At what point does "you don't look that old" become an insult?

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cirkoolio@reddit

My students are SHOCKED to find out I’m 42. SHOCKED I TELL YOU! I’ll take it as a compliment to my grave

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FatReverend@reddit

I don't see it be coming in insult as you get older but rather the other way around.

Everyone in this sub will understand from having grown up in a world of rampant tobacco and heavier alcohol use that getting carded (at least for me) felt kind of insulting in early adulthood. In retrospect of course, I shouldn't have felt insulted because eventually I would want to feel and look younger again, at least in body.

Now at the age of 44, if somebody says I don't look that old. Well, I don't even know how to take that as anything other than a compliment and I imagine that the older one gets the more of a compliment it is when people think you look younger.

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max_power1000@reddit

At 42, same. I can't hide my age that much due to hair loss, but I'm a once-a-week drinker, never smoked, I've moisturized daily since my mid-20s, and I use sunscreen. t's proof that what I'm doing is working.

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firesmarter@reddit

I’m 43, smoke a pack a day and eat fast food regularly. I’m in the best shape of my life and get told I look like I’m in my 30s all the time. Sure, some of what you’re doing helps, but it’s primarily genetics

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NighthawkCP@reddit

And probably attitude, demeanor, and stress levels as well. I'm the same age as y'all and middle of the road on how I take care of myself. I've never smoked, drink once or twice a week, and don't exercise much, but I'm also a positive and outgoing person who tries to lead a relatively stress free life as much as one can these days. I've had multiple people recently guess my age and assume I'm in my mid 30's even though I turn 45 this year.

To your genetics point though I also don't feel like my parents look like they are in their 70's and that they've aged better than some of their friends who are the the same age.

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Sensitive_Pianist777@reddit

44 is the age humans rapidly age. Report back at 45.5 and see if this holds.

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Far-Command8573@reddit

I get this a lot too as a baby-faced 40-something, and I think, honestly, that the young are just sold a different definition of aging as opposed to what it really is, and the young are led to believe it’s kind of a bad time. It’s not, as we know, and they see us chillin and are like wait…you’re how old? They’ve been telling me that’s ancient and it’s not.

Another theory I have, not peer reviewed, but I think that something in all the MadDog and Boon’s Farm is preserving us.

I try not to take it as a thing. I just am that age now and I’m happy I made it. 100% success rate of living so far 👍🏻

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Sensitive_Pianist777@reddit

That whole your aging accelerates at 44 is true. 60 is the other age which I read on the aging sub seems to be true too.

I'd say wait until 45 and see how you look and feel before feeling "insulted". I got a "I thought you were mid 30s" from a fellow 79er (and same race too).

https://www.popularmechanics.com/science/health/a61890164/humans-rapidly-aging-at-44-and-60-years-old/

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DiaDeLosMuebles@reddit

When you start getting too sensitive

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Accurate-Positive402@reddit

bro lowkey it just means you got good vibes fr

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maxquordleplee3n@reddit

fr bro no cap

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Exciting-Argument-67@reddit

Good answer. We're all getting old. Such is life. We all know people who didn't make it this far, so embrace it. What's the alternative—letting comments like that make you unhappy? They're not going to stop—no one is about to cancel "you don't look that old"—so it's up to the individual to let it roll off their back. And when the comments do stop, you'll miss them.

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amberlicious35@reddit

Never! I have a close friend who is 28. We met when she was 24 and I was 40. She thought I was in my early 30s for over a year. I made a comment about being over 40 and it blew her mind. She said, “I didn’t think you were that old, I thought you were like 32?!”

It’s now a running joke whenever I complain about something hurting, “you’re only 32, suck it up!” Best little cheerleader ever honestly.

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Funandgeeky@reddit

I’m approaching 50 but get told I look much younger. Absolutely taking that as a compliment.

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star_b_nettor@reddit

It doesn't stop being a compliment, unless you choose to take it another way.

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Professional_Hall233@reddit

I get a lot of weird looks when it comes to age. I attribute it to our sense of humor and because I still have a full head of hair and it’s not gray. I try to take care of myself, exercising pretty regularly and trying to not eat like shit. I do have a 21 year old child though, and that seems to confuse people since I was 24 when he was born lol.

But ultimately I take it graciously as a compliment and to me, it means I’m holding it all together still lol. My motivation is simply for my wife to still want to take my clothes off 🤷‍♂️

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lost_horizons@reddit

I’ve always looked young, I was a late bloomer and from my teens on up to now at 43 I always get that phrase, that they thought I would look younger than I am. Irritated me a lot more when I was a kid, when you’re 18 and look like you’re 15 it’s not great. Nowadays, with some gray in my beard and temples, people still say it and I do kind of appreciate it more.

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FigNewton555@reddit

It was way worse when I was in my twenties getting card for dumb shit like being in the mall on a Wednesday morning.

People can tell me I don’t look as old as I am all day at this point.

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the_real_mac-t@reddit

I'm 46 and I get that a lot - people often think I'm like 10 years younger than I am. I think it only becomes an insult if you hate getting older, and I've decided I don't. I like where I am in my life, I like where I've been (good and bad, because it led me to this point), and I like where I'm going. So getting older feels to me more like progress rather than decay. And if people think I still seem a little more youthful, well, I'll take it. Besides, I still feel 25 inside 😂

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TestDZnutz@reddit

It doesn't, just we're old enough that 20 somethings have a hard time guessing placing it. I got offered a senior discount at the grocery store. All relative, I'd have a hard time spotting 55 versus 65.

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dallyan@reddit

Please. I’m 46. I’ll take it.

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Diligent-Resist8271@reddit

I think it fits in the same category of, "you carry your weight well." I've heard that my whole life. I don't care that people know my weight or age, it's whatever to me. But I was having a conversation with a coworker several years ago. While chatting, I mentioned how people tell me I carry my weight well, she said it was so rude to say something like that to someone. I said, I have found it an odd saying but try not to think one way or the other about it. Later in the conversation I mentioned adjusting my diet to help get to a healthier weight and told her I weighed 170 lbs. She exclaimed, "no way! You don't look like it...you carry your weight well." She said that last part in a small voice, realizing what she did. We both laughed because it is an odd saying.

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LeatherRecord2142@reddit

Never! Accept EVERY compliment with glee and gratitude! Even the weird or slightly backhanded ones. Life is too short to be anything but positive to yourself.

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realitythreek@reddit

This is a nice way to think about it.

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clumsystarfish_@reddit

I'm going to say something different than many of the posts, and say that it becomes an insult when it starts negatively affecting how colleagues and/or managers interact with you at work. It can be dismissive and infantalizing, depending on the context -- the assumption that you're young and therefore don't have decades of valuable experience is something I continue to run into, even pushing 50.

Most of the time looking younger than you are is a benefit, but the times where it's not are a valid concern. It's not always a compliment.

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JeffBeckwasthebest@reddit

I don't take that as an insult, I still look younger than I am. I hear that all the time.☺️

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realitythreek@reddit

I've been told this my whole life too. As I've gotten older I've also stopped giving a shit what other people think.

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_NoleFan6@reddit

I’ll be 43 in the fall and I get told I look late 20s anytime I mention my real age. The thing is, I don’t act like I’m in my late 20s, so it’s more of a compliment to me when someone looks beyond the youthful appearance and assumes I was born in 79 or 80.

Yes aging slowly is a good thing, however a lot of the time that gets associated with “lack of experience/maturity” or “naivety.” My body doesn’t look 43, but I feel late 40s mentally and I’m sure it’s visible how I carry myself.

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hyjnx@reddit (OP)

I think this is where my brain is starting to question the compliments with the "lack of experience/maturity". Like I dont want to LOOK my age at all, I know I dont act like it, but I am wondering if its doing me a disservice.

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_NoleFan6@reddit

Sounds like we’re on a similar page. Usually when I’m at a job is when it feels like a disservice. I obviously know wtf I’m doing, but naturally a lot of people judge on looks and it’s like you have to “prove to them” your experience. Doesn’t bother me though, I love seeing their puzzled faces when my age is brought up lol.

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hyjnx@reddit (OP)

I never tell them. I let them guess. And they are usually atleast 5 to 10y off

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_NoleFan6@reddit

Does their demeanor change once they find out you’re a decade older than they assumed?

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sgrams04@reddit

It’s not and never will be. Take the compliment and don’t over analyze it.

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Remote_Force1839@reddit

It’s not an insult. Take it as a compliment.

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Allureme@reddit

When you take it as an insult

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MitchellSFold@reddit

I'm 48, and I would say that today I very much look my age. I have greying hair, not great skin, and bags under my eyes.

Up until my late 30s, however, plenty of people would tell me that I didn't look my age. But since then though I have had kids, become a home owner, had financial struggles, and I won't deny it has all taken its toll.

The thing about being told I didn't look my age was that it was generally from people way younger than me, like your colleague in their 20s. They don't really grasp what someone twenty years older than them is "supposed" to look like. Should we look like George Clooney, or Julian Beck, at this stage in life?

What tends to happen now is, often when I collect my 10 year-old from school, a classmate of hers will look at me, turn to her parents and say something like, "Will her grandpa let her come to the park?" The parents are horrified and apologise and correct their child, but I just find it really amusing. I do look old compared to so many other parents at the school gates. You know why? Because I am old in comparison, usually 10 years or more.

But one thing that has come with hurtling towards 50 is a sense that there's nothing I can do about it. I am very comfortable with being "old" now (even though I'm not really that old quite yet), and even if I'm not there's nothing I can do about other people's strange perceptions about what someone my age should look like or act like.

I don't know. It's a mix of things, I guess. How sensitive we choose to be about our age, and how others handle it. How we view our peers and where we fit in there. How we handle our own misconceptions and prejudices around certain age groups (I energetically avoid using terms such as boomer or millennial etc, as they seem to be far too general and imbued with prejudice. They really do not help).

Unlike things such as diet or what clothes to put on each day, there is nothing anyone can do about getting older, so I think it's best to just embrace who we are, our personal histories, and to enjoy the life we have left as we hurtle unstoppably towards the gaping, indifferent, lightless chasm of death that awaits each and every single one of us.

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hyjnx@reddit (OP)

Its funny you would mentionthe part about "Will her grandpa let her come to the park", my dad as far back as I can remember has always had silver hair. He was 40 when I was born and apparently started greying shortly after, i wonder why. My mom had always had salt and pepper. I remember when I was like 10 or 11, at my pool and someone asked "why do you always come here with your grandparents?" That has stuck with me ever since. I thought it was hilarious.

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FoppyRETURNS@reddit

When I am told I look young, compliment 👍
When I am called young man in my 40s like I haven't seen shit for 20 years 🤷‍♂️

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Last_Pick_2169@reddit

It doesn’t

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Tiny-Reading5982@reddit

Never?

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AotKT@reddit

It's anything from a true "oh wow, I couldn't tell" to an attempt to say you're attractive. When it's the former, I just grin and say "maybe mentally I'm that young!" When it's the latter I just say "Thank you, I look like a 4x year old with good genetics, skin care, and happiness!" as a gentle way to remind people that women (which I am one) can be attractive at any age.

FWIW, the other night I met some random guy in a trail shelter. We were talking about age discrimination in careers and the rise of AI eating jobs, so it was relevant that I mentioned he must have been what, about 35? He laughed so hard and was all "I'm almost 60. If I took off my beanie you'd see a head of white hair". Some people just have baby faces.

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-kindness-@reddit

You look younger than your age. That’s a total compliment. I get this too. One colleague told me I probably have an anti-aging chamber. I’m 46, and people think I’m in my 30s.

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roonilwonwonweasly@reddit

It's a compliment and always will be. I love being told I look like I'm in my early 30s and a couple of times mid-late 20s.

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Grand-Fun-206@reddit

47 here and a colleague in her 60's told me the other day that she thought I was one of the younger ones in the team. I'm actually one of the older ones. I just find it funny, but I've had students tell me that I don't dress or act like how they think an adult should.

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bio4m@reddit

Me ? I always take it as a compliment. Still dont feel any older than 25 in my mind... not sure thats a good thing 😄

Also I dont really care as much what others think anymore. Things that would annoy me when I was younger just dont have any impact on me anymore. I used to let small things trigger me which would put me in a bad mood and wreck my day. Now I just let them go, lifes too short

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Deep-Interest9947@reddit

It’s not an insult.

If anything it was an insult when I was in my early 30s and people thought I was college aged, but now I’m thrilled for people to think I look/act younger.