Well, you know how people say "you can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family"? Lies. You ABSOLUTELY CAN choose your family.

So we use family titles like a symbol of acceptance.

We accept non relatives as family and address them as such, and we reject relatives as non-family and address THEM as such.

It's simple to me, because I live it but others think our way of doing things is super weird.

I can give you some examples. We freely throw out Cousin to cousins, even if they're not actually related.

My mum's best friend's boy is "Cousin Max" he's one of our people and she is "Auntie LoLo,"

However.... My father's brother's wife is referred to by name. As is her daughter. To be fair... Almost all of my father's side of the family is referred to in such a way including my father actually. I refer to him by name even. They are not "family" they don't deserve the title.

With the exception of my cousin, my father's brother's son. He is Cousin. He is accepted. That side of the family are simply awful, and they've been awful to him too... So we took him. He's ours now.

My stepdad is my dad. My step family are just "family" there's no steps, halves... Family or not. Black and white.

We accept and reject family based on their behaviour, but mostly the intention behind the behaviour.

We don't reject people for who they are, like sexuality, gender identity... Or for any struggle they go through. We support our "customised extended family" wholeheartedly.

We accept people who feel they have little to no family, but want one. They become our family.

My best friends call my mum "mum" even.

But to be rejected you have to do something truly awful and hurtful.

Some examples would be messing about with wills to rip off family members. Trying to scam someone out of property. It sounds a little bit greedy written out like this but understand the context that we are working class and everything we have we have worked so hard to get. We are not the kind of generational wealth some people imagine. It's not so much about the money as it is the effect the money has and the disrespect of the hard work that went into it.

We do not take advantage of one another. We have this way in which we all have different skills and we use that to support each other. All our homes are usually renovated by the family. We have a plasterer, we have a decorator, we have a bricklayer, we have an electrician, we have a plumber, a mechanic... and many many more. We pay one another back in acts of service and this is a family wide love language.

We work very hard to look after each other, a lot of our people are disabled or elderly and everyone works hard to look after them.

The people who can't "contribute" do contribute in their own way, offering love and kindness. Wisdom and support.

Basically. To be given the title of cousin/auntie/uncle you gotta meet the vibes. If you don't then you're a stranger.

And because it's a badge of honour we address people with those titles. Except in the circumstances we have an endearing nickname that the whole family uses.

If we always refer to you by your given name and never with Auntie/Uncle/Cousin/Some Silly Nickname... We don't like you or we don't consider you family.

Siblings, we will refer to each other as Brother and Sister depending on the circumstances. But generally all the sibling groups in my family lovingly roast each other constantly. I call my sister Grotbag and she called me Smellbag. My brother has always been "Baby". But now he's old enough to be lovingly bullied he is now "Fetus" and I remind him that if he breaks up with his girlfriend we are sending him to live with her parents and keeping her. None of it is taken to offense, it's all good natured even if it seems harsh. And if ANYONE picks on a family member the whole family swoops in to protect our own.

In the same way we hold each other to account in a similar manner. If someone does something wrong everyone stands together to correct. And it's a family wide belief that you always apologise... Not for what you did but for the effect you had on someone else.

It's about unity ultimately.

Blood doesn't make a family. Love and Commitment does.

And to the people who show us that they get the title. Those who don't don't.

And because of the weight of what those words mean we use it a LOT.

Think of my family structure like a tribe. That's probably the best explanation. These titles are a sense of belonging. We are all part of something greater.

But I also think that my extended family has a lot of matriarchal influences. The women in my family hold a very high regard. The Grandmas are the centre of our family and the whole perspective is "look after each other,". And because of this the whole affair is very egalitarian.