Advice on being a second generation immigrant
Posted by Independent_Grand261@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 17 comments
For some context, I moved to the UK from Hungary with my parents when I was still a child. We always speak Hungarian at home but I've come to be a native speaker of English, while my parents have enough knowledge of the language to get by day-to-day. Unfortunately, my mother specifically doesn't feel socially supported because of this language barrier, especially knowing that she has a social circle back in Hungary. We visit Hungary for family and friends couple times a year, but it has become a burden on my parents to travel so much etc.
There's been conversation about the future and who will live where etc. because I'm planning to move to the other side of the UK after my studies and move in with my partner who is only English, and struggles with language anyway. I have two concerns with my possible future situation being that I don't know a) how I'd keep in contact with my parents enough that we'd stay a proper family if they were to move back to Hungary and b) whether I'd try to teach my children Hungarian if that were the case. If they would already have an estranged relationship with my parents, I'm not sure it would be worth speaking Hungarian to my children, which would exclude and isolate my partner from home life too.
If anyone has any stories or advice, I'd appreciate a comment.
Difficult-Egg3541@reddit
Any second language is a plus for children. My parents immigrated to Europe and made sure I stayed connected to our roots through language, cuisine, annual trips back to their country etc. I speak their native tongue fluently. I remember one of my counsins who were deprived of learning anything from our parents’ country crying and resenting her mother for not teaching her. In summer back in the homeland, she was completely disconnected from building natural interactions with the people because of the language barrier and while she etnically was from that country, she would only live it like any other tourists. It’s sad to deprive your future children from their history and culture. It doesn’t matter if you don’t take them to Hungary or to their grandparents, it will certainly be crucial to be aligned with their roots when they grow up. Please make the effort for their sake.
Dollypuggle@reddit
You never know what the future will bring. Teach your children Hungarian, it will give them an advantage.
Jinniblack@reddit
I'm an American expat in Hungary, so I know quite a few UK people in this situation. (English speaking expat groups!)
The adult kids fly back to Hungary for major holidays. They send their kids to the grandparents for the summer or part of the summer and to camp. About half of the adult kids have taught that younger generation Hungarian. That seems to depend on the level of dedication, especially living in a monolingual country.
nonotthestew@reddit
My partner speaks Gaelic, and he has taught it to our son. It doesn't exclude me from family life, as my Gaelic has improved naturally from the exposure, and when necessary they switch to English for me. It is not so difficult.
My grandparents did not teach my mother Hungarian and she's felt the loss all her life. I am actually taking Hungarian classes now to learn it myself.
Defiant-Dare1223@reddit
Teach your kids your language. It doesn't cost anything.
ihavenosisters@reddit
My grandma came to Germany and never thought my mum Hungarian. My mum was upset about this her whole life.
Any half decent partner would strongly support their kids being bilingual. It’s such an advantage in life that very few people have.
Independent_Grand261@reddit (OP)
It seems obvious that I should probably talk to said partner about it haha 😅. I'm just kind of exploring my options, but thanks for your input.
ihavenosisters@reddit
Have a look at OPAl, it’s a lot of work but being bilingual is such a gift. It’ll be worth the effort. Also for your child’s identity.
SweetAlyssumm@reddit
Look at the research on teaching children three languages from the get go. I have read that what is optimal is two languages, followed by one, followed by three. There may be more recent research, check it out.
ihavenosisters@reddit
English is the third language that is outside of the home. It naturally comes as the third one/later one, we won’t use it actively with our baby but it’s naturally part of our home.
Not sure where you have read 2 languages are “optimal”. I’ve have a masters in bilingual education and have taught quite a few kids in international schools who could confidently speak 3 languages and who acquired them the same way we are planning to do it.
Akie_5713@reddit
Hate to break it to ya but you're just an immigrant bro, you would be second generation if your parents were born here.
Independent_Grand261@reddit (OP)
I'm not entirely sure what the term would be, seeing as it doesn't make sense to call myself and my parents both "first generation." I would have thought first generation means the ones that migrated and second is the next generation in the line, hence the title. I'm not sure what you're implying by [my parents] being first generation if they were born in the immigrant (not emigrant) country.
Akie_5713@reddit
Yall immigrants, your and your siblings kids will be first generation since theyre the first of your family born on UK land
HVP2019@reddit
It is OK to make choices that work for you.
If you feel like teaching your child Hungarian, if you see this as fun, enjoyable way to spend time, go for it. But if you discover that this adds more stress to your already stressful life, it is OK to make your life easier.
You will find plenty of parents-immigrants who will say: “Well my foreign born kids are very fluent in the language of their ancestors” and there are immigrants who just couldn’t find time and energy for another chore
You will find plenty of adult-immigrants who say: “I moved abroad as an adult and I’ve become fluent in local language” ( I am one of such adults) and you will find adult-immigrants who always struggled with learning language ( your mother)
I believe, in your case, under normal circumstances, it is unlikely that you will be able to teach your child Hungarian to the level where he/she will be as fluent in Hungarian as they will be in English.
The most likely scenario that your child’s Hungarian will be no better than your mother’s English… and you said, that one of the reasons your mother moving back home was her poor English. So be realistic in your executions of what kind of social connections your child will be able to achieve with similar Hungarian fluency.
So I repeat again: 1. it is OK to make choices that works for your family 2. don’t stress if results will not be as perfect as you would hope.
new_bobbynewmark@reddit
I have a friend who is married to an american an he is hungarian, they live in US. Wife doesn’t speak hungarian (apart from some basics), kids do speak hungarian with their grandparents and cousins. Mostly through facetime. They have zero issues with this. Growing up bilingual is a gift, don’t take that away from your kids.
Independent_Grand261@reddit (OP)
I'm not opposed to the idea, I'm just trying to weigh up the cost and benefit of it, especially as I'm so-so about speaking Hungarian myself since I basically didn't grow up there.
new_bobbynewmark@reddit
That makes things harder for sure but your parents are native speakers. My kids are growing up like you - with probably better hungarian because they play games with their cousins daily and they speak hungarian daily. But they have accents and grammatical errors. Anyone who grow up in hungary immediately know they weren’t. But I don’t think thats an issue. But since they speak 3 languages fluently - or kinda in case of hungarian - I don’t care that much.