Dreading time with parents?

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Working-Arm-6896@reddit

My parents are all gone. My biological father and mother were both difficult, but my stepfather was an angel, and I miss all of them.

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DPax_23@reddit

I got over this by never talking to my parents again.

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ivyjade42@reddit

Nope. Always felt tense and awkward when my Mom was alive. Now it’s just boring and awkward with only Dad left.

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I dread my mom visiting. We’re semi estranged but I let her visit my kids. My husband and I just endure her. I sent an email a few years ago stating the rules if she wanted to continue visiting my kids (things like no gossiping about family, no complaining to me about me as a teenager, no criticizing my deceased dad whom she divorced 40 yrs ago.) I hate when she comes but it’s only once a year and my kids are old enough to understand that she’s a piece of work.

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likeyournamebutworse@reddit

Yeah i get this. I love my family and I want the best for them, but we have nothing in common and I don't enjoy spending time with them and neither do they. Its just awkward and something we do because we feel like we should.

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buddytheelf2023@reddit

I absolutely do not dread spending time with them. They live far away and they are older and i honestly wish i lived right down the road from them. I love them so much. I only see them maybe once a year so this is hard for me. I want to spend all my time with them cuz they won’t be here much longer.

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Beatrix_Kitto@reddit

I don’t dread time with my parents per se, I resent that I’m the only one who ever does the calling, texting, or inviting over/out. That resentment kinda sucks some of the joy out of seeing them.

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A_Tom_McWedgie@reddit

Mom’s gone.

Dad has Alzheimer’s. No short term memory. Can’t hold a conversation.

Spending time with him is best described as “melancholy.”

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Mysterious_Can_6106@reddit

I lost my mom in 2021, cancer is a BITCH. My mom visited 2-3 times a month. My dad is still alive but couldn’t careless to visit, like you we had our house built in 2014 and I have asked my dad to visit a 100 times and he always had an excuse to not come. I have finally given up, I understand his life is important to him but I should be part of that life too.

I get not wanting to entertain them, but please be happy to see them 🫶🏻

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Beautiful_Secret_834@reddit

I lost both my parents very young. Bickering is annoying, but I would suck it up for two days. That is definitely not an extended stay. You’ll regret this post when they’re gone. I would give years off my life to have one year again with my parents.

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pinkbev71@reddit

I'd be tickled pink if my mom wanted to come and visit. She lives about 6 hours away and my dad has passed back in 15. We moved into our new house in 19 and she still hasn't visited

I asked her for the first 4-5 years to come visit anytime all the time, but I've given up. Makes me sad to know I'm not that important to her at this stage of life. She's 78 and I'm 55. I would love to have a loving relationship with her, but I don't think it's going to happen

Enjoy your parents if they're willing to make the effort to come and see you. It won't hurt you to not socialize with your friends while they're visiting

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prttyprttyprttygood@reddit

I have felt similarly in the past. I recently was able to shift my mindset a bit during these visits and even phone calls.

I approach them as a service to my parents now and that has changed everything for me.

The visits are relatively short in the big picture and as you already called out our time is limited. We also live in different states and only talk every couple weeks for a few minutes.

I just focus on listening to them (but change the subject if religion or politics come up) and make them feel heard and make sure they are comfortable while they stay with me.

I used to get frustrated if they didn’t ask about me or my family but letting go of that and any expectation of validation that I may still try and get from time to time has helped with the shift in focus for the interactions to be more a service to them than anything else.

I used to feel pressure to play tour guide when they’d visit and have no plan for the time but later realized they just want to spend time together. If they have ideas of things they want to see or do (very rare) I take them but usually they just want to hang out at home. I let them know I have things to do and they recognize I need to leave and run errands etc and they are happy to watch tv or flip through their phones (they are becoming whatever the boomer version of a screenager is now).

Just trying to cherish the time we have left and try to minimize regrets after they are gone which could be sooner than later.

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VinceP312@reddit

"I have a very busy social life"

Oh my god What a catastrophe!

You know who else used to have a social life? Your parents before they had you.

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Opposite-Mushroom940@reddit

Mine are dead. Suck it up and make the best of it.

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Resource-Flat@reddit

It’s a weekend. Two days.

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tommyalanson@reddit

Right?! They wiped your ass for three years and put up with you in puberty and fed you for 18 years.

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tvieno@reddit

Anyone dreading spending time with their adult kids?

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mrsredfast@reddit

We’re going to visit our adult son, his wife, and their baby this weekend.

Really hope they aren’t posting similar things in the millennial sub but they probably are. Seems that everyone now dreads parent time.

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mis_1022@reddit

If you think they are dreading your visit do everything you can to be helpful and upbeat and positive when you are there. I dread visiting my in laws, they are doom and gloom people where as my parents are more joyful and laugh. We play games etc. I pointed it out to my husband and now you cannot notice we laugh with my parents and never with his.

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gumby_twain@reddit

At least you’re spending time with them. I haven’t even spoken to my mother in over 6 months, it’s been years since I’ve seen her and she only lives a couple hours away.

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Maga_eats_dick@reddit

It’s the bickering. I spend time with them de-escalating issues like “where did you put my wallet”.

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heldaway@reddit

Be happy you have parents that give a fuck about you. Honestly. Because the alternative sucks.

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-Granby-@reddit

My mom lives close to me and I dread spending any time with her. She is a total downer that does nothing but bitch about everything. She is totally wrapped up in herself. It's just annoying so I try not to spend time with her whenever possible.

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HereToCalmYouDown@reddit

I feel this post. My mom is just like that

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automator3000@reddit

Wouldn’t say “dread”. But it’s very much not my first choice of something to do. They’re nice people, but we just don’t really have much for common ground.

However, I do recognize that I’ll be lucky if they’re around another decade, so we connect where we can.

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Able_Boat_8966@reddit

I understand your point, but Nope, my Mum died in January and I miss her dearly. Cherish the time you have left with them.

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Aldo_Buttahflake@reddit

Two fucking days, go on now, be nice to your parents

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liddybuckfan@reddit

My mom died in 1996 and my dad died in 2009. I miss them a lot, they were amazing to spend time with.

Can you plan stuff to do like going to a movie or whatever? I'd also suggest asking them anything you might want to know about their childhood or your family history. Go through old pictures and ask them about what was happening. After my mom died I found this wild picture of her sitting on a bull on Daytona Beach, holding 2 guns and I SO wish I could ask her what the hell was going on in this picture. As far as the bickering, I would talk to them and just let them know how much it bothers you. Honestly at this point in their life they may not even realize they're doing it.

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Lucky-Resolution890@reddit

At the beginning of Covid (trying to keep my parents social group small) we had them over for cocktails & dinner every Saturday. 6 years later they are still coming over. The cocktails really really really help but both spouse & I are tired of spending time with them. I feel terrible about feeling that way since they’re pretty old & who knows how much time they have left.

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kidde1@reddit

I have no issues with mine (both dead), closest similar person is my “Mom” (MIL). I couldn’t care less if we have anything in common. She has led a life some life, starting in Czechoslovakia until her family was deemed undesirable because they had a German surname. Quite a woman and an amazing life.

Unless your parents don’t accept you as you are, I struggle to understand the bitterness for two days. That said, I seem to avoid most of my siblings like the plague. I’d struggle to spend two hours with them. So it isn’t as if I don’t understand things.

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imagine966@reddit

No you aren’t alone. I enjoyed my dad when he was still alive, but now that he’s gone I feel obligated to spend more time with my mom and she just bores me to tears. That is until she hits the wine, then she’s entertaining for about an hour. Then she starts repeating herself and that gets annoying pretty quickly. However, knowing that she appreciates my time makes it worth the hours of drudgery I guess

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HammerMeUp@reddit

My mom has her own reality and I prefer to be around actual reality

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Chiccheshirechick@reddit

No you are not. My father died in 2008 and my mum just a couple of weeks ago. We had and have always had pretty much nothing in common and I never enjoyed visits. Don’t feel guilty and yes they are aging but protect yourself first always.

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BenignAtrocities@reddit

It was part of why I went to therapy; I dreaded any interaction with them; they are full on narcissists in my case. Some days I miss what they represent, but we don’t talk.

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LilaBeach@reddit

I would plan one or two activities with them but also keep a few of your own plans so you have a bit of an "escape" plan for a break.

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Ray_The_Engineer@reddit

When my mom was living, I was in a similar boat. I have a family, and none of us really knew quite how to relate to her, or to my younger sister. Mom was sedentary and somewhat isolated, somewhat unaware of what was actually happening in the world beyond the newspaper headlines or what her crony girlfriends would tell her. It was awkward to be around her for long periods, such as beach trips, etc.

My dad was a different story. He died 22 years ago, was a great guy, positive, life-affirming, etc. I'd love to be able to hang out with him again once in a while.

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PepperCat1019@reddit

I love spending time with my parents. They are awesome 💜

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YouMustBeJoking888@reddit

Yeah, you kind of are expected to entertain your guests, even if it's your parents. Look at it this way: it's a couple of days (just the weekend, right?) and if you plan a few fun things, cook dinner, maybe watch a movie, play a game or just sit and have a drink, they'll be happy. And they will be gone at some point and you may well look back on this weekend as something you're happy you put some effort into. Sometimes you need to give without getting and this may be one of those times.

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Odd_Tie772@reddit

Go get coffee

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dave-rooney-ca@reddit

My Mom & Dad died in 2017 and 2003 respectively. I so wish I had more time with them, but I also go to say everything I needed to before they died. For you, it isn't about them, but how you feel for them!

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badhoopty@reddit

im right there with ya op...

its comforting to see other people have the same issues.

i love my mom, i know i have limited time with her, and i try real hard, but holy hell we could not be any more different and its an absolute drain to be around her for any extended amount of time.

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dave-rooney-ca@reddit

I lost my parents in 2003 and 2017 respectively. I wish I had more time with them.

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Quilterforlife-@reddit

I would give anything to have my parents back to spend more time with them. You cant know what that feels like until they’re gone. And my parents were not perfect but I loved them dearly and i miss them every day. I wish I could talk to them and visit with them. Life is different when parents are no longer in it.

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GnomieOk4136@reddit

Yes. My mother is freaking exhausting, and my father is an alcoholic who does not take care of himself. Going to see either of them is really taxing, and they do not come to me.

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Accomplished_War_805@reddit

I dread my parents visits. They have no hobbies and we have very little in common these days. Not all of us have that happy memory and "you'll miss them when they are gone" mentality. I wish you well.

My best (unsolicited) advice is to believe what they say. If they tell you they don't mind you going out with friends, ditch the parents and go with friends. Too many people argue their way into their less preferred option trying to be nice. Screw that! Be a good listener and take people, even parents, at their word.

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SMBamberger@reddit

I only get to see my parents once or twice a year. I love spending time with them when I get home or they come to visit me. We do have similar interests like history and literature so maybe that’s why.

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Area212@reddit

If you aren’t able to give time to your folks my guess is that you can’t give time to yourself. I’d start looking into why you’re taking yourself and others for granted.

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dstarpro@reddit

My mom was never the easiest person to deal with. She could be so funny, and we definitely could have fun together, but she could also be cool and critical. My dad's last 5 years were a huge challenge. He missed my mom, and he wanted to a shell. He became grouchy and clammed up all the time.

I would have so much more guilt though, had I not just sucked it up and given them a few hours of my weekend every other week.

To say that you miss them when they're gone is an understatement.

I have to really push my own son for his time now, but I do it, because it's important.

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Ree1954@reddit

Plan a diversion and dinner. Tell them there is a boundary if they are going to stay with you: no bickering all weekend. If they can’t follow that, they should get a hotel room and you will meet them for dinner. Good luck!

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FriendRaven1@reddit

My Mom passed a couple of years ago, but my Dad is still here.

I turn on Looney Tunes and we sit laughing at that. Just enjoying an activity we both like, watching each other laugh.

Conversations might come, they might not, and we're okay with that.

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dstarpro@reddit

My dad loved Looney Tunes too. Oof, I miss him.

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Adventurous_Travel52@reddit

You’re lucky

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beneficialmirror13@reddit

I generally enjoyed time with my parents but my mom could be a challenge at times. She could be pretty critical, and she always worried too much about what other people thought. I'd prefer her not to have passed away though because she was too young. I like seeing my dad but his new gf is a bit much and it's hard to actually see him on his own anymore.

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Grizzle_prizzle37@reddit

Same, sort of. But you said it way nicer than I ever would have. And even though my dad lasted much longer, I’d still give anything for another day with him.

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No_hope_left72@reddit

Mine are gone. I would give anything to have my dad,aunt and grandma back. Cherish what wont always have. Time passes faster than you want to and you can’t ever get it back. Tomorrow has no garuntees

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Fritzo2162@reddit

I'm in that boat. Every topic of conversation is about how something is wrong or something is screwing them over or someone is doing something that's not right. Not a cheery thing about them.

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Grizzle_prizzle37@reddit

Nah, mine are both gone. And the one I would probably dreaded time with died young.

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Helloeverybodyx@reddit

The day will come when you won’t be able to see your parents anymore. Enjoy it while you can I wish I still could.

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bookwurmy@reddit

Mine would never visit me. It feels like we have the same 4 conversations every visit I make and the tv has to be on non-stop. They barely leave their house except for essentials and I can’t convince them to go anywhere when I’m there. My mom criticizes anything I say and I’m just not used to breathing in all the cigarette smoke anymore. I also am expected to make weekend visits.

I definitely feel very guilty about my own lack of enthusiasm. I know they’re getting older and clearly unhealthier and I should visit more often. If we’re supposed to be making memories, these aren’t very good memories and I don’t know how to fix my visits and make them better for them. I wish I did. My siblings live too far away to visit.

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IMTrick@reddit

All I can really say in response to this is that, although I never really spent much time with my parents during my adult years other than the occasional holiday, I sure do miss those visits now.

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Outrageous_Drag6613@reddit

I live in a different part of the country from my family so I might feel differently if we lived local

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curiousme123456@reddit

As genx most can all recognize that ur parents staying at ur place are like fish, no longer than 3 days. Just stayed with my mom for 2 nights and it reaffirmed what I knew and I was coming and going over that time

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Icy-Print3432@reddit

You’ll miss them when they are gone. ❤️

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Tigerbaton@reddit

You might, but I won’t miss mine and many others feel the same way

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cynzthin@reddit

No, that’s not necessarily true. I don’t miss mine. I didn’t hate them, but it was always fraught and now (I’m old myself), it’s nothing but a relief

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Bob_12_Pack@reddit

My parents divorced when I was 4. My mom could be a bit much, she talked non-stop and loved to give you her opinion about parenting and pretty much everything else. Dad was the complete opposite but add alcoholism. I loved to hangout with my dad even though he let me down a few times in my childhood, but we still had a strong close relationship until he passed at the age of 77. Mom only made it to 67, she’d probably be amazed and also sorta jealous that my hard-living dad outlived her. I may have sometimes dreaded being around my mom, I know my wife did, but we’d both do anything to have another moment with her now. We’ve seen so much worse and realize we had it good.

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rumblepony247@reddit

My 91 yr old father is a nightmare. We've never been close, and I have a ton of resentment about many things in my upbringing. A 2-hour hang for Sunday dinner about twice a month is all I can take.

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Newsman1977@reddit

My advice is this … suck it up, put your social life on hold for one weekend and enjoy them while you can. They will be gone before you know it, and you will regret not spending more time with them.

For me, it’s my in laws. Both are gone now and I regret it all the time. I loved them both, but should have made more memories with them.

You aren’t talking about them moving in with you, just entertain them for a few days and realize that you will not have them around forever.

I could understand if they were bad parents or toxic people. You have every right to cut someone out of your life that makes you miserable.

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Scpdivy@reddit

My mom passed 5 years ago today. Would love nothing more than to spend time with her again. She was relatively young, 74. Fucking cancer…

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IAm_TheDark@reddit

My dad’s one year is coming up on May 15. Around the same age as your mom. Fuck cancer indeed. Hugs to you. 🖤

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Scpdivy@reddit

Thank you. Time heals. But it sure moves slow

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TXtogo@reddit

Mine are dead, it would freak me out if they came over for the weekend.

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rumblepony247@reddit

Is one of them named Bernie?

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msoats@reddit

The bickering. I want to spend time with them, but then, I spend time with them.

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SyncroTDi@reddit

My parents were assholes. My mom died a few years ago and my father is still alive in the same town I live in. I have not spoken to him in years and don't care too. If you don't want your parents around, tell them. Do not waste your time doung something you don't want to do.

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UvitaLiving@reddit

I love my parents. But, my dad always tells me the bible verses and various chapters I need to read over and over….i went to church as a kid several times a week (forced) and he simply doesn’t understand we’re not in the same page….

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Vegetable-Orchid1789@reddit

I'm in the camp with all who valued spending as much time as possible with their aging parents. I'm thankful that I spent as much time as I did before they were gone. I would love to have just one more weekend to go over and spend the day with my dad watching football and having a meal with my family and just hanging out. I still miss them terribly and it sucks knowing I'll never get a chance to spend not even one more day.

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amsurette@reddit

I am so sorry that so many of you have such negative experiences with your parents. I live with mine and am so grateful I do. I'm disabled, off work, and currently can't live alone so that's how I ended up here. They're both retired and I love getting to spend extra time with them as I know they won't be around forever. Now, they were pretty young and progressive when they had us, so I don't know if that makes a difference.

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Edman70@reddit

They were good to you. You can sacrifice a few weekends a year of your social life to have a relaxing visit with those who gave you life and raised you decent.

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soleiles1@reddit

I regret that both of my parents are gone and I will never spend another "extended" anything with them again.

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evidentlynaught@reddit

Both parents are gone now. Thank god I knew what I had before I didn’t anymore.

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Ilovemytowm@reddit

Same. 💔 This post is surreal.

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Ribeye_steak_1987@reddit

I struggle with this too except my mom lives three houses down the street.

My parents were good to me but I did always feel like an afterthought (like many of us of the generation). They had a very active social life and I was a little bit in the way of that I think.

Well, here we are, my dad has been gone for 11 years, my sister died in 1997, so now it’s just her and I left. now she wants to be besties and I just can’t do it.

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rm78noir@reddit

I dread most every moment with my parents these days.

I cut my mom out of my life 20 years ago. So, luckily, I don't have to ever see her anymore.

My dad and I were really close most of my adult life. It was nice. Spending weekends with him and my step mom were pretty common and we always had a great time. However, about 5 years ago his mom passed. He took it really hard. Regardless of how expected it was. She was 96 and her health turned fast. She had an otherwise very productive 90s. Depression and some narcissistic behaviors started becoming a very big problem for my dad. He got divorced and started being a jerk to everyone that was trying to help him. Now I dread dealing with him. It's a nightmare and I don't have the energy to deal with the drama.

It's a bummer to have such crappy relationships with my parents, but at least I have wonderful in-laws and we enjoy our time with them.

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Lothrindel@reddit

I have a similar situation. I had a happy childhood, well-provided for but I never felt that we did much together or had much in the way of meaningful conversation with either of them. I now live on the other side of the world (hey, funny that) and I see the same vague, interest they had in me reflected in their occasional interest in their grandchildren (with close to zero curiosity from my dad).

The now monthly calls on Teams are a real chore and we struggle to keep them going for longer than 30 minutes. I feel a lot better about this non- relationship in the last few years and if I’m honest I’d be happy keeping the good relationship I have with my sister and letting the rest of the family fade away.

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newwriter365@reddit

I tried to call my remaining parent this evening and the call didn’t go through. They probably forgot to charge their phone. Again.

Oh well, I tried.

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Brave-Chain2703@reddit

I'm struggling with aging parents as well don't let people make you feel guilty for your feelings. It can be a struggle that other people claim they would take on but guess what they don't, you do.

I just try & focus on the good moments & redirect when the bickering starts. Parenting your parents is thankless..

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Dry-Coast-791@reddit

Suck it up and be a good host. Keep them busy. It’s only a weekend. You have a lot in common and a lot to discuss. If they bicker, ask them to stop for the weekend. You got this!

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Fetch1965@reddit

Gosh yes this is the answer. If they were not abusive be grateful

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Hefty_Debt_638@reddit

I have a very avoidant relationship with both which they themselves cultivated. I am closer with my dad but it’s pretty surface level. Happy emotions only😂

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Old_Goat_Ninja@reddit

That’s not something my parents have ever done. They visited, but never for a weekend, usually just for the day, or to go have dinner, but I’ve never had them come over for anything longer than that.

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Bucks2174@reddit

I’ve never dreaded time with my parents. I always enjoyed being with them. I went and spent a couple hours this morning with my Dad. I can’t do the same with Mom because we lost her last June. Your parents won’t always be around. Make time and enjoy them while you have them.

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Mermaid_Lily@reddit

I have felt like this in the past. My mom could be a very critical person at times. And sometimes I just felt exhausted being around her. Not always. just sometimes. My dad wasn't critical, but it was kindof a package deal. They always showed up together and at the end, they bickered a lot too.

But she passed a few weeks ago, and I am so missing her right now. Dad passed away 5 years ago. And I wish I'd spent more time with them.

We won't always have our parents. Just make sure you take pictures of yourself with them. One day that might be all you have left. ❤️

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elphaba00@reddit

I live in the same town as my parents, and I can only take about a couple hours at the most. I describe my mom as a Peggy Hill come to life, and my dad has given up trying to rein her in. There’s also always an excuse for her actions, so never any accountability. She will also bend over backwards to help her friends and siblings, but I guess I “need to stand on my own two feet.” Just makes me feel like a lower priority

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RodeoBob@reddit

One parent dead, the other in a nursing home. Consider that a disclaimer of potential bias.

I feel like I am expected to keep them entertained when they visit me (we live in different states). They also bicker constantly, which I hate to be around.

So my honest advice is to talk with your parents and work with them to plan their trip before they leave. Talk about when they'll arrive, where they'll be staying, and what kind of activities they already had in mind. Build a day-by-day, hour-by-hour itinerary with them. "Breakfast at 9, big-city art musiem at 10, lunch at 1, walking around the big park until 4, dinner at 5, back home at 7" kind of stuff.

Sometimes it can be fun to be a tourist in your own town, and that's what any out of town visitors can be good for. I won't go to my local Garlic festival or flea market, and I don't really care about the local AA sports teams... but folks from out of town might enjoy that stuff!

No, you don't share interests with them, but are there things in your town that interest them? Spending an hour walking around the state's prize winning tulip gardens isn't a terrible way to spend a nice spring day. It's true I'd rather peel my own skin off than take my mother antiquing, but I'd be willing to do it for an hour if I know I won't do it again for another six months to a year.

Plan an itinerary, and if you're lucky, by the time you get home at 6 pm, they will be exhausted and turn in early. They may even revise the next day's plans to start later and finish earlier, or adjust their plans for some "one on one time". (i.e. Mom takes a nap while you and Dad go to the classic car show) And if you really entertain the everloving shit out of them for one weekend... they might be content to just do phone calls and video chats for a long while after that.

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spoink74@reddit

I lost both of my parents in the last couple of years. I do wish I had more time with them, but I also remember how difficult they were. I had very valid reasons for seeing them as infrequently as I did. I miss them. I just wish it had been different.

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Dunno_If_I_Won@reddit

At times, they felt the same way about you when you were growing up. But if they were exceptional parents, they wouldn't have made you feel that way.

Yes, I'm sure you have more fun without them. Up to you how you want to handle it.

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Dogzillas_Mom@reddit

You have to experiment with boundaries. If you can’t get them to stay elsewhere or maybe just go off and do their own thing for a minute, then plan some activity that’s accessible to them but is not just sitting around the house bickering. Take a side trip that requires an overnight, and oh that’s okay, I’ll get my own room.

I had to push back with my family a bit and explain that I need alone time. I am not used to the clamor and drama of being around a bunch of people (who I wouldn’t otherwise necessarily choose to hang with) and need my space. One family member was very upset that I didn’t necessarily want to do all the things with all of them every day. So I went to the winery and they went hiking and we hooked back up for dinner.

But there can be some hurt feelings when you try to change the dynamic and of course you want to be gentle with old people. Work with their comfort zone; don’t try pulling them out of it.

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pinkfootthegoose@reddit

I suggest you lean into it and over schedule activities with them. They will get tired and want naps.

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MythicMythness@reddit

This!!! It totally works, too. 😅

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Head-Major9768@reddit

I live next door to my wonderful 86 yr old mom still I understand. It’s hard, but like everyone says, try to live in the moment and enjoy your time.

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miniwhoppers@reddit

I enjoy my parent’s company very much. They are late 70s. Sometimes conversation lulls with my dad…we are very different but both kind of quiet. But I deliberately think of things to talk about or find things that interest him. My mom could have a conversation with a corpse.

I just feel so thankful for everything they’ve done for me, and am so grateful they are still around.

The bickering is hard to take, I’m sure. But a weekend is not that long. They probably love spending time with you.

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SillyNluv@reddit

I enjoy my dad, my mom is a handful. I can usually get them going by comparing what my life is like compared to what I thought it would be like and how their lives have diverged from their expectations.

My sister bought them timelines of major events that have happened in their life so far. It has sparked some interesting conversations.

My dad is a natural borne story teller, so he’s easy to listen to.

Other options could be taking motorized tours around wherever you are. Or watching shows and gossiping about them.

Maybe OP could drop them off or go with them for pedicures, too.

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Adept_Back9837@reddit

My dad passed in 2013, I wish I had more time with him, without his wife around. I didnt get to spend much time with him as she did everything in her power to alienate him from his family. She didnt even have the courtesy to call me when he passed and left it to one of my aints to call me (evil woman). My mom lives across the country from me with my sister. She lived with my husband and I for 20 years before she moved east with my sister three years ago. She doesn't travel well after having a stroke severally years ago. I'm lucky that my corporate office is on the east coast so they pay for me to see my mom about four times a year. She's 88 this year and really slowing down now. I dont know how much time I have left with her. She wasn't the best mom but wasnt the worst either. I miss her until I spend a few days with her. Then I remember why she's now with my sister.

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meldawg23@reddit

The way I see it, our mothers carry us for nine months, some having an extremely hard pregnancy and having an extremely hard delivery and raised you. I’d say you can handle your parents for whatever they may need.

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andieinaz@reddit

Eeeeee. Depends on the mother. They’re not all created equally.

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meldawg23@reddit

Of course they’re not. But the parents that are being described seem like caring parents.

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MythicMythness@reddit

Friend, my best advice is to think of something you can do with them they will find interesting and just lean into the visit. Because when they leave this earth you will feel the weight of their loss.

I’d suggest (since you asked 😁) that you focus on asking them about their lives, who they were before you were born, what memories of your childhood they might cherish (or cringe to remember), what they would do differently if they could do anything at all. Just get to know them as they are now, like you’re meeting them for the first time. You might be surprised how interesting they are if you approach them as if they are interesting.

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Aromatic_Revolution4@reddit

My parents died within a few weeks of each other in '92.

I get that not all families are created equal but to my fellow GenXers without insurmountable issues with your parents: my hope is that you find a way to make more memories and absolutely cherish the time you have left with your mom and/or dad.

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Pristine-Ad-8002@reddit

It makes me sad to think of my kids thinking about dreading time spent with me.

I live in the same town as my parents so we get together often enough but nothing overnight of course.

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Mouse-Direct@reddit

We live an hour from my in-laws (my parents are deceased). My FIL is in full time nursing care now (early stages of dementia) and MIL lives on her own. Both early 80s. They have been nothing but supportive of us for 34 years, never gotten into our business EVER, never talked about politics, and they give us $5k every Christmas. They don’t ask for more than holidays (Christmas, Easter, Mother/Father’s day, their anniversary) for a few hours and we happily give them.

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Human_Reflection_166@reddit

My dad passed away in 2011 my mom in 2016. I worked part time for them to run the family business while also working full time. Me and my sister closed the business a year before my mom passed. Using the money from selling their properties to help care for her. I still miss them every day. We didn’t get along all the time and I lived an hour away. But they were always a phone call away.

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Cactusandcreosote@reddit

I start getting anxious weeks before my mother arrives. She’s insufferably high maintenance and we have nothing in common.

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Sure-Midnight1415@reddit

Same

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flowerqu@reddit

Loving parents are special. It's okay if they are flawed humans and not interesting to you. Embrace putting your expectations and social life on hold for a weekend and meet them where they are.

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meldawg23@reddit

👏👏👏👏👏

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ExtraAd7611@reddit

I love my parents but have a limit of around 3 days before I feel the need to leave. Although I guess I kind of feel that way with a lot of other people too.

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Thirsty4Knowledge911@reddit

My folks are divorced so I have two households to deal with.

My dad is remarried to the woman he cheated on my mom with, and my mom never remarried.

I literally have to put together a spreadsheet to make sure I’m spending equal time between them. If I don’t, my mom gets her feelings hurt because she thinks I spend more time with my dad.

I have to list out whose house I’m spending the night at, who I’m spending the day with, who is picking me up from the airport, and who’s dropping me off.

They live 1/2 way across the country and I go back about twice a year.

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whistlepig4life@reddit

My dad has been gone for almost 10 years now. I wish I had more time.

My mom is still around and can be a real PITA at 81. But she cares and tries. And putting up with whatever he BS is, simply put is the least I can do for her putting up with mine.

Take the time for them. Whatever your busy lifestyle is, put it aside and spend time with them. You’re saying you don’t feel you have much in common? Now is your opportunity to develop something in common.

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DemoPup@reddit (OP)

Thank you for this perspective. I am sorry for your loss.

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whistlepig4life@reddit

TY. No need to be sorry. People die. And it’s better to bury a parent than the opposite.

But don’t waste your opportunities when they present themselves.

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GhostWithTheMost75@reddit

My dad has been dead for exactly 18 years. I wish I’d spent more time with him.

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DemoPup@reddit (OP)

I am sorry for your loss.

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GhostWithTheMost75@reddit

Thank you! ☺️

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Serious-Mongoose-387@reddit

my dad still lives in the house i grew up in but i live 900 miles away now.

i’m always excited when my dad comes to stay for a couple weeks for christmas and new year’s but it does wear me down. i’m constantly in motion and he doesn’t have anything to do so he just sits at the kitchen table and scrolls facebook and the news. he can’t walk far because of his hips so a lot of tourist activities are out. we do go do stuff but it doesn’t take up the whole day so there’s a lot of time just sitting around.

when my daughter and i visit him in the summer it’s totally different. it’s his own house so he has stuff to do, and i have a couple friends i can go hang out with, or i take my daughter to see my old stomping grounds or hang out downtown or whatever. easy to stay busy and have lots of fun every day.

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ridinderty@reddit

Same boat...

Every time I try to give my parents another shot, time spent with them reminds me why I don't spend more time with them. Mother is selfish and Dad is not very loving. Just don't have anything in common with either of them. I avoid spending time with them when I can, I just don't enjoy their company. So you are not alone...

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rks1743@reddit

I love my parents BUT they live a few miles away and my dad stops by a few times a week. So much so that we put him in our Life360.

He's losing is hearing but won't get hearing aids. I catch myself getting frustrated and yelling at him, then I feel guilty because he's is the kindest and most forgiving man I have ever known. He always finds the good in everyone.

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ZettaiGeek@reddit

My Dad passed on Father's Day of 24 and I still miss him. My Kaachan (Mom in Japanese) is 86 and has Parkinson's and is on that downhill slope. I wish I had more time with her but I know she will be gone too soon. I wish she was healthier and could come visit with me, but at least I can see her once a week at my sister's house. Though, when both parents were around and healthier, they were good to be around. They didn't fight, never bickered, just loved each other as best they could. They enjoyed our visits and always had food available to eat. Count yourself lucky that they are still able to come to you to visit, that they are still independent and can travel on their own. Sure you may dread it but when you look back on this time that you currently have, will you regret having spent this time with them? I see it as a chance to build another lasting memory, I think you would like to have a warm memory of this time instead of of not.

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kittybigs@reddit

I dread it, too. After a lifetime of nitpicking and criticism, it’s hard to want to have them over. My dad just invited himself, my stepmom and my brother over to my house for my birthday. My brother and I have birthdays year and 363 days apart.

I know my dad is getting up there and the health things are happening, but I’d really rather visit them a couple weeks after. Ugh. Such a mixed pile of emotions.

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meldawg23@reddit

I hate to tell you, but you do feel guilty after they have passed about spending more time with them. I’m just speaking from experience. I’m in trauma therapy because of it. I just feel shame and guilt and anger about taking them for granted.

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marriottfordays@reddit

Everyone’s parents can be annoying (definitely including mine), but maybe reframe how you’re thinking about their weekend visit and try to see the big picture.

Once they pass, who will love you like your parents did? These are probably the people who love you the most in the entire world. And, they are good and loving people.

It’s only one weekend. Challenge yourself to have patience with their faults and show them a good time. You’ll look back and be glad that you did this after they’re gone. This could also be a personal growth experience that may prove helpful in other areas of your life.

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LoserWooper@reddit

No, you are not the only one. My mom annoys the hell out of me; she is a constant litany of the same complaints over and over again, and is a passive aggressive nightmare.

I still go see her and spend time with her about twice a month at her place but no overnights. Maybe you could visit them instead of them coming to you?

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DemoPup@reddit (OP)

Thanks. Usually I do visit them, but they like to come here 1-2 times per year.

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LoserWooper@reddit

“I’m glad you guys are coming. I have x, y and z planned so you are on your own for these times and we can spend time together doing ____ (lunch, dinner, museum/gallery) at this time.”

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Ok-Temporary@reddit

I could have written this. I looked forward to their visits (and mine to them), but after about 24 hours that enthusiasm was gone. And after that point my mother just drove me bonkers. Good people. Good parents. It’s just hard to hang out and awkwardly entertain them.
They’re both gone now. I won’t tell you to cherish every moment, because they’re still going to annoy you. But know that you’re making the effort for them, and they appreciate it.

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Onerustyrn@reddit

I haven’t seen my mom for 20 something years and I don’t know how long it’s been since I spoke to her on the phone. I choose not to have her toxicity in my life.

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Sufficient_Space8484@reddit

Nope. I stay with my parents a few nights per week while I’m in town for work and it’s great to be able to see them and talk to them while I still have time here.

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dreadful_cookies@reddit

At 57 I'm an orphan and miss my folks every day. I envy you.

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Independent-Pea5131@reddit

Same. Orphaned at 50. Wish I had this problem.

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HeadShot1171@reddit

I lost my mom 4 years ago to cancer, but still have my dad. He’s not well, and struggles with Parkinson’s. I know it’s only a matter of time.

I can relate; enjoy them while you can. What I would give to talk to my mom!

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DemoPup@reddit (OP)

I am truly sorry for your loss. This is why I struggle.

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CarnivalColors@reddit

Yup, samesies! I’ve had to back away from spending time with my dad after he’s messed with my life too many times- I’ll see him to take him for lunch but no more weekends at my place. My mom just moved closer after 20 years of seeing eachother once every two years - I’ll let you know how that goes ;)

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flaginorout@reddit

About all you can do is ‘suck it up, buttercup’

It’s one weekend. You’ll live. Just chalk it up to a cost of doing business.

No, you’re not alone. I get tired of being around my parents after about 2 hours. A weekend would be drudgery, but I’d do it.

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WinterMedical@reddit

I try to remember that they stuck by me during my teen years, during which I was selfish, inconsiderate, unreasonable and a general pain in the ass. I owe them for sure.

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PepsiOfWrath@reddit

Yes, I never know what to talk about with my dad and my mother would pick on me, pick on my clothes or my eating or my whatever and push every button.

My mom passed three years ago now, and I can’t really describe how I feel. It didn’t erase the issues, but I still miss her terribly. Just get through it and remember to hug them and say you love them before they leave to go home.

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Busy_Daikon_6942@reddit

I feel you. My parents weren't abusive and they provided well. I had a better childhood than many people I know. And my parents are in their 70s. So...who knows how much longer they'll be alive.

My dad is OK. But my mom...she makes everything so awkward. She also pushes my buttons.

I feel guilty because my mom loooves spending time with me/my family. But...it's always uncomfortable. She's not a good listener. She always needs to be right. She's passive aggressive. She loves to complain and relive negative stories. And I swear...every single family gathering has to involve some discussion about poop, farts, or butts.

It's not outright bad or mean things (mostly)...but visits just aren't enjoyable.

My wife has found small joys of dealing with my family. My wife will cook a dish but tell everyone I made it. They seem to like it more if they think I made it. So...it's our little secret that makes my wife chuckle.

Anyways...I understand. I feel guilty but I just don't enjoy the visits very much. I might regret it someday but the bottom line is: my mom is horrible with respecting boundaries or so I keep her at arms length.

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MicheleRSimon@reddit

If you don't want them to visit don't let them. Problem solved. No guilt.

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Individual_Buy4305@reddit

Ask them questions about stuff they like and let them talk. You can do it for a weekend. I listen to my parents for a week at a time. One day, they won't be there. They care enough to come out to see you and they worry about you.

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Murky_Possibility_68@reddit

No contact is great, I wish I'd done it years ago.

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greyleef@reddit

Its true I dread spending time with my mom more and more.. but I also know she will be gone someday so I try to be nice and think of spending time with her as a family obligation. It's sad but what can you do. Mostly I just try to bite my tongue and not say what I think.

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Thirty_Helens_Agree@reddit

Someone pointed out to me “how do you to look back on this time decades from now?”

Plenty of folks whose parents are gone have regrets and wishes about missed opportunities for this or that. I’m not saying “suck it up and make nice,” or any thoughts BS like that, but maybe try to imagine yourself fifteen years from now looking back on now.

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Zooter88@reddit

Enjoy it while you can. Both of mine are gone and I’d give a lot just to have another weekend of my mother annoying me and my dad judging my life choices.

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DemoPup@reddit (OP)

I am sorry for your loss. I will try to keep your perspective in mind.

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Jaded_Vacation8366@reddit

It’s just a weekend. Try doing something with them separately. You could send each for a spa day or something while you hang out w the other one that day.

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lumberjackname@reddit

You’re not alone. I dread visiting with my parents. There are a lot of issues there stemming from childhood (which I’m in therapy about), but they weren’t abusive or anything. They are extremely self centered, entitled, and high maintenance. They bicker constantly when they’re not staring at their iPads. We do see each other several times per year (I live out of state) as I have kids and want them to know their grandchildren. But I dread the visits, am very anxious and snippy during them, and so relieved when they’re over.

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