Americans who had step-moms, did they treat you well?
Posted by wolfieee8@reddit | AskAnAmerican | View on Reddit | 177 comments
In my culture step moms always portraits as an evil hateful person towards her step children , in the reality even if they weren’t they mostly don’t acknowledge the kids and the dad mostly will leave his children to the grandma or their mother.
So my question is it common that American step moms love and raise raise her step kids?
Financial_Tower_6137@reddit
Mine definitely didn’t. She was intensely jealous of my siblings and me, to the point that both my sister and I ended up moving in with our mom at different times during their eight-month marriage. The situation was especially frustrating because the house was one my dad had purchased and renovated before everyone moved in.
She had two younger sons and often claimed they both had brittle bone disease, yet she had no problem putting them in a full-contact sport known for broken bones. My siblings and I have long suspected there was more going on than what we were told… think of Yolanda on RHOB and the Lyme disease, and what Rinna had suspected.
The household dynamics were bizarre. We had separate refrigerators and pantries, and I once got grounded simply for telling one of her sons that it was rude to go through someone else’s purse.
One morning near the end of middle school, around 5 a.m., I woke up to her screaming at my dad, “It’s all about your kids!” Later that morning, my dad drove me to school and explained what had happened: my sister had nearly been killed by a semi-truck the night before, and he needed to go to the hospital to be with her. The fact that she was angry about that tells you everything you need to know.
That same day, or very shortly after, my dad took my brother and me to my mom’s house and told us he was filing for divorce and we were moving out ASAP. The whole thing happened incredibly fast and felt like a complete whirlwind.
The happy ending is that, years later, when I was around 22, my parents found their way back to each other. They’ve been married ever since.
It was a wild chapter in our lives. As for the ex-stepmom, I’ll just say that bitterness has a way of manifesting itself physically in the looks or lack of department.
Mountain_Air1544@reddit
I like my step parents more than my actual parents lol. My step mom is cool she watches my kids every Saturday
she-dont-use-jellyyy@reddit
No. She hated that my dad had kids before they were together. She rationed my shampoo (literally took it out of my bathroom and gave me a shampoo allowance each day. And it was White Rain. It wasn't expensive lol). She stopped giving me my psych meds because she "didn't see a difference." She threw a bitch fit when I broke my foot because she had just had a miscarriage and I needed some of my dad's attention (like a ride to the hospital to have the bone set). She wrote my mother a long letter about what a piece of shit I was when I was FIFTEEN and depressed.
DuelJ@reddit
Yeah, she was great
Artistic-Fish1125@reddit
My mom remarried after my dad died. I couldn't tell you a damn thing about the man. I didn't know his middle name. I didn't know where he went to college. I had absolutely no relationship with him whatsoever. He died in lockdown and all I could think of was good fucking riddance.
sgtm7@reddit
I didn't even find out my mother wasn't my biological mother until I was around 12 years old. She was the only mother I knew, and she treated me well. (My biological mom died when I was 2 years old.)
No_Cobbler154@reddit
yeah, she was fine. she was 18 when my 30 year old dad left my mom for her though so….. whatever. there was always bitterness & resentment toward her. she knew she took a married man with 4 kids. then one day he left her too
theproestdwarf@reddit
First stepmom was insane, tried to convince a mentally unstable me that I had been an evil witch in a past life, and then died of cancer.
Second stepmom was indifferent but did take me to Starbucks and introduced me to MMOs when I visited my dad. I'm pretty sure they mutually cheated on each other and she got a decent chunk of money out of him when they divorced.
Third stepmom came when I was too old to really consider her a "stepmom" and I think I met her like twice (and half the time can't remember her name).
damnyankeeintexas@reddit
My step-mom is great. I am 50 now, I was 12 when she married my dad. She is great for 1000 reasons, she got my father to not be such a rage monster like his father was to him. She never talked bad about my mother. She always helped with school and gave good advice. Even now we still talk sometime more than my birth parents.
cometshoney@reddit
Luckily, I was already married and gone when my father remarried because I hit the evil stepmother lottery. If I wrote a book about it, people would think I was making shit up. Nope, she was just that horrible.
TillikumWasFramed@reddit
Same. Evil person.
cometshoney@reddit
Was your father totally convinced that your stepmother was a psychic who had helped solve murders, could talk to animals, and could heal you by laying her hands on you? Did your stepmother tell your father that you were a crackhead, then told everyone she knew that you had been in prison for a few years, even though you had never touched crack, and your longest jail stint was 2 hours? If so, we had the same stepmother. After all, my dad found out once the divorce got good that he wasn't her second husband or even her third. Nope, he was her seventh husband. It's actually entirely possible we could be talking about the same woman...lol.
OtherlandGirl@reddit
I’ve told stories about mine (I was 14 when they married) and people assume I’m exaggerating. No outright abuse, nothing like that, but there are many kinds of horrible.
zombiefacelol@reddit
She hated us and it showed.
TillikumWasFramed@reddit
Same.
jesusmansuperpowers@reddit
I have an evil stepmother. Like so bad it has made everyone I ever told a few stories cry.
Ok-Pumpkin400@reddit
Same
TillikumWasFramed@reddit
Same. The stories didn't make anyone cry that I recall, but many we shocked.
majandess@reddit
My stepmother didn't even want her own kids. She certainly didn't really want me. We have gotten to the point where we are pleasantly able to converse in short bursts two or three times a year.
TillikumWasFramed@reddit
No
moonsicklovelight@reddit
nah she was as abusive as my bio mom lol
LSchnerg@reddit
She’s great! My dad died 14 years ago but I still consider her my stepmom and my kids call her grandma.
nomadschomad@reddit
Disney certainly perpetuated the evil stepmom trope: Cinderella, Snow White, Tangled, Enchanted, Parent Trap, etc.
In real-life it depends. Sometimes there is a truly loving "bonus mom." Sometimes awful Dad marries 20-year young bimbo who simply doesn't care. Sometimes awful dad marries to pawn on the kids on some unwitting brood surrogate who resents the role. Sometimes the kids are truly and royally messed up from a contentious divorce and stepmom never has a real chance despite the best of intentions.
I think the current generation (younger X, older Millennials) are better than some previous generations at making blended families work decently well.
Loud-Bee-4894@reddit
Somewhat. She was controlling with everyone.
Express_Leading_4840@reddit
My husband's step mom raised him from the time he was about 7 until he was an adult. She was his favorite.
Evening-Training-712@reddit
Yes. My father married a wonderful woman who was nothing but amazing to my sister and me; my mother was very grateful as my father could be really unpredictable and violent. The marriage didn’t last but she would regularly drive across the state to visit us and take us for long weekends. We eventually lost contact with her but I’m thankful she was a part of our childhood.
PhilipAPayne@reddit
She thought she did. Honestly I cannot say she treated me much differently than her own kids, though she did not treat them all that well.
lavendergaia@reddit
I was a difficult child (daddy issues and undiagnosed bipolar disorder), but my stepmother and I get along really well now that I'm an adult.
Technical-Bath9108@reddit
Each individual is different, but I think most Americans would agree that if you marry someone with children, you should love and take care of their children, as you would your own. If you don't, you would be considered an asshole. I'm a step dad and I refer to my step sons as my sons. A couple of months ago, one of my sons drove 3 hours to come our house, because a girl broke his heart and he wanted to talk to me about it.
kokujinmatto@reddit
My stepmom is a legit third parent. I had to move in with my dad and her. She was pregnant with her third child from my dad, but she immediately accepted me as one of her own. She even included my name on her tattoo of all of her kids. I love that woman to the moon and back!
Zappagrrl02@reddit
I was in high school by the time they got together so I don’t think of my stepmom as a third parent, kind of more of an aunt role. She’s there for us, but not in the same way as a parent. There’s a familial relationship though.
straycatwrangler@reddit
Not really. She was nicer to my little brother, but he was much younger when she entered the picture.
hippiechick725@reddit
Mine hated me, for no reason other than I look like my mother.
Fortunately my dad divorced her.
Streamjumper@reddit
I technically had a stepmother. My then 65 year old dad hooked up with this woman a few years younger than him who he married a few years later. My mother had died about a decade prior, and I don't begrudge him a need for companionship, but she was a terrible person. She was a bit (being generous here) of a narcissist, more than a little of a gold digger, and had a chip on her shoulder when it came to me and my sister (and my nephews).
I kept a distant but fair relationship with her. I didn't treat her like a stranger, and was definitely warmer to her than her to me, but she really didn't like the one time I explained to her that I wasn't going to call her "mom" or see her as one. I was a grown-ass man in my late 30s, with my own life and household. She had been no part of my life up til that point (and I refrained from saying it, but made zero effort to be part of it even after she was in it), and certainly wasn't a mother to me.
She was also a liar and an alcoholic. We tried to get her help on those for both her and my father's sakes, but she shat all over the times we got her into some very good recovery programs.
After multiple times of lying, stealing, and relapsing, my dad finally had enough. He divorced her, booted her out, and last I heard her kids put her in a home where she's currently dealing with alcoholic dementia.
She was a horrible person, but I don't blame that on being a stepmother, just a horrible person to begin with. Two of her three kids are trainwrecks of her making and the third is trying to deal with the baggage she got left with due to her shitty luck of the parental lottery.
Meanwhile, I've had quite a few friends who've had decent step-parents of both kinds, and several who had amazing step-parents. While the situation has some baked-in social "features" that can be problematic, many of them can also make for a great relationship. One of my friends is way closer to her stepmom than most bio daughters I've seen are to their moms, and I feel that the choice element is a strong factor in that.
ZaphodG@reddit
It was all fine until she died and I learned that her attorney sister had worked out out to break a real estate trust that was designed to leave my father’s real estate holdings to his children. It was part of his divorce agreement but not contestable in court. My father’s estate went entirely to some niece of my stepmother. I was in my 20s when my father remarried. My father had severe dementia for the last decade of his life and was in memory care. He signed documents when he was not mentally competent.
humanofearth-notai@reddit
I had 3. I liked the first, she was fun a lot younger than my mom or dad. Very much like a big sister vibe and she was respectful of my mom.
The second was a step monster and those years of my life were horrible. Somehow my father seems to forget and cherry pick the situation.
The third is still his current wife. I like her. She's a friend and she really straightened my father up.
SavageQuaker@reddit
Mine was a literal wicked stepmother. She has a masters in counseling and used it to justify my fad beating me. He would beat me, I would scream for help, and she would stand behind him grinning at me and BOUNCING with delight, with her arms crossed. May that woman rot in hell.
Signal_Lie6630@reddit
Mine pretty much treated me like a guest when I would visit and would openly call me an “ungrateful bitch” (she met me when I was 3). And to this day completely ignores that I exist. If you didn’t already know about me you would think she only has her two biological kids as there are no pictures of me in their house.
I think it’s just a case by case basis and really depends on the person.
Squirrel_Doc@reddit
I’ve had 2 stepmoms and 1 stepdad.
Stepmom 1, she was okay, not mean, but also not really involved. She had 2 kids with my dad, and she pretty much neglected all 3 of us equally. After my dad and her split, she’d act nice to me but I realized eventually she only did that so I would babysit my younger siblings during her custody time so she could go out and meet men.
Stepmom 2, she’s kinda crazy. She did a couple things that scarred me mentally as a kid… Like she forced me to watch horror movies for hours and hours so that I would ‘stop being scared of them’. And she heavily believed in corporal punishment, so I was scared of being beat with a belt. BUT, she always treated me the same as her own kids. And she was nice most of the time, she just is bipolar and got in certain ‘moods’ where she went on a tirade. Certainly not perfect, but compared to the abuse my own mom did, I preferred my stepmom. .-.
Stepdad is the best parent I have. He was my stepdad from age 2 - 10, and he has never stopped being my dad. He calls me more than my bio dad ever has. He makes more effort to see me than my bio dad. He could be a little strict at times, but it was always with my best interest at heart. And even though he had a kid with my mom, he never treated us any differently and immediately would shut down anyone in his family that tried to treat us unequally. I still call him dad, because he’s always been my other dad in my eyes.
Ravenna178@reddit
My mom grew up with a step mom. She was a pretty neglectful parent and my mom ended up often having to take care of herself and younger half-sisters. Sounds like my mom was neglected the most though since she was the half-sibling in the house.
stephs_plushies@reddit
Hahahaha no
skyebluuuuuu@reddit
I have two step parents! My dad remarried when I was about 7 and I love my step mom! We are very close, I just had dinner with her today lol.
My other step mom(mom gay), my mother’s wife is fine. She’s not evil but I don’t like her tbh. But I’m kind to her bc she makes my mom happy so that’s fine. She’s not ugly to me either(she was to my sisters in the past), I don’t particularly like her personality.
wolfieee8@reddit (OP)
Why if that’s ok to ask?
skyebluuuuuu@reddit
Well my moms wife had a history of alcoholism when we first got to know her. (when I was a teenager) and she was often mean to my sisters quite often and tried to fight one of them even! She’s been sober for a long time, but she often talks about things that she doesn’t know anything about, like she does know. Ie: my big sister had a miscarriage while she was in an abusive relationship. My mom’s wife said that it was for the best bc he was abusive. This obviously was NOT the thing you should say to someone who lost their daughter that they definitely wanted (she was about 8 months pregnant). To this day she still acts like she didn’t say anything wrong.
Adept_Back9837@reddit
I had a stepmonster. Purely evil. Tried to alienate my father from not only my brother and I, but his 12 brothers and sisters. My dad passed in 2013. I haven't seen her since and hope I never do. I do lookup obituaries to see if shes still alive.
MeowMeow_77@reddit
I didn’t get along with my stepmom when I was little, mostly because they were in a religious cult and homeschooled their other kids. It was culture shock every time I visited. We became close after they divorced and I was an adult. She died of cancer at age 62 and it was a tragic loss.
venus-bxtch@reddit
not mine! some step parents really step up to the plate and become wonderful additions to the family. my stepdad was awesome, and i always felt like he looked out for me. but my stepmom was mean, rude to my mom, and shitty to us in ways i don’t care to force myself to remember for a reddit comment. i endured emotional and verbal abuse from her hand for many of my tween/teen years and my dad only divorced her after i went to college. left lots of damage i’m still trying to undo.
FloatyghostJM1@reddit
She wasn’t perfect and suffered from many mental health issues that she used as excuses to lash out at me, but I do still love her and genuinely think she meant well and tried her best.
Our relationship has improved vastly after I moved far away, though I still have to deal with occasional guilt trips or weird power struggles. The thing I get jabbed about most frequently now as I enter middle age is my lack of interest in children.
No-Banana247@reddit
I dodnt get a step mom until bith me and my sister were in our mid to late 20s and yes she was horrible.
Tbf, undiagnosed mental. illness played a part but I also think her generation did. She hated my tattoos from the get go.
Made no effort to get to know us and since our real mom was utter shit we didnt know how to navigate a healthy mother daughter relarionship and frankly thought she should take the lead as the adult figure.
We were always so kind to her much younger and disabled daughter. She didnt like that her daughter started asking about tattoos and independence when we hung out.
There are so many weird and just unfriendly things she did to us even when we tried.
Now sister and I are no contact with them all and they still send my kids birthday cards with paragraphs talkong about their poodle. They put more effort into that damn dog than they did on our relationship.
Rock-Wall-999@reddit
Having had three step moms, all I can is it varies. One was a bitch who had already raised her kids and I was an unwanted add-on, the second pretty much ignored me and the third became my mom.
Responsible-View-804@reddit
Step mothers just like regular mothers are people. Some are good, some aren’t
BouncingSphinx@reddit
My one actually stepmother was exactly the kind of person portrayed by the evil stepmother. As soon as she married Dad, everything flipped. He finally divorced her after a couple of years, one of the biggest reasons (if not the final) was that she accused him of letting my sister sit in his lap just to get off by kicking her feet around.
VitruvianDude@reddit
My stepmother came into my life well after I had become an adult-- my father remarried at the age of 70 after my mother died. She was vivacious and active, as opposed to my mother who was more thoughtful and intellectual. So while my sisters and I enjoyed her and appreciated her for her relationship with our father, we couldn't help but be amused by the difference in temperament. She did treat us well, though.
ExtensionInfinite563@reddit
Better than my dad did
TreeHuggerHistory@reddit
It depends on the person. My step-grandma was horrible to my mother and aunt, but she was also horrible to her biological daughter as well.
Content-Elk-2037@reddit
Mine was nice but not like a 2nd mother. She married my dad when I was around 8th grade. I usually spent one day every 2 weeks with them, no overnights. She was always sweet but I wasn’t treated like one of her daughters.
Aprils-Fool@reddit
Nope. She was shitty to me. I never understood why.
Lojackbel81@reddit
My stepmother treated me as if I was her child. My stepfather on the other hand treated me like garbage and I lived with him Monday through Friday. Mentally, physically and verbally abusive to me and my older brother.
Curious_Owl78@reddit
No. I was the only child for my dad, and a daughter. She acted like I was in competition with her...🙄
alwaysboopthesnoot@reddit
Not really. She had her own grown kids and didn’t really want more children. My sisters and I were a decade younger than hers were, so there was no real connection between us either. She then became very ill, divorced our dad and died pretty young, about a year or two later.
cmhoughton@reddit
Nope. Mine was horrible to all of us, but she is a narcissistic sociopath, so that didn’t help.
corrosivecanine@reddit
Mine was nice and respectful but never treated me like her child which was fine with me. I never saw her as a parent and called her by her first name. I spent half my time at my other parent’s house and she had her own much younger full time kid.
courtnet85@reddit
Both my stepmom and stepdad are great. I consider myself to have four parents, and I think I’m much better off than if I had been raised by just my mom and dad!
famousanonamos@reddit
My stepmom sucked. She was my main parent and was abusive to me and my sister, but not to her own kids. Good times. But I do know some people with great step parents.
Meattyloaf@reddit
My step-mom wasn't perfect and had faults. However, I'm closer to my step-mom than I am with either one of my biological parents.
NicklAAAAs@reddit
I don’t have a step parent, but I can assure you if my wife and I weren’t together for whatever reason I’d rather be a single parent than date a woman who wouldn’t acknowledge my kids. That’s pretty shitty.
Frequent_Act6167@reddit
Im a step mom but the kids are grown. I love them dearly but they dont treat me as family. Even though their parents have been divorced 20 years. It can happen both ways 💔
kisforkat@reddit
My stepmother tried to stab me. So not really.
She ran away to New Mexico. Took us 3 days before we realized she was missing.
Capital-Yogurt6148@reddit
Mine is straight up evil. It was fine when I was younger, but once I hit my preteen years, I honestly am not sure why she changed, but I think people started comparing me (goody two shoes, devout Christian, started a prayer club in my public school) to her older teens (who each started smoking, drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around 13 or 14 years old).
Whatever it was, it was like a switch flipped. Suddenly, she hated me and made my father choose between her or me. He chose her and walked out of my life when I was 13.
They moved to another state (hundreds of miles away) when I was 17. My father didn’t tell me until his last trip back to our state for the last of his stuff. He refused to give me his new address or home phone number, because he didn’t want to risk me calling the house and “upsetting” his wife. The only thing he would give me was his work cell phone number. He told me if I needed to send him anything, I could send it to my aunt in a different state and she’d send it to him. That’s when I finally blew up at him for the first time in my life.
I’ve seen my father and her a handful of times at family events since then (I’m 40 now), but they both ignore me like I don’t even exist. Except when my father’s siblings call him out; then he’ll make a token effort, in public, solely so people will see and get off his back.
FMLwtfDoID@reddit
I would not only disown my brothers (or any sibling; I don’t have sisters) if they did that to their children, I would shamelessly and loudly tell anyone that can hear or read, that he abandoned his children. I would never let a coward like that live it down; even if they did reconnect one day, because it would clear as day that it was so save face.
Despicable and truly ghoulish behavior. You deserved so much better.
Capital-Yogurt6148@reddit
Thank you.
My father’s siblings and parents don’t/didn’t ever let him forget what a fuck-up he is as a parent. And they all hate his wife and aren’t shy about letting it be known.
My grandmother actually threw her out of the house — literally — when I was about 14. I was at my grandma’s house to try on my bridesmaid’s dress for my aunt’s wedding. My father, his wife, and her daughter showed up. This was just a few months after my father abandoned me for his wife (which happened at Christmas, I might add), so it was the first time my father and I had spoken since then. We were sitting on opposite sides of the living room, and yes, things had gotten a little heated, but just verbally. Then I said something my father’s wife didn’t like (I genuinely don’t even remember what) and she jumped up and got up in my face, screaming. I don’t remember whether she put her hands on me or not because before I could even process anything, my under-5-foot, diabetic grandmother with heart and seizure conditions had leapt between us, pulled her away, and was dragging her down the hallway, yelling in both Spanish and English the whole time. She shoved her out the front door and my father followed. His mother yelled at him for choosing her over his own daughter and he just shrugged and followed her out to the car.
Never mess with a Puerto Rican grandmother’s grandchildren.
FMLwtfDoID@reddit
I’m glad you had adults, especially the mother of your biological donor parent, in YOUR corner.
Puzzleheaded_Math973@reddit
I am so sorry anyone thought this situation was okay.
Curious-Balance600@reddit
Nah, she hated me and punished me excessively.
Big_Consideration268@reddit
At first yes then no
ThroatFun478@reddit
My dad remarried when i was 18 and already on my own, so she wasn't really a parent, but she's a doll. Honestly, my dad doesn't deserve her. She's a great grandmother to my kids. I couldn't have made it through my mother's untimely death without her. I live basically next door and see her all the time.
Kellzy1212@reddit
My stepmom is an awful person, but she didn’t even contest her ex having full custody of her own children, so i never expected much.
My stepdad on the other hand is as good of a parent as he could possibly be. It can go either way.
nevercursd@reddit
I'm American but my stepmom is from Mexico. She's cordial to me now (although I'm NC with my dad so I don't see or talk to her anyway), but she was cartoonishly evil when I was growing up...
She'd lock me and my brother out of the house, follow us into the kitchen and stare us down if we dared to try to get snacks. I remember her calling me names sometimes.
She couldn't cook, so I sometimes got food poisoning from her gross food, which we had to eat or couldn't get up from the table.
Her kids (my half-siblings) would get new, expensive clothes even as infants, but my brother and I were given $200 each school year and had to stretch it to include clothes and shoes.
Her kids were put in private schools and extracurriculars, given lavish birthday extracurricular, and taken out to eat while my older brother and I went without eating all day.
She'd even bleach my clothes. My older brother were treated like trash and pointedly made to understand that we weren't part of the family unit.
FineWashables@reddit
No.
judgingA-holes@reddit
Not when I was actually living at home. I don't blame it all on her though. She was young when she got married, under 21, and IMO she really wasn't ready to be married to someone with 2 kids. Then there was the fact that her and my dad had troubles, he wasn't exactly faithful, and he traveled a lot so when it was his turn to have us (we had a 2-2-3 rotating schedule) she was the one actually having to take care of us. They got married to quick and I think it was just overwhelming to her and she just didn't have the patience to deal with us, and mixed with you know him not being the best husband so it got taken out on us at times. At one point it did go to if he was on the road then we wouldn't go over until he was home, but then she would pick us up the day before he came home and make us clean the house from where she hadn't done a thing in the two weeks or so we all had been gone, but that was better than being physical and/ or bad mouthing us. She was also manipulative about us to our dad, like cussing and fussing my brother out until he exploded and she called my dad's beeper as he did so while she remained quiet and pretended like he went off from no reason. She also was really into snooping and trying to get me and my sibling in trouble, but honestly that's just how she is because she did that to her kid too. She even recorded stupid preteen phone conversations I had (for those that don't know with landlines if you had more than one, when someone was on the phone you could pick up the other phone in the house and hear everything that was going on).
Now, though we are good, and looking back I do have some good and fun memories with her so it wasn't that she was just a complete and total bitch, but at the same time they've been together for 35 years and I've not once felt the need to call her anything close to mom because of how she treated us when we were younger.
Raibean@reddit
My step-mom is a third parent. She even wore a matching dress with my bio mom at my wedding!
mothwhimsy@reddit
My step mom is great. I don't consider her my parent, really, as she married my dad when I was 14 and I didn't see my dad much when I was an older teenager. But she's a great person, I like her
Mammoth_Ad_4806@reddit
Stepmother 1 tried, but I was at that difficult preteen stage and not ready to accept her as a parent.
Stepmother 2 made it abundantly clear after the wedding that she did not want me around.
Stepmother 3 is nice. I am nearly 50 years old and live 1200 miles away, so there is pressure to create some sort of blended family.
feryoooday@reddit
My stepmom is a wonderful woman. She said I was the daughter she always wanted.
life-uh-finds-a-way_@reddit
Aww I love this!!
killingourbraincells@reddit
My actual step mother was the devil. She'd lock me out of the fridge, used the social security survivors benefits from my mother passing to buy her self and her daughter food, drugs and clothes. I was severely neglected and abused. I was only able to eat once a day and it was at school, so on Fridays, I'd save food from my lunch to eat over the weekend. Unfortunately my father was also on drugs and messed up after my mother died. But this woman would talk shit about my dead mother, insult me, beat me, etc... So, it is what it is. The years of an OMAD diet as a child has messed me up as an adult, I struggle with severe hypoglycemia.
But I'm sure this isn't all step mothers out there.
My brother and his wife are my parents. They took me in when I was 14 and raised me as their own.
Foreign_Mobile_7399@reddit
My dad started dating my now step mom when I was 21 and got married at 25. She’d so great! She’s always been kind to my sister and I and even makes sure my mom feels included at family events. She’s definitely feels more in the level of my MIL where it’s a motherly figure in my life and a grandparent to my son but neither are my actual mom.
Odd_Ostrich6038@reddit
Better than my actual mom.
DearDarlingDollies@reddit
My stepmom was never a mother and did not seem interested in the role either. I always got the vibe that I was competition for her and she was happy when I moved in with my mom. When my father was dying, she was hateful and volatile to my mother and me.
My mom was a fantastic stepmom to my two step siblings and very supportive of them and loved on them the same way she did my bio siblings. My stepsister always talked about how loved she felt by my mom (my mom and her dad didn't work out)
I have two step kids now. I just say they are my kids. I don't have any biological kids and don't want any because my step kids are enough.
They're my best friends and always ask me to do stuff with them, so I think we have a pretty good relationship. I play video games with my boy and dolls with my girl. We have a great time. They don't treat me any different than a kid would a biological parent.
Impressive-Safety191@reddit
Step mom… and if you asked me when I was a kid, I would have said no. But as soon as I grew up and saw all that she had done, and recognized that she did everything in her power to be a good step parent to angry kiddos, I realized she is a freaking miracle.
Ericakat@reddit
Nope. My dad started dating this woman when I was in my early 20’s. The second time I met her, she said she wanted to be my other mother, and told me a story about her and get step mom growing up. I told her I wasn’t interested, left the room, and my dad got angry at me and asked me why I wouldn’t let this woman be my other mother. I said I wasn’t interested, and my dad started berating me, telling me that this woman was upset, and just was angry. Then told me I should let her do this because she can’t have kids. That was the excuse any time she pushed boundaries. I stood my ground. My dad has always been a piece of work.
Another time, it was the day before Father’s Day. Me and my brother were at a book store. I had already told my dad I wouldn’t be there on father’s day, but I’d see him the day after. There was going to be a big party to celebratem my dad on father’s day. I had too much trauma involving my dad and big groups. I talked to my brother Al, and we both decided we didn’t want to go. Both of us had trauma from our dad’s abuse, so we decided on a cover story that if anyone asked, we would say we were going to the new Jurassic Park movie. Then, his wife started texting me and asking if I was going. I replied with Al and I’s cover story. Then she started texting both my brother and I trying to guilt us, saying her dad is dead, and there’s not a day that goes by that she doesn’t wish she could spend time with him. Then my brother tells her to buzz off and that’s after a lot of pushing on my dad’s girlfriend’s part. Anyway, my brother signs his first name and my mom’s maiden name after saying what he said, and then my dad’s wife tells him to shoo over text. Along with that, any time my dad writes fb posts a bout me and my brothers, he lists his wife and him as the parents. It infuriates me. So, yes, she really is that bad.
SamAllistar@reddit
I have a step-mom, she's nice. She helps me out a bit. My dad and her got married when I was 20, so it's not a motherly relationship.
I had a step-dad, he is an abusive pos. He's still alive but my mom divorced him. Pretty certain my half-sister is going to pursue a restraining order if he doesn't leave her alone soon. My brother killed himself in part because of the abuse
EllieIsDone@reddit
Up front, yes, but behind my back, no. The only woman my dad married that wasn’t actively trying to get rid of me was my mom.
Step dad is my bestie and I’m closer to him than my actual dad.
ReeMayRe@reddit
No, she wanted nothing to do with me. It was as if my father's former life was non existant. Her focus was my father's assets and she mangaged to take full control of them. I got nothing after my father passed away.
ChardonMort@reddit
Love my stepmom, she’s always treated me and my brother like her own. She was the one who taught me how to drive since neither of my parents could handle it and she’d already done it twice before with her two daughters. Me and her are the only two in the family with a more adventurous attitude when it comes to food, so even now in my 30s we bond over finding new recipes and cooking together.
wolfieee8@reddit (OP)
Thats sweet🥺
DGlen@reddit
Yeah, all good
workerscompbarbie@reddit
My mom adopted my half brother and they probably have the best relationship out of all of us lol.
NeverRarelySometimes@reddit
In my experience, they want the benefits without having put in the sweat equity involved in being a parent. My particular stepmother was mentally ill, and my father was not equipped to protect us from her. In hindsight, he is more to blame for not protecting us.
Ok-Energy-9785@reddit
Mine was a bitch most of the time I was growing up but she did love and care for me. She just had her demons and my dad never put her in check.
entropynchaos@reddit
My stepmom is awesome.
CuriouslyFlavored@reddit
It varies widely because people vary widely. There are good and bad parents. There are people able to take step kids to their hearts and those who can't.
I would say that being a 'step' puts a hurdle in the relationship that doesn't naturally exist in a biological relationship. But as we see from many responses, often it is easily overcome. You don't have to be blood to love.
lyralady@reddit
My father briefly had a russian second wife, but she was not my step mother. (I say Russian because I think they got married primarily to expedite a green card process.)
However, she was terrible. when him, me, and my little brother went to a hotel resort for father's day weekend she called him at one in the morning to complain that I had been sleeping on an inflatable mattress in his apartment living room while I worked in his office mail room as a temp that summer. I was in college, so I wasn't really in need of parenting and cleaned after myself.
Basically she wanted him to get rid of me. Because I took up too much space, and it was annoying that I was there and she didn't like it. Also presumably she was annoyed that she was also doing temp work alongside me sometimes. Obviously I heard everything (not being fully asleep and in the same room). Father's day brunch was not great!
I do know people with great stepmoms though.
AlltheFerns@reddit
No. Stepfathers didn’t either.
Luckily, neither of my parents is capable of maintaining a long term relationship.
Maleficent-Hawk-318@reddit
I don't know if it counts because my dad didn't meet her until I was in my 30s, but my stepmother is super caring and loving towards my siblings and me. She always remembers my birthday and gives me a card and thoughtful gift (same for gift-giving holidays), she loves when I come visit (and complains I don't visit often enough, lol...which is fair), we often socialize separately from my dad, etc. She has one child of her own, a son, and she's told me that she sees me as the daughter she never had.
I'm closer to her than my other siblings are, but that's mostly because my other siblings live really far away and haven't really gotten the chance to get to know her like I have. She's still equally thoughtful (in a long-distance way) towards them, though, and whenever they come visit she insists on hosting them at least a few times.
I don't really consider her a mother figure just because I am very close to my actual mother as well, and the way I view my dad's wife is just different. But I think if they had gotten married when I was a child, I probably would see her as much more of a mother.
Shot-Artichoke-4106@reddit
My step mom is great. I like her better than my dad most of the time.
lisasimpsonfan@reddit
I had as stepmom and stepdad.
My stepmom was great until my Dad died. They weren't married at the time of his death and she went psycho. She turned into a person I did not know and made me question our entire relationship. She took advantage of me and my dad's estate at a time I was at my lowest.
My stepdad was great but he travelled for work and I was grown when my mom married him so I didn't have a huge relationship with him. He was kind and way better to my mom then she deserved.
n00bdragon@reddit
I don't hate a lot of people on this earth. Some people do things I don't like, but I dislike their actions, not them as a person.
I hate my stepmother. If she were hanging from a cliff I'd step on her fingers.
Emergency-Purpose367@reddit
My experience was mixed. I think she did her best given the circumstances. She got my brothers and me to safety and saw that my father faced the consequences for his actions. However, her best also included taking her anger about our situation out on me via emotional abuse and treated my older brother like the golden child and like an adult.
I no longer have contact with her, her choice, but I do hope she's doing well.
StatisticianBoth3480@reddit
Yeah, but she never seduced me like on Pornhub, so I'm confused. Am I ugly?
juan_humano@reddit
My step mom was not nice. But it wasn't because she was my step mom, she just sucked. She was mean to everyone regardless.
Lycaeides13@reddit
My mother's step mom was cruel.
My one ex's step mother is an amazing woman and very kind.
My other ex's step father completely stepped up to the plate
No-Market-4906@reddit
In my experience step moms are good more often than not but a lot of divorced parents end of having a parade of shortish term relationships which is much harder on the kids.
darkhuntresssyn45@reddit
My step mom was awful for years! Always making snide comments, threatened to hit my brother once, screamed at me for using "decorative" pillows when those were the only ones provided, but the biggest issues we always had was church attendance. My siblings and I were not raised religious in the slightest and she took it personal to the point that while my parents were still getting divorced it had to be issued as a court order that her and dad couldn't force us to go to church. We had an okay relationship when I was an adult when she finally got on some medication. She passed a few years ago from complications of surgery and I get along so well with my dads current girlfriend.
Enough-Secretary-996@reddit
Not a step mom but I do have a step grandma (dad's step mom). She was a third grandma to me and my siblings until our grandpa died and hasn't had any contact with us since his funeral. I almost thought about messaging her on Facebook and inviting her to my high school graduation but I figured that if she hadn't shown any interest in me in over 5 years at that point she probably still wouldn't.
Sure_Tree_5042@reddit
I think you should reach out. She may feel misplaced since the death of her spouse and not feel like “his family” is still interested in her. Communication is a two way street, and if nobody has reached out to her she may feel unwanted/burdensome.
tigglypuf@reddit
My moms on marriage number 4, she started dating my current stepdad when I was 17. I’m 41 now and he’s the best dad I’ve ever had, my kids age never known another grandpa, he’s always there for us. My poor younger step siblings got the short end of the stick. While he’s the best stepdad, he’s was a terrible dad, always screaming and cussing at them, put his hands on my stepbrother. Their biomom was an alcoholic with little contact who died in a car accident when they were 11 and 13. Then they got my mom as a stepmom and while she was an okay mom, she was a wicked stepmother for sure.
jackofspades49@reddit
I have a lot of step family members.
My great grandma on my mom's side and my grandma on my dad's side both got divorced and remarried or repartnered before I was born.
I'll call them Grandpa Pepsi on my mom's side and Granpa Coke on my dad's.
Both were incredible, sweet, loving, and supportive grandparents. Grandpa Coke was a trucker and I used to visit him on weekends and he's make breakfast and take me on hikes. Grandpa Pepsi I saw a lot more frequently since my mom had custody. He was into movies and rocks and horror. He got me started on so many things I'm passionate about.
I say this, to say, that step parents aren't innately bad. They're only as good or as bad as the person in question and the chance they're given to be their best.
I do have a stepmother as well, I'll call her Sprite because I never really called her Mom, even though my dad married her when I was seven. She's always een Sprite or Stepmom. She's intelligent, outspoken, and loving. She helped me find books when I was little and was the first person to ever play dungeons and dragons or magic the gathering with me, despite her strong catholic beleifs (a big deal in the 90s). She has 3 kids with my dad and, while we didn't grow up together due to distance, she never made me feel "less than" or othered as a result. As an adult, she's helped me when I had health issues andtaught me alot of domestic skills that my biomother didn't. Or I wasn't ready to listen because I was teen at that time she was trying to teach me.
She's incredible, and I'm very lucky to have her in my life.
bizoticallyyours83@reddit
I love the nicknames. This begs the question, which beverage are you?
FizzPig@reddit
My stepmom is my most stable parent and I owe a lot to her. She's awesome.
Raddatatta@reddit
It's often a complicated relationship and varies a lot person to person. For me it was tough but I was more of the problem in that relationship than she was. I was a 13 year old who had just had my parents get divorced and was still processing that when she came into my life. And I got along well with my Mom and my Dad so I took my negative emotions about the divorce out on her more than I should've. I wasn't terrible but I didn't like her for a while so mostly gave her the cold shoulder. But she treated me well, for the most part. We had some friction for a while but it got a lot better once I was an adult and had gotten over things and when I moved out and we had some distance and didn't have to live together that helped too. Bottom line is she's a nice woman who makes my dad happy and they work together great as a couple. But it was a rocky road to get to that point.
qu33nof5pad35@reddit
My dad’s current partner isn’t really a stepmom to me… I don’t even think they’re married, and she doesn’t have children of her own… but she treats me like I’m her only daughter. My dad has told me she would do just about anything for me and my sister.
Relevant_Airline7076@reddit
She tried way too hard to replace my real mom (who not only was alive, had primary custody) even after I told her to stop
One_Bicycle_1776@reddit
My father liked them crazy is all I’ll say..
dobbydisneyfan@reddit
My mom gained a stepmom when she was an adult. It’s a bit different since she technically wasn’t raised by her. However, they get along well enough and it’s clear my grandfather is happy. He’d been widowed for 2 years by that point and was ready to move on.
AggravatingStage8906@reddit
Yup. She is a very different person than my mother (who passed away) so there were growing pains but she and I talk regularly on the phone and I will always consider her family. I don't quite consider her my mother just because I was 16 when she moved in and I moved out when I was 18 so there wasn't much raising going on but definitely she is family and in conversation with her or others I refer to her as mom. My step brother is my brother and we are all a family.
weeniehutjunior1234@reddit
Mine sucked, but she was very shitty to her own kid too. I cut contact.
CA5P3R_1@reddit
My stepmom has always been great to me.
papercranium@reddit
She was never abusive, just rude and abrasive. It's pretty clear she never liked me and my sibling, and we never liked her either. To be fair, she's the woman my dad cheated on my mom with, so I definitely have baggage about her. She's the main reason I don't see my dad very often.
MinimumPosition979@reddit
Mine was not great, and I keep minimal contact these days. She's nicer now than she was when I was a kid, but too much damage has been done.
Current_Mongoose_844@reddit
Mine's a bitch, but she married my dad-who's also a bitch.
Stepfather on the other hand, awesome.
bass679@reddit
I’ve had 3 step moms so the experience is pretty varied.
1st one was the reason my folks got divorced, well dad was the reason but I digress. She was okay until she lost a baby of her own. It was traumatic of course and for years she didn’t want me around. Like, honestly didn’t want to see me for a couple years and didn’t want me at their house for many more. She was never directly mean, she just didn’t want me in their lives. They divorced when I was 12 and we have a cordial relationship over facebook and stuff.
2nd was generally pretty great. She insisted that dad be an active part of my life. He took me shopping for school clothes for the first time when I was 16. Her mom however, did not approve. Dad and I aren’t catholic so she didn’t consider their marriage real and dad doesn’t have a degree so he wasn’t good enough anyway. And my stepmom wouldn’t stand up to her mother. Step grandma explicitly told my dad and I we weren’t invited to an event because it was family only when they had been married 5 years. Anyway that was the root cause of that divorce. I don’t keep up with that step mom but dad is still on good terms with my step sister.
3rd is awesome. She and my dad have been together since I was 27. She’s only 3 years older than me which is…. Fine. We’re friends and she adores my kids. Not much to say here, they’ve been together for a long while now and I think this is for the long haul.
deebville00@reddit
My stepmom was terrible, but as a person in general, not just as a a stepmom.
SuperPomegranate7933@reddit
She was okay. Not abusive, but dad's house always seemed full of anger, not love.
pborenstein@reddit
My partner was listed as one of the people who could pick up my son from school. In the line for relationship, she would write "Evil Stepmother". We did that for the six years he was at that school. He thought it was hilarious
Chazzysnax@reddit
America also has the "Evil Stepmom" myth in media and fairy tales but it's not expected to be reality. In real life it's very dependant on the individual relationships.
Veronica___Sawyer@reddit
She treated me well until she got pregnant and had her own kid. Then I wasn’t needed anymore and it was made obvious to me. Not in direct words but everything was done to let me know I didn’t have a place in their home. And I mean that literally. There were two spare bedrooms in the house but I never slept in them. One of them, she made sure to let me know the previous owner killed himself in it (I was 8) so I didn’t want to sleep there, and the other was for her clothes. (And not in a “the whole room was a closet” way. There was a bed. She just kept extra clothes in that closet.) I slept in the living room, either on the couch or on the floor in a sleeping bag.
My father didn’t seem to care. It completely ruined my relationship with him. Now I’m an adult and haven’t spoken to him since 2019.
sunny_6305@reddit
She didn’t treat me badly and helped me obtain opportunities but emotionally she always held my sister and I at arms length.
Alternative-Rule-547@reddit
Similar here. I wouldn't call her abusive or anything but defo preferred her own kids and kept me and one of my bros at arms length. Her own kids could do certain things and it wasn't an issue, me and my siblings do the same it was a problem.
She didn't sign up for us and personality/interest wise we were different people. I wish our relationship was closer but after a while I accepted it wasn't gunna happen/can't keep building bridges for people who won't cross it. Then the universe granted me a kick ass MiL to make up for it (my BM can/is a difficult person as well).
L_knight316@reddit
I mean, the evil step mother is a common trope in story telling but and divorce/family courts have a bad tendency of turning families into battlegrounds but its not something I'd say is EXPECTED of step mother's alone.
11twofour@reddit
Yes, my stepmom is great. Especially for how she dealt with moody teenage me.
BoBoBearDev@reddit
In Taiwan, my uncle basically abandoned his two kids because the step mom don't want to live with them. My grandma lived with the two kids. My silly grandma wasn't educated enough, so she didn't get a lawyer before she died. She verbally told the witnesses that she wanted to give the house to the two abandoned cousins. The step mom told the simp uncle to seize the house, so she can give it to her own kids.
So, evil step mom truly exists and it can be anywhere around the world.
seanx50@reddit
My step mom is fine. We aren't close. But never any problems
Ceorl_Lounge@reddit
Yeah that's about it. She's nice and good for my Dad but that's most of it.
anti-pineapple@reddit
I had several different step moms growing up and while one of them was fine, most of them were stereotypically terrible. Viewed me as competition with their own daughters, mistreated me just because they could, etc.. I have some level of sympathy for them because I know they were being mistreated by my dad, but still they should have gone to therapy or something instead of taking it out on a kid.
Theslowestmarathoner@reddit
Neutral. She wasn’t involved whatsoever. I doubt I will ever see her or talk to her again outside of social media if my dad should pass. Same for my mother’s husband. Like a fart in the wind.
Agitated_Hair_2561@reddit
My stepmother did everything in her power to alienate my father from his first children. Haven’t talked to my dad in 40 years.
trilogyjab@reddit
Terrible stepmother. Manipulative and emotionally abusive.
Courwes@reddit
No but I was also an adult at the time my dad married her. She was jealous of our relationship and that I was a priority for him. I chose to step back for the sake of his marriage. Instead of calling my dad when I needed help with something I started asking friends. They ended up divorcing after 10 years anyway and now he’s on his fifth wife. She does treat me well.
msangieteacher@reddit
My stepmom was better than my dad. They divorced 15 years ago and I still visit her when I go to visit my dad. My kids call her grandma. She’s the best.
SouthernGentATL@reddit
I like me Stepmom better than I liked my bio mom
FilthyMindz69@reddit
Like anything it takes all kinds.
My step mother was awful to me.
starplooker999@reddit
She was a sweet woman who loved my father, as if they had been married forever. She treated me like one of her own children.
Hoosier_Jedi@reddit
Yep. She’s introduced me as her son and is a great lady who loves my dad. Couldn’t have asked for better.
Bright_Ices@reddit
My parents stayed together but my spouse’s stepmother was not good to my spouse. She would do things like read a book to her genetic children and leave my spouse out. She also had a lot of shame and used a lot of shame in her parenting. And she failed to protect my spouse from her sons. She’s a difficult woman in general and we don’t have contact with her now (spouse’s choice).
BUT spouse’s mom remarried a little later on and the ex-wife of that man was good to my spouse. He and the ex had a same-age child they were peacefully coparenting. She included my spouse in everything and sometimes paid their other expenses because she recognized a huge financial difference between herself and my spouse’s mom. She was, and is, a very kindhearted woman.
SummerFlowers09@reddit
I don't but my husband's stepmother is a wonderful person who treated him the same as her bio boys once she married his dad while he was in highschool. They always got along and my kids and myself all love her. We're lucky she's our family. She's nuts but so is my mom...lol. Family can be nuts.
fakesaucisse@reddit
I consider my stepmom to be my real mom. Like, I call her mom and refer to my bio-mom by her first name with my dad and friends. My bio-mom was awful to me all of my childhood, she died when I was a young teenager and I didn't cry. My stepmom has now been in my life longer than her and saw me through significant parts of my life with care that I wouldn't have gotten from my bio-mom. She wins.
lemonclouds31@reddit
My stepmom tried to out me to my mom. She called her up at the crack of dawn and was like "I saw her kissing a girl!!!" And my mom was like ".... ok, and?"
They also moved in together, got engaged, AND MARRIED!!!!!! All without telling my siblings and I.
I think that my step-mom was stupid for ever joining our family. My dad treats her like trash, and she tries to buddy up to my mom and I and talk shit about everyone in the family, including my father and other siblings. Luckily I was already 18 when she came around, so I've never had to live with her unlike my younger siblings.
Pompi_Palawori@reddit
My stepmom is lovely and so are my step siblings.
FreeStateOfPortland@reddit
She was fine. But I hated her for destroying my family.
No-Fix-614@reddit
It really depends on the person, not the country, some stepmoms are great and treat kids like their own, others stay distant, but the “evil stepmom” thing is mostly just a stereotype, not the norm.
ClickClick_Boom@reddit
Met her at 13 and I'm 33 now, she's a total bitch to this day.
bazackward@reddit
First stepmom was more like an older sister. She'd write notes so I could skip school and not get in trouble and she didn't have to take me. I loved it as a kid, but as an adult looking back, my dad would be pretty angry if he knew (realizing now I never told him).
Current stepmom is a very nice person and has been married to my dad for almost 30 years. I don't have a deep relationship with her since I was basically an adult when they married, but she's never treated me poorly.
Crazy_Raven_Lady@reddit
My stepmom is great. Growing up she was the fun mom. She’s always been wildly eccentric and goofy and wasn’t one for strict rules or anything.
Wen60s@reddit
My stepmother was an absolute angel. My mother died when I was 9. My stepmother was my mother until she died 5 years ago. I’m 71 now, and miss her like crazy.
CambrianCrew@reddit
My stepmom is my real mom. She may not have given birth to me but she raised me as if I was her own, and made sure her family never treated me as anything else.
insertcaffeine@reddit
My stepmother tried her best and there was no doubt that felt love for us, but she wasn’t able to be a good mother figure because she wasn’t very mature and she was an alcoholic.
EveningRequirement27@reddit
That depends, is the dryer broken?
OldDogWithOldTricks@reddit
Nope, she was a bitch and the reason I moved out at 17 while still in high-school.
BackgroundSame811@reddit
Mine was spoiled and childish and when she moved into our house all of a sudden there were new rules that made it feel like a boarding house and us kids were unwelcome. 4+ do not recommend
Busy-Claim6797@reddit
I love my step mom. I think of her as an additional mom.
She’s been with us since I was 11 and gave birth to my baby brother when i was 18. She introduces me as her daughter.
Even if she and my dad divorced I would still be her daughter and go see her without him.
Dear_House5774@reddit
Step father. Dad died. Step father always supportive and well intentioned but both parents obvious examples of the phrase "parenting dosent come with a manual". Good guy and did the best he reasonably could with the resources he had.
Fourty2KnightsofNi@reddit
I had one step mom who was abusive and one who was pretty great.
kaimcdragonfist@reddit
No, but she doesn’t treat her actual kids all that well either so I don’t take it personally 🤷♂️
mossfluff@reddit
Mine was very aware of the “wicked stepmom” trope and took personal offense to it. She wasn’t abusive, she wanted to marry before her 30s and my extremely recently widowed father was interested in dating at that age. I didn’t notice the role he played until much later in being the good guy in the story, but she spent a lot of time complaining about how my mother raised me and the bad habits she taught me. I didn’t have an abusive childhood but I think it would have been more open-minded without my father’s insistence that I have a female role model to raise me right after my mom died.
Berserk-Jane@reddit
No, not really. I'm glad my dad left her.
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
All of mine were lovely. My father is a terrible person but at least he never married women who disliked kids, or didn't want his kids around. We just got back from a birthday trip for one of my stepmothers.