Do American college students also split their bills on a date?
Posted by ApprehensiveDisk8046@reddit | AskAnAmerican | View on Reddit | 228 comments
(We are not in a relationship)
I come from a European country where splitting bills are common, but was wondering what I should do with an American friend.
Do American college students also split their bills on food, movie tickets and such too? Do people expect the man to pay usually?
sjedinjenoStanje@reddit
It is absolutely common for non-romantic friends to split the check or let each person pay for what they ordered.
Unless one person in the friendship is fabulously wealthy, they are not going to pay for their friends all the time.
ApprehensiveDisk8046@reddit (OP)
I’m pretty sure non of us are fabulously wealthier than other, we’re nonetheless just average.
Absolutely non-romantic, just as friends. Would it be ok to expect a split?
Regular_Efficiency61@reddit
You’re confusing everyone with the word “date”. Date is romantic. Everyone is answering as if you are going on a romantic date.
If you’re going as friends then you generally split the bill or take turns paying, if it’s a good friend.
ApprehensiveDisk8046@reddit (OP)
I apologize 😭 I’m not really good with English words in general and I thought date could also apply to just having a get together between two people (different gender)
CompanyOther2608@reddit
Two people different genders (both heterosexual):
If you’re just friends, you’d “go Dutch” meaning that you would automatically spilt the bill each time you hang out.
If it’s a romantic date, the man would typically pay the first 1-2 times and then you’d take turns, or she would pay every second time or something.
In fact, if you offered to pay, she might assume romantic intentions.
GreenBeanTM@reddit
Note: going Dutch is a very outdated phrase. No young person says it anymore and decent chance they’d have no idea what it means.
CompanyOther2608@reddit
Yeah it’s pretty retro and somewhat insulting, like Dutch courage. I mentioned it only because OP is literally Dutch, and thus may get a kick out of it.
GreenBeanTM@reddit
I’ve never ever heard the term “Dutch courage” before
CompanyOther2608@reddit
It’s historically more common in British and Australian English, and more broadly across Commonwealth countries.
It refers to needing to drink alcohol before doing something scary, like going into battle or giving a speech.
You’ll find it in books or tv shows set in England or Australia. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard it in the States.
GreenBeanTM@reddit
Ah yea, here I’ve always just heard “liquid courage” used for that concept
CompanyOther2608@reddit
Oh, right! Same thing. And definitely less insulting.
wittyrepartees@reddit
As a lady- I often insisted on splitting for romantic dates, but it's still a winning strategy for the man to offer.
stiletto929@reddit
Yeah… I figure that’t how you know it’s a date - he offers to pay. ;)
Regular_Efficiency61@reddit
I don’t understand why a word would apply to meeting a friend of a different gender but not the same gender?
Is this a person you are romantically interested in, or not?
ApprehensiveDisk8046@reddit (OP)
Nope. A get together. Sorry for the mix-up. I was born and raised Japanese and the word デート (date) in Japanese can refer to both romantic and non romantic (friends and family) gatherings so I was bit confused
the_vole@reddit
To make this even more confusing, a date can also mean a non-romantic gathering between people in English as well. For instance, if a buddy of mine wants to go to the bar on Friday, I’ll say “it’s a date!” to confirm that I will be there with him. The real signifier of a romantic date is asking to go “on a date” with someone.
To muddy the waters more, if I am not romantically interested in a new-ish friend who’s of the opposite gender, I would strongly avoid using the term “date,” because when there’s a possibility of romantic intent, I want to be clear that it’s just as friends, not a date.
(I hope this helps and doesn’t confuse you even more)
GreenBeanTM@reddit
“It’s a date” in that context is a joke based off the word meaning a a romantic get together.
Superiority_Complex_@reddit
It’s probably just not a one to one match between the English definition of date and the translation that OP has in their native language, e.g. date in their context/language could mean either a romantic or platonic get together.
Similar to how if I’m talking to a woman and she says she’s getting lunch with her girlfriend, that could mean a romantic partner or just a female friend.
JimBones31@reddit
Ironically, people have been known to call "splitting the check on a date" "Going Dutch".
KevrobLurker@reddit
Yup.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_Dutch
I would pay my date's way in college, unless I was only seeing someone platonically. My girlfriend would bear the burden occasionally, which was one way you could tell she was a decent person. This was all in the last century. The kids may have new rules.
wittyrepartees@reddit
I met my husband in this century. It was expected that women would pay for dates once you were in an established relationship. If there was a big income difference (which there always was with me, usually me as poor), I'd usually get the small things, and they'd get the big things (so I pay for coffee, they pay for dinner). I usually insisted on going dutch the first date, but I knew a lot of women who would have ghosted if a man didn't at least offer. Some of them would even cut things off if the man accepted the offer to go dutch, but I think they were shooting themselves in the foot there.
renegadecoaster@reddit
Usually goes like this for me:
"I'll pick up the tab today"
"No, we can split it."
"You sure? I'm happy to pay!"
"Nope I'm good!"
If someone would break it off because of that exchange, they're not my type anyway.
wittyrepartees@reddit
Yeah, agreed. I always thought they were bonkers, but maybe they found what they were looking for that way.
wittyrepartees@reddit
Nope! Sometimes people will do it jokingly though, and be like "it's a date!" when it's very obviously not. Don't do that with an opposite sex friend who you're not interested in dating though, unless you're gay and they're aware maybe?
That's different than the phrase "choose a date" though, which is neutral. Calling something that you're going to with other people a date = romantic. Talking about setting a date or choosing a date for an event = not romantic and common in business settings.
hops_on_hops@reddit
It is a confusing word and has probably been the plot of many sitcom episodes.
"date" does just mean a planned meeting. It's not technically incorrect to meet your platonic friend for a lunch date.
However, the connotation is usually romantic. If you ask someone "would you like to go on a date?" it is implied that the intentions are romantic.
BrotherNatureNOLA@reddit
That's not correct. Lots of people go on friend dates.
Silently-Snarking@reddit
If it’s not romantic then def okay to split!! Only expected to pay if it’s a first date and you have romantic interest (this is just the norm but not everyone follows this)
PriorSecurity9784@reddit
I will add that if you are doing something to host them (they are staying at your place, you’re sharing your breakfast food from the store, etc) it might be common for them to pay for you if you’re going out
(Eg “let me get this, you’ve been so nice to let me stay with you and show me around”)
Silently-Snarking@reddit
agree with this!!!
ididreadittoo@reddit
A split is reasonable
sjedinjenoStanje@reddit
Absolutely. In fact I think that's the default expectation unless you invited everyone and said "my treat".
ApprehensiveDisk8046@reddit (OP)
I am willing to pay for the first meal or so but not for everything to be honest
sjedinjenoStanje@reddit
You mean you'd pay for one meal, and then the next meal you have together, someone else would pay? (Taking turns)
Some people do it like that, but sometimes some people conveniently "forget" that it's their turn to pay. I only do it like that with my brother where neither of us really cares if one of us is paying more than half the time.
ApprehensiveDisk8046@reddit (OP)
Sorry for causing mix-up What I meant was, as she is visiting my country, the Netherlands for a few days (not solely for me, just on vacation), I am willing to pay for a meal or cafe drink or so, but not for every expense during our get together. Would it be weird?
sjedinjenoStanje@reddit
No, not at all. Really, paying for someone all the time is only common in maybe more old-fashioned romantic relationships; it strikes me as odd in platonic friendships.
If you want to avoid ambiguity, you could say at your first meal together "Since this is your first meal here in the Netherlands, please allow me to pay" implying that the rest will be Dutch treat (a phrase we actually use).
stiletto929@reddit
Yes, that is perfect.
ApprehensiveDisk8046@reddit (OP)
Alright, will do. Thanks a lot!
LupercaniusAB@reddit
Also, if you say that, be prepared for her to say “no, no, it’s okay” and offer to pay her share.
stiletto929@reddit
Oh. If she is visiting you it might be polite to pay for a meal or so. Not required though, and definitely not the whole time.
scoschooo@reddit
pay if you want first time but you have to do this: split everything unless it's really small. every meal or tickets for everything, have her pay her share. she won't care.
Unless she somehow wants you to pay for everything but don't do that. Any good person who is American will be fine with splitting everything.
jc8495@reddit
It would be more common for friends to split the check than it would be for one person to pay, especially at your age
ljculver64@reddit
Yes. Im in my 50s and unless its a birthday or something like that, we still split the check when we go out to eat. Doesn't matter the gender...we all pay for ourselves. Sometimes a guy friend will offer to pay, which is nice but not necessary and not expected
schokobonbons@reddit
Yeah, as friends everyone pays their own way.
PromiseThomas@reddit
Just as friends, a split is ok. Though some people will expect that whoever invited the other person might be paying. Consider communicating ahead of time what you expect.
Informal_Royal6347@reddit
It depends on the affluence of the college but I would say there is a large expectation for men to pay the bill.
Secure-Ad9780@reddit
You didn't have to say you were Dutch. I knew from your question. We have a phrase here, "going Dutch", meaning each pays for his own. Americans are a bit different, usually we take turns paying for meals, but it's not unusual to pay for your own.
sideshow--@reddit
Usually the man pays, but it’s not uncommon to split. If the woman insists on splitting that could be (but not necessarily) a bad sign for the man’s prospects with that particular date.
Vice1213@reddit
Eh i see it as a good sign. Women want equality and deserve it, so why is the man always expected to pay. Dont get me wrong I will and do especially on a first date where I know its expected but if i wanted another person to take care of and provide everything for id just have another kid lol
On a first date i would probably decline an offer to split the bill and cover it myself but it would be nice to know i dont have to be the one to pay everytime, if things do go well and theres more dates. Also shows that shes independent and dosent expect anything monetarily from me.
Why would it be a bad sign?
sideshow--@reddit
So the woman doesn’t feel obligated in any way. She paid for herself and thus doesn’t owe anybody anything. I’m not saying all men would think that way (I don’t and I just assumed that I’d pay out of generosity), but it happens.
GreenBeanTM@reddit
If it’s a bad sign to a guy then that’s someone woman should be insisting on splitting the bill with.
Vice1213@reddit
Okay yea i didnt think of it like that probably because i would never think anyone owes me anything just because i bought them a meal, but some guys are definetly like that.
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
Depending on the generation and social background of the person, sometimes the man is expected to pay regardless of who invites (which is a sign of social conservatism and a general backwards view of gender) OR because guys are more likely to be the ones asking out (which is indirectly also sexist, but one that remains more prevalent today.)
NCErin@reddit
Funny that you’re Dutch, as “going Dutch” on an outing means that you each pay your own way.
It’s generally only expected that a man pays on a romantic date, and even that has become more flexible in recent years.
Sometimes one (regardless of gender) will pay for another when they’re the one that initiated the outing, but that’s not a hard and fast rule.
If I, an American, was visiting my Dutch friend in the Netherlands, I would not expect them to pay for me.
Ok-Growth4613@reddit
Im 31 my gf is 32. We still split bills because we are aware of each other's financial commitments and goals.
Technical-Bath9108@reddit
When I was young, on a date, the man almost always paid. Also, splitting the check was called "going Dutch." Times were starting to change then, so I imagine things are different now.
r2k398@reddit
My wife and I took turns paying for dates when we first met. Then after we were together for a while we just split the bill 50/50.
kat_storm13@reddit
I'm friends with a couple that have a little card they pass back and forth. Whoever has the card pays, and then hands it to the other so they remember who pays the next time.
Drunken_Economist@reddit
jfc that's adorable
Mysterious-Art8838@reddit
Cute!
r2k398@reddit
Pretty smart. But it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I paid twice in a row. We aren’t the type to spend a lot of money going out to eat anyway.
sadthrow104@reddit
Was that one of the little things that made you more attracted to her? :)
r2k398@reddit
I wanted a partner in life, not a dependent. We have four kids. I didn't need 5 dependents.
Drunken_Economist@reddit
No expectation of this at all. In fact it would probably make her a bit uncomfortable, unless you happen to be rich.
Also in the US, the slang term for splitting the bill on a romantic date is "going Dutch".
Biobizlab@reddit
Yes they split bills, everyone pays for their own items.
ThoughtCharming8917@reddit
If the Splitwise app in available in the Netherlands give it a try. Keeps things clean and simple
goblin_hipster@reddit
With friends, usually we'd just pay our own portion. Or one person will pay for everything (sometimes that's just easier), and then we'll Venmo them, or buy a coffee next time, etc.
A_Trash_Homosapien@reddit
One of my friends learned the hard way that you can only do the venmo method with people you trust
Wonderful_Purple4096@reddit
Venmo is so tacky.
ChocolatePain@reddit
How so?
wittyrepartees@reddit
Sometimes you learn an expensive but valuable lesson that way.
Hey-Bud-Lets-Party@reddit
Just have this conversation with her preemptively so you are both on the same page.
PinchedTazerZ0@reddit
With friends its not expected for anybody to cover the bill.
On a romatic date, even the first one, the societal expectation is that the man pays
KevrobLurker@reddit
I would sometimes get dinner, while my sweetie got the movie tickets. We didn't always calculate to the penny. Sometimes the person with a higher disposable income spent more.
PinchedTazerZ0@reddit
For sure I've done that too, was speaking in very general terms because OP isn't familiar with expectations in the US and wanted to be informed
KevrobLurker@reddit
Tip to young dudes, under 30. Learn how to cook a nice dinner for your lady friend. I had good luck with broiled lamb chops, baked potatoes & green beans almondine. Don't forget the mint jelly. YMMV.
La_noche_azul@reddit
All men/ boys generally pay at all ages. If a jobless 13 year old goes on a date his parents will usually give him money to pay lol
KevrobLurker@reddit
Junior may find he'll have a longer than normal list of chores the next day!
Kids still have chores, right?
pawsplay36@reddit
Typically you assume split, but as you move further South, there may be an increasing presumption that whoever did the asking has to be ready to cover if needed.
BrotherNatureNOLA@reddit
Where I'm from (rural South), the host treats someone when they arrive, then things are split, the the visitor treats for the last outing as a thank you for hosting.
LetterheadClassic306@reddit
i ran into this last month with a friend from sweden. honestly college students in the us usually split unless someone explicitly offers to treat. for a non romantic hangout, going dutch is totally fine. she probably expects to pay her share. if you want to be nice, you can offer once, but dont push. its more about being clear upfront than anything else. you can just say 'lets split it' when the check comes and no one will think its weird.
An8thOfFeanor@reddit
Relatively uncommon, we call it Going Dutch
ApprehensiveDisk8046@reddit (OP)
It’s funny to hear that as a Dutch haha As a man, should I expect to pay then?
the_real_JFK_killer@reddit
Yes, typically the man pays
stiletto929@reddit
Only on the first date or two. After that I would expect to split or rotate. Like one of us pays for the meal and the and the other pays for movies/popcorn/soda. My husband always says the great thing about dating vegetarians is we are cheap dates, lol.
stiletto929@reddit
Only on the first date or two. After that I would expect to split or rotate. Like one of us pays for the meal and the other pays for movies/popcorn/soda. My husband always says the great thing about dating vegetarians is we are cheap dates, lol.
AliMcGraw@reddit
We have a bunch of terms in American English that originally used Dutch as a negative (in this case, stingy) that arise from the Anglo-Dutch Wars in the 1600s. "Dutch courage" is slang for alcohol, for example. "Double Dutch" describes things that are confusing or garbled ... and became the name for a jump rope game with two ropes because if you're used to jumping with one, Double Dutch looks very confusing!
Nobody remembers they were meant to be mean, though, because Americans generally think the Netherlands is a very cool place. Most people probably assume they arose in immigrant communities of Dutch people in the US.
workerscompbarbie@reddit
I'll be honest, if it's the first 1-3 days and you bring up splitting, I'll assume you didn't like me. If fact I had a bad date in college and I paid the whole thing cause I didn't want the guy to think I liked him, lol.
Now with my husband we take turns paying.
famousanonamos@reddit
Only if it's a date
allisnwundrland@reddit
I knew it
Smileynameface@reddit
Yes. You will be expected to pay. Some women will offer to split the bill which is nice.
stiletto929@reddit
If you are just friends, each should pay for their own food, movie, etc typically.
spitfire451@reddit
Funny enough we call splitting the bill on a date "going Dutch" or "Dutch treat" though the latter might be archaic nowadays.
SaucyNPC@reddit
When I lived in nyc, if my friend spent a long time on the train getting to my place in manhattan and we went out for dinner, I’d pay. But it’s different for everyone.
Hitthereset@reddit
If it’s not romantic then it’s not a date and you should pay for your own, or you get the tickets and they get the popcorn or whatever evens out.
schoolydee@reddit
everybody pays their own bill unless its some large class outting.
Hairy_Ad4969@reddit
Yes. We call it “going Dutch.”
Brennisth@reddit
Female / American. I always paid when they were a guest to my country (one Polish, one Scottish, one Finnish when I was in college), and offered to pay when I was a guest to theirs (UK, Spain, Japan). I don't think they ever accepted me paying when we were going to a sit down place to eat, but for museums / quick grab food I always paid my own way and they didn't argue.
russgrim@reddit
What's is the logical justification of "the guy should pay?"
Women will say they assume this and then form whole opinions about the guy, but there is no way to justify it.
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
There is no logical justification, although some people will come up with the equally sexist backfill that "women have hair/beauty/etc. expenses related to the date."
Historically, it comes from the sexist notion that guys would always be asking, and that women won't have their own income.
Astro_Birch_317@reddit
On a date, it used to be always expected that the man would pay and that is still pretty common. It is also common to "go Dutch" (ie, split the costs) or for whoever initiated the date to pay. It's perfectly acceptable to say, "hey, let's split the tab, okay?" or "if you pay for the tickets, I'll pay for the snacks" or something like that. If your date replies that he wants to pay for everything, he's probably more traditional.
Friends almost always either split the bill, each pay their own way, or take turns "treating" each other. It's common for couples to do the same after the first couple of dates, as well, especially if they are at the same financial level as each other.
ApprehensiveDisk8046@reddit (OP)
Funny to hear the term as a (half) Dutch haha. Thanks for the answer too!
Astro_Birch_317@reddit
I'm pretty sure it originated as a derogatory label. I've also heard it referred to as "a Dutch treat" a long time ago. My grandparents used that term and "Dutch courage," referring to having a couple of drinks of alcohol to calm the nerves. Over time "going Dutch" lost any negative connotations, thankfully, and the other phrases just stopped being used.
I have no idea who in the English-speaking world had so much beef with the Netherlands....
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
Europeans back in the day had beef with all of their neighbors. You also have to "Welsh" on a bet, "French diseases" etc.
Astro_Birch_317@reddit
I just learned that "welch on a bet" is derived from "Welsh on a bet" and indeed originated as a slur. {sigh}
Silently-Snarking@reddit
The man usually pays for first dates. Wage gap and all 🤷🏻♀️
AndreaTwerk@reddit
I've never understood this argument because the wage gap is an average. That doesn't mean a particular woman necessarily earns less than her date.
I dated a lot of working class guys in college who were paying their tuition and rent themselves - my parents paid both for me. I always split the bill but arguably I should have been treating them.
Silently-Snarking@reddit
It’s called a joke Andrea. Sometimes people make those
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
That doesn't look like a joke.
Silently-Snarking@reddit
Is there a reason I have three notifications from you?
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
Because you said multiple things, all of them worth disputing.
"I was just joking" is generally a good sign the person was not, in fact, joking and just is backtracking.
Silently-Snarking@reddit
No. You’re just an idiot lmfao
AndreaTwerk@reddit
I don't think the wage gap is a joke. Its an actual problem and comments like this don't help.
Silently-Snarking@reddit
You seem like a straight up bad time girl😂
AndreaTwerk@reddit
Is something people love to say to feminists.
Silently-Snarking@reddit
Yes the feminist with twerk in her user. Andrea Dworkin rolls
AndreaTwerk@reddit
I thought you liked jokes?
Silently-Snarking@reddit
Jokes are funny
AndreaTwerk@reddit
But the name Andrea Twerkin isn't funny?
Silently-Snarking@reddit
You either haven’t read her work or you’re mocking it
AndreaTwerk@reddit
Its the second one. I don't agree with her views. Most feminists today don't.
Silently-Snarking@reddit
Speak for yourself! A lot of her work is incredibly valuable even if they’ve been abandoned. Much of what we’ve seen today was warned against by her
AndreaTwerk@reddit
I'm speaking specifically about twerking. Hence the joke in my username.
Again, making half baked comments about the wage gap is the exact thing that makes men on reddit able to claim the wage gap is a myth.
Silently-Snarking@reddit
Again… it was a joke. You are insufferable girl 😂
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
Look up Poe's law.
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
1990s much?
If a woman asked me on a date, and I accepted, it would guarantee this was also a last date if she then expected me to pay for it.
Silently-Snarking@reddit
You must be poor :/
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
Like most college students, I was broke back in college which was the last time I was single.
Haven't been asked on a date since, but my wife would not like it if I were. :) Very much non-broke these days, though.
PromiseThomas@reddit
Sure, but it’s college—they’re probably both making minimum wage if they work at all.
lufan132@reddit
You're going dutch... Because you're dutch? That's actually what y'all do?
I was wondering where the phrase came from.
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
Europeans historically love ragging on their neighbors, and "Dutch" as an adjective for somebody cheap is very old in English, just like anything vaguely exotic (even if undesirable) is French - as in "French kiss" (not a bad thing) or "French disease" (which you don't want; amusingly, historically the French blamed venereal disease on their own neighbors, e.g. "Spanish disease")
HarlequinKOTF@reddit
There is a lot of discourse on it. In short every couple is different. Societal expectation used to be strictly the man pays.
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
Already dying out when my generation was young in the mid-1990s, fortunately.
Altruistic_Cause9442@reddit
On the first date, the man is absolutely expected to pay. It changes later on in the relationship though.
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
If the man is the one asking the woman out, for sure (assuming there are any men involved, which is not a safe assumption in the 2020s :) )
If the opposite, inviting someone else and then expecting them to pay is a major party foul.
AlmiranteCrujido@reddit
Going out with friends: it's usual to split the bill, although if it's a small group and the places usually cost the same, sometimes rotating through who pays can work. For the old friend I get lunch with every couple of weeks, we just alternate.
When friends are visiting me from out of town, I tend to look at it as "hosting" and will offer to pay for things as I'm the host and they're the guest, even if the thing isn't at my house. If they then decline the offer, we can split or alternate. As a guest, I'd always offer to pay for my share, and more usually than not would not get objection unless the host is of an older generation.
I realize you said this is "not romantic at all," but just IME on romantic situations: * for earlier dates, "whoever does the inviting pays." * Once you're actually in a relationship, taking turns feels less impersonal than splitting bills.
AcanthisittaWhole216@reddit
I always split bills with friends, I try to order things that are in similar price range or offer to pay a bit more if I order something pricer. My boyfriend at the time always offered to pay the bill, so I usually suggested that we go to cheaper places and I also tried to find excuse to pay the bill on occasions.
Periwinklepanda_@reddit
It’s funny that you’re Dutch since we call this “going Dutch”.
rawbface@reddit
There should be no debate. "Friends" split the bill.
Former-Fig-9686@reddit
English-speaking people call it “Dutch Treat” when the man and woman pay their own way. So…. if we have a special name for it it must be different. That expression was coined by the English—not Americans.
By the way, the English had another Dutch expression: “Dutch Uncle.” That was someone who lectured you loudly and in harsh, blunt language.
11B_35P_35F@reddit
Do separate checks for each of you. Too many stories of those shitty "friends" that order expensive drinks and meals because the plan going in was the split the bill equally between everyone. So, the person who ordered water and a salad pays the same as the one who order a few $20 drinks and the filet mignon or prime rib.
Turbulent_Group_6616@reddit
We call splitting the bill going Dutch, so I understand the confusion. Here, the man pays all 95 percent of the time.
tarheel_204@reddit
When I’m with friends, we all pay for our own stuff most of the time. If a friend buys my food or drinks, I’ll pay for theirs next time.
Regarding dates, I’m a guy so I’ll usually pay the bill on the first date or two but usually beyond that, it’s cool if the girl offers to cover that one and then you go from there.
IanDOsmond@reddit
It's pretty common to splint bills on a date.
And you will be amused to know that the term for it is "going Dutch."
baalroo@reddit
Just because it's an interesting tidbit here:
The traditional term for both people paying their share is "going Dutch."
But yes, it would be weird to NOT individually pay on an outing with friends.
FivebyFive@reddit
Ha!
We call that going Dutch...or used to.
I'm old.
And yes most people split these days. But often the person who makes the plan will pay or at least offer.
P00PooKitty@reddit
Splitting bills on dates is way more a “what was your background growing up.” Because you get inundated by people from more conservative backgrounds saying the man still pays, but i’m from boston and ran in more progressive circles where it was alaays a split.
OrganizationSouth481@reddit
Gonna depend on the friend group.
It’s not uncommon to split the bill/ each buy their own part of whatever activity.
My friend group is very small though. Usually 1-3 of us at a time. We typically take turns footing the bill. Basically one of us treats, the next time the next person treats. This is usually only with food or activities that need to be booked in advance. Just showing up to say a movie, we’d each buy our own ticket.
Thereelgerg@reddit
Sometimes
kipiman_@reddit
Usually when i take someone out, either friend or romantic interest, i’ll just cover the bill myself
DrMindbendersMonocle@reddit
If its not a date, split bills ir separate checks are pretty common.
EllieIsDone@reddit
I split always.
When I have a guy pay for me, I feel in debted to him, and I hate having people pay for my stuff.
2Asparagus1Chicken@reddit
That's so rude
jackofspades49@reddit
If its not romantic, thene its not a date. No expectation of you paying for it.
sean8877@reddit
If you're friends just split everything, it's not expected you would pay for everything.
Dull_Complaint1407@reddit
In America if it’s just friends one friend might pay then collect from everyone. If it’s a guy and a girl it heavily depends on how the guy was raised. More traditionally raised men will insist on paying while more modern men may split the bill
Steamsagoodham@reddit
With friends the bill is usually split either by what was ordered or divided evenly by the amount of people. Sometimes the restraint will do this, but sometimes to keep it simple one person may just pay the full tab and have the others venmo over their share.
With dating the traditional expectation was that the man should pay, however with younger generations splitting is a lot more common. My approach had always been to put my card down first like I intend to pay the whole thing (which I am totally fine doing), but if she wants to split I dont push back with much more than “are you sure? I got it.” Most of the women I’ve dated would probably be offended if I didn’t let them split.
AliMcGraw@reddit
(In fact in America we call this "going Dutch")
nowhereman136@reddit
Very common but we don't go crazy with it. A common thing would be one person pays for movie tickets while the other pays for popcorn and soda. The tickets are $20 and the snacks are $15. It's not exactly 50/50 but its close enough to feel equitable
comrade_zerox@reddit
"Going Dutch" is an english expression for paying your fair share on a date.
Its been awhile since college, but considering many college students don't have tons of expendable income, splitting wouldn't be uncommon. If its a little more long term, take turns; i paid for this dinner, you pay for the movie ticket or whatever.
Blutrumpeter@reddit
On a date it depends on the region and funnily enough I've heard it called "going Dutch"
largos7289@reddit
If it's friends then it's split or you catch them they catch you another time. No reason to go too much into it.
TheItinerantSkeptic@reddit
With friends, the bills are usually split. Generally the same if it’s a one night stand or an NSA (No Strings Attached; also called a “situationship”). If it’s a date (attraction is involved and one or both parties are hoping it’ll turn permanent), it’s generally appreciated if the man offers to pay, but if his date replies that they’d like to split the bill, the man should agree and not bring it up again.
3Duder@reddit
Fun fact: Going Dutch is an old fashioned term in the US for splitting the bill, usually on a date.
nakedonmygoat@reddit
If it isn't a romantic situation, it's typical for each person to pay for their own. But if you're playing host, then insisting on paying their share for at least one cultural experience, such as a museum or historic site, would be a nice gesture.
Prize_Consequence568@reddit
"Do American college students also split their bills on a date?"
Women still want men to pay. In most cases if they split they'll be no second date.
Yes, yes there are exceptions but it's not the norm.
ExternalTelevision75@reddit
I’m a female American, I would not expect you to pay if it for just a friendly outing
WowsrsBowsrsTrousrs@reddit
That varies a lot by region and even by specific campus. Students at a private university run by a religious group such as the Baptist church are going to have more "traditional values" (man pays) than students at a public university in a large city. Around where I live, it's common for people to take turns paying one person pays for this lunch, the other person pays for the next one.
orcas-@reddit
There’s different kind of friendly relationships with money. Sometimes it’s everyone pays their own way; sometimes it’s i am hosting and want to treat you to some things. Or you are hosting me and i want to thank you by paying for some things. All have their place
Final-Elderberry9162@reddit
Friends in college almost universally split the bill.
GhostOfJamesStrang@reddit
Usually the guy pays, but it is heavily dependent on the relationship and stages thereof.
steester@reddit
The question is about a friend relationship.
GhostOfJamesStrang@reddit
Uh, no. It asks about a date. That implies romantic ideas.
rhino369@reddit
OP is confusing but just edited to say it’s not romantic.
GhostOfJamesStrang@reddit
Oh....goodness. OK.
Sinrus@reddit
As a guy I always go into a first date expecting to pay, but at least half the time I find she volunteers to split it. I would expect to split or switch off any subsequent dates and wouldn’t keep seeing anybody who expected me to pay every time.
Mysterious-Art8838@reddit
I’m a woman and I don’t put up a fight on date 1 but if he starts insisting on paying over and over I do raise the issue. I dated one guy that was such a pain in the ass I was leaving cash on his table and I’m not doing that again.
If the incomes are wildly disparate I don’t see an issue if that’s what people want to do. I dated a very wealthy guy and he simply wanted to do things I couldn’t afford in my 20s. It was hard to get used to but I understand it now, I’ve paid for friends’ vacations because I really wanted them along. He was doing the same thing.
fandizer@reddit
Dependent on the relationship. I would say some people think the guy usually pays. I would personally never date someone who expected me to pay for everything. If you’re a grown person with a job, you can carry your own weight regardless of gender. I think chivalry is treating women like equals 🤷♂️
OldJames47@reddit
It varies depending the culture the people grew up in. Conservative families tend to lean towards the man pays for everything.
Dating in Texas, I usually planned the first date and when it came time to pay I told the women my policy is the one asking for the date pays. If she plans the next one then she can pay, but I got this one.
rando24183@reddit
Are you on a date or hanging with a friend? Hanging with friends is split. A date is a romantic thing, where some people may have different expectations.
Loves_octopus@reddit
Are you talking about a date or just a friendly outing? It’s not super clear.
It is standard to split bills on a friendly outing. Even if it’s something like “I pay this time, you pay next time” or “you pay for dinner I pay for the movie” in a way that generally works itself out.
On a date, many women expect the man to pay but not all, especially in college where there’s a general understanding that nobody really has income. Just set expectations early. Me personally in college, I would always pay on a first date, then maybe discuss splitting subsequent dates.
ApprehensiveDisk8046@reddit (OP)
Totally not romantic, just two friends hanging out for a few days. She’s visiting Amsterdam, where I live. Would it be okay to split?
Baroque_Hologram@reddit
If I were you I’d pay for at least one of her meals since she traveled all that way to visit you.
ApprehensiveDisk8046@reddit (OP)
Right? I was planning on buying her a meal or two to thank her. She isn’t here solely because of me though. She came here for vacation and I was just in Area
Baroque_Hologram@reddit
Ah ok! Still I think you have the right idea to treat her as a thank you!
ApprehensiveDisk8046@reddit (OP)
Thank you so much for helping out!
Loves_octopus@reddit
Yeah totally fine
kjlsdjfskjldelfjls@reddit
Pretty normal to split the bill IMO.
Theslowestmarathoner@reddit
When in doubt just ask what they prefer. May I treat you this time and then we can take turns? Or would you rather pay for your own?
I do not like splitting the bill- I want my own bill. Otherwise I’m paying for your $75 extravagant meal whereas I had a beer and an appetizer for under $20.
Both_Painter_9186@reddit
When I was dating my now wife like ten years ago, I paid the first few times. Then she insisted in alternating. If one of us wanted to do something that was more “our thing” and we just brought the other along- that person would pay.
Ok_Concentrate4461@reddit
It's common to split, or to make deals (like one drives, one pays).
TheKinkyBee@reddit
While my husband and I were dating, we just talked with each other and kind of figured out who was paying. Obviously if we wanted to surprise the other person, the surpris-er would pay. Now that we’re married, I plan and he pays typically.
ants_taste_great@reddit
In college I would guess it is custom to split, unless you ask someone out on a date... then you would be expected to pay. And if a girl asks a guy out, they would be expected to pay. But just friends going to grab some food, you split.
Round_Rooms@reddit
They should, but there's still a pretty powerful stigma that the guy pays, regardless of who asked who and even if the girl is more financially well off.
Positive-Avocado-881@reddit
I’m not in college but not too far removed, and my boyfriend and I have always taken turns. That being said, he went first
racheld924@reddit
Yes. Sometimes. Go Dutch.
yazida@reddit
Talk about it before you go on the date. It's the only way to be sure.
Culturally, in the US, if one person is paying, it should be the person who made the invitation, which is more often the man, if it's a hetero date. However, it's "usually," not "always," and making assumptions will lead to strife, so it's best to just clarify beforehand.
Stock_Hyena7942@reddit
In college if you are both broke, I mean yeah, its courteous. If I could treat a lady I would. Just discuss the expectation beforehand. Be upfront.
allisnwundrland@reddit
Why not ask? Cultural differences are good conversation points. Maybe mention that you recently heard the phrase “going Dutch” and ask what that implies.
shelwood46@reddit
If it is genuinely friendship and not romance (or even if it is romance), then, yes, it wouldn't be unusual to split the bill. Best to discuss it beforehand, though -- there are different ways to split things. For strictly friends, each paying for their own is pretty normal, but sometimes one person puts it on the card and the other repays the card holder. Or you can alternate (this is pretty common with romantic pairs), or if you are doing dinner and a movie, one could pay for both dinner, the other covers all the movie expense (or one person pays for tickets, one pays for snacks/drinks). Sometimes there's the old school thing of the man paying for everything, but that varies a lot, especially if you are both students and not employed full time.
Completely-Lost9@reddit
When I started dating my wife I'd pay for the tickets and she would get the popcorn and drinks, or I'd pay for dinner and she'd buy dessert. We never worried about splitting anything but it was understood we were both paying for something
bonzai113@reddit
I never went to college. my wife and I split the bill while dating. My German born wife always said a guy paying for everything was ridiculous.
Tankieforever@reddit
I’ve usually split the check, but historically men pay for dates and have often had guys be insistent about it. I always go out with the intention that I will be paying for myself, but I’ll never argue if the fella wants to pick up the tab.
WhosThereDracula@reddit
A sort of subtle/unspoken rule is that the person who does the asking out is prepared to pay for the activity. So if I invite a person to drinks, I'm prepared to buy them at least one. For something like a movie, I'll be prepared to buy both tickets. But it's good manners if you're the askee to offer to pay for dessert/popcorn/parking/what have you.
Also young Americans and more left-leaning folks are more into even splits and going dutch then older and more conservative folks.
Eatatfiveguys@reddit
If it’s a date, then the guy pays (at least I did). Otherwise, we split it.
BreadPuddding@reddit
Whomever asked the other out should be prepared to pay, but culturally I think the guy still mostly pays (both because it's more likely he did the asking, and because it's still a cultural norm). Once dating is established people often alternate who pays or split the bills, depending on finances (for example, when I met my husband, I was still a student and he had graduated and had a Real Job while I worked part-time retail, so we pretty quickly dropped any pretense of me paying for much of anything, or we'd only have been able to do free stuff, and he did not only want to do free stuff).
bikibird@reddit
You should offer to pay if you are going on an actual date, because it implies you are generous person. If the romantic interest suggests splitting the check, you can go ahead and do that if you want. If it's a platonic relationship, a lot depends on the relative financial situations of the people involved. Usually, each pays their own way, but If one party is far better off than the others, they might offer to treat the others, especially if they're the one that suggested the outing. Generally there should be some reciprocity involved, with the tab evening out over a series of outings.
twig115@reddit
Its considered customary for the man to pay on a date but there is also a lot more women who are happy to split the bill or trade off on who pays. Some people go with the idea that who ever asks to go out/plans the date is the one to pay. Basically now a days theres more variance but traditionally yes its expected for men to pay.
I personally am in the camp of split on first date so its low stress getting to know eachother and after that try to have give and take on who pays but communicate ahead of time so no one is suprised/ caught off guard. (I'm a gal for reference)
Fit_Poetry_267@reddit
We were both broke in college so we took turns paying. Been together 30+ years. He still bought the ring, though :D
gordonf23@reddit
I would always offer to split the check, but if the other person insists on paying, I'd let them, but I wouldn't let the other person ALWAYS pay. After the first date, I'd insist that we either split the check or that we take turns paying.
donuttrackme@reddit
On a date the guy usually pays. But it depends on the woman. If she wants to pay let her pay. Push back once or twice but then let her if she still insists.
famousanonamos@reddit
Yes it is totally normal to split the bill or just buy your own food when hanging out with friends. It's also common to just take turns paying, but that's only if you trust the person and know you'll hang out again. Just ask them ahead of time if they want to split the bill or pay separately.
SubstantialString866@reddit
We always did it, whoever asked was the one to pay. I knew a lot of guys who felt pressure to pay so I would invite them to free stuff or get tickets or a reservation so no one ever had to bring out their wallet.
hypo-osmotic@reddit
Splitting the bill is very normal for outings among friends. Later in adulthood with increased financial stability it becomes more common for one friend to treat the other but it would not be considered a faux pas to split the bill among friends.
For romantic dates it is still the social standard for the man to pay on a date, especially early in the relationship. Among older or more established couples the woman may occasionally pay but splitting is uncommon for couples. Students might be the one exception, everyone’s poor and can barely pay for themselves let alone a date so the traditional method may be relaxed
Reginald_Sparrowhawk@reddit
I think most of my college dates were to the food court that was free for both of us.
gizmogrl88@reddit
As a woman, I always offer to pay, especially on a first date. My husband, who is British, was definitely not having it on our first date and would not let me pay. Such a gentleman!
BadKarma667@reddit
Is it a date or just a couple friends hanging out? If it's a couple friends hanging out, split the check. As a 47 year old guy, I'm a believer that the guy should pick up the tab for the first couple of dates (though he shouldn't be taking agreeing or suggesting things that are stupidly out of his price range or leave him thinking he's entitled to anything more than a lovely outting with someone he'd like to get to know better). That said, once the relationship has progressed a bit, having the other half pick up the tab is perfectly acceptable.
YogurtclosetOk7654@reddit
When I get food with friends, usually one person pays with their card and the other people pay them back with cash/venmo/zelle
CoffeeGoblynn@reddit
It's becoming more common, but a lot of people still expect the man to pay. The US is kind of socially backwards in that way, where men are expected to pay for dates in most cases despite the fact that women are nearly half of the workforce. I think it's a nice gesture if you ask someone out for a first date, but I'd expect all subsequent dates to be split. That's what my husband and I did.
Roam1985@reddit
Some do. Some don’t. It’s best discussed prior to date.
Lovebeingadad54321@reddit
Usually the guy pays. When my wife and I were first dating, sometimes she would pay for going out for ice cream after I paid for a movie or something like that. It is not unheard of to split the bill, but you NNED to specify that at the time of ask!!!
Something along the lines of “Want to go to the new place for dinner on Saturday? I thought we could just each pay for our own meal.”
TCFNationalBank@reddit
In a heteronormative date the man should anticipate paying. If she offers to split the bill, lightly protest once, and if she reaffirms wanting to split it, then you split it. It's all part of the social dance.
Far-Newspaper-6474@reddit
Guy pays in the first couple of dates. After that, most women will start offering to split. Judging by the comments, this might be regional, though, so you might want to specify what general area she’s from.
FreeStateOfPortland@reddit
Traditionally, if it’s a date, usually the person who asked the other person on the date is the one who’ll pay. With a hetero couple that’s typically going to be the man
kodex1717@reddit
With a friend? Splitting is totally common. If you're at a restaurant, just ask the waiter to split the check (in half is easiest for the waiter, but if you only got a couple things, piecing it out by item is okay too.) Or, if you're doing something else, one person often pays then the other person sends them money on Venmo for their half.
mcaffrey@reddit
It really depends. Yes, the USA has a tradition of men paying for dates. One reason it still hangs on is that women do often have a lot of expenses to look nice for a date that men don't have. But that being said, these things fade a little more with each passing generation, and students in general are more likely to split costs, in large part because they often have very little money.
AndreaTwerk@reddit
This was the norm when I was in college 15 years ago. Everyone was equally broke so the idea that guys would pay wasn't really there.
im_in_hiding@reddit
No. Women expect men to pay.
ALoungerAtTheClubs@reddit
Not on a date. But if it's friends, then absolutely.