Any married couple who live separately?

[-]

No-Door-3181@reddit

Sorry about your situation. On an unrelated note this would be my ideal marriage living arrangement.

[-]

Same, me and my boyfriend plan on getting married at some point and have both agreed we will never live with eachother, after experiencing all of the negatives of doing so in previous relationships. It's like we have the best of both worlds, we can just go out and do whatever without having to consider eachother and don't have petty arguments over the share of the housework and finances, but also get to see and spend quality time with eachother whenever we want.

[-]

spritzreddit@reddit

are you married? sorry for asking but what's the point of being married if you are not sharing where you live? I understand having separate bedrooms for whatever reason (snoring to name one) but it is hard for me to comprehend why a couple would get married and decide to live in different places

[-]

coupl4nd@reddit

I wouldn't marry I agree it's pointless (although inheritance it's handy if you get a lot older) but am in a 7 year relationship where we both own our own place and are about an hour away from each other in London and it's brilliant. It's like having two houses and you have all the benefits of your own space and all the benefits of a close relationship. You can see each other as much as you like.

[-]

No-Door-3181@reddit

Just from personal experience, I’ve had 2 long term relationships where we lived together (weren’t married) and it didn’t work out. I’ve come to the conclusion if we were neighbours or lived in the same city those relationships might’ve actually survived. Of course if you plan on raising a child together it would make sense to live together.

[-]

_Jay-Garage-A-Roo_@reddit

My neighbours do it and love it

[-]

No-Door-3181@reddit

Ideal!

[-]

ParisLondon56@reddit

I agree. Although I prefer less of a distance, maybe 30 mins travel.

[-]

Over-Language2599@reddit

Yes plenty of people do this intentionally.

[-]

OdBlow@reddit

Sort of? We lived together through uni but have been living apart for 5 years now. He’s in the military so keeps moving around. We’ve agreed my career is important too so I’m not getting dragged to the middle of nowhere everything 3-12 months.

Instead, we bought a house 4 years ago and that’s our main base in the city I work. He comes back for holidays or managed to get a decent posting last time that meant he could fly back once a month-ish.

My job had a temporary role an hour from where he was posted once so I took it but then two weeks after I moved me and the pets down, he got moved unexpectedly 3 hours away so we just saw each other on weekends!

Are you looking for advice? We’re happy and have been together 11 years now. Would obviously prefer to live together but there’s a plan/end in sight for us.

[-]

Frohus@reddit

getting married before living together is crazy. I know couples who'd never get married if they lived together first.

[-]

AnonymousTimewaster@reddit

I don't know any couple that would marry before living together. Doing this is genuinely insane.

[-]

whiskeydumplings@reddit

Yes, we lived separately for almost a year after getting married due to our housing situation.

[-]

Adorable_Orange_195@reddit

Congratulations on the marriage! Obviously we have very different views but below is my stance on living with a serious romantic partner or spouse.

I can honestly say I don’t want to live with any future romantic partners.

Having been in a co-dependent relationship that became toxic and made me lose myself. I’d rather keep my own place, & my partner have theirs and being intentional about carving out time to be together as a couple,whilst it also enables us to keep our own time for friends, socialising, hobbies etc.

Plus my creativity around the home/ decor isn’t stifled by having to compromise with their preference of style etc. how my space is decorated massively impacts my feelings of safety and security as well as my mood.

IMO living separately also lessens the likelihood of one partner ending up taking on the majority of the home and domestic roles of the other partner, if you each have your own home, which is in my opinion one of the death knells of a relationship.

Women (as it usually falls to them) don’t want an additional child they need to pick up after, they want a partner who can carry their own weight & eventually if they don’t it gets old, real fast. Especially when these days women are also having to work to also support the household income.

Obviously they broke up in the end but I think Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter’s idea of having 2 properties next door to each other with access between the two for the kids was genius.

[-]

coupl4nd@reddit

amen!

[-]

KingPenguinUK@reddit

Never heard Bristol market being described as Slow.

[-]

coupl4nd@reddit

Plot twist she is happy living alone.

[-]

SpaceCatSociety@reddit

Depends on the property. Starter homes sell fast but larger family homes and more expensive homes can take time because everyone is skint and in this economy you’re only selling if you have to

[-]

coupl4nd@reddit

Sounds like a dream to me. Enjoy it.

[-]

marti_23@reddit

Market in Bristol is crazy atm - if is slow for your wife she's asking for too much. I saw myself houses being sold in 3 days (sold - offer accepted) as FTB.

[-]

SpaceCatSociety@reddit

Yes because you were looking at ftb properties. If it’s a bit more spenny it can take a while. Everything below £400k seems to sell in minutes

[-]

marti_23@reddit

What do you mean I was looking at FTB "properties"? I am FTB, but not looking for a "starter home". I am buying a 4 bed semi.

[-]

SpaceCatSociety@reddit

I mean that more expensive homes in Bristol are staying on the market a longer time. Regardless of what you’re looking at.

[-]

marti_23@reddit

Yeah but if the price is fair, you can't say market in Bristol is slow. It takes longer that a small/chepar property, but market is definitely not slow.

[-]

SpaceCatSociety@reddit

I disagree. Many desirable properties might take a few months to sell because they are more expensive. Of course you can price them suspiciously low and they will sell quicker, but it would be a little bit insane to do that as we are talking about amounts of money that for most people selling their homes is not trivial, and is worth waiting for a few months. This just reflects that there are fewer people buying those properties.

We are just going to have to disagree. I get your point and I disagree with it

[-]

marti_23@reddit

Im talking reasonable for the area. If you have are asking £440k and similar house next to it is for £400k it won't sell. That was my original point. And yes, fewer people could be buying these properties (logical), but market being stron means there are people willing to oay the price.

[-]

SpaceCatSociety@reddit

Fair enough. There is actual data on this though and it clearly shows it is taking longer to sell in Bristol now than past few years.

[-]

Adventurous-Idea1473@reddit

my parents have done for 10+ years

[-]

Funky_monkey2026@reddit

My parents are technically married. Not lived in the same house for 20 years.

[-]

Routine-Pair-7829@reddit

We do a 50:50 week due to work, so my partner lives with me and my son for 3-4 nights a week, then is back at their place the other 3-4 nights when they need to be in work. It works so well - just enough time to miss each other, and enough time for introversion and personal space. Highly recommend.

[-]

CoffeeIgnoramus@reddit

That sounds tough. Sorry you're dealing with that.

Can I ask (out of interest, not judgement), why it's only now that you planned on moving in together? Most people tend to have already moved in together/moved jobs to be closer before marriage. Your situation seems quite unusual.

Either way, I hope you find a solution.

IF I were in your situation:

I would ask myself how important timings are for this move.
Whether selling her place is the right decision right now (whether that means staying apart or in my opinion, consider you moving her way).
If it's a no-go to stay in Bristol, then to consider whether she needs to sell right now if you're not getting the price you want.
If you do need (whether factual or emotionally) to move now, then consider a lower selling price. Sadly, the market may be slow, but the speed is purely based on both the buyer and the seller seeing eye to eye on price. You can only control one side, the seller's side.

[-]

No-Door-3181@reddit

Can depend on cultural background. Many folks from an Arabic or South Asian background don’t live together until after they are married. Not sure that’s OPs case, but just saying it’s not as unusual as you think.

[-]

CoffeeIgnoramus@reddit

That is a great point. I realise I totally omitted that. I suppose my question is around the prep maybe? It seems odd that it's only just now that this is coming up? But maybe they've been trying to sell for a year... That could also be it.

[-]

DaveBeBad@reddit

I’d look at the season ticket cost from Bristol to London vs the cost of rent in London - and probably make the move.

[-]

_Jay-Garage-A-Roo_@reddit

My husband and I lived apart for several months while I lived in Czechia and he in the UK. It wasn’t ideal but we got into a rhythm.

My advice is to embrace the chance to be romantic— send flowers, get food delivered to them as a surprise, (I once sent Friday afternoon beers to him) exchange handwritten letters etc.

We also used to leave things in the flats for each other to find, like ice cream in the freezer or a video download on the TV and would play online games together and share watch shows and films.

[-]

YuccaYucca@reddit

The market isn’t slow, the price is too high.

[-]

domsp79@reddit

My friend married someone from Japan. They lived in England for a while, had a child. She wanted to go back to Japan and start a business, he wasn't keen, and their kid who by that time was a teenager couldn't speak Japanese.

So she went, they stayed. Still married and see each other a couple of times a year. It's odd to me but works for them so 🤷🏻‍♂️

[-]

smb3something@reddit

I was in a somewhat similar situation for about 3 years till I got a visa to move to the UK. NY - London long distance is tough. You gotta want it enough and follow through with plans and make use of tech to keep in touch when you can't visit as much.

[-]