ULPT Request Unwanted Poop

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sugarintheboots@reddit

Do one of those Amazon packages that explode with glitter except this time it’s dung.

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MjrGrangerDanger@reddit

I was raised by and lived with the best.... People with ASPD. It's the revenge training manual on steroids.

Now those fuckers get theirs.

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SunnyDiesel@reddit

Move the shit to your neighbor’s doorstep. Or place it on their window sill.

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MoshiDoshi0129@reddit (OP)

he has a ring doorbell so i will get caught 😭 unless you know how i can intercept it

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EatCrud@reddit

Wear an invisible suit so he can't see you.

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Repulsive_Brief6589@reddit

If a naked person put dog shit on my camera, I would never confront them about anything, that's for sure.

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MjrGrangerDanger@reddit

We're all built differently. I'd pull out the film and do it in a public place, very loudly.

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Frequent_Policy8575@reddit

Look straight at the camera and smile while you’re doing it.

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Wear a mask while smearing the shit onto the lens of the doorbell cam. If he asks you if it was you or why you did it, just say you don't know who it was but you imagine it might not have happened if there wasn't dog shit in someone's walking path

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harpejjist@reddit

Fling it from off camera

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Abystract-ism@reddit

Fling it with a shovel.

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slowasaspeedingsloth@reddit

Speak slowly directly into the Ring.

'I believe you dropped something sir!' and dump in on the porch.

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10mfe@reddit

you're worried about getting caught? who else would do that?

they deserve to manage their own dog shit. I'd smear it on the door.

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Guilty_Flan_96@reddit

[ Removed by Reddit ]

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fap-on-fap-off@reddit

Did the ring capture your side too? Let him "catch you" and then talk him to go ahead and review the footage of where you got it and who dropped it there

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AmaranthusSky@reddit

Sling shot

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Clevertown@reddit

So what? It's returning trash to its rightful owner.

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No-Inspector3523@reddit

Whats wrong with getting caught returning what is his

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Dreamin0904@reddit

gif

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Eatthebankers2@reddit

And this is how the dog poop wars started at our marina. Clean up after your pups people!

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NotAQuiltnB@reddit

Simply put it in a bad and right in front of the ring camera drop it on their door step and tell them they forgot something.

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JoseJimenez10386@reddit

I think you have to set the bag on fire, ring the doorbell, and then run away!

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fangoround@reddit

Yes! The intent is that they instinctively stomp out the fire. And now have dog poop all over their shoe/foot.

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Doodadsumpnrother@reddit

This is the traditional method.

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NotAQuiltnB@reddit

Now that is just funny!!

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Super-Travel-407@reddit

But don't leave it in the bag. It needs to be loose. Bag for transport only!

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HippyGeek@reddit

Spray canine repellent everywhere in the area. His doorstep. The stairs. Everywhere the dog may be expected to step. Maybe the diw will refuse to leave the house and will shit inside.

Just say you're using cleaner to counter the smell of the shit.

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MjrGrangerDanger@reddit

This stuff is pretty much cloves, it burned my very reactive face.

https://www.chewy.com/natures-miracle-just-cats-no-more/dp/646230

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Ziggysan@reddit

... is there poop that you DO want?

Motion-activated sprinklers or sound emitters can work well.

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Tronracer@reddit

You can pour bacon grease on the poop and the dog will eat it.

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CharlesBronsonsaurus@reddit

But then the dog poops, and the poop is covered in bacon grease, and the dog eats it again, only to turn it back into poop once more. That new poop is again coated in bacon grease, glistening and irresistible to the same dog, which eats it yet again, continuing the cycle as it passes through and emerges once more as bacon grease covered poop. Each time, the same sequence unfolds: poop becomes grease covered, gets eaten, becomes poop again, and is once again coated in bacon grease, over and over in a looping, self sustaining cycle where the dog endlessly consumes what it has already produced, each iteration indistinguishable from the last, as bacon grease meets poop, and poop meets bacon grease, and the dog eats it again still making a greasy mess on your side of the stairs.

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JoustingNaked@reddit

You should get one of those genetic testing kits ... It’s very possible that you’re related to Stephen King.

Respect.

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CharlesBronsonsaurus@reddit

Interesting observation as I have read many King books over the years. ;)

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fluentindothraki@reddit

There are sprays / powders that put dogs off. They are cheap and effective, I used them myself

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Bread3290@reddit

Put the poop on his doorstep and cover it with bacon grease, I would love to see the owner try to restrain his beast from eating that

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bluedelvian@reddit

Unless you want to disable the Ring cam or wear a mask like a burglar, just put a sign there that says "No dog shit allowed".

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Opposite-Shower1190@reddit

Put poop in the mailbox

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FlowerComfortable889@reddit

Ehhh, you don't want to get the postal inspectors involved... Just sidle up to their door, smear one on the ring camera (bonus points if you can stick it to the lens like a unicorn), then smear more into their welcome mat, write inspirational messages backward on their windows with it, toss some on the roof (more bonus points if you can make it into their chimney or any vents other than the sewer stack up there), land some in the gutters, piss disc the entire place to within an inch of its life, and make sure you can smear some on the inside of their car door handles, in their cabin air intake, in their tire treads, on their hitch, right under the driver's door so they step in it, and if they've got a keypad for a garage door, make sure to open it, stick a turd in there, and close it really hard... After you've made sure any cameras pointed there have dog shit covering the lenses (that includes any other nosy/overly helpful neighbors)

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Ok_Conversation9750@reddit

Put the poops in a box. Seal and address it to the offending neighbor with a note telling him that you will not only return his dog poop, but will inform the neighbors that he’s asking for poop donations along with his address.

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Tinmanwpk@reddit

Include a glitter b0mb

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Pleasant-Minute6066@reddit

a shitter bomb

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LezBfriendz47@reddit

Oooooh. Gonna borrow this idea. 🤌 Thanks mate

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RUFukd2@reddit

He doesn't care that uou see him take jis dog to shit onnyour side of the yard. Treat him the same.

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whyisitsofuckingcold@reddit

Fling it into his door.

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jarious@reddit

If you can get to a vent without being caught I'd try that

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NorahGretz@reddit

Program an Arduino to recognize dog testicles and outfit it with a Tazer.

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HyperactivePandah@reddit

RIP your inbox.

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Luckypenny4683@reddit

Pick it up with a shovel and whip it against the side of their house

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Lovedd1@reddit

Get one of those claw pooper scoopers and pick it up and place it on his side of the stairwell. Just returning it to it's rightful owner.

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someone4shore@reddit

Parcel it up in one of those bubble wrap bags, including ultra fine glitter and a piss disc for the aroma. Address it to the dog, care of 'neighbours name'.

Piss disc will melt and with glitter will make a lovely mess inside the bag. You will also assert your dominance. Leave a piss disc on neighbors side of the stairs so the dog will want to then piss and poo 💩 there instead.

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Hot-Initiative-4083@reddit

Smear it on his car door handle.

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morkler@reddit

The ol' flaming sack of shit on their doorstep.

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jpetercock@reddit

If you've got a spare room, decent wi-fi and a Mexican joint nearby, I know a guy with IBS that can help you out. Plus I've done worse things anyway. I mean he has.

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shoulda-known-better@reddit

Dog parks have those pails fulls of poop bags...... A good pair of rubber gloves and you can scatter that shit in their lawn....

Remember cameras are everywhere stay stealthy!!! And don't litter the plastic baggies!!

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Direct-Wolverine7846@reddit

Put it in a box, with a bow ab And smile on the ring camera when you leave it for them with a note, you forgot this.

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Twitch-x@reddit

Move shit to their side. Then take some dried ghost pepper flakes, out them through the blender to powder them. Sprinkle the powder on your side of the stairs. Doesn't work as well if it's a windy area.

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Quirky-Reputation-89@reddit

I've been tossing this idea around so I'm open to input, but what about a yard sign that says something like "we use fertilizer that may be toxic or fatal to dogs"

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Responsible_Dentist3@reddit

Then they would prefer the dog to continue pooping inside on the stairs rather than outside, so no

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GreasyButtSyrup@reddit

Throw it at his house or car

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Ravenwolven1@reddit

My ex's brother used to put the person's name and address on a sticky note attached to a skewer and flagged every turd with the person's information.

I picked up the poop, swiprd it under all their car door handles and left the bag neatly tied on the hood of their car. Step two was to mash it into the vents at the windshield. I never had to deal with step 2.

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RuggedHangnail@reddit

A large sign placed in the spot on your property where he lets his dog poop, showing a photo of him letting his dog poop there and writing his name with text saying "Hank, stop letting your dog poop on our property."

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Ghrrum@reddit

Rental situation? Get the owner involved.

You own the property? Go civil litigation and also make a police report.

You could also just grow a pair and talk to him, your choice on how you talk.

It can be a violent discussion or a productive one, don't forget you will still live next to him after you do anything, provided you're not arrested.

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JoinedReddit@reddit

Pepper of some kind.

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Bratchan@reddit

toss onto his roof.. all of it onto his roof.

Take a picture of him letting his dog do it. Making it a mask and then put poop onto the porch and make sure you point to your sweet doog poop picture mask as you leave it for the ring.

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Bigbennjammin@reddit

1) Collect all the dog poop in a 4 block area and then put it on his side of the staircase.

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cameNmypants@reddit

return the favor

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