What everyday normal occurrence can't you stand?

Posted by Midnight-Messiah@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 68 comments

I have never been able to stand eating in front of other people.

I'm a family man so meal times are a daily nightmare for me. They have no idea.

The way I see it, we have to eat daily in order to function, and I put it under the same umbrella as having to brush your teeth, having to shower etc.

Why do we insist on gathering at the same time everyday and stare at each other across the table while we shove food down our pie holes while also having to listen to each other chew aswell?

I don't eat anything at work for this reason. eating with colleagues is even worse.

Don't get me started on Restaurants lol.

I might not want to eat when the rest of my family wants to. But everyday I have to make the effort. When I have the day to myself I eat when I'm hungry, not the allocated meal times. This sometimes means I'm not eating until 11pm or sometimes I just go the entire day without bothering at all, I don't even notice if I'm not hungry.

I feel like we've been tricked to over consume food on a daily basis rather than just listen to your stomach.

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Watchkeys@reddit

Nobody's tricking you. You don't have to eat except when and where you want to. If you feel pressured to, that's not being a family man. That's being a man whose family don't know or understand him.

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Slothjitzu@reddit

I mean, if Dad always wants to eat alone and can’t stand being around everyone during family meal time then that’s objectively not being a family man.

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Watchkeys@reddit

No it isn't. There is no 'objective' definition of what a family man is. He might like to eat alone but spend every other minute of the day fully dedicated to spending quality time with his family.

When you mean 'objective', do you mean your personal opinion?

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Slothjitzu@reddit

No, when I say objective I mean objective.

There might not be a definition but it’s pretty impossible to argue that avoiding spending time with your family is within anyone’s definition of “family man”. It’s the direct opposite.

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Watchkeys@reddit

It's not impossible at all, I just did it. Maybe it's just hard for you to listen.

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Slothjitzu@reddit

Fair enough, I should have said:

it’s pretty much impossible to convincingly argue that avoiding spending time with your family is within anyone’s definition of “family man”. It’s the direct opposite.

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Watchkeys@reddit

Ah, I see! Your point is that, in order to be described as a family man, a man must spend every single minute he has with his family, and share every single activity with them? And to spend 20 minutes alone a few times each day deems him not to be a family man?

Yes. Of course.

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Slothjitzu@reddit

No, that isn’t what I said, is it?

Family meal times are a pretty key family bonding time across virtually all cultures. Noping out of that is not something a family man would do.

Let me use a silly analogy to help you get my point. Imagine someone described themselves as a nice person, but then you saw them punch a baby in the head. Would you still accept their self-description as a nice person as accurate as long as they were nice the rest of the day?

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Watchkeys@reddit

K little buddy.

Aidenk77@reddit

Absolute peak Redditor.

NotoriousP_U_G@reddit

It is so peak Redditor that I think it is a wonderful up.

‘I hate colleagues and hate the idea of socialising, even with my own family’

Experiment328095@reddit

That’s not what they said. Do you not have a single quirk that others find irrational?

Sounds like op has misophonia - it’s not uncommon and can feel like chewing on tinfoil when around other people eating. Can you see yourself enjoying a family meal if that’s the level of discomfort you feel?

If all they said was about the sound, sure, but you are focussing on that, their whole comment indicates they don’t understand the idea of a social meal

If you understood the reality of living in constant discomfort due to everyday social activities you’d possibly be kinder.

OP may be autistic, or simply at the end of his tether because again, living with constant discomfort that you cannot physically show someone is extremely challenging.

-aLonelyImpulse@reddit

I think they understand it. They just don't like it.

JourneyThiefer@reddit

You don’t notice you’re hungry for a whole day 😳

I don't feel hunger and often forget to eat. I have to just eat at set times to ensure I don't accidentally go days without eating. I aldo have a not insignificant touch of the tism. It's a common issue.

I’m a bit ‘tismy, if I’ve had a busy day I can literally be going to bed and realise I’ve had zero food all day

Brilliant-Second5749@reddit

Common in neurospicy people. Also the hating on social conventions and abhors chewing

But also could just be a standard redditor

MrReadilyUnready@reddit

I can very easily do this if I'm busy. If I haven't got the time to think about it then the concept of being hungry just doesn't hit me till I'm done.

Well you’re still eating at a normal time, OP is just forgetting to eat for a whole 24 hours + ??

No_Cheek7162@reddit

alexithymia / poor interoception - autism symptom

LongjumpingMacaron11@reddit

We're social animals. Since time immemorial we have eaten together as a pack, as many other mammlmals who love in groups do. It's part of bonding, and is a natural thing.

Eating food is a biological necessity. Because of that, it also became a socially nice thing to do together. The pleasure in it helps drive the act, and helped the group ensure that everyone is fed.

It's unusual to completely not understand that.

However, you feel how you feel, and there no way I'd tell you that YOU should like it.

I feel the exact same way as OP and can only eat comfortably with others if we're all watching something online (not looking at one another and muffled chewing sounds). Turns out I'm autistic.

unclearthur68@reddit

Also we used to defaecate together.

GoAineGirlYe@reddit

Used to?

Mr_Bumcrest@reddit

Have you considered you're autistic?

Willing_Donut_5625@reddit

Washing my hair 😩

Uhura-hoop@reddit

A buzz cut would be so liberating, imagine? Just a quick soap up, rinse off, pat with towel, done.

lavender_cookie_@reddit

Yes! I love the look of me with long hair but I hate the upkeep.

D0wnb0at@reddit

I order 5 things from eBay and have 35 emails about it over 6 days.

VolcanicBear@reddit

I also have misophonia.

Fuck the noises people make just existing.

Dogs and children (within reason) get a pass though.

My daughter has always been a noisy eater and I’ve struggled so much 😖I don’t know where it comes from. She DOES have her mouth closed. There’s nothing else she can do it’s just so bloody loud. I love the bones of her but jeez, the mouth noises will just about finish me off

See I'm the other way around 🤣 constant noise I can't do so a dog constantly barking or a baby constantly crying / screaming children I put headphones on 🤣

WelshBen@reddit

Dogma

Ivy_Sinclaire@reddit

Putting petrol in my car. It's such a mundane task but I can't bear it. It's not the money. It's just so bloody tedious.

boudicas_shield@reddit

My mum is like this lol. She’ll jokingly tell you that the worst part of being a single mum for a few years (before she remarried) was having to put petrol in her car and her kids being too small to train to do it for her.

Ill_Tonight_2069@reddit

Surely they are both worse

imtheorangeycenter@reddit

(with home charger, otherwise it's the same but a bit worse)

WhiteBunny94@reddit

Yes, it’s all so simple, but the thought of parking up, getting out, opening the flap and putting the nozzle in then waiting, then paying. It’s all too much and I always leave it til the very last minute.

Apricot_Oasis@reddit

In a similar vein, it’s street food that does it for me. I can’t imagine wanting to eat, standing up, in a street, huddled round with other people. Tried it once, didn’t get it.

Ryuga-WagatekiWo@reddit

You can’t imagine it?

Honestly some Redditors are a different breed.

idontlikemondays321@reddit

I don’t like people moving about. It annoys me when people keep coming and going in front of me. Just sit down!

4oclockinthemorning@reddit

Getting up off my arse to go brush my teeth. Why are teeth such a chore. Just when I'm getting all sleepy and comfortable. Actually the whole body is demanding more and more maintenance, it's doing my head in. Why do you need so much lotion

RumJackson@reddit

I like to eat with my family because I like my family. Have you tried that approach?

nanomeister@reddit

I’m willing to try it. What time shall I come round?

Dad?

elbapo@reddit

I dont like cooking when there's anyone else around in the kitchen if that counts?

Too many years being a chef- normal people just dont understand the zone you get into and the 'dance' around others you instinctively do to get to everything, which is in the right place, because you left it there/prepped it there. Timings have to be just right - i end up bumping into my wife and she is like- wtf- and im like- you didn't move out of the way! I was clearly heading over to the sink!

Occasionally, I have lived with others who have worked in catering and it was a joy to cook with them. My wife isn't one of them

Wise-Pay-8993@reddit

I kind of agree, never understood the point of eating together. As its awkward to even talk as you have a mouthful of food and can't talk.

Do you like preparing food for other people? Among my friends and my family, it's a big part of expressing love. Not to get quasi religious but food is a gift.

Yeah i get that, and we do, do that. The entire eating together at a dinner table we never really done unless guests over and thats due to formality.

You’re supposed to talk in between bites, if you’re relentlessly shovelling food into your gob then obviously it’ll feel awkward to talk to people.

ctsmithers@reddit

Cutting my nails. Does my head in

ManIsready@reddit

Bad teammates on Apex or Rats on Arc Raiders

AromaticVacation3077@reddit

Kind of similar - I love restaurants and eating together round a table, but I really can't stand people eating in almost any other context, especially on public transport. The worst is hot food - you really going to sit and eat a hot pasty on the train? From Greggs? Great. Oh - even better - now you're peeling a banana. I guess you're going to leave the skin.... ah yes, there it is, lying on the table, you fkn humanzee. (Sorry - that spiralled).

NYCRealist@reddit

Truly a "first world problem".

Do you not actually talk to your family during family meal times? That’s basically the reason why we eat food together.

We’ve been tricked to over consume thanks to modern ultra high processed foods, yes. But that has nothing to do with social mealtimes.

Any_Preference_4147@reddit

Sounds like the 'tism to me

boringfantasy@reddit

It’s brutal

RevellRider@reddit

Maybe with a touch of ADHD too?

Proper-Throwaway-23@reddit

I get this. I am usually fine eating around other people if they are also eating too. Being the only person in the room eating though? Great, now I have to fixate on not making a single noise as I chew, not taking too big a bite so I can avoid looking like a hamster with massive, stupid cheeks or blanking my cutlery even slightly on the plate.

Bah.

Upstairs_Yogurt_5208@reddit

As a man my body needs 1600-1800 calories a day just to perform basic functions like breathing and keeping my heart beating, this is known as your Basol Metabolic Rate. Eating is not a choice, it is essential to my survival. You sound like you are dealing with misophophonia and you don’t have to live like that. Simple therapies like cognitive behavioural therapy is a great way to retrain your brain so that being around others who are eating is not a problem. Starving yourself all day just to avoid others eating is not a healthy lifestyle and you should really look into changing that.

PurchaseDry9350@reddit

You have an eating disorder

xxx654@reddit

You’re right it’s a massive conspiracy that you’re not in on.

Everyone that’s broken bread as a way of showing love, building teams, diplomacy, making friends since time immemorial was doing it because it’s a scam.

Or it might just be you.

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