I’m a counsellor and psychotherapist in the UK. I personally believe therapy can be helpful to everyone BUT it’s important to find the right fit for you.
What I mean by that is that therapists are all different and we all bring ourselves to the process. We work differently and have different experience, strengths, personalities and experience. What might work for one client, another might find unhelpful, or even abrasive or unpleasant.
Then there’s also the style and modality we use which makes a big difference too and for me this will even fluctuate based on my clients needs.
There are so many factors here, including how you feel about it, that can affect what’s happening in the room.
Silence is a skill and can be used in different ways for example to underscore something that’s been said or to give chance to really reflect on a point. Personally, I think there’s a time and a place for it, but if it’s happening all the time and you’re not finding that meaningful then it’s a problem.
It’s definitely worth having a conversation with a therapist, whether this one if you decide to keep going with it or any other and always being transparent about what your expectations are and what you want from therapy. I generally check in with my clients at the end of each session to see if we’re going on the right track or we need to course correct/do something different.
As for advice giving, it’s very, very rare if ever in a counselling/psychotherapy space I will ever give out advice. It’s not helpful. If I’m making your decisions for you then I’m robbing you of the opportunity to work out what’s right for you. And if it goes wrong you’ll come back angry. Or it might not sit well if I’m telling you something I feel is sensible but for you that’s just not the right option.
The only modality I’ll ever give open advice in is when I’m discussing coping skills with clients in things like CBT/DBT.
There are different types - we found that my husband's one who sat in silence did not get anywhere, whereas others that talk through things really helped. But it sounds more like you want a life coach?
A few people have suggested a life coach, but I'm kinda skeptical, and don't know how to make sure I find a good one. It seems very prone to bullshitters, and they're not cheap!
Nah, it's not particularly career based. Mainly bored outside of work and can't find anything that interests me. Sick of just watching TV on an evening 😂
Via NHS good luck but if it's private you can pick. You need to have a consultation call with a therapist and discuss with them what you're looking to get out of it and ensure they follow a practice/methodology you're onboard with. Otherwise these kinds of disconnects can happen. Once again, NHS no choice lol.
Yeah, I had a consultation call last time, but they did warn me therapy might not be the solution for me. I was happy to take a punt, though.
A few people have suggested a life coach, but I'm kinda skeptical, and don't know how to make sure I find a good one. It seems very prone to bullshitters, and they're not cheap!
tldr; you have to interview your therapist thoroughly, but before that you also need to break down your situation thoroughly too (further expanded in the first paragraph below).
If you find the right type of therapy, you will be working together with them breaking down why you've come into this rut and then working together with the context you know, to break down your pre-conceptions of "how I do it/what I've always done/that doesn't make sense to me" and to try new ways of doing things and new ways of thinking of things.
That will take a lot of work from your side.
If they warned you and you still went ahead, then it's not really the therapy issue, it's that you didn't go 'let me go shop around more thoroughly and see if there's a therapist and methodology that matches me better'. But the therapist should've also been more clear and encouraged you to look for others first before moving forward with her.
Therapy isn't only for "big secrets or traumas", some people who are blessed with the financial ability to do so even just have long-term talking therapy to be able to have a seemingly non-biased soundboard to process how they feel about their (bi-)weekly interactions, stressors and digging deep into why they felt/reacted a certain way etc. It allows for decompression and not holding onto things that may end up chipping away at them without that release.
Some people are blessed with a friend/confidant or community where they can do that for free with the same effects, but it means having very emotionally intelligent, compassionate, and socially aware people in your circles too - sometimes that's not even the issue, people find themselves excessively self-editing because they want to still "look good" among their peers, and then guilt, not feeling full catharsis etc. occurs.
It's a whole ringamarole of possibilities. You need to fully explore deeply the perceived start of your issues, the effect on you, what you've done already (how you did it/how long you tried/what support you had from your immediate and outer life circles), the result, your feelings on the result, what you think is the barrier, what you want to achieve and how you think it'll improve your current situation. Then if a therapist says "I don't think I can help with that", don't say "oh lets give it a go anyway", accept it and move on to another therapist/coach.
If someone says "I can help with that", it's perfectly acceptable for you to then ask 'Could you outline briefly how you think we'd work together resolving my key concerns? Like methodologies you might apply, I just want to do research and understand if it'd work well for me as I really like solution-based working at the moment' or similar. If they want to paywall a brief outline, that would raise red flags for me as they're not going to tell you anything that you could practically go away with and use for "free".
I have only done work coaching so there's clear boundaries, I haven't had an interest in life coaching so I admit I know less about the selection of them. Personally for me, a good coach also has established mentoring experience and can also clearly discern the difference. They won't promise you the world and goals are clearly defined with room for reasonable flexibility, where required.
I've had similar experiences with counselling as you (tried it 3 times) and CBT didn't help either, tried that twice and was also told that the therapists probably wouldn't be able to help me. I've looked into other therapies and honestly I'm not sure they'd help either. I think therapy is treated too much like a cure-all.
My reasons for trying these were probably different to yours from the sounds of it, so I'm not sure whether this would work for you, but I've recently started journalling and it's been way more helpful than I ever could've expected. I'd thought about it before and didn't really know where to begin, or see the point, but this time I just started writing.
I've also found medication to be really helpful, but I tried a few that made me feel worse before getting the right one, so I'd understand why people may be cautious about meds.
Unless the counsellor has good academic qualifications keep away from them. Many have only done evening courses. Never use Therapy 4 you that GPs will send you to, they are dangerously inept and uneducated.
So you’re doing Freudian style talking therapy, which is let’s say… controversial.
It’s sort of the core method of psychotherapy, and many psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists will defend it to the death even though there’s a lot of studies that suggest it can make a lot of people and conditions worse. I’m not gonna get too deep into it because people have very strong feelings about this topic, but I will say that you might personally find you have better results with a CBT based therapist. Or you might not, but I’d say at least look into it.
I doubt they’re doing Freudian psychotherapy with a counsellor. Actually Freudian psychotherapists train for much longer and from my experience of having it for a year, are actually quite involved. There’s a lot of pushing back, mirroring what you’re saying, asking about interpretations etc.
Since you have only had 6 sessions, I would say keep going if you can afford it. When I started it was really awkward and I had to change my counsellors a couple of times - I was lucky and found someone who I just felt really comfortable with. If you click with one, you will know.
They won't give you advice, counselling is a space for you to unpack and use the counsellor more like a sounding board/ someone who can make you dig deeper and analyse your thoughts and feelings about whatever is going on in your life.
Counsellor here. The therapist ought to take time in the first session, or before that point, to understand what you want from the process. When I do that, it's an opportunity to see if someone is looking for something that I can't provide, such as advice or a quick fix to difficulties that there is no quick fix for. It is important to explore the end goals at the start, to establish whether what the counsellor can offer is what you need.
Based on what you've said here, you might like a solution-focused therapist or qualified coach.
Yeah, I had a kind of screening chat, and they did warn me that they weren't sure councelling would help. I said I was willing to try it, though. I didn't "expect" it to work, but thought it was worth a shot.
I did talk about these feelings at the time. There's a bit more to it than can really fit into a decently sized reddit comment, but I do feel like I said all I could in the first couple of sessions.
Maybe. Councelling was more appealing because at least it uses somewhat registered practicioners. Life coaches just scream grifter to me, but I'm sure there's genuine ones out there
I think that's the trouble with life advice - you'd pay a financial advisor to advise you on your finances, but there's no real generic "life advice" regulation.
It might be worth finding a trained and registered counsellor who's also done formal life coach training? There seem to be a couple around me (rural area) so it's probably not uncommon.
The experience of talking about your issues out loud, is supposed to help you come to your own conclusions. If you’re looking for guidance and advice you may need a mentor. Have you tried a life coach type approach?
I generally found it very pointless (I went to a few different ones). I'm a solutions oriented person, as I think alot of guys are. I don't really feel better just talking about stuff. I think it just really depends on your personality whether it's beneficial or not.
I get downvoted whenever I say this but I absolutely think there's a gender split with the effectiveness of counselling.
You know that old joke about "when your girlfriend vents to you about her problems, she doesn't actually want you to try solving her problems"? It's basically that.
Women like to vent. Men like to focus on solutions. Counselling is great for the former, it's not always effective at the latter
The gender split is probably not pronounced enough to be helpful.
Same as 'women like romance, men like sex' - there's obviously a gigantic factual basis there, but the phrasing is so broad as to be useless in virtually every individual case. Sure, men as a rule are less excited by romance than women are, but most men do also like romance and most women do also like good sex.
Source: woman with a very analytical mind who grew up with three older brothers.
I had to learn to talk to girls, which involves much more sympathising and fewer solutions than I was used to and prefer.
But only like, I had to remember that everyone sometimes wants sympathy and sometimes wants answers, and how to gently figure out what was applicable in every conversation about feelings / problems, and I noticed it was more common in female conversations.
All women sometimes want answers, all men sometimes want validation or confirmation: plenty of women talk mostly to problem solve, plenty of men talk mostly to connect.
It's almost like they are the same species with the same wants, needs, brains and emotions.
I don't know how serious you were being about 'men want x, women want y', or whether it was a deliberate oversimplification (in which case I agree).
But if you were being fully deadpan, and you want to elevate your communication and social skills, try deliberately asking yourself 'does this person seem to be seeking connection, validation, to entertain, to problem solve, to gain information, or impart information?'
It's not always easy to, but I guarantee you'll find out that a bunch of guys had been looking for connection all along and thought you were a bit shallow / brusque, and a load of women had been looking for information and thought you were a bit wishy-washy or patronising, if you'd always been giving men information and women emotional support.
On the other hand - if it's served you well so far, idk, you do you. People are weird, that's all I know
I have found life coaching very helpful. I did a mix of life and career coaching with the same person. They helped me articulate what I want and need and gave me lots of practical steps to act on.
It does feel steep. About £500 for 6 sessions. Can feel annoying when the answers are often things you kind of know already. But helpful if you don’t really have anyone in your life to give good advice or cheer you on. (Eg emotionally neglectful family)
Reading through the comments has got me questioning whether I’m doing it. My psychotherapist does give advice on how to move forward, often with ideas such as meditation, or helping me think of tasks to do, techniques to use. I normally get a summary from him via email on Sunday afternoon covering what we’ve discussed and what to action until the next session, and template worksheets. I have found it useful but with so many things to try and remember and recall on his guidance, it can be difficult. Don’t get me wrong, he does ask questions and gets me thinking, have made some positive changes but I guess I’m not delving as deeply as I’d like into the rumination aspect. Wondering now if I should explore another therapist based on these comments, as I definitely do get advice but I don’t think I’m judged
Just to offer an example how a counselling could be helpful.
I was very unhappy at work because I was hoping for a promotion but did not see eye to eye with one of my bosses. I was ranting about how unfairly I had been treated for good 15 mins when the counsellor asked, 'If you were promoted tomorrow, would you be happy?'
Without thinking I said, 'Not if [the bad boss] was still in the company.'
Considering that the bad boss was one of the owners of the small company, it was suddenly very clear to me that I should look for other opportunities elsewhere.
My friends and family would have advised me to leave the job, but until I worked it out in my own head, I could not truly listen to their advice.
Because I had to get to that answer myself. When my friends said 'Your boss sounds awful. You should leave.' I came up with some many 'Yes, but...'s it is laughable in retrospect.
Another perspective is that - when I was confinding to people around me, I was 1) looking for sympathy and agreement that my boss was awful; and 2) asking for ways I could somehow get back on track to my promotion. The counsellor was the first to ask 'what if you got promoted? Would you be happy then?' That made me think about the problem I had from another perspective. It wasn't just that I was not getting the promotion, because the root cause was I was not appreciated where I was.
I would also like to make the distinction between counselling and other forms of therapy. A very simple distinction is that counselling is about having a space to talk/vent and the other person listens (I have had it twice now and my First experience was exactly like yours).
Other forms of therapy (I.e. CBT) are more active and about making changes.
There are lots of factors that go in to the outcome of therapy too, and sometimes it's not a good fit with your therapist, or its not the right time for you, it doesn't mean it wouldn't be helpful to try again with someone else. But I would stress that therapy isn't about someone "fixing" you, you should be given some tools that help you do the work.
The don’t give advice. A psychotherapist is more likely to use silence in my experience but I reckon for 6 sessions it is less likely for them to do that.
What can you achieve in 6 sessions? Not a lot really.
To get underneath limiting subconscious beliefs and retrieve forgotten childhood memories, deal with your shadow, uncover your defences, 6 hours is not enough to even scratch the surface.
If your goal is to get a bit of support with a difficult life circumstance which is possibly transient in nature then yeah it might help.
People will often have psychotherapy for many years multiple times a week.
I’ve done it and it is helpful.
But it’s slooooooowwwwww.
🍄 worked much better for me but you have to be very careful and mindful.
I read an interview with Ade Edmondson once, who has suffered genuine depression since school days. Not being a bit fed up like you.
He had a friend he played squash with, who was a psychotherapist or similar. He confided he was going through a particularly tough time and was considering therapy. His friend’s response was “Don’t do it. Once you start you will be in it forever “.
2bf I'm not doing it because I thought it was trendy. I'm doing it because I hoped it would help. The 2026 comment was a slightly tongue in cheek way of saying it's not something I would have considered 5 years ago
I felt exactly the same as you, but realised that through the counselling I did actually figure out that the relationship I was in was awful, and I had choices around that. Also, one of the most helpful things anyone’s ever said to me- ‘do you think you need a project?’. I DID need a project, I started one shortly after and it sorted me out completely, made me happy again and gave me focus (I converted a van into a campervan), and now if I’m ever in a rut, I start a project
I don’t think counselling is supposed to be profound, but should be helpful in some ways. Maybe you need a few more sessions with someone else? Or maybe you need a project lol
There are different services like counciling or CBT or drs that are phycologists.
You need to keep at it and try different providers. I be open and honest with your current provider. Tell them your concerns at the start of your next session.
They can hopefully offer advice on what other services are available or at least explain how to engage better with them.
If it still not working get a different person and see if you click better. Allot of it is finding the right person
I ended my sessions with that provider about a month ago, but did discuss whether we thought it was working or not. They didn't make any suggestions, though.
When I had a screening chat to find the right therapist for me the person I was talking to did say that she wasn't sure if it would help to solve the problems I was having. I did want to try, though
Reading in between the lines of what you have said OP, it sounds like instead of exploring your thoughts and feelings around your particular problem to understand how you got there and your triggers and how you feel and interpret your thoughts, you just want someone to tell you what to do?
Sure, there are people out there like life coaches and the like that can give you a game plan, but the chances are highly likely they won't stick as you have not confronted the root problem of your issue.
If you had cracks appearing in your plasterwork inside your house due to sinking foundations. Of course you could just replaster the wall and paint over it, but the cracks would eventually reappear.
You may have had high expectations for what counselling will do, and now that you have experienced it, its not meeting those expectations, it's not given you the quick fix you thought it would. Have you ever experienced anything similar, where you put your hopes into a solution and then when resistance hits you just give up?
You see, you actually have all of the solutions and answers within you already. Believe it or not you have actually taken a large step that many others don't by actually trying to get help. Your acknowledging there is a problem and you are trying to change it. You have set the ball rolling. Someone may have suggested to go to counselling, which is going back to the "telling you what to do" but only you can do the work.
Sometimes though, we don't always tell the entire truth when we see therapist's because we are still telling ourselves what we expect or what we should say or how we should act. Telling the truth means becoming vulnerable and sometimes we are not always ready to face our demons. Even though we may know what we need to do to change, the thought of actually doing it, breaking routine or losing a part of us we hold as our identity to happen for that change can be daunting and lead to resistance.
Obviously I don't know what your issue is, it's none of our business. You may wish to consider asking to see a different counsellor or if you want direct action then you need a coach.
I understand what the issues are, or at least feel like I do. I've been trying to come up with a solution for the last couple of years, but no success, so I was looking for an outside viewpoint to help me see what I'm missing.
I don't feel like I'm someone who gives up a lot. Some would describe me as driven, although I don't think I would. I tried counselling on a suggestion by my wife, and I thought it was worth a shot. I just found the whole situation very odd, and find it strange that so many people are suggesting that 6 hours and no progress is completely normal. It's all very odd.
1) you had wrong expectations going in. 2) counsellors work in a LOT of different ways, mainly person centred, CBT and psychodynamic, but every modality centres on the therapeutic relationship, 3) change is a process that happens unconsciously and consciously over time, there are 7 stages to the counselling process. 4) you need a modality AND therapist that works for YOU, 5) you have to do the work, the counsellor is just there to facilitate your own self awareness and help and guide you through the process. Source- almost qualified counsellor
What sort of counselling was it? It sounds like it could have been person-centered counselling, which is a go-to of the NHS and which I also find useless.
I have tried 3 different counsellors of that ilk, and they have all had the exact same method: silence while I do the talking, and then they paraphrase me back to me along with classics like "so what I'm hearing is...". That's it.
IME, it's the lowest, easiest-to-qualify form of counselling that is for people who have literally never said an emotional thing out loud before, or have anyone in their personal lives who will listen. There can be relief in that, but it also takes some awareness to know whether that is what will work for you.
I, like you, need something much more active. CBT is useful for some of my issues, and for other ones having a professional talk therapist who knows when to prod, what questions to ask, how to help me process things, is imperative. Unfortunately, the latter is generally only available privately.
Have you tried googling different types of therapy and seeing which ones "speak" to you? Might be helpful going forward to know which counsellors/therapists to rule out.
Had some sessions booked through work and it was a complete waste of time for me.
I’m very logical and I don’t really need anyone to vent to. I thought there will be a conversation from both ends and the person will try and connect with the situation.
You mention being stuck in a rut - I wonder if you'd find Reflective Practice or journaling to be helpful? There are lots of different methods but it is usually structured around reflecting on what you're doing, where the blocks are to achieving your goals, and how you can make different choices.
For me, this works as writing a diary: I begin with What 3 Words? Which is literally three words to describe how things have been since the last time I wrote. Then I write about what has happened since I last wrote, why it was important, and what happens next.
(And for any writers who are interested in this, I get into it via The Literary Consultancy's AMPLIFY program)
These questions are not the only way to do it and there are no right or wrongs.
Counsellors do not give advice, nor do psychotherapists for that matter. And there are often silences. Some find this disconcerting but it’s a way to allow you to drive the content and direction of the session and helps ensure the counsellor is being guided by you and not by their own agenda.
It’s ok to have doubts, share those with your counsellor if you feel comfortable.
What are your goals for counselling? What are you hoping to get from it? Can you explore this in a session?
Like so many things, counselling isn’t like it is portrayed on the TV. There are different modalities and approaches not all suit everyone.
Make sure your counsellor is fully registered with a professional body such as BACP or NCPS.
Yeah, I discussed it with my last one. She didn't say much either way. Looking at the responses I don't think it's what I'm looking for 2bh. Thanks for taking the time to reply
Depends on the type of counselling. I had person centred therapy and to this day I can't tell you how it worked, only that it did. We didn't have topics to talk about, we'd start with something really innocuous and the conversation went from there. I'd suggest maybe finding a different counsellor.
My therapist wasn’t like this. We had long talks backwards and forwards. Sometimes it’s not therapy but the therapist that’s not gelling. Maybe try a different therapist.
The idea is to give you an opportunity to talk, to say how you feel.
The counsellor’s role is to facilitate that, to provide a non-threatening, non-judgemental environment in which you can express your feelings. The counsellor is there to listen, not to give advice.
I’ve had several courses of talking therapy over the years. Some have been helpful, others less so, but it’s an opportunity you need to make best use of by talking. The silences are there for you to fill with words.
Perhaps a different counsellor might help more in terms of getting you to open up?
Some people find AI useful. I believe you can talk to ChatGPT. It’s cheaper too.
I wish you luck as you progress through your journey.
Not all therapists are as competent as each other. Not all forms of therapy are equal or as helpful as each other. Sometimes you don't click with one or both.
A friend had a situation where the first counsellor pushed for more sessions after the initial 6 which at the time she thought was helpful, having not done it before and feeling she hadn't understood her issues or resolved them. She was able to continue for a time and felt it there was some benefit but not to the point of complete resolution.
She has used the service again recently and this time the counsellor behaved as if the 6 sessions were all they had and really focused on getting the most from them and she found this far more effective and useful as she now realises there is a pattern of behaviour. She has some tools for deescalation or to temporarily break the pattern, and while she probably could do with getting to the root cause of that she's in a better place.
If you are able to influence the way any remaining sessions are handled I would being this up with the counsellor. If not, give honest feedback to the provider. And perhaps consider trying to see someone else (if you're able to).
Don't let this one negative experience colour your view of the helpfulness of therapy.
Lots of counsellors use silence as a way for you to make sense of your own thoughts and come to your own conclusions. When I first had psychotherapy, this is what the therapist did and I panicked and just started telling her EVERYTHING.
They can’t really give you advice (who can? There is no one single standard to get over traumatic experiences) but they can mirror back to you to help you understand and make sense of what you went through.
I have never found 6 sessions to be enough. If you can afford more sessions, have more but go into the sessions understanding that the counsellor isn’t there to advise you, but rather help you untangle your own thoughts until you understand them.
You have an incapable counsellor. Many have patients that don’t talk to anyone about their intimate problems and therefore they just sit back and relax and think that’s where their role begins and ends.
A good counsellor prompts you to go beyond the surface of your beliefs and isn’t afraid to call you out if needed.
Someone who stares blankly and / or coddles you all the time is not doing their job.
Counselling is like any other paid service, it may take a few different people before you find the right one. Every therapist/counsellor/psychiatrist will have different methods and techniques, you just have to find the right person for you.
"counselling" is a catch all term that refers to a range of unregulated practices that could encompass listening, coaching, giving advice, offering spiritual guidance, providing emotional support, rizzing up, etc.
If you're actually looking for something therapeutic, with clear parameters, and a regulated profession, then you should seek out a clinical psychologist or registered psychotherapist.
Tried it once. They just kept saying 'What I'm hearing is ....' and repeating what I'd just said. So technically they were correct but also unhelpful. Works for some, I couldn't get it.
During your counselling session, the counsellor will:
listen to you without judgement
try to see things from your point of view
encourage you to talk about your thoughts, feelings, and life experiences
help you to find your own solutions to problems
Counsellors do not usually give advice or tell you what to do.
I had counselling in my early 20’s, I managed about 4-5 sessions and blew it out as I didn’t really understand what the point of it was and it didn’t seem helpful in the slightest
But I guess it must be helpful to some people or it wouldn’t exist , I think maybe had I understood at the time what it was actually all about it may have served me better, not sure, this was over 25 years ago and I was referred by my GP on the NHS
I think some counsellors use silence as a means to get you to say more. I wouldn't say a counsellor offers advice either, more like a place for you to sort through some shit and maybe offer better coping mechanisms.
Having the right counsellor helps immensely, don't be afraid to "shop around".
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Paradox711@reddit
I’m a counsellor and psychotherapist in the UK. I personally believe therapy can be helpful to everyone BUT it’s important to find the right fit for you.
What I mean by that is that therapists are all different and we all bring ourselves to the process. We work differently and have different experience, strengths, personalities and experience. What might work for one client, another might find unhelpful, or even abrasive or unpleasant.
Then there’s also the style and modality we use which makes a big difference too and for me this will even fluctuate based on my clients needs.
There are so many factors here, including how you feel about it, that can affect what’s happening in the room.
Silence is a skill and can be used in different ways for example to underscore something that’s been said or to give chance to really reflect on a point. Personally, I think there’s a time and a place for it, but if it’s happening all the time and you’re not finding that meaningful then it’s a problem.
It’s definitely worth having a conversation with a therapist, whether this one if you decide to keep going with it or any other and always being transparent about what your expectations are and what you want from therapy. I generally check in with my clients at the end of each session to see if we’re going on the right track or we need to course correct/do something different.
As for advice giving, it’s very, very rare if ever in a counselling/psychotherapy space I will ever give out advice. It’s not helpful. If I’m making your decisions for you then I’m robbing you of the opportunity to work out what’s right for you. And if it goes wrong you’ll come back angry. Or it might not sit well if I’m telling you something I feel is sensible but for you that’s just not the right option.
The only modality I’ll ever give open advice in is when I’m discussing coping skills with clients in things like CBT/DBT.
Hope some of that’s helpful.
Jin-shei@reddit
There are different types - we found that my husband's one who sat in silence did not get anywhere, whereas others that talk through things really helped. But it sounds more like you want a life coach?
Doragan@reddit (OP)
A few people have suggested a life coach, but I'm kinda skeptical, and don't know how to make sure I find a good one. It seems very prone to bullshitters, and they're not cheap!
Jin-shei@reddit
Is it career focused? It really depends on the questions you want answered. There might be local career advice, for example...
Doragan@reddit (OP)
Nah, it's not particularly career based. Mainly bored outside of work and can't find anything that interests me. Sick of just watching TV on an evening 😂
ClarifyingMe@reddit
You need to select the correct type of therapy.
https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-therapy/
Via NHS good luck but if it's private you can pick. You need to have a consultation call with a therapist and discuss with them what you're looking to get out of it and ensure they follow a practice/methodology you're onboard with. Otherwise these kinds of disconnects can happen. Once again, NHS no choice lol.
Maybe you just need a life coach.
Doragan@reddit (OP)
Yeah, I had a consultation call last time, but they did warn me therapy might not be the solution for me. I was happy to take a punt, though.
A few people have suggested a life coach, but I'm kinda skeptical, and don't know how to make sure I find a good one. It seems very prone to bullshitters, and they're not cheap!
ClarifyingMe@reddit
tldr; you have to interview your therapist thoroughly, but before that you also need to break down your situation thoroughly too (further expanded in the first paragraph below).
If you find the right type of therapy, you will be working together with them breaking down why you've come into this rut and then working together with the context you know, to break down your pre-conceptions of "how I do it/what I've always done/that doesn't make sense to me" and to try new ways of doing things and new ways of thinking of things.
That will take a lot of work from your side.
If they warned you and you still went ahead, then it's not really the therapy issue, it's that you didn't go 'let me go shop around more thoroughly and see if there's a therapist and methodology that matches me better'. But the therapist should've also been more clear and encouraged you to look for others first before moving forward with her.
Therapy isn't only for "big secrets or traumas", some people who are blessed with the financial ability to do so even just have long-term talking therapy to be able to have a seemingly non-biased soundboard to process how they feel about their (bi-)weekly interactions, stressors and digging deep into why they felt/reacted a certain way etc. It allows for decompression and not holding onto things that may end up chipping away at them without that release.
Some people are blessed with a friend/confidant or community where they can do that for free with the same effects, but it means having very emotionally intelligent, compassionate, and socially aware people in your circles too - sometimes that's not even the issue, people find themselves excessively self-editing because they want to still "look good" among their peers, and then guilt, not feeling full catharsis etc. occurs.
It's a whole ringamarole of possibilities. You need to fully explore deeply the perceived start of your issues, the effect on you, what you've done already (how you did it/how long you tried/what support you had from your immediate and outer life circles), the result, your feelings on the result, what you think is the barrier, what you want to achieve and how you think it'll improve your current situation. Then if a therapist says "I don't think I can help with that", don't say "oh lets give it a go anyway", accept it and move on to another therapist/coach.
If someone says "I can help with that", it's perfectly acceptable for you to then ask 'Could you outline briefly how you think we'd work together resolving my key concerns? Like methodologies you might apply, I just want to do research and understand if it'd work well for me as I really like solution-based working at the moment' or similar. If they want to paywall a brief outline, that would raise red flags for me as they're not going to tell you anything that you could practically go away with and use for "free".
I have only done work coaching so there's clear boundaries, I haven't had an interest in life coaching so I admit I know less about the selection of them. Personally for me, a good coach also has established mentoring experience and can also clearly discern the difference. They won't promise you the world and goals are clearly defined with room for reasonable flexibility, where required.
No_Mood1492@reddit
I've had similar experiences with counselling as you (tried it 3 times) and CBT didn't help either, tried that twice and was also told that the therapists probably wouldn't be able to help me. I've looked into other therapies and honestly I'm not sure they'd help either. I think therapy is treated too much like a cure-all.
My reasons for trying these were probably different to yours from the sounds of it, so I'm not sure whether this would work for you, but I've recently started journalling and it's been way more helpful than I ever could've expected. I'd thought about it before and didn't really know where to begin, or see the point, but this time I just started writing.
I've also found medication to be really helpful, but I tried a few that made me feel worse before getting the right one, so I'd understand why people may be cautious about meds.
Doragan@reddit (OP)
Yeah, it sounds like we're in different situations really. I don't think this is anything that can be medicated. Thanks for sharing, though
Opening_Nose_2347@reddit
Unless the counsellor has good academic qualifications keep away from them. Many have only done evening courses. Never use Therapy 4 you that GPs will send you to, they are dangerously inept and uneducated.
Doragan@reddit (OP)
This wasn't through a GP
Opening_Nose_2347@reddit
I never said it was. That is my general thoughts on therapy.
handtoglandwombat@reddit
So you’re doing Freudian style talking therapy, which is let’s say… controversial.
It’s sort of the core method of psychotherapy, and many psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists will defend it to the death even though there’s a lot of studies that suggest it can make a lot of people and conditions worse. I’m not gonna get too deep into it because people have very strong feelings about this topic, but I will say that you might personally find you have better results with a CBT based therapist. Or you might not, but I’d say at least look into it.
Etheria_system@reddit
I doubt they’re doing Freudian psychotherapy with a counsellor. Actually Freudian psychotherapists train for much longer and from my experience of having it for a year, are actually quite involved. There’s a lot of pushing back, mirroring what you’re saying, asking about interpretations etc.
Celestara_x@reddit
Since you have only had 6 sessions, I would say keep going if you can afford it. When I started it was really awkward and I had to change my counsellors a couple of times - I was lucky and found someone who I just felt really comfortable with. If you click with one, you will know.
They won't give you advice, counselling is a space for you to unpack and use the counsellor more like a sounding board/ someone who can make you dig deeper and analyse your thoughts and feelings about whatever is going on in your life.
Doragan@reddit (OP)
Yeah, it sounds like counselling isn't what I'm looking for then. Thanks for the response
Great-Science-8586@reddit
Counsellor here. The therapist ought to take time in the first session, or before that point, to understand what you want from the process. When I do that, it's an opportunity to see if someone is looking for something that I can't provide, such as advice or a quick fix to difficulties that there is no quick fix for. It is important to explore the end goals at the start, to establish whether what the counsellor can offer is what you need. Based on what you've said here, you might like a solution-focused therapist or qualified coach.
Great-Science-8586@reddit
And what do you mean by 'generally shite feelings' ? Did you open up about these, and are you ready to do that ?
Doragan@reddit (OP)
Yeah, I had a kind of screening chat, and they did warn me that they weren't sure councelling would help. I said I was willing to try it, though. I didn't "expect" it to work, but thought it was worth a shot.
I did talk about these feelings at the time. There's a bit more to it than can really fit into a decently sized reddit comment, but I do feel like I said all I could in the first couple of sessions.
daydreamingtulip@reddit
Maybe look into coaching? There are different types and some can be quite specific, but they aim to give advice
Doragan@reddit (OP)
Maybe. Councelling was more appealing because at least it uses somewhat registered practicioners. Life coaches just scream grifter to me, but I'm sure there's genuine ones out there
Fluffy_Ad2274@reddit
I think that's the trouble with life advice - you'd pay a financial advisor to advise you on your finances, but there's no real generic "life advice" regulation.
It might be worth finding a trained and registered counsellor who's also done formal life coach training? There seem to be a couple around me (rural area) so it's probably not uncommon.
geeered@reddit
Could you be more looking for a "life coach"?
Doragan@reddit (OP)
No idea
KoorbB@reddit
The experience of talking about your issues out loud, is supposed to help you come to your own conclusions. If you’re looking for guidance and advice you may need a mentor. Have you tried a life coach type approach?
Doragan@reddit (OP)
A couple of others have mentioned this. Maybe I should, but it feels even more of a luck of the draw of finding the right one
KoorbB@reddit
Absolutely. There’s no magic pill but may be worth exploring options that are close to you.
garlicmayosquad@reddit
I generally found it very pointless (I went to a few different ones). I'm a solutions oriented person, as I think alot of guys are. I don't really feel better just talking about stuff. I think it just really depends on your personality whether it's beneficial or not.
HellPigeon1912@reddit
I get downvoted whenever I say this but I absolutely think there's a gender split with the effectiveness of counselling.
You know that old joke about "when your girlfriend vents to you about her problems, she doesn't actually want you to try solving her problems"? It's basically that.
Women like to vent. Men like to focus on solutions. Counselling is great for the former, it's not always effective at the latter
moubliepas@reddit
The gender split is probably not pronounced enough to be helpful.
Same as 'women like romance, men like sex' - there's obviously a gigantic factual basis there, but the phrasing is so broad as to be useless in virtually every individual case. Sure, men as a rule are less excited by romance than women are, but most men do also like romance and most women do also like good sex.
Source: woman with a very analytical mind who grew up with three older brothers. I had to learn to talk to girls, which involves much more sympathising and fewer solutions than I was used to and prefer. But only like, I had to remember that everyone sometimes wants sympathy and sometimes wants answers, and how to gently figure out what was applicable in every conversation about feelings / problems, and I noticed it was more common in female conversations.
All women sometimes want answers, all men sometimes want validation or confirmation: plenty of women talk mostly to problem solve, plenty of men talk mostly to connect. It's almost like they are the same species with the same wants, needs, brains and emotions.
I don't know how serious you were being about 'men want x, women want y', or whether it was a deliberate oversimplification (in which case I agree). But if you were being fully deadpan, and you want to elevate your communication and social skills, try deliberately asking yourself 'does this person seem to be seeking connection, validation, to entertain, to problem solve, to gain information, or impart information?'
It's not always easy to, but I guarantee you'll find out that a bunch of guys had been looking for connection all along and thought you were a bit shallow / brusque, and a load of women had been looking for information and thought you were a bit wishy-washy or patronising, if you'd always been giving men information and women emotional support.
On the other hand - if it's served you well so far, idk, you do you. People are weird, that's all I know
Doragan@reddit (OP)
This could well be my problem. I don't really have any big secrets or anything I need fuji get out, I'm just stuck in a bit of a rut really
yazshousefortea@reddit
I have found life coaching very helpful. I did a mix of life and career coaching with the same person. They helped me articulate what I want and need and gave me lots of practical steps to act on.
It does feel steep. About £500 for 6 sessions. Can feel annoying when the answers are often things you kind of know already. But helpful if you don’t really have anyone in your life to give good advice or cheer you on. (Eg emotionally neglectful family)
sunshinerosed@reddit
Counselling isn’t meant to give you advice.. it’s more a path of discovery together… collaboration if you will in a safe nonjudgmental environment.
Doragan@reddit (OP)
Yeah, sounds like it's not for me, going by this comment and other comments
sunshinerosed@reddit
CBT is directive but it’s still collaborative… good luck
PapaKratos@reddit
Reading through the comments has got me questioning whether I’m doing it. My psychotherapist does give advice on how to move forward, often with ideas such as meditation, or helping me think of tasks to do, techniques to use. I normally get a summary from him via email on Sunday afternoon covering what we’ve discussed and what to action until the next session, and template worksheets. I have found it useful but with so many things to try and remember and recall on his guidance, it can be difficult. Don’t get me wrong, he does ask questions and gets me thinking, have made some positive changes but I guess I’m not delving as deeply as I’d like into the rumination aspect. Wondering now if I should explore another therapist based on these comments, as I definitely do get advice but I don’t think I’m judged
Frodora@reddit
Just to offer an example how a counselling could be helpful.
I was very unhappy at work because I was hoping for a promotion but did not see eye to eye with one of my bosses. I was ranting about how unfairly I had been treated for good 15 mins when the counsellor asked, 'If you were promoted tomorrow, would you be happy?'
Without thinking I said, 'Not if [the bad boss] was still in the company.'
Considering that the bad boss was one of the owners of the small company, it was suddenly very clear to me that I should look for other opportunities elsewhere.
My friends and family would have advised me to leave the job, but until I worked it out in my own head, I could not truly listen to their advice.
Doragan@reddit (OP)
So why did the counsellor saying that to you have a different effect than friends or family saying that?
Frodora@reddit
Because I had to get to that answer myself. When my friends said 'Your boss sounds awful. You should leave.' I came up with some many 'Yes, but...'s it is laughable in retrospect.
Another perspective is that - when I was confinding to people around me, I was 1) looking for sympathy and agreement that my boss was awful; and 2) asking for ways I could somehow get back on track to my promotion. The counsellor was the first to ask 'what if you got promoted? Would you be happy then?' That made me think about the problem I had from another perspective. It wasn't just that I was not getting the promotion, because the root cause was I was not appreciated where I was.
I hope this helps.
DependentMind6101@reddit
Person centered counselling is useless IMO. Look for other types of therapy which are more structured and where the therapist takes a more active role
Mysterious_Fox_8058@reddit
I would also like to make the distinction between counselling and other forms of therapy. A very simple distinction is that counselling is about having a space to talk/vent and the other person listens (I have had it twice now and my First experience was exactly like yours). Other forms of therapy (I.e. CBT) are more active and about making changes.
There are lots of factors that go in to the outcome of therapy too, and sometimes it's not a good fit with your therapist, or its not the right time for you, it doesn't mean it wouldn't be helpful to try again with someone else. But I would stress that therapy isn't about someone "fixing" you, you should be given some tools that help you do the work.
Glittering-Knee9595@reddit
The don’t give advice. A psychotherapist is more likely to use silence in my experience but I reckon for 6 sessions it is less likely for them to do that.
What can you achieve in 6 sessions? Not a lot really.
Doragan@reddit (OP)
6 hours of something with no progress is normal?
Glittering-Knee9595@reddit
I guess it depends on your goal.
To get underneath limiting subconscious beliefs and retrieve forgotten childhood memories, deal with your shadow, uncover your defences, 6 hours is not enough to even scratch the surface.
If your goal is to get a bit of support with a difficult life circumstance which is possibly transient in nature then yeah it might help.
People will often have psychotherapy for many years multiple times a week.
I’ve done it and it is helpful.
But it’s slooooooowwwwww.
🍄 worked much better for me but you have to be very careful and mindful.
Doragan@reddit (OP)
Yeah, no chance I'm doing that. I'm too much of an addiction risk
No-State-2962@reddit
I read an interview with Ade Edmondson once, who has suffered genuine depression since school days. Not being a bit fed up like you.
He had a friend he played squash with, who was a psychotherapist or similar. He confided he was going through a particularly tough time and was considering therapy. His friend’s response was “Don’t do it. Once you start you will be in it forever “.
That has always stuck with me.
TimeTravellersDingo@reddit
Well that’s the golden answer to everything then if Ade Edmondson said it
Christ.
No-State-2962@reddit
I don’t know why people like you post at all. OP basically said he was doing it because he thought it trendy.
And does a comedians depression not count, because of his job? What a strange reaction.
I once knew a therapist, who had a therapist … it was then I realised what bullshit the industry is. A bit like your posts 👍
Doragan@reddit (OP)
2bf I'm not doing it because I thought it was trendy. I'm doing it because I hoped it would help. The 2026 comment was a slightly tongue in cheek way of saying it's not something I would have considered 5 years ago
StrategyKindly4024@reddit
I felt exactly the same as you, but realised that through the counselling I did actually figure out that the relationship I was in was awful, and I had choices around that. Also, one of the most helpful things anyone’s ever said to me- ‘do you think you need a project?’. I DID need a project, I started one shortly after and it sorted me out completely, made me happy again and gave me focus (I converted a van into a campervan), and now if I’m ever in a rut, I start a project
I don’t think counselling is supposed to be profound, but should be helpful in some ways. Maybe you need a few more sessions with someone else? Or maybe you need a project lol
Doragan@reddit (OP)
The main issue for me is that I'm used to having lots of hobbies and have struggled to find something to do like that in the last couple of years 🙃
ross-dirext-words137@reddit
There are different services like counciling or CBT or drs that are phycologists.
You need to keep at it and try different providers. I be open and honest with your current provider. Tell them your concerns at the start of your next session.
They can hopefully offer advice on what other services are available or at least explain how to engage better with them.
If it still not working get a different person and see if you click better. Allot of it is finding the right person
Doragan@reddit (OP)
I ended my sessions with that provider about a month ago, but did discuss whether we thought it was working or not. They didn't make any suggestions, though.
When I had a screening chat to find the right therapist for me the person I was talking to did say that she wasn't sure if it would help to solve the problems I was having. I did want to try, though
Hypnomenace@reddit
Reading in between the lines of what you have said OP, it sounds like instead of exploring your thoughts and feelings around your particular problem to understand how you got there and your triggers and how you feel and interpret your thoughts, you just want someone to tell you what to do?
Sure, there are people out there like life coaches and the like that can give you a game plan, but the chances are highly likely they won't stick as you have not confronted the root problem of your issue.
If you had cracks appearing in your plasterwork inside your house due to sinking foundations. Of course you could just replaster the wall and paint over it, but the cracks would eventually reappear.
You may have had high expectations for what counselling will do, and now that you have experienced it, its not meeting those expectations, it's not given you the quick fix you thought it would. Have you ever experienced anything similar, where you put your hopes into a solution and then when resistance hits you just give up?
You see, you actually have all of the solutions and answers within you already. Believe it or not you have actually taken a large step that many others don't by actually trying to get help. Your acknowledging there is a problem and you are trying to change it. You have set the ball rolling. Someone may have suggested to go to counselling, which is going back to the "telling you what to do" but only you can do the work.
Sometimes though, we don't always tell the entire truth when we see therapist's because we are still telling ourselves what we expect or what we should say or how we should act. Telling the truth means becoming vulnerable and sometimes we are not always ready to face our demons. Even though we may know what we need to do to change, the thought of actually doing it, breaking routine or losing a part of us we hold as our identity to happen for that change can be daunting and lead to resistance.
Obviously I don't know what your issue is, it's none of our business. You may wish to consider asking to see a different counsellor or if you want direct action then you need a coach.
Doragan@reddit (OP)
I understand what the issues are, or at least feel like I do. I've been trying to come up with a solution for the last couple of years, but no success, so I was looking for an outside viewpoint to help me see what I'm missing.
I don't feel like I'm someone who gives up a lot. Some would describe me as driven, although I don't think I would. I tried counselling on a suggestion by my wife, and I thought it was worth a shot. I just found the whole situation very odd, and find it strange that so many people are suggesting that 6 hours and no progress is completely normal. It's all very odd.
gerty88@reddit
1) you had wrong expectations going in. 2) counsellors work in a LOT of different ways, mainly person centred, CBT and psychodynamic, but every modality centres on the therapeutic relationship, 3) change is a process that happens unconsciously and consciously over time, there are 7 stages to the counselling process. 4) you need a modality AND therapist that works for YOU, 5) you have to do the work, the counsellor is just there to facilitate your own self awareness and help and guide you through the process. Source- almost qualified counsellor
Doragan@reddit (OP)
I don't think I really had any expectations going in, I was more checking if my experience was normal.
I also don't think I was shirking the work, like you imply. I just have/had no idea what the work was meant to be.
Icy_Appearance_8610@reddit
Personally, I’ve found them more harm than good over the years. Bring things from my past up then leave me to deal with it.
random_username_96@reddit
What sort of counselling was it? It sounds like it could have been person-centered counselling, which is a go-to of the NHS and which I also find useless.
I have tried 3 different counsellors of that ilk, and they have all had the exact same method: silence while I do the talking, and then they paraphrase me back to me along with classics like "so what I'm hearing is...". That's it.
IME, it's the lowest, easiest-to-qualify form of counselling that is for people who have literally never said an emotional thing out loud before, or have anyone in their personal lives who will listen. There can be relief in that, but it also takes some awareness to know whether that is what will work for you.
I, like you, need something much more active. CBT is useful for some of my issues, and for other ones having a professional talk therapist who knows when to prod, what questions to ask, how to help me process things, is imperative. Unfortunately, the latter is generally only available privately.
Have you tried googling different types of therapy and seeing which ones "speak" to you? Might be helpful going forward to know which counsellors/therapists to rule out.
Akash_nu@reddit
I completely agree!
Had some sessions booked through work and it was a complete waste of time for me.
I’m very logical and I don’t really need anyone to vent to. I thought there will be a conversation from both ends and the person will try and connect with the situation.
They had nothing to say!
T-h-e-d-a@reddit
You mention being stuck in a rut - I wonder if you'd find Reflective Practice or journaling to be helpful? There are lots of different methods but it is usually structured around reflecting on what you're doing, where the blocks are to achieving your goals, and how you can make different choices.
For me, this works as writing a diary: I begin with What 3 Words? Which is literally three words to describe how things have been since the last time I wrote. Then I write about what has happened since I last wrote, why it was important, and what happens next.
(And for any writers who are interested in this, I get into it via The Literary Consultancy's AMPLIFY program)
These questions are not the only way to do it and there are no right or wrongs.
EtoshaLeopard@reddit
Counsellors do not give advice, nor do psychotherapists for that matter. And there are often silences. Some find this disconcerting but it’s a way to allow you to drive the content and direction of the session and helps ensure the counsellor is being guided by you and not by their own agenda.
It’s ok to have doubts, share those with your counsellor if you feel comfortable.
What are your goals for counselling? What are you hoping to get from it? Can you explore this in a session?
Like so many things, counselling isn’t like it is portrayed on the TV. There are different modalities and approaches not all suit everyone.
Make sure your counsellor is fully registered with a professional body such as BACP or NCPS.
Doragan@reddit (OP)
Yeah, I discussed it with my last one. She didn't say much either way. Looking at the responses I don't think it's what I'm looking for 2bh. Thanks for taking the time to reply
sparkline1234567@reddit
A job where you can be paid to zone out and think about your investment portfolio while nodding and mmming? Sounds very therapeutic.
QuarrieMcQuarrie@reddit
Depends on the type of counselling. I had person centred therapy and to this day I can't tell you how it worked, only that it did. We didn't have topics to talk about, we'd start with something really innocuous and the conversation went from there. I'd suggest maybe finding a different counsellor.
Bubble-Master96@reddit
My therapist wasn’t like this. We had long talks backwards and forwards. Sometimes it’s not therapy but the therapist that’s not gelling. Maybe try a different therapist.
EUskeptik@reddit
It’s also called ‘talking therapy’.
The idea is to give you an opportunity to talk, to say how you feel.
The counsellor’s role is to facilitate that, to provide a non-threatening, non-judgemental environment in which you can express your feelings. The counsellor is there to listen, not to give advice.
I’ve had several courses of talking therapy over the years. Some have been helpful, others less so, but it’s an opportunity you need to make best use of by talking. The silences are there for you to fill with words.
Perhaps a different counsellor might help more in terms of getting you to open up?
Some people find AI useful. I believe you can talk to ChatGPT. It’s cheaper too.
I wish you luck as you progress through your journey.
-oo-
Obvious_Goat_764@reddit
Please don’t use ChatGPT as a therapist. It is duplicitous and inconsistent and won’t give you an unbiased understanding of whatever happened.
EUskeptik@reddit
Thank you. I edited the post to remove the reference. Please remove your comment.
-oo-
elgrn1@reddit
Not all therapists are as competent as each other. Not all forms of therapy are equal or as helpful as each other. Sometimes you don't click with one or both.
A friend had a situation where the first counsellor pushed for more sessions after the initial 6 which at the time she thought was helpful, having not done it before and feeling she hadn't understood her issues or resolved them. She was able to continue for a time and felt it there was some benefit but not to the point of complete resolution.
She has used the service again recently and this time the counsellor behaved as if the 6 sessions were all they had and really focused on getting the most from them and she found this far more effective and useful as she now realises there is a pattern of behaviour. She has some tools for deescalation or to temporarily break the pattern, and while she probably could do with getting to the root cause of that she's in a better place.
If you are able to influence the way any remaining sessions are handled I would being this up with the counsellor. If not, give honest feedback to the provider. And perhaps consider trying to see someone else (if you're able to).
Don't let this one negative experience colour your view of the helpfulness of therapy.
Obvious_Goat_764@reddit
Lots of counsellors use silence as a way for you to make sense of your own thoughts and come to your own conclusions. When I first had psychotherapy, this is what the therapist did and I panicked and just started telling her EVERYTHING.
They can’t really give you advice (who can? There is no one single standard to get over traumatic experiences) but they can mirror back to you to help you understand and make sense of what you went through.
I have never found 6 sessions to be enough. If you can afford more sessions, have more but go into the sessions understanding that the counsellor isn’t there to advise you, but rather help you untangle your own thoughts until you understand them.
peachypeach13610@reddit
You have an incapable counsellor. Many have patients that don’t talk to anyone about their intimate problems and therefore they just sit back and relax and think that’s where their role begins and ends. A good counsellor prompts you to go beyond the surface of your beliefs and isn’t afraid to call you out if needed. Someone who stares blankly and / or coddles you all the time is not doing their job.
thisemotrash@reddit
Counselling is like any other paid service, it may take a few different people before you find the right one. Every therapist/counsellor/psychiatrist will have different methods and techniques, you just have to find the right person for you.
girlsunderpressure@reddit
"counselling" is a catch all term that refers to a range of unregulated practices that could encompass listening, coaching, giving advice, offering spiritual guidance, providing emotional support, rizzing up, etc.
If you're actually looking for something therapeutic, with clear parameters, and a regulated profession, then you should seek out a clinical psychologist or registered psychotherapist.
Asleep-Software-4160@reddit
Tried it once. They just kept saying 'What I'm hearing is ....' and repeating what I'd just said. So technically they were correct but also unhelpful. Works for some, I couldn't get it.
searchinformyrizla@reddit
This is from the NHS webpage
During your counselling session, the counsellor will:
listen to you without judgement
try to see things from your point of view
encourage you to talk about your thoughts, feelings, and life experiences
help you to find your own solutions to problems
Counsellors do not usually give advice or tell you what to do.
I had counselling in my early 20’s, I managed about 4-5 sessions and blew it out as I didn’t really understand what the point of it was and it didn’t seem helpful in the slightest
But I guess it must be helpful to some people or it wouldn’t exist , I think maybe had I understood at the time what it was actually all about it may have served me better, not sure, this was over 25 years ago and I was referred by my GP on the NHS
Aggressive-Waltz1126@reddit
I think some counsellors use silence as a means to get you to say more. I wouldn't say a counsellor offers advice either, more like a place for you to sort through some shit and maybe offer better coping mechanisms.
Having the right counsellor helps immensely, don't be afraid to "shop around".
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