If I suspect my flatmate has a severe eating disorder, should I try to offer help?
Posted by StunningPizza3747@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 89 comments
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Antique_Location_514@reddit
are you at uni? if so definitely report it to student services.. they have a duty of care and obviously are trained to deal with this!
Petrichor_ness@reddit
Have you tried asking if she wants to join you/flatmates for a meal? Or even just to watch a movie (with popcorn/snacks) one night?
Also worth considering:
Might be worth trying to get to know her before you ambush her with a medical assessment, you're posting on here so you obviously care and have empathy, just let her see that.
No_Candle2537@reddit
I had similar thoughts, but also similar concerns to other responses.
It's been a long time since I've dealt with anything like this myself, but from what I remember I'd imagine it would be better to socialise in a way that isn't centred around food (though there's no harm in having some around)
Instead of offering to join for a meal, I think a lower pressure way could be to say she can help herself to leftovers, or something to that effect. Just small things that show support while allowing you to gauge the situation - worst case, it doesn't help. Best case, turns out she just didn't know how to cook and couldn't afford to maintain a diet otherwise, and it's easily fixed.
pajamakitten@reddit
As someone with a history of EDs, I can guarantee that their housemate will either find a myriad of reasons not to join them for a meal and will just decline all snacks when offered them during a movie. Eating disorders are incredibly isolating because food is an inherent part of socialising that we do all in our power to avoid. You end up alone in your room, your friends having moved on from you, because you put not eating above being with people you care about.
DrMoneybeard@reddit
I think this is a very compassionate take and I hope OP sees it. However, I also think that tying socializing with OP to food could backfire. I think trying to establish a stronger relationship with no mention of food, eating, appearance, etc. is more likely to help. If she starts connecting with them, they can hopefully get information about those other valid questions you posed on the sly. Making her feel like OP and the housemates are safe and not judgmental will be a good place to start.
SweetMaam@reddit
Sounds very concerning. Offer a meal and then when she declines, ask why. Karen Carpenter had anorexia and her heart gave out in her thirties. This is serious. You would not ignore a starving animal, don't ignore your roommate.
Toopertonic@reddit
I get you're well-meaning, but you don't get someone with an eating disorder to eat by insisting that they do. If that were the case, eating disorder services would never need inpatient treatment, those suffering would experience recovery much easier, and professionals involved in these services would have a much easier job.
What people are advising surrounding connecting with this person with concern around their wellbeing (as in feelings, not eating), is a much better route to go down, being validating and compassionate and encouraging them to seek professional help.
Also, OP, if you are very concerned, you can reach out to the wellbeing team at the uni. It won't make you friends with this person and they will not be happy you've done it, but this may require professional intervention.
Also, OP you've mentioned she is in a relationship - can you grab their partner aside discreetly and express your concerns? They might be able to help them access support.
SweetMaam@reddit
There's no insisting of eating in my comment. Offered food is a social thing to spark the conversation, asking "why" to get to the feelings. Then a concrete example of a brilliant famous artist to describe the severity of the condition, I don't deserve down votes or being misquoted.
lilphoenixgirl95@reddit
People suffering from bad EDs don’t see food as ‘social’ though. That’s the thing. Being offered food feels like being offered poison or backed into a corner. She’ll want to know the exact calories of the specific portion she is given. That’s why she’s eating plain pasta and bowls of sugar. She’ll then be frightened of certain additives to the meal like oil or butter and decline.
SweetMaam@reddit
Exactly and you open up the conversation and GET HER HELP.
Which-World-6533@reddit
Have you tried talking to her...?
SoggyWotsits@reddit
Easier said than done. How would you approach the conversation without making her feel uncomfortable/self conscious? That’s a genuine question, not a snide remark. I’m curious what you’d say in that situation.
Which-World-6533@reddit
I would be asking about things that may be going on in her life. Is she stressed or worried about something, is she trying to impress someone...?
Start off with general questions and slowly get more specific information as you gain trust.
Nice_Back_9977@reddit
Please never do this
Which-World-6533@reddit
Yes, don't talk to your housemates.
Redditors for you.
pajamakitten@reddit
Mate, as someone who has battled with eating disorders, this is not your everyday chit chat. People with eating disorders lie a lot. You do it to hide your behaviours and OP's housemate will lie to the ends of the earth to cover up their eating disorder. OP's heart is in the right place but their housemate will deflect and lie to shut down the conversation and pretend they are OK.
BrowsingOnMaBreak@reddit
OP’s asking how to do so in a way that doesn’t trigger her or make her worse
SpectreSingh89@reddit
YES! She might be either anorexic or Orthorexic. I know this isn't your concern but will be good to nosey around and see whas up.
My sister died from Orthorexia Nervosa.
Auzurabla@reddit
I'm so sorry.
Bettie16@reddit
Please check-in (not directly linked to eating etc., but more of a wellbeing check) and maybe talk to some local services if possible.
I saw a post the other day where OP was concerned about another person's ED and deteriorating health; shortly after they posted, that person passed away.
A couple of years ago, I was deep in ED territory and felt very faint and weak at work; a colleague phoned an ambulance and it literally saved my life. I was, in my doctor's words, "a dead man walking".
This is a hard situation to navigate, and I'm not sure what the "right" response is. I do know that it's not to do nothing, though.
OrangeChevron@reddit
Obviously check in, my god. People are so socially awkward and avoidant these days - you're flatmate is eating sugar for meals you ask if she's ok
random_username_96@reddit
Eating disorders have some of the highest mortality rates of any mental health disorders. Absolutely try and seek help for her - you aren't equipped to do so yourself.
HerElectronicHaze@reddit
You can’t force someone to seek help. That just doesn’t work with EDs
Sandy_Bananas@reddit
Or any addiction
random_username_96@reddit
I know. It doesn't often work with a lot of mental health issues. What I'm saying is that the OP should defer to someone who either a) knows their roomate better or b) is a professional capable of providing more competent support.
HerElectronicHaze@reddit
You can’t seek help on someone’s behalf. If they want help, it’s for them to seek it
random_username_96@reddit
I agree they are likely to be resistant to it. But if I were in OPs position, I know if something worse happened and I hadn't tried to do something, anything, the guilt would be unbearable. Would you really just let your roomate slowly kill themselves without even attempting to help?
HerElectronicHaze@reddit
Misplaced interventions can cause trauma which can make treatment resistance and ED behaviours stronger
Respect bodily autonomy of adults
random_username_96@reddit
Do you not think their family at least should be asked "do you know about this?"
pajamakitten@reddit
They will know already. You cannot hide eating disorders from your family forever, no matter how clever you think you are being.
HerElectronicHaze@reddit
Exactly.
HerElectronicHaze@reddit
Why is it for a housemate who isn’t even close to the person (in OP’s words) to get involved?
random_username_96@reddit
If I see someone struggling I want to help, in the hope that eventually they won't struggle anymore. I think most people feel this way.
I also completely understand your points about intervention potentially going wrong, and that eating disorders in particular are tricky to confront. Same as addiction, she has to want the help. That's why, right at the start, I said the OP is not themselves equipped for this. Where we seem to differ in view is that, IMO, they do have a moral obligation to at least tell someone who IS more equipped, who can then make that call instead.
That's why family are a good first point. Phone the mum or the bf and they say they know, but she's refused treatment and the Dr says they can't do more than that? Great! At least the OP knows what the professional stance is.
HerElectronicHaze@reddit
I understand the intention is good, but the reality is it’s really about the housemate making themselves feel better than what’s in the best interests of the ED person.
They are an adult and if they want help, they can ask for it themselves.
It’s not for a random housemate to get involved.
If it’s very severe/urgent, the BF is better placed.
A random housemate’s medical issues are none of your business.
random_username_96@reddit
Right, I think I see where we're getting wires crossed! (Please say if I'm wrong!)
When I've been talking about seeking help or support, I don't mean the OP goes and brings a doctor or family member over to actively intervene. I just mean the OP should, imo, seek professional advice on exactly what they should do - even if that advice is "do nothing", reddit is not the place from which to make that decision!
Another commenter mentioned a charity that provides advice on exactly these situations, you suggested deferring to people closer to the OP, who also mentioned other roomates, as examples.
So...less making themselves feel better, if you like, and more absolving themselves of any responsibility without being quite so callous as "ehh...she might not seek help and die one day, but that's not my problem."
I would feel the same way if it were a housemate struggle with depression, anxiety, mania, self harm, etc. Doing nothing, without checking by an expert that doing nothing is the right thing to do, seems wrong?
HerElectronicHaze@reddit
Ok, I agree with read the BEAT website.
My point is simply that it isn’t one’s responsibility or remit to get involved as a random housemate who isn’t even close to the person. Other people’s medical issues are not their business
No_Ring_3348@reddit
Specifically anorexia has a CFR of 18-20% making it one of the deadliest disorders of any type, physical or mental. Botulism, yellow fever, diphtheria, SARS, legionnaires disease are all less deadly so this is A HEALTH EMERGENCY
Sandy_Bananas@reddit
Id have said ignore it - I’ve got weird eating habits myself - but a bowl of sugar is madness.
Id play it rough. Say something like “if you need help, I’m happy to try my best”.
You know what she’s doing. She knows what she’s doing.
Dont patronise her. Don’t poke. I image her family has already done all that.
GapDifficult7@reddit
Beat eating disorders is the UKs eating disorder charity. They have a lot of resources, including info on helping other people. This is a really hard thing to navigate, for all involved, so I would get expert opinion.
https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/
Nice_Back_9977@reddit
This is absolutely the right advice. As some who lived with Bulimia for over 20 years, being confronted and 'caught' never helped at all, just made me feel judged and isolated and like I couldn't trust anybody, like I was alone with just the ED voice in my head that nobody else could understand.
BEAT are great, but the reality is that she won't recover until/unless she wants to and is ready.
pajamakitten@reddit
OP has their heart in the right place but people really underestimate how bad EDs get. Confronting someone with an ED is not like a parent confronting their child when they catch them smoking, it could backfire spectacularly if their housemate is not ready to deal with it.
HerElectronicHaze@reddit
Yeah, when people I was living with at uni tried to “intervene”, I just felt so ashamed that I doubled down on trying to hide my ED and it only made the ED behaviours worse
RegretEasy8846@reddit
Perfect answer imo. Tap into someone that knows.
Mashedbrain786@reddit
As someone with an Ed, Yeah she needs help. The bowl of sugar and the secrecy is shame.
A bowl of sugar seems wild until you realise that a body will reach for easy to access energy. Sounds like she’s been at this for a while
Are you all at uni?
Auntie_Cagul@reddit
Invite her to have dinner with you. Maybe say that you cooked a bit too much and it would do you a favour if you could share it with someone. Especially if you are cooking something that can't be reheated as leftovers.
Don't mention the eating disorder.
Master-Definition937@reddit
It might not be anorexia, it could be something like autism causing ARFID or OCD.
You should try to build a relationship with her first and see what happens after that.
Firm_Tomorrow837@reddit
Yeah, it’s worth checking in, but keep it casual and non-confrontational. Just ask how she’s doing and let her open up if she wants. Don’t mention food or what you’ve noticed yet
Auzurabla@reddit
ED s are kind of impossible. Say something, they double down. Say nothing, they continue. Call family, maybe she gets yelled at, or maybe the family doesn't realize she's relapsed. Anorexics are very good at pretending to be well.
But I would err on the side of calling a family member to see if they can get her into treatment.
If it were my daughter I would want to know.
Imaginary_Finger7844@reddit
None of your business matey.
As someone with an eating disorder and identity disturbance, any comment(or intervention) is going to backfire regardless of how well-intentioned it is.
WitnessTemporary3415@reddit
Yes, but keep it about her wellbeing, not her weight or food. Something simple like, Hey, just checking in, you doing okay lately? can go a long way. If there is something going on, being approached with kindness is usually better than being silently watched. You’re not there to solve it, just to show care.
InnocentaMN@reddit
I’m recovered from anorexia. She’s an adult - best to leave her alone. Obviously what she’s doing is very unhealthy, but you have no ability to change her actions in this situation. It has to come from her. If you’re imminently concerned about her physical health at any point, call an ambulance.
ejmci@reddit
Are you sure she's not snacking rather than just keeping bits in her room? The sugar could have accompanied a drink/good shes keeping there
StunningPizza3747@reddit (OP)
Maybe. Although I’m not sure what she could be putting plain sugar on, if that makes sense. And when she got the sugar she was very secretive and rushed back up to her room. Who knows😭
Chemical_News9324@reddit
I don't think you can actually help even if you have the best of intentions, people with eating disorders are so "difficult" to accept help. I have a cousin who still suffers from anorexia and despite all our efforts to help and guide her, she still thinks we are just judging her badly and scrutinise her body. She doesn't see the real problem. Even when she accepted to see a specialist and start from somewhere,she was eating in front of us and then go to the bath to induce vomit. I really don't know if there's anything that can help them seriously unless they took their situation seriously. But what I found very harmful for their situation is the exposure to social media and the positive comments they get there; my cousin is literally like a stick now you can see her bones everywhere and her "friends" still praise her body. I assume it's something that gives her confidence and she continues the same habits, it's too damaging.
-aLonelyImpulse@reddit
So, I've struggled with eating disorders on and off since I was a teenager. This is a delicate subject and I really don't envy your position here.
You're right to be worried. Eating disorders are very dangerous, and even without the very real risk of death, long-term damage begins earlier than you'd like to think. Starvation fucks a body up permanently. I'll never be able to eat normally again.
Having said that, the nature of eating disorders makes it difficult to address them. When I was in university, my housemates noticed I was barely eating. They came to my room to talk to me about it. They were respectful and kind and concerned, but it had two very negative effects on me. The first was that I felt as though my eating habits were being watched and judged (which they kind of were). This made me want to eat less, as I felt self-conscious about my eating and knowing my housemates were aware/talking about it made this paranoia and shame worse. The second was that their concern over my skinniness validated me, felt good, and encouraged me to keep going. I liked how worried they were because that meant I really didn't look fat. I ended up eating less overall after this well-meaning interaction.
Like all mental health conditions, a person can only be helped when they want/accept it. This is a slow process. With eating disorders specifically, there's usually an underlying cause and it's very often trauma-related (though not always). I think if there's any chance of you helping out here, the long game is a better option. Befriending her might allow you to get to know about some of these underlying concerns and help her address them, and from there she may start wanting help of her own choice. But eating disorder recovery is difficult, and past a certain point needs medical intervention/supervision. There are serious dangers such as refeeding syndrome, which has a roughly 80% fatality rate if unrecognised and untreated.
Of course, if you ever feel as though her life is in danger (she collapses, has chest pains, seizures, etc) then 999 is obviously the way to go.
StunningPizza3747@reddit (OP)
Thanks so much. Yeah she isn’t the nicest person to be around honestly so I never got close to her, I rarely speak to her at all honestly. I find that she makes a LOT of comments about what me and other flatmates are eating slyly beside us, which is obviously just her eating disorder acting out. I think because she can be so horrible all of us in the flat don’t really want to help which I know sounds awful. She is dating someone so I know she has someone she can talk to. - you mentioning that your flatmates talking to you about it only made it worse is kind of what I’m scared of. I might just speak to my other flatmates that are closer to her to see if they know anything and if it’s under control. Otherwise, I think I’ll just stay back.
HerElectronicHaze@reddit
I wouldn’t get involved. It won’t help.
Also don’t take it personally, when you’re in a state of semi starvation, your rational thinking isn’t all there.
(Not excusing being mean, just explaining )
-aLonelyImpulse@reddit
Oof, yeah. I'm sorry to hear that. Eating disorders can really make people awful. It's both a case of projecting insecurities and probably some literal brain damage. Starving actually damages your brain and makes you literally insane, and as eating disorders are often about shame/control at root, many sufferers enjoy feeling better than those who are "fat" (read: a normal weight) and "less disciplined" (not starving themselves). It's a brutal disorder for everyone involved.
It's very kind of you to be concerned, but please don't feel morally obligated to get involved if she's being abusive. Especially not if she has another support system. Definitely have a chat to your other flatmates and obviously look out for medical emergencies, but don't put yourself in hurtful/dangerous situations. She's sick, but that doesn't give her the right to be cruel.
AXX-100@reddit
That’s very well explained- thank you for sharing your story. I hope you’re better now !
-aLonelyImpulse@reddit
I'm doing much better, thank you! Eating well and maintaining weight healthily :)
HerElectronicHaze@reddit
What do you mean by “offer help”?
I know your intentions are good, but EDs are very complex and not something you can really “help”.
Even if you were a specialist healthcare professional, it wouldn’t necessarily be helpful or appropriate as a housemate. Even if you know someone really well, it’s not really something you can fix.
I’ve had previous housemates try to “help”, but quite honestly it made my situation worse. I was so ashamed that people noticed that I doubled down on trying to hide my ED, started to believe that everyone hated me and self harmed more to numb myself.
The best thing you can do is just be kind and supportive. You don’t have to directly bring up food/ED things, just be a kind human
(I have a long term severe ED)
Jaded_Valuable439@reddit
I recently did a MHFA course and we covered eating disorders within that and I can say there’s some not great (whilst I’m sure well meaning) advice in this thread.
You absolutely should avoid approaching them in settings or times that are related to food. I wouldn’t even mention it in all honesty.
-If you are wanting to approach her then here’s some advice I can offer:
Focus on specific behaviours that you’re worried about rather than their weight or what they eat. ‘I’ve noticed you’ve not been out much recently, is everything ok?’ ‘I’ve picked up that you seemed a little on edge the other day, is there anything bothering you or anything you want to talk about?’
Avoid making any positive or negative comments in relation to the person’s appearance, diet or weight loss. Eg, if they do decide to open up and say something like ‘I just feel fat’, avoid telling them they don’t. Remain neutral. ‘How do those feelings impact you on a day to day?’
Ultimately they can choose to open up or not but just keep those lines of communication open.
As someone has already mentioned, Beat is an ED charity that has some good resources on how to support someone you think may be struggling —> https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/tips-for-supporting-somebody-with-an-eating-disorder/
It’s a difficult one for sure, but tread carefully! Good luck and bless you for wanting to help ^_^
Mikey463@reddit
I was 25 stone. My flat mate who was a very good person mentioned he noticed I ate a lot, ordered lots of takeaways. He gave me some good advice which really helped the journey of my weight loss. It seems like you are a very good person with concern for her. It;s a tough situation for you to be in. Maybe try and mention it without being too direct. Maybe she needs professional help? Its tough. I hope you get some proper advice to help her.
GentlemanJoe@reddit
That sounds like a good friend. Maybe you can return the favour to someone else one day.
Nice_Back_9977@reddit
Being obese isn't an eating disorder, although it can be a side effect of one. The treatment certainly isn't a 'weight loss journey' though!
Family members and friends expressing concern or trying to confront or stage an 'intervention' for a person dealing with an eating disorder almost never goes well. It just makes the person feel judged and defensive and alone, with only the ED to turn to.
shadyasahastings@reddit
I was your flatmate a few years ago. My eating habits were less rigid than this so maybe less noticeably disordered but I know I looked incredibly sick and was at the gym constantly (which they did comment on). They never showed me any concern or care even though we got on well and at the time, I was indifferent to this because I didn’t want to be “interrupted” in my sickness if that makes sense.
With hindsight, I really wish somebody had reached out to me. Nothing drastic but that they’d just sit me down and say they were worried and asked if I’d okay. One girl I was particularly close friends with before we moved in together really distanced herself from me and to this day I still wonder if it’s because she saw me as having too many issues. I didn’t need or want anyone to “fix” things but a show of kindness or support would’ve meant the world.
Everyone is different so I can’t speak for all people with eating disorders but sometimes having a person acknowledge that you’re not okay, and that they’re there if you need them, makes a really lonely illness a lot less lonely. They probably won’t take you up on the offer, I wouldn’t then and I probably still wouldn’t now, but it would be nice just to know someone was looking out for me.
I think your flatmate is lucky to have you:)
Boring-Database9493@reddit
Just a different perspective, maybe she can't actually afford to eat? Does she work? Pay rent on time? Maybe she's struggling financially?
Maybe you could make a big pot of chilli or bolognaise and ask her to join you for dinner or tell her she can help herself as you made plenty.
Sloth_Broth@reddit
Don't do this. Sorry I know you're well meaning but that's terrible advice for someone that is showing some pretty clear signs of disordered eating.
Boring-Database9493@reddit
As I said, just a different perspective. Not everyone who barely eats does it through choice.
ClarifyingMe@reddit
If you're both in university, your university will have a way to make a report about a student you're concerned for. Since you said she never leaves her room I guess she isn't a uni student? Or was that an exaggeration? Does the BF only hang out with her at the flat?
screwthedamnname@reddit
EDs are usually made a lot worse by isolation. Instead of trying to help her with her ED directly (which you are most likely not equiped to do) maybe instead invite her to some kind of non-food related hang out. Plan a craft evening or invite her to watch a film with you guys. A dinner invite or anything based around food will probably be rejected, but letting her distract herself from her issues for a bit and think about something other than food might actually help.
Instabanous@reddit
I would try to contact her family, with or without her permission. (Unless you know that they are extremely problematic.) It is beyond the remit of a flatmate but definitely get someone related involved if possible.
ktitten@reddit
Yeah you are right, if you are not close, do not at any point accuse or mention an eating disorder.
First, while this looks like an eating disorder it could also be other physical or mental health conditions causing this. Depression and anxiety made me do shit like this. Gastritis made it harder for me to eat anything with flavour. I hated the weight loss that came with that.
It could also be an eating disorder, and to be honest, it is unlikely that you, as a non-professional will be able to really help her. All you can do is be there, be a friendly face, show up. Don't invite her for meals but maybe invite her to watch a movie or tv show together? Or maybe you could need a hand with something, so ask her for help. I found when I was mentally unwell, I felt so useless most of the time that helping a friend with something small kept my mood up.
deadeyes1990@reddit
Yeah, I’d check in, but keep it really low-key.
Maybe just say something like, “You seem a bit quiet lately — everything alright?” and don’t make it about food or her body. Just give her a chance to talk without feeling cornered.
You probably can’t fix whatever’s going on, but you can make it clear she’s not being judged and she’s not on her own. And if you’re genuinely worried, maybe speak to Beat or a GP helpline for advice on how to handle it properly.
Basically: be kind, be normal, don’t turn it into an intervention.
Ashamed_Seat6430@reddit
It's really good that you're noticing and want to help, but this is definitely one of those situations where you need to tread incredibly lightly. The sugar thing is genuinely concerning, but if you go straight in with observations about her eating, she'll likely just get defensive and withdraw more. Best bet is to keep it casual—just ask how she's doing in general, and maybe quietly reach out to Beat for advice on how to approach it from there.
Miserable-Writing362@reddit
being that short & having such extreme behaviours, sounds like this isn’t a new thing for her., there isn’t really much you can do.
i’m unfortunately diagnosed with anorexia, i recommend just avoiding mentioning eds/your worry. eating disorders are evil and cruel, no matter what you say/don’t say, it can fuel the disorder and dysmorphia.
if you feel up to it, maybe try involve her in some stuff. eating disorders are painfully isolating and i’m sure she is lonely.
VolumeFluid8387@reddit
Ask if she wants to have dinner with you. Tell her you've bought too much stuff. Invite you other mate. She may struggling with money or just doesn't know how to look after self practically. I lived with a girl who ate nothing but beans on toast for a year. She collapsed eventually! Rushed into hospital and it literally was just trapped wind ffs. She was mortified. I don't know if she ever ate beans again.
ObscureBananas@reddit
This was not the ending I was expecting!
Fine-Veterinarian804@reddit
unless its something you already are or can get educated in then i’d say maybe just having a friend might be the most help you can give for now
omgu8mynewt@reddit
Check in if she's OK generally, stressed from studying or lonely or whatever 'normal' problems and help her.
I wouldn't ask about the food because it might be an extremely sensitive topic.
Low-Suit-3125@reddit
You seem like a gentle person from what you've written. I don't know what kind of housemates you have, but whatever you do, don't let anyone shame her for her eating habits or for spending a lot of time in her room.
Maybe if you give her an occasional gentle offer to spend time with you, she might take you up on it. If she says no, please accept the answer first time, but try again in the future when it feels right. When you do offer her to spend time with you, please make it something simple, relaxing and not too sociable or with too many people as she is likely a very anxious person.
Please don't let anyone be pushy towards her or pressure her to do anything. Please be kind.
General-Balance-1046@reddit
You mention uni, do you attend the same university? I agree with others you may not be equipped for this but you could maybe speak to student support. They should be able to support your housemate and can do so without saying who raised the concern.
Cokezerowh0re@reddit
as someone recovering from an eating disorder that got worse at uni (had to drop out twice 🫠) i would check in. don’t talk about their body as that can drive the ed on, just tell them thy you’re worried about them and that they can confide in you. it might be worth finding out what eating disorder services are near you. you can’t force them to recovery, it has to be something they want to do, but honestly telling them that you notice their behaviours can sometimes be a quite a wake up call
also idk how close you are but you can offer to eat meals together or to spend time together after meals to help distract from the guilt of eating?
best of luck🤍
curious_kitten_1@reddit
Need to be careful with this one. If I were you, I'd start chatting to her and deepen the friendship, if you can. Maybe it might encourage her to open up, or to know that she has someone in the house that perhaps she can talk to. (You don't say whether you know her well).
Beat has some good resources to read, but eating disorders are very difficult to navigate and so I wouldn't just openly raise it with her. Nothing wrong with asking if she's ok though. If she does open up at all, encouraging her to reach out to her GP, or even look the online resources on Beat herself, might be something to try.
You can't fix this yourself though. This needs a professional.
Aarooon@reddit
My initial thoughts are you need to build a relationship with her first before expecting to address this with any chance of success. Invite her out with you to a film etc and go from there. Ideally one on one. If she's locked in her room all day there might be social anxiety. Do you know anything about her hobbies/interests? I imagine she's either watching shows or reading a lot
Quick-Net-6511@reddit
Thing is, there'll be a reason behind her eating disorder - that's the part that needs to be tactfully and delicately approached, not the symptom which is the disorder. But there's no way of knowing what that is without her telling you. Are you very close? This section is about helping a friend: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/worried-about-a-friend-or-family-member/
Uhura-hoop@reddit
I would handle this very carefully. You’re right to be worried though.
escapingfromelba@reddit
I seriously doubt you are equipped for this one, so you can ask if they are okay and see if they take the chance to open up otherwise I suspect getting into your observations around their food wouldn't go well at all. Might be better to see if there's a family member that you can contact.
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