expats, have you ever invited your parents to visit?
Posted by Aggressive-Acorn@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 47 comments
I’ve seen positive stories where parents enjoyed the trip, and everything went great.
But are there any cases where you regretted inviting them?
I was thinking of inviting my mother to EU for a week, but I'm afraid I'll regret it. She's been heavily brainwashed by propaganda and thinks all countries are enemies. She lives quite poorly and her country is unsafe, but at the same time she considers herself a patriot.
Recently, friends invited their parents to the EU for a visit, and their opinions and attitudes completely changed. But earlier their opinions were similar to my mother's.
So my question is, has anyone invited their parents and had a negative experience? Any advice is also welcome
MarFrance2019@reddit
My mother only visited me in Wales twice in 10 years and once in 7 years in France. All 3 times she had to be enertained throughout, complained about the weather, the food, the house, everything that was too boring..and got into an argument by blaming me for perceived wrongs I did upon her in the past. I will not let her visit anymore. I go over for her birthday yearly, but that also seems to generate more negatives than positives. From before I arrive shee seesaws between playing the victim who's daughters only visit her once a year (my sister lives in Seden) and martyrdom "no I dont want you to drive aal that way just for me" When we get there the big countdown to our departure starts by her daily statements "that we can only stay a couple of days" so difficult to try to enjoy anything or trying to be in the moment. But then she is a narcissist and there is so muchunspoken hurt. It has made me averse to other people visiting as well though, wich is a shame
Parking-Suspect2460@reddit
I guess it totally depends on each persons situation; i (Mexican) live in The Netherlands, my parents live in Cancun, Mexico and come twice a year for 2 weeks each time. They can be annoying in another way, for them EVERYTHING in The Netherlands is way better than Mexico, which is totally not true. I know Mexico is still very underdeveloped but come on,,,,
Beautiful_Resolve_63@reddit
My open minded mom had a great time. My conservative, bullying in laws were a nightmare and I ended up going no contact over their atrocious behavior.
I think it boils down to "nice people are nice" regardless of environment and "mean people are worst whole uncomfortable". People in the middle have to feel in control or familiar to be pleasant.
I wish you luck.
ajaxdrivingschool@reddit
This 100%. My parents have their flaws, but they are open minded, polite, pleasant, and generally well liked people. They had a great time visiting me in Europe. They probably would have coped in a less developed or more exotic locale as well with a little guidance.
Things to consider: do they watch travel shows or documentaries about foreign countries? Do they read books set in different countries, or about people with different cultures? Do they eat a variety of foods? Are they willing to try “weird” food?
Because comparing two people who never owned a passport, the person who answers yes to most of these questions is going to have a better time abroad than the person who says no to all of them.
Beautiful_Resolve_63@reddit
Yes, that's all good advice. Ironically, my mom was the one that had no desire to travel, try things, or leave beyond her 30 minutes radius by car. She did everything and met everyone. She was really interested in our life. She even kept arguing with us that she was fine when she got injured because she wanted to see it all. We just had her see everything on a scooter so she could rest.
My in laws watch a lot of travel stuff and seemed adventurous. They were so angry at everyone for not being like Americans and speaking English. They went on rants and picked fights with me and locals. They were destructive and intentionally upsetting the order of stuff. It was insane. I was never so embarrassed. I never seen people behave like that either.
For me, it really just boiled down to who were good people and who was not. My in laws have always been awful people but we always thought it was due to family drama. Nah, they're just hateful people pretending to be normal.
petitbateau12@reddit
That sounds insane. Nothing like taking a vaction with narcissists to bring out their full narcissist spectrum.
Beautiful_Resolve_63@reddit
Oh yeah! Lesson learned I guess.
SpaceBetweenNL@reddit
I moved to Europe 8 years ago. I never visited my birth country ever again. My parents came to Europe once (not to my place, but to Paris). Last year, I've met my parents and my grandmother on vacation outside of Europe.
EccentricCantelope@reddit
My mom is coming to see me here in Austria in June, but my parents never visited when I lived in China or Albania. They have a very narrow view of the world, and they're kinda stuck in the 80s/90s in terms of international worldview. I think they were too nervous to visit "dangerous" countries (even though China and Albania are both very safe), but now that I live in fancy Europe, they want to come. I'm excited for my mom to come, a bit nervous too, because she thinks it's going to be all Sound of Music, and I'm not sure how to explain that nobody knows what that is here. I think it's a shame that they never came to visit me before, but maybe it's for the best. They are used to a very particular lifestyle, and going to the Balkans or East Asia might have been too much for them.
Car12touche11blue@reddit
When I lived in Hong kong my mother visited a few times as did my MIL. Those visits were very pleasant because I got on very well with both of them. It also helped of course that we had a live in maid and a driver and lived in a big apartment so no stress about housekeeping and transport. All very privileged of course but nonetheless things that made those visits more relaxed. Also had my sister and her son and daughter over a few times. Nice memories🫶
North_Artichoke_6721@reddit
I tried to get my parents to come to 3 different countries, including one that was English-speaking, but they weren’t interested.
They had lived abroad for my dad’s career, so they knew what to do in terms of passports, visas, and plane tickets, but I think they were just tired of traveling and didn’t want to.
Nowadays I am married to a man who is a dual citizen and we go back and forth to his country regularly. I’ve invited my parents to come with us, and even offered them a free place to stay, but they just don’t want to.
ListenToRush@reddit
My mom also bloviates constantly about coming to visit, but I just know she never will (US to Taiwan). It’s definitely a bummer, but ultimately, she’s the one missing out on hanging out with me (her daughter) and seeing where I live
xAnxiousTulipx@reddit
I've been living in Germany for 13 years with German DH and our (almost--one is arriving in three weeks) three children.
We have visited relatives in the USA about five times over that timeframe. With very small children it's not possible for the next few years.
I have tried over and over again to get my mother, brother and his family to come visit us. We would travel with them wherever they want to go in western Europe and they could stay with us in our home for as long as they like. All the comforts of home provided including food.
They refuse. They are Disney World addicts and it's nothing to spend 15k for the family on a six day vacation, or in the case of my mom, 3k on an impulsive weekend for a Disney Christmas party she's been to many times before.
Visit the grandchild, niece/ nephew? No way, there is always a lame excuse. It's strained our relationship(s) and in the case of my Mom led to near estrangement, which is a terrible way to feel at 9 months pregnant.
Headphonehijack@reddit
Im very sorry to hear about your family. Its a massive shame. Going to Disneyland rather than visiting your daughter/sister and her family is ridiculous.
Out of curiosity, what makes Disneyland such a big deal? I hear a lot about people in the US spending a lot of money on going to Disneyland / Disneyworld / Disney Cruise etc Obviously people from other countries visit as well, I’ve been to both Disney in Florida and Disney in Paris (roughly 15 years apart) but it was never the whole reason for the trip itself.
Why go over and over again, for days at a time? If you like themeparks sure maybe, but there are other themeparks to visit as well no?
SuLiaodai@reddit
Wishing you a smooth delivery and good recovery for baby #3!
Appeltaart232@reddit
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Parents just suck sometimes.
Glitchedme@reddit
My parents come to visit every year. My mother is a republican who is not -quite- maga but some how believes all the lies about the "evil" democrats. However, I see the cracks getting bigger every time she comes to visit. The Netherlands isn't perfect, and there are unfortunately some things that hit a little too close to maga talking points in political discourse. But she still sees the benefits of a better social network, of more protections, etc. Every time she comes I see a little of the brainwashing start to waiver. I think it's important for her to see life outside of the US. She never had before my wedding.
hailingburningbones@reddit
Oh man, I never considered this, but love to hear it! My husband and I are Americans living in NL. My parents have passed but his parents love to travel, helped us move, and came back last year for a long visit. They're very liberal, though, so they're very happy for us to live in a better place, the life of our dreams. Hope you can keep showing your mom how life should be and how people should be treated! Not that NL is perfect, but to me it's a massive step up.
Appeltaart232@reddit
For some reason now I’m thinking you mom is the SNL maga mom 😂
MadeThisUpToComment@reddit
My parents come a little more than once a year and my in-laws about once every two years.
ambergresian@reddit
Yeah they visit every year.
My parents travelled a bunch (dad was military, mom was flight attendant). So did I growing up thanks to my mom's career. So, not that big of an event lol other than travelling is always fun and it's nice to spend time together.
meTHExymiena@reddit
i have long invited me mum and dad for a holiday, sent enticing sunny photos and all but the extensive travel time from europe to south asia has thoroughly discouraged them..
CheeseWheels38@reddit
I regretted each visit by my ex MIL. Her being a terrible person was a huge motivation for my ex to leave her country. But at the same time, culturally, my ex could never admit that her parents weren't great so she felt obligated to host/pretend she was happy to have her mom around. .
Ex-MIL spent the whole time complaining about everything from 24 C indoors in the winter being too cold to the way we organized our kitchen and what we fed our kid.
Even_Happier@reddit
Mine made about 20 cups of tea an hour, our electric bill went through the roof. Then there were all the cigarette butts dumped on the floor around the bin I gave them. They didn’t like we had had a nice house in a nice area (compared to where they lived). Actually that last one pissed them off the most. They not-so-secretly hoped we’d hate it and want to move back.
Familiar_Eggplant_76@reddit
OMG! 24C and I'm like, "WHO IS PAYING FOR THIS HEAT!" (But I grew up in a cold climate and a culture of frugality)
CheeseWheels38@reddit
The government is paying for heat because if it ever goes below 26 C we'll all immediately get sick and die.
/s
Lefaid@reddit
My family thought that me moving abroad was a very stupid thing to do. 2 years after we moved, they visited for the first time and understood why I moved and what I was achieving by doing it. They get it now.
Perhaps your mom's trip could be like that for her.
PhysicalStorm2656@reddit
My dad comes twice a year and spends 6 weeks here at a time. He is super easy to live with and is a help in the house, happy to venture out on his own if we are unable to. Generally the perfect guest.
My MIL we find hard to deal with. She’s been here once in 4 years and my husband asked her to shorten her trip 2 weeks in. They don’t have that good of a relationship (my husband’s recent month long trip to our home country he lived with my dad and saw her 3 times maybe) and there are a lot of opposing views which makes us all just clash. We won’t invite her again but won’t stop her if she wants to come (she desperately does as we are expecting). It’s however not an easy thing for her to do financially, last time she wanted to post pictures of my husband being in a coma on the internet to get people to give her money. So there is that.
Appeltaart232@reddit
OMG. Keep that woman away from that baby.
454k30@reddit
Yup. Both when I lived in Spain and then again after moving to Japan. Never regretted inviting them, they regret never haven taken me up on the invite. Now they are of the opinion that they are too old to travel internationally; and in my father's case physically unable. They used to raise horses and had internet horse friends in spain whom they could've met in person, so they would've loved it.
acoliver@reddit
God no. I mean my parents arent why I became an immigrant but they aren't not why. Also they don't speak Spanish.
Current-Studio6247@reddit
It sounds like they still played a part in shaping your path, even if it wasn’t the whole story.
lazysundae99@reddit
"they aren't not why" sent me and is ridiculously relatable.
MissParTee@reddit
To Norway or Spain? It’s a big fucking difference. Whole other experience.
Zestyclose_Jelly6317@reddit
My mother is currently visiting me from the US in a developing but very expat-friendly country. It’s her first time out of the US, and I expected her to be open-minded. We’re on day 8 of 10 and it’s been a disaster. Fortunately many people did not understand a lot of what she had to say. Things improved when I told her I suddenly had a lot of work and we couldn’t go out anymore. She seems much happier to have food delivered and watch tv. I think she was more interested in visiting me and taking care of me, as parents do, than learning about another culture or place. The role reversal, where I had to take care of her and show her around, didn’t seem to sit well with her. This is more to do with her character than her politics, though.
SchoolForSedition@reddit
I am truly sorry for both of you :-(
SchoolForSedition@reddit
Hey OP I’m sorry for both of you :-(
Vivid-Teacher4189@reddit
My parents visited us last year in Germany to meet their granddaughter. 22 hrs flying time. I hadn’t seen them in 6 years and we’ve never really been that close, I left home the day I finished school and I’ve gone years with minimal contact in the past. They’re mid 70’s now and it was a painful 3 weeks. I compared their behaviour to spoilt toddlers and bluntly told them so, plus a few home truths about boomer selfishness and entitlement. For a couple of days I’d have gritted my teeth and smiled through it but 3 weeks of it was too much. I was counting the seconds until they left. They were very well travelled and open minded people when they were younger so it was a bit of a shock, they had promised to do multiple outings and day trips and overnight trips to Munich, Paris, Zurich etc. we live close to a train station with access to all of Europe, direct trains daily to Munich, Berlin, Hamburg but they barely left the house, walked around the neighbourhood a few times, wouldn’t even go to the supermarket next door, not even once to get things they like, but complained constantly about our cooking and the food we ate and the things I bought them plus multiple other issues. A year later I’ve spoken to my mum a couple of times and I’ve not heard a single word from my dad. Unfortunately I don’t expect to ever see or hear from him again and I haven’t lost much time at all thinking about it. Regrettable and painful all round for everybody.
Even_Happier@reddit
My in-laws invited themselves 4 months after we moved. It didn’t go well and it was their one and only visit in the 16 years we’ve lived here.
mintjulep_@reddit
My parents…they can come if they want but I’d rather not. My in laws are welcome at anytime.
wanderingdev@reddit
My mom has visited me multiple times in Mexico and twice now in Europe. There have been some bumps just from how things are different in each place, but all of the trips were overall good. My aunt has visited me once in Mexico and once in Europe with the same results.
Copy_Responsible@reddit
My parents have visited me in both countries I have lived in and I'm actually on a trip to a neighboring country with them now. It's definitely an interesting experience, more positive than negative. At least with experience, I have been able to give them advice and try to address some behaviors that make things worse - things like telling too many life details to strangers who don't care, over packing, public transport etiquette, and just speaking too loudly in general. There has been improvement for sure.
My parents are in their 60s and don't travel much internationally. When they visit, it ends up being a lot of work playing host, planning things, entertaining them, etc. Sometimes my mom just stares at me like she's so happy to be in the same room, which is sweet in theory but a little much in practice. Still, I'm grateful for the time we have together and will encourage them to visit more so I don't have to go to my home country as much.
Financial_Suit789@reddit
My parents, in-laws, and wife’s siblings all visited at one time or another when we lived in Thailand. Mom and dad were early 80’s, they loved it. My wife even took my parents to Siam Reap to see Angkor Wat by herself - while I was on a road trip. My mom even visited us when we lived in Saudi Arabia. Never had a negative response or any idea they looked at it as anything other than a chance to see the world. I would guess it depends on your parents - some are more open to travel and other cultures, others home-bodies that are not. So - it depends. Have they traveled outside your home country before?
Apprehensive_Bat3195@reddit
Mine won't come. So I can't say.
isUKexactlyTsameasUS@reddit
Just one opinion.
We found that all the things WE really love about living in Europe, 98% are ALL to do with a very high QoL.
But for two (separate) family visitors from the sticks, their lives couldn't be more different
(I'll leave it to folks here to use their imaginations re the QoL for these two from killsville).
What we concluded, was that the things we have - easier to add two links than to try and describe:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXoEX13Al98/?
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXpJd2EjEl2/?
It's so far out of their experience, that they simply cannot see, cannot enjoy.
They're incapable. They both just haven't the tools in their locked-shut-tight toolbox.
Beware, this could be what you're up against.
If they're MAGAs, being 100% entrenched is their USP.
Perfect-Mention-1027@reddit
I invited my Asian parents to come to Europe to visit after I lived there for 6 years. I wanted us to create memories together, and let them see why I like living here. It's their first time in Europe - my mom wasn't someone who is passionate about traveling.
I never ask if they like the trip or not, but let's say for me it also wasn't the easiest trip. I'm constantly between my parents and my partner even though everyone can speak English - just for some reasons my parents don't want to, and my partner also shy and not speaking much. My mom also doesn't like cheese at all, and in some restaurants it's really difficult to find food for her.
A year after that trip, my dad has severe health issues, and it's not possible for him to do such a trip anymore. So looking back, I never regret having that trip with them and I'm really glad that it happened. We created memories that we still talk about years after.
Ok-Commission-4985@reddit
I’ve never had a negative experience with my parents or my in-laws visiting us. We’ve lived in different countries, and their visits have always been positive. That said, we do curate them. I’ve seen attempts at full cultural immersion go wrong.
I usually take them to more tourist-oriented places and avoid too much everyday local life, as that can backfire. I also agree with a comment here: my mom is mainly interested in spending time with my kids.
And the EU is large, so without more specifics it’s hard to suggest a concrete agenda.