Those of you without kids - are your milestones celebrated?

Posted by AshDogBucket@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 65 comments

I was thinking this might be generational. I just saw a post where a child free woman was talking about not having the traditional kid related milestones... but how her people nevertheless support her achievements and milestones.

I don't have those kid related milestones (and I didn't get married until age 37), and I think maybe in previous generations a woman would not have had her non-traditional Milestones really celebrated. But I have always felt like my people have celebrated with me every single step of the way and uplifted all of my achievements. And when I married someone who is a parent, they now celebrate all his kid related milestones, too ☺️

So, people without children, have your non traditional milestones been acknowledged and celebrated? Or have you felt left out? Do you think it's different from generation to generation?

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AshDogBucket@reddit (OP)

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1C9EZDRMx8/

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aethiara@reddit

Can you try now for those of us who don’t have facebook because facebook won’t let anyone see content without being logged in?

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AshDogBucket@reddit (OP)

Nah. If you don't get it or this post isn't for you, that's ok. Many of the posts in this sub are not for me or idon't get them and i just scroll past. Not everything is for everyone and that's ok.

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Smurfblossom@reddit

No my milestones, traditional or not, are not celebrated. People just don't think about you when you don't have kids and aren't married. I used to feel very left out by this and sometimes I still do.

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mcfetrja@reddit

For me, my circle has always been incredibly supportive of my dogs. As an adult I’ve had 5 dogs and no kids. All of them have been trained in medication response for a neurological condition I’ve been dealing with for 20+ years hence the no kids. When a new dog joins the pack or it’s time to say goodbye to a buddy, my circle does its thing and celebrates. Last week I had to say goodbye to my 13y11mo old golden retriever. Got the obligatory so sorry for your loss messages, but they were immediately followed by shared memories of my buddy and the joy she brought to the world. That’s the kind of celebration I’m here for- moments of shared joy that resonate beyond the ephemeral moments of occurrence. For me those moments of reverberating connection are the milestones.

So while I might not have kids I do have a chosen family, and we lift up and celebrate each other in whatever way we are getting through this thing called life.

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AshDogBucket@reddit (OP)

This is awesome.

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AshDogBucket@reddit (OP)

I love how the comments are proving the premise while pretending otherwise 😅😅😅 this sub never disappoints. Y'all are hilarious.

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Mememememememememine@reddit

Please tell us what events you’re talking about then? 🙏

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AshDogBucket@reddit (OP)

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1C9EZDRMx8/

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aethiara@reddit

What?

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SeaSkimmer2@reddit

Any child-related milestones I already celebrated in real time for myself.

For that matter, I don’t need to re-live 18 years of childhood (and especially schooling) vicariously through having children. I already counted down each of 12 years of school to get to adulthood and experienced all the daily crap that comes with it. Once was enough.

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jtmann05@reddit

I’m from a very small hometown, about 3500 people. Nobody strived for much, so being married and having kids was about the only measuring stick for success. I ran as fast as I could from that place. First person in my family to go to college, first person with a white collar job, first to actually take real vacations, first at just about everything.

Never had kids, never wanted them. I don’t feel left out at all. I’ll be able to retire at 45 and do whatever the hell I want for the rest of my life. People tell me happy birthday and my parents are incredibly proud. With my friends and siblings that have kids, I’m happy for them too. Just different paths.

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Intelligent_Beat8165@reddit

I don't care. I am just enjoying my life so much. It is not always about you and life is not like project with certain milestones.

Just do your thing and enjoy 🫀🌿🥰

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RunGreat8815@reddit

I used to get high like this.

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Auferstehen78@reddit

Still celebrating birthdays and accomplishments with my family and friends.

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chocolatepig214@reddit

I have grown up step kids and we celebrate their milestones, but we also celebrate ours - promotions, beating cancer, birthdays, anniversaries, amazing vegetable and fruit harvests…

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Salty-Tea6815@reddit

What “milestones” are related to having kids besides the kid being born??? All the other “traditional” things; marriage, career, buying a home, retirement, has nothing to do with a kid being in the picture!!

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library_wench@reddit

Another vote for defining “milestone” and “celebrate.”

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Milkweedhugger@reddit

In my extended family, milestones are all kid related. Birthdays, baptisms, Halloween, Xmas, HS graduations, weddings/shower, baby showers, etc. None of the adult milestones are celebrated. Promotions at work, professional or personal achievements, second home purchases, anniversaries, etc, are all ignored. Bettering yourself in my family is looked upon with disdain and jealousy and is not to be encouraged or acknowledged.

Every child is given a big birthday party each year, but the child’s friends aren’t invited. The party is for the adults, so they can drink. Every HS graduation is a kegger for the adults while the kids go off and do something else. Every single kid milestone is an excuse to get drunk, and since we didn’t provide kids, we robbed the family of reasons to party.

So, no. My husband and I celebrate things alone, and we don’t bother relaying any good news to family anymore. We are the grey rocks of the family.

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Treadingresin@reddit

My birthdays go by pretty unnoticed except by my parents. But its nothing special just dinner out and I see them regularly so its another day. I do tend to get a present from my mom. I am graduating college this August, people are proud. There won't be any big celebration.

Idk man, its not that big of a deal really. You just sort of settle into a comfortable routine. I feel like party and big event people will be that way with or without kids. Loners like myself are good just carrying on.

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AshDogBucket@reddit (OP)

Yeah, to be clear I wasn't using "celebrate" to mean "have a party."

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Treadingresin@reddit

Yeah ok...this is weird. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt but this whole post and your responses have been weird.

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Thinkthru@reddit

But...why don't you understand exactly what op means by 'milestone' and 'celebration'?!

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jse000@reddit

What in the hell are you trying to say

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Mememememememememine@reddit

I celebrate myself when I feel like celebrating something and invite ppl to it. Idk what else we could celebrate. Moving into a new rental? Finally getting a bf? My first mammogram?

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dominator5k@reddit

You said milestones many times on the post and I have no idea what you are talking about. What milestones? Like birthdays?

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mcfetrja@reddit

Death of a pet/parent/partner. New Job. New home. Graduate degrees. Mortgage paid off. Student loans paid off. 10th anniversary of your small business. Marriage/divorce. Major sobriety anniversaries. You know, the kind of things that signify a major change in stability/sameness of existing life patterns.

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spaceporter@reddit

There are loads of non-childbearing-related milestones: first time roasting a turkey perfectly and on time for dinner, first time changing a tire on a rural road with no cellphone coverage, first time going to a supermarket and buying everything on and nothing off the grocery list, etc.

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General-Carob-6087@reddit

Glad I’m not the only one.

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Organic_Popcorn@reddit

You know, like milestones, celebrating milestones like people usually do, because it's important to celebrate milestones whether you have kids or not. MILESTONES!

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MrsMethodMZA@reddit

I have celebrated my 29th birthday every year for the past…. Well I celebrate my 29th birthday every year!

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HalfFrozenSpeedos@reddit

Left out,

my mum was a terrible culprit on top for everyday sexism - my wife is disabled and I've been her carer both part time for the first 7 years and full time for the past 12 years, my mum "you can't just sit at home and look after her, you have to have your own life, get out and get a job" and "your younger brother has a job and property taxes to pay unlike you sitting at home ALL day long". Would she have said the same to my wife if I had been the one disabled?

Nope as in her head "women do the caring and looking after, men go out and put bread on the table"

It's only recently she has realised how bad my wife's mental and physical health have become, that the bs has stopped and some slightly more supportive comments are being made.....

She muttered for years about grandchildren and how it wasn't fair that everyone else she knew had grandkids already. She reluctantly accepted our dog as a hairy grandkid, but didn't wholly stop the comments

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polipolimist@reddit

My husband & I don’t have kids. We just celebrated his 55th by seeing Def Leppard in Vegas. We renew our vows privately every 10 years. Second vow renewal is next year. 20 years!

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AshDogBucket@reddit (OP)

Awesome!!

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genesimmonstongue415@reddit

I am vasectomy'd & we are ChildFree, DINK-WaD & no one congratulates my wife or I for anything.

It doesn't bother me that it happens to me... but the sexism that my wife sees makes my head explode.

She is extremely intelligent AND Financially successful & she is looked down upon by men who are dumb as rocks & career failures & completely useless fathers... but they deserve an award cuz they came inside a vagina. 😑

(Something we've all done a zillion times .)

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LackingUtility@reddit

Without kids, every day is a celebration.

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BoredPandemicPanda@reddit

The only thing we celebrate now is our birthdays that end in 0 or 5.

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Fly-by-Night-@reddit

And retirement!

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Deep-Interest9947@reddit

What non traditional milestones do childless people have that people with children don’t have? Or are people with kids supposed to give up all personal milestone celebrations because they have kids? I’m confused.

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Hollinsgirl07@reddit

Some people only view things having to do with kids or marriage as the only milestones worth celebrating. So a person without one or both of those things doesn’t get the same amount of recognition for their own achievements. Examples would be buying a home, a graduate degree, a promotion, a major birthday, etc.

I bought a home a year before any of the other cousins did in the family. I’m single-no kids. My extended family held parties for my married cousins so they could “get the basics” when they bought their homes. And “needed things so they could save money for starting a family.”

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Unhappy_Performer538@reddit

Buying a house, getting married, getting a promotion, solving a health crisis, saving up for something specific and accomplishing it, starting a business, divorce from someone unhealthy - big life moments

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Deep-Interest9947@reddit

Don’t parents also do those things? And how are they non traditional? Like what does it have to do with being childless? Or do parents only celebrate those things with their children?

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Unhappy_Performer538@reddit

I deleted my reply bc I made a separate comment saying basically the same thing, but I don’t think OP is implying that parents don’t also have these moments. I think they’re saying that not having kids is a non traditional life path and they’re wondering if adult milestones are recognized by family and friends in spite of not having kids, under the assumption that people recognize and celebrate the milestones of adults that do have kids much more.

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Old-Tea1980@reddit

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aethiara@reddit

What are traditional and what are non traditional milestones? And why are they only linked to children?

Me and my husband celebrate whatever is meaningful to us, regardless of how big or small it may appear to someone else.

Something happens and we celebrate it. I had a bigger party for my 37th birthday than I did for my 40th, and we had more people at my husband’s 40th than we did at our wedding, and so on. I don’t feel left out of anything. I create my own life, not others.

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59apache01@reddit

No "milestones" of my life have ever been celebrated. Then again, I'm not really sure what qualifies as a milestone, so I'm not really sure what I'm even missing.

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Oldpuzzlehead@reddit

I don't really understand what you mean by traditional milestones. So I guess no, I don't.

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Jr5309@reddit

You’re either people who celebrate that stuff or not. The only milestone I can think exclusive to having children is giving birth.

Birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, weddings…none of these are limited to only parents.

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Glendale0839@reddit

I generally don’t “celebrate” achievements in terms of having a get together with family/what few friends I have or telling other people about them. That’s just my preference.

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SchucksAndMucks@reddit

Hell yeah! Spouse and I celebrate it all. It’s what life is about. We usually host a BBQ for the big birthdays and invite our full community. We celebrate the people who are in our lives because they’re so important to us. DINK so we travel a lot so “bucket list trips” can be any year it works out. We don’t wait to do those trips.

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AshDogBucket@reddit (OP)

Yes!!

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Unhappy_Performer538@reddit

Why is everyone here acting like we don’t know what major life milestones are? Perfect example of the first comments dictating the tide of further comments on a post.

I’m pretty sure most of us understand that milestones are major life moments since it’s an extremely common word and concept, and I’m a bit worried about our general literacy as a generation if people are genuinely this confused and aren’t just all piling on for the sake of it, but here you go anyway: buying a house, a car, saving up for something and achieving it, beating some kind of health concern, running a marathon, getting married, getting a promotion, losing weight, getting divorced from an unhealthy partner, moving, starting a business…

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AshDogBucket@reddit (OP)

Thank you, lol.

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Designer-Bid-3155@reddit

My birthday is a huge month long party with friends.

My dogs birthdays

My 3 degrees and multiple certificates

That I'm awesome

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ObligationJumpy6415@reddit

Glad to find another birthday month celebrator!

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Funkopedia@reddit

We have no idea what you are talking about. You'll have to be more specific and give examples, and don't even think about using the word milestone when you do.

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Interesting-Hawk-744@reddit

Nobody knows what the fuck you are on about mate

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ChaosCoordinator1078@reddit

I’m not exactly sure what you mean by “milestones” as an adult, but…

Shit—I HAVE kids and no one gives a rats ass about celebrating anything about me.

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