52 Male, moving back in with Mom.
Posted by ultimate94champ@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 181 comments
Im 52, male , I am single and am a Registered Nurse. My Dad passed away 2 years ago, Mom is 83 and lives alone. She lives on the first floor and doesnt go upstairs due to bad hips. I am moving back in with her, she has 5 empty bedrooms , I currently live 5 miles away and rent. I dont enjoy paying rent to live alone, knowing she is also alone in a big empty house just down the road, it seems like a waste of money when I can stay there, provide security and company. I have no children and recently ended a 3 year relationship.
I hope this situation works out, I know her time is limited, and I want to be around her while I still have her. We live in a coastal town where home prices have doubled and tripled since 2000, I lost my house in 2011, lost everything pretty much. New construction homes here are about $450,000, I am never going to be able to buy a home here. I need to pay off some credit card debt, pay off my truck and try to start saving for the future, my best hope is to save and enjoy this new period of life, getting laid isnt that important and my partying days are over. Just wanted to vent.
Majestic-Sleep-8895@reddit
Sounds awesome. Most cultures all cohabitate anyway and take care of the elderly. Seems like Americans are the only culture that looks at it as weird living with parents.
DramaticErraticism@reddit
Everything is a product, including human beings! If not useful, either dispose or abandon.
LikeIsaidItsNothing@reddit
Don't be surprised if doing this brings someone into your life who thinks you're AMAZING for doing this.
Do it, enjoy your ,mom, make sure all things are in order legally and for anyone who doesn't get it- it's none of their business and they can f-ck off.
jnp2346@reddit
I moved in with my parents last year after my stepmom broke her pelvis. That’s when we found out how much help my dad needed due to his Parkinson’s.
I spent 7 months cooking, cleaning and taking them to their various doctor, hair etc appointments. Thought it would be 2-3 months.
Had to put dad in assisted living in November of last year. Stepmom followed him in February. Now I spend every other week in their town that’s 200 miles away from where I live helping them out.
The problem is my contract work that allows me to do this is ending soon. If I get a real job in my hometown, I won’t be able to come up to their town for a week at a time.
If I move to their town, I’ll leave all my friends and support system. Trying to decide what to do.
dry_towelette99@reddit
As someone who has been there, and sacrificed a great deal for others, please do what is best for you!
this_kitty68@reddit
As someone who did the same thing, sort of, I say why not? I’m sure she’ll feel better having you there and you won’t spend as much time worrying about her. It will take some adjustments, for both of you, but it just makes sense in certain situations.
Grigori_the_Lemur@reddit
We've gotten better at saying "Hey, this wasn't the Plan, but we're going with it and it is gonna be OK."
You'll do fine and good on you.
WelshRarebit2025@reddit
There are two older women in my neighbourhood who had their adult sons around your age move back in. They both complained that they were expected to cook and clean for their sons. Also they didn’t like the clutter of extra stuff. Of course I don’t think they said anything.
I think it sounds like a good plan for you. But just be mindful of the cooking and cleaning and extra stuff.
kentuckywildcats1986@reddit
Sounds like a great solution for both of you.
I'm 57. My dad died young at 54 way back in 1989.
My mom is currently in memory care.
Much better for you to let go of the rental and move in to be roomies with your mom. I would expect she would be delighted.
Get the most out of that precious time you can.
DuMondie@reddit
There is no shame in this. Multiple generations used to live near or more often with each other for this very reason. Enjoy the relief each of you brings to the other, and let your lives expand from it.
oogie913@reddit
Good Move. Best to U and Mom 🦋
Substantial_Layer_79@reddit
I have zero regrets of taking care of my dad during his final years. He'd often thank me for the company and for him not having to be alone. It was a lot of work but I'd do it again. Good luck
newpthankstho@reddit
This is a great thing to do, for both of you. I hope it goes well.
pwatershed@reddit
Thank you for doing this
Caliopebookworm@reddit
Good for you for moving in with her. I'm sure you'll both value the time together.
1plus1equalsfun@reddit
Wow... I'm in a similar situation in some respects. Same age, though it was my mother who died three years ago (on my birthday lol) and now father is alone. He's had some health challenges for the first time recently, and broached the subject of my wife and I moving in with him in a few years. My wife is more than fine with this, as she had already brought up the subject with me before he mentioned it.
He has a very large home, so space/privacy wouldn't be a problem, and he's looking at having an elevator installed so he can get upstairs/downstairs without any problems. My wife and I are financially stable, so the arrangement is really about being there for him, and we're both close with him as well.
oatmeal-jones@reddit
You might look into stairlift vs the elevator. We have an elderly relative who moved in with us and who chose a bedroom downstairs. The stairlift wasn’t cheap, but didn’t break the bank either. There are also available features that make it easier to transfer from a wheel to/from the lift if that’s a consideration.
Afraid_Till_1990@reddit
I have been thinking about throwing out the idea to my dad about me moving in with him. I'm 49 he is 79. I have a three bedroom house that I live in with my cat, I don't need all this space. He has a large house on a few acres that it is becoming taxing for him to care for. I just think it makes sense, what do you people think?
Pure-Sherbert996@reddit
I’m 48. Lost my dad at 74. Considering your situation I would do it. Life is short. If you are able to rent out your 3 bedroom for some cash then why not. Seems like a win.
apeserveapes@reddit
That's the key life is short. Enjoy the time together. And keep and rent the other house!
jacamomo@reddit
100% yes. Those extra 2 bedroom in your home will feel even emptier after he passes and you realize you chose to live with empty rooms rather than move in with your father.
StandardRaspberry509@reddit
I think that if the two of you can peacefully and happily live together with healthy boundaries you should absolutely do it. It would be better for both of you.
Empty houses suck. I know as I live alone with the exception of my dog. If I had an older relative that was living alone and was amicable I’d find a home we both could love and go for it.
anon6244@reddit
I’m 49 and moved in with my parents three years ago to recover from an abusive relationship. They have an “apartment” in their basement, and I pay about a third of what I’d be paying to rent an apartment while having access to a really nice house. I have recovered from the relationship but living here is actually ok (aside from basement living), my son has spent three years with his grandparents, we live in a town that I could otherwise never afford, I’ve become close with my mom, etc. I have talked about moving out next year but in reality, I’m not sure. The only thing that gives me significant pause is that, like, I live in my parents basement. I don’t talk about it, and I don’t date. I feel like I might want to at some point but I don’t want to expose myself to judgement - I did what I had to, and it worked out in so many ways, but still.
darktideDay1@reddit
Multi generational housing is common in other countries and becoming more so here. Don't let that stop you from getting out there, when you're ready. And if you do get judged, don't give a fuck. They are the losers! And the ones losing out on you.
jestingvixen@reddit
It is okay to tell people who don't understand your life choices and don't have compassion for having strong family ties and cohabitating with your elders to fuck right off. Date. Or not! Whatever! I've been there. The judgement can hurt, sure, but those aren't your people and reminding yourself of that, that you don't have time for anyone who can't see how awesome your living situation is, can just keep on walkin', can help enormously. It's not as weird or unusual as corporate America would have you believe. You have a good relationship with your family and a good flat! That's all GOOD, to be admired and applauded!
No_Hippo2380@reddit
My boyfriend does the same thing. His mother is 95 and is widowed. He has no other siblings. This lets him keep an eye on her and he takes care of maintenance, yard upkeep, etc. It's worked out well because she fell and broke her hip a few years ago and he was there immediately.
Fluffymanolo@reddit
You don't mention siblings. If you were any only child, you don't have to concern yourself with inheritance and siblings.
If you do have siblings, it's best to discuss their expectations as to what will happen with the house upon the death of your mother. Do this ASAP so that you can prepare yourself for the after. Also, keep track of any significant expenses for repairs.
Superlucky_4@reddit
I did the same thing in 2019 before my mother passed away. My dad is almost 90 and still very active. I pay the taxes and insurance and help with upkeep. The house I had about 20min away from my dad I gave to my son after graduating college last year. At the end of the day I don’t feel bad about living with him. All his needs are met plus we get to hang out more. It’s something I wish I would have done sooner when my mother was still alive.
talepa77@reddit
Do it.
Head_Trick_9932@reddit
It’s probably a good choice to move in with mom. I’m 49 and can’t imagine not having any retirement saved if that’s what you mean by save for your future? It’s best to move in, take care of mom and really start yesterday. Open a Roth and max it every year. I’m assuming no 401K either? Either way, start yesterday saving so you can breathe later and everything will work out.
Hopfrogg@reddit
A Registered Nurse saying "I will never be able to afford a home" should not be a thing. What the hell happened.
MidwestAbe@reddit
Was thinking the same thing
apeserveapes@reddit
you should move in. It's a good move all around. enjoy your peace.
OneFortyEighthScale@reddit
Agree-good move. Help mom, save money.
CrabbyOldster78@reddit
I’m 55F, single. Lost my mom in 2019 and my dad in 2022. If I could do things differently I would have spent more time with both of them. Enjoy the time you have with your mom. 💕
engelb15@reddit
My brother did this several years ago. Difference was he's pretty much unemployable (He's now 56, an unhinged narcist and very lazy... but I digress). I will say, I'm grateful that he was there. In the last 8 years both step-father who was very much a father figure to us and our mother developed dementia and passed. He was there to take care of them both during the entire process. He received the house after. Advice I have to give, even if she has a will naming her assets to you, get your name on the titles, deeds, bank accounts, etc.... In my state at least, if your name is on them, they don't go to probate. Again, maybe it varies by state.... I'd contact an attorney to be sure. You'll be shocked at the people that come out of the woodwork trying to get a piece.
CitizenChatt@reddit
Be with her. Mine just passed, and I would have liked more QT with her.
It's when they're in great physical pain it becomes harder.
It's your mom!
Substantial_Way296@reddit
God bless you
Justamom1225@reddit
You don't mention siblings, but I am guessing you have some given there are five bedrooms in the house. That being said, I hope your siblings did not give you any flack for moving in with your mom because I think it is a wonderful thing for the both of you. I do believe that you, and everyone else in your family, should make sure your mother's affairs are in order and everyone is on the same page should something happen to your mother. May she continue to live a long life!
thai_sticky@reddit
Yep. Siblings can be a wild card down the road. Just keep that in the back of your mind OP.
Killertigger@reddit
This seems like a good decision on many levels, both financially and personally. Enjoy what time you have left with your mom. I’ve lost both parents,and I’ve regretted a million times not sending more time with both of them. Best of luck!
w1r2g3@reddit
Doesn't seem like a vent, more like a brag.
Dazzling_Ad9343@reddit
I dont get that at all. It seemed more like the guy felt humbled. Its hard to reach that age and realize you have nothing to show for all the years you've worked. Life is expensive, and coupled with breakups and bad choices, humbling indeed.
ROBOT_KK@reddit
True that, but (US) society taught us that living with your mom is cringe, at least what ladies would say.
w1r2g3@reddit
To each their own. I'm glass half full kind of a guy. The way I see it he gets to spend more time with his aging mother, help her out, and cut down on expenses.
vinegar@reddit
I saw “more like a brag” as criticizing OP, but I think that was incorrect.
CodenameZoya@reddit
As soon as you said truck…..
No_Role_9747@reddit
I’m 51, I’ll be doing the same too in the near future. I have no children, no money but no debt.
I was made redundant in 2018 and the stress over the last few years has taken its toll on both my physical and mental health.
I’ve finally learned not to worry about things now as it doesn’t help.
I probably got 20 years left, and in a way I’m glad. Life has always been hard for me with constant disappointments throughout.
I’m glad I’m not a youngster anymore as I think they will have it harder than myself.
It’s a shame really as it doesn’t need to be like this, but here we are.
Ssgt_Winstead@reddit
I'm 53 and lost my dad in 2011 and my mom in 2012. She was suffering from stomach cancer to which she never told anyone, just lived with it until she died with it. Obviously the pain and suffering of that can make a devoted christian lady say things she doesn't mean and act completely different from herself. For that whole year I just thought she was still grieving my dad. The last conversation she and I had was heated and I said things in response to her lashing out. I was upset and hurt at how she was treating me when my older brother and sister weren't doing anything to help her. I still had my own family, a business to run and a mountain of responsibility yet I still drove an hour away each direction twice a week to see to her needs and her cats because she didn't drive and didn't trust other people. I had no idea what she was going through and the sickness was making it impossible for her to get out meanwhile I just thought it was in her head and grief. If I could take back the the things I said to her that day I surely would but I have to live with it. That was the last time I saw her because she died on her couch two weeks later. I cannot stress it enough DON'T waste time that you can have with your mother. Cherish it and make her remaining years joyful and full of love and happiness. You have no reason to feel any other way than blessed for having this opportunity to be with her. Even though it probably doesn't feel like it you are still young and life will give you your chance again. Don't ignore signs though because at our age we tend to feel like we know it all when there is still so much to learn. Best of luck my friend to you and your mom.
biggcb@reddit
Sounds like a smart move.
buckynugget@reddit
There's probably a good legal reason to do this but I'm not a lawyer. I just know it has something to do with estate stuff and all that. Also yeah, I wish I could live with my folks, both have health issues and won't be around forever. It's tough to want to share it all here. Yeah.
OverActivity1246@reddit
I gave up my house and moved in with my parents when my mom got the dementia too bad for my dad to handle alone. Stated with him for five years after she died. Then my brother took over. He recently passed. No rag rats…😉
GoAskVCAndrews@reddit
I think this sounds like an ideal situation for you both, especially if you have a good relationship. Living separate separately from your family is such a modern concept.
tahoechick36@reddit
Are you worried you sound like a defeated loser for moving back in with mom at 52yo? Well you aren’t a loser and it’s both a loving move and financially smart move to make - for both of you.
Many people want to stay in their homes as they age. Figuring out a practical solution to make that happen isn’t always possible - in this case it’s clearly an overall win/win. You have to at least test it out. You can always move out if it isn’t a sustainable situation.
It’s not an obligation to become her sole primary care giver if you don’t want to be, but it will position you to easily supervise things as her needs might change and other support people may need to get involved.
Be thankful there is space enough in that house for both of you, and be thankful for the opportunity to forge a new bond with your mom as she enters her twilight years - it’s not time you can get back once it’s gone.
MyAuraIsDumpsterFire@reddit
Talk to an estate attorney. The easier ways of house inheritance can be exorbitantly expensive and heart breaking. Enjoy your time with mom. I did the same for my dad and I'm so glad I did. He was able to stay in his home, something he wanted more than anything.
Inevitable-Notice351@reddit
I did the same thing. I got 5 years with my mom before she passed. Best decision I ever made.
Ok-Cup6020@reddit
I moved back home a couple of years ago, my mom is legally blind. Hang in there!
godless_communism@reddit
Test fart. Sorry.
Spiritual_Crow409@reddit
This is the way. Enjoy your time with her
Affectionate-Map2583@reddit
This really sounds like an ideal situation for both of you. The only caution I'd have is if you have any siblings - you might want to work through the details of what it means for your future inheritance with them if you do. It's probably best to get things settled in advance.
Vioralarama@reddit
This is so true. I know someone took care of her mother in a big house but when she passed her brother and his wife moved in; bad enough they promised half when she did all the work but she signed stuff without reading and that was the end of her getting any money for the house AND she had to find a new place to live.
Family can be cutthroat.
AgonizingGasPains@reddit
Nothing to vent about, this is becoming more common. People forget that in the USA, most homes were multi-generational until the population started moving to cities during the industrial revolution.
My parents, myself and my siblings lived in a small dwelling on my grandparent's farm until my father finished building the house I grew up in. My adult nieces and nephews, early 30's still live at home. My mid-50's year-old cousin just moved back in with my aging aunt, same reasons as yours. Three couples, all friends of my son (early 30's) bought a 5,500 sq.ft. home together, and share it. Legally, it is arranged like fractional aircraft ownership.
Times are a-changing.....
Redditheaded2025_03@reddit
I think it sounds like a win/win!
midlife_dadpulse73@reddit
Good on ya for moving back in with Mom to take care of her! Enjoy the time, its all we get.
mtutty@reddit
We spent 2020-2023 caring for my MIL in home, rotating time with my wife's siblings. It was hard and not very enjoyable, but i don't regret the time we spent doing it.
DomitorGrey@reddit
We, as Americans, have lost sight of how important inter-generational bonds are. We were taught to that you leave the nest at 18 and never look back, but your mom needs you. Other countries have always embraced this sort of arrangement. Be proud that you can return the care and love your mom gave you at the start, and that your mom is safe.
no_car1799@reddit
Why Is that the norm ? Very curious why that is.
DomitorGrey@reddit
✌🏽The American Dream✌🏽 is to be independent & own your own property. We're not taught to look back at the generations before us; only forward. We're too young a country to realize the folly of short-sighted focus.
no_car1799@reddit
Makes sense.
Prize_Cold256@reddit
Enjoy the time you have with her. It's a gift.
6glough@reddit
sounds like a no brainer, i’m sure your mom will love having you there. I currently have 3 kids living with wife and myself, once they’re gone ill probably move my mom and 2 aunts in as well. Not sure why american culture dictates that we all live apart.
Fee_is_Required2@reddit
Enjoy your time with her 🥰
BeaPositiveToo@reddit
Wow! I hope this works well. How great for your mom to be able to age in place with a nurse in the house! How great for you to spend time with your mom while rebuilding your financial life!
Good luck!
Befuddled_GenXer@reddit
Enjoy your time with her while you can. I (50M) moved back in with my Mom 4 years ago when her husband died. Then she died 2 years later. Time goes by pretty fast.
phoenix_rising_76@reddit
It sounds like an excellent solution. You can use one of the spare rooms as a hobby room for some personal space. Work on getting debt free and start saving like crazy for retirement. All while being there for your mother.
AffectionateSun5776@reddit
Nice of you to help her.
ComprehensiveDay818@reddit
Time is worth its weight in gold. Enjoy all the moments with your mom and the rest works itself out.
United_Concept1654@reddit
If my dad wasn’t a hoarder I would consider this as well.
carey-hello@reddit
I moved in with my mom a few years ago. I was worried about her living alone. It’s been tough at times for both of us, but overall so rewarding. Financially it’s been a huge win for us both. I think multigenerational living is gonna have to come back, and I think in a lot of ways that will be really good for us as a culture.
Euphoric_Network_813@reddit
I would have totally done this type of thing if my mom had lived longer. It's totally appropriate and the humane, moral thing to do.
hottie-von-coolie@reddit
Sounds like a win-win situation. Most other cultures are brought up caring for their elderly relatives. I will never understand why the US makes it an issue.
LynnBarr123@reddit
This sounds like a situation where everyone will benefit! My brother is 52 and my mom is 82. Her house is small and older but there is no way she could safely live alone there. My brother and my son (37) both had separate bad relationships and bad rental experiences so they ended up moving back in with Mom/Grandma. It works for all of them. They all have someone looking out for them if they are sick, they all share expenses and costs of repairs, and the boys take care of the yard work. I have a house of my own so I have insisted that Mom leave her house to my brother and son, I want nothing to do with it and they have been putting their $$ into it for years.
Equal_Trash6023@reddit
Good for you. I kind of feel like I will be doing this when my daughter graduates next year.
Calm_Distance8618@reddit
She's a little miracle ✨️ 💕 Bless you both 🙏
Nearby_Impact_8911@reddit
I think this is a great idea and I bet your mom will love the company!
midnightdsob@reddit
Been there, done that. There are moments where you'll feel like a complete loser but in the end it's the right decision.
TXquilter1@reddit
She will feel much safer and more secure having you around. I think it’s the best move all around for the both of you.
jbs23235@reddit
My brother did something similar. It was beneficial for both he and my mom. He was able to take care of the yard and house and she loved cooking for him. We siblings were happy someone else was in the house in case anything happened. Eventually mom died and brother remained in the house.
SuccessfulTough5618@reddit
same as my family!
SuccessfulTough5618@reddit
My brother did this, it’s the right thing to do for 100 reasons.
spider3407@reddit
You will be glad for the time with her and how much money you will save will help you with you're retirement.
QueenBKC@reddit
My favorite aunt, 78, moved in with us a year ago. Honestly, I have gotten so much out of the deal! My cats have trained her to let them on the deck on demand. She insists on cleaning up the kitchen, keeping the porch swept, being home for deliveries, etc. I take take care of the shopping and driving. It's a win-win for everyone.
Responsible_Jump_669@reddit
I lost a patient a few weeks ago, I’m a psych provider, they were in their late forties and had moved back in with their 80-something mom after their dad died. The mom was diagnosed with cancer last year and he literally nursed her through it to remission. They developed a wonderful friendship over the time he lived with her. He died in a horrific incident after she was declared cancer-free. The time they had together before that was transformative for both of them. I really feel for her. I encourage you to do this, based on what my patient was able to build with his mom, a mature, symbiotic, loving relationship that got them both through some awful years.
DocMcCracken@reddit
Spend what time you can. I am sure she'll appreciate it. No harm in taking care of your own. If any one gives you crap about it just laugh it off.
Accomplished_Pop2808@reddit
I think that's a great plan. It sounds like there's plenty of room for you and I'm sure she'll be glad to have you there.
Boxwinoisback@reddit
Honestly, your mom is probably so relieved to have you there, especially since you’re an RN! You are providing so much comfort and safety to her, and bonus, you can catch up on bills while you do that. We have an old, weird cultural assumption that someone who moves back in with their family is taking a step backward, but I think that’s changing. Elder care is expensive, and it’s so hard to age in place. I just see this as a win/win. And anyone you meet who is a potential partner should get that and support your decision!
maximopasmo@reddit
It’s great to move back with mom. I’d be worried every night if she’s doing fine. “Still living with parents” or “living in your parents basement” are jokes that can die out now.
rosiesmam@reddit
I’m 67, a retired nurse and my mom is 90 and lives alone about 5 hours drive away. If you can swing it, live with your mom! I spend way too much time driving to help her! Not to mention gas! She’s always up to something that causes trouble! I have her on a waiting list for a 55+ complex near me but it’s two years long!!! I met my partner of 9 years while he was living with his mom and doing God’s work caring for her with dementia. If you want to date, any worthwhile person would appreciate your situation. I love my partner for how he cared for his mother and honored her wishes to die in her own home.
Good luck to both of you!
Mjhjane77@reddit
It’s a good idea to move back with your mom. Most likely, she needs help maintaining the house such as cleaning and yard work. She may have also neglected other repairs on the home. All this stuff gets very difficult as she ages. Now, you can help her while focusing on paying off debt. Keeping your mom in her home will both increase her happiness and save her money.
Alternative_Roll_925@reddit
Sounds like you’re doing something that will be good for both of you. I wish I could have done that for my parents. Best wishes and I hope you have lots of quality time with her in the future.
Left_Guess@reddit
Mid 50’s here. It sounds like a great situation. Enjoy your time with your mom.
MoaningLisaSimpson@reddit
This woman, age 56 doesn't judge you. I envy you. I was planning on moving in with, or at minimum near, my folks after my son graduates from college. (Later this year) But Dad has Parkinson's and broke first one hip then the other in 15 months. Mentally still intact but very devastated by all the losses. Cries easy. The biggest t loss is my mom.
Mom is healthy, mobile and I'm losing more of her every day to the neurofibrilly tangles of demntia. I never thought I'd put my mom into care, but one of the last times I stayed with her she started to iron the plastic plastic bags. She can't be left alone, even with dad at home. She's a fire risk. A wander risk. Refuses her pills. Makes "flavour experiments" with for example coffee, cream, cranberry juice and Worchestershire sauce. At least it's all edible things. She's always been crafty; we started to worry about her eating oil pastels and drinking gesso or paint thinner.
They went into care last year. they are in the same building but different areas for different needs. It takes me about 4-6 hours to get to them (there is a ferry crossing involved) and they can only really tolerate about 2 periods of 45 minute visits in a day.
I miss them so much. But the two years my brother and I spent tag team caregiving for them almost broke me. I'm single and my son has his studies, and wasn't able to help much. My brother and I were a team, my sister in law was right in with us but at the end of the day I was doing this on my own income, and was alone at the end of every evening, sleeping on the couch incase mom wandered.
Spend time with and near your mother while you can.
beaubeaucat@reddit
I am in a similar similar situation -- 54F and living with my dad. Six years ago I decided I needed a change. I was burned out at my job, and I lived 3 hours away from my parents. I found a new job in the area, and my parents offered to lwt me move in with them so I ould take my time looking for a place of my own.
That was in the middle of covid, and housing prices in my area wdnt crazy. There was no reason for me to pay overpriced rent someplace when I could stay with them. I paid rent to help with household expenses and helped out around the house.
My mom died unexpectedly 4 years ago. My dad has significant mobility issues and would have a hard time living alone. I still pay part of the household expenses and I now do all the laundry and cooking. He is unable to drive, so I share transportation duties with my sister, who lives 15 minutes away.
I still work full-time and have a 30-60 minute commute. There are times when I resent having given up my independence. But I also know I am were I need to be. Enjoy your time with your mom. You'll be glad you made that decision.
Suspicious_Story_464@reddit
Honestly, I had to do this exact thing with my dad after my mom passed. He was her caregiver, and now that he is disabled, I had to step in to help him. Still have to help my daughter and her kids out quite a bit as well. But for now, it works. Am a nurse, too, and it seems like my life is on hold to take care of everyone else. Par for the course.
let_it_grow23@reddit
You’re doing a really good thing. These last years with your mom are precious.
Goatcheeze1@reddit
Nothing wrong with that. We moved my wife’s 76-year-old father from Florida to Pennsylvania and has been living with us for the past 12 months. He has early dementia and couldn’t live alone. We own a four bedroom house and had to install a chair stair so he can get to the second floor and converted the bathtub to a handicap accessible shower.
Our daughter is an RN and moved out last year with her boyfriend. Our son, 27, has a Masters in History and works part time at two museums, but he can’t afford his own rent, so he still lives here, too. We let him have two of the bedrooms. He pays for much of his own things (car, insurance, cell phone, etc) but we don’t charge him rent because he is a huge help with his grandfather allowing my wife and I to go away on camping trips. He is not interested in meeting to build a relationship (wish he would) but I think it’s a fair trade off (for now).
Medusa_7898@reddit
It’s a great option for you right now. I’m sure your mother is thrilled to have someone else in the house and you will never regret having this time with her.
limited_instincts@reddit
That makes all the sense in the world.
Peace-wolf@reddit
Congratulations. Enjoy the time you have with your mom. You are lucky to be able to do it.
Swimming_Ad_8856@reddit
Good on you. Not easy taking care of an older parent even if they don’t require much today.
Now is also the time to get her affairs in line. Make sure all the estate legal things are moved to your name.
acanis73@reddit
Wish i had my mom to live with
Vegetable_Ferret8984@reddit
Please wear a n95 at work so you dont give your mom covid, flu, rsv etc. i know its hard for nurses to acknowledge they need to be wearing a mask at work, but thats the new normal.
Lolly_mops@reddit
Great choice
RevenueOriginal9777@reddit
Sounds like a plan. I think the difference is you’re not living off of her and playing video games all day. Enjoy your time with her
Luvtrouble@reddit
My husband passed away 4 years ago, my Mom and Dad are both 80 years old and lived a mile away from me. Their house was entirely too big and too much upkeep, so 2 years ago I had them move in with me. It’s been the best decision ever and their house just sold.
Western-Corner-431@reddit
I grew up with my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. My grandfather made three apartments in his house for the kids and relatives. He would always say that if anyone in this family has a problem, come to his house and he will help you. It’s not weird and we need to get back to supporting each other. The problems come when individuals take advantage, don’t pull their weight, or antagonize each other. If individuals decide to work together for the common good of everyone in the family and not accept the bad behavior of others the multi generational homestead can work.
PilotKnob@reddit
Sounds like the perfect solution for both of you. Best of luck.
Maud_Dweeb18@reddit
My parents are a similar age they aren't going to live forever. I'm sorry things have been difficult for you. Enjoy your mom and aggressively save. Just a word of advice if you aren't set to inherit the house or other things do not put money into the house.
pleasedtoseedetrees@reddit
This is what I'm hoping to do at some point in the coming years. I could sell my house and then use some of the money to improve my parents house and then have a bit of money in my savings account.
Live_Past_8978@reddit
I was lucky enough to be able to move in with my mom when I was 40 and she was struggling... it was a new relationship. All the drama of mom and child was gone. We got to be friends. We got to talk about everything. We got to resolve everything.
She died 6 years ago and I miss her every day. But man it would hurt so much more if I didn't have that year with her.
Do what feels right in your heart. Her time is coming to an end. But you have right now.
Scary_Film2478@reddit
Yep-moms ain’t gonna be here forever, spend that time with her!
Pay down the debt and pile loot into retirement. As much tax deferred as you can I think, but also talk to a fiduciary and work that plan!
Jaybonaut@reddit
There is nothing wrong with this at all, and in fact I expect it to become more normal as time goes on due to the current economy.
rogun64@reddit
Same here, but I also don't think it should have ever been abnormal.
Jaybonaut@reddit
Meant as commonality, not abnormal lol
Hu5k3r@reddit
No brainer. Screw the haters
5isfab@reddit
I miss my mom. It will be hard but I don’t think you will regret it. If others judge you, ignore them. You have one life, and you are making very wise decisions. You won’t have your mom forever. I love that you are also being financially smart about your future.
MostExcellentFluke@reddit
Do you have siblings?
ultimate94champ@reddit (OP)
I do, some are close by, I think we should all move in together.
MostExcellentFluke@reddit
I asked about siblings because I’ve noticed sometimes things can get complicated later when an adult child is living with parents, especially around inheritance or after a parent passes. I hope that won’t be the case for you and your family.
the_real_MBAPROF@reddit
This happened to me. My Dad was injured in an industrial accident in 1974. I had just turned 18 and took a job working midnights. I was his arms and legs and driver to doctor appointments. Dropped out of day college to provide this care while my siblings went on with life. We also lived 30 miles from them. I ended up getting married at 27. Moved 30 miles away. Still running back and forth caring for them both.
New wife resented my taking care of them. Btw my mom did not drive. By 1986 he was suffering from dementia and mom was his full time caregiver while I again dropped a lot of my activities with wife number 1. We divorced in 1988. He finally passed in 1991. I would not change a thing. I moved my mom in with me after he passed and even though she was in relatively in good health I again looked after her. This went on for 10 years until she went in for triple bypass and caught sepsis in the hospital while recovering and went into a coma. Since I was her health care advocate she was taken off life support and passed - 2001. Then came all of the fuss over her will and other things my siblings gave me a hard time over.
I met a wonderful woman at work in 1989 and had a long term relationship until we married after mom passed.
I have been blessed a thousand times for what I did. It all worked out.
yanknga@reddit
Sounds like the most sensible plan. Sounds like it’s a win for both you and your mother.
LaVida2@reddit
This is what I will prob do as well. Fortunately, my mom is still very active. However, if anything were to happen, she’ll get a roommate (me). I’m sure she wouldn’t mind that at all.
darkest_irish_lass@reddit
Such a huge opportunity to support your mom and avoiding renting and all that goes with it. I would jump at this chance.
jon-marston@reddit
I think you’re wonderful & it’s a good idea, I bet your mom is thrilled.
newwriter365@reddit
I’m hopeful for both of you that this works out. No shame in it. I let my kids live with me to save money for their own home purchases, but I didn’t need them in any way for support.
The more we can support one another, the less money flowing to unscrupulous landlords and banks. It’s ok to give unchecked capitalism the middle finger.
jacamomo@reddit
Absolutely nothing shameful about moving back in with your elderly mother. I and my mother's ages are comparable to you and yours. I moved back in a few years ago after my father passed. So grateful I could because otherwise I could see how alone and lonely she would have been just stuck ar home never going anywhere. We do and have gone many places and are making wonderful memories. It was difficult at first to learn to live with someone again. I had lived alone for almost 30 years, so at first adjusting to shared space was frustrating. But, that has taught me to have better patience. My mom does not need assistance but I have recently noticed small cognitive changes. I will never regret moving in with her.
ComprehensiveCup7104@reddit
This came too late to help me, but perhaps it will you:
The Complete Eldercare Planner, Revised and Updated 4th Edition: Where to Start, Which Questions to Ask, and How to Find Help ‘Aging in place has a shelf life’: What this eldercare expert wants you to know (msn.com)
Also, I'd like to suggest you find your mom a financial advisor to provide professional advice and take the burden off of you. Believe me from my own experience, learning how to manage their affairs after one of them dies is an awful way to grieve.
Mountain_Exchange768@reddit
Nothing wrong with this - enjoy the time with your mom - if you have a good relationship you are unlucky to regret it.
My mom is dying and lives with me. I’m glad she’s here. We both afford a slightly better life because of it and, well, she’s dying and I get to spend more time with her.
MerDes70@reddit
I'm going to assume you're American. This is a win win situation. Families are supposed to be there for each other. Parents should help children and when the time comes, you should be there for them too. It's nonsense to think as soon as you're legally an adult you're thrown to the world and parents should just wash their hands of you. Then the elderly are just supposed to be left alone or be tossed into a home. Around the world families take care of each other throughout their lives. Only in the US is it frowned upon to live with a parent. Being able to spend this time with your mom is special.
chinstrap@reddit
I did the same thing, 5 years ago. Came to visit, from another State, to check on the old folks, and found out that things were deteriorating. My brother was fully disabled, too - I was the only fully functioning adult in the family. There was an immediate crisis: Mom crashed her car into the house on day 2 of my visit. So I had to stay for a couple of weeks while she recovered from minor injuries. She was her husband's caregiver, so I had to take that over. During that period, he worsened, I started to see the car accident was not just due to the normal decline of aging, and it was just clear I had to come back. Lots has happened since. Mom and I are the only ones left, and she has progressed into I'd say stage 6 dementia. It has been very difficult, but I have no regrets. I'd do it all again. Even if I had sought a placement initially, I'd have wanted to be in the same city. Just moving in and caring for my people at home seemed like actually the easiest path.
SuffragetteOffspring@reddit
49, Married. Moved back home to my Dads (77) property after his wife died of cancer. I sold my house out of state and used the proceeds to remodel his guest house. He has some land that was too taxing to maintain, alone, and my partner and I have been really happy to help with that. We share meals several times a week and go on day trips to do things he just wouldn’t do alone. I do not regret the choice to come home and I’m hopeful that we’ll get as much time with him as we did my Gram. She lived to 101 and he’s active and healthy like she was so fingers crossed.
Claque-2@reddit
You might be able to let a room or two to seniors on SS. It would be good company for your mom while you are at work, and the income wouldn't hurt.
ratsta@reddit
That seems fraught with peril to my cynical mind! I can totally see OP's generosity being abused and them becoming a defacto aged care nurse to all of them, and/or legal challenges if one of the tenants has a turn for the worse. Regardless of whether or not there was a clause in the lease that made it rock solid the arrangement was a purely mundane rental, I can see distraught or manipulative relatives saying, "You're a nurse, you should have done something!"
Antique-Commercial-1@reddit
No good deed goes unpunished.
0_IceQueen_0@reddit
Ignoring your financial reasons for wanting to go back, I'm Asian so it's understood that one offspring lives with one's parents especially in their twilight years. No such thing as leaving people of their age alone believe it or not, even if they're hard to get along with.
ConsistentMobile4990@reddit
Sounds like a good arrangement to me.
Hot_Cicada_9318@reddit
I did the same thing. After a divorce, at a similar age I moved into the Granny flat out the back of my mums place (ironic given she was the Granny). Honestly it was a great decision - I got to spend the last 6 years or so with my mum before she passed away, including taking her on a few overseas trips and just enjoying everyday life. I'm so grateful for that time. The sweetheart kept trying to make meals for me and I had to put my foot down with that one (I needed a measure of independence).
Same-Heron9489@reddit
I’d do the same without second thought. Much respect to you.
Quirky_Commission_56@reddit
As a 50 year old woman whose mother and father are both deceased (mom in 2008 and my dad in 2018) make every minute you have with your mom as special as you can. My mom always had my back and I still miss her every day.
Ok_Industry3016@reddit
I'm so sorry.
Hopeful_Meringue8061@reddit
You put it perfectly.
Ok_Industry3016@reddit
Dude losing my father to cancer caused me so much devastation it caused my wife to divorce me.
CheckIntelligent7828@reddit
This may not feel great, because it's not what you envisioned, but 100% good on you. Save the money you were spending on rent and trade it in for time and care for your mom. What an amazing trade to get to make!
My mom lives ~1,000 miles away but I'm about to talk to her about either renting something here or staying with us more. She helps my sister a lot with my niece, but since my dad died it's not enough and my mom's lonely. Fingers crossed she'll consider coming up here for part of the month.
Left_Interaction_288@reddit
I'm 47, I moved back in with my parents, both in their 80s, a couple of years ago when the flat (sharehouse) i was living in was dissolved. There a bunch of reasons why it made sense, but spending time with them day to day while I still can is a big one. Im lucky that ive always gotten on with them and they're still around.
Max_Sandpit@reddit
Sounds like a great plan.
amsurette@reddit
I’m 48 and live with my parents (69 & 70). I’m pretty sure they help me way more than I help them, but it’s a great setup that all three of us enjoy. Best of luck to ya, I think you made a smart decision. Embrace the time left with your Mom, even if it’s another 20 years.
RuggedLandscaper@reddit
Nice. There ya go. Just focus on mkm, and her house and you. Youvwill more likely take over her and yourvdad's house if sonething happens dow the road.
You two will be alright
QuarrieMcQuarrie@reddit
Sounds like a good plan for both of you to be fair :).
Fun_Fly_3957@reddit
I’d give anything to live with my mom. I’m 60 and I moved in with my daughter to help her with her son. I wish my mom could move with us. She’s 90 but she lives very far away. You are really blessed. Try to see the positive!! everything will work out you’ll see
Unusual-Spinach-5897@reddit
This is a good plan. You will forever be glad you had that time with your Mom. I know what it is like to lose everything. You will rebound, and even get laid again!
PrismaticElf@reddit
Sound like an awesome opportunity. If my mom was still alive, I’d go live with her in a second. You’ll be happy you’ve made this decision in the long run. Best of luck to you both.
hankenator1@reddit
Same age, same deal except I lived about 2500 miles away before I moved cross country to be closer to mom.
The plan wasn’t to stay with her long term, just long enough to get my own place but in the first month she broke her hip so that kept me there longer as when she got out of rehab she was going to need help at home. Then she got double pneumonia and ended back in the hospital and needed another rehab stint. After that she just asked me to stay as I was the one who called for the ambulance both times. Had I not been there she might not be around anymore.
She’s had some other health concerns in the past year from a serious stomach issue to a heart valve replacement to glaucoma surgery & just got a stage 1 breast cancer diagnosis so more surgery scheduled for next months.
Looks like I decided to move to be closer at the right time.
Individual_Buy4305@reddit
Glad you don't have to pay rent anymore. Watch out for house repairs. You might find some things need work.
Hope things improve for you. At least you have a job.
Intelligent-Mine-868@reddit
Don’t think twice about it, they’ve convinced us in the UK as well that we should all leave home at 17 and never look back. In the rest of world families are multi-generational because it makes sense financially and emotionally.
Up_and_down_and_all@reddit
Sounds like a wonderful opportunity for you to be there and support your Mum as she gets older. Plus you are saving on rent, so a win/win!
If you meet the right person, they are not going to give a hoot if you are living with your Mum, once you explain the circumstances.
You are being really smart about things which is great.
printerdsw1968@reddit
Totally makes sense. Enjoy your bonus time with mom.
CzarGuy111@reddit
You’re actually in a better situation than many many other people you can stay rent free in a big massive house and then eventually be able to sell that massive house if you want for a big profit you’re lucky dude
MyDadBod_2021@reddit
Take care of her, enjoy the time with her. I had a similar experience, and look back at that time with my parents as a happy life changing experience
Independent-Dog5311@reddit
Take care of your mama.
SaltyEngineer45@reddit
Take care of your mother bro and hang in there. You will be back on your feet soon enough.
nofishies@reddit
I moved my Dad in with me when it was clear he was declining. Best decision I ever made, he created habits in the house whereas if I had moved him up when he was in decline, he never would remember things around here and we’d have problems.
I’d much rather spend time with him then have him in a nursing home
Deer-in-Motion@reddit
Take care of your Mom. Spend as much time with her as you can. There's no shame in this.
MaiBoo18@reddit
Nothing wrong with this. I think it’s a win-win situation.
redactedfalsehood@reddit
Godspeed bother. Take care of your mom. You will never regret it.
Finding_Way_@reddit
I think this wonderful for nany reasons
I am a big fan of intergenerational living
I hope you and your mind will find that this is a gift to you both!
tmchd@reddit
Bless you for doing that. My parents' age are hitting the 80s and I'm thinking that one day I will move back in to take care of my parents if needed. My brother is living with them now but he's also sickly so when the time comes, we shall see.
HistoryOk1963@reddit
I moved in with my mom after divorce. It's just the two of us, and we get along pretty well. Now, I don't date, but otherwise it's a good arrangement.
bluealien78@reddit
Beyond the fiscal impact, I gotta say…this is a great thing to do. I lost my mum in 2008 (early onset Alzheimer’s, died at 68) and my dad in 2021 (second heart attack, at 85). What wouldn’t do to spend more time with them. Ask the questions I never thought to ask. Listen to the stories I didn’t think were important.
Treasure the time with your mom, OP. You’ll both enjoy it.
More_Bluejay9938@reddit
I had to move back to mom and dad’s earlier in life. It wasn’t terrible at all, it was actually really helpful. My mom had done a bunch of research about multi-generational living (mom, dad, me, my son and my daughter) but it wasn’t really necessary as we all just did what needed to be done. As far as dating, with less rent and costs to pay every month, you can now afford a better date night/AirBnb or whatever if that’s your thing. I would agree it’s tacky to bring a casual date over to Mom’s.
Anxious-Dare-8116@reddit
See if your state allows transfer upon death deeds to avoid probate. to you/you and your siblings
Available-Ad-5670@reddit
sounds like a win win to me