ULPT Request: Caught husband watching porn. How to make him sweat?
Posted by gynocallthegist@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 90 comments
Simple as it seems. 25F married to my husband 24M (& first/only sexual partner) for less than a year. I recently found out I don’t do it for him, I guess. I can’t be “normal” about it. I do think many married women would be devastated as well, though. Anyways !
I need tips for how to make him feel as shitty, unnerved, & insecure as I do in equal or slightly greater measure. No adultery, pls. However, if you have suggestions for how to make him think I might be cheating on him… mama might be interested.
Before anyone starts with the “every married man watches porn/it’s normal/lighten up and watch it with him” nonsense- that’s your perspective. It is not mine. Keep that to yourself.
I’m also not interested in having this wound licked by strangers. No comfort needed.
Tips only please, thanks.
nycola@reddit
You should just get divorced now.
You're coming to reddit about revenge advice because your husband watches porn. Your marriage isn't healthy, it never will be. No one here is going to lick your wound.
Never once did you mention you tried talking to him about it, or how it makes you feel, your first inclination was revenge.
I say this as a woman who has been married for 23 years. You're upset you found out that you don't have ultimate control over him, end of story. Imagine if he banned you from reading a spicy novel because he doesn't want you fantisizing. He finds out read it anyway, and he comes here to ask how to get revenge on you, unethically.
Just get out now and save both of yourselves a few years of trouble. You're barely adults and you've decided to build a marriage on secrets, lies, control, revenge, and unrequited expectations, but never once mentioned communication.
Try talking next time, it helps.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
IDK why y’all keep assuming we haven’t talked about it. We have. Now, do you have any real advice?
nycola@reddit
Yes - don't seek marriage advice from reddit. If revenge is your first instinct its already over. And if you want to be married to a guy who doesn't watch porn, then go be married to a guy who doesn't watch porn. This is an unhealthy marriage and rather than trying to work on it, it sounds like you're trying to hurt him because you think it will make you feel better. That isn't how marriages work, and it definitely isn't how they last. So I guess my most unethical advice is that you delete this entire post so he can't use it in divorce proceedings.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
there will be no proceedings it should be pretty open and shut. we haven’t even hit our first anniversary, nothing is shared between our two names. We haven’t even had time to build anything. But yes, I agree. It IS over. I won’t stay with someone who doesn’t have any respect for me. We’d only been married for mot even 4 months before he started. & that’s only as far back as I was able to see. I’m sure it was earlier than that. Sad case . My two biggest takeaways: 1) seemingly every married man that has responded today watches porn “with” but more than likely without a their wife’s permission and 2) they think you’re a fool for caring in the first place
I’m not living this life, and I’m perfectly happy being alone if it means I never have to deal with this again. And evidently, statistically at least, I will. I wasn’t pressed to be married in the first place. Im not pressed to stay married. Everyone has their own boundaries. Me? I won’t tolerate it.
booyah_smoke@reddit
Lol and now we know why he watches porn.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
explain to me the correlation if you care 💀
booyah_smoke@reddit
Here is my lil break down of why your husband watches porn .I May be off by a lil but will be a "spit ball" estimation. And give me credit i dont even know the man. Shall we begin.
1) so you found out your husband has been doing something that more then likely he has been doing before he even met you. So he probably got that grip perfect and can bust one out real quick if the mood be right.
2)The "but he has a wife" argument. That isnt much of a fight if you ask me. I have a wife also but if she ain't in the mood it ain't stopping me from busting just because she doesn't wanna join in. And its not like he is out there cheating.
3) you seem like a "NICE" lady. Wants to shame her husband because she feels inadequate. Sounds like a "YOU" problem and you just want company in your misery.
4) this is where ill stop because if you dont understand now then you got no future with this man and maybe you should dislodge the whole insecure "I dont want him even thinking about another woman" stick that's so far up your a$$ that I'm surprised it doesn't have its own onlyfans page.
Life is an adventure and no one should be shamed at trying to find what makes them happy. As like wise no one should ever force thier worped ideology onto another just because they feel some kinda way
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
One very last thing. I have not forced any ideology upon my husband. He LIED and told me it was his too. Shame. Since there are lots of women who wouldn’t mind their husband’s watching porn, why wouldn’t he go choose to be one of them. Since I told him how I felt. And he told me that I had nothing to worry about. Why are YOU so angry. If your wife lied about something that was important to you- nothing related to porn, you would be hurt too.
booyah_smoke@reddit
She has. Many times. And yes I was upset but never tried to take it out on her. Here is one example for you- while me and my wife were dating she was still talking to her ex-boyfriends plural. But she was from a small town and she grew up with these people so who was i to tell her not to just because I felt uncomfortable. Well ended up i was very much right in my suspensions because she ended up cheating on me with one of these exs. You think id be mad as hell right. I mean my whole paranoia was totally justified. But did I leave her- NO- did I come up with something I wanted that she promised me she would give me-YES- did she follow thru on her promise - oh hell NO- did I then leave her- NO- Did I seek out some kinda revenge-NO-
And do you know why? Because I love my wife. I knew what was happening and I could have left just as much as she could have. But we completed each other. With the good and the bad. Its not oh my god you did this now I'm going to do this. Its hey baby I feel this way and something happened you either accept it, work on it , or leave. They aren't that hard of choices
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
That bitch cheated on you and you stayed with her?? I’m not even reading the rest dawg you need to love yourself for real
booyah_smoke@reddit
Im perfectly fine with myself and with others being fine with thier self as well. Im not going to miss out on all the good someone has to offer because of something so insignificant as sex. People are going to make mistakes and stumble on life's rocky path. Its up to you if you want to take that as a lesson or as the destruction.of what could have been. Ill take the lesson over destruction every time. Because you never know what the next secound of this adventure will bring and destruction is so permanent. The only thing good that comes from destruction is the rebuild. But then you lose so much effort you put in your first build. But sometimes it does have to happen. So its all your choice. Don't shame the man for making a mistake. But if its that detrimental to you then you be the bigger person and leave. Because he is just trying to find his way
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
I will not give him the opportunity to crush me again. I will never give another person the opportunity to crush me in this way again. If that means being single and having a little casual sex here and there, so be it. I do admire your outlook on life though. It seems to be very positive. At this time, I’m literally insane and there is nothing positive. I can’t stand to look at them. Maybe someday my perspective will shift and be like yours.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
You are such a hateful individual. You are so hateful. Shame on you. Pornography is poison for the mind. Do some research. Shame on you.
BrexitVoter@reddit
Because, if he exists, which he obviously doesn't - you would make any man's penis limp, and he would therefore likely turn to porn.
KittyInTheWater@reddit
Not sure why everyone is attacking you. I agree that porn in marriage can be damaging. I have a strong boundary against it and zero tolerance. And no not every man does it, no matter what the porn addicts say. Also trust me it is not a you problem, it is a him problem. My suggestion is talk to him. The problem is I doubt he will change anything, he may just try to hide it better. So then that leaves you with a choice. Leave or stay. For me personally I'd be gone. If it helps there's a plethora of studies on men and porn use if you want to look into it.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
I have and that’s why I will not budge on the fact that they should not be consuming it at all, but especially when they’re married. They act as though they wouldn’t be pissed if they found out their girl was making porn behind their backs. If there’s nothing wrong with watching it, what’s wrong with creating it? 🤷🏾♀️
KittyInTheWater@reddit
I agree! 💯
Realfinney@reddit
Was the porn he was watching titled something like "married couple with healthy, loving relationship enjoy having sex together"?
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
if I don’t do it for him, and we’re not in love, so he has to go watch porn, why is he always up my ass trying to fuck me? Why doesn’t he leave me alone? I initiate sex myself but he does more. Why doesn’t he just leave it at that and go watch porn every other time? You make assumptions online; you have no context. you have no personal knowledge of the situation. But, even if we were not in love, and if our sex life was bad, why wouldn’t he communicate that? And if he didn’t want to do that, why wouldn’t he just leave? I’ve been giving him hell since I found out and he’s still begging me to stay with him. You have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve been crying all day and honestly, this just knocked me out of it. What a stupid stupid comment this was.
Realfinney@reddit
Lady, this isn't r/relationships. You've turned up asking for vile ways to undermine your partner, even here, we think that's shitty. Just shout at him and call him a piece of shit, like a normal person.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
This isn’t the Mildly Unethical Life Pro Tips sub. I don’t care if you think I’m amoral, you’re nobody to me. Now, do you have any tips? :)
Realfinney@reddit
Okay, sure, let's do this then: 1) Go on vacation for a week without telling him. Leave him a note letting him know when you'll be back, and then block him. 2) arrange to get soke letters sent to you by a lawyer, anything free. If the envelopes show who it's from, leave them unopened, if not, tear them to tiny pieces in a way that leaves the letterhead visible.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
This is good… Real good… I’ve already told his dad about it lol. All his dad did is whatever other man in this comment section has done, which is tell me about how normal it is. To his credit, he did not tell me that I didn’t have a right to be upset about it. That man, my “ husband’s” father, told me out of his own mouth that he is “7 years clean” from pornography. But I did the math. He was gooning while his late wife, my husband’s own mother, was dying in the next room. And then you know what he did? As soon as she died, he got remarried. To a woman he had only started dating two months prior. Shame, huh? I’ve seen plenty of men insist that nothing is wrong with watching porn when you’re married. I’ve seen plenty of women, I have been face-to-face to them, as they whipped because they were the same situation as me. I don’t know why I thought that him being “ obsessed” with me would mean I’d be spared from the same fate. Silly.
Thank you for this advice, for real. Literally the only real advice I’ve seen today. Everyone else has been on my ass
Ereinion610@reddit
Stay married to him
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
Oh I am. It’s going to be hell until I feel better. Idc what anybody says. Porn is hurtful, most women would agree. Normalize it and justify it as you need to. You will not change my mind.
No-Falcon631@reddit
Seek counseling outside of whatever religious institution brought you to this perspective.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
not a religious issue. Thx for the no help lol
No-Falcon631@reddit
You need counseling, independent from your husband. Your post is fraught with unstable thoughts.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
Oh im hella unstable you have no idea. I am on the verge of insanity.
No-Falcon631@reddit
Get a second opinion
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
brother in Christ…. the love of my life has crushed my spirit and you think your comments under this post are going to hurt me? Your instinct is to try to hurt a young woman who’s hurting? You go to a counselor and ask them why they think you defend porn so adamantly
No-Falcon631@reddit
The issue is larger than the porn. I’m not trying to hurt you. I am hopeful that therapy will be helpful.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
yeah, it is man. I have BPD. Of all the women that this should not happen too, it shouldn’t happen to a person who has BPD the most. You don’t know who I am so I’ll just say it. I had to be admitted to an inpatient psychiatric unit because of that man. Never in my life. And it’s been over a month since I was there and it’s not gotten any better. And then all of you guys are here being hateful. This can’t be my life.
RearAdmiralP@reddit
You could get back at him by recording and publishing some porn of yourself.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
Think I could?
RearAdmiralP@reddit
Sure. Since you don't want to cheat, you could make some solo videos/photos.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
I think I will. Since everyone seems to think watching porn isn’t an issue, what’s wrong with making it?
RearAdmiralP@reddit
Happy to help!
ApeLover1986@reddit
Tip: communicate!
Ask why he does it and make sure he understands it's a safe space and there won't be any negative repercussions from your end. Tell him the same you told to us Internet strangers: you now feel insecure, not enough for him, like he's missing qualities from you etc.
And: don't be an asshole wife
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
I communicated dude. We communicated. That boundary was laid before we got married :(
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
i’ll be the biggest asshole of all time. He crossed a boundary. What is truth and what is trust?
FaceDownInTheCake@reddit
Lots of good husbands watch porn. No good wives do what you are plotting
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
If your wife was doing sexual things for men online would you not be upset? If you caught your wife in a porno post marriage to you, would you not be upset?
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
U must not have read my entire entry here. That’s your perspective :)
whyldefire@reddit
Leave him. Sounds like he deserves better anyway.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
Oh so you watch porn behind your wife’s back don’t you??
KillerKowalski1@reddit
I think most would if you were the alternative.
Just based on what we're seeing here, anyways. But by all means, go teach him a lesson!
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
Two short months ago I was a sweet, unassuming young lady. I thought I was the apple of his eye; he was mine. Me btw.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
Everyone thinks I’m a prude and I must be ugly. Me btw.
GordonHead87@reddit
Also, what’s sort of mental case 25 year old refers to herself as “mama”
You’re a literal child
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
idk if you deleted your comment or what. I’m not paying to your username, pawpaw lol. Does your wife know you watch porn? I’ll argue allll day. I’m young, I LIKE sex. I have a good body. Idk what else you sick men want from us. Seriously. Why are YOU so mad at this post? Tell me that
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
how old are you granny/grampy?
GordonHead87@reddit
Also can’t read a username and do basic math. Not beating the being a pathetic child allegations.
minaminonoeru@reddit
You and your partner aren't in a particularly bad situation right now.
Given your current circumstances, you're more likely to get better results by trying to seduce your partner and increase the sexual attraction between you rather than trying to upset them.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
When you make a post like this, everybody assumes youre a prude. I put all the things in my mouth, did all the things I didn’t really wanna do. And that wasn’t enough? Okay. Unethical life tips please, thank you.
beegproblemzzz@reddit
Was this something outlined beforehand? Admittedly even if it wasnt, porn really tows the line of a relationships boundaries, so unless you just cant get over this, you should tell him this makes you uncomfortable.
But since this is unethical tips, piss on his side of the bed when he sleeps and blame him for it when you both wake up. That'll make him sweat if he thinks hes pissing the bed at night.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
Yes, it absolutely was. It absolutely was. Oh my God. Thank you for giving me a real tip though.
Exciting-Current-778@reddit
Yes, you are the asshole...
Oh, wait, this isn't that sub. But could be
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
oh, I am an asshole. Now, do you have any advice?
KillerKowalski1@reddit
Sounds like a solid, healthy marriage.
Get help.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
Do you watch porn behind your wife’s back? Sad for her !
GordonHead87@reddit
Here’s a tip. See a therapist over your major insecurities and grow up.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
I got a tip for you, but it would get me banned ;)
WHAT-IM-THINKING@reddit
Tip is to widen your perspective
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
no :)
DA0013@reddit
Damn she’s getting dragged in the comments😂😂
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
idk why that is TBH. This is supposed to be the unethical pro tips sub. My only theory is that I struck many many nerves. A lot of porn watching husbands had their feelings hurt by this.
BrexitVoter@reddit
This be the type of shit women do who in their next breath say "men don't communicate", or "men will do anything but go to therapy"
You know what I'd do?
Id have a conversation with him and tell him it made you feel insecure. Otherwise just end the marriage because he deserves better.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
WE HAVE ALREADY HAD CONVERSATIONS. NOW, DO YOU HAVE ANY REAL ADVICE? UNETHICAL TIPS ONLY PLEASE.
chris14020@reddit
Lmaooooo this is some low quality bait by any standard. 2/10 low quality troll.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
I’m deadass lol
RiddSann@reddit
Check this sub's second rule.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
Moderators already approved this post player ;)
Don_Loco@reddit
Don't get me wrong, but as an adult, not beeing able to speak about (in)securities in sexuality, and moving directly to
is a big issue and imho red flag in a healthy relationship.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
Who said we didn’t talk about it? Real UNETHICAL pro-life tips or nothing. Thx ☺️
electrofunkit@reddit
Sounds more like your insecurity is toying with your ego. He isnt cheating on you. He just wants to get the endorphin hit so go be a level headed wife and do some endorphiny things together
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
You can justify being a gooner all you want player. I did all the endorphin stuff, including the stuff that I’m not too fond of doing. Now with that context, do you have any real advice?
Newzachary@reddit
Leave him. Go find someone else to make feel like shit.
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
nah I’m trying to do it to him first
Nokoma79@reddit
just talk to him about reducing/stopping that? why do you want to behave like an a-hole if there was no communication about that before?
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
There was communication. Now that you have more context, offer advice or keep it pushing ;)
sirpsys@reddit
This is extremely unhealthy
gynocallthegist@reddit (OP)
Don’t care didn’t ask
JTC93@reddit
Wow this is supposed to be unethical life pro tips!
You need to piss on a plate and put it in the freezer. Next time you think he’s watching porn, take that plate of frozen piss and slide it under the door of the room he’s in.
Yergnoch@reddit
FINALLY, some common sense advice!
Suspicious-Candle-77@reddit
my man really laying on a grenade for the rest of us
xxSealLoverxx@reddit
You doing something shitty to him doesn’t make it better, you could just watch porn to make urself feel better though you prob won’t be as the only reason ur doing it is because he did… just tell him you know and that he should stop and hopefully he does if not it sounds like you need to find someone else
Historical_Cheek8680@reddit
Wtf
VinJahDaChosin@reddit
Join him have sex he will sweat
EdwardTeach84@reddit
He watched porn and you want to make him think you're cheating on him...