ULPT Request: My mom is trying to leave her husband of 20ish years
Posted by hecallsme_kitten@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 23 comments
My mom(61, still works full time) has been with her husband(66, retired but has never had a steady job) for like 20 some odd years. Over the years she's kept her head in the sand about a lot of things. Recently, she's had a psych eval and has been in counseling because she told him she wanted marriage counseling. She was diagnosed with ADHD and is FLOURISHING (GO MOM!)
Him saying she needed help before he would do marriage counseling helped her see how horrible her marriage is.
We believe he's been cheating. He's super sneaky. He deletes all his history and texts daily. He complains and moans about their sex life. He did it with my previous husband and does it now to my current. He also uses my little brother as an emotional outlet. Everything he's unhappy about, he says to him. He lives with them but its been so bad for him hes now living on my couch.
He has basically done the whole "divide and conquer" thing to our family. Our older brother is estranged and I was as well for the longest time. But its just not working anymore for him. He basically wants him and my mom to move away and live on a boat together for the rest of their lives but my mom wants to start a family home with all of us on the property so she can see her grandkids have great grandkids. And because she doesn't want to run into the sunset with him, he's trying to make her life and unbearable as possible.
He makes vague threats that can really be taken as being blown out of proportion if you were to tell the police about it. Like yesterday, my mom brought my brothers dog to my house because her husband kept saying he was tired of being treated like everyone's dog sitter. Now, hearing that doesn't sound like a threat but it was his way of saying if you leave this dog with me, I absolutely will not take care of it because its not my responsibility. He's very careful what he says and does so it can look like my mom is psychotic.
This morning she confronted him with a list of things we have heard him say and do over the years. Like how he called a woman on speaker who specifically hates my mom in front of only me, to talk about how much he can't stand my mom and this woman told him several times that whenever he is ready to leave, she's waiting for him. He has told my little brother that he gave my mom an ultimatum that if she doesn't get counseling and medication for her "mental condition" he would leave her. He does all of this in front of only 1 person at a time so we can't have someone else there to back us up that we heard it happen. Its like psychology warfare.
Now, all that being said, my mom is going to leave him. She's disgusted with him and herself for staying so long. My thing is, how do we make his life unbearable back? We have already planned on having daily pool parties at her house with all the grandkids and with as many friends as we can invite (my mom gave us permission to be there already). We're going to do potluck and grill out as much as possible too. What else can we do? We're trying to basically make him leave as fast as possible while my mom saves money back and hires a lawyer to leave him
frederichenrylt@reddit
Take a small amount of couch cushion stuffing out every 2 days. Make it uncomfortable, princess and the pea style. Fuck it, put the couch on Facebook Marketplace for free so he doesn't have anywhere to sleep.
DivineDisassociation@reddit
The brother is the one sleeping on OPs couch. This would affect him and not the dad.
frederichenrylt@reddit
oh rats! Thanks for catching that - sad my unethical life pro tip doesn't apply :(
TheVenusLashe@reddit
She needs to talk to her job and see if she can quit during the divorce so he can't get money from her and then they'll rehire her when it's over. Record him the next time he complains about your mom and give it to the divorce lawyer. If you want to be REALLY unethical trick him into thinking you're mad at your mom and record that conversation. He'll unload on you thinking he's got you on his side.
Jerko_23@reddit
Slash his neck with a sharpened piss disc
Puceeffoc@reddit
Change your comment. I'm back from a 6 day ban for saying something milder than that. The whole "inciting violence" reddit change is awful.
The bots that patrol can't tell the difference between violence and clearly a joke.
Jerko_23@reddit
Thank you for the tip. I deleted it.
f1ve-Star@reddit
Upvoted for use of piss disc. However, many less spend life in prison ways of achieving this result.
drunkeymunkey@reddit
Nah, the weapon will disappear!
f1ve-Star@reddit
Better it look like suicide. Bored cops are what you want. If you make it interesting they will get a detective involved who graduated high school and is "smart".
Weekly_Watercress505@reddit
Mom, you and your siblings should install hidden cameras with excellent audio throughout their homes. That way you will have audio and visual proof of his behaviour.
If mom can afford it, she should hire a professional investigator to find out what her unemployed possibly adulterous leech of spouse is up to, as well as a forensic accountant to investigate the finances. If he's up to shady business the 2 of them will find that out and provide the evidence for a divorce. Good divorce lawyers will have names of people that she could hire for this.
Mom should also lock down her credit just in case he's taken out loans and credit cards she knows nothing about. Another thing the forensic accountant will find out.
Pack up all of his belongings. Then blindfold him, tell him he's being taken somewhere special as a surprise, then drop him and his stuff off at that woman's house who wants him so badly. She can have that piece of trash. Bet they won't last a month before he tries crawling back to your mom. Just try to coordinate the timing so that he only finds out when he's dumped off at that woman's home. Take some pictures too if you can.
As for messing with him, get pamphlets for different seniors residences and place them near and on his belongings, his pillow, jacket pocket, etc. Even better if those places have dementia facilities. He wants to mess with everyone's heads, it's time to do the same to him get your siblings to do the same.
Move his belongings around from where he left them. Put them in bizarre places. For instance, if he has car keys, put them in the fridge. His cellphone in his shoe. His medication scattered in random places throughout the house. Belongings he uses regularly that end up in strange places in the house. Make him question his own sanity and hint that dementia is setting in. I'd even go so far as claiming the woman who wants him is his wife whom he ran away from because she's psycho and he's terrified of her.
ScarInternational161@reddit
Find that # for that gal who is waiting for him that he called on speaker, invite her to one of those parties and tell her she is welcome to take him, to bring a truck and boxes!! Seriously!!
easterss@reddit
If they share a phone bill I think there’s a way to get a history of calls from his phone
Quirky-Invite7664@reddit
Who owns the house? If both of their names are on the deed, they will be required to sell it and split the profit. Also, she shouldn’t move out; that’s considered abandonment.
Mom needs to get advice from a lawyer. Especially since she’s working and he’s not. Half of or much of her income may go to him, depending on how much she makes and whether or not he has a retirement income. Her bigger problem is figuring out how to protect herself financially, not trying to get the house.
For now, have her buy gift cards when she grocery shops and hide them for use later, after the divorce. Maybe you can keep them for her, in addition to a small amount of cash.
Severe-Fisherman-962@reddit
Where do you live? Just wondering what state has divorce laws like that.
bionicallyironic@reddit
Yeah, I’d say it’s slightly too early to screw with him, and mom needs to be on the up and up.
Once things are rolling and he moves out, then you can get to work. For ex., if your mom gets to keep the house and he moves into an apartment, offer to help! Then, when you get a moment in his new place, put some fish/fish sauce/a hard boiled egg/frozen shrimp and place them strategically around the apartment (in curtain rods, a few drops on the pillow or carpet, etc.).
Fun_Intention9846@reddit
Ehhhhh judges look very disfavorably on rat holing in divorces.
Gift cards can be tracked. Not an expert but “lose” money gambling? Go out drinking and shmoozing a few times and say it’s actually 3-4X as much?
Puceeffoc@reddit
Pops is a sex addict if he's having sex with all your husbands.
drunkeymunkey@reddit
Nair in his shampoo. Dead batteries in the remote. A little cooking oil in the bottom of the shower...
Bratchan@reddit
LAWYER UP FIRST AND FAR MOST.. bonus points if its a lawyer who likes to clean up good.
Be nice to your dad.. you know talk to him about you know theres a new phone virus going around.. If you can get the phone from him install one of the hidden apps hthat will log all messages etc. Just so you can have all that sweet juice messages etc for later down the line. So you can make a wonderful Bye dad card with screenshots of all the messages he thought he deleted.
Kids parties bunch of screaming kids and make sure you make the perfect kid friendly song list that should play in the house. Case if the kids come inside. So baby shark, let it go, wheels on the buss.. the hole thing.
Cat fish him hard if you know what apps he uses to find the ladies. Screenshot it all too. Then you can send him flowers from his new 'lady friend' to the house. Make her sound like a stalker to down the line so he won't feel like he is safe in his own house.
Have little brother ask every day so did she go to therapty.. you leaving?? If he ask why do you keep asking. Just have him express his concerns for where will his father be staying.. cause you know he is worried for him.
When you visit move things he like, if he has a favorite chair move it liek 1-2 inches. His shoes just move them like 3-5 inches over. Small things so he feels like he is losing it.
Proof_Bit_8746@reddit
Give him the clap, then a piss disk
Beginning_Reveal_817@reddit
You’re on the right track to be there as much as possible. Be there for your mum, she needs the support and he’ll know she’s got a team behind her. Stare him down too - Nothing better than some dickhead feeling unwelcome/uncomfortable in his own home.
Acegonia@reddit
I thought this was AITA for a sec, but this is much better- time to let my inner sociopath shine!!
1) if he has a good hairline, comment on his recedoes- Mention that there are meds for it, flights to Turkey are cheap etc, balding men look so much older and are unattractive, id leave my partner of he ever let himself get to that state(not TO him, to a friend about him while he is nearby) etc etc (works best if he is/wasn't insecure about his hairline)
2) make occasional comments about a bad smell when he is in the vicinity- NOT a metaphorically bad smell, bit like if its you him and bro be like: bro did you wipe your arse, i can literally smell human shit (the goal is to make him wonder if he stinks)
2 after he uses the toilet, you also use the toilet and then make super polite and friendly questions about his diet, sendd him articles about gut health, advisable your mom about cleaning products etc
3)his weight- be super supportive and friendly- its never too late to improve oneself, you wouldnt want to drop dead tomorrow etc etc
4) Straight up gaslighting. Move his shit, and deny it. Tell him to calm down, stop raising his voice, stop acting so angrily/irrationally etc- bonus points if its around a group that will nod in agreement.