by the river Or just sit for hours, gazing into each other's eyes We were so very much in love And then one day, he went away And I thought I'd die, but I didn't And when I didn't I said to myself, "Is that all there is to love?" Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep I know what you must be saying to yourselves "If that's the way she feels about it, why doesn't she just end it all?" Oh, no, not me I'm not ready for that final disappointment 'Cause I know, just as well as I'm standing here talking to you And when that final moment comes, and I'm breathing my last breath I'll be saying to myself "Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing Let's break out the booze and have a ball If that's all there is"
NotEasilyConfused@reddit
I thought not using paragraphs was a Gen Z thing.
Martian6261@reddit
I copied and pasted it and that is how it came out. Next time I’ll try a different method to see if it changes it. Boomer here.
NotEasilyConfused@reddit
I see.
To get paragraphs, when you end one hit enter twice. It will show you you have them when you don't.
I re-read my comment and it was harsh. I'm sorry about that. We all had to learn that part. It has nothing to do with your age
Martian6261@reddit
Maybe the software portion of the app needs an option to keep copied info the same as when copied. Otherwise, I’ll keep an eye on it next time.
honey-squirrel@reddit
This is the GenX version sung by Cristina that came out in the 1980s.Is That all There Is?
Low_Tea_7193@reddit
Corvette incoming 😉
nborders@reddit
Grey hair…increasing! 📈
UserNameInGeorgia@reddit
Look into HRT.
TheBroWhoLifts@reddit
Bro your wife might be in menopause. Talk to her and talk about hormones. My wife started 6 months ago, and we fuck like teens now. It's serious shit.
Expert-Complex-5618@reddit
'second life' concept by Carl Jung
pfistwrfamily@reddit
Ecclesiastes 12:13: "Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind".
Matthew 6:33: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Outrageous_Plum5348@reddit
Gen-X don't play that. Your beliefs are for you.
AnastasiaNo70@reddit
Why you god bothering people in the GenX sub?
Opening-Squirrel-433@reddit
Just stop lol
lifeisdream@reddit
No not at all. That’s absolutely not all there is. There is a LOT out there and you can totally do it and experience it!!! There is so much out there I can’t even begin to enumerate it. Go watch “into the wild”.
Perfect-Albatross-56@reddit
At this age more like Benjamin Button? /s
Fluid_Anywhere_7015@reddit
I'm 60. I am actually counting the goddam days until I turn 67 (2,457 as of this posting). I look forward, with great longing, to the day when I can wake up and have no one bothering me. My wife is cool and she's 68. She works a little part-time job that she loves and has a booth at a local flea market.
All I want, is to take care of my cats, read books and sit on the front porch and occasionally break out in hysterical insane laughter over the fact that the rest of the world can now, indeed, just go fuck itself silly.
I'm just so done with this bullshit.
chamrockblarneystone@reddit
I lucked out. I picked teaching at the right time and got 3 years back for my Marine service. Retired at 57. It’s been two years now and I appreciate my retirement every day.
I don’t do as much as I thought I would, but I feel like what I do do is pretty special. Just glad to get out while I was young enough to still do some physical stuff.
BerryLanky@reddit
My date is 62 thanks to a company pension. I have a spreadsheet that I update weekly. Praying for a severance package which would let me leave now.
cosec00@reddit
Weekly? Daily here 😄 I'm 59 and have 2 y. 6 mos left til its finally over.
Ouakha@reddit
A nice severance package...would be sweet in a year or two.
OrganizationFuzzy586@reddit
Right on! I am exactly with you!
Montgomery943@reddit
Get a life and death diagnosis and you'll find there's plenty more out there but you've been telling yourself there's more time.
Signed, someone with a recent cancer diagnosis.
chamrockblarneystone@reddit
So sorry. 😢
Traditional_Fan_2655@reddit
I'm so sorry for your news. Please know that theif timelines can be wsy off. My partnercwas told 6 mos. He had 3 1/2 years with us. I still swear he would have been with us longer if they had not stopped the chemo. Hopefully yours will have a cure. They are coming out with new chemo meds annually. Research them all. You can do this!
Enjoy every sunset, write every memory down for your kids, and fight the good fight. Things we should all be doing.
No-Anybody5719@reddit (OP)
Sorry to hear brother.
chigurh316@reddit
Best of health to you, sorry to hear about that.
mtcrick@reddit
I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Live well and I hope that things go well for you in your battle.
Daforde@reddit
I hope you get better and have a full recovery.
frooty_freckles@reddit
I'm so sorry. Sending you lots of healing vibes. You got this!!
hkusp45css@reddit
Yeah, I heard about a guy who went skydiving, rock mountain climbing, went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu. He said he loved deeper, spoke sweeter and gave forgiveness. Not a bad exit lap.
There's plenty to do, if you're motivated.
(Real talk, I'm pulling for you. Keep the faith and press on)
Big_Cryptographer_16@reddit
Sorry to hear and wishing you the best. My dad worked nonstop his whole life so he could enjoy retirement. He died from cancer 2 years before that would happen.
FurryWhiteBunny@reddit
Other side of the fence: 53F, married, and childfree. I did all of the right things: college, grad school, and career...well off compared to most. Got laid off last month which sucks...but it has given me time to think about life for the first time in my adulthood. What stands out to me is, as a student of history, that nothing ever changes...and that, as a human, I don't honestly know anything for certain. Economy? Who knows how that works...no one has fixed it yet. Politics? Constant, never-ending squabbling. Religion? ...wow...just wow. ...and everything else in life. As a naive young person, I used to be under the delusion that I have some inkling of knowing how the world works once I became an adult. Sadly, that is not the case...I'm still just as clueless as ever. Perhaps the true test and meaning of life is located in the heart of a foundational 4th-5th century BC ethical code for physicians, pledging beneficence, confidentiality, and non-maleficence: that is, the hippocratic oath of " do not harm." If you can get through life doing no harm...or they least amount as possible, I think you're doing pretty darn well.
whiskeytango13@reddit
I'm retired at 48M, happily married. I never stop learning so i hit a binge on deep history, pre-Cambrian to the present for close to a year, maybe up to 15 hours a week listening to different books and youtube videos. My point is that i have a couple hundred hours invested in learning history back 5 Billion years.
It never fails to amaze me how most people fail to grasp the concept of "time".
I was glad to read your post.
FurryWhiteBunny@reddit
Thank you very much. Here's a weird thought for you since you like history: perhaps the earth and the universe just keep regenerating themselves over and over like a giant mobius loop). Black holes suck up matter and eventually explode or evaporate to produce who knows what.(Steven Hawkins theorized it was "Hawking radiation."). On Earth, plate tectonics are constantly destroying and creating land masses. What if our oldest archeological artifacts are just those that have survived this process? Theoretically, there could have been eons and eons of various biological organisms on this planet; we just aren't aware of them because all evidence of them has been melted by the plate techtonic subduction process. Yes...this is what I think about when unemployed....
whiskeytango13@reddit
Half of the time that life has existed on this planet, the first half, was single cell procaryotes. Soft bodied, not much to fossilize, but we have found some stuff.
whiskeytango13@reddit
The universe does cycle. And you are describing it how i heard it. Everything in the universe is just different arrangements of hydrogen atoms.
I however don't believe in an ancient race of people that had technology, the timeline of our history fits in pretty well with humans being the first species to use metal.
And there is no unexplained granite structures, granite lasts basically forever which is why it's so good for monuments.
Agamenticus72@reddit
Exactly !
MagnesiumKitten@reddit
I sorta like how society is getting dumber, more arrogant and selfish, and how people from 50 years ago, can't believe how awful people are these days.
Or that society is at the point where people can't afford to go to McDonald (!_
At least you can win the lottery and figure out that the Historians were much sharper only a few decades ago!
Remarkable_Insect866@reddit
Well, I'm 57 and lived life on my own terms. I always read 3-5 newspapers a day, depending on what city I lived; and as a result, I made reservations to broke for the times we live in. If people would have paid attention during the 80s, they'd have known America would become a failed State.
FurryWhiteBunny@reddit
I'm not talking about the immediate situation. I'm talking about the historical repeating cycles of human life. Like....since the beginning of time. A philosophical bent if you will.
Remarkable_Insect866@reddit
Yeah, sure, metaphorics.
FurryWhiteBunny@reddit
Whatever. ;)
PowerCord64@reddit
I’m in a much different boat but I like what you’re saying. Nice perspective.
atcwillf@reddit
.....yes, and you were blessed to have it. We didn't have to spend our lives scratching at the dirt for 16 hours every day, praying for enough rain that enough food would grow that we wouldn't starve. We didn't live through a war in our own country. We didn't look at the new jagged cut in our hand and wonder if an infection would kill us.
Yes - daily work (so you can pay the people who work to grow/transport/stock your food, provide you electricity, remove your trash and such), raising children, supporting your wife, and finding a little time to enjoy a hobby or two is mostly all there is. Then we die.
Again, this is called, in most places in the world even today, a damned blessed life. Perspective can be key to actually enjoying it.
GiaStonks@reddit
Have you ever played an instrument? I find playing guitar and learning piano help lift my spirit and give me quality me time.
GiaStonks@reddit
Well said. A good reminder for all.
Hobobo2024@reddit
Im confused why you dont have time to do hobbies. Something seems not right with your life. Do you have a massive house you have to maintain or something? If so, I recommend downsizing to a condo or hiring help.
Although my sister is a single mom with 2 kids and she still has time to do something she likes.
DeadBy2050@reddit
OP didn't say they didn't have time "to do hobbies." They said that they did hobbies, but didn't "have the time to enjoy like [they] should."
I think that describes most of us who went through the stages of working on a career and raising kids.
Hobobo2024@reddit
oh I missed that.
he doesn't have kids anymore tho. he's an empty nester
bigredroyaloak@reddit
If I felt this way, I’d get a good hobby you like or take a class at a community center. If you care about any topic there’s probably action needed to keep it going or protected. Ask your spouse if she’d be into starting a new class or hobby or just hiking any nearby parks with you.
DrLJacoby@reddit
I recommend existentialism. Camus, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer.
"Because we don't know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, an afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four, five times more, perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps 20. And yet it all seems limitless."
Paul Bowles
bwomp99@reddit
I've like Pursuit of Wonder on YouTube, guy has a relaxing voice. He wrote a good book too - The Art of Living an Absurd Existence
SwimmingRich2949@reddit
Honestly I should schedule a mammogram and I don’t want to. I’ve seen enough. If it’s my time to go I’m ready.
bwomp99@reddit
While I can empathize (history of bad strokes in my family so I'm just waiting for that) - think - is that the way you really want to go? The world really loves b00bs
Nikkorkat@reddit
Please schedule a mammogram. Pleeeeeeeeease!
SwimmingRich2949@reddit
You’re very kind 💕
ordbot@reddit
Same here!! 🤷🏼♀️
Fabulousmo@reddit
I’m not sure how I escaped feeling this other than A N T I D E P R E S S A N T S
bwomp99@reddit
They give an easy l escape? They just kind of dull the feeling for me.
Sacremomstre@reddit
Your wife is most likely going through menopause or perimenopause at least. It’s a pretty major life event and if she hasn’t looked in to it, hrt can help. For the rest, I try to imagine being on my deathbed looking back and thinking about what I want to have done. If I knew I’d be dead in a year, how would I live that year? The only real meaning in life is what you decide for yourself. Some people travel, some people volunteer, some people go to concerts, some people do mushrooms. Some people try it all, you just have to decide what it is that makes you feel alive.
bwomp99@reddit
bwomp99@reddit
This really resonates with me. I'm 48, married, 2 kids - decent job, etc. Lost both my parents in the past 2 years, kind of unexpectedly. Between contemplating existence in general, feeling kind of unsupervised, seeing the same patterns repeating, it feels hopeless at times. On top of things seeming good though, my city isn't in a warzone, we have food and shelter and essentially a mostly safe suburban life, which makes me feel guilty for feeling sad. I dunno. I look at that approaching 50 and keep thinking...why.
valkyriejen@reddit
yes
TheWalkingDev@reddit
It sounds like you became Married. With. Children.
Atlantean_truth@reddit
He’s the alternate version of Al though. Both kids in college, makes good money, loving wife etc.
TheWalkingDev@reddit
I didnt meant in a derogatory way because i thought Al loved his family more than he let on. He seemed miserable and bored with what it took to raise 2 kids as a shoe salesman but he stuck it out. Ya, they didnt have the lifestyle of the rich and famous but Al was a great provider and protector for his family. He had his flaws but if he truly hated his life, things could've ended much worse for them. A lot of families, mine included, cannot handle the stress and fails to reach that stage. So to me, Al should be proud to have done what he did by sacrificing for the good of his family just like op.
Atlantean_truth@reddit
Oh yes I realize that you weren’t being derogatory. When I read your comment for some reason it made me imagined an alternate universe Married with Children where everything is actually switched around and the opposite of the original one in some bizarro like scenario.
Apart-Consequence881@reddit
And joined the fight club
BeDeRex@reddit
Relevant song . I know it's a cover, but it's PJ Harvey. You always gotta go with Polly Jean.
ziggurat29@reddit
lol, I was going to link the Peggy Lee one
BeDeRex@reddit
Do it!
ziggurat29@reddit
I tried but for some reason I could not post the link -- site kept eating it not sure why. But better luck today?:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCRZZC-DH7M
drhagbard_celine@reddit
Taut ftw.
big65@reddit
Yep this is it, work 40-48 hours, drive time 2-4 hours daily, 1.5-2 hours with the family daily unless you cut out a few hours of sleep, weekends spent doing chores leaving you maybe 3 hours of quality time with loved ones/friends.
pericles123@reddit
If you're spending 2 to 4 hours driving, I highly encourage you to move or find a different job. That's too much wasted time
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
[removed]
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
{community_rule_7}
cosec00@reddit
Ahhh, the life of a wage slave. I still marvel at how my parents (mainly my dad) did it for 35 years. I am glad I will have only played the game for 28 years when I retire.
Retirement will be awesome--No big plans but will be happy to have no pointless metrics to track and no latest BS corporate fad to align with supposedly to improve morale and productivity
Delicious_Cat_8485@reddit
Try pretending that you were given this time on Earth to learn something very, very important.
Spend the rest of your life trying to figure out what it is.
RemySchaefer3@reddit
Thank you, I really really needed this.
Repulsive-Ice8395@reddit
I'm right there with you. I put so much of myself into my job and it's suddenly apparent how empty that is (and always was) now that my kids are gone and I have no friends and no hobbies. Retirement is likely never going to happen. I guess this is all there is. Yeah, I'm depressed.
RemySchaefer3@reddit
Same. We keep getting deeper and deeper under water. It is causing so much stress, and so many health issues. Every time I propose something to take the load off our backs, I get vetoed - it is so freaking hard dealing with spouses inherited personality disorders, on top of everything else.
Dramatic_Net1706@reddit
When I have found myself in your circumstances, I take a vacation to the most opposite part of the world. Ice climbing in the Andes, mountain climbing in Nepal, skydiving, etc. Taking yourself out of your geographic location is way easier and cheaper and less invasive than thinking you should make big changes in your life. You will come back refreshed, and Grateful.
Read the children's story about the lady who wanted a bigger house because she thought her house was too small. She consulted a seer three separate times, and each time the seer told her to bring each of her livestock ink her house. It got progressively more and more crowded. On the 4th consultation, the seer said to her to release all of her animals back outside. Lo and behold her house seemed huge. Her attitude her changed, her POV had changed because she opened herself up to a different experience.
And I wonder if dead bedroom also plays into your state of mind.
jmdglss@reddit
Enjoy moments and just being alive. Listen to music. Do things that make you happy, not just hobbies but small things. Talk every day about something or multiple things you’re grateful for that day. Gets your brain moving in the right direction. These are things I try to do that work for me most of the time.
ElYodaPagoda@reddit
This is the way.
DC1010@reddit
What did you expect instead of “this”?
flamingweaselonastik@reddit
This is my question. Aside from the part that says there is no time for hobbies, "this" seems pretty great to me.
ElYodaPagoda@reddit
I have some great hobbies, with everything in life, it’s something you need to “make time” for! I have a good job that matters, three day weekends, and generally love life.
-DollParts-@reddit
Get active, make a bucket list, enjoy sex! This is NOT a dress rehearsal! Saying Is this all there is feels like a child saying, “I am bored.”
RetiredNFlorida@reddit
Bored people are boring.
ChallengeFine243@reddit
I feel you! It's tough! Hoping retirement will change my view of things.
RetiredNFlorida@reddit
Oh it will! ✨️ It's the best time of life for me.
Fattydaddy1000@reddit
Wonderful Wife no sex is all I read that’s dude only problem it seems
Whippleofd@reddit
Assuming no medical problems, that dude doesn't have a wife, he has a roommate.
Scary_Possible3583@reddit
Boring is beautiful .... That's my catchphrase. Bugged the hubs in our 20s, he turns 50 this year and appreciates it now.
As for the bedroom ... I reminded my guy of something important this week. I am the only person who remembers how hot he was at 19, he is the only guy with a "bank" of memories from me in our teens and twenties.
RetiredNFlorida@reddit
One person's boredom is another person's peace. Reframing is a wonderful thing. ❤️
Competitive-Isopod74@reddit
As someone who was suddenly widowed in my mid-30s with a 1& 3yo. I realized all the books, songs, and movies were true. Life is messy and unexpected. And as far as I'm concerned, the meaning of life is just to survive And do it your way, but don't expect all your plans to go as planned.
MoeBlacksBack@reddit
And no one gets out of here alive
LizTruth@reddit
There is no reason you have to be stuck. Hate your job? Look for another. Feel bored? Join a club or take an extension class and learn a skill and make new friends. Stuck in your relationship? Decide if you want to stay married. If you do, talk to your wife about your feelings. If you don't, work on that. Take yoga. We aren't dead yet.
Val-E-Girl@reddit
Nah.. you still have the grandparent phase to look forward to. The empty nest os also fun as you get to know each other all over again.
NeverDidLearn@reddit
Yes. Sigh.
Traditional_Fan_2655@reddit
I 8sed to hace abook called "10,000 things to be gappy about". I read it through and avtually added things in the back. Some days when I struggle, I think of that and mentally count off things. It helps the perspective and frustration.
dreaminginteal@reddit
So you're minding the gappiness?
Traditional_Fan_2655@reddit
Why I type when I'm up at 3am, I have no clue. Sigh.
Nikolalala0010@reddit
That only works in London.
bundervar@reddit
It’s a good idea.
kleindinstein5000@reddit
Get rid of stuff, travel.
HRShovenstuff1@reddit
I think it's healthy to question what you actually want out of life versus what you e been told you should want. We're sold this idea that success is a partner, a family, a decent career and owning your own home is the dream. If you break that idea down you get what? Spend 15 years paying off a home that you get to really only enjoy when you're retirement age for what, maybe 15 to 20 years before you're too old to take care of yourself and your kids sell it when you go to a nursing home? Prioritize doing what you love and not worrying about what you own because it all goes away before long.
Long-Trade-9164@reddit
Not to be that guy, but if you and the wife aren't having sex, are you certain she's not having it with someone else? I've seen and know a few couples who had no idea their spouse was cheating on them. They all thought that not having sex any longer was part of the "aging" process. Knew a couple of guys who had to part with half of everything.
SAG2025@reddit
As they say, if she is not having sex with you, she is having it with someone else.
Sure_Jan_Sure@reddit
Why vilify the woman by default? Men get ED, they don’t do anything romantic, some don’t help around the house, or maybe it’s a hygiene issue.
If she is not having sex with you, she’s not having sex because of some aspect of you. Or yes, she could be cheating.
SAG2025@reddit
It’s just a saying. And the saying doesn’t only apply to the woman. I would say the same it was the man. The point is, that if they are not having sex with their partner they are getting somewhere else, or with/by themselves.
Long-Trade-9164@reddit
Yep
Xx_SwordWords_xX@reddit
Many women don't want sex because of menopause....
And many don't want sex because their partners don't do anything to ignite their libido.... Those things he did in the beginning....
Many men just ask for sex and expect her to occasionally oblige. She won't. Most women's libido isn't reactive that way.
ATLCoyote@reddit
I don't think any phase of life will ever have as much meaning as those 20 years when my wife and I were raising a family. But I actually find the empty-nester years to be far less stressful and I now have the time and money to do what I want. Plus, I'm surrounded by retirees who seem to be living their best life, very active and social. So, I'm perfectly content to embrace these two phases as well.
ilikedirt@reddit
Who made the world? Who made the swan, and the black bear? Who made the grasshopper? This grasshopper, I mean— the one who has flung herself out of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out of my hand, who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down— who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes. Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face. Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away. I don't know exactly what a prayer is. I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what I have been doing all day. Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
-Mary Oliver
MoeBlacksBack@reddit
Mary Oliver is so good
Agamenticus72@reddit
Thank you for this ! As someone with a limiting Chronic illness , it's this kind of joy, and searching for it daily that keeps me here .
ilikedirt@reddit
The answer must be, I think, that beauty and grace are performed whether or not we will or sense them. The least we can do is try to be there.
― Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek 💖
Agamenticus72@reddit
There's beauty in every stumble.
- Stuart Murdoch
cerebus221@reddit
Poem and user name checks out
bigdaddybryusa2@reddit
Travel is good for the soul. Go see the world with that decent money you make. Thailand, Viet Nam, Indonesia, etc will blow your mind....and the food🤌
Intelligent-Exit724@reddit
Agree with you 💯! Will be headed back to Southeast Asia for the fourth year in a row. Thailand, Vietnam, and Korea ❤️
Ok-Development2520@reddit
Ppl always tell me this too. But I get serious return-depression.
MoeBlacksBack@reddit
The way things are going in this country...
lovelylisanerd@reddit
Who has money for that?
bigdaddybryusa2@reddit
Also, once you get there, traveling in southeast Asia is incredibly cheap.
bigdaddybryusa2@reddit
OP: "I've had a great career and make decent money"
frisbm3@reddit
Who has time for that?
ratsta@reddit
40 years got behind me. No one told me when to run. I missed the starting gun.
xoanaus@reddit
…The sun is the same in a relative way, but I’m older Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Plantron1@reddit
Keep trying to find things you love that will make you happy. Don’t fall into the trap of “I always have to sacrifice everything for my family so they have a good life.” All that will do is teach your children to follow the same pattern and have a sad life for their children.
I (48) feel the same way you do sometimes but over the last few years I’ve been forcing myself to try new things started riding a motorcycle for example. Also picked up old things that I used to enjoy. It’s going to sound stupid but I loved video games as a kid so I said fuck it and got an Xbox. It’s been fun reliving a bit of my youth.
Still work hard and take care of your family but make time for you. Also sounds like you have to have a serious discussion with your spouse about the no sex thing. That can drag you to some pretty dark places emotionally
Funny-Force-3658@reddit
Same here apart from the good money. Gardening with Radio 4 on is as wild as its getting nowadays.
Mguidr1@reddit
That’s about as wild as I want it to be
lionbacker54@reddit
may i suggest ice hockey? when i was 51, i was pretty much in your exact same boat. i could not skate. but i gave ice hockey a try, and loved it. it has completely revitalized me
Brother_Farside@reddit
Did I write this while sleepwalking?
jecapobianco@reddit
Life sucks then you die.
pineapple-sage-2@reddit
Do you volunteer or participate in anything that makes you feel like you are part of anything bigger than you? Because you, I, no one of us is “all there is” but if you aren’t connected to community or purpose it feels bleak. And yes also reconnect with your partner and kids.
GroundbreakingPin503@reddit
I feel you man <3 keep your head up
Inessence4@reddit
That’s a great old song. If I had a funeral I’d want it played.
whocaresreallythrow@reddit
I retired and pivoted at 45 to a give- back to society career. It was great. I retired again and now put energy into grand kids which is a second chance / do over it as I put it to un-fuck the things I fucked up as a parent the first time around.
Life is what you make of it.
chamrockblarneystone@reddit
Does that work? I fucked up a few things with my daughter along the way. Now that she’s married I’m really trying to be there for her. If/when a grandbaby comes I really want to show her I can do better.
Btw I’m not a completely bad parent. My son adores me. My daughter has my same personality and we just clashed a lot.
whocaresreallythrow@reddit
I don’t know, but it’s something worth trying.
HopefulTrick3846@reddit
Day to day life is dull and repetitive. Work, home, chores, bed… What keeps me happy and entertained is planning future adventures. Last year it was Alaska for 3 weeks in an RV with a friend. We saw moose, foxes, and northern lights! This year it’s a knee replacement. Not fun, but I’m looking forward to decreased pain. Next year I’m planning on a solo drive around Lake Superior, camping in the back of a van the whole time. 2028 I’m planning a walking trip in England, following Hadrian’s Wall. I save up all year round for my trips. Some trips are pretty inexpensive (sleeping in the back of a van), some trips are more spendy (RV in Alaska). I get so much entertainment just looking into and planning the trips, and gives me something to look forward to. YMMV
cosec00@reddit
The more I traveled the more I realized that we had it all backwards. We have the money to do things when were "middle aged" but dont have the energy to do much other than relax. We have the energy to do all sorts of adventures in our 20s and early 30s but dont have the money because we're paid crap and starting families. People dream of traveling the world in retirement but you have about 8-10 years of good health to travel before you prefer to stay home because you need to be close to a toilet or you cant walk far because of bad knees, etc.
Also, having traveled extensively most of my adult life, here and abroad, for pleasure and business, I finally have decided traveling in the US is nothing but seeing the same ole same ole. Everywhere looks the same, everywhere the food tastes about the same. Corporations have homogenized the states. Yes, there is natural splendor, sure, but visiting it for a week or two with throngs of other people doing the same doesn't make up for 50 weeks of grind. Its like getting a 3 day pass from jail.
wanderingdev@reddit
No. It's what you decide to make it. If you're just going to coast, you'll have a crossing life. If you set goals and work towards them, you'll have a life with momentum. What's your plan for the next stage? I'd tiu don't have one, then you're just drifting, not living.
StillHotPants9@reddit
Agree, you can change your life to suit you. Just break out of your routine.
RedditWidow@reddit
I've been asking myself the same thing, and the only answer I've come up with is that this the "happily ever after" part
StillHotPants9@reddit
Sometimes it happens where you get to a certain age, and the things you used to care about and enjoy no longer thrill you. I started going through this too a few years ago. If you have to toss out some old hobbies, that is fine.
Try to reengage in intimacy with your wife, it is the glue that can hold you together. Plan a vacation with her and go!
Look for new hobbies, interests and try them until you find a few that you like enough to continue. Try socializing more with other people. Routine can feel very boring, so spice things up, go new places, try new restaurants. Join some new groups or a sports league, bowling is old school but kind of fun! Etc
Add in some daily exercise, it really helps physically with energy and mentally as well. Keep testing things until you find a couple or more that are actually keeping your interest.
It is so normal at this age to feel like life is just a routine, so try mixing it up and see how it feels.
accountofmountzuma@reddit
You’re thinking “is this all there is” because you ain’t getting laid honey. Go see what the issue is with the wife and with you. Please. Asap. I have such a crazy libido right now in peri and my husband And I are having the time of our lives!!!!
Secret-Ad-5366@reddit
Yes this all there is 👍 enjoy it
Terrible-Horse-6200@reddit
You're 49, not 99. Chances are you still have many decades ahead of you. You'll hopefully live to enjoy retirement and do more of things you like. So no, this is not all there is. Sorry about the sex thing though.
cosec00@reddit
I was in my late 40's when my oldest graduated from college. As I watched all the kids line up to pick up their diploma in a semi militaristic formation, all I could think about was the "Another Brick in the Wall" video and that scene of kids systematically walking off the catwalk and falling into a big meat grinder.
Welcome to the wage slave reality of this life. Try to enjoy what you can.
melanybee@reddit
I think you nailed it. There are few options for survival other than working most of your life while too tired to pursue what you might naturally be drawn to.
glucoman01@reddit
Yes. The world owes you nothing. You create your own life.
morts73@reddit
Some of us, as we get older our priorities change and they move from materialistic goals into either spiritual or metaphysical pursuits. You might find fulfilment in different altruistic endeavours. Otherwise, wait for the empty nest feeling to pass until you get grandkids.
Top-Establishment918@reddit
Yes. Now get back to work.
ChoosenUserName4@reddit
"If life gives you lemons, squeeze em in other people's eyes."
taddpole78@reddit
No sex? That blows.
Business_Plenty_2189@reddit
I think “doesn’t blow” is the problem.
Designerfrog@reddit
I mean does it? It’s all kind of sticky and gross.
taddpole78@reddit
Thats part of the fun.
Wakeful-dreamer@reddit
..or not.
las3000@reddit
Best answer
carrie90210@reddit
😂
Xx_SwordWords_xX@reddit
Your life is literally what you decide to make it.
Many of us make choices based on what society tells us to be doing, and then later on we "wake up" and wonder how we got there.
Usually people feel a loss of their sense of self, and they wonder if they even know who they are anymore.
Don't be afraid to change the status quo. You can actually do anything you want.
GetBAK1@reddit
I'm similar aged and situation and been thinking the same thing...
... and I already own a Corvette
I think the trick at this point is to find things I enjoy and do them, while I'm still young and healthy enough to enjoy.
I think I need to travel before grand kids start showing up.
Magazine_Spare@reddit
have you ever eaten a significant dose of hallucinogenic mushrooms? i know it sounds a little arbitrary / off topic, but a lot of what i find value / purpose in these days was revealed through such an experience. if you haven't checked it out yet, what do you have to lose? life is short, explore as many avenues as you can (within reason)!
MakeupMama68@reddit
My cousins and I do an annual girls trip to the desert and we unplug completely. No spouses or kids allowed. We indulge in mushrooms and have an amazing time. We all have very high stress jobs/lives and this is our reset
FallAspenLeaves@reddit
It sounds cliche, but a low dose antidepressant might be a big help.
I take one and have for many years. I bugged my husband forever about trying one, seeing his slight depression and anxiety. FINALLY he agreed about 10 years ago, and wishes he would’ve starting taking one years before. He was worried it would make him feel drugged or not himself. It’s not like that at all. It just takes away that heavy gray cloud.
My other suggestions are making plans…….concerts, sporting events, travel etc. Having stuff to look forward to takes away that day in day out boredom a bit.
Hope this helps….
Alit_Quar@reddit
How an antidepressant works and affects a person is highly dependent on the person. Sounds like you and you husband were both among the fortunate. It goes much worse for a lot of us.
Public-Air-8995@reddit
Make sure you have something to look forward to, holidays, bbqs, whatever interests you. Are you on track for retirement? This too will pass
duncanofnazareth@reddit
Soon you will get dementia and stop worrying about it so much.
No-Anybody5719@reddit (OP)
My father was just diagnosed…
LifeIsNotFunny@reddit
Your question reminded me of this Colin Hay song. The lyrics ask “is this as good as it gets?” To me it’s a lovely song about the joy in little things, which are actually quite big.
https://youtu.be/b9yooWbwrTA?si=kyB5KmIAouJgTaF0
Good_Grief_CB@reddit
I remember asking my dad this question when I was still in high school - I go to school, get a job, get married and have a family? That’s it? His answer was of course that’s it, what else do you want?
FromTheFoot@reddit
Go to the concert! Especially the non traditional artists. So much talent is out there that never MAKES it.
Happy-Photograph-827@reddit
This is a beautiful perspective! I'm a mom of an only child, I've tried to raise her with this sense of being. ❤️ There is a balance of course, but hard work leads the way.
mndza@reddit
Travel if you can. There’s so many cool places out there
chamrockblarneystone@reddit
Get a sport, even if it’s something simple like walking. I surf and it really helps with the head.
joefatmamma@reddit
Luckily I had low expectations
FromTheFoot@reddit
Can’t be disappointed if the expectations are low enough
NerdGirl23@reddit
Spoken like a true GenXer
Designerfrog@reddit
Also when you are down it can be hard to have gratitude and think of doing for others, but you will see that your perspective changes if you can do those two things. Life may not be about what you actually think it is. Maybe try to read or listen to Eckart Tolle the power of now. He mentions that you can can’t see the ego and identity with it at the same time.
snowtweet@reddit
52 and life is a grind!!! One kid in college and the other is inoddle school. Work full.time and now I'm looking at going back to school for something I care about. It's not an easy ride though.
No_University7832@reddit
You are never too old to reinvent yourself and start anew. - GLK
GooberDoodle206@reddit
yep. that’s all it is. and that’s ok.
do you love your wife, kids, and get fleeting moments of joy? yep? are you running from saber tooth tigers? nope? can you grow a tomato plant and eat a good tomato? yep? s’all good.
New-User9585@reddit
My advice is plan a vacation or get a puppy. We have five dogs and they keep us on our toes.
VoodooSweet@reddit
I started working with large Spiders and some really cool Snakes in the past 5-6 years, I have a room where I keep them, and it’s my space. I really enjoy having them, there’s always something to do. I enjoy caring for them and watching them grow and change, and I have some amazing looking animals.
Look at that….that’s a real living spider. Now THAT’S cool! That’s a life size skull replica in there with her, to give you some perspective on her size. Chromatopelma cyaneopubescens is its scientific name, we call them Green Bottle Blue Tarantulas, or GBB’s for an easier name. She had just molted her old exoskeleton a few weeks before this, so she’s kinda skinny and scrawny here, she thickens up after a few good meals.
ImpossiblePumpkin476@reddit
For me - though, maybe not for you - the social aspect of life is everything. Connecting with friends to play music, get a meal or a drink, and talk is soul-affirming. Conversation doesn't need to be deep but it certainly can be. If you don't have friends to hang out with, go make some (see below). Volunteering is a great way to add a different (to work and family) kind of purpose to your life. Or meetups/groups. I don't want to get political here, but I hate my government, so I get involved with my local chapter of Indivisible and am as involved with that community and others as time and circumstances allows. The power of community for grounding us cannot be overstated. Also, as corny as this sounds, journaling and enumerating gratitude is a great way to regain perspective and reconnect with the sublime (not the band, though that's another good recommendation).
HollyC15@reddit
Came here to say volunteering. Nothing gets you out of your own mind like helping others. Pick a cause you feel strongly about and find something nearby.
Also highly recommend counseling for the dead bedroom. Life is too short.
ImpossiblePumpkin476@reddit
Also, not my business but I advise working to repair the intimacy component of your marriage. Take it for whatever it's worth: I was married once (2 fab kids) and am divorced, so you already know more than I do at 55.
Durham1988@reddit
Reporting from a decade later at age 60, yes. That's all there was.
StockConcentrate6496@reddit
46 and i feel this big time. Just go through the motions till whatever cancer inevitably gets me. If you’re rich life would be fun. The average guy? You exist. You don’t live.
Designerfrog@reddit
Well at least you can read and have some new experiences that way
MythicMythness@reddit
Friend, at 49 I was starting my third grad degree. I can’t imagine at that point feeling this level of blah. It sounds like maybe depression, tbh (or something that could become depression if you don’t course correct). You need to do something, tho, bc this level of blah will consume your whole world, leaving you empty. There are a lot of good ideas in this thread, tho, and I think you should try some of them out. Good luck.
wannabuyawhat@reddit
Go see more of the world! It’ll reignite your sense awe. And if you can’t afford to go internationally, just take a really long car ride.
Cattail29@reddit
Even just exploring in your own area can be really fun
Cool-Contribution292@reddit
Get a race car… 65 and having a blast. I’ll never retire, but oh well, they can bury me in this!
system7777@reddit
Ok-Development2520@reddit
Yup, it hit me mid-forties..”Is this all I’m going to accomplish before I die?”.
WenWarn@reddit
I feel this exact same way and so do many of my friends my age (I'm a woman.) We are all so damn bored and feeling everything is just leading into....what? What is the point of it all? When did I become less joyful and more jaded? Hobbies are just, well, whatever. They can't be the point.
Most people who have kids seem to think that kids, and then grandkids, are the point, but I'm not sure. I don't have any of my own, and some of my friends who DO have kids assure me that raising kids isn't the point of it all.
But really. Is this all there is?
NerdGirl23@reddit
I have those moments of ennui too. Because YES after long enough you do figure out you are on a hamster wheel. But I also have some faith that there is something on the other side of letting myself be bored. After a lifetime of striving, comparing, accumulating and desiring I'm trying to learn to be content with what IS rather than what's next.
Terpey_Walrus420@reddit
Nothing. Nothing is the point.
BackgroundCat@reddit
Hey, hey — it’s your Cake Day! Have a good one!
Terpey_Walrus420@reddit
Thanks!
TCB247364@reddit
You have actual friends that admit that “raising kids isn’t the point of it all”?! I’m amazed they’re so open minded and enlightened! Most parents will tell you the exact opposite, ESPECIALLY if you doesn’t have kids!
ripple667@reddit
life’s a garden, dig it!
MarcoEsteban@reddit
Better that than digging a place to rest!
Nerdy_Crow1111@reddit
I couldn't possibly love this more!
flyfishfem@reddit
I do an hour of Pilates every morning in the garage on my reformer every morning. Getting up that early sucked at first. Now it’s easy and makes me happy. I have joy for my hobbies again. Starting off your day with some endorphins might help
FENTWAY@reddit
What else more you want?
goonwild18@reddit
don't worry - it gets worse.
DiddlyBoBiddly@reddit
Everyday, try to do something small that makes you smile.
SgtSausage@reddit
Yes.
This is all there is.
EffortZealousideal8@reddit
55 y/o.
If I could just get past the mountain of regret that haunts me, maybe my worldview would change. Highly doubt it though. Music gives me life however. Without playing in a band, I have little else to look forward to. So yeah. That’s is all there is for me. I had a kid late and they’re not even in high school yet. That’s my other reason for living. Otherwise, I have an existential crisis weekly.
Nerdy_Crow1111@reddit
I've been there. Regret is such a heavy burden to bear. Try giving yourself some grace where you can-sometimes we make decisions based on the only tools we have and don't acquire until much later. Sometimes you didn't know what you didn't know. As they say, "Find the glimmers." ✨✨✨
🫂🫂🫂
skeeter_333@reddit
Yes, this is all there is, and in a few billion years the sun will swallow up the Earth and nothing anybody ever did or said here will have mattered. You gotta look for what I call “joy nuggets” every day. Little things that make you happy and smile. Dogs are a good place to start.
FurryWhiteBunny@reddit
We done deserve dogs, but I'm glad they are here.
msartore8@reddit
Study philosophy.
Itchywasabi@reddit
Bro, think of the opposite. There are actually a lot out there, you just need time - travel, sports games, concerts, restaurants, family visits, friend’s parties, netflix, movies, beaches, mountains, lakes, camping… list goes on.
Pink_Floyd_Chunes@reddit
This is true. There is actually too much to possibly experience in life. This is a perspective problem. We make our lives in many ways - not always, but enough of the time to make it matter. Move your body. Do something you have never done that is either cheap or free (low stakes). Accept invitations to social events and other outings. Make or rekindle friendships. Get off your phone and look around at the world. It's all still there, even though we ignore it most of the time.
curiousme123456@reddit
I use quotes to force to get perspective on life, issues, relationships, frustrations which helps me decide what and where do I put my energy. A quote that applies to your post “- Time is the only currency you spend without knowing your balance. Be careful what you use it on.” I’m 57 so getting closer to the end so more and more I become very selective on who I hang out with. Regarding ur first I said f it if she isn’t I’ll get it elsewhere. This was after hundreds of “conversations” as she avoids conflicts and simply attacks. This comment is in a different community
Agamenticus72@reddit
Excuse me . Have you tried marijuana ? " YEAH , life goes on , long after the thrill of living is gone . "
If you have not Incorporated edibles Into your life , you're missing out on just appreciating life again . It does wonders for the soul and body as well
CareRare9051@reddit
Edibles make you go early to bedibles.
Agamenticus72@reddit
For me Sativa helps eliminate brain inflammation so I Don't fall asleep .
Butidigress817@reddit
I would suggest monetizing a hobby or starting / growing a micro business. Some days I agonize over having an adult child who has moved away but building something that can help in retirement keeps me busy.
TulipFarmer27@reddit
Yep, this all there is. After 30 it’s all downhill.
Agamenticus72@reddit
Only physically . Mentally I'm much better as I get older.
StartKindly9881@reddit
I’m 61 life is terrific especially now retired.
GeoHog713@reddit
If you're bored, try knocking up a lady half your age. Things wont be boring anymore.
Friendly_Nobody_8264@reddit
😂
WestCoasthappy@reddit
Yes this is all there is - and it is everything. If you want it to be.
brzrkr76@reddit
Retired at 45. I enjoy my hobbies but even with that , every now and then I hate it. Can’t quite explain it
Outrageous_Drag6613@reddit
I’d love to retire early. How did you do it?
brzrkr76@reddit
I was dumb enough to stumble into a NYC job that required 20 years of my life. And I’m out
Joe-_-Momma-@reddit
Check your state laws. Lack of affection is grounds for divorce.
No it is all there is. Take time to enjoy life. Slow down working and take a breath. I am having a riot. Spending time with my grandkids and riding my Hogg. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow, so live like there is no tomorrow.
Kiss your old lady. Hug your kids. Enjoy it man.
bricom@reddit
Pets and hobbies. I have many hobbies and bounce between them as funding and desire permits. Learn a new skill. Volunteer somewhere. Research your family genealogy. Maybe you're depressed and need some help with that. Regardless, there's so much out there to do, just keep looking for what your 'thing' is.
I'm about to turn 60 and I'm never bored.
ilikedirt@reddit
Volunteering is the way. Build community.
SignificantTear7529@reddit
Maybe you're experiencing ego death.. Everyone that survives it must be busy doing their own thing..
Without_Portfolio@reddit
The future is bright. I take good care of myself, take the meds I need, listen to my body.
nosuchbrie@reddit
Therapy can help with this. Yes, it’s a normal feeling, but if it’s gotten to the point where you’re asking about this on Reddit, it’s bothering you.
Try 6 appointments and see if there is some headway. There are sliding scale counsellors who charge a bit less. Avoid the online services like talkspace/betterhelp, because a for-profit model has effed those programs (most private counsellors offer zoom sessions). Find a counsellor in your state that has a masters degree or higher. Often therapists offer 15 minute free getting to know you sessions to see if the fit is good.
stueynz@reddit
Another 5 years and you’ll enter the Post Ambition Phase of your career and the work stress falls away.
Welcome to mid life crisis, we all go through it eventually. Resurrect a hobby from your youth and become awesome at it.
Livid-Technology-396@reddit
Post ambition. I like the way that sounds. I’ve got about three years left and stuff at work doesn’t get me too excited anymore.
stueynz@reddit
Giving it a name makes it more real; and allows us to work with it rather than rage against it.
60yo IT nerd that once had grand plans, I’m now very content to be Methuselah in the corner at work and help the young uns be original in their mistakes. Nothing so soul destroying as watching the current crop of 30yo bright young things make the same mistakes we made in the early 2000s.
Livid-Technology-396@reddit
Indeed. I thought I was a screw up in my 20’s and early 30’s. Nah. The youn-uns have me beat. What scares me is the blatant lack of cognitive abilities they are manifesting.
WhisperedSoul@reddit
Boom! Post ambition phase. WHAT a turn of phrase. Thats exactly where I am. And not for lack of trying. I have given given given, climbed that ladder, giving it my all and got left behind, running circles around the people who kissed ass and got promoted above me. I am over that shit. The ambition ship has sailed without me and I’m angry about it.
I wish I had words of wisdom for the OP. I don’t, but wanted to say this resonated with me. Thanks.
stueynz@reddit
True post ambition phase happens when you let go of the anger. Hold on you will get there.
Jacobysmadre@reddit
I am 55. Raised a child on the spectrum (still lives at home), been married three times and divorced twice. Took care of my mother before her passing in 2023, for about 20 years..
I finally can’t care anymore. Post ambitious phase is right.
As sole provider, sole parent, sole caregiver, etc. I am officially cooked.
Not sure what’s left in store for me, but I am done climbing the ladder (even though my ego says keep going), as I don’t have the willpower to fight anymore.
I have also watched ppl get promoted over me, but I think now I need to let go a bit.
I’m so tired and burned out.
As one commenter here alluded to; maybe I need to feed my soul.
WhisperedSoul@reddit
I feel this and I feel for you. My ego says keep going but my body and brain know it’s over.
I think they are right. Let’s feed our souls some other way. We are overdue.
spiralradius62@reddit
Great phrasing. I'm 64 and planning working till 68 to top up my pension and downsize my house and loose the mortgage. I got made redundant twice in my 50's from senior exec roles and these days work for a third of my peak income. It's enough, I used to be very angry about how the cards fell. Now I don't care I have a plan that will see me into a modest but comfortable retirement with my wife of 33 years. I value my friends, my motorcycle and the riding club I belong to - work is interesting and at times stressful but I like it and the people but I have no ambition to be an exec again. I'll rock up, do my bit and look forward to the future I'm building. Ego is gone.
silentbias@reddit
I’m 40 and I know I will not be able to retire no matter what the fuck I do because of inflation. I’m so sorry your life sucks but mine’s gonna suck more when I turn 60.
pyrofemme@reddit
It might be all there is. My husband was in the same boat. Remunerative job good benefits, usually good crew to work with. Finally enough money to indulge his first love: composing and arranging keyboard muscles c. He had a studio and all the keyboards . And when he was 47 he was healthy then diagnosed with a 10 month cancer and was dead.
I wish he was still here knowing his grandkid ds and seeing his life ds succeeding at following their dreams.
If you’re unhappy, fix it.
v3rT1cL3_MGMT_idIOTs@reddit
moballer1975@reddit
Have you tried a E-mtb yet? Drop $5000 on an electric mountain bike. You can have a blast riding uphill in the middle of summer. Bike shops allow demo for free. Go try a few brands out, they're all great. Highly recommend for the GenX crowd.
No_Analysis_283@reddit
Or get a real MTB and build strength. 58 yo still shredding like an analog gangsta!
Big-Sheepherder-6134@reddit
I am 54 and I have endless things to do for decades to come. I will never get to do all of it.
Is that are there is?
You have got to be kidding.
CriticalOverThinker@reddit
The meaning of life is to give life meaning. The BS we are all brainwashed into believing and doing ain't workin for any of us. You do YOU, whatever that is.
AcanthocephalaOk8052@reddit
Yeah. The no sex thing.
I get it, older means certain activities go away, but she talks about retirement.
What the hell do we do in retirement? We already don't do things, and we're just roommates.
I'm not traveling with her. Roommates don't travel. Guess retirement will be marriage counseling.
TrafficFrosty3011@reddit
Have you ever considered it could be you?
x650r@reddit
Of course, it’s always the man’s fault. Nothing in his comment indicated blame, but it’s still clearly his fault. Even more so since he didn’t blame her. Women are so predictable it’s actually quite funny.
TrafficFrosty3011@reddit
Who said I was a woman.
x650r@reddit
The pink avatar and the fact that you blamed him. Please, try a little harder.
TrafficFrosty3011@reddit
That is actually laughable that you think I am a man hater. I mean I get it, this is Reddit. But 1 that isnt a pink avatar (not on my end it isn't) 2 I asked a question. There was no blame in it.
x650r@reddit
Never said you hated men. ‘Have you ever considered it could be you?’ That’s not blaming him? Don’t even try to claim you’re not a woman after that 😂.
d_ippy@reddit
What do you mean roommates don’t travel? I’ve traveled with roommates a ton when I was younger. My BFF and I go on vacation once a year as well.
silentbias@reddit
I don’t think you’ll get it until you’re the same age. You can say all you want, but you’re absolutely not in the same position. It’s not easy and I’m happy they’re still married at the very least for their children’s sake.
almostzsazsa@reddit
Maybe start having sex again?
Think-Log-6895@reddit
Highly recommend
lucid_intent@reddit
I’m looking forward to boredom. I have a couple young adult kids struggling.
JMPolisena@reddit
You are responsible for your own happiness. If something is missing, get up and start looking.
Balrog71@reddit
This may sound depressing or depressed or whatever, but for several years now I’ve felt like I’ve done everything I wanted to really, and lasted far longer in decent health than I would have ever guessed. Just coasting and watching the wheels, and the wheels ain’t no fun. I have some bonus kids my daughter’s age that drag me to raves a couple of times a year so I don’t always feel dead inside, but the drugs wear off and I go to the shop on Monday
silentbias@reddit
Good luck. Live your best life.
Balrog71@reddit
I’m usually happy actually. But if I break it all down? Yeah I’m just there
silentbias@reddit
Dude, I don’t know you but I care about you. If you’re hanging out with kids, your daughter’s age you’re making a bad decision. That’s the devil leading you in the wrong direction. Do something about that. You’re not just here you have a purpose. Make better decision decisions, bro.
Balrog71@reddit
A couple of times a year I have actual fun with friends who are quite grown and much beloved with a hundred or so others who are enjoying themselves? This isn’t an orgy ffs
RylieHumpsalot@reddit
I love when my kids invite me to concerts and such!!!
It's not creepy if youre not being a creep!
gogogadgets1997@reddit
My husband takes the kids to concerts. Going to a concert with your kids and their friends is normal.
Small-Palpitation310@reddit
Hahahah
gogogadgets1997@reddit
Weed certainly does keep me sane during this stage of life. I was always a prude, until I lost my taste and smell with covid. I couldn’t eat or keep anything down.
My husband talked me into getting my weed card. After a few years I think if everyone smoked a little we would all feel better. That might just be the weed talking though.
Small-Palpitation310@reddit
There’s a point where it’s just diminishing returns, however
Balrog71@reddit
I’ve used THC for about 40 years now on some basis of regularly. It’s always given me an instant change of perspective with some lightheartedness. Makes an evening seem better. My “wake n bake” era didn’t last long because I preferred to have something to look forward to at the end of the day
shakespeareanon@reddit
If you aren't having sex, your wife likely needs HRT (hormone replacement therapy). It's not actually therapy, it's a combo of estrogen (usually a small clear patch) and progesterone (usually a pill). Lack of these can cause painful sex and no desire to have it. Many women, myself included, went on it and go back to wanting regular sex. As for the rest, adventure isn't going to come to you. Do 1 thing every so often that scares you. Get to the gym. Weightlifting changed my life and my body. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.
AbeFroman_FB@reddit
While I also likely could use some HRT, let's not put all of the lack of sex on his wife, shall we?
shakespeareanon@reddit
I wasn't, so calm down.
daisy0808@reddit
I'll subscribe to your newsletter. Well said!
Successful-Pack-5450@reddit
Here’s a bit of old man advice… life is like a pizza, enjoy it one slice at a time. Also do you know why the windshield of a car is so much larger than the back glass? Because you spend more time looking forward and not so much looking behind you. This is probably all there is so make the most of it. Don’t deny yourself from anything you want. Figure out how to get it. Once your time has come, you won’t get a do over or a hall pass, or get to go back and get it later. Tomorrow never comes…
KingPabloo@reddit
The windshield is bigger for safety reasons actually. You need a wider field of vision to help you avoid potential hazards.
Successful-Pack-5450@reddit
You are certainly entitled to your opinion but you obviously missed the message. So whatever you think or believe is certainly fine and may be ok for you so let’s leave it at that
KingPabloo@reddit
Got the message, it did however get diluted behind a false premise IMO. Also, don’t confuse “opinions” with facts.
ImpossiblePumpkin476@reddit
I often think about Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and how Pirsig describes driving in a car and looking at the world through the windshield as a passive experience, like watching it on a TV screen, and riding a motorcycle as being in it - part of the scene. I don't ride a motorcycle so I don't know, but the contrast always struck me. Anyway, I digress.
Repulsive-Ice8395@reddit
What if there is nothing to look forward to but more of the same? What if I don't want anything? I guess I need to see a shrink.
silentbias@reddit
This is good advice much better than mine
MagnesiumKitten@reddit
you could get two slices of pizza on a plate and alternative with your bites
But all the pizza in the world is meaningless if everyone else has better hobbies, looks better than you, is smarter than you, and has a wonderfully perfect significant other
Then you just wait for the moment where you die like Sam Kinison
saying "Is this it?"
Successful-Pack-5450@reddit
No man! First no matter how many slices are on your plate you still only eat one bite at a time. Second, who worries about shit you can’t control. If you’re that insecure where you worry about what other people have, or how they look, you need counseling. I am who I am and could give a flying fuck what everybody else has or thinks. You gotta get and be comfortable with you. Of were in a room together, I don’t even see you! I’m worried about my shit and that’s perfectly fine for me. That’s how a grown ass man thinks…
MagnesiumKitten@reddit
So you eat one bite at a time, with no hobbies, and you're divorced and you're depressed watching Tom Vu Informercials
People will break eventually, and be like Al Bundy with their broken dreams.
And the only pizzas will be at the funeral, with people laughing saying good riddance.
It's hard to take a bite and laugh at the same time, but they aren't sad about that.
Top-Net779@reddit
It kind of nice having a community of fellow in-the-abyss-lookers…
fluidmind23@reddit
I switched my focus from big events to little moments that I enjoy. The way a dog makes me laugh. The game that just came out. The view in the mountains I saw last weekend. It's a culmination of these things that satisfies me way more than anything else. Then the big trips or the nice events are cherries on top. Give yourself space and time to see and feel these things. It works.
Veryrandom4242@reddit
Wisdom!
Huge_Ad_268@reddit
You questioning it could mean there is something latent that didn’t tap into maybe think back, on the old hobbies you had, things that intrigued you or even things you thought about doing but hesitated
Sudden_Office8710@reddit
Dude, David Byrne knew exactly what he was talking about when he wrote once in a lifetime. Some times you have to learn to forget stuff and be in the moment and drop all that introspective shit out the window. I’m 3 years ahead of you I’m still optimistic it’ll get better. It’s amazing how you become the thing you hate. I think Ad-rock said that and he’s right!
Top-Net779@reddit
Same as it ever was….
ImFromDanforth@reddit
Mind and body seems to have been discussed. Spirt has not. perhaps whatever idea of divinity you have needs to be explored
Small-Palpitation310@reddit
It’s not just divinity that can feed the spirit.
ImFromDanforth@reddit
use whatever word you like
Two_DogNight@reddit
This is where I am. Trying to reconnect to the spirit - that fifth sacred thing. I teach, which is soul sucking sometimes, and even after I retire I'm going to have to work somewhere else. Working on the plan for that. But, I'm looking forward to having some peace. I want to not have to run, and if I travel I want to do it in a van with my dog. At my pace. Stopping wherever the hell I want.
gogogadgets1997@reddit
I wish more teachers would start micro schools. I would absolutely love to enroll my son in a teacher ran one room classroom.
13maven@reddit
Everything is a grind. I feel this way too, and am trying to appreciate what I have, instead of looking for more things. My health, my kids, my pets. My birth and chosen family. That is why im here and why I stay
TerryAkee@reddit
I’ll be 56 next month. I’ve seriously never asked, is this all there is, I discovery more that I want to do and experience much faster than I could ever complete the things I want to do and experience much faster
FearlessLychee4892@reddit
I think we can all relate OP. This stage of life is oddly challenging, whether you have a great career (or a great sex life) or not. I don’t think the current political climate helps.
Rage_est_1969@reddit
Take your wife camping. Sit by an open fire and stare at the stars. You would be amazed on how this will change you.
Expert-Complex-5618@reddit
see 'second life' by carl jung
rbetterkids@reddit
Time to travel to Europe? It's different travelling within the states vs Europe.
Ok_Driver8646@reddit
There’s a funny song with that lyric sung by Peggy Lee “is that all there is.” 🤣🤣🤣 yes, mostly.
Find your inspiration & passion. It’s all that matters. Good luck.
ImpossiblePumpkin476@reddit
You forgot the "then let's keep dancing" part. Dancing is great advice for feeling alive and in the moment.
silentbias@reddit
I love this reply
HontoRenata@reddit
Let’s break out the booze and have a ball
If that’s all there is.
ElleGeeAitch@reddit
I thought of that song, too.
pidgeon92@reddit
Yep, this is all there is. Days of tedious activity.
DocCEN007@reddit
Find something that excites you and do it. Life only goes by relatively faster as we age.
Small-Palpitation310@reddit
Yea because I gotta sleep more lol
Eastern_Habit_5503@reddit
Yep, that’s it until retirement for most of us.
silentbias@reddit
But what about us in our 40s that can’t retire and we know we can’t retire. Even with a career and a great job making lots of money, I will not be able to retire. There is no absolute way.
d_ippy@reddit
How are you not able to retire if you’re making lots of money?
john-bkk@reddit
It seems like one part is how it all balances. If someone is putting in 50 stressful work hours a week, and working through a commute, it's going to be hard to get it to balance.
The other part is about allocating meaning. That must change as your kids grow up. I'm 57 but my first graduates high school in three weeks, due to a late start. I'm not really concerned about it; we have a second, and I have a few other interests.
I feel no self-loathing whatsoever. There might be something there to unpack.
ZealousidealRanger67@reddit
Yes.
Accx4@reddit
Retired for good at 54 with 2 pensions (military and state govt). I knew I was done at 20 years of service to the state. Law enforcement is rough these days. 5 years in and i have to say it was tbe best decision ever. Wife took early retirementfoe a lower pension too. Our kids are all grown and for 20+ years have been cranking out grandbabies and building lives! Oldest is turning 40 and the youngest of 6 is 32 now. Been empty nesters since 2011 when the youngest entered college (I was 45). We bought a second home in 2013 in another state. Acres, old Victorian farmhouse, beautiful rural part of east Texas (Piney Woods). And we worked. Paid off debt, made 2 mortgage payments, and it was rough! Even vacation was tough dragging tools 1200 miles to spend 2 weeks twice a year working on this old house. Selling the family home took 20 hours from the time the home hit the MLS until we had a full cash offer with a 30 day closing date of Sept 1, 2021, my first day retired! We loaded everything into a shipping container and had it delivered 1200 miles away. Now we are centrally located between all the kids! Able to travel when we want and even at the drop of a hat if need be. We have no debt, no mortgages, no car or truck payments and no CC debt! It took some getting used to as i continued to feel like at some point I would have to return to work... but I dont. I havent. I am never bored. There is far more to do here all the time but it runs on my schedule! Your brain will adapt. In time. Relax, sleep in, stay up all night on a weekday watching YouTube, what ever... in time youll develop a new routine with less demands and youll find more time than you ever thought possible to enjoy yourself! Best wishes!
silentbias@reddit
Praise you man. God bless you and I’m grateful for your service.
Accx4@reddit
Thanks! I appreciate that! I am just really into hoping others are able to find comfort in knowing there is life after work. The road to get there is long and filled with so much drama but the bestvis yet to come! Freedom from regular work is freedom indeed! Best wishes!
Alovingcynic@reddit
Why the self loathing? I'd work on that!
silentbias@reddit
Unfortunately, self loathing has been encouraged in the last 20 years. And we are at the peak of it. And that’s why society sucks right now and that’s why society is so negative right now we’ve been trained to think this way, and some of us have broken through that shit because we knew what the 80s and 90s were like before this shit started happening.
Alovingcynic@reddit
OP should root it out, whether it's social conditioning or not. 'Is that all there is' is a profound question, which also involves doing some shadow work (into the self). Might discover why the self loathing.
silentbias@reddit
Yeah, that’s a good answer. I support this comment.
SmearingFeces@reddit
I’m considering telling the family I’m going out for a pack of smokes, and hopping a freight car headed West myself. I’m just worried about the bathroom situation because I’m shy.
silentbias@reddit
Yeah, you don’t want nothing weird to happen while you’re taking a shit or a piss.
Akmommydearest@reddit
I have no choice I have to head East maybe we do a small head nod as we pass somewhere in the middle.
SmearingFeces@reddit
I’ll share my can of beans and a smoke with ya.
wizofoz057@reddit
Ive read a book, based on this
PrimalSixFive@reddit
No sex. That's not good. I guess that's all there is then...
silentbias@reddit
I think it’s fine. you are worried about the sex part. Sex is not everything. The act of sex providers the only purpose to procreate. I know there’s a lot of satisfaction with the act. But it’s not our purpose in life. It’s only a fraction of our purpose. And some people killed that purpose, that little fraction. They just murdered the little fraction of purpose they were alive for.
Livid-Technology-396@reddit
Yep. If the wife took sex off the table without discussing it with me, I’d be gone.
WarpedCore@reddit
I feel you brother.
Career has become a grind. Counting the years where I can go from Career to just a job. Money is decent, but hers is much better to the point where my Career may end in t-minus 5 years.
My boys are doing well. Both in the early stages of the Electrical trade. One has 2 years in, the other is about to start.
I have hobbies and like you, would like more time to spend with them. Reading and Guitar being two that I absolutely love.
I hit the gym three nights a week to try to maintain this Dad bod.
We go out to eat three or four times a month. Enjoy ourselves. We go to concerts from time to time and in the summer, we go to the local live acts. We make the most of it... for where we are right now.
My worry is once we can retire or slow the job thing down, will we do the things we say we will, or will the chaos of life rear its ugly head and give one of us a health issue that deters us from doing so.
They say those are the golden years? I am not so sure.
Opposite-Lake-9679@reddit
No sex would certainly suck the life out of me. JS
miniwhoppers@reddit
You sound bored, bro.
Moonstruck1766@reddit
I long to go back and start over. There’s so many things I haven’t done yet.
BlackaddaIX@reddit
You're me a fee years ago sans the grown up kids as mine were younger.
You need things for you.. It's the only way.. You should talk to your wife about this though.. For me the marriage ended and I don't think I could have saved it but I wished I could have done something to stop it becoming as toxic as it now is.
The things to look into most have said but friendships are important, hobbies if they interest you or try some solo travel maybe.. For me that is the thing that made me feel alive again
capacious_bag@reddit
Life’s a grind. But I have found planning my next trip perks me up as well as a sprinkling of night out without my husband because we need time away from each other (we both work from home so it’s a lot). Plus I think most humans need more novelty so I’m planning on doing way more side quests in the next few years. Go fill your bucket outside of your wife and kids and see if it helps.
Bidad1970@reddit
Yep. Just imagine Sisyphus happy.
Just_here_for_AITAH@reddit
Every freaking day, dude!
Consistent-Dog8537@reddit
Yeah. I'm not unhappy.. but I thought there would be a lot more to life then there has been for me. I sound similar to you.
Akmommydearest@reddit
Gen X in a nutshell self loathing and back at it.
Do we all secretly want to get in the car and start driving …
CrappyCupOfCoffee@reddit
Hey, it was good enough for Springsteen, and Melissa Etheridge…and Billy Ocean!
catgirl320@reddit
Don't forget Tracy Chapman. Fast Car has really resonated lately
Just_here_for_AITAH@reddit
Thelma and Louise also kept on driving, too.
threelittlebards@reddit
Make a bucket list. And then do said items on the bucket list. Crossed them all off? New bucket list. You only get to go around once, enjoy being on this rock hurtling through space.
HunnyBunny617@reddit
My husband and I did this together. We listed 20 items without showing the other what we listed. When we were through, we compared the list. We started with the things that we both had listed and started doing them. Then, We do one off his list, and one off mine. If they’re small things, we might knock out a couple each year. Bigger things, like travel, we might only get to one or 2.
Eastern_Habit_5503@reddit
The problem with that is… spouse can say no to the bucket list items. Single persons can do whatever they want. Married persons, not so much.
sudrewem@reddit
You can go alone or with a friend maybe???
Auntie_Venom@reddit
Yah, my husband won’t let me jump out of a plane… I did do indoor skydiving, it was fun but no adrenaline rush.
Then the other day he said something about how fun that would be… So maybe.
properwaffles@reddit
Just hit 50. Finally making what would have been considered great money 15 years ago, and still pretty good today, but probably won't ever to be able to swing a house and rent just keeps rising. Plus I'm just not as motivated to hone my skills after hours anymore, so I'm kinda stressed about actually keeping my gig until retirement (which I also have only semi-planned for).
Thank god I have an amazing wife and no kids, I don't even know how people can afford children, buy a home, and NOT be working so much that they can't enjoy either.
jsamuraij@reddit
That's just it...they don't!
properwaffles@reddit
It's insane. My dad worked for the phone company, one of the guys you'd see in the bucket trucks, repairing phone lines. Not a glamorous job by any means (although a cool one). He was able to build us a house, using materials he purchased, and had enough free time to actually do it. He also built hot rods, took us skiing, installed a hot tub in our back deck that he also built, etc.
My mom was a dental hygienist and made decent money as well, but she was only part-time. My three aunts were all librarians, and all had houses. My cousin was a mailman, one uncle was a mechanic, one was an AC repairman, all bought homes.
We weren't "rich", about as middle-class as it gets, but it was way more than enough. I NEVER heard either of them complain about money, saying they felt overworked, or feeling stressed about finances. It was just a whole other world back then, and I feel incredibly envious.
Bright-Pear-4880@reddit
(56F) Best decade of my life so far! Kids grown and gone. Found my soulmate. All is well.
Nerdy_Crow1111@reddit
Dudes-menopause kicks womens' asses in physical, emotional, and especially hormonal ways. You seriously don't get it. Do yourselves a huge favor and #1 READ about the effects of menopause on women. And #2? Ask yourselves how you've made her feel emotionally safe, unconditionally desired, and not the only one taking care of everything (if this is the case). Take some of the world off her plate (without her asking), take initiative, and let her know in all the ways you can that you SEE her and want her (not just sexually) -no matter what else has happened. When a woman feels emotionally safe, respected, and looked at as a partner (not just as a mommy caretaker) and does NOT feel taken for granted, she will WANT to have sex with you again. Please look it up- just moaning about no more sex is ignoring the actual problem. Women will second this and men will balk at it. It's gonna be up to you to create that environment. Also? Know that sex shouldn't be seen as a chore and foreplay starts from the moment you wake up in all the little things you do all day up until that point. LOOK at her the same way you did before-give her the eyes, and do not fake incompetence with doing things/finding things. Initiative, desire, all-day "foreplay"- sweep her off her feet not with grand gestures but by understanding the reality of being a woman (do your research!) and she will want to fall into your arms again.
LilBitofSunshine99@reddit
Some people don't realize that a "successful" marriage requires as much work as a successful career but your payment isn't money.
Yangoose@reddit
But just for men right?
All women have to do is show up and be showered in affection while the man puts endless work into the relationship.
How come none of this "advice" ever talks about what the woman should do for the man?
Instead it's always multiple paragraphs about how the man is supposed to make every one of her fantasies come true and then just hope and pray he might get a little action from his wife someday.
LilBitofSunshine99@reddit
Since when does some people = men only?
Guilty conscience?
Yangoose@reddit
Did you even read their comment before you posted?
It was extremely clear that men should be doing all the work in the relationship while women have zero responsibility.
Yangoose@reddit
"Hi honey. I know we used to play tennis all the time and we loved it. We did it every chance we could and I was always looking forward to the next time we'd play. Well, it's been 20+ years and my knees just aren't what the used to be and I don't have near the energy I used to and I while I like the idea of tennis and have a lot of fond memories of our fun times together I just don't have the interest I once did.
I know you still like tennis a lot and I know the fact that we never play tennis is 100% caused by my body and my decisions, but I've decided it is ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT.
Clearly this whole thing is because you don't love me enough.
You just don't do enough to make tennis feel special for me. I need you to invest a ton of time and effort into making each and every moment special and magical. You should constantly look at me in a way that reminds of tennis but NEVER actually ask me to play tennis. You must be perfectly willing to get dressed up in our tennis outfits, drive to the courts, entertain me while we wait for our court to be open, then not be upset at all when I decided just as our turn is up I've changed my mind and just want to go home.
You must also wait on me hand and foot and do the lions share of all the work in our relationship in the hopes that this might give me enough energy to want to play tennis. You must never show the slightest frustration when I use all that free time and energy to gossip with my friends and obsess about the dumbest shit imaginable like whether Justin Bieber's wife is Vegan or whether those fancy new throw pillows will make our living room just right.
If you are a very good boy and pour out enough time, effort, energy and money then maybe I'll play tennis with you... on your birthday."
Agile-Tradition8835@reddit
I need you to speak directly to my husband for me! This is such great advice.
Yangoose@reddit
I read this bullshit about all the hoops men are supposed to jump through to treat their wives like absolute princesses while the wife puts absolutely zero effort into maintaining a physical relationship with their husband and it's just the worst. It unilaterally shoves all the responsibility for something happening to your own body onto your husband and makes your actions and decisions his fault.
It's all bullshit anyway. You make up all these crazy scenarios in your head about how you'd want sex again if only your husband would jump through enough hoops to prove his love for you but it's all fantasy.
"If only my husband looked like the model on the romance novel cover and swept me off my feet and showered me with nonstop romance, then I'd want to have sex again!!!"
Then when your husband does put in the effort and really tries to give you everything you want it's still not good enough so it must be his fault for not doing enough right???
Imagine we were talking about something else entirely.
"I wish I wanted chocolate. I bet if the most wonderful, perfect chocolate was crafted by the finest Swiss chocolate artists and flown across the world and displayed before we with custom lighting, the perfect decorations, the room being the perfect temperature and with just the perfect smells wafting around then I bet I'd really want that chocolate!"
Sorry babe. It's just a silly fantasy because you don't want to admit you just don't like chocolate anymore and you're trying to blame anything and anyone but yourself.
Nerdy_Crow1111@reddit
🫂🫂🫂
Street_Barracuda1657@reddit
Great info, but I’d add marriage is a two way street. And this is a one way solution…
Nerdy_Crow1111@reddit
See above-I repeat..."No shit, Sherlock." There's no world in which a good marriage comprises one partner who mostly gives and one person who mostly takes. If you're feeling defensive about my original comment, or feel the need to clarify that it's a two-way street for all of the women reading this, then we know which role you "mostly take."
Street_Barracuda1657@reddit
Sorry to point it out, but you’re the one that’s defensive…
Pose2Pose@reddit
I've been on Reddit for over 7 years, and this is the first time I've "Saved" a comment/post. I've tried to have this mindset but have struggled, and this really condenses the problems and solutions very effectively. I want to re-read it frequently until it becomes part of me. Thanks for your well-articulated insights.
Nerdy_Crow1111@reddit
Thank YOU as well for understanding the intent behind it within its reasonable parameters. Not meant for extreme situations but instead for general ways to improve a marriage and sex life. So very happy it helps in some way. 🩷
Rare-Independence310@reddit
So basically, it's all about "unconditionally" meeting the woman's needs "from the moment you wake up," "no matter what else has happened."
Do you honestly believe that's equitable in a relationship, or realistic for any human being to perform on a daily basis?
Nerdy_Crow1111@reddit
This is a reductive perspective. A bunch of males on here are whining about not getting sex and some suggestions/explanations were given. Any level of emotional intelligence would conclude that my comments were not meant to be an extreme, 24/7 thing. Frankly, a "No shit, Sherlock" response is necessary here to address any comments about marriage being a two-way street with necessarily equitable effort and benefit. Your defensiveness illustrates the amount of effort you likely put into -or ever will put into-your marriage. The mentality of this being an impossible task or requiring too much effort for your liking tells us everything we need to know about who you are as a husband and how you view women.
Rare-Independence310@reddit
LOL, those were literally YOUR words, not mine, hence the quotation marks. This screams of you not taking responsibility for your own actions, so any "Sherlock" with "any level of emotional intelligence" would conclude it's what your husband endures and yet is still expected to put you first.
Nerdy_Crow1111@reddit
Your quoting of something without the nuance of context and immediately getting defensive illustrates my point. One thing I did NOT say was that I expect my husband to put me first no matter what he "endures." No spouse, man or woman, should have to "endure" anything. The point was that men were whining about no sex and I explained what might need to be rectified in order to change this. "No matter what happened" needs some clarification on my part-if someone is abusive or cheating, etc. then it changes the entire story. OP posted on a generally happy marriage. In such cases, the "what" would refer to a disagreement or something, not to some extreme/horrible situation. "Unconditionally" means despite her being exhausted, not looking like she once did, hormonal, etc. It doesn't mean to treat her like a goddess if she's being unfaithful or abusive. All of this is also for women toward men. The entire post is really common sense, the point you obviously missed. The point is to honor and be very clear about making the other person feel SEEN and CHERISHED. My husband and I are BOTH givers and each others' favorite people; he never stops making me feel like I'm the most important person in his life or letting me know how cherished I am. And I do the exact same for him-he is consistently made aware of how much he is loved, desired, respected, and cherished. And he always has been. Because of all of these things, I WANT to go there with him and he does with me. It's a simple formula, but one that's impossible to work with and solve if one person is defensive, a taker, doesn't want to put in the effort, or lacks empathy.
IHadTacosYesterday@reddit
Reading all this makes me so glad I'm divorced now. Too much dramawood
Ms_ankylosaurous@reddit
💯🙌🙌
sethmoth@reddit
sex is what's missing dude, and you know it
LordBalderdash@reddit
But for your family's sake don't go out looking for it.
AnasandSF@reddit
Unless there’s consent in the marriage for that
Elegant-Pineapple-56@reddit
Which is fine if you're both ok with that. If one of you isn't, it's not great.
MagnesiumKitten@reddit
it's all about your hobbies
and your soulmate
if you have no hobbies all you do is eat sleep and go to the bathroom and work for a roof
SuspiciousMeat6696@reddit
Birth, School, Work, Death - The Godfathers
mjskiingcat@reddit
I love our generation.
oodopopopolopolis@reddit
No one is going to make time to do stuff you want to do but yourself. Also, try being present in the moment. I know this is much-repeated advice but I need to renew this idea in my mind from time to time. Don't multitask, think about what you're doing or who you're with and you'll start to get a little more fulfillment out of the small moments. It also leads me to think about what's really important in my life and what isn't.
floppy_breasteses@reddit
It's like getting a bad hand in poker. It doesn't necessarily matter. How you play it does.
We were living the cliche suburban life: BBQs, mowing the lawn, saying "howdy, neighbour" a lot, station wagon (although I coped by calling it a stretched hatchback), drinking too much just to manage the boredom of the rinse and repeat of it all.
The wife and I talked it over four years ago and concluded shit needed to change. Sold the house and moved the family out into the country to start our hobby farm. Gardens, orchards, chickens, nature, wildlife, working for your food, and cutting out the non-essentials (whatever is just taking up space in your home or your mind).
This was the best thing we ever did for the family and our marriage. Bored? Go fishing, hop on an ATV or snowmobile, pick up a rifle and start ringing steel, or wander the property and eat something right from the source. Of course, there's not much time to get bored. Always a project on the go.
All that to say that when shit gets stagnant, sometimes you just have to stand up and flip the table. It's your life and you only get one of them. There are millions, if not billions of rats in the race, and virtually no winners. It's a stupid race made for suckers. Most people don't know you can just abstain.
CaliJaneBeyotch@reddit
I love this story! My husband have come to similar points several times over the years where we have decided "This is miserable. Let's put every option on the table and pick a new direction!" Friends and family usually thought we were crazy but 40 years together and we have not felt stagnant!
battlesong1972@reddit
It’s awesome that worked for you, but all of that sounds like torture to me. I barely want to mow my lawn and do anything in the little 12’x6’ garden I have let alone take care of actual orchards. I still can’t even figure out what that “flip the table” life would look like for us
floppy_breasteses@reddit
It's a whole different ballgame cutting your grass on a JD tractor with a 54" deck. I find any hard work is nothing when weighed against the peace and quiet, no neighbours, fresh eggs and produce, and the stars at night.
I guess it's not for everyone, though.
Rare-Assumption5584@reddit
Love this for you and the fam. It’s funny, there was another post much like this one that I replied to saying basically if you want a life change then change it. That comment didn’t go over well with some of our fellow genX redditors as you can imagine. You are another real life example — in addition to me and my fam — of living the life you want. Good on you for taking control.
OP- what helped us was defining goals, and applying timelines. If you don’t have a target to aim for you’re just shooting into the wind!
floppy_breasteses@reddit
GenX, while typically pretty amazing, is not immune to the human condition of being miserable but doing nothing to fix the problem. Or even getting mad when shown an escape option. The defense-of-misery is something I have no time for.
The Red Pill analogy is getting old but it applies so perfectly here. Waking deliberately from a lifestyle slumber and exitting the system, though... No analogy works as well. Congrats to you and the family, as well. Nice hearing from people who choose to live on their own terms.
Rare-Assumption5584@reddit
Must be all those years of coming home from school to an empty house and drinking water from a garden hose that F’d us up!
Quix66@reddit
Never married, no, kids, abused, disabled, broke.
Yes, I often think is this all there is?
ThunderStruck777@reddit
Life is a short nap on a summers day
lastfreerangekid@reddit
Damn, did I write this?
brockclan216@reddit
Make a change. Travel. Join a gym. Take up disc golf. Do something you haven't tried to break up the monotany
runs11trails@reddit
Read "monogamy" and felt sad.
I'm not sad anymore.
brockclan216@reddit
😂😂 hey, you do you. Whatever works for ya 😂😂 This gave me a gifgle 🤭
timwtingle@reddit
Got divorced around your age, not long after my six figure job was eliminated because of a buyout. This is the second time this has happened over my career in IT management. It can be expected in middle management making good money actually. I ended up taking a job at a nonprofit as the sole IT person. Got some promotions, up to director level and I can say that this is the best job I've ever had. I don't make as much for sure, two thirds actually. I consider myself extremely lucky to have found my passion.
I worked in manufacturing before, it was high stress and a significant commute in a bordering state. I remember sometimes driving up to the parking lot and getting nauseous because it was such a soul sucking job with a complete asshat as a boss. This person knew nothing about IT infrastructure but tried to argue with me about how we should manage IP addresses of our client computers, as an example. He sat around most days and would read people's email. We know because it was logged in the spam appliance. Six or seven hours a day he would do this. He would read emails of other department heads after meetings then come "armed" at the next meeting. I say all this to say, he was a miserable asshat and so was I as result of shit flowing downhill. The crap I had to do to my staff was ridiculous.
We were purchased and within a year, my job was eliminated. At one time there were three IT managers, so something had to give. Frankly I was burned out anyway and not at my best. Your job has more of an influence on your life than you may realize at the time. My job now is three miles away from home. I work with some of the most caring and loving people I know. My boss leaves me alone to do my job. Coworkers love me and I love them. Literally, I met my new wife at work. My point to all this is look into what is causing your most pain. In my case it was two-fold: ex-wife and job. Both were changed and I could not be happier. It can/does get better. Promise.
Did_it_in_Flint@reddit
"It seemed to him that all his life he had followed the ideals that other people, by their words or their writings, had instilled into him, and never the desires of his own heart. Always his course had been swayed by what he thought he should do and never by what he wanted with his whole soul to do. He put all that aside now with a gesture of impatience. He had lived always in the future, and the present always, always had slipped through his fingers. His ideals? He thought of his desire to make a design, intricate and beautiful, out of the myriad, meaningless facts of life: had he not seen also that the simplest pattern, that in which a man was born, worked, married, had children, and died, was likewise the most perfect? It might be that to surrender to happiness was to accept defeat, but it was a defeat better than many victories."
-- W. Somerset Maughm in 'Of Human Bondage'
weight22@reddit
ouch. this stings.
Sweetcornprincess@reddit
I'm nearly 50. I'm seriously thinking about cutting way back on work, doing exactly what I want to do, and then once I can't afford to do that, I won't be sad to leave. The world's going to shit anyway. Might as well enjoy it while I can.
DirkDiggler1970s@reddit
Having kids throws a wrench into that plan.
Signed,
Someone in the same position with kids that has looked at the same plan.
Sweetcornprincess@reddit
Understandable. I've never been so happy with my decision to remain childfree.
DirkDiggler1970s@reddit
I love my kids more than anything else in the world, do not regret it for a minute, but they do fundamentally change every aspect of life (I don't say "my life" because I don't have m own life any more, at least not while they're not in college yet).
iftheygivinitaway@reddit
I'm a late bloomer. 53 with a 10 year old. Most of my friends' kids graduated college already.
IcyConsideration7062@reddit
Wordsworth said it best: "Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers".
BigBanyak22@reddit
But wait there's more!! I just found out the hard way that when you age this fluid in your eyes contracts from the back of the eye... No problem until it's too sticky and tears your retina. Tuesday afternoon at work I started to have black amoebas floating in my vision, then thousand if sand like black dots then shortly after 30 small house flies decided to enter my vision too... Trip to the ER. Laser surgery yesterday afternoon to dam up the tears on my retina. Now I have big floaters in my vision, but at least it didn't detach. But they said the next two months are likely a detaching process going on in both eyes, stay tuned.
So, no, apparently that's not it. I was in your place Monday... This week, not better!! 😂
I think I'm going to drown my sorrows in what's left in last year's water in the garden hose this afternoon.
And people at work don't care, I'm still getting emails non stop... And if course I'm replying while I'm in surgery. 😂
Knowitsome3000@reddit
So your eyesight is in jeopardy long-term? Condolences to you if that is the case, talk about a huge readjustment! Good luck that the surgery gets you to seeing much better again.
BigBanyak22@reddit
Thank you. I hope not, but there's some risk. They said that my brain will adjust to the floaters I have and it will be better in a month or two. It was an eye opener thinking about that yesterday morning, losing vision in one, or even worse that my mom died of brain cancer 6 months after retiring. Too many things go through your head.
But here I am, took my second day off work in four years, sitting in the hot tub in the sun, playing on Reddit. Contemplating life.
Knowitsome3000@reddit
It'll all come together eventually. The loss of your mom is indeed the change of a lifetime.
Thankfully you have good doctors taking good care of you. That's a blessing.
Enjoy that hot tub, get some good old vitamin D from the sun, and good luck to you.
Aging, it's not for Sissy's! Hahaha. Saw that on a t-shirt once in my 20s. Nowadays, I get it. Got to get stronger now to be stronger later.
Adorable_Newt7562@reddit
That’s so scary!! Maybe send a mass email of your eye surgery that should buy you some time! Feel Better!
EmbarrassedAge7612@reddit
I hit 50 this year. I hit that work wall this year. Pays well but feels a little tighter in this economy. Just won a corporate leadership award for the 5 time in 6 years. I sat there and stared at it knowing I’d have to go through the typical acceptance BS. It felt hollow. My boss who is a decade younger comes in and congratulates me and I just felt empty. It’s a participation trophy that comes with no added benefit, just higher expectations. I’m at that age where I see the younger guys nipping at my heels. They want what I have but what is that really? I find myself envious of my younger self. I dream of starting over somewhere else but the reality is that I’d lose too much in doing so.
Educational_Bid_5315@reddit
Schedule sex with your spouse. It will give you something to look forward to. I also recommend some spicy reading or podcasts to help
Mental-Artist-6157@reddit
I know I sound like a one note parade but maybe get wifey in touch with MIDI health? Have a conversation on hormones? Bc I'm out here reinventing myself and dare night is better than ever.
Educational_Bid_5315@reddit
I don’t have any issues. Is this directed to me or OP?
Mental-Artist-6157@reddit
My bad entirely! The suggestion is for OP. I love your suggestions btw.
Educational_Bid_5315@reddit
I’m a mess in so many other aspects of life, just not this one 🤣
Mental-Artist-6157@reddit
SAME HAHAHA
RoseyGray@reddit
Most people who hit mid life go through this. It’s normal. It’s ok to question our life decisions.
What if I had married this other person? What if I had done this as a career instead? Etc….
Just move through this moment slowly and deliberately. DON’T do anything rash or make any hasty big decisions to force your life to be ‘interesting’ to you right now. It will pass and you will find your zest for life again.
Sometimes when you hope for an interesting life, it comes in the form of a health scare or something worse. Then you’ll wish every day to have your boring ass life back.
Puppy-Smoocher@reddit
Why is no one having sex?! We’ve been married for 25 years and never stopped. That’s a serious disconnect. 😬
zabacam@reddit
Same - frequency is a touch lower, but we still connect physically several times a week.
IHadTacosYesterday@reddit
That's way more frequent than normal, so be happy about that
zabacam@reddit
I am! 😃
ancientastronaut2@reddit
Can't speak for others but menopause took my drive away and HRT hasn't helped. Husband doesn't care because his drive is also down due to health issues. We crack one out about every third weekend. Everything works fine when we do, it's just effort.
Mamagogo3@reddit
You’re not alone. I really miss the connection. But I’m worn out at the end of the day…. When I was a teenager, I got my parents a coffee mug. It had a picture of a dad snoozing in his recliner and mom griping at him to ‘wake up! It’s time to go to bed!’ Thought it was hilarious because I witnessed that every day. Karma really bit me in the ass on that one 😂
Street_Barracuda1657@reddit
Would love to know that answer. Been together 20, half of which has been an abstinence commercial.
islandbeef@reddit
When I was in between jobs, I volunteered to be a youth football coach. I never knew I could do it but it ended up being a life changer. It can be like herding cats sometimes but it became very rewarding when the kids are receptive to your coaching and execute the plays.
parkskevin18@reddit
wait until you hit 60 - talk about a mind fuck…
TheHip41@reddit
Sounds like you need a GF
Remarkable_Insect866@reddit
Or an escort who does the "girlfriend experience."
FBS351@reddit
I think most thoughtful people have this realization. I know I did. Right around your age. I suppose it's a little depressing. I got over it when I realized I valued comfort more than excitement. YMMV but I suspect most of us make the same trade.
pantstoaknifefight2@reddit
Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk-on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
FBS351@reddit
Well, the closest I ever came to a 'war' was the "Battle of Trying to Get Laid", but the point still stands.
kentuckywildcats1986@reddit
Do you have a dog?
iftheygivinitaway@reddit
Yes?
kentuckywildcats1986@reddit
Hahaha. Classic. I loved these movies as a kid.
Concentrate-Upper@reddit
Or a kitty..?🤗
SnarkMasterRay@reddit
Sounds like you're letting work dictate your life. There is more to life than work, but it is up to you to determine what that is for you.
MayorNoChill@reddit
Jane you seen the movie The Nines?
5kl@reddit
The only true joy comes from serving others. Take care of yourself of course, but focus on serving your wife, your kids, your family, your neighbors and community and you will realize there is a lot more to this.
AlexandertheHate78@reddit
….jiujitsu helps. Not always, but some days?
Flimsy_Use_1659@reddit
I decided to follow ACDC to as many shows on this powerup tour i could feasibly afford 5 stops so far Since 2024 and three more coming this year
ANGUS YOUNG is my fountain of youth and i drink from it daily
Crayoneater1996@reddit
Gratz kinda jealous. Seen em in Nashville last year and seein em in Houston this year can't wait
Flimsy_Use_1659@reddit
I was in nashville!! Camped on the sidewalk all day for the Pit then the cancellation came So that meant repeat next day cuz the storm! two strait days of pit camping
ihaventgotany@reddit
"...I’ve had a hell of a good time. And I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you any different." - Kurt Vonnegut
My wife and I were talking not too long ago, in a very similar vein to your post. I said, I have a decent place to live, a nice motorcycle to ride, two young adult kids who I enjoy very much (three now since my daughter is getting married to a good young man), and the love of my life by my side through all of it. What else could I possibly ask for without being greedy?
I suppose I could ask to work less and enjoy these things more, but that's about it, really.
Top_Narwhal_30@reddit
That’s it. That’s why people in the United States are suffering. We work too much. Is that where you live?
ihaventgotany@reddit
I think I have a pretty decent work-life balance. I get home by mid-afternoon during the week and rarely work weekends. I have a decent amount of paid time off and my employer does not watch the clock nor nitpick me about a few hours here and there. Is it a perfect idyllic existence? No, but I have my needs met and a pleasurable life most days. I'm not getting rich, but I don't really have a desire to be rich. I have riches beyond measure.
I also recognize that all that could change at any time, that my parents generation screwed us all over, and the younger generations are going to have a much harder time achieving anything close to that. I've spent a lot of time and energy on my kids trying to set them up as well as possible to get there. Sorry if I don't meet your standard for bitterness. I'm enjoying what I do have while I can.
GhostWithTheMost75@reddit
Church, gym, or dog?
ObligationMurky8716@reddit
It can't rain all the time.
DecentWrench@reddit
Eric?
nrith@reddit
Peggy Lee has a song for you.
squirtloaf@reddit
There is a version of Debbie Harry and Billy Eilish doing that at the Hollywood bowl on youtube.
johninfla52@reddit
One word.....plants and gardening. (Well actually that's three words.)
not_a_moogle@reddit
plants, cats, and woodworking/painting
there's other stuff, but physically moving is key to a lot of it. Just don't sit on the couch. And well, my response to anything else is "In this economy?!"
timothra5@reddit
Yes. Try to stick around long enough to retire, but yes, that is all as far as I can tell.
skwigi@reddit
Is this all? I mean, the world we exist in is so varied and huge, and the people we're here with are so many and so different from each other. One lifetime isn't nearly enough time to experience it all!
If you're bored, get out there and try something new! Make a thing you've never made before, learn a new language, learn to play a musical instrument, visit a city you've never been to, heck, just read a book you've never read before.
My mother, who rarely had anything helpful to say, did say one thing I've kept with me: "Bored is boring."
Ouakha@reddit
Gotta agree. There's so much, too much!
MassConsumer1984@reddit
Your mother was a wise woman
BabadookOfEarl@reddit
I feel a musical number coming on.
Sad-Macaroon9067@reddit
That would make life a lot better. 😜
Foolgazi@reddit
Yep, this is all there is. Either lay back and enjoy the ride or take on new challenges to keep your life meaningful to you.
wirebrushfan@reddit
The no sex thing ended my 17 year relationship last year. I couldn't take it anymore.
Seyforth@reddit
DTF St Louis
7_62mm_FMJ@reddit
Go get em Tiger Tiger.
somajones@reddit
Live as if it mattered.
7_62mm_FMJ@reddit
Yes. Unless you change it. Do something different
Ana987654321@reddit
What do you do when living the American Dream leaves you feeling empty ?
mari815@reddit
Yep I think this is part of midlife crisis, I am now looking back like….half plus of my life is over and have I grabbed enough out of life?
Jerking_From_Home@reddit
If you are questioning it, then you haven’t. It goes fast, get out there and find something new before you get too old.
mari815@reddit
Good advice and I am planning to shake it up.
MJGB714@reddit
Yes this is all there is and it's pretty awesome. I think we tend to normalize everything but just being alive is mind blowing, add great wife and kids, successful career etc and much to be thankful for.
MassCasualty@reddit
Bills are paid. 'Lectricity is on...toilet flushes.
Mangolandia@reddit
Honestly, this.
Downtown_Reward_6339@reddit
You’ve described my life exactly
chigurh316@reddit
Yeah, the no sex thing is problematic. I'm mid 50's. We are down to once a week but my wife knows how to make it count.
I enjoy my life for the most part. I don't hate my job but I certainly wouldn't do it if I didn't need money. My calculation is that I have about 45% of my waking hours in a week not working. when I lost my job a few years back and was extremely stressed with 2 kids approching college age, one of my buddies was like "this is your chance to get off the hamster wheel".
Well, if you mean telling my kids they will need to take out student loans and that my wife has to pay all of our other bills, sure it was a chance. He had one kid and inherited his house.
But hey, welcome to midlife.
stemandall@reddit
But grandkids are the solution, right? Right?
octopus_pi@reddit
I like how you called it "another board", like I assume Message Board or Bulletin Board (BBS). It's weird to think that we there when the internet started!
Mmm-Poptart@reddit
Pretty much yup. But it perks right back up once the grandkids arrive.
stemandall@reddit
Great. Whose can I buy?
Buck_Folton@reddit
Dangerous-Art-Me@reddit
Yep. This is it.
Add volunteering.
IndelibleEdible@reddit
Travel. Travel to places you’ve never visited before.
Also, weed is pretty fun.
WimpyZombie@reddit
Yeah...if I wasn't completely broke living paycheck to paycheck, I would be traveling as much as possible.
Weed....I can do without (I guess I'm the minority here...)
MJGB714@reddit
Work on the sex part even if it's health related get creative.
Cold_Martini1956@reddit
It sounds like you’re too old to be young and too young to be old. I agree with others who suggest finding new hobbies. Or plan a great trip with just your wife and discover her again. The woman you married is still there - just better. I recommend St Lucia. ❤️
RockabillyHog@reddit
"Is that all there is?"
Peggy Lee
TripMaster478@reddit
Generally_Tso_Tso@reddit
Good perspective. However, if choosing between France or something, definitely choose something. There's definitely a lot of other places that are better to spend your time in.
Sofalofola-3@reddit
Hard disagree. Provence, the riviera, Paris of course, Normandy, so many beautiful, amazing areas to visit. And don’t tell me you e had good bread until you eat a warm baguette right out of the oven.
kat2211@reddit
You're seeking wonder.
I can't tell you how to find it, except that it's most likely to show up when you're not looking for it.
Tomuch2care@reddit
Yes, work can be a grind (61F). 3 kids all grown and 1 at home. Grandkids….the best! Also, vacation with the grown kids (haven’t done this in a few years). Be intentional and plan vacations or get away.
mattwb72@reddit
And you may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"
Lupi_y@reddit
And you may ask yourself, "How do I work this?"
HailSatanWorshipD00M@reddit
This is not my beautiful house!
furious arm chops
Arielist@reddit
I highly recommend the book Hidden Blessings by Jett Psaris as the antidote to midlife ennui.... it changed my perspectives on what this time in life can be. Basically your ego kinda breaks in midlife, and you can either numb out and give up, or dig into some really remarkable psycho/spiritual work (no religion required)
Pootie-Pants@reddit
I jumped into the world of cut flowers. What brings you joy? What are you excited about when you open your eyes in the morning? Try to find something that moves you. Maybe you could fill your heart by serving/loving others.
theghostofcslewis@reddit
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"
bun65@reddit
Tim Robbins is so hot in this clip
Ferrindel@reddit
I got into metal! There’s so much variety with it, every show I go to is different. And they’re usually small bands so you get far more intimate experience, and often you can meet em at the merch stands.
Dunno_If_I_Won@reddit
Gonna assume you're not religious. Otherwise you'd believe your purpose and afterlife would be scripted by whatever that's be.
So then all that's left is the value and purpose you yourself give your life. Might want to look up absurdism.
MaximumJones@reddit
Same as it ever was
theghostofcslewis@reddit
"This is not my beautiful house." "This is not my beautiful wife."
MaximumJones@reddit
MikeyRocks757@reddit
This song resonates so differently at this stage of life
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Western-Poet-1239@reddit
SO fucking true!!!
The_ZombyWoof@reddit
MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Pale-Championship946@reddit
If that's all there is, then let's keep dancing...
Infamous-Yak2864@reddit
💯 Mad Men...
Unclebuck129@reddit
Buy a huge box of condoms. Go the Bangkok for 2 weeks. Go back home to your family. Never speak of it.
Infamous-Yak2864@reddit
I get my kicks above the waistline sunshine!
clauderbaugh@reddit
But the song tells me I only need 1 night in Bangkok?
Foyleg@reddit
You gotta have something in place to look forward to.
Vacations are obvious, but doesn’t have to be a major one. Even a weekend getaway a few hours drive away.
Concerts, comedy shows, plans with friends you haven’t seen in awhile, even a new movie coming out that looks cool to you. Pick the date and put in your calendar with reminders.
Even a designated “staycation” or just some planned “me time”. Literally anything to break the grind of regular daily life.
To me that’s the trick of breaking the monotony of things. I know we are all busy and broke in our own way, but this is mandatory stuff to stay sane. And once that event takes place, immediately plan something else, even if it’s months away.
Concentrate-Upper@reddit
Thissss….! My thoughts exactly! Very well said!
2_Bagel_Dog@reddit
Life doesn't need to have some huge grand purpose. There's nothing wrong with bumping around a part of the planet for a few decades, see some cool shit, be amazed at that there is that we don't understand, and quietly leave this world just a little bit better than when you entered it.
SnoSlider@reddit
Get a sports car. Nothing like throttle therapy.
geo2515@reddit
I agree
dirtytxhippie@reddit
There is no meaning, this is all there is, life isn’t that deep. We are a combination of evolution and animalistic desire to reproduce. A series of DNA translations that at its most basic nature just biologically just wants to keep existing. The goal is to just do whatever makes the aftermath of sentient creation bearable. Be kind- we were all given a life sentence we didn’t ask for.
iftheygivinitaway@reddit
Tut tut. 42
undermedicatedrobot@reddit
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
texas-playdohs@reddit
If that’s all there is, my friends, let’s keep dancing.
nerdmoot@reddit
As good as it gets.
HeinousHaggis@reddit
“Birth, school, work, death” - The Godfathers
jamescockroft@reddit
“Work, rest, play, die” - SubHumAns
CptBronzeBalls@reddit
Congratulations! You’ve won at life! Enjoy your… prize.
medusamagpie@reddit
I feel like the Talking Heads song “Once in a Lifetime” captures this feeling perfectly. I get what you’re saying, sometimes I get really mad/frustrated/sad with how life us for us regular folks, we work until we are old and dream about retirement which is at the end of our lives. There has to be a better way but I don’t know what that is. I think Europeans have a better quality of life for the most part.
PilotKnob@reddit
Travel. It sucks down time and money in equal amounts.
modern_idiot13@reddit
TJ_Fox@reddit
That's all there is if you allow that to be all there is.
cdlauro@reddit
You and your wife should start to do more things you enjoy that you’ve had to tamper down on because of your kids, especially throughout your daily life. If you’ve always wanted to rent an Airbnb in in Alaska or the west of Ireland, definitely do something like that. But you need more fun in your daily life too.
The things that I wish I had time for now were more running, cooking more elaborate meals, and reading. I figure that is what I would like my retirement to look like, so I plan to dribble more and more of that into my normal life before retirement. Whatever those activities are for you and your wife, start to step them up now. It would probably be hard to go 0 to 100 on that once your nest is empty.
SomeSavageDetective@reddit
Nope. This is just the beginning, the prologue. We blink and our lives are over. Our loved ones lives are over. This is not a big but a feature. A necessary proving ground. What comes after what we call death is eternity.
LukeC_123@reddit
So good.😊
heat2051@reddit
I struggle with this daily. Working full time then family at home trying to figure out dinner, sports, homework, laundry etc. My whole weekend this weekend for like the fourth or fifth in a row will be eaten up by sports tournaments. All Day Sat. and Sun. then back to work on Monday. My wife is great but gets mad when I tell her I would rather not spend all weekend at sports tournaments. It sucks but I guess this too will pass eventually.
SlowlyPassingTime@reddit
I can relate. Personally, I work and travel to keep my mind from ruminating on my existence and the pending loneliness once all the kids are off living their lives. I guess I am also concerned for my wife as she's been a home maker for almost 20yrs. The empty nester syndrome will hit her especially hard.
Junior_Statement_262@reddit
No sex, GAH!! Why do women starve their men like this?
shakespeareanon@reddit
See my comment.
Junior_Statement_262@reddit
I'm not gonna scroll through 225 posts to find yours.
notJoeKing31@reddit
Don’t worry, they’ll let you know how it’s all your fault. 🤪
Love4Lungs@reddit
Have you explored the spiritual aspect of your life? That can manifest in many ways, such as exploring faith communities, or volunteering in the community. Both opportunities have the added bonus of building relationships and friendships in the community you're a part of.
TheUmberTaker@reddit
GenX here. I was in this feelin' trapped mode for a bit. Tried microdosing shrooms. It helped me identify what was keeping me blocked; helped me prioritize what to get out of my way. It helps if you are in a place where growing them yourself is okay or at least decriminalized. Otherwise, do some tourism where you can get some. You don't need to do big, trippy doses to get the benefit either.
I can say now that everyday life feels good. I am very content. Took some work and all, but it's do-able.
MissIndependent577@reddit
Yep. 48 Here and that's all there is. Hope to be able to retire young enough to give yourself ample retirement years to go and do what you want. And time seriously moves so freaking quickly.
Girl77879@reddit
I think part of it is that we see people doing all these things on social media and compare. When, really, people are just posting the highlight real, not the every day.
5am_dad@reddit
What if I'm not on social media and still feel the way OP does?
Girl77879@reddit
You're on reddit which is a form of social media. Might be more like the message boards of our 20s, but those were also types of (early) social media. It's best to take the day by day, eyes on your own house instead of comparing your life and trying to "keep up with the Joneses." Try new hobbies. Read a new genre of books. Listen to new music with open ears. Check in with your Dr to make sure there's nothing else going on causing these feelings (depression, thyroid, low hormones, etc.).
TitoBandito5@reddit
Few-Pineapple-5632@reddit
Yes. You will be happier when you figure out that now is all there is. You aren’t changing the world. You aren’t destined for glory. You aren’t a hero to anyone but those closest to you.
Be that person who makes every day better than yesterday. Improve your immediate environment by just a tiny bit.
supenguin@reddit
I love this take on things! A few days ago, one of my teenagers was getting all down and depressed about events in the news.
I told her just read/watch enough to know what's going on in the world and then stop before you drive yourself crazy. Then just focus on making your little corner of the world just a little bit better. If everyone did that, life would be so much better for everyone.
markhachman@reddit
One of the exercises I did in high school and in various times in my life was to go for a drive or for a walk in the country, sit for a while, and then start asking myself what made me happy. It varies for all people. It might be a quiet pond to fish in, a supercar, a comfy night in with a dog or a friend. Alternatively, think about the happiest times in your life and why you were happy.
If you can't figure that out, you'll never be happy.
If you can, start thinking about how you get from where you are now to where you want to be. The happiest people are those with simple needs, but even the simplest needs might be hard to achieve -- freeing yourself from an unhappy marriage, for example.
If you can't think of anything that would make you happy, think about what would make others happy. Or how you would change something in society. There's a guy locally who was so fed up with people dumping garbage that he just decided to pick it up on weekends. Others joined him.
Heck, even talk about all this with your family. If nothing else, it will help them to start evaluating their own lives and what they're working toward, too.
supenguin@reddit
I've felt like this at times. What I've landed on is you really need just a few things to have a good life:
* Relationships with family and friends. Make sure you spend time with your wife, kids, and other family members. Also spend some time with friends (both with family and on your own)
* Something fun to do. I live in Ohio so it feels like you really need something you can do when it's nice out and something to do when the weather is crap.
* Vacations! When I don't have any trips coming up, I get a bit depressed and really want to get out of the house. If I've got a vacation coming up, I am generally in a better mood knowing I've got something to look forward to.
* A purpose in life. I know this may be a bit cliche, but find some place to volunteer to help out. Feed the homeless, take care of animals at an animal shelter, etc. Have some focus on people outside yourself.
WillumDafoeOnEarth@reddit
Listen to the wonderful wise words of Warren Zevon, “enjoy every sandwich.”
formercotsachick@reddit
My husband and I had some serious health issues a few years ago, and ever since then I prioritize making the most out of every day with him and other people we love. We were both 50 when they happened, so be careful because that's when your warrantee starts to run out in my experience.
The years will pass whether you actively engage with life or not. We only get one spin on this big blue ball, and I for one am doing my best to make it worthwhile while I'm here.
Longjumping-Wish7948@reddit
Yeah, I remember when I started college in the 80s I suspected everything was entering a decline. Nobody else i knew felt that way. It seemed like most were blinded by the hedonism of the 70s and accused me of being a Debbie Downer. All I can do now is quietly accept the machinery winding down
GeneralPITA@reddit
51 M, graduated as a software engineer at 34, so a little behind as far as career maturity. 3 kids, youngest is a junior in high school.
Sex is awesome! I wish it was with a partner, but the narcissist in me feels like it's just sex with someone I love more than anyone else.
I got a hold of a remote job that allows me to be anywhere in the world. The wife and I started thinking life was too easy/boring so we fucked off to Europe. New friends, new language (for me) change of pace (still no partner when it comes to sex) but it really broke up the boring ass routine.
I work US hours, have daylight hours free to bike, walk explore, learn about history and culture, check out museums, etc. and then fill the evening with work. My mood has improved just from having something to do besides spin the treadmill of life.
I realize packing up and going somewhere else isn't available for everyone, but I encourage you to challenge the routine. Find something that excites you and go after it. I think I told myself at one point, that I basically need to start acting like an old person, then I realized that was bullshit. Attack the world with curiosity and wonder, just like when you were young.
As soon as I feel like I'm sitting around waiting to die, you can bet your ass I'll be selling my shit and moving somewhere else. Life's too short without letting it end at 30.
Mamagogo3@reddit
Took the fam to Europe last summer. I’m ready to pack my shit and GO! Three kids, 17,15,13. The oldest is autistic and will always be with us, be he loves travel! I think about going back every day. Hubs does, too.
Consistent__Patience@reddit
This is burnout signals from a bit of repetition. Going on a trip somewhere with some fun things for 2 weeks can really help. Ensure you can do this every year. Not a family trip, but something just for you. It needs to have variety and beauty. You'll perk right back up. Also keeping a journal is helpful, too.
jojotherider@reddit
There is more, but you gotta want it enough to make time for it. And whatever more is depends entirely on you.
TranslatorNo8445@reddit
Get out. Enjoy your life bud. You only get one chance at living and then you cease to exist forever. So enjoy it while you got it
JiveTurkeyII@reddit
This is why I try to keep on the Cusp of new things.
Is this all there is?
Yea.
Especially since the world has gotten so damned dystopian. All the "Third places" seem to be going away. Hobbies are more expensive.
My wife and I are doing okay- but the world around us id falling to shit, and I dont see it getting better.
Hobbies are expensive, Healthcare is abysmal, going out is impossible...
But I'm learning HTML and CSS for the first time, and that is neat as hell.
I'm playing games and meeting people on Discord - that's a mixed bag but doesn't cost anything. I have really good friends online that I've never met physically, that are better friends than I've been able to make locally.
I keep up to date on how to fight ads and keep Microsoft from breaking my computer or using it to scrape my info.
I used to be in IT - I'm not anymore but I keep up with a lot of things.
But the fact is - We are living in a collapsing empire and everything is going to shit.
If your life is "boring" right now - feel blessed. Feel really blessed. Because that means things, at least, aren't bad yet.
I feel like things are going to get really interesting soon, and some of you are going to pine for the "boring days" of old.
psiprez@reddit
At 57, I am a widow. All parents and grandparents deceased. Two kids grown and still single, no grandkids, off living their best lives.
Remember life is what happens while you are waiting for something to happen.
And you don't realize what you had until it's gone.
ikediggety@reddit
It is what we make it
AgPatriotAg@reddit
Nope. There is Astronomy, Gardening, Hiking, Traveling, exploring new things.... Vacations, stay-cations, metal detecting, fishing, camping, biking, canoeing, national parks, state parks, boating, fixing a hot rod, sewing, knitting, be an artist, be a musician, bless others, time to charity...
Man people seem to "give up". I question if "giving up" is really what makes one old.
Hochmann@reddit
Stamp collection, bill collecting, coin collecting, videogames, board games, card games, photography, videography. Lots and lots of stuff to do.
And, of course, the biggest one of all that takes you any and everywhere: reading.
BubbaPrime42@reddit
I just try to remember what Denis Leary said a long time ago: happiness comes in small doses. I take it where I can get it
M-G@reddit
Pearl Jam's "Breath" seems appropriate here.
But yeah, this isn't an uncommon feeling. You need to make time for enjoyment, and also consider if you might be suffering from depression. Also, if you haven't had a complete physical workup in a while, get on it, as you may have physiological changes contributing, such as lowered testosterone or thyroid issues.
Westsidebill@reddit
I was in your position. Said to a friend, “is it over.” He replied, “I hope not.”
Ok-Neighborhood6873@reddit
Welcome to my mid-life crisis.
CryptographerOk3814@reddit
No. This isn’t all there is. There’s more. My mother told me as she was dying. She answered a question I’ve had my entire life. I struggled with the answer, fluctuating between yes and no based on my age, or surroundings, or current mood, whatever. There’s more. Relax. Enjoy your life, enjoy your kids, enjoy your wife, enjoy your friends. Have fun. Do something spontaneous. Live. Try not to let the “busy-ness” (if you’ll allow me that term) in your head get in the way of just “being”.
Hope this makes sense. ✌🏻
LawrenceSpiveyR@reddit
I bought a boat, a camper, and I get liquored up and sing karaoke on the weekends. It's pretty tight.
You'll just have to find your own fun.
Lucky_Guess4079@reddit
Great comments in this thread. I agree with all. The most common string between them is we ALL feel this in one way or another. Life is fragile, we must be present and respect the gift. You are in a spot in life where it is time do YOU. Plan a trip/adventure just for you. Challenge yourself physically and do something epic, just for you. Then repeat. In addition, no sex does not have to mean no orgasm or no self love. It’s amazing what keeping things juicy does for your well being.
These are good problems to have, you are very fortunate. Good luck and ENJOY!!
sketchahedron@reddit
Volunteer. Get involved in the community. Travel. Consider stepping back from your career a bit if you can.
ppbkwrtr-jhn@reddit
I joined the local volunteer fire department several years ago. It's a lot to commit to, a lot of training, and a lot to deal with. It's very physical. But I've found that serving others has made a huge difference in my life. It's the most satisfying thing I've ever done. There's literally nothing that I can compare it to.
One plus side is that when I have an emergency, it's now my friends who show up to take care of my family and there's no better feeling during a crisis than knowing you've got all these people backing you up.
ZippyNomad@reddit
Does there have to be more?
All I want to do is have a decent, yet stressful job, make a decent wage, and take care of my severely chronically ill wife. I'm busy curating the museum of my memories with the day to day existence of our shared journey for as long as she is with me. We have to modify our thinking of what is important. Watching her health get worse over the years has given me plenty of reasons to.
Look at what you have. Does it have to be more?
Also, protect your health. It's fragile.
lady8godiva@reddit
I'm sorry. This must be incredibly difficult for both of you.
ZippyNomad@reddit
It has been. But we do little things that are low energy and low commitment. She isn't done yet but dealing with daily pain non-stop with no real relief due to a crisis tends to wear on a person. I want to be able to look back on the positives despite our limitations.
BigBanyak22@reddit
All the best to you and her to build a few more and remember the great times you experienced together. Sorry to hear this. It puts it in perspective.
LilRedHeadGuy@reddit
The answer is the natural world and music
_Losing_Generation_@reddit
It is what you want it to be. I just retired at 57 with a modest retirement portfolio. I'm a simple guy that doesn't want or need much. I'd consider myself a tinkerer and am easily fulfilled by fixing things or completing a project. My son is still in high school and while I wish he was more social, he's a straight A student and is a good kid. Couldn't really ask for more.
People always seem to think there's some magical change that happens when you reach a certain point, or that retiring and traveling the globe will make their life complete. I never understood this mentality. I don't need or want that stuff. I had my excitement and did my traveling when I was young. Don't need to do it again, just want to live my life in peace and quiet. Looking forward to my next project.
Emotional-Yam4486@reddit
Judging from the number of upvotes, you are not alone.
dewihafta@reddit
It’s okay to be in a rut. Life does happen, and it gets in the way of all those expectations. It’s also easy to get complacent in just working the day to day stuff.
When my son was younger and we had more weekend time (before sports and activities and weekend teen friendship stuff took over), we made it a point for our family to take a little excursion once a month to a place we hadnt yet seen. A nature preserve or a tourist trap or another town. Saw a lot of neat things, and i miss doing that.
Maybe you and your spouse can do something similar to get you out of your rut. Playing tourist for a day is a great way to bring some excitement in, and it can lead to all sorts of interesting things. Who knows who youll meet, or what will spark your interests?
reesesbigcup@reddit
Youre ready for a midlife crisis. Pick one: sports car, motorcycle, career move, new hobby or physical activity.
There's also depression, drinking, drugs, cheating and divorce, but those options are not recommended
JJQuantum@reddit
Looking for a purpose right now after I retire in about 6 years. There’s more to it if you find it.
modernchic1977@reddit
Same age but different gender here, and this is such a true feeling for me. I have been like that movie Groundhog Day, just get up, get ready, commute, work, commute, home and chores like cooking dinner and clean up, spend a few hours if possible relaxing, then shower and bed to do it again. The weekends go too fast and there just doesn't seem to be enough time to accomplish everything. And I just feel a bit dull and lackluster. Seems a shame to waste so much of our one life just working (and I really like my job and career), but alas not wealthy enough to not do it either.
TickingTheMoments@reddit
Your question reminds me of this song.
I hope you enjoy
StanleyQPrick@reddit
Sounds like what you have is pretty great
PersonalFinanceFun@reddit
You have retirement to look forward to. Try to retire early (if possible) and you will have more time for those hobbies, travel and maybe rewarding volunteer work.
Haisha4sale@reddit
The malaise of success. For me personally, I need to have some plans that I'm individually excited about, not family plans. A hunt in the fall with my cousins, a golf trip with a friend. It doesn't have to be expensive but it does have to be my plan on my terms.
Ben_Frank_Lynn@reddit
Yes, this is it. Same situation with kids, good career, financially stable. My goal is to make it another 20 years - I am 45. Just want to make sure my kids reach adulthood and no longer need me to survive. Then I don't really care what happens to me. If I am in good health and can travel, garden, fish, that's great.
canuckEnoch@reddit
If that’s all you do, yep—that’s all there is.
Chemical-Carrot-9975@reddit
I am 52 and happily married, with sex. Hey, that part is on you, and if it's not a problem for you, all good. It would be for me. I recommend reading "Die With Zero" and "Five Regrets of the Dying." TLDR, jobs (or anything else for that matter) that such the life out of you aren't worth it.
biff_tyfsok@reddit
55 M, same in many respects. In my case, getting into 3d printing and home automation has been a godsend.
Middle-aged dude with a settled career means you've got time & money. Buy the weird shit. Print your own car parts. Make good & goddamned sure the basement lights don't get left on all night, then figure out good presence sensing before you programmatically turn the lights out on your wife. The world is your oyster.
GlassMotor7387@reddit
Along with making sure the lights didn't get left on, don't forget the never ending quest for running toilets. I've developed a sixth sense for running toilets...and dead people.
drhagbard_celine@reddit
Fight club came out over 25 years ago. How can we be asking questions like these after that?
gormholler@reddit
I was just thinking about Fight Club and how I wish it had sparked a movement.
Scrotto_Baggins@reddit
No sex? Get divorced and split everything 50/50. Then go get some young ass. I feel like the pre Nick Cage in Family Man now with his NY condo and its much better than the broke beaten down married one because no wife actually looks like young tea leoni...
skatecrimes@reddit
Then you get prostate cancer get it removed, you have no sex drive, your family hates you and a young wife that’s going to divorce you and can’t relate to you because you are an old fart. Bad move.
CaughtALiteSneez@reddit
I’m sure the “young ass” likes your old saggy balls.
jeexbit@reddit
Yes, this is all there is :) make the most of it!
watch-nerd@reddit
There is more.
If you do more.
ascaffo@reddit
I hear you. My two cents worth- I think part of it is that when are young, we have these great expectations about all that life will be. Everything is a wonder when you're under six years. We're filled with curiosity and we learn. And we enjoy looking forward. And, when we are older, we spend time and our energy on building an adult life. The wonder is still there. But, the balance begins to shift. We now have to work to keep what we have. It's harder to hang on to the wonder. We have responsibility and worry and loss. And, we're so damn tired. We have to be intentional now to shift that balance. To old onto the wonder.
dstarpro@reddit
I definitely feel like time is going by much too fast. I definitely feel my age in a way that I don't think my parents felt theirs. But I think contentedness is something that we have to fit in the cracks. I think most days are going to vacillate between just there and slightly unsettled. I certainly value things way more than I used to, when I'm in a nice moment, I do my best to savor it.
camusclues@reddit
In the words of William Shatner: live life like you're gonna die.... because you're gonna.
PlantWide3166@reddit
“Now here’s your red shirt.”
hxgmmgxh@reddit
59, happily married to a high-performing career woman and I just left the 9-5 grind.
I know it’s probably too soon and all of the models say I should have more saved for retirement, but my grandfather worked as an electrician until he was 65 and his last week at work, he had a widowmaker heart attack and never got to enjoy a day of it.
I have a side hustle that I started with my 26 y/o son during Covid, which is keeping me busy, but not really making us much money.
The week I left, I was overwhelmed by the number of things I no longer had to decide, plan, or resolve. I’ll let someone else figure out how to incorporate AI into my profession and be glad of it.
My advice is to stash as much into your retirement as feasible and plan an early exit from the world of uninspired / uninspiring work.
Melted-lithium@reddit
You sound like situation. Not completely But it resonated. Whatever you’re doing with your son, I’m envious. Who cares if it doesn’t make money. That sounds like something that has purpose beyond money that you and him will remember.
GlassMotor7387@reddit
I've been going through this same thing as a lot of us have. 54, married for 26. Empty nesters for a few years. Sure we didn't really have 'spicy relations' as often as I would like and for a long time I thought that was my problem. At times I've thought it was my job or my friends or my family or just my own brain. It's all of those but it's also just a part of growing. Chasing the wind and all that.
However, I discovered pot. Never used it as a younger person because I believed Nancy and Mr T. Not saying that is the answer, but it makes the whatever-ness of it all a bit more bearable.
One thing that is helping me is giving up my expectations. It sounds defeatist, but it does not feel that way. Once I removed my expectations for the sex part of my marriage, it's made our relationship better. Now I am working on looking at the expectations I have had for myself, where I should be financially and professionally. That's hard.
stockzy@reddit
I have these thoughts when everything is going well too.
deep-sea-savior@reddit
Nowadays I work on being content. This way I’m fine with the boredom or lack of fun. Don’t get me wrong, I take happiness as it comes. I just try not to crave it. It’s still a work in progress, I have occasional bad days, but much more good days.
And yeah, I feel ya on the sex thing. It’s like 5-6 times a year at this point for me. But I’m fine with that too, wife is awesome and I don’t want the drama that comes with affairs, polyamory, swinging, … I like my drama-less life.
Koolmidx@reddit
That's up to you. Are you a vacationer? Are you a hobbiest? Are you a couch potato? Are you an athlete?
People don't typically stray far from their wheelhouse. This subreddit will try and put our generation in a box filled with meta definitions. Some are true, most are pop culture.
Your future is yours to shape. If you have a problem with that, remember the wise words of my deceased father. "You'll get over it."
SlyFrog@reddit
I sometimes have similar feelings, and humorously, notice the contradiction between "is that all there is" and "time flies by so fast."
I ask myself, if I'm really that bored and tired of things, and have a "is that all there is" feeling, then why am I so concerned about time going by quickly and dying? Shouldn't I want it to?
I think part of the problem is that we are given external focuses from childhood. School, get good grades, get into a good college, go to a good secondary school, get a good job, get a good partner, get married, have kids, raise the kids, get the kids into a good college, etc.
But as you age, those externally given types of goals start to be met (or will forever be unmet), and you are left in this situation where if all you have are external measurements and metrics, you start to feel like you no longer have a purpose.
The more I'm around and consider it, the more I really do think the answer is to stop looking for purpose. Stop looking for meaning. They're just additional external things.
Start thinking about just being where you are. Experience what's happening, regardless of what it is. Accept that every moment you are in is your life, and there does not "need" to be something more to it.
We miss so much of our lives by just discounting and ignoring our every day experiences in anticipation of that once per year vacation, etc. We often live our lives as though what really matters is about 1/52 of each year.
It should be close to the opposite. Enjoy your dog/spouse/video games/movies/television/books/daily walks/whatever the hell you do. It's good enough. You don't "need" to be doing something more. Do what you enjoy and what brings you peace and contentment, and don't ruin the contentment by constantly second guessing whether it's enough.
Cutthechitchata-hole@reddit
Reach inside yourself. The answers are there. Religion has the right idea about us being eternal souls but the messages are all muddled by man's greed. We are one
Bitmush-@reddit
Finding that - living that truth in every part of your being - then learning an art to express it is a rite of passage for any human.
First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.
thai_sticky@reddit
Same boat. Sometimes I just consider that humans used to die by 40, so everything after that is just a bonus round, for better or worse.
LetsTryAnal_ogy@reddit
Humans dying by 40 is a myth. Average life expectancy, if that’s what you’re referring to, just took into account those that died young due to illnesses and other issues that we’ve since found cures for. In the old days, if you made it to 40(ish) at all, you could then expect to live into your 80s.
Still, we’re GenX so yes, any life after 40 is just bonus time.
Novel_Pin_6784@reddit
No, its not. Aside from the spousal issue, there is much to look forward to. Start looking ahead for goals that you want. Retirement is great. Especially if your wife is on board and yall enjoy the same things.
Daforde@reddit
For me, it's not just the empty feeling, it's feeling unable to change anything because of financial situations that will not get fixed any time soon.
calmneil@reddit
Yeah, as for me i just reframe myself like, we are still blessed and lucky as we are not either in ukraine, lebanon, israel or iran,or is it just a matter of time everything gets more violent.
Independent-Fan4343@reddit
Ive done everything society expects of me. Got an education, a career, family, served my country, bought a house, save for retirement and educated my child. But it doesn't necessarily bring happiness. Ive started to stir the pot. Downsized a few years ago to a small condo. Got rid of anything that didnt fit. Simplified my life and we now travel regularly. Might get rid of everything else and slow travel in a few years.
hkusp45css@reddit
Whenever I hear someone ask "Is this all there is" my immediate response is: "No, this is all you've decided to do."
pbpowercat@reddit
This
MaxFischerPlayers@reddit
Find a thing you enjoy doing. Get some exercise. Get enough sleep.
No1ButtMe@reddit
52 m Second marriage, year old kid. Stable job and life. This second half of life has been harder watching your parents pass away. I guess I just look at the life of possibilities ahead of me and realize that if this is actually all there is I better enjoy the fuck out of it.
Correct-Condition-99@reddit
That's all there is if you can't imagine more. The earth is HUGE, and parts of it are really cool.
Correct-Condition-99@reddit
I can't believe how many people seem resigned to accept "this is all there is."
IHadTacosYesterday@reddit
Some people get tired of lying to themselves
replicant_2@reddit
There are tens of thousands of incredible books I wish I had the time to read. Working on it!
ZedArkadia@reddit
I believe that life is what you make of it, but I'm still trying to figure out how to take my own advice when all I want to do after work is go home and lie down.
PositiveStress8888@reddit
You have to decide to make time for you, to do stuff you want to do, bit with the wife and kids , YOU.
I'm not saying divorce and be selfish, I'm saying take an hour a week to do something you want, that's where it starts.
Gmodelinsane@reddit
I recommend the book “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Viktor Frankl, a German neurologist who survived the holocaust and studied this subject. Human being create their own sense of meaning and purpose. Highly recommended for those facing this nihilistic feeling.
gregory92024@reddit
It's a short and easy read, despite the topic!
thetraffic@reddit
This board has taught me no matter what situation you are in many people people lose purpose around 45-55 and are generally disatisfied.
Unusual_Memory3133@reddit
I’m 61 and can tell you that dissatisfaction only lasts if you don’t make an effort to find some kind of meaning in the latter part of life. Religion, meditation, sports, hobbies, gardening, writing, painting, etc. You have to make an effort to engage with the world and it sometimes isn’t easy. But it’s necessary to stay sane and be happy. And absolutely possible. I feel now I am finally getting the hang of adulthood. Things just don’t bother me like they used to. But I had to work at it.
joelav@reddit
Could be worse. I got RIF’ed last month and the industry I’ve worked for and excelled in for 25 years is gone. It’s too late to start over and I have no prospects despite applying to thousands (literally) of jobs. 1 kid in college and one on the way. I had hobbies but no longer enjoy them.
regeya@reddit
I WFH but the WFH work I do is in an almost-dead business. I'm going to be real, I've had a lot of shit happen in the last five years or so and after a bad injury, my way of getting moving, and my hobby, seems to be getting stoned. I've never been suicidal but I did catch myself thinking it'd be nice if I went out by getting stoned and having a stroke in the middle of that.
rhythim313@reddit
My ex and I were together 16 years, the last 10 of which were sex-free. Grey divorce at 51. Reconnected with a woman I dated 30 years ago shortly after (a happy accident for sure!). 2 years later we're getting married in September and haven't been able to keep our hands off each other. Is it as...vigorous...as it was 30 years ago? Absolutely not, but still extremely satisfying.
fraghead5@reddit
"Married wonderful wife no sex but that’s a different board 😂 3 wonderful kids"
What else could you want in life? Maybe more sex, but I have a wife, kids, dogs, cats, chickens and a job and all that.
The time I spend with my family is the best thing there is.
Efficiency_Fragrant@reddit
To be appreciated-desired.
cirkis@reddit
49, no sex with wife! I’m not alone 🥲
Ms_ankylosaurous@reddit
You have to talk about it respectfully with her. Listen to her side and find a way to make things work.
FamiliarAnt4043@reddit
50 here. What's sex again?
Eh, is what it is, I reckon. I don't recall my marriage vows having an exclusion for not getting laid. We've been together 30 years and married 29 of them. I still have my fond memories of our times together...at least until the dementia kicks in, lol. I'd have more than just memories, if I could find those old VHS tapes and a a player!
Solid-Wish-1724@reddit
Quit whining and be glad you're employed. Many of us geriatrics are not thanks to all the layoffs and ageism.
mobfather@reddit
I read ‘agism’ as ‘orgasm’. And got all confused.
3rdWaveHarmonic@reddit
Don’t do that. ….dont give me hope.
SoCal7s@reddit
What is your dream result from what you’ve done in life? Lay it out and if it’s realistically attainable, prioritize it. Personally I like to revert back to what I thought would make my life amazing when I was in 8th grade. I’ve stood under the Eiffel Tower, sat Center Court at Wimbledon, seen World Cup Soccer & a Super Bowl in person & another thing less accessible (had to be in LA in the 90s to party with Hef)
These were all little things that I broke out of the responsible routine to do but didn’t disrupt the return to the daily grind. Just pick something teenage you would have loved/been impressed by and “Just Do It” One think a year turns into 30 cool things when you’re looking back in reflection.
BusObjective5672@reddit
Work sucks
Brilliant-Ad8607@reddit
Theres roses by the stairs
Prize_Asparagus_4324@reddit
Surprises let me know she cares
caryn1477@reddit
Say it ain't so
Dark_Helmet_0542@reddit
I know
caryn1477@reddit
Yes, I feel like this is pretty much all there is, which is why even though I have to work I try to enjoy the free time I have.
TheNeonCrow@reddit
Life is what happens when you’re making other plans.
REDDITSHITLORD@reddit
Break the game.
I nuked my life at 35 and now live on an old Sailboat I bought for $5000. I've got nothing in the bank, get everywhere by bike. Wife and kid live on the boat with me. And the best part, is that I can live off part time work at Sonic if I have to. There's no reward for accumulating material possessions.
Sufficient_Stop8381@reddit
Yes. This is all there is. I’ve learned to deal.
Appropriate-Bid8671@reddit
Yeah, this is all there is. It's all rather fucking pointless.
JiuJitsuNinja43@reddit
Yep. This is it. I suggest you get a dog. Because in the end they are the ones truly there for you. Not the humans. (I am sorry about the lack of sex. I am a female and single and I am having a hard time finding a decent guy)
mden1974@reddit
Sounds like you need to get laid
MissDisplaced@reddit
Yes this is all there is.
That’s not a bad thing! It could always be worse.
You’ve gotta find your own happiness and satisfaction in life. Take your time off. Take a vacation. Use your non-working hours to do something other than television and chores.
justino@reddit
I feel seen.
Fantastic-Pop-9122@reddit
That's cool, that's a good feeling all by itself.
justino@reddit
No joke. The amount of my friends that have 1:1 told me this exactly means we are all going through it and need to connect and know we aren’t alone. Andrew McCarthy just wrote a book about some of this in regards to reconnecting with friends as you get into this stage of life. It was a reaffirming read to say least
NoAngle2972@reddit
I took up lapidary work when I hit 50. It takes to a good portion of my extra time and it gets me out of the house to look for rocks. Pick up a hobby.
Rational-ish@reddit
May I ask which tumbler you use? I’m considering taking up the hobby myself and am in the gathering info stage.
NoAngle2972@reddit
I use the tumblers from national geographic but I bought a rock saw and a cabbing machine. Best decision ever.
Rational-ish@reddit
Thank you.
Crafty_Calico@reddit
I’ve always loved finding and buying rocks. I’m pushing 60 and want to up my rock hounding game. Unfortunately the selection is sparse in SE Georgia.
gnortsmracr@reddit
That’s funny, given the touch of discussion. Lapidary sounds like “lápida” in Spanish, which translates into “headstone” (reasonable, since they have the same root).
_fivebyfive_@reddit
You need something to look forward to. Be proactive, get to planning something. A trip, a party.. just something that you will enjoy. The planning is half the fun.
gnortsmracr@reddit
To quote Melvin Udall— what if this is as good as it gets?
cab1024@reddit
To quote Woody Allen: “There's an old joke—um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, 'Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.' The other one says, 'Yeah, I know; and such small portions.' Well, that's essentially how I feel about...”
SIGMONICUS@reddit
54M same work situation, same marital situation, same nihilistic thoughts. Became a father at 42. I find purpose in mentoring my son. But it's hard for me to find joy anymore. Job saps most of my energy.
mtcrick@reddit
For me, yeah, this is what there is. So I find joy wherever possible. I learned long ago to not take work home with me, no matter how stressful it is. I'm not always perfect at it, but 99% of the time, I'm good.
Now I'm looking at retirement in 1 year and 8 months, and am getting ready to start the process of hiring my replacement, and am making "retirement" to-do lists, both fun and work around the house/yard.
I am very contented with my life so far, and the best really is yet to come.
Twitter_2006@reddit
Bless you.
WillBrink@reddit
You're asking the same Q asked by all aging humans since the dawn of humans that became self aware. The answer is the journey we all take. The answer for me will not be the same for you. I wish I was 49. That now sounds young to me, which sucks, but time waits for no one. Looking for, and finding, meaning is what every famous philosopher, religious figure, etc has striven for since striving vs surviving existed. Religion was clearly created after humans needed to answer the very Q you seek, "why are we here? Why am I here? Is this it?" Many find meaning in religion. If that works, all good by me. It does not work for me as the ultimate answer. Buddhism probably explores, and attempts to answer, the Q well. I would highly recommend books from Dr Jon Kabat-Zinn. His is a pragmatic western ish approach to it. My favorite so far is:
Sallydog24@reddit
So reading what you said, it's time to make changes in your life. Changes for you to grow.
200Fathoms@reddit
There’s so much emphasis on happiness. Consider the idea of “contentment.” Spending a bit of time every day on actively thinking about gratitude is part of this (for me, anyway).
Rudajuda@reddit
Bingo. Different ages. Different stages. I’d like to say there has been nothing but struggle. Life is struggle. Sometimes the struggle isn’t much of one. Sometimes it’s heavy.
Then again, what about reflection? What about gratitude? Maybe there’s more. We can always try.
I’m grateful for things at the same time that I’m struggling with others.
skoltroll@reddit
Life is what you make it
topbunk106@reddit
You like to see homos naked? -Joe Dirt
Ray_The_Engineer@reddit
What do you truly enjoy doing? Day-to-day happiness for me is discovering the things I love to do, and then going and doing those things as much as possible. For me it's making stuff in my shop, backpacking, visiting wineries with my wife, etc. Your list will be completely different. But if your kids are grown and you aren't making time to enjoy those things, that's on you.
Although, to be fair, you're also 10 years younger than me. At 49, my career was also burning pretty hard, but I was starting to make some time for myself. You know, so I didn't go crazy lol.
FangioDuReverdy1@reddit
In the lyrics of Duran Duran:
The past is another country The present will never last The future, it's still tomorrow Are we living too fast?
warmfuzzume@reddit
Peggy Lee said it best
https://youtu.be/LCRZZC-DH7M?si=9mJD2nqxDSuFP11Z
AssistantAcademic@reddit
I'm in a similar boat. 49. Good job. Good marriage. No sex.
Only kid is 16.
I'm ticking away the days in the career. My non-work ambitions are three spots:
- involvement with the kid - he's very active in HS band and they've been recruiting me to volunteer more, so I've been a very active band parent. This is good. Shows me the kid in his element and builds some good experiences.
- travel - i love travel. I love sharing places and experiences.
- figuring out what's next - I really need the career another 6 years or so, but I wfh, so once the kid is out of high school, could I just up and stay in Europe for the summer? Could I move to the mountains? Base camp at some VLCOL area with an airport? What about all might tight knit college friends that I still hang out with. We've started (semi-jokingly) talking about taking over a 55+ community.
Good luck. Finding meaning and value and interesting things to do evolves. At this point in my life, despite being a very strong introvert, I find the more meaning and value in relationships than anything else. I don't need things.
PepsiOfWrath@reddit
Nope, that’s all there was. Gets worse from here on out.
ThatLiberalGirl@reddit
Counting down the years to retirement is my second biggest fantasy after planning my next vacation.
strangefruitpots@reddit
I feel you! Things that keep my going: lifting heavy weights, sunshine in my garden, SSRIs, and the knowledge that I would be fucking up my kids’ royally if I wasn’t here. Gotta find what works, at least for now.
SouthPerformer8949@reddit
Now is all there is…
dirtybo0ts@reddit
I’m with you. 47F, no kids. Life was just a suckfest for so many years - caretaking, anxiety, stress, health issues, etc.
Just got a sizeable inheritance from both parents who passed and I just quit work. It was sucking the life out of me and I took advantage of taking a year to just live my life and get my mental and physical health back on track.
I wish everyone could do it. It’s been the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
NoH8Kate@reddit
Same same same. I hear you.