Does education really important for young people?
Posted by duuccckkkk@reddit | AskAnAmerican | View on Reddit | 56 comments
In my country, there's a huge culture of productivity and pressure. If you don't have everything by 30 (house, car, family, career) you're a failure. After high school, you have to go to college - it's seen as a must for success. Does America have as much pressure on young people? Is it okay to delay college without anyone rushing you? How relaxed is life in general? Are people in a hurry to get everything done by 30, or is there less pressure - can you just do what you want? Do young people work, travel, just chill? How common is starting college at 25? And how do people even afford it - isn't it super expensive? Also, how similar is the actual college experience to movies and shows - are frats, parties, and all that fun stuff real?
New-Process-52@reddit
Lol
Fun_Spinach_8729@reddit
Not just pressure, I know so many became high flyers because they cheated in school. They lecture people about knowledge they never actually obtained and then they put people who question them on full blast. For anyone who was fooled by one of these people during the COVID era. I’m sorry that you were falsely forced to entrust those who were no better than gangsters trying to peddle you drugs for them to make a living.
a11encur1@reddit
I didn't finish college but I have a very successful career (I worked my way from the bottom of the company up). I bought my house at 33. I don't have kids. I don't feel judged by people for my perceived shortcomings.
Heat_Lonely@reddit
I can really only speak for Southern American culture. I had moved out and married at 18, bought a house at 20, first kid at 21. Went to trade school instead of college. Many of my friends and other young people went along the same route. Marriage and kids young is pretty common in Southern culture, but like many other parts of the country, it's becoming less and less common. It's also becoming less and less possible to move out at 18 and buy a house as young as I did. People say America is like 50 different little countries. Might not be entirely accurate, but it's like 7 or 8 different countries, regionally and culturally speaking.
suitable_zone3@reddit
I agree with this - I think the country is more regional in terms of norms. I live in the midwest and when I travel, it's nice, but I miss the midwest. I like when people smile and wave 👋 😄
Apart_Insect_8859@reddit
If someone started college at 25, people would probably assume something happened. Like, they had a kid on accident as a teenager, or a parent died, or they were poor and needed to get a job to pay for school themselves, or they had been a problem student/ reckless young person/ didn't know what they wanted, and needed some time to grow and mature.
Starting college at 25 would NOT be seen as a negative thing, though. It would be viewed as commendable, and like that person was getting their life together.
But, they would be looked down on if they tried to act like the regular 17 year old first years. Nightly parties, getting drunk constantly, doing really dumb things, dating teenagers, etc. would all be considered socially unacceptable for someone their age, when a 17 year old would be viewed with more understanding as being young and stupid.
America does have pressure, but the pressure is different. Our education system favors being well-rounded and balanced. There is a saying "Jack of all trades and master of none, is better still than a master of one." Meaning, we think it is better to have some knowledge about everything, rather than a lot of knowledge about one thing. Being too focused on a single thing is seen as unhealthy and stupid, which may come across as being more relaxed from the outside. But you're actually expected to have a little bit of knowledge about a very wide range of things, and for your personality and character to be the same: not focused on one thing intensely, but broad and balanced. It may seem calmer and easier, but wait until you have engineering students taking poetry classes and weeping tears of blood because of it, or art students struggling through statistics.
This does carry into the working world as well. You might have a very specific, narrow area of expertise, but you are not going to succeed unless you also gain knowledge of management, finance, leadership, cross-functional roles, etc. and be likable at the same time. So, different kind of stress.
On the life goals things: you aren't expected to have everything by 30, but you are seen as better if you do. I will say that you are, at minimum, expected to have a car and to have your career sorted out by 30, and it is preferred that you are at least thinking about marriage and kids, with a relationship heading that way. If you are still in your 'wild and free, don't want to be tied down!!!' phase at 30, instead of shifting to being serious and settle down, people think there is something off with you, like, you are immature at best, or flawed at worst. Waiting much longer after 30 will result in a significant reduction in the quality and number of potential spouses. They won't bug you too much about it before 30, but again, the second you cross into that new decade and you're not married, the judgement will start. Housing is a bit more negotiable. If you have a house by 30, people are very very impressed, because of the costs. Living at home at 30 is looked down on. Like, seen as something is wrong with you, looked down on. But renting is very normal and accepted.
duuccckkkk@reddit (OP)
Wow. I’m really impressed by your answer. Thanks so much!
SaltandLillacs@reddit
House and kids by 30 is less common than it used to be
Thisgamelowkeysux@reddit
I was going to say. I am in my late 20s in a very expensive city. I do not know many people who own homes. Prices for homes went up much more than everyones salaries.
kbmoregirl@reddit
Tbh the people I know with kids before 30 mostly still rent, unless they have an amazing job/are rich. The people I know with houses before 30 mostly don't have kids. It's kind of either or.
GreenBeanTM@reddit
That used to be the norm here, but that has rather quickly changed. Most of Gen Z will never own a home in our lifetime unless some serious changes are intentionally made to the market. This fact then has a huge effect on our relationships and family plans.
morganproctor_19@reddit
What part of the world are you from? Korea? Japan? The US is huge and with so many individualistic people, you won't have one set way of doing things.
duuccckkkk@reddit (OP)
Ahah it's most logical to assume that I was talking about an Asian country, but no, contrary to many expectations, I was referring to an Eastern Slavic one.🙂
LetterheadClassic306@reddit
i get where you are coming from with that pressure. america is actually way more relaxed about timelines than many places. plenty of people start college at 25 or even 30, especially with how expensive tuition has gotten. community college is a normal first step for saving money. the movie frat party thing exists at some big state schools but most students just study and work part time. you will find people who travel for years after high school or just work trades without any degree. no one really cares about the 30 mark here like they used to.
duuccckkkk@reddit (OP)
Thanks so much! Your reply is a really calming and helpful
purplishfluffyclouds@reddit
*Is education....
Swan-of-War-425@reddit
Do education be
ultrasbooksandcats@reddit
It do.
morganproctor_19@reddit
It do be doo be doo
katholique_boi69@reddit
Dos it really?
duuccckkkk@reddit (OP)
Sorry!! English is not my mother tongue. :(
sadworldmadworld@reddit
Literally ignore anyone that makes fun of your grammar here. I’m a native English speaker but these people are fucking stupid and you’re impressive for even being able to write in your nonnative language, which I’m sure many people in this comments section couldn’t do.
Swan-of-War-425@reddit
Bolshky yarbles to thee and thine
sadworldmadworld@reddit
No thanks
duuccckkkk@reddit (OP)
Thanks so much bro🥺
Eldernerdhub@reddit
Sorry, we're jerks to foreigners sometimes.
thingsbetw1xt@reddit
There's less pressure from parents for children to perform, but education is absolutely important when it comes to finding a good job.
snoogle312@reddit
Eh, it depends with that delaying thing. At 24 your parents' income isn't required on FAFSA paperwork, meaning more coverage from federal financial aid. Prior to 24, even if your parents aren't financially supporting you their finances effect the amount of financial aid you qualify for. For this reason I found starting at a 4 year college after 24 much more viable.
thingsbetw1xt@reddit
Working full-time while doing school is always going to be harder than not working full-time while doing school. This does not depend at all.
snoogle312@reddit
I was going to be working regardless, because as I said, my parents weren't going to be paying for school. Starting at 24 meant I had more aid available which decreased the amount I needed in student loans considerably.
thingsbetw1xt@reddit
I just don't think you're paying attention to what I'm saying.
ALoungerAtTheClubs@reddit
We're an individualistic culture, so I would say there's less pressure in general than in, say, some Asian countries. But with 350 million diverse people, experiences will vary.
Ok-Pumpkin400@reddit
And as someone who is super intentional with parenting and chose to have only one so we wouldnt stretch ourselves too thin, I love to hear when people choose not to have children.
My parents never shouldve had children. Not to say ALoungerAttheClubs would be a bad parent, but i just feel it should be a thought out and intentional choice to have children (unless its a surprise you choose to keep) because so many people do not enjoy parenting and theyre terrible parents. I ENJOY it and my kid is having a fantastic childhood from it. With so much childhood trauma in adults, i think its GOOD when people are self aware and choose to not have kids.
Initial_Fill_2655@reddit
Oh well
ND7020@reddit
Just re: your last sentence - while there is some truth to that cliche, I think it also does a disservice to young American college students as a whole (and I say that as someone who loved to party in college). So many people’s first priority is to learn, and even many students who aren’t there to learn as a first priority end up learning quite a lot.
Movies and TV shows don’t show the late nights reading or working on a paper or studying for a test, or the classroom discussions, or the more prosaic aspects of learning to live on your own and navigate being responsible for yourself. Those are big parts of college too.
Also the big state schools with football and huge parties are one college cliche, but the leafy, gothic small New England campus is another. And both exist.
4Q69freak@reddit
Even some of the big state schools with football and partying are also really good schools. Most of the Big 10 schools are very good. Illinois is known for its engineering, agriculture, and computer science. Purdue is also known for its engineering and agriculture. Michigan has a very good law school.
I also loved to party but I spent a lot of time studying also. Movies don’t show that, because it would be boring showing a student spending most of their time at the library doing research for a 25 page paper that is 50% of your grade. Partying was mostly reserved for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. You never scheduled a class before 11 am on Friday morning so you could sleep in and had time to take care of the hangover.
ND7020@reddit
Oh, no doubt! Michigan doesn’t just have a great law school; it’s great across the board. Berkeley and UCLA are fabulous academic institutions too.
4Q69freak@reddit
Berkeley is not in the Big 10, and I’m still not used to UCLA, USC, Oregon, and Washington being in the Big 10. Most of the Big 10 schools are great across the board, I was just picking out what they are known for.
fighter_pil0t@reddit
More important than education is entrepreneurship in the US. Many of our most successful people do not have degrees. Also, no one cares what other people are doing for the most part. Your parents may give you shit but no one gives a fuck if their neighbor went to college or not. And yes. College is expensive.
ND7020@reddit
The Gates/Zuckerberg example re: education is very silly, since both were extremely academically-focused (and brilliant) their entire childhoods, got into Harvard, and dropped out because they felt they’d already gotten what they needed out of it. Gates was taking graduate level math as an undergrad. Zuckerberg had secured millions in funding for the company he founded at Harvard.
They’re examples of the importance of focusing on education for entrepreneurship, not the opposite.
Sal1160@reddit
The importance of college has decreased over the years, but is still encouraged. We’re at the high point of a large imbalance between service jobs and labor jobs, and the system is beginning to rebalance, especially in the face of higher costs for college education and reduced prospects for success because of it.
My parents never pushed college on me, they said to do what you feel you want to do, and we’ll support you. I chose woodworking.
Living on your own has become increasingly out of reach, and things have become more expensive, so expectations are changing.
Due-Emu-4291@reddit
In some families and in certain peer groups; yes, there's pressure to attend college straight out of high school because of the belief that if you don't you won't be successful.
But this may be changing. They used to call college students 25 or older "nontraditional" students. But now they call them "adult" students because enough of them have followed this path that they're not "nontraditional" any more.
College is super-expensive. As you may know, in the U.S. the government doesn't pay for college. Well-off families might save money as a "college fund" beginning when their children are young. It's not unusual for students or their families to take out large student loans. The government has a limited amount in grants for low-income students, but typically not enough to pay the whole cost.
And the college experience is not like in movies and shows. there are frats and parties once in a while, but it's also hard work.
General-Pear-8914@reddit
The epic parties described in movies are few and far between.
A 2-year college is expensive, even with student loans and working part or full time. A 4-year college or university is even move expensive. Getting a Masters or Doctorate degree is insanely expensive. Many students share rented houses or live at home. Even an online school is expensive.
The rate at which a young person moves up through life...job, car, house, marriage, children....is different for each person.
BeepCheeper@reddit
There are lots of different “acceptable” lifestyles in the US. It’s not uncommon to go back to school later in life, you just don’t really get the stereotypical social aspect of college. The college experience you see in movies is attainable, it just really depends on which school you choose, if you’re involved in sports and or Greek life (fraternity or sorority), that sort of thing. Lots of people just take classes and go home or work a part time job. The social thing isn’t for everybody.
It’s also not totally abnormal for people to have kids in their late 30s or 40s or never have kids at all. Job hopping and career pivots are normal.
There’s really not pressure to life a specific kind of life unless you’re part of a particular culture or religion. That can vary wildly. For example, a Mennonite girl born at the same time and same hospital as me would grow up to live wildly different life than mine despite living a few miles apart. We have all sorts of people here.
dobbydisneyfan@reddit
I had a stroke reading this title.
OleRockTheGoodAg@reddit
Ironic, isnt it?
sadworldmadworld@reddit
Somehow I think the likelihood of someone posting on “Ask An American” with English as their second (or maybe third, or fourth) language is quite high. Not to pull the “and how many languages do you speak” but c’mon man in 2026 you gotta understand that there do in fact exist people who don’t live in predominantly-English-speaking countries.
duuccckkkk@reddit (OP)
Sorry!! English is not my mother tongue. :(
mapotoful@reddit
We have similar pressures here but in the last 15 years or so, due to a sort of shitty economic environment, it's less common to actually achieve those things. The pressure is still there, but it's become understood that's unrealistic.
College is interesting because my generation (graduated high school in 2005) had a TON of pressure to go to college, any college, for literally anything, or you'd be a failure. I work with high school kids now who are extremely hesitant to take that plunge, even the high achievers.
So, in short, yes the pressure is there and there are very similar expectations but they're out of reach for most and society is starting to catch up to that fact.
MovieAshamed4140@reddit
Every one should be educated to the best of their abilities. That should be a right and a priority. That being said, college is not for everyone and everyone with a degree is not educated. Many people I know have no sheepskin but they are brilliant in what they do. Many people wander aimlessly because they are unable or unsure of themselves and don’t succeed. I think that is a lot of us.
Ok-Pumpkin400@reddit
I think it can be broken down by social/financial class, as well as family unit.
The millennial generation had such a high parental divorce rate and that had a huge factor into how people saw college and life. So those statistics trickled into the next generation, all the while society in general became really relaxed on social standards.
Eldernerdhub@reddit
That used to be the norm for us. We're a bit more focused on individuality and freedom than most others. For us, these expectations can be more flexible. We're often expected to get these things but in any order, if we're rich enough, and if we are ready. We don't have a lot of cultural uniformity so some areas have rigid expectations, usually associated with wealth. There may be lifestyles that make buying a house a massive negative and we recognize those exceptions, like having a job that requires migration.
SmallBeanKatherine@reddit
There's definitely less pressure than what you describe.
Like, some people take a gap year before college. Others never go to college--- college is generally seen as a positive thing, but it's expensive and not everyone can afford it. Most who do go to college do it soon after graduating high school.
There is some pressure on people to get their own place to stay, or at least an expectation that they'll eventually move out of their parent's place and be independent.
Kids, meanwhile, aren't for everyone. Some may push others to have kids, but it's less common. Living without kids for whatever reason is acceptable.
ZHISHER@reddit
It’s less common than it sounds like for you, but also becoming less and less common.
For 20+ years, children were told the only way to not be working a menial job is to get a college degree. For some it was good advice. But college is expensive, and taking out. $200k in loans for an English degree turned out to be a bad deal
ND7020@reddit
Just to be clear, statistically, having an undergrad English degree is not actually a bad deal. The lifetime earnings over someone without a degree are far, far higher than $200k on average.
imbeingsirius@reddit
It was truer 30 years ago. Since then there has been a huge movement denouncing colleges as unnecessary — college is now more expensive than ever and fewer kids are attending.
Depending on which college you go to, the fun stuff is all real. I went to a kinda poor college, but there were lots of parties and unofficial frats — my older sister went to a nicer college and, to me, that seemed just like the movies. Secret frats and sororities, themed parties constantly, lots of streaking and trying to frustrate the campus police lol