I’m wondering how much of a “type” my dad is for our generation
Posted by No_Ratio1493@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 116 comments
I think he fancied himself a sort of big shot “80s business guy.” He squandered a ton of inherited family money on failed business ventures.
I didn’t realize it as a kid, but he was constantly gone on weekends “networking” (partying and having affairs).
He left my mom and she had to deal with the fallout of a jarring move and a rocky divorce raising 3 kids in their formative years.
He’s never acknowledged the toll this took. I’m nearly 10 years older than he was at the time of the divorce and can’t imagine treating my family that way.
We’re in touch a little bit, but it’s very surface level. He’s evasive if I try to dig a little deeper. It’s also like you’re never getting the full story with him. He only tells you what he wants you to hear to keep up appearances.
He now lives far away with a third wife. His grandkids barely know who he is, but of course he touts them all over Facebook. Whereas, the other grandparents are super-involved with the grandkids.
I think he’s oblivious to how much I resent him. I suppose I can say we have a good relationship, generally. He just kind of…sucks.
ThisIsMyFatLogicAlt@reddit
I think the Boomer generation was a particularly great time for people who were born assholes. I do not believe it made anyone an asshole, but it sure prevented the assholes of their generation from getting their comeuppance.
absentlyric@reddit
When were young, we see our parents as these invincible, infallible god like people.
It's not until we're older that you realize that they are just humans, flawed, they make mistakes, and they aren't perfect, even ideal parents.
I realized that with my dad, now, Im at the age where I see how weak and insecure of an old man he really is, I don't mean that in a bad way, just a cold observation. Don't get me wrong I love the guy, but looking back, he could've done a LOT better in the parenting department.
We talk maybe twice a year now, on birthdays mostly. He also moved far away and started a new life with a new life and a daughter. Im not a part of that life, and I don't care to be honestly.
And thats the thing, you have to let it go and move on, I refuse to let my dads flawed parenting get inside my head, I just vowed with my kids to never do the things he did. I actually thank him for teaching me what NOT to do with my own children. I will be a better dad.
All that said, I still love him, and when he dies, I'll be sad, because at the end of the day, he's the only man in my life (as a man myself) that probably gave a shit about me at some point.
ello_bassard@reddit
I mean even as a young kid I knew my very abusive alcoholic mum sucked. I just didn't have the words to articulate it at the time but when you grow up with someone like that there is always this constant sense of wrongness that hangs over you. Even if you've "normalised" it in your head because you don't really know any different.
Suspicious-Block-614@reddit
I didn’t realize how old fashioned my dad was until my mom died. Dude never did anything but make money their whole time together, and when she died he was borderline useless.
I’d go by the house and there was a layer of dust on everything, a pile of laundry, sink full of dishes, bills he forgot to pay, etc. He was a great dude and dad, but holy SHIT did I take a personal inventory of what I do / don’t do / can / can’t do in my own house after seeing that.
ello_bassard@reddit
Sounds like he was very depressed after losing her too.
Outrageous_Lettuce44@reddit
Details differ, but the narcissistic behaviors, unwillingness to acknowledge personal faults, and chosen obliviousness as to the lack of depth in our relationship or connection between him and my child & family all feel very familiar.
Hashtag not all boomers or whatever, but this abiding self-centeredness and utter lack of effort to self-improve is, to me, endemic to the generation (at least its men).
ello_bassard@reddit
It's not just the men. My mum was an extremely abusive alcoholic. I have 2 other friends that grew up with similarly narcissistic abusive mums as well.
Nitetigrezz@reddit
It was pretty different for my family. My dad was career Navy but still managed to be way more present for me than my ma. She wound up cheating on him when I was just a year or two old, and then again when I was 13-14 while gambling away all our money. I'm still dealing with trauma from abandonment and food issues thanks to her all these years later.
Fun-Preparation-4253@reddit
This definitely feels like a Gen X/Xennial stereotype, but like most of these stereotypes, they're not spot on.
DickBurns01@reddit
My father is awesome.
He worked multiple jobs, not because he needed to but because me and my brothers were spoiled with toys.
My mom cheated on him and he moved out. He remarried and has been happily married for longer with his new wife than he was with my mom.
He's involved in all our lives and the lives of the grandchildren. Retired but working just as much doing volunteer work.
My life will be so much worse when he's gone and I never want that day to come.
Opunaesala@reddit
My Dad's a good dude. A good Father to his 4 sons and a good husband. I'm lucky.
Blue_Eyed_Devi@reddit
I married a good dude because I wanted that for my own kids. Our twins are now 14 and have two dads that love and cherish them.
My father taught me how to be a good dad, by doing the exact opposite of whatever he did.
FoostersG@reddit
same. Mine is, and always has been, my role model.
FormidableMistress@reddit
Wait, you guys are getting good dads???
SerenityN00w@reddit
I had one. Past tense. He's gone now.
Redlady0227@reddit
This was my exact thoughts
Glittering_Rest_1607@reddit
Underrated comment. 👏 👏 👏
LumpyJump6091@reddit
Same. My dad has his shortcomings, but he genuinely tried his best and there was never any doubt he loved me.
moderntablelegs@reddit
+1. Both my parents did their best. They weren’t perfect but they showed up and did the work and honestly that made me 90% of who I am today.
Mysterious_Slice7913@reddit
I feel it, brother. My father used my mother's retirement account to help fund a failed business venture and hire his affair partner as a secretary. And my brother and I grew up without a father. He's since on his third wife, and somehow treats them all with reverence and ignores and resents his biological family. I cannot see why he'd do this to us.
No_Ratio1493@reddit (OP)
I can get pretty worked up about it now that I’m at an age where we really start pulling our parents’ cards. But it’s not worth it. If that’s who they are, we were better off without them. I’m just happy that I’m living a good life as a better father and husband than he ever was.
Blue_Eyed_Devi@reddit
Same, 80s dads just sucked. TBH it makes me love my mom even more. She has always showed up for us.
BoiledDenimForRoxie@reddit
I hear ya, at least my Dad was good with money but man he sucked at everything else. He fucked everything he could do naturally divorce happened in my early years. Now he's way more involved with his step children's lives than his own kids. It just seems easier to him I guess. I get a nice text from him once a month or so.
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
A lot of people are like that. They don't want to face the children who know the truth about them. They can't accept that if they're good to someone after harming them, that person will always have both memories. So they have more kids or get involved with step kids, to have the admiring audience they feel they deserve. My dad went so far as to put his DNA online to find new kids. People he created and never knew about, and now he gets to charm them.
Bubbly_Wave_4049@reddit
There is SO much truth in what you wrote. Very well said.
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
My therapist shared this poem with me. It's by Lucille Clifton https://www.streetsigns.co.il/signDetails.asp?s=4328&lng=1
BrightAd306@reddit
He’s not an “amazing” guy if he takes care of his bio family. He’s only an “amazing” hero if he’s nice to other people’s kids, classic narcissist symptom.
Mysterious_Slice7913@reddit
All the classic signs are there - an overt narcissist. My mother is unbearable to men, and a covert narc. I understand him in some ways, but the women he left her for were much worse.
WLH7M@reddit
No excuse, but if there's any justice hopefully or due to soul crushing guilt and shame.
Or he's a malignant narcissist and he's flipped his brain around to blame you guys for no good reason and getting closer to you will shatter that false narrative.
No_Ratio1493@reddit (OP)
Definitely the latter, maybe just a dash of the former.
Specific-Library-312@reddit
Sometimes I wonder if Hell is simply being forced to be aware of the awful shit we've done in life, with all of the knock-on effects, that we were simply too dense and arrogant to notice in life. On repeat, with no way to redeem or rectify.
Elevenyearstoomany@reddit
My dad was the best. He worked, sometimes had trips and sometimes had to work late, but he was also super involved in our lives, chaperoned field trips, coached teams, attended conferences and helped with homework, read stories, did all kinds of things with us. He also demonstrated true acceptance and a belief that everyone was equal and how to treat others. I miss him every day.
Exciting-Argument-67@reddit
You're very clear-eyed about it, though. Good for you. I bet you're a great dad.
kellyasksthings@reddit
My dad was a selfish, immature dick. He went to work, job done, he never did shit at home and expected to rule the roost and be catered to by my mum. He had a short fuse, made big life/financial decisions without consulting my mum (eg. buying a jeep in the 80s), cheated, left, never paid child support and couldn’t even buy cereal and milk or do a surface clean when he had us come stay for occasional weekends. He could never connect with us on any human level, though I think he wanted to, he just didn’t know how. I was 15 when I realised I was more mature than he was, he was an alcoholic, couldn’t hold down a job, and he always blamed other people for his own shortcomings. I hated him.
As an adult I’ve realised that he was likely undiagnosed autistic and god knows what else, in a culture that expected men to be a very specific thing, and had zero understanding of mental health issues. I have a lot more compassion for him now and I definitely understand burnout, depression and the tyranny of others expectations. And yet. What the fuck was all that immaturity about? Like I know he was emotionally neglected and people had low expectations for men, but at a certain point you’ve got to gain some understanding of human decency.
SubstantialBreak3063@reddit
My Dad thinks women shouldn't be able to vote, and are hormone driven automatons whose only role is to have a baby. And if you say you don't want a baby you're lying.
We are....not close.
_buffy_summers@reddit
My father told me, on my 43rd birthday, that I deserved it every time he beat me. This was six months after telling me that I should be grateful that he never shot me for getting on his nerves when I was a kid. If he wonders why I'm not speaking to him, he's a fucking idiot.
SubstanceNo1544@reddit
Thats actually better than the relationship I have with my father, he doesn't remember all the heinous shit that he did.
He disciplined with his fist. He beat every woman he dated in front of me when I was too small to do anything about it.
Like I said the hard part is he has memory loss and legitimately doesn't remember most of it.
He is busted up when we talk about it, its almost like he is hearing it for the first time.
xParesh@reddit
Wow. I’m estranged from my parents for similar but I realised I had to get out while could. I haven’t spoken to mine for 20 yrs after years of abuse until the final straw.
I did attempt to reach out to them as a forgive and forget a decade ago through a relative but they had a whole list of pre-conditions so I guess they hadn’t changed and I was right to cut them off all along
_buffy_summers@reddit
Sorry to hear that it didn't go well for you, though.
No_Ratio1493@reddit (OP)
Damn. Thankfully, it was never physical with me. Sorry you were treated that way. Fuck him.
SweetPrism@reddit
"Big Time"...
kevinh456@reddit
My dad was great. He died on sunday. Stayed with my mom for 55 years. RIP dad.
scraptown79@reddit
Man, dude, I don’t know. My dad was pretty cool. All I can do is suggest an album I guess.
If you’re still mad, I’d say Toadies “Possum Kingdom”
WhatTheCluck802@reddit
I’m grieving the loss of my dad. He is still alive but he is a MAGAt and I’ve cut contact with him. He still calls me every Sunday but I can’t bring myself to take his calls knowing what he supports. Brain rot Faux News got him. I am distraught about this.
cellrdoor2@reddit
My Dad is similar. Cheated on my Mom. Can’t talk about any emotion except anger. Already on his 4th wife. Doesn’t show much interest in my kids, my life, or the even the house we spent years restoring (this is something they did a ton when I was growing up) and has never visited. Always posts on social media as if he is such a loving father and grandparent. I’ve done a lot of work in therapy myself and would love to get some sort of closure but I also suspect he is too emotionally immature to ever go there because he shuts me down any time I try. So to keep myself from feeling guiltyI call him every two to three weeks and listen to his BS about diets he got off YouTube. I draw the line at participating at all in his angry ultra conservative political tirades though.
Defiant-Date-7806@reddit
My sperm donor about beat my mom to death multiple times, raped my sister who was only 7 (I was only one or two when this happened), then went to jail for 19 years. Then, he seduced his court appointed therapist, married her, and knocked her up. I've spoken to his wife once (never to him) and hee is apparently a happy, doting father. Then my mom killed herself and I was raised by her parents.
Bubbly_Wave_4049@reddit
The gasp I just let out while reading this....I am so sorry for all you have had to go through. Sending hugs to you. 🫂
Defiant-Date-7806@reddit
Thank you very much. Yeah, I had accepted my upbringing and at least learned to coexist with my trauma when I was in my late 20s. Then finding out in my 30s that he was Father of the Year while my sister and I suffered for decades and the pain/humiliation pushed our mom to suicide when I was in my teens, brought out a lot of anger.
crmd@reddit
Sounds like a stereotypical boomer dude. There’s a reason they were dubbed “the ME generation” before the term boomer was coined. Pathologically self-involved, almost zero sense of social responsibility, unlike the generations before and after them.
No-Fox-1400@reddit
Are you me? Mines almost the exact same way.
TacoPirateTX@reddit
r/unexpectedfuturama
snootchiebootchie94@reddit
My parents were ok, but in retrospect could have been better. My father was a functioning alcoholic that drank himself to death. He wouldn’t get a “real” job most of his life and worked as a used car salesman and had his own “buy here, pay here” kind of business. He used debt to keep it and us afloat that came to a head that I had to help my mom manage when he died. Everything was in her name. His life insurance money just paid off his debt. He did cheat on my mom and it was found out after his death. We are still dealing with the fallout of his decisions 15 years later as my mom still has next to nothing.
She makes poor decisions with her money and spends way too much. I am the asshole for calling her out on her decisions and explaining the outcome. I do ok and she had to move in with me. Constant complaints about her lifestyle now…she helps my brother and I and my wife are left to pickup the pieces. He is a good dude, but lazy.
I think the whole generation is just a little selfish.
Bubbly_Wave_4049@reddit
Wow, you are such a good son. I hope your mom one day realizes how very lucky she is to have you.
snootchiebootchie94@reddit
She has been pretty great too outside of money decisions. She made things fun for us and tried her best to make things feel special all the time and loved us a lot. We were never neglected or felt alone. She did the best she could. She currently has stage 4 breast cancer and moved to be closer to treatment and leave the house as she couldn’t manage it financially any longer.
booberry5647@reddit
Did he remember to cure his bone-itis?
R0botDreamz@reddit
He was a narcissist former drunk who was obsessed with "name and fame" and squandered all his money and is now in insurmountable debt.
ItsDarwinMan82@reddit
I can honestly say I lucked out. I had 2 awesome parents ( sadly both deceased) my father was hilarious, a baseball fanatic, ran a pub and was well liked by everyone and was very good us kids and my mother.
TheAskewOne@reddit
My father was a drunk pos who beat us and downright tried to kill me. We were poor because he could never keep a job because he fought with his bosses. He was a former Marine who served for all the wrong reasons and couldn’t manage his anger and violence.
I left when I was 15 and never looked back. Never saw my parents or talked to them again, and never missed them.
Church_of_Cheri@reddit
You should check out some of the “raised by narcissists” subreddits on here. A lot of us fall into those groups as much as the xennial one, I wonder what that says about our parents 🤔
Possible-Tangelo9344@reddit
Don't you worry about blank, let me worry about blank!
hanshotfirst2233@reddit
They are a very spoiled and entitled generation. Think about it, they grew up as children in the idyllic “American Dream” society. My parents had me at a very young age(23 dad & 19 mom) Many of them were raised in quiet safe suburbs. Our grandparents bought quality homes and very reasonable prices. Many of them were union types and got paid a fair wage for a fair days work.
It’s a huge generalization, but many of our parents were able to be hippies. They partied and did a lot of drugs without consequence. Then they became parents in a late 70s and 80s and continue to party and keep up their cocaine or methamphetamine habits, while still maintaining the illusion of being a decent family. I look back at my childhood growing up in the East Bay Area of California and all my friend’s parents were partying as well.
My Dad was very entitled. We finally came up and had some money when he got a big Silicon Valley job. It’s the same as your story though. He cheated and did his thing but completely denied it and refused to take responsibility for doing so. As if it never happened and then made my mom feel crazy for accusing him. He “loved me” in his own way. Also plastering my children all over social media to look like grandparent of the year. It’s sad to say, but I was relieved when he passed away🤷🏼♂️
External-Praline-451@reddit
I'm so grateful every day my parents had me when they were older, even though I hated it when I was young. Having kids late was rare in the late 70s/early 80s, and I always got so upset when people thought my Mum was my Grandma!
But they were silent generation in the UK, they were used to rationing, grief and community and hated fascism. They've taught me so much in terms of how people should be treated and not taking things for granted.
OneHumanBill@reddit
When I was born my parents were living in a single wide trailer. There was never any inheritance, grandparents and earlier were dirt poor back to forever. My dad had been abandoned by his parents and raised by his grandparents -- and they were, let's put it mildly, not very nice people. He had a lot of childhood trauma.
My dad built his life piece by piece after I was born. Put himself through school, got a career, did military reserves, moonlighted doing piece work in a garage or as a lineman when he was supposed to be on vacation to make us extra money. He learned how to be a salesman and started a little company doing it. When he died he left my mom in really good shape financially.
No matter how tired he was from all the work, all the business travel, he always made time for me. Quality time with him was always compressed, advice and fixing the plumbing, or stories while putting up a new ceiling fan, for instance. He made every minute count.
He taught me how to work hard, how to look for opportunities, and how to be a father. He was my hero and my best friend. He wasn't even my biological father but he was there for me from the day I was born until he got too sick and then it was my turn to be there for him. He had a gigantic turnout at his funeral. I miss him every day.
serpentarienne@reddit
My dad did some of the same things yours did and it ended up pretty much the same way. Except now that he’s old, he’s gone from not acknowledging it, to crying and talking about what a mistake he made almost every time we get together.
I think he thinks he’s apologizing, but he isn’t. It’s a monologue; he never asks about how his actions affected us growing up (a lot). He’s just sacrificing our time in the present to his regrets from the past.
iwj_in_co@reddit
... I think we might have the same father
Academic_Run8947@reddit
My dad and my father in law were both workaholics who loved their wives. Neither one of them were spectacular fathers though. Now that I'm in my 40s and I'm closing in on my 20th anniversary I realize what a privilege it is to come from parents who love each other and for my spouse to have the same.
malogan82@reddit
I never really thought about it until recently (thanks, therapy!), but my Dad was a pretty good man. I wish he was still here.
Mom, on the other hand...
Moxie_Stardust@reddit
Well, my parents were both military, but my dad was gone on TDY a lot (temporary duty, assignment at another base) where he met the women who would become his 2nd & 4th and 3rd wives (2 took him back after he reconnected with 3 and cheated with her and they got married and then she dumped him), I basically never saw him between the ages of 11 and 19 (stayed with him once for a couple weeks).
He lives in another country with wife 5, who is younger than me. Since he's queerphobic (and I'm queer) and I don't even particularly like him in the first place, I haven't talked to him in nineteen years. I don't really feel like I owe him anything.
VectorJones@reddit
Sounds like a textbook narcissist. I've had a few of them in my family. Unfortunately, they aren't limited to any specific generation. They are replete down through the ages.
JimmyJooish@reddit
If I were in contact with my dad I don’t think I could be in the same room with him without hurting him.
Epicardiectomist@reddit
Not the partying and being gone having affairs thing, but the emotional neglect and refusal to acknowledge any of the impact is par-for-the-course.
The amazing thing is how so many of them get to exist without any remorse or guilt or anything. They're secure in their ways, have no concerns about revisiting any of it, and get to just stonewall you when confronted.
It was hard, but I made peace with it. I don't need him, he doesn't need me, and outside of civil interactions on behalf of my mother, the next time we have any meaningful exchange is when I'm saying goodbye to him as I'm lowering his casket into the ground.
RamenRoy@reddit
My dad is a drug and gambling addict deadbeat piece of shit. Nearly ruined my mom's life with his gambling. He worked in a big 3 factory his whole life. Made good money and never gave my mom any help after they split. I stopped bothering with him a long time ago, but I ended up getting hired at the same place he works. He would crack jokes about me in front of his friends and I'd ignore him. He's always drunk at work. Then one day he sees me and loudly tells everybody within earshot that he "use to fuck my bitch mom." The rage inside me was so instant and intense it almost felt like an out of body experience. I've never felt that way before or since. I grabbed him by the throat and knocked a few of his rotten teeth out. I swear I could have killed him. I took a picture of him bloodied up on the ground before people pulled me away. I got walked out by management but felt no remorse. I ended up sending that picture to my mom lmao. I was fired on the spot, but the union ended up saving my ass and I got my job back a few weeks later. Now when I see him he tries to be buddy buddy and talk about football. Never calls though. Never apologized either. Also never got his teeth fixed. Fuckin loser. I have a step son now and I could never imagine making him feel unloved or abandoned like my dad made me feel growing up.
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
My father never had anything to squander so he combined his cheating and abandonment with felonies. We are superficially nice to each other, but I ain't putting nothing on his books and he cannot come stay with me when he's out.
justtapitin65@reddit
My Dad was quite the guy. Had everyone thinking he was the nicest guy. Meanwhile, he marries his first wife at 18, cheats on her with my Mom and then leaves her to live with my Mom. Cheated on my Mom, leaves us when I’m 4 and sister is 1. Hops from place to place (lived in 15 different places when I was a child) and had a new girlfriend every other weekend when we saw him. Gets married again (#3). Builds a house with her, then they divorce, he tells us she “didn’t like kids”. More girlfriends. More homes. Gets engaged and it gets called off because “she’s crazy and lied and said I pulled a knife on her”. Police involved. She steals his contact list and calls all our family and their friends to say my Dad is “a woman abuser” (these are his words that he told me at age 10). He denies it all. But he’s very controlling and has anger issues so I believe it. This pattern continues for years. And then he died a few years into yet another marriage. Oddly enough, I idolized him and didn’t see reality until I went to therapy as an adult.
tearlock@reddit
Why let him live with a false sense of adaquacy? He seems to not have learned anything. Lay into him publicly in his presence and share what his selfish decisions did to you. Give him a lasting memory where all his personal offenses to you and yours are laid bare.
rojoshow13@reddit
I met my dad when I was about 12 or 13. I asked my mom how come I didn't have a dad and she said, "You do. Do you want to meet him?" Then she called him and said, "Your son finally started asking questions". He was divorced when my mom and him started going out and he had 2 kids already. My mom got pregnant and he noped out real quick. She was just a rebound. Then he remarried and had at least one more kid. So I had 2 half sisters and a half brother who were part of his life for 12 years before I met him. And I had a few visits with him and his family and I never felt comfortable around them. And I asked my mom if I had to keep visiting him and she said I didn't have to if I didn't want to. That was 1992 or 93. He was really dumb too. I have no idea if he's still alive or not, or where he lives.
MikeLMP@reddit
Tolstoy wrote that "all happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way", but he never lost his whole family to dysentery crossing the Oregon Trail like we did so what does he know about suffering?
DBPanterA@reddit
May I ask his birth year?
My derelict father was 1948. I ask because there seems to be this subset of men who are currently between the ages of 75-85 that truly were emotionally stunted. Not sure if it was Howdy Doodie, too much James Bond, but they never, ever addressed their emotions, they did not learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness, and did not learn to move forward. Always living like it’s still 1958.
I cut off my father 20+ years ago. It’s put a strain on my relationship with my siblings, but they have continued to invest and try to maintain a relationship with him, but he’s too fucked up to give them what they want and what they actually need. So I am the Black Sheep with two kids of my own that he has not met and will not meet.
No_Ratio1493@reddit (OP)
I think 1951.
violetstrainj@reddit
I think that was definitely an archetype for boomer parents. My uncle was like that, but he was a pastor, so that made his divorce a huge shock to his congregation. The sad part was, he was using his mother’s failing health as a cover for his affair (claiming he was coming up here to take care of her, but only showing up for two minutes with his girlfriend, and then leaving). After my grandmother died, he no longer had an excuse, so he filed for divorce, left his church, broke up with the first girlfriend and shacked up with a new lady, and started selling real estate with her.
No_Ratio1493@reddit (OP)
Wow. That’s some shit. And yeah, it seems like that kind of behavior is much less accepted among our generation.
LackingUtility@reddit
... does your dad like to post late at night on Truth Social?
No_Ratio1493@reddit (OP)
Definitely possible but I wouldn’t know.
Leilani3317@reddit
If by "type" you mean immature man child who wanted to be a family man (likely to make up for his own shitty dad) but then resented it and dumped everything on his female partner... yeah I'd say that's pretty widespread.
RJRoyalRules@reddit
My dad was kind of a notorious scumbag before I was born, my mom was his third marriage and he’d basically abandoned his first wife and kids. He was a pretty good, upstanding father for me and my sibling so it was interesting later in life to square those two visions of my dad.
BookNerdUnicorn@reddit
Interesting. What changed him? Do you have any kind of relationship with your half-siblings?
RJRoyalRules@reddit
He was older when I was born (50) so he had mellowed out significantly and by then was likely actually ready to be a father. My mom was also a big influence on him, she got his finances in order and generally organized his life.
I've never had much of a relationship with my half-siblings, they're 10-20 years older than I am and were very resentful towards my dad and by extension my mom, my sister, and myself. I totally understood their issues with my dad but the way they treated the rest of us was pretty awful, particularly because my sister and I were just kids and they were adults. My mom was also not the other woman, she met him long after he'd divorced their mother but they were nasty to her too.
whither_wander_you@reddit
no complaints with my dad, he has a bit of a temper which he passed down to me, but I think that has more to do with neurodivergence than anything else. Fairly certain there is touch of the -tism and OCD, but you know theyre forgotten so...he is a retired LEO, so rules were rules (again that -tism gene) and i am still perpetually early to everything.
My FIL, RIP, the stories I get do NOT paint him in a good light. Only met the man once and I wasn't impressed, glad my husband cut those ties when he did and nixed the generational BS!!
Blackbird136@reddit
Other than my dad not being remarried, I could have written this post, other than that my dad’s issue was alcoholism. To the point he lost his wife/my mom/me, his $$$ job, and a few years later his license and car to DUI.
I would stay with him every other weekend from when I was age 3 to age 6. Much of the time he was too drunk to play with me or even feed me. I got sent home from school in first grade for being dropped off in only a short (no pants) because he couldn’t find them. And he drove me to school in that condition.
I didn’t really realize what was happening until I was about 6. I just thought he was sick (vomiting) a lot and not feeling well. He would also unplug the phone so my mom couldn’t call. Once I was old enough to explain myself, the visits stopped.
He stopped drinking (to my knowledge) in the late 90s. He has never acknowledged or apologized for this behavior. We have a scheduled phone call, every two weeks, and it’s surface level bullshit. I haven’t seen him since 2019. People try to make me feel guilty but I feel I’m owed an apology that I know will never come.
Tuckermfker@reddit
My dad was a real one. One of the most stand up dudes I've known in my 44 years on earth, so of course he died way too soon when I was 28.
Psychological-Cry221@reddit
My dad was the best guy I knew. The pain of loosing him has been immense. I’m sorry your dad was so selfish.
Primary-Strawberry-5@reddit
Mine was a meth addicted hillbilly from Tennessee whom my mom broke up with before I was born. He made no attempts at contact until I got in contact with a sister, some cousins, and an aunt when I was 31. We met when I took my own time and money to visit when I was 32. He was genuinely ashamed of everything, and we got to say all the things that a lot of people don’t get to say, but he wanted to hear it. He overdosed on H five months to the day after I first met him, in 2008. We buried him the day after Christmas and there’s still an empty space in my heart, because he had been trying. He really had.
FoppyRETURNS@reddit
My Dad was similar to that execpt he won custody in the 90s, which is no easy feat and says a lot about my mother. I love and speak to them both often. 🙃
drainbamage1011@reddit
My dad is a pretty decent guy. Worked the same job most of my childhood. No affairs, substance abuse problems, or crime. Kinda old-fashioned on gender roles and hands-off on parenting, but nothing out of the ordinary for the time. Boring, but stable and dependable.
dallyan@reddit
My dad could be emotionally immature and a bit of a pushover but he adored us kids and my mom. He was very loving and very funny. But my parents were immigrants and fall into the greatest Gen age bracket so a lot of different dynamics going on.
hatfarm@reddit
My dad was marvelous, but your dad sounds much like my father in law (though he was also verbally abusive). Sorry you have had to deal with that, but it sounds like you didn’t follow him down that road at least.
that_nerdface@reddit
Very similar to my dad.
feickus@reddit
My dad was an alcoholic, but he was a decent dad. He was a happy drunk. He had kind of a shitty adulthood too. Get's drafted in 68 goes to Vietnam, comes home works for Volkswagen America, he lost my great grandmother in 1984, she basically raised him. Next, Volkswagen closes, and after that my grandmother tells him his dad is dead, 9 years after it happened. Too add to it, my mom was depressed a lot, she didn't seek help until I was 12 or 13. So he had to take care of five kids essentially by himself, his narcissist mother was no help and then he lost his good paying factory job.
uncle_monty@reddit
I'm very different to my dad. We never had very much, if anything, in common, and didn't have the best relationship. I was always jealous of my friends that had shared interests with their dad. But he wasn't a bad dad. He was always there when I needed him, and tried his hardest to make sure I never went without, even though we didn't have much. As an adult, I realised that all the things I like most about myself were inherited directly from him. I wish I told him that when he was alive.
Ok-Kaleidoscope8945@reddit
I’m so sorry your dad sucked.
My dad worked long hours and traveled for a government job, but when he was around he was a great dad and was, and still is, completely in love with my mom. My own dad had a really shitty father, like you, and I think it made him want to be better.
BrightAd306@reddit
Sounds like a classic narcissist. Kids are a fuel to his delusions of grandeur, not actual people. If they are fueling his fantasies of being the best father and grandfather, they’re useless.
I have a great dad, who is still married to my mom. Sorry, OP
ButterscotchAware402@reddit
As far as I know my dad was always decent to my mom, a little old fashioned with his views of women but nothing egregious. They're still together after 50 years and I've never once heard or seen them argue more than getting annoyed with each other. However, he was Mr. Handsome Athlete/Ladies Man turned Mr. Big Shot Manager Man. He's arrogant and never wrong. I'm only learning now that age and cancer has turned his brain to mush how bad he was with money, all the scams he's fallen for and just how wrong he was while he was so busy being right. We've never really gotten along and I'm ready for my mom and I to not have to deal with him anymore.
InfidelZombie@reddit
Is his only regret that he has boneitis?
blue-marmot@reddit
That's my father in law.
He died broke.
We didn't even have a funeral for him.
VinylHighway@reddit
Sorry you have a bad dad :(
No_Ratio1493@reddit (OP)
Thanks. It’s ok. At least I learned what not to do as a dad.
VinylHighway@reddit
You’ll be better
CalgaryChris77@reddit
Are you asking how many people have a parent like that, or how many people are like that in our generation?
No_Ratio1493@reddit (OP)
How many have a parent like that.