Americans who had step-moms, did they treat you well?
Posted by wolfieee8@reddit | AskAnAmerican | View on Reddit | 74 comments
In my culture step moms always portraits as an evil hateful person towards her step children , in the reality even if they weren’t they mostly don’t acknowledge the kids and the dad mostly will leave his children to the grandma or their mother.
So my question is it common that American step moms love and raise raise her step kids?
darkhuntresssyn45@reddit
My step mom was awful for years! Always making snide comments, threatened to hit my brother once, screamed at me for using "decorative" pillows when those were the only ones provided, but the biggest issues we always had was church attendance. My siblings and I were not raised religious in the slightest and she took it personal to the point that while my parents were still getting divorced it had to be issued as a court order that her and dad couldn't force us to go to church. We had an okay relationship when I was an adult when she finally got on some medication. She passed a few years ago from complications of surgery and I get along so well with my dads current girlfriend.
Enough-Secretary-996@reddit
Not a step mom but I do have a step grandma (dad's step mom). She was a third grandma to me and my siblings until our grandpa died and hasn't had any contact with us since his funeral. I almost thought about messaging her on Facebook and inviting her to my high school graduation but I figured that if she hadn't shown any interest in me in over 5 years at that point she probably still wouldn't.
Sure_Tree_5042@reddit
I think you should reach out. She may feel misplaced since the death of her spouse and not feel like “his family” is still interested in her. Communication is a two way street, and if nobody has reached out to her she may feel unwanted/burdensome.
tigglypuf@reddit
My moms on marriage number 4, she started dating my current stepdad when I was 17. I’m 41 now and he’s the best dad I’ve ever had, my kids age never known another grandpa, he’s always there for us. My poor younger step siblings got the short end of the stick. While he’s the best stepdad, he’s was a terrible dad, always screaming and cussing at them, put his hands on my stepbrother. Their biomom was an alcoholic with little contact who died in a car accident when they were 11 and 13. Then they got my mom as a stepmom and while she was an okay mom, she was a wicked stepmother for sure.
jackofspades49@reddit
I have a lot of step family members.
My great grandma on my mom's side and my grandma on my dad's side both got divorced and remarried or repartnered before I was born.
I'll call them Grandpa Pepsi on my mom's side and Granpa Coke on my dad's.
Both were incredible, sweet, loving, and supportive grandparents. Grandpa Coke was a trucker and I used to visit him on weekends and he's make breakfast and take me on hikes. Grandpa Pepsi I saw a lot more frequently since my mom had custody. He was into movies and rocks and horror. He got me started on so many things I'm passionate about.
I say this, to say, that step parents aren't innately bad. They're only as good or as bad as the person in question and the chance they're given to be their best.
I do have a stepmother as well, I'll call her Sprite because I never really called her Mom, even though my dad married her when I was seven. She's always een Sprite or Stepmom. She's intelligent, outspoken, and loving. She helped me find books when I was little and was the first person to ever play dungeons and dragons or magic the gathering with me, despite her strong catholic beleifs (a big deal in the 90s). She has 3 kids with my dad and, while we didn't grow up together due to distance, she never made me feel "less than" or othered as a result. As an adult, she's helped me when I had health issues andtaught me alot of domestic skills that my biomother didn't. Or I wasn't ready to listen because I was teen at that time she was trying to teach me.
She's incredible, and I'm very lucky to have her in my life.
bizoticallyyours83@reddit
I love the nicknames. This begs the question, which beverage are you?
FizzPig@reddit
My stepmom is my most stable parent and I owe a lot to her. She's awesome.
Raddatatta@reddit
It's often a complicated relationship and varies a lot person to person. For me it was tough but I was more of the problem in that relationship than she was. I was a 13 year old who had just had my parents get divorced and was still processing that when she came into my life. And I got along well with my Mom and my Dad so I took my negative emotions about the divorce out on her more than I should've. I wasn't terrible but I didn't like her for a while so mostly gave her the cold shoulder. But she treated me well, for the most part. We had some friction for a while but it got a lot better once I was an adult and had gotten over things and when I moved out and we had some distance and didn't have to live together that helped too. Bottom line is she's a nice woman who makes my dad happy and they work together great as a couple. But it was a rocky road to get to that point.
qu33nof5pad35@reddit
My dad’s current partner isn’t really a stepmom to me… I don’t even think they’re married, and she doesn’t have children of her own… but she treats me like I’m her only daughter. My dad has told me she would do just about anything for me and my sister.
Relevant_Airline7076@reddit
She tried way too hard to replace my real mom (who not only was alive, had primary custody) even after I told her to stop
One_Bicycle_1776@reddit
My father liked them crazy is all I’ll say..
dobbydisneyfan@reddit
My mom gained a stepmom when she was an adult. It’s a bit different since she technically wasn’t raised by her. However, they get along well enough and it’s clear my grandfather is happy. He’d been widowed for 2 years by that point and was ready to move on.
AggravatingStage8906@reddit
Yup. She is a very different person than my mother (who passed away) so there were growing pains but she and I talk regularly on the phone and I will always consider her family. I don't quite consider her my mother just because I was 16 when she moved in and I moved out when I was 18 so there wasn't much raising going on but definitely she is family and in conversation with her or others I refer to her as mom. My step brother is my brother and we are all a family.
weeniehutjunior1234@reddit
Mine sucked, but she was very shitty to her own kid too. I cut contact.
CA5P3R_1@reddit
My stepmom has always been great to me.
papercranium@reddit
She was never abusive, just rude and abrasive. It's pretty clear she never liked me and my sibling, and we never liked her either. To be fair, she's the woman my dad cheated on my mom with, so I definitely have baggage about her. She's the main reason I don't see my dad very often.
MinimumPosition979@reddit
Mine was not great, and I keep minimal contact these days. She's nicer now than she was when I was a kid, but too much damage has been done.
Current_Mongoose_844@reddit
Mine's a bitch, but she married my dad-who's also a bitch.
Stepfather on the other hand, awesome.
bass679@reddit
I’ve had 3 step moms so the experience is pretty varied.
1st one was the reason my folks got divorced, well dad was the reason but I digress. She was okay until she lost a baby of her own. It was traumatic of course and for years she didn’t want me around. Like, honestly didn’t want to see me for a couple years and didn’t want me at their house for many more. She was never directly mean, she just didn’t want me in their lives. They divorced when I was 12 and we have a cordial relationship over facebook and stuff.
2nd was generally pretty great. She insisted that dad be an active part of my life. He took me shopping for school clothes for the first time when I was 16. Her mom however, did not approve. Dad and I aren’t catholic so she didn’t consider their marriage real and dad doesn’t have a degree so he wasn’t good enough anyway. And my stepmom wouldn’t stand up to her mother. Step grandma explicitly told my dad and I we weren’t invited to an event because it was family only when they had been married 5 years. Anyway that was the root cause of that divorce. I don’t keep up with that step mom but dad is still on good terms with my step sister.
3rd is awesome. She and my dad have been together since I was 27. She’s only 3 years older than me which is…. Fine. We’re friends and she adores my kids. Not much to say here, they’ve been together for a long while now and I think this is for the long haul.
deebville00@reddit
My stepmom was terrible, but as a person in general, not just as a a stepmom.
SuperPomegranate7933@reddit
She was okay. Not abusive, but dad's house always seemed full of anger, not love.
pborenstein@reddit
My partner was listed as one of the people who could pick up my son from school. In the line for relationship, she would write "Evil Stepmother". We did that for the six years he was at that school. He thought it was hilarious
Chazzysnax@reddit
America also has the "Evil Stepmom" myth in media and fairy tales but it's not expected to be reality. In real life it's very dependant on the individual relationships.
Veronica___Sawyer@reddit
She treated me well until she got pregnant and had her own kid. Then I wasn’t needed anymore and it was made obvious to me. Not in direct words but everything was done to let me know I didn’t have a place in their home. And I mean that literally. There were two spare bedrooms in the house but I never slept in them. One of them, she made sure to let me know the previous owner killed himself in it (I was 8) so I didn’t want to sleep there, and the other was for her clothes. (And not in a “the whole room was a closet” way. There was a bed. She just kept extra clothes in that closet.) I slept in the living room, either on the couch or on the floor in a sleeping bag.
My father didn’t seem to care. It completely ruined my relationship with him. Now I’m an adult and haven’t spoken to him since 2019.
sunny_6305@reddit
She didn’t treat me badly and helped me obtain opportunities but emotionally she always held my sister and I at arms length.
Alternative-Rule-547@reddit
Similar here. I wouldn't call her abusive or anything but defo preferred her own kids and kept me and one of my bros at arms length. Her own kids could do certain things and it wasn't an issue, me and my siblings do the same it was a problem.
She didn't sign up for us and personality/interest wise we were different people. I wish our relationship was closer but after a while I accepted it wasn't gunna happen/can't keep building bridges for people who won't cross it. Then the universe granted me a kick ass MiL to make up for it (my BM can/is a difficult person as well).
L_knight316@reddit
I mean, the evil step mother is a common trope in story telling but and divorce/family courts have a bad tendency of turning families into battlegrounds but its not something I'd say is EXPECTED of step mother's alone.
11twofour@reddit
Yes, my stepmom is great. Especially for how she dealt with moody teenage me.
BoBoBearDev@reddit
In Taiwan, my uncle basically abandoned his two kids because the step mom don't want to live with them. My grandma lived with the two kids. My silly grandma wasn't educated enough, so she didn't get a lawyer before she died. She verbally told the witnesses that she wanted to give the house to the two abandoned cousins. The step mom told the simp uncle to seize the house, so she can give it to her own kids.
So, evil step mom truly exists and it can be anywhere around the world.
seanx50@reddit
My step mom is fine. We aren't close. But never any problems
Ceorl_Lounge@reddit
Yeah that's about it. She's nice and good for my Dad but that's most of it.
anti-pineapple@reddit
I had several different step moms growing up and while one of them was fine, most of them were stereotypically terrible. Viewed me as competition with their own daughters, mistreated me just because they could, etc.. I have some level of sympathy for them because I know they were being mistreated by my dad, but still they should have gone to therapy or something instead of taking it out on a kid.
Theslowestmarathoner@reddit
Neutral. She wasn’t involved whatsoever. I doubt I will ever see her or talk to her again outside of social media if my dad should pass. Same for my mother’s husband. Like a fart in the wind.
jesusmansuperpowers@reddit
I have an evil stepmother. Like so bad it has made everyone I ever told a few stories cry.
majandess@reddit
My stepmother didn't even want her own kids. She certainly didn't really want me. We have gotten to the point where we are pleasantly able to converse in short bursts two or three times a year.
Ok-Pumpkin400@reddit
Same
Agitated_Hair_2561@reddit
My stepmother did everything in her power to alienate my father from his first children. Haven’t talked to my dad in 40 years.
trilogyjab@reddit
Terrible stepmother. Manipulative and emotionally abusive.
Courwes@reddit
No but I was also an adult at the time my dad married her. She was jealous of our relationship and that I was a priority for him. I chose to step back for the sake of his marriage. Instead of calling my dad when I needed help with something I started asking friends. They ended up divorcing after 10 years anyway and now he’s on his fifth wife. She does treat me well.
msangieteacher@reddit
My stepmom was better than my dad. They divorced 15 years ago and I still visit her when I go to visit my dad. My kids call her grandma. She’s the best.
SouthernGentATL@reddit
I like me Stepmom better than I liked my bio mom
FilthyMindz69@reddit
Like anything it takes all kinds.
My step mother was awful to me.
starplooker999@reddit
She was a sweet woman who loved my father, as if they had been married forever. She treated me like one of her own children.
Hoosier_Jedi@reddit
Yep. She’s introduced me as her son and is a great lady who loves my dad. Couldn’t have asked for better.
Bright_Ices@reddit
My parents stayed together but my spouse’s stepmother was not good to my spouse. She would do things like read a book to her genetic children and leave my spouse out. She also had a lot of shame and used a lot of shame in her parenting. And she failed to protect my spouse from her sons. She’s a difficult woman in general and we don’t have contact with her now (spouse’s choice).
BUT spouse’s mom remarried a little later on and the ex-wife of that man was good to my spouse. He and the ex had a same-age child they were peacefully coparenting. She included my spouse in everything and sometimes paid their other expenses because she recognized a huge financial difference between herself and my spouse’s mom. She was, and is, a very kindhearted woman.
cometshoney@reddit
Luckily, I was already married and gone when my father remarried because I hit the evil stepmother lottery. If I wrote a book about it, people would think I was making shit up. Nope, she was just that horrible.
Capital-Yogurt6148@reddit
Mine is straight up evil. It was fine when I was younger, but once I hit my preteen years, I honestly am not sure why she changed, but I think people started comparing me (goody two shoes, devout Christian, started a prayer club in my public school) to her older teens (who each started smoking, drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around 13 or 14 years old).
Whatever it was, it was like a switch flipped. Suddenly, she hated me and made my father choose between her or me. He chose her and walked out of my life when I was 13.
They moved to another state (hundreds of miles away) when I was 17. My father didn’t tell me until his last trip back to our state for the last of his stuff. He refused to give me his new address or home phone number, because he didn’t want to risk me calling the house and “upsetting” his wife. The only thing he would give me was his work cell phone number. He told me if I needed to send him anything, I could send it to my aunt in a different state and she’d send it to him. That’s when I finally blew up at him for the first time in my life.
I’ve seen my father and her a handful of times at family events since then (I’m 40 now), but they both ignore me like I don’t even exist. Except when my father’s siblings call him out; then he’ll make a token effort, in public, solely so people will see and get off his back.
SummerFlowers09@reddit
I don't but my husband's stepmother is a wonderful person who treated him the same as her bio boys once she married his dad while he was in highschool. They always got along and my kids and myself all love her. We're lucky she's our family. She's nuts but so is my mom...lol. Family can be nuts.
fakesaucisse@reddit
I consider my stepmom to be my real mom. Like, I call her mom and refer to my bio-mom by her first name with my dad and friends. My bio-mom was awful to me all of my childhood, she died when I was a young teenager and I didn't cry. My stepmom has now been in my life longer than her and saw me through significant parts of my life with care that I wouldn't have gotten from my bio-mom. She wins.
lemonclouds31@reddit
My stepmom tried to out me to my mom. She called her up at the crack of dawn and was like "I saw her kissing a girl!!!" And my mom was like ".... ok, and?"
They also moved in together, got engaged, AND MARRIED!!!!!! All without telling my siblings and I.
I think that my step-mom was stupid for ever joining our family. My dad treats her like trash, and she tries to buddy up to my mom and I and talk shit about everyone in the family, including my father and other siblings. Luckily I was already 18 when she came around, so I've never had to live with her unlike my younger siblings.
skyebluuuuuu@reddit
I have two step parents! My dad remarried when I was about 7 and I love my step mom! We are very close, I just had dinner with her today lol.
My other step mom(mom gay), my mother’s wife is fine. She’s not evil but I don’t like her tbh. But I’m kind to her bc she makes my mom happy so that’s fine. She’s not ugly to me either(she was to my sisters in the past), I don’t particularly like her personality.
wolfieee8@reddit (OP)
Why if that’s ok to ask?
Pompi_Palawori@reddit
My stepmom is lovely and so are my step siblings.
FreeStateOfPortland@reddit
She was fine. But I hated her for destroying my family.
No-Fix-614@reddit
It really depends on the person, not the country, some stepmoms are great and treat kids like their own, others stay distant, but the “evil stepmom” thing is mostly just a stereotype, not the norm.
ClickClick_Boom@reddit
Met her at 13 and I'm 33 now, she's a total bitch to this day.
feryoooday@reddit
My stepmom is a wonderful woman. She said I was the daughter she always wanted.
bazackward@reddit
First stepmom was more like an older sister. She'd write notes so I could skip school and not get in trouble and she didn't have to take me. I loved it as a kid, but as an adult looking back, my dad would be pretty angry if he knew (realizing now I never told him).
Current stepmom is a very nice person and has been married to my dad for almost 30 years. I don't have a deep relationship with her since I was basically an adult when they married, but she's never treated me poorly.
Crazy_Raven_Lady@reddit
My stepmom is great. Growing up she was the fun mom. She’s always been wildly eccentric and goofy and wasn’t one for strict rules or anything.
Wen60s@reddit
My stepmother was an absolute angel. My mother died when I was 9. My stepmother was my mother until she died 5 years ago. I’m 71 now, and miss her like crazy.
CambrianCrew@reddit
My stepmom is my real mom. She may not have given birth to me but she raised me as if I was her own, and made sure her family never treated me as anything else.
insertcaffeine@reddit
My stepmother tried her best and there was no doubt that felt love for us, but she wasn’t able to be a good mother figure because she wasn’t very mature and she was an alcoholic.
EveningRequirement27@reddit
That depends, is the dryer broken?
OldDogWithOldTricks@reddit
Nope, she was a bitch and the reason I moved out at 17 while still in high-school.
BackgroundSame811@reddit
Mine was spoiled and childish and when she moved into our house all of a sudden there were new rules that made it feel like a boarding house and us kids were unwelcome. 4+ do not recommend
Busy-Claim6797@reddit
I love my step mom. I think of her as an additional mom.
She’s been with us since I was 11 and gave birth to my baby brother when i was 18. She introduces me as her daughter.
Even if she and my dad divorced I would still be her daughter and go see her without him.
Dear_House5774@reddit
Step father. Dad died. Step father always supportive and well intentioned but both parents obvious examples of the phrase "parenting dosent come with a manual". Good guy and did the best he reasonably could with the resources he had.
kokujinmatto@reddit
My stepmom is a legit third parent. I had to move in with my dad and her. She was pregnant with her third child from my dad, but she immediately accepted me as one of her own. She even included my name on her tattoo of all of her kids. I love that woman to the moon and back!
Fourty2KnightsofNi@reddit
I had one step mom who was abusive and one who was pretty great.
kaimcdragonfist@reddit
No, but she doesn’t treat her actual kids all that well either so I don’t take it personally 🤷♂️
mossfluff@reddit
Mine was very aware of the “wicked stepmom” trope and took personal offense to it. She wasn’t abusive, she wanted to marry before her 30s and my extremely recently widowed father was interested in dating at that age. I didn’t notice the role he played until much later in being the good guy in the story, but she spent a lot of time complaining about how my mother raised me and the bad habits she taught me. I didn’t have an abusive childhood but I think it would have been more open-minded without my father’s insistence that I have a female role model to raise me right after my mom died.
Berserk-Jane@reddit
No, not really. I'm glad my dad left her.
zombiefacelol@reddit
She hated us and it showed.
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
All of mine were lovely. My father is a terrible person but at least he never married women who disliked kids, or didn't want his kids around. We just got back from a birthday trip for one of my stepmothers.