Were you hit as a child by your parents/carers?

[-]

oMrMeeseeksLookAtMeo@reddit

Not hitting your child is relatively new to humans… remember it wasn’t that long ago when teachers would openly do it.

[-]

Defiant_Put_7542@reddit

Anthropology suggests that normalised adult violence towards children is relatively recent.

In cultures with a longer history it is often largely absent:

https://www.childup.com/blog/inuit-parenting-parenting-without-yelling-timeouts-and-spanking

[-]

Interesting read! But I feel it’s likely an isolated cultural thing. It’s documented that Romans physically punished their children so we know for a fact some societies have done so for thousands of years. So depending on what your idea of “relatively recent” is I guess the practice of not physically punishing children is more recent than not, in my part of the world at least.

[-]

Defiant_Put_7542@reddit

I would consider the Roman Empire to be recent as it was a modern, 'civilised' society. At least in that it was bureaucratic and patriarchal; the thirst for blood sports and human sacrifice for public entertainment does feel a little dated.

Contemporary indigenous peoples are of course modern too, but where culture has been preserved - ironically, through the very isolation that you describe - this can give us a reasonable idea of how we might have lived throughout most of human history.

[-]

oMrMeeseeksLookAtMeo@reddit

I wonder if this is also the case with the tribes that have had very little outside influence in South America and Asia?

[-]

Defiant_Put_7542@reddit

Unfortunately there is no such thing. The 'uncontacted tribes' refer to people who havn't been studied by modern anthropologists, but who have still invariably had negative contact with groups such as loggers. Even the Sentinelese had group members kidnapped by the British in the 1880s.

That, combined with being tiny in number, has likely led to a cult-like survivalist mentality which is totally fair but not necessarily 'natural' if we compare to paleolithic groups which shared culture over large swathes of continent. This is more similar to the Inuit, who number over 150,000.

To contrast, the nearest neighbours of the Sentinelese, living on adjacent islands, have not been able to achieve contact for so long that thier languages are no longer mutually intelligable.

[-]

oMrMeeseeksLookAtMeo@reddit

Thanks for the interesting points and knowledge, appreciated 👍🏼

[-]

ScumBucket33@reddit

Yeah, I got the wooden spoon or on one occasion when I god the spoon the meat tenderiser hammer.

[-]

Skydance1975@reddit

It's very upsetting to read how many people here were so mistreated by the very people who should love and protect them. There are lots of other ways to discipline children that do not involve hurting them.

[-]

Montymum@reddit

Yes was hit by both of them and still resent them for it. I’ve never done it to my children it’s completely unacceptable and the fact that ‘times were different then’ doesn’t wash with me.

[-]

blimpy5118@reddit

I think me and my siblings were smacked i have had this memory of us all in a line we were all small and waiting to be next to go over his knee to be smacked cant remember the reason. Also I got a flash back of my dad screaming in my face and pushing me backwards and into a wall and my head hitting the wall and smashing my hair clips into pieces I must of been like 12 maybe. Also just got a memory of my mom screaming at me when I was like 18 nearly 19 I think she was mad at me for staying at my boyfriends. And she grabbed my arm as I tried to walk past her and she slapped my bum super hard.

[-]

Sea-Clothes3425@reddit

Yes regularly unfortunately. I have a step father who was a big guy and kinda resented the fact I excised. The belt- by hand and a good punch when he felt like it from the age of 6. He constantly told me I would never be good at anything other than opening my legs. Don’t look at me with those lady Diana eyes was another of his key phrases. He semi dislocated my jaw at age 9 when he threw me against a wall for tutting. The last time he tried to hit me I was about 30. My mother would say stop stop you’re going to kill her - but never put a hand out to stop him. I constantly lived in fear. Always had tummy issues and at age 49 was diagnosed with ulserative colitis which can be linked to child abuse. Finally plucked up the courage to speak to my mother about it after a few drinks almost 3 years ago - her reply was ‘I should have left him’! Very well respected British family - no one knew except our neighbours who hated my parents but never said anything. After the conversation 3 years ago I got a phone call to say they didn’t want anything to do with me and haven’t spoken to them since.

[-]

Kezmangotagoal@reddit

Yup by my mum and grandma mostly occasionally my auntie too. It didn’t affect me at all tbh

[-]

bunnymama7@reddit

Yeah my dad hit me with his hand (including slapping me in the face) and with a hard soled slipper elsewhere on my body. My mum also pinched me really hard once which left bruises. With my dad I remember quite clearly thinking that I didn't understand why he hit me and that I could take it because I have survived it before. It hurt but as time went on it upset me less. I became quite desensitized to it. It definitely broke a lot of trust.

I have a 3 year old. She has a lot of tantrums so can be challenging sometimes, but we will never hit her or hurt her. She's just a kid and deserves all the protection and love that we can give her.

[-]

AutomaticDog3770@reddit

yes by both parents and I remember being picked up and shaken as it was the first time I saw stars

[-]

ATSOAS87@reddit

Late 30s. And yes, by my mother.

She has apologised for it, and explained some of the reasoning behind it. Not that I agree, but I can understand her. Saying that, I can imagine being angry at someone for a few of the things I did.

And there were times I got a talking to instead of a slap.

I'd never hit my son, and I feel guilty every time I'm a bit too rough with him

I do sports where I can accidentally hurt adult men. I do not what to even think about what I could do to my son if I lost it.

[-]

BrienneTheOathkeeper@reddit

48 and yes. Mum would give me or my sister a smack on the the thigh if we had repeatedly been asked to stop whatever carry on or naughty behaviour we were doing and didn’t. I don’t feel it had any negative impact. I had a very happy childhood and am still very close with both my parents, as is my sister. Love them both dearly.

[-]

Squiggle345@reddit

Yes, I'm 33 and was regularly smacked. My mum would have used the bottom of her slipper and my dad used his hand. It genuinely felt hard and sore, it wasn't a warning. I remember times where they were walking towards me and begging not to be smacked, I was already scared and knew I had done wrong. The smacking itself wasn't the lesson but the fear of it was. They still followed through though.

My mother now downplays this or downright says it didn't happen despite me and my 2 siblings agreeing (and it happened a lot, it's not like it happened once). I've realised that both of my parents are emotionally immature and distanced myself from them both. A real turning point was realising most of my peers didn't get smacked and funnily enough they have amicable relationships with their parents.

[-]

Automatic_Screen1064@reddit

Yes loads as a little kid, I've never hit any of my kids

[-]

PARFT@reddit

Used to get caned regularly particularly when my dad lost his job. They had four boys though i see them point.

As for impact well not something i think about- seemed unfair but so do many things.

[-]

Low-Ice777@reddit

Maybe once or twice. My main memories are of my younger brother being hit and grabbed by the clothes etc when he was ‘naughty’. There was a lot of screaming too. It terrified me. I have become such a people pleaser and avoid conflict at all costs as an adult which is honestly the bane of my life. I genuinely feel like I’m gonna get in trouble all the time for the most ridiculous things and I’m in my 30s lol. I am working on it

[-]

Gold-Relationship804@reddit

God you sound just like me. I always feel guilty, like bring the older one it should have been me, and when I tell people I was traumatised by it I feel like im stealing her experience (my younger sister.) My husband put it to me, some people survive by silence and some survive by resistance, the only person who should feel guilt is the person who made children even consider survival. It’s hard for us to stop being people pleasers, or having anxiety about being in trouble, but we can get there by starting small with enforcing little boundaries and building them up over time.

[-]

HitULikeADropPod@reddit

I had the same problem dude. I was exactly the same at your age. Get some therapy. Even if it’s online, talk to someone. Get that shite out of your system, before it causes an issue you’ll struggle to deal with. Voice of experience.

[-]

cherry-care-bear@reddit

Good for you.

I got smacked but what was worse was not being able to protect my sister from both herself and the consequences her low impulse control would elicit. It's like she, literally, couldn't help herself. I'm in my 40s and still routinely have nightmares of her being descended on for doing something stupid, wreckless, etcetera.

SHe has BPD and I cut her off in 2012 but still, the nightmares come.

[-]

lazy__goth@reddit

38 and yep, it got reported too but no one did anything

[-]

Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit

Yes, by hand, hairbrush, belt and slipper. Never warranted. It stopped when I was about 8 and my brother, sister and I hid behind our couch so they couldn't find us and we fell asleep there. I think they realised at that point that we were terrified of them. Adults aren't allowed to hit other adults, why was it OK to hit defenseless children?

[-]

rectal_warrior@reddit

We got the wooden spoon... I remember locking myself in the bathroom because I didn't want to do "handwriting practice", my dad kicked the bathroom door off its hinges, was so annoyed that the door was broken and took it out of my backside. I literally couldn't sit down after, and he wonders why I don't speak to him anymore.

[-]

angelstatue@reddit

this is proof that physical violence against children isnt a teaching moment, it's entirely letting your own emotions out on someone. im so sorry that happened to you.

[-]

rectal_warrior@reddit

All the discipline I received as a child taught me was to never own up to my mistakes and to lie. My old mad didn't exactly get a better upbringing but mine was enough to make me realise the right and wrong way to treat a child. But my parents had 5 kids while they were young and I've never had to raise one so it's easy to have the moral high ground with none of the stress/effort.

[-]

Own-Pen3465@reddit

Strict parenting breeds sneaky kids

[-]

Plastic-Location-598@reddit

Username kind of checks out?

[-]

ColdAppointment3917@reddit

I punched my dad in the balls when I was about 110 and locked myself in the bathroom, he was that mad he broke the lock off the door

[-]

TheBestBigAl@reddit

I punched my dad in the balls when I was about 110

I'm amazed your dad was even alive when you were that old.

[-]

TruthFront9660@reddit

Damn, that’s rough. I’m so sorry

[-]

General-Bumblebee180@reddit

the belt in our house even had a name, 'Big Bertha'. Had the shit whacked out of me for years. just the sound of a car in gravel, meaning my mum was home, makes me feel sick 50 years later. I was thrown out the day i turned 16.

I slapped my son once. I was tired and had a headache. He was just being a toddler. The look of disbelief on his face almost broke my heart. I never hit him again.

[-]

RegretEasy8846@reddit

Is illegal in Wales.

[-]

nihility24@reddit

Kids could be very menacing. A friend was telling me the other day, she lives in front of a playground of 2nd grade children and they don’t know how to play without screaming. If someone screams and shouts 24/7, it’s not surprising to get smacked to shut them up.

[-]

Daniel_De_Bosola@reddit

Oh no! Kids screaming in a playground. Harrowing.

[-]

fish993@reddit

In what way is that kids being 'menacing'

[-]

OkTadpole2920@reddit

That is normal playground behaviour for that age group, they are letting off steam after sitting in a lesson. Mostly, it is happy noise.

[-]

mythmakeruk@reddit

This is the only answer.

[-]

OldEcho@reddit

Because kids are basically property of their parents these days.

[-]

fionsichord@reddit

That does not make it ok, in fact the responsibility to behave honourably is increased when you are the one with the power.

[-]

OldEcho@reddit

I don't believe it is or was okay. But that's why people believed it to be. That is the core problem at the root of the issue. Children are property with roughly the same rights as a dog.

Since you're fond of putting words in my mouth, to be clear, that's bad.

[-]

Beneficial_Hour8894@reddit

(37 years old) Yes. My mother's also a narcissist, in the classic sense of the diagnostic label, and the "punishment" never fit the "crime". When I was hit, it wasn't something I could have logically linked up in meaning, even if physically hurting children were a valid way of parenting. It was always reflected in whatever her ego was doing that day. Also, I haven't spoken to her in almost 20 years.

[-]

No-Payment-6272@reddit

No, never. 30F. Just commenting to balance the amount of yes im reading! There must be more people who didnt and they are simply mot bothering to comment!?

[-]

spik0rwill@reddit

Yeah.. I'm 42 and was never hit as a child. I'm surprised that so many people were hit.

[-]

Infinite-Town9410@reddit

I wasn't hit either, my parents would sit us down and make us talk through whatever had happened. I wasn't an angel but I have mad respect for my parents and that kept me straight (ish). I'm also a well adjusted adult, with emotional regulation who plays well wirh others.

My husband was beaten, along with his siblings. They all have a fractured relationship with their parents, and each other. However, not one of them has gone onto hit their own children.

[-]

Madsaxmcginn@reddit

I was never hit, not once, my Mum always said there are more effective ways to discipline a child than to make them scared of you, and she believed most people hit children out of anger, rather than a punishment. She was still firm, but fair and I was generally a good kid...worst punishment was when she confiscated my eyeliner for a week because I gave her cheek...as a goth I absolutely learned my lesson there!
We have a wonderful relationship, I can go to her with absolutely any problem or issue, we talk every-day and I hope I can be half the mother she is.

[-]

Midnightraven3@reddit

I'm another who wasnt. Nor was the threat of being hit a thing. If I did something that warranted a lesson being learned, I was grounded. As I knew that would happen it did deter me.

I have 3 adult children, growing up punishment would "hit them where it hurt" so to speak. Son, no gaming, oldest daughter no TV, youngest daughter, grounded. FAR more effective

[-]

snoobobbles@reddit

39F. I think a lot changed in that decade. All of my friends were smacked.

[-]

RadicalTherapy@reddit

34F and no I was never hit either- neither of my siblings were, despite one being born in the 70’s where it was much more common. My folks were considered old hippies but I adore them and trust them and felt safe as a kid, which is an absolute privilege (although it shouldn’t be)

[-]

FollowingSalty@reddit

I’m only a couple of years younger than you and my parents (especially my dad) are definitely of the hippie variety! I have exactly one memory of being smacked as a kid and I don’t even think it was hard, don think they had it in them lol. My upbringing was fairly laissez-faire but, like you, I now trust my parents and would not hesitate to phone them for support even if I fucked up

[-]

StarSpotter74@reddit

Another here who wasn't.

Mid 40s. I've grown up really well if I'm honest. I'm not rude or disrespectful, I can hold my own if someone is pissing me off without having to hit them.

My own children are between the ages of 11-15 and never once have they been hit. They're also responsible, respectful, kind, hardworking, hilarious, honest and amazing kids. They have great friends and do well in school.

My partner and I both and have always worked full time.

[-]

Hillbert@reddit

I was thinking the exact same thing!

47M and I can't remember either of my parents ever hitting me. It's possible there was an immediate smacked bum for trying to do something dangerous (e.g. running across the road) but I can't remember it if so.

[-]

Stinkiest_rat@reddit

I’m 25 and yes, not super hard but I was slapped if I did something wrong, usually by accident because I’m autistic and they didn’t want to acknowledge that. They were younger than I am now when they had me and I can somewhat understand that they were just really overwhelmed with a kid they didn’t understand but all it taught me was that the people who love you will hurt you. I never realised it wasn’t normal until meeting my wife who’s never been hit.

[-]

hashbrowneggyolk0520@reddit

I'm a similar age to you and was late diagnosed as autistic. Thinking about most of the times they threaten to or actually did hit me it was usually something I can now recognise as a trait of autism e.g. sensory overload, meltdowns etc.

I think it was easier for them to not acknowledge there might be deeper "issues" because they felt it was a reflection on them.

[-]

Stinkiest_rat@reddit

I can see this. My mum is 99% definitely autistic

[-]

TruthFront9660@reddit

Ahhh these are the ones I hate the most. I had a classmate, who I can tell is autistic or has ADHD now, and the school would ring him parents and tell them he wasn’t doing this work and couldn’t focus and sit still. His dad would come to school and yell at him about it and he’d just look down in silence and once his dad slapped him across the face really hard.

Obviously no one said anything, Catholic schools don’t really have much against hitting kids

[-]

Stinkiest_rat@reddit

Ah good old catholic schools. I’m glad I went to a public school, I just blended into the background at school as a sort of nobody girl

[-]

AdaandFred@reddit

Just FYI, in the UK public schools are a very specific set of private schools while government run schools are called state schools. Most Catholic schools are state schools, though obviously there are private ones as well.

[-]

Stinkiest_rat@reddit

I’m from the UK lol and everyone just always referred to ours as a public school, I’m not super informed on the topic as is probably clear from my comment so thanks for the info

[-]

Interesting-Scar-998@reddit

Slapping a child across the face is way out of order.

[-]

TruthFront9660@reddit

Agreed, and it was a loud slap and I remember how the boys head swung to the side. It was obvious the child had additional needs at like 8-9 years old he would eat sand in the sand pit

Kinda what led me to working in disability now and a fair bit with kids with additional needs

[-]

Stinkiest_rat@reddit

So wild 😖 I wonder if the adult ever looked back and regretted it or just blissfully continued their life thinking they’d done nothing wrong

[-]

Bus8082@reddit

I was hit often for doing things wrong and then started hitting other children when they did things wrong. Obviously then got hit more for that. My parents never clocked that they’d taught me hitting was right.

[-]

notneb56@reddit

I'm 70 soon. I was the youngest of 4. None of us were ever hit or punished physically or mentally by our parents. I believe now that they were unusual compared to most other parents.

However, plenty of friends of mine were sent to bed early, slapped, hit with a belt and denied food. Presumably they were doing what their parents had done to them when they had misbehaved.

It's hard to be certain after all this time, but I believe my parents were one of the few exceptions when it came to punishment.

But there were other hazards in those days. One example I vividly recall was for a minor reason/excuse that I don't recall. I had to lie over my seated male art teacher's lap in front of the whole class. He very gently 'smacked' my backside a couple of times. I never told my parents for fear of being told off by them for upsetting the teacher (He didn't look upset).

It was only many years later that I realised the art teacher wasn't punishing me but was actually gratifying himself.

We also had a maths teacher who spent time in his storeroom with pupils, particularly male ones. He also invited male pupils down to his holiday home in the nearby countryside. Parents thought this was fine. Ordinary people didn't question authority figures in those days.

[-]

cheesypotato34@reddit

Yes. I’d have my mouth washed out with a bar of soap if I said something my mum didn’t like.

I also remember a time where a parent ripped my favourite cuddly toy because I pushed a friend over who had made me angry - they were trying to show me that it was wrong to get angry.

[-]

Unstableavo@reddit

29 & I remember one time my dad smacking the back of my shins.

[-]

Pedantichrist@reddit

The back of your shins?

Like a inside your calves?

[-]

Unstableavo@reddit

[-]

Pedantichrist@reddit

I know what calves are, and what shins are, and the back of your shins are in front of your calf muscles - inside your body. Someone hitting the back of your tibia is whacking right through a lot of flesh.

[-]

BrotherClive@reddit

Right on the bloody front of the calf

[-]

Unstableavo@reddit

The calf woops 🙃

[-]

Background_Bug1102@reddit

Yes, my mum bloody loved to dole out the punishments. Full on slaps in the face, being dragged around by the arm and her favourite -beating with a walking stick. She once hit me do hard the broke the stick on my arse. When my kids were wee she grabbed one in the face - he was 18 months old and crying. I threw her out of my house told her to fuck all the way off and she never saw me or my kids again. I didn’t attend her cremation. She was a schoolteacher, religious, middle class and very well thought of, and a vicious evil bitch behind closed doors.

Breaking the cycle.

[-]

Least_Temperature_23@reddit

Yep, leathered, frequently! I’m 70 and it was normal parenting in my day.

[-]

JoeDaStudd@reddit

Not that I can remember.

The story my mother used to tell was I when I was 1-2 years old I did something bad so she smacked me and I just laughed.\ So she smacked me again and I just laughed again. Rinse and repeat until it got to the point where her hand hurt, she was crying and I was still laughing.\ So she decided smacking wouldn't work.

[-]

Defiant_Put_7542@reddit

Yes, hit by both a few times.

Permenantly estranged from my parents now.

It affected me very badly. C-PTSD. My body still braces for impact when I make the most minor mistake or faux pas. Or even before that happens.

The energy my nervous system burns through trying to keep me safe is incredible. I am a former gifted child with a STEM degree from a red brick University but ended up unable to work nonetheless.

Child abuse is a hidden public health crisis.

[-]

EverybodySayin@reddit

My mum did the old "I was beaten black and blue when I misbehaved as a kid, I turned out fine" when she's clearly not fucking fine. She gets aggressive with people over minor things, almost like it's a defense mechanism in response to what happened to her. She flies off the handle again over minor things that aren't an issue to others, because that's what her parents were like and she thinks it's normal (lost count of the amount of friends and partners my siblings and I have had that have met my mum over the years and more or less told us that our mother is insane). I haven't turned out fine either, I get really anxious over confrontation because I subconsciously expect some sort of violence or like they're gonna damage my house or belongings.

[-]

achillea4@reddit

Can you seek professional help?

[-]

Defiant_Put_7542@reddit

Spent well over a decade trying to do just that. I'm 'too complex' apparantly. I eventually realised that the provision just isn't there.

I also found that even things like PHSO inquiry findings can't actually compel trusts to provide timely and appropriate medical care; they don't have legal power to do so.

[-]

angelstatue@reddit

i think even if they did, it wouldn't always work for everyone... that and ngl our system is so stretched they just give cbt homework to every single disorder regardless of if it does fuck all or not

[-]

greenhairdontcare8@reddit

Mid 30s, and yes. My dad had no control over his temper and us kids getting the shit kicked out of us or screamed at or stuff thrown at us for nothing was common place. It only stopped when I got big enough and confident enough to square up back to him.

This was on top of neglect and other stuff going on. It was living in a constant low state of terror until I left home. It really messed me up for the majority of my teens and my twenties, and I'm glad I don't have the urge to have children myself.

[-]

No_Medium_648@reddit

F(47). Same story but was mother. She came to my house yesterday as it was my birthday. I hid in my room with the curtains closed and ignored the knocking.

I'm still messed up.

[-]

greenhairdontcare8@reddit

I'm so sorry, its such a burden to carry

[-]

Incitatus_For_Office@reddit

43m. I don't remember any specific instances of being hit when I was little but I believe I was when quite young. I do remember being about 16 and my mum hit me for something but nearly broke her wrist as she caught it badly so the immediate concern shifted to that (for both of us).

My older sister, 50, told me that she remembers being hit quite a lot when she was small and not understanding why. Maybe our parents found out hitting wasn't such a good thing by the time I was doing stuff that could result in a smack?

My children regularly drive me to the point I want to wallop them. So I understand why it happens but I do everything I can to resist that almost instinctive urge.

[-]

BarNo3385@reddit

40, yes I got the odd "clip round the ear."

[-]

Miasmata@reddit

Yes, I used to get smacked when I was being a pain in the arse. I don't really feel like it affected me at all, I'm pretty well balanced as an adult and I adore my parents

[-]

scarletOwilde@reddit

Yes. Badly. Hands, fists, kicks, slaps, scratches, hair pulling. Brooms, objects thrown at my head, pushed down stairs, slammed into walls/doors, you name it. Sometimes I saw stars, just like the cartoons. And you can add horrible psychological abuse and coercive control to that lot.

I left home at 17. I’ve had a lot of therapy. I survived and thrived somehow!

[-]

zCoxxy@reddit

I very much disagree with hitting kids. I'm 26. I was hit by my mother once; we are very close to this day.

I was probably about 11 and very, very much out of my character, I called her a "stupid bitch", and she slapped me very hard around the face. I can't say I didn't deserve it lol.

[-]

ambergriswoldo@reddit

Of similar age and I was smacked once on my thigh or bum if I was very naughty by my mum. I don’t think it’s affected me - she’s said on occasion how awful she felt doing it and I’ve always laughed (I was a very naughty child and would deliberately do things I shouldn’t because I thought it was funny)

[-]

Polystyrene000@reddit

I’m 29 (f) with South Asian parents. Myself and my two brothers were hit with a slipper and sometimes a stick by my mum. This stopped after reaching around 10, but the impact of that in addition to their very controlling nature meant that my older brother became abusive. He was two years older and would brutally punch me at any small issue that annoyed him. He was vicious with his words and made me feel worthless. Went on until I was about 20. Unsurprisingly, I don’t speak to any of my family any more.

[-]

learxqueen@reddit

I'm 37 and yep, smacked by hand/ hairbrush. As a teenager, one time I got hit around the face with a hardback book (To Kill a Mockingbird IIRC).. happy days eh.

[-]

GrumpyOldFart74@reddit

52 - a smacked bottom was common when I was small, and a clip round the ear as I got older.

I remember one occasion, I was probably 16 or 17, and I got a clip round the ear from nowhere:

“What the fuck was that for?”

“Dunno, but there’s bound to be something”

It didn’t do me any harm and I have no ill-will or resentment…. But nor did I ever hit any of my own kids.

[-]

mortstheonlyboyineed@reddit

See i feel the same about it not really having an affect on me but it definitely affected my brother even to this day. As someone else said on here the cruel or mean words have had a more lasting affect on me.

[-]

CompetitiveServe1385@reddit

I’m just curious on why you (rightfully) decided not to hit your own kids despite acknowledging that being beaten yourself didn’t cause any harm. Is there still a part of you which thinks that it’s wrong?

[-]

GrumpyOldFart74@reddit

Well yeah, I think it’s wrong.

But you have to remember times were different then, and it was completely normal.

For example, Dennis the Menace in the Beano would often be over his dad’s knee getting spanked with a slipper in the last panel of the story… and that’s a comic meant for like 6-7 year-olds

As another example, I used to read Warlord and Commando comics, where most of the stories consisted of Brits making fun of “Yanks” and mowing down hordes of slur for Germans or Japanese people

We know it’s wrong now, but at the time it was so widespread it didn’t occur to anybody that they shouldn’t

[-]

GrumpyOldFart74@reddit

I’d also add, I don’t think I ever “decided not to hit [my] kids”… so much as I didn’t decide TO hit them. It’s not like I made a conscious decision that I wasn’t going to - just never did, if that makes sense?

[-]

Fuzzy_Strawberry1180@reddit

No I don't resent my parents

[-]

psychopathic_shark@reddit

I got some of them too 😂 where I was smacked for something I might do later.

[-]

AndrewHinds67@reddit

That's just abuse. Nothing funny about that at all. Your parent who did that was a sadistic bully.

[-]

thecheesycheeselover@reddit

I don’t think hitting is ever right, but for no reason seems so mean. Glad it doesn’t bother you though.

[-]

imtiramisu2025@reddit

Im 33 and yes I was. In more than just discipline though. Theres a fine line and an abuser can call it that to make themselves feel better. It was never for no reason but id get hit for silly things like spilling my drink when I was first learning to use a cup.

It taught me anger was the go to emotion for everything and even now it consumes me and takes up a lot of my mental space to not be that person.

Ive never known safety and as a result my nervous system is completely cooked. It has cause all sorts of medical issues.

I cant trust men. I am married but even though my husband isn't a violent man I always worry he might one day get angry and try to kill me.

Did I behave? No it made me worse.

[-]

SecretiveBerries@reddit

Same age, pretty much the exact same experience and outcome. Breaking the cycle now with my own kids. Sending a big hug 💖

[-]

Weary_Rule_6729@reddit

hi! another 33 year old woman checking in to say the same. i got headbutted by my father when i was 7 for chewing my peas in an annoying way. its given me attachment issues and made me scared of most men and perhaps wrongly, i think they are all capable of violence.

confusingly, i now get on well with my dad. he is a kind man and will help anybody. i have no doubt he loves me a lot and he hasnt hit me since i was probably 9 or 10. i think he would say he regrets it. I will never forget it though and would never treat a child the same way.

sending hugs to you both 💘 its a strange relief to read similar stories.

[-]

SecretiveBerries@reddit

Oh I’m sorry to hear that 🥺💖 sending you a big hug too.

My dad is also completely different now - has so much more patience and compassion. He’s an amazing grandad and has nothing but infinite love for my kids.

[-]

mortstheonlyboyineed@reddit

Yes and not just by parents. If we were staying at someone house, even a friends sleepover, we'd take whatever punishment they felt acceptable. An uncle used to use "the stick" and ill never forget one auntie launching a stiletto at my cousins head....

[-]

ooould@reddit

No. Never ever.

[-]

Even-Republic-1589@reddit

Yes and estranged from that parent since I became an adult

[-]

Fruitpicker15@reddit

Belt, sticks, wooden spoons, coat hangers. They took their own emotional problems out on us. It sounds dramatic but it wrecked our self esteem and ability to form relationships as adults. 40 years on I'm still anxious and wary of people. I can't cope with stress and live a quiet, simple life on my own.

[-]

Rolifant@reddit

Yes, mainly by my mother. I realize now that she had a shitty life, but I haven't forgiven her. Some of the violence was completely disproportionate. I think I have some PTSD from it.

I can't imagine hitting my own children.

[-]

Mysterious_Worker_81@reddit

Yep, on a regular basis. Sometimes no idea why. First time I remember it I was sat building blocks, at around aged 2. I would be hit until I couldn't sit down because of the pain. Grew up feeling like a worthless failure because of it.

[-]

cayosonia@reddit

My mother would smack our bums and as a defense mechanism we would put our hands there so she'd smack our hands instead. Well one day I happened to be holding a glass and I probably did something naughty so she went to smack my bum, on instinct I put my hands there and she whacked the glass shattering it and getting in glass stuck in her hand. I felt sure I was going to be kicked out of the family (I was only 7) and cried and begged for forgiveness.

She never smacked me or my brother again.

[-]

TrashAdorable@reddit

I'm 38 and was never hit by my father but was slapped a good few times by my mother. Never really held it against her but now I think about it, it's pretty appalling.

[-]

Ok-Dance-4827@reddit

Never hit, was a very loving home. 33F

[-]

vagueconfusion@reddit

Once or twice by my mum, never hard, and (not that it makes it better) with explanations after about only doing so to shock me out of doing something dangerous, and has apologised for it all throughout my life after. (Including now.)

Also once or twice by my dad. Always too hard. And all of this was definitely under the age of 5. Shouting "did the job" at every occasion after.

But what has stuck with me was my dad's atrocious temper and bitter personality (that we now suspect is still undiagnosed autism) and generalised dislike of me (then undiagnosed adhd) that left me as his emotional punching bag of choice until he had a bike accident in 2021 that seemingly improved his personality.

[-]

Jealous_Sympathy9402@reddit

My dad didn’t, his voice was enough to make us scared to death. My mum used to hit us on the back of our legs or hands but we would laugh and she would do it again until we cried and then threaten to tell my dad which soon made us behave. I am 33 btw.

[-]

Admirable-Mall-9601@reddit

Yes. Single mother who I’m sure was at times floridly mentally ill. Insane bouts of violence that were like stress relief, followed by a night of being forced to sleep in her bed whilst she masturbated beside me. Took me until I was 24 to go no contact, that was after she punched me in the face in public at the zoo because I was fifteen minutes late (with my two tiny children in tow). Lifelong psychosocial damage.

[-]

BeanOnAJourney@reddit

I'm 42 and yes I got a smack on the bum a few times. It didn't really affect me at all other than being very annoyed and upset on one particular occasion because I didn't actually know what i'd done was wrong, it wasn't explained to me, I hadn't been told I couldn't do this particular thing beforehand, I just got shouted at and smacked. For context, I had wanted to do some drawing but the only paper I could find was my dad's invoice book for his mechanic business that was just sitting on the table but I didn't know that, it was just paper in a book to me.

[-]

leclercwitch@reddit

Yeah but only maybe twice. One I ran into a road, mum pulled me back, smacked my bum and shouted “don’t you EVER do that AGAIN”. I was 3. I didn’t do it again. Mum says she was on the phone to my grandma for hours that night, crying her eyes out because of the guilt. My grandma agrees what she did was right but the smack was out of panic, not to worry about it.

The other time me and my sister were playing hell and silly buggers so mam said she’d give us a crack if we carried on. She gave us both a crack. We then shut up and stopped doing what we were doing (probably screaming that SHES HIT ME SHES DOING THIS SHES DOING THAT) as sisters do.

That’s all I can remember. I’m fine.

[-]

Luxury_Dressingown@reddit

Same, but without the terrible dad. Under the age of 5, sister and I got a rare smack on the bum as a last resort for awful and/or dangerous behaviour when we couldn't be reasoned with. Running into the road, trying to stick stuff in electrical sockets, and shoving everything off a supermarket shelf are the incidents I remember. It was very infrequent, a clearly communicated consequence for our behaviour, with no loss of physical or emotional control from our parents when they did it, and it was never a hard smack - probably less pain than an elastic band snapping against skin. Mum and dad were and are emotionally nurturing, caring, loving parents.

Looking back, it was their way of helping us avoid danger or consequences we were too young to understand. A little kid touches a hot stove or fire, they get a minor burn and learn not to do it again. A kid runs into a road and gets hit by a car, or sticks something in a socket and gets a massive electric shock - not much learning opportunity in that. Or they cause expensive damage in a shop that risks putting the family into financial hardship - they are not going to understand that. The quick sting of a smack is a consequence they can handle and that they understand.

All that said, I'm fully in favour of banning any smacking or hitting of kids, because you essentially can't legislate to discriminate between the way my parents disciplined me and the horrendous stories in this thread about kids getting smacked around by dysregulated parents for any or no reason. Either the law says you can hit kids or you can't, so I'm in favour of can't.

[-]

loranlily@reddit

My experience was very much the same as yours. Smacked on the bum as a last resort, parents were (and are!) very loving and caring. I'm 39 and still have a great relationship with both of them. That being said, I have a 1 year-old, and I won't be smacking her.

[-]

FollowingSalty@reddit

Funnily enough what you said at the end there about cruelty vs a smack reflects my husband’s relationships with his parents. From what he’s said, his mum was not scared to physically discipline him yet he is incredibly close to her still - she’s a lovely woman - while his dad was just generally a dick, and to this day he can’t stand him.

I don’t support corporal punishment and wouldn’t do it to my kids, but it seems the wider context matters a lot…

[-]

redcloud226@reddit

Yes, in my 30s and did get hit a fair bit as a kid. It was usually a slap around the top or back of the head for being 'cheeky'. It even got caught on camera for my 6th birthday photo, lovely family memories, thanks for the awesome Birthday dad! Also used to get kicked in the ass quite literally at times, one time I turned mid kick and it landed on my nose, don't think it broke but was definetely bleeding and didn't feel good. Also got smacked with a belt once for literally no reason on the backside pretty hard. Head smacked on the wall once or twice, after 'accidentally' slipping mid spin holding my legs. It stopped as I got older, to be honest probably just because I was more aware of my Dad's triggers. Was on the way to school in the car and was being given a 'Dad talk', can't remember what it was about but he didn't like my response to whatever it was and backhanded me in the solar plexus. I was as you can imagine upset and didn't want to go to school, but was forced to do so and then I had to explain what had happened causing further humilation.

How did it affect me, well there could be other factors, but by my teenage years I was socially awkward and nervous in general sometimes to the extreme. I have overcome it a lot, but I still struggle a bit socially and with general confidence, I also had anger issues during teenage years. My dad does have a good side and I keep things cool between us, but I realised now that I'm older, I believe he is a narcissist and he never underwent any proper therapy for his own childhood isses, in recent years he's tried being better and wants to act like we're buddies, it's too little too late, so I have mixed feelings and I simply live with him and the rest of the family, I don't really have a chummy relation with him, although he seems to imagine we do.

[-]

vegan_voorhees@reddit

My dad was a fan of The Cane.

It seems really deranged now, but we thought it was normal. He's also a religious fundamentalist so it seems kinda expected.

[-]

LimeyInYank@reddit

Only time my mum hit me. Stole my dad's beer and sold it at school. Got caught and kicked out for a week. After picking me up and getting me home. She caught me with a right hook, as a turned around to say sorry. Told her it was a sucker punch and dirty. If she wanted to do it, look me in the eyes and do it. She didn't, I went to my room grounded for a week.

Dad didn't say a word. He had no interest in me. Mum only gave a shit about my sister. Left to go to uni and never looked back.

[-]

jlelvidge@reddit

I’m 60 and my dad went too far. My mum had no control so would wait till he got home from work, overly exaggerated the situation and watch him punish us. He broke my sisters nose once when she was 12. If anything went missing, we all got punished. He was a draughtsman then and would make us line up and bend over the edge of the bath and hit us with a heavy metre long wooden ruler and then find what was missing! No apology but we were not able to sit down for a couple of days to ‘teach us a lesson’. I only remember smacking my daughter once when she was about 3 on the back of the leg, I swore from that day that I would never do it again and I didn’t with both my kids. A look was enough when they were naughty.

[-]

Dry_Bluebird_2923@reddit

I am 40, and yes, I was hit by my dad. I can remember running up the stairs away from him and cowering in my room. That is the only one I can vividly remember, but there were more times. I can see why I think I had stolen money from my parents to go out with my friends on several occasions and then lied about it.

I can also remember another time I was grounded and had to be in my bedroom from 7pm-7am every day for 4 weeks. This was before I had a TV in my room, no computer, no smartphone.

That punishment worked better than a smack. So I'd say I've learnt that physical punishments are no way near as bad as having freedom removed. It's the way I now parent.

[-]

Sketchyfletch@reddit

If we really acted out we got told that we were about to get a smack on the back of the hand, and what we'd done to warrant it. It was for deliberate misbehaviour, never mistakes (e.g. I nicked some money out of a drawer in their bedroom). I think it was about the most thoughtful way you can choose to apply corporal punishment and tbh the shame of being told I'd behaved so badly that this was the recourse was worse than the smack itself. That doesn't mean I fully condone this though, as it just taught me not to get caught.

I don't know where I land on it to be honest. Smacking as a regular punishment definitely is abuse but I will be honest in saying I have occasionally met people - both children and grown - where I'd thought they definitely would wind their neck in a bit with a solid clip round the ear as a demonstrate of immediate consequence.

[-]

RegretEasy8846@reddit

Yup, absolute twat of a dad, I’d never do the same to my kids, I certainly learnt what not to do from it. I can be sharp and firey if they take the piss but I’d never hurt a child.

[-]

herwiththepurplehair@reddit

Not regularly, the odd smack but I freely admit I was a horrible child and must have driven my poor mother to distraction. It was very common when I was a child, and I don't think it's affected me.

[-]

DaughterOfATiredMech@reddit

I learnt to behave.. let me just say there’s a difference between a slap and a beating

[-]

BigMassiveTigerShark@reddit

37f, yes. As a 4/5 year old I'd hide books down my trousers to take the brunt of any impending impact, and once I lucked out because I hid an enormous hardback book of fairytales in my leggings and my mother burst out laughing instead of battering my arse.

Needless to say I've never laid a finger on my children, and am an extremely anxious adult.

[-]

lavender_cookie_@reddit

I'm in my early 30s.

Yes, hit on a regular basis going from slapping on the legs / butt (so teachers couldn't see it at school) to getting older and slapped in the face and punched in the stomach as a teen.

I never hit back because it was incredibly shameful to hit your parent but for some reason parents weren't shamed for beating their kids.

It didn't happen to my other siblings, so I understand this isn't exactly normal behaviour, I wasn't raised by someone who was stable. I honestly thought I was adopted, but no.

As a result, I can become very uncomfortable to the point of tears when anything goes wrong as I expect violence to be inflicted upon me.

For example, I was purchasing multiple glass candle holders (less than £1 each), one fell off the counter and smashed. My body instantly reacted with panic and tears. Even though I told myself "you're an adult, it's ok, you can even offer to still pay for it", I even offered to clean it up myself. But it didn't stop all the body reactions from happening and had to cry it out once I got outside of the shop 🤦‍♀️😅

[-]

chuckiestealady@reddit

Yep. The only effect it had was to make me disrespect the parent and be fiercely anti-corporal punishment.

[-]

Dreadpirateflappy@reddit

80s kid, never once smacked.
My parents thought it was abuse so never even considered smacking etc... they were right.

Normal People wouldn't smack the shit out of an adult for doing something wrong, wo why would anyone want to purposefully hurt a child?

[-]

TobsterVictorSierra@reddit

I'm 40 and yes, violence was an easy first resort to put a stop to the inconvenient being of children. The surviving parent denies all knowledge of it ever being a thing.

[-]

CariRyfedd@reddit

Yup. I remember also waiting for my dad to come home and then getting another smack from him for something I’d done that morning. Was told by a teacher who knew that I was struggling at home to walk away when my sister started an argument… so I did… my mam followed me (for walking away from her) and then slapped me a few times on my legs/backside but realised she wasn’t able to hit me hard enough as I was wearing jeans and a teenager so she then slapped me across my face hard. Our version of grounding was also removal of all toys, no TV, only able to read particular books (nothing we enjoyed) and no playing. I have been in therapy often and don’t have much of a relationship with my father and my mother is incredibly difficult. I’m quick to have a temper and it’s something I’m working on, as well as learning everything about gentle parenting that I can so I don’t pass on my various traumas to any future kids. I’ve never asked my mam why she felt it necessary to slap me for walking away from an argument as I was told to do my another trusted adult, I know she won’t remember it, she doesn’t seem to remember anything that I do from my childhood.

[-]

jmabbz@reddit

I was smacked occasionally (never hard) if I had done something dangerous. The thinking was to associate said dangerous behaviour to pain. I have no negative consequences and think it was probably a good thing.

[-]

paradisegirlll@reddit

Yeh, worst one was a cable or twigs! The sharp bite from those were awful 🤢

[-]

swibbles_mcnibbles@reddit

Early 40s. Was smacked regularly as a kid. Now an adult with severe anxiety which I realise started at about age 5-6.

[-]

Frogbitch45776@reddit

30 and yes, my parents smacked me and more but my dad was abusive. When I had my first daughter I did smack when she was naughty and very quickly felt smacking was abusive in itself and stopped. I refuse to have my daughter grow up and view me in anyway similar to my parents

[-]

thehoneybadger1223@reddit

My mother would only do it as a last resort. I remember once I ran to the road while I was chasing a balloon and there was a bus coming. She grabbed me and smacked my bum, likely put of panic. She told me to never ever run into the road again, and that I always had to stop look and listen for traffic. If she hadn't have stopped me I'd have kept going for the balloon and certainly been killed. She had tears in her eyes, she cried afterwards because of the guilt.

My dad...different story. I've been grabbed by the throat (despite having a serious dislike of my neck being touched) and ended up vomiting in his face. He pinned me to the floor by my throat a second time and it happened again...didn't happen a third. He fractured my orbital bone by cracking me across the face, he used to hit me across the head quite often. He'd also pick things up, like if I dropped a cup and throw it at me. He called me names, he'd make comments if I ate chocolate comparing me to an overweight neighbour in the street (despite the fact I was so underweight my periods had stopped), and he'd remark about my curly hair sticking out and if I had spots on my face.

In my teenage years I used to go to my room and throw stuff around. I broke and gave away most of my stuff because I didn't feel like I should have it. I also started self injurious behaviour because I wanted control over SOME, part of my life. I chose that to be my body, if I wanted to bleed, I could do that. If he wanted to bruise me, I'd show that I could do it better than him on my own body. I wanted to be good at something.

Now I jumpscare easily and I'm a people pleaser. I'd give someone my last shred of clothing if it meant they'd be kind to me and not get mad.

[-]

thespanglycupcake@reddit

I remember a couple of times. Most the times, I'd say I deserved it (e.g. I smacked my little brother once and at an age where I should have known better, my mother smacked me on the leg, asked if I liked it, I did not, i did not smack brother again). I vaguely remember a thigh smack when I tried to run off in the street and headed towards the road once. It did not impact me long term and I had extremely loving parents (both to us and to each other). I have kids now and have never smacked them. I think this was probably the norm amongst my peer group. People say there's a fine line between an odd smack and abuse, but reading some of the comments below, it seems there is a canyon between the two. How people cannot recognize the difference is scary, and really quite sad.

[-]

English_R0se@reddit

I’m 30 and yes my mum used to hit me a lot, in fact it was borderline child abuse, she would also pull my hair, scratch me, torment me on purpose and chase me up the stairs and tell me she’s going to kill me. My dad has hit me twice in my life.

My brother, 8 years younger than me, has never even had a voice raised to him. He had none of the ‘discipline’ that I had growing up. Always the golden boy. As a result I despise my mother and my brother and want absolutely nothing to do with them.

[-]

Cantthinkifany@reddit

My father smacked my hand once, I walked home- I am so proud of my child me at that moment

[-]

English_R0se@reddit

Yes and now I despise my mother and want absolutely nothing to do with her.

[-]

TheHolidayArtist@reddit

I got smacked a few times...sometimes even with a horse whip. Not hard or exessively violent, and not too often. It hasn't really had any long term effects that I have noticed. It had the desired purpose of teaching me not to be naughty and respect my elders. Or maybe that is just what I tell myself to make it okay.

I don't think it ever came from a place of malice. I think it came from a lack of understanding in a time where having kids was just what people did without giving it much thought. People didn't know better how to cope back then and so stress spilled out in many different ways, and as an adult, I can appreciate how stressful some kids can be. Which is one of the many reasons I choose not to have any.

[-]

jimbo1880@reddit

Is there a way to work through the anger? Was hit on a regular basis. M47

[-]

Prince100001@reddit

Yes. Slapped a few times for inviting friends over. I don't have many friends.

[-]

PeachyAna90@reddit

My Dad never hit any of us but my Mum did when she felt it was deserved, like if we were acting up/misbehaving/talking back. All it did was sow seeds of mistrust and fear to the point I was terrified to even tell her I'd started my period, resulting in me hiding bloodied clothes and being scared shitless when I accidentally got a bit of blood on the carpet, luckily she was ok with it. She even smacked me into a corner of my room once and my Dad had to get her off of me. But her telling me she wish she'd never had us and given us ip for adoption hurt worse. Even now I'm still scared of her and feel I cant trust her at 35. I honestly think she did it mostly because she struggled to cope with all 5 of us. I still love her of course.

[-]

FilmFanatic1066@reddit

Yep by hand and hard plastic soles slipper all the time, my dad didn’t need much of an excuse

[-]

jowiejojo@reddit

I’m 42 and was never hit at all as a child and I’ve never hit my children.

[-]

Sea-Payment-8989@reddit

Yes, often - but only when I deserved it and it hasn’t done me any long term harm or the other people I know of my own age. When ‘spare the rod, spare the child’ was adopted widely it hasn’t done had an adverse effect on our societal values.

[-]

snoobobbles@reddit

I got smacked as a punishment as a young child.

Then when I was much older my Dad was being really pissy with me and complaining about me for no reason so I said the first immature thing that came to mind (having known for years that I was an accident) - "if I'm that bad maybe you should have worn something 17 years ago"

He didn't do anything but told my Mum when she got home and she slapped me in the face

Now I'm a parent I get the temptation to smack lightly as a punishment for a younger child. It's fucking hard sometimes to constantly be the rational one and it's beyond infuriating and triggering and emotional and all of the rest of it. But I could not imagine actually doing it. It's a sure sign you've lost authority as a parent and you're trying desperately to claw it back.

I could never understand slapping my child across the face unless they were unconscious and I was trying to wake them up.

For my parents hitting was a symptom that they couldn't regulate or understand emotions. And the emotional damage from that was worse than the physical. I'm now having to parent my parents, and me, and my own kids. It's hard.

[-]

IncompleteObjects@reddit

In 50 and yes I was hit but pretty infrequently.

Only with a hand on my backside/leg

[-]

throwawayacrosstheci@reddit

Yup, a few highlights... Father repeatedly hit me for anything beyond sitting quietly, speaking before spoken to. To the point where I was extremely scared of him if he came to collect me from my gran's house. Read - clinging onto door frames, pleading with my gran to let me stay with her.

I had soap forced into my mouth as punishment. Literally hold back of head, bar of soap with the other.

My father held my hand to an open fire, to the point I screamed with fear. Instead of teaching me how to handle a fire, and what to do, it was a punishment and warnings.

When I was older, I started to argue back and defend myself this was met with either punches to the back of the head, or stone cold silence, with my mother speaking for him.

She was no better; smacking was the usual thing with her. Then anything that was out of the ordinary or weird for her for my childhood socialising or toy trends of the 90s and 00s, was seen to be weird and not to be trusted. To the point where language evolution (yeah, cool, dude, fair-play) was shouted down and punished.

All the while I was bullied at school, a lot. This was met with dismissal. Just ignore them, rise above it, stiff upper lip. Sticks and stones etc. Each day, new bruises, and asking about my school day I would respond, "OK". No cause of concern.

So how has this affected me?

I have CPTSD, and experience daily flashbacks from anxiety-inducing social situations. I know I am emotionally stunted; I actively avoid people my age due to how school was for me, seeking to instead socialise with people approx 5-10 years younger. Mrs Throwaway is 8 years my junior. I don't have that many friends outside fo the Mrs' circle, maybe 2 or 3 that experienced similar situations at school; we were the ones who roughed it, and a couple online. I escaped into online RPGs for several years after college, and my life was very much in that world at the expense of nearly everything else. I actively avoid social networks save for LinkedIn because it's unavoidable for work. The damage those tools can cause at the hands of so few just amplifies the experiences of a school bully in a playground, though now with no escape at the end of the day, or the end of school.

[-]

LAcasper@reddit

I'm 37 and was raised by my grandparents - so yes.

[-]

yellowsubmarine45@reddit

I am 49 and no I wasn't. My older brother and sister were though very occassionally by my dad ( they are both in their 50s). Just an open hand, on the bum. Apparently, once my dad slapped my older sisters bum for puposefully peeing in the bath and it left a mark. He felt so guilty about it, he never hit any of us again.

[-]

Sufficient-Star-1237@reddit

Yes! Did it make me a better person? No! Did I ever smack my own child? Absolutely not! Violence begets violence.

[-]

East_Job_6879@reddit

At the age of 8 I was locked in the cellar by my father. He had a very bad temper, was old school believing kids should do as they’re told. He would fly into a rage at the smallest thing and it was like treading on eggshells around him. He mellowed around his grandkids especially the grandsons. To the world he was a very pious man. To me he was a monster. His words would shred me to pieces, esp when I started binging due to him and my mother’s abuse towards me and I ended putting on a lot of weight. I’ve only lost most of that weight now after going through therapy and prioritising self-care. The last time he hit me I was 18. It was like as if he’d grabbed a doll and was spinning it around and hitting on furniture. At that point I decided I could no longer live under that man’s house. Ironically I was the one who took him to hospital the 3 times he was ill. Twice he had a stroke and the final time a heart attack which rendered him helpless. It was sad to watch him dying but I believe in karma. What you put out you get back. I’m so glad he’s dead because at least there’s peace in my family.

[-]

Fuzzy_Strawberry1180@reddit

I love my parents though

[-]

Fuzzy_Strawberry1180@reddit

I was smacked across legs my teacher when was 7/8, did too just the norm back then I suppose doesn't make it right

[-]

PrinceFan72@reddit

Very rarely and, to be fair, my brother and I were little arseholes. We physically fought all the time, we hated each other. Once my mum threatened to "bang our heads together" if we didn't stop fighting. We didn't believe her, she followed through, we got what we deserved.

I've been married twice, both times to women who were beaten as kids. They were both violent to me and would use threats of violence against our kids and threaten me again if I intervened. Our daughters are very anti violence as they grew up knowing it doesn't do what the parent thinks it does.

[-]

Randystarbuxx@reddit

Regularly whacked , wooden spoon was a favourite. Would not smack my kids ever. Don’t see the need

[-]

crispycat40@reddit

I’m 41.

I was hit a total of 3 times and I remember the indignation and frustration at how unfair and unnecessary it was.

I have never laid a hand on my children and never would.

[-]

OkTechnician4610@reddit

Yes but not very often. Teachers hit kids at school as well so not something that shocked anyone. I’d get a slap if I answered back or a soap bar in the mouth if I swore. My dad chased me with a slipper once but I ran too fast. I don’t think it’s ever effected me. I slapped my sons leg once as he was going to kick the dog. Personally I have never though hitting was the right punishment for any one.

[-]

Lyrakish@reddit

Yes. I haven't talked to my mother since my father's funeral. And before that I didn't talk to her for 6 years. I went to therapy and sussed out that kids don't get hit by, or are scared of, their mothers.

[-]

FinalCryptographer52@reddit

Yes, I'm 53m. My father was physically abusive, he'd hit me with his hands. He would stir his tea and burn the back of my hand with the spoon, not sure why. Worse, though, were the words he'd use. Just grinding down any sense of self esteem I had. My sister was treated quite respectfully. I've long suspected that I'm on the spectrum. Was often accused of being 'too sensitive' like that was a choice I'd made.

I've learned to forgive him and I've tried not to repeat his mistakes with my daughters... Sure I've made plenty of my own. I do think my ability to form healthy relationships suffered from his treatment. Like, he'd whack me, make me cry, then mum would come up and hug me and tell me 'everything is going to be alright'. Oh really? When exactly? Aren't things supposed to be alright now?

Extending sympathy, empathy and positivity to anyone who has experienced anything like this. I've often wondered if no dad would be a better option than a violent dad.

[-]

Plugged_in_Baby@reddit

Not never but definitely not anything approaching regularly. I can still remember every single instance of it and I recall that every time except once I was being a total shit trying to deliberately rile my parents up. I remember being pretty stunned but also that it didn’t even slightly stop me from doing it again, so it was clearly pretty ineffective as an educational tool.

I’m typing this with my six month old daughter asleep in my arms, and I hope to heavens that I will never snap with her the way my parents snapped with me.

[-]

Jill4ChrisRed@reddit

31 here, I was slapped ONCE by my mother at two years old for suddenly running out into traffic.

She felt awful about it and never struck me again, but it was an automatic response to fear of losing me. Compared to her mother, my mother was an actual angel, my grandmother hit my mother with hairbrushes, rulers, anything she could get her hands on. She slapped my mother for having broken her (as in, mums) ankle once because it meant they had to drop everything to go to the hospital because if my mum couldn't walk she couldn't work around the house after school or take herself to and from school.

My grandmother, we suspect, had Bipolar disorder and Narcissistic personality disorder. She was a very mentally unstable woman.

I think my mum realised how awful it felt to smack me and then realised just how easy it was for her own mother to hit her growing up and pieces clicked into place that made her come to the conclusion that her own mother was not a good person. It definitely changed their relationship.

[-]

Jerico_Hill@reddit

Frequently, unnecessarily and heavily. I like to joke my Dad would stop hitting you when his arms got tired. I rarely ever did anything to provoke it neither. I'd get hit for accidentally breaking stuff or being awake at night (for any reason including illness).

How it affected me, gave me a hair trigger temper, an amazing ability to lie, probably PTSD.

It was soo unnecessary. I was a good kid who did what I was told, not my fault I've worn glasses since I was a baby.

[-]

winjer@reddit

Genuinely shocked by the responses. Was never hit and it would never have occurred to any of us that it might even be a thing!

[-]

Lonely-Ad-5387@reddit

37m smacked fairly often by both parents, shouted at a lot more often and especially by my dad. I dont hate them for it, they grew up in an era where that was normal and how you disciplined a child.

They both mellowed as they got older as well, especially my dad who's shouting was mainly linked to being an ex army officer who was used to people just obeying him whenever he said to do something.

If I had kids I wouldnt do any of this but I dont see the point in hating them and I dont feel like it had as much of an effect of me as it seems to have had on other people.

[-]

No-Daikon3645@reddit

Yes, frequently, by mum. Rarely by dad. It was an open hand.

[-]

CaerwynM@reddit

Yes. By both parents, father a lot stronger, and also grandmother. My earliest memory is standing between my 6 month old brother and my father who had beaten my mother in a drunken rage because the baby cried and he was coming for him next. My children do not know them now

[-]

elevenerit@reddit

Yes - hand, hair brush, slipper, randomly the toilet brush (?). Now I have my own children I am absolutely gobsmacked as to how they could have done that!

[-]

Lessarocks@reddit

My mother didn’t just smack us. She took her slipper or book, or whatever else she had to hand and laid into us. This was usually done when my father was not around to witness it . He didn’t believe in hitting children, preferring instead to talk things through.

I’d urge any parent prone to battering their child not to do it because it never leaves us. Im in my sixties and to this day, I can still see her face, contorted over me as she laid into me. None of us were close to my mother as a result of her behaviour. We did our duty and made sure she had what she needed after my dad died. But she missed out on love.

[-]

malemember87@reddit

Yes. I'm 38 so I was a child in the 90s and early 00s.

[-]

RRW2020@reddit

I’m a dual citizen but my parents are American so it might be different. But my mom used to brag that from the ages of 2-6 I never went a day without spanking. Sometimes she used a spoon. On big occasions, a belt. My sister was spaced a lot, too, but I was more ‘mischevious…’ I think I just annoyed her more.

[-]

EdgeOk2154@reddit

I got the flip flop off the old lady often and the back of hand of my dad . And they wonder why I became nasty and violent towards them in my teens . If you hit a dog over a long period of time it bites back and becomes nasty . It’s the same with a human . The roles then became reversed and they became terrified of me . You reap what you sow I suppose

[-]

stripeycat88@reddit

Yes, frequently, excessively and even when I hadn't done anything wrong.

My sister and I were terrified of our father who was raging and violent when he lost his temper and both our parents would use the cover of corporal punishment as an excuse to take their frustrations out on us.

This continued until I was able to leave home at 19. The hitting and what I can only describe as physical abuse got worse as I got older.

We didn't learn any positive lessons or discipline from being hit, only fear and resentment. For this reason and others I have no relationship with my parents.

I was so traumatised that I took martial arts lessons as soon as I left home to make sure none would ever be able to hit me again.

[-]

Phoenix_Fireball@reddit

I'm 46 and was never hit, it didn't seem unusual at the time but maybe it was just the area we lived in.

[-]

D0wnb0at@reddit

Yeah, and I deserved every smack that I remember other than 1. I got a smacked bottom when I fucked up as a kid. Was told to stop kicking a ball at a wooden fence as it was breaking. I kept doing it and broke it. Well deserved. Got pissed at 12, well deserved. Only one which was fucked uo was when I was 17, got slapped around the face cause my “mate” stole my mums car and rolled it at a house party I threw. Yeah I kinda deserve it but that feels like assault, not a punishment.

[-]

Shanks18@reddit

They were all assault.

[-]

lost-in-midgard@reddit

Occasionally smacked when "naughty".

It's had no impact on me. I have a good relationship with my parents and my 3 kids, who I obviously don't smack.

[-]

Abwettar@reddit

I was slapped as a kid, on the face, legs or ass.

I personally was bothered by it because it was never warranted for the behaviour in my eyes. Usually it was because I had a bad attitude - bearing in mind I was actually a really well behaved kid I just sometimes got a bit snotty.

I wouldn't say I'm that bothered by it as an adult, more just the injustice of it. Living where kids are unruly and frankly terrifying I'm all for kids getting a smack if they need it, but the punishment has to fit the crime.

My great gran had what I thought was a good way of doing things. If her kids misbehaved badly they got a slap on the hand, but if they pulled away they got an extra slap. Taught them to take responsibility for their actions as well. Speaking to them as adults they all seem to agree it was a fair way of doing things. And at the time cane beatings were a regular thing at school lol.

I think a quick slap on the hand is a reasonable thing. Unpleasant but nothing thats going to scar you for life.

[-]

blazej84@reddit

Yes with a work boot ,belt ,slipper etc.When I had my kids I didn’t go down that route at all .

[-]

DEADB33F@reddit

Yes but I wouldn't say "regularly". Couple ties a year at most, normally when I was being a little shit and probably deserved it.

It was always done in a calm matter-of-fact manner and never when they were being angry or shouty.

[-]

CharieRarie@reddit

My mum slapped my face once when I was a teenager. I absolutely deserved it, I was being vile. Then we both burst in to tears and had a hug, and talked it out.

I was very lucky, I had great parents, even when I didn’t deserve them!

[-]

gangus_chan@reddit

Yes hit by both my parents as a form of discipline. Honestly don't think it has affected me too much other than teaching me that I never want to do that to my own kids.

My mum was an alcoholic and it sometimes crossed the line from discipline to abusive. She once tried to hit my in the head with a mug when she was pissed but I managed to dodge it. My sister got much worse than me and the cops got involved once but nothing ever came of it.

Once my mum got sober and we were adults we never really spoke about it again.

Still managed to have a relationship with both my parents who otherwise are amazing lovely people. Honestly I just think they were a product of their time, they were physically disciplined both at home and school, so it was normalised.

[-]

CarpetGripperRod@reddit

By mom, yes. Stopped when I was about 12. Father never touched me (or mom)... which is just as well because he was that strong, wiry type who could have broken us in half if he wanted to.

Never need to physically discipline my own kiddos, though I did have this great comedy line I stole from somewhere:

[In mock anger] "DO YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I TAKE MY BELT OFF, EH? EH? ... my trousers will fall down"

[-]

Strong_Roll5639@reddit

Never. Born in 88

[-]

Minimum-Activity3009@reddit

20m here, just the occasional clip around the ear when we'd been especially naughty. Love my parents to pieces, nothing was ever disproportionate.

[-]

Cherrycola250ml@reddit

Never, I was never shouted at by my dad even once. My mum only had to look at us with the look, truly. Sometimes when she was annoyed and we were out she’d hold my wrist instead of my hand, that was like psychological genius. On the other hand my stepmum was mentally l, emotionally and spiritually abusive so I didn’t get off Scott free 😂

[-]

EvaM87@reddit

57 and no absolutely not. Neither of my parents believed in it.

I do not understand people who think that hitting children will make them behave.

[-]

Reallyboringname2@reddit

Got beaten a lot by my mum for being naughty or getting in trouble at school. Never without a reason and I think she was just trying to discipline us in the way she had been.

No real negative outcomes from it, all have a great relationship with her. Single mum, struggling to make ends meet and raise her kids well. We all did alright and are very close.

None of us could ever dream of raising a hand to our kids though. We often laugh together about some of the “classic” beatings lol. “Remember the time you stole the sweets from the tin and mum beat you”, etc.

Mum is horrified and seems to suffer from selective memory! Okay, mate!

Different times, I guess.

[-]

Interesting-Scar-998@reddit

I was occasionally soaked by my mother, and spanked hard and often by my father. When he raised his voice to me I knew that a spanking was coming no matter what I did or said to avoid it. That was decades ago and my parents are long dead, but I still get very anxious if I hear raised voices.

[-]

OkTadpole2920@reddit

Info. You have triggered a lot of people with this question, you need to clarify your position.

[-]

Isgortio@reddit

Yes, by my mum. Sometimes it was warranted (I was being a little shit) and other times she was annoyed at something else and I ended up in the firing line.

The last object she used was a frying pan I think, I was a teenager and asked what she was doing for dinner today (I wanted to help, and was hungry) but she was washing up so took offense to it and hit me with the frying pan she was washing.

The last time she tried to go for me, I was 18 and had started doing a boxing fitness class and lifting heavy weights. She's much larger than me so always had that advantage, but the day I was able to push her out of my bedroom, slam the door and lock it was when she realised she wasn't going to win anymore. She's not gone for me since. Now it's just verbal when she's not in a good mood.

[-]

kestrelita@reddit

Nearly 40 here, I was hit by my dad (mostly with his hands, but sometimes with other things like the remote control or his slippers). Discipline was left to my Dad so I was terrified of him because I knew that I'd be getting a smack when he got home from work. It was abusive, my relationship with my parents remains terrible, I don't hit my daughter.

[-]

Pedantichrist@reddit

Something that has stuck with me is that my father was my mother’s punishment ‘You wait until your father gets home’ was a real threat.

More I am older, she used him as the punishment and he did as he was told, but I hardly ever remember him being angry, just coming and shouting when she told him to.

It was really unfair of him.

[-]

SaturdayArvo@reddit

My mother weaponised my father as well. He was a horrible evil man in his own right and she knew that. She now has a narrative that claims that she was too scared to leave him which is why she allowed him to do all the evil things he did. But I remember that she was very happy to have that evil used as a tool for controlling her kids because she was an emotionally immature person who wasn't interested in doing any real parenting - only threats, violence, and control even long into my adulthood. One of the many reasons I went no contact with her.

[-]

Pedantichrist@reddit

My father is a lovely man, and always was. He was just called upon to ‘be cross’.

My wife has done the same with myself before.

[-]

tunnocksmystery@reddit

40s, smacked a couple of times.

Did me no harm at all, I have a great relationship with my parents. They are not at all violent or abusive people.

I wouldn’t smack my child, but there has been times where I understand why people did!

[-]

MannerAdditional2121@reddit

64 M and I was smacked by my mum, and had the slipper across my arse from my dad when needed.

Cane or slipper at school when deserved. Lost count how many times over the years.

I was never traumatised by it, I knew the consequences of my actions and accepted them. Personally I preferred the cane to detention.

I do feel society has gone too soft on kids in the last 25 years, now parents who weren’t disciplined as kids don’t discipline their own. Teachers have no control over unruly, disobedient or rude kids.

Don’t get me wrong I know some kids were beaten and abused and that is in no way right. However I do believe there is a middle ground where punishment and consequences should be handed out to deserving kids.

[-]

eidolon_eidolon@reddit

This is one of the only sane replies in this thread. I agree with you completely.

[-]

MannerAdditional2121@reddit

Appreciate the support on this.

[-]

melancholyy-scorpio@reddit

If you have to hit a defenceless child to teach them right from wrong then you are a bad parent and a bad teacher. Assault has no place in disciplining / punishing children. Consequences and punishment, yes, but not assault.

You wouldn't hit a dog for bad behaviour. You wouldn't hit an adult for being unruly, disobedient or rude. Your logic is deeply flawed.

[-]

ThunderbunsAreGo@reddit

Got beaten with a plastic spatula, wooden spoon, willow whip, shoe, flip flop, hands, anything that could be reached and implemented in the moment.

Stepdad beat my mum, in turn she took it out on us kids. I remember him kicking me in his work boots until I wet myself. He called me dirty and sent me for a bath.

My daughter is about to be two. I couldn’t imagine ever hitting her to vent my frustrations. She’s in the terrible twos phase already and I have to take a moment to breathe when I’m frustrated but the thought of laying a hand on a single millimetre of her hurts my heart.

[-]

glass_halffull0@reddit

30 and yes if I repeatedly did something I was asked not to (who’s ever heard of a child doing that?!) I don’t hold it against my parents it’s what they thought was normal and my mum has since apologised

[-]

leoarw@reddit

30F, I did get a fair few slaps across the arse when I was younger but looking back I only got slapped I can count maybe 3/4 times, and I think I did deserve them, I was SO naughty, never took no for an answer. I have a child now who’s 9 months old so he isn’t naughty (yet) but I could never imagine giving him a slap or using violence or threats towards him when the time comes.

[-]

Familiar-Woodpecker5@reddit

Only once when I was hit with a belt. She must have felt bad she never did it again.

[-]

Codders94@reddit

If I was really taking the piss or being super disrespectful then I’d sometimes get a slap on the bum or back of the legs.

[-]

RevolutionaryWorry87@reddit

I'm 26. My mother constantly beat me up until I was around 10 or 11 and my sister 3 years older. She would always focus the parts of the body where nobody would see bruises.

It wasn't a discipline method. It was her using her anger to beat us up. I constantly remember saying to myself one day I would fight back and stand up for me and my sister.

One night I heard her hitting my sister repeatedly. I went in (10?11?) And fought her whilst my sister ran off and called the police. The police told us to apologise and did nothing (useless f..) but from then on whilst she was abusive, she was never violent.

[-]

sihasihasi@reddit

55, here.

My mum put me over her knee once or twice, presumably because I'd been a right litte shit. I don't think it did me any harm.

My dad clouted me around the head one day because I'd been a little cheeky. That shit was totally uncalled-for and I had a headache all day at school. He left us soon after, so it was strictly a one-time thing, but it still pisses me off if I think about it.

[-]

busbybob@reddit

Yes, a firm solid open palm to the side of the head over and over again. The result, a basic polite relationship with that parent.

[-]

Somerlouise@reddit

I was occasionally hit by my father, never my mother. Interestingly my son, 16, who has never been hit by me or his father, is the only one in his friendship group who has never been hit by a parent. So it definitely still goes on.

[-]

_FirstOfHerName_@reddit

I'm 32 and got the usual smack on the butt if I did anything dangerous or "naughty" as a kid. Never hard. Kinda stopped happening by the time I was school age and I was never hit again until I was a teenager when my mum slapped me round the face and my stepdad grabbed me round my throat. I was removed from their house by social services.

It didn't affect me that much, I knew they were being dickheads and I was very much a good teenager.

[-]

HitULikeADropPod@reddit

Yup. Right up until my growth spurt. Then stuff changed with hilarious speed.

[-]

greenhairdontcare8@reddit

It's because there's no good way of spinning hitting children, innit

[-]

HitULikeADropPod@reddit

100%. He tried telling his new missus he’s never hit kids in front of me and brother. Once we finished laughing we got up and walked out. The violence that man had in him when we were kids was next level.

[-]

SpectreSingh89@reddit

First of all, am NOT here to promote violence but in the UK, A child have have "Reasonable punishment" AND corporal punishment is still a matter of debate. Yes my parents did it for disciplinary reasons and within limit. Sometimes a hard pat on the cheek will feel like a slap to the child.

In UK this is known as "Reasonable punishment." A child sprints across the road w/o looking, first time that is a warning. The same Child has warning yet does it again and this time too close for comfort, an approaching car hits the hard brakes. So child was warned once or twice then naturally, parents will very lightly pat the child on the cheek to protect them. Warning was given, child was explained to in a nice manner then in a harsh manner... That light pat leaving no marks or bruise is obviously better than the child doing it again and getting ran over by a ton.

Again, I know not everybody will be patient enough to understand this post.

[-]

genxerrr@reddit

Yes we got the crap beaten out of us if we were naughty. We learnt our lessons quickly!

[-]

Neddlings55@reddit

45 and yes.

Wooden spoon, buckle end of the belt, rubber soled slippers. I was off school fairly often as they left significant marks or broke the skin. My father was the worst for force, but my mother was the one that did it more frequently.

My father used to force a bad of soap in my mouth too.

I havent spoken to my father for over 20 years, and am not close to my mother. My mothers psychological abuse had far more impact than my fathers physical abuse though. I think id rather be smacked around that mentally tortured. The things she did, and still does, well into my adult life have had far greater impact.

[-]

AndrewHinds67@reddit

Yes, often. One morning before school back in 1975, she hit me on the head with a Dr Scholl sandal and it cut my head open and made it bleed. I still have the scar. I got a lot of emotional abuse, too.

[-]

trainpk85@reddit

I’m 41 and yeh all the time by my mum and rarely by my dad when I was younger. My sister always got smacked too. My brother was 8 years younger and didn’t really get smacked. It all stopped when I was 15 and I smacked her back. She told my dad to get me and he literally just told her “what do you expect. She’s bigger than you and you hit her first”. She never hit me or my sister again.

[-]

Ant138@reddit

Yes I got a slap occasionally if I pushed enough. I only ever got hit by my mum though.

She would threaten to get my dad and that would be enough for me to stop acting up.

To be honest I deserved it looking back and don't blame my mum for losing her shit now and then.

[-]

blueyonderbear@reddit

Dogs lead was often used in anger, man my stepmother was an evil twisted piece of work

[-]

TruthFront9660@reddit

27, was hit by my mum the most growing up. With slippers, wooden spatulas and rulers etc and it would leave thick red welt on my legs and I’d go to school and show my classmates hahah

I was a pretty outrageous kid so I don’t hold it against her also she’s not good with stress and she had 3 kids and was mostly alone while my dad worked.

My dad almost never hit me. I called my mum a bitch once when I was around 6? And she told him when he got home and he dragged me out of bed and kicked me (not like full force or anything, he was actually gentle) but I was stunned because he never really hit us

[-]

tomahawk66mtb@reddit

Y dad was hit a lot as a kid. Because of this he never hit us. I'm glad of that.

[-]

Absentmined42@reddit

I’m 40 - no, I was never smacked or hit by either of my parents.

[-]

Ananakoya@reddit

I got punched, kicked, slapped, choked. 34

Yeah, I’d say it’s affected me quite a bit!

[-]

woollover@reddit

Yes, with hand, slipper, trainer, fist. Across face, back of hands, back of head, back of legs, bum, and back. Stopped when I was 17. Left me with PTSD. Still have it age 52. I was a really quiet child, the black sheep of the family. I never did anything that warranted any of this. Please don't lose your self control with your kids. The effects last longer than you'd think.

[-]

Gornal-Annie6133@reddit

Smacked a couple of times by my mom but never my dad. No issues but I didn’t smack my children, I preferred to diffuse a situation by explaining and communicating my feelings and listening to them. They’ve all grown up into decent, kind, confident men.

[-]

MojoMomma76@reddit

I got smacked occasionally when I’d been particularly trying. I’m the youngest of four, they earned fuck all and both worked long hours - Dad 60 hours a week and Mum 40 with long commutes.

That was in the 70s and things are different now and I don’t think they were abusive, the norms were different then. I wouldn’t wallop my kids now but it was rare and usually because someone had broken something not easily or affordably replaced.

I don’t think they did wrong. I only remember it happening once or twice.

We should give a little grace to people when they grew up under different rules themselves.

[-]

friendlypetshark@reddit

Regularly by both. Dad’s smacks would leave raised marks in the shape of his hand. Mum tended to grab me by my neck. She left scratch marks once and told me to tell a made up story at school about how I got them. Lots of broken bones as kid but too young to know if it was them. Awful people. Should never have been parents.

[-]

MeltingChocolateAhh@reddit

Yep. I vividly remember my mum slapping me across the face as a teen because my sister would attack me (was only 2 years younger) and I defend myself. My attitude was, my sister is definitely big enough and old enough to actually harm me. But, if I defended myself, I would be the one who gets the slap and not her which I found unfair. Looking back, if people told her she was wrong and treated her as if she was being the violent one, maybe it would have been different.

I very clearly remember once, when I was really young, like a single digit age, I wrote something really bad on a board out of anger and my dad continuously in a massive rage just hit me all around the room. Chasing me. That was scary! I was on the floor screaming and crying. I think I was more scared than anything but I remember my back being super red from it.

I look back at these moments and I'm just resentful. I think to myself, could they have reasoned with me in other ways? They could have yes. And I know it's easy to say I am saying that out of resentment now, but I think I back to child or teenage me, and I was still pretty reasonable back then. Absolutely zero need to hit a child. If they're a teenager and you need to defend yourself, then proportionate defence sure, but not out of throwing a tantrum when they're just tired or hungry and don't know how to control that.

[-]

Charlie_Yu@reddit

Yup, and they wonder why I never go back to visit them.

[-]

-Rhymenocerous-@reddit

Yes.

I learned where the line was pretty quickly. As an adult it translated into understanding boundaries better than most men.

It also taught me some valuable life lessons.

I hate my dad these days but firm discipline applied when actually needed and not over the top taught me a lot without saying a word

[-]

Zer1nth@reddit

Belt Mouth washed out with Washing up liquid if we said any bad words. And one time I guess I wasn't learning fast enough as had my head slammed into the textbook. Also been choked held at the wall for a few seconds. These were rare incidents tho. I was a stupid kid who was a slow learner.

[-]

achillea4@reddit

60 and yes we all would get a 'clip around the ear' regularly or a wack on the legs with a tea towel. At school there was thr cane which later got downgraded to a slipper.

[-]

spik0rwill@reddit

I'm 42 and no, my parents never hit me in any way.

[-]

Financial_Breath5433@reddit

Alcoholic Dad bounced me off walls as a baby I've been told

[-]

WanderWomble@reddit

Yes. I'm 41 in a couple of days. Used to get hit regularly, often with whatever was to hand. To this day I can't bear anymore brushing my hair because as a child my mum insisted that I kept my hair long. It would get incredibly tangled and rather than taking the time to work through it, she'd just rip the brush through everything then hit me on the head if I complained. Mam broke a wooden coat hanger hitting my sister once.

My dad also used to lay into me and my sister at times. He properly battered me once when I was about 11 because of a misunderstanding where he thought I'd shoved my sister down the stairs.

I think the worst though was being dressed in my shoes and coat and being made to sit on the front door step "for the naughty girls' home." I think I was about four the first time and was made to sit there for several minutes in the dark and cold. They also once pretended to leave me in a car park and drive off which was apparently hilarious.

It's really no wonder I had no confidence as a kid and have generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder as an adult.

I have never smacked my children and never will.

[-]

INEKROMANTIKI@reddit

44.. got a slapped arse a few times, but I knew I'd done something bad if that happened.. there's obviously a lot of people who went too far with it, but my parents weren't like that.. so I don't see any issue with the experience I had..

I do think that the push to 'you can't touch me' attitudes from kids and the whole participation trophy culture over the past 20 years has had a severe negative impact on them though..

[-]

hallerz87@reddit

I'm 38, very rarely. The couple of times it happened was enough to kick my dad out the house.

[-]

InviteAromatic6124@reddit

I rarely misbehaved as a child and my parents never hit me, they considered it abuse.

[-]

Chris-TT@reddit

Yes I was. I've never laid a finger on my kid, he's 16 and he has a lot more respect for me than I had for my parents.

[-]

ItsDominare@reddit

Little older than you. I was hit infrequently, with nothing worse than a bruise or fat lip. I don't think it's affected me in later life, but then I don't think any of us can really say for sure what things in our childhood did or didn't impact the adult we became.

Both my parents, now in their 70s, have acknowledged that it was wrong; I don't resent them for it, mainly because I'm busy living my own life and can't be bothered.

[-]

Morganx27@reddit

I'm 25 and while it did happen, it was light and rare. More of a (literal) slap on the wrist. But it wasn't really beating or hitting in the sense that would leave me with long term issues.

[-]

_fubarbndy@reddit

I'm 39f, mum and stepdad were both hitters. I thought it was normal until I had my own child. I could never.

[-]

Kpnutfree66@reddit

Yup,40 year old here, my mother strangled me because I give her the middle finger lol and much more,made me a people pleaser and constantly walking around on eggshells trying to not upset people.

[-]

knightsbridge-@reddit

Kind-of.

When I was a kid, if I really really misbehaved beyond the point of a verbal telling off, I'd be threatened with a smack. Like, if all negotiations had broken down and I was completely intransigent, the final nuclear option was "Do you want a smack?"

Usually, that threat was enough to make me stop doing whatever I was doing. I can only remember twice ever in my childhood that the promised smack was actually deployed, and it was entirely performative.

It was so soft that I could barely feel it, let alone feel any pain. Looking back, I think my mum was uncomfortable doing it and hated that I'd called her bluff.

Still worked pretty well though. I was afraid of the dreaded smack, and the threat did get me to behave.

[-]

c19isdeadly@reddit

Yes. Until I was 12. 12!!!! I wasn't even a badly behaved kid.

What i learned is that my parents would hit me when they were angry. I wasn't beaten or anything, but it was a spank or a wallop on my bum or thighs. As an adult I can see that my parents didn't / don't know how to talk about or process their own difficult feelings. There was no excuse for hitting12 year old me - they should have been able to manage the situation without violence.

I have a child and I have told my parents no smacks for my little one, ever, for any reason. I will block all contact with them if they hit him.

[-]

Esexboy101101@reddit

Yes.

Hand, Belt, Slipper, Shoe, Broom Handle and anything else close to hand.

Also cigarette Burns.

Never did me any harm (LIE!)

The worst was the constant Psychological Torture.

How did it affect me? I had a wonderful Primary Teacher that instilled Confidence in me that got me through it all and I've never forgotten her (RIP).

Once old enough and able to fend for myself I walked away.

No music at this pity party though lol

[-]

thecheesycheeselover@reddit

I’m 40, and not really. I think I was smacked once, but I know that more as a thing I think happened than a memory, if that makes sense. I’ve never actually asked for confirmation.

[-]

mab0106@reddit

I'm 21 and no, never.

Spent a LOT of time throwing tantrums on the 'naughty step', though.

[-]

Sandy_Bananas@reddit

‘SuperNanny Jo’ changed a lot of parents behaviour.

We don’t have a naughty step in my gaff, but my son occasionally had to go to the ‘chill-out-chair’.

[-]

Sandy_Bananas@reddit

Nah. Couple of years older than you. I don’t think it would have worked.

Both my parents got beat at school though. It didn’t work on them.

[-]

ImaginationInside610@reddit

Late 50s and yes, very occasionally. Honestly I think it’s highly contextual if it’s a big deal or not. Hasn’t affected me significantly AFAIK.

[-]

SignificantBoss8445@reddit

All the time and it really traumatised me

[-]

EitherChannel4874@reddit

Yep. Nothing major but the odd slap on the backside or back of the thigh area.

[-]

jelly10001@reddit

Yes, I was smacked quite often by both parents. plus my Mum also threatened to hit me with a belt and hairbrush and said she'd 'beat me black and blue.' All in all it has definitely left me a bit traumatised (together with my Mum being very controlling for quite a large part of my childhood).

[-]

cold_tap_hot_brew@reddit

Yes, I was subjected to humiliation and corporal punishment combos. It’s made it very difficult for me to process emotions sensibly when I’m embarrassed.

It made being a Mum a voyage of discovery about how best to do things and also in just how much they didn’t care for me.

[-]

baconbitesx@reddit

Yes, it was never necessary. I've been in therapy for over 15 years.

[-]

cup-of-tea-76@reddit

Was smacked twice, once for stealing Lego from Woolworths and once cus I wondered off my council estate and has hundreds of people looking for me

[-]

Ok-Spite-5454@reddit

I come from a culture where beatings are normal, so now I am mentally ill lol

Any form of violence, including physical, inflicted on a child is child abuse. Wish more people realised it earlier.

[-]

QuickWalk4862@reddit

I’m 41 and we were chased with the slipper back to bed. More so my older sister than me. The slipper was the worst weapon

[-]

Alternative_Week_117@reddit

My mum smacked me sometimes, I don't really remember any of them, it did me zero harm and I could have done with some more to be honest. She was regularly disappointed in me so I got the silent treatment, I'd have rather have had a smack.

Talk to her nearly every day. I had a really tough upbringing and she did her very best and sacrificed a lot for me, love my mum.

[-]

whatsername235@reddit

90s here. Only was smacked once by my nana and she always said that's why I was the one who visited her most and misbehaved least. Unsure of the logic here.

I was however doused in freezing cold water at two days old by my dad because my mum didn't wait for him to be done with his pigeons to give me my first bath. Haven't seen him in 20 years for 'personal reasons'. He also threw my brother at a radiator when he was a toddler.

The psychological abuse was worse though. I looked for a sibling for nearly two decades only to find out recently he had made up the fact he had a child before he met my mum because he was trying to sound impressive.

[-]

ComputerMysterious29@reddit

Yes, 42f and I was regularly smacked by my mother (never by my father) as a child. I had to have done something particularly "naughty" though; unusually something which had involved causing a scene in public. I can remember specifically being smacked for crying and kicking off at the hairdressers and the swimming pool (afterwards, once we got back home).

[-]

Due_Indication4312@reddit

I’m 48 and was never smacked.

I have not smacked my children. There’s no need at all.

[-]

172116@reddit

I was.

It was only ever a single bare handed smack over clothes, not some sort of weird beating, and always preferable to me to the alternative methods of punishment - I hated being sent to my room, or forced to sit on the stairs, or getting the silent treatment. At least once you'd been smacked it was over, and you got a cuddle.

The one and only time I ever felt it was wrong, I was 11 or 12, hadn't been smacked in ages, and mum thought I'd kicked the dog, so it was more of a "let's see how you like it" thing.

I feel that there are plenty of other things in the way I was raised that had more of a negative impact on my life tham the odd smack.

[-]

Street-Tell1927@reddit

Very, very rarely by my dad. Never by my mum. Constantly by a sibling. It was abuse and shaped my entire life.

[-]

neanderbeast@reddit

41, yes a lot by both parents. Hit, smacked, thrown around, I had severe asthma so they would smoke around me to make me wheeze. It got worse from my dad after my mum left when I was 15. He blamed me as I caught her with his best friend. It only stopped when I fought back. I was diagnosed with cptsd a couple of years ago after a breakdown.

[-]

melancholyy-scorpio@reddit

Born early 2000s, never smacked. My brother was mid 90s, he was never smacked either.

My Mum and her two brothers were born in the 70s and my grandparents never smacked them. I'm now realising they must be in the minority in their generation.

[-]

Hawkstreamer@reddit

I consider "hit" a loaded emotive word. It sounds like lashing out in anger and THAT happened to me only once on the leg when I was an incredibly sassy 14 year old. I learnt from that because it was the first and only time in my life AND, frankly I deserved it! However, I WAS spanked a few times as a child when I had ignored all warnings AND the 'count to 3' that my mother always used. I grew up (after a few wild years) a respectful and law-abiding citizen. I think they did good 👍🏽

[-]

Thats_my_nirnroot@reddit

Mid 30s. Certainly not regularly, but I was occasionally spanked as a sort of final "nuclear" discipline.

I think my dad hit me a total of 2 or 3 times in my life.

[-]

stonesco@reddit

Yes. When I was younger, although it only stopped / reduced as I outgrew my Mother and got older. My father did the same thing, when he was alive. I’m saying this as somebody who came from an Afro-Caribbean Household and who parents a lot of time were very religious/ insulated.

I will say it has had a huge negative mental health impact on me alongside other actions that I took myself, some of which I didn’t know the consequences of at the time , and I am still feeling the effects of.

I say this as somebody still living with her as my remaining parent. I still feel depressed a lot of time, have over 7 years and I am probably younger than a lot of people commenting on this sub. try to keep contact as minimal as possible.

[-]

sophikles@reddit

It makes me so sad to see the amount of yes answers here. I could never imagine hurting my children.

I'm 28 and all my mum had to do was say my name in a slightly raised voice to let me know I overstepped and I would usually behave again. Guess she must have done something right raising me if that's all it took.

[-]

Long-Improvement-894@reddit

I was smacked bit as a kid. Usually when I’d done something my parents had repeatedly told me not to do. Two warnings and a smack. I was not that naughty and I can’t say it did me any harm in the long term.

[-]

Simbooptendo@reddit

Yes. They weren't abusive and I love them but was wrong of them and I will always remember it, much as they don't want me to.

[-]

DuckMagic@reddit

Yes. Didn't get hit very often, but enough to have bitter memories of it. There was a multitude of other awful behaviour though.

I have diagnosed PTSD from my upbringing, plus several autoimmune-related health issues (which are, as it's well known, often brought on by chronic stress). I have completely cut contact with my parents two years ago, which sucks for them because I believe I was their retirement plan lol.

[-]

No-Door-3181@reddit

28F, yes by both parents, but of course my dad was worst. Just slaps, but I grew up afraid of him. I had male friends who were belted tho, which was sad. This was growing up in south Europe btw. I don’t have a real relationship to my dad, so I’m firmly against smacking your kids, I’d never go down that route.

[-]

fleetwood_mag@reddit

I was never hit by my father but my mother was my main caregiver and she hit us a fair bit. I’m not 100% sure how it’s affected me but during my teens and early 20’s I was quite an angry young woman. I never made the association until I read that studies have shown that hitting children correlates to them being angrier as adults.

[-]

Relative-Tea3944@reddit

Wooden spoon by my mum. She did a lot of damaging things but smacking me with a spoon wasn't one of them.

[-]

alferret@reddit

My old man used to beat seven shades out of me.. plenty of stories to tell I guess.

[-]

EvilInCider@reddit

I was a good kid. Polite, always did my chores. Was beaten and bullied throughout my entire childhood by my older brother.

As for my mother, yes I was slapped and hit by her every now and then. It had no positive impact, just made me desperately upset. Like I had nowhere to turn.

It was always just as a result of my mum losing her temper or being unable to control a situation, usually due to how poorly behaved my older brother was or when I snapped (and really only mildly, given the circumstances).

She even slapped me when he ran away from home. I think I just happened to be there.

I was slapped if I broke something.

I hid in my room a lot to read books or draw. He used to come into my room to destroy my possessions.

Turns out my brother and I just both have Dyspraxia, and ADHD. He also has Autism.

My life as an adult is characterised by deep routed anxiety and self doubt. Intense fear of authority. I’m even in a public-facing job. I’m in therapy for it.

Fuck you if you hit your kids. If you hit a child with an undeveloped sense of self-control, all they remember is that you were in control of them, and you made them feel pain and fear.

[-]

BrowsingOnMaBreak@reddit

30, so not sure if in the age range you imagined, but never.

My dad would have I think, because he was raised that way so it was normal for him, but my mum was actively against it. She always said ‘if a kid is too young to rationalise with, then they’re not going to understand why you’re hitting them and they won’t ’learn a lesson’, and if they’re old enough to rationalise with, then you should do that’.

So her parenting model involved laying a lot of foundation in the 0-2 age range, so that rationalising was effective. She said she would always try to explain why she was doing something, if there would be any repercussions if I didn’t do what she said (not in a threatening way but like, ‘don’t touch the plate because it’s hot and you’ll get an owie’) and generally teach us to not do bad things because they’re bad, rather than to avoid punishment, which just creates sneaky kids. I think a lot of people underestimate how much children understand and don’t bother parenting properly until it’s too late, then they ‘have to’ resort to extreme measures to undo bad behaviours. Their own limitations prevent them from realising that kids are blank canvases, you have to shape them before they take on their own (potentially bad) shape. They’ll smack their kids for spilling juice instead of saying ‘well honey if you hold the cup like this, it’ll be more steady’.

[-]

Nandor1262@reddit

I was got a smacked bottom if I did something wrong when I was really little but I don’t think it’s really affected me. Worse has been living with my parents as an adult and my Mum hitting me and my Dad pushing me and threatening to punch me because I told my Mum to fuck off. He’s apologised since, he was very sleep deprived at the time.

[-]

WillowCreekWanderer@reddit

No, but the neighbours probably thought I was from how loudly I cried when my Nintendogs were confiscated for 24 hours

(I'm 27, my younger sister is 22)

[-]

Roxygen1@reddit

35, my father smacked me, I went no-contact with both parents a few years ago.

[-]

Footner@reddit

Yes mainly threatened though, mostly deserved

[-]

Enough-Moose-5816@reddit

Never one time.

But mental abuse was absolutely the order of the day.

[-]

trialbybees@reddit

My Mum and Dad smacked my bum when I was very naughty. It didn't happen often, but I always knew exactly why I was being punished. I was never hit outside of those times.

My Mum was more fond of making me sit on the staircase for an hour if I misbehaved. Like an early version of the naughty step if you will. I remember being sat at the top with my brother at the bottom a few times.

I was a pretty well behaved child in the grandscheme of things.

[-]

DreamCloudz1@reddit

Not regularly. Slapped across the face as a five year old and then punched in the face and given a black eye as a 14yo (my dad in both instances)

[-]

Cheese-n-Opinion@reddit

Bit younger than you and yes.

I don't have kids but if I did I'd never dream of smacking them. But equally I can't claim to be traumatised by it or resentful of it. It was pretty much 'the done thing' for my parent's generation, they were just parenting us in the way they'd been taught as normal.

[-]

MoleDunker-343@reddit

I was when I majorly screwed up or misbehaved.

I don’t think it has affected me - What I am now realising though is that the way I was disciplined has heavily impacted me - For as long as I remember I’d have a ‘nervous laugh’ whenever I’m accused of something (A teacher at school for example) and this carried on into adulthood, whenever I’m accused of anything or questioned I’ll smirk at minimum.

Compounding this, for all my life whenever I watched Detective movies, or police interviews on YouTube, where someone is being accusatory or somebody comes at me in an accusatory way I immediately become unnerved, sometimes I’ll feel dread in my chest, I get fidgety. I went through my whole life thinking this was a normal reaction that everybody had up until recently, when I realised it’s my nervous system triggering.

My mother used to bombard me with questions over the smallest things when I was a kid, whether I was in trouble or not, I was constantly in trouble for things related to inattentive ADHD that was previously undiagnosed - Behaviour at school, lack of focus, refusal to do things, forgetting to do things, freaking out at changes and also things a normal mischievous and un-ruly little boy would get up to.

I’ve avoided being around her a lot in adulthood, I love her ofc, but I find her draining and often even normal conversations turn into this cycle where my brain reverts to ‘kid in trouble mode’. Even replying to her messages as an adult or speaking to her on the phone would be draining to the point I’d often avoid it, sometimes going a month or more without talking to her.

[-]

Current_Mongoose_844@reddit

Only once, but it fucked me up for years afterwards. Hell, I broke down sobbing during "Invincible" when Omni-Man was beating the fuck out of Mark because it triggered me so much.

[-]

steeperturtle@reddit

Similar age. Yes my dad only. Wasn't a violent man in general I accepted later in life it was how he was brought up. I used to get sent up to get a belt if he didn't have one on him from the cupboard. Belt on the backside and smacks. I remember getting whacked across the head too. Frequency was daily, I kept a book of being smacked and gave up after 14 in a row I remember.

Grew up with anger got in fights when I shouldve backed down, also timid and a fear of authority which impacted work until I learnt I could work on ways to improve. I will say I idolised the man my dad was. He was working etc and stressed and there were 4 kids in the house and i was the youngest. Not to make excuses. He helped me out as I got older and I realised he had my best interests at heart, some of the fondest memories as well as painful ones were with my dad. Ive long forgiven him and vowed, as i have done, not to pass the legacy on to my kids.

[-]

notonetochitchat@reddit

Twice ever. One, I'd deliberately punched my mum in the mouth, and my dad slapped me on the back of the leg, said the word no like a lion roar, and that was it.

The second time I'd been messing with the door of the car, and my dad told me not to - he was driving on the motorway at the time - and for some reason, with all my strength at that tender age, I undid my seatbelt and shifted to push the door open (he'd already started to slow right down and pull over to tell me to stop).

Anyway. He pulled the car over, trousers down (which was probably more for embarrassment) and gave me a slap on the backside.

I've asked him about it as I'm now much older. He told me with shame that he'd done it. He absolutely hated that he'd done it at the time, but he'd just felt like he was out of options and just needed to send a message.

Personally, I don't blame him for it at all, and know I had two amazing parents growing up, so I was lucky to not be in any sort of abusive household etc.

My grandad used to tell me stories of the caning that they'd get at school, and how ineffective it was at changing how people acted.

[-]

DrMacAndDog@reddit

Yes. My mum belted us. Eventually it just tickled.

[-]

SpaceTimeCapsule89@reddit

My mum never ever smacked me but my dad did.

I don't think it was very often, I think it was a couple of times a year I would say between the age of maybe 6 and 10.

I'm 36. My dad smacking me a few times wasn't the issue with him, he had major anger issues in general and it was more terrifying seeing him scream and shout at my mum.

I would never smack my son or shout at him in a way that would scare him. I think you can get your point across well with your children by taking a moment to actually think about what you'd like them to learn from their behaviour and really getting that to register with them rather than scaring the shit out of them and making them scared of you. It might make them submissive and behave but long term, submissive isn't a good trait. You want them to actually know right from wrong but stand up for what's right as well.

[-]

Obvious_Goat_764@reddit

35 (and my brother is 40) and we were both smacked by our mom. He was beaten far worse than I was. She once broke a plate over his head.

[-]

Spicy_Wimp@reddit

Im 36 and if someone had asked me this 3 years ago I would've said it was unfair and abusive of my parents to have hit me.

Now when i look back it was totally justified and unabusive of them as I was acting like an entitled brat especially when I turned 11 and found out I was adopted.

I no longer blame them for my attitude and actions.

[-]

cari-strat@reddit

Dad never hit me. Mom whacked fuck out of me, like most kids of my generation.

[-]

Superspark76@reddit

I'm coming 50, a wooden spoon was the weapon of choice in our house. This was quite normal back then, even our teachers would smack us.

[-]

Careless_Soup_109@reddit

The wooden spoon was the worst. The slipper was nice by comparison. We sometimes negotiated, and usually asked, to be able to keep our pants on. Sometimes this was granted. Generally there were 4-6 strokes, generally the last was the hardest. My word, it hurt!

[-]

Superspark76@reddit

I get PTSD anytime I have to cook with a wooden spoon 😂

[-]

FreeBogwoppits@reddit

48(f) was hit once. It devastated me as I hadn't done anything wrong. I was about 5, my mother was in a bad mood and 'looking to take it out on someone' so hit me.

We discussed it many years later, when I explained to her the horror of being a child, being completely reliant on your parents for everything, and one of them is hitting you and there's nothing you can do to stop them. I think she understood, but I went No Contact soon after that.

[-]

Dangly-Lingham@reddit

Did she apologize ?

[-]

Careless_Soup_109@reddit

Yes.. if you misbehaved, you got beat. I'd say it happened mostly when I was 6-10 or so.

I don't condone it. Although I do have a very real sense of consequences.

[-]

Rabbit-1989@reddit

Hand, wooden spoon, hairbrush, skipping rope, belt....yep. My husband was never smacked.

[-]

jesuseatsbees@reddit

Yes. My mum would hit the back of our hands or our bottoms for being naughty. I don’t know if it really affected me much, it didn’t scare me or deter me from being naughty, it was just one of those things. My dad rarely hit us but when he did it was terrifying. You really got the sense he was hitting you as an outlet for his anger, rather than because he thought it was an effective punishment, and it was clear he was always holding back which was even scarier. Compared to how he was raised though, that was gentle parenting.

My parents are both dead so it doesn’t really matter I guess. I don’t think I have any lasting effects either way but if my dad had lived long enough to see his grandchildren, he probably wouldn’t have seen much of them. I didn’t feel safe around him so I certainly wouldn’t have felt safe leaving them with him.

[-]

Boring-Print9058@reddit

50's, yes, quite often by both parents and teachers, even in primary school. I don't think physical violence against a kid corrects their behaviour. It's just teaching them that violence is a method to try and control behaviour, it only regulates through fear not respect. If I'm typical, it just made me even angrier and more likely to use violence myself.

[-]

Pedantichrist@reddit

I am old and was beaten at school.

At a selfish level, I was sad when it ended, because was a very swift punishment which I could associate with my misdemeanour, and which was rapidly over and done with.

What came afterwards was drawn out and disconnected.

Really pleased that my children never had to live that reality, however.

[-]

Silver_Adagio138@reddit

70 and was smacked by my mother. She enjoyed it I reckon, specially the back of the thighs, which was particularly painful.

[-]

ButterflyRoyal3292@reddit

35 and got the slipper.

The fucking slipper

[-]

MediumAutomatic2307@reddit

Not that I can ever remember (I’m 50)

[-]

Accurate_Molasses853@reddit

I'm mid 20s and yes. It's horrible.

[-]

Nameisnotmine@reddit

Yes. Beaten with shoes, sticks and hands. Until at 16 I said go on then hit me see if it changes my behaviour

It was totally unnecessary and I wasn’t a badly behaved kid. I just needed things explained in a logical way (on the autistic spectrum diagnosed as an adult)

It scared me and I’ve never raised a hand against my child. Violence solves nothing especially when it’s against a child

[-]

MunrowPS@reddit

Obviously only a handful of examples.. but friends i've had with low self assurance were disiplined with hitting.. i've always thought there was something in it...

Be interested to know anecdotally how people who were smacked would rate thier self assurance?

[-]

Severus_1987@reddit

No problems here, I’ve always been confident. I think maybe a key bit here is knowing why you got a smack and whether it’s consistent

[-]

Doug__Quaid@reddit

Born in the 80s. Hit a fair bit by my mother as a child for most things. Seemed to be a way of communicating. Tbh it has affected me through my life in many bad ways. Lots of shame! I have kids now and wouldn't dream of hitting them

[-]

Severus_1987@reddit

Late 30s. Smacked by both parents and I’m a respectful, successful adult with a wife and kids. To me it was just part of wider discipline and behaviour management. I don’t think negatively about it now, if anything I knew where the line was!

[-]

Psychological-Bag272@reddit

When I was little (under 10), getting whipped with a cane was a form of punishment. I really didn’t like it, but it was normal where I grew up in rural Thailand. It was mostly my grandma.. I remember what happened and how it felt physically, but I don’t really remember how I felt emotionally at the time, maybe I blocked it out. She would always explain why I was being punished, so it never felt random or out of pure anger. At the time, it didn’t feel violent in the way I understand violence now. Still, it was wrong, and I would never do that to my own child.

Moving to England to live with my mum was a completely different story. She has serious anger issues. Everything revolved around avoiding her temper - we would tiptoe around her and plan things carefully because she’d explode if things didn’t go her way. My stepdad was quite passive; in some ways, he was being abused by her too.

I remember one specific moment: she lost her passport, and because she couldn’t find it, she got right up in my 3-year-old niece’s face and screamed at the top of her lungs. My niece was frozen in shock and then started crying. I was in shock too. That was the moment I realised she should never be around children - mine or anyone else’s.

She would hit my sisters with whatever she could find. If I was there, I’d try to stop it. My stepdad would just stand there. A few years later, he hit me too and somehow my mum made me apologise to him for him hitting me. (I know, wtf?) At one point, I found out she was cheating on him. When I told her I’d expose it, she grabbed a knife and held it to my throat.

Once we all turned 18, we moved out. She lost her control over us. Now we only speak to her when we choose to. Even though the physical violence has stopped, the relationship is beyond repair.

I often tell people about my experience with my mum because it shows how lonely you can end up if you treat your children badly. They won’t want to share their good news with you. They won’t want you there for their happiest moments. They won’t want you near their children.

We could all cut contact completely, but me and my siblings still keep in touch. There’s a strange dynamic where we stay connected, but at the same time make it clear we don’t really have time for her, almost like we want her to feel the distance and the consequences of how she treated us.

[-]

notThaTblondie@reddit

Yes but mostly threatened. My dad was pretty huge, violent to mum, did smack us at times but very, very regularly used the threat of violence "you aren't to big to put across my knee" and just using his size to intimidate.

He died alone and scared and I did not shed a single tear for him.

[-]

NoNameNoNumba@reddit

44 and yes my mam gave me some proper beatings as a kid, the worst was with a length of 2x4 that I had in my room when pretending to be wrestler hacksaw Jim duggen.

I was a bad kid tho so probably deserved most of it.

[-]

Bunch_of_pandas@reddit

I'm 32, I was hit a good amount of times from my mum (single mother) - a strong slap on the thigh. The reasons we're because I either swore, or had stayed out too late and she was worried where I was. Hasn't affected me negatively at all or helped either really, I have a potty mouth and I'm sure I will be late to my own funeral!! Also, I'm best friends with my mother, we look back on this and laugh.

[-]

Agitated-Honeydew-41@reddit

I was smacked by both parents fairly regularly (at least weekly, less as I got older but I guess intensity was worse) from as young as I can remember well into my late teens.

I’m 35. But I grew up to learn that that wasn’t normal or expected, through conversations with friends and partners.

I think I had a lot of rage inside that I wasn’t aware of at all until I was triggered some way and I would explode into violent rage. I knew that I never wanted to hurt someone but the urge to was intense and something I had to put a serious amount of energy into restraining myself from doing, I’d often throw things or hit things or harm myself. I did this far too many times than is acceptable from my late teens to around 23 ish years old. Where I really was honest with myself about my anger and aggression when seriously triggered, and the desire to not be like that took a very long time to manage but I haven’t expressed myself like that in a very very very long time (over 10 years). It was tough because the aggression turned to big tears and overwhelming feelings that I guess I just had to learn how to actually experience it emotions for the first time like a toddler 🙃

[-]

CauseOptimal8501@reddit

Yes and it’s never near necessary

[-]

Adzx93@reddit

33 yr old male. Raised by a single mother, had plenty of smacks and bruises as a child and honestly I'm thankful for it.

I know I was a little shit and if it wasn't for those methods of discipline, I would've probably turned out like most of the other "hard" kids & road men (lol) going around today, but instead I turned into a decent person with respect towards others , especially women and no criminal records haha.

[-]

AutoModerator@reddit

Please help keep AskUK welcoming!

When replying to submission/post please make genuine efforts to answer the question given. Please no jokes, judgements, etc. If a post is marked 'Serious Answers Only' you may receive a ban for violating this rule.
Don't be a dick to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on.
This is a strictly no-politics subreddit!

Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.