How many friends do you have?
Posted by FuzzyAromaticSand@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 102 comments
I work and spend most of my time with my wife and children. I don’t have many friends in my place of residence, but I might just be a bit of an oddball. So, I was wondering, how many friends do you have?
FitSolution2882@reddit
M35
Extremely close? As in trustworthy 110%, 4am emergency etc?
3 or 4.
Maybe 5 or 6 more on a slightly lower level.
Maybe the same again after that.
I've cut down significantly over the years though as I just don't have the time.
However, with any of those in the first tier or 2 we could go weeks or months without seeing each other or contact and pick up like we just spoke yesterday.
TomatoAlarming245@reddit
I have a lot of acquaintances but I would say close friends.. maybe 3? I do wish I had more friends to do things with. I am quite a reserved person, and a lot of my anxiety comes from how others perceive me, and have found making friends as an adult quite difficult. When I first moved into my current home, there were a lot of couples the same age as it’s a new build estate, and I found a lot of the women to be very two-faced. I’d personally have no friends and spend time on my own, than be friends with someone who will talk about me behind my back 😬
Victorius_Meldrus@reddit
One. All I need.
GoodboyJohnnyBoy@reddit
Most of them have disappeared over the years a few have died so nowadays I don’t really see anyone much but that’s exactly how I like it
5h0D10n@reddit
46, I have 5 good friends.
MonkeyHamlet@reddit
How old are your kids? I found life like this when mine was under 13ish, but now he’s older and more self sufficient I have more time for friends.
Whulad@reddit
I’m 64 and quite social - solid old friends going back years I’d say 15 I don’t see many of these that often as I don’t live near them but friends for life. ( I’m not necessarily counting their partners in all cases)
Secondary friends - probably more bordering on acquaintances and friend of friends / Siblings plus my wife’s friends partners; who I get in well with and know a bit. 30 or so who I see at parties/ Christmas (and some parents funerals nowadays) . Plus social media
Local friends around 15 - I know all of these through my kids schools/clubd etc but some have become very good friend and I expect some will remain so. See these the most nowadays. Most will drop away I expect.
Few randoms who I know from old work or some random connections but I still see once in a while 6 or so.
I
Competitive_Test6697@reddit
7 good friends from COVID flats. We still hang out loads even tho all moved away.
Got possibly 5 really good friends. Went down a few due to new babies and they've stopped chatting as much.
Unsure if I'd class work colleagues as close friends, but we hang outside of work every now and again and have a decent group chat.
zCoxxy@reddit
3, that I see pretty regularly and I’d call actual friends. Been close friends since school, all of us are 26 now.
wildflower12345678@reddit
1, he's my husband. My eldest daughter comes a close 3rd, after my dog.
Pick_Up_Autist@reddit
Around 5 that I have regular contact with, maybe another 10 that I intermittently catch up. I seem to be bucking the trend as an introverted late 30s man and I couldn't say why or offer advice.
SGRiggall@reddit
I’m the opposite of yourself, no wife and kids but loads of close friends
UrMomDotCom666@reddit
i haven't had any friends since i was 11.
DaughterOfATiredMech@reddit
Real friends - 2
Old friends you see and say you should get a coffee but never do - many
School run friends I never talk to outside the school run - 28
parttimepedant@reddit
None. A few blokes I talk regularly to on the school run, or at the gym etc, but nobody i regularly socialise with. I have a wife, who has a few friends, but life is so busy it’s just us, the kids, and occasionally her family.
I had one good friend for about ten years growing up, but he was a bit of a wanker anyway and we grew apart as we got older so I never bothered to keep in touch.
I have nobody I can open up to, or confide in, outside of my wife. It’s a lonely existence.
donaldstinypeepee@reddit
I had loads of mates in my 20s and 30s, now in my 50s and can’t be bothered with going out socialising, if you have a good relationship with your wife, they are usually the best friend you need anyway, I didn’t used to, but now share all my worries, I’m actually more comfortable telling her than mates now.
DistrustPilot@reddit
I've got a hundred and four friends
MyBeardSaysHi@reddit
Literally the first thing that popped into my head.
Brilliant-Shirt-6376@reddit
Why don't you issue a full retraction, and you'll get yourself out of a lot of silly bother?
ResplendentBear@reddit
"You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth... And the plums have mutated and have got beaks"
HeppyB@reddit
And you make pigs smoke
mellios10@reddit
Glad someone posted it!
biosmatrix@reddit
You are a big posh sod, with plums in your mouth
BG3restart@reddit
I have two friends that I've known for over 40 years. We live quite a distance apart now, but we're in touch by WhatsApp and meet up a couple of times a year. They're the people I consider my closest friends. They were there for me when my husband died suddenly. Since I've retired I've made lots of new friends through the U3A and through MeetUp. I probably have more friends now than I did in the whole of the rest of my life.
Capable_Tip7815@reddit
1 I would say and she lives in a different country.....
Zoobar86@reddit
39M here. Close friends? Id say 3 but I haven't seen them in ages. 2 of them I've known for 30 odd years. The other one about 15 years. We have these long periods of not seeing each other or even talking and then we'll meet up and it's just like normal.
That's about it. I'm an introvert so I don't need a big group of friends and I'm happy doing my own thing. Of course I have "work friends" too but I don't really class them as proper friends tbh.
JohnCasey3306@reddit
I (44m, married, kids) have 1 "friend" that I've known for 40 years and see most weeks.
I have maybe a dozen "mates" that I see once or twice a year.
flinstoneguy55@reddit
I am married so i have one close friend. I have 5 less close friends that I rarely see now we've all moved awyw but we chat online. That's all
madnasher@reddit
I've got one close friend I see once every two months or so.
I've got a couple of colleagues I'm friendly with.
I've got a group of about 10 people that I see maybe once or twice a year.
teacup901@reddit
None and I wish it were different. Actually a few from work but yeah....
FuzzyAromaticSand@reddit (OP)
Do you want a friend?
teacup901@reddit
I think so
Joshouken@reddit
Maybe 40 friends all aged 28-33, but the longevity of these friendships is helped by the (highly unusual?) situation where these 40 people have only had 2 babies so far
gander8622@reddit
Hitting the big 40 soon. There is a photo of my old man's 40th and in it there are about 4 maybe 5 tables with several people sitting around them celebrating his birthday.
I think it'd struggle to fill a single table. Different times I guess.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have such a gathering of people.
FuzzyAromaticSand@reddit (OP)
This is also something that I think about sometimes and makes me really sad that i don’t have friends
Minute-Employ-4964@reddit
Old friends? Loads
Currently? None.
Life gets in the way sadly
FuzzyAromaticSand@reddit (OP)
I find myself in a similar situation. Life, unfortunately, sucks in certain aspects lmao
Minute-Employ-4964@reddit
Yeh.
I know the answer is we’ve got to put ourselves out there. Join a sports team or a hobby club or something.
But I finish work at 7 and weekends are for my partner and me to finally spend some time together.
Eh we will get there eventually bro
FuzzyAromaticSand@reddit (OP)
Exactly. when I’m not with my family, I’m making an effort to read and improve myself.
UpThem@reddit
None of us need to justify how we spend our time, but we should reflect on how well our choices are serving us.
Investing in friendships and social contact comes with with significant benefits.
Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit
That's really sad :(
Odd-Accident-3287@reddit
I’m a female and the older I’ve got I’ve realised that I don’t like To many people around Me , keep your circle small that’s my moto , although I do have close friends , and we often do things together etc & I also love my own company. But I know this guy and he’s 50 and I don’t think he’s got One friend , he spends all his spare time with his daughter and grandkids , Like all his spare time , I find it a bit off putting , they go shopping together, they have dinner together through the week , He’s always there or she’s always with him , he’ll then text on a Sunday and his whole weekend is kiddie things , is it just me who thinks this is unhealthy , I know it’s his family but a bloke to spend his whole time With just his daughter and grandkids , I know it’s good for family’s etc But I find it strange, it’s like he’s got no hobbies or no friends
Chamerlee@reddit
Friends I could go to in an emergency: 0
Friends I chat to everyday about shit: There’s a WhatsApp group with 14 of us that I chat in.
I speak to the other mums at school. I have situational friends that I see at events. I have not colleagues.
But nobody I’d invite round for a coffee.
Grimreaper9972@reddit
3 close friends and 4 friends.
Hookton@reddit
Two.
Plenty of friendly acquaintances.
Proud_Ad_8915@reddit
One friend who lives many miles away. We talk daily about everything
D0wnb0at@reddit
Same. I havent seen him in like 6 years, but we text almost dayly.
BrotherClive@reddit
5 friends from school that I see approx monthly and WhatsApp daily.
Group of 6 from uni. Probably see one weekly but only for a short walk at a lunchtime another 2 I online game with from time to time. Others probably once per year.
Quite a close team from work that I socialise with maybe every 2 months but only probably 2 guys I'd keep up with after leaving.
One guy I meet up with quarterly that I worked with about 10 years ago.
Id see friends a lot more regularly if it wasn't for the 2 kid situation. But there's a few out there!
YchYFi@reddit
Not many.
I get overwhelmed by people.
Brickie78@reddit
Becoming disabled and/or chronically ill has a way of letting you know how many real friends you have.
Apparently none
HealthyProfessor5145@reddit
I’ll second that !
Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit
I haven't counted, but a lot! I have moved around a lot in life and I chat to friends online, via text, etc, every day.
It seems like men don't keep very close friendships though which tracks with your OP, assuming you are one.
hunsnet457@reddit
2 close friends. 4-5 regular friends. Maybe a dozen ‘friends but I wouldn’t particularly invite them to a birthday’ friends.
-usagi-95@reddit
1 in UK and 1 back home. So 2 friends.
BrilliantClarity@reddit
About 6 very close friends all of whom I know From school/uni/first job An additional 10 good friends that we see often Then many acquaintances
QwertyBobba@reddit
Zero
Kindly-Chipmunk3009@reddit
I'm in the same boat. None. I recently started finally raising my standards of who gets access to my life. Had to cut off draining and unhealthy people. So it's lonely right now.
FuzzyAromaticSand@reddit (OP)
I made a similar decision a few years ago that led to loneliness, but I never regretted it.
Kindly-Chipmunk3009@reddit
Thank you so much for sharing that. I feel less alone and it gives me hope. Sometimes it feels as though the right connections are so far off or will never happen.
Zs93@reddit
I’d say I have around 20 close friends and probably 50-70 I’d call friends. I am really social and I also just have a lot of love to give. Most of my friends put in a lot of effort with me because they appreciate my effort too. It’s a beautiful thing, I’m very very blessed.
CabbageFridge@reddit
One friend. Online. They're also autistic and in the same sort of way I am. I think that helps us through some stuff that would be awkward otherwise. A weird silence? It doesn't last long cos we know we're both awkward so one of us will be brave and mention it knowing that the other isn't going to judge them. And we can say things like we're having an especially autistic few days so the other isn't reading into blunt or sparse messages. We also don't have to plan socialising cos we're inside each others pocket.
I did have some other people I considered friends recently but shit happened and I realised that wasn't dangood environment for me to be in any more. I honestly still don't really get why that went how it did. It's something that worries me a bit sometimes. I never really know why people have stopped being my friends. Or I do know bit I don't know how it got there or what could be been done differently. If it was me or them or both.
Through my life I've had a pattern for friends kinda happening to me, me having a small group of friends for a while and then not. Tends to be quite a while in between. Kinda depends on me being in another situation where friends happen. Like it would be starting a new level of schooling. I would really like to have some friends or people I'm friendly with who stay like that. I'm an adult. I'm settled in a place. I don't want to have that same awkward teenage stuff. But I don't know if it was awkward teenage stuff or if it was awkward me stuff.
I guess at least I'm aware of it now and also accepting of who I am. Through this friendship I do have I'm learning to be open and honest and not try to navigate any of that unspoken bs that I don't understand. If people like me and who I am they shouldn't mind me being open about stuff. I'm not a bad person so being honest and just laying out my thoughts instead of trying to translate them into neurotypical socialising should be fine. ... I hope.
I'm hoping to start branching out more at some point to make new friends in real life. Or at least people I'm friendly with and can socialise with.
I'm looking to join or start some sort of hobby sharing club locally. I figure there are a lot of people out there like me who wants to socialise but need an excuse and a place to break the ice. So my plan is basically to set up the most vague club possible that gives people that excuse and also gives a topic to break the ice (showing other people your hobby). People can just come do their hobby near other people who are doing their hobby. I think a lot of people don't really need friends. They just need some people they can be friendly with. So we'd all be pretty much on the same page with it being an excuse to do some socialising and there not being a pressure to build a friendship that stands by itself.
I'm trying to embody "be the change you want to see". But I'm also procrastinating like crazy until I feel like it's a good time. I'm scared about the consistency of it. Needing to snow up somewhere weekly. And the awkwardness if nobody shows up. So I'm waiting until I can drag my partner along 😂
CoffeeeGoblin@reddit
A fair few but life happens and we dont see each other much nowadays and some moved abroad. We habe a Whatsapp group we use to keep in touch, we probably get together in person a few times a year.
MojoMomma76@reddit
I have two besties, then a local group of pals of about 30 people who we hang out with in the local pretty much every day (usually pop in for one on the way home). Another 10 people who were previously colleagues who I meet up with three or four times a year in little clumps. Then a very big family. It’s a good job I’m an extrovert.
Lord___Cardigan@reddit
Maybe half a dozen good ones?
I'm lucky in that my kids are really good mates (15M & 14M) and I live with them; as is my wife.
Then again, we moved to the other other end of the country before we had kids and I had zero male friends here. Then, I met a few in my 30s playing cricket after the kids were born, and a few through work. I'm self employed and have my hands full, but can still make time for myself. You should too.
Honestly, if you have space to entertain and are willing to learn how to cook (or can already), the world is your oyster. Invite a few guys over to watch the football or something and have a barbecue, you'd be surprised how many of your peers are in the same position.
Decent_Confidence_36@reddit
When I was 18 I’d go out with a group of like 20. We had to split up into smaller groups to get into clubs and stuff.. now id say ive got 3 close friends and maybe 10 people that aren’t work or family
UnfinishedSentenc11@reddit
Anyone in Cambridge wanna hang?
Brian_from_accounts@reddit
0
h00dman@reddit
Three very close friends, one who used to be a close friend but has really just been a drinking buddy (and seeing as I no longer drink I'm not sure there's much life left in that friendship), and if I include family then there are also my two brothers in law who I'd consider very close friends.
Then there are work colleagues who, while I don't see them outside of work, I do really enjoy their company when we're working together.
It's not double figures but it's enough for me.
TraditionalScheme337@reddit
Probably 2 close friends i really make an effort to see and another 4 good friends who i try to see when I can. Its got less when I had a little one and wasn't able to see friends as often.
Extreme-Kangaroo-842@reddit
It depends really.
I have a few in my social circle who are more aquainticies that friends. I spend time with them at clubs, and I enjoy their company but they're not mates.
Akash_nu@reddit
The question is - how old are you? With family and kids there’s generally not a lot of time for making or maintaining friendships as people have their own life.
I have literally 3 close friends and about 7-10 friends who I connect with twice a year but stay in touch via text.
Sneaky_Hint@reddit
I’ve got two long-term friends from my teens, we live in different cities now, but we still make time to visit and hang out whenever we can. I also have a few online friends, some of whom I’ve known for nearly ten years now and have met a few irl.
Right now, I only really have a small circle of in-person friends I see occasionally since moving to a new town recently, most of them through work. They're more casual friends I meet up with here and there, but most of my social life outside work is honestly online, so I’ve been trying to improve that.
I really appreciate being able to stay in touch with family and friends through apps like WhatsApp and Discord pretty much whenever I want and talk daily, but there's no beating a physical presence.
xxtokyovanityxx@reddit
KatVanWall@reddit
4 old friends from uni (we graduated 25 years ago) that I see 2–3 times a year as we all live quite far apart now.
2 close friends I made later in life that I message maybe every couple of weeks but hardly ever see. But in lots of ways I feel closer to those two than the others.
And I’ve recently started trying to build more of a circle of friends where I live, there’s a group of women I’m on WhatsApp with and we plan various nights out locally but we can’t all go to all of the nights so I’ve met some in person but not others yet, that is all still taking shape and new people still joining too. It was kind of a spin-off of à MeetUp group.
ParpinOver@reddit
I’m 35, and whilst I have friends now, I went to live in a different town from the ages of 9 to 16, and moved abroad straight after high school, and I haven’t seen any of my friends from there in twenty years now (apart from one occasion in 2010). I made many friends there but moved back to my hometown at 20 so haven’t seen them since, and my childhood friends had moved on by that point. Whilst I’ve had them on Facebook for years, it feels now that most of my lifetime friends I’m unlikely to see again, and I’m filled with missed opportunities and some regret
Longjumping-Lake-930@reddit
Age 27. Quite a lot of different friend groups. Overall around 20-30. Atleast 10-14 close friendships where we talk about intimate things that I wouldn’t disclose to normal friends.
BUT I dont speak or see all of them consistently. I think this questions quite open. Because I have some friends I’d consider so close based on our experiences together but see them a few times a year. I have people I consider good (not close) friends who I see a few times a year if that.
Longjumping-Lake-930@reddit
Also these close friends come in clumps of 3-4 like a group usuall. With the odd individual ones
Low-Captain1721@reddit
I know a lot of people on a see you around basis.
Few close friends but I hang on to them a long time. Since 90's in a couple of cases.
I'm an introvert. Divorced no kids. Unless I feel a real click I don't see the point. Not lonely, don't know how to feel lonely
Ok for me - everyone different. 😃
RealisticL3af@reddit
Yep. I do have mates but once you learn how to enjoy your own company sometimes its just better to be alone. You can do whatever you want without the nuisance of someone else.
Low-Captain1721@reddit
Basically yes.. It took me a while (early thirties) to figure out I was a natural introvert however far happier when I did. No longer awkward - just different
budbailey74@reddit
With ya brother
Mukatsukuz@reddit
I never know how to fully define a friend.
I have two friends who like to help me with my allotment but that's only 1-2 times a month, usually.
I have a friend I game online with every other day and used to meet in person every week but now only see him in person once every 6 months.
I have a friend in Hungary I've never met but we chat on Facebook most days.
I have two other friends I socialise with in person though it varies massively how often. Sometimes once or twice a week, sometimes once in two months.
I have a few friends I talk to somewhat rarely due to where they now live but whom I used to hang out with a lot when they lived near me.
I have many colleagues I am friendly with but I have never met up with them outside of work so I don't really think it qualifies as a "friend".
wondered-bongo@reddit
I know a few people. But friends i would actually call and meet up with...0
StarShipYear@reddit
Pretty much none outside my partner and a childhood friend who I see once a year. When I was younger I had loads of close friends.
Unfortunately I'm plagued by anxiety and quite self destructive. Even if others view me as populat in reality, my mind tells me otherwise, which has lead to issues like substance abuse, which makes matters worse.
As a result, I've been sober 4 years, and spend my time pottering around, doing my own thing. Luckily I enjoy my own company and never really get bored or lonely. At the same time, I recognise that in some sense it's not healthy or sustainable. A community of friends, and 1 or 2 close friends is really important.
You're not alone in lacking friends of your own, particularly if you're a middle aged man. It happens for a variety of reasons.
astro-squidge@reddit
I have acquaintances, old school and work friends from my home town that I haven't really seen or spoken to in years but no close 'real' friends. As an introvert I generally prefer it but I do miss having close friends.
Rhiyxnnxh@reddit
Recently the lines between close friends and just friends has gotten quite murky since I have like 0 free time to see anyone... But I'd say I have like 4 people + my bf that I'd be comfortable turning to in a crisis or if I needed some kind of support.
The amount of people I know would deffo consider friends and will invite to an outing and have a great time with (if I had the time) is a lot more though (more like 15+)
Low-Captain1721@reddit
Yeah you notice the distinction between friends & close friends you can emotionally share with more as you get older.
I emotionally share with my GF however other than her probably 2 more close friends. Building a third.
Plenty of people can go out with however whether I actually see the point in that is another matter. I'm very much an introvert
Andries89@reddit
According to Facebook nearly a thousand but irl I'd say I only have 2 or 3 actual friends that I can call now and they'll be there for me
CharieRarie@reddit
Hmm friends I love dearly and could absolutely 100% count on, probably 2 (4 if family count)
Friends who I really care about and enjoy their company… another 2 or 3.
I’m friendly with probably 20-30 others, and would call them “my friend” in conversation but they are either online folk/work folk/kids friends parents. I like them, but could live without them.
Robbo1979psr@reddit
Don't stress about it. A friend in need... Is a blinkin' nuisance!
Left_Set_5916@reddit
I hear a friend with weed is better
Ohnoyespleasethanks@reddit
A friend with breasts and all the rest
FuzzyAromaticSand@reddit (OP)
I had never met a metal singer
RealisticL3af@reddit
It's hard to say. I moved country so I don't see many of my friends back home anymore. Some of them I don't text anymore or anything but if we saw each other would be normal.
Maybe anywhere from 6-12 depending on who we count. 6 I talk to regularly. The other 6 on occasion. Could be up to 20 depending on how loose we are being (few time a year, the odd text).
I also hang out with family when I am home. and my girlfriend - I spend most of my time with her.
sometimes I will go for a pint with two of the fellas from work. But not sure I'd say we are friends?
oscarx-ray@reddit
I have a guaranteed best friend, a wife, and a mum.
I consider them the people I trust and love more than anything, I'd kill or die for them.
I have about five mates that I love and trust, even if we don't hang out all the time.
On top of them, there's at least five more I just love the company of.
robdelterror@reddit
You are the sum of the 4/5 people you associate with, not sure of the exact quote or author. I think you have what is probably considered, the perfect balance. Congrats.
oscarx-ray@reddit
I'm very grateful to have these people in my life. It's not a perfect life, but they make every part of it perfect that they can.
Left_Set_5916@reddit
I have a lot of friends but pretty no really close friends.
peculiar-pirate@reddit
I have 3 friends in the place I live, and 3 friends in my hometown. Then there are a couple of old friends/ good acquaintances I meet like once or twice a year.
grimaces111111@reddit
1 best friend, 5 online friends I play games with, 10ish irl friends who I'll see at least once every couple of months
Tall_Stick5608@reddit
3 close friends in London, 1 more moved to Newcastle who I see a few times a year. Another 2 living abroad who I see every 1 or 2 years. 1 long distance GF who i see once a month and another 4 or 5 who aren’t so close that I see once every few years.
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